#skank!Kurt

[klaineccfanficlibrary]

i cant find a fic or remember the name of it so if you can please help!

i think blaine was new and kurt was a skank, they had to work together in french and kurt kept calling blaine bow tie but in french. idk if i’m mixing fics up now but i’m pretty sure mercedes and kurt were friends before whatever happened that made kurt become a skank and blaine helped mercedes become friends with kurt again and the three of them would have lunch in some secret hideout kurt found. sorry everything i can remember is quite random, hopefully someone’s knows what fic im on about. thank you!

I can't find a fic with this particular premise, perhaps someone can identify it? In the meantime theres's hundreds of skank!KurtHummell on Ao3 and have a look at our skank!Kurt tab. ~Jen

[cerriddwenluna]

It's just past 4am, and I've just finished writing a oneshot that I had no intention of writing, or even an idea for 5 hours ago.

Tomorrow's gonna be rough, but I haven't wanted to write anything in months so I don't actually care =D

[porcelainvino]

glescendants ✨

(dedicated to @hevanderson and based off his descendants au with queen of hearts kid kurt x rapunzel kid blaine)

[angelhummel]

there were too many awful suggestions to include them all but it's done!!! terrible job everyone <3

[klaineccfanficlibrary]

Heyo! I’ve been looking for a fic and it’s driving me crazy. This is what I remember: it’s skank!kurt and anderberry siblings. I think Blaine and Rachel had just transferred to McKinley. Kurt and Blaine slept together at a party and Blaine ended up pregnant. Kurt as rainbow hair and they do end up together. Any help would be great!!!!

I found this in a search - could it be the one? ~Jen

Two steps back by warblerslushie

Blaine Anderson-Berry hasn't had the easiest life - what with being orphaned as a baby and having the crap kicked out of him as a teenager. However, in order to succeed and be happy, he strives to take a step forward whenever he can. Of course, life has its curve balls and sometimes you end up taking TWO steps back instead. Featuring: Anderberry siblings! Skank!Kurt. MPREG AU.

[angelsdean]

The stuff Sam says to Madison regarding her abusive ex is pretty vile and it's made even more gross by the fact that it's clearly written with the intended perspective being that Sam is just such a Good Guy but like he's basically saying abuse only happens to Certain Types of people and that Madison seems too good to end up with a shitty guy.

SAM [smiles, nods]: Okay, um… well, you’re – you're clearly smart. I mean, your house is full, is full of great books, you know? And you’re independent ... MADISON: Uh-huh. SAM: What were you doing with Kurt? [...] MADISON: [...] You wanna know why I stayed with him? Really? [He nods.] I was too insecure to leave. SAM: I find that hard to believe. I mean, you don’t really seem like the type.

.....he's literally like, "you're so smart and independent (and exactly MY type -- she has a house full of great books ! ) and smart independent people don't end up with abusive partners. This would only happen to uneducated insecure idiots and you don't seem the type (you're a hot girl after all)."

like literally wtf ?? anyone can become the victim of abuse. And as Madison literally tells Sam, it's not like abusers simply "introduce [themselves], like, 'Hi, I’m possessive and controlling and I like to punch people. Wanna be my girlfriend?'" And Sam literally just laughs this off and then says, "Yeah, well, I guess we all make mistakes." As if it was just an oopsie blunder on Madison's part. Like ????

Anyways if we wanna talk actual "normalized early 2000s casual misogyny" it's more this shit that's actually harmful than the writers making them say shit like "bitch" and "skank" at demons in the early seasons. (Which, for people who care about that stuff and like to act like it's only a "Dean Crime" and not a symptom of early 2000s television, Sam literally calls a woman a bitch while he's watching a soap opera with Madison in this very scene).

[fool-counter]

September first, 1989, dear diary...

I believe I'm a good person

You know, I think there's good in everyone, but here we are first day of senior year

I look around at these kids I've known all my life and

I ask myself: What happened?

(Freak! Slut! Burnout! Bug-Eyes! Poser! Lard Ass!)

We were so tiny, happy and shiny, playing tag and getting chased

(Freak! Slut! Loser! Sh—s!)

Singing and clapping

Laughing and napping

Baking cookies, eating paste

(Bull-d—! Stuck-up! Hunchback!)

Then we got bigger

That was the trigger

Like the Huns invading Rome

Sorry!

Welcome to my school

This ain't no high school

This is the Thunderdome

Hold your breath

And count the days

We're graduating soon

(White trash!)

College will be paradise

If I'm not dead by June!

But I know, I know, life can be beautiful

I pray, I pray for a better way

If we changed back then

We could change again

We can be beautiful

Ow!

Just not today

Hey, are you okay?

Get away, nerd

(Freak! Slut! Cr—le! Homo! Homo! Homo!)

Things will get better

Soon as my letter

Comes from Yale, or Duke, or Brown

Awake from this coma

Take my diploma

Then I can blow this town

Dream of ivy-covered walls

And smoky French cafes

(Watch it!)

Fight the urge to strike a match and send this dump ablaze!

Ooops

Ram Sweeney, third year as linebacker

And eighth year of smacking lunch trays and being a huge dick!

What did you say to me skank?

Aaah, nothing!

But I know, I know, I know

Life can be beautiful

I pray, I pray

For a better way

We were kind before

We can be kind once more

We can be beautiful

Ah! Hey Martha

Hey

Martha Dumpstock

My best friend since diapers

Are we on for movie night?

Yeah, you're on Jiffy Pop detail

I rented The Princess Bride

Hohoho, again? Wait, don't you have it memorized right now?

What can I say? I'm a sucker for a happy ending

Martha Dumptruck! Wide load!

Kurt Kelly, quarterback, will receive a full scholarship from the University of "dude let's get wasted and light our farts on fire" he is the smartest guy on the football team

Which is kind of like being the tallest dwarf

Hey! Pick that up right now!

I'm sorry, are you actually talking to me?

Yes, I am, I wanna know what gives you the right to pick on my friend?

You're a high school has-been waiting to happen, a future gas station attendant

You got a zit right there

Dear Diary

(Why~)

Why do they hate me?

Why don't I fight back?

Why do I act like such a creep?

(Why~)

Why won't he date me?

Why did I hit him?

Why do I cry myself to sleep?

(Why~!)

Students

Somebody hug me!

Somebody fix me!

Somebody save me!

Send me a sign, God!

Give me some hope here!

Something to live for!

Ah! Heather, Heather, and Heather!

And then there's the Heathers, they float above it all

I love Heather, Heather, and Heather

Heather McNamara, head cheerleader, her dad is loaded, he sells engagement rings

I hate Heather, Heather, and Heather!

Heather Duke, runs the yearbook, no discernible personality,

But her mom did pay for implants

I want Heather, Heather, and Heather!

And Heather Chandler, the almighty

She is a mythic bitch

They are solid Teflon

Never bothered, never harassed

I would give anything to be like that

I'd like to be their boyfriend

That would be beautiful!

If I sat at their table, guys would notice me

So beautiful!

I'd like them to be nicer

That would be beautiful!

I'd like to kidnap a Heather and photograph her naked in an abandoned warehouse

And leave her tied up for the rats!

....That's not so beautiful!

Grow up, Heather, bulimia is so '87

Maybe you should see a doctor, Heather

Yeah, Heather, maybe I should

Ah, Heather and Heather and Heather

Perhaps you didn't hear the bell over all the vomiting

You're late for class

Heather wasn't feeling well, we're helping her

Not without a hall pass you're not. Week's detention

Actually, Miss Fleming, all four of us are out on a hall pass

Yearbook committee

I see you're all listed

Hurry up and get where you're going

This is an excellent forgery

Who are you?

Veronica Sawyer

I crave a boon

What boon?

Hm, let me sit at your table at lunch

Just once

No talking necessary

If people think you guys tolerate me, they'll leave me alone

Before you answer, I also do report cards, permission slips and absence notes

How about prescriptions?

Shut up, Heather

Yeah! Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast, Heather?

Sorry, Heather

For a greasy little nobody, you do have good bone structure

And a symmetrical face

If I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull I'd have matching halves

That's very important

Of course, you could stand to lose a few pounds

And you know, you know, you know?

This could be beautiful

Mascara, maybe some lip gloss

And we're on our way

Get this girl some blush

And Heather, I need your brush

Let's make her beautiful

Let's make her beautiful

Let's make her beautiful

Make her beautiful

Okay?

Okay!

Out of my way geek!

I don't want trouble

You're gonna die at 3PM!

Don't you dare touch me! Get away, pervert!

What'd I ever do to them?

Who could survive this?

I can't escape this!

I think I'm dying!

Who's that with Heather?

Whoa. Heather, Heather, Heather

And someone!

Heather, Heather, Heather

And a babe!

Heather, Heather, Heather

Veronica?!

Veronica, Veronica, Veronica

And you know

You know, you know

Life can be beautiful

You hope, you dream, you pray

And you get your way!

Ask me how it feels

Wearin' these rad ass heels!

My God, it's beautiful!

I might be beautiful

And when you're beautiful

It's a beautiful frickin' day!

Heather! Heather! Heather! Veronica!

Heather! Heather! Heather! Veronica! Veronica! Veronica! Veronica!

September first, 1989, dear diary...

I believe I'm a good person

You know, I think there's good in everyone, but here we are first day of senior year

I look around at these kids I've known all my life and

I ask myself: What happened?

(Freak! Slut! Burnout! Bug-Eyes! Poser! Lard Ass!)

We were so tiny, happy and shiny, playing tag and getting chased

(Freak! Slut! Loser! Sh—s!)

Singing and clapping

Laughing and napping

Baking cookies, eating paste

(Bull-d—! Stuck-up! Hunchback!)

Then we got bigger

That was the trigger

Like the Huns invading Rome

Sorry!

Welcome to my school

This ain't no high school

This is the Thunderdome

Hold your breath

And count the days

We're graduating soon

(White trash!)

College will be paradise

If I'm not dead by June!

But I know, I know, life can be beautiful

I pray, I pray for a better way

If we changed back then

We could change again

We can be beautiful

Ow!

Just not today

Hey, are you okay?

Get away, nerd

(Freak! Slut! Cr—le! Homo! Homo! Homo!)

Things will get better

Soon as my letter

Comes from Yale, or Duke, or Brown

Awake from this coma

Take my diploma

Then I can blow this town

Dream of ivy-covered walls

And smoky French cafes

(Watch it!)

Fight the urge to strike a match and send this dump ablaze!

Ooops

Ram Sweeney, third year as linebacker

And eighth year of smacking lunch trays and being a huge dick!

What did you say to me skank?

Aaah, nothing!

But I know, I know, I know

Life can be beautiful

I pray, I pray

For a better way

We were kind before

We can be kind once more

We can be beautiful

Ah! Hey Martha

Hey

Martha Dumpstock

My best friend since diapers

Are we on for movie night?

Yeah, you're on Jiffy Pop detail

I rented The Princess Bride

Hohoho, again? Wait, don't you have it memorized right now?

What can I say? I'm a sucker for a happy ending

Martha Dumptruck! Wide load!

Kurt Kelly, quarterback, will receive a full scholarship from the University of "dude let's get wasted and light our farts on fire" he is the smartest guy on the football team

Which is kind of like being the tallest dwarf

Hey! Pick that up right now!

I'm sorry, are you actually talking to me?

Yes, I am, I wanna know what gives you the right to pick on my friend?

You're a high school has-been waiting to happen, a future gas station attendant

You got a zit right there

Dear Diary

(Why~)

Why do they hate me?

Why don't I fight back?

Why do I act like such a creep?

(Why~)

Why won't he date me?

Why did I hit him?

Why do I cry myself to sleep?

(Why~!)

Students

Somebody hug me!

Somebody fix me!

Somebody save me!

Send me a sign, God!

Give me some hope here!

Something to live for!

Ah! Heather, Heather, and Heather!

And then there's the Heathers, they float above it all

I love Heather, Heather, and Heather

Heather McNamara, head cheerleader, her dad is loaded, he sells engagement rings

I hate Heather, Heather, and Heather!

Heather Duke, runs the yearbook, no discernible personality,

But her mom did pay for implants

I want Heather, Heather, and Heather!

And Heather Chandler, the almighty

She is a mythic bitch

They are solid Teflon

Never bothered, never harassed

I would give anything to be like that

I'd like to be their boyfriend

That would be beautiful!

If I sat at their table, guys would notice me

So beautiful!

I'd like them to be nicer

That would be beautiful!

I'd like to kidnap a Heather and photograph her naked in an abandoned warehouse

And leave her tied up for the rats!

....That's not so beautiful!

Grow up, Heather, bulimia is so '87

Maybe you should see a doctor, Heather

Yeah, Heather, maybe I should

Ah, Heather and Heather and Heather

Perhaps you didn't hear the bell over all the vomiting

You're late for class

Heather wasn't feeling well, we're helping her

Not without a hall pass you're not. Week's detention

Actually, Miss Fleming, all four of us are out on a hall pass

Yearbook committee

I see you're all listed

Hurry up and get where you're going

This is an excellent forgery

Who are you?

Veronica Sawyer

I crave a boon

What boon?

Hm, let me sit at your table at lunch

Just once

No talking necessary

If people think you guys tolerate me, they'll leave me alone

Before you answer, I also do report cards, permission slips and absence notes

How about prescriptions?

Shut up, Heather

Yeah! Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast, Heather?

Sorry, Heather

For a greasy little nobody, you do have good bone structure

And a symmetrical face

If I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull I'd have matching halves

That's very important

Of course, you could stand to lose a few pounds

And you know, you know, you know?

This could be beautiful

Mascara, maybe some lip gloss

And we're on our way

Get this girl some blush

And Heather, I need your brush

Let's make her beautiful

Let's make her beautiful

Let's make her beautiful

Make her beautiful

Okay?

Okay!

Out of my way geek!

I don't want trouble

You're gonna die at 3PM!

Don't you dare touch me! Get away, pervert!

What'd I ever do to them?

Who could survive this?

I can't escape this!

I think I'm dying!

Who's that with Heather?

Whoa. Heather, Heather, Heather

And someone!

Heather, Heather, Heather

And a babe!

Heather, Heather, Heather

Veronica?!

Veronica, Veronica, Veronica

And you know

You know, you know

Life can be beautiful

You hope, you dream, you pray

And you get your way!

Ask me how it feels

Wearin' these rad ass heels!

My God, it's beautiful!

I might be beautiful

And when you're beautiful

It's a beautiful frickin' day!

Heather! Heather! Heather! Veronica!

Heather! Heather! Heather! Veronica! Veronica! Veronica! Veronica!

fool count: 36

beautiful... beautifool... it all starts to blend together after a while...

[porcelainvino]

we are not immune to a silly little opposites au comic!!!

[angelhummel]

hey i'm filling my queue back up for my screencap blog @jauntilyplacedcaps so if anyone wants to make some requests i'm all ears! can request here or on that blog (or just comment on this post idc) can be for a character, ship, episode, song, whatever you want just lmk!

[jamesbutnotreally]

For the ask game: 002--Santana, Quinn

Santana

How I feel about this character: I really love her. She was a bitch but she was going through so much I can understand where she comes from and I love how much of a great friend and a person she became.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: brit, rachel, mercedes

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Furtana forever

My unpopular opinion about this character: I have the same opinions on her as the fandom.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: Therapy lmao

my OTP: Brittana ofc

my cross over ship: I don't think I have one sorry.

a headcanon fact: she's a light sleeper, does stand-up comedy on the weekends, even though she's in nyc and brit is in ohio she texts literally everything that happens in her day like she sees a cool bug and texts brit the pic or kurt makes a funny comment on a random stranger and she tells brit etc. , she hugs the dolphin plushie brit gave her when she misses her.

Quinn

How I feel about this character: I don't really feel as strongly towards her as most people do. I like her. She has had great character development.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: rachel, tina, mercedes

My non-romantic OTP for this character: fuinn, kuinn, quinncedes (mostly friends but i do think they dated for a bit)

My unpopular opinion about this character: Probably not being in love with her lmaoo I hate her s3 stoeyline and it felt kind of uncharacteristic for her after all that she has been through but idk if that's an unpopular opinion. at least we got skank quinn amen

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: Lesbian quinn ofc.

my OTP: i don't have strong opinions on this one both quinntina and faberry works for me.

my cross over ship: Hmm never really thought of this before. But annie edison might be cute with her.

a headcanon fact: i don't really think about her that much lol sorry but i think something similar to this interraction happened between sam & quinn

q: do you think it's gay if i think this girl is hot and want to kiss her

s: what? no, everyone feels that way about same gender sometimes. sometime a bro is so majestically marbled you just wanna suck them off as a "good job for that hot bod bro"

q: what

s: what

send me character or ship asks!

[daisyishedwig]

I was tagged by @bitbybitwrites, so here are some of my current WIPs to ask me about if you like.

Partially Published WIPs

(Sebklaine) A Place to Call Home - In a matter of days Blaine's whole world falls apart and everything he does to try and stay afloat only seems to make matters worse. A call to Sebastian Smythe is his last resort, and maybe the one that actually starts to make things better.

(Seblaine) when you hold me, it holds me together - When Sebastian's father finds out about the Skank persona he puts on when not at home, he takes it as a personal insult against the Smythe name. Blaine is forced to take Sebastian to the last place he wants to be, to get him help in the aftermath - the Hudmel house. Sebastian finally gets to meet Kurt and starts to get answers about Blaine, and the past he's running away from.

(Seblaine) like it hasn't been forever - When Blaine starts hanging out at Sebastian's favorite coffee shop, Sebastian worries about a confrontation brewing between the two of them. He doesn't expect a very lonely Blaine to be the one to rekindle their friendship or the consequences that will come when the connection between them shows it never faded, and Kurt is hundreds of miles from Ohio.

(Klaine) I will give the world to you - Last New Year's Eve, Kurt Hummel was living in Brooklyn with his husband and teenage son. This year, he's in Ohio, widowed, and struggling to keep afloat with the weight of being a single parent. But when Sam invites him to a New Year's party at Blaine Anderson's house, he might just see a haven in the storm.

(Seblaine) still look like mine - Blaine and Sebastian broke up nearly two years ago. But for whatever reason they can’t seem to stay apart for long, continuously falling back into each other's beds, no matter how risky they know it to be for their hearts.

(Seblaine) Most Things In Between - When Blaine Anderson is given the option between spending his senior year in a juvenile detention center or at Dalton Academy for Troubled Boys, he chooses the latter but expects to end up in juvie within a month. He certainly doesn’t expect to find something at Daton that makes him want to stay.

Unpublished WIPs

(Hevans) will you still like me in a hundred years (working title) - Season 2 AU where Sam is actually queer and realizes it because of how much he likes being around Kurt. Kurt and Blaine meet, Kurt doesn't transfer to Dalton, but Blaine still ends up falling for him and pining.

(Klaine) throw my heart overboard - A sequel to will you still like me in a hundred years , set during the summer between seasons 2 and 3. Kurt and Sam break up due to the long distance and the uncertainty as to whether he'll ever move back to Lima. Kurt and Blaine end up in a messy Summer fling, Kurt not ready for a new relationship and Blaine just desperate to be with Kurt in any way that he can.

(Seblaine, Hevans) i would take the mess you leave - A sequel to will you still like me in a hundred years and throw my heart overboard, set during season 3. Kurt and Blaine breakup when Blaine starts talking about transferring to McKinley to be with him and Kurt realizes Blaine's heart is far more invested in this relationship than he is. While Blaine is still licking his wounds and in need of a distraction, Sebastian Smythe transfers to Dalton, and doesn't need any persuasion to fill that need. Feelings deepen quickly between the two, but neither is prepared to deal with what it means for their casual relationship. When Sam transfers back, he expects Kurt to immediately take him back, but Kurt is still wary of what will happen when he moves to New York after graduation and Sam is still in Ohio.

(Seblaine) - i can change my name OR Mr. Smythe (working titles) - A Mrs. Winterbourne AU. Blaine Anderson boards a train to Boston not entirely sure what he’s going to do once he gets there. All he knows is that he has less than a thousand dollars in his bank account, his two month old nephew in a carrier, and the sound of his father’s voice telling him not to come home. On the train he meets Barry and Devon Smythe, a newlywed couple returning to the states with their recently adopted child to meet Barry’s family for the first time. But when the train crashes and Blaine awakes in the hospital to find out that he and his nephew have been mistaken for Devon Smythe and his child, he gets sucked into a whirlwind of lies trying to do what’s best by the child he doesn’t have the money to raise and Barry’s grieving family. But Barry’s twin brother Sebastian doesn’t trust that Blaine is really who he says he is, he just doesn’t know how to prove it.

Oh boy I'm not sure who to tag. Let's say @kurtsascot, @annepi-blog, @lusthurts, @imogenlefay, @wowbright, @missmannu, @backslashdelta, @cryscendo and anyone else who wants to participate

[rustbeltjessie]

You Might Be An Xennial If...

you don't even (whatever whatever what-ever) care that you'll never recover from the recession

Empire Records was your favorite film & like, who needs a job with a decent paycheck & benefits when you can be a tattooed gum-chewing freak forever?

damn the man!

you remember dial-up modems, AOL chat rooms, web page guestbooks

you ever made mix tapes (& later made the transition to mix CDs but some long nights you long for those days spent pressing record & play.)

you grew up playing Oregon Trail & part of you can't help but think your demise will arrive like death did in that game, driving an 8bit Conestoga, telling you: you have died of cholera, you have died of dysentery.

you have died of exhaustion.

no one wants to claim you once you were a Gen-Xer but they kicked you out & you know you're not a Millenial cuz, like, you still use soap & napkins & drink beer, & go to Applebee's once or twice a year.

New Kids on the Block was your boy band & you came of age during the heyday of third-wave ska, learned to skank at summer camp after a few sweaty rounds of spin-the-bottle & from them on got sorta turned on every time you heard

pick it up! pick it up! pick it up!

you wonder at the ways of the younger generations, so many of them eschew sex & cars, but back in your day, there was no greater insult than you're a virgin who can't drive

you heard a lot of whispered innuendo when Clinton was prez, adults snickering about what happened under that table when they thought you weren't listening like you didn't know what a blowjob was? like you'd never been asked

spit or swallow?

you gave your first blowjob at twelve bestowed the back of your throat to an older boy hoping he'd splatter his coolness back onto you; twelve was the age you developed a taste for several oral fixations—cocks & tongues, joints & cigarettes

you had a lot of firsts at twelve, like, that was the year you wrote your first zine, the year you first tried suicide, yeah there were enough things making you feel so shitty you wanted to die, even when you were twelve

the year punk broke (your heart)

you were too young to see most of the cool '90s bands live, but old enough to be devastated when their lead singers killed themselves or o.d.'d—you had your first cigarette the day Kurt died, stood huddled in mourning

outside your school with all the other weirdos with their black clothes & nicotine haloes, someone passed a cigarette to you & you smoked it while a boy you knew bloodied his knuckles on the brick wall while muttering fuck you fuck you fuck you & the world was ending

Y2K was your armageddon, you were eighteen, so full of whitehot fury you wanted to see the world all burning skies & shattering glass, but nothing happened so you shot up & passed out in your boyfriend's bed

the world has been ending ever since you were born, & you spent so many years trying to end your life in both direct & oblique ways, you never thought you'd live past twenty-one, & maybe what really defines your generation

is that self-destructive impulse, cuz your heroes were suicidal rockstars & you grew up aware of chemical warfare & species extinction & your own downward mobility & your older siblings raised you on the gospel of Gen X slackerdom, so, like, whenever an adult asked what you were going to do with your lives you responded in unison

planning for the future? ugh, as if!

—Jessie Lynn McMains, from forget the fuck away from me (Bone & Ink Press, 2019)

[klaineccfanficlibrary]

do you know any fics where kurt calls blaine “bowtie” as a nickname ?

Hi - I can't recall if there is a fic - can anyone help? ~ Jen

~~~~~

ETA: Thank you so much, @jbpencilcase for finding the fic! I knew I recognized it but could not find it. Here ya go, anon! ~Lynne

Coming Through by ungoodpirate

“He’s not a bad person. He just likes people to think he is.”

All Blaine wanted to do was brave public school again after traumatic events in his past. He didn’t expect to be magnetically pulled into Kurt Hummel’s life, a boy decorated with pink hair and dark rumors. This is a story of two boys dealing with similar pasts in dissimilar ways, and finding the means to pull back their protective layers in order to open up to each other, to life, and to love.

Skank Kurt with canon Blaine.

[faberrypolls]

Suggested by @hintatake

[arizonaaaaaa]

Glee cast sings Born This Way by Lady Gaga

Marry the Night sung by Elliot ‘Starchild’ Gilbert in “A Katy or a Gaga”

-I’ll say it right away, I think this cover is better than the original, I’m not ashamed to say it, maybe just a bit, Elliot’s version of the song is just so good you can’t love, would be better if he was in drag but that was too woke for Ryan Murphy

Born This Way sung by Kurt, Mercedes and Tina in “Born This Way”

-this is one isn’t better than the original but it’s also very good, I couldn’t imagine someone other than Kurt to say the little monologue at the start, Mercedes and Tina also kill in this song, however I’m still pissed they cut the “no matter gay, straight or bi, lesbian, transgender life” from the episode when Kurt just came back and Santana is dealing with her sexuality, it just fits so much, I also don’t like the shirts, I’d do something like Wanna be Startin’ Something and have all of them dance while wearing a Gaga outfit

Government Hooker sung by Puck and Rachel in “The First Time”

-I imagine this as Rachel trying to prove to Artie that she can be sexy while being a virgin, she would ask Puck to help, and while he does great with his bad boy charm she would once again rock the “sad clown hooker” look, I’m not sure if Puck could do a Dutch accent but it’s worth to try

Judas sung by Joe Hart in season 4

-two words, Kitty Wilde, Joe had no storylines this season, and if I’m being honest I think they were trying to push a romance between these two before deciding to create that random romance between Kitty and Artie, either way it could be interesting seeing Joe singing this, as if “Judas” was tempting him into sinning, and I mean, what is Kitty if not a little satanic version of Quinn Fabray?

Americano sung by Cassandra July in “The New Rachel”

-I don’t like this mash-up🫣, I would either stick with Americano or Dance Again, since this is a Gaga post that’s what I’m sticking with, it’s not all that spectacular but it gets the job done, Santana could do the song justice but I rather not have the only Latina sing this

Hair sung by Quinn Fabray in “The Purple Piano Project”

-Skank!Quinn deserved a song! This song feels almost like a coming out scene, making a connection between hair and freedom, since it’s the only body part we can change without judgment, guess what happens with Quinn’s hair this season

Scheiße sung by Brittany, Quinn and Santana

-honestly I just want Quinn and Santana singing a feminist anthem, their voices would work a lot, and it kind of matches their season 4 selves, just throw Brittany singing the “German” parts and there, you have an amazing trio

Bloody Mary sung by Tina Cohen-Chang in “The Sue Sylvester Shuffle”

-this would be PEAK goth Tina, she and the girls would be in their zombie make up on stage teaching the glee guys and the football players how to be scary and zombie-y, Mr Schue and the gluys would hype them up while the football guys would be confused and a little scared, Tina was really robbed of solos on the show and I think she deserved this one since her only actual solo in season 2 was cut less than halfway through

Black Jesus † Amen Fashion sung by Mercedes and Quinn

-this was hard to choose, but after analyzing the lyrics as well as the background of the song I think these two would fit quite well, Black Jesus represent a different view on both religion and life in general, which for me fits Quinn’s character, while Amen Fashion represent how easy it is to change just like your fashion, which after thinking really represents Mercedes personality change from season 3 to 4, she obviously became more mature and a better friend for me, they’re also Christian which was another reason to assign them this song

Bad Kids sung by Noah ‘Puck’ Puckerman in season 3

-this song is very Puck coded, especially his “Lima loser era”, the song starts with a heavy guitar solo but the guitar is barely used after that, if Puck would sing it, I would make the song way more rock n’ roll to fit his vibe during the end of the season, also the song is about embracing yourself for however you are, and I guess Puck would embrace his bad kid side

Fashion of His Love sung by Mercedes Jones in season 5

-this song was made for Mercedes Jones in her adult phase, being a tribute to Alexander McQueen and Whitney Houston, it fuses elements from McQueen’s fashion, Whitney’s inspired beats and several references to religion and god, this had so much potential on being a church choir song

Highway Unicorn (Road to Love) sung by Brittany and Kurt in “I am Unicorn”

-I was actually dumbfounded when this song wasn’t featured at all in the episode, like, the episode is named after unicorns what do you mean, this could be one instance where a character just starts singing, which would be Brittany and another one joins in after being confused with the sudden singing, which would be Kurt

Heavy Metal Lover sung by Kitty Wilde in season 4

-this would be the song Kitty would choose to confess her love for Ryder, which would be actually very funny since this song is so kinky and bdsm-y and Ryder is objectively the most vanilla guy ever, I can totally picture him being all 😃 during the whole song, sadly for Kitty, Ryder doesn’t reciprocate her feelings

Electric Chapel sung by Elliot and Santana

-I actually don’t have idea for an episode or season where this song would fit, the only reason I chose this two is because I think their voices would fit the song, also because this is my favorite song from Gaga ever, and I think they would do it’s justice

The Queen sung by Marley Rose in “Diva”

-Marley doesn’t sing in the episode at all, she could sing this to show that despite being shy and sweet and kind she can still be a diva, or in this case a queen, also this song may be a tribute to Freddie Mercury and it’s kind of a coincidence since Blaine sings a song by him on the episode

Yoü and I sung by Shelby and Will in “Mash Off”

-I’m not a hater or this mash-up but I am a fan of this song, so no mash-up, Will does sound really good but he sings more of the other You and I so I’d distribute the lines a little more equally between the two, Shelby does a decent job, the song originally talks about a past relationship of Gaga, but I guess lyrics wise it can also be a song of Will wishing the New Directions could be together again, it was never shown but I know he was sad over the girls leaving, they were kind of his daughters, Shelby is just giving support, hate this woman

The Edge of Glory sung by Mercedes, Quinn, Santana and Tina with the Trouble Tones in “Nationals”

-this song was done great, I have no complaints, Santana sing in the start is the best part for me, Quinntina slay their verse and Mercedes does excellent as usual

Bonus: songs that aren’t from the album but are from the same era

Stuck on Fuckin’ You sung by April Rhodes

-this song was written for April omg, that’s literally a song about her admitting her attraction to Will while saying how he is her alcohol and her addiction, and while I’m not a fan of April or her situationship with Will she’s pretty much the only woman that can sing country so she’s an obvious choice, let’s see how many times she appears in Joanne

And that’s it, this was really fun to write, I absolutely love this album, it’s by far my favorite, the next one is ARTPOP, and I’ll admit I didn’t like this album at first, but upon re-listening to it opened my eyes to its perfection, see you next week or so :)