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hyojinrk-archived · 5 years ago

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#5020 — KIM HYOJIN, WITH: #5042 — sohn youngjae ( @ericxrk ) & #5007 — do kyungsoo ( @rkkyungsoo ) & #5032 — lee suwoong ( @rksuwoong ) & #5013 — kim heejin ( @rkheejin )

MGA 5 SEMIFINALS: vixx′s shangri-la — youth over flowers ver.

mentions: @rkcheri, @rkella, @rkwon and a few more!

representative flower: pink hydrangea; outfit

there’s no good way to describe how he feels at that very moment other than absolutely devastated.

it’s okay if they’re not called to be at the very top, hyojin thinks -- no, he dares to think -- but then they start announcing the people at the bottom without even touching the middle. it sends him straight into fear, because there’s an ugly premonition building inside of him, telling him that something was going to go sideways right about now, and he dreads the possibility of them being named. yugyeom, joohyuk, jackson. hansol, jungeun, kenta.

the judges announce their respective eliminations, sending home two out of the six, and hyojin braces himself. there’s no way they would have gotten lower, would they? would they? that’s already six out of ten duos done. all he wants, no, all he needs is for them to be one of those two who hadn’t been named. #4 or #5. #4 or #5, please --

“kim hyojin.”

he loses his breath at that, exhaling sharply without even realizing that he had been breathing in, because that’s his name. that’s his name, and at this very moment, he wished it wasn’t. it feels like a sin to think that when his mother had spent months thinking of what to name him, to carefully put together his name and taking the time to go to a fortune teller to increase his fortuity.

( looks like his luck has run out. )

he’s limp in his seat as they name eric and taeyang as well, unable to meet their gazes. he knows it’s him. he knows, also, that it’s absolutely his fault that they’re there. if he had been a better dancer, or had not been in their trio at all, maybe they would have been at the top. maybe they would have won. instead, he’s getting ready to hear jisub call his name, to tell him that his dancing wasn’t good enough, their stage was impressive and vibrant but he was the only one who didn’t make it so.

instead, he hears a name that isn’t his. it starts with a yoo and ends with a --

“hyung,” he breathes it out weakly, eyes wide and shining with hurt as he turns to taeyang next to him, trying his best not to look back at eric, who he was sure was probably glaring at him. there’s thousands of thoughts flying through his head -- he’s sorry, god, he’s so sorry, but he’s also guilty, and then he’s mad, at himself, at this matchup, at everything, because he shouldn’t have been put with them but he still was, and now this is nothing but a loser’s game where either he loses himself or loses another. this man taught him how to dance, and even as the stronger vocalist, it hurts hyojin realizing this.

he doesn’t know what to say except for sorry, but it’s weak and falls flat and he can only choke it out ever so quietly, falling deaf on their ears. he’s so sorry.

it tastes bitter and cruel on his tongue as he sits through the last few eliminations, none of them as emotional or shocking as this one to the teams, but he can’t stop thinking about his teammate next to him, and the other on his other side, and how he let them down. he doesn’t even feel like he has the right to enjoy the new challenge that’s presented to them, to be in awe at the fact that they were going to be coached by famous idols and trainees who had competed in previous seasons of the show.

all he can do is look at the judges, wondering, why him? not just why did they eliminate taeyang, but why did they keep him?

( the answer is simple: because the dance was made easier for someone like hyojin, at the cost of taeyang. it’s a scale, not a tower. adding more to one side takes away from the other. )

coaches... voting...

he catches that the supposed mentors had voted for who would be put into their teams to represent each company, but he’s still caught up on the fact that taeyang was gone. he was out. maybe they’d call his name instead of hyojin’s for the teams. but sphere passes by, and then nova, and then trc, and then kt, and then he hears royal, the name making his chest tighten because that was exactly what he had put on his application when applying for this show; it was, in his mind, the best option for him if he wanted to keep on singing and for people to keep on hearing him. but why did it have to be this way?

surely enough, the people are expected. kyungsoo, then heejin, and then... him. not taeyang, him.

this was the reality. this was the crime he’s committed.

❀ INTERACTIONS ; FRIDAY

he’s tense on the first day, more so than he would have been had it not been for yesterday’s awful events. stepping foot into royal does much to alleviate his stress and the guilt that still hovered behind him everywhere he went, but it doesn’t change the fact that he now bears the weight of someone else’s elimination on him. the previous weeks, he had either been solo or tied to his partner, meaning that it would either be both or none, but the fact that they lost a member this time and didn’t have to is what gets him.

“hi, i’m kim hyojin. please take good care of me, i’ll work hard!”

he tries to greet everyone with a bright smile and a polite bow as always, but it’s obvious how his thoughts weigh him down, especially considering that he’s having a hard time looking eric in the eyes, even more so than before.

even with this burden, though, it doesn’t stop him from finally getting starstruck when in front of the coaches, which included both the leader of luxe and one of its well known dancers, as well as won, a former mga finalist. he can’t stop his gaze from constantly wandering between them, his hands folded neatly in front of him as he stands respectfully, nodding along to their words attentively and with curious eyes, shyly avoiding ella’s glance whenever her eyes got close to his. despite this, he takes their words and advice to heart, and as the team starts to settle on their song, he finds himself slowly warming up.

( this time, he won’t talk about his dancing. this time, he can’t let them suffer because he’s lacking. )

instead, he listens attentively to the ideas thrown around, adding some of his own into the mix like mamamoo or got7, nodding thoughtfully despite being a bit reserved, especially with eric in the group. they eventually decide on shangri-la, a song with a backing track that makes heavy use of traditional sounds and instruments, and also conveyed a sense of elegance and chicness through use of fans. fortunately, because not all of the members are dancers -- and also because royal isn’t exactly the most dance oriented company -- they decide to water down some parts after realizing that not everyone can do it in sync, making it simpler.

at the same time, though, hyojin knows that he has a long way to go, and tries to follow along as closely as he can. he’s sparing in his questions unless it’s to a coach like ella, because he knows he can’t take away too much from the other contestants’ practice time.

as the night grows darker and later, hyojin finds himself one of the only ones left in the studio, still practicing and even trying to learn ahead in the dance, watching the video over and over again and recording himself before monitoring. it’s with this strategy that he hopes to stay ahead without burdening anyone, and certainly without making them sacrifice their time and efforts, and he gives a little wave to the camera before he leaves for the night, turning off the studio lights.

❀ SATURDAY ;

line distribution takes a turn for the worse as parts are doled out -- surprisingly enough, hyojin, heejin, and eric don’t have too hard of a time figuring out who does what, as heejin got the high notes and the main vocal position, and hyojin the beginning and ending of the song, as well as part of the chorus as the secondary main vocal. eric seemed fine enough with the rap part, and even though hyojin volunteers to collaborate with him to help increase his rapping experience, the other seems terribly cold about it.

trying his best not to take it to heart, hyojin instead finds himself witness to kyungsoo and suwoong’s conflict over the song’s killing part -- also known as the part where the stand ins for n and ravi harmonize, resting their heads on each other’s shoulders. he has to admit, it’s a pretty and enchanting part, and he understands why it’d be so heavily contended -- at the same time, though, he’s surprised at the fact that they seemed so hostile. the day before, they seemed to be fine, even playing around with the cameras.

nevertheless, the issue is resolved when kyungsoo’s height and singing skill seems to fit the bill for the coaches, who ultimately give him the part, and hyojin sighs a breath of relief at the peaceful resolution. the tension still remains, though, with eric even chillier at hyojin than yesterday, and it troubles deeply him as he watches the younger brush by him while he goes to cheri for some advice.

“coach cheri-ssi.” clearing his throat shyly, waiting for the woman to notice him, hyojin asks, “could you tell me if i’m doing this part right? the expression is a little complex at this line.” singing the opening line sweetly, he waits and listens for her feedback, retrying a few times before capturing the right mood. it’s sensual, but not too sensual; a mix of mystic and lovely, making for a hard execution but an impressive one if done correctly.

consequently, with her kind words and patience, he finds himself relaxing after realizing that he’s been tensing up this whole time, and when asked why he seemed to be so uneasy, he ends up spilling his troubles with the team to her, telling her about how taeyang had gotten eliminated and he’s fairly sure eric is upset about it, as the former had taken so much time to teach him how to dance.

she responds by saying that the judges’ decision was not his fault, soothing him with warm but reasonable words, telling him that he shouldn’t think so negatively of himself as a burden. this comforts him greatly, almost to the point of tears, but he wipes away at his eyes before they can form fully, and nods. he doesn’t exactly think that he can go on as normal after this, especially when he hasn’t talked to eric or taeyang about it, but maybe now he could consider gaining the courage to approach them.

practice goes by a little troubled, with suwoong constantly dropping his fan on heejin and hitting the poor girl, much to hyojin’s dismay -- he asks her if she’s all right more than just a few times, but it seems to just be a rampant case of butterfingers rather than malicious intent on the former’s part.

he stays late again, focusing more on the chorus this time, going through each move slowly and pretending to hold a fan ( they had yet to arrive for the team ) the whole time, feeling his body start to ache at the intense dance. unlike last time, with the simple choreography, this was only slightly modified, meaning that most of the elements remained the same. not only that, but there was now also a dance break, meaning that hyojin would seriously have to pick up the pace.

he can’t remember the last time he’s picked up a guitar or played the keyboard, and, honestly, his bones and limbs are hurting so much nowadays that he doesn’t even recall the feeling anymore. he’s too tired to even try to talk to the camera anymore like he did last week, instead resting on the floor, sprawled out, sometimes flashing a tired smile or peace sign at the camera from time to time, or trying to move his lips up into a smile in the mirror despite the bags starting to appear under his eyes. he knows kyungsoo is probably struggling the same, coming in early on weekends instead of staying as late.

with this in mind, he still powers through, taking breaks only if needed and not complaining.

❀ SUNDAY ;

kyungsoo’s words are harsh, and they cut through the air smoothly like a fine-sharpened knife. hyojin’s eyes are wide as he sees the shorter male storm out of the studio after saying his final words to suwoong, having overheard the whole fight but knowing better than to butt in between them when clearly this was their own battle.

it doesn’t stop him, though, from also dropping his fan ( that had arrived that morning ) and going out after kyungsoo, leaving the rest of his teammates standing, shocked, in the practice room. there’s a slight panic to him as he tries to scour the building, before realizing that royal’s hallways are winding and confusing, and that kyungsoo was nowhere to be found. after looking in a few other rooms and even finding the backdoor exit, hyojin realizes that he’s lost the male. but instead of going back to the studio, he decides to exit the building, knowing that suwoong undoubtedly had yet to calm down, and that, knowing kyungsoo, he probably wouldn’t be getting lunch anytime soon.

by the time he comes back with two sandwiches in his hands, along with two drinks, hyojin finds that the studio is empty except for kyungsoo, who looks as quiet and grim as ever. hyojin himself is a little less frazzled at the sudden outburst from before, and is visibly glad to see that the singer had come back, making his way over almost a little too eagerly with the extra meal.

“here, 'soo. i got one for you -- you’ve been working hard.”

it’d be a lie if hyojin said he didn’t know why suwoong and kyungsoo had fought -- quite simply, as someone who also had difficulties dancing, hyojin had noticed how suwoong always seemed to tell them to start again, even occasionally teasing kyungsoo, who seemed increasingly more irritated and less amused. push would come to shove and increase tensions instead of resolving them, hence leading to this situation.

sitting next to kyungsoo as he opens his sandwich, taking a little bite, hyojin glances at his friend, concern clear in his eyes. “i know suwoong hyung has been a little tough lately, but let’s hang in there, okay?” trying his best to convey his worries, hyojin ends up saying it in order to convince kyungsoo to take the dancer a little less seriously, “i’m sure he doesn’t mean any harm, so let’s both try to be a little more understanding.”

with that, he pats the male’s shoulder, and they eat together in silence.

the moment the rest of the team comes back, hyojin can’t help but notice the unsettling feeling that was starting to pervade the room. although he greets suwoong brightly, the other male seems a little bit colder than usual, and with eric following in behind him, the dots connect and hyojin feels his chest tighten. he knows he deserves it ( no, he doesn’t -- that’s what cheri told him to keep in mind, but it’s hard ), but it still hurts the same, especially with how nice and energetic suwoong had been towards him for the first few days. it feels like the more he tries, the more he’s shunned, but there’s no option for him to leave or give up.

regardless, hyojin still catches him when they’re alone, trying to bring up the conflict with kyungsoo, albeit nervously at first. “hyung... earlier this morning... i noticed you and ‘soo seemed to have some difficulties?” when the other male doesn’t respond, expression only growing colder, he continues, voice still strong despite his confidence faltering inwardly, “i was just thinking... maybe it’d be a little nicer if you complimented him more, or were a little more lenient. i know i shouldn’t be saying this when i’m not as good at dancing, but it’s discouraging to have mistakes constantly be picked at, and in some cases, frustrating. i don’t think it’ll help a lot with teaching someone in the end, but it’s just my perspective. you’re the best dancer out of all of us, so i’m sure you’ll make the right call in the end.”

laughing awkwardly, he notices the look on suwoong’s face, foreign and almost hostile, before asking quietly, “have i done sometihng wrong?”

when suwoong explains what hyojin had been fearing, he visibly falters. ah, taeyang was his best friend. how much collateral damage had he caused?

( none. it’s not his fault that was how the elimination was decided, but he can’t quite seem to convince himself of that. )

they end up talking for a while after that, hyojin explaining how he had felt guilty about it and how he was working extra hard to make up for taeyang’s elimination, explaining that he was both fortunate to have such an understanding teammate but also be allowed to survive. he didn’t plan on letting it go to waste anytime soon, and this seems to please suwoong, who seems to have loosened up ever so slightly.

when they finally split up, hyojin approaches eric again carefully to confirm their collaboration, and they decide, albeit one-sidedly, to go perform in hongdae on tuesday to promote the team and practice. he goes home that day after the same hard practice, this time finally sending a text to taeyang before sleeping.

❀ MONDAY - WEDNESDAY ;

he wakes up to a warm and frankly far too kind response from taeyang, who encourages and comforts him instead of the other way around. this relieves hyojin, more than he can ever admit, and for the first time, he walks into the studio with a smile blooming on his face, no longer withering away with every passing day and cold interaction with some of his teammates.

suwoong and kyungsoo also come in with food, and after everyone thanks them and enjoys it, hyojin gently suggests that they all sit down and have a heart-to-heart in the studio, talking about their worries. he, for one, brings up the tensions with eric, telling the younger how he’s been feeling.

“truthfully, it’s been hard keeping it to myself all these days. i didn’t know what to say to make it better, or how to properly apologize and decrease the tension. i had a hard time looking any of you in the eyes, because i spent all of my time when i wasn’t practicing wondering, should taeyang hyung be here in my place instead? do i really deserve this?” trying not to tear up, he pauses, licking his lips as he tries to look at eric and suwoong confidently, sitting criss cross on the studio floor in a circle with everyone else, “but eric... suwoong hyung... i promise you that i’ll work as hard as i can to make sure taeyang wasn’t eliminated for nothing. i won’t be a burden this time, i promise.”

with that, the conflict seems to be resolved, suwoong comforting him again, and eric seeming a lot more relaxed, even friendly. during practice time this time around, hyojin opens up a little more, his brightness back and still burning even late at night, where he finally practices effortlessly without looking like the world was on his shoulders.

before he heads out for the night before his collaboration with eric, he sits with the camera again for the first time that week, a genuinely happy smile on his face despite his weary bones and soul.

“tomorrow is busking day! i’ll finally get to collaborate with eric, even though i can’t bring you along, camera-ssi... it’s okay, i can show a recording later, if you want! sleep well. i’ll see you tomorrow!” giving it a little wave and a pat, hyojin finally heads out of the studio.

❀

two days later, after his collaboration with eric in hongdae, in which suwoong had tagged along and they attracted a rather large crowd, hyojin and his team present fans with letters on them to the coaches -- won, ella, and cheri. during the process, though, he finds himself bowing deeply to his teammates in apology, a little flustered at how long his messages appeared in comparison to theirs.

“sorry! i must have written too much, otherwise you would have had space to write more.”

regardless, it’s laughed off, and they finish up their performance with some more ideas, like stage lighting and even a team name. with the team atmosphere finally comfortable and good after a grueling week, he feels like they’re going to burn up the stage together.

❀ ON THE STAGE ;

the robes are a little heavy despite him being used to wearing them a few times now, and he nervously fingers his red-tinted fan as they sit in the waiting room with all the others, watching performances. he’s so nervous, in fact, that even though he applauds the others during each stage, he can’t help but think about theirs, and the fact that they were going to be the last performance of the night.

( he really hopes -- no, he’s confident -- that they’ve saved the best for last. )

as they get onstage, hyojin responds to suwoong’s question before they reach backstage with a firm “yes” despite his stomach feeling like jelly, the screams becoming louder at their appearance when they finally see the audience. at the attention and the bright lights hyojin grows shy and steps a little closer to suwoong, his cheeks growing warm when he thinks that he might hear his name somewhere in there.

they introduce themselves as youth over flowers, with hyojin’s own tagline being, “i’m kim hyojin, the lovely pink hydrangea who will fill your hearts with emotion.” at suwoong’s cheesy ending line, they then get into their positions, starting the song.

흐드러져 피는 꽃 바람마저 달콤한 이곳은 꿈 gorgeously blossoming flowers even the wind is sweet in this dream like place

as the instrumental begins, the lights dim and the stage fills with fog. the dance starts with an elegant wave of their fans, and hyojin starts in a sitting position, opening his with a flourish. at his line, he starts in the center with his knees on the ground, his expression charismatic and alluring as he sings sweetly. much like honey that attracted bees, he hoped to grasp the attention of the audience and the judges as well, showing off his ability to adapt to such a sexy and elegant performance.

the next member follows, then heejin -- hyojin stands on the outside of the circle, before completing more elegant moves next to her, getting into line with the others. as they expand outwards, he takes the center for the chorus.

덧칠해 좀 더 짙게 이 밤 깊이 번져가고 있어 벗어날 수 없게 눈 감고 내 안의 널 또 찾잖아 paint it on a little thicker this night is deeply spreading so i can’t escape i’m closing my eyes and looking for you inside of me

having practiced tirelessly to perfect his movements, hyojin does the chorus with confidence and pays close attention to his expressions as he performs, moving his arm smoothly in a pseudo-body roll, then freestyling for the next two lines, looping his arm in a circular movement over his head gracefully, singing stably into the microphone.

he gives a sideway glance to the audience, lips slightly parted and eyes blazing, making good use of the gentle curve of his eyes and disposition to give off an almost feminine but powerful aura, strong but sweet. it asserts his presence, allowing him to shine until his part ends, letting heejin take over.

he dances in time, arms and legs moving around elegantly in the hanbok, blending in well until it was time for the chorus again.

repeating the moves, he does the second part a little differently this time, a little more alluring than before with a sweet curve of his lips, blinking slowly and eyes shining half moons as he sings powerfully and stably, as if pulling them in more and more with his words, capturing every last drop of their attention.

as they go into the bridge, hyojin goes down to the ground before lifting himself up to sing.

너로 물든 색이 아련하고 눈부시게 빛나 gets filled up with your colour

softly but coaxingly, he sings, walking around his members to the center gracefully, flicking his wrist and opening the fan so that it obscured the bottom half of his face teasingly. with that, he steps to the side for kyungsoo to take over, singing the killing part.

with that, the dance break begins, and hyojin follows along on the outer wings easily -- it’s moody but not too technical; instead of having tons of moves crammed in, it’s just a few charismatic ones that just need to be executed gracefully and mindfully. opening his fan in time with the others, he does a spin while suwoong jumps in the center, the middle switching to eric.

taking the fan and hiding his face, hyojin leans over to the side, eyes piercing the camera with a blazing expression, tearing away the thinly veiled expression of sensuality that he had worn before for the break, lifting his finger into a “sh” position. as the dance break ends, heejin goes into her high note, and the chorus continues, this time hyojin dancing normally on the side instead of the center.

다시 눈을 뜨면 내게만 스며들어 when i open my eyes again you only come into me

ending on a final, graceful high note, hyojin takes the last two lines at the center with his now completely exposed, charismatic expression, ending the dance as each row of members turned around, leaving him still facing forward before he turns, too, flicking his fan to the side of his face and looking to the opposite direction gracefully.

at that, the cheers rise to meet them, and they slowly turn back around, bowing before getting offstage.

even though his heart is pumping, hyojin finds himself happily hugging suwoong as they get off, relieved at how well it went. it had been a hard week, but they had done it.

( maybe now he could rest in peace. )

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