#slowly getting my poses off of twitter and my hard drive so expect more of bera and npcs soon!!

[beraxiv]

Masters of the Hand and Land

[zanesgirlfriend]

History Repeats | Jeff Wittek

2k follower special 💜

A/N: I just wanted to say thank you for all the love and support, I've been working on this for a while and decided to make it a special thing for hitting 2k ahh but thank yall for bearing with me through all my little breaks and late uploads and stuff even tho I'm literally a nobody so thank yall okok I'm done pls enjoy

Word Count: 6.2k

Triggers: Cheating, swearing, stuff like that ya know

Special shout out to @vlouge-squad for helping me edit this!!

_____

The heat of dancing bodies wrapped around Jeff like a blanket. A bead of sweat trickled down the bridge of his nose as he forced himself through the crowd. He nodded to the bartender as he sat on a creaky barstool, wondering if he was suddenly too old to go out to clubs like this.

Y/n was thinking the same thing, no idea that her ex boyfriend was a few seats down from her. She hadn't seen Jeff since the day he left New York. Promising to call her when he landed, only to block her number and never speak to her again. She wasn't mad anymore. They'd had their fair share of fights, breakups and makeups, and they knew long distance wasn't going to work.

She wouldn't've even noticed him if it wasn't for her roommate Katy. They'd played the same game every time they went out, giving people a job and a backstory and a silly name, and it was Katy's turn.

"Oh fuck he's hot." She attempted to subtly point Jeff out to y/n. "Um, Brad, twenty-five, Male model, from Oklahoma. Got his start modeling for billboards."

"Wrong." Her words sounded playful but really they had a lot of meaning. She scanned Jeff's body, his face, his hair, as she corrected Katy. "He's a Jeff, twenty-nine, probably the dead body in the background of Law and Order, cuts hair on the side of his shitty acting career, from New York."

"O-M-G you're right." Katy laughed as she continued to eye the man.

"Did you just say O-M-G out loud? Maybe you should chill on the White Russian's." She took Katy's glass and slid it away from them before guiding her slightly drunk friend away from the bar. Katy was highly buzzed at best, but y/n didn't want Jeff to have the chance to notice her.

She was distracted the rest of the night, busy thinking of the very first time she saw Jeff. It was like history was repeating itself.

It was a cold night in New York. The first snowfall of the year. Y/n wasn't prepared and had nothing but a long-sleeved shirt on. She blamed this on her friends dog, who'd incidentally stolen her phone and chewed through it like candy. She couldn't check the weather, and nobody'd told her it was going to snow.

She shivered, her arms folded over one another, tight to her chest in attempt to keep her torso warm. She was walking home, not willing to spend her rent money on a cab to her apartment six blocks away.

"Do you need a ride?" He pulled up next to her, his head hanging out the window. She wasn't going to take a ride from a stranger, especially at night. She watched his breath form clouds as it hit the cool air.

"No, thank you." She nodded and continued walking. He drove alongside her slowly.

"Look, I'm not gonna kidnap you, I just don't want you to freeze to death."

She took a moment to really look at the guy. She was cold, and didn't really enjoy walking alone. His eyes looked kind and his hair flopped in such a way that made her trust him. But not enough to get in the car. "Even if you were gonna kidnap me, I don't think you'd tell me. Really, I'm fine."

He sighed and she wondered what he was doing as he popped his head back in the window. He took his sweatshirt off and held it out the window.

"Take it."

"No, I can't." She wanted to take it, but she felt bad. "It's yours."

"And now it's yours. Just take it." So she did. It smelled like expensive cologne and it was fairly warm from his body heat.

"Thank you." She smiled. He returned a grin as he drove off.

The memories made her smile. Katy noticed how bubbly she became as they took an Uber home. "What got into you?" She nudged y/n with a teasing tone.

"I just remembered some things that made me happy, that's all."

Later that night, y/n woke up in a cold sweat. She was hugging her pillow and all of her blankets were on the floor. Whispered words tickled her throat as she spoke.

"Jeff."

♤♡◇♧

They say that everybody in L.A. goes to therapy. Whether it be that they actually have a problem needing fixed, or just need someone trustworthy to talk to. In y/n's case, it was the latter. Katy was a blabbermouth, and to be fair, she wasn't very good at solving problems. She had too many problems of her own.

"Something about seeing him was so surreal. It's like I can't unseen him."

"And how did seeing him again make you feel?" Dr. R. asked her, posing her pen near the top of her notepad.

"Angry, and then happy, and then sad." She paused, rethinking her words. "More like I was upset over breaking up, well, the way we broke up, and then I missed him."

"Do you still miss him now?" She asked without looking up from her notepad.

"I could lie and say that I don't, but I dreamt about him last night, so I think I do." Y/n brought her knees up to her chest, sitting in a comfortable ball in the oversized chair. Dr. R. noticed her change in position. She wrote a few more things down, circling something.

"What happened in your dream?" She finally looked up at y/n.

She smiled before answering. "I usually never remember my dreams, but this one was different. It's not that I can't remember it all, it's that everything was a blur. We were just laying together. Cuddling in bed. Then everything was going in slow motion. He kissed me, and it was so comforting. And then it all went blurry again until he got up and left." She sighed. "And that's when I woke up."

Dr. R. flipped a page or two back in her notes, putting a dot next to something y/n mentioned before. "When you two broke up, it wasn't mutual, correct?"

"No, it wasn't." She hugged her knee's a little tighter.

"I think your dream was bringing those feelings back. Cuddling with him was how you felt before he left, and then when he left, you probably woke up upset, didn't you?"

Y/n nodded. "I'm more upset now that I didn't talk to him at the bar." She picked at the loose string on the cuff of her sleeve. "I wonder if he would even recognize me."

"He will."

On the drive home y/n thought about Dr. R., how she was more like a wise old lady sitting on a porch at the end of your street. Of course, she had her therapist moments, but at the end of the day she was just a nice person to talk to.

She then started to think more about Jeff. He's in L.A. Did he finally make it as an actor? She hadn't seen him in anything. Before she got out of her car she whipped out her phone.

Jeff Wittek

Millions of results in seconds. His Instagram, Twitter, YouTube. Millions of followers. A past girlfriend, clips of him on various TV shows. The name David Dobrik seems attached to the most recent things.

She sat in her car for thirty minutes, obsessing over him. Over everything he's involved in.

She finds the Dobrik kid and laughs. His videos are hilarious, and he seems to be one of Jeff's current friends.

If only she could find a way to get in touch.

She didn't want to be creepy, obsessive, or a virtual stalker, but she couldn't help but see what Jeff's been up to.

By the end of her internet search, she couldn't help but feel she was doing something wrong. She felt dirty.

She deleted her search history, and went inside to take a shower.

♤♡◇♧

It'd been weeks. Months even. She'd stopped thinking about him shortly after her session with Dr. R., but he still appeared in her dreams every once in a while. She figured if she ever did see him again, it would be in passing at a party or another bar like it was before. She never expected to see him at the top of a mountain.

Katy was on a new health kick, and that meant dragging y/n along with her. They'd been to a cycling class five times this week, and y/n wanted to do something else.

"Let's go on a hike." She told Katy, reminiscing the days back home where she would hike in Latourette Park.

They found a hiking spot right outside of Los Angeles. "Do you want to go the easy path or the hard one?" Y/n asked, feeling like she could do both.

"I ate cheese fries last night, so let's do the hard one." Katy took a left onto the hard path and y/n rolled her eyes as she followed.

They saw a group of men and a dog up ahead, but didn't pay much attention as they were gossiping about people they knew from work and Katy's recent ex-boyfriend. The path was harder than y/n expected, and she was dripping with sweat by the time they'd gotten halfway up.

"We're never doing this again." Katy panted as she wiped her forehead. Y/n laughed.

"No, we need to do it more often."

"Why? This is torture enough!" Katy pulled on her ponytail, making it a bit tighter.

"The more we do it, the easier it'll get, come on." She pressed forward, dragging Katy up the mountain.

They noticed the guys once again. They were stood at the top of the trail, looking over L.A. and undoubtedly taking a break. It wasn't until the girls drew nearer to them that y/n noticed Jeff.

"Can we go back now? I'm tired." Y/n asked Katy, not wanting to see Jeff ever again.

"What? No! We're so close to the top, and there's cute guys up there." Katy grabbed y/n's wrist forcefully, dragging her towards the top.

"Ow, Katy!" She screamed. "Fine, we'll go." Y/n trudged up to the top of the trail, rubbing her wrist the whole time. She'd never thought of Katy as someone to use force, but she couldn't expect less based on the sexual stories they'd shared in the past.

The closer they got, the more attention they got. Jeff was the last one to turn around.

"It's you." He whispered, smiling. He'd forgotten all of the negative feelings of their past relationship. The familiarity of y/n's face brought an intense emotion to Jeff's chest.

Y/n, on the other hand, didn't feel the same, but something about the way he said "It's you." reminded her of how they found eachother the first time.

She was doing a typical walk of shame. It was six in the morning. Her heels hanging loosely from her fingers as she tugged on her cocktail dress. She should've planned a bit better, or at least stored emergency cash in her bra for a cab. The party she went to wasn't far from her apartment, but walking two miles with a hangover isn't ideal. She was halfway there. Ignoring the stares and mutterings from strangers was harder the more she woke up, and she just wanted to be home.

"Hey! It's you!" The familiar man rolled down his window once again. This time he was laughing.

"Hey." She smiled a bit and her head hung loosely from her neck. "Did you want your sweatshirt back?"

"No, you keep it. Did you want a ride this time?" The way he smiled made her trust him. If he was going to kidnap her, he would've done it the first time.

"Yeah, sure." She hopped in the passengers seat and told him where she lived.

"Have a long night?" He asked her as he pressed his foot lightly on the gas. He would usually speed down this road, but he wanted as much time with her as possible.

"You could say that." She looked down at her lap, not sure of his intentions, before she realized she didn't even know his name. "I'm y/n." She introduced herself, studying his brown hair and clean shaven beard.

"Jeff." He nodded slightly as he turned into the apartment complex.

"Y/n." His voice snapped her back into reality.

"Jeff." She said, as if she hadn't been thinking about him for the past month.

"You know him?" Katy asked, remembering his face from the bar that night.

"Yeah, she knows me." Jeff walked a bit closer to them, a small dog waddling after him. "This is Nerf." He introduced his dog to Katy, already seeing that he'd need to distract her to be able to talk to y/n. It worked, Katy bent down and baby talked the little guy as Jeff pulled y/n into a hug.

"Jeff." She repeated. She didn't know if she wanted to hug him, or wanted to be as far away from him as possible.

"What're you doin' out here?" His accent was still as strong as ever. Y/n's seemed to fade for the most part as soon as she was out of Staten Island, but Katy still made fun of her for the way she pronounced 'coffee.'

"I have a job out here, production assistant." Her smile seemed hard and uninviting, but she was starting to warm up to him again.

"Hey, give me your number, maybe we can catch up sometime?" He noticed his friends were itching to leave so he rushed things along.

"It's the same as it's been for years. You probably still have it memorized." She waved him off with towards his friends, wondering if he actually still remembered it.

"Who was that?" Todd asked Jeff as he fell back into the group.

"Just an ex-girlfriend." He said, attempting to remember her number.

"Can I get your number? So if you need a ride again you can just call." Jeff was smooth as she held a hand on the door to his car.

"My phone's broken." She said. Jeff thought it was a lie at first, but something in her eyes told him that it was true.

"That's okay, we'll be seeing eachother again." He laughed a bit as her brows knitted together.

"How do you know that?" Her hand landed on her hip, heels still dangling from her fingers. She watched as Jeff turned off his car and got out.

"This is my apartment building too."

And so they saw eachother again. And again. And again. And one day she got a new phone.

"I don't have a pen, can you memorize it?" She asked Jeff on their third date. He'd left his phone at a friends house, but didn't want to forget to grab her number.

"I can try." He flashed his famous smile as she repeated the numbers. He made up a little song to remember it.

"What are you humming?" Todd asked Jeff as they continued down the trail back to their car.

"Just an old song I know."

♤♡◇♧

Dr. R. didn't think seeing Jeff again was a good idea, but she didn't explicitly state that y/n shouldn't go. So they met for coffee.

Jeff was a few minutes early, already sipping on an Americano when y/n walked into the small café. The smell of fresh coffee tickled her nose as she walked over to Jeff.

"I got you your favorite." He pushed a cup towards her as he studied her face. She looked a lot different than when they used to date. She was more mature, and you could see it in her eyes. There'd been a big change in her life, maybe it was Jeff leaving her, but he wanted to find out.

Her lips spread into a small smile as she tasted her favorite drink. It had the right amount of sugar and flavor and cream, and she made a mental note of that.

Her chair was a bit uncomfortable, the metal back cold on her shoulder blades, so she sat up straight, probably looking like she was trying too hard to present herself as perfect.

"I'm sorry." He admitted, it was the right thing to say.

"I'd hope so." Her voice was quiet, she felt small compared to him.

Awkward silence ensued, but neither of them had much to say. She looked down at her lap, but he bore his eyes into her. He missed her, and he wanted her to be his once again.

Just like that they were back. It was as if something clicked into place and they picked up right where they left off.

♤♡◇♧

He was so familiar. Everything about him was exactly the same, but also extraordinarily different. They fell in love all over again, spending nights just studying eachother, and taking pop quizzes on how much they remembered from the first time around.

It was 2am, they stayed up a little late, smoking some weed and playing cards.

"Why do you have all the puppy toes?" Jeff slammed his cards on the bed, frustrated that he was losing by a mile.

"Oh my God, I haven't heard that in years." She glanced over her straight. Every card was in the suit of clubs, and she smiled as she looked back up at Jeff.

"Probably because I'm the only person that calls clubs 'puppy toes'."

I remember when you first said it, I couldn't stop laughing.

"My grandma taught me how to play cards, but I could never remember the suits." Jeff started as y/n dealt. They power went out and they had nothing better to do, so why not play cards?

"What'd she make up a song or something?" She laughed, placing the deck to her left and flipping a card over before picking up her hand.

"Well the diamonds and hearts were easy, but she called the spades 'spearheads' and the clubs 'puppy toes,' you know, 'cause they look like little paw prints."

Y/n burst out into a fit of laughter, the words 'puppy toes' exiting her mouth between wheezes.

"Why is that so funny?" Jeff couldn't help but laugh, her happiness was contagious.

"Because she could've called them 'paws' or 'paw prints' but instead she called them 'puppy toes!'"

She was wheezing all over again at the memory. "I still dont understand why it's so funny." Jeff felt comfortable, like they were reliving old times, sitting forever in a happy memory.

Her laughter died down and they were stuck for a moment, staring at eachother.

"I love you, all over again, more than the first time." Jeff's stare bore into her eyes. His words usually sounded flat, perfect to go along with his dry, deadpan sense of humor, but he sounded real this time. He sounded more human.

"I don't think I ever stopped loving you." Y/n replied, dropping the cards, a pile of puppy toes laying between them as she kissed him. Soon she moved, climbing into his lap, sloppy yet fulfilling kisses occupied their faces. Jeff's hands did most of the work, tickling her lightly as they slid up her thighs, around the curves of her ass. His long fingers hooked onto her shirt as his hands continued upward. They disconnected for a moment as her shirt passed over her head.

Jeff leaned back, bringing her with him. Her shorts rode up as she grinded on him, feeling him grow beneath her.

She missed the feeling of his skin on hers, so much that she was glued to him. Bare. Skin on Skin. No protection as her chest stuck to his. He felt her breasts bouncing as he moved her hips up and down on his own.

They both felt cloudy, a nice fog through their brains, the weed channeling all focus to the sensations shared between them.

They were loud. Screaming, moaning, happy, euphoric.

She'd later tell her therapist that it was the best sex she'd ever had, hell the best sex they'd ever had. Her therapist would congratulate her, not really knowing what else to say.

They finished together. Ending up as a heaping pile of skin and juices. They breathed for a moment.

Holding onto eachother like they'd never been held before.

Ten minutes later they were holding hands, naked, and staring at the ceiling. They felt so vulnerable, yet so comfortable with eachother.

"I'm sober now." Jeff confessed. "I know we just smoked weed, but I haven't drank alcohol in months." He was already looking at her when she turned to him.

"Really?"

"Really."

It wasn't the pillow talk she expected, but it was something she needed to hear. She immediately trusted him, and felt like her choice in getting back together with him was justified.

But she couldn't help but think of the first time they broke up.

He blamed it on being drunk. A picture from some anonymous number depicted Jeff face fucking some random chick. Y/n was furious. She felt her heart shatter for the first time when she saw the picture. She knew it was real, and it was recent. He'd just gotten that new tattoo, it was still scabbed over in the picture. She'd put ointment on it for him just a few minutes prior to recieving the horrid image.

She was speechless. Having nothing yet everything to say to him.

Still, he blamed it on being drunk.

They were apart for three weeks. She hoped he had enough time to get it out of his system before he begged for her forgiveness. She missed him, and reluctantly took him back.

That was the first time.

"Thank you for telling me that." She squeezed his hand lightly before getting up to pee.

Laying on his chest, she realized why she'd missed him all this time. It was the tiny little things that made her happy. She made some stupid joke, referencing an old inside joke that only they knew about. The way she could feel his laughter through his chest. She wouldn't even mind being deaf as long as she could still feel his laughter, feel him. Everything was how it was supposed to be.

♤♡◇♧

Things were perfect for a while.

Katy had her own minor crush on Jeff, but y/n trusted her, and knew she just thought he was hot, nothing more. Y/n loved Jeff's friends. They were hilarious and they made her feel like she'd been friends with them for years.

They welcomed her to the group with open arms, as did Jeff's fans. His fans didn't know what to think of her at first, and she'd seen her name tossed around on a few gossip sites, but overall everything was good.

Things were perfect until they weren't.

♤♡◇♧

She always had a deep-seated feeling of unease when she wasn't with Jeff. She trusted him, and his soberness, but there was still that fear. Fear, sitting inside of her chest, like a child hiding from its mom in the coat racks of a department store.

She knew the kid was there, and that it would come out eventually.

The fear always dissipated when she was with Jeff, when they were just hanging out alone. She had nothing to worry about.

They'd been back together for three months. Three wonderful months of laughter and learning and loving and sex.

Jeff surprised her, a bouquet of flowers and a loving note telling her to be ready by seven.

She got dressed up, smiling to herself in the mirror before answering the door. Jeff kissed her and took her out to dinner.

It was lovely, a cute little date at a fancy restaurant, and time alone with her boyfriend. Jeff was expecting sex after their date. Y/n was too, but their plans got thrown off after dinner. The new guy at the restaurant hadn't cleaned her protein properly, leaving her and a handful of other patrons to take off work for the next week. Food poisoning was a bitch.

"I don't feel good." She told Jeff. He took her home, promising to stay with her and make sure she was okay.

She puked her guts out, drank the juice he gave her, and passed out in her bed. He could feel her sickness in the air, and did not want to sleep next to her, but he promised he would stay, so he grabbed a pillow and a blanket and headed out onto the couch in the living room.

"Hey." He sat next to Katy who was watching some girly movie on the TV.

"Did you get in a fight?" She pointed at the pillow and chuckled.

"No, she just doesn't feel good." He smiled. He'd never spent much time with Katy, but he did know she was a simple creature. She lived and breathed Starbucks and glitter, and he couldn't handle too much of her at once. She was gorgeous, though, he couldn't deny that.

It was late, and something about the hours between morning and night when the world is quiet just changes people. They get sloppy, don't think straight. They feel free, almost a little too free, like anything the do could be done without consequences.

It was almost like being drunk on freedom.

Y/n woke up to her stomach grumbling once again. Not in the 'Hey! I'm hungry!' kind of way, but as if her stomach was mad at her. She sat up and pulled her sweat-soaked shirt from her body. She felt horrible.

She wandered out into the living room and towards the kitchen of their small apartment, wondering if there was any Pepto Bismol laying around. She opened the fridge, the light inside causing her to squint.

The three-sided bottle was lodged in the door and she grabbed it, quickly chugging the small amount of pink liquid left. As she closed the fridge she heard something. Giggling.

Her head whipped around towards the couch, noticing Jeff's absence. She wondered for a moment if he left, but his phone was on the table.

She'd forgotten all about her food poisoning as she creeped up to the door of Katy's room.

Her breathing stopped as she attempted to be as quiet as possible.

"Jeff!" She heard Katy giggle, a little moan following it.

"Shh, you're gonna wake her up!"

Y/n stood there for a long time. Hearing every skin slap and giggle and moan. Random word seemed to stick in her head as she listened.

Condom. Jeff. She never has to know. I'm gonna cum.

She didn't know how long she'd been there, or when she started crying, but eventually she was back in her bed, pretending to sleep as Jeff peeked in to check on her.

Her heart was broken. It had already been hastily taped back together the other three times Jeff broke her heart, but now it was gone. There was no more tape.

She felt like she died. Like her soul was gone. She was wretching for air like a fish out of water. Suffocating in her own tears. The only thing she could do was cry.

"You knew this would happen." She told herself as she sat up. She couldn't sleep, between puking and heartbreak, she was the most exhausted yet awake she'd ever been. Her sadness had turned into anger and a fuck-it attitude.

"Once a cheater always a cheater. Fucking fuck!" Her whispers to herself were harsh as she opened her laptop, finding the first flight home. She needed to be home, where it all started. Where she was before she even met him. She'd forgotten about him once, and she could do it again.

She booked the flight. She had two suitcases and a duffle bag, each filled to the brim with things she wanted and needed. All the stupid movie tickets from her and Jeff's dates were left on her dresser. Pictures of her and Katy long abandoned were thrown into a drawer. She left what she could live without, and left what would remind her of them.

She had her things and her uber was arriving soon. She quickly wrote a check, this months rent, tossing it on the messy bed. She had an idea right as she was leaving and grabbed a post-it note. She couldn't decide which cliche was better, but eventually she settled on one.

They always said that history repeats itself, and I never believed them.

Now I do. ♡

She moved her bags to the front door and placed the sticky note on Jeff's phone. He was passed out on the couch, the rising sunlight just starting to hit his face.

She stared at him for a few moments. He was beautiful. She loved so many things about him. She wondered if she was making a mistake, but then she remembered what he did. She'd given him a second chance, hell, a hundred second chances, and he still fucked it up.

She'd blamed it on the alcohol before, but she knew full well he was completely sober last night.

♤♡◇♧

The driver put her bags in the trunk and started towards the airport. She figured her mom wouldn't mind a surprise and the opportunity to have her around for a few weeks until she got her shit together. And sometimes you just need your mom. You need her to hold you like you're still little, like you scraped your knee up real bad and she was the only thing that would make you feel better.

The sun was fully up now. Jeff would be awake soon, and she couldn't tell if he would call or not. Would he call to try and stop her? Or would he simply not care?

She checked her phone, simply for the time, or maybe a text, and noticed her wallpaper. A picture of her and Jeff. She was kissing his cheek. She hated the way her faced looked in that picture, but the way Jeff looked was more important than that at the time. He was smiling. Dimples poking through his beard. His eyes looked kind and filled with love. She couldn't even stand to look at him anymore, but she didn't have the heart to change the picutre.

She decided that she was the one who didn't care and turned her phone off. The only two people she talked to had betrayed her and she didn't want to hear from them.

The farther she got from Jeff, the more the sadness set in. She stared out the window dramatically, thinking about him and how this whole situation seemed like a cheesy music video.

A thought crossed her mind as they drove past a car dealership. All the cars seemed so shiny, so perfect as they sat there, but once you buy it, once it's yours, things change. It's no longer a perfect new car. It's nice for a while, sure, but eventually theres a spider nest under the back seat, a few stray fries in the cupholder, some bird shit on the roof that nobody would notice for months.

Everything seemed perfect until it was yours. You ruin it. You don't take care of it the way you should. Even if the inside is impeccable, there's always the bird shit on the roof.

♤♡◇♧

She was forced to turn on her phone and see his face when the flight landed. She was in the back of a cab as she cancelled her therapy sessions for the next month. Of course, it seemed logical that now would be the time for therapy, and Dr. R. offered to host video sessions, but y/n wasn't thinking logically. She was thinking about getting home, crying into her mom's arms, and crawling into a cave of blankets and pillows for a few weeks.

Tears were already flowing as she walked up to the door. "Y/n!" She opened the door, excited at first to see her, but her tone changing as soon as she saw the state her daughter was in. "Baby." She opened her arms and y/n jumped right into the hug, wailing as she cried.

"I thought he was different." Her words were muffled by her mother's sweater.

"Let's run you a bath."

♤♡◇♧

It'd been a few days back home, and the news had spread that y/n was back and sad, and the kitchen was filled with casserole dishes full of lasagna and baked ziti from her mother's friends. The food was delicious, but she couldn't help but be reminded of Jeff every time she took a bite. The abundance of food was meant as condolences, as it always was in an Italian, New York neighborhood, and y/n knew this. It made her even more sad, sad that everyone knew and everything was going to shit.

"Can you go through your old clothes today? Geanie's daughter. . ." Y/n stopped listening and agreed, not really interested in the backstory of someone she'd met once when she was eighteen, or her supposed daughter.

The thing about heartbreak is that it's all you can think about, all you can feel, but the hardest part is forgetting, letting go, and getting over it. She attempted to remember how she got through it the first time.

"You have to accomplish one thing at a time." Her mom plopped down on her bed. Jeff was gone and he wouldn't talk to her. He'd blocked her number. He abandoned her. Left her in the dust as he went off to L.A. to get rich. She did feel abandoned, like everything she'd done the past few years was for nothing. The second chance she'd given him before was now worthless, and she wondered why she did it in the first place.

"Do you hear me? One thing a day. One thing at a time until you're okay again." Y/n looked up at her mother and nodded. "Today you're taking a shower."

Her one thing today would be sorting through clothes. Maybe finding some tshirt from college that would make her smile. So she spent the day on her bed, three tubs of clothes poured out in front of her, and a comedy special playing on the TV. She chuckled a bit every now and then, actually enjoying herself until she found something at the bottom of the pile.

Jeff's sweatshirt. The one that started it all.

"Take it." Jeff held the sweatshirt out of his window.

"No, I can't, it's yours." but she took it anyway.

It was a plain sweatshirt, nothing exciting, but she knew it was his by the stain on the hem. She'd always wondered what it was from, but never really found the time to ask. She held the cotton against her face, the scent climbing up into her nose. Of course it just smelled like her other old clothes, it'd been years, but she swore that if she sniffed hard enough, she could smell him. Not the Jeff she knew now, but the one that pulled up next to her on the street. The sweet guy that didn't want her to freeze to death. The shiny new car she was yet to buy.

She was crying now, holding the sweatshirt to her chest. A faint knock on the door downstairs was heard, but she paid no attention. It was probably just another baked ziti being delivered from her mom's card playing partner.

"Y/n!" Her mom called, alarming her. It wasn't another ziti. She wiped her eyes and headed down stairs, stopping when she saw who it was.

"I just wanna talk." Jeff pleaded. The anger and sadness filled her chest again and she continued down the stairs.

"Talk about how you cheated on me with my best friend?" The sharpness of her words made his heart hurt. He stepped inside, her mother closing the door before disappearing into the kitchen.

"You don't understand-" He started, but y/n wasn't having it.

"Don't understand what? That you slept with her while I was fucking sick? You couldn't fucking wait until I felt better?" She was screaming in his face, tears rolling down her cheeks, traveling the familiar path.

"Y/n-"

"No, let me fucking talk." She took a deep breath. "You told me you were sober. I fucking loved you for that. I thought that you wouldn't hurt me anymore. I fucking trusted you. A lot.

"Do you know how many second chances I've given you? because I've lost count. I'm over it. I'm done with you. Don't even try to tell me that she forced you into it because I know that's not true. I know you. I know what goes on in your brain. You fucking piece of shit."

Jeff was stunned. He didn't know what to say, or why he wanted her back. He knew he fucked up. He knew that he loved her. He knew what he felt for her, even still after all these years.

"You have to understand my feelings for you, and-" His words had no meaning to her, she wanted him gone, out of sight.

"Fuck you, and your feelings. Get out." She pointed towards the door. He stood still so she started pushing him. "Get out, just get the fuck out!" She screamed, barely moving his body.

"I love you!" He screamed back, now holding her shoulders in place. Her eyes locked with his. Hers were full of emotion, depth, deep sadness. His were nothing of the sort. They looked hollow, empty, only a tiny spark of emotion barely flickering through them. That was enough for her to know his true feelings.

"If you loved me we never would've broken up in the first place." She pushed him off of her, her voice quivering as she crossed him to open the door.

"You said in your note that history repeats, but it doesn't have to. We can change history. We can forget it all." He attempted to use her own words as a way to get through to her, but she was smarter than that.

"I already have forgotten it all, a million times over. I've let you back in only for the same shit to happen again. You can't change the past, Jeff." She turned and ran upstairs, grabbing his sweatshirt off her bed. He was walking down the driveway when she called his name. He thought for a moment that she'd changed her mind, that she did still want him.

"I don't need you to keep me warm anymore." She threw it at him, hitting him in the face. He let it fall to the ground, a tear falling from his eye as he looked back at her.

She slammed the door shut and there he was.

Left alone, back right where it all started.

[viogsquad]

jealous - david dobrik

authors note; tried to upload this just and tumblr wouldn’t let me so lets try again! feedback is appreciated so please send it in. also had to use some smut that i wrote for another fandom cause wow my mind went blank for this one. word count; 2.4k. warnings; dom!david, hint of sub!david, oral.

You knew that you should have been focused on the video that David was playing for you but your concentration was focused on something else, David completely aware of what you were thinking after being together for so long. It was something so straightforward, just the way his hands clicked on the keys as he wrote out his title, the skilled hands that edited the video with such ease after doing YouTube for so long. You were completely gone and it was all because of something so simple.

“Are you even watching the video or are you just going to keep staring at my hands?” David asked, eyes shifting to look over at you. Your heart raced at the thought of being noticed, your dirty thoughts clearer than you had expected. “Tell me what happened in the video,” David teased, knowing full well that you wouldn’t be able to give him a clear answer.

You shrugged your shoulders and looked to the side in an attempt to avoid his gaze. “Jason pretended to be Natalie - “

“That was the last vlog but nice try,” David interrupted, smirk spread across his face as he returned his attention to the laptop. “And just remember that you are still being punished, twenty-four hours to go.”

You playfully rolled your eyes at David before grabbing hold of your phone, twitter seemingly more entertaining than the silence that filled the room as David double checked for any editing mistakes that might be there unnoticed. You couldn’t focus on anything else though, just sinful thoughts about your boyfriend and how he turned you into a mess whenever the two of you were alone together.

It had been nearly a week on pure teasing, coquettish text messages sent whenever he was out filming, playful hands under the table during dinners and he was driving you crazy. You regretted flirting with Jeff jokingly for Jason’s vlogs, your punishment put into place as soon as the video had been uploaded and David had seen the clip, twitter going wild as they made up false rumours that did nothing but anger David.

Your mind went back to the last time you were together - his hands pressed against the skin of your neck, teasing you and making you think of all the times you had been against the wall in the same position, all of them full of sin and impurity. The feeling of his hard cock pressed into your thighs as he whispered filth in your ear, going over every punishment you would receive when the two of you were alone and the podcast was finished. You could remember every touch of that night, the bruises left on your skin a friendly reminder every time you sat down.

You were desperate for his fingers and to feel his cold rings pressed against your skin. Work had been taking over his life, his popularity increasing by the day and interviews with big companies coming out of nowhere. By the time he got home after a long day of filming, his first thought was getting some sleep and cuddling up with the woman that he loved so he could be fully refreshed for the next day where another day of filming would happen.

All you had thought about during a dinner with your friends were David’s fingers pounding in and out of you as he made conversation with his friends over the table, so calm and collected yet completely aware of the thoughts that you were having. Your hand was in his as you attempted to drag it to your thigh, David giving you a quick smirk before removing himself from your grip - he knew exactly what he was doing. All you had got over dinner was some teasing, his hand only returning to your thigh when you were making conversation with Corinna. People took note of your silence and the look in your eyes, glazed over and sexually frustrated which somehow you managed to get out of, the excuse that you didn’t feel good coming in handy.

David felt like a teenage all over again when he received those texts from you, mentally thanking Jason and Natalie for leaving him alone in the car while they nipped into target. You were alone in your shared bedroom, the words written out in the text almost convincing David to leave his friends stranded so he could drive back home and have you pinned to the mattress like you wanted. Photos of your dressed in his favourite lingerie came through afterwards, different poses that showed off your delicate curves mixed in with most explicit photos of your naked body that was on show for him.

Then there were the times when you would be alone in bed and you would picture how pretty David’s hands would look when they tied to the headboard, the marks that would be along his wrists from the rope and his attempt at escaping. He looked most beautiful when he was laid on the bed and begging to cum, tears in his eyes as he watched you use his thigh to get yourself off.

“I need you,” you whispered once you had come back to reality, your phone thrown to the side of your body as you faced David.

“Busy and remember - “

“I’m still being punished,” you cut off, your words mocking and face twisted into a frown. “Doesn’t change the fact that it’s been nearly a week since you fucked me.”

Your eyes widened at David’s sudden movements, his hand wrapped around your throat with no pressure as he looked you dead in the eyes, showing you that he didn’t care for the bratty behaviour that you were performing. “Don’t wind me up,” he muttered, voice low and his tone portraying how tired he was. “Suck my cock and I might just give you something in return.”

“Yeah?” You smiled, tongue flicking out to lick your lips as you leaned over and pressed a kiss to the corner of David’s mouth.

Nothing else needed to be said, your body sinking to the floor and in between David’s legs as you looked up at him. The laptop he was working on placed to the side of his body as he moved his body to lower his joggers and boxers. The nerves that were in your stomach was soon replaced with lust as David signalled for you to do the rest, his desire for your mouth stronger than he was willing to give on. He had missed you completely - your mouth, your touch, just everything.

“Such a good girl,” he whispered, hands wrapping around your hair where he tugged gently and signalled for you to hurry up, fully aware that he would soon be bombarded with tweets about where the vlog was.

David was warm in your mouth and heavy against your tongue as you struggled to take all of his girth. His moans were sinfully sweet as he helped you move up and down his cock by the grip in your now messed up hair, curls slowly tangling together and his grip was so tight that you worried for the headache that would come with his release. You knew that you were in for an immoral night, a week without each other’s touch being poured into one session but you were soaked at the thought of it and all you could picture was being pressed into the bed sheets as you sang David’s name until the sun rose in Los Angeles.

The whimpers and whines coming from David’s pretty mouth should have caused concern that you would get caught in the act, Natalie only down the hallway and even though you weren't going to stop, you didn’t want to traumatise the poor girl even more than she already was from living with the two of you. With David’s mind and body weakening with every passing moment though, all you could think about was bringing him to the place that he desired the most so you could get your own release.

David’s dominance changed form completely as he neared his ends, too rough to keep his grip on your hair and his hands instead flattened against the white sofa as he slightly thrusted his hips upwards, your throat constricting as he forced the tip of his cock to meet your gag reflex. David gave you permission to do your own thing for a while as you struggled to recover from the fucking you had received, your breathing uneven and all over the place as you moved your hand along his cock. His words were like heaven in your ear as he praised you wholly, words boosting your confidence with every passing second.

With darkened lips and saliva dripping down your chin, you flicked your tongue out and licking along your bottom lip as you attempted to tease David. His face was emotionless though when you looked up at him, entirely unimpressed with your sudden attempt at teasing him and failed attempt at switching the rules. David would let you have your fun in the bedroom, the ropes already planted under the bed where you would continue to relieve him of his stress.

The emotionless expression that weirdly suited his face was soon replaced with pleasure though when you swirl your tongue around the head of his cock, continuing a few times until he was whimpering above you all over again, desperate to feel your warm and wet mouth around his length. Cheeks were hallowed as you bobbed up and down without stopping, keen to get David to his peak so you could remember the taste of him and the way he looked down as he came down from his high for the next time, he punished you.

“Come up here and give us a kiss,” David moaned, leaning down to grab you by the shoulders when your hands continued to move up and down his length, not willing to give up. “I said get up here, you’ll get a taste later.”

Looking up at David was fake innocence, small hand still wrapped around his cock as you made him promise. His mouth was slightly open and eyes half-closed as he nodded once before gulping, pulling you up so you were stood in front of him.

He looked so beautiful as you glanced down at him, a sheet of sweat glistening on his forehead, cheeks a rosy red and chest heaving up and down as his hands wandered up your thighs and under the oversized t-shirt you had thrown on after you had been in the shower.

“I’ve missed you,” he whispered, leaning forward to kiss your thighs. “Need you so bad.”

“Have me then.”

With one quick movement that had you gasping out loud, David had picked you up and was dragging you down so you were laid across the sofa. Your underwear was pulled down your legs and thrown onto the floor before David’s hands were gripping your thighs and pulling them apart so you were fully exposed for him. The slight pain from his fingers digging in subsided as you grabbed David by the shirt he was still wearing and finally felt his mouth on yours, his breath warm as it mingled with yours and stole all your breath away all over again. You tugged on his brown locks and pulled him closer, one hand moving up to settle on your cheek as put a week's worth of missing kisses into one.

His hands gripped your thighs once again as he dragged you back against the cosy sofa, your legs wrapping around his waist. Touches up your thigh had you mewling and begging for more, words you kept for him spoken as you begged and pleaded with David to either give you his mouth or his cock.

“Going to fuck you with my cock before anything else, girl,” he said, silencing your desperate pleads with a few simple words and turning your body into a wanting mess.

David had twisted you around so you were on your hands and knees, his hands burning your skin with every touch as he brought you into the correct position that he knew would have you screaming out and waking up the neighbours, along with poor Natalie.

David’s hips snapping against your ass had you screaming out, his breath hot against your ear as he leaned over your body and whispered filth in your ear, reminding you of what was to come once he had managed to upload the vlog. The words he spoke would be repeated in your head when you were alone with nothing but your fingers and the thought of David.

“Always take my cock so well, don’t you?” David praised, his head buried into your neck where left kisses and marks that you would struggle to cover up the next day - it would make decent vlog footage for everybody else. “My girl, yeah? Mine.”

David wrapped one hand around your throat as he dragged you up, your back pressed against his chest. His thrusts are not soft or passionate, that would be in the morning when he praised you for being such a good girl the night before, instead they were rough and full of desperation. His thrusts relentless, words broken up as whimpers slip from his mouth and the noise contrasts perfectly to the filth that spills out of him when he speaks.

The anger from your flirting with Jeff finally came out to play as David bent you back over, his fingers sure to leave bruises on your skin from where he was holding you still to stop you flying forward with every thrust of his hips. You moaned David’s name like a prayer with every thrust, your lines blurred as you looked down at the sofa and allowed pleasure to take over your body.

David’s thrusts got harsher as he brought himself and you closer to the brink, the two of you finally getting what you had been craving. Stopping for a quick moment, David pulled out and twisted your body around so you were laid on your back, your skin glistening under the living room light and your hair a mess as it spread out across the sofa

David’s head moved to your neck as he thrusts resumed, his teeth sinking into your skin whenever it felt particularly good. “I love you,” David whispered, his mouth against yours. “I love you so much.”

You breathed out heavily as you placed both of your hands-on David’s face, moving his head so he was looking at you directly. His thrusts didn’t stop but he was sure his heart did when he looked at you properly, an absolute angel in David’s eyes.

“And I love you.”

[cantusecho-archive]

(Good lord, episode 7.

Let me just say that it’s pretty crazy that we’re already half-way through the season now? It’s almost overrrrr.

But moving on from that, this episode starts out with Millaarc and Elsa forcing Elfnein to activate what they needed in terms of using Carol’s body.

I’m still really confused on what Millaarc’s ability does and it frustrates me because I feel stupid. Lol. I know it’s clearly mental and dealing with the mind, but it seems like it’s used in so many different ways now that I don’t even know how to explain it.

Regardless, she tries doing this again with Elfnein to destroy her mind. However, Carol literally bursts out of nowhere to stop her.

Now, I originally had a feeling that Carol would make an appearance not only because of where they were, but the summary itself, the top half of it specifically. The portion for the episode I mean is this:

If that which was sworn to be slain is put to words, erase them by plucking the strings from beyond zeros and ones. Discarded as unnecessary and unworthy, echoes of memories once lost linger here.

The “memory” mention is a pretty clear indicator to Carol, as they’re within the Chateau, Elfnein has been trying to reach back out to Carol now that they share the same body, and because Carol’s whole deal was dealing with memories. But what also stood out was the mention of “zeros and ones”.

Carol actually mentions “zeroes and ones” in her battle song (Senkin Dur da Bla) back in GX;

Nothingness is the only peaceful paradise What can I do but believe in that? I’ll expose and extol the providence of all creation With my music enshrined in 0s and 1s

So that just felt like a huge hint there too in that she’d make a reappearance somehow. I just wasn’t expecting it that early in the episode...nor did I expect the end, haha. I love Carol.

But regardless, this stops Millaarc immediately, and seems to end up hurting her briefly in the process.

Also, I was surprised that Miku wasn’t the cocoon thing. I thought she was, since that was what happened to Hibiki, but I guess the divine power didn’t actually go within Miku. Instead, it began to somehow manifest itself instead, thanks to her I suppose?

So, Tsubasa, Hibiki, Kirika and Shirabe go and engage in a fight with the strange deity with Chris and Maria trying to make their way there. But it’s a multi-dimensional being, just like the one in AXZ that I can never fully properly spell the name of.

And what stopped it last time was Hibiki and the so called “god-killer” ability, so that’s what she does. But the odd thing about it is that after Hibiki saves Kirika, she was caught in it. HQ says that it begins focusing energy on her instead, which I assume it was overloading her? But I’m not sure in which way.

Regardless, it’s enough to take Hibiki completely out of the fight, forcing Tsubasa to suggest they all retreat.

This thing looks so gross, haha. It’s like a giant, big headed...baby thing.

But anyway, they say Hibiki’s injuries are far more severe than they seem but no other details than that. Not sure how that is though but suppose we have to wait and see.

Also, Tsubasa’s smile was one of the preview pics for this episode and honestly, it was nice to see her smile...but I was worried about the context.

Something about her smile and comment just feels so off to me. Clearly she’s still not okay, and even Genjurou was surprised by her comment, so this doesn’t mean she’s better. No one knows that Tsubasa is dealing with that whole “seal” thing and we don’t even know how to break it so...I’m just not sure about it haha.

I talked to a friend saying that maybe she’s desperate for some good news or someone telling her she did a good deed? Or she’s trying to think of what Kanade would do? It’s hard for me to explain my feelings on this without making any sense.

After this, everyone on the bridge finally hears the ‘Apple’ song by rearranging the melody that Shem-Ha plays thanks to an idea that Maria had.

Maria makes reference to the Chernobyl disaster in Ukraine, as that’s where she and Serena are from, which happened in 1986. It’s been officially stated (or at least shown in the second episode of XV) that the show currently takes place in the year 2044. Maria is currently 22, so that makes her born in the year 2022.

So saying that her ancestors have a similar song can hint to a lot, just like how Tsubasa’s comment leads to. Maria (and Serena) very well may be a descendant of the Annunaki/Custodians, or has a connection with them somehow. Now it’s just speculation but still, it has to mean something. They’ve been alluding to Airgetlam and ‘Apple’ ever since the second episode (at least the song they have) so I mean...it’s slowly but surely getting there. Lol.

Plus it was a massive trigger to bring the world together in song way back in G for them to get enough phonic gain to achieve their X-Drives back then.

After this, Hibiki has a brief dream about the conversation her and Miku had in the first episode. I never did talk about the first episode but this conversation was just throwing a whole bunch of red flags from the get-go. Miku posing the question if she was a burden on someone else, would Hibiki stop her but then turns around and jokes saying that it was a hypothetical question.

Of course I still think she meant this as her fear of being a burden on Hibiki (aka Miku’s guilt) but again, this seems like a re-imagining of that conversation.

It’s different in the fact that Miku says that if she’s ever a burden, that she wants Hibiki to stop her, that she’s the only one who can. Hibiki, throughout this whole exchange, is actually really confused while Miku continues on saying that she’s the only one that she “trusts with all I have”. And it ends there. I can see this being a possible dream of Hibiki where she’s re-imagining the scene but replacing it with the details she knows now, or kind of like her fears slipping in?

But then I saw someone else pose a possible idea of her and Miku actually communicating through the same dream since they’re both knocked tf out right now. Not sure which one is true enough but it very well could be Hibiki having a dream.

Okay, this second half of the episode is just pure gold for Elfnein. It’s a lot of little things that stood out to me too, not even just the big reveal at the end. Here’s one:

Elfnein gaining self-worth in herself ever since the end of GX. Elfnein, in her own way, has gotten so much stronger over the seasons and this whole half showcases that I think. But she’s stuck between Vanessa and co. since they’re trying to kill her. But the second she calls out for help---

THE PREVIOUS AUTOSCORERS COME BACK. I swear, I didn’t see this coming. Like, at all. I actually really enjoyed them back in GX, I found them to be interesting, even with their limited time on screen. The OVAs build on them more but I still felt there was enough there for them to be interesting and for us to get a feel on their dynamics together.

The next thing that’s great for Elfnein:

Elfnein being assertive. She decides trying to fight back and rescue Miku instead. It was strong enough to surprise Genjurou so I mean lmao.

Then another thing for Elfnein as a character. Noble Red catches up to them, so Phara and Leiur stay behind to slow them down while Micha and Garie lead Elfnein away.

Instead of apologizing, she chooses to say thank you instead. It’s something simple like that that shows how much Elfnein has grown too.

The next one is a comment that Micha makes. In the OVAs, Micha makes a comment of how it’s hard for her to hold hands with people due to her claws. She speaks about how she’s the “ultimate autoscorer” but she needs the help of Garie to literally do everything for her; collecting memories, holding hands, and even tying her ribbon.

So she was slightly bummed that she couldn’t help escort Elfnein away like Garie could because her hands were too big. 

But Elfnein tells her that she thinks her hands are “really cool” and she loves them. That gave Micha motivation to keep on fighting and made her happy. It was just something so simple and small that was really really sweet, especially knowing how Micha felt about her hands.

Noble Red catches up though, and defeats all of them easily. Garie was the last one to help Elfnein get away. And now that she’s alone, Elfnein is faced with the fact that everyone has helped her, but she wants to figure out a way to help them too. 

She wants to repay everyone back for their help and kindness but didn’t know how. And so, faced with an incoming attack from Vanessa, she ends up doing this:

She freaking summons the relic Dur da Bla and basically...Carol comes back. AND has a new song. Song is called “Echo of Sforzato”.

I was over the moon when this happened, haha. I couldn’t believe they’d actually have Carol come back in such a way? Again, the beginning is the only think I thought we’d get. But this? Good lord. It’s hard to explain my emotions about this episode because it was sooooo good for Elfnein especially in terms of character, same for the autoscorers. It touched on previous things about them in the OVAs, and added more to it, even if they only had small and limited cameos.

Also, one neat thing about the transformation Carol/Elfnein has is that in her hat, it shows the reflections of Leiur, Phara, Garie and Micha. The colors represented them before but the thing about it is that if you freeze frame the scene, it shows them making poses exactly like their “enemies” GX CD covers. 

Luckily someone made a picture of them all on twitter so I can paste them here haha.

There’s two because Micha is the only one that changes twice for both Shirabe and Kirika. This part isn’t even a second long, it zooms by SUPER fast, but the detail in it is amazing.

It’s just a REALLY nice callback that they probably didn’t even have to add in. Plus there’s some other cool “behind the scene” things they posted on twitter (official staff) that even other stuff they made was meant to reference past CD albums (Like Leiur and her “big sister” version of herself was to reference the GX concert cover with Maria and Tsubasa).

Regardless, yeah this episode was great with the callbacks and references. I enjoyed it and got emotional over it. It turned out to be a great episode for Elfnein as a character honestly, which isn’t what I expected but glad it happened. ♥)

[sweetnestor]

12 Days | Chapter 2

Two guys that lowkey hate each other are forced to walk in each other’s shoes in order to learn a lesson.

***in collaboration with @themarkiplierexperience

lmao soz its not actually x reader we’re just desperate for attention haaaa

previous

“I really think you overworked yourself this time,” said a soft, yet clear female voice. “Maybe you should have slept instead of working at the office all night.”

Tom wasn’t sure how long this girl had been speaking. All he knew was that he was in a car with her, and she was driving him to… he didn’t know where. Probably missed that in the midst of all the panic. He barely even got a look at her, so he turned his head to the driver and, well…

He recognized the shiny black hair that faded to a vibrant pink. Her side profile was oddly familiar. This was Bella, right? The girl who the people at “the office” were talking about. Tom knew her from somewhere, he just couldn’t pinpoint where. For some reason, he had to look at her until he figured it out.

She noticed his staring and glanced at him before turning back to the road. She seemed very concerned for this Ethan guy. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Yes, actually. I think I switched places with your friend and I don’t know where I am or how to switch back. That’ll land Tom in the hospital for sure. He didn’t need to be locked away in the psych ward, he just had to find out how this happened. In the meantime, all he could do was go along with what this girl was saying.

“I-It’s probably what you said,” he replied, breaking the gaze. “Overworked myself.” He pulled out his - or Ethan’s - phone and one look at the lockscreen made it click.

Bella is his girlfriend.

“Yeah, next time,” she continued, “let’s not go right back to editing after a convention. I know you’re passionate about YouTube, but you need a break just as much as anyone else does. And besides, Mark has two editors for a reason, Kathryn could have taken over if you were really that exhausted.”

“Right, got it.” Tom hesitated. Maybe he could still play off being disoriented from the panic attack. “Um, love… do you happen to remember my, my passcode?”

She chuckled. “Is it not your thumbprint, my dear?”

Well, shit. Now I’ll never know who’s body I’m possessing. This is useless, I’m stuck-

Again, it clicked. Tom pressed the button, mentally kicking himself. Before he could dig around and find more information, the car came to halt in front of an apartment complex. Was this the place Ethan shared with Bella?

He got out of the car and followed her into the building. This was so strange, he shouldn't have been here. He was supposed to be in his own body, on a plane to Atlanta.

“Chamomile?” Bella offered as she unlocked the door to the apartment.

“Yeah… please,” Tom replied.

While she dove into the kitchen, he looked around at the place. Things were scattered here and there. However, he noticed 2 large plaques on the wall and went to look at them.

They were identical play buttons in large frames, one was silver and the other was gold. They both read “Bella Santiago, Congratulations for surpassing ______ Subscribers.” The silver was for one hundred thousand and the other was for one million. This girl was popular on YouTube, apparently. Tom didn't quite understand that.

Wait. YouTube. Pink hair. Blue hair.

Tom gasped just as Bella approached him again, this time with a mug of tea. She raised her eyebrows at his miniature burst.

“What's wrong?” she asked.

You interviewed me. I know you.

“Nothing,” he replied as he accepted the mug.

She chuckled. “Come on, cariño. Let's go lie down. Or… would you rather I just take you home?”

So this wasn't a shared place. Why were there two bedrooms, then? Tom was very confused, and that was already an understatement.

He had to find out more about Ethan, and where exactly they both were, so Tom decided to let Bella take him ‘home’ after he finished his tea.

It didn’t have any calming affect on him. It was even worse when Bella leaned in to kiss him when she walked him to the front door. Tom instinctively leaned back in shock, his eyes wide. He was the boyfriend.

After that awkward interaction, Bella unlocked the door for him, since Tom left Ethan’s keys at the office. His girlfriend didn’t seem too pleased when she left, but there were other things to think about at the moment.

Tom wandered around the apartment, glancing at all of Ethan’s belongings before pulling out his phone again. With a press of a button, it was unlocked again, and Tom began to properly snoop through this guy’s social media. What kind of life was this Ethan person living? Besides having a hot girlfriend and an office job, of course.

Instagram name: CrankGameplays. Still don't know his surname. Bio: “I scream at the video games.” Helpful. Tom scrolled through Ethan’s profile, only seeing the face that he now owned. Although, the first picture he saw was of him wearing a red wig, making a silly pose with a woman with black hair. He’s seen worse. The next one that caught his eye was of Ethan posing in front of a huge screen. His head covered most of it, but Tom could make out the words: Markiplier’s You're Welcome Tour.

So… he's a comedian? Is he in an improv group?

Tom left that app and went to Twitter. Ethan's profile was mainly a bunch of tweets with links to YouTube videos. Did he do this alongside the office job? Or… was this the office job? He tapped on one of the links.

“What is up my cranky crew? It's Ethan from CrankGameplays, and today we are back with ‘Little Nightmares!’” said the real Ethan in the video.

Growing impatient, Tom skipped forward a few minutes, only seeing the guy play some horror game. That's all this 45 minute video was. He looked at other videos of his, and they were all the same. Playing video games. This is what he did for a living? Tom had so many questions, but most of all, he just had to know how to contact the real Ethan.

He went back to Twitter and searched his own handle. As expected, there were no new tweets. Of course he couldn't send a direct message to this account either because they weren't following each other.

Tom went back to the homescreen, thinking. If everything in his actual schedule went according to plan, then his actual self should be in Atlanta right now. So if he was still in the States, then that meant he had his America phone…

~

The only reason Ethan had decided to play along, to 'take the role' as Tom was that, well, he had no choice. It was either pretend he was Tom and nothing was wrong or spill the beans and risk getting put in the hospital for a week. Also, the car was at least a way out of this hotel room that was increasing his anxiety by the minute.

He'd underestimated the severity of his sickness though. He was sure he was hungover now, judging by the way he couldn't stop sweating and the way his stomach kept flipping. He stepped into the car with every intention to make them turn around and take him home, but was knocked out as soon as he felt the unusually comfortable leather seats. So much for going back home.

He woke up long enough to stumble onto a plane with the help of Harrison, completely in a daze that he couldn't quite shake. "Jeez Tom, you fat lard," Harrison mumbled as he carried the majority of Ethan's weight.

Ethan was barely able to groan in response.

He was nudged awake a little while later. "Come on, you've got to drink this," Harrison whispered as he shoved a glass of water into Ethan's hands.

His sight was blurry, but that glass of water was a sight for sore eyes. His cotton mouth was horrendous and his throats felt raw and scratchy. Two pills were shoved into his palm. Without even asking what they were he popped them in his mouth, finished off his glass, and fell right back asleep.

He woke up once more while on the plane, approximately 40,000 feet in the air on its way to Atlanta. The light streamed in through the half open window next to Ethan, effectively blinding him as Harrison sat down in the seat next to him.

"Rise and shine sleepy beauty! Up for good now, or have you still got some sleep left in ya?" Harrison clapped his hand onto Ethan's knee.

Fuck, so it hadn't just been a bad dream.

"Jesus Christ, why are you yelling?" Ethan mumbled, covering his eyes with his palms as he stretched.

"I'm not, you're just still bombed from last night," he snickered.

Ethan groaned, he doesn't even know who this guy is, much less why he's on a plane or where he's going. "How much longer?" He murmurs, eyes still squinting as the sun beamed onto him.

"We land in 20 minutes. You slept through a 4 hour flight, there's no way you're getting any sleep tonight."

Ethan's blood ran cold. 4 hours?! The flight to Maine is almost 5, where the heck was he going?

"Oh good, you're up." A blonde woman walked into the room and sat in the seat facing him. "Feel any better?"

"Uh yeah, yeah. Guess I just needed some more rest," Ethan tried his best not to stammer, how would Tom act in this situation?

"I bet, you were hitting those drinks pretty hard last night," she laughed as she pulled out her tablet.

"Yeah, my bad," Ethan chuckles nervously. He can't help but wonder if he looks as nervous as he feels. Can they hear how fast his heart is beating?

"Alright, so here's the plan for today. We land in about 20 minutes, then you and Haz can stay in your hotel rooms for about an hour or so. You've got a meeting with the Chaos Walking crew at 3, so be down in the lobby by 2:30. After that you've got a few interviews at 5, they shouldn't take very long though. Dinner afterwards and then we’ll be back on the plane by 10." The words flowing out of her mouth just served as a smack in the face for Ethan. He's going to do what and go where at what time?

"Uhh," the blank face on his face pulled a laugh out of 'Haz', is his name not Harrison?, and the woman in front of him. "Run that by me once more?"

"No need, as long as Haz knows the schedule you'll be fine. I'll be there too," she said with a shrug. Ethan slowly began taking in her features as she and Haz began discussing something about the schedule.

Shoulder length blonde hair, curled at the ends. Blue eyes, a pair of glasses resting in her hair. She didn't look like she was taller than Ethan, although it's had to tell from where he's sitting. A name catches his interest. Olivia. She must be his agent or manager or whatever those people that tell you what to do are called. She seemed nice.

Ethan spent the last 10 minutes of the ride staring at his shoes.

Another rush of anxiety passed through him while exiting the airport, he was getting used to these. Holy shit, was he going to have to interact with all of the fans waiting outside? Sure, he's interacted with fans in the past, but never on a scale this large outside of a convention. He didn't even know what Tom's signature looked like!

"You up for a few pictures?" Olivia asked. Ethan shook his head, no, not in a million years. "Figured, you look a mess."

Well thanks. The security guards pushed past the group of fans outside, the look on Ethan's face a mixture of excitement and terror. So this is what being swarmed feels like.

The car ride was quiet, Harrison and Olivia chatted the whole ride while Ethan was just content to look out the window. He calmed down a bit, feeling ok for the first time all day. Harrison led him up the elevator and to their rooms.

"Oh, by the way, here's your phone," he said right before Ethan walked into his room. "I grabbed it back in LA before we left. I'm surprised you haven't asked for it yet," he said with a chuckle.

"Ah, thanks," Ethan nodded at him, mustering up a small smile and quickly locking the door behind him.

As if on cue, the phone in his hand started to ring. The panic that runs through his body is cut short, that's his phone number! “Hello?” He answers, still not used to the sound of his voice.

“Hello!” Tom said, nearly jumping at his own voice. “Hi, hello!” He was so antsy about what he would hear on the other line that his mind immediately went blank. What was he supposed to say now?

There was a silence then, an uncomfortable one. Unsure of what to say Ethan blurted out the first thing that came to mind, “Is this… Ethan’s… body?” Stupid, what kind of question was that?

“That depends,” he replied slowly, like he was choosing his words carefully. “Is this… is this Tom?” His heart was beating unnecessarily hard.

“Uh, yeah?” Ethan let out a sigh of relief, “I'm not crazy right? Something really fucked up is going on, right?”

“Definitely.” Tom leaned forward in his seat, trying to form any sort of coherent sentence. “God, I have so many questions… I - er, how the fuck did this happen?”

“No fucking idea, god this feels like a nightmare, no offense,” Ethan whispered before he made his way to hide in a closet. “Just kinda woke up in a strange hotel room in someone else’s body. By the way, thanks for the killer hangover. I was sweating and slept the whole time I was on that plane ride dude.”

He scoffed and rolled his eyes. “A hangover is probably nothing compared to what you were shooting up last night. Yeah, I saw those needles in your pocket. I swear to god, I thought I was high when I looked in the mirror.”

“...You mean my epipens?” Ethan wanted to laugh, this fucker really thought he'd just be shooting up in the office? Yet another reason to hate Tom Holland. “Anyway, hi nice to meet you. Ethan Nestor, professional screamer and deathly allergic to peanuts at your service.”

Tom covered his mouth. “Sorry, mate. My bad… Er, hi, I’m Tom Holland, professional actor and still very confused as to what happened to us.” Wow, he felt like an asshole.

Professional actor, what a narcissist. Professional screamer sounds way cooler anyway. Ethan laughs, “Well don't be too humble now.” Was Ethan actually salty about Tom taking pride in his work? No. Was he still salty about Bella’s googoo eyes for him? Hell fuckin’ yeah.

“Hey, my acting was able to save your ass and have a panic attack to get the day off from your job,” Tom shot back. Yes, the panic attack was real, but it did buy them some time. “If I was still at… your office place, then we wouldn’t be here trying to figure this out.”

“Well I'm not even a professional actor, and I'm able to pass as you no problem?” Ethan shot back. There's no reason for this to be happening, he should be playing nice. It's not like it's Tom’s fault this is happening, but Ethan can't help himself. “Some ‘career’ this is,” he continued, kinda regretting what he said but also kinda meaning it.

Oh god, Tom swapped lives with a grade A asshole. What did Bella see in this guy? He shook his head, trying to bring back the main focus of this conversation. “Okay, you can sit there and take jabs at me, or we can try to… switch back…? And then we’ll never have to see each other again. Take your pick.”

Ethan hesitated, he still had more to say that's for sure, but Tom was right. This wasn't getting them anywhere. “Whatever, something had to have happened at the convention to cause all this,” Ethan said with a sigh as he racked his brain for anything out of the ordinary. Nothing.

“Right,” Tom agreed. “I remember seeing you. You were with Bella when she interviewed me. Do you think something happened there?”

“Your guess is as good as mine, I didn't feel any different afterwards when I was with Bella in the bathroom… Nothing felt different until the next morning?” Ethan was stumped. The convention went about like every other convention he'd ever been to. What made this one different?

“In the bathroom?” Tom repeated with a chuckle. “Quite an eager beaver, aren’t we?”

“Oh my- no, not that way! God you British and your awful humor,” Ethan stifles a laugh as he rolls his eyes. “No, if you must know, you literally gave my girlfriend an anxiety attack and I had to calm her down in the bathroom.”

That changed things. Tom didn’t know how to react at first. He didn’t know much about anxiety attacks, even after experiencing one himself not that long ago. “Shit. I’m sorry, man. Did I say something to make her… like that?”

“Sorta, it was mostly just the whole situation? I don't know, she's fine don't worry about it. Just, careful what you say, okay? She's been through… a lot.” Ethan's face and mood dropped. He missed Bella. A lot.

An awkward silence filled the air. He wasn’t good with things like this, he didn’t know how to console people with a tragic past, if that’s what Ethan was implying about his girlfriend. “Well,” Tom began, “she seemed… relatively normal when I was with her just now. She was worried about you. Actually, you had a few people worry about you.”

Aww, they care. “Yeah, they're great…” How many awkward silences are gonna happen throughout the duration of one phone call? Ethan didn't know what else to say. Thankfully, he didn't have to.

“Tom, are you back in the closet?” Harrison called out. “Didn't think you'd be back in there again,” he joked. Shit, how did he get in? Hadn't he locked the door?

“Uh, yeah, gotta go Tom, I'll call back later?” Ethan said wondering what happened to the so called hour of a downtime he was promised.

“I - alright,” the real Tom replied, feeling the sinking sensation in his stomach. He barely made out the sound of his friend’s voice on the other line. Now, he had to go on without him for the time being.

“Ok bye,” Ethan replied. Back to the real, bizarre world.

______

tag list: @marie-is-in-the-dark @beardedsteveslut

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