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daengtokki · 3 months ago

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part three // serial killer!Kim Seungmin/afab reader

WC: 14.4k

RATING: mature/explicit/mdni—contains: angst, murder, blood, very brief m/m, bodily penance/self-harm, medication, sex, more blood

SYNOPSIS: Seungmin floats through life alone, haunted by his memories—keeping himself under control, and quieting his mind the only way he knows how…killing and watching the life leave his victims eyes. When you cross his path on a morning hunt, something new (something forgotten) starts to move inside of him, leading both of you on a path to confront the unspeakable past.

thank you again to @thackery-blinks, and also this song

˗ˋˏ♡ please reblog/tag if you enjoy, and help my work reach a wider audience. thank you friends!

[ ML — DEITY MASTERLIST ]

After the second cup of coffee, you start to pay more attention to the time. It feels like an hour has passed, at least, but you can’t be sure, because you have no idea what time it was when the two of you woke up this morning. It’s even colder now, and the draft continues to blow in—that’s how you know he’s still out there. Doing what, though? Being alone, yes…meditating? Punishing himself?

You fill a third cup of coffee and decide to let fifteen more minutes pass before checking on him. You could just get up and go now, but it doesn't feel like your place to question his actions. This is really none of your business. Should you make it your business?

His back is straight, his head is down…you can see the steady puffs of condensation leave his nose. The blanket you pulled from the couch is rolled up under your arm when you push the curtain aside and walk out onto the balcony. It’s even colder than you imagined, now that the walls of his bedroom are gone.

How could he have been out here for so long? Seungmin isn’t made of much; he’s thin. Tall and broad, yes, but thin. And though his body has been warm and comfortable when you’ve been close to him, he can’t possibly keep that warmth in him right now. He doesn’t seem to hear you approach, or kneel at his side. You unfold the flannel blanket, the same one he gave you before, and carefully wrap it around his shoulders, up to his neck. Now he moves a little, and when you rub your hand over his back and shoulders, he opens his eyes and looks at you.

“Why are you out here?”

“Why are you?”

“Come back inside, please”

“Are you sure?” He grabs the blanket and pulls it around him.

“Yes, of course, I’m sure”

He nods, but he doesn’t move yet. Maybe he needs to find some energy first—there’s no way he has any left now. His legs look lifeless and pale, but they still work when he gets his feet flat on the ground. You follow him as he rises, hold his arm, and you’re surprised that he lets you guide him back inside.

He starts toward the door.

“No, you should get back into bed”

“I need some coffee.” His voice is so small, and weak.

“I’ll bring you some”

Seungmin stops, and stands there for a few seconds.

“Please”

When you return, he’s halfway under his covers with the blanket still wrapped around him.

“If you still want to be alone, I won’t stay in here”

“You can stay”

“Okay…” you climb onto the bed, find a spot in the middle, close to him, but not too close, and watch him as he quietly shivers. His cheeks and ears are red and chapped from the wind, and his usually pouty pink lips are pale and barely there against his colorless face. “Get all the way under the covers.” You reach a hand out to touch his neck, and he jumps.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you before”

“I’m fine, you didn’t hurt me”

“I didn’t?” He reaches out and lifts your shirt, and the marks look even more apparent. A few bruises are already starting to bloom where his fingers pressed. “I did.”

“Lie down, you’re still shivering.” His hand is like ice when you grab it, but he shakes free and sets it flat across the bruises. It feels so good, but you try not to make your content sigh too obvious. “Okay, okay…lie down.”

Seungmin listens this time, and you decide to take a chance and move closer. You still don’t know why he was out there, or why he was torturing himself, but maybe he’ll allow you to wrap an arm around him and pull him even closer. His body is so cold, you’re not sure you have enough heat in you to help, but you’re going to try. You’re not sure why, but you know he would do the same for you.

/ / /

Wrapped up…that’s really the only way to describe him this time. Seungmin’s long limbs are all over you, holding tightly. The look on his sleeping face, at least what you can see squeezed against him, is the most content you’ve ever seen it. He’s sleeping like a puppy curled up in a heated blanket. And that’s exactly how you feel—warm, damp with sweat. Too warm. Seungmin’s heat returned, and then some. His cheek feels like a radiator when you touch it.

“I’m so tired,” he mumbles, moves around a little, then settles again. “Why am I so tired?”

“Because you sat outside for hours and it’s -2 degrees”

His eyes pop open like he’s wondering why someone is in his bed, answering him. He lets go, pushes himself back, and examines you.

“Why did you do that?”

“Do what?”

Well, maybe he’s not all there yet. It doesn’t matter. Something about being in bed with him like this again blurs everything. You’re comfortable and warm here, and this is all that’s mattered. You should probably check your messages, your email, your bank account…something—your family might actually be worried enough to send money. It doesn’t matter, though. You don’t plan on going anywhere right now.

“I need to shower, and go out…what time is it?”

“Go out? Why do you have to go out?”

“I have to find…” Seungmin stops and looks at you again. “Someone.”

“Already?”

“Yes”

When did he do this last? Did he do it recently? The last time you asked him, it was in the park, and he told you he killed someone the day you met. After you met, because he didn’t kill you. You can’t even remember how long ago that was, so you close your eyes and think…two weeks, and—

“It’s been two days,” he says.

Oh, it was recent. You find yourself looking around the room as if you missed some clue about his recent activities. Is that why the bedding is all new? Did he do it right here on this bed? “Two days?”

He rises slowly. The arm that’s still draped over your hip slides away, and he stumbles a little as he gets to his feet. “Yeah, on Friday. After I thought you left.” And he’s gone without another word.

You hear him in the shower—he’s in there for a very long time, and when he finally comes out, a cloud of steam follows him. He’s still dripping wet, and his hair is slicked back so tight, he almost looks like a different person. And he’s completely naked. No towel wrapped around his waist, no shorts, just wet skin glowing in the sunlight. Seungmin makes himself more coffee, an iced one this time, and doesn’t say a word as he sips and looks absently at his phone.

He takes his coffee to the bedroom, and he comes back out a few minutes later, partially dressed. All you can do is watch, nervously, as he approaches where you sit at the corner of the couch. Why are you so nervous? Seungmin isn’t even looking at you— he’s staring at the floor, and then at whatever small thing he has in his hand. He holds it out and waits for you to take it before speaking.

“Get whatever you need, or whatever you want…both,” he says softly—practically whispers it. “Max it out, I don’t care.”

If you didn’t assume he planned on doing this since last night, you’d think it was his indirect way of apologizing. Seungmin clearly has money to throw at things to make them go away, or to bring them closer to him. You’re not sure which of those he wants from you right now.

This was your first time shopping in Seoul, and it was overwhelming being on your own in the crowds, but you have to admit it had its moments of calm, and even a few moments of joy—particularly when you found a dress very similar to one that you lost, and especially when you stumbled upon something that reminded you of Seungmin. It seemed silly to get, but it seemed still to pass up, too, and you haven’t decided yet if you’ll give it to him. But you have it just in case. Maybe he’ll be in a better mood after a few more hours of solitude. Maybe he won’t be as bad as you think he’ll be at accepting gifts.

The apartment is dark, and very quiet when you return. Seungmin gave you a copy of both keys, and the code to the final lock—being trusted with that did feel good, and it made your morning a little better after his standoffish attitude. It does make it feel like last night's comments probably weren’t the truth, but you still have to wonder about everything else. You set the bags down and look around; the kitchen light is on, and you can see some soft light coming from the crack beneath his bedroom door. There is sound, but it’s very quiet and you can’t catch any type of conversation.

The closer you get, the more confusing it becomes, until it finally hits you—you think you know what you’re hearing, and it throws your heart into your throat, and you feel a little sick. Seungmin is moaning, over and over, but it’s not quite how he sounds when he’s with you. It’s a steady rhythm, and then he stops…starts again, stops. It almost sounds forced, but he’s the only sound you can hear. Maybe he’s getting himself off; maybe last night wasn’t enough. You don’t want to interrupt him if that is what’s going on, but when you hear another voice, you really start to feel sick.

“Is that good?” the voice says. It sounds masculine, but still, it’s hard to tell for sure. You can’t understand it, anyway. You don’t hear Seungmin’s response, but the other person laughs, and you feel your entire body start to heat up. It could be from anger, or embarrassment, or sadness...all of the above. You feel pretty stupid standing there, but it’s not like Seungmin is your boyfriend. He’s not yours, and you guess you’re not his, either. No, he just took in a stray and gave it unlimited money to shop, absolutely no big deal. Nothing serious.

“Yeah, you are…” Still the nameless, faceless voice. Definitely masculine. “Come back, don’t be a tease.”

You take a few steps back. The language barrier means you can’t say for sure what’s happening behind that door, but it feels obvious. The deep, sensual whispers and the moans can only equal one thing.

“Yeah, keep going”

It’s Seungmin’s voice that time. And then everything goes quiet. A few seconds later, he comes, loudly. And then it’s quiet again.

You take a few more steps back until you hit the side of the kitchen counter, and it’s then that you hear a loud thud. Very loud, like something heaving hitting the ground.

“Fuck…what are you doing?” This time, the voice sounds…angry? No, surprised, confused. It’s hard to tell even as you listen as carefully as possible. Your head is swimming with every strange thought, though. “No…stop, please.”

“What the fuck?” You say out loud to nobody. Your legs are trembling. Another loud thud makes you jump, and then you hear Seungmin. It almost doesn’t sound like him, but you know it’s him. It’s big, and deep, and unlike any version of him you’ve heard…

“Fucking…hold still. Fuck, give me a break.”

The door shakes, the doorknob turns, and as soon as it swings open, all you see is the stranger's terrified face. He’s half-dressed, jeans still mostly zipped, but he slips a little as he makes a run for the door. Seungmin is right behind him, and you just barely see the shine of his knife as he runs by.

Your legs tremble more, and you don’t know how you’re still standing. The feeling of needing to vomit now hits, but nothing happens when you lean forward—just a dry heave, and then your throat tightens right back up. He doesn’t see you…he has one thing in his sights, and it’s almost at the door you’re pretty sure you left unlocked.

The man stumbles again, and Seungmin grabs him by the back of the neck as he falls forward onto the carpet. But he screams, and it’s so loud. You see the glint again as he pulls back and plunges it into the side of his neck. The sound…you think you actually hear the metal as it slides through his skin and tendons and cartilage. Did you really hear it all the way over here? You did hear Seungmin’s angry growl, and you can still hear his heavy, uneven pulls of breath. Finally, you fall to your knees and take one deep breath. The light-headedness outweighs the feeling of vomiting, but you manage to keep it together.

“Son of a bitch,” he says, in English this time, and you definitely hear the blade being pulled out and thrown to the side. It bounces and makes a mess everywhere it hits, and it lands right next to one of the bags you brought home.

Seungmin sighs and runs his fingers through his messy hair, “another fucking mess.” He says it in a sing-songy voice as he turns his head and looks for his knife.

You can see his face now, and it changes immediately when he notices the bags. His eyes grow, and his tongue pokes out a little between his lips. First he looks at his work again, and the mess of blood slowly pouring onto the carpet. Then he looks at the door, which you know he can see is unlocked. If the stranger would have beat him to it…well, you’d rather not think about that. Finally, he turns his head. His eyes seem to soften as they land on you, and something about his face looks guilty.

“Hey,” he says, and very carefully stands up. Seungmin towers over the body, examines it again, and then adjusts his shorts. It’s the only thing he’s wearing, except for two silver necklaces, and a little bit of blood on his stabbing hand. “Hey…I thought you’d be out longer,” he quickly closes the space between you and kneels a few feet away. "Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”

You stay in your spot and watch him as he heads for the sink to wash his hands…once, and then a second time.

“You okay?” He kneels again, much closer this time, and places his hand on your knee. “Hm?” Seungmin keeps his face relaxed, and his eyes heavy, as if he’s trying his best not to make this seem as serious as it really is. To him, it is nothing, you think, and he may be lacking a bit in empathy, but he’s smart enough to know that what you just witnessed was a lot. “Do you wanna stand with me?”

No, you don’t, but you nod anyway and give him your hands.

He stares at you for a long time, silent, wondering what to say next. “Why don’t you go take a long, hot shower? I’ll set some clothes in there for you.”

“Why?”

“Because when you come out, you’ll feel a little better, and everything will be back to normal.”

“Normal?”

“Yeah, mostly. Please, just give me…30 minutes.”

“How are you going to fix this in a half an hour?”

That’s a very good question. Seungmin can clean up in that span of time, but he certainly can’t dispose of this body, as well. Luckily, he usually has a backup plan floating around in his head. “You’ll have to believe me.” He relaxes the vice grip he has on your wrists and slides his hands up your arms. “Try to.”

/ / /

He digs out the hard shell suitcase from the living room closet, and thanks himself for choosing a smaller kill this time. This is not how he likes doing things, and the knife is also not his favorite, but what he really doesn’t like is having an audience. This is a first. At least he didn’t know until after the fact.

As soon as the body, his shoes, his shirt, and whatever else he took off, is out of his sight, he focuses on the carpet. He rolls the rug up neatly, cuts it off as cleanly as possible, and wraps it as tightly as he can in several layers of garbage bags. Luckily, nothing made it down to the hardwood floor. Only a few little spots from the knife need to be cleaned. And the knife, of course. The biggest problem now is how he’s getting this down 26 floors to the basement, two separate times before he has a chance to get to the bedroom.

Seungmin tries his best, and he underestimates how good he really is. He locks everything away in his basement storage, for now, and gets back to the apartment with time to spare. Maybe you’ll give him a few extra minutes. Or maybe you’ll stay in there until he comes to get you.

The bedroom isn’t bad, but you know what was going on in here. He pulls off the bedspread and replaces it with a heavy blanket, just big enough to cover the king-size bed. The clothes on the floor get tossed in the hamper. Everything is thrown back in his drawer, neatly, or in the trash. He’s never worked so fast, because he’s never had to, and he really hopes he never has to speed run this again.

Last, he looks down at himself. He’s sweating, and out of breath, but luckily, he can’t find a splatter of blood on him. He rips off the tshirt and sweatpants, and replaces them with fresh ones.

You still haven’t made a sound, thirty-seven minutes later, so Seungmin knocks… “Hey, do you need anything?”

“Can I come out?”

He smiles at your small, timid voice. “Yes, you can come out.”

Seungmin looks around with you, a little paranoid he forgot something in his rush, but everything looks normal. Everything except the missing piece of carpet. He follows as you walk over to inspect the area, and when you seem satisfied, he follows into the bedroom.

“Where is it, the body?” You look around carefully. This is the first time you really explore his bedroom, and Seungmin doesn’t seem to mind when you end up at one of his bookshelves.

“Not here, not in the apartment.” He watches your hand reach for the music box, but you don’t open it. Your finger slides over the lid, and then you move on to the withering vase of flowers.

“You need some fresh heliotrope. We can change the water, though…they might perk up for another day.”

“Yeah, we can do that.” Seungmin’s heart starts to race, and he doesn’t know why. It picks up even more when you return to the music box, gently pop the latch, and open it. He holds his breath, but luckily, he didn’t wind it. It’s quiet.

“Oh, this…” a dainty silver chain is pinched between your fingers, but you examine it closely before you continue, “no, it’s almost the same.” You hold it up so the St. Michael medallion hangs and sways like a pendulum. “Is this yours?”

“It belonged to my mother. So did the music box.” Seungmin reaches out and grabs the charm between his thumb and forefinger. “Yeah, I guess it’s mine.” How did we get from there, to here? he thinks to himself. You don’t ask him anything else—you carefully set the necklace back inside, close it, and pick up the vase of flowers.

“Where did you get these? Is there a greenhouse nearby?

It takes so much of his energy not to tell you exact truths right now, and he doesn’t know why. Seungmin can’t help but want you to ask him what happened; what did you walk into? Why aren’t you more shaken by this? You did have time to think in the shower, but thinking is one thing, and demanding more information is another. He was actually ready to explain himself. “Yeah, sort of.”

“Can we go get more?” Your voice fades as you head for the kitchen, to the sink, where you carefully replace the water in the vase.

No, Seungmin doesn’t think he can handle that right now. He’s never quite sure when he can, and he usually has to force himself. That might be the case soon. He does need to replace these.

“You gonna dry these, too?”

“…are you okay?”

He assumes by the long silence and the way you’re staring at the flowers…probably not. It was a good act, but you still don’t say anything when you walk back to the bedroom and set the vase back in its spot.

“I didn’t think you’d be back so soon.” Again, you leave the room. Seungmin is beginning to dislike not getting a proper response from you. “Dammit…will you please just answer me?”

You’ve been trying to think of a way to answer him—you really have. This entire day, aside from your alone time shopping, has been strange, and so uncomfortable. He can’t possibly expect you to just be okay, though…Seungmin isn’t stupid. He just wants something, anything besides you changing the subject again. But how are you supposed to tell him the kill wasn’t the worst part? Or that you weren’t even completely sure he was telling you the truth about his killing? You actually thought for a moment that he made the whole thing up, or exaggerated. You don’t have to wonder about that anymore. He did it, and it wasn’t his first time. “I’m okay, it was just,” you think, stall for another few seconds, “hearing you in there with someone else caught me off-guard.”

“Oh, that’s all? I thought I scared you...set off another panic attack, maybe.” The look you give him makes him revisit his response. “It was just a blowjob, I barely touched him, but that will happen again.”

“I know”

“You're jealous?” Seungmin smirks and takes a step toward you. “Is that it?”

“No, I’m not jealous,” you lie. What a stupid lie. “I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“Nobody else lives in my house, or spends my money.” Another step. “Right?”

“Yes”

Close enough to kiss, but no. He reaches out, touches your neck, and leans forward as he does, “nobody else sleeps in my bed.” You can see yourself in his unblinking eyes, until he’s even closer. His lips ghost over your forehead, moving slowly over your temple, and to the spot just above your ear. He kisses once. “Just you.”

A moment of courage comes over you—he’s so close, and he smells so good, and you need to touch him. His hips feel good in your hands, and when he makes a sound, you move them slowly up his sides. You haven’t forgotten, he’s sensitive here.

Seungmin moves down until his breath tickles your ear, “but nobody touches you,” he kisses again, “or I’ll kill them.”

“I don’t want anyone else”

“Good. Now…are you gonna show me what you bought?”

/ / /

“I can try some, right?” He leans back on the couch, yawns, and stretches. Everything suddenly feels very normal. He feels like himself right now, and you suspect it’s his post-kill high.

The way his eyes follow you all over the room is suffocating, though. For some reason, it's making you feel shy, and way too seen. You can’t figure out what it is he sees in you, and what wants from you, and from all of this. What are you giving that somebody else couldn’t? If you knew what he looked for in his victims, maybe it’d be easier to figure out, but you don’t know. You don’t know why he talked to you that morning.

“Yeah, you bought it”

One of the things you bought, something you definitely didn’t need, was 70,000 won almond blossom tea. You only wandered into the shop to escape the crowd, but the owner let you try a sample, and it was impossible to pass up after tasting it. The scent, and the flavor took you back to the warmth of him wrapped around you this morning. It felt good.

Seungmin sneaks up behind you, and when his hand squeezes your waist, the hot water almost ends up on the counter. “It’s pretty…it smells nice,” he’s so close, you can almost feel his lips on you. “How long?”

“Two minutes.” You didn’t think brewing tea would make him so touchy and sweet, but you’ve started expecting pretty much anything from him. “Maybe a little less.”

“Show me something you bought”

“Pick something”

He slides away and heads for the three large bags at the end of the couch, and then he peeks in each one. “Okay, let’s try this one.” He reaches in and pulls out a smaller bag from inside the large one.

“Oh, maybe not that one…”

“Why not?”

“Pick something else”

“Okay, I’ll try again.” He reaches into another large bag, and again, pulls out a small one. “This one, you can’t say no.”

You nod and hand him his tea, “I won’t say no,” and take a sip. He does, too, and you watch him. “Do you like it?”

Before he answers, he takes one more slow sip, and a smile appears. His cheeks round out, and you see the shine of his teeth behind his lips. “I do…it’s nice and sweet.”

“Good,” you peek in the small bag and pull out a flat white box.

Seungmin watches the little golden movements as he swirls his cup, closes his eyes, and drinks again. Memories pop up in his mind: the kitchen, and the sun coming in through the window above the sink. His favorite chair—it faced the stove where he watched her cook every morning, every afternoon. Bundles of dried flowers hanging by the doorway, and the sweet smell of yakgwa if he behaved all week. Sometimes even if he didn’t.

He doesn’t realize how quickly he drains his cup, and he hopes you’ll make him another one.

“Hey…you there?”

“Hm? Yes, I’m here…sorry”

“I wasn’t sure about getting them, or about getting anything for you. So I hope it’s okay.”

“You bought something for me?" His eyes grow as he looks at the box, "this was supposed to be your shopping trip.”

Still soft, and you hope with everything you have that he stays like this for a little longer. Tonight, in the morning, and maybe through tomorrow. You think it, scream it in your head. Maybe he’ll pick up on it just enough. Maybe it’s the tea. You should make him more.

“I know, but…”

“Let me see," he moves the tissue paper out of the way and looks, touches the soft fabric first, and then carefully picks it up.

“It’s corny, I’m sorry”

“Corny? No, they're beautiful.” He reaches in and picks up the second silky handkerchief, and runs his thumb over the embroidered purple flowers, every petal, “and these won't die." Seungmin keeps one and hands the other back to you. You don't know, of course, but this is the first gift he's been given in years.

“Oh, they came as a pair…you don’t want both?”

“No, you keep one. It doesn’t look like you bought much for yourself.”

He’s right, you didn’t get as much as you should have, and that explains why you got back early and interrupted his work. You should have made a list.

“We can go again tomorrow. Maybe you just need company.”

“Company? You’re gonna go shopping with me?”

“Yes, we can do that. We can get lunch somewhere nice, and maybe we can go get more flowers...what? Is that okay?”

Whatever confused look you’re giving him, he caught it. This is the Seungmin from last night, just happier, and more euphoric. “Yeah, we should do that. How about we have more tea, and then we get some sleep? It’s been a long day.”

“It has, but I need to bleach my hair”

“Right now?”

“Yeah, I almost forgot. There were a lot of people around earlier, when I…you know, picked him.”

“I can help if you’d like. And make you some more tea.”

/ / /

The orangey-blonde head of hair sticking out from the covers confuses you in your half-sleep. It’s early, and you set an alarm, but you can’t remember why. Last night hasn’t come back to you quite yet. The puppy plush is in the gap between you, and you really don’t remember putting him there last night. But he’s there, sitting up, almost like he just walked up and took a seat. He’s still a mystery, just like his owner.

The bleach job didn’t work as well as he’d hoped last night, because he forgot he just tried to darken it a few days before. It’s still soft and pretty, and even in his sleep, his bangs frame his face perfectly. Lucky for him, he’s handsome enough to pull anything off.

Seungmin squirms, rolls onto his other side, and settles again. Now, looking at his face, you remember why you set that alarm. How could you forget? You have the day planned out with him, and you’re counting on a smile when he finally wakes up. Something put him in a better mood, a mood good enough for a date, and you suspect it was two kills in three days. He moves again, but you don’t want to wake him yet. He looks happy, or at least comfortable. If he’s dreaming, it’s not strong enough to show, so maybe he got a good night of sleep. Again, you think, hope, plead for the same man to be there when he wakes.

His eyelashes flutter a few times, and open slowly. Close again, open. He looks at the dog, blinks, and then he finds you. Your stomach swirls with butterflies as he stares, and finally, after really waking up, a smile pulls on his lips—a sweet, sleepy smile.

“Jal jat-ssuh?”

“Ne,” he laughs. “That sounded good. Did you?”

“I did”

“Is my hair still orange?” He sits himself up and pulls on a piece to check.

Hopefully it doesn’t discourage him from today’s plans. Hopefully he remembers today’s plans. “It is, it looks good on you, though. A very handsome tangerine.”

“Tangerine? Do you like tangerines?”

“I love them”

“We’ll get some today”

He didn’t forget, and he’s still okay. Seungmin’s head falls back to the pillow, eyes close again, but his smile stays on his lips. And then he starts to hum. If this mood lasts long enough, maybe you can finally hear him sing. You let him go for a little while longer, until he starts to quiet, probably dozing off again…

Seungmin is cute when he’s focused, and he’s very focused on the grill between you; poking and flipping the meat, plating it carefully. His mouth is squished to one side, and the dimple on his cheek is especially noticeable.

“You’re good at this”

“Hm? Oh, sorry, I’m so used to eating alone. I didn’t mean to ignore you.”

“I am, too, it’s okay.” You take the plate from him, and he hands you a few of the things he hoarded on his side of the table. “How are you feeling?”

“How am I feeling?” He takes a very big bite of zucchini, and it takes a few moments for him to get it down. “I feel…pretty good. Better now that we’re eating. I don’t like being hungry.”

“Good. The mall was pretty crowded, so it was nice not being alone. Still, it’s a little overwhelming.”

“We shouldn’t have to do it again for a while. I think we replaced everything you lost, plus extra.”

“Too much extra”

“No, not if it makes you happy”

Happy Seungmin is still here, and now he has a full stomach...even better. You can’t get attached to this feeling, but you’ve become much more attached to him than you thought was possible it such a short amount of time—all of him, good and bad…and the bad still seems to outweigh the good by a lot. It doesn’t seem believable, looking at him right now, but this was him the day you met, you think. Maybe not completely, because he was obviously on the hunt when you showed up, but this Seungmin was there, a little bit. You could feel it—he felt right. He still does.

“Sitting here with you makes me happy”

He stops stirring his broth and looks at you. Was that too much? It was too much, you might as well have just told him you love him. What if you trigger something, and whatever is going on in his head changes completely? You need to get a hold on whatever is going on in your own head. He’s staring, and you can feel it, even with your eyes fixed on your plate.

“Why?” He whispers. You barely hear it, and it’s as if he’s speaking to himself. Asking himself. “I haven’t done anything to make you feel that way.”

“Yes you have”

“Tell me”

The server interrupts with more banchan, more water, more tea. It gives you a whole ten seconds to think, and not sound like an idiot when you answer. Does he really want to know, or is he just putting you on the spot?

“You came back for me, and you took care of me…do you remember what you said to me last night?”

“I tend to forget what I say, apparently”

There��s some attitude in his voice, and you immediately regret saying it. He obviously remembers you asking him the same thing yesterday morning.

“I remember. Depends, though, I said a lot of things.” He moves his eyes around as he thinks, and you’re relieved to see a smirk pop up. “But I assume you’re referring to…killing anyone who touches you.”

He did say a lot of things last night, but yeah…you nod at him.

“You liked that.” No more attitude. He whispers, almost growls under his breath. “Didn’t you?” His eyes are so heavy, and dark. He’s still smiling, but it’s different. It’s so much different. “You did.”

“Maybe”

“Speaking of that..someone in here has been staring at you since we walked in”

“I doubt that”

His eyes move slowly to the left, and stay there. You look in the same direction as discreetly as possible, and you see who he’s talking about—it’s the bartender, and Seungmin is right. He wipes down the bar and smiles at you, but looks away almost immediately after. Maybe the timing was just a coincidence, though.

“He’s just looking. He barely looked.”

“I don’t really like that, either”

“Seungmin”

A shiver runs over you when he says your name…whispers it. “Why don’t you get up and head to the bathroom. Leave the door unlocked.” He cocks his head to the side when you don’t move, or respond. “Please.”

He smiles when you push your chair back, and shows you all of his teeth when you stand. Still happy. If this keeps him that way, he doesn’t have to ask again—as if you'd deny him. Your legs already shake at the thought of him touching you. The bartender's eyes are on you as you walk by, and you feel them linger as you disappear down the short hallway toward the (luckily) private bathroom. You close the door, lean against it, and look around. It’s nice, at least.

Thirty or so seconds pass between you closing the door, and his soft knock. You don’t know why your heart races. It could be that you’ve never done this before, and it doesn’t help that the bartender saw both of you come back here, and he knows exactly what’s going on. If you’re nervous enough, you won’t be able to do this, and he’ll be very disappointed.

The doorknob turns, and he comes in slowly. It’s just Seungmin, there’s no reason to be nervous, and it’s just public sex…very public for you…but your stomach drops when you see someone else…not him, not even close. You only see the face for a split second before he disappears—pulled backward so fast, and with so much force, the door slams shut again. A thud on the other side of the wall echoes through you, through the bathroom, and you have to assume through the entire restaurant. And then, right before you pull the door open, you hear it again. The man—the bartender, is on the floor, flat on his back with one hand covering his bloody face, and there’s a crack in the plaster wall. Seungmin is standing over him, still seeing red, but showing some restraint by not touching him again.

“Wh-what happened?”

He grabs your arm and pulls you closer. “Naleul bwa...” He nudges the man with his foot until he removes his hand and looks up. “Creep.”

A small crowd gathers at the end of the narrow hallway, but he pushes through, still holding you close. Nobody says a word or stops you as you grab your bags and head for the door, and as soon as you get outside, you’re both lost in the crowd.

“Stop, stop…Seungmin!”

“Yeah, what is it?” He slows down, but he doesn’t stop. “You okay?”

“What the hell happened?”

He doesn’t answer. He’s walking you as far away as possible, as calmly as possible. The look on his face is familiar, but different…nervous, worried, excited maybe. You can tell his adrenaline is sky high, and you don’t know why, but you assume this is unusual for him—this somewhat random act of violence. Almost everything you’ve witnessed from him has been disjointed and clumsy, but he hasn’t been caught yet, so you know he’s been careful up until this point. You’re messing him up.

Finally, he stops and lets you catch your breath.

“We’ll head back, drop your things off…”

“Seungmin”

“I’ll drive us to Uljin, if you still want to get flowers”

“Uljin?”

“Yeah, let’s go before we miss the train”

The train is crowded, of course—standing room only, and Seungmin’s fingers grip your wrist the entire time. He’s clearly overwhelmed and soothing himself; there’s nothing romantic or possessive about it, he’s just suddenly very nervous about something. Either the crowd, or what just happened. You change the subject for now, not wanting to move his mind around the incident anymore than necessary. “Uljin is far.”

“I know. I can get us there in three hours, and if you’re tired we can wait until morning to drive back.”

You close the space still left between you, until your face grazes his sweatshirt, “why so far for flowers?” The small corner of the silk handkercheif just pokes out from his back pocket. You didn't notice it before, or catch him putting it there before you left this morning.

“They’re the best ones. And they’re always there for me.”

The ride wasn’t as long and awkward as you feared it would be. Both of you were silent most of the way, but Seungmin kept his music low the entire time, not once deviating from whatever playlist he initially put on. It feels like he’s made this drive more than a few times, and he has a set routine. As you moved closer and closer to the end of the drive, everything became greener, and darker. Lush and beautiful in some spots, but desolate and almost forgotten in others. It all seemed to reflect him.

You’re not sure how far out you are from the destination when he makes the second and final stop, but it’s been three hours, almost exactly, so you wonder why he made another stop at all.

He doesn’t go inside the gas station, but you do. For no reason, really. You check yourself in the bathroom mirror, grab some water, and then watch him for a moment before leaving. Maybe he just needed to stretch his legs—he’s walking slowly toward the edge of the pumps, and then across toward where a small section of woods start. It zig-zags upward and into a much larger section that you can’t see the end of. Seungmin is staring through those trees, hands in his coat pockets, and he doesn’t move when you exit and jingle the bell above the door.

“Here, you haven’t had anything since we left.” He looks at the bottled water in your hands, sighs, and takes it.

“About twenty minutes…we should be there”

“Where exactly is there?” Seungmin downs half of his water before stopping and taking a breath. It’s cold out, but sweat is beading on his forehead and around his temples. You reach up and touch his cheek with the back of your hand, and he turns his head away. “Sorry. You’re very warm. Do you feel okay?”

He nods and takes another long drink, “there is the house I grew up in.”

“Oh.” They’re the best ones, and they’re always there for me makes much more sense now. It’s sentimental. The flowers here are special…special enough for a six-hour roundtrip drive.

The remainder of the trip takes you further into the woods. The road narrows, and the pine trees get closer and closer until, every mile or so, there’s a break in the woods, a clearing, and you can see the sky as it slowly darkens. You know when you arrive, because there’s one lonely hanok in the distance. Seungmin sighs again. He never turned the music back on, so you can hear every sound, and every breath. The snap of twigs under the tires, the chirp of bugs, and the chatter of a few magpies fills most of the silence.

“You grew up here?”

He doesn’t answer until you turn and look at him.

“Yeah, until I was nine. And then…” he can stop there. He doesn’t have to tell you every single thing. You’re just making conversation, not setting him down for therapy. “I got passed around to different family members.”

“Were they good to you?”

Somebody certainly wasn’t, and Seungmin knows you know that. He can feel you looking through him, gathering up his thoughts, and his feelings, and figuring things out on your own. “Yes, my grandparents did the best they could, and my aunts…they did, too.”

His answers just make more questions, considering his life now, but you’ll save them for another time.

The car comes to a slow stop. The house is dark and overgrown, but still somewhat looked after, you assume because of him. To your left is a large garden shed, not as well kept. Once, it was probably nice, but time was not kind to it. A little further down is a large greenhouse, also starting to show its age, but it’s iron and glass, and it’s standing strong without much help.

“Good”

“I wasn’t…uh,” he stops himself this time, and reconsiders. Instead of finishing his thought, he opens the door and steps out.

You do the same, and as soon as you stand and close the door, something hits you. It hits your chest, and works its way down to your stomach until you can’t stay on your feet. You kneel, trying not to fall onto the cold, damp ground, but your hands spread out in front of you as you lean forward and empty the contents of your stomach onto the grass.

“Fuck…what happened? Are you okay?”

“Uh, yeah I think so. Maybe.”

“Do you get car sick?”

His hand on your shoulders takes you back two nights, and the memory makes you feel a little bit better. Opening your eyes and staring into the distance makes it worse again. “No.”

“You’re warm, too”

“Maybe we should do this tomorrow, if we’re staying the night." After the long drive, Seungmin might want to do it now, so why are even asking? But you also know he doesn't feel well. The fever heat between the two of you could bloom more flowers. "We should."

“We can," he says, secretly a little grateful, “I’ll find a room somewhere”

He pulls you to your feet, and it feels awful, but once you’re up and leaning against him, the dizziness is gone. “We’re not staying here?”

“No, we wouldn’t be very comfortable in there”

/ / /

The sick feeling passes eventually, and the room Seungmin finds at the last minute is not far. It’s small, and it’s comfortable. He’s working on the instant tteokbokki a few feet away, very focused, just like he was at the restaurant.

“It smells good”

“Feeling better? We have frozen bungeoppang, too. The hosts are very generous, we got lucky.”

“Lucky, even with one tiny bed?”

“Yeah, even with one tiny bed,” he laughs, and looks at the twin-size bed tucked away in the corner. He’s reminded of the one in your apartment that he never got to try, and he’s surprised his mind can even go there right now. The memory of his last trip home is mostly a blur, even though it wasn’t more than a day or two before you showed up. “Let’s eat, and get into bed.”

Still happy. So why are you suddenly feeling so empty? “I don’t wanna go to sleep yet.” You pick at and stir your food, and watch him devour his. “Hey…”

“Yes?”

“What happened earlier, at the restaurant?”

He was hoping you forgot about that. Seungmin isn’t typically violent unless he plans on seeing it to the end, so today was unusual. He keeps himself out of sight, and out of people’s memories, because he can’t afford to be noticed that much. He doesn’t regret what he did, though, and he has no problem admitting to himself that it felt good. “Before I got up, he started following you. He watched you walk by, and maybe you looked at him and he thought it was an invitation…or he’s just a piece of shit taking advantage of the opportunity.”

“I don’t think I looked at him”

“I caught up, just in time”

“And smashed his face into the wall”

“I didn’t know what I was going to do, but yeah, it seemed like the best choice at the time”

“It was effective”

“Still ruined our moment.” Seungmin’s eyes are tired, but he’s obviously nudging you into bed for more than just sleep. He wants to make up for whatever lust was building inside of him earlier, and you haven’t told him no a single time yet. Why would he expect you to tell him no tonight? But you’re feeling off—much more than just tired. It may have been the adrenaline rush earlier, combined with the very long car ride. It could just be the new setting, because the new setting reminds you a little bit of home, right down to the claustrophobic woods and this 300 square feet of living space.

“Maybe we should go to sleep.” You say, staring hard at your food as you eat. “It’s been a long day.”

/ / /

The twin bed is perfect, at least for you. Seungmin backed himself against the wall and kept his hands to himself after you crawled in beside him, and luckily, there was nothing but sleep for both of you almost immediately. A sharp pinging sound wakes you, and you open your eyes to him at the tiny kitchen counter. The sound you hear is sleet falling against the window, and the realization makes you shiver under the covers…but the smell of brewing coffee brings you right back.

The icy rainfall picks up as you force yourself into a sitting position, but staying up is still hard, regardless of his soft good morning, and his eyes peeking over his mug.

“Morning.” The headache has been there for a while, but you’re conscious now, and really feeling it. “What time is it?”

“It’s almost eleven, we slept a lot”

You count to three and force your feet onto the cold floor, “doesn’t sound like good driving weather out there,” and make it to the other stool, where now you see an empty mug and a plate of warm bungeoppang. Without a word, you reach a hand up and set it on his forehead. “How did you sleep?”

Seungmin doesn’t shake it away, but he gives you a confused look, and he shrugs. “I slept.”

“Did you have any dreams? Nightmares?”

“The usual. Why?”

“Just wondering.” Because you had one, too. “You had a fever yesterday. It’s gone.”

“I think you took it from me, you look miserable”

“Do I?” Miserable is a strong word, but the headache, and the slightly off feeling is definitely close. Maybe you’re allergic to something up here. You make a mental note to take something for that, and for the headache, just in case.

“As soon as the rain stops, we’ll get what we came for, and then head back. Eat something.”

/ / /

The drive through the narrow forest road is even crunchier this time. Tiny icicles hang off tree branches, and no bugs chirp this time…no birds sing. It’s somehow darker this afternoon than it was yesterday at dusk, and the low mist hanging over the property makes you wish you would have just gotten this over with yesterday. Something strange is definitely living in these woods It’s beautiful, though, in its own lonely way. It’s still very alive here and it breathes easily through the cracks in the wood.

Seungmin is quiet, and you expect that. Whatever you’re feeling right now, he must be feeling it threefold. This is his home—or it was, at least, at a very important time in his life. The memory of why he had to leave is still lingering here.

Greenhouse is all he says as he steps out. You follow, and this time, you feel okay when your feet hit the ground. The headache is still there, but not so bad that you can’t fight through it, so you catch up with him and try not to lose your footing in the soft, muddy ground.

“Take your time, it’s uneven down here”

You watch each step as you take it, and weave around the stones and spots where the grass is drowning from the melted snow and ice. Some spots are still slick, so you wonder how anything could possibly be hanging on mid-December…especially what he came for. Even inside the greenhouse. You catch a shine of light from the corner of your eye and stop, even as he bolts ahead of you. Something in the ruins of the shed catches what little bit of sunlight makes it through the clouds.

"Come on..."

The boots you wore could have been better; could have been worse. Seungmin’s Redwings are splattered and caked with mud, old and new, because he knew what he was getting into up here. These are specifically the boots he wears here, you think. No hunting, no murder, no body disposal. Every job has its own equipment.

It’s even prettier up close, and inside, through the condensation rising up every perfect panel of glass, you see green and yellow. Purple, and blue. He opens the door to the anteroom, and the sweet smell of flowers fills you up. When he opens the main door, the warmth still trapped inside almost knocks you on your back.

“Does someone tend to this all year, or…”

“No.” He heads to a workspace in the corner and picks up a pair of gardening shears, a little rusty, but probably still very sharp. “Nobody comes here but me.”

“I like it, it’s nice”

“Yeah?”

You catch up to him and nod, “mhm, I don’t like it outside, but this is better.”

Seungmin leads you to the spot filled with purple flowers. Some of them fill big decorative pots, and some are elevated on homemade wooden shelves, but the largest ones are in the ground. It’s a little bit chaotic, but something about it feels organized at the same time. It’s everywhere, but it’s everywhere exactly where somebody wanted it.

“I see why you came all this way. It’s yours.”

He doesn’t answer. Seungmin lowers himself to the ground and kneels, and you watch as he does nothing for a very long time. The sounds of the greenhouse take over; the creak of the panels as the wind outside hits, and the cries of the bugs. Whatever insects managed to make a home for themselves here are very happy. And it isn't until now that you notice the sound of a single windchime. You find a spot to sit and wait, but you keep your eyes on him. Eventually, after more of his silence passes, it feels as if you’re intruding on something very personal, so you stand, quietly turn away, and focus your attention on a different spot; on different flowers.

What he’s doing over there is more cathartic and necessary than you can imagine.

Seungmin is always careful about how much he cuts and where he cuts from. Some blossoms seem brighter than others, and those are the ones he knows he can take. But before he does anything…

“how have you been?”

It’s exceptionally quiet, and his voice, so soft and light, carries in the small space. At first, you assume he’s speaking to you, because he’s speaking English. But he’s not. You can’t block out his words, so you walk as far from him as you can in an attempt to give him some privacy, but…he knows you’re here. He invited you inside knowing what he was going to do.

“Okay, I guess…sometimes it’s tough to tell from the inside”

Silence. He waits a few moments before speaking again…

“I am, I promise”

˚　　　　✦　　　.　　　

“I know, I’m not alone this time, isn’t that strange? It feels so strange”

⋆ . 　　˚　　　　*　　　

“Yes, it’s a good thing, I know”

　✦　˚ 　˖✶

“I’m trying really hard, I promise”

The silence is much longer this time. You think he might be finished, but he speaks one more time…

“Saranghaeyo…I love you, too”

You finally turn and look at him through a cluster of forget-me-nots, and he’s bowing so low you can hardly see him. The sound of the shears opening and closing finally comes, and you see him very carefully trimming what he needs. Two bundles. He takes both to the workspace, ties them with string, and wraps them gently in dark brown paper. The amount of care he takes is impressive, and he doesn’t rush through it. You take the opportunity to move closer to the blooms of heliotrope, but not too close. Just enough to admire them. They look like they just saw a warm, summer day, not the cold, icy morning you woke to. You almost forget it’s December as you stare at them.

“I’m ready, if you are.” His voice, still gentle, makes you jump.

“Yes, I’m ready”

“Oh, hold on.” Seungmin walks to the corner where you hid, looks around for something, and after a few minutes of him moving things around, digging, pulling, and digging again, he returns with dirt-covered hands and a small pot filled with the little blue flowers. “We’ll take these, too.”

He hands it over, and you hold it close as you start toward the cold again. The rain begins to fall as you carefully make your way back to the car, but it’s just a fine mist this time, no more ice. The bundles of heliotrope are placed in the backseat, but you hold tight to your flowers. Seungmin never implied they were yours, but you know they are. The forget-me-nots are for you.

The closer you get to Seoul, the more withdrawn you feel him becoming. There was some conversation this time, very minimal, and very light, but you said nothing of Uljin, or the greenhouse, or the conversation he had with the flowers. It slowly dwindled until it became a painful silence; no music, not even a contemplative sigh from him. You held your flowers and stared out of your window until the countryside slowly turned to small town, to city, to busy highways, and finally…home. Home?

“I’ll be gone for a few hours”

He tended to his flowers first. One bundle in the vase, the other tied and hung on the side of the window nearest the kitchen.

“Gone? You’re leaving?”

“Haven’t we seen enough of each other over the last two days?”

“Uhm…” Yeah, you guess so. “Sure.”

“I have to get rid of that body, and the carpet. It might take a while.”

The body. You completely forgot about two nights ago. How could you forget about watching him kill someone right in front of you? Luckily, Seungmin didn’t. He may have kept it at the front of his mind this entire time.

A quick change of clothes, and he’s gone without another word or glance in your direction.

The last two days and the night before was more than you expected from him—but enough? How could it possibly be enough? Whoever you were with today in the greenhouse, and in bed with yesterday morning; there’s so much of him you haven’t seen yet. You’ve barely met him. This was nowhere near enough.

So you shower and sort your things from your two shopping trips in an attempt to keep your mind occupied. But where to put them? Not in his drawer, because you need permission for that, and not in his neat, organized (full) closet. Eventually, you decide on folding and setting most of it on the chest near his bookshelves. The vase of flowers sit brand new and bright and fragrant exactly where the previous ones did, and now you have a chance to really look at them; you touch the delicate little petals and lean forward to take in more of the scent, and you wonder what exactly all of this means to him, because it’s something very special. Some of it you think you can figure out on your own, but you know there’s much more.

The flowers send your thoughts back to the music box. Your fingers itch to touch it again—to pick it up and turn the key, so you do. Seungmin isn’t here, and he might not be back for hours, and maybe he wouldn’t mind you looking at everything more closely. He didn’t seem to mind the first time. You pick it up and examine it in the low light. On top, there's a design burned and stained into the wood: a cloud-covered full moon shining down on a leaping rabbit. You turn the key three times, and hold it as it plays a sweet, sad melody that you don’t recognize. Inside you see the necklace, the one that looks almost exactly like yours, a silver bracelet, and a ring that could only be a wedding band. There’s a small piece of worn paper tucked into the corner, folded into the shape of a butterfly, and you leave that alone. You can see little bits of Hangul written on it, so clearly, it’s some sort of note. Even if you could read it…well, you could always use your phone and translate it—no, it’s none of your business.

The drawer could be your business, though. You’ve already seen it, and you can’t imagine it’s much different now than it was that night, but just thinking about it gets your heart racing.

You click his lamp on first, and look at everything sitting on the table. These are things you haven’t done yet, and there are so many little details about him still to learn. His glasses sit in their open case; a pair of thick black-rimmed ones, not the ones you’ve seen him in. His other ones, the ones that suited him so well, were round metal frames, and they’re not here. His silver Chanel necklace is here, and two prescription bottles that you never noticed before. KIM SEUNGMIN is written on the side of both—lorazepam (the little white pill he offered during your panic attack) and haloperidol. The haloperidol doesn’t look like it’s been touched, but the other is nearly empty. So, he has been diagnosed with something, and medicated for it, he just hasn’t followed through with his treatment. Maybe he’s tried, and it didn’t work—or it didn’t work the way he wanted it to. Finally, the drawer. It’s a little messier than you remember, but not bad. He probably hasn’t touched it since he killed two nights ago because the knife isn’t back in its spot. The sheath is there, and the cuffs, the gag. You carefully pick up one of the syringes and examine it, turn it so you can see the liquid inside move around like a tiny lava lamp. Still three of them. Further back, you feel something else. Something small. It’s an earring, just a tiny gold cuff, and it looks familiar. You reach and touch the top of your left ear, and you realize it’s yours. It must have fallen off while you slept, and he found it, and threw it in his drawer…but why didn’t he just return it?

Just as you put it back and turn off the lamp, you hear the click of the lock. You’d like to stay up and greet him, but if he’s still in the mood he was when he left, it might not be worth it. Instead, you climb under the covers and turn off the lamp on your side. He doesn’t come in right away. You can hear him go straight to the shower, and you stay awake and listen the whole twenty minutes he spends in there. Next, you hear him in the kitchen, and the thought makes your stomach growl. You haven’t eaten since midway through the ride home earlier, and that’s hardly worth mentioning. Maybe you should get up and see him, eat with him, if that’s what he’s doing. But you can’t move. You look at your phone: 9 pm. It’s not late at all, but the dark and the cold makes it feel so much later.

As soon as you smell coffee brewing, you decide to get up and check on him.

Seungmin is sitting in the kitchen, elbows on the counter, head down, face completely hidden in his hands. You can’t actually go out there and face him—no, you’re going to be a coward, because the possibility of his anger, no matter how small, is already making you tear up. But his little movements, the shake of his shoulders, make you think that’s what he’s already doing. You push the door up and slink back to bed and under the covers, and this time you somehow fall asleep.

/ / /

The cold air and smell of cigarette smoke wake you, hardly half an hour later, and as soon as you open your eyes, Seungmin slides the balcony door closed. You briefly shut them again when he walks up your side of the bed, and heads to his bookshelf. He looks at the flowers but does nothing else, and because he turned his lamp back on, you can see his face, and you can tell he was crying. He lifts his arm and wipes his cheeks with the sleeve of his sweatshirt, so you have to assume he just managed to stop while he smoked.

He stretches his neck, pulls his sweatshirt off, and heads for his side of the bed. You feel the blankets shift, and the movement as he sits and slides himself underneath. Then you hear the rattle of a pill bottle…the full one, but you don’t hear him remove the lid. He shakes it again, as if he’s looking at it and thinking, but places it back on the table, unopened. You’re relieved when he finally settles onto his pillow. You can relax again, maybe even turn and face him in your pretend sleep, but you don’t get a chance; Seungmin moves closer, and closer. You try not to jump when his hand slides hesitantly up your arm, over your shoulder, and then back down. He moves once more, until his chest can press against your back.

You’re positive he can feel your racing heart, your erratic breathing. His steady breath is traveling down your neck, under the collar of his tshirt you’re still wearing. Should you say something, let him know you’re awake and here with him? It’s possible the thought of you sleeping while he does this makes it easier, and you don’t want to ruin that, so you wait. His hand is on you again, but the touch is still hesitant and stuttery. Seungmin is thinking about his next move. He’s unsure.

After a few more moments, it slides between your arm and your waist, wraps around your stomach, and gently squeezes. He’s pulling you tight against him, finally, all of him. His forehead rests against the nape of your neck; his hips, his thighs, all curve and surround you. Skin on skin, warm under the blankets. You wait until you feel him relax, then set your hand over his…

“Oh, did I wake you?”

“No, you didn’t.” You feel him pull his hand back, but you hold tight and lace your fingers with his. “You didn’t.”

“How long have you been up?”

“Not long, I heard you coming in from the balcony.” Seungmin isn’t as relaxed now. You can feel his body tense, and his breathing change. “I felt you climb into bed.”

He pulls away again, and this time, he escapes your grasp. Seungmin pushes himself back, and when you turn to look, he’s already facing away, readjusting himself back into his spot.

“Seungmin?” Does he think you saw him crying? He must, and he’s right. Should you tell him he’s allowed to do that? “Can I come over there?” You whisper. “Please.”

“If you want to”

“I do,” you crawl to him and get back under the blankets, but instead of wrapping an arm around his waist, you grab his hip and pull until he’s flat on his back. “If…you want me to,” you really hope your smile will spread to him, but he just looks exhausted. His eyes are red and swollen, and his face is pale.

“Say it again,” he mumbles.

“Say what?"

Seungmin lets you push the hair away from his forehead and out of his eyes. “My name."

“Your name?”

He nods and closes his eyes, so your gaze drops to his lips—you haven’t kissed them in a long time, and now seems like the perfect opportunity. “Seungmin.”

“Mm, I like the way it sounds when you say it”

“Have I been saying it okay? Is my accent messing it up?”

“No…it’s perfect”

You take a chance while his eyes are still closed, first at the corner of mouth, and then a little closer. He doesn’t move, so you press your lips firmly against his. He returns it, and his breath deepens. You think he might stop at any moment, so you enjoy it—the way he tastes, the coffee and the leftover minty sweetness of his cigarette. He stays, though. He touches you. Seungmin’s hand moves to your waist and pulls you closer, and you think, maybe the night will be okay now…but it doesn’t last very long. It’s gone, and he turns his head until you stop kissing. Your lips land on his neck, and they stay there.

“Seungmin” you say again, whispering it slowly and carefully.

“I haven't been feeling very good”

“You haven't? What is it?”

He sniffles, and moves his legs against yours under the blankets. Seungmin is warm, but not fever-warm, and something tells you he doesn’t mean physically. Maybe he’ll open up this door, though. Telling you he isn’t feeling well is already a lock unlocked.

But he doesn’t say another word. What he does do is let you touch—he relaxes again as your palm slides over his chest, down his stomach. You press your lips to his collarbone and make a path across his shoulder. “Tell me what’s hurting.”

“Everything”

“Everything?”

“Almost everything”

"Your body?"

He slowly shakes his head.

"Something up here?"

Seungmin's eyes dart toward you as your fingers run through his hair. He thinks for a long moment before answering. "A little."

"Alright, one more...here?"

His hand closes over yours on his chest, but he doesn't give you a yes or no answer. If it's a yes, which you suspect it is, he's probably not going to give you anything else. You leave it at that.

“Tell me what feels okay, maybe it’ll help a little,” you follow the path you made, returning to his collarbone, and working your way up his neck. This time he’s more receptive to it, and his cheek turns to press against yours. “What feels good?”

Seungmin sets his hand on the small of your back and brings you closer. “Good?”

“Mhm…and how can I make it even better? Let me make you feel good.”

“Bite”

“Bite?”

“Right there, please”

You don’t bite yet, but you kiss him again, lick, and graze your teeth across his skin. “Right here?”

The sound he makes is small, and desperate, like he’s afraid you might not do it. “Please.”

Very cautiously, you suck the skin again, and bite until he makes another sound. It feels like a lot of pressure, but it’s not enough for him. You try again.

“Yeah…like that,” he moans, and squirms beneath you, “don’t be shy.”

The spot you sunk your teeth into starts to turn red, and the marks are there…but you didn’t break the skin. You kiss it, and then kiss a new spot just below it and nibble. When he squirms again, you bite down hard, and this time he sounds satisfied. He grabs your hand and guides it under his waistband, and you bite again when your fingers move over his head, down the length of his cock. You stroke him, and watch him watch you work.

“Don’t stop,” he brings you down to his chest, and when your tongue finds his nipple, “harder please”…you bite, and his hips push into your touch. “Fuck.”

You don’t hold back this time, and you feel the skin break between your teeth. The coppery taste of blood hits your tongue when you lick the spot, and Seungmin makes a sound like he’s never made for you before, and he moans your name…

“Seungmin”

“Mmm…yeah?” He sighs and grips your arm as you stroke, “yeah?” and he smiles as his head hits the pillow. Blood starts to bead from the mark on his chest, and it slowly drips down toward his stomach.

You watch it, then look at him, and the urge to clean it off is too strong to ignore. This is new for you. Is it new for him? Before you get the chance to try, he sits up. “Oh, you gonna bite me?”

Seungmin smiles, shakes his head, “no,” and gets himself out of his shorts, “no, sit back…” he touches you, and slides his hands up your outer thighs, but instead of undressing, they come back down, caressing, squeezing, as if he’s taking a moment to admire you. It gives you a knot in your stomach, the thought of it, and the look on his face. The next time they move up, he grabs your underwear and pulls.

The knot grows; the nervous feeling in your stomach won’t go away, and you don’t know why, because you’ve been here already. You’ve been with him, no panic attack. Again, he touches—very softly runs his fingertips over the top of your thigh and to your knee.

“Give me your arms, hold onto me.” He throws more pillows behind you, and rearranges them while he holds you against him. It feels so sweet and so personal, how he’s tending to the spot where he wants you. “Comfortable?”

“Oh…yeah,” you grip the back of his neck, and the other hand digs into his side. “This is nice.”

“Mm, your nails are sharp”

“Are they? Sorry,” you adjust your hold on him, but he shakes his head as you do.

“No…do your worst. Or your best, I guess.”

The thin line of blood running down his chest is beginning to dry, and the marks you made all over him are darkening. He wants more, though, and you can do that. You gently rake your fingers up his back…just enough to tickle, and then back down with a little more pressure. At the same time, his fingers tease you, ghosting up and down so perfectly and carefully.

You spread your legs in anticipation of more. “Hey,” you whisper. His eyes are wide open, but focused elsewhere, just away from you. He’s thinking hard, or spacing out…you can’t tell. “Look at me.”

A little smile tugs at his lips when he looks up, “hm?” And his eyes are big and shining inches from yours, ready to swallow you up. He pushes his hair away from his forehead and comes in for a kiss, and you’re not prepared. At all. It’s just like the elevator kiss—so deep and eager like he can’t get close enough. You fall back on your spot and pull him with you, and he keeps going, slips his tongue in, and moans softly into your mouth. You scratch across his back, not enough to mark, and he does it again.

Each time, you give him more. A little more pressure, a little slower.

He slides in, and with each push, hits deeper and stretches more. His lips keep kissing, though, like he’s trying to distract from the pain he might be causing as he pushes every inch into you. But with every twinge of pain, you dig deeper, pull so slowly, and feel your nails get close to breaking skin.

When you open your eyes to check, his upper back is so much more red and angry than you anticipated.

“Don’t stop,” he whines as he finally pulls away from the kiss.

“It looks so sore…Seungmin, I dunno if I can…” from here you see old scratches mixed in with the new ones, much older, scarred over—they look like more than scratches. How did you never notice them before? You’ve never seen him like this, in this light.

“You can,” he pants, “please.”

The skin is hot when you touch it, and you wince just thinking about how it must feel, but Seungmin doesn’t make a sound when you graze over it. He does, however, let you know that he likes it when you push your nails in again. One more swipe and you see blood.

You stop, and he doesn’t ask you to do it again—instead, he pushes in fully and stays there, kisses and sucks at your neck, nibbles a little, but nothing like what you did to him.

“Good,” he sighs and pushes your thighs upward, and he starts to move in and out, slow at first, but he can’t help himself. His breath catches as he speeds up, and loses himself in the moment, but still, he stays in your neck, moaning against your skin, and breathing down your back…into your ear where he whispers a fuck…fuck, as if he could come any second.

“Slow,” you knead your fingers into his hip, hold him off a little bit, “slow down, relax.”

Seungmin listens and does his best, but it feels too good.

“We have all night...all night”

But this is what he needs. He wants it now. This will make him feel better. All of this. The sting of his back, the gentle throb from each little bite mark, you squeezing so tight around him.

You place a hand on his shoulder. “I’m not going anywhere…Seungmin?” Then move it to the nape of his neck, being careful not to touch the scratches.

This time, he slows much more, almost stops. You worry for a moment and wonder if the words didn’t fall quite right on his ears, but you meant want you said—you’re not leaving.

“I do want you…all night,” Seungmin smiles, and he lets out a laugh tinged with nerves, as if he’s embarrassed about admitting exactly what he wants, or what he needs.

“Good. Did this…” you touch the spot on his chest, and smear the almost dried blood. Then you touch another. “Did this help?”

“A little”

“Sit up,” you hook your arm around his neck as he rises, and now you can slide onto his lap. “Hold onto me.”

Seungmin holds you where you are, hands on your hips, eyes on the space between you. You lift yourself, and you don’t have to tell him what to do—you’re more than ready for him again, and his cock slides in smoothly as you come down.

“Oh, that’s good.” Seungmin is smiling again, and his satisfied laugh is much less anxious. He grabs the back of your shirt and pulls so he can see everything as you move up and down on him…”neomu johda” he mumbles under his breath, “nice and slow,” lifts your shirt over your head, and both arms wrap around you.

“Much better, yeah?”

His presses his cheek against your chest, and you can feel his nod.

“I don’t mind working for it”

Seungmin laughs again, and turns his face to kiss wherever he can get to; your shoulders, your throat, down your chest to the soft skin of your breast. He’s surprisingly gentle when he gets there, and even more so when he runs his tongue around your nipple. He stares up at you, eyes wide and shining, as if he’s waiting for something…your reaction, your approval. It’s not a side of him you’ve seen—you didn’t think he even had a side like this.

You run the pad of your thumb just under his eye, where a faint scar shines in the light, and he smiles again. His face disappears against you, so all you see is the top of his peachy-colored head. Seungmin squeezes you close before letting go, and he falls back to rest on his palms.

“Cute”

His eyes open even wider, “what?” And he very slowly lowers himself as you push him flat on his back. “Me?”

“Maybe”

“Maybe?”

“You know what would be really cute?” You ask.

“What’s that?”

“You…coming for me”

Seungmin smirks when you laugh, and slowly rolls his hips, “so I can come now?” Your laugh turns to a moan. He does it again, and takes your hands in his. “How’s that feel?” He asks, already knowing the answer.

“Don’t stop”

He doesn’t. Seungmin rolls his hips, sliding in and out so smoothly, but the stretch, the pain—this pain feels so good, just like his pain, your bites and your scratches. And the pressure as you finally get all of him in, when your body finally slams into his hips, Seungmin moves faster and faster, pulling you down close enough to kiss as he fucks you. He bites softly at your lip, slides his tongue against yours. The kiss throws you over the edge, and your orgasm hits so fast, and so hard, you scream right down his throat. His cum runs warm out of you as he slows, and stops, but you keep kissing, and Seungmin returns it.

“Okay,” you don’t want to, but you pull away to breathe, and Seungmin pulls you back for one more, “okay.” You lay down on him and try to catch your breath, listen as he catches his, and close your eyes to the feel of his chest rising and falling. One hand slides across your shoulders, and the other sets at his side, fingers fidgeting and picking at the blanket, and everything feels good, and normal.

The rumble in his chest as he groans and sighs brings you back a little, but you’re not ready to be back quite yet. It’s too nice, laying here on his chest, listening to the wild beat of his heart. But you give in, and look up at him—Seungmin is just as relaxed, maybe more. You slowly lift yourself off of him, and pull at the blankets, but you’re the wrong way around, and covering up isn’t easy.

“Seungmin?”

His eyes open slowly, and then immediately shut again.

“Turn over, so I can look at your back.” He listens, but this time, he winces in pain when the skin moves and stretches. “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”

Before you get up, you have to give your legs a stretch, and before you can walk, you stand for a moment and adjust. As soon as your shirt is back over your head, you carefully head to the bathroom, trying not to trip in the dark. The hand towels are in the very last drawer you check, but the water comes out ice cold, just like you need it.

You lost yourself with him. Pushing him on his back was stupid, and a few of the scratches broke open even more.

“How does it feel?” You ask, and very slowly drape the cold towel across his shoulders. He winches again, but it’s quickly followed by a sigh of relief. “It hurts now that the moment is over, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, but it’s not as bad as it looks. I promise.”

Even if you do believe him, you can still see the pink of his blood coming through the opposite side of the thin towel. It spreads out and connects and starts to look like angel wings…butterfly wings. You think of the old note in his music box.

“Are there lots of butterflies in the greenhouse in spring?”

“Hm?” Seungmin lifts his head and tries to look at you, but you’re too far back. “Butterflies?”

“Yeah,” maybe you shouldn’t be mentioning the greenhouse right now, or bringing the trip back to his mind, but…he was happy for it. “The heliotrope and the asters, butterflies love them.”

“Yeah, you’re right…that’s why—“ he stops himself and lays his head back down on the bed, “that’s why they’re in there. Why do you ask?”

“Uhm, no reason…it just came to mind”

“We’ll see in a few months, I guess”

In a few months. In the future. That’s a nice thought. Will you both still be here? You look down at him and wonder as you gently lift the towel to inspect. “Do you have any antibiotic ointment?”

“You don’t have to do all that”

“Bathroom?”

Seungmin nods.

/ / /

He stares at you from his spot on the bed, right side up this time. Seungmin is on his stomach still, with one pillow fluffed up under his head and chest. You can’t tell for sure, but he might be a little annoyed at you for covering him in cream and making him stay still.

“Are you going to sleep?” He asks in a small voice. “Are you tired?”

“No, I’m not anymore…but you look tired”

“I’m always tired,” he turns away and pushes his face into the pillow, “or I always look tired.”

“No, you don’t. Just very pensive, and sad, and handsome.”

“Handsome? You said I was cute.” His face is still mostly hidden, but you can see one eye peeking at you.

“Yeah, you’re cute when you think really hard, or when you’re worried”

“So, all the time?”

“All the time”

The quiet that falls over the room is nice—it’s not awkward, or filled with questions. There’s no tension. Seungmin just lies there, eyes closed, comfortable and content, and he doesn’t move when you lay down next to him. You could fall asleep if you allowed yourself, but you could also lay here and look at him for a little while longer. All night. You pull the blankets higher, grab a second pillow, and something familiar catches your eye. The little yellow puppy rolls and falls between the bed frame and the wall, but you catch him just before he disappears. “Do you walk around on your own?” His big black eyes stare silently, and they remind you of someone.

“Do I look sad all the time?”

There they are…they open so wide, and he seems to focus on a spot somewhere behind you—somewhere in the dark where the light doesn’t reach.

“No, you don’t look sad right now”

Seungmin reaches out and takes his friend by the paw, squeezes it. Now he looks sad, as if something suddenly started weighing on his mind. You glance to the table where his pills sit, and wonder, stupidly, if you should ask about them—ask very gently if he’s given them a chance. Not tonight, though. “Does he have a name?”

“Hm? Oh…him, yeah he does. His name is Daengmo.” Seungmin smiles as he says it, but it matches the rest of him; sad. “Daengmo,” he whispers.

“Does it mean anything?”

“Yes, daengdaengie is for puppy, mo is…uhm,” he stops and thinks. Or hesitates. “Mo, for a nickname I had when I was little.”

“Mo? Your nickname was Mo?”

“Mo, or Seungmo. My mom called me that when I didn’t listen…when I misbehaved.”

“Maybe I should be calling you Mo”

The sad look fades a little, “because I’m bad?” Seungmin lifts himself up on his elbows and turns on his side.

“You are, objectively, sometimes. But…” Seungmin does bad things, and you’ve witnessed some of it. He’s lied, and he’s manipulated. He might still be lying, for all you know. But he’s also told you truths. You’re choosing to trust him right now, just like you’ve been since he brought you home, because he has shown you a surprising amount of kindness even though it was clearly difficult for him. “No, I don’t think you’re bad," ...because you think you might be in love with him.

“I’m glad you think that. I am, though. I’m a nightmare."

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christakisbang · 1 year ago

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kim daengdaeng my little puppy ㅋㅋ thank you for always teasing me and thank you for taking care of me ㅋㅋ gukbap ㅋ

#if u ever find urself thinking 'chan takes care of everyone but who takes care of chan' the answer will always be seungmin #stray kids #seungchan #bang chan #kim seungmin #stray kids gifs #skz #skz gifs #my gifs #cbbc2023 #i rewatched their 2kr while making this and ended up crying ksdjgsg ough they're so special to me. ik ive said this about every chan duo #meant it everytime!#but seungchan...dogboy4dogboy....ksm who will always always offer food to chan first bc he knows chan wont eat until everyone else does..#ksm who knows him so well and knows just what he needs and will let him cry all he wants and stay with him while he does ksm who when #chan said he wants to be their pillar and someone they can depend on went 'whatever sides u show us hyung will always be hyung'#hhh i just think. seungmin is incredibly emotinally intelligent and chan is someone who will hide his emotions like they're his best kept #secret and that's why they work so well. seungmin just gets it even if chan doesn't say anything and he knows how to comfort him whether #that takes the form of letting him cry without saying anything or going limp in his arms and not resisting his hugs #anw. normal abt them. if u even care

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mybodyfails · 4 months ago

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#lee minho #kim seungmin #stray kids #skz #mp #ksm out here just trying to make a living

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seungminnnie · 7 months ago

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love the dichotomy between felix and seungmin’s lab tests

felix: let’s have him do the things he loves (eating, gaming, hugging) and see how his heart rate changes 💞🥰✨😊🩷☀️

seungmin: let’s strap him to a pain simulator and see how well he can lie

#like hmmm…. what are we revealing about ourselves today boys #stray kids #skz #lee felix #kim seungmin #skz code #ksm #lyb #k speaks

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miueo · 1 year ago

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︐ sweet&plump — pub. 100923

warnings : titfucking , perverted thoughts , reader obviously has tits , oral ( m. receiving ) , petnames ( baby ) , etc .

pairings : perv!seungmin ♡ bigtiddie!reader

notes : had fun writing this. first time writing a titfucking fic >_< . also , pls request some ideas. i need more ideas.

is it possible for someone to become so fixated on one thing that it completely consumes their thoughts and mind?

to answer your question, yes!

it is possible for a being to become so obsessed with one thing that it dominates their entire mind.

for an example; look at your boyfriend, seungmin.

he could never go a day without looking at your plumped and soft breasts. he constantly fights his intrusive thoughts from wanting to grope and do all sorts of things to your chest.

the shirts you wear, being tight and fitting, perfectly complimenting your breasts. wearing little tank tops with your cute bra underneath to give your chest a bit more of a pop. finally, to top it all off, he loves when you’re braless. he loves watching your nipples harden in the cold air when you’re wearing his t-shirt with only a pair of panties, which takes us to now!

a waterfall of droll seeps out of seungmin’s mouth as he is currently laying your chest while the both of you are spending quality time watching a series of dramas on netflix ♥︎.

“baby! i can’t believe this bitch got away with doing such things to others..” you were heavily invested in what was happening on screen. your boyfriend was totally paying attention to the show >_>.

seungmin stayed silent with his head pillowed on your chest. “i know right baby? that was crazy. fuck that snake ass bitch.” he said pretending to act all shocked, like he cared.

“one more episode? then we’ll crash. i’m sleepy.” you grabbed the remote, yawning softly, playing the next episode.

seungmin picked himself up from you, turning his head to yours, “baby?” he called out.

you turn your head to him in response, “yes seungie?” you chirped with a smile, sitting up.

you were just so perfect.

his cock grows hard by just looking at you, what did he do to deserve such beauty.

“u-um.. this may be unrelated to the drama we’re watching .. you don’t have to respond back… but ummm… fuck this is embarrassing to ask about.. nevermind!”

“no! say it! i'm invested. i'm all ears baby!” you whine jumping on top of him, trying to make him spit out his words.

fuck fuck fuck FUCK!!! she’s literally on top of me. i can feel her fucking pussy on thigh, what am i gonna do now?!

“b-baby!! it’s nothing!” he chuckled nervously.

you pouted, sitting yourself down on his lap, rubbing his shoulders, “please.. i know it’s something, don’t hide from me..”

seungmin sighed in defeat. you were just too cute! he just wanted to rip off that oversized t-shirt off you, tear those panties apart, and then ravage you entirely.

“you don’t have to answer this but… have you ever thought of me doing your tits..?” he mumbled quietly, gulping nervously, avoiding eye contact with you.

“oh!” you sat up on his lap, giggling soon after. “maybe yes, maybe not..”

seungmin furrowed his eyebrows, already impatient with you. “it’s either a yes or a no [ y/n ]!!” he moaned out.

“okay fine, maybe once…– wait, is this you asking me to let you fuck my tits..?” you tilted your head slightly.

yes. yes you, this is him asking permission to give him a tit-fuck or whatever you call it （；^ω^）!

“yeah totally..!! it’s fine if you don’t wanna do it..” he smiled apprehensively.

you just smiled back, getting up from his lap, taking your shirt off, letting your breasts spill out gracefully, only wearing a pair of cute plain panties underneath.

was this it? it’s all happening. right now! god. im the luckiest man to ever roam earth.

you slowly got down on your knees and crawled close to seungmin’s lap. “why are you so bewildered on what i’m doing seungie..? you asked for it, you silly goose.” you giggled innocently.

it took no time for seungmin to take his raging hard cock out of his pants. his little friend looked angry. it had a pinkish redish color to it, along with his tip containing his sticky precum, he was ready.

you look up at your lover with soft doe eyes, taking your breasts, slowly sliding them between his cock.

you got straight to work, semi-confident on what you were doing. you slowly move your breasts slowly up and down his length. soft groans and grunts escape seungmin’s lips as he lays his head back against the couch.

nothing but soft whimpers came out of you, this was a new feeling to you. your cunt was soaked by now, you wanted more.

your mouth watered at the sight of your breasts swallowing your lover's cock. you just wanted to take him in your mouth and then you’ll be satisfied.

“s-seungie… can i put it in my mouth?” you slurred out, accompanying your speech with breathy notes.

seungmin looked back down at you, “you don’t even have to ask baby…” he hissed out.

you right away left a small kitten lick around his tip, soon stuffing his tip into your warm mouth whilst continuing the slow but yet steady motion of your stroking patterns.

“oh my fucking god baby.. the things you to do to me.. you look so precious right now.” he yelped out, gripping onto the fabric of the couch.

seungmin couldn’t believe it, it was all a dream come true. after years of knowing you, months of dating, it had finally happened.

you move yourself faster, desperately in need of his warm cum. you pull your mouth off of his tip with a loud pop, giggling at the sound of it.

“i-im close.. just keep on going.. you’re doing so good..” he whimpered softly, thrusting his cock up and down between your breasts, wanting more friction.

you were already out of breath, panties soaked to the point where it’s not wearable anymore. you couldn’t comprehend such vile action.

“cum for me seungie.. please..~!” you were ready for what was coming, just a couple more strokes and thrusts.

“f-fuck fuck fuck fuck..!!” curses flew out of his mouth as his warm cum lands all over your face and tits. he just created a beautiful masterpiece. you lick some of his liquids off your lips, “..wow.. that was something..” you giggled naively.

let’s just say that this became a regular recurrent activity you both do on a weekly if not daily basis ♡.

#(🐶˘╴˘)ksm #seungmin smut #kim seungmin smut #seungmin x reader #seungmin x you #skz x reader #skz x you #stray kids x reader #stray kids x you #kpop smut #skz smut #stray kids smut

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likkolo · 7 months ago

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buon appetito

summary: Felix takes Changbin out for Italian food 🤭

contains feeding/eating, public humiliation, and fat changbin hehe

“Anything else I can get you, sir?”

Felix looks up at the server, and it hits Changbin all over again that Felix is gorgeous. Glowing bare skin, a dusting of adorable freckles. The innocent openness in his expression that instantly draws people in. He’s so beautiful, and Changbin is down bad.

“I think—” Felix’s voice is strong, confident. There’s a sort of calm self-assuredness to him that Changbin only sees when they travel to English-speaking countries. Felix quickly glances around the table, assessing the spread of various dishes. “Another order of carbonara, please.”

The server is professionally polite as she gives him a slightly tight smile. “I’ll have that right out for you.”

Changbin’s cheeks warm. He knows Felix is ordering all this food for him. Felix stopped eating nearly an hour ago, and since then it’s just been Changbin demolishing plate after plate, all on his own. He knows he should stop, get a grip on himself instead of being a complete glutton in public, but it’s so hard to ignore how badly he just wants to eat.

It doesn’t help that Felix isn’t exactly consulting him before he decides to order another dish. If Felix were to ask first, Changbin would have a fighting chance at saying no. But Felix just keeps ordering more, and Changbin is helpless to resist.

Changbin so frequently feels helpless when it comes to Felix.

He prides himself on being smooth, on having game. He’s a shameless flirt who knows how to charm someone he’s interested in. Except Felix, who leaves him feeling bashful and shy. Felix, who only has to flash a sweet smile to have Changbin eating out of the palm of his hand. And probably eating this Italian restaurant out of business.

“Excuse me,” Felix is saying. “Could I get some more bread, please?”

He’s not even speaking to the server assigned to their table. He’s flagged down another server, because their bread situation is apparently dire, despite the chunk of bread they still have left.

Felix pushes it towards him. “Eat up, hyung,” he says, in Korean. “There’s fresh bread coming.”

Changbin’s stomach is painfully full, but it still flip-flops at the firm way Felix tells him to eat. To stuff himself, because there’s no way Felix can't tell that he’s already full.

Changbin takes the bread. He slathers it in butter and shoves it in his mouth.

He could swear that food tastes better when Felix tells him to eat it.

The pasta arrives shortly after, and Felix requests a mountain of cheese to be grated over top of it. Then the server clears away a stack of empty dishes, leaving room for Felix to move the carbonara right in front of Changbin.

“I don’t know how much of this I can eat,” Changbin admits, looking up at him. “I’m so full.”

Felix gives him a bright smile. “You say that now,” he says. “But I know you. Once you start eating, you won’t want to stop until you’ve finished everything in front of you.”

Changbin’s breath hitches. Maybe he should take offense at Felix’s words, but he just feels slightly dizzy instead. How can he object when it sounds just like the lines Changbin assigns to his partners in his fantasies? It’s the exact sort of thing he craves to be told by the nebulous face he conjures in his imagination as he eats with one hand and jacks off with the other.

A nebulous face, of course, that just so happens to have the most beautiful freckles.

His cock is stirring with interest beneath the bulge of his distended gut. He always gets a little bit hard when he overeats, but having Felix in front of him while it happens, just saying things like that—

“Come on, hyung-ah,” Felix coaxes. “Be a good boy and show me how much you can eat for me.”

Changbin wants to moan, wants to roll his hips to force the weight of his belly down on his erection. Instead he just reaches for his fork and begins to twirl it in the pasta, all too aware of how much his cheeks are burning.

“Aww,” Felix coos, looking genuinely charmed by the blush on Changbin’s cheeks. “Did I fluster you? You’re so cute, hyung.”

Changbin is—shockingly—at a loss for words. He’s so used to being in control, regardless of whether his gregarious flirting is accepted or not. And Felix has always liked to feed him, something Changbin chalked up to Felix being a sweet and giving person. But Changbin is quickly starting to feel very out of his depths here. Felix has encouraged him to eat before, but it was never like this. Telling him to take the last slice of pizza—that’s one thing. But this?

Felix must sense his bewilderment. His smile fades, but he scoots closer to Changbin’s side of the table. They’re in a corner booth with a bench that stretches around the table, so Felix can come as close as he likes. He settles right beside Changbin and leans into him.

“Eat up, piggy,” Felix says. His voice is low so that only Changbin will hear it, even though he’s speaking Korean. “I know you like eating with such a full belly. Feeling how packed and swollen you are as you keep shoving more into your mouth. It hurts, but it feels good too, doesn’t it?”

‘What’s going on here?’ Changbin wants to ask. ‘What are we doing? What are you doing?’ But a part of him is afraid that if he asks questions then the spell will be broken. Felix will back off, and whatever they’re doing will go back to being something Changbin can only experience in his fantasies.

So Changbin picks up his fork and stares down at the plate in front of him. “But I’m too full,” he whines, turning to pout at Felix. “I do want to, but… I really don’t think I can.”

“Let’s see if I can help you out a little then.”

Felix holds Changbin’s gaze as he reaches over. His hand lands on the lower bulge of Changbin's belly, and Changbin flinches slightly. He’s no stranger to having hands on his tummy—the members have been patting, rubbing, even jiggling his belly for years—but it’s been different since he got so big. The cute little tummy he used to have has ballooned into a thick double belly, large enough now for the lower roll to push out into his lap. He’s gotten fat, and every touch is a mortifying reminder of that fact.

Never mind that it also sends a jolt of electricity sizzling down his spine. He’s embarrassed, yeah, but he can’t help thinking it’s exciting too. The fantasies he has, the things he hasn’t been able to keep himself from thinking about, ever since he was a teenager—

“God, you’re such a cutie,” Felix coos. “Haven’t you realized there’s nothing to be embarrassed about? Not with me.”

Changbin just gapes at him. It’s an answer to his questions, and yet it leaves so much unexplained.

But he can’t think when Felix’s hands have begun to rub in soothing circles across the lower bulge of his belly. The light pressure on his swollen stomach feels amazing, even though the bloat hurts the most in his upper belly. He knows Felix can’t touch him there right now, since the table wouldn’t hide his ministrations.

Then Felix’s hand travels even lower, down to where Changbin’s belly meets his thighs inside of his jeans. Now that he’s bigger, he wears his jeans with the waistband around the middle of his double belly, so that the upper roll is free while the lower roll gets zipped up into his pants. It creates the look of a big protrusion bulging from inside his jeans, but it apparently also draws Felix’s hand like a magnet. Changbin shivers as slender fingers dance across the coarse fabric, prodding at the doughy fat just beneath.

Changbin’s cock twitches at the sensation. He so desperately wants Felix to lift his belly, to delve between his fat thighs and find the aching cock hidden in all of his bulk. But then he realizes that that means Felix would discover how much Changbin is turned on by all of this, how attracted he is to Felix, how much he wants it. Then again, could things have gotten this far if Felix didn’t feel at least somewhat similarly?

And really, Changbin should have picked up on the signals a long time ago. He has nothing to say for himself, except that he knows he can be dense about things like this sometimes.

That’s when the server reappears at their table. “How are we doing?” she asks. She looks down at the nearly-full plate of pasta in front of Changbin. “Do we need a box?”

“Hmm,” Felix hums. “No, I don’t think so. If we took it in a box, he’d probably be eating it with his hands by the time we got to the car.”

The server hesitates, and Changbin’s ears burn. He looks up at Felix because he’s too embarrassed to look at the server. And then Changbin twitches as Felix slides his hand back up the curve of his gut to the crease between his belly rolls. Felix’s fingers shove into the achingly tight waistband of his jeans, and Changbin tries not to whine at the sensation of finally having Felix’s touch on his bare skin.

“He didn’t get this big by not cleaning his plate,” Felix continues. His tone is cheeky, conspiratorial. As if Changbin’s immense size is an inside joke that they're both in on. Changbin wants to melt into the booth and disappear, despite the way his groin aches in arousal at the humiliation.

“Well, um.” The server politely keeps her eyes fixed on Felix, maybe supposing she can save Changbin further embarrassment if she just doesn’t look at him. “Do we want the bill next, then? Or…” She falters, daring to glance at Changbin and then back at Felix. “Should I bring a dessert menu?”

Changbin makes a noise in his throat. He desperately hopes that Felix won’t move on to stuffing him with a round of desserts. The idea is incredible, of course, but for another time. Right now, he truly doesn’t think he could manage it.

“Wow, dessert,” Felix says thoughtfully. His fingers, still tucked into Changbin’s waistband, slide along the skin until they stop at the closure of his fly. “I guess I should have considered that before I ordered you another plate of pasta, huh, dwaeji?”

“The pasta is enough, Lixie,” Changbin pleads weakly. “I really can’t eat more.”

“It’s a tough call,” Felix says to the server. “He’s had a lot already, but I know he’ll eat anything with chocolate.”

“No, I—” Then Changbin freezes. Felix’s fingers are suddenly on the button of his fly, the thumb and pointer finger coming together in a position that can only mean he’s about to—

The button pops free, and Changbin gasps as his gut surges forward. The force of it breaks apart the teeth of the zipper, allowing the fat to overtake the ruined fly as it spills over his pants and into his lap. His belly suddenly seems to be everywhere—between his legs, on his thighs, even threatening to budge onto the tabletop.

Changbin has never been more embarrassed, and yet he's so much more comfortable than he was before. The worst of the ache in his stomach has eased, and he can finally breathe more deeply.

“Felix…” he murmurs helplessly.

He risks a look down at himself, but he only sees the arc of his belly, covered by his black T-shirt. A flood of relief washes over him at the knowledge that the tabletop kept everything hidden from sight. The server must know what happened—though she probably thinks Changbin just popped his button with the sheer force of his distended stomach—but at least she can’t see that Changbin’s naked underbelly is now hanging into his lap.

Then, with a creeping sense of shame, Changbin realizes that he's ready to eat a little more now.

The server looks back and forth between the two of them, clearly unsure of what to make of the situation.

“You know what,” Felix says, effortlessly taking control once again. “Let’s see the dessert menu. I have a feeling this one will be able to manage it after all.”

“Y-yeah,” Changbin says weakly. “I think I could.”

“Then I’ll be right back with that for you,” the server says tightly, before hurrying away.

Then they’re alone in their booth again, and Felix begins to work his hands over the expanse of Changbin’s tender belly. “Hyung is so good for me,” he coos. “Eating everything I ordered for him and even asking for dessert.”

Changbin savors the praise as he melts into the soothing touch.

“But don’t forget,” Felix says, with a sudden edge to his voice. “You still have to finish your plate of pasta.”

Changbin shivers and picks up his fork. “Yes, Felix,” he says, and begins to eat.

#weight gain fic #skz feedism #chubby changbin #me thinking its a good time to post a lil story btw ksm spoiling skz met gala and kendrick wrecking drakes shit

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fuckyeahkimseungmin · 2 months ago

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Lou_seungmin0922

#he's so pretty #kim seungmin #ksm #skz #skz pics #stray kids #fanpics #seungmin

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cupidevanesco · 1 year ago

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ALL OF THE GIRLS YOU LOVED BEFORE. | ksm.

➨ pairing: kim seungmin x SHS!reader.

➨ note: not proofread, highschool x forbidden love trope.

➨ word count: 7.5k

Seungmin was known as the biggest asshole among the juniors and seniors in highschool. No one knew what he was up to, breaking all these girls’ hearts and all.

so I wondered, how did I manage to make him treat me like this?

I walked around campus for a little while as classes have not started yet. I still had two hours before studying and had absolutely nothing to do, so here I was, walking around, kicking dried leaves that fell from trees.

i stopped in front of a big tree, this was my signature place.

I sat on the bench that was under the tree and took a book out to do something to entertain me. As much as I wanted to take my phone out and chat with people, I had no one to chat with — which left me no choice but to read.

It's not like I was reading something educational; I was reading fiction.

this school year had been tough for me, my class rank went down from first to fifth, I stopped being a people pleaser which made my friends progressively leave me, Day by day.

It’s fine, it's the last year of senior year anyway.

But other than that, I was focused on one person, and that was none other than Kim Seungmin.

me and seungmin was never fond of each other, we were always fighting since we met each other and this year, he bullied me so much to the point where I lost the energy to even do anything back.

it’s not because I was offended or affected by the things he did or said, it was just because I realized that I would benefit nothing from fighting all day with him — about absolutely nothing.

I never understood why he hated me, he would often try to trip me where there were a lot of people around, hide my things for laughs, make rumours about me, and more.

I don't even care anymore, but him and his friends’ bullying doesn't seem to stop.

to be honest, when he didn't use to bully me as much, half of me enjoyed arguing with him. I was enjoying it because he didn't do physical things, but now he had just gotten worse, worse than I ever imagined.

I don't even remember the first time we started fighting and why. all I knew was that he hated me and that was not gonna die down soon.

speaking of the devil, “hey loser,” A familiar light brown haired boy stood in front on me with a couple of his friends trailing him behind.

“What do you want, seungmin?” I blurted out, my voice having an annoyed tone to it.

“we’re not even halfway through the school year and you're already stressed, it's only march.” he mocked me, making me look up to see that nasty smirk he had.

“I did not ask that... I asked you about what you wanted?” I raised my eyebrow at him, completely ignoring what he had said earlier.

“Nothing much really, How are you doing y/n?”

I knew for a fact that he wasn’t actually asking me if I was okay, I knew that he would try to pull some sick joke that would ‘offend me’

“Better than fine seungmin, how about you?” I played along his little games, I honestly am itching to know what he actually wants.

“Doing better than you, as always.” Whatever, I’m aware that he has an answer for everything, why did I even bother to respond to him.

“Well thank you for your time, you can go on with your day now.” I smiled warmly at him. it was fake but I couldn't think of a better idea of shooing him away.

He walked away, murmuring something to his friends and laughing about it which I certainly knew was about me.

I continued to listen to music and read my book at peace when seungmin left, I know I should've just ignored him but he wouldn't leave me alone unless he completely ruins my day, but to his dismay, I just don't care anymore.

Half of me wished that we were in a book; where in the end we’re either going to end up as friends or lovers. It might be weird, but I would do anything for him to stop bullying me,

even if it was being his lover.

I would basically be delusional if I said that was possible, so I shrugged off the thought.

After almost an hour of reading, I realized that I ran out of coffee. I was too focused on what I was reading that I forgot I had classes in only thirty minutes from now.

I took all of my things and went outside of campus to buy coffee from my favorite coffee shop.

Time passed by and I already had my order and was ready to leave when seungmin walked inside the café.

weird, I never knew he went here.

he and his friends laughed at me again for an unknown reason while I did my thing and completely ignored them.

there was one thing I did whenever I saw seungmin in public; it was to ignore him completely like I've never met him before.

I was afraid that he’ll embarrass me in front of people that wasn't from our university. Being humiliated in front of people from uni was already horrible and being humiliated from strangers didn't make a difference, just worse.

I tried my best to ignore him, but I don't think he was gonna let me go back inside campus without embarrassing me in front of everybody.

I was cautious around my surroundings, I knew any time now he would be sticking his foot out to trip me, so I was looking carefully everywhere.

I was able to leave the shop without getting terrorized by no other than seungmin. It was honestly a surprise and achievement to escape his terrorizing and I was here for it.

I finally calmed down and reached my campus, continuing to enter and go straight to first period.

I wasn't too late to class and not that much people were there, and gladly my favorite seat wasn’t taken by anyone yet.

I sat by the window and put my things down under my desk, I pulled out my textbook to review some topics as we had a pop quiz today.

I wasn’t stressing out as much because I was actually able to focus yesterday unlike the past few days before yesterday and I completely understood the topic.

I always enjoyed first period and the rest of my classes before lunch because well, me and seungmin didn't have the same schedule which is a relief.

But still, we had the same classes from fifth to ninth period which was hell for me, I’m so tired of crumbled paper and paper planes being constantly threw at me.

usually, those paper planes and crumpled paper will have something written in in; I always fail to not read them because of curiosity as there's something different written in it every single time.

I ignored my thoughts and continued studying until the teacher came.

Time passed by fast as the class finally ended with the school alarms lowly blaring. I breathed the sigh of relief as I stretched out my arms and back from staying still for too long.

right before I went out, I put my headphones in, not wanting to interact with anyone i see; especially that guy.

While walking to my next period, I passed by seungmin who was clueless of my presence — thankfully.

he looked troubled while he was looking for the things inside his backpack. Was it karma?

I ignored it and continued walking towards my class, and to my dismay, seungmin ran back and ‘accidentally’ pushed me.

I fell to the ground as he looked back at me, staring down, probably contemplating if he should help me or not.

To my surprise, he started picking up the books that fell from my hands and gave them back to me. He muttered a little ‘I’m sorry’ and ran back to where he was before, probably still looking for the missing object.

I stood still, I was speechless since this was the first ever time that he did something like this.

Earlier morning, he was just mocking me and probably talking bad about me with his friends and now he's helping me pick up my things?

Why should I even think too much about it, It was his fault anyway, he accidentally pushed me, he's REQUIRED to help me.

it just feels so impossible and unreal for him to do something like that...

I once again shrugged it off and continued walking to my next class, grabbing a new drink from the cafeteria before going because my coffee was already finished.

once I reached class, the seat by the window was already taken, there was only one seat left; it was at the very back.

I'm not complaining though, but I do lack focus whenever I'm back there.

I suddenly remembered when I just started highschool, I always sat at the back of the class…

with… seungmin?

Oh, now I remember.

We used to be chill around each other because we had a lot of similarities, then suddenly, everything turned into a competition of who likes what better.

then it became academic, I won a lot when it came to acads, but these days he’s either ranked one or two, never lower.

his friends was right below him, meaning I was below his friends.

I don't remember exactly what we fought about, but at least now I know some detail.

I also remembered having a small crush on seungmin?

whatever.

I probably only did because he was the only person I talked to and he was also the only person in the whole campus with the same level as me.

the teacher walked in snapping me out of my trance, she didn't wait any second and started discussing, leaving me no choice but to listen.

Throughout the whole class, I felt uncomfortable because not only was my pants feeling all itchy, but my head and my back hurts and I kept on unconsciously trying to recall me and seungmin’s past interactions.

I lost focus on the lesson but still kept trying to listen whenever I catch myself losing focus. I needed to get my rank back.

I was doing something wrong with my acads but I don't know what, if I don't get my rank back this semester I will surely get myself tutored.

But to be honest, getting tutored traumatized me. My parents used to hire really rude tutors before to get me studying ‘well’ and all.

But if I needed to get tutored to get my rank back, I WILL get tutored.

I didn't realize that the class already ended, students were already packing their stuff and leaving while I was just staring at the half blank white board that was now being wiped by the teacher.

I quickly gathered my things and left, I knew I was gonna pass by seungmin again but remembering what he did earlier, I didn't worry too much.

As expected, I passed by seungmin and to my surprise, he was walking with a sweet girl. he had his arms wrapped around her while they were laughing and talking.

oh how I felt bad for the girl. She's gonna get her heart broken like the others.

I said nothing as I noticed seungmin taking a quick glance at me and looking away. I pretended not to notice and kept walking.

So many unusual things already happened today and I don't want to encounter more, because what the hell is happening?

first of all, seungmin bullied me and suddenly became nice, I remembered all of our interactions and lost focus, and now he's walking with a random girl who's ‘bout to get her heart broken.

I've seen enough for today, I’m already so drained. I just want this day to end, it feels so long.

I only had two more classes left before lunch and that still wasn't enough to keep me content, I needed this to finish early.

I can't take more of this bullshit.

I let time fly and barely noticed that i was already walking to the cafeteria, I walked to the back of the line and waited for my turn.

When I got my beverages, I went straight to the rooftop.

I didn't like eating inside the cafeteria, There was a lot of people there and I couldn't bear the loudness.

when I was at the last step, the door from the rooftop swung open revealing a girl crying real hard and running.

the same girl seungmin was with earlier.

after her, the expected came out.

A disappointed, bored looking seungmin comes out. arms crossed and walking slowly.

I tried to ignore him and walked straight past him but of course, he became the person he was this morning.

“Y’know, you’re a real loser eating here all alone everyday.” he looked at me with a straight and serious face.

I unwrapped my burger and took a bite, pretending to not have heard him as I had my headphones on.

“i know you can hear me.”

“i know you can stop being an asshole if you wanted to.” I blurted out, I was already as annoyed by everything and I didn't want him interrupting me.

“that doesn't even- you know what, I don't care.” — “just why are you choosing to be such a loser when you can just socialize?” he boredly asks,

“and why can't you stop annoying me! why can't you stop bullying me and breaking other girls’ hearts?! why are you doing all of this when you can just become a better person?!” I yelled at him, causing him to stay silent.

“why can't you just work on yourself than to try to make me better?” I muttered.

“Because I can’t okay!” He yelled at me, I now noticed the tears that were forming in his eyes.

“Yes you can! you were a much better person when I first met you!” I yelled back, I won't let myself lose in this so-called argument.

“I miss you seungmin.” I finally admitted, looking at him with full of hope that he’ll understand.

“what?” he looks back up, trying to process what I just said.

“i said I missed you, seungmin.” I stood still, not sure of what to do or why I said that.

“How? what do you mean? I don't understand.” he looks at me teary eyed and confused.

“i meant I miss the old you, the person who was fun and chill, the person who used to listen to music with me in my classes, the person who ranted to me when he needed to and also the person that I could rant to.” at this point, I could feel the tears in my eyes start to form.

“I-... I’m really, really, really sorry y/n.” He breaks down completely and falls on the ground, covering his face with both of his hands.

I couldn't help but feel bad, he looked like a complete mess right now.

I couldn't move and didn't know what to do, but I knew I had to do something.

I went closer to him and cupped his face with both of my hands, “i forgive you seungmin, cry it all out.” after that, I hugged him and ruffle his hair while doing so.

I could feel the warmth of his breath hit my neck as he finally hugged me back and cried more onto my neck.

He was mumbling his apologies and reasons while i only sat there and kept on comforting the poor boy.

I soon enough invited him to eat with me, and he gracefully agreed.

After lunch, me and seungmin went straight to our classes.

After that, all I knew was my day went smoothly with seungmin who wasn't bullying me, and in fact was even chatting with me when we got the chance.

All of our classes are finally finished and we bid our goodbyes and separated ways.

After walking for a bit, I realized that I left my phone in our classroom.

I rushed to the classroom I was last in and went straight to my seat, thankfully, the phone was still there.

while I was walking my way back, I saw a beat up seungmin sitting on the floor and leaning on the wall.

I ran close to him, “shit, what happened?” I immediately sat down and took out the first aid kit that I always bring as I tend to be really clumsy and fall wherever I go.

“some... some group of guys stole my stuff.” he groaned while pressing onto his bruised eye.

“that looks pretty bad. let me-” I stopped talking as I focused to medicate the wounds on his face.

as I was finishing patching him up, he suddenly spoke, “why are you even helping me? you suffered so much because of me.” for a small momentum, I stayed quiet.

I realized that he was staring at me the whole time.

“the clinic is closed... when you get home, put an ice pack on this would you?” I said, pointing at his bruised eye and ignoring his question.

he gave me a reassuring nod and stood up as I did the same.

“I guess I have to go now...? bye seungmin, stay safe.” I smiled warmly at him and turned away when he grabbed my arm and turned me around.

“thank you y/n... thank you for forgiving me and helping me. I’m really thankful that you're here.” he held my hand tightly, looking at me straight in the eyes.

I stayed quiet while just looking at him. “Y/n, I... I love you.” — “This is serious, I'm not playing with you or anything, I really do love you.”

I kept quiet.

“I loved you from the start, when I first met you, but things went wrong at home and I took my anger out on people here because I thought it would be unfair if everyone was feeling fine and I wasn't. I regret everything I really do, and you made me realize that.” he sighs as he looks down, letting go of my hands.

We stayed quiet for a few seconds and I finally talked. “it’s okay, I told you right? you could change...” — “and seungmin...” I said and picked up the both of his hands, recreating his previous action.

“i love you too.” I stared at him with sincerity in my eyes.

Seungmin broke down again and hugged me tightly, I did the same thing back and patted his back. I stayed silent, there was no need to say anything.

We were quiet for a few minutes. Seungmin wasn't hugging me anymore, but his head was laying on my shoulder.

“Hey… let’s go home and talk about it, huh?” I cupped both of his cheeks as I stared at his flushed face.

His hair was messy, his eyes were puffy, his lips were plump and was pinkish while his nose and his ears were red.

I tilted my head waiting for a response as he just nodded his head.

We both stood up from the slippery floor and walked out of campus, finally.

“Y/n, do you want to… hang out for a bit?” he asked, staring at me with puppy eyes

I smiled warmly, “of course, minnie.” I said as I wiped the tears in his eyes, making him smile slightly with a hint of joy in him.

I was taken aback when he linked his arms with mine and kept on walking towards the closest café.

I stayed silent the whole time, I wish I stayed in this moment, forever.

We entered the café, arms still linked. “Do you want me to order for you?” — “Actually, that's not a question, I'll order for you. what do you want to get?” he asked, and finally unlinked our arms.

“Um, are you going to pay? I can pay for my-” before I could finish, he cut me off, “no. I will pay y/n, I owe you my life.”

“I get that I kind of changed you, but don't be drastically dramatic.” I laughed and looked at him,

“shush… just tell me what you’d like… it's an order.” he cutely shushes me like a little kid, “okay fine, I’d like to have a belgium chocolate latte, please.” I smiled at him and leaned on my hand for support.

“Of course, m’lady.” He smiled again and winked at me, I rolled my eyes at his flirty response and waited for him to come back.

A few minutes later, he came back with two drinks and a few donuts that I didn’t ask for. He probably got hungry from getting beaten up or something.

I was surprised when he gently pushed the plate of donuts towards me, “I got you some extra stuff, maybe you’d like it?” he smiles at me with shiny eyes,

“What… you know what, I'm not even gonna decline. but let's share, okay?” I jokingly say, “whatever you want, my puppy.”

damn, we aren't even dating yet.

I laughed at his sentence and decided to sip my drink and take a bite of the food, at the same time feeding him.

I noticed how his ears would get extremely red when I gave him a bite of the donut, “you’re whipped.” I seriously but jokingly said, “yes ma’am.” He closed his eyes and nodded as a response.

I laughed at his silly little response and kept on doing my thing.

Half an hour had already passed and we decided that we should go home as the sky was getting darker.

“Can I take you home?” He asks with the same puppy eyes he gave me earlier. as much as I wanted to scream and run and say yes, I stood strong.

“Seungmin, we've already spent a lot of time with each other, no need for more.” I said and placed my phone back inside my bag, he pouted at my response and crossed his arms, turning away from me.

I chuckled, “what are you doing?” He turned around my with his little pouty face and rolled his eyes, I didn't know he was so childish with people he was close with,

or only with me…?

“Please let me walk you home…” he mumbled loud enough for me to hear. “Seungmin, will you date me in the future?” I asked, waiting for a response.

Seungmin seemed to have choked on his words and turned to me, “of course?” he says in a questioning tone, like it was the most obvious thing.

“Then walk me home when we’re dating. Bye minnie! stay safe.” I said and walked the opposite way, I heard him groan and finally talk, “fine! stay safe too, Y/n.” — “thanks for today…” I wasn't too far to not hear as I smiled at his response.

I reached my house and the next thing I knew was I already took a shower and was ready to take a nap. I know this nap is gonna be peaceful remembering what happened today.

I was only supposed to take a nap but it turned into sleep, I woke up the next morning with horrible hair but a pretty face, odd.

I guess it was probably because I wasn't too stressed yesterday.

I got ready for school and time passed by like it was in a time lapse. I was able to focus well on my classes and even got a perfect score on two of my quizzes in two different subjects.

It was finally lunch break as I low-key searched for seungmin in the cafeteria, I just couldn't let him know that I was looking for him.

My heart rose as I saw Seungmin sitting at a table with a group of his friends, they were talking normally and laughing with each other.

I wanted to call his name so bad, I wanted to let him know that I was looking for him.

After a couple of moments of being interrupted by the noises of the cafeteria while eating, my mood suddenly changed.

Some girl was trying to hit on seungmin.

Why do I care? we're not together anyways.

that girl’s a whore.

why am I so affected anyway, he's still a player after all.

rip that girl’s ugly fucking face apart.

I ran to the rooftop, frustrated at the random thoughts that popped up inside of my head. I needed to clear my mind for a moment.

This is why I never eat at the damned cafeteria.

I tried to shrug the thought off and chewed my food ‘till there was almost nothing left, but then suddenly, the door swung open, revealing a smiling seungmin and the whore who now looked like she was ready to make out with him.

My heart dropped as I saw that they were about to kiss, in fucking front of me.

“get a room.” I say as I pretended to be disgusted by the two and walked out, I saw seungmin’s shocked face before I did and that was all it took for me to start crying.

It was too stressful for me and I couldn't take it anymore. I went home crying and running. Does he treat every girl like how he treats me?

I didn't mind changing my clothes as I was too focused on the fact that seungmin was doing shit with other girls and it gave me a huge horrendous amount of feeling betrayed.

I cried myself to sleep as I had nothing better to do, my only choice was to cry about it because no one knows about what happened to the both of us anyway.

only him.

I shouldn't have trusted him.

I guess trust issues are actually useful sometimes, I should've let it take over.

I woke up from the sound of rocks being thrown at my window, I looked at the time and I knew that by this time my parents would be asleep. who could be throwing rocks at my window at two in the morning?

People would hate me if I said I didn't hesitate to look at who was throwing at the window because one, it's stupid, and two, it could be a killer and my life could be in danger.

but I couldn't care any less, I just wanted to make the dude stop. I just want rest and I can't even get that as well.

I stared in shock when I saw who was in our backyard, it was none other than seungmin.

Society would say that I'm stupid or I'm making a fool of myself if it found out that I let him in, because I mean, he got me pretty fucked up in just a day.

As he entered, I backed away, I didn't want to be close to him even though I literally let him enter my room through my window.

“Y/n are you mad?” He looked at me worriedly, “Well I don’t know seungmin, am I mad?” I looked at him straight in the eyes with an emotionless face.

“You might have misunderstood, it really wasn't what it looked like-” I cut him off, I didn't want to hear more.

“Misunderstood that you were close to fucking that girl? don't worry, it’s okay seungmin. we're not dating.” I replied bluntly and crossed my arms, at this point, I wanted to cry but no tears would come out.

I chuckled, “You’re so good at acting, minnie.” I combed my hair with my hand as I crossed my arms back again after, “please… I didn't mean to…” He walked closer towards me with a ‘pitiful’ face others might say.

“No, no, it’s okay seungmin! totally fine! I mean why are you even apologizing? like we're not even dating bro.” I sarcastically responded to his lame apology.

“I’ll explain, She claimed to have liked me for years and I didn't know what to do so I acted through it! and she suddenly brought me to the rooftop and I don't know… I left her after I saw you.” he explained, making everything clear for me.

“so seungmin, are you implying that if we dated and some girl confessed to you, you’d fuck her?” I laughed and kept my arms crossed.

“No! no y/n please I really didn't want to! but my friends were making fun of me and calling me names and all…” he scratched his head, I've had enough of this bullshit.

“LAME! you're fucking lame! What kind of excuse is that?! leave my room right now. right now seungmin! fucking asshole.” I yelled and mumbled the last two words. I was so pissed off that I felt as if I wanted to jump off a cliff and die so that he could feel guilty.

The last thing I knew, he was hugging me and crying on my shoulder while repeatedly saying ‘I’m sorry, please don't leave me. I love you.

it broke my heart seeing him like this. my emotions took over me and forgave him, in the end, I was laying my head on his arm while staring at the ceiling.

the dim lamp made it comfortable enough for me to stay still, staying as quiet as ever.

“Y/n please understand if I want to keep our relationship a secret, if we start dating… y’know…” he suddenly speaks, not moving an inch.

“why?” I asked emotionlessly and bluntly, “because of my friends… My parents know you. my friends will snitch on me once they find out that I'm dating you.”

“why?” I repeated my question having no energy to form a proper conversation.

“Your parents, my parents, they know each other. my family talks a lot about how they're trying to beat each other on sales and will do anything to beat them, even if it means risking someone’s life.” he explained as I stayed silent, everything was starting to clear up.

“Seungmin, I'm sleepy.” I exclaimed and yawned, he played with my hair as I slowly melted at his touch and eventually dozed off and slept peacefully.

I woke up the next morning to see that seungmin was no longer by my side, there was only a pillow on where he had his arm and I was laying on it, he must've left while I was sleeping.

I got ready for school and the same thing happened just like any other day. I went to my classes, ate at the rooftop, went home and completely pretended that seungmin didn't exist at all.

it was already night time as I was getting ready to sleep, scrolling a bit on my phone before I heard someone throw rocks on my window again.

It's seungmin.

I let him in as he gave me a hug when he stepped inside, I hugged him back tiredly and laid down on my bed as he did the same as last night, putting his arms under my head as a pillow.

“I missed you, minnie.” I exclaimed. “I missed you too, my y/n. he replied back.

“How was your day?” he asked, “aren’t your friends wondering why you aren't bothering me at school?” I asked, completely ignoring his question.

“Oh, yeah, they did.” he scratched his head, “what did you say?” I asked,

“I said that there was no point of it anymore, and that I got lazy.” he responded. “m‘kay.” I replied effortlessly as all I wanted to do was sleep. Today was a tiring day from me and I can't even say or do anything properly.

“You seem really tired… y/n.” he says as he played with my hair like last night, “It was a stressful day.” I explained bluntly and closed my eyes.

“I have something important to ask you.” He suddenly says, making me shocked on the inside but having no energy to show it.

“What is it?” I asked nervously, “Can you be my girlfriend?” he turned to me and cupped my face with his right hand.

“huh… you're just tired. Let's get some rest.” I say and shrug it off, closing my eyes once again.

“No y/n, please give me the permission to be yours. to be your boyfriend.” he says, making me open my eyes, I now realized what he has said was serious.

“seungmin… of course.” I say in happiness. I couldn't explain how happy I was, despite the fact that I was all sleepy and tired, I still managed to have the energy to smile and hug him tightly.

He kept on playing with my hair while hugging me back too, “Goodnight, sleep well, love.” I was too tired to respond and dozed off.

As expected, I woke up the next morning with seungmin gone and a pillow under my head.

I got ready, did what I did on a daily basis and everything was going completely normal.

I went to class, ate at the rooftop, went home, and have seungmin throw rocks at my window.

I woke up the next day with seungmin gone like usual and the same cycle repeats over and over again.

Six months passed and the same thing happened every single day, except I was doing better in my studies and I was now ranked second.

I was walking normally when I saw seungmin talking to a girl who seemed to be flirting with him, he didn't seem to react the same way the girl was acting and stayed there, standing still while staring at her blankly.

I was relieved to see that he reacted like this, but suddenly, the girl started crying and pulled him into the… fucking janitor’s closet?

I stomped my way to the janitor’s closet, kicking the door open with all my strength.

“And what do you think you're doing?” I grabbed the girl by the collar, never in my life had I thought I'd do this, not even something similar to this.

I glared at the girl while she stared at me in shock.

“Talk, bitch!” I said as I slapped her, seungmin got a hold of my hand which made me stop, “why are you causing such a ruckus y/n?” I froze hearing him call me by my name which he hadn't done since we started dating.

He looked at me coldly, as if we didn't know each other at all.

“what…?” I looked at seungmin, feeling betrayed. He pulled me out of the closet leaving the girl alone and took me to the same rooftop I just came from.

“Are you out of your mind?! do you want my family to find out and break us apart y/n?!” he yelled at me, rubbing his forehead in frustration.

“You might now care but I do, I care. I don't want my parents to fucking find out! I'll fucking die!” He yelled again, kicking an empty can of soda from the floor.

“So you'll let her do shit to you? huh!?” — “I’ve had enough of your bullshit seungmin! This is the second fucking time you let someone try to fuck you!” I yelled back at him, I wasn't backing down now.

“Y/n do you really not understand?! Did you ever consider my damn feelings!?” He turned around.

that sentence broke me completely, I absolutely had nothing to say.

“We’re not getting anywhere. I can't do this anymore, I tried to work this secret relationship shit thing and it's just not working. Let's end this. I'm breaking up with you.” I stared at him in frustration and sadness.

his face dropped, “fuck… no wait, I mean, I'm sorry babe, I’m just really stressed today-” I cut him off, “don’t sugarcoat it now seungmin, I'm sick of this bullshit.” I didn't say anything anymore as I felt like I was gonna have a mental breakdown right there.

In fact, I really wanted to work out things with him but I just couldn't, if our parents hate each other so much then there was no way, we were only in senior highschool and didn't have a job to at least support our decisions with.

I knew it was better to end things with him. It was the right person, but it was the wrong time.

If only I had met him when we're in college, working or something I could work out stuff with him because I know he can handle things without depending on his parents, but I didn't, I had no choice.

seven months passed and I finally was in college. I moved out and got my own apartment that my parents provided me that I soon enough would completely own as I finally got myself a part time job at a nearby hotel.

Being a receptionist was more than enough to keep me alive which led me to renting a larger and fancier apartment.

I was loving my new life at my job, college, my house, everything.

I also met a couple of new people who were hyunjin and jeongin, I met them at a campus project that required working with other college students and we met from making background props for apparently a really big film showing only in a month.

It was a perfectly fine day when I was met with a familiar light-brown haired boy who was looking… more decent now.

I was asked to show him around campus and tell him about all the upcoming large projects we have.

Wow, great timing and great person.

There was an awkward silence between us as I scanned him, he was wearing a simple blue cardigan jacket and some baggy white pants with some good ‘ol Jordans.

“Hi… Y/n. Long time no see.” He broke the silence by speaking in a happy tone that had a hint of nervousness in it.

“Hey, seungmin… I didn't expect to be seeing you today.” it was probably because the school saw on his information that he went to the same school as me in highschool and thought that we’d know each other.

Well great, because we do.

“Um… so…” he spoke and looked down, looking for words to say, “do you wanna see the campus or talk about the projects we have soon?” I talked confidently, I was NOT gonna show him that I was nervous.

To be honest, I missed him a lot but moved on from the past and now think of our past relationship as a sweet little memory of my highschool days.

“Um- we can talk about the projects! if that’s okay…” he said as I noticed his ears get red, like it used to. he's even more shy now.

stop it y/n.

“Yeah, totally. Where do you wanna talk? here or somewhere outside campus?” I asked nicely, waiting for a response.

“Uh, can we talk in a café or something?” He chuckled lightly, oh shit, the memories.

“Oh, yeah, of course.” I said as I put my phone back inside my sling bag and waited for him to lead the way.

He brought me to the closest café and we started talking about the upcoming projects and what he needed to help with. We finished talking after only half an hour and I was finally getting ready to leave.

“Hey y/n, you seem to know everything about campus. Why is that?” He asked me genuinely, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m the university’s vice president.” I chuckled without looking at him, just gathering all of my things and shoving them in my bag.

“Actually, I've been saving up the courage to ask you this since earlier but can we talk about… you know?”

I knew it, I knew this was gonna happen.

I sat back down and sighed, “fine, make it quick. please.” I pleaded, to be honest I actually never wanted this conversation to end but of course I wasn't gonna say that to my literal ex.

“I… you know what, I'm not gonna talk about the past… I'm just gonna tell you how my days have been, is that okay?” Was he just trying to spend his time with me longer?

“Yeah, go on…” I said, “so… kinda unusual but I'm a caregiver, and I've got my own apartment too, my parents aren't controlling me anymore, thankfully. And yeah, I guess life’s pretty decent… but empty without…” he said, not finishing his words

“What about you, y/n?” He suddenly asked, “well, life’s alright. I'm doing well with my studies and I have an apartment too. I'm also a part time receptionist at a hotel,” I exclaimed.

he smiled, “You’re a receptionist? you must be rich now.” He laughed, “Not to be egoistic or over-confident or something but, it's kinda like that.” I joked around.

“But… gosh. I can't take it anymore, can we… hang out? sometimes?

I stayed silent, I didn't know what to respond. my choice would either fix all of my life problems or make more problems, but I'm saying yes.

“...okay.” I responded bluntly and stood up, “see you… tomorrow. I’ll show you around campus.” I left without hesitation.

I felt suffocated inside there, my heart was pumping really hard after I realized what I just did, I really agreed to repeat history with that guy, with seungmin.

I went home as we didn't really have school today, we just met up because the teacher just wouldn't let me skip a day and the student council wouldn't let me skip an after school meeting either.

It was already dark and I had to go to work today so I rushed home and changed into my work attire and went straight to work.

Weeks and weeks have past and me and seungmin actually started to hang out, things were working out better than before. We were able to go around places without being scared of being seen talking to each other in a friendly way.

Then suddenly, he invited me over to a café… a café I will never forget.

It was the café that we went to a lot when we were in highschool.

I felt nervous and suffocated but I still went. My heart beating rapidly was also not helping, I saw him sitting there, wearing a sweater and baggy jeans near the glass wall, the same seat we were sitting in when we first made up with each other.

I sat in front of him, waiting for him to say something.

“Y/n… hi.” he greeted me, looking as nervous as ever. I tried to act normal and keep my cool while I was speaking though, someone here had to act all cool.

“Here’s your drink, I ordered earlier.” he says smiling while slightly pushing the drink towards me. I stared at the drink, A belgium chocolate latte.

“Thanks… so why did you call me?” I asked, “So I’ve been thinking…”

“I… I missed you, romantically. Please give me a second chance, y/n.” he held both of my hands, “Um… well, seungmin…” I was speechless.

“I’m really happy that we’re talking again, I've been so sad since we fell apart. I know we can work it out, I really miss you.” he begged.

“oh…” I sighed, “okay.” I looked down, wanting to just explode because I really gave in.

“thank you, thank you so much y/n you don't know how much you mean to me.” I saw him smile passionately while holding my hands tightly.

“Do you want to come over to my apartment and talk privately about it?” he asked, “Sure, seungmin.” I smiled warmly at him.

Once we were inside his apartment, I was surprised to see how clean it was.

We were now sitting at the couch with our unfinished drinks, “Y/n… will you be my girlfriend… I'll do better, I promise.”

it's not a sin to give him a chance, right?

“Of course.” I smiled warmly at him.

“Yes! Thank you! I love you!” he yelled with excitement and started to peck every part of my face.

After all the pecking he did, he hugged me tightly. “I never thought I was gonna be able to get you back, I love you.” he said while shoving his head on my shoulder.

I ruffled his hair and the next thing I knew, we were already walking at the park.

Months have passed, we were doing amazing, we announced our relationship with everyone and my parents weren't too mad, but his parents definitely were, yet we weren't gonna let them stop up and keep us apart, we didn't do all of this for nothing.

“baby… I love you so much.” seungmin suddenly spoke in his morning voice, facing me and hugging me.

I chuckled at how cute he was when he woke up fresh from sleep, “I love you too, minnie.” I exclaimed, making him laugh, still looking high.

“minnie… do you listen to Taylor swift?” I asked him, turning to him and ruffling his hair, “Yes, of course since you love her so much.” He said,

“Well, I can relate to her, you know.” I smiled, “how?” seungmin asked, “because…”

“all of the girls you loved before made you the one i’ve fallen for. every dead end street led you straight to me, now you're all I need, I'm so thankful for all of the girls you loved before.”

a/n: hi everyone, so yes, as you can tell, this is based on a taylor swift song (all of the girls you loved before) I finished this in only two days so please bear with me if it's bad, but other than that, if you reached it here, congrats. I already consider you as my fan. Thank you for reading and have a great day!

p.s if you want to see my other socials, you can find it at ⤵

57 notes · View notes

ujimoo · 2 years ago

Text

For Tonight, For The Weekend, Forever. | KSM

synopsis: going home for your childhood friend's wedding was the easy part, however, facing him was something else entirely.

pairings: seungmin x fem!reader, jisung x OC, chan x OC.

includes: past love, first love, angst, best friend!Jisung, weekend romance, heartbreak, second-chance romance.

WARNING: mention of mature themes, suggestive - implied sex, but no actual smut. mature jokes (one death joke, sex jokes), drinking, mentions of eating and multiple restaurant 'eating scenes', maybe more i’ve missed - let me know if i have

word count: 24,976

a.n. Here it is! My longest fic I have ever written for tumblr. As I said in the teaser, this original idea comes from the song Tis The Damn Season by Taylor Swift, however, as you can tell, it's changed a lot since the original idea. ALSO, I just want to say a massive thank you to Galaxy from @plutominho for being my best friend, the greatest editor, the best person to brainstorm with and for being my number one supporter, I love you so much more than I could possibly describe. Thank you for putting up with me when it came to writing this fic and thank you for putting up with me in general haha.

a.a.n. parts in all italics are flashbacks!!

permanent tag list: @awooghan @soobin-chois @curlytxe @treetops68 @minniee-bear

tag list: @smally97 @blueleventprint @heeverseblog

It’s the sounds of typing coming from your best friend Gwen’s laptop that keep you awake– barely. Looking down at the book that was led out on the desk in front of you, you sigh. Your brain feels numb and everything you read leaves your mind the moment you look away.

It doesn’t help that the library you’re currently sitting in was eerily quiet. Sure, it was late and many other students had given up on studying at this point and you couldn’t blame them, but at the same time. It was almost too quiet.

“Did you get the invite to the wedding?” Gwen’s voice causes you to jump out of your skin. The sound of Gwen’s bubblegum-like voice definitely wakes you up.

Rubbing your eyes with the back of your hands, you question her. “Get what?”

“The invite,” Gwen says slowly. “To Mina and Chan’s wedding.”

Shrugging and pushing the book away from you. You lean back against your seat.

“I don’t know,” you starts. “Maybe, I haven’t checked my mail in a few days.”

Glancing over at Gwen, who smiles a small smile, you copy her.

“Well make sure to check, Mina will kill you if you don’t go,” Gwen laughs.

You nod your head as you begin to shove your now discarded books into your bag. It was late and you had had enough of trying to study now.

“Yeah yeah, I know, I’ll check,” you hum. “Also, make sure not to stay here too late. At least get that Dofus you call a boyfriend-...”

Gwen quickly cuts you off, “not my boyfriend.”

This was enough to cause you to mentally face-palm. Shaking your head, you put your backpack over your shoulders.

“Either way, don’t walk home alone in the dark.”

“Yeah yeah,” Gwen says. “Just make sure to catch up on sleep okay? And actually, eat something good for once!”

You don’t look back at your best friend, but raise a hand to signal that you had in fact heard her last words and made your way back to your apartment.

Your apartment was small and outdated. The air was dry, yet somehow, you were sure there was mould growing in the corner of your living room and whilst you knew you should call your landlord, you just couldn’t be bothered.

Not long now, you thought to yourself.

It wasn’t long until you could move out and move on from the place for good. It wasn’t long until you could get a better one, maybe one closer to home. Somewhere where the rent wasn’t as hefty.

Somewhere that actually kept the warmth in.

Letting your bag drop onto the small couch and you ran a hand through your hair. It wasn’t until a moment later that you remembered about having to check your mailbox. You didn’t want to, maybe you could make up some excuse that you forgot or that you misplaced your mailbox key, but you knew Gwen wouldn't stand for it.

“Shit,” you mumble, grabbing your keys once more and heading back out the door.

Thankfully, you only lived on the first floor, so it wasn’t that much of a journey down to the postroom.

The main entrance and the postroom were completely different to the rest of the building. They were in pristine condition compared to literally everywhere else. As if the main entrance was to lure you in. That’s how it happened to you at least, with promises of how the rest of the building would one day look like the polished main entrance.

Promises that were never kept.

Going over to your personal mailbox, you take the key and unlock it. There wasn’t much in there like you normally assumed. The usual; bills, junk mail, more bills. However, wedged between two letters was the card you had been looking for.

A white card sprayed with gold edges. It was definitely it.

Delicately turning it around and you smile lightly at the fancy lettering. This was definitely the type of invite one Kim Mina would send.

‘You are invited to the wedding of Kim Mina and Bang Chan’.

Closing your mailbox and quickly locking it back up. You make your way back up to your apartment. Carefully placing the invite onto your mantel above your non-working fireplace and stare at it for a moment.

Then the moment passes and you grab your backpack once more and head straight for your bedroom. There was a lot to think about when it came to the wedding, the most notable being who would be in attendance. That thought was something you didn’t want, so for now, you’d ignore it– until you couldn’t anymore.

→→

The second time Gwen asks about the invite, you’re both walking between classes. Whilst you weren’t the same majors, you were lucky enough to finish classes at the same time. So, that’s what you would do every Wednesday since you both started that year of university:

You’d finish class at the same time, meet at the main entrance to the building, Gwen would walk with you to your next class and then Gwen would wait around for her boyfriend, that isn’t her boyfriend– long story– jisung to meet her after his own class finished at 5 pm.

“So did you get the invite or not?” Gwen asks. “You never said anything about it last time.”

Pulling your bag straps closer to the middle of your chest, you hum in response. “Oh yeah, I got it.”

Gwen makes a face, basically telling you to continue, but you decide to stay silent.

“And?!” Gwen gasps. “You’re going to have to respond soon, Mina will be pissed if you don’t go, you know this.”

“I know!” you whine. “It’s just, I know I’ll see him.”

“And?” Gwen repeats. “This is our best friend since childhood’s wedding. Don’t let her dumb brother make you miss out on something like that and anyway,” Gwen gulps. “I’d be more scared of Mina’s wrath of you missing her wedding than of you having to face him for like four days.”

You sink into yourself at the thought of it, “true.”

Seeing him was one thing, but Mina’s wrath was a whole other thing entirely. The one way to describe that of Kim Mina and that was the devil in human form. Sure, she was the kindest person you and Gwen had ever met. Mina would do anything for anyone she cared about, however, Mina was blunt. She was more than blunt, she was ruthless and said things how she saw them. She couldn’t sugarcoat things just to sugarcoat, but that’s what made her words mean so much more.

All the Kim siblings were one and the same, like carbon copies of each other. Mina, her twin brother and their younger brother, Seungmin. Aka the man you didn’t want to see.

“If you really don’t want to go, then you don’t have to.” Gwen pats you on the shoulder. “But remember what I said, don’t let him be the reason for missing out on something like this. She’s only ever going to have one wedding.”

Stopping outside of the building of your next class. You nod your head.

“You’re right– and don’t say I told you so,” you quickly add when you see the look of mischief on Gwen’s face. “I’ll tell her I’m going tonight when I get home.”

“Good,” Gwen smiles. “You can drive down with me and Ji.”

You instantly let out a groan as you lean your head back., “And listen to you flirt fight or whatever the heck it is you do for like six hours?”

“We do not do that!” Gwen rolls her eyes. “And hey, it’s up to you, I was just thinking it would save you gas money…”

you give in instantly. Screw gas prices and their ways of rising prices. Can’t they just think of students for once?

“Fine! But I swear to God if you guys flirt the whole way I’m going to scream.”

Gwen pushes you in the direction of the doors and repeats herself. “We don’t and we won’t!”

you found it hard to believe her, but you decide that it was easier just to give in.

→→

By the time you got home, it was dark and you felt sticky and damp. With the changing of the weather, you had begun to dress more warmly in the morning only for you to be sweating your ass off by the time midday rolled around. To be fair, you did this every year, but still, you never learnt.

The feeling of having to go up one flight of stairs was enough to make you feel mad. Pulling off your hat, your frizzy hair springs up at the lack of force smothering it down. Shoving it into your bag, you put your keys in between your lips for a minute as you struggle to take off your scarf and shove that in there too.

Taking your keys from your lips and rushing towards your door, and unlock it. Stripping off your coat in record time, you let that and your bag fall to the floor. As you stumble to the bathroom, you take off your trousers and let them trail behind you. Flicking the light on, you head straight for your shower, turn it on and as you wait for it to heat up, you go to your bedroom to get yourself a set of pyjamas for after your much-needed shower.

The shower was nice, it was everything you needed after the day you had. You were thankful that you were able to wash away your worries about the wedding and how you were able to reminisce on the words Gwen had told you and you were even able to practice what you were going to say when you would inevitably call Mina later that night.

You turn off the shower and step out, shivering at the cold as you wrap yourself up in your towel. You dry yourself, putting on some underwear and your pyjamas. Not bothering with anything like body cream, you make your way back through the hallway, picking up your discarded trouser, your coat as well as your bag. Hanning up your coat, and resting your bag on the couch, you threw your dirty trouser into the washing basket before going back to dig your phone out of the depths of your bag.

Scrolling through the notifications on the lock screen, you ignore the notifications that were from useless apps you even forgot you had, like random tweet alerts from Twitter, video notifications from youtube and focused more on your text message alerts.

There was a string of texts from a group chat you have with Gwen and jisung and you make sure to click on that one first.

Wannabe Spiderman: 4:55 pm

Gwen told me ur riding with us to the wedding… sick!

Princess Gwen<3: 4:56 pm

Never say that again, you’re such a dork.

Wannabe Spiderman: 4:56 pm

U hurt my feelings, that is so not sick!

Princess Gwen<3: 4:57 pm

I hate you omg

Giggling away at Gwen and Jisung’s exchanges, you type out your own message before quickly hitting send.

y/nnie stupid: 6:02 pm

Weren’t you guys together at this point?

Also, who changed my nickname?

Princess Gwen<3: 6:03 pm

Yes, and who do you think?

y/nnie stupid: 6:04 pm

The dofus?

Princess Gwen<3: 6:04 pm

DING DING DING! WE HAVE A WINNER!

Wannabe Spiderman: 6:06 pm

I feel like u guys just like ganging up on me

Just say ur jealous of my great nicknaming skills and go

y/nnie stupid: 6:07 pm

Sure we are, sooo jealous.

Wannabe Spiderman: 6:08 pm

BULLIES ! all of you !

Rolling your eyes and laughing at jisung’s texts and you back out of the message chain before clicking into a private one between you and Gwen.

Gwen<3: 6:02 pm

I know you’re worried about this whole wedding thing and having to see ******** again, but it’ll be okay. I’ll fight him for you and you know Mina wouldn’t want anything bad to happen either.

y/nnie<3: 6:09 pm

Did you really censor his name?

Gwen<3: 6:10 pm

Of course, I did. He makes you upset so he must not be named in our sacred texts.

y/nnie<3: 6:10 pm

Lol, i love you

Gwen<3: 6:11 pm

Love you too<3

But, for real, the wedding will be okay, you won’t even have to leave my side if it makes you feel better. I have my own room at the hotel, we can just share so you won’t have to be alone?

y/nnie<3: 6:13 pm

Okay, would love that. I need to call Mina before it gets too late, but I’ll tell you how it goes at some point later.

Try not to kill sung when I’m gone.

Gwen<3: 6:15 pm

Yeah, you must!

And no promises<3

Closing the app, you soon pull up Mina’s contact and let your thumb hover over the call button.

It was now or never. You had to, you couldn’t push this off any longer even if you wanted to– which if you could, you probably would.

Clicking call, you hold it up to your ear as you bite at the skin around your thumbnail on your other hand in anticipation. It felt like the ringing tone was mocking you– if it could even mock you? You weren’t so sure anymore.

The call clicked through and the bright voice of Mina rang through your speakers and into your ears.

“y/nnie!” Mina exclaims. “How are you?”

Humming, you smile as you respond,. “I’m good, how are you?”

“Good, I’m good too.”

you can practically hear Mina smiling through the phone and you’re is inclined to try and match it.

“So, what are you calling for?” Mina asks.

you quickly respond, “about the wedding!”

“Ah, great! Calling to say you’re coming right? Cause I already have you set down as so.”

you laugh and attempt to nod your head before realising Mina couldn’t see you. You knew Mina would do this, you knew that she knew you would go regardless of how you felt.

“Yes yes, I’m coming so don’t think otherwise.”

“Good,” Mina hums. “I was worried for a second there when you hadn’t responded to the invite that you weren’t going to.”

“No, I’m coming.”

“You better, I’ll hunt you down otherwise,” Mina adds before letting out a laugh.

“Yeah, I know you would.” you laugh too. “And good for me, I am going so no need to get the hunting tools out.”

You can hear movement in the background and Mina soon turns her attention back to your conversation.

“I gotta go y/nnie, I’m sorry, Chan is going to be back soon and I’m in the middle of preparing dinner.”

“Okay,” you respond quickly. “I need to do some food too.”

“Yeah, you do,” Mina states. “And make sure it’s something other than ramen this time around.”

Rolling your eyes, you hum, however, you couldn’t fight her because she wasn’t wrong. “Yes, mother.”

Sharing a laugh, you both quickly say your goodbyes and end the call. You were actually starting to get hungry. Mina mentioning food had made you realise it and thankfully you had actually gone shopping for once, a few days beforehand. So, you definitely had something other than ramen that night.

→→

You weren’t sure how you ended up aimlessly wandering around at some house party. Gwen had dragged both you and Jisung there as a way to 'celebrate' the that it was the beginning of the final year, but she promptly went off somewhere leaving you and Jisung alone. That was until jisung saw something or someone and disappeared without you even knowing.

Sure parties were fun, and you liked a good party now and then, but as you stood idly, on the front porch, hoping to catch a glimpse of either of your best friends, the party had lost its spark.

The air was still cold and your knitted jumper did just a good enough job of shielding you from it, but even with your sweater paws, every now and then a shiver would run down your spine. You wondered if it would be a good time to walk home. Sure you knew, that it was dark and it was a dumb and dangerous idea to walk by yourself, especially without informing your two best friends, but even after an hour at least, you still hadn't found them.

It was boring, you were bored. You just wanted to go home and find something to watch and prayed that you kept yourself warm enough so you didn't catch a cold.

"You alright?" You jump at the sudden voice next to you and turn around to see Seungmin with a concerned look on his face.

You knew Seungmin– well knew him a bit, you had had classes together all throughout high school, but something in you changed within the last year that made you look at him differently. You weren't sure what it was exactly, but something about him made your heart flutter.

"I'm okay," you smile. "I lost my friends, I thinking of heading home." You laugh at your words.

"On your own?" He asks and you nod in response. "But it's dangerous, what if something happens?"

"Eh," you push your lips into a thin line. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"A lot of things?" He responds to your rhetorical question.

Turning your body to face him, you smile. "I'll be fine, plus if you're worried so much you could always walk me back?"

Seungmin blinks and the sides of his mouth lift into a smile, one that makes your own even wider. You shocked yourself at your own confidence, but what surprised you more was the fact he agreed.

"Okay," he hums. "I'll walk with you."

"You sure?" You ask, pointing casually at the front door. "Not worried about leaving the party so soon?"

He shakes his head and motions for you to lead the way. "Nah, the party doesn't seem to compare now."

The walk back with him was an experience like no other and Seungmin is almost charming, showering you with compliments. Saying how the walk back with you is more fun than he's had in the past hour and a half he had been back at the party.

So when you slow down and stop outside of your house, it's sad. You didn't want to part ways with him just yet, this was the most you had spoken to him in one go, and you didn't want it to end so early.

Turning to him once again, you smile. "Thank you for walking back with me."

"Thank you for your company," he smiles.

Looking up at him, your smile doesn't leave your face and his own seemed to mimic yours.

You couldn't tell how long you had both been standing there, looking at each other, but just like the walk, you didn't want it to end. He steps forward, leaning his face closer ever so slightly and whispers. "Can I say goodnight?"

Butterflies erupt in your chest as you question, "In what way?."

“A special way, with your consent of course,” he responds.

He doesn’t wait for you to finish nodding.

Your first kiss with Seungmin is short and sweet and you can taste a hint of cola on his lips.

It didn’t matter that you had nothing to compare it to, but something in your heart knew that you'd never want to kiss anyone else if it wasn't Seungmin's lips on yours.

→→

Wannabe Spiderman: 10:05 am

We’re on our way now bishh

Gwen is yelling at me already, so pls be ready :D

y/nnie stupid: 10:06 am

I’m ready and honestly, you probably deserve it

Wannabe Spiderman: 10:06 am

What is it with u guys and bullying me…

y/nnie stupid: 10:07 am

Love u too<3

Princess Gwen<3: 10:09 am

WTF I DIDNT YELL AT YOU YOU LIAR

y/nnie stupid: 10:09 am

Focus on the road?!?!!!

Wannabe Spiderman: 10:10 am

She was at a stoplight

And she did btw

y/nnie SHE JUST HIT ME

SHE DID IT AGAIN

y/nnie stupid: 10:12 am

Please don’t kill each other before we’ve even left, thanks<3

You finish typing out the text, hit send and roll your eyes as you lock your phone before slipping it into the pocket of your coat. Grabbing the small suitcase you packed basically the night before, you open and hold the door open with your foot as you try to wrangle your way out. Succeeding, you let out a huff and begin to roll the suitcase to the stairs and quickly make your way to ground level and out onto the main road.

By the time it took you to get outside, Gwen was already parked up with the trunk of her car open. She’s leant over it, clearing the bags back up so there’s a space for your stuff

“Where’s the dofus?” you laugh, your suitcase coming to a stop beside your feet.

Rolling her eyes, Gwen motions to the space in the trunk for your suitcase. “I sent him down the street for coffee. I need it, especially for this trip.”

Lifting up your suitcase, you attempt to slot it into the free place and your mind begins to wander. It had been a month since you had originally called Mina to tell her that you would be attending her wedding and for the first week since then, you genuinely felt okay, you felt good– really good. However, the past few days had been different. It was like all of your anxieties were inside of you waiting to escape– just like a shaken-up coke can.

Your hands go up to close the trunk, however, it slips from your fingers and slams shut. This causes you to jump in surprise. Standing there, staring at the girl with a concerned look, Gwen tilts her head slightly.

“You good, y/nnie?” she asks.

You quickly nod, your thoughts coming back to you. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.”

Gwen continues to look at you but decides to move on for a moment as she checks to make sure the trunk is properly closed before going around to get into the driver's seat. Looking over the top of the car at you, Gwen finally speaks once more.

“Please sit in the front, I can’t deal with Ji’s yapping in my ear constantly for six hours.”

bursting into laughter and clapping your hands together, you nod.. “Will do.”

You both get into the car and you turn to the blonde-headed girl next to you.

“I’d say, if I didn’t know you I’d say you despised Ji.”

Gwen lets out a groan, rolling her eyes as she looks at the steering wheel in front of her.

“I don’t hate him, you know I don’t hate him,” Gwen sighs. “He just frustrates me.”

“Because you love him and don’t know how to tell him.”

Gwen’s head snaps in your direction. “I don’t love him! God, why would I love him?! He’s just a goddamn idiot.”

Staring back at her with a blank expression, you blink. “Could you be any more of a tsundere?”

Gwen mimics her words and makes a face to herself in disbelief. She stares out of the large window and down the street. Looking out for jisung making his way back to the car.

“And don’t try and distract me, I know you’re acting weird and that your mind is going crazy on you,” Gwen explains.

“I’m fine,” you fake a laugh. “Finer than fine.”

Gwen snorts a laugh, “Bullshit! You’re freaking out because now you really have to go to Mina’s wedding, and see Seungmin and there’s no way for you to back out.”

Feeling your cheeks begin to heat up, you look away and try to focus on something else. You don’t even try to deny Gwen’s claims, especially since she was right.

“And you’re not even fighting me on it,” Gwen tuts. “Seriously, babe, I’ll beat him up if he tries anything. I have your back.”

You scoff and look back over to the blonde. “You couldn’t hurt anyone even if you tried.”

Mimicking her words again, Gwen rolls her eyes. “Well, it’s the thought that counts.”

“But is it though?” you ask rhetorically.

“Look, we both know jisung couldn’t hurt a fly, so it’s up to me to be the badass of the group.”

“That’s automatically Mina’s role,” you add. “And you love to burn him when he isn’t even here to defend himself.”

“Well, she’s not here right now is she? and of course I do, I need to get serotonin from somewhere.”

“You need to stop being so mean to him,” you laugh causing Gwen to shrug.

“He knows I don’t mean it,” Gwen responds, looking down to fiddle with her fingers in her lap.

“Who knows you don’t mean it?” jisung’s voice causes both of you to jump out of your skin. Gwen looks around to see jisung is leant up against the car door, peering through the window with a tray of coffees in one hand.

“Coffee,” Gwen hums, instantly going to grab one. “And no one it doesn’t matter.”

jisung raises an eyebrow and looks over at you and just shrug your shoulders. Pouting, he looks back over to Gwen. “I thought I was sitting in the front?”

“You’ve been demoted,” she says sipping away at her coffee. you weren’t sure you had even seen the girl as happy as she was with a coffee in her hand.

“Fine,” jisung huffs. “I got you a caramel latte, y/nnie.”

“And you’re the best,” you smile, leaning over to grab the hot drink from him.

Getting into the back seat, jisung leans forward between the two front seats. “So what were you two lovely ladies talking about just then?” Jisung cheekily smiles. “Gossiping about how you’re both deeply in love with me and can’t decide who should get the honour of dating me?”

Gwen rolls her eyes and fakes a gag. “God, you’re obnoxious, you wish.”

“You’re not my one-of-a-kind type of guy, sorry Ji,” you laugh, sending him a look..

“Well, I’ll have–” Jisung begins to speak, however, Gwen covers his mouth with her hand causing the rest of his sentence to come out in muffles.

“We weren’t talking about that and don’t press on it okay?” Gwen asks.

Gasping, Gwen quickly pulls her hand back before hitting Jisung in the shoulder.

Looking back and forth between the two of you,, Jisung sighs. His eyes settle on you and frowns. “This is about Min isn’t it?”

“Jisung!”

“It’s fine!” you laugh. “It’s not like he doesn’t know anything about it.”

Pushing his head back through the gap in the two front seats, he smiles, patting you on the shoulder. “I can protect you y/nnie, don’t worry.”

It only takes one shared look between you and Gwen to turn to him, blink and burst into laughter.

“What?! Why are you guys laughing?! I can protect her!”

“You-” you hiccup as you try to speak. “You’d cry if he even looked at you the wrong way.”

Jisung rolls his eyes as you both soon start to calm down, however, when you guys look at him again, both of your laughter start back up.

“Bullies,” jisung mutters to himself, leaning back into the seat with his arms crossed. “All of you.”

Gwen wipes her eyes, turning her attention towards the steering wheel. “Okay, okay,” she repeats as she tries to calm down. “We need to get going if we want to be there before nightfall.”

“Want me to play the tunes?” Jisung asks, popping his head through the gap once more. You weren’t sure where the boy got his energy from, part of you didn’t want to know. You were just thankful he decided not to drink coffee otherwise he would have been bouncing off the car walls.

“No!” Gwen cries as she starts the car. “You’ll play those stupid meme songs and you’ve been playing them nonstop already.”

“You just have bad taste,” jisung snaps back, making Gwen gasp.

“Taylor Swift is not bad taste and you know it,” Gwen laughs. “Mr let's be up at midnight so we can listen to midnights.”

jisung stays quiet and Gwen scoffs to herself and mumbles something that you're unable to hear. Shaking your head, you turn to watch the world pass you by through the window.

→→

“Can we stop to go to the bathroom?” Jisung complains from the back seat.

“Why didn’t you go when we stopped literally half an hour ago?” you laugh as you ask him, looking over your shoulder.

Jisung groans, sinking into his seat. “Because I didn’t need to go then!”

“You’re a child!” Gwen cries.

“I’m older than you!” Jisung cries back.

“By two days!”

“Can we please stop, I need to go really bad!” Jisung begins to whine, stopping a foot. “Like I can’t even hold it, I could–”

“Don’t you dare,” Gwen hisses, glaring at him through the review mirror. “The next stop is in ten minutes, so you better hold it otherwise if you piss in my car I’m leaving you there to rot.”

“Okay, okay!” jisung responds.

Watching from the sidelines, you giggle as you look back at a fidgeting jisung and then over at Gwen, you swore you could see the steam trying to escape her ears.

It was a bit longer than ten minutes before Gwen pulls the car over and stops in one of the service stations and as soon as the car is stopped and off, Jisung unbuckles his belt and is off and out of the car in a flash.

“At least we can get snacks?” you try and reassure her.

Nodding along, Gwen takes her keys and opens her door and before she gets out, she turns to you. “And we’re not sharing them with him.”

Laughing, you follow along behind her, making your way into the little shopping centre.

Going into one of the general stores, Gwen wanders away as, you pick up a basket and begin to throw in a bunch of random snacks in there for both you and Gwen– and Jisung. Eventually finding you again, Gwen’s arms are now full of bottles of cold coffee and a few bottles of pop.

“Don’t you want some water?” you ask as Gwen dumps all of the bottles into the basket.

“I’ll have water when I’m dead,” she responds.

Your eyebrows furrow together and you blink in confusion. “That’s not even the saying.”

“Eh,” she shrugs. “Too bad.”

Continuing to slowly make your way around the store and to waste time whilst you were waiting for Jisung to use the bathroom, you look over things you knew you wouldn’t buy.

With Gwen following behind you this time, she clears her throat. “How are you feeling?”

“Is this your way of seeing if I’m going to have an emotional breakdown anytime soon?”

With a blank face, Gwen stares at you when you look away from the shelf and at her.

“No, it’s just we’re like three hours away and just wanted to make sure you weren’t feeling too bad.”

You shrug. You were trying not to think about it, because if you thought about it then the shaken can of your emotions would explode. You didn’t want that, Gwen and Jisung didn’t want that and Mina, Chan and everyone else didn’t want that either.

“I’m fine,” you say with a sigh.

“You haven’t seen him since he left,” Gwen states and you nod along.

“I know Gwen,” you say laughing. “I was there.”

“It’s just, I haven’t said it yet, but it’s okay to be nervous.”

You nod and hum for the nth time. “Thanks, Gwen, I mean it.”

Gwen doesn’t say much but picks up another item before putting it into the basket and you have to shift the weight by holding onto it with your arm. Gwen sees your struggle and takes the basket from you and you both walk over to the self-service. Scanning your items and paying for them. You split the bags between the both of you and start to make your way back to Gwen’s car.

Exiting the large front doors of the service station, you stop when you see Jisung, sitting on the hood of Gwen’s car with a gigantic cup of a drink from the fast food place.

“That brat,” Gwen hisses. “I swear to God if he complains he needs to piss again in twenty minutes, I’m kicking him out of the car.”

You can’t help but laugh and you laugh even more when Jisung finally notices you both at the door and starts waving frantically at you both.

“I can’t believe I like that fool,” Gwen tries to mumble to herself, but you catch it with a gasp.

“I heard that!” You smile wide. “You finally said it! You like him!”

Her eyes narrow as she snaps her head in your direction. “You. Heard. Nothing.”

“Oh no,” You giggle, walking backwards in the direction of the car as you continue to look at her. “I definitely heard it.”

“I swear to God y/n, I’ll leave you here too.”

“Maybe that’s what I want, ever thought of that?”

“You asshole,” Gwen hisses, following after you.

“I won’t say anything,” you smile cheekily. “Yet.” You add before turning around and running over to the car.

“What’s up, ladies?” Jisung asks, taking a long sip of his drink when you stop in front of the car.

Gwen doesn’t look at either of you before opening her car door and throwing the bags inside. Looking up at Jisung once, her eyes narrow at him.

“If you complain you need to piss again in half an hour, you’re dead.”

“Got it.” He salutes.

Getting off of the hood of the car, he tries his best to look inside the carrier bags. “Got any snacks for me too?”

“No/Yes,” Both you and Gwen say at the same time.

“I thought we said we wouldn’t share!” Gwen gasps.

“I felt bad!” You whine.

“Thank you y/nnie,” Jisung says, patting you on the back. “At least one of you cares about me to get me snacks.”

“Shut up Dofus,” Gwen rolls her eyes as she gets into the car and closes the door behind her.

“She does care,” you hum at Jisung, making him laugh.

“I know,” he smiles. “It’s just fun pissing her off.”

Rolling your eyes, you open the passenger side door. “You two are unbelievable.”

→→

Resting your head in your palm, your eyes linger on the boy who was sitting at another table across from you in the dining hall. Your heart swirls when he makes eye contact and smiles before looking away.

“Why haven’t you asked him out yet?” Jisung asks, moving to the seat in front of you, blocking the boy from view.

Your eyebrows furrow, and tilting your head, you send a look of confusion in Jisung’s direction. “Who?”

His face is blank like he just mentally face-palmed ten times over. He knew that you knew who he was on about, but he still gave in to your little charade. Resting his arms on the table, he leans forward and attempts to whisper, “Seungmin.”

“Do you have to say it so loud?!” You hiss, pushing him away from you.

He shrugs, picking up some of the leftover food that was on your tray. “Eh, I tried.”

“You’re a pain in the ass,” you respond.

“Who’s a pain in the ass?” Gwen asks, falling into the seat next to you with her tray of food.

“Jisung–”

“Say no more,” Gwen simply responds.

When Jisung leans over to bug Gwen, you look back over to Seungmin and you smile at the way he looks over at you and slyly motions with his hand for you to leave the dining room.

Looking back over to Jisung and Gwen, you clear your throat. “I forgot I had to do something before our next class, so I’ll just meet you there.” You said, getting up from out of your seat.

Both of your best friends raise their eyebrows at you in suspicion.

“Going where?” Gwen asks.

“Just to the library, I’ll meet you at class,” and before they get another word out, you through your backpack over your shoulder and quickly make your way out of the dining hall and down the hallway.

It wasn’t until you were a good distance away, that a hand-pulled you into an empty storage closet.

Giggling, you lean up against the door and up at the culprit.

“Hey,”

“Hi, Min,” you smile, as his fingers entwine with your own.

Seungmin stands above you, a smile playing on his lips. He squeezes your hand and takes the smallest step closer to you, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” you hum. “My friends are starting to get suspicious about me randomly disappearing, I can't tell if they're picking up on what we're doing.”

Chuckling, he raises an eyebrow at your statement and leans in to place a kiss on your cheek. “Really?”

You nod, leaning into his touch.

Seungmin holds the kiss for a second before pulling back. “That’s…” he pursed his lips together. “That’s… wow.”

“Yeah.” You hesitated before you continued.

it had been six months, five hours and forty-three minutes since the first time Seungmin had kissed you. Not that you would ever let him know that you knew it down to the minute, but ever since, Seungmin would pull you into random storage closets or empty classrooms whenever he wanted attention. If you were all around your friends, he'd try his best to find signals to get you to sneak away with him without anyone knowing.

Sure, it was fun, but at the same time, it was hard trying to hide it from everyone you cared about most. Especially when those said friends knew of your feelings for the boy. You just couldn't get a grasp on how he felt in return. It confused you and made you wonder about how he truly felt about you.

"What would I say if they figured it out?" You asked. "How would I explain it? Us? Are we even…?"

You didn't finish your sentence and even in the dark closet, you catch Seungmin’s eyes widen in panic. He made eye contact with you for a second, but let his eyes fall to the floor just as quickly. “Um…”

Your heart drops to your stomach.

Seungmin notices a dejected glint in your eye as you push your lips together and sigh. “Listen, Y/N…”

You didn’t need to hear more; that was enough of an answer. But you were too frozen to do anything else.

"We're having fun," Seungmin tries to explain, however, it was going in one ear and out the other. "Why need to explain what's going on?"

Blinking, you nod. You couldn't say anything, it was like your mind had gone into emergency shutdown mode and you couldn't bring yourself to say a word– you couldn't. And it was like you could feel little cracks in your heart forming and everything Seungmin continued to say was like an ice pick chipping away at the already-formed lines.

"Why do they need to know our business?" This was the final blow to the ice pick he has to your heart. "Y/N..."

"It's fine." Clearing your throat, you nod and finally gain the courage to look him in the eye. There was a look in his eyes that you couldn't begin to describe, "I get it Seungmin."

Your eyes feel glassy and you blink so quickly to try and stop them from spilling over onto your cheeks. Your hand goes limp in his. He doesn't say anything, just watches you-- examines you and you finally look away.

"I need to get to class,"

You step away from him. His hand tightens around yours, but you pull it away.

"Y/N."

"I get it Seungmin, I need to go."

You quickly leave the storage closet and thankfully the hallway is empty. Hiccupping, the tears finally fall from your eyes and you wipe them away just as quickly.

The door opens again and his footsteps fill your ears. They stop for a moment and part of you wishes that he'd come over, apologise and tell you that he'd shout about you and each other from the rooftops. However, that doesn't happen and the footsteps start up again but then get quieter and quieter before they disappear completely and the sobs you've been desperately holding in escape your lips.

→→

The sun was starting to dip below the horizon and the sky was a mix of pinks and purples. At some point during the final hours of the journey, Jisung had fallen asleep in the back seat and Gwen had turned down whatever music she had on to not disturb him. You on the other hand still had your head lead up against the window, watching the world go by.

Originally, Gwen had curated a perfect road trip playlist that captured in her words, ‘the vibes needed for one such road trip’. However, after about four and a half hours into the drive, Gwen throws her phone at you for you to change the music into something more lively.

Gwen turns the music down more, so it’s almost inaudible.

“Did Mina tell you?” She questions.

Looking over at the blonde, you respond. “Tell me what?”

“She-” Gwen clears her throat. “She wants to hold a reunion dinner tomorrow night for the seven of us.”

You blink in shock a couple of times before sinking into your seat. “Nope. She did not.”

You gaze out the window again, attempting to distract yourself with the way the scenery changed from open fields to more dense town life.

Gwen glances at you and sighs. “Y/N…”

“Don’t.” You sigh. God, this is going to suck.

“It’ll be okay.”

“Will it?” Your mind is swarming with all the possible ways the dinner could go wrong. All of them involved your sort-of-an-ex.

“Plus, you have a whole day to prepare!”

She said it so optimistically. Your brain had already gotten accustomed to the fact that you would see him in three days. Now that time has been shortened to about 24 hours. Not even three years of forgetting he exists could prepare you for that.

You wish you could’ve just wiped him out from your memory. Maybe if you never remembered what happened, things would be different. Maybe it would be like a fresh start.

The hotel was a fairly fancy one, with large pillars around the entrance. You almost expected it to have a doorman to open and close doors as guests come and go.

The winter air quickly nips at your nose as soon as you get out of the car and all three of you rush to the trunk to get your things out so you can head inside.

In the next second, you’re all inside the festive-looking reception. There’s a large green tree decorated in the corner with fake gifts positioned under it.

The reception desk itself is also decorated to the nines, with lights hung up underneath the counter side and fake snow lining the floor. It also has its own little tree with a bowl of candies next to it for guests to take as they pleased.

As you enter you can hear faint jazz coming through the glass doors leading into what you assumed was a bar. The whole atmosphere was so relaxed that it put you at ease. So relaxed in fact, it let all thoughts slip from your mind as Gwen checks the both of you in.

The whole time, Jisung is clinging onto Gwen like a tired baby. Gwen tried to brush him off at first but quickly gave up once she saw he wasn’t going to move. Even after she’s done with your room and Jisung has to check into his own, he’s not moved a budge.

It's only when you guys have to take your stuff and walk to the elevators does he let her escape his grasp.

Waiting for the elevator feels antagonistically long considering you’re tired and have been stuck in the car for six-plus hours. Never had you been so excited to get into a room, fall onto the bed and let sleep guide you into dreamland. You couldn’t think about anything else about how good being in bed and sleeping the night away would feel.

Life seemed to have other plans for you though as the doors to the elevator opened and your body went into full alert.

Life hated you, it was official. This is why you weren’t allowed nice things.

The doors opened to show an equally as tired Seungmin with his older brother Minho.

There goes having even a day to prepare, you thought to yourself.

When his eyes seem to land and focus on you, it takes a second for him to react. However, Minho is faster at reacting than he is.

“What’s up guys!” the older boy smiles. “Long time no see!”

“You’re telling me,” Jisung laughs, pulling Minho into a hug. “I’ve missed your face.”

Pulling away slightly, Minho smirks at Jisung, “and I’ve missed yours.”

“You always know how to make someone blush!” Jisung chuckles, taken to the older boy's smooth words.

Whilst this is all going on, Seungmin’s eyes are trained on you and you begin to feel uncomfortable under his gaze. You can’t tell which is worse, him speaking to you or him not saying anything at all. Part of you didn’t even want to stay to hear what he had to say– if he had anything to.

You’d think after three years, maybe even a hi would be acceptable.

You were being a hypocrite though, you knew you were. Wanting him to say hi to you when you didn’t even want him to face you in the first place. It didn’t make sense.

“Or maybe you just like the attention,” Gwen mutters, before grabbing onto your hand and pulling you into the elevator. “Sorry Minho, we need to go up to our room now, long trip, you know what it’s like.”

Minho hums and smiles, “Sure go ahead! We’ll see you guys tomorrow at the dinner right?”

You nod silently as Gwen hums in confirmation.

“We’ll see you there,” she smiles quickly.

Looking at Minho you smile too. “See you there.”

“Hey! Wait for–” Jisung begins, but it gets cut off by the closing of the doors.

When the elevator starts moving, Gwen groans.

“Stupid Jisung, stupid Minho, stupid Seungmin.” she continues to repeat out loud.

Looking at her with a confused look, you blink. “You okay?”

She jumps, turning to you like she had forgotten you were even there for a moment.

“Huh?” she asks.

Repeating your question, she nods.

“I’m fine, just, I didn’t expect us to run into them tonight I’m sorry, I didn’t even realise they would be staying here.”

Shrugging your shoulders, you let your eyes gaze back over to the elevator doors. “It’s fine, not like you would have known, plus maybe it was better this way– seeing him this way I mean.”

“What do you mean?” Gwen questions.

“Now I can’t stress over the first time seeing him can I? Cause it’s already happened.”

“I guess,” Gwen responds, giving herself a moment to think about it.

“Plus I’m too tired right now, I don’t want to think anymore.” you let out a yawn and cover your mouth. Leaning into Gwen’s side, like Jisung had done not fifteen minutes earlier, you speak. “Let’s just go to our room and forget boys exist and just sleep the night away.”

Gwen laughs and you can feel her nodding her head. “That I would drink to.”

Soon enough, you were both in your room. With two large double beds, it was all that you needed for the extended weekend away. Claiming your bed,-the one closest to the window– you let your bags fall at the end of it before dramatically flinging yourself onto it.

Here’s to sleep, you thought. And forgetting boys exist.

→→

You immediately hated your dress the minute you put it on. The baby pink fabric hugged your body in the worst ways possible, and the more you stared at yourself in the mirror, the more exposed you felt. You tug at the end of it to try and pull it down more, failing to find some relief. It felt suffocating and you weren’t even sure why you packed it in the first place.

“Can you stop worrying for one second,” Gwen says as she leans forward to apply her lipstick in the mirror. “You look hot. Let Seungmin know what he’s missing.”

“Gwen!” you gasp.

Snorting a laugh, she puts the lid back on her lipstick and turns to you. “What? It’s been– three years? I don’t think it’s bad to make him regret everything he did to you in senior year.”

“It would be better if I didn’t see him at all,” you mumble whilst fidgeting with your dress again.

“Babe, remember what I said?” Gwen asks, causing you to take a deep breath before releasing it.

“Don’t let him get in the way this time. It’s about the wedding, Mina and Chan, not him.”

Gwen happily hums and takes a few steps over towards you before she lightly places a hand on one cheek and kisses the other. “You got it!”

Blinking at her, your mouth drops and you shake your head. “Ever since you confessed to liking Jisung, you’ve been weird.”

Her sweet smile drops and slaps you on your arm.

“I didn’t confess! I told you, you heard nothing!”

You giggle and wipe away whatever lipstick remains on your cheek in the mirror as Gwen slips on her shoes.

Soon after, there was a continuous knock at the door and Jisung’s loud voice echoed through it. “Come on, let’s go ladies!”

Raising an eyebrow at Gwen, she shoots you a glare.

“You heard nothing,” she whispers. “I don’t like that idiot.”

“Denial,” you whisper-sing back.

“Hurry up! They’re waiting for us!” Jisung’s voice continues to carry through the door. “Hello? Are–”

Opening the door, Gwen speaks. “Shut up idiot, try not to disturb the whole hotel, yeah?”

Jisung takes a moment to look Gwen up and down and clears his throat before straightening his back up. “You look good.”

“Thanks,” Gwen nods. “You too.”

Jisung pulls at the collar of his white dress shirt and it’s easy to notice his cheeks tint pink. “Thank you.”

Rolling your eyes, you pick up your back and put it over your shoulder. Pushing on Gwen slightly to get her out of the door, you close it behind you. “Come on, let's go, lovebirds.”

“Y/N!”

When you got to the restaurant that Mina and Chan had planned for the reunion dinner, everyone apart from you, Gwen and Jisung had already arrived and sat down. You counted your lucky stars that Seungmin was already sitting in between his older brother, Minho, and Chan.

As soon as Mina lays her eyes on the three of you, she shoots up from out of her seat and over to you.

“Look at you guys!” She laughs, pulling each of you into your own hug. “I’ve missed you so much!”

“We’ve missed you too!” You and Gwen say in unison.

“What they said,” Jisung laughs and ducks away when Mina tries to hit him playfully. “I’ve missed you too Mina.”

Going behind the three of you, she lightly pushes you in the direction of the table. “Come, come sit.”

Mina takes her seat once again beside Chan and you take the one next to her, leaving Gwen and Jisung to sit next to each other and Minho.

Pleasantries were passed around and you kept your eyes far away from Seungmin as possible. However, that was difficult when you could feel his eyes boring into you. It was only when Jisung engaged in a conversation with him that the sensation went away and you finally gave yourself the chance to look at him properly.

You could see how much he had changed in the past three years since you last saw him. The baby fat has now gone from his cheeks and his hair was a lighter shade of brown than anything he had in high school. But his eyes still glinted when he smiled and you looked away as soon as he moved his head towards you.

You couldn’t explain the way how in three years everything about him stayed the same, but changed completely at the same time.

Tucking some hair behind your ear, you try to get your attention back on what Mina was talking about.

“You good?” Mina asks, making you nod frantically.

“I’m good, gooder than good.” you smile.

Mina looks at you blankly.

“You’re a terrible liar,” she smiles. “but, I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too,” you return her smile.

“And,” Mina leans in slightly and rests her chin on one hand. “We’re going to the hotel bar after this so you won’t have to think for a while.”

Rolling your eyes, you continue to laugh. “Mina!”

“What?” She asks through her own laugh. “And who knows, maybe you’ll meet someone at the wedding, there are plenty of attractive people attending.” She finishes her sentence with a wink.

Suddenly, Chan leans in next to Mina as well with his own cheeky smile and a raised eyebrow. “Who’s this about attractive people attending the wedding?”

Mina rolls her eyes and pats his cheek after she’s turned to look at him.

“For Y/N silly,”

“Ahh, of course!” Chan laughs. “I can even introduce you to some of my friends.”

Feeling your cheeks begin to heat up, you raise a hand and shake your head. “No no no, it’s okay, you don’t need to!”

“Well, I can still introduce you!” Chan smiles. “More friends are more friends.”

Mina jokingly shrugs. “And that’s the only thing we don’t agree on, having a bunch of friends.”

“And I love you for being your people-hating self.” Chan muses.

“People are just ugh,” Mina begins to rant. “I like being able to count the people I love on two hands, thank you very much.”

Whilst Mina is continuing her speech on her hate of people, Chan is just sitting there, his eyes in the shape of hearts as he watches her. It made your heart swell with love and admiration. Mina and Chan were everything good in a relationship, they were so hopelessly in love that it honestly made you kind of jealous.

It was a love you wanted– you wished for.

Your eyes went around the table again and once again your gaze lingers on Seungmin. Even after three years, you can’t help but look his way.

There was the smoothest Jazz playing in the hotel bar. The boys, albeit mostly Jisung and Minho, were ordering drink after drink, shot after shot for everyone to enjoy. You were starting to feel the effects of the shots and you let out a happy sigh as you looked around at everyone.

Your eyes linger on Seungmin’s back as he leans up against the bar and talks to the rest of the boys. Gwen and Mina’s laughter fills your ears from next to you.

“I’m going to step outside for a bit,” you quickly say to the girls and they nod in response just as quickly whilst muttering a ‘be safe’.

Getting up from your seat, you sway and stumble your way into the hotel lobby and out into the main entrance.

The cold hits you instantly and a shiver moves up your spine. You wished you brought a jacket out with you, however, there was also something comforting about it. Resting the back of your head against the cold brick, you take a deep breath and exhale it slowly.

It was like a moment of peace in the middle of a stressful day.

“Y/N…”

And then that moment was gone.

Opening your eyes, you kept your eyes straight ahead.

“Seungmin.”

“You look good,” he starts and he takes a step into your line of sight. “And, I’ve missed you.”

“Well I wonder who’s to blame for that,” you finally look him in the eye.

He takes a step forward and frowns, “Y/N, please.”

“What do you want, Seungmin?”

“To see you.”

“Don’t say that.”

He steps forward again, “I wish we could go back, back to then.”

He brings up a hand and gently moves some of your hair from out of your face as he gazes into your eyes.

Without fail, he once again had a grip on your heart. You could curse him mentally over and over again, but still, nothing would change.

“You were the one that left,” you whisper.

“And it was so dumb of me,” he responds and repeats. "I've missed you so much."

His hand stays resting on your cheek and you’re not long how long you’re both standing there. Staring at each other, gazing into each other’s eyes.

His eyes flicker to your lips and back up to your eyes. “Why can’t we just go back? For tonight?”

“We shouldn’t,” you whisper.

“Why not?”

Frowning, you look down at his lips as well and back up. “Because it’s not that easy, you left Seungmin. Remember? You didn’t want to date officially.”

“And I was a fool and I regretted it every day after I left.”

“Even if you did, you could have come back.”

“You know that wouldn’t have been that easy either.”

“You didn’t try,” you said, tilting your head up. His thumb gently glides along your cheek.

“I’m here now,” his nose brushes against yours.

All your senses were yelling– screaming at you to stop, back away. Your heart was pounding, but your mind was completely numb. Every single movement, every touch he made sent you into overdrive.

You couldn’t tell what you’d regret more, giving in or not giving in at all.

“For tonight?” You ask.

He nods slowly, leaning in. “For the weekend?”

“Don’t push your luck,” you add, closing your eyes.

Chuckling, you feel his breath against your lips.

“For tonight.” he reaffirms before connecting your lips together.

The hand he has on your cheek slowly moves down to your neck as the other rests on your hip to try and bring you even closer together. Your own hands go up and you wrap your arms around his neck, your fingers playing with his hair.

You tried to catch your breath when your lips separate and when you open your eyes, he’s already looking at you. It’s not even a second later that you’re using your arms to bring him closer to once again reconnect your lips.

Using his thumb to angle your chin, he deepens the kiss. The longer it went on, the more and more your soul was set alight. Every sensation was heightened.

You gasp when his lips leave yours and move frantically to your chin and then down your neck.

“I’m sharing a room with Gwen,” you question in gasps as he settles on one part on the bottom of your neck. “We can’t go there.”

Without saying a word, he uses one hand to fish out his hotel room key and holds it up between two fingers for you to see.

“Are you the only one in there?” you continue to question. He reluctantly draws his attention away from your neck and goes back up to your chin before kissing your lips once more.

“Yes,” kiss. “I,” kiss. “Am,” another kiss.

“So,” he kisses you again before you can continue and you have to push him away so you can even think. “Just for tonight.”

Smiling, he takes your hand before pulling you quickly to make your way to his room. Your giggles fill his ears and your mind repeats: Just for tonight.

→→

You groan quietly, rubbing your eyes with your palms as you sit up slightly, resting your weight on your elbows. Your head hurt and your throat was unbelievably dry– you reminded yourself to never drink again, but you knew you would.

Blinking, your sight soon began clear as you and the memories of the night returned like looking into a kaleidoscope. Sitting up quickly, you curse to yourself when Seungmin groans from next to you and rolls over, thankfully, however, he stays asleep.

Quietly getting up, you slip on your underwear, fail to find your bra and attempt to put your dress from the night before back on. Once you’ve picked up your shoes and your bag, you turn back to see Seungmin. He’s lying on his front and spread out across his bed.

He looks so peaceful and part of you wants to take back everything you said and jump right back into the bed and into his arms. To stay in this little bubble, where nothing ever went wrong and to pretend like you were still teenagers foolish and in love.

It’s foolish and risky, but you take a few steps over towards his bed, lean over and lightly place a kiss on his forehead, your lips linger for a moment before you pull away and whisper. “Thank you for the night.”

As soon as you’re out of his room, it’s like you can breathe again.

You take your time walking back to your own room. Instead of taking the lift, you take the stairs just to give yourself more time to think. Your feet carry you up the cold metal stairs to the soft carpet of the hallways. Soon enough, you came to your own room and you find your key in the depth of your bag and unlock the door before swinging it open, taking a step inside and letting it close behind you.

“About time you showed up,” Gwen’s voice makes you jump out of your skin.

You let your shoes and your bag slip from your fingers and you say nothing as you walk over to your bed and fall face-first into it.

The whole time, Gwen is watching you with a frown. “What happened?”

It was a minute later that you pushed yourself to roll over and look up at the ceiling. “I slept with Seungmin.”

“I assumed that considering you and him randomly disappeared halfway through the night., I just mean how? Why? I thought you didn’t want to see him at all.”

“I didn’t think you’d be one for the intimate details,” you giggle as she fakes a gag.

“Oh god no,” she shakes her head. “I don’t want to know anything about Kim Seungmin’s sex game, I want to know how you go from never wanting to lay your eyes on him to getting under him.”

Your giggles fill the room, but they’re soon stopped by Gwen chucking a pillow at you, hitting you with a thump. “OW! What the heck Gwen?!”

“You were having dirty thoughts and I don’t want to know!”

Sitting up, you throw the pillow back to her. “You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do.” Gwen catches the pillow. “You had the giggle and you know for a fact that it wasn’t an innocent one.”

You giggle again, “Cause I didn’t just go under him.”

Thwack.

“I SAID I DIDN’T WANT TO KNOW!”

Rubbing to soothe where the pillow hit you, you quickly apologise whilst still giggling.

“I’m having trouble getting a reading on you,” Gwen states. “You came in super sad and out of it, but now you’re giggling like a madman.”

Groaning, you fall back onto the bed and look over at your blonde best friend.

“I just–” you pause. “Well–” another pause.

“Well?”

“Just for tonight,” you repeat your words from last night.

Gwen blinks, opens her mouth and closes it again. “Excuse me?”

“Just for tonight, it’s what we said last night.” You move your gaze to the ceiling. “Just for tonight.”

“And what does that mean?”

“Just like it suggests, we had one night, like nothing ever happened– as if nothing changed for a single night.”

You hear Gwen move the blankets that covered her and soon the bed dips next to you. “Babe…”

“I know,” you fake a laugh. “I’m so stupid.”

Gwen slowly moves the hair out of your face. When you look at her, you can see her frown. “You’re not stupid.”

“It’s just, I knew, I knew I shouldn’t have given in, I knew I shouldn’t have let him kiss me or let it go further than it did, but I just…” Your sentence comes to a stop as you try and think of how to continue it.

This was your mind every time you thought of Seungmin. Stuck in the middle of a forest, with no map, no compass and no way out. Lost and confused, yet every time he looked at you, spoke to you, uttered the words you so desperately wanted to hear, gave you baseless hope that he always seemed to give you. The hope that everything would work out, that he’d confess his love and scream it to the world.

But it didn’t happen then and you knew it wouldn’t happen now.

“You’re not dumb or stupid,” Gwen sighs, putting her hands on either side of your face and forcing you to look at her. “Your feelings aren’t stupid, sure it’s frustrating but you shouldn’t beat yourself up for giving into those feelings.”

“Why can’t I just move on?” you question.

“Because feelings are fickle things and it’s just not as easy as we want them to be.” Gwen frowns. “Look, everything that’s happened with you and Seungmin, they’re– they were painful for you, and sure, it’s scared you and affected you.”

“He just has this control over me and it’s like I can’t say no to him.”

Smiling a sad smile, Gwen laughs slightly. “It’s love, babe.”

“I hate it,” you laugh, but it lacks the happiness laughter normally has.

“No you don’t,” Gwen responds. “And you don’t hate him either, no matter how much you want to.”

Sitting up, Gwen’s hands fall from your face and you lean into her and she instantly wraps her arms around you in a protective hug. Letting out a sigh, you affirm her words. “I really don’t and I don’t think I ever could.”

Actually giggling, you feel Gwen place a kiss on your hairline. “Oh my foolish best friend, what am I going to do with you?”

→→

Seungmin’s couch was one of the most comfortable couches you had ever had the chance to sit on. It was a dark wine red fabric corner sofa, just warn in enough that it was comfortable.

Even though no one in their friend group knew of Seungmin and your’s ‘situationship’, the friend groups still found their way to merging– this mostly being because Jisung was a social butterfly that couldn’t keep his mouth shut, but nonetheless. Now the group was bigger, it gave you all more of an excuse to meet up and see each other.

Which would be great if you weren’t currently upset and annoyed at Seungmin. What made it worse was that you couldn’t even tell Gwen, your best friend. Sure, you could have properly told her anyway, but you didn’t want to go behind Seungmin’s back like that, especially when he had already made it well-known how he felt about the whole situation.

the time in the storage closet flashing in your mind constantly like a constant pain still reminding you that it's still there.

Every time you picture his blank stare and inability to say the words you wanted to hear made your heart crack even more. However, you didn't want to let him go, sure if Gwen knew she'd probably scream about you and your worth, but that didn't matter.

Not when your crush of the past year was actually giving you the attention you desired-- even if it was in secret. You could only do so much to show him how upset you really were. By sitting on his couch during these group hangouts, giving him little to no attention.

Was it petty? Maybe so. But it's not like you could yell and scream at him how you felt in front of everyone, not that you'd be able to do that anyway. Not when he'd give you one look and you'd break.

You were sat wedged between Gwen and Jeongin, one of Seungmin’s friends, as you barely focused on some overplayed tv show on the tv. Gwen, dramatically lead on your shoulder with a bowl of popcorn in front of her would sometimes grab a handle full before bringing it up to your mouth so you can take some. Jeongin, laying on your other shoulder, whined randomly and complained every time the show would say a bad joke.

The whole time, Seungmin is sitting alone on the loveseat, arms crossed and a scowl present on his face. This was maybe the third group hangout in a row where you had given the boy little to no attention, yet gave his friends (as well as yours) a never-ending abundance of it.

Don’t get him wrong, he wasn’t jealous. Not at all, not when he’s been the one to see the way your cheeks turn pink when he flirts with you. Or how smiley you get after he kisses you. But no, he wasn’t jealous that his friends were getting more attention than he was, that you were looking at them more than at him.

Kim Seungmin doesn’t get jealous.

One would be foolish to think otherwise.

It’s not until Mina disturbs his quiet jea– brooding time that his scowl turns into an annoyed eye roll.

“Can you help me with something in the kitchen please.” Mina states, rather than asks with a fake smile plastered on her lips. Before Seungmin can even get a word out to complain, she holds her palm up. “Don’t even try, help, now.”

It was times like this that made Seungmin wonder why people loved having siblings. Especially when his older brother and sister always took the chance to remind him that they were older.

Groaning, he gets up and follows Mina to their somewhat large family kitchen.

“What do you need help with?” Seungmin asks.

Mina doesn’t respond as she turns to him with her arms crossed. “Why are you pouting in the corner like a kicked puppy?”

The younger boy blinks and blinks again, “Huh?! No, I’m not!” He argues. “Did you want help or not?”

“Of course not!” Mina hissed. “Would you rather me ask in front of your dear friends?”

The colour drains from his face as he quickly shakes his head.

“Look, I know you may think of me as an annoying pain in the ass older sister, but I still notice things alright?” Mina says. “And I can notice when my foolish younger brother has a new love interest, no matter how hard he tries to keep it and her from everyone around them.”

“I don’t know–” Seungmin stops midsentence when Mina glares at him.

“Don’t try and pull that shit with me Seung, I know you better than you think I do.”

Rolling his eyes, he shifts his weight onto one foot.

He hates the feeling of Mina’s eyes boring into him like she was able to peel back every layer of him.

Again, he didn’t see the fuss of having older siblings.

“We’re–” Seungmin pauses with a groan. He hated this and he especially hated how it was Mina grilling him out. “We’re nothing.”

“Now, how dumb do you think I am?” Mina asks, but just like before she speaks again before he gets the chance. “No, seriously, how dumb do you think I am to think I would just take that?”

“It’s complicated,” Seungmin responds.

“Complicated because it is complicated or complicated because you’re making it complicated?”

When he doesn’t respond, Mina shakes her head and tsks.

“Do you want to date her?” Mina asks.

Seungmin halts for a moment before he shakes his head.

Mina sighs, “Let me guess, you wouldn’t want her to date someone else?”

Seungmin scowls once again, this time at the subject of her question. Had he thought about it much? The idea of you dating someone else? Of either of you dating someone else?

Not really, but would he admit that? Of course not.

“She– She can do whatever she wants.” Seungmin almost hisses. “I don’t care, like I said, we’re not dating.”

“How do you think she feels about this whole situationship? Are you guys on the same page?” Mina asks.

“The pages might be a bit smudged.,” Seungmin attempts to whisper, but all this manages to do is make Mina laugh at her poor younger brother.

“And that’s why you’re pouting in the corner like a kicked puppy,” She comments. “You’re trying to play this cool tsundere type that doesn’t care when all she wants is to be able to be open about how she feels for the person she likes.” Mina scoffs. “But let me tell you this little bro, it’s not cool and you’re going to lose her with this attitude. Not when she finally realises she can find someone who won’t be scared to show her off like she deserves.”

“Whatever,” Seungmin hisses, unable to find the words to actually say anything in defence.

“What happens when you move away for college at the end of the year? Are you just going to keep her quietly hoping for something open? Or are you going to let her go?”

Seungmin’s silent once again and at this point, he’s letting Mina’s words go in one ear and out the other. He’s had enough of her ‘older sister, I apparently know better’ lectures. And anyway, college wasn’t for another month or two at least, the way he thought about it was you didn’t even need to know. You’d break off whatever thing you had and you’d move on with how qualms. No issues.

“You haven’t even told her have you?” Mina asks at her brother’s silence.

He shakes his head, “I didn’t think there was a reason to.”

“Just so you know, the only reason I’m not beating you up right now is because you’re my brother.” Mina hisses.

Gasping, Seungmin glares at the slightly shorter girl. “Well thanks, sis, I love you too.”

“Don’t try and pull an attitude with me Seung, it’s not going to work because you know you’re being an ass right now.” Crossing her arms over her chest, Mina continues. “Whether or not you agree on what you want, you need to tell her about you leaving town for college. It’s the only decent thing to do, you can’t just up and leave her in the dark.”

Seungmin just hums.

“Seungmin,” Mina threatens.

“Yeah,” he sighs. “Whatever, I’ll think about it.”

It was only after a minute or two that Seungmin spoke once again. "Are you done lecturing me now?"

"I don't know," Mina responds. "You done being an idiot?"

Rolling his eyes, Seungmin makes his way back into the living room to see the three of you still sitting in the same position on the sofa. Gwen and Jeongin on either side of you, their heads on your shoulders.

Falling back into the loveseat, the scowl returns. Mina's words echoing in his head.

It's not like he had to tell you, it would be fine.

→→

The rehearsal dinner is in a large dining room area just off the side of the actual wedding venue. The staff had already begun setting up the room for the next day and so the were already splashes of the wedding colours as ribbons on the back of the chairs. The large dining table that was placed in the centre of the room was covered in what seemed to be a lace-like tablecloth.

The table itself was beautiful, with two large candles placed just off the centre and little name placeholders written in the same font that had been on the original wedding invitations. Of course, Mina and Chan sat in the centre, with two large thrones that reflected silver. There were two people sat either side of these thrones with the rest of the seats being on the opposite side of the table.

Taking your seat, on one side you had Jisung, which you were thankful for. On the other, you had one of Chan's friends from his home back in Australia, who introduced himself as Felix. He seemed lovely, which made sense considering he was good friends with Chan. Across from you, were Chan's brother and sister whereas Seungmin and Minho were sat on Mina's left-hand side. Once settled, you released a breath you didn't know you were holding when Chan's siblings did in fact sit in the seats across from you.

You sent Felix a smile after you had both sat down and said hello to each other.

"So," Felix smiles. "You must be friends with Mina right?"

You nod. The way Felix was smiling made you copy it in return, it was hard to not smile when you saw it. "Yeah, I am."

He makes a face of realisation then he nods slowly. "Of course, I feel like I would have remembered someone as beautiful as you if Chan had introduced us before."

Gasping slightly at his bold comment. You giggle, tucking some hair behind your ear. "Thank you,"

Hearing his laughter made you want to hear it more. It was magical. It made you wonder where Chan had found the boy. He seemed too good to be true.

As you and Felix chat, you begin to feel someone glaring daggers at you. Trying to ignore it, you remain focused on what Felix is saying.

He looks over your shoulder for a moment before gazing back into your eyes. "Just so you know, that guy over there is staring at you pretty viciously," Felix explains.

You sigh and look over your shoulder quickly to confirm it was indeed who you thought it was.

Seungmin.

He's sat there, leant back in his seat at a slight angle as he's staring at the back of your head. You could tell every part of him was tense, angry. Looking back at Felix, you smile awkwardly.

"That's," you pause. "That's complicated."

Felix laughs, again his smile makes you smile too. "Don't worry, I get it, Ex?" He asks.

You inhale sharply. "Eh, something like that."

“Ah, yes,” Felix nods. “One of those things.”

Your eyes fall to your lap as you nod in agreement. It had always been difficult to label whatever you and Seungmin had, not that he helped with that all that much. Maybe that thing was enough of a descriptor. But deep down, you always wished it was more than that.

However, all of your attention gets drawn away when the sounds of Chan tapping a fork on his champagne glass. No more thinking about that thing, Y/N. At least for now. This dinner was about Chan and Mina’s thing. A thing that was definitely so much more than whatever thing you and Seungmin have– had. Something real, something you wished for on every shooting star.

"Hi everyone," he smiles awkwardly, clearing his throat. "Thank you all for being here at our rehearsal dinner before the big day tomorrow." He looks around at Mina, who's staring up at him lovingly and takes her hand in his before he looks around at everyone again. "We're really happy you could join us in making this an event to remember for the rest of our lives." He turns to Mina again, his ears already turning pink. "And Mina, I promise I'm not going to tell you my speech early, but I am so thankful and blessed to be able to love you and be loved by you. You really make me the happiest man on earth."

Mina pouts, standing up. She uses her free hand to playfully hit Chan on the arm. "Why are you trying to make me cry in front of everybody?!" She laughs and so does everyone else. "I love you too, so much."

"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" Jisung cries, breaking the sweet moment with a raised champagne glass of his own. He quickly lowers it when both you and Gwen hit either arm. "Sorry!"

"Don't mind if I do," Mina laughs before quickly stealing a kiss from her soon-to-be husband. Chan's blush has officially moved from his ears to his cheeks at this point. His face is bright red, but no one says a word.

"Seungmin next!" Jisung laughs, staring directly into Seungmin's eyes.

Gasping next to him, Gwen hits his arm as she hisses his name. "Jisung!" You, however, lean back slightly to look behind Jisung at Gwen. With your own glare on your face, you mouth, What did you tell him? and in return, she smiles sheepishly.

Everyone at the table is silent, their eyes either on Seungmin or flickering between the two boys. Seungmin raises an eyebrow, leans forward to rest his weight on one elbow and smirks. "I will if you kiss her."

Seungmin doesn't say a name, but everyone—let's be real, everyone but Gwen—knows who he's on about. Speechless, Jisung’s mouth drops and he quickly looks down at the empty placement plate. "I didn't say anything."

Seungmin leans back in his chair before making eye contact with you. It's like all your brain cells leave you in that moment and you have to look away to try and regain a conscious thought.

Still standing, Mina sends a glare to both Seungmin and Jisung, which they shrink at before her lips quickly form into a smile.

“They’ll be bringing out the starter and then the first course very soon, so please talk whilst we wait.” She ends with a smile and sits, but not before quickly slapping Seungmin’s arm making him pout at his older sister.

You weren't able to hear what she whispered to him next, but by the look on his face, he didn't look too pleased. He turns from her, crosses his arms over his chest and looks anywhere but her direction. Catching her eye, she smiles, and you smile back.

Excusing yourself from your seat, you quickly move and crouch down in between Gwen and Jisung’s. Trying to muster up the most venomous yet loving glare you could, you smile at her. “Can I just talk to you for a minute?”

Gwen laughs awkwardly. Jisung, however, keeps his head down as he plays with his fingers like Seungmin's words are still ringing around in his head.

She pulls her seat out and you stand as she does. “Sure.”

Grabbing onto her wrist, you guide her out of the room, just far enough where you wouldn’t have to worry about anyone hearing you both. Stopping, her wrist falls from your grasp and you turn to her. “What did you tell him?!”

“Nothing!” Gwen throws her arms up and crosses them in front of her a second later. “…I mean, not nothing, but not everything!”

“You know how big of a mouth that boy has!” You hiss, “We can’t tell him shit unless we want him to spill it.”

“I know!” Gwen huffs. “I just said you guys slept together, that’s it, nothing more.”

"Gwen!"

"I'm sorry," Gwen repeats. "I don't know what happened, he looked at me and I just had to tell him."

"I stand by what I said before," you laugh. "You guys are unbelievable."

Gwen blinks and opens her mouth to speak before closing it again. Once she finds the words, she says, "When did you say that?"

You catch onto the servers starting to pass you with food on trays. "It doesn't matter," you mumble. "We should go back in before Mina starts wondering where we are." Gwen hums and nods her head, but before you can start to walk away, she grabs your wrist and pulls you into a hug.

"I'm sorry, I really didn't think he'd say that in front of everyone." you hear her mumble as you wrap your arms around her. Giggling, you hug her as tightly as you can for a second making her complain.

"It's fine," you smile. "Just next time give me a heads up you've told your boyfriend about my non-existent love life yeah?"

"He's not my–" she starts, but soon gives up. "Yeah sure, I'm sorry," she repeats.

Pulling away, you raise an eyebrow at her. "You didn't deny it?"

"Everyone says it anyway," Gwen shrugs. "He's confusing, I don't know and don't try and distract me. I wouldn't say your love life was very non-existent at the moment."

"Let's just agree to say we both have complicated situations right now?" you suggest causing the blonde to crack a laugh.

"Sure,"

Walking back into the dining hall, you see how the servers have in fact started bringing out and placing the starters for people to pick at on a separate table. Not looking where you’re going, you startle yourself by almost walking into one of the servers.

“Oh, sorry,” you mumbled, looking down and stepping aside, until you caught a whiff of one of the dishes. A server walked by with a fruit platter containing all colours of the rainbow, and the one behind them held a plate full of garlic shrimp skewers just waiting for you to grab. The smoky yet buttery aroma of steak passed you by next, pulling you back to the dinner table with Gwen in tow, who chuckled at your little trance.

Your mouth-watering, you stand on your toes as the other attendees scramble for first dibs on the incoming foods. It seemed like the steak and the garlic bread were the most popular choices, so you decide to come back for it later—there would more than likely be another plate coming anyway. Instead, something else that no one else seemed to touch makes your eyes almost pop out of their sockets in excitement.

Cheese.

There was nothing you loved more in this world than cheese and on top of that, you don't think anything or anyone could come close to it. Cheese was your best friend, sorry, Gwen, cheese was always there went something went wrong, again, sorry, Gwen, cheese was everything right in the world. Whether it was cold, straight out of the fridge, or heated up so it was warm and stringy, it was perfect. If someone told you to do something and in return they offered cheese? You’d do it in a heartbeat, no questions asked, that's just how much you loved the stuff.

Evilly chuckling under your breath, you grab your plate and make a beeline for the tiers of different cheeses to try. You take one of every option there and make a small pile of them on your plate. Brie, cheddar, parmesan, pepper jack, gouda, and—

“Ooh, camembert!”

You jump, dropping the cheese in your hand. Who dares to take your precious cheese? Just thirty seconds ago, you were the only person at the cheese board. What could have changed within that short time frame?

A hand reaches out to grab a slice of camembert and you follow it to meet eyes with the last person you wanted there. Seungmin stands across the table, an addicting, yet very punchable, smirk on his face as he places the slice of the precious camembert onto his plate.

You wanted to smack the smirk off his stupid face. Maybe smash your lips against his before you did so.

But all you could do was blink.

“Camembert,” Seungmin states matter-of-factly, holding up a slice in his hand. You aren’t sure if you should look at the cheese or at him. “Your favourite, right?”

You look down at your plate, biting your lip to keep yourself from smiling.

Seungmin bends down, smirking when he sees your flustered state. “Hey,” he chuckles, sending your stomach into knots before you could even get food in it. “Earth to Y/N…”

You blink and blink again before making eye contact with him, and he still has that brazen smile on his face. You aren’t sure how you still aren’t used to him looking at you like that. Like you’re the only two people in the room and how it could all change so instantly and you’d still be the one left in this haze of rose.

“Here,” he says, taking a piece from his plate and putting it on yours. You look between the slice of camembert and him, and he smiles at you over his shoulder as he struts over to his seat.

You’re left there standing in shock, blinking as you try to wrap your head around what happened.

“Did I really just see that?” Gwen asks as she steps next to you.

Then your rose glasses start to crack and streams of real light come through.

“Uh..” you clear your throat. “Yeah, that happened.”

“So have you, uh, spoken to him since?” Gwen begins to ask and you quickly shake your head.

“Nope.”

“Ah,” Gwen responds as she starts to pick up her own pieces of cheese.

Looking over your shoulder, your eyes scan the surrounding area and your eyes widen as you find Seungmin already looking in your direction– the same brazen smile still plastered on his face.

You turn away when you see him laugh to himself and look down at his plate. “I’m– I’m going to sit back down.”

Gwen hums in acknowledgement and you quickly rush back to your seat next to Felix and Jisung. Placing your plate down, you slip into your seat.

“Lover of cheese huh?” Felix laughs, looking down at your plate. Picking up a piece and placing it in your mouth with a happy hum, you nod your head.

“Call it a passion of mine,” you say, covering your mouth.

“Gosh,” Jisung groans from next to you. “Don’t get her started, she’ll talk about it all day.”

Throwing your head back laughing at his comment, you can’t even begin to deny it. “I’m passionate,” you respond with a smile.

Looking at you with a blank face, Jisung blinks. “You’re obsessed.”

“Devoted,” you fight, sounding out the syllables.

“Obsessed,” Jisung repeats, copying your actions.

You make a face at him before plopping another piece of cheese in your mouth and chewing away happily.

Your eyes scan the surrounding area and you feel yourself straightening up when your eyes land on Seungmin. He’s already looking at you, and you can’t tell if he looks annoyed or maybe even jealous about sitting so far away from you.

You simply turn back to Felix, propping your chin on your palm. “Now, where were we?”

“Here we go,” Jisung mutters.

You nudge him with your elbow before continuing. “Anyways… Yes, I do love cheese. But not as much as—”

“Y/N,” Jisung whines.

“Jisung!” You plaster on a cheesy grin, blinking one too many times as you turn your head to him. “Why don’t you tell them about your so-called ‘passion’,” you say, making air-quotes around “passion”, “for coffee?”

Jisung just glares at you. He keeps a straight face, but you can see the tips of his ears turning red. “You know that’s different, Y/N.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Okay, and how many cups of americano have you had this week?

“Wh– I–” he sputters. “Like, six?”

You say nothing, and just maintain your gaze on him.

“…teen.”

You smile smugly. “Mhm. And somehow I’m the obsessed one.”

Something white falls in the corner of your eye. Looking back at your plate, you don’t notice anything different, except for a piece of camembert that must have rolled off your plate. You shrug and pop it into your mouth; you did have a comically large pile of it to work through, so it was more than plausible.

You look back up, and Jisung is staring above your head with furrowed eyebrows. You follow his gaze and see… a ceiling. You wonder how many of those sixteen cups of americano were from today alone.

Felix, who also seems to have spaced out for a second, looks back at Jisung. “It’s okay, man,” he chuckles, “I had, like, three cups of coffee this morning.”

“A man of culture,” Jisung nods happily, motioning to the blonde boy with a smile.

Felix laughs, nodding his own head. “Of course, man, I need the caffeine to survive, especially with my classes.”

“Teacher or student?” You ask.

Somehow, and you’re not sure how, but Felix’s smile seems to grow wider.

“Both actually,” he hums. “Well if you class it as both I guess.”

Raising an eyebrow for him to continue, he does.

“I’m a student teacher, currently on placement in a nursery school, but I took a week off to be here,”

“That’s so sweet!” You smile, “Working with kids fun?”

Felix nods again, “Kids are just amazing,” He laughs. “Every day is different and they’re so out there, you know? It’s really a fulfilling position.”

“Sounds like you want a bunch of your own then?” You giggle, causing a pink tint to cross Felix’s face.

He shrugs, before spluttering, “I-I don’t know, m-maybe?!”

“Well, I’m sure whoever you’d be with would be very lucky.” You continue to giggle, nodding your head.

Felix’s blush deepens and he nods his head shyly.

“How about you? Seeing stuff like that in your future?”

You shrug, picking up another piece of cheese from your plate before putting it into your mouth. You let it rest there for a moment, giving yourself time to think before you swallow.

“Maybe,” you take a deep breath in and let it out as you look over to Felix. “I don’t know what’s in my cards yet, so maybe.” You shrug.

“That’s a chill way to think about it,” he smiles.

“Thanks,” you laugh. “I feel like it’s less pressuring that way you know?”

He hums, nodding his head in agreement. “Oh yeah, for sure, everything should be done at your own pace.”

“True, plus I haven’t even graduated yet so, I think I’ll focus on this hurdle before I think about another one that might not even happen yet.”

Another white object falls, and this time you look up in time to catch a hand above you before its owner pulls it back. Letting your eyes fall back to your plate, there was an additional piece of camembert on top of the few cheeses you had left. You wouldn’t have questioned it this time if you hadn’t already finished the camembert you brought with you.

Your face contorts in confusion as your gaze settles on Seungmin, who barely acknowledges you as he pulls his hand away and continues to make his way around the table and to his seat.

You blink as your eyes follow him, with your mouth open slightly in shock.

“I thought you said it was complicated?” Felix chuckles, snapping you out of your daze.

You nod, trying to get your brain to make a coherent thought. “It is…. We are.”

Jisung snorts from next to you and leans to the side slightly so Felix can see him properly. “Trust me, as someone who’s seen it all since high school, complicated is putting it simply.”

“You’re one to talk,” you mutter, shoving another piece of camembert into your mouth.

“He’s been dropping cheese off to you like your cheese fairy godmother,” Felix chuckles again.

“Don’t you mean fairy godfather?” Jisung asks.

“Fairy godperson?” Felix responds.

“Personal preference,” you shrug, “anyway, we shouldn’t let him cloud our minds with his confusing actions.”

“Are you talking to us or yourself there?” Jisung chuckles, making you roll your eyes and playfully slap his arm.

“Shut up Ji.”

Letting out a breath of air, you lean forward and quickly take another piece of cheese from your plate.

“I’m just saying, I don’t have an americano fairy godperson,” Jisung says matter-of-factly, leaning back into his seat.

You just stare at him incredulously, blindly stuffing another piece of cheese into your mouth. “How would that even work?”

He shrugs. “Maybe they have a cup of coffee ready for me in the morning?”

Swallowing the piece in your mouth, you don’t break your stare. The thought of this magical fairy godperson having to memorize Jisung’s coffee order makes you feel sorry for them. You tried it once, and never again.

“Maybe they just pour coffee into your mouth,” Felix chimes in.

You snort, rolling your eyes. “That’s almost worse, it’s like a mama bird throwing up in its baby’s mouth.”

Closing your eyes, open your mouth and tilt your head up, as if to mimic the hypothetical baby bird. After a few seconds, you feel something land in your mouth, causing your eyes to shoot open and you sit up.

You pat on your chest and quickly clear your throat. You bite down on what you can taste is cheese and swallow.

“That’s not how it went in the dream went,” you mutter to yourself as you lean back in your chair.

Jisung from beside you blinks, his mouth wide. “Huh?!”

Your eyes widen for a moment before your face breaks out into a smile at the boys confusion.

“Like,” he leans forward and whispers. “Sexual?”

You also lean forward, making him more intrigued, “Yes.”

His mouth open and closes like a fish, “that doesn’t answer my question?!”

“But do you really want the answer to that question though?” You ask, with a pessimistic look on your face.

“Yes and no,” Jisung answers almost immediately.

However, Jisung’s train of thought gets cut short when Gwen kneels down in between you two, her hand on either one of your chairs. “I’m sorry, but did I just see that right? Did he just feed you?”

“He’s been feeding her all night,” Jisung hisses. “Did you know she’s had a sex dream about seungmin and cheese?!”

Gwen rolls her eyes, “They’ve had sex before, of course, she’s had the cheese sex dream about him.”

“Um, what?!” Jisung gasps as he continues to whisper. “You’ve had it with more people than just him?”

This time it’s you that sending him a confused look. “Wait, is this about sex in general or the cheese sex dream?”

“I-” Jisung gasps. “I don’t know at this point, I’m so confused.”

“Wait, that’s not why i’m here! Gwen hisses. “That weird moment at the food table and now he’s been feeding you all night? What is up with him?”

“You tell me,” you sigh, your eyes linger on where he was currently sat, his attention on his older brother Minho and the two others sat across from him.

“If I could give my two cents,” Felix leans behind your chair for the three of you to hear. “I’m Felix, by the way,” he smiles at Gwen and offers his hand for her to shake.

“Oh, hi! I’m Gwen!”

Their hands part and Felix clears his throat. “I don’t know what happened for things to be as complicated as you say they are, but he obviously has some unresolved feelings for you.”

“How can you tell?” you ask.

“Because adults are just overgrown children and I work with children every day,” Felix explains. “He uses these little things to keep your attention, any sign of that attention going away, he comes back and does it again.”

“How are you so sure?”

The side of Felix’s lips tilt up into a smirk. He shots a look, over to Seungmin and his smirk grows widen when he notices the boy is looking over at the four of them. “Eat the rest of your cheese quick,” he looks at you again. “I’ll prove it to you.” Looking over at Gwen, he smiles. “Gwen, you go back to your seat and act natural, you guys will see what I mean.”

You do as he instructs, eating the rest of your cheese (even though you didn’t have much left anyway). After you plop the last piece into your mouth, you smile and hum.

You loved cheese so much.

You look over to Felix with a small smile. “Finished.”

“You can have some of mine,” Felix smiles and says slightly louder than normal, sliding his own plate over to you. “You are more of a cheese fanatic than I am, so you deserve it.”

You exaggerate your pout as you look at him. “You’re my new favourite person Felix.”

Even though it was an act, a pink blush still covers his cheeks as he brushes you off with a wave of his hand. “It’s fine, you’ll enjoy it more than I will anyway so go ahead.”

It’s maybe only thirty seconds later that a paper plate filled with different types of cheese– noticeably more camembert than the rest– appears beside you. Looking up quickly, you catch Seungmin with a scowl on his lips.

“Here,” he mumbles quickly, before walking back around to his chair without a second to spare.

Felix snorts, leaning backwards to send a look at Jisung and Gwen, and mouths ‘i told you’.

“Okay,” you mumble. “Maybe you’re on to something.”

In the next second, Gwen is back down kneeled beside you. “That was insane,” she gasps.

“I don’t get it,” you huff. “He was the one that didn’t want anything official in the first place.” you mumble the last part, your eyes fixed on the plate with the mountain of cheese on.

“It’s been three years,” Jisung starts. “People and their feelings can change.”

“But…” what about what he said last night? Just for tonight?

His words were one thing, but then his actions completely different. His words were, one time only, but his actions and the way your friends, and new friend, spoke about them, said that it was more than that.

Why couldn’t you just read minds? You thought to yourself, at least then you’d maybe be able to tell what he was thinking half of the time.

Looking at Gwen, you frown.

“Maybe,” Gwen sighs. “Maybe try talking to him,” her gaze narrows on you. “Properly this time.”

Your cheeks begin to heat up and you nod. Looking at Gwen, you notice her gaze is elsewhere causing you to follow it and that’s when you see Mina talking to Seungmin. Every now and then he rolls his eyes, almost like he doesn’t like her words.

“Maybe he’s being told the same thing,” Gwen says, patting your shoulder.

You shrug, maintaining your gaze on Seungmin as you bring a piece of camembert into your mouth. Maybe this was a sign to talk to him.

Maybe you could give him another chance.

→→

seungmin casually slides into his chair, a smirk present on his lips as he picks at his now full plate.

"What are you doing?" Mina's voice, fills Seungmin's ears and he tilts his head at her in false confusion.

"What do you mean?" Mina's face is blank as she blinks.

"Just casually dropping off cheese?"

"No," he responds as he takes a bite of a piece of his food. "Just need to get my steps in."

"You're full of shit Seung, seriously," she sighs.

His eyes move to you and he watches how you speak with Jisung and whom he came to learn was Felix. He notices how Gwen leaves her seat to crouch behind you. But ultimately, he notices how Felix stares at him, his own smirk twisted into his lips. Seungmin's eyes narrows as he looks at the boy and he rolls his eyes at how Felix's laugh seems to make you smile.

His eyes go back to you and he watches as you turn to eat the rest of the cheese on your plate and once you are in fact done. Felix smiles and moves his own closer to you.

“You can have some of mine,” Felix's voice fills Seungmin's ears and he gets up suddenly, causing both Mina and Minho to look at him. Felix's voice still echoing in his ears. “You are more of a cheese fanatic than I am, so you deserve it.”

He gets to the food table, grabs a paper plate and starts to put all of his annoyed emotions into putting the new pieces of cheese onto the plate. He wanted to say to say sorry to the cheese for being so mean, but he just resulted to rolling his eyes when your voice fills his ears. “You’re my new favourite person Felix.”

Silently making fun of the way you said it, he rolls his eyes again before turning around. “It’s fine, you’ll enjoy it more than I will anyway so go ahead.”

He takes the few steps over to where you're sat next to Felix and leans over and drops the plate onto the table.

"Here," he mumbles and he doesn't leave you a second to process and respond.

Quickly walking back around to his seat, he drops into it with his arms crossed. He stares at his own plate on his table and just by the way he hears Mina sigh and turn to him, he knows he's in for it.

"You seriously just can't keep chill can you?" Mina asks, clicking her tongue.

Keeping his eyes on his plate, his jaw tightens. "What do you mean?"

"Don't do this Seungmin, not right now, this is the rehearsal dinner for my wedding!" She says emphasising the word wedding. "Don't go and try and make things awkward not just for us but for her and everyone else here."

Seungmin's eyes look up at his older sister. "I'm not trying to make things awkward."

Mina rolls her eyes. "You're still full of shit Seungmin and you know that. You know what you're doing and you know why you're doing it."

Seungmin rolls his eyes and he goes to open his mouth to speak, but Mina cuts him off.

"No, you don't talk until I'm finished." Mina glares. "Now this is my wedding, you're not going to play your mind games with her. you're not going to have her regret coming and ruining this as a memory for not only her, but for me as well. I don't care if you think I'm being a bitch here, but you sort your shit out. If you really want to fix things, you don't do it like this. If you really want to fix things, you don't sleep with her on the first night of seeing each other again in hopes of it just making things go away and making it better. It doesn't work like that." Mina exclaims, causing Seungmin to shrink in his seat.

He didn't know she knew about that.

Mina sighs and frowns at her younger brother. "I love you, I really do, but you have to remember everything that happened back then was because you decided for it to happen that way. Take responsibility for it if you want things to be different with her." Mina suggests, she then laughs, trying to lighten the mood. "However, I don't know why you had to pick my wedding was the right time for it."

He tries to smile as he looks up at Mina, "I'm sorry."

Mina leans forward and messes playfully with his hair causing him to try and push her hands away. "You're my little brother and I love and support you," Mina starts, however Seungmin knew this was too good to be true. She wouldn't just praise him so casually. "But you're so fucking stupid sometimes, I mean, I love it for you, but gosh Seungmin."

there it was.

"Ouch, but I love you too I guess." Seungmin responds.

"Of course you do," Mina laughs. "I tell you the truth and you know that asshole would just laugh at you." Mina's eyes flickers to Minho, who's still focused on the other two men sat across from him.

Seungmin joins in on her laughter and nods his head. "True."

"Just," Mina sighs. "If you really want something, go for it. If you really want something with her. Tell her, don't continue to be that dumb high school kid you were and be truthful with her and lay it all out on the table."

"Okay," Seungmin hums. "I'll talk to her."

→→

You're slow to leave the dining hall after the rehearsal dinner, too caught up in chatting to Felix, Jisung and Gwen that you're one of the last sets of people to leave. You trailed out behind Gwen and Jisung with Felix by your side as you continued to laugh at Felix's jokes.

You came to a stop, however, when you saw Seungmin casually leaning up against the wall out in the hallway. When he notices you, he stands quickly and takes the few steps towards you, nodding slightly at Felix.

Patting your shoulder, Felix smiles, "I'll catch up with you later."

Inhale, exhale.

You nod, sending a similar smile to the boy beside you. "Okay, see you later."

As you watched him walk away, you took the moment to prepare yourself mentally before you turned to face Seungmin.

His hair is messier, like he's run his hands through it a thousand times whilst he was waiting for you to come out into the hallway. And his tie, once neatly laid out was now pulled loose and his top button of his white shirt was undone.

"Seungmin," you take another breath. "What do you need?"

"To talk to you," he starts. "about everything."

"Everything?" you question. "Like how you tried to choke me out with cheese today?"

A chuckle escaped the boys mouth, his lips turned up into a smile. "You know you wouldn't be mad about it if it happened."

You snorted as you tried your best to fight off a smile. "What do you want, Seungmin? Seriously."

"About us," Seungmin takes a step forward. "I mean it, I-"

Seungmin pauses mid-sentence like his brain had just up and paused on him. There was a look in his eyes that you couldn't quite figure out and when he opens his mouth to speak once more, he sighs.

"I don't want it to be just for tonight– well last night." He blushes, closing his eyes to avoid having to see your reaction.

"What?" You gasp. "Seungmin..."

You couldn't help but feel an odd sense of reversed deja vu.

“Look, I know it probably doesn’t make sense, after everything that happened between us, but…” Seungmin pauses to take a deep breath.

Your breath hitches in your throat. Something in you tells you that you know where this is going.

But it can’t go that way. You know it deep down. As much as your body screams at you to give in right then and there, your brain screams over it.

“Seungmin…” you breathe out. Your eyes flick to the floor, then back to him.

You use every fibre of your being to stop yourself from stepping closer to him. Even after all these years, he was intoxicating—the right look from him could make you weak in the knees, turning you into putty. It was a mystery how you made it through the dinner.

Seungmin notices your hesitation, and gently lifts your chin up with two fingers. He then moves his hand so it’s cupping your cheek. The look he gives you is so tender, warmth pooling in his eyes, that you have to glance back down to compose yourself.

You dare to look up again, and something in you snaps. Before you could even think about what you’re doing, your hand slowly makes it’s way up his arm before going around the back of his neck.

It truly was a mystery how you made it through the dinner, you thought for a split second. But it all goes to static when you pull him against you and press his lips to his.

His lips are chapped, like he had been nibbling on them as he waited for you. You don’t care as much as the kiss in itself is soft, sweet and a feeling swirled in your stomach like you had successfully gotten your next fix.

It quickly changes however, when his hands land on your hips, and it’s like electric shocks are sent all over your body. Sighing into the kiss, he takes the chance to overpower you and without little hassle, you let him. All you do instead is pull him closer to you– if it was even physically possible.

“I still need to talk to you,” He pulls back slightly and mumbles against your lips. You quickly cut him short with another kiss.

“This,” kiss. “Isn’t,” another kiss. “Talking.”

You’re doing everything you can to try and get him to stop thinking and to just solely focus on the act of kissing you. Moving your lips swiftly to his neck, you’re sure he can feel your smirk against his skin and you feverishly place kisses up and along his neck and jaw line.

“We can talk later,” he moans.

Taking your face in his hands, he angles you once again so you’re looking at him, smashing his lips to yours again, and you can’t think straight. It takes only mere seconds for you to full loose all thoughts of right or wrong.

You know what? Maybe one more night won’t hurt.

→→

You stare at the words that were displayed on your beat up flip up phone as you felt whatever vice was around your heart tighten.

Mina: 11:45 am

Look, I didn’t want to be the one to tell you this, but since he obviously isn’t going to tell you himself… Seungmin’s leaving for college.

I tried to get him to tell you.

You felt your throat tighten and you did your best to clear it by patting on your chest causing you to cough.

Pushing yourself away from your desk with your hands, you rise to your feet, before rushing out of your bedroom door, down the stairs and out of the door and away from your house in only a matter of seconds.

You could hear your parents calling out behind you, lost for words, but that didn't concern you at that moment. Not when seungmin was leaving and the only reason you knew was because his older sister was nice enough to tell you. Not even seungmin himself could get the courage to tell you- to break down his own walls ever so slightly just to give you the decency of telling you: hey, i'm leaving.

Haphazardly typing out a response to Mina, you hit send and shove your phone into your pocket as you continue to run as fast as you could to their house.

The adrenaline over powers the fact that you want nothing more badly as to cry. To break down and to scream to the world, to him, until your throat went dry and your lungs hurt. Because no matter how little or much he shared with others. no matter how much or how little he wanted to show the world that he cared, he still did. How, even after so many months of secrecy and silent wishes, he was more than just a senior year crush.

He was more than just a mere moment in time.

He was powerful, moving, frustrating in all of the best ways. He was addicting and even though he broke your heart every time he said he didn't want anyone to know about the both of you, you still foolishly stayed. Because you'd rather break your heart a thousand times by him than to never experience his love, even if it's not fully and out loud. No matter the odd and secretive the ways he seemed to share it.

Because in those secret moments, the ones where it was you two vs the world. Where he looked at you like you had hung the stars in the sky especially for him. He made all of the pain worth it, made all of the crying into ice cream tubs at two in the morning worth it.

Sure, maybe it didn't make sense, but nothing made sense about him. Ever. You could never fully wrap your head around the enigma that is Kim Seungmin, but you knew, if you had the chance, you’d want to spend as much time as possible trying to.

Your feet stop once you're outside of his house and whatever adrenaline you have seems to wear off as the tight feeling returns to your throat. You see movement through the living room window and even when your mind screams at you to flee, your feet carry you forward up the footpath and onto the main porch.

The ever familiar white door is a looming presence. It’s silently taunting you, beckoning you to knock on its wooden surface and face the boy who was about to be ripped from your world. Or don’t. You could just go home for all he cared, go back to your fantasy world where Seungmin will always be around, only to shatter your own heart when you finally wake up.

It was like some screwed up form of Schrodinger's cat—no matter what you do, you know you’re going to lose.

Maybe that is what compels you to stay long enough for Minho to open the door, a confused but content smile on his face.

"Oh, y/n, hi!"

You attempt to smile, but it falters, "Hey."

Whether or not he notices, he doesn’t say, which you’re thankful for.

“Here for Seung?” The older boy asks, causing your cheeks to heat up as you nod quickly. Minho hums before calling out behind him for Seungmin. “Come inside, it’s getting cold.”

“Yeah…” Seungmin’s voice softens as he looks up and sees you, standing beside Minho. “Y/N…”

Gulping, you wave before pushing your lips into a thin line.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Minho says, before turning to you and tapping your shoulder. “It was good to see you.”

You nod simply, trying your best to smile as your gaze soon moves back towards Seungmin. He’s standing at the bottom of the stairs, his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes are looking in any direction that isn’t you.

“What are you doing here?”

Ignoring his question, you respond with your own. “Are you really leaving?”

His head shoots up in surprise and the look on his face alone is enough confirmation, but it tugs at your heartstrings more when he asks.

“How did you know?”

“So you weren’t even going to tell me?” Your face twists into a frown as you blink to try and stop your eyes from feeling glassy. “Do you care so little about me that you wouldn’t even tell me?”

“How did you find out?” He rephrases his question from before as his eyes stayed on you. Boring into you like he was trying to find the centre of your soul.

“Is that all you care about right now?” You scoff. “You care more about me finding out you’re leaving than actually telling me yourself?” You blink away the tears that had threatened to fall. This time, you were the one to look anywhere but at him. “Did none of our moments together mean anything to you?”

You can’t tell if he’s deflecting, unwilling to answer your question or if he truly cares so little about the almost full year you had spent together.

“That’s just what they are though,” Seungmin sighed. “Moments in time,” he crosses his arm over his chest and metaphorically sticks a knife through your chest. “But moments pass, and this is one of those moments.”

“So they really didn’t mean anything huh?” you tsk to yourself, shaking your head lightly. “I can’t believe I’m actually going to ask, but, did I even mean anything to you?”

“Of course, you meant something to me, you’re a great friend.” Now he’s cauterising the wound, whilst trying to shove the knife in deeper.

It’s funny how someone in one moment could be beginning for your affection, only to stab you in the back the next. But it wasn’t just stabbing you in the back, it was full hung drawn and quartered. He was pulling the emotions out of you, the memories and tearing them to shreds in front of you like a child would rip open the wrapping paper on their presents on Christmas morning.

“Friends, really?” you huff, “to you, we’re only just friends? Do friends really do everything we did together?”

Seungmin slips his hands into the back pocket of his jeans as he shrugs. “Some friends might, who am I to judge?”

“So you really wouldn’t care if I did all of the things I did with you with someone else? You know, 'cause that’s what friends do apparently.” You suggest.

Seungmin falters, his jaw tightening for a second before he relaxes. There’s something that flashes in his eyes that you can’t figure out and he just hallowly laughs.

“Of course not,” Seungmin mutters. “You can do whatever you want.”

“So would it be wrong of me to assume that you did this with your other ‘friends’ too?” You felt a bubble get caught in your throat as you tried to keep your voice from failing. “Is that why you never wanted anyone else to know? Cause you had other ‘friends’?”

Seungmin pauses as his eyes bore into yours. You want to look away, but something inside of you physically stops you from doing so.

He stays quiet for the longest few seconds of your life before you attempt to speak again. “Can you at least-”

“No,” he cuts you off, clearing his throat. “It was just you. I wasn’t and didn’t see anyone else.”

“Were you embarrassed by me?”

He shakes his head almost instantly and the more he speaks, the more utterly confused you’re getting.

“No,” he says simply. “What’s there to be embarrassed about?”

“You– You–” your mind stutters. “You confuse me so much. If it wasn’t because there was someone else and it wasn’t because you were embarrassed about me, then why? Why didn’t you want anyone else to know?”

Seungmin sighs the heaviest sigh you think you’ve ever heard. It’s almost like he’s tired of repeating himself without ever actually repeating what he means.

“Because like you said, they were moments in time, moments we shared together, but that doesn’t mean everyone needs to be aware of them.” Seungmin attempts to explain.

“Not even the people that would be happy for you? Care for you and want you to succeed?”

Seungmin shrugs his shoulders once more. He’s so casual about the whole thing that it’s like a stark difference to the Seungmin he showed you in secret, the Seungmin that only you saw.

At this point, you couldn’t tell if you had gone numb to all of your emotions, or if you were reaching the breaking point. “You really just don’t care do you?”

“I didn’t say that” Seungmin responds rather quickly.

“You did,” you say twice as fast.

“I didn’t” Seungmin rebuts.

“You did, you said moments pass and that ours passed. Make it make sense?” You beg, you could accept any bit of explanation at this point. Especially if it cleared up how he was feeling and made you less confused.

However, Seungmin couldn’t do that. He just had to add more questions than answers. It was like he couldn’t help himself.

“That doesn’t mean it didn’t mean something to me.”

“Well, it meant everything to *me*, Seungmin. Don’t you get it?” Running a hand through your hair in an attempt to get it out of your face, you let a groan escape your lips. “I did everything you asked of me. I didn’t tell anyone, I snuck around for you, I let my grades slip and my friends worry about me because of you. I waited and waited because at first, I thought, this is new. It’s fine if he doesn’t want to tell anyone right away. Let us just find our place together, to make sure we actually worked well together and then maybe he’ll be comfortable sharing with at least our friends, but then I kept waiting because I care so much about you and about every single moment that we spent together and how much I didn’t want them to end that I thought that just keeping silent and continuing to wait would be enough. And it’s the fact that I’m so foolish that I could wait for you forever if you asked me to because that’s how much I love you, Kim Seungmin.”

You only notice the tears spilling down your cheeks when you begin to taste the saltiness on your lips.

“Love?” He whispers. “You love me?”

Taking in a deep breath, you wipe your cheeks and find the courage inside to look at him. His eyes are soft and red like he has his own tears welling up. Your frown deepens, “would it really make a difference if I did at this point?”

“Y/N, I…” Seungmin pauses. He opens his mouth like a fish out of water but soon finds his words. “I thought we agreed, we were just having some fun, nothing serious.”

“I never agreed to that Seungmin,” you hiccup. “I just let myself get carried away with you because I always hoped it would change.”

As he takes a step forward, you take one back closer to his front door.

“Do you really love me?” He asks, his voice almost sounding sincere.

Nodding, the tears rolling down your cheeks, drop onto the floor below you.

“I do, so goddamn much and I see now how much of a fool I was to get swept up with you.” You laugh a laugh so hollow, your soul hurts. “I’m sorry and I hope college treats you well Seungmin,” sighing, you turn and open the door. “I really do.”

Shutting his front door behind you, your feet once again carry you down the path and you stop once it connects to the main pavement.

Just like all those months before, you stand there, waiting– wishing for him to come outside and to bring you into his arms as he screams about how much he loves you, but just like then, he doesn’t.

You’re left alone with your sweater paw covering your mouth in hopes of muffling your cries.

→→

It was Seungmin pulling you closer to him that caused you to stir and wake up and it was you shooting up in bed that caused him to groan and open his eyes groggily.

“What are you doing?” he yawns, attempting to grab you and pull you back towards him.

"I- I should," you move just out of the way of his fingertips. "I should go back to my room, the wedding is later."

As you're looking around for your items of clothing, Seungmin sits up.

"No wait, just stay here and go later, we still have time." he tries to reason with you, but you just shake your head. "Come on, lets go back to sleep."

"I shouldn't, Seungmin," you mutter, slipping back into your clothes from last night.

Seungmin gets up, finds some of his own clothes before he turns to face you. "Why not? what's wrong?"

"It's just… this," you motion between you two as he steps towards you. "Us, everything about this."

"Y/N,"

Groaning, you can't stop yourself from speaking. "And I hate it when you say my name like that!"

"What's going on? Just talk to me please."

"You, Seungmin, you're just so confusing to me like a fucking enigma." you scoff. "You’re the one that never wanted to be open before, you said we had a moment and that it passed and now here we are now. Now you're acting sweet, you're trying to have my attention on you 24/7, you're feeding me cheese knowing it's my favourite, but then you say things like how you only want to be with me for the night, or for the weekend?”

You look around the room before your eyes meets his and you continue your speech.

“You say my name in the way you used to say it before, like how we weren't on the same page, saying my name in a tone like you were letting me down easy and I don't want to go through that again, Min." you slip up at the nickname. "I never wanted just for the night, just for the weekend. I wanted forever then and even after all this time, i'm still a fool for wanting it now."

“Y/N, wait–”

Seungmin attempts to speak, but you cut him off before he gets the chance to say another word.

“And you’re asking me to stay with you, to go back to sleep beside you in your arms. I just can’t stop thinking about how after today, we’ll part and it’ll be just like it was back then, another passing moment.” You gulp and look down, hoping he doesn’t see your lips waver. “I don’t think my heart can take it.”

Seungmin gently tilts your chin up, forcing your eyes to meet his once more. His gaze is soft, his chestnut eyes swimming with a kind of warmth that almost makes you want to run back into his arms right there.

“Y/N, this…” his voice is soft, and his thumb is rubbing gentle circles on your cheek. You can’t help but lean into his hand. “This isn’t just a moment.”

Your breath hitches in your throat. You almost do throw yourself into him, you’re this close. You want so badly to just give into him for the third time, but the memories come back flooding to you before you can try.

You let out a shaky breath, and you have to move his hand away in order to get your next words out.

“Then what was it last time?”

Seungmin stays silent. His lips are parted as if he’s going to speak, but no words leave his throat. You search his eyes for an answer, noticing a mixture of surprise and shock for a second, then a flash of regret. He casts his gaze down, blinking a few times to recompose himself before looking back up at you.

An uncomfortable silence hangs in the air. Your stare shifts from his eyes to his lips and back as you wait for him to speak. But still, nothing comes out. Your chest tightens at the lack of response.

A minute passes by, and Seungmin still hasn’t uttered a word. You feel crushed under the silence, physically and emotionally, and your body scrambles to find a way out before your brain can catch up.

“Wait, Y/N—” Seungmin mumbles, grabbing your hand before you can step away from him. You bite the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from looking.

“Seungmin, I can’t.”

“Yes you can,” he pleas. You don’t need to turn your head to know he’s giving you that soft, desperate look. Those goddamn fucking puppy dog eyes you always fell for in the past, and you knew if you even dared to look, you’d fall for it again.

“I can’t.” You say, shaking your hand to loosen his grip on it and begin to gather the rest of your things. “You can’t even say a word to me.”

“I am right now,” Seungmin grabs your hand one more time and succeeds in making you turn around this time.

You huff, letting your eyes trail up to this. “Okay, then tell me. If this isn’t another passing moment to you, then what was it last time?”

You clutch your purse in your hand, watching him expectantly for an answer. But another silence fills the air, and this one is louder than ever.

You don’t let the silence go on as long this time. Instead, you sling your purse over your shoulder, grabbing the rest of your things as you storm out of the room.

“I’ll see you at the wedding, Seungmin,” you say, and you turn to look back at him one more time. It takes everything in you to keep yourself from running back once you see the regret etched on his face. “Let me know if you ever have an actual answer for me.”

→→

“Now introducing, Mr. and Mrs. Bang!”

The room bursts into applause and as he watches his older sister gaze at the love of her life, happiness begins to overflow in Seungmin’s chest. For years, he’s watched Mina adorn pages in her journal, and, the minute she had access to a smartphone, her Pinterest, with ideas of her dream wedding. She had every little detail laid out—from the sequins on her dress to the exact shade of the streamers that graced the walls of the venue. It made him roll his eyes at the time, but to see everything actually come to life with the man of his sister’s dreams, it now makes his heart swell with pride.

As Mina interlocks with her fingers with Chan’s, the audience stands up to watch the newlyweds walk back down the aisle, time seems to slow down for Seungmin. He follows her as she swings her hands with her new husband, her eyes all sparkly as she looks around at all her loved ones. As happy as he is for her, he can’t help but feel the slightest twinge of envy. It sounds bad to say on his sister’s literal wedding day, but he can’t deny it anymore.

Especially not after seeing Y/N again.

But Seungmin knows there’s a time and place for his feelings now, and his sister’s special day is not one of them. So he swallows it down, and, as the attendees follow the couple out to the reception, he gently pushes through the crowd to meet Mina up at the front.

Seeing his sister so happy up close seems to bring back the warmth pooling in his stomach. “You… you look beautiful.”

Mina sends him a closed-eyed smile, patting Seungmin’s arm with her free hand. “Thank you. And thank you for being here.”

“I wouldn’t miss it.”

As Mina looks up at Seungmin, she can’t help but feel a sense of pride at how grown up her baby brother seemed to be and how much he had changed compared to his high school self.

Mina’s smile grew wider as did Seungmin’s, “I’m really proud of you, by the way,”

Seungmin feels his cheeks heat up and he scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. “This is meant to be about you,”

Rolling her eyes, Mina chuckles. “It is, but it doesn’t mean I can’t praise my baby brother does it?”

Seungmin’s eyes furrow together partly because of the question, but also because of the baby brother. “I’m not a baby.”

Shaking her head, she gazes at her new husband quickly before looking back at Seungmin. “I don’t know. Your new brother-in-law would say otherwise.”

“That’s because he’s like 100 years old and everyone is baby to him,” Seungmin mutters, rolling his eyes. Mina slaps his arm, narrowing her eyes at her younger brother.

“He’s 26, don’t be dramatic.”

“My point still stands,” Seungmin continues to mutter, shoving his hands into his trouser pockets.

Seungmin lets out a silent sigh as his eyes flicker around the room. His shoulders dropping slightly when he can’t seem to find the person he;s looking for: you.

“Why the long face?” Mina asks, “Looking for someone?”

Seungmin nods silently, his eyes still checking around the room for you.

“For Y/N?” Mina questions.

Seungmin clears his throat, his ears feeling the heat.

“Maybe…”

“Oh…” Mina’s voice drops. “You just missed her. She caught me just a minute ago and said she wasn’t feeling good. she just congratulated me and left.”

Seungmin’s shoulders drop and he does his best to smile at Mina.

Mina smiles wider, in hopes of calming him, maybe even giving him some hope. “You could go ask Gwen? She’s sharing a room with her anyway, so i’m sure she’ll know more than I do.”

Seungmin nods quickly, a hopeful smile indeed covering his face.

When his eyes focus on Mina again, she’s already looking over her shoulder, lovingly gazing at Chan as he’s chatting with Felix and another blonde that Seungmin didn’t know the name of.

“I don’t want to keep you,” Seungmin pats Mina’s shoulder. “Get back over to the love of your life.”

Mina’s grin widens at the words love of your life as she nods. Seungmin could practically see the hearts floating above her head.

“I’ll talk to you later,” Seungmin laughs and Mina just hums before she parts from Seungmin and wraps her arms around Chan’s waist when she gets close to him. Seungmin watches as Chan turns to her, his own dopey smile on his lips as he places a kiss on her hairline.

After a moment, Seungmin inhales deeply and his eyes scan the room for his new target, Gwen. She was honestly pretty easy to find, especially when she had the loud-mouth Jisung by her side–constantly.

When he sets his sights on Gwen and Jisung, Gwen is leant up against the wall and Jisung is basically hopping in place beside her. A concerned frown is etched into Gwen’s face and Jisung is doing his best, albeit not very well, to cheer her up.

“Gwen, Jisung!” Seungmin calls out as he soon stops in front of them.

Gwen stands instantly, her concerned frown now in a forced smile. “Seungmin, what’s up?”

“Mina told me Y/N left, do you know where she went?

Gwen’s face fell as she turned to look at Jisung. Jisung rubs the back of his neck.

“She left, she’s catching a train back to the city…” Jisung explains.

Gulping, Seungmin nods his head slowly.

“If you go now, you might be able to catch her, but you have to be quick.”

Seungmin perks up and nods his head quickly. The hopeful smile soon appearing back on his face. “Thank you.”

Gwen takes a deep breath and slips her hand into Jisung’s and squeezes it lightly.

“Do you think he’ll get there in time?” Gwen asks, her eyes lingering on the space where Seungmin once was.

Jisung squeezes her hand back, “we can only hope.”

“Yeah, lets hope.” Gwen slips her hand away from jisung’s grasp and makes her way back into the crowd. Leaving Jisung alone, staring at her with a small frown on his face and his heart missing the warmth of her hand.

Seungmin gasps for breath as he rushes out of the lobby of the hotel. Resting his hands on his knees, he frantically looks around to try and find a sign of you. However, no matter where he looked nothing seemed to appear.

Feeling the vibrations from his phone in his pocket. He fishes it out and a text alert from Mina appears on his screen.

Annoying Sister: 5:01 pm

She’s at central station, it leaves in an hour… Good Luck!

Seungmin smiles to himself. It’s the exact sign he needs to keep going.

→→

The small ding comes from your phone as it confirms the payment for your train ticket. Slipping it into your pocket, you smile sheepishly at the ticket attendant and take the printed-out tickets from his hands.

With a small thank you, you take your suitcase and let it trail behind you as you slowly start to make your way over to an electronic sign board to look to see which platform your train would be leaving from.

You were lucky enough to only have to catch one train back to the main city and from that station, you could easily catch the bus back to your apartment. Sure, it would be a long journey, especially by train, but you’d rather that than have to potentially face another awkward encounter with Seungmin after everything that had happened that morning.

Stepping up onto the platform, you find an empty seat and pull out your phone frowning at the notifications on your lock screen.

Gwen<3: 5:15 pm

Are you sure you want to leave? You can still ride with us in the morning…

y/nnie: 5:45 pm

Yeah, It would be best. I just don’t know if I could cope with facing him again.

Gwen<3: 5:46 pm

Okay:/ just make sure to get home safe okay?

Angling your phone up, you try to smile as you take a quick selfie to send to her. Not really caring what it looked like, you hit send and exit out of the messages app. Pulling up the gram, you scroll through your feed, randomly liking pictures posted by the few idols you liked, the random meme pages you followed and even some distance friends you had from school that you never bothered to unfollow.

You pause, however, when a photo of Mina and Chan appears on your timeline. In the photo, they’re gazing into each other’s eyes, loved-up dopey grins spread so wide across their faces that it reached their eyes. The caption reads three cheers for true love, and your heart can’t help but strain.

You couldn’t help but think of Seungmin and regret– not the time you spent together, but how you spent it together. It was like a moment, and it passed by so quickly without you even stopping to think about it. How, in the beginning, you didn’t want to face him, but you found yourself getting caught up with him the moment he set his sights on you.

You wished you could go back, but it was too late. It was too late to change what had happened. You wished you could live in this fantasy of the weekend forever. You wished you could stay beside him and lay in his arms forever.

But the moment you would step foot on the train, everything would go back to the way it was– like nothing ever happened. There would be no Seungmin, there would be another weekend of laying in his arms and enveloping yourself in his being.

It would go back to the daily torture of university and job searching. You would go back to wishing that you and Seungmin could be more than whatever you were.

Wishing you could go back and relive the weekend.

Seungmin’s leg bounces up and down anxiously as he’s sat in the back of the taxi cab. Silently praying that the damn driver would just hurry up already. Cursing him out mentally for not realising how much of an emergency this was and how bad Seungmin needed to get to the train station.

All luck seems to turn on Seungmin apparently when the cab comes to a sudden halt and a choir of car horns ring out around him– including the one from the cab he’s in.

Leaning forward, he peers through the front window. “What’s going on?”

“I dunno,” the driver shrugs, tapping on his steering wheel. “Traffic jam or something.”

“How far away are we from the train station?”

The driver looks back at him with an odd look on his face, but speaks when he sees how frantic Seungmin is. “Like ten minutes if you run?”

Digging cash out of his wallet, Seungmin throws it at the driver before hopping out of the car at lightning speed and a keep the change falling from his lips. Ignoring the way the driver is calling after him, Seungmin is too focused on running through the packed-up street. His deep breath and the sounds of his hands hitting cars as he’s sliding through the gaps to get onto the sidewalk fill his ears.

Seungmin is sure he’s never ran so fast in his life, but as the train station comes into view, it only pushes him to run faster.

He pushes through the crowds of people and up to a ticket guard, his words spewing out of his mouth with little care. He haphazardly pays, grabs the tickets and runs over to the signboard.

When he finds your platform on the map, all he can do is hope he gets there on time.

Your eyes linger on the signboard overhead of the platform as the minutes until your train arrives slowly tick away. A sudden dread fills your stomach and it’s like your body is screaming at you not to go.

Your mind and your body still burn with the memories of Seungmin’s touch, How after one night, it was like your body became more dependent– more addicted to his touch than you had ever experienced.

A bubble got caught in your throat as the overhead announcer called out about the arrival of your train. Your stomach drops.

You’re not ready to go back to normal life. You’re not sure if you’d ever be ready to go back to a life without Seungmin. All of your being was calling out for him– calling out for a sign to stay, for a reason to stay.

But when nothing seems to answer, you round up your bags and watch as the train slows and pulls to a stop in front of you and after a moment or two, the little buttons lit up to show it was now okay to open the train doors.

The stinging feeling prickles your eyes as you stare at the now-open door. This was it, the return back to reality.

You lift your suitcase onto the train and step on after it. You don’t bother to attempt to wipe away the tears that fall from your eyes, not when the ones you wipe would instantly be replaced.

A voice you recognise instantly calls out from the platform.

“WAIT!”

Seungmin just barely gets onto the train as the doors close behind him. His face is red and he’s gasping for air.

“S-Seungmin…” You blink, your mouth agape. “What are you doing here?”

Once he’s caught his breath, he stands up straight and looks you straight in the eyes.

“I’m here for you,” he declares. “I’m here to talk to you.”

You continue to look at him, waiting for him to continue.

However, before he gets the chance, the train stutters into life, causing you to fall into Seungmin’s chest, his arms wrapping instantly around you for protection.

Pushing your lips into a thin line, you stare up at him, your heart hammering against your chest. “Say what you were going to say, Min,”

His gaze on you softens as he takes a deep breath. “I care about you,” he exhales. “A lot.”.

Humming, you nod. “I care about you too.”

“No, it’s… it’s more than that.”

Seungmin opens his mouth, closes it and opens it again. It’s like he’s bringing up all of the courage he needs to say what’s really on his mind. Especially when it was too late to back out now– not that he even wanted to.

He wanted to say everything he had to say, he was going to say it.

"I've been waking up daily for the past three years wishing I could take back what I said, wishing I could take back everything. But then you were at the wedding and it was like a chance to spend time with you, to relive and to act like we were back then. It was like I was given a chance to make things right by some creature above.” Seungmin pauses, he brings up his hand to lightly brush some of your hair out of your face.

“Min…” You start, but he shakes his head before you can even continue.

“Wait, let me finish first?” Seungmin says as more of a question than a statement. You just nod, a small smile playing on your lips.

“I wasn't lying when I said it wasn't just a moment between us. It wasn't just a moment back then, either, and I was so stupid for running and hiding, calling it a passing moment when I knew fully well that it wasn't. It never was and it never will be. Please just… let me prove it to you.”

You feel your heart quicken in pace as he continues his speech. His eyes are so full of love and sincerity that you don’t know how to cope.

What Seungmin didn’t seem to know was he already had your heart, he had it ever since your senior year.

After everything, he still meant everything.

“I was an idiotic teenager who didn't know how to face or even acknowledge what I wanted. I can't go back and change that and I’ll forever regret how I made you feel back then, but I know now I don't want to make that same mistake again, I don't want to lose my chance to be with you again. So please, can we start over?”

His hands rest on your cheeks, making sure you’re staring into his eyes as he says his next words:

“Because Y/N, I don't just want you for tonight or for the weekend… I want you forever. ”

107 notes · View notes

ihave-atummyache · 4 months ago

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i feel like im being scolded (i like it)

woof woof woof kim seungminnnnnn

96 notes · View notes

faunandfloraas · 4 months ago

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fav skz // He's always pretty.

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daengtokki · 3 months ago

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part one // serial killer!Kim Seungmin/afab reader

WC: ~10k

RATING: mature/explicit/mdni—contains: rough sex, manipulation, strangulation, blood, implied drugging, murder

[ ML— DEITY MASTERLIST ]

The smell of smoke reaches his nose, and the craving comes on so suddenly, and so strong…he hates this, not being able to control something so small. He doesn't have much control at all, if he thinks about it. He hasn't had any real control in years—just the illusion of it. The first chance Seungmin gets, he disappears into a convenience store, and he walks back out with a pack of cigarettes clenched in one hand. He bites down on a fresh book of matches as he bounces it against the heel of his palm, eyes still carefully scanning the streets as he unwraps the plastic and pops one between his lips.

The sound of the match against the striker strip is enough to calm his nerves, but the first slow drag quiets his mind and numbs the itch in his limbs. The part of his brain that doesn't shut up when it's time likes to smoke lately, it seems, so he listens. More of his illusion.

Just as he pulls in another lungful, you breeze past him, head down, eyes glued to your phone. Seungmin can see exactly what you're doing—looking at a map as you walk, probably a little lost, and you’re mumbling quietly. Scolding yourself, maybe, but taking your time and obviously trying to keep it together. He wonders just how lost you are, but he doesn't move right away…he’s smarter than that. That itch returns very quickly, despite the cigarette, and his legs shake a little with the anticipation of following behind. Lucky for him, you stop and duck under the awning for some shade, and probably to get your bearings.

He likes the way you look.

You feign confidence, and you really are doing a great job of fitting in and acting like you know where you are—where you need to go. If anyone else was nearby, they wouldn't even suspect you needed help. And you’re pretty. Seungmin thinks you probably don’t know that, not here, so out of your element. You are, though.

Just as he moves to approach you, you lift your gaze, and your eyes find his. Seungmin freezes for a moment, then slowly takes the cigarette from him lips. “Hello,” he smiles and turns away a little to blow out his smoke. “I’m sorry, I can…” he discards it, then turns back, hoping your eyes are still on him…

He was a little rushed this morning, his hair dryer broke, and he spilled an entire iced coffee on his way out the door. Going out today didn’t seem like the best idea, but he figured he would at least make the attempt, and try again tomorrow if he had to. Seungmin is very glad he tried today. You still look up at him with keen, hopeful eyes when he turns to face you again.

“…put this out.” He tries English—it’s the only western language he knows. “Do you need help reading your map?”

Still, you stare…silent. If you don’t speak English or Korean, he’s out of luck, and he’ll have to drag himself back home, alone, and crawl into bed until tomorrow.

“Yes…thank you”

He sighs internally, and smiles softly at you. Once again, his looks (and his fluent English) get him what he wants. Seungmin doubts you would have taken the help if that first look didn't get something moving in you. He could see it in your eyes. “Where are you headed? I might be more useful than that map.”

Still, you hesitate for a brief moment, “...my apartment. I took the bus, and I missed it coming back. But I think I’m almost there. I’m just a little anxious, and I’m being stupid…”

“No, you’re not. Have you been here long? In Seoul?”

“About a week”

“No, not stupid. What’s the address?”

/ / /

“Stay close, we can probably get the whole way across.” He looks back at you, and slows enough for you to catch up to his long strides. “No, maybe not,” he takes your wrist in his hand, and it’s unnecessary, because you stop with him. It’s a good start…the first touch. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you glance at him, and then to his hand wrapped around you, “I think I know where I’m at now.”

“You think?”

“I think”

“I’ll take you to your building. You don’t have to invite me up…promise.”

It’s another two blocks before you finally see it, and the sight of it is a relief. Seungmin can almost feel the tension leave your body as you approach it, but there’s a long moment of silence between you when you finally get there.

Eventually, you unfreeze yourself and speak,“thank you for your help…uh, what should I call you?”

“Thank you for letting me help. You can call me Seungmin.” He smiles shyly when he says his name.

“Seungmin, is it okay if do?”

“Do what?” He already knows what you’re getting at, but he cocks his head and bites his lip.

“Invite you up. I’m sure you have better things to do, though.”

Seungmin loves the flush in your cheeks when you ask. The nervous energy that left you returns, and it gets his blood pumping everywhere it needs to—his heartbeat jumps, and he hopes his cheeks pink up a little bit, too. “No, that’s been my best offer all day.” He knows he can’t do anything here, but this is also an unusual feeling—visiting the home of a potential victim. It's not necessary, and it's very personal...and it's a little bit awkward.

“This is cute.” Seungmin stands in one spot, and examines the tiny apartment. It’s simple, and still a little plain, but you’ve barely had time to settle. He can picture the twin size bed you’re sleeping on, and how the two of you would barely fit; the commotion you’d make…the mess. The thought sends a jolt of pleasure through him, and he feels himself getting hard as he watches you stare so intensely.

“What?” He smirks. You smile back, so Seungmin lets his grow a little wider.

“Do you want some coffee? You look like a coffee person.”

“I am, I would love some”

/ / /

“You’re a long way from home,” Seungmin says over the rim of his mug, casually scanning every part of you as he does—your bare feet shuffling on the area rug; your legs, easy to admire in the tight leggings you’re wearing; body sinking comfortably into the squishy couch. He sits up and turns himself toward you a little more. “May I ask why?”

“Work. But I think I’m very under-qualified for the position…I took it to get away from my old life, and my ex.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Bad breakup?”

“Bad enough…I’m sure things could’ve been worse”

If he can find out when the break-up happened, Seungmin can figure out just how vulnerable you still are. “If it was worth coming this far, I’m sure it was bad.” Reaching out right now and grabbing your throat would be so, so easy. It would be nothing; his hands would wrap perfectly around your delicate neck. He can almost feel the snap of your hyoid, your pulse as it speeds up; slows down; stops completely. Vulnerable, but still guarded—soft, sad eyes, and nervous fingers tapping against the mug, turned slightly away from him.

Still, when you look at him again, you light up a little. “My turn…what were you doing smoking outside a GS25 all alone this morning? I’m very glad you were there…just curious.”

“Oh…” Seungmin actually laughs at that—a genuine laugh. He wasn’t prepared for such a blunt question. “People watching, I guess. I like to observe.” He notices your eyes wondering over him, the same as he did to you, only you’re a lot less subtle about it. “What is it?”

“What do you do for a living?”

A living. What does he do for a living? He doesn’t do anything except survive day to day within his careful, tedious routine. He’s a trust-fund baby, thank god. Seungmin can’t imagine having to work a day job, deal with the public, wear a mask every moment of the day just to get by.

“I make music…write, produce. Independently. Nothing major, but it pays the bills.” It’s not his usual lie, but it seems fitting for you. It’s not even a lie, because Seungmin does make music—music that has ever seen the light of day.

“You sing?”

Seungmin nods, puts on another shy smile for you. “Yeah, I do. Mostly for myself, though.” He’s not used to fielding so many personal questions so quickly, because by now, someone has their mouth on something. Or something in it. The thought gives him another twinge in his groin, and he almost whines along with his sigh.

Now is probably a good time to get more information, but his dick continues to distract him. “Uhm, what was your promotion? What do you do?” Not this information, but he has to start somewhere.

“Nothing very exciting. Customer relations for a cosmetics company. I don’t like it very much, but it pays well enough, and I’m here now.”

“Is that where you went this morning?” It’s almost too nosy, but he goes with it. “Sorry, that’s not really my business.”

“No, it’s okay. I was coming back from Dongguk University. I’m taking language classes."

He takes the opportunity to switch to Korean, “good…so you don’t speak any Korean?”

And all you can do is stare back, clueless. “I think I caught a word,” you laugh when he grins at you.

“I’m going to have so much fun with you”

An exchange of phone numbers, the promise of dinner, and Seungmin is on his way back home. Empty handed, yes, but he already has a plan unfolding in his mind. A few times before, he’s deliberately taken his time—did the cat and mouse thing, or more appropriately for him, a dog with a bone. It’s usually not by choice, though. He may have to find another in the meantime; something quick and easy to hold him over. Rushing things with you won't satisfy him.

“Wow, this is…great,” the girl turns and gives Seungmin a heavy, confident look. She only has one thing on her mind, but he’s alright with getting straight to the point. “How about the bedroom?” So why does the eagerness almost turn him off? It’s a stark contrast to what you just gave him, and to what anyone else ever gives him. The dates he picks up don’t want coffee and conversation.

There is no foreplay—not a single touch until his pants are undone and on the floor, but she goes for his shirt, and Seungmin grabs for her wandering hands.

“What’s wrong…self-conscious?” She slips one under and runs her fingertips across his ribs.

He has to tilt his head to the side to avoid her lips. “No, I’m not.”

“You are a little skinny, but that’s okay”

The gasp the girl makes when he grabs the side of her neck, the little bit of fear in her eyes, is what finally gets him completely hard. He squeezes, just enough to not be threatening, and she relaxes for a moment.

“Sorry…sorry, just teasing,” she smiles a little, and her eyes dart from the window, and then back to him.

“Get on your knees”

She does so without hesitation, but Seungmin turns and walks away before she has a chance to touch again. There wasn’t much prep for this, so he has to be careful, and he has to be quiet, so he stares absently into the drawer of his bedside table for a few long moments. Handcuffs could be helpful, but the gag might be even better. He opts for the handcuffs, and when the girl sees them dangling from his finger, she smiles. “Okay, I like kinky…are those for me?”

Seungmin nods, and very gently secures one of her wrists. The other end snaps around the bedpost. Now she reaches her free hand toward him and gets a handful of dick, and he lets her touch.

“Are you gonna be a tease now? Take these off.”

A hand comes down fast, and again she gasps as he tightens his grip around her throat. She grabs for him and claws at his skin, but it does nothing. His grip still tightens, even as her nails cut and a thin line of blood starts to form. Seungmin relaxes, and then lets go.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” She coughs and pulls at the cuff, but it's not going anywhere. “Get this off of me. Now."

None of this is new for him, and most of the time, his jobs aren't easy. Last time, he was lucky. "No," Seungmin laughs and pulls his shirt over his head, but just as he's about to return to his drawer for something new, he hears his phone buzz in the pocket of his discarded jeans.

"Take these off…please"

"Not yet, relax"

"But you will? What are you gonna do? I'm sorry I teased you…please, you can do whatever you want, but—"

"But? I can do whatever I want, but what?"

The fear in her eyes is enough of an answer, but another buzz of his phone distracts her for the briefest moment. "Please let me go. We can just pretend this never happened.”

Seungmin goes for his phone this time, "no, I don’t do that," and stares at the number for a few seconds before recognizing it, because he didn't add you to his contacts. He's not even sure he should.

Hi! I just wanted to thank you again for being so kind. I haven't had any really nice interactions with anyone until I met you today. And there is a place a block way from me that I've been wanting to try since I got here, if you're still interested.

Seungmin doesn't catch himself grinning, but his guest does. "Good news?" She asks. "Look, this was just a date gone bad. I'm not into whatever kinky shit you're into.”

He's bored. To be honest, he's been bored since he got this girl back to the apartment, so this may not do the job as well as he was expecting—he’s already starting to get soft. But letting someone go? Seungmin doesn't do that. The phone gets tossed onto the bed as he makes his way back to his drawer, and this time, he knows what he needs. The girl gasps and screams as soon as she sees the glint of the blade against the lamplight—the gag definitly would have helped, but it's too late now. The neighbors are mosty likely at work, at least.

The rattle of the cuffs against the bedpost is annoying, and Seungmin thinks for a moment that it might actually break. "You need to relax, and you need to be quiet. This…" he gestures to her antics, "this is not helping either of us."

"Fuck you, you're gonna burn in hell"

That's the last thing she says. There is one more reach, and one more scratch of her nails (right across his cheek), but she gives in as soon as the knife slides neatly between her ribs. One last hitch in her throat, one last exhale, and the light fades from her eyes. Exactly what he needed.

"I know"

I am still interested. I wonder if we're thinking of the same place.

He sends that off and thinks, but the first text is more of a challenge to acknowledge.

I'm glad I could be your first.

It doesn't sound quite right to him, but maybe that's a good thing. He sends that, too.

Now he looks to the lifeless body on his floor. The blood has soaked through her clothes, and onto the area rug where she was kneeling. Seungmin suddenly remembers why he hates doing things this way. Okay, no blood for a while, he thinks as he begins to conceal the body. He has a long day ahead of him now.

The week passes slowly, and Seungmin spends it hidden away in his bedroom. He wrote a little, and he forced himself to sing last night, but aside from that, he's just existed beneath the warmth of his blankets. One more text came from you a few days ago, but he hasn't bothered looking at it yet. Ignoring his phone has been a test for himself, and he has done pretty well at not thinking about what you said.

That can't last forever, though. Seungmin doesn't think you're going to lose interest that easily. He knows you won't. And besides, he's hungry. It's time to get out of bed.

I'm free all day on Thursday

Fuck, today is Thursday. Seungmin sits up in bed and stares at the screen, thinks…wonders if chasing you will be worth it in the end. What if he spends all of this time on you, and it doesn’t fill the need he’s expecting it to? What if it’s just like the last one? He starts to type.

I am free today. I'm sorry I took so long to reply. I understand if you made other plans.

No, it can’t be as bad as that one.

Lunch. Maybe a walk, if it's not to cold for you. Back to the apartment. It's not time, though. The feeling hasn't quite returned yet, and it won't feel right if he does this now. Maybe today isn't the day.

I'm still free. Let me know when!

But lunch wouldn't hurt. Seungmin needs you here, in this apartment, if he's going to do this right. He needs you comfortable with him.

I can get dressed and head to your building. Half an hour? Meet me outside.

/ / /

You dressed up for him. He's still a half a block away, and you’re turned in the opposite direction, but he can tell that you put some thought and effort into your outfit. Seungmin looks the same as he typically does; black jeans, black sneakers, a Carhartt jacket over a loose fitting t-shirt. Not much effort, really, but…

"Hi!" You examine him, not so subtly, starting from his dark parted hair, all the way down his long, slender legs. The smile on your face grows when you meet his eyes again. "How was your walk?"

Now it's beginning to feel like a date, and it’s very obvious that you’re attracted to him. There’s no doubt you would’ve looked at him the same had he arrived in the sweatpants he had on in bed this morning. "Very nice. How was the trip from your apartment?"

Seungmin gets a genuine laugh out of you. “It was great, I was very excited to get down here and see you.”

Excited to see him. Okay. Seungmin is used to the attention, but he isn’t as used to the cute, innocent flirting. He sees your cheeks blush before you drop your gaze.

“You lead the way”

He nods, and brushes by you very gently.

Lunch is perfectly normal; a real date. Seungmin learns a little more about you, and you learn a few more exaggerated, somewhat true things about him. The breakup between you and your ex was recent—only six weeks ago. The move was actually the catalyst for ending things. You confessed to him that you’re still unsure if it was the right thing to do, but you are beginning to like living in Seoul already. Maybe because of him. You thanked him again for his help, so Seungmin starts to wonder if simple kindness isn’t something you’re used to. Getting it from him seems a little ironic.

“Would you like to take a walk?” The second part of his plan already seems to be in motion, because you walked right by your building without even realizing. “There’s a nice park I like to visit about a half a mile that way, and a cafe a little closer, actually.”

“Either sounds good"

“Or, my apartment is closer than both. And I have a very nice coffee bar. And a regular bar, if you prefer.”

He hears your soft laugh, and he can picture you blushing again. A no wouldn’t surprise him, though—going straight to his apartment was beginning to feel like a stretch, but he has to ask. After all, you did invite him up fifteen minutes into knowing him.

"Are you gonna make me a homeade latte?"

"Whatever you desire"

/ / /

Seungmin waits for you to give him a surprised look as soon as he leads you through his front door, just like everyone else does, but you don’t. You’re quiet as you take your shoes off and look around, and you don’t make a sound until he speaks up.

“Make yourself comfortable. I’ll get the espresso machine going.”

“You must do good work”

“I wouldn’t say that. My dad left me a lot when he died, so I can’t take any credit for it.” Why did he say that? He had no reason to tell the truth, and yet, it slipped right out.

Now you do give him a look—a sad, apologetic one. “Well, I’m sure you still do good work.”

Seungmin keeps his mouth shut as he flips a switch and grinds the coffee beans. You don’t say anything else, but he watches you watching him carefully from the corner of his eye as he works. He makes one for himself, too, and as he walks to join you, a reflection on the hardwood makes him stop in his tracks. A small, silver earring is shining up at him, and he silently scolds himself for his sloppy cleanup. How did he miss that all week? He did stay in bed for most of that time, but he has never, not once, left something behind. It looks clean, at least...no blood.

“What’s wrong?” You look to where he’s looking, and you see whatever has him frozen. A small silver hoop earring.

“Uh, nothing…” he sets both coffees down on the table and tries to ignore it, but he can’t. Besides, you’ve seen it, and he can’t just leave it there. Seungmin wonders if he left something even more damning in the apartment as he bends to pick it up.

“One of your dates lost something?” You say it casually…just an observation, “I assume you have a lot of them coming and going.” But Seungmin looks ready to defend himself.

“No…no, I don’t. Not that often, really.” He slips it into his pocket. “How is your drink. I can make another if it’s not quite right.”

“It looks good,” you pick it up and hold it under your nose, “smells good,” and take a slow, careful sip. It’s hot, but just the right amount of hot. “It’s very good, thank you.”

He sits down, and his knee grazes against yours. You hold still and watch his hand run down his thigh, follow his arm up to his shoulder—to his neck, where his loose t-shirt reveals some collarbone, soft and tan. Seungmin is staring right through you, and he doesn't seem to realize it. The movement of his eyes is hypnotizing, and they're so big and dark, you feel like they could swallow you whole.

Just when you think he's going to reach for his coffee, his hand lifts toward you, and everything moves in slow motion—Seungmin's tongue pokes out to wet his lips, he bites down on it a little…and his fingertips just barely graze the far side of your neck.

You shake free of your trance and move back.

"Sorry"

"It's alright," you take another long sip of your coffee and avoid his gaze, but you can feel him staring at you. Hard. You look around his big, well decorated apartment and suddenly wonder how you ended up here with a man you hardly know, inches from him, his eyes eating away at you.

He's not sure why he went for that touch. Curiousity, maybe. Your skin looks soft, it is soft, and though he has no overwhelming urges at the moment, he still wants to to know how your skin feels squeezed against his palms, and pinched between his fingers. The image gives him a pleasant twinge in his stomach, and he doesn't even think about the possibility of his dick growing in his jeans right here and now. Today, nothing will happen, and if he scares you off now, he’ll never get you here alone again. It’s not a risk worth taking.

“I am…please forgive me. I don’t know why I did that. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

“I don’t.” It’s a little bit of a lie, but he seems sincere. It’s easier to relax and take a deep breath now that he’s up and making a little bit of distance between you. Still, you admire him from this angle—his long, slender legs, perfect in proportion to the rest of him. Broad shoulders, and a strong looking back that you can see when the light hits his white t-shirt just right.

His face is soft, his jaw is strong, and his skin pretty, but not quite perfect. Seungmin looks like a piece of art come to life, and he’s here with to you. Talking to you. Staring at you. Reaching out to touch you.

There has to be something wrong with him.

“Are you okay?”

“Hm? Yes, I’m okay”

“I asked if you wanted to see the balcony”

There is no doubt he caught you admiring him. The grin on his face warms your cheeks…it warms your entire body. “Yeah, sure”

The balcony is in his bedroom.

Very cautiously, you walk through the doorway, but you’re not sure why you’re still on edge. So far, Seungmin has been sweet and thoughtful…maybe a little odd, but not so odd that it should concern you. Regardless of how handsome he is, maybe he really doesn’t go on many dates, or even get out of this apartment very often…his room is dark and moody, maybe more of a reflection of his mind than anything else in the apartment. Everything looks expensive—the high windows, the lighting, the music equipment in the corner. His bed is oversized and covered in soft pillows, and an old stuffed dog sits right in the middle. It looks like it’s seen better days. Seungmin doesn’t stop to show you around, though. He heads straight for the balcony.

“You’re not afraid of heights?”

You shake your head.

“Good. It’s a nice view.”

It is a nice view, because he’s almost at the very top. The wind gusts a few times as you stand there, and the air is chilly, but Seungmin stands to your side and blocks most of it. His eyes burn into you again, and you’re starting to like it.

“I should probably go.” Another lie. There is no reason to leave, and you don’t want to, but if you do stay, something will certainly happen.

“Oh, of course…I can call a ride for you”

And you want something to happen. Being in his room, within falling distance of his bed, is driving you a little bit crazy. His big, soft eyes are driving you crazy. But you barely know him, and you’ve barely settled into your new life. Feeling vulnerable isn’t new, but you’re extra vulnerable right now, and you know what can happen when you feel that way.

/ / /

Someone else will come along, and he’ll be fine. Eventually, he’ll come across another perfect one, and when he does, he won’t drag his feet and fuck things up. You were right here, inches from him…more than within reach, and Seungmin is not used to failing at getting his way. Maybe he missed something. Seungmin isn’t completely aloof when it comes to emotions and reading them on people, but he doesn’t typically bother with it, and he isn’t the best at it.

Fortunately, he doesn't have to dwell on it too long. You send him a text right before he begins to doze off that night...

Thank you for lunch today, and the walk…and coffee. Sorry I ended everything so quickly, it was nothing personal. I would like to see you again.

Okay, everything is fine. Just a little overreaction on his part. He just…scared you off? Came on a little too strong with the neck touch, more than likely. It didn't seem like much, but you're obviously a little reticent.

I would like to see you again

No reply to that, but a heart pops up next to his message after it sends.

He drags himself to the other end of the street, but he's tired. Sleep hasn't come easily the past few days, and the nightmares that come and go have returned…the same ones—the old shed, the soft, rain soaked ground, and the earth covering his father's hands when he reaches out for Seungmin. There's more, so much more, but it always comes in pieces. Maybe tonight he'll get another piece.

For now he focuses on the woman entering the bar, and he's certain he's going to lose her in there on a busy Saturday night. The urges have returned, and the sleepless nights haven't made things any easier, so he has to do something, and this half-hearted chase helps a litte bit. You haven't said a word since Thursday, and if you don't by tomorrow morning, he might just come and find you himself. If that's the case, he doesn't even need to pursue this one—he can go back home, take a hot shower, make a strong drink, and finish his nightmare.

“Seungmin?”

His heart jumps into his throat.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sneak up on you”

It’s you. It’s your soft, lilting voice, and your pleasant accent. He turns and your eyes connect, but his heart still continues to pound. “Hi, what are doing so far from home?” Very far. He ventured a little further out of his comfort zone this time around. Running into you this far away can't be a coincidence, even if Seungmin doesn't believe in things like that.

“You first”

“Oh, uh…trying to be social, I guess”

“It’s alright, you don’t have to tell me the truth.” You smile at his smirk. “A few of my classmates dragged me along, but I’m over it already. I don’t usually stay up this late.”

“I can ride home with you, if you’d like. Unless I can convince you to have a drink with me first.”

You think about it, but not for very long. Part of you wants to make up for last time, and for struggling to text him back. “Yes to both. Can we try a different bar?” The other part wants to remain strong.

“Of course, anything you want”

“Your bar?”

But the former part is bigger.

It's a quiet ride back to his place, but it's not an awkward quiet. Seungmin is relaxed, body turned sightly toward you, and you can tell he's watching every subtle movement you make; the fidgeting of your fingers, and the bounce of your knee, the occasional shift to adjust yourself and pull at your sweater. You can't quite figure out what he seems to see in you, and maybe that's part of your hesitation—being a clueless foreigner with a native drinking up every little thing, emphasis on little, that you have to you offer.

He walks ahead of you as you head for the elevator, and it's another opportunity to look at him in the harsh light. The leather jacket he's wearing is a bit big, but it doesn't hide the broadness of his shoulders. Just as you move your eyes down, he begins to take it off and reveal even more. His muscles move delicately beneath the black t-shirt as it slides down his arms, this time a more form-fitting one, tucked loosely into his black jeans. Tiny waist, narrow hips, but just enough ass to grab.

The elevator opens and he turns to you, "don't worry, I won’t keep you up too late."

When you arrived, he did all of the things guy's don't actually do on your dates: pay for the ride, open the door, hold a hand out for you. It was a little bit cheesy, but you're not going to complain about his good manners.

"Do you mind if I change? I can smell the smoke on me."

You shake your head at him, make yourself comfortable on the couch, and listen carefully as he moves around in his bedroom…the slide of a drawer, a door softly opening and closing. He's not in there long, and when he comes out, he looks like a different person.

Seungmin’s face is so striking, and it’s like that no matter what he does to his hair, but he definitely combed everything back with his fingers while he changed. It’s parted just off to the side and pushed away from his eyes, save for a few lose strands, and his eyes are so pretty and intense. The outfit is completely different—a loose fitting t-shirt, a thin white one this time, and sweatpants. It looks so out of place, because the three times you’ve seen him, he was dressed a little more than casual.

A silver Chanel necklace still hangs around his neck, and you wonder if he just forgot about it. “Better?” You stand and take a step toward him, he moves a little closer, but heads toward his small, but elaborate bar.

“Yeah,” he smiles and beckons you. “What do you like to drink?”

“What do you think I like?”

“Oh…good question, let me think,” he very patiently scans over his selection…

Ice in the shaker, cherry soju, coconut vodka—he gives it a shake, never breaking eye contact until he has to grab a glass and pours—he stops and looks around, thinks, then grabs another bottle from under the bar. As soon as he twists the cap off, the sweet smell hits you. Seungmin tops it off with cream soda, and drops in a cherry before sliding it toward you. Then he pours some for himself, minus the soda.

“Is this me as a cocktail?”

He sips his, and you can hear a little laugh from behind the glass. “First impression? Yeah. Is it good?”

“It’s good, it’s sweet…goes down easy”

“Oh, I hope so”

The whole room warms. You feel like you’re on fire. You know you’re blushing, and you might even be grinning like an idiot, but you can’t pull yourself away from his stare. Seungmin bites down on his bottom lip and a smirk slowly tugs at his mouth, and it’s now that you notice how plump and red his lips are.

All you can do is clear your throat and shift in the bar stool, but thankfully, Seungmin still has the reigns. He finishes his drink in one swift movement, and you take one more sip as he rounds the bar. The warmth of his hand on your thigh, you do feel that, but everything else is either numb or pulsing with nervous excitement. He spins you to face him, but his hand doesn’t move—it squeezes as he leans in and whispers in your ear.

“Stop fighting against it…just…” he sighs, and it turns to a soft moan. You feel like you could melt right out of this stool and onto the floor. “Don’t make me beg.”

Fuck, your mind went from nothing to everything you want him to do to you, and everything you’ve been wanting to do to him. But you haven’t done anything yet, and you don’t have to. Seungmin hasn’t come off as that type, but god…the way he’s looking at you and gripping your leg. He gently pushes your thighs apart until he can put himself between them, and your eyes drop to the growing bulge in his sweatpants.

“Seungmin…uh, fuck…um”

“What? Look at me. Eyes up here.”

The ease at which he makes you listen is surprising. He has you now. The smoke-tinged smell of his skin, the vanilla of his cologne, and the sweet smell of booze on his lips. His eyes soften, and you can’t even begin to imagine resisting that look—from here you can see the little bit of black eyeliner starting to smudge. You don’t even feel yourself reach up and wipe your thumb at the corner of his eye, not until he smiles and wraps his fingers around your wrist.

“I’ll take care of you. I’ll give you what you need.”

No answer will come out, so you squeeze your thighs and hope he can read the look in your eyes. He does. Seungmin grabs your hips and pulls your body into his, lifts you, and doesn’t hesitate once he has you in his arms. He turns and takes you right into the bedroom, and the feeling of being outside of your body is intense. You can feel your legs wrapped tight around his hips, and your arms clinging to his shoulders…you can hear his soft grunts as he keeps you steady against him. He pulls you close right before he drops you, and you get a taste of his skin before you hit the bed.

“Keep your eyes on me”

He pulls his shirt over his head, and you study every inch of him while you can. A long, lean torso—his muscles underneath flex with every shallow breath; his bare shoulders—you count every freckle as your eyes move down his arms; his hands grab his waistband and pull, and his cock bounces out, bigger than anything you’ve taken before, and you’re not even sure he’s fully hard yet.

Seungmin laughs at your reaction. “I’m usually a little more subtle…but,” he stops and looks you over, and his voice turns so sweet, “take something off for me. Please.” He’s never this needy, and he doesn’t usually move so fast, but he’s aching for it. Nine days of teasing him was far too long. “Yeah?,” he purrs as you sit up and slide out of your oversized sweatshirt. “Much better….” He strokes himself as he climbs onto the bed.

As soon as your tank top makes it over your head, and your breasts bounce free, you feel your nipples harden even more. Seungmin groans like a horny teenager. “Good…lie back for me.”

The steadiness of his hands is what you expect from him, though. You know he’s experienced, and you know he wants all the control. He unbuttons your skirt and pulls, leaving you in nothing but your panties—you wore cute ones, the lacy ones, just because. Of course you weren’t expecting to get anything tonight, but you’re so glad you did when you see Seungmin smiling at them…but then he snaps out of his trance.

Fuck, he mumbles and moves back. You watch him hop off the bed, and take another chance to admire his naked body, but he doesn't take long getting into his drawer, grabbing something, and returning to you. The condom is out and on him before you even realize what he was doing, and your panties are gripped and pulled down.

"Open up for me," he coaxes your shy legs apart until he has an eyeful of your throbbing, swollen cunt—good—and his tongue slides hungrily into you, making you gasp. "Soaking wet for me already?" Seungmin looks at you for an answer.

You nod and cautiously run your fingers through his hair, and he leans into it before getting back to work, but he just teases you. Licking and sucking just enough to make your hips move against him for more. You relax and enjoy it while you look around the dark room. The curtains are pulled shut, but you can see a little slice of city through the balcony's sliding door. The built-in shelves in the corner are over flowing with books, records, little trinkets you can't quite make out. There’s a bouquet of fresh purple flowers poking out just enough to see. You reach up and slide your hand across a silky pillow, and your fngers close around it.

"Oh…right there," you whine and take another fistful of hair. "Seungmin, god."

He laughs again, takes your words to heart, and doesn't hold back.

Your eyes squeeze shut, and you try hard to keep your body relaxed as he works, but all you want to do is thrust into him, make more fiction…finish…come hard. Seungmin moans and the vibration runs through you.

"Fuck”

He stops, and lifts his mouth off of you completely…

"No…please"

…and he laughs. "Not yet, not yet."

"So mean," you whimper, "why…"

You force your legs closed, but Seungmin doesn't like that. He grabs each knee and spreads you open again, and he slides himself between your thighs until his cock grazes your sensitive clit.

“Relax…” he comes down and bites the skin on your hip.

“I am,” you lie back and look to your left this time; at the desk, the instruments, everything he uses for work. The bedside table is bare except for a lamp, a pair of glasses you’ve never seen him in, and a silver bracelet…it matches the necklace you feel tickling you as he moves his lips up your body. “I am.” Your fingers tangle in his hair as he gets closer and closer to your throat, your neck. He bites down gently, and the pressure as he pushes himself in is so much more than you prepared for. He doesn’t tease—but he does at least take his time. After a few patient movements, he pushes in, and you whine in pain as he moans in pleasure, pulls out, laughs softly as he pushes in. Again and again.

“Fuck, you feel good”

“Slower…slow down,” your own voice echoes in your head, and you don’t feel like you’re all there. But you watched him make your drink, and he didn’t put anything in it. It’s stupid, but maybe it’s just him, and this room.

“Slow down? Oh, I’m hurting you.” He pushes in and stops, “I don’t wanna hurt you, but...you look so good stretched around my cock,” and pulls out carefully, “so wet.”

“You’re not hurting me…”

“I am”

It takes so much restraint, but Seungmin listens to you, and he’s patient as he pumps in and out. Every few strokes, he moves a little faster, and he knows he finally finds a good pace when you whine for him and squeeze his arms.

“Yeah, you like that?” He whispers and you nod, “you take it so well, fuck.”

His gentle affirmations keep you wet, and the sound you make together, the mess of arousal dripping out of you as he works—Seungmin pushes your thighs apart and takes in every little detail.

It does hurt, and it feels so good at the same time. “Please…”

The soft movements of your breasts distract him, and he takes them in his hands and squeezes. The look on his face is dazed, so full of pleasure. So lost.

“…don’t stop.”

"No." He’s not stopping anytime soon, not when it feels this good. “No, I’m not,” Seungmin speeds up, "I'm gonna break you in two," and slams hard into you, and no, he doesn’t stop, even when you cry out in pain. One hand falls down on your mouth, and the other pushes your shoulder into the bed, making you scream out again, but it’s muffled by his palm.

Your hands jump up and squeezes his forearm, and the other scratches at the hand covering your mouth. You can still breathe through your nose, but just barely. Seungmin doesn’t relax, and he doesn’t let up when you grab his side and dig in. Everything goes numb, but your skin prickles with goosebumps. You’re outside of your body again, looking down at the struggle, and the ceaseless pounding of his hips against yours. Every move he makes knocks even more air out of your lungs. Maybe if he comes, he’ll stop, or at least loosen his hand and let more air into your lungs. Time slows down, and lights pop up in your vision. You’re getting dizzy, and your heart was threatening to explode before he attempted to stifle your moans. Your chest starts to burn as you exhaust yourself.

There’s nothing you can do. Seungmin is stronger than he looks. Fingers squeeze into his arms one last time before the feeling disappears, and you think he finishes just as you let the rest of your body relax. Sleeping, that’s what this feels like. Falling asleep…feeling so tired you can’t possibly keep your eyes open any longer. Something in you needs to say his name one last time when the pressure of his hand is finally gone, but so are you.

/ / /

Seungmin can barely hold his body up, because he can’t remember the last time sex felt that good; the last time he came so hard. It takes a moment for enough blood to return to his brain, and for the post-orgasm bliss to subside enough that he can speak, but when he does, he finally realizes how silent you are.

“Hey, sweetheart…look at me,” he runs a soft thumb across your brow, and wipes away a stray tear running down your temple. Seungmin freezes, and the air catches in his throat. “Open your eyes,” he whispers, taps your pink cheek, and caresses it with a softness he isn’t used to giving out. Nothing happens. He pulls at your chin until your lips part to listen for the movement of air. Still nothing. “Fuck.” The shakiness of his voice surprises him. He climbs off of you and collapses onto his pillows, but his eyes don’t leave your still body. “I didn’t. You fucking idiot, you didn’t…” he’s up again and walking on unsteady legs, still weak from the exertion. Back in his sweatpants, Seungmin climbs onto the bed again and straddles your waist. Your cheeks are still flushed, and your lips, also still very alive looking, stay ever so slightly parted. Still, no air passes through them. He knows his own strength, and he prides himself on his control, but sometimes he does lose himself in the moment. But he kept his hands away from your neck. He very specifically forced that on himself, because this wasn’t the plan tonight.

“Hey,” he moves a piece of hair away from your damp forehead, places his lips against yours for the very first time, and he fills your lungs with air. Once…twice. Nothing. He tries one more time, and after, kisses you softly before returning to his spot on his pillows. The puppy plush falls onto his lap, and he grabs it, “you see that, Daengmo?” he says, and points its face toward you, “I still can’t do anything right.”

The first gasp for air feels like nothing—a useless, struggling breath like you’re still trapped underwater, but your eyes somehow open and see nothing but a blue tinted darkness. Hands clench something soft and slick…silky. Still corporeal after death, that’s the only thought you can create. The second breath fills your lungs and you cough it out, hard. So hard you sit up, and he’s there, holding your face, whispering your name. You try to push back, but you don’t think you actually move. Seungmin’s grip tightens on your shoulder, and he lets you fall back on the bed.

“Stay awake for me,” he says.

“No…no, stop”

“I’m not going to hurt you…I promise”

“Seung—” you feel yourself slipping again, and then his hand is on your bare chest, sliding up and down your sternum. It feels good, and you finally feel like you might be alive. “Seungmin?”

“I’m sorry”

And then you’re truly awake. The memory hits you suddenly—the hand caressing you is the same one that was clamped across your mouth. The other pinned you down onto the bed, and you can feel the sore spot where it's going to bruise. You somehow find the strength to move your arms and pull yourself away, but the burning of your thighs, and the leftover pain from the sex makes you shake and collapse.

Seungmin watches quietly as you scramble back up and gather your discarded clothes.

“You need to lay down. Please, get under the covers and get warm.” He finds your sweater, and holds it hostage. “I know I scared you, I'm—"

“Scared me?” Somehow, you manage to find and slip back into your underwear and tank top, but your skirt is nowhere. Why are you even looking for your clothes? You should have been up and running for the door, but your mind is nothing but static.

“No…I mean, what just happened is not what I intended. I lost myself.”

Finally, you go for the door, clothes or no clothes but it’s, unsurprisingly, locked. That’s an unbreakable habit of Seungmin’s. “Please let me go…please.” As much as you want to cry, nothing happens—but your throat tightens and it’s hard to breathe again, so you do the only thing you have left in you—collapse onto the floor and wait. "This can't be happening, not to me...no, everything felt right," you say to yourself, to the door. “Didn’t it?”

“I can't let you leave, I'm sorry.” He hears himself speak so softly, and it sounds as if it's coming from someone else, from somewhere else…not him. “You shouldn’t even be here right now. What’s wrong with me?” He mumbles the last part to himself, but it comes out louder than he intends.

You stare wide-eyed at nothing, forehead against the door, breathing deeply as you do everything you can to not have a full-blown panic attack. The adrenaline is quickly running out. But you hear the rustle of blankets and sheets, and then you sense him getting closer. His fingers close around your shoulders, very cautiously, and he pulls you against his chest.

“I’m going to pick you up, okay? And then I’m going to take you to the bed. That's all."

If there’s something you can do to save yourself, you can’t seem to think of it, so you give in and let him put his arms around you. And he does exactly what he says—places you gently in the spot he prepared a moment ago, and then pulls the blankets over you. He moves back a little bit, and stares. The strong, sweet scent of him is all around you now, but you manage to keep your eyes closed and off of him.

“I’ll be right back, I’ll get you some water”

They remain closed until you hear the lock, the door, and then him locking it again from the outside. He won’t be gone long. You’re up and scanning the floor again, trying to remember if you had your phone in your pocket. No…you left it on the bar, right next to your empty glass. The balcony…you have no clue what you expect to find out here, but you go out and look left, and then right. And then 25 stories down. The closet. It's spacious and neat; tshirts, jackets, shoes. The black and white windbreaker he was wearing when you first met him briefly catches your eye, but you close it quietly and head for his bedside table. You heard him slide the drawer open and shut right before he walked out. Maybe there's something in there.

“Oh…” The inside of it is neat and organized, just like everything else, so you get to see exactly what’s in there with one quick glance: a small knife, concealed in a black sheath, a few small syringes pre-filled with a milky liquid, handcuffs, nylon rope, a gag…"what the fuck"…lubrication, and several more condoms. “This can’t be happening.” A moment later, the lock clicks again, and without thinking, you grab the knife, quietly close the drawer, and climb back under the covers.

There's a bottle of water under his arm, and a mug in his hand. "I am going to drink some of this so you know I didn't put anything in it…and then I would like you to finish it," He takes a long sip before handing it to you, "The water bottle is unopened, don't worry."

Something is different about him. As soon as you woke up, something felt not quite the same. Even his voice, which was so serious, and a little bit solemn before, seems lighter and higher. You stare into the mug and take a deep breath, smelling the chamomile, the spearmint, and the orange. Seungmin finished nearly half of it.

"I'll take another drink," he holds his hand out for it.

"No…" you sip it very cautiously, and then take a longer drink. The taste and the warmth does help, and you finally take a full, deep breath. Seungmin rounds the bed as you sip, and you watch him carefully. If he opens that drawer again, he'll know you have the knife…and unlucky for you, that's exactly what he does. Maybe he heard you. Maybe he can just read it on you.

But he's quiet as he looks, and his expression doesn't change. He just closes it again and sits at the edge of the bed, naked back facing you. You find yourself admiring him again…his neck, his shoulders…stupid. He slides back and relaxes against the pillows, but he keeps a good distance. The bed is big enough for that.

"You have my knife?"

The way he asks isn't accusing. It isn't threatening. It isn't even rude. He asks as if it's just the next part of the conversation. When you don't answer, you see him nod his head from the corner of your eye.

"If it makes you feel safer, you can hold onto it. If you want to use it, I probably won't try to stop you."

"How long are you going to keep me locked in here?"

"I'm not going to let you go home alone in your state, not this late. You can leave in the morning."

"You're lying"

Seungmin sighs and turns on his side, and he looks at you—you look at him directly for the first time since coming back, but you're both silent. Just like his voice, his gaze is softer, and less intense. It’s also full of confusion, like he doesn’t know what to make of you; as if he’s wondering why you’re in his bed right now. His eyes start to close. At the same time, your eyes grow heavy, and it feels just like before. It feels like you can't possibly win against the sleep, and your thoughts wander as you drift; now you'll die, no more waking up.

The sun coming in through the balcony window warms the room. The light slices the bed right in half, and when you open your eyes, the first thing you see is his sleep tangled body—the legs of his sweatpants are pushed up almost to his knees, and his skin glows in the sunlight. He's sound asleep on his stomach for a few more moments, but then he mumbles something that you can't quite make out. A groan, but it's not a good groan. It isn't until right this second that you remember the situation you somehow ended up in. Locked in with him…whatever he is…a murderer? The drawer screams experience, and that experience screams serial killer, but last night didn't seem like an experienced killer. You suppose not every time can be perfect.

What are you even thinking? You pull the covers away and move to sit up, and it's then that you feel the knife, still tucked safely beneath the pillow. So Seungmin didn't sneak over as you slept to retrieve it, because you assume he actually did put something in your tea—something he himself also drank. Both of you fell asleep together, and now you have to wait for him to wake, and hope he meant what he said a few hours ago. No, you idiot. Where did he put the key? It's probably in the pocket of his sweatpants, so you move closer to him as carefully and as quietly as possible.

He doesn't stir. You stare down at his sleeping face as you slip your fingers into his pocket, and again, you admire him—the lips you never got to kiss, soft and pouty. His cheeks, his nose, all perfect and screaming to be touched. Seungmin must hear your thoughts, because his eyes open to you, and his hand clamps down on your wrist. Ice runs through your veins and your stomach drops, but instead of pulling away and retreating to the other side of the bed, you lean forward and press your lips to his, because…you don't know why. But Seungmin kisses back, and he means it—every nibble and lick, every soft moan coming from deep in his chest. You return the intensity, and something about his kiss feels good, but still…

“Oh…right,” Seungmin licks his lip and keeps his chin high, because he knows exactly how sharp his knife is. It grazes his throat, and your shaking hand doesn’t do much to relax him. “How could I forget?”

“Where’s the key?”

“I told you I’d let you leave, I meant it”

“Give me the key.” Now, of course, you can cry. Tears stream down your cheeks, and your hand shakes even more.

“Okay…okay,” he digs in the pocket you were going for, pulls out a leather keychain, and one gold key hangs from it. “Please don’t cry.”

You snatch it, but keep the knife against him until you’re too far away to reach. He doesn’t get up when you do. He doesn’t move when you grab the clothes you finally find on the floor, try the key, and sigh with relief when it works. It’s possible that he finally moves when the door shuts behind you, but you’re dressed and gone before you have a chance to find out.

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