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songmingisthighs · 1 year ago

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Ignominy

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ch. lxviii - hearing

hybrid!san × human!reader

buy me coffee ?

everyone wants to belong, it's basic human need to connect with people around them. what happens when you're responsible for someone who belongs to two worlds but at the same time belongs to neither ? worst part is, what happens when it's your ex ?

Seconds felt like hours, minutes felt like days, and hours felt like weeks.

You sat in front of your laptop with so much anxiety and uncertainty. It had probably been only a couple hours but it fely like forever and it didn't felt good at all. It didn't help that you couldn't sleep much the other day not just because of the damn email looming in your mind but also because of your stupid ankle that decided it wanted to have a big fucking rave with all the pulsing and the heat that caused the area to twitch. So you were anxiety riddled and in pain and to be quite honest, a lot pissed that neither San nor your work friends were answering your text. You wanted to ask about what happened the other day and also if any one of them knew what the email was about but of course you didn't get any answer. It was like being kept in the dark about something major that was affecting everything and everyone.

The email was so sudden and you were worried if it had anything to do with what was happening at High Breed. Who would've guessed that the day you took a day off from dealing with your ankle, some major shit happened to the office and then you suddenly got a hearing from HR. All you could do at that moment was simply to convince yourself that you would be okay and that it was just protocol. Nothing big, nothing to worry about.

As soon as the clock chimed 9, you saw that the Head of HR and the General Manager got into the meeting room with their camera on and San in attendance with his camera off. Your heart beats harshly against your chest in worry, noticing how the meeting was attended by high ranking staffs so there was a chance that the issue at hand that somehow involved you was an absolute big one. But despite your gut screaming that something was wrong, you sucked the anxiety in and just think positive thoughts. Maybe they wanted to tell you that you passed your probation early and the reason it involved high ranking officials are because you worked directly with the CEO's son so they took things seriously.

Here's to wishful thinking.

"Good morning, everybody," you greeted, smiling brightly to mask the nerves bubbling in the pit of your stomach. Unfortunately your greeting was met with silence, not even a single sound of acknowledgement. Chills ran down your spine from dread and embarrassment, the situation just became much much worse just from that exchange and your confidence almost slipped completely away. Luckily, the Head of HR spoke up but in a very uninterested tone, "Good morning ladies and gentlemen, we will begin our disciplinary hearing momentarily," the words she said made your eyebrows furrow in utter confusion, "Excuse me, disciplinary hearing for what exactly?" You cut her off which was completely ignored as she kept rambling on about who was present in the meeting. Next to speak was the General Manager who cleared his throat and tipped his glasses down slightly, "If you had been more patient, miss, we would've explained that we conducted this meeting to inform you that as of today, you are put on a temporary unpaid administrative leave until the issue you have caused be resolved."

If your eyebrows were furrowed before, now they're knitted so tight a sweater had formed. "Whoah, I don't understand, what issue did I cause??" You asked, obviously not knowing what they were talking about. "Okay, we'll bite," the General Manager said which you took notice of and didn't feel great about because the mannerism indicated that they didn't believe you about something. "It has come to our attention that you have been sharing personal information about Mr. Choi San to the media which is a complete breach of your contract as Mr. Choi San's personal assistant," he said. You waved your hands in front of the camera to stop the guy from talking more because the confusion wasn't resolved, it doubled. "Okay, I really don't know what you're talking about because I've never talked to the media before, I never shared my boss's personal information, not even with my friends," after the words left your mouth, you realized how flimsy of an excuse that was and those people could've easily misunderstood you as making up excuses or just simply disregard you. Then again, they could take your explanation masked as a flimsy excuse as suspicious behaviour despite you only telling the truth.

"As crude as it sounds, we do not care about what you talk about with your friends outside the office but this particular action has affected the company negatively especially since it affected Mr. Choi San," then the Head of HR clicked on something from her screen and presented some pictures, "Now, miss, do you recognize these?" Your eyes barely scanned through the file but you immediately took notice of it. "It's my company database account," you answered, still not understanding what their point was. "What about this?" She then showed the next picture and you saw your account information at the top and a bunch of numbers and letters listed under it and next to them are other numbers that look like specific dates. "My account and random numbers? I'm not sure," by now you have a bit of an attitude and it's mostly because of the fact that you had just been accused of something and you didn't appreciate it.

With a raise of his eyebrows, the General Manager leaned forward in his seat and sighed, "This, Miss (y/l/n), is proof that your account has been accessing important data and files from the company database that detailed Mr. Choi's private information including his medical report which if it turns out to be true, is a direct violation of the privacy law and you can be penalized," he stated firmly. "Wait," you tried to interject, wanting a moment to take the revelation in and made sense of the situation. Unfortunately, the General Manager kept going on about what you supposedly did and which files you accessed. Words thrown at you floated in your brain and none of them stuck, you couldn't process the explanation as your brain was trying to remember when and why you opened those files. Sure, some of the files that were on the list you actually accessed yourself but you remembered that it was under the direction of other superior officers. Files like San's most recent medical record that San himself requested to be sent to his family physician, or files like the company's pharmaceutical records that include sales, testing, production dates and locations, issue report, etc. that was sent to you by the lab supervisor for you to compile so San won't have a hard time looking them over. But other things like employee attendance, employee login timestamps and information, company finance report, patents, MFDS clearance, legal reports, and much more files that were under the record list, you couldn't remember ever accessing nor do you even know how and where to access them. Despite the defence bubbling in your head, your were frozen, you couldn't say the words you wanted to say because at that moment, you were being bombarded by two people while San was watching.

Why wasn't he saying anything?

"...That being said and with the evidence stacked against you, the company has decided, as we said earlier, to put you in unpaid administrative leave until the issue is resolved," the Head of HR said. As it seemed like they were about to conclude the meeting, your body reacted as quickly as it could and you called out to them. "Hey, wait!" thankfully, it seemed like it managed to catch their attention momentarily, "Don't I get to defend myself first? This is a lot to take in and you can't just make a decision for yourselves," it was hard for you to keep your voice stable because all you want to do was scream at them for accusing you of doing something so ridiculous but you knew full well that if you let your emotions get the best of you, they wouldn't take you seriously. The General Manager sighed before answering you, "Yes, in a less dire situation, we would've let you defend yourself, but as this issue has become public and seemingly uncontrollable, we have to take immediate action to prevent further issues from arising." To make matters worse, the Head of HR just HAD to comment in her faux low voice that you were pretty sure she wanted you to hear. "You should have thought of that before doing something so reckless," and before you could've said something, she called out to San, "Is there anything you wish to add, Mr. Choi?"

Almost embarrassingly quickly, your eyes flit to San's account and you saw him opening his mic. Seconds pass awfully slow as you waited, hoping for him to defend you, telling both people who seemingly had it against you that the company shouldn't be rash, that they should take a moment to assess the situation better before putting you on leave and treating you like a criminal. You believed that he would come to your aid because he knew you wouldn't have done that to him. After all, you have been covering for his ass and you have done nothing but a good job in the office as his assistant. Not to mention the fact that you let him fuck you whenever he wants which shouldn't be the main reason but it kinda felt like it should. So why would he assume that you even wanted to hurt him?

But all hopes you had were lost when your screen suddenly returned to your browser, showing that the meeting has ended without any more addition. Without San saying anything to defend you.

"He... Ended the meeting..." you muttered to yourself in disbelief. He didn't even say anything, he didn't even have the decency to say something to you, something comforting or just something that acknowledge the fact that you were in that situation and it was such a shit situation. He just dismissed you like that.

Your chest tightened and your hands shook. Emotions mix together, emotions you can't even discern, and emotions you've never felt before.

Standing up from your desk, the first thing you thought of was to get a glass of water to calm yourself down. Your injured ankle forced you to limp to the kitchen and you suddenly chuckle to yourself, thinking about how ridiculous your luck was for giving you an injury and putting you in such a difficult and absurd situation. You try to make sense of things but at the same time you didn't want to think about it just yet, you didn't want to have to deal with the issue as quickly but how could you not when it affects you greatly? Does this mean you can't go to work for the foreseeable future? Does this mean you're replaced? You accepted the job in the first place because you wanted something to do and now you were being denied of your own decision. With this happening, do you want to stay? Can you stay? You're willing to be everyone else knows about this issue so it's safe to assume that even if you did come back to work, say you were proven not guilty which was the truth in the first place, you will be a pariah. Those who knew about the details and believed that you were the kind of human being who would do such a thing would not treat you nicely. And apparently, one of those people is the boss who you've been fucking. Working for him would be different after this issue no matter the truth. It was too much for you to handle alone and you didn't want to have to handle it alone. But what could you have done? Contact your friends just because you're in a shit position? Is that how you want to treat your friends?

The water you poured for yourself felt heavy like lead down your throat and your body couldn't help but want to expel it. You coughed and coughed the liquid out and while doing so, you accidentally knocked your glass over and it shattered. In between fits of coughs and blurry vision, you saw the mess you just made and suddenly the pain in your chest doubled.

What are you going to do now?

taglist :

@90s-belladonna @kodzukein @phenomenalgirl9 @miaatiny @shinotani @jayb17 @dreamlesswonder86 @mayonnaisehoeshit @bbymatz @yunhorights @tinybinnie @blaaiissee @yunhobug @kwanisms @yoongiigolden @kpopnightingale @maddiebabyxoxo @dea-nimus @meowmeowminnie @x-bluee @itsbeeble @gxlden-bxbyy @charreddonuts @x-woozi @jwnghyuns @marvelous-imagines-for-all @baguette-atiny @jessi-outdated @dogsongy @kirooz @ateezourstars @memorymonster @yoonguurt @atinytinaa @naiify @cecedrake2217 @spooo00oky @flamingi @thesolarplanetarysystem @hijeongguk @hongjoong-lovebot @linhyyboo12 @leeknowsnothing @knucklesdeepmingi @doom-fics @yesv01

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songmingisthighs · 1 year ago

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taglist (cont.) :

@justbaozi25 @idjitscentral @angelicyeo @jackinmyarea @darkdayelixer @booktoad @cqndiedcherries

@glitterystarlightmeow @starjoongie1117 @cutie-wooyo

Ignominy

introduction pt. i | pt. ii | pt. iii

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ch. lxxxviii - 2 month mark

hybrid!san × human!reader

buy me coffee ?

You hate to admit to your uncle but you love your job to bits. It's not like he had to twist your arm for you to accept the job anyways but you hated to admit that you kind of resent not working at the academy when he first offered you the position a couple years back. Every day you only experience good stuff and despite the work stress and pressure, there would always be something to make up for it. And surprisingly, it's not always your friends.

It was easy to fall into the rhythm but it was even easier to find the joy in the work. Compared to working corporate pharnaceutical, the academy was heaven. You didn't realize that the work load could be so diverse, one day you're working in your office, the next you're pitching classes to talent agencies and entertainment companies, then somehow you find yourself meeting actual professional dancers who are friends with the current trainers and even meeting trainees who are set to debut in a year or less. Sure, it might be because of your role and rank but it's still fun and amazing nevertheless. The students were awesome as well and while you didn't get the chance to know them personally, you love seeing how happy they are after class, simply enjoying youth.

From time to time, whenever you passed classes or students inside and outside the academy, you'd get reminded of your own youth. Particularly how hou spent the most important time of your life with San.

It had been a while since you talked to him and while you were glad that San seemed to be getting on with his life so easily, not even bothering to contact you again. Sure, you told him that you both needed time apart, but to completely cut you off after what he said? That's rich. You expected a bit of a struggle, him texting you fir at least the next several days and you having the joyous experience of leaving him on read. But of course, fate has been nothing but the equivalent of testicular torture on your emotion and soul.

With the slight (humongous) bitterness you were feeling, you could only hope that the package Seonghwa mentioned could cheer you up tremendously. Maybe one of your recent business acquaintances sucking up on you to get better deals, or maybe one of your friends playing dumb and later on would surprise you. So many possibilities and even the thought made you giddy.

Then a knock came to your door before the sound of it being pulled open and your heart began racing.

"I can see why you didn't hesitate to come work in your uncle's academy,"

Then your heart dropped to your stomach and your head snapped up so quick you could've sworn you heard a record scratch from inside your brain. Your body shot straight up and you stepped away from your desk when you realized who was standing just in your doorway.

San stood with the gentlest smile on his face and a bouquet in his hands, very reminiscent to the San you dated in high school specifically from your graduation day. Years passed and pressure building but that smile never changed.

Still, you were surprised to see him there, you might even thought that he was an illusion. So you did the first thing you can think of.

It was fortunate for San (and unfortunate for your petty side) that he has great reflex. Because just in the nick of time, San managed to dodge the mug filled with hot coffee that shattered upon impact on the wall behind him. It wasn't like you were trying to hurt him (that way), you just wanted to make sure you hadn't gone crazy.

For a moment, both of you could only stared at each other in disbelief; you not believing your own eyes, and San thinking that he may had almost lost brain function merely seconds ago. It was a miracle that San still had his grip on the flowers although he was afraid that the harsh grip might've crushed the stems. Just like how you almost crushed his skull. Not even the commotion of people peeking in to see what was going on and the sound of Hongjoong loudly asking what was going on and later on muffled and dragged away by who you can only assume is Jongho.

"What are you doing here?" You managed out.

Hearing your voice again made the tips of San's fingers tingle and ears burn slightly. It had been too long since he was able to clearly hear your voice without any animosity between you two. He was both glad and anxious to see you, but he was more terrified over the fact that his resolve falters quick just from being in the same room as you. But he couldn't give up just yet, he had a mission to accomplish and he was not about to let himself down. Again.

"I..." San stepped forward, warily looking at you in case you decide to throw something at him again. But when he realized that you were not tensed, he stood straighter and his shoulders relaxed. He carefully approached your desk and placed the bouquet of flowers on it gently. "I just wanted to see you to give you this, I... Haven't gotten the chance to congratulate you on your new job," he smiled. Your eyes automatically fell onto the flowers and you couldn't help but appreciate the beauty of purple hyacinths with leaves and white daisies peeking in and five white roses framing the bouquet like a border. Looking back into his eyes, you acted as if you were indiferent, "Oh yeah, thanks. I't's been... Two months already? So you're kinda late." Though the word 'late' stung, San did agree that his congratulatory expression was rather overdue. But he shrugged his shoulders, confident in himself and action, "Better late than never, right?" He wasn't hoping much, but he didn't expect you to look so guarded with him. Of course, for obvious reasons that he himself had personally provided in the past. "Really San, we haven't talked in a month and a half so why are you suddenly dropping into my office?" You crossed your arms at him.

It was now or never for San.

"(y/n), I've changed," he stated. You didn't say anything but you raised an eyebrow at him, urging him to continue wordlessly. "The last time we spoke... You were right, I was merely the shell of a man that I was before which was ironic since the 'man' you meant was a post pubescent teenager. I... Guess I didn't want to admit that I can actually get better because I was so used to in a state where my action and behaviour were easily excusable as hormonal imbalance, God knows how many people I need to apologize to and that's why I'm starting with you, the first person I ever hurt unintentionally, the person I swore would never hurt but in recent times, I've done nothing but. That's why... After our last chat, I started therapu and the moment I felt something was wrong, I slowly got myself back on meds. You were right, I wasn't in the right state of mind and it never occurred to me that before this, I've only been receiving help not because I wanted to but it's because people expected me too. I was so busy doing what people expect me to that I didn't even care that I was becoming such a mess which ended up burdening people more. I'm done living for other people, I'm done fixing myself for other people, (y/n). I want to start going after what I want." Your breath hitched at the mention of him hurting you and everything else. His words alone was enough to make you clutch on your own arms. It wasn't like you were desperately holding onto the fact that San had hurt you back then and several more times after that and even almost to the point of killing you. Again. But you have let go of the pain and though not completely, you didn't even think about it much anymore. Heck, you had managed to overcome the trauma and turn it into a lesson learnt through self-reflection. You had taken steps to grow in the past month and a half but you hadn't considered that San may have as well. But has he really?

With a your eyebrows scrunching in a frown of scrutiny, your hands dropped from your front to your sides, "What are you trying to say, San?"

Much to your surprise, San reached into his pocket and produced a box that you immediately recognized was from Tiffany and Co. He placed it on your desk, next to the flowers and before he could even say anything, the shock took over you and you rushed to smack San upside the head, producing a loud "OW" and a whine from him. Before he could recover, you rushed to close your office door before rushing back to glare at him. "That better not be what I think it is," you warned, glaring harshly at the puppy who has his bottom lip jutted out while rubbing at the impacted spot. "San, what were you thinking bringing that here!?" "Relax! It's an engagement ring, not a bomb!" He defended. Your eyes widened as large as it could go and your hand smacked his shoulder harshly, making him yelp again. "You idiot! I thought it was a promise ring or a damn bribe necklace! What were you thinking!" To say that you were dumbfounded was an understatement because you were... Bewildered, astounded, confused, and other big sounding words that just means "what in the actual fuck?". Still pouting, San slumped to the seat on the seat across your work chair and sighed, "I... I wanted to give you the option of coming back to me. Obviously, I don't want to force you to make a choice this big right now, but I just want to know where I'm committing to you. I've always wanted you to be the end game of my romance life and I still do. I didn't mean it as a way to pressure or burden you or something, (y/n), I'm stupid, not crazy," you couldn't help but crack a smile at his dumb self-depreciating joke that he took notice of. "Clearly, I took things the wrong way when my therapist said 'you need to start thinking of yourself for yourself'," San dejectedly said.

You could see that he was dejected, disappointed in himself and it helped pushing the wave of anger slightly away. With a long exhale, you leaned on your desk and tilted your head slightly to take in how San looked. Here, you have in your office that is much shabbier than his, a big time CEO whom people fear and respect, bowing his head in shame and regret like a child who just got caught stealing a cookie before dinner. This San is far closer to the old San that you loved, the San that you dated and was able to share everything with and it was like your high school self came back, reminding you that despite everything, his shortcomings are stemmed from the fact that there is a child inside him that wasn't being tended to.

Frequently, you question your decision and motives, but as you pulled San's head to your stomach and began rubbing his back, you didn't find the need to ask why you even did that. You did that because he looked like he needed it. It wasn't immediate, but San slowly inched forward to wrap his arms around your knees, closing his eyes to calm himself down. "I don't know why I keep messing up, (y/n). I just don't want to burden anyone anymore," he confessed, sounding very sincere. You chuckled and shook your head at his admission, "That's your problem San, you did everything right but one. You're taking on this journey alone when you should've relied on the people around you. You have four stupidly loyal friends, an older sister who'd risk her career for you, and parents who love you to bits but you still think you are all alone. You're still not able to differentiate between burdening and shouldering each other's burdens because... You were not wired that way. You were wired for seclusion and independence and while that turned you into a very successful businessman, it also turned you into the most coddled loner in this world." You pulled away slightly which prompted San to do the same to look up at you. "As much as I hate to admit, you're on the right track of becoming better and I commend that. But knowing your record, you need to start filling people in on your plans because not even I can justify you coming here hot on your heels with a damn proposal," the both of you couldn't help but chuckle at the ridiculousness of the situation. "Try harder, do better, okay?"

San shook his head in disbelief, not quite comprehending how he came in to show you how much he has changed, how much improvements he has made, only for you to swoop in and save him once again. He trully was like a puppy at your feet, he need to admit that to his therapist who had been telling him that all along.

"I don't know what I would do without you, (y/n)," you rolled your eyes and smirked at him, agreeing to the notion, "If you'd allow me, I'll do whatever you want to start making up for the past six years even if it takes me six decades. I know you wanted space and I have tried to give it to you, but let's face it, there are forces here that made sure that we kept going back to each other." As much as you'd like to contradict him, you have to agree that it was ridiculous how you both kept going back to each other. The first couple times could probably be blamed on both of your stupidity, but the times after that... Truly idiopathic. "I hate that you're making a point. Stop it," you joked which cracked a smile on San's face.

"Because of that... I actually have a plan on meeting someone, a relative my sister talked about who might give me a fresh idea of what's going on. Since you know my history and even have been part of some of the most crucial parts, do you think you can come accompany me? Help give your brutal honest opinion and rendition of what happened and what you think happened to me?"

You should've wanted to say no. You should've told him that you don't want to be part of his decision making until he can make his own damn sound decisions without involving you. But you yourself were curious about what exactly was going on and it wouldn't hurt getting some answer for your own sake. Helping yourself while helping others.

"I can't promise I'll hold your hand, but you can expect me detailing all your questionable lude choices and action."

And though you were being sarcastic, San could tell you were being honest and you were setting a boundary for yourself. And he was glad you did.

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