#slamming my head against a wall

[stannyramirez]

[0vergrowngraveyard]

part of me is very tempted to rewrite 30 minutes. i think i wrote myself into a hole idk how to get out of 😭

[takami-takami]

RANT ABOUT MYSELF. BOOOOO

The fucking. PROBLEM is, "get me out of here," I say, shaking the bars of my cage. "Get me out of this house."

But. I don't have any faith in myself that I would be able to survive out there considering I had a Hawks Childhood with respect to neglect and hiding from the world. It's hard. It's hard! Idk if it comes across or if I'm just good at masking, but I wasn't allowed out of the house as a kid. I didn't socialize during key years. A decade. And it's hard, because I spent a good deal of my school years alone and bullied as well.

I feel like I am too traumatized to be able to function in society correctly; not necessarily because of the amount of hurt inflicted upon me— which was quite a bit— but because of what was deprived of.

I don't... Fucking know how to speak people. I don't know English and even though it is my only language, I feel like it's barely my first. I'm not fluent in being a fucking person. I was told to put on a fake shell persona and to never be myself around friends. I try not to listen, but maybe they were onto something cuz I probably should have. I don't know what to do besides try and pull a Wybee with that stitched smile thing.

I try very hard to connect. I'm actually quite terrible with maintenance of relationships. I'm not a good friend, I run away and avoid my inbox. I look at every ask I get and feel deeply unwell at the thought of answering. I love deeply but shallowly. I try to connect further, but it feels like there is a glass box separating me from everyone else.

I don't feel better than anyone else, I just feel wrong. And I see people with all these friends and I get jealous, like. I don't. I don't know what that's like!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!

I consider people online to be friends but I'm scared to say it. It feels like I'm not allowed. I don't feel like I'm doing it right. I don't talk regularly when I wish I did.

Head in my hands. I remind myself again, to take accountability and make the decison to be better. It's a fucking choice. But every time pull down that veil to delude myself into thinking I made my problems up, singing lalala I can't hear you, I don't wake up when I open my eyes. I'm not better just because I decided it. It's still me.

And I don't fucking know if I'm even capable of learning how to live my dream. Which is to have friends both irl and online, a partner (optional), and a job. That is all. That is all. I want bonds. I want bonds. I want bonds. I see how connected everybody could be but not me.

I fucking. HATE how much I am probably projecting onto Hawks. LAUGHS. Everybody disregard my analysis from now on, the fucking jig is up! /s

[calamitoustide]

you guys don’t even wanna know how many hoops i just had to jump through for this fucking theme

[rottengurlz]

[messrmoonyy]

This is insane

https://twitter.com/weissmcns/status/1623231321387716609?t=zvc8eFlBWc3xMoTCcit2iw&s=19

I could take them both. And not in a fight

[eevyerndracaneon]

Sick feeling again

[shevaults]

nora simply stares as hancock coughs, his eyes watering. his touch felt natural before, but his arm around her shoulders as they walk back to the room feels ... forced. he'd fled the room, fled from her, so nora doesn't understand why he's trying. is it the eyes that nora noticed on them when hancock started coughing that prompted him to do it? it's strange. nora feels like she is constantly towing a line between being able to read hancock like a book versus staring at a blank page.

once the door is closed behind them, nora strips herself of his coat and lays it gently across the end of the bed. she climbs onto it as she listens to his excuses. i ran out of cigs. yes, she got that. the cig machine was a little jammed. was it, though? then i forgot my lighter. nora's jaw tenses but she says nothing; she just shuffles over to the side of the bed pushed against the wall, picks up the pip-boy at the end of it, and then sits cross-legged as she begins to slowly flick through it.

nora's hair obscures her face with the way she angles her head downwards to look at the glowing green screen. she sets their coordinates for the morning while she tries to ignore some of her burning questions. what did she do to make him leave? did he really need a cigarette that bad? and if he did, why is he still acting so odd? surely it can't have just been about a smoke. nora just wants quiet ... as evidenced by how silent she's being in response to hancock's excuses. she's trying desperately to think of what to say as she stares at the blinking measurement of her abilities on her pip-boy. for someone seemingly so intelligent, nora doesn't feel it right now. eventually, the vault-dweller forces herself to take a breath as if that'll help her think, but all she can come up with is a lie.

"it's fine," she says flatly, her gaze still flickering over the apparently now very interesting pip-boy. her fingers twist the dials and the familiar click, click, click of it sounds as nora tunes the device to a new section. there's a brief pause before she continues, "i get it." no, she doesn't, but she's too tired to ask and she doesn't want to press him on this the second they get back to the room. what if he runs off again? maybe part of her hopes he'll pry so she doesn't have to be the first to open up ... or maybe this was just meant to be a one time thing ...

Ran from home, ran from the city, ran from Goodneighbor, ran from yourself. You feel a little weird and you run. She's too good for you so you run. She'll find out you're full shit if you don't run. You're runnin' John--

"john..."

His internal monologue is interrupted by Nora's voice. Hancock turned around to face her mid drag. Startled, he covered his mouth in an attempt to prevent the smoke from blowing directly into her face. It puffed up around his fingers into his eyes, making them water. He was shocked to see her out here in what appeared to be just his coat, if he didn't get a small glimpse of her tank top. Whether or not it was the reality of the situation, he suddenly felt the gaze of every patron in their direction.

Hot ash from his cigarette lands on his knuckles and he flinches. A quiet "shit" escapes his lips. Realizing that didn't sound great, he quickly corrected.

"The cigarette, uh, my eyes, it's not you--"

"come back to the room."

Hancock swallowed dryly. He took one more inhale, then put the butt out in the standing ash tray. The pack of cigarettes he grabbed is put into his back pocket, then he wraps an arm around Nora to walk back to the room with her.

The hall felt long as guilt ate away at him. If he wasn't an addict would he have been able to slow down and lay next to her? He liked her, quite a bit, and part of that scared him. He felt this was only temporary. He was used to that. He's had plenty of that. He thought he was okay with that.

What was his problem?

When back in the room, he attempted to be casual.

"I ran out of cigs," that had annoyed him.

"The cig machine was a little jammed," was it really though?

"Then I forgot my lighter," he could've gone back into the room for it.

"I asked the guy up front to borrow one, and he... wasn't too fond of me," that really was out of his control.

[sernstmblr]

[hangingoffence]

need to dig up that draft that i had about jack and ghost arthur<333

[rottengurlz]

🤠

[takami-takami]

someone said hawks in this before and after losing his wings. i thought i'd share :D

I THREW MY FUCKING PHONE.

[kurosagi-h8r]

Tkdb ghouls — boobs, ass, personality, or something else pt 2

what is it called when you need to step away from your device whenever you write two sentences about Haku to keep yourself SANE. It's a disease at this point and it keeps happening when i write haku brainrot istg GET OUT OF MY HEAD *SHAKES HIM VIOLENTLY* anyways *cough* finally i got to write him here. haku, my main target, this happened because of you dude. sprinkle sprinkle

Part 2 - Sinostra, Hotarubi, Obscuary, and Mortkranken

Part 1 here

Fem bodied reader, foot fetish rui, mention of bloodplay. some of them are nsft so minors dni

Taiga

...Your entire being? Wherever he can get his teeth on??

Ok maybe both ass and boobs. Sometimes thigh especially when you're sitting on his lap during his gamble. It's like his hands just have a mind on their own. Had you not stop his hand from going further up he wouldn't even restraint himself. Does he even have any in the first place?

I feel like he's kind of into bloodplay(?) Watching his kitten squirm gets his blood rushing to his groin. The more you resist the more irresistible you are to him. Unless you made it clear to him that you don't want to scar yourself for him.

Romeo

(I'm biased) I would say he's personality guy... and after that is definitely looks. Of course what I mean by personality is not about being kind or compassionate, it's more about how you carry yourself. Be a fucking egoist; be fucking classy. But of course looks also matter because how you present yourself is how you want people to perceive you. You should treat your exterior like it’s an armor and you have to keep him in mind when you try to make yourself look good. "Will Romeo hate it? Or will he like it?"

He's a face guy.

Look him in the eye when you're talking to him, think about him when you put on your makeup, don't refuse when he wants to cum on your face, do not ever turn your face away when he's still being gentle – not when his hand is still caressing your cheek, and not grabbing your face roughly.

Whatever effort you've done for him, he should be the only one ruining it. Your tears should be there for him or because of him. Your smile should be there only when he's the one making you smile. Your anger, disgust, hatred, they’re all his to manipulate and witness to his heart's content.

Did I say your face is his favorite thing to cum to?

Ritsu

Physically, he's into ass. And don't ask me why. He love your hips too especially when he can get his hand on it. Love to see you wear pencil skirt that hugs your curve on that area.

And intelligence. If you can argue with him (in his style), the longer you stand your ground your next words are will not be going through his head but through his dick. 100%. If you win he'll say yes to bottoming for you and you know he's not one to purposely lose a battle.

Subaru

Look... eyes...

Eyes are window through the soul, in which he will gladly get lost in if they're yours. Yes, with a single touch he can get inside your head but being able to look into your beautiful orbs and wonder about what you're thinking is simply... exhilarating. To think that you're so open to him that way... so trusting... he should've present you with a ring right there and then.

He can be a bit shy to lock gaze for too long, but if you distract him with kisses on the lips he would have no choice but to not look away. Yes he will faint but who cares when your arms are there to catch him.

Haku

Lips

He loves watching your lips when he does things to you. Be it when he's making you cum or when your lips are around his cock or as simple as hearing you talk. Sure he's listening to you talking about this and that but for sure half of his focus is on the way your lips are moving.

100% would run his finger through your lips, then slowly insert a finger in as you try not to gag, and then your drool would be all over them ruining layer of lip gloss that you've put on. Is it strawberry flavor this time? Can I have the honor of tasting it, princess? Please?

Of course his favorite word on your lips would be his name, much to his denial. Calling his name like a prayer is the last thing he needs — it's what he wants, but not what he needs. He never need to be your God, he simply wish to be... Haku. Your Haku.

Zenji

Your skin is the perfectly blank canvas; your voice, scent, and soul, are the arts seeping through it. It'll be forever forgotten if Zenji – the man of quill – does not do justice on reflecting back your beauty with the touch of his lips and fingertips.

Would worship every inch of your skin if he could. He would write poems on you because you wouldn't let him bring papers to bed. With a lipstick he could either use it to write on you, or use it on him and let his mouth to the job of leaving love traces on you.

Ed

Shoulder, neck, veins– exposed veins.

He bites. Or at least planning to one day. His claws slowly tracing along your veins, soon he'll invite his own lips on you – oh so slowly like you're his long lost lover and his main focus would be to make you stay in your place for as long as he can make you.

Fantasize about leaving bite marks all over you. If you complain the next day he'll say sorry and use them as reason to kiss the pain away – just to make new ones on other places. He'll whine like a little kid being denied of his nursing time if you say no.

Rui

Greedy bastard number 2 after Haku

Lips, neck, jawline, hands, feet (ok listen i'm still on my sub!rui phase)

He can spend more time picking the perfect stocking and killer stiletto/heels than the rest of the lingerie. He doesn't give two shits on what’s up there since he can only look and nothing else. The way you can pleasure him is when he's on his knees with hands tied in the back and your heels playing with his hard cock until he's a whimpering mess.

Lyca

Scent. I don't think I should explain more. He would even find your sweat pleasing to his nose and you would have a hard time pushing him away.

Yuri

Ankles (Blame @/jeun-bug and @/istharoth for this). Well I mean it wouldn't be far off so i will not be explaining it here.

Yuri and exposed back.

Backshots.

The guy can perform autopsy like it’s a walk in the park but if you need help unzipping the back of your dress???? Yeah. Somebody please call the ambulance, the doctor is frothing at the mouth /j

Jiro

Big size difference. Whether you're the small one or the big one doesn't really matter as long as there's a noticeable gap between you and him. He's down for picking you up with one arm and also looking up during conversations.

[pdwoozi]

5.19 Folie A Deux

[rottengurlz]

[hanniedream]

photos that unequivocally destroyed my entire life and what little was left of my sanity