#slightly inspired by the cat witcher! jaskier fic i read where they gave him some feline habits

[mysoulspiralbound]

To Court a Witcher

it's jaskier's first winter at the witcher's keep and he has decided he is going to try to court geralt if it kills him. most of the time, this idea very well could kill him, which is why he's going to try again in the winter when geralt's not distracted by horrible monsters and the need to be the most (physically) and least (emotionally) observant person in the room at all times. it's not the first time his affections have gone unnoticed, but he's going to give it his all again anyway.

so they arrive at kaer morhen, and for the first time, jaskier actually gets to meet geralt's family. what geralt had not mentioned, was that one of his siblings had been courted successfully, and had brought his boyfriend to winter with all of them. 'of course, romance is the last thing on his mind to mention.' jaskier's a little annoyed sure, but mostly excited.

he waits until a little later into the season to enact his plan, afterall he does want to make a good impression with the people he'll be wintering with. it's a particularly cold late autumn day when jaskier corners aiden to ask his question.

"how do you court a witcher?"

"what?" okay, maybe he could have explained that better.

"a witcher. courting. you and lambet are together, you had to have managed that somehow. i don't think geralt's even so much as realized i've been flirting with him. how do i win him over?"

aiden gave a chesire (cat) grin, "aren't you the bard who's famous for seducing his way into and out of problems at every turn? but seriously, lamb knows geralt better than i do, why not ask him?"

"why not ask him! why not ask him he says! i am not asking the brother of the love of my life for advice on daiting!" it was only aiden's quick reflexes that kept him from getting hit in the face as jaskier spoke. it was as if he was trying to demonstrate visually the magnitude of the insanity of his suggestion.

"look, how i got lamb is a question i still ask myself every morning, but if you want some advice, i guess i could give you a few tips." the feral grin he earned in response should probably have been a warning.

step one: gift giving

"if giving him stuff was all it took to win geralt over, i wouldn't be having this conversation. i gave him flowers once and he genuinely thought i was trying to poison him."

aiden rolled his eyes, "the right kind of gifts. something that shows you can take care of him. no, don't interrupt, i'm sure you've done a great job of keeping him alive, i mean like offerings, little reminders."

"like what, leaving band-aids on the foot of his bed or something?"

"i usually leave rats or mice. sometimes larger kills. but i guess that works too" aiden shrugged.

it took jaskier a minute to realize that he was not, in fact, joking. on what part of the continent was dead rats of all things supposed to spark romance.

"i don't know if i can do that. i'd probably be the one who'd have to scrub the blood off the sheets in the end, and it would go bad by the time he saw it anyway. there's no point in a useless kill" and screw it, he was a little attached to small woodland creatures, they were harmless and friendly, they weren't food.

"i guess camping makes it more likely to be eaten in time. it doesn't have to be a kill, geralt's probably got that covered anyway. so does lamb, but the point was that it was for him. witchers don't need things like flowers, there nice sometimes, sure, but they aren't practical. think of something useful. preferably something he either can't get himself or that would take time and energy to do."

jaskier hummed a little to himself, "okay, practical, i can do that. maybe potion ingredients, they don't take hunting prowess or anything, but they do take a lot of time. maybe, you approved the band-aids, right?" he could do this.

------------------------------------

step two: personal space

"i already give him personal space. he's not exactly cuddly, you want me to be more distant?"

aiden chuckled "no, the opposite. well maybe not fully. like, you shouldn't be annoying about it, this isn't really about the space at all. it's about trust."

"i trust him with my life on a daily basis though?"

"yeah, it's about venerability. just sitting near him while relaxing, you don't even need to be doing the same thing. you're always together out of necessity, show him you want to be around him even when you don't need to be."

"it can't be that simple can it?" because if jaskier's lost his touch that badly he doesn't quite no what he'll do.

"well... okay first of all, tell anyone other than lamb about this and i'll skin you"

"not the worst threat i've gotten. don't piss off the big strong witcher, got it."

aiden laughed, "when i said vulnerability, i meant vulnerability. sitting with your stomach exposed, or leaning with your neck open should help. probably anyway, it got through to lamb more effectively, but it is your fault you came to me for advice."

"and i do thank you for that by the way, not sure why your helping me, but i'll certainly take it."

"might get geralt and eskle to stop being such pricks about lamb and i. also i just thought it'd be fun."

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step three: slow blinking

"aiden, adien it's not working. i am going to die cold and alone and it's going to be all you're fault."

"first off, not my fault geralt's an idiot, and you chose him not me." jaskier wined in protest at that. "quit complaining. and second of all you're saying getting to spend time with him is cold and alone"

"using my own words against me" jaskier put a hand on his chest dramatically.

aiden leaned back and laughed at him "given how often you use them i would wager you'd be a fan of your own words."

"look, just tell me what's next on your witcher wooing catalog, please"

"alright, this is the last thing i got though. blink at him"

"aiden my friend, my wingman, my guide in all things witcher wooing related, please explain."

"just blink slowly at him, while maintaining eye contact"

"why" jaskier just looked baffled at this one.

"look, i can't explain it, it just feels right. and lamb does it back, so it's not just a me thing. if this doesn't work you might just have to try talking to him."

"so we're going to move that to step five and blinking it is."

"wait what's step four then?" "why aiden, faking my own death of course" he joked, hopefully anyway.

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geralt's pov: not as unobservant as you might think!

geralt did not like having to come to his brothers about this but he was starting to get worried.

"lambert, eskel, have either of you noticed something off with jaskier lately?"

"that's what you called us in for," lambert huffed, "he's your bard, shouldn't you know. he's travelling with a witcher, everything's a little off about him."

eskel is only slightly more helpful, "what kind of off, do you think he might be sick, i think the cold can make humans sick."

"he keeps sitting around me weird. like he's always got his head at an odd angle, or he's just practically upside down. he keeps giving me these weird looks, and unless it's one of you two pulling a prank i keep finding plants and bandages in my bed."

"that's ... actually pretty weird. if it helps, it wasn't me and it wasn't aiden. he knows better than to leave me out of f*cking with you." lambert replied.

"maybe we should do a round of gwent tonight" eskel dodged one of lamberts ellbows, "i mean as an excuse to have us all gathered around and watch him. though if you're not too sore a looser to play me again, i'll gladly clear you out of coin."

"i'd like to see you f*cking try"

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game night: observations are made, drinks and laughs are had

it's a bit of the way though gamenight when it hits lambert exactly why his brother's bard has been acting weirdly. it's not something he noticed on purpose, he forgot he was supposed to be, but he got a lot more obvious as the night went on.

at first lambert just figured he was a flirting drunk. the bard had drapped himself over geralt halfway through a game - which lambert was totally teasing geralt over later, call it karma for all the comments about aiden. no need to bring up how aiden was practically also in his lap. his head did seem a bit oddly positioned as geralt had said, but it didn't really look uncomfortable. then again, it might just be lambert getting too used to aiden's seeming lack of spinal structure. so the bard was flirty, jaskier was a little tipsy and well known for being a lover, no big deal.

it was a big deal, however, when he saw jaskier blink up at geralt slowly. he knew exactly what that meant, though it had taken it a while to figure it out. lambert was quite familiar that that was aiden's sign for i love you.

he was fondly reminiscing about how long it had taken himself to figure out the cat witcher was actually behaving like f*cking cat when they first got together when he realized exactly what was happening.

so this was why jaskier kept bothering his boyfriend, 'oh by the gods aiden had been coaching him'. lambert loved adien very much but he was not qualified for that.

he couldn't hold back a laugh, confusing the rest of the room. they all knew lambert wasn't that drunk yet, so why was he wheezing like he just pulled the worlds greatest prank.

"oh this is too f*cking good" lambert managed to get choke out, "aiden i love you but please do not try and give anyone else relationship advice. geralt your bards not broken he's f*cking trying to court you."

"and what's wrong with my relationship advice?" adien pouted.

"kitten, love" he ignored the laugh that earned out of eskel, "you flirt like a cat."

"what does that even mean," that was jaskier this time.

"rats at the foot of my bed roll, catnaps and getting cuddly, and slow blinking. those are cat things."

"oh," jaskier looked sad now, "does that mean i was doing it all wrong then?"

eskel chimed in "i think that depends on what you were trying to be doing."

geralt's poor emotional processing units finally caught up with the conversation, "wait, jask, you were trying to court me?"

"for close to two decades but yeah, whose counting." he admitted a little sheepishly.

"oh" geralt actually had the audacity to sound suprised.

"okay, i'm going to make this really simple. geralt, you are the most emotionally clueless person i have ever met and we are a family of witchers. grealt's bard, he has not shut up about you in ages, and geralt never speaks, get your acts together, please."

"you do know he has a name, right lamb" aiden points out.

"yeah, it's geralt's bard."

"he's his own person," geralt defended.

"would be your bard if you let me," jaskier pouted under his breath. lucky for him, witchers has better hearing than that.

neither of them said anything for a bit after that as they were too busy getting their acts together as lambert had ordered.

"why'd you never say anything about the cat thing?" aiden asked.

"became endearing once i figured it the f*ck out, didn't want to make you feel bad" lambert shrugged. "beside, i think i can lord this over geralt's head for the next decade and a half, so really, all's well that ends well."

[chaos-monkeyy]

State of Chaos

Another update! *sips maple tea this time* 

So I know I’ve been pretty absent on here lately. A large part of that is avoiding spoilers for the new Thrawn book - but my copy is IN THE TRUCK and on its way right now and I am so fucking excited! I will of course tag any spoilers or mentions of content in future posts (though I’m not sure what to tag it with? Probably just #Thrawn Ascendancy and #spoilers? Using anything with ‘Chaos Rising’ feels like I’m just telling you all I’m getting up in the morning or something 😂… any suggestions?). The other part is I’ve just been busy with IRL stuff, including - but not limited to - wading through red tape and bureaucracy for a very promising job prospect 👀, and training my sweet little idiot cat to use her fancy new feeder in an attempt to stop Unauthorized Greedy Pet (not my term, it was in the manual and I’m still laughing about it) from stealing her breakfast the moment it’s left unattended for more than about 4.7 seconds 😼

But enough about that. To the wips!!

Assassin’s Creed

Diletto (working title) 

aka the Ezio gets pegged fic - Been poking at Chapter 2 bit by bit! And getting more used to writing little chunks and snippets of fic non-linearly as they come to me, instead of just sitting at the beginning completely stuck, so that’s been an incredibly useful new skill (thank you Rev, O wise one). 

The skills of Assassins

I have made progress on Chapter 4! 🎉 Mario is really getting a slightly bemused “what have I gotten myself into” vibe that I’m quite enjoying playing with. It’s nowhere near finished yet, but it will come and so will they. 

Other

Crossover/fusion where Ezio just ~exists~ in the Witcher universe; details down in the Witcher section 😉

Ezio/Desmond under the haycart is still on the list for when I have the guts to attempt it! And I also now want to write some Desmond/Shaun smut set in AC3, where they have not-entirely-quiet sex in the echoey cavern somewhere and hopefully possibly annoy Desmond’s asshole father in doing so, just because. Seriously that game should be called Assassin’s Creed 3: Daddy Issues omfg

The Expanse

Posted

Ill-advised encounters - Havelock/Miller smut, first chapter of probably 2 or 3 total has been posted after unexpected inspiration struck! (Explicit)

Star Wars

Posted

Sleepless - a little fluffy ficlet in honour of reaching the 500 fics milestone in the Thranto tag on AO3 🥳 Eli wakes up a little unsettled from a strange dream, but Thrawn is there to comfort him (Teen and up). Extra special thank yous to @confuzing and @star-wars-rebels-5 for encouraging me to do it 😊💙

The Witcher

Flagrant Indecency 

I still plan to have the final chapter up by the Finish your Fic deadline 😁 Though I should… probably check what that deadline is… 🤔

Assassin’s Creed x Witcher crossover

So that ridiculous idea I had about Ezio just being part of the Witcher universe, with past Ezalt (Gerezio?), as-yet unrequited Geraskier (idiots in love again), and leading up to some Ezskier and tasty Gerezkier threesome action? 😏 Wellp, I have started working on it. Verrry very slowly because I’m terrified of Doing It Wrong, but I’m pushing forward anyway! *whispers* also someone else may or may not be writing their own crossover fic with these three as well, and another someone else may or may not be planning to make my version an ILLUSTRATED FIC with me!! I am extremely excited about both these things 🤩

Catskier Ficlets

@revakah went and gave me another Cat!Jaskier idea the other day, which inspired me to revisit that tumblr notfic I did awhile back, and stay up way too late last night turning it into a proper little ficlet. And I want to write the second idea as well now. Maybe I’ll actually make a Catskier series if I get enough ideas 😆 (prompts welcome… if you ever wanted to read about Geralt dealing with Jaskier as a cat, let me know and I’ll see what I can do…)

Posted

Open up - 100 words of Jaskier’s fingers in Geralt’s mouth (Mature).

Friends in low places - Kitty snuggles, Geralt gets to pet a cat for the first time, and all is not what it seems (General audiences). I still have that bloody song stuck in my head though, this is why you shouldn’t come up with fic titles at midnight