#slaughter race!vanellope

[secretsocietyofgamejumpers]

How do you think Felix and Calhoun felt about the events of RBTI?

Tell me in the comments!

[gryffsposts]

Characters I admire

Vidia

Mu Qing

Vanellope

Megara

Is it just me or am I seeing some patterns here?

[dix-rose]

I do kinda feel bad for ralph in the second movie yeah he was kinda a controlling dick but he did the floss for vanellope's ungrateful ass

[semena--mertvykh]

Ce qui te fait mal, supprime-le

Tentation infernale de se refaire le match, comme de grimper encore et encore sur le tripalium : si je n'avais pas perdu une année de M1 à Angers, j'aurais pu partir en Belgique l'année dernière, mon père aurait eu le temps de vendre l'appartement et aujourd'hui, je serais dans un autre espace-temps. Oh putain.

I.

En train de pleurer sur le canapé de Valérie. Elle me frotte l'épaule les yeux pleins de larmes et elle écarte une de mes mèches de cheveux que je suis en train de couvrir de bave. Enzo me dévisage effrayé, interdit et penaud, son camion pendant mollement au bout du bras. J'entends Thierry prendre les clés sur la console : "Tu viens Enzo, on va chercher des glaces ?".

Ils avaient voulu m'annoncer la mutation de Thierry, ce soir-là, et leur départ pour Montpellier d'ici la fin de l'année. Deuxième enfant en projet ; envie d'espace ; marre de la banlieue parisienne.

Et puis ils avaient renoncé, évidemment.

Encaisser les décélérations successives - un phénomène aussi scandaleux, aussi suffoquant, qu'une accélération que tu n'as pas vue venir.

Elle va être longue cette année je sens.

II.

Et dire adieu à un paquet d'argent, assez pour se recommencer une vie à l'autre bout de la planète comme un petit lot de consolation, "Et là c'est pas au Canada que je partais finir mes études, c'est en Nouvelle-Zélande et tu me revoyais jamais".

On est sur le Périph avec AstroLab, en route vers je sais plus où, et il commente sans lever le nez de Candy Crush :

"Eh tu le prends bien quand même. Si moi j'avais cette somme, je m'achèterais un duplex en plein Paris et je ferais des grosses teufs de bâtard".

Si j'avais pu me barrer sur la Lune, je l'aurais fait. Mettre le maximum de distance entre moi et cette vie qui n'existera jamais. Je le pense mais je ne le dis pas. AstroLab sacrifierait tout pour une soirée avec Lionel Messi, mais il ne peut pas comprendre que j'aurais tout sacrifié pour une vie de chercheuse. Il m'énerve. Même là - obstinée à arroser un arbre mort, doutant de tous sauf de mes propres voix intérieures - même là, auprès de mes amis, je passe pour la perchée du village.

-- Qu'est-ce que j'irais foutre d'un appart, dans une ville qu'est grande comme une boîte à chaussures ? Plus de chances de croiser un ex que de croiser un prof qui me prendrait en thèse, bon tu déboîtes toi ou tu ramasses tes neurones ?

-- Ah bah pas si bien que çà, finalement, flûte AstroLab avec une petite voix philosophe.

Çà doit être la première fois qu'il me voit perdre mon sang-froid au volant. Ne plus prendre aucun plaisir à louvoyer entre les files.

"Première destination touristique mon cul ouais".

III.

Et comprendre, mais tard, tellement tard, au moment exact où le soleil se couche derrière la herse de La Défense, que l'Université était ce nouveau monde que je brûlais de rejoindre

et que je suis condamnée à revivre le même déchirement encore et encore, devoir quitter Cologne et Oma et Opa parce que sacro-saint droit maternel à me rejeter puis me reprendre quand çà lui chante, ne jamais pouvoir rester, devoir rentrer dans un pays et une ville que je déteste

[outoftheirdifferences]

"Ah, 'm not too worried. Trust me, I got used to not lettin' anyone notice me if I didn't want 'em to."

Just ask her fifteen years' experience of sneaking around Sugar Rush to avoid getting bullied any more than she could absolutely help about that. Plus, by now she considered herself kinda an expert on dropping in and out of other games safely, too; in fact, the child could probably stand to be a little more worried than she currently was.

But enough about her chances, which she was overly confident in; Vanellope leapt to the subject of the game she'd come from.

"Psh, nah, there's no track. I mean, yeah, it's a racing game: but it's the biggest, most open-world racing game you've ever seen. Forget programmed-in tracks and routes; every race is improvisation central, we can drive anywhere we like."

She wasn't even exaggerating. Slaughter Race's streets were any racer's dream playground, and she counted herself incredibly lucky to have found herself a place there.

Stuffing her hands in her pockets she shrugged, turned the conversation back on her current companion.

"So what about you, anyway? What sorta thing do you do around these parts?"

❝ Good luck with that . At this point just about everyone's lookin' to throw hands . ❞

Whatever the case it's a breath of fresh air in contrast to the usual lineup . Even if there weren't many players running amuck she'd still have to be careful exploring , though she is a bit concerned about the safety of a child . Specially out here where more competitive folks jump the chance to earn extra points .

The subject of cough drops however , is up to par . Sure they'll keep that nasty cough at bay— but not enough to cure whatever illness has infected her system .

❝ I'm , guessing this 'Slaughter Race' is one of those track games ? ❞

Seems unusual for a character of her color palette to be in one of those , but then again there's no limitations to design when it comes to online platforms .

[king-crawler]

Going off another persons head cannon (and just more evidence that Vanellope went Turbo):

Do you remember in (trigger and spoiler warning for the ninth circle of hell) Ralph Breaks the Internet when Vanellope thought she caused the glitching in slaughter race; a game that she was not originally a part of, and said "I didn't mean to destroy your game!" Ralph then got her out of there JUST IN TIME before the game reset.

I think about that everytime I rewatch Turbo's original story. Just imagining Turbo jumping out of his wrecked car looking around at the glitched world; Terrified. "I-I didn't mean to destroy the game!" He says to himself as he runs to the exit, just before it gets unplugged.

[dust-tastic-1983]

What do you think turbo/kc would do if he somehow ended up on the internet? Obviously if he's still a cybug he'd just infect everything like the virus he is. But in the highly unlikely scenario that he both survives the first movie AND reverts back to non-cybug state, went back into hiding and then made it on to the Internet, what would he do?

Would he be on NASCAR related forums arguing semantics and sending people their IP adress before getting banned for spamming? Would he hang around the dark web? He definitely would join racing games like slaughter race and roblox and the likes getting banned a couple times before he figures out he can't get away with harassing people for using a banana peel in mario kart.

He knows code, would he try to better his skills? Would he look himself up on knowsmore? Would he spend all his time trying to get revenge on ralph and vanellope or would he move on with his life? He would not lmao

Would he try to become an influencer? What kind, gaming? Car related? Prank channel??? God he would thrive on drama content Holy shit.

Look, ralph breaks the internet isn't a good sequal, but I like worldbuilding and I really wanna put turbo in scenarios and see what he will do like a lab rat.

[zigzthingz]

TurboWreck

A Wreck-It-Ralph Swap AU

This AU is about the swapping of TurboTime and Fix-It-Felix Jr’s roles in the arcades universe. Sugar Rush and Hero’s duty are also quite different, for plot sake. This post will be covering what each game looks like in this au through text

Sugar Rush

Sugar Rush is now a game about demolition derby, much like slaughter race in the unspoken about second movie. Characters now range in size, and don’t stick to their cutesy candy motifs like the sugar Rush we know. The name sticks to sugar Rush, to say they are high on an actual sugar Rush and letting out their wild side (pretty sure that’s the reason for the original one but this is just a little more intense) vanellope originally is the champion of the derby, and nobody here is seen as the bad guy. Ralph takes over this game and becomes the CHAMPION of the demolition derby. Because- you know. He wrecks stuff. Professionally.

Hero’s Duty

Hero’s duty is, mostly the same game. Calhoun though, ends up getting into an adoptive mother type relationship to the turbotwins. Not much to say that’s different about Hero’s duty.

Fix-It-Felix Jr

Fix-it-Felix Jr was a fairly popular game in the arcade. It’s the same game, Ralph breaks the building and the nicelanders and Felix try to stop him. Though, now Ralph is more hungry for attention and being seen as a champion more than ever. The arcade somewhat feared his aggression and determination. He wanted to be a hero, but had the attitude of a villain. As soon as (NOT YET NAMED GAME) was plugged in, and people were destroying without being seen as villains, it broke him. So Ralph abandoned his game and infiltrated it, breaking both games and getting both games unplugged. Fix it Felix jr, the nicelanders, and Ralph all were unplugged with the game (or so they thought)

TurboTime

TurboTime is the most popular game in the arcade! Featuring Turbo as the player, and the Turbotwins as his competitors! (The crowd is not sentient) the game is the same as the movie, racing ofc. Turbo now, getting tired of the same track over and over for 30 years seeks out something new. So, he goes to hero’s duty. At first he struggled to even find a way to fit in, but with his genius coding skills he mysteriously gained, he makes a fake (not too obvious, but it’s flawed) cybug costume unknowing that cybugs are not spared nor do they respawn. So he bumps into a bit of trouble, but eventually gets the costume to fly up to the top of the tower out of curiosity. He of course stumbles onto the eggs, falls into an escape pod and you know the rest.

Finished!

[turbo-time-never-ends]

Turbo/King Candy could regenerate in Sugar Rush

You can’t tell me that nobody who picked King Candy ever fell off the track in the 15 years he was in Sugar Rush. When Vanellope put her code into Slaughter race it was so she could regenerate. So it must have also worked for Turbo.

But you might say ‘why did he die permanently from the volcano?’ I think it’s because his code was so messed up from being eaten by a Cybug that it could not identify it was him so regeneration did not work.

[rosetyler42]

Here's a mixed bag of some crossovers I found while looking through my Sorting folder that I don't think I ever posted here!

1. Bendy meets Bendy! I did this gag after watching Everyone Knows It's Bendy and thinking it'd be funny if Fosters Bendy tried to frame Bendy for a crime yeah didn't commit (considering what else Bendy's been through.) Possible WIR-Verse or an AU where Bendy and friends ended up at Fosters after the studio's closure. As @lovelylivelyv said, Bendy's definitely gonna give the guy the scare of his life for this.

(Side note: While Foster's Bendy is a terrible lil shit as a character, Animation-wise I LOVE how he can go from very malicious to over-the-top innocence.)

2. Reuben and Jackie Khones! Two somewhat lazy, wise-cracking, sandwich-loving cartoon characters I could definitely see getting along. (Outside of their treatment of Wilt. Unlike Jackie, Reuben would see no reason to pick on a nice guy like Wilt, that's like kicking puppies.)

3. XD A hilarious WIR-Verse bit inspired by The Big Cheese. Somehow, Cheese wandered into Bendy and the Ink Machine without getting killed and most likely only got spooked by Sammy singing about Sheep. Don't ask how he made it in there, but Alice will definitely return him back to Fosters unharmed.

(Though...maybe tied up gagged to stop the annoying constant screams and running off. XD Alice might be a mom, nicer and far less murderous than Susan, but...she's a toon with some skewed thinking and would still find Cheese annoying. Even of she doesn't want to KILL him.)

4. Another in the "Don't ask how this happened" column: Bugs offering to help fellow hounded underdog Boris the Wolf deal with his "Angel Dame" problem.

5. This one came from the similarities and contrasts between Coraline and Destination: Imagination. Considering Coraline's experience was with a child-eating demon and The World was just a child looking for a friend (and the Beldam luring her in and spying on her with a doll) I thought it'd be interesting to have these two meet.

6. Some Coraline v Vanellope argument about Vanny leaving Sugar Rush for Slaughter Race. Both girls are in some ways important to their games and very adventurous, clever, and rebellious. But Coraline's learned what running off to live in a fantasy world and leaving family and responsibility behind can mean, what disasters that can bring, and doesn't want Vanny to make the same mistake. Whereas Vanny sees herself as just another racer, bullied her whole life and thought if as just a mistake, who doesn't really fit in there and feels meant for other things.

9. XD Here's an amusing AU: What if Coraline met Pinky and the Brain in the Other World somehow, thinking they were Other World mice since they could talk like she first mistakes the cat? Brain and Pinky most likely were on some take over the world scheme but I could see them trying to help this girl not get eaten by an obvious predator. Bonus, added by a question from @lovelylivelyv : Coraline actually wouldn't be thrown much by Brain's obvious spelling out of his identity and intentions. It's not the weirdest thing she's heard that day, and she might assume he either means THIS world or Her real world, whichever one she doesn't like more when he says it. Which...might bother him a bit, even as much as he appreciates the child's intellect.

7+8 I love the idea of Ki from "Mars Needs Moms" and @lovelylivelyv and I's version of Alice meeting. Two old-timey style characters somewhat unfamiliar with contemporary human culture but with a fascination with color and plants though growing up in a barren mono-color world. 7 shows Ki modified her color tags for the Cycle as a gift for Alice, while Alice shows an excited Ki a flower she grew herself.

10. Some messing around with Pinky and the Brain and my Drakgo shipchild OC, Lily Lipsky! Inspired by Two Mice and a Baby and the History song. I know Brain's not really good with kids normally, but with Lily being a evil genius child prodigy with intentions for World Domination who actually seems to LIKE him and UNDERSTAND his lessons...I feel they'd get along pretty well. Bonus: Pinky as usual, not paying attention and staring at a picture of Pharphignewton as a shout out to @lovelylivelyv 's ship.

@chytag @candyheartedchy (Ok, I know you're not into Reuben anymore and Jackie's an enemy, but I did draw Reuben and Bugs here.) @black-ak9 @hotelt-resurrection @serial-serializednovelreader @heartsong1994 @sammy-lawrence-my-beloved @gothicthundra @midnightcaptions @sweet-or-sarcastic @flowery-laser-blasts @inkiedraws @inkhyaena @inkspottie @inkwelldevil @thedopedemon @thedobermutt @thedemonsurfer @themangolover724 @blo0st4r

[celestite-caroline]

Vanellope for the ask game

First impression: neat character :D

Impression now: literally my favourite character from the movie :3 probably the most interesting to me too

Favorite moment: I think it'd be the one where King Candy/Turbo confronts her in the mountain tunnel and when she escapes. also the "you shall all be... executed 🩷" thing

Idea for a story: honestly the only one I had was about her accidentally glitching out of bounds in sugar rush and discovering something mildly weird but definitely concerning out of bounds here

Unpopular opinion: I don't hate the idea of her visiting Slaughter Race! it could be done without her completely leaving her home game, for example have her visit the place during closing hours of her arcade instead

Favorite relationship: from canon ones her friendship with Ralph, it's super sweet (ba dum tss), but I've been also thinking that her theoretical friendship with Sour Bill, her being president and all, would be fun to see

Favorite headcanon: that she eventually starts learning more about glitches, both in her game and others - she doesn't know much coding terms, but could still tell you basically how to make a duplicate item box in sugar rush by driving into it sideways

[secretsocietyofgamejumpers]

Grace’s Post-RBTI Headcanons

One thing I didn’t like as much about the Sugar Rush Racers books from 2023 is that they were explicitly set after Ralph Breaks the Internet, but we really didn’t get to see much of how things changed back at the arcade ever since Vanellope made her decision to stay in Slaughter Race (Ex. How did her relationship to the Sugar Rush racers change? Who’s president now? Etc.) So, here are my headcanons about what happened after Vanellope left.

Sour Bill became president of Sugar Rush. Vanellope chose him 1) because he is the most knowledgeable about ruling the kingdom, having served under two leaders of the game, and 2) because she was afraid there would be a bloodbath if she offered the job to any of the other racers.

When Gene found out about Sour Bill’s new position of power, the two formed a bond. Gene invited Sour Bill to come to Niceland Apartments in the evenings to discuss political strategy (that’s why Gene was carrying him at the end)

Felix took Vanellope leaving perhaps harder than Ralph did—mostly because he felt guilty that he and Calhoun had grown apart from the kid, but also because he felt the responsibility to keep positive for Ralph’s sake. Ralph found Felix crying on his brick pile one night and invited him into his shack for a drink and a chat. The experience helped them grow closer than they’d ever been before.

Calhoun, meanwhile, didn’t seem to be taking the loss so hard. However, one night she opened up to Felix that she was afraid that, like Vanellope, he was bored of the routine of his life, and might even be bored of her. Felix reassured her that would never happen—and that coming home to Calhoun is the most exciting thing to happen to him every day.

Vanellope loved her new friends, the Slaughter Race Five, but no one could replace the friends she’d made at the arcade.

When she first arrived in Slaughter Race, she cried herself to sleep every night over whether she made the right decision. Butcher Boy was always there to lend a meaty shoulder to cry on. (Inspired by the Sugar Rush Racers books.)

Debbie is a tattoo artist when not racing. Vanellope often hangs around her studio, helping her come up with new designs. Also, Debbie created the candy apple design on her car.

Felony is the punk rocker in the Slaughter Race crew. She makes mixtapes for the other four and was stoked to make one for Vanellope. Also, she writes her own music in her spare time, and Vanellope loves to jam out with her.

Pyro is the prankster, and he and Debbie have a sort of friendly rivalry when it comes to pranks. They enjoy filming their pranks on each other and posting it to BuzzzTube, and Vanellope loves to join Pyro in getting back at Debbie. She also enjoys watching Yesss give play-by-plays of the vids.

The Sugar Rush steering wheel didn’t arrive for a few more days after Ralph returned, so Felix and Calhoun still had the racers in their apartment during gameplay hours. Calhoun came up with a foolproof solution: get someone less crucial to their game to babysit the Racers. It was a win-win situation…just not for Markowski!

[citrusella-flugpucker]

So, I've long held that I always thought Ralph Breaks the Internet was... adequate. Not good. Not bad. Just... okay as a sequel. And I think, catching it on Disney Channel today, that I've figured out why that is.

It's because every one of its big ideas could be an interesting hook or element in a WIR sequel on its own.

Vanellope feeling stifled in her role and considering going Turbo (and how that's both similar to and different from previous documented instances of going Turbo (i.e. on the Sugar Rush end, there's no reason the game will go out of order if she happens to disappear from the random roster))

Ralph becoming heavily emotionally dependent on maintaining his friendship with Vanellope and keeping it as-is, and having to work on that

Ralph going Turbo (though maybe not like he did to cause Sugar Rush to go out of order--and doing it again after the first movie would need care to not feel like a rehash)

The internet (though I wonder if the particular execution of the internet not being as interesting may have to do with Rich Moore IIRC openly not really understanding the internet, circa 2012/2013)

Sugar Rush steering wheel breaking/figuring out what to do about it

Engagement farming (that part where Ralph tries to get TubeTube views, though here I mean it more broadly in the sense of "trying to get people to engage with something"--I could even see the specific engagement farming of dated-by-2018-standards memes feeling funny and timeless if the person doing them was not Ralph; for instance, if Litwak (who's past middle-age by RBTI) decided to try to do some to increase foot traffic at the arcade or something lol)

Viruses and glitches (though like Ralph going Turbo, it would need care to not feel like some sort of rehash of Vanellope and the Cy-Bugs)

The B plot with Hero's Cuties as parents/parent figures to the Sugar Rushians

Not Oh My Disney, the Princesses, or... nnnngh... the Slaughter Race Princess Song™. They just really only "work" in a very particular treatment of the plot and would be uninteresting or bad on their own (at least in the context of a Wreck-It Ralph sequel--maybe they'd be fine in a different movie entirely).

But anyway, the problem, I think, that brings the movie down to "adequate", that makes me not enjoy it as much or feel the magic I felt with WIR, is that the movie shoves all of these individually interesting thoughts together in a way that makes it feel cluttered and unfocused.

In essence, the movie can't pick a lane, I guess is what I'm saying. It wants to do too many things, and the way it does too many things results in an experience that doesn't feel as nice as the tightly interconnected A and B plots of the first movie. Whereas if it maybe picked fewer things from the list (or even just one thing) that it was able to execute well, maybe it would have felt like a nicer experience for WIR fans in particular?

TL;DR: Maybe RBTI would have felt nicer as a WIR sequel if it tried to do... less?

[misscerasus]

Storyboard of an unused version of Ralph and Vanellope escaping Slaughter Race by Carlos Romero.

[legendary-defender-of-fandoms]

Guess what? It’s Vanellope’s turn

So, one of the chief complaints that gets tossed around about RBTI is how Vanellope “went Turbo” by abandoning Sugar Rush for Slaughter Race. And while I get some of the criticism, I have to push back on some points.

Folks say that gamers will notice Vanellope’s absence & get the game unplugged for good. First, she’s been missing for at least a decade and no one noticed. Second, her outfit & kart don’t match ANY of her pictures on the game console and no one cared. Third, KING CANDY’S gone and his death didn’t lead to the game being unplugged. That’s the power of the Random Racer Roster - no one notices if an old character disappears or if a new character is added. They think it’s just chance.

Turbo forced himself into Roadblasters & Sugar Rush, completely hijacking the latter’s programming to make himself the guy in charge. Vanellope was INVITED to stay in Slaughter Race.

While the movie clearly meant to make it a stupid joke about “Oh, those Disney princesses, always wanting Something More,” we can’t forget that Vanellope was abused, ostracized, and mistreated during her Glitch decade. If Wreck-it Ralph was a standalone movie, it’d be ok if she took charge in the end but became a benevolent ruler so no one would experience the pain she had to suffer because the movie was 90 minutes long & folks needed to get home for work the next day. But with a sequel, it’s not out of the question for Vanellope to need some time & space away from Sugar Rush to figure things out. MAYBE she’ll come back someday, MAYBE she’ll stay in Slaughter Race forever, but she deserves a break.

So, no, I don’t have a problem with Vanellope wanting to expand her horizons and try some new things.

IN THEORY.

In RBTI, however, the execution was incredibly flawed. The press leading up to this movie said the story was meant to be akin to friends going their separate ways for school, one friend being ready to move on while the other stayed behind. But the film made it feel like Vanellope was trading up, not moving forward. The whole thing went out of its way to make Ralph the worst possible choice for Vanellope, replacing him in her life with Shank.

And I’m not hating on Shank. She was clearly made to capitalize on Gal Gadot while Gal Gadot was a marketable star, and the character doesn’t do anything to try to one-up Ralph in the Surrogate Parent department. It’s all the narrative’s doing.

Oh, Vanellope said “Cool” to Ralph living in the garbage once and Ralph kind of trauma-dumped about how living in the garbage sucks ass? Well, Shank & her friends live in a super-cool dystopian dumpster fire & they think it’s AWESOME!

What’s that? Ralph & Vanellope spent a long time baking her first kart, which didn’t look anything like the perfect sample kart but Vanellope loved anyway because it was HERS & her love for her imperfect kart gave Ralph a sense of pride for doing something right for the first time in his life as well as recognition that perfection is overrated? Then the two bonded more as Ralph helped Vanellope learn how to drive & unlocked her dormant driving skills? Well, Shank just GAVE Vanellope her own race car during an Alan Menken musical number & they flew through the sky, so same thing really.

And again, Ralph’s character was COMPLETELY ASSASSINATED to make him look worse compared to Shank! They went back to his stupid beta version from the deleted scenes that was super whiny, kind of gross, and impressively stupid so Shank would look smarter, sleeker, and more put-together. They made him throw a temper tantrum outside of eBay when he didn’t understand the rules of bidding & blubber like a baby when he got caught trying to steal Shank’s car so Shank would be the more emotionally stable one. HE PURPOSEFULLY CRASHED SLAUGHTER RACE & ALMOST KILLED VANELLOPE so no one would want to see her stick with his clingy, insecure ass.

And this “Vanellope traded up” vibe continues in other media. Like the “Sugar Rush Racers” books I mentioned before. Vanellope spends MAYBE five off-page minutes with Ralph before he takes a nap & the other Sugar Rush Racers ask Vanellope if they can join her in Slaughter Race for a bit. Then during the story, Vanellope’s always referencing either the Disney Princesses (which she apparently does a LOT according to the other Racers’ reactions) or her new life with the Slaughter Race characters. There’s ONE mention of that time Ralph was WILLING TO DIE TO SAVE HER LIFE, but that’s it. No mention of making her kart together, no talk of their heart-to-heart in Diet Cola Mountain, no acknowledgement of the training montage or the time he trashed her kart because he thought he was saving her life, then his going back later to apologize & really help her get her life back by winning the race. Nothing. Almost like their adventures together meant nothing. And there’s no mention of OTHER adventures they might’ve shared between movies, despite the Sugar Rush Racers casually mentioning the time King Candy banished two of the recolor racers (which opens a WHOLE can of worms about why he didn’t just do that with Vanellope, or kill her outside Sugar Rush before trying to delete her code & reprogram himself into the game, but whatever). And at the end of the second book, when the Racers are told they can go back to the arcade, Vanellope says she wants to spend “a hot minute” with Ralph before going back to Shank & her crew in Slaughter Race. Implying they’re her REAL family.

WHAT

THE

ACTUAL

FUCKITY

FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I truly believe if the authors of the books COULD have left even the mention of Ralph out, they would’ve. He has been thoroughly Scrappy Doo’d by Disney, and it fucking HURTS!!!! HE’S THE REASON VANELLOPE EXISTS!!!!!!! AND THEY ARE TRYING TO KILL HIM!!!!!!!

And still, I need to know why? Why does Disney hate him? Why does Disney want US to hate him? WHY are they trying to bury him?!!!?! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED DURING PRODUCTION OF THIS STUPID CURSED SEQUEL?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

[yippeecheapdvds]

On Friday I suffered throh "Ralph Breaks the Internet" (2018) Sic-Fi/Adventure

God I hated this. I knew i was going to hate it. I didn't want to watch it, but my friend wanted to do a double feature where we watched the original movie and it's sequel so she dragged me down with her 😭I tried to open my mind to the possibility that it could be at least ok, and it started out mid, but the longer it went on the worse and worse it got and the more I hated it. I did have some fun tearing it apart with my friend but it still hurt to watch and for most of the movie i was audibly groaning to drown out the cringe dialogue or gripping my head and screaming "NOOOOOO"

Shit I liked:

The squareheaded Mr Litwack. it was cute. also seeing his office.

Learning that the arcade is located in Sothern California

the green pop up ad guy and Knowsmore.

The little part where Ralph went to the old internet, and it had signs like "y2k" and "dial up" covered in dust.

The way the player characters moved in Slaughter Race

the chase sequence in Slaughter race. made me think for a second that I could actually like this movie.

Uhhhhh yah that's it

Shit i have mixed feelings about:

Felix and Calhoon were barely in the movie. Turbo wasn't in it at all. Sad that I didn't get much/any of my favorite characters but good thing they were barely/not here so the movie didn't have much/any time to ruin them.

The giant ralph monster was creepy as hell which like, good job on that but conceptually I hated it.

Shit i fucking hated, sorted by how mad it made me:

The way they made the internet super squeaky clean, only full of cat videos. like i know why they did it but it comes off as super fake.

The insults ralph was reading were all super lame.

Ralph going viral was stupid as shit

the pancake bunny. vile.

The friendship break up was stupid as shit. Ralph was hella dumb and acted like a kid i hated it.

the way they desaturated the colors in sugar rush to make it seem boring and less appealing. i saw that. fuck you.

most of the dialogue was hella cringe and hurt to listen to.

ralph game jumping in the middle of the day to make Vanelope that track. couldn't you have just waited untill after hours???????? fucking idiot.

the fucking missed potential??? we could have had a movie where they like visit internet games and feel like arcades are fading in relevancy, or had them meet versions of themselves from like emulators or other arcades or something; like seeing a Ralph that did go turbo, a Turbo that diden't, a Vanelope who never had trauma. it really felt like whoever wrote this movie didn't care about the original film and just picked out a stock kid's movie conflict that spat in the face of the original move's themes and meseging.

the oh my disney section, and the princesses. just all of it. easily one of the most painfull parts of the whole movie.

The way Ralph acted the entire godam movie. they completely threw out his characterization and character development in the last movie and had him acting like a creepy tween. WHY DID THEY MAKE HIM SO STUPID???

the idea that Vanellope 'belongs in slaughter race' is a travesty for multiple reasons one of wich being that SHE'S 9 and that game is almost certainly teen and up.

The WAY VAN ACTED OH MY GOD GIRL she spent the entire last movie trying to belong in sugar rush and then she just got bored and threw it all away???? why???? WHY DID THEY MAKE HER GO TURBO I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT

The fucking ending.

Congratulations RBTI, you managed to achieve the extremely rare rating of 2/10 and become the second worst movie I've ever seen. Don't see this. forget it exists.