#smh eggsy

[retrograderesemblance]

In for 1... 2... 3... 4... Out for 1... 2... 3... 4... In for 1... 2... oh God, she was going to be sick again. Her grip on the counter tightened, she swallowed thickly.

"That's bullocks. Look, whatever you were dreamin’ about clearly rattled you, but if you’re that bent on keepin’ it to yourself, then I won’t pry.”

Carrie shook her head, frustration prickling up her back like growing vines; closing her eyes, she pinched the bridge of her nose between thumb and forefinger, softly sighing, "Gary," before wondering if she should still call him that. It'd been the name she'd opted to moan not so many hours ago, but now, his full name felt formal.

"Gary," she wanted to say, "I thought I'd lost you too," but how the fuck was she supposed to explain that once uttered? She hadn't even liked her boss, one Bradley Henshaw, before the ol Mrs. blew the both of them to Kingdom Come, but now that he was dead, she couldn't stop thinking about him.

"Sorry, he's not in today, can I take a message?" But that wasn't what she'd said. "Sorry, he's not available right now, can I take a message?" but she hadn't said that either. Why could she remember her words almost in entirety and yet she couldn't recall how the voice reacted over the phone? The voice she hadn't realized belonged to his wife?

Carrie hadn't been the one to pull the trigger, but she was responsible. The Park's disciplinary committee had agreed upon that much before her banishment. It was her fault.

How could she cope with a second life on her conscious? It was her idea to leave the car, scope out the surveillance site. If that bullet had been even an inch further to the left... well, she would have a lot more to feel guilt over than one damned phone call.

"You're right, it is bollocks," her eyes flickered to the fresh bandage still wrapped around his arm, from where the bullet had grazed him,

"I had a dream we were back at that apartment except you got shot this time. I was staring down the barrel of the gun then I woke up." The heaviness of exhaustion began to weigh on her as she made sense of her muddled thoughts; she could head the tiredness in her voice, "Let's just go back to bed."

@retrograderesemblance {x}

Though the night had started with life threatening chaos – a close call, if Eggsy did say so himself (and he did) – it had ended with adrenaline fueled love making, the sort that was desperate and carnal. Fucking hell, a spontaneous fuck had never felt so good. 

Then again, he’d never exactly known the women he’d hooked up with via t.inder, which he’d downloaded after several failed attempts at a solid relationship with the pretentious lot who thought they were too good for the likes of him. The plural, of course, only amounted to two different women, neither of them any sort of romantic connection. After the second one, he deleted the app altogether. 

Carrie though, she was different. She was really something else. He still believed that, even upon finding her heaving the entirety of the contents of her stomach into the loo. Despite his confusion and half a dozen questions swirling around in his hazy head, Eggsy knelt beside her and held her hair back, rubbing her back soothingly as she’d finished up.

Once they were both sure the worst was over and Carrie moved on to brushing her teeth, he folded a couple tiers of toilet paper and wiped off any residue from the seat and flushed. 

"I'm fine," she’d insisted. 

“Liar,” he answered, carefully scooting in next to her so he could wash his hands, “You’re not fine. Not after that little reenactment of the bloody Exorcist you just pulled.” 

When he saw how shaken she still was, her free hand gripping the sink like she might float away if she dared to loosen her grip, he frowned, his mounting concern prompting him to reach up and gingerly rub between her shoulder blades again. 

“C’mon, Care, you can talk to me. You’ve seen me naked.” 

Eggsy really couldn’t help the urge to joke. It was his way of lightening the mood. Though Carrie still seemed reluctant to talk. 

"Must've been something I ate."

“That’s bollocks.” 

Why was she trying to evade this? He couldn’t understand it. Was she really that embarrassed or was it something else? With a sigh, he held up his hands in mock surrender. 

“Look, whatever you were dreamin’ about clearly rattled you, but if you’re that bent on keepin’ it to yourself, then I won’t pry.” 

[tideswept]

Poll Tag Game!

Rules: Make a 24 hour poll with the names of your WIPs, let it run, then work for 10 minutes for every vote the winner receives.

Thanks for the tag @dark--whisperings

No pressure tags: Anyone who'd like to give it a go, I think I'm the last one to get on this smh.

[brigittespuck]

why ship harry and eggsy when you could ship harry and his black jewish boyfriend who works at a military abortion clinic

[quarterleft-a]

he awakes slowly, one thought at a time: there’s something familiar in the scent lingering around him and the way that the darkness fights back whenever he tries to make sense of the world around him: it takes almost a full minute for two dots to connect and make him realise he’s lying on a hospital bed, body and mind too filled with pain relievers to properly realise why. merlin doesn’t even try to open his eyes yet, even light that penetrates through his lids feels too much right now. instead, he focuses on the breaths of the other person he can hear in the room and does what he thinks is moving his right hand to make an indication that he’s becoming aware before speaking up and finally opening his eyes, even if just to close them again before even forming a picture of who and where the other person is.

“ did they MAKE it? ”

general open.

[hartwin-af]

Everything is going to be alright. Maybe not today, but eventually.

[eggsy--kingsman]

“..like I ‘aven’t ‘ad 'nough sin taday ..an @fvckingspectacvlar  is enablin'.”

[juulies]

i’ve been fucking thinking non-stop abt the willex check please! au for like a week now (which is absolutely ridiculous considering i first read check please like last monday) so like, here’s some thinking i’ve done when i probably should’ve been doing homework or writing the three fics i have that are currently wip! what can u do? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (also if you haven’t read check please! you can find it here! its super fun and cute and one of my fav things I've ever read)

Alex Joyner (yes I’m using the actors’ last names bc the jatp writers HATE me and won’t give me actual last names) as the no-nonsense, technophobic, highly-anxious captain of the Samwell Men’s Hockey team that broods bc his brain won’t let him do anything else but gets ridiculously emotional over drumming and hockey strategy 

William “Billie” Stewart as the frog recently recruited to SMH who got into hockey solely bc there’s aren’t cars on an ice rink like there are wherever he’s trying to rollerblade/skateboard. got into baking bc his friends in high school used to pay him to make edibles and it just blossomed from there, mostly into tray bakes over pies but he does just abt anything

Luke “Kush” Patterson as the absolutely ridiculous hype-man of the SMH who never properly wears clothes, majors in Gender Studies bc he drinks his respect women juice, and is addicted to kegsters bc it gives him the opportunity to loudly (and drunkenly) play his guitar/sing without anyone complaining abt the noise 

Reggie “Eggsy” Shada as one half of the best d-men pair in collegiate hockey history, who’s chosen biology major and determination to graduate with a 4.0 has turned him into a delicate coral reef in terms of academia but CANNOT leave out of his friends’ love lives/the hot goss. Convinced his room in the Haus is haunted and tries to make friends with the ghost(s)

Julie “Juice” Molina as SMH’s team manager who takes no one’s shit and can finagle her way through delicate negotiations like nobody’s business. Double major in art and vocal performance and can kick everyone and their mother’s ass at beer pong, designs the team’s gear and is addicted to coffee from Annie’s, see figure skating rumor below

Flynn “Flynnigan” Marie as designated ??? for SMH. Not quite a second team manager bc she doesn’t do much more than yell at the boys and post shit on their twitter, but she share’s Julie’s room and is constantly at Faber with the guys. Majoring in marketing and advertising, in charge of DJing all kegsters, there’s a rumor that goes around after she skates with the team one day that she and julie used to train with some intimidating Russian figure skating coach and were going to go to the olympics but flynn was banned for yelling at an official

Carlos “Moltzer” Molina as the other half of the best d-men pairing in collegiate hockey history, Julie’s twin brother though julie popped out right before midnight and Carlos came 10 minutes later so they technically have different birthdays, addicted to ghost-hunting shows and possibly is the one behind all of reggie’s ghost encounters, uses his height to his advantage and will eat anything and everything willie makes 

Nick is a lax bro 

Dirty candy is on the soccer team! 

Ok now that characters have been determined(ish) here’s some moments I desperately need (i’m using nicknames here just to get used to it) 

Billie shows up to his first visit to the Haus with half a brownie left from his most recent batch. Kush, being the asshole that he is, declares frog tax and steals the rest of the brownie as they all go inside. Once he realizes how good it is, he demands Billie make some immediately and so he does. Whenever Kush sees billie again, he demands more baked goods. It becomes pretty routine. 

Alex can’t talk to Billie bc he’s busy being broody and anxious over hockey and he thinks billie’s too damn cute for his own good and it’s throwing him off his game. however, once practices start and it becomes apparent that billie can’t handle being checked (got hit by a car skateboarding once and just, can’t do it) he—under the guise of “helping the team out”—starts giving him checking clinics in the mornings 

No one on the team really realizes how anxious Alex can get (besides kush and eggsy (then billie)) bc he’s really good at the captain/team member talks and helping people out. Bc of this, he gets the rep of being a hockey robot 

Billie sings kehlani and Rihanna in the shower rather than Beyonce and nicki. Alex is a closet Beyonce fan tho if you tell any of SMH he’ll kill u 

That moment when julie comes back from her semester abroad and kush just jumps on top of her (basically all shitty/lardo moments but with julie/kush) 

post graduation kiss, Alex is getting all anxious even tho he’s graduated and signed with the falconers and he really doesn’t have anything to be anxious over at the moment but he can’t stop thinking abt billie so he sprints to the Haus and finds billie laying on Alex’s stripped mattress listening to “honey” and just, kisses him. basically the same as the last comic from sophomore year 

Rip to jatp!alex’s parents but I can’t do bob and Alicia Zimmerman dirty so like, tho Alex is closeted to the hockey world his parents are the most supportive people on the planet. Need that moment after center ice when they come up to Alex and billie after the kiss and Alex is just like “i kissed billie and its on tv” and they’re just like *sweats anxiously* also Joyner parents fawning over billie!!! Being so excited that Alex and billie are dating!!!! 

Billie continues to have the weirdest fucking socks 

Bc Charlie Gillespie is the Worst, the ass cam is focused on kush’s ass over alex’s. I mean, have u guys seen 1.09??? 

Eggsy and moltzer doing all the “hockey shit” comics together 

Really I just need someone to draw the “FFFFFFUCK THE LAX TEAM” panel with Luke and Alex 

[deanzboyfriend]

Eggsy you need to hide your stuff better smh 😔

UH OH

”Kingsman is crumpets”

OK BUT THAT WAS FUNNY

[mittooo]

I hate the fact that most of the fandom's theories are circling to Harry being abandoned by Kingsman while Eggsy only has the trust, that fateful trust. And that's because Harry ain't remembering anything at all but is slowly regaining his memories, starting with the butterflies and such. I hope that Merlin trusts Harry too, since they're the most acquainted pair of old men. Which I know it's true. And the fact that Roxy and the others are gone. Like why? No. Unforgivable. No please. Ugh Why the feels though? Why?

[pugswinhasmoved]

when u find eggsy’s voice at 8am when ur sleep deprived n the chav in all it’s glory is comin out

[spouseoftherisingsun]

it would make their interactions so much more precious if fred and daphne were just.. . really really good friends. it’s so much cuter to make it like ... like best buds! neckwear pals! eggsy-and-roxy, jake-and-gina, superman-and-supergirl..... we all know daphne is w velma anyway smh

[madeknight-blog]

worldwell

  kingsman would never have to worry about someone...

[eggsy vc] bless you?

percy vc: we get it....ur a sassinak...smh 

[camphorror]

anyway beware spoilers

my problems with the movie were:

it was too het and i hated it the first movie wasn’t this het. like nobody gives a shit about that swedish princess but then she was eggsy’s gf and then he married her?? FUCK THIS

i hated the fact that whisky ended up being some traitor i LOVED HIM i stanned him and then he was some backstabbing bitch like smh you should’ve done better

the dog + roxy shouldn’t have died

and most important of all killing off merlin?? FUCK THIS i refuse to accept this. i cried at the cinema. he still alive bitch if harry could survive getting shot in the head he can survive stepping on a mine + i was shown evidence he was literally supposed to be alive by the end!!

[metanoiaed-blog]

6 notes on the hug eggsy post but no hugs,,,,,smh,,,,,,,y’all r fake 

[honeyvain]

@eatacactusass tagged me in this blast from the past do ppl still do tag games what 

Rules: answer the 19 questions and tag some amazing people you’d like to know better

i. name: Ki

ii. nickname: i it doesnt rly get shorter than ki but i get called a lot of titles like “my beef” “my wife” by my honey @starsmatters

iii. zodiac: Sagittarius  (cap moon libra asc!) 

iv. height: 5′ 5.5"

v. orientation: lesbian 

vi. ethnicity: white

vii. favorite food: look i really... like cobb salad ashkjshd my psychiatrist bullied me abt this so much 

viii. favorite season: spring but like rainy spring not freezing 

ix. favorite book series: i cant answer this @starsmatters would murder me 

x. favorite flower: peachy or yellow roses or small things like daisies/ babies breath!!

xi. favorite scent: naturey things like pine / forest after it rains but also vanilla and menthols 

xii. favorite color: peach!!!

xiii. coffee, tea, or cocoa: Tea, im one of those ‘green tea will fix eVerYTHinG” depression session hoes 

xiv. average hours of sleep: its summer so like 23

xv. cat or dog person: i like?? adore both??? wtf

xvi. favorite fictional characters: sebastian moran, eric bittle, larissa duan, luna lovegood, ronan lynch, eggsy unwin, roxanne morton,  tbh i still have a soft spot for kate wetherall what a badass asdfghg

xvii. dream trip: something boujee w my gal pals like all of us in new york or sf.  alone: ireland or a rly long self discovery backpacking trip smh 

xviii. blog created: 2013

xix. number of followers: like 440

I’ll tag anyone but like  @marscie @sighley @crashtan @reverse-skeletor @starsmatters even tho ive tagged u like 3 times asdhg

[eggsy--kingsman]

codymthomas

You know he's drunk if he's using improper grammar. And really Harry, the new recruits couldn't have been THAT bad.

"Aww come on Merlin.. 'arry's better than me.. 'specially over text... least he don't spam ya with emojis... don't be cross cause ya Scottish eggplant's not gettin' no love. 'as less ta do with 'at an more ta do with 'is extra long hours lately as Arthur... an the way some people been schedulin' 'im."