#smiling so big... it does literally feel cosmic that it arrived tonight

[thatshitkrejci]

just got home from the bar and a cd that is indescribably precious to me was delivered this evening. i love music and i love community and i love my friends. what a beautiful year 2024 turned out to be

[thatfragilecapricorn30]

Cosmic Love

post one breath | 1k words | G rating

"The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out You left me in the dark No dawn, no day I'm always in this twilight In the shadow of your heart." -Florence and the Machine

Mulder always loved the stars. He loved them for both their beauty and what they represent: the potential for extraterrestrial life. Even as a child, on the Vineyard, while other kids were watching TV at night, Mulder had his face tilted towards the sky. By the time he was seven, he could pick out Orion, Ursa Major, Cassiopeia, and countless others. When he was ten, his father bought him a telescope and he would squint into the lens, the tiny pinpricks of light finally coming into focus.

Nothing has been in focus since Scully was abducted. Whenever Mulder tries to star gaze, his view is blurry. He can no longer identify the constellations or even find the North Star. How will he ever get home? he thinks jokingly, his black humor still intact. Scully knew how to use a compass and Mulder could navigate via the stars; the two of them a perfect team in finding their way without a map.

As a psychologist, Mulder knows that depression can cause one to lose interest in things she or he once found enjoyable. But Mulder has always been a little depressed so he knows it's not that. He even goes to the eye doctor, convinced that his vision is weakening and he will now need glasses to traverse this brave new world. But somehow it’s still a perfect 20/20.

"Good thing, too, or I’d have to update your FBI physical notes" jokes the optometrist.

Instead, Mulder knows that Scully's absence creates a black hole that sucks in all the stars, until everything is dark.

When he gets the phone call that Scully is alright, that she is awake, that she is alive, Mulder has to stop himself from speeding over the hospital. He's waited three months but he doesn't know if he can wait another thirty seconds. Instead he sits on the couch and breathes through his nose. He knows her mother and sister will be there and doesn't want to overwhelm her.

He waits an hour, then goes to see her.

He doesn't stay long, feels slightly uncomfortable in her presence. She’s like an eclipse: beautiful but his eyes hurt if he watches for too long.

Though Mulder can’t look away either so he goes back. It's early evening and still visiting hours so he doesn't have to worry about a nurse kicking him out. Not that that would stop him anyway.

Scully is watching TV when he arrives at her door. He leans against the frame, taking in the scene. Scully never watched much TV before, instead preferring to read medical journals or old X-Files cases in her free time.

She must have heard him sigh, because she looks over and smiles. "You caught me. I'm watching a soap opera."

That causes Mulder to grin. "Scully, I knew you were keeping secrets from me," he jokes as he moves to sit next to her bed.

"I feel like I've missed so much; I'm just trying to get caught up." She uses a remote to switch to the news.

"Will you watch with me?" she asks shyly.

Mulder can think of nothing better than watching TV with his partner, the normality of it almost absurd after what has happened.

But he doesn't really pay attention to the screen anyway. He'd rather watch Scully; take in her regal nose, the curve of her jaw, the slight curl in her hair, all the parts of her that he had gone so long without seeing.

Scully glances over at him during a commercial and catches him staring. He's not embarrassed, but he can tell that she is.

"Is there - is there something... different? ….About me?" she clarifies after a slight pause.

She continues sheepishly, "I haven't seen myself in a mirror so I don't know what I look like."

Mulder leans closer, as if he wants to examine her face. She looks like she’s nervous about what he might reveal.

"I see two eyes," he traces her left eyebrow with a light touch. He lets his finger run down her cheek: "a nose" and brushes his thumb against her lip "and a mouth."

"Everything checks out," he goes on to say. It was supposed to be a joke but she doesn't laugh. She doesn't seem offended either, just contemplative. Mulder leans back and turns to the TV. Scully does the same.

After about a half hour more, Mulder is trying to readjust himself on the chair. Of course hospitals have the most uncomfortable seats. Scully pats the bed next to her and says, "Mulder those chairs are way too uncomfortable. Sit here."

He is hesitant, doesn’t want to overstep any boundaries, but when Scully says "I won't bite" he moves to settle in next to her. The bed isn't that big but Scully is small, so there is room for the both of them.

She turns to him. "Mulder can I ask you a favor?"

He would literally do anything for her, but sure, Scully, a favor, that's no trouble at all.

"Do you mind staying here tonight? I normally wouldn’t ask but I…” she takes a deep breath.

“…I'm just afraid that if I close my eyes, the next time I open them another three months will have passed. Isn’t that ridiculous?" she laughs a little, as if needing comfort after a traumatic event is funny.

He takes her hand and squeezes. “Of course I will. Scully, that’s not ridiculous at all.”

She smiles and slides over on the bed, now closer than she was before. She leans into him a little and he wraps his arm around her shoulders. Those three months suddenly seem like years. He can’t remember the last time he was this close to her.

"I missed you so much," he whispers, not sure if she’ll be able to hear him, not caring either way.

Scully pulls away a fraction to look into his eyes.

"Mulder, I may not remember anything from when I was gone, but I do know that wherever I was, whatever was happening, I missed you too," she states emphatically, like it was a universal truth of which he just happened to be unaware.

He doesn’t say anything, just buries his face in her shoulder, his ear against her chest. He can hear her heart beating. His hand cups the side of her neck, her pulse strong against his palm. Her hand curls around his, holding him in place. She is alive.

They lay like that, until Mulder can tell that Scully's breathing has slowed down enough for her to be asleep. He lifts his head slightly, so as not to disturb her. Mulder glances over toward the window. He can see the stars.

[les-bi-katamari]

SESSION 18 (5/13/18)

We begin with Ghorza cooking a nice big harvest dinner – with assistance, thankfully. Apphia and Brianne are helping, Cadence is trying. [“It’s hard to be underfoot when you’re seven feet tall, but Cadence somehow manages it. It’s endearing, though.”]

Megs absolutely isn’t. She’s sneaking back to the castle to steal the rest of the chess set for Juna. She stops at Silenne’s room to eavesdrop on a conversation she hears through the door.

“I will not simply leave you to deal with the monster you’ve invited into our home!” “Silenne, please, you are all I have left. I’ve lost so, so many. I can’t lose you too. And that’s why you’re leaving.” “I have been by your side for so much, I cannot abandon you!” “Please… you’re like a sister to me. I need you to do this, to keep yourself safe. I will not be here alone. Please. Do not go far, but go. Please.” “Alright.”

[“I assume you’ve learned from last time and are making sure her horns don’t scrape on the door” “Megs gets an eavesdropping hat that covers her horns so they don’t scrape on doors anymore”]

She returns to the Forge just before dinner, everyone hard at work. She steals a roll, and greets the rest of the group with her mouth bulging out comically. Ghorza offers her a baked potato, and Megs puts it on one of her horns to save it for later. Apphia asks her to help set the table – [“Is the cutlery silver, or-“ “No!” “It’s standard cutlery, please don’t steal it-“ “Megido is disappointed that they’re not worth stealing, but helps anyway.”]

Odilia arrives, and Ghorza greets her eagerly. She’s dressed up a little bit, and drops off the holy water and oils. She’s extremely nervous, and once seated, is immediately grateful for the wine Apphia provides.

O: “[The turkey] is magnificent! Did you cook it yourself?” G: “Yes, with help from Apphia and Brianne-“ A: “She’s just being modest! She wanted to make something impressive for you.” They both blush hugely. Apphia, determined winggay, also ensures the two of them sit next to each other.

Megs, meanwhile, had forgotten about the potato. Brianne has to warn her as it’s starting to fall, and Meg’s attempts to secure it in place cause it to break in half, spilling plenty of potato bits across her hair. She sadly eats it now. Odilia giggles at her antics.

Nemeth also arrives – Apphia is quick to greet her in. She’s actually also dressed pretty nicely, in new-looking clothes. She starts to dig in quickly. Ghorza offers a toast to new friends – “and not dying,” Megs adds. Nemeth is giving lots of long stares to Ghorza.

At this point we realize we haven’t brought up the Anchasra stuff to either of them. Apphia brings up to Nemeth that she needs to talk more to her about ‘our mutual friend’ after dinner, to Nemeth's great displeasure.

Odilia talks some more about the library – it turns out Ivandra has been funding the restoration and helping out immensely, and they’ve talked a lot. She’s a big supporter of Selune, apparently, and holds a great deal of respect for her. She stops herself, saying she should stop talking, but Ghorza puts a hand on her shoulder, saying she likes listening to her talk. Nemeth is looking back and forth, watching with growing interest and amusement.

Prompted by Apphia, Odilia talks a lot more about the restoration work, and her motivations. It’s all super heartwarming, and Ghorza beams at her adoringly. Apphia mentions that Ghorza is quite big on tales, to Odilia’s great interest, and everyone manages to persuade her to start telling a story.

During this, there’s a third knock at the door. Ghorza doesn’t notice, but Apphia excuses herself to get the door. It’s Ivandra. The two talk quietly a bit, and they come in as Ghorza’s finishing up her grand story. Nemeth is trying very hard not to laugh at the nerdy gays. Ivandra eats a little bit to be polite. Odilia is a bit overwhelmed and privately thinks Ivandra is here as some sort of cosmic punishment for gossiping about her.

As dinner winds down, Apphia pulls Nemeth aside to tell her the bad news. She’s surprised at the cipher, and angry at herself for missing it, but settles into a grim acceptance as she reads it. “Honestly, I’m not terribly surprised. He always favored –“ she gestures to herself “- our kind. Said he felt a kinship to the wayward children of Hell. I didn’t think it was so very literal. But he’s mortal. He can be killed. We know what he is now. I can take comfort in that, if nothing else.”

“I’m sorry. And I’m sorry for being brusque, earlier.”

“I understand. You see a wreck, disgust comes naturally.”

“No! It wasn’t that – nothing to do with you. And you’re not a wreck.”

Apphia also shows her the letter they sent to Anchasra before dinner. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1eSvOHBK3e5fmAUOw9zRWCzvtCQwnM4u3eRzcAZd7CjI

She does chuckle at that, comments about it. Then she says, “Also- thank you. It’s a comfort to have you at my side.” Then she walks away swiftly, making an unpleasant noise in her throat at being vulnerable a SECOND time in one day, gross, what, no? She announces she’s leaving, everyone says goodbye, she gives ‘finger crossbows’ and leaves.

As Ghorza and Odilia give a tooth-rottingly fluffy, adorable goodbye to each other, talking about how wonderful tonight was, that they want to do it again – Apphia pipes up that Ghorza should walk her home. Ghorza looks at her questioningly and offers her an arm and they head out.

She leads Ghorza further away from the library, towards her home, in a different part of the city. They make light conversation – Odilia is still a little wobbly on her feet. As they get back to her place, they look expectantly at each other, and Ghorza offers her a kiss. Odilia gets way up on her tiptoes and kisses her – it’s long, and sweet, and eventually they pull apart.

O: “I don’t know what awaits you tomorrow, but… you need to get through it and come back so we can do that again.” G: “Yesyesabsolutely!” She heads home beaming, on cloud nine.

Back at the forge, after cleaning up, Ivandra asks Apphia to talk, or take a walk with her. They step outside. Ivandra withdraws a small wooden box from her satchel and gives it to her. It’s a lovely ornate box. “I have wanted to give this to you for some time. I may not have another chance.” She drops her glamour – her scars are visible, and she’s flushed, nervous – a look that Apphia has never seen on her face before. She opens it – a pendant on a silver chain, a swirl of cyan glass, shimmering softly, caged in silver filigree. There is a note tucked in with it, which she opens. Ivandra watches her expectantly. It reads, “A drop of heaven's light for when you're feeling homesick, my angel.”

“…thank you. It’s a lovely sentiment.” She’s visibly trying to contain the gay. “It’s not just a sentiment. May I?” “Yes.” Ivandra tenderly reaches up to place it around her neck, blushing deeply. Then she reaches forward, over the pendant, and quietly whispers, “Ashla.”

The pendant begins to glow softly, every speck and whirl – it’s like looking up at a beautiful night sky. “It’s beautiful.” “Only fitting for you. It’s the word for ‘light’ in the celestial tongue – ashla.” “I didn’t know you knew that one.” “Bits and pieces. I’m only starting to pick it up.” She smiles. “I’m so glad you like it.” “Tomorrow – promise me you’ll find a way to end this.” “I promise.”

[We hear a roll and a “NOPE.” Me: “…did you just roll to see if Ivandra would offer her a kiss?” Lin: “And I got a fucking natural 1. Actually wait, no, I’m the DM, I can decide, everyone gets a kiss tonight, she’s gonna-”]

Apphia leans in to give Ivandra a kiss on the cheek before heading back inside. Ivandra goes home to kick in a door because she could’ve Kissed her and didn’t.

Brianne also pulls Apphia aside after coming back inside. “I wanted to apologize to you. I think I made a lot of really wrong and unfair assumptions about you when we first met, and… I wanted to apologize.” [“Apphia is stunned, no one has ever apologized to her for that before.”] “There’s nothing to forgive, but… thank you.” “I’ve always been suspicious of nobility, but this past week you’ve been nothing but gracious and kind and… I think I’m better for knowing you. Thank you.” Apphia just kind of looks at her feet, blushing furiously. She’s had so many gay feels tonight already and now there are MORE?! And she wasn't prepared for these at all?!? “Sorry if that was too much, or too intense, but circumstances being what they are, I figured I should say it while I can.” Apphia is smiling. “Thank you. I’m grateful to have made your acquaintance. I hope this thing tomorrow won’t go bottoms-up.” “Me too. It’s frightening, but I’m glad we’re not going through it alone.” “So am I.” Before Apphia goes upstairs, she quietly adds “I think I’m better for knowing you too.” And she books it.

[M: “Welcome to the slow-burn fic you never asked for!” L: “Well, I DID ask for it.”]

[And Ghorza has to do her daily corruption roll overnight – and rolls a natural fucking one. Mercifully, her corruption only goes up by one, not over the threshold. “So, the night after her very first kiss, Ghorza is tormented by horrible gory dreams from Galaias.”]

The next morning, we all make our way up to the castle, super paranoid about anyone and everyone. Nemeth shows up on the way – Megs rolls a natural 1 on insight to see if that’s really Nemeth, and starts grabbing her horns to see if they’re fake. We pull her off and apologize.

G: “Here, Megs, if it makes you feel better – Nemeth, what’d I say last night, what’d I do?” N: “You told that story about the local legend – and hit it off with that librarian, eh?” G, in a tiny voice, blushing and ducking her head: “Yeah…” Nemeth gives her a high-five. Nemeth rolled insight to see if they’d fucked but successfully determined that they had not.

We get to the palace, meet Ivandra, make more checks, and determine it really is Ivandra. And the wait begins.

Brianne asks about going up to a parapet to watch – Ivandra agrees, and Ghorza goes with her, to ensure that no one is alone. We’re reminded, if we do see him, to just head back to the group.

Back downstairs, Apphia says, “You know, Ivandra, since we have time to spend – it’s been a long time, why don’t we play a game of chess?” Megs splutters and chokes. Ivandra declines.

Brianne keeps using her primeval awareness, feeling for fiends. She feels the cold pulse of the two we’d already seen. We watch, and wait, as the rain keeps coming down. It’s maddening. Ivandra says she’s interested in a game of chess after all, since “this is getting ridiculous.” Megs tries very hard to keep it cool, but Apphia rolls a nat 20 on her insight. She pries into what’s wrong, and Megs tries to act like it’s just about the cambion. She’s lying through her teeth.

As the watch continues, Brianne feels something new approaching – like an emptiness, a wound in the world. It’s coming towards the castle, but she can’t see it yet. She tells Ghorza, who implores her to come downstairs. Brianne wants to stay, but eventually gives in and comes down to warn the others.

Apphia and Ivandra have just arrived at the solarium, finding the empty chess set. Ivandra is furious. “THEY NEVER LEAVE THIS ROOM! The servants would never – who would – WHO WOULD TAKE THE PIECES AND NOT THE BOARD?!?” Apphia can make the DC 0 common sense check, and says she’s pretty sure it was Megido. She tries to call

[Gwen: “Megs stealing the pieces and not the board” Megan: “…I ACTUALLY KNOW BOTH THE PEOPLE IN THAT!”]

They get back to the foyer, and Megs is pointedly avoiding their gaze. It’s at this point that Ghorza and Brianne burst back in, seeing Ivandra looking extremely frustrated. “HE’S COMING!”

He was still making his way through the city, at a normal walking speed, when we left the parapet.

[“He was just at a normal walking speed, not flying or-“ “Reaver wasn’t on wheelies? Or roller skates?” “Actually, he’s on a roller derby team… the Speed Demons!” “YOU’RE DISOWNED”]

We start taking our positions. Brianne and Megs posts up on the stairs, to have a bit of a height advantage. Cadence walks up to a slightly higher stair, because she wants to be on the tallest thing? Eventually she comes back down to be nearer to pouncing range. Nemeth and Ghorza are up front. Apphia stays near the front, ready to bestow something on the front-liners. Ivandra stays a bit back.

There are resounding knocks on the door, and it pushes open.

In walks a short, portly, doughy-looking man with grey eyes. He’s wearing rich black and gold accoutrements – and a broad smile.

“Well, friends, I’m sorry to keep you waiting. Thank you SO much for your gracious invitation.”

He’s twirling a burlap bag with something round in it. After much taunting, he reveals Albrecht’s head.

“And that’s not all I picked up in Aldessein.”

He gestures, and behind him appears Juna, bound, hands broken, crying – and a cultist with a knife to her throat.

There’s a lot more bargaining, barbs, pleading from Megs, threats – and Cadence casts Dispel Magic.

Anchasra sees her, tries to react, too slowly – and the image of Juna melts away, revealing another assassin.

FUCKING CALLED IT!

Apphia casts a twinned Protection from Good and Evil on Ghorza and Nemeth.

Brianne hears the voice of Anchasra in her head, scraping in, telling her “How does it feel to be so… SUPERFLUOUS? So out of your depth? She’ll never love you!” �� but she shakes it off.

Ghorza applies the holy oil to her weapon and charges in – she takes a swing at him and in a flash he sidesteps out of the way – but she catches him on the backswing! There’s a flash of light as it slices into him, burning and hissing, as blue-black ichor comes from the wound. He snarls horribly, “YOU’LL PAY FOR THAT!”

He casts another spell on Megs, which, miraculously, does not take effect.

Brianne takes several shots at him, but misses them all, with his mockery in her head, and him blurring out of the way.

Megs shouts “WHERE IS SHE, YOU BASTARD!” and catches him with a powerful shot right in his chest. As expected, it does less damage than normal.

Cadence hits him – with a MOONBEAM!

Sadly, he makes his save on his turn, but it clearly burns and tears his flesh!

“YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DEALING WITH – BUT IT’S TIME YOU FOUND OUT!”

He erupts outward into a massive, warped midnight-blue form, burning yellow-orange eyes, with massive dark wings and a fanged maw. He is still clad in his finery, stretching to fit his true form. Huge, dull ivory horns arc back from his brow; large hooked talons; a long chitinous tail ending with a large stinger. And he takes off into the air – but Ghorza manages to make another slash at him as he does. He flies out of the Moonbeam, his form crackling and sizzling as he goes.

One of the Malefactors casts a spell on Anchasra, clutching a holy symbol of Cyric, and then turns to Ghorza, a corona of purple light surrounding her head. The other says “You will pay, betrayer!” and does the same to Nemeth, then charging her with her rapier.

Ivandra shoots out a whip of magic towards one of the Malefactors, which loops around its head, and it locks up in place.

Nemeth tries to use that same ‘crown of despair’ spell on the paralyzed Malefactor in front of her, but it fizzles. “A NICE TRICK, NEMETH, BUT YOU FORGET – I CREATED YOU!” She looks afraid, but steels herself, and stabs through the rigid cultist repeatedly, look of horror frozen on their face.

Apphia shoots a Guiding Bolt at Anchasra [and crits her 3rd-level version for FORTY-ONE RADIANT DAMAGE!] “All of the grief and rage and frustration in her life has coalesced into this menacing horror flapping above you, and you draw power into your hand – and you feel another hand behind yours, and a calm voice that says ‘Let go.’ You do, and a massive lance of silver light shoots forth, spearing through Anchasra as he tries in vain to dodge out of the way. His body sears and crackles more, bone now exposed in many places, a tear through one of his wings. He lets out a massive psychic scream.”

["Apphia “Steel Balls” “Big Nasty” Rhedyn, everyone."]

Anchasra tries another spell on Apphia and fucking fails.

Ghorza, unfortunately, cannot reach the flying bastard. She instead charges in to attack the non-paralyzed Malefactor, and lands two solid hits.

Anchasra manages to finally land a spell on Megs, [a Vicious Mockery for 5 damage].

Brianne takes a couple more shots at Anchasra – the first misses thanks to his words in her mind again. The second hits him with an Ensnaring Strike, restraining him with magical vines – or not[, because of his Legendary Resistance]. He tears through them, ripping them to shreds.

Megs manages to take another shot, and despite the Vicious Mockery, manages to land another good hit on Anchasra.

Cadence heals Megs back up to full with a healing word, and her moonbeam blinks out and opens up right on top of him again.

Anchasra screams, burning with radiant moonlight. No longer able to sustain his flight, he floats unsteadily back to the ground. He is horribly wounded, favoring his one badly mangled wing. He looks at Nemeth, and shouts “I UNDERESTIMATED YOU ONCE – I WILL NOT AGAIN! THIS IS FAR FROM OVER! I WILL FIND MORE, YOUR MOTHERS” - looking at Ghorza – “YOUR BROTHER” – looking at Apphia.

He reaches out with a talon, slicing open a hole in reality – beyond is a red plain of the Abyss, with a black castle visible in the distance. He leaps through, and the gate is gone. Nemeth is dismayed ary his escape.

The malefactor by Ghorza tries to attack her – and manages to pierce a gap in her plate with one of his strikes, impaling her, as the purple halo around her head sears her with necrotic damage. Thankfully, Juna loves her, and her ring of necrotic resistance shields her from the worst of it.

[After the cambion was gone, the remaining minions, terrified by the defeat of their god's champion, were mopped up quickly - one extremely dead, and one knocked unconscious. Albrecht's head, unfortunately, is real and not another illusion.]

[Fun fact for those watching at home - we might have made it look easy, but mostly we just got OBSCENELY lucky. Multiple crits, extremely high attack rolls in general, making nearly every save he threw at us, poor saves by our enemies, and managing to burn him down and send him running so quickly, before he could really unleash on us - all of that was a huge factor. Plus the fact that we'd prepared, and he had underestimated us.]