#smth about guilt and grief but also love

[jack-ofspades]

YOU'RE THE ONE THAT CAN SAVE ME FROM MYSELF:

barbatos wakes, hundreds of years after the cataclysm, and walks tevyet to witness the aftermath. in snezhnaya, miles away from mondstadt, he meets a man with familiar red curls on the verge of death.

(really, this is a venti character study wrapped in a shiny diluven bow, but shhhhh)

(also! heavily inspired by this fanart by my absolute favorite diluven artist @burquillos !!)

[elfcollector]

I feel ill. All the fools and villains who ever fell for my ploys, they're — they're here!

[nightcolorz]

speaking about the parallel between Marius forcing Armand to take the name "Amadeo" (loved one) and keep calling him that even after it's clear he hasn't used that name in centuries (i saw somebody else saying he is like a parent using their kid's dead name in front of everyone and ignoring how uncomfortable their kid clearly is) and Armand calling Daniel "beloved" i was wondering what Marius himself thinks of this?

does he see the parallel too? is it clear to him that a part of Armand is modelling him and Daniel's relationship after the one he once had with Marius? And if so, can he understand Armand is trying to do things differently so he doesn't end up hurting Daniel like Marius hurt him?

What does Marius think of Daniel calling Armand "boss" not because Armand ordered him to but simply because he, Daniel, decided to start calling him that and even then, only sometimes?

the dead name comparison is so accurate oh my god 😭😭 that’s definitely the vibe I get. The way I see it, Marius is so self absorbed that even when acknowledging that Armand is harmed by his actions and is trying to break the cycle of abuse, I think he’d be able to understand that what he did was rlly wrong but still reflect on it in a self pitying, self absorbed way. “Wah wahh my fledgling would hate to become me and rejects the name I gave him in love wahh wahh bcus I hurt everyone i love wahhhh I hate myself and my life so much wahhhh I wish I could just have a good relationship for once wahhh everyone leaves me 😢😢😢😢”

In the books Marius is very aware of how he hurts people and he feels very bad about it, but it comes off as a shallow and self serving type of guilt bcus no matter how badly he feels he never changes his behavior. This is cuz Marius thinks that in any given situation he’s always right and his feelings and what he wants should always be the priority (toddler behavior). He is only able to recognize if smth he did was wrong when it begins to earn him negative consequences, and it seems more like he feels bad for himself and guilty for bringing about these negative consequences then he is about doing the thing. For example, he feels badly about turning Armand and knows it was wrong bcus Armand is a broken person who isn’t able to connect with Marius anymore, but meanwhile, he doesn’t feel badly at all when he turns Benji and Sybelle into vampires against Armand’s will (even when Armand is sobbing in grief) bcus this doesn’t result in anything badly coming to Marius, so Armand’s grief is an immature incorrect reaction and Marius knows best 😜.

I also think Marius would be very upset and jealous about Armand and Daniel and their pet names for each other bcus he can’t exactly place why they r so much happier and healthier giving each other names then he was giving himself and Amadeo names. It def pisses him off seeing Armand happy in new relationships💀Marius is a petty bitch before he is the benevolent teacher he thinks he is

[danothan]

i am female manipulating you….tell me about your hyperfixations and special interests…..

!! well my biggest hypfix rn is arcane and my most pressing special interest is dc, so i’ve been trying to find as many similarities as i can between my respective faves (aka jayce talis and barry allen). no other reason than self-indulgent crossovers and categorizational satisfaction U__U

i’ve done this before, but now i’m also adding a visual component by comparing screenshots/panels! here’s a taste:

[s2e1 spoilers below cut]

i was thinking abt what i said abt their compartmentalizing tendencies, which led me to think abt the different ways jayce confides in his loved ones and how that plays into his inability to see the bigger picture. after his partner viktor nearly dies in the councilroom attack, jayce confides in mel (gf) for emotional support but tells caitlyn (family friend) what he’s actually thinking. when mel asks how viktor’s doing and jayce responds “he’s still breathing,” it feels defeated but leaves room for hope. when cait asks the same, he tells her “honestly, i don’t even know if he’s still in there,” like there’s less stakes to have to hide behind optimism

that’s not to say he isn’t vulnerable w mel ofc, he lies his head in her lap and allows her to comfort him thru his survivor’s guilt. however, this only reassures his emotional unease (sm to be said abt this x his argument style, but that’s for another day). with cait, he’s definitely not confiding for comfort lmao (i still think it’s funny and so very little sister of her to ask jayce how his dying partner is doing and then immediately start venting abt her own problems). instead, it’s more like jayce is trying to process, even if it’s just to be honest w himself

all of this to say, the ppl in jayce’s life have specific roles, which means he goes to them for specific things. this is a normal thing that pretty much everyone does, but in jayce’s case, his compartmentalizing feeds into his tunnel vision + influenceable disposition. having specific ppl for specific things is great for not burdening any one person w all of your problems, but it makes it harder for him to see the bigger picture outside of himself. there’s a reason why jayce is notorious for his recency bias; it’s easy to get lost in the details when you can only see what’s being reflected at you in a given moment

this tendency to compartmentalize is a trait jayce shares w barry “i try not to blur the lines” allen. if anyone is going to have specific ppl for specific things, it’s gonna be the guy that splits his life into two personas (that he refuses to overlap yet can’t exist without the other, but hey, who’s keeping track?). barry does it a little differently tho; whereas jayce is very external in his emotions, barry is internal, going so far as to use his powers to speedrun his grief alone so he can be there for other ppl instead

they’re both very intense in their emotions, but barry bottles his up until they reach a boiling point. if he confides in someone, there’s a calculated secrecy that jayce doesn’t have. for example, barry’s best friend hal (who knew him first as the flash) usually has to force barry to admit his feelings abt smth, while his gf/wife iris (who knew him first as barry) feels like she’s pulling teeth to get any information out of him. “flash is flash, barry is barry”; he tries not to blur the lines, and this extends to the ppl that know him

it’s not that barry wants to hide himself (in fact, his love language is to understand and to be understood), he just has a hard time letting any one person know all of him. he’s social and sensitive but selectively vulnerable. it’s like he scatters fragments of himself so that everyone can have a piece, but no one has the full picture. it’s no surprise he isn’t able to see the big picture himself

between their compartmentalization, their short-sightedness, and their audacious idea of protecting their loved ones, i think the jayce-to-barry pipeline was inevitable for me lol. but interestingly enough, i never realized how different they were in their similarities until i wrote it all out here! i hope this makes sense if you aren’t familiar w the characters, it’s definitely been enlightening for me ^__^

[menelaiad]

Hi! I know your favorite character is Menelaus (mine too) and I wanted to ask you, what is your opinion about him in Euripides’ Oresteia? And in Euripides’ Helen? Because as I see, the Homeric Menelaus is a little different, and Euripides didn’t despict him as a nice character.

Thank you for your answer in advance! :)

hi, there!

heck yea! fellow menelaus stans unite, let's make jackets or smth.

UHHHHH i spoke about this a lot in my recent MA thesis and it's the foundation for my phd (or at least a big chunk of it) and yes i'm sorry this bitch is going off about her academics again.

so. euripides was athenian and it's fairly safe to say that the athenians altered menelaus characterisation on a HUGE scale and it was mainly euripides as he wrote the most works featuring him. and it's also fairly safe to say that euripides didn't like menelaus OR helen OR hermione simply because they were spartan and given the context of his time, he couldn't really be pro-sparta. so, he used menelaus' family in a myriad of ways to just mock ALL spartans and spartan culture. i won't go into that too much now and i'll focus specifically on the plays you asked about! :)

ORESTES (i assume you meant orestes? aeschylus did the oresteia but euripides just did this one?): so here we see .... menelaus being not very great with his family. but not in a mean way he's just .... useless .. coward like almost? he's a big fence sitter tbh. he doesn't wanna get involved in orestes' shit and that is painfully obvious. again. that's meant to make menelaus look shitty that he doesn't care about his family and his brothers death and his nephew literally having visions of hell BUT. personally? i dont blame him ASDFGHJK. man just got his wife back. got home. dealing with grief and loss and survivors guilt and maybe ptsd and shit .................... and then orestes turns up like 'help me fix my problems' BRO HE GOT HIS OWN DAMN PROBLEMS. and THEN they're like 'ok uncle that's cool. we're gonna kill ur wife and daughter though' LIKE LEAVE THE OLD MAN ALONE. i LOVE menelaus and agamemnon's dynamic. so i'm not saying menelaus didn't care about aga and aga's family. im NOT saying that. but (and i KNOW its my modern perspective) i can see why menelaus couldn't be arsed. and he wasn't even mean about it? he was just nonplussed. AGAIN the ancients would have HATED that, but my modern ass can relate tbh. and lets not forget. he's caught between a rock and a hard place. if he helps orestes, he risks greek wrath. which (in this play anyway) is already strong enough against him cause of helen and troy. so like. euripides has kinda put him in this impossible situation and then makes him the 'stupid funny lazy ass not helpful uncle' guy when he just backs out. which i think is unfair. AND TO TOP IT OFF. APOLLO COMES AND THEN TAKES HIS WIFE. AFTER EVERYTHING HE DID TO GET HER BACK. justice for this old man i s2g.

HELEN: OH HERE WE GO! SO helen is often referred to as a tragi-comedy which i think is very accurate. and euripides is using it to condemn war as a whole (athens had recently suffered a big loss) like if helen wasn't even in troy what was the point of the war? he makes menelaus very .... pathetic, for lack of a better word. and helen seems to take the reigns in their relationship, which would have been a huge no-no to the athenian audience. it would have made helen look domineering and unmanageable and menelaus weak and foolish. he also has menelaus cry a lot. cry and lament his losses as a king. again, the athenians would have hated a man crying. a GREEK HERO crying. but we have our 21st century vision and tbh ................ menelaus is fantastic in this play. he is so. real. he is so human. he is a man who is tired. who is lonely. who is heartbroken. a man who meets his wife who isn't his wife but actually is his wife ... and we're supposed to laugh at him because he's confused? he gets lambasted by so many characters and it's supposed to be funny and i think it is! i do think menelaus in helen is just .... an incredible character. he's so funny. he's so NORMAL. he reacts how you would expect a man to react. you see so many menelaus' in this play. menelaus defeated. menelaus in love. you see a menelaus in action when he comes up with the plan against proteus but also a man who respects his wife and knows when to shut up. i, much like the athenians back then, do have a giggle at menelaus in this play. but i don't hate him. it makes him all the more endearing to me and i love him.

these two menelaus' are (shockingly) two menelaus' that i like! i love helen's menelaus and i'm indifferent to orestes' menelaus tbh. but i think they're fine as portrayals and they make sense to me!

overall, me and euripides have a complicated relationship. some of his menelaus' i cannot tolerate. and some i adore. and i can actually connect his helen menelaus and his iphigenia in aulis menelaus to homeric menelaus. they're not identical by any means, but the way he behaves and his choices and stuff. you can see homeric menelaus in there somewhere, which is why i love them so much.

[coolingrosa]

Came back from school to see my question got answered ^^ And now instead of studying for my exams which are this week I will be doing this instead >:3

When i say they feel distant i mean like they seem to argue alot like when Error was refusing to help watch Killer Nightmare felt the need to guilt trip (idk if thats the right word) him in order to get him to help. It doesnt feel like they trust each other very much based on this interaction alone. Even at the two arguments, I noticed that Nightmare was continually provoking Error.

Few other questions: I remember reading another question and the end of ur answer was smth like "Killer clings to Nightmare and Cross clings to Error" I wonder if thats still canon cuz idk when you answered👀

How will Error be related to the gang like will he just be someone who hangs around them or smth? Will he make more appearances in future chapters?

Unrelated to RoseVerse but what is ur otp and other fav ships, what about your fav character from the undertale aus. ( I think u can tell who is my fav character from my questions cant believe my pookie didnt win Tumblr sexyman)

Also you got any tips for drawing and writing and some resources with which u learned and would recommend? Thanks in advance :) I will tell you once more how much i love your work. If you ever get burnt out, please remember its okay to take a break. I wish you the best for college. Sorry if this was a bit long. Love from India <333

-From the one person who said you were the reason that they said started writing and drawing on stream

1. Unfortunately, yeah, even if they are close by technically, it doesn’t mean they are heathy. They are kinda like childhood friends who have grown into different people but still cling out of convenience and remaining love. If they met as adults, they wouldn’t get along, but they have history to them. They know how to push each other’s buttons, and since they have no one else to fight with without the fear of losing them, they target one another. That’s where their trust comes in, as they are the only people on the whole multiverse that they have. Sure, they are passing friends with Reaper, especially Error, but neither trust him enough to be themselves. They both know the other will never leave, so both can be utter assholes to one another, and taunt to get it out of their systems. It’s not healthy and it’s built upon their grief and subconscious blame towards each other and themselves after losing Ink.

They are in a bitter stage of their lives right now. One day, they’ll get back to who they use to be. For now, there’s only hints thru Killer’s perspective.

2. Error and Cross are parallels to Nightmare and Killer, and that’s all I can rlly say until Cross’s chapters. But yes, that’s still canon.

3. Error will have full chapters dedicated to him in the future! He’s not officially apart of the bad sanses, and is more of an ally to Nightmare as he doesn’t care for the other bad sanses besides Cross and Horror (who don’t come in until much later)

4. LOL I LOVE ERROR TOO! I’ve made jokes about how he’s my husband and I even jokingly got a body pillow of him to match with best friend irl mil_leon on tiktok. He will win this year….trust…

However, he isn’t my favorite! My favorite is core frisk, and ppl used to call me that as a joke and as a nickname!

I have four OTPS, actually. BlackCoffee (reaper and Ccino), ColorKiller (rainbowknife), Errormare, and Drink. Shockingly, Errormare isn’t my favorite. DRINK is. I absolutely adore Drink with everything in me and if I ever see art of it I will kick my feet, and scream with joy. I have multiple analyses about them just IN MY DOCS bout how perfect they are for one another but that’s the story for another day.

Some others I really enjoy tho are BloodMoon (Geno and Nightmare), Crink, Horrorfarm, lowkey Dustswap BUT IN A VERY SPECIFIC WAY AND NOT IN THE OLD FANDOM WAY THWY HAVE THE POTENTIAL TO BE GOOD GUYS PPL JUST WRITE IT SUPER WEIRD, CrossxKiller (only bc my gf and I relate to them!), and Driller!

5. I really recommend binge watching ginjanijaowo and their speedpaints and character design videos! June taught me a LOT about character design and watching them draw inspires me a lot. I also suggest doing ugly arm up sketches before each important project to get the rust off! Don’t limit urself to only one anatomy technique- as I’ve tried every single one in existence and still developed my own. Drawing is all about finding what works for YOU and sometimes, the big popular artists techniques just won’t. Like… doing the gesture line is a very important part of the process….that I will never do LOL

However, giving art advice is tricky as it’s easier to focus on one aspect you want help on so the artist ur asking can focus their advice better! Like asking about anatomy, drawing heads, animatics, story boarding, etc! I wouldn’t mind doing any tutorials for those types of questions!

6. And thank you so much <333 I’m glad I could inspire you to make amazing things, and I really hope I’m able to stream again. Unfortunately, as I type this, my roommates are watching a movie on full volume and it’s bleeding thru the door, so until I can find time…with them gone LOL I cannot @_@ I’m trying tho!! I miss interacting with you all

[fangirlanxiety74]

Hetamori: Hetalia Omori AU

This one goes out to you, starchilll.

When it comes to an Omori AU, I think the perfect fit is to focus on the Axis, as well as make this a human AU, because ofc. They would all be aged up just a bit, ie: Omori is 12 in Headspace, Romano would probably be 15 in Headspace. And then aged up to like, 19 in Real World.

Yes, Romano would be Sunny. Give him a protagonist role, cowards!!! I think he'd be an amazing protag, especially for a game like this!!

And yes, that means Italy is Mari.

I think the dynamic between the two is really fitting for them to be Sunny and Mari. Despite being older, it's canon that Romano always feels 2nd-best to his brother, in everything. Everyone likes him more, everyone considers him a closer friend, a better painter, cook, all around person. It sucks. It's awful.

And that... Kinda seems to be how Sunny feels about Mari. At least, with music.

The game gives the context needed to understand it, too. In the Lost Library, we see how frustrated and upset Sunny is about not being able to enjoy time with his friends because he's trying to practice the violin, the entire arc with Sweetheart and how nothing's ever good enough for her, the fight we watch play out in the photographs that lead to Mari's death. Like, clearly Sunny felt some sort of like, anger towards his violin, enough to break it. And I think the same would be for Romano.

I see it playing out like this: Romano picks up the violin first. It's his thing. Music is the one thing he can be good at without Italy interfering. Then, shocker, Italy wants to join his brother because he loves him and wants to do things with him!! He picks piano. And Italy, ofc, is better at piano that Romano is at violin.

It sucks. It's awful. It causes so much anger that, when the time comes for their recital, Romano breaks the violin, and when Italy confronts him, pushes him down.

He didn't mean it. Ofc he didn't mean it, that's his brother, yes he's angry- he doesn't hate him, though. Does he? Could he ever? Not enough to kill him.

But it's too late. He can't take that back.

And as Omori goes, someone helps him to hide the accident. And Romano represses the memory, isolates himself, and sleeps all day and night to pretend everything is okay.

But it doesn't work. Something will always follow behind him. Something will always try to lead him back to the truth.

Smth of that nature, anyway.

As far as the others. I think Spain is the best fit for Kel, given their relationship (And I can totally see Spain knocking on Romano's door every day for 4 years trying to get him to come outside). Germany would be Hero, ofc, given his relationship to Italy.

Which comes down to Basil and Aubrey.

Basil - Japan Aubrey - Prussia.

So this one I kinda need to stretch more and consider their personalities rather than their relationships with the other characters.

Prussia I think is less of a stretch, I do think it's within his character to go down the route Aubrey does in the game if someone that close to him did pass on and he had no support. And well, he can't turn to Germany who is dealing with his own grief, Romano became a shut in, Spain probably tried to help but if he's also doing well and making new friends and everything then, yk, the feeling of abandonment is still there.

Plus, canonically, Prussia is very close to Italy (at least from what I remember). He does have religious ties, he has that vibe of being scary and intimidating, I think it can work.

As for Japan. That's the hardest.

I think Japan could end up in Basil's place. We already know he canonically isolated himself for like, 100 years (? (I say canonically as if this wasn't a real life event)). And if he's the one who helped Romano hide the accident, then yeah, isolating and going crazy from guilt isn't off the table. But I am also borrowing this idea from his role in Dreamtalia, sooo. Idk.

Why he would help Romano is also very complicated. The reason would have to change or the relationship would have to change to make it work. But it's an AU so it's not like it has to be 100% accurate.

Idk, I think it's fun, this is really just meant to be a "what if" scenario unless I decide to make this into a fanfiction. My only real gripe is Prussia and Japan's roles (mainly Prussia. I so wish the allies could work in this scenario cause England would make the PERFECT Aubrey but whatever)

Idk. Anyone have thoughts?

Italy better watch for the stairs-

[sentimental-idiot25]

REQUESTS UPDATES (last updated 10/7)

Hello hello all!! Going to put the progress of my requested work here in a pinned message! I work on the requested work in the order they come in!! 1. DONE AND POSTED Sasuke was always jealous of sakura for having a family and thought she never understood his loneliness or what he went through because she wasn't an orphan or from a clan etc. Then he met her family after they were married and all of them were rude to sakura or looked down on her for being a ninja and marrying a "traitor" etc. and they picked on her weight and stuff... and sasuke realised why she was the way she was when they were genin..insecure as he saw her who's usually strong shrink into the small insecure girl she was when she was a genin because of them. Mebuki does all the slandering and badmouths everything about sakura. sasuke thought sakura's dad would defend sakura or smth but he agrees with mebuki. Sakura is sad when she leaves but thinks she's wrong and selfish for not being the perfect daughter they wanted. (maybe introduce a cousin staying with sakura's parents who was also there at the meeting and mebuki talks about her as if she were her daughter...she basically replaced sakura) Combined with:

Hi i know you're busy but when you have time could you do one where sasuke sees that sakura's mother really doesn't like her (sakura) for being a ninja and all that and looks down on what she does. Everything sakura does is wrong in her mother's eyes and her weight is picked on. etc.

Sakura's mother feels that she wasted her time raising "ungrateful" sakura who fell in love with a traitor, basically ran away and got married, became a shinobi and did everything to "shame" the civilian haruno family name. She makes sakura feel like a failure.

2.

In conclusion, sasuke has been very suicidal from the beginning on and probably still sometimes has suicidal thoughts during boruto (out of regret, grief, etc.). sasuke's suicidal ideation has been implied in multiple scenes throughout the whole show, (not only the scenes i've named) which was mainly caused by his yearning for revenge on itachi, his guilt/grief from the loss of his family and the regret of his actions during his teenage years.

The above is from a blog (sweetmourninglambs) about sasuke. I was wondering if you could maybe make a sasusaku snippet based on this post? Pls if it's not much trouble?

Here's the link if you want to read the whole thing: https://www.tumblr.com/sweetmourninglambs/717956632409210880/tw-mentions-of-suicide-suicidal-ideation?source=share

3.

Sakura addicted to soldier pills in cannon after the war. they relied on them heavily during the war now she finds any excuse to take them. Oh stubbed my toe, i need 3 soldier pills. I need to heal! She's also scared that her byakugou could run out, what if this idk-how-many-yrs supply runs out, better take a few soldier pills.

Maybe it could be told from her pov and the perspectives of the ppl around her like team7 (naruto sasuke kakashi sai yamato)

4. Well I was thinking of a fic where Sasuke is hiding or sneaking around – maybe planning a surprise for Sakura? – but Sakura knows he's hiding and decides to have a little fun. So she summons a shadow clone and begins to, like, fool around with herself. She's doing it just to get a rise out of Sasuke because she knows he's hiding. 5.can u do a little snippet about sasusaku right after sasuke came back to konoha after his redemption journey, after naruto and hinata's wedding??

6.So I'm thinking about one where newlywed SS travel to another universe where Sakura is married to Naruto. It's not that the other Sakura didn't wait for Sasuke or anything but the Ssk of this universe made a wrong choice and lost Skr forever. And now he is miserable. And the og Ssk is afraid, realizing how meaningless his life might have been if Skr wasn't there with him. It'd be great if the other universe never witnessed the Uchiha massacre..

[eolewyn1010]

Dragging Frankenstein - Chapter 7

Things are going South. Justine, my poor dear... and William too, I guess.

“Absence cannot have rendered you callous to our joys and griefs” – uhm, you sure about that? He sure was for a few years.

“That sweet child” – come off it, you make me hate him even more trying to paint him as a little saint. How long do you need to realize your 8-year-old has gone missing? Keep an eye on your kids, ffs.

“my darling child” -.- Elizabeth, are you serious? EVERY WOMAN IS A MOM: 6

“dear lovely child” – yeah, sure. “radiant innocence” – whatever. “in his young beauty”?? Ok, now it’s getting weird.

Had William lived, he’d grown up to become Victor 2.0; he had the potential with the way they fluttered about him.

Y’know, Victor being whiny at this is fair enough, but of course, “I foresaw obscurely that I was destined to become the most wretched of human beings.” IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: 7

Nice emo moment in the rain tho. He’s such a drama queen.

And so is the Creature.

“WHAT? THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS???”

Sure doesn’t take him long to decide that the Creature killed his brother. I mean, fair, the dude is suspiciously around, but “The mere presence of the idea was irresistible proof of the fact” is not a sound argument.

“delight in carnage and misery” – jumping to some conclusions there, aren’t we, Victor?

“But I did not feel the inconvenience of the weather” right after he tells us how cold and wet he is – Mary Shelley, either get a grip on your POV or quit it with the 1st person narration.

Y’know, from the way Frankenstein sr. wanted his precious Caroline painted in grief and despair, I think that guy’s a fucking weirdo.

How is everyone even convinced of Justine’s guilt? Isn’t she, like, halfway their sister? She lived with them for years; if she had wanted their jewelries, there would have been plenty time to steal them without making such a mess.

And because she’s innocent, she will of course be proven innocent no prob. Not that Victor would actually ever be proactive about helping anyone or smth.

Also, strange timing to note that Elizabeth has grown up hot.

Elizabeth as the only one unwavering in her love for Justine gets DAS GAY: 18

And, yeah, Victor is praised for… crawling out of his own arse for two minutes, I guess.

This is the second instance we see of how Victor handles problems. Namely, wringing his hands and going, "woe, poor me, what a tragedy!" It doesn't occur to him to take responsibility, or to do anything that could be of use. Brilliant scientist my ass; this is a child growing old.

[saivii]

i meant to post this earlier but this also reminds me of something I've been wondering abt for a while which is what if minoru died in one of the routes? god that would be brutal. like he's the one always trying to cheer everyone up and lighten the mood and now he's just. gone. minoru is one of my fav characters from survive so i'm biased but without a comic relief like him i feel like things would get so bleak and gloomy. kinda hard for me to picture things not spiralling and getting worse from there.

also i feel like he'd die sacrificing himself or smth because of how much he wants to be a hero. like someone else is about to be grabbed by the kemonogami and he pushes them out of the way so the kemonogami will take him instead ;_;

anyways obviously takuma would be rly shaken by minoru dying bc they're best friends. i feel like minoru dying might lead to a takuma corruption arc similar to the harmony/wrathful routes.

oh man since harmony/wrathful routes show how kaito/aoi's personality traits just get more extreme as the route progresses (kaito, who used to be protective, becomes increasingly aggressive while aoi, who cared about everyone gets so worked up that she manages to convince herself that killing everyone will help them in the long run), what if the same thing happened to takuma?? since he's seen as the leader of the group, what if he just starts leading everyone into dangerous situations? maybe he gets so overwhelmed by guilt, anger, and grief that he thinks him and the others shouldn't get to live bc they let minoru die? something like that maybe

also if it happened in truthful route, i feel like it would mess ryo up too. not as much as takuma, and yes i'm biased bc i love they but consider: ryo and minoru had their little dynamic where they banter and squabble but silently care about each other, and ryo never had any reason to believe that things would change or that he'd ever need to verbally tell minoru that he cares about him. but then suddenly minoru's gone and he wishes he would have appreciated minoru more and shown him that he cared instead of hiding it. and he realizes how much he took minoru's jokes and efforts to cheer him up for granted, and beats himself up over it. it also doesn't help that this is the second time someone important to him has died, and that probably makes him feel that nothing good will ever last.

oh god what if ryo was the one minoru pushed out of the way and sacrificed himself for...like the kemonogami mimics a digimon that needs to be saved (similar to harmony/wrathful routes) or someone else in the group and ryo runs off to find them and help them only to find out that it's a kemonogami. minoru runs after ryo and when he sees the kemonogami, he remembers the events of chapter 3 and how ryo almost died and decides he can't have ryo in danger again. so he pushes ryo out of the way, but he isn't quick enough to avoid the kemonogami. ryo freaks out and tries to grab minoru's hand, but their fingertips only brush against each other because minoru gets pulled into the fog too quickly. so ryo has major survivor's guilt and will not stop beating himself up over it, blaming himself and thinking about how if he hadn't fallen for the kemonogami's trap, minoru would still be here and everything would be okay. and it all overwhelms him and he starts shutting down to the point where he's dissociating most of the time

so yeah thinking about different endings has a lot of untapped potential and i think it's interesting. also i'm incapable of shutting up about minoru and ryo. i'm in rarepair hell send help

thinking about an au with minoru and ryo where after ryo’s death in chapter 3 he becomes a ghost and minoru (for whatever reason) is the only one who can see him….

[loveydive]

okay thoughts on stone ocean

i just wanna say that i feel like im in a unique position reading this since some common complaints abt opinions of stone ocean being negative is that ppl rushed thru it to get to sbr too quickly. which just does not apply to me bc i read sbr and jjl first before reading stone ocean teehee x so ya

likes

I LOVE JOLYNE SO MUCH THIS CANNOT BE UNDERSTATED. I LOVE. HER. SO. MUCH. THERE IS NOT ONE THING THAT I DONT LIKE ABT HER I LOVEHER SO MUCH. I LOVE HER DUMBASSNESS, I LOVE HER RECKLESS BEHAVIOUR TO SAVE HER FRIENDS THAT IS TYPICAL FOR A SHOUNEN PROTAGONIST BUT NEVER SHOWN THRU A FEMALE SHOUNEN PROTAG I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE HER. i love her development. i love her. and shes liKE GENUINELY SMART IN BATTLES AS WELL. AND NOT LIKE GIORNO WHO HAS A WIKIPEDIA EMBEDDED IN HIS FRONT CORTAL OR SMTH. BUT LIKE PROPER BATTLE SMART THAT MAKES YOU GO OKAY I DID NOT THINK OF THAT. i love her flaws. i love how she has daddy issues and is complex abt loving her dad or not. i love that she loves her mum. love love love.

fights dont feel like villain of the week format. progresses nicely and logically imo. overall, there were some fights that just seemed to drag foreverrrr, but only 1 or 2 that i outright hated (unlike jjl lmao). fave arcs were white snake: pursuer, ff intro, bohemian rhapsody, heavy weather, c-moon, made in heaven just off top of head

versus was esp interesting as a minor villain. i felt his motivations were justified and it made him interesting. i esp liked the little tension btwn him and pucci and wish it had been expanded more.

perhaps unpopular opinion but i actually liked pucci as a villain. lots of ppl say that hes just another part 3 villain but More. and hes just a lamer version of dio which i just disagree with. i felt that his back story lended a lot to making him his own person, with dio being a mentor and kind of like the like shaping for why he believes what he does when he was dealing with his grief and guilt. like his backstory in particular i loved. the idea of coincidences, fate, tragedy. he obviously frequently questions it when we read his backstory (why did those two have to meet? why did the lady tell him about switching the babies? why did her baby die?) its like a series of events that all reached to a peak with the tragedy of his sister's death and weather's lynching. and AH im going crazy. and ofc he feels guilty over his but at the same time, he wonders why it all happened. because of fate? why was it fate for his sister to die? and he just feels powerlessness over this. CUHRAZYY. and how his stand abilities manifest in direct response to losing his sister?? LOVE THAT. oh my godddd and his relationship with weather and that quote 'you're the ultimate image of evil, but you dont realize that you're evil. this is what makes you the worst kind of evil.' SCREAM. ANW THATS HOW I INTERPRETTED HIM AND I LIKE HIM. TOP 3 JOJO VILLAINS EASY.

i REALLY REALLY liked weather report's backstory and relationship to pucci. LIKE THE DRAMA OF IT ALL. THROUGHOUT READING IT I WAS LIKE GIRLLLL WHY ARE YOU DOING THATTTT. IT FELT LIKE READING A TRAGEDY YK? LIKE SHAKESPEARE. LITERALLY SHAKESPEARE. romeo and juliet but incestuous (rip). even has themes of senseless hatred!!! (side not i cannot believe araki actually put the kkk in there and also weather being a BLACK MAN I WAS LIKE WAIT ARE WE DOING THIS FR?). anw really liked it. made pucci feel wayy more human and made the stakes feel more personal

i liked the character designs just in general. and even tho annasui looks like a diavolo ripoff, i think hes looks very pretty. found myself looking at him sometimes even if i dont rlly like him dgsauids

aside from jolyne, i feel like i REALLY liked f.f. perhaps a tad more than hermes. ff was so bubbly and unique to the story. she was absolutely hilarious and i wish she hadnt died so early in the story but i feel like araki just didnt know what to do with her anymore esp since she didnt have a stand.

i generally overall like the characters individually. they are all interesting to look at/ have interesting personalities, motivations and stands etc etc

i like the little exploration of jotaros weakness being his own daughter buttttt - will explain more in dislikes

dislikes

(dragon dreams arc) kenzo fight is bs - hate fights that are basically just like. im winning… just just bc i am!!! liek you could explain this whole new concept to me that describes how hes winning but if its just some astrology bs that essentially says ‘just bc’ then im calling bs. this fight is bs.

jailhouse rock was. hm. it was an interesting stand in CONCEPT. but execution was like not fun to read at all imo.

im gonna be honest. like compared to the other jojo gangs, this part felt the least like they were friends. EVEN COMPARED TO PART 5 - whose relationships i thought were like eh (prolly cause we’re watching it from giorno pov and giorno has only known them for like. a week LMAO) ANW i think its bc so many times, the gang had to split up to like fight. and i dont think there was a single fight where all of them just like fought tgt. it was always in pairs and one or so was always out of commission. like mannnn. like jolynes individual relationship with each of them was good. but the trio of girls only really felt like real friends and that doesnt last long since hermes gets put out of commission after her revenge and ff dies shortly after like WTF sadface. so like when weather dies and hermes is crying. im like girl why are you crying did you even interact with him 😭 AND i feel like the fact that the gang arent really friends makes itself REALLY obvious when in the c-moon arc. hermes gets hit and knocked away from everyone and. everybody just kinda. continues without her anw??? like THINK ABOUT IT WOULD ANY OTHER JOJO GANG LET THAT HAPPEN IN THE OTHER PARTS?? THEY JUST LEAVE HER?? HUH??

maybe im eheh, more boring, but i prefer my um stories to be a bit more grounded (says the girl reading literal jojo). but yeah the story in general was like super okay good. but the ending battle hm. was a bit too lets say. out there for me teehee. like guess im not a big fan of like space and all that and alternate realities on a grander scale. it was just like a LOT.

moving onto the most controversial thing i think. the ending. a lot of ppl hate it. some ppl love it. imo i had stronger (negative) feelings with the jojolion ending. the stone ocean ending was. eh. like i didnt vehemently hate it, nor did i love it persay. i felt that it was indeed a bit rushed. like araki was like oh shit! i need to end this in the next few chapters and did that dhasuiodasd. like the gang died so quickly i didnt even realise that they actually died i was like no way right.

ANW BACK TO THEMES OF THE ENDING. i wish it was more. like. if youre gonna rewrite the entire universe, at least have it mean something yk? bc even though the ending was technically happy, very happy. i dont think there was a justifiable reason for it i think? like it could have just as easily been an unhappy ending and i get how ppl are like its symbolism!! the joestars dont have to fight evil anymore and its meaningful bc an outsider ended it. (side note, i do think this story was a better way to start off the way jjl started ‘this is a story about breaking a curse’ can you imagine that at the start of stone ocean? ooo goosebumps) but anw, imo i just do not feel that it was set up properly or justified. emporio did not deserve to be the last one standing imo, there just wasnt enough reason or set up for him to be. the use of weather’s stand was satisfying but not the fact that is was emporio. i wish it had been jolyne i think idkk

like even tho it technically is a happier ending for the gang, it doesnt feel deserved in my opinion. like not bc theyre bad ppl and they dont deserve it or that they didnt work hard, like i LOVE THE CHARACTERS. but. hm. it doesnt make sense thematically is what im saying. the characters dont meaningfully engage with puccis notion that he should create a universe where everyone knows their fate and is happy. they kinda are just like. oh hes killed ppl and is evil so therefore, we must stop him!! and im just rlly? like dont you wanna hear him out a bit GDIASUDHASD but yeah i just feel like weather had stronger motivations in this regard. the gang just dont have really strong reasons to fight pucci. including jolyne who already got her father’s disc back

SPEAKING OF WHICH, UM. CAN WE HAVE MORE PAYOFF FOR JOTARO COMING BACK TO LIFE PWEEAASSEEE. like he comes back and its pretty badass ngl but i want MORE btwn him and jolyne. like how abt an apology old man? why does ANNASUI AND JOTARO TALK MORE THAN JOTARO AND HIS OWN DAUGHTER IM GONNA KILL MYSELFFFF like he tells jolyne that shes grown (which, sweet) but can he PLEASE JUTS SAY THAT HES PROUD OF HER OR SMTH?? PLEASE? YOURE JUST STATING A FACT THATS SHES GROWN HDUIASDHASD OLD MAN SAY SMTH MORE USEFUL IM GONNA BASH YOUR HEAD INNN. IF JOLYNE FORGIVES HIM SHE IS DOING ALL THE FUCKING LEGWORK HERE

THAT BEING SAID. even tho jolyne is meant to be the PROTAGONIST of this part, her role in the final final battle is HEAVILY DIMINISHED. AND IM LIKE HUH. LIKE THIS IS THE PART WHERE WE GET A FEMALE JOJO AND THE THREE MVPS IN THE END TURN OUT TO BE THE GUYS LIKE 😐 OKAY. at least in the other parts, their respective jojos actually FEEL like the protag. jonathan kills dio, joseph kills kars, jotaro kills dio, josuke heavily has a whole badass fight with kira, giorno oneshots diavolo, and jolyne... what DOES SHE DO IN THE FINAL FIGHT AGAIN? 😭 like annasui has diverdown and stuff, jotaro stops time which stops pucci a fair bit, and emporio literally kILLS pucci. EVEN THE STAND USED TO KILL PUCCI WAS WAETHERS LIKEEE PUHLEASEE. and im reading this and itS LIKE SORRY WASNT JOLYNE THE PROTAGONIST? literally after the c-moon arc, i cant really recall like anything SIGNIFICANT that she does despite having just read it yesterday. and it makes me sad bc um. i rlly like her

overall - 6/10 - top 3 protag and antag. the concepts are THERE but the execution was off. definitely more experimental but thematically, it just wasnt satisfying.

[aerltarg]

I've been talking with one of my friends about mental health, media that single out this type of issue, and characters who probably struggle with it, and we came to the conclusion that a lot of characters of ASOIAF probably fight their own battles in this type of matter. Robert, for one, as much as I dislike him (maybe a bit too much, cause I'm biased with thr targs), seems to suffer from PTSD, as a consequence, depression. Cersei, as a victim of abuse, seems to blow off this negative emotions and experiences to others, as a form of 'giving back to the world all the horrible things that she had to endure' (add a little prophecy paranoia to the mix, and you have a train wreck called book! Cersei emotions); and, finally, Rhaegar: anytime that he's mentioned, aside from his looks, his somber, melancholic, personality is always a big thing. I came to the (maybe shallow, idk) conclusion that Rhaegar melancholy came from this overwhelming guilt that he felt of Summerhall, that maybe this phantom that he carried could be explained as depression (again, as shallow as a conclusion can be). What's your thoughts about it?

oh, that's a very interesting concept and i rlly like it's present in the books!

i'm not that sure about robert but imo it's undeniable that self-destruction is a big point about his character and it's indeed possible his attitudes could have smth to do w his past (negative) experience.

cersei is a far more clear example of grrm exploring this theme and i just love her as well as other pov characters who are shown to bear logical and well-written consequences of their past that affect their character and character arc permanently. it makes them very real yk. speaking of cersei, i especially appreciate her anti-parallel w dany where they both suffered abuse, but while cersei makes other suffer in turn dany helps other who go through this too. all ppl are different individuals and deal w this stuff in their own unique way, and you can see this in all grrm's characters.

rhaegar's exact emotions and thoughts are unknown (probably forever) to us, but one big YES, there is an implied depression that has very much to do w summerhall. details can be different: was he feeling guilty for very young age when aerys only started mistreating rhaella (and such things do affect any children in the family) and his siblings kept dying? smth along the lines "it wouldn't have happened if others didnt die at summerhall" and imo you rlly can expect from kids to jump to the conclusion like "if i wasn't born, summerhall wouldn't burn"/"it would be better if i died and they lived".

(keep in mind that the ones who died were mostly seniors of aerys who probably could influence him in some way and intervene in the situation w rhaella; that's also the reason why i think shaera died before (like jaehaerys ii) or very shortly after aerys becoming king since i dont believe that she, who married for love, had parents marry for love and siblings following their hearts, would close her eyes at her own children's marriage turning into an abusive one)

though i'm more inclined to think rhaegar grew so burdened when he found out about the prophecy and probably the fact that his parents were married in the first place bc of it. he was an only child for 17 years while other babes kept dying so there's no wonder why he could think tptwp could be him + w maester aemon's approving of this theory.

(i also love to think exchanging letters w his great-granduncle was somehow dear to rhaegar too. it could feel rlly good to have another male relative who was so different from aerys. not to mention that maester aemon had very much in common w rhaegar himself and was a brother of aegon v and knew everyone who died at summerhall as well as he knew rhaegar's grandparents who died a few years later. it could make rhaegar feel closer to the ones who perished before he could the chance to know them since i believe his affection for summerhall is rooted not in the grief for ppl he never met (though he could be very much affected by the grief of his parents who very likely mourned their relatives) but in the longing for what could have been kind of melancholic wondering. aerys blaming rhaella for deaths of babes? what if grandmother shaera was there? babes dying one after another? what if his aunts and uncles were still alive? would aerys still keep insisting on having more heirs then? aerys having a bunch of mistresses? what if great-grandfather aegon v was still alive? aerys lusting after rhaella's handmaids and rhaella confronting him about this? aerys confining rhaella to the maegor's holdfast and making two septas guarding her "fidelity" days and nights? what if great-grandmother betha was still there? aerys fucking off to westerlands and taking rhaegar w himself while rhaella struggled w stillbirth? aerys leaving rhaella behind in kl and fucking off to tourneys at other places? what if whay if what if)

and we know rhaegar was very dutiful about this but never happy.

tldr; we don't know details about rhaegar's clear perspective there but we do know summerhall affected him greatly and depression was heavily implied. i appreciate very much that grrm makes most main, minor and pre-series characters so real by exploring this very rich field of mental health and the consequences of some aspects of their lives and stories. the fact that past experience affects them non-stop, without author forgetting about it for some reason, makes the good writing. main povs, imo, are among the best examples of it and i especially love that character arcs of dany, arya, jon, bran and tyrion contribute to this narrative greatly. big separate thanks for grrm to dig the grave for a "perfect victim" trope by giving us a great amount of characters who deal w their issues in different ways and don't play saint martyrs suffering in highly spiritual silence. they can be angry, destructive, constructive, running away from it and embracing it. and none are heavily portrayed as "less a victim" for this.

[scorsoneamelia]

oh my god ok so i decided to write a little smth about my girl amelia because i love writing and i used to do it all the time but i stopped and i rlly rlly wanna get back into it

so i wrote smth that takes place at the end of s17 after the amelink proposal 

TW: mention of drugs/addiction/death

                Sometimes --- more often that usual, it feels like the world is ending, like life will never slow down, no matter how many times she wishes and she prays that she'll be able to wake up and it will feel like a breath of fresh air; to be able to wake up and have the rays of the morning sunshine creeping it's way through the dark curtains, hitting her boyfriend's face at an angle that made him look absolutely breathtaking, an angel sent from God himself, so beautiful that it'd take her breath away, and maybe even her heart would skip a beat-- literally. And then his eyes would flutter open so delicately and the rays would make his blue eyes sparkle, looking even more blue than she ever remembered.

             But instead, she woke up with the alternative.Alone--oh, ever so lonely. He had sprung up the big question, getting down on one knee and pouring his absolute heart out, even giving her four rings because the boy was worried and conflicted on exactly what he wanted the ring to look like. It wasn't like she didn't want to, or that she didn't love him because oh my god, she loved him. Loved him so much that sometimes it made her chest feel tight and it made her want to understand what she did to deserve someone like him, someone as amazing as him.

             You challenge me... you-you.. thrill me. You.. impress the hell out of me.

              On top of the world-wide pandemic, Scout-- Meredith's kids, her mind is going a million miles a minute and for once she wants to take a step back-- out of her own mind, her own life and just breathe.

           And there's definitely nobody on Earth like you.

            She can't get the image out of her head, the heartbreak that spread across his face, the absolute sadness and pain that washed away the big big smile he had previously been giving her. She didn't mean to just blank and stare at him with no words, no expression-- she just froze.

            So now, she woke up alone, her boyfriend not beside her. She felt like she couldn't catch her breath and maybe it was because life sucked or maybe it was because of the nightmare that kept flashing through her head, in bits of pieces like a flash on a camera. Appearing back into her mind for a second before she completely forgets what the dream was even about. It was about her father-- it's always about her father. But this time, it was about her father-- Ryan, Derek and even Christopher. Four of the most important people to her; gone. The curtains were closed, the rays couldn't peak their way inside, or maybe it was because it was ten o'clock at night-- the room so so dark, almost as dark as her mind as been lately.

        Meetings had been harder to attend, the pandemic had only been allowing them to do meetings over a computer screen, in the same atmosphere that is making her feel like she's going crazy. Scout takes all of her free time away-- actually all of her time. She loves him, more than she loves herself but for months now she hasn't been able to breathe, especially with her nieces and nephew also needing all of hers and Link's full attention. She's doing this because they're her family and Meredith is on a vent, the world trying to take even more away from her.

        A day or two at work is what she needed this week to feel like she was alive again, cutting into someone's brain to give her some kind of feeling, even if it was just adrenaline. Sometimes, Amelia wishes that the adrenaline was enough. Was enough feeling for her to keep going-- god, she wants to give up so badly.  

        So, that night instead of waking to her boyfriend's beautiful blue eyes, she woke up to an empty room and an empty house because her sister was nice enough to take the kids for a day, the day after her wedding because hell-- she was that nice. She broke down, tears staining her cheeks and she was worried she wasn't going to stop.

         You're loud and fearless and it scares the crap out of me. How am I supposed to call you up and tell you that I've been shot? I can't tell you about my pain-- I don't want you to know that pain exists.

          Derek--- she missed her big brother more than she has ever missed anyone. Her father being an exception but Derek, her favourite person in the entire world was taken from her too soon and once again it felt like her world was crashing down around her. His voice was repeating in her head like a broken record and it was loud--- so loud, was she crazy? 

         You're my favourite sister.

         She couldn't breathe, it was like she was reliving the news all over again. Her chest felt like it was caving in and Derek's voice was still ringing in her head, like he was haunting her. 

          "We did that." Amelia nodded, standing next to her older brother after a successful brain surgery that saved the mother of her friend's son. 

           "We did that." He agreed. "We gotta publish." She joked, Derek looking over at her and replying with, "Oh hell yeah we do... You ever think about doing drugs again-"

           "Remember this?" Amelia interrupted.

           "I was gonna say call me and I'll fly down to Los Angeles to knock some sense into you." He joked, causing them both to laugh. "But okay... remember this. But that doesn't work,"

         "Yeah, you can totally kick my ass." She joked, extending her arm to shove him in the arm gently, both of them laughing while he pulled her into a tight hug. "Done. I love you." Derek said softly while he tightly held onto his little sister, and she was hugging him back as if she never wanted to let him go.

        Her favourite person in the entire world was gone and she didn't know what to do anymore, grief comes in waves and it never goes away. It's true what they say about grief-- it gets better with time...  because it does and she knows that better than anyone else. But what they don't say is that when it does come back, it's like a wave hitting you when you least expect it and then you're drowning, trying to catch your last breath before you're suffocating.

       "You didn't kill Ryan," the girl with the dyed red hair had stated, someone that had became her friend after her first night at the treatment centre.

       "Excuse me?" Amelia asked, mostly taken by surprise because it was in front of a group of people, a literal group of people.

        "You didn't kill him. You might've wrote the prescriptions but he took the drugs himself." Everyone was listening now, her secrets now out in the open. Secrets she never shared with the group.

          "Shut up, Hayley." Amelia snapped. 

           "And that guilt-- that's gonna kill you. That's what killed my best friend, it was guilt. Cause her mom was so freaked that she had a breakdown and her dad left-" It was like it was just the two of them, direct eye contact with each other. It was like everyone else that was in the room disappeared. 

          "Hayley... you don't know what the hell you're talking about, you're a child and you need to shut up." She cut the girl off, getting frustrated that she was even sharing her own personal secrets with everyone else. She could feel the pain rising in her chest, a tight feeling stuck at the bottom of her throat. She didn't believe that.. she did kill him. 

         "You didn't.. kill him!" Hayley tried again, the girl clearly wanting to get her point across. "Okay? He took the drugs himself, you didn't make him take them. He took them himself! You gotta get that, before I left here.. you have to get that. Because if you don't-- you're not gonna make it," Amelia's vision was blurry now, the tears drowning her sad blue eyes. "And I need you to make it. I know you loved him, and I know he loved you. But he took... the drugs... himself."

         Amelia finally broke down, sobs taking over her body. They were loud cries, cries of pain, cries for help. There was pain all over her body, rushing throughout her body like waves crashing against the shore. Burying her head into her hands, pulling her legs onto the chair and pulling them against her chest, trying to make herself feel small because that's how she felt--- small.

         It was cold in the room, and she was numb. Memories were flooding in, Derek, Ryan, Christopher-- her father. The room was cold, almost as cold as the hotel room was when Ryan died. He died-- right beside her. Her boyfriend died right before they were going to get sober, be happy together.. he died. He didn't make it. And no matter how many times she thinks back to that day in rehab when Hayley reminded her that it was not her fault, it was her fault and not a day goes by where she doesn't blame herself. 

         She wasn't crying anymore, she was just sitting in her bed with her legs pressed against her chest, no emotion and no thoughts other than the faces of everyone she has ever lost. The short moments she spent with Christopher, her dad getting shot and Derek holding her so tight that she couldn't move, Owen telling her the news about Derek dying. Link hadn't checked in, he hadn't called, he hadn't texted and she didn't blame him. He was hurt, like he deserved to be and she couldn't be mad at him for not showing up at the house to see her. But she did need him, she needed someone, but her one sister was in a hospital bed with machines breathing for her, and her other sister was with her husband and the kids--- her kid. 

          After she ended up forcing herself out of bed, her mind still loud and her entire body numb, a lump constantly sitting at the bottom of her throat--- she was walking through the front doors of a quiet, dark and small bar. Not many people were there, just a few people eating some food with their friends, some had a beer in front of them. Amelia doesn't know how she got here but she was sitting down at the bar, blue eyes heavy and sad, old makeup from earlier in the day staining her cheeks. 

         "You look like you need a drink," The bartender spoke as he made his way over to her. He was tall, sandy blonde hair with green eyes, he definitely didn't hurt the eyes to look at. "What can I get ya?"

         Her sad eyes slowly glanced up at him and she didn't answer. She didn't know what she was doing-- a drink? She hasn't a drink in a few years, the last time being when Meredith was in the hospital for being attacked. It's been a while and she thought she was doing good-- better. She thought about Link, and Scout, who needed him. Scout needed her, more than he needed anyone. It was almost enough for her to stand up and leave the bar until her mouth opened and she was ordering a drink. "Vodka tonic."

         "Coming right up." The boy winked, moving to the opposite side of the bar to mix her drink. Amelia thought she'd feel some kind of regret, but instead she continued to sit there; numb.

           The glass was placed in front of her and her hands were reaching for it, as she lifted it to her lips and took a sip, the feeling of the Vodka burning her throat. Memories continuing to flood her mind, only causing her to drink back the drink faster, which only caused the bartender to place another drink in front of her. 

-----

             Five drinks; she already drank five drinks and at this point she could feel the alcohol in her bloodstream, already making her feel much more calm and more relaxed. The feeling of being drunk again was a good feeling; scary good. Scary to the point where she was worried about slipping again, which is what she already did. She's at a bar, five drinks in, almost onto her sixth with a young male; attractive male sitting beside her making small talk. She already slipped.

            She had eight missed calls from Maggie, none from her boyfriend. Her state of mind was making her more and more angry, angry that he hasn't checked in. Sober Amelia would be telling herself, it's not his fault, you said nothing to his proposal. Give him space. But drunk Amelia, is angry, pissed, hurt--- angry that he stopped checking in. He told her he'd check in, he promised her he'd check in but instead he went to his best friend, Jo's house and she hasn't heard from him. 

          "Where are you headed to after this?" The green eyed boy was moving closer, his eyes trailing down her body as she sat there, body feeling like she was floating. 

           "Nowhere with you," she answered. "I have a boyfriend." Would Link be still considered her boyfriend even though she never responded to his proposal? 

           "That's unfortunate," he sighed, pulling his drink up to his lips. "Where's your so-called boyfriend?"

           Jo's, is what she wanted to reply but it's not like the boy would know what she was talking about, nor did he even care, he was just wanting her to come home with him. "Just at home." 

           Her phone was buzzing on the table again, and she was already six drinks in. The memories that had previously filled her head were now gone and all she felt was dizzy. Dizzy, numb--- great. She felt great, amazing. Maggie was calling again and she was about to decline the call before she remembered why she might be calling. Scout.

          "Maggie, hey," Amelia answered, trying her best to sound sober. "So sorry, I was asleep." She was hoping that Maggie would believe her, despite her words slurring together.

          "Amelia, where are you actually? I just came by the house to drop the kids off and you're not home and I don't know where Link is, are you with him?" Fuck fuck fuck. She's so stupid, stupid for showing up to a bar knowing damn well that she'd have to take care of 4 kids by the end of the night. She had a debate with herself, debating on whether or not she should tell Maggie the truth or lie.

            "I was asleep, I had to run to the hospital for a consult," she lied. "I'm on way back." Amelia thought the lie was good, even though she was slurring. But Maggie didn't sound too convinced but she agreed that she'd see Amelia at the house before they both hung up the phone. 

            One more drink she told herself before she was dialling a cab so that she could get home safely because even though she slipped she can't be responsible for someone else dying.

-----

           It was late. Almost one in the morning when Amelia walked through the front door, stumbling is the right word to describe it. She assumed Maggie and the kids would be asleep but she was greeted with Maggie, her arms crossed in front of her chest as she stood up from the couch. 

           "It has been a long day," Amelia started, so obvious she was drunk. "My bedroom is calling my name."

           "Amelia," Maggie said, with so much sadness in her voice. Maggie was far from stupid, she was brilliant, a genius, she could see right through Amelia.

           "No questions, just bed." Amelia headed towards the stairs, swinging her bag over her shoulder before Maggie walked up to her, stepping in front of her to stop her from going up the staircase. Maggie made a face, a you smell like vodka face and then she was putting her hands on Amelia's shoulders and pulling her into a hug, a tight hug, so tight that the hug itself almost made Amelia break down into a puddle of tears. A hug is exactly what she needed, especially right now. "I'm sorry..." Were the only words Maggie could form and she just held her. One hand was pressed against the back of Amelia's head while the other was wrapped around her, it never seemed like she was going to let go. 

          Amelia was dizzy, and she was sad and she could barely stand so she used Maggie to hold herself up. "No," Amelia cried out, a single tear dripping off of her soft eyelashes. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I did it again. I'm a mess, I did it again." 

          "No, no, no," Maggie said, pulling away from Amelia before brushing a single strand of hair out of her face and pushing it behind her ear. "You're not a mess."

           Amelia just stared at Maggie, her eyes heavy, her blue eyes drowning in a puddle of tears and Maggie could see the pain in her eyes and it made Maggie sad, she cared about Amelia so much. Before the two could exchange any other words, Scout was crying from his crib upstairs.

         "I'll get it," Amelia slurred, dropping her bag to the floor and stumbling backwards as she grabbed onto the railing of the staircase.

          "No," Maggie said sternly. "I'll do it, just go lay down, I'll join you after." Maggie helped Amelia up the stairs because honestly--- she thought she was going to fall down, the girl could barely walk. 

          Amelia was already laying in her bed, the room spinning around her and before she had even a minute to rest, she was running to the bathroom to empty out her stomach into the toilet. Six drinks didn't seem like very many but maybe it is for someone who hadn't had anything to eat because she forgot to and she hasn't had a sip of alcohol in a long time. She was doing so well, dammit.

          She wasn't alone for long because while Amelia was gripping onto the toilet bowl, knuckles turning white her hair was being pulled up and out of the way. Maggie was rubbing her back in a comforting way, trying anything that she could to help the girl.

         After puking, she stayed sat on the floor, sitting with her back against the wall and the room was still spinning. Maggie slid down the wall to sit beside her, pulling Amelia into her side. 

         "You're going to be okay," Maggie said, pulling Amelia closer to her and since the room was spinning so fast, she had to rest her head on Maggie's shoulder because she needed to sleep. "We'll start fresh tomorrow."

         She closed her eyes, taking deep breaths and even though the alcohol made her feel good, she also felt regret and shame. So much shame. She hated herself, she hated that she did this to herself again. 

          She did this to Scout.

          And to Link. And to everyone she cares about.

          Everyone she's ever lost would be so disappointed in her, she knew they would be because that's what she was. Disappointed in herself.

          But maybe she was right, one day at a time and even though she got to this point again, she'll try again tomorrow and hope and pray that she doesn't start spiralling.

          The last image in her head before she started to doze off was Derek and her dad, the most important people in her life. 

[nightcolorz]

Okay I need to get this out of my system, this place seems safe to do that <3

As a show only fan imho there cannot be a comparison between Lestat and Armand and not for the "who's better than the other" or "who's more toxic" manner. Like its very unfair to the characters themselves and the relationship they have with Louis to do that.

As far as Louis choices go he is just trying to explore his sexuality in Paris more, Paris give a new freedom to Louis not just as a black man but as a gay man, and as for who he loves more is again not a competition, because what he had with Lestat was fucking intense, it was all sorts of fucked up, romantic, expressive and explosive in the end.

With Armand I'd say like Assad said it's tender and calmer althought it does have a toxic twist to it.

And I do believe that Armand is sort of cornered here in this situation, the coven on one side and Louis on the other, since Louis arrived in Paris he has been trying to stay away from the coven but Armand fell in love at the same time Louis was haunted by his grief and its manifestation as Dreamstat, and I didn't like the way fandom picked Daniel's "Are you schizophrenic Louis?" and ran with it, no one paused and thought this is how he process his grief and guilt.

And in all of this Armand was left sort of hanging, uncertain with his relationship with Louis which is again is unfair to Armand.

The final straw for Armand is when Louis suddenly introduces the D/s dynamic in their relationship and kinda takes an advantage of his assertiveness in it, now this doesn't mean Louis is dom and Armand is sub. Overall Armand seems to have more control over their relationship its only during sex they bring it out and sometimes maybe in their regular dynamics.

Since then I think the betrayal has kinda blindsided the people, now I can understand their feelings about it, totally valid they have all the right to be upset about it, Claudeleine and Louis did not deserve any of it but declaring Armand the Big BadTM is not it.

Have we not seen how much of an asshole Louis is in ep6, sure he is repressing a lot of things and lashing out on Claudia and others around him but ignoring that and holding Armand entirely responsible for their fucked up relationship is just......lazy.

And having polarising, firm beliefs over characters being "too good" "too bad" "too toxic" is just so lazy, so many anons have said this but I am saying it again.

EVERYONE IS HORRIBLE IN THIS SHOW, but that doesn't mean we should dismiss their stories, vulnerabilities and rather human parts which imo makes them more interesting rather than just calling one of them the big bad ans getting done with it. Why are we scared of acknowledging that the most inhuman characters can have their weaknesses and that makes them the way they are the choices they make.

And this is in regards with all characters but especially Lestat and Armand.

Ur so right anon <3 I also think pitting Lestat and Armand against each other and comparing “how good” they r for Louis is like such a useless thing to focus on 🙏 like as much as we kid this isn’t twilight 💀 and focusing on some fabricated love triangle angle just ends up reducing the characters and the story into smth very simplistic and uninteresting. Just over all, fandom has a reducing complex things to dumb black and white things issue lol. Which is probably what most of the rlly bad takes about Armand come down too

thank u for the ask ❤️❤️

[waspenned]

congrats on 200 followers!!! <3 i'm loving scenes from italian restaurant

🎵 born on a train - samia

god if i had time to write i'd just use

i'll have to go when the whistle blows, the whistle knows my name

just for the responsibility of being spiderman dragging peter parker away from who he loves but i'll let you analyse the rest of it yourself haha

penn's 200 follower celebration

BYE SAMIA CAME UP ON MY RECCOMENDED BEFORE AND I PANICKED BC I THOUGHT IT WAS THIS GIRL I HAVE BEEF W AHAHAHA but it was a diff spelling so we move. analysis under cut!!! thx for the degree practice LMAO it's all been """"theory""' so far this year I haven't been able to do the bits I like lol

anyway this song is so beautiful and twinkly the sad music girlies are rlly doing their jobs recently like its giving devastation... also the warm lighting rlly reminds me of like.. campfire light so I think we're seeing smith reminiscent of honey dont feed me(i will come back) in terms of setting/sad factor

this song is soooo Peter btw like the opening imagery is rlly evocative of nyc at least in my experience. also the idea of 'ghost roads' in terms of getting lost in the city and "paths not taken". the idea of missed opportunities/the you that made a different decision as dead/a ghost is sooo interesting to me, esp in terms of Peter as a person (think John Locke's theory on personal identity which was super interesting when I studied philosophy and was also used in the good place!!). I write a lot abt peter's separation of the self and spider-man, and I think his essence as a character really resonates with the idea of the past self being 'dead' or maybe even murdered. it's a common trope in superhero media for the protagonist to mourn or 'kill' the person they were before they put on the mask but I won't wax lyrical abt it LMAO I just think there's some interesting ideas in there in terms of character.

the chorus is v similar actually - esp in terms of the train imagery which reminds me of the nyc subway, which in turn relates to the working class, and routes peter's character in the poverty that is a huge part of his identity AND also in terms of not being able to 'belong' anywhere/having to constantly be moving so people don't know his identity. Peter and the idea of 'responsibility' also take up. so much space in my head in the way that he treats debt - esp to other people and to the city as a whole. I read a rlly interesting article actually abt Peter and an 'unpayable debt' which I cant find rn but I'll have to go looking for lol... Peters commitment to the 'job' and/or guilt that comes with it is a huge part of him and what he considers morally "right" - which the line about not being able to keep promises rlly reminds me of !! 'The whistle knows my name' is SOOO spider-man tho like maybe in terms of Peter not really knowing who he is without spider-man, and particularly tom!Peter in that he doesn't have anything OUTSIDE of spiderman ; the 'whistle' (aka the call to responsibility) really would know his name in this context bc 1. no one else does and 2. spiderman is perhaps the only thing of his former life he has left. THIS IDEA IS ALSO IN THE BRIDGE WHERE THE SPEAKER TALKS ABT BEING FORGOTTEN.... omg so sad I cant

I know that you were never young And I know you probably won't get old But, honey, nobody's gonna hurt you anymore And nobody's gonna make you want to die

the 2nd verse is where things get interesting for me bc there's the introduction of a new voice and the pov changes if I was to convert this to fanfic... this ( for me ) is the reader talking to Peter. this idea of never being young (his youth was proverbially 'robbed' by grief/the responsibility of being spider-man) and never growing old (spider-mandom is dangerous asfuck youse...) as well as this theme of protection is smth u dont see much in s-m films. The hero is the protector and the love interest is the protected, we dont get to see the reverse which is a shame bc it would be super refreshing (@ marvel u see zendaya 's hand on toms hip give us that in the films pls). I write a lot of the reader taking on the 'protector'/caretaking role bc I just think it's rarer than the whole 'damsel in distress' cliche u get w the films and this verse is exactly the vibe I would go for ???

SORRY FOR WAFFLING I JUST RLLY CONNECTED W THIS ONE ANYWAY IN SUM: id write smth sad asf along the same lines as 'honey dont feed me' but while hdfm(iwcb) is more angry on the reader's part and their relationship is more dysfunctional - I think this would work well earlier in that relationship, before their break up. I'd go for a classic "reader patches up s-m" fic but with more on the side of wishing things were different for Peter. ive looked at Pete's relationship w s-m and quitting in drown it out, but I think if this was in hdfm(iwcb)-verse he's more inclined to bury his head in the work and treat it more like a Kantian duty?? yes a heaping pile of angst >:) I'd be more likely to use tom!Peter tho I think , I write a lot of universal/"penn cinematic universe" Peter but tom's circumstances would fit better imo

[cassyapper]

Apart from Jotaro and Kakyoin (unfortunately) what are your other favourite jojo ships? I’d love to know

OHHHH POST YOUVE OPENED A CAN OF FUCKING WORMS LET ME GO OFF

i have a disease that makes me invested in the joestars’ happiness to an absurd level so bc of that a lot of ships i enjoy involve,,,one joestar,,,but there r others i swear let me just start rantingi

jonaeriwagon is soooooo so so cute it involves the most wholesome and purehearted jojo characters and it makes me smile so wide. erina and jonathan r childhood sweethearts and erina helped jonathan back on his feet after he lost EVERYTHING in the first fight against dio at the mansion. jonathan and speedwagon are best FRIENDS OKAY!! SPEEDWAGON LITERALLY CHANGES HIS ENTIRE WALK OF LIFE BECAUSE OF JONATHAN AND THE KINDNESS HE SHOWED HIM. i know erina and speedwagon didn't interact a whole lot in part 1 but like they're BEST. FRIENDS. in part 2, so much so joseph thought something was going on between them. i bring this up bc then it’s proof that this ship is full of ppl who just care for each other so much. they just adore each other and love each other and I'm crying

caejoseq is my FAVVV OKAY they're so stupid and in love. i love love love love imagining caesar and suziq falling in love slowly when he’s first training as lisalisa’s student and like they never do anything about it cause they're both so shy (yes caesar is shy bc these feelings r more genuine romance rather than sexual, unlike his other flings) but it’s obvious enough they both understand to a degree the other knows they like them sjkd;dn cuties. but then JOSEPH BARGES IN with his stupid hamon-breathing mask and his stupid blue-green eyes and his stupid lax personality combined with the moments he takes thing seriously during which is works hard as fuck/smart as fuck. he just completely sweeps them off their feet they had no fuckin warning whatsoever. so after a bunch of messy and intense pining from the both of them they eventually sit down and are like okay. we should do smth about feelings actually. so they Do and it ends with the polycule and I'm (”: smiling so wide they loved each other do u understand

AVPOL!! DO NOT GET ME STARTED OKAY it’s the survivor’s guilt and cherishing and longing for me sis!!!!!! I'm just saying both have pasts (araki said avdol’s backstory was so sad he didn't wanna put it into sdc so that’s where I'm drawing this from) that leave them focused on things other than their direct happiness/their own futures but then they connect and even though they're so fucking different they are SOOO different they're still the same on this level and i think!!! that would be everything for them finally someone who understands...listen I'm ging to go insane do you hear me. avdol loves this stupid fucking Frenchman so much because said stupid fucking Frenchman just cares so much about everything. meanwhile polnareff is in love with this fuckin god of a man who’s patient and kind and funny and a skilled enough fighter it’s stated explicitly in canon “oh avdol’s the one we need to worry about most not jotaro” like fuck polnareff is ENAMOURED WITH HIM!! AND I DONT FUCKING BLAME HIM!! and just dude. when pol thinks avdol came back to life and he starts crying tears of joy and hugs him so tightly and avdol just laughs but hugs him back imfmfjfj help. help. help. help. help. POLNAREFF LITERALLY ASKS HIM OUT ON A DATE THIS IS FUCKIN!!! CANON!!! i cant do this stupid fuckign idiots i love them

JOSUYASU!!!!!! TWO GUYS BEIGN DUDES WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT??? like listen we have such a SLEW of wholesome moments between these two the opening to the tonio episode is literally just them going on a date OKUYASU WAS GONNA FEED JOSUKE AND JOSUKE DIDNT EVEN FUCKING QUESTION IT OKAY THAT’S KINDA GAY THAT HAS ROMANTIC FUCKING UNDERTONES!! and them fighting against shigechi idk man i just love their dynamic it’s such a pleasant bro relationship and i love them. but even beyond the wholesome moments when okuyasu fucking dies josuke loses his SHIT!!! DO YOU HEAR ME HE GOES FUCKIGN INSANE!!!!! HE’S SCREAMING AND CRYING AND BEGGING OKUYASU TO WAKE UP AT THE EXPENSE OF HIS LIFE FUCKIGN HAYATO HAD TO SHRIEK AT HIM TO MOVE HIS ASS OUT OF THE WAY OF KIRA’S BOMB LIKE!! listen the recklessness and furiousness of josuke’s tactics after okuyasu “”died”” haunts me. he didn't want to live in a world without him and meanwhile okuyaus LITERALLY TRIUMPHS OVER DEATH BECAUSE HE DOESNT WANT TO LEAVE JOSUKE’S SIDE HELP ME GIRL FJKF;NDJN FUCK. fuck. so yeah i lvoe them

fugionara... any combination of this ship makes me go nuts okay okay. the dynamics in the bucci gang will forever leave me in tatters but THE ONES BETWEEN THESE THREE IN PARTICULAR. FUCK ME UP. it’s the healing it’s the animosity it’s the regret it’s the trying to figure out your own mentally ill self while also the world ur in with these ppl u love so much and I'm going crazy okay okay okay. idk how to quite put my feelings for them in worlds i just have a lot of them and they are fuckin. overhwelming. just narancia for example meant EVERYTHING to fugo as evidence by purple haze feedback (literally every other paragraph is a flashback) and the only time giorno cries in the anime is when narancia dies. meanwhile fugo saved narancia’s life and giorno knew when to take narancia seriously as opposed to a joke. and then THE WHOLE DISCUSSION ABOUT GRIEF FUGO AND GIORNO HAVE IN PURPLE HAZE FEEDBACK? listen something about these three make me go insane and feral

foolymes like okay. okay. I'm shaking like a dog trying not to go overboard on this justification just listen to me. hermes and jolyne first find someone to trust in prison in each other. jolyne cares abt her enough that she first learns how to use stone free’s string-on-a-telephone ability bc she wanted to watch over hermes. hermes loves nd respects jolyne that after she wakes up from getting a stand shes like “hm. wonder where jolyne is” and goes to find her before all that bullshit happened just hey okay LISTEN TO ME!! and then they get foo they save her it’s just like fucking kakyoin they give her another chance and they show her what relationships are supposed to be like (fulfilling) they enjoy her company and make her laugh and she makes them laugh in return ohmy god EVERYTHING FOO FIGHTERS DID WAS FOR JOLYNE AND HERMES DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!!! the marilyn mansion debt collector arc. the kiss of love and revenge arc. foo fighter’s death. I'm going to eat rocks in an attempt to stop feeling oh my god JOLYNE DIDNT EVEN BELEIVE FOO FIGHTERS WAS DYING AND THEN SHE GOT HYSTERICAL LIKE “BUT WE CAN JUST REMAKE YOU RIGHT WE HAVE YOUR STAND DISC??” SHE DOESNT WANT HER TO GOOO HELP ME HELP ME. I'm in tatters these three girls loved each other so fucking much they just wanted each other safe and they DESERVED to be safe and happy together but araki is fucking evil

jotaweather I KNOW THIS IS A CRACK SHIP I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW DONT FUCKIGN LOOK AT ME JUST HEAR ME OUT. jotaro and weather r both of similar demeanor that is quiet soft-speaking intimidating strong big aura of sadness coming from them. both have powerful stands and both had real fucked up luck in the love department. i also hc both to be autistic so that’d be another similarity. i jus think them settling down together after everything went down in a stone ocean au would be very soft and sweet yknow? they wouldn't even necessarily start it off in a romantic sense but they just take the time to try and heal with each other and eventually it just kinda veers that way. yeah

gyjo for OBVIOUS reasons like are you serious? gyro changed johnny’s fucking lfie from the SECOND they first interact johnny begins to push himself and tries to reach further/go further. and in turn johnny shows gyro you cant always be a wet blanket you need to take a stand this both helps his resolve to save the kid AND helps him to take the measures necessary to get to his goal. like gyro would not have been able to find johnny in the “who shot johnny joestar?” arc if he hadn't gone through, say, the ring roadagain arc with johnny first. listen man their relationship is literally the catalyst for this whole part it’s the driving force i just. they love each other they love each other thank you goodnight I'm emo

yasugap is just so so so so sweet it makes me so happy,,like okay josuk8 literally has a daydream where all that happens is he gives yasuho some candy and she eats it and is like “aw josuke this is so good thanks!” and she smiles at him and that’s IT THAT’S THE DAYDREAM 😭 listen they just love each other so much and i am emo. they literally SAVED EACH OTHER OKAY LIKE yasuho pulls him from the dirt and like she mentioned during the flashback chapter with the hairpin and her dad, it was also the other way around....saving josuke also saved herself and just LISTEN TO ME. THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. it’s a very sweet and healthy relationship and i hope to god araki makes it canon please sir ill bite you

anyway yeah these are the main main ones ? that i ship ship. like you'll get me excited if u mention them. anyway this post has gone on long enough so I'm gonna end it here by saying i really do have a thing where the relationship focuses on healing/helping one or both parties to save/improve themselves