#sit your ass back down Astarion I didn't call for you

[sorcerous-caress]

Hnng wanna be a helpless human lost in the dark with no light source and a cute elf (preferably drow) comes to guide me and make me cling to them as we walk.

[beepersteeper]

Depravity -- Astarion x Tav smut

“I swear the only thing on my mind is depraved caral lust." Astarion raises his hand as if reciting an oath.

“I'll see if I'm free later.” Tav responds curtly and continues to walk along the path. Astarions face flexes in shock, his upper lip curling to the confusion she'll see?? He thinks to himself unsure if she's playing hard to get or is trying to let him down gently. He snaps himself out of the thought and hurries after her catching up with the group.

The day's adventure was tense, a few close calls that were narrowly avoided. As the sun set everyone came back to camp though, no worse for wear for what it's worth. Tav quickly climbed out of her armor and laid herself on a long rock heaving breaths into her lungs, not caring about getting cleaned up immediately, just happy to be alive and in one piece. 

Astarion sits at his tent, trying to read a book, but not having success with Tav panting so close to him. He imagines her breathing raggedly under him only able to cry his name. I need to take a walk. He thinks to himself, feeling the pressure in his pants. He stands and puts his book away in his tent, allowing him a moment to hide his erection.

As he leaves his tent he notices that tav has sat up and is looking directly at him. Her face illuminated by the fire was enough for him to notice her wink and motion her head to the woods. His eyebrows raise surprised but his features quickly harden into seduction while he nods and begins to walk in the direction she noted.

They walk separately until they were out of sight. Once they were confident they wouldn't be seen, Tav walked slowly toward him. “So where are we going?" She asked.

“Follow me." He said, reaching his hand out for her to take. “I want to get further away from camp, wouldn't want the rest of camp to hear the dirty things I'm going to do to you." He almost growls. He can sense that she's blushing "as long as you're sure your schedule is clear.” He toys

“I wouldn't have come here if I wanted anything but." She takes his hand and is pulled into his body, becoming off balance at the force that he pulled her in with.

He catches her and wraps both of his arms around her torso, pressing her chest to his. Feeling her breathing quicken at his touch. Their eyes meet and there is nothing but desire shared in their stare. “Shall we?" His husky voice cuts through the silence. 

Tav nods and tries to move from the embrace.

“I didn't hear that, lover.”

Her eyebrows knit in the center of her face for a moment before responding "yes~” she said with a hint of submission on her tongue.

"That's better." He coos and loosens his arms enough that they continue to walk with an arm wrapped around each other's waists. Without warning he stops and pulls her into him again, and kisses her. His hands find purchase in her hair and at the small of her back.

She deepens the kiss, letting her tongue explore his dangerous mouth. Small moans transferring between their lips. Her hands caressing and grabbing desperately his chest and open shirt. 

His hand trails down  from her back to the curve of her bum. It's like my hands were made for this he thinks to himself feeling how well his hand falls onto her ass.

She claws at the ends of his shirt practically begging to take the shirt off of him to see his perfectly toned body. He moves to leave just enough space for her to remove it. With both of his hands removed from her he does the same, removing her shirt and bra revealing her breasts. He hadn't noticed how big they were, she always wore a baggy shirt or plate armor.  His sucks in a breath appreciating her perfect form before exhaling “I've been waiting for this all day" before returning his attention to her lips and slipping the tips of his fingers under the hem of her pants tracing the outline of her hip bones.

Her hands eagerly find the buttons on his pants and snaps them open without breaking their kiss. She slides the fabric down his thighs letting his fully erect dick escape and pumps her hand a few times across his length. He hisses at the freedom and his hips lean into her touch as he works his nimble fingers to untie her pants. They both frantically step out of the remainder of their clothes.

He was ready to lay both of their body's down when suddenly Tav was running her hands down his body trailing kisses along the way until she was kissing lines up the length of him. “Gods" he says on an inhale. “Fuck that's feels good." 

She locks her eyes with his as she returns pumping her hand over his length, spitting on it adding lubrication to her movements. When his eyes close to enjoy the sensation she takes his tight balls into her mouth.

"That's it” he inhales again darting his eyes down to watch her expertly tend to every part of his sex. “I knew you were eager to have me."

She hums a response and raises her brows sending a shiver through his body

“Don't get too carried away my love. We have all night” he pulls himself from her mouth with a wet pop. He kneels on the ground gently pushing her down into the tall grass "I didn't think that you could be more beautiful, but seeing you, on your knees… tsk i think that's the best sight I've ever seen.” He kisses the inside of her thigh "it's just a shame I'm going to utterly ruin you tonight.” 

She raises her knees allowing him total access to her body. And listening to the perfect words leaving his mouth. He presses a flat tongue on her asshole running it all the way through her heat stopping at her clit making fast hard circles, adding suction from his lips.

Tav presses her heels into the earth  and raises her hips to grind into the pleasure he is giving her. Groans escape her throat into the open night air. He pushes two fingers into her causing her to moan louder grabbing handfuls of his silver hair pulling him further into her.

Wet grunts come from Astarions mouth as he devours her cunt, needing to hear her fall apart. He straddles her leg and kisses her deeply, sharing her taste with her, pressing circles onto her mound, randomly dipping into her core.

Tav starts to squirm reaching for him, digging nails into his back, feeling the scars that she had seen days before. Pausing hoping that she didn't ruin a moment.

“Don't stop." He all but commands intensifying his attention to her clit.

She digs her nails in to gain purchase as her climax rockets through her and she starts to scream and pant his name. Locking her thighs around his waist

He wraps his hand into her hair gripping tight enough to make her moan, but soft enough to let her enjoy it.  He pulls her closer to him forcing his cock  inside of her feeling the incredible slickness he has earned. Tenderly exploring every inch of her slowly at first making sure that she is okay with what's happening. He grabs her legs, kissing her ankles before putting them over his shoulders pushing himself further and further into her, earning loud desperate cries from her as she digs her fingers into the earth.

After feeling confident that she is properly prepared for him to amp up his efforts he grabs her ankles and throws them to the side flipping her onto her knees without removing himself. 

She moans in approval arching her back, opening herself more for him. “Gods, YES, Astarion.” she moans his name the loudest. 

He growls pushing all of himself into her grabbing her waist pushing her chest into the ground and not slowing down. Sounds of wet slapping fill the night air only muted by their moans.

She started chanting “yes” over and over rocking her hips into him her body begging him to make her cum.

"fuck” he moans a whisper feeling her tighten around him, her body preparing for her orgasm. "I know you're going to cum.” He states through his broken breaths." I want your  cum darling.”

She rocks back another few times until she does it the last time, when he rocked forward meeting his hips with hers. She almost crumbled to the ground if not for his grip on her waist. She shudders and moans feeling her excitement escape her body through her core and flowing out from where their bodies meet. “don't stop!” She demands with a hiss. 

He continues to fuck her through her orgasm until he feels her body go limp. He withdrawals his hard cock and rubbed it through her folds eliciting more moans from Tav.

She rolls herself over, first watching him running his cock through his fist then looking at his face. Astarion has his eyes closed, trying to cement a memory is a good sexual experience. Willing it to rewrite his past with sex. Wanting this to be all he's known of sex. Two people enthusiastic to share the intimate parts of themselves. His thoughts are interrupted by a soft force on his chest and a momentum pushing him to the ground. He opens his eyes to watch Tav crawling on top of him as he catches himself on his forearms. 

She put her hand gently on his chest and pushed him back while his eyes were closed. He always calculates everything he does. She thinks to herself feeling the need to surprise him. She crawls on top of his beautiful body and leans down to kiss him. As their lips were about to touch she moved to kiss his neck and began to grind her wet cunt across his dick without taking him in yet. She listens to the chorus of his desperate moans. She rights herself and grinds faster. 

Astarion puts his hands on either thigh guiding her across his length. He digs his nails into her warm flesh when she slips herself over the head of his dick. “Godsdamn it." He swears as she takes more of him each time she bounces on his lap. Lowering herself slowly, swallowing his entire length. His eyes roll back in his head letting her take control. Letting her please him. Letting himself be in this moment. Feeling his legs and body in the grass, his hands on her warm skin, the dampness at his core, the breeze blowing through his hair. But most of all feeling Tav's enthusiasm in her movements, knowing that she wanted to be here in the moment with him.

He feels a tension begin to build, he trains his eyes onto her face as he moans that he's close, “gods you're going to make me cum darling." He clutches onto her ass feeling her resolve strengthen 

“Good." She growls and steadies herself with her hands at either side of his head, her hair hanging close to his face as she drives herself up and down his cock. “please cum for me!” She begs practically screaming her wish.

He pulls her body down on him as he feels his seed release into her. 

She restarts Raising and lowering her hips slowly milking every drop of his spend into her. His body twitching with every shot of cum.

His softening cock slips from her while she lay on his chest in a heap, her limbs betraying her. They both shiver at the overwhelming sensation of movement on their sensitive nerves. They giggle together and cuddle for a while before getting redressed and walking back to camp separately, like they left.

[lagncx]

Say it back. Please?

Tw: not sure enjoy tho. I’m working on Karl Heisenberg and I wanna do my mutual @nonchalantgat0 Justice ! <3

——

You sighed, scratching your forehead “...150!” You said. The elfsong tavern bartender smirked at you. “To house you and all your friends? Just 150?! Haha! 600.” He demanded. You growled Halsin behind you with Astarion and gale. “Why are there so many weird customs in this place?” Halsin grumbled, eyes looking around. “Oh, the bear coming out of his cave?” Astarion huffed.

You bit your lip counting on your fingers “Uhh-…half!” You blurted out. “Half? Which is.” The bartender raised his chin at you. Astarion put a hand on your waist pushing his weight on his tippy toes to whisper in your ear “300 gold darling. Half is three hundred my love.” He whispered before placing a small kiss on the shell of your ear backing up.

You nodded “I’ll pay 300$ not to mention I’d be bringing people back here since that murder you had upstairs.” You crossed your arms in victory. Astarion smiled, patting your back.

After that night you realized, you all were dirt poor everyone bought armor, weapons, and food. All of it and you spent everything you had on a room and a few pints. Cursing to yourself you needed to find a way to make some fast cash, without Astarion figuring out or Gale. But mostly Astarion. Unless you guys wanted to go back to sleeping outside. You went over to your second guess, Shadowheart.

“I- I don’t understand, why? Do I keep it from Astarion?” You groaned “Because he’s gonna do the look-up laugh through his most and smile smug thing” you groaned.

It was simple, beat someone’s ass and get some gold. But fuck was the dude huge you put up a good fight Astarion said it was stupid, “You’ll end up getting a dent in that brain.” He said and you just laughed it off.

But here you were almost in slow motion. You felt your teeth hit against one another as you fell right on your jaw, face flat on the ground you let out a breath. He was right. You locked eyes with him seeing that smug look.

You flinched away from shadowhearts hand as she dabbed your wounds “It won’t be cleaned any faster if you keep pulling away.” You swatted her hand “Did you see the way he looked at me, didn’t even try to comfort me. I was on the ground in front of him bleeding from my mouth. He didn't even look concerned.” You slumped over hands on your ears holding your head up and avoiding the open wounds.

Shadowheart opened her mouth to comfort you “It was foolish I told you that why would I be concerned when you chose to ignore me.” Astarion. you crunched your face, eyes closing and nose upturned “yea well if we’re lovers I expected I don’t know a bit of comfort. Asshole.” You scoffed and you opened your eyes seeing his shoes tapping on the ground in front of you “you don’t get to call me that.” He turned to shadowheart and took the rag. “I’ll take care of them.”

You sighed displeased by the change “get your hands off your face and sit up. Now.” He said and you did so looking up at him. He overlooked your features: your eye was bloodshot, your mouth scared and teeth covered in dry blood. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before opening them again and leaning down placing the rag on your lip making you pull back.

“That hurts.” You hissed from the sudden headache after flinching back

“I’m sure it does now quit it.” Astarions hand held you cradling the back of your head making you stay there as he started to clean the wounds. The silence was loud…it was hard to avoid looking at his face but the dread of the thought of even making eye contact was enough. Astarion dropped the rag “You know anyone could’ve seen he was tricking you.” You groaned “Astarion please I don’t want to hear it!”

You got up and walked away swaying around the feeling of nausea washing over you like a cold sweat. You felt yourself slowly falling before a hand went around your waist. “You need to lie down.” You only leaned into astarion in response. You were guided to a tent it was Astarions and yours since a while ago he said

“You can sleep here, anytime really. But tonight I don’t want you to go.”

You haven’t slept in your own tent since. You let yourself flop on the bedroll expecting Astarion to leave you felt a hand push on your lower back making you whine as the muscles were sore. You were so tired you closed your eyes, you felt him pull off your shoes and un do your chain mail pulling you up so he could take it off. “There, now you can be more comfortable.” You took a long whiff of Astarions scent, your head resting in the crevice of his neck. You sighed “I love you.” He didn’t say it back.

“Here, drink.” You looked down at the bottle he handed you, it had gold liquid. “What is it?” You said slurring slightly, your lip swollen and already irritated and even more as he pushed the bottle on your lips “it’s gonna put you to sleep, you’ll wake up feeling better.” You nodded and took a long swig before he put it down. You looked at his hand glow a yellow color as he laid it on your head, a cooling feeling coming over you. You only wished to dream.

You crawled under the blankets of your makeshift futon you told astarion was way more comfortable. And before you fell into your slumber you made sure to remind him “Love you.” You whispered and started to snore.

Astarion crossed his arms watching you sleep soundly, the swollen wounds dying down. He then watched you turn and feel for him. Making him smile. “You’re hopeless.” He whispered “…so hopeless, so perfect. I hate that you put us before you…” he sighed and kissed your cheek making you smile unconsciously. He caressed your face “what the hell’s is your story?”

He got up and made his way out the tent coming back later of course but he took a second before crawling out.

“I love you too.”

[charmandabear]

17 Shadowheart x Karlach

From @astarionfreak 's smut ask game ~ other entries

17. "I'm not wearing any underwear."

Perhaps a preview of what's to come for the Office Hours side chapter? 👀👀👀 (Notably, this isn't actually the Office Hours universe, despite being a modern au lol)

Shadowheart's dress is based on this art by @metal-junk, and Karlach's is from my own sick twisted imagination. If anyone wants to make art of her outfit, though, I won't complain 😍

Karlach checks her reflection in the mirror. Not too bad, honestly. The sleek high waisted trousers highlight the musculature of her abs, and the open cropped blazer shows off her glowing heart. She's come to appreciate this thing, once a death sentence, but ever since Dammon found the right parts to allow her to exist in the material plane, it's become a symbol of her survival. Plus, it makes her look cool as fuck.

She has some concerns about the jacket flapping open and flashing her boobs to everyone, but Shadowheart insists that the dress tape will keep it firmly in place, even through the natural heat of Karlach's skin.

"Love, are you almost ready to go?" Shadowheart calls from the bathroom. Karlach gives her hair one last adjustment before calling back, "Yup, ready when you are."

Shadowheart emerges from the bathroom and Karlach's heart nearly stops. Her long silver hair is out of its usual braid and flows down her back like a waterfall. Her dress is a stunning black silk that hangs over her curves perfectly. The bodice has straps that frame her breasts and meet up at a collar around her pretty porcelain neck. Delicate silver chains drape across her front and sides, and the ones around her hips gather at two waist-high slits, showing off her thick thighs. Karlach's mouth starts to water, and she can feel the arousal dampening the gusset of her underwear.

"Holy shit." Karlach can't find it in her to be any more eloquent than that. Shadowheart laughs, a light sound like bells, and grabs her clutch and her wrap from the dining room table.

"You look amazing too, sweetheart." She crosses to Karlach and stands on her toes to give her a kiss. Karlach, unsatisfied with a dry little peck, grabs hold of Shadowheart and immediately deepens the kiss, her tongue seeking entry between her lover's lips. Karlach slips her hand underneath that tantilizing slit and up around to her ass, delightfully surprised to find it completely bare. She breaks the kiss, panting, and stares at Shadowheart's cheeky grin.

"Oh, didn't I mention? I'm not wearing any underwear," she says in a husky voice, and Karlach's pussy clenches in a pavlovian response.

"Wha- I- and you tell me this now? Right before we need to leave?" Karlach splutters as Shadowheart giggles devilishly in response. "You expect me to sit through the entire coronation knowing that there's only a thin layer of silk between me and the promise land?"

"Think of it as your treat for doing something nice if murderously boring for a friend," she grins. Then she grabs Karlach's hand and drags her toward the door of their shared apartment. "Now come on, Lae'zel just texted me, they're all downstairs in the limo waiting for us."

***

Everyone, of course, looks absolutely stunning. Astarion and Tav look like gods damned super models in matching brocades, whereas Gale is wearing an understated but elegant deep violet suit. Lae'zel looks extremely uncomfortable in her silver blazer and leather body suit, the straps of her bra poking out beneath the lapel.

But Karlach only has eyes for Shadowheart. She chats amicably with everyone, and every time she laughs the silvery chain catches the light, bringing Karlach's attention directly back to her stunning cleavage. Karlach hides behind her champagne glass, worried that if she opens her mouth to say something, it'll be to tell the driver to pull over so she can immediately eat Shadowheart out on the side of the road.

But she manages to maintain her composure, even all the way through Wyll's coronation, despite the growing ache between her thighs every time Shadowheart uncrossed and recrossed her legs. When they finally make it to dinner, and after Wyll has made his appearance by their table to receive his obligatory congratulations, only then does Karlach dare to slip a hand onto Shadowheart's thigh beneath the table. She hears the other woman's breath catch in her throat, and the look Shadowheart flashes her is smoldering.

"Pardon, everyone, I need to use the restroom. Shadowheart, will you accompany me?" Karlach finally says in a stiff voice. Lae'zel makes a disapproving grunt.

"I do not understand your custom of women using the bathroom in flocks. Must I attend as well?" she glowers, and Astarion lets out one of his high-pitched giggles.

"Lae'zel, I don't believe they require your assistance for this one," he says, flashing a salacious smile at Tav who flushes a violent purple. Karlach doesn't even register Lae'zel's response because she and Shadowheart are already out of earshot of the group, making a beeline for the closest bathroom.

They barely manage to close the door to the single stall bathroom before Shadowheart has Karlach pressed up against the door, ravaging her face with kisses. She slips her hand beneath the hem of the blazer and runs it across the planes of bumps and scars along Karlach's ribcage.

Between breathless kisses, Shadowheart laughs, "They all know exactly what we're doing in here." Karlach runs her fingers through Shadowheart's silvery locks and gives them a firm tug right at the scalp, causing Shadowheart to quietly moan with pleasure.

"Frankly, I don't give a fuck. They all see what you look like, I don't think any of them will blame me," Karlach murmurs against Shadowheart's lips, punctuating her statement with a nip to her lower lip.

"Well, they're not blind, they can see you too," Shadowheart pants, moving her lips down Karlach's neck and to her clavicle. "I could not stop staring at your tits, love, they look amazing." She wrestles with the lapel of the blazer momentarily, before finally ripping the tape off and eliciting a strangled groan of both pain and pleasure from Karlach. Shadowheart immediately soothes the tender skin with her tongue. She cups one breast in her hand while she takes the other into her mouth, swirling her tongue around Karlach's nipple. Karlach drops her head back against the door, trying to keep her whimpering moans under control.

Shadowheart slides her hand down Karlach's abs and quickly unbuckles her belt, unzipping her pants just enough to slip her hand beneath Karlach's lace panties. She lets two fingers slide between her folds, and she chuckles when they immediately get covered in slick.

"Oh my, someone's been thinking about this," she coos, giving Karlach's nipple one last flick with her tongue before snaking up to her neck, nuzzling in the heat radiating off of her skin.

"Are you fucking with me? I'm pretty sure that coronation lasted six hours and I spent the entire time thinking about my head between your legs- ah-" Karlach grunts as Shadowheart slips her fingers into her cunt, curling them upwards slightly. Her knees buckle as she presses herself harder against the door, her hips bucking into her lover's hand. Shadowheart straddles Karlach's thigh, grinding against her while slowly pumping her fingers in and out.

"Gods, Karlach," she moans breathlessly, speeding her fingers up as her own need grows. Karlach hisses and roughly grabs Shadowheart's hair, pulling her face closer so that their lips are less than an inch apart.

"Fuck, kiss me while you make me come," Karlach pleads, and Shadowheart eagerly complies. She moves her lips against Karlach's, thrusting her fingers into her in time with her hips. Karlach loses her faculties as Shadowheart brings her closer to climax, clinging onto her long hair for stability more than as a tool of control. She wraps her tail around Shadowheart's calf to ground herself even more, worried that if she doesn't, she'll simply collapse. The two pound against the door rhythmically, certainly making a racket in the hallway outside but neither of them can be pressed to care. All that matters is bringing Karlach to orgasm, and when she can feel Shadowheart's arousal seep through her pants and dampen her thigh, she comes with an explosive wave of pleasure that reverberates through them both. Shadowheart continues to ravage Karlach's lips as she rides through the aftershocks of her climax, steadying Karlach's rutting hips with her hand.

Shadowheart breaks the kiss, breathing heavily. She doesn't have much time to recover, because within seconds Karlach has her spun around with her back to the door.

"Oh no, you don't get to give me a mind blowing orgasm and think I'm not going to return the favor," she hisses, pinning Shadowheart's wrists together above her head. She becomes putty in Karlach's hands, letting her lover mould her into any shape she wants. Karlach quickly drops to her knees, eagerly pushing aside the panel skirt separating her from Shadowheart's dripping cunt. She laps her tongue along her slit, relishing in the debaucherous sound that escapes Shadowheart's mouth.

"Oh you might want to hold on, Fringe," Karlach smirks devilishly. "Maybe grab hold with one hand and cover your mouth with the other, else we'll give anyone walking by outside a free x-rated show." The tip of her tail skates up the inside of Shadowheart's thigh, and Shadowheart catches the loud moan with her hand just before it tumbles out of her. Taking Karlach's advice, she grabs hold of the tiefling's one good horn and braces herself against the door as Karlach's tongue pushes its way past her folds. Karlach slips her hand under Shadowheart's thigh and drapes it over her right shoulder. Her tail teases her entrance while Karlach closes her lips around Shadowheart's swollen clit, sucking lightly. Shadowheart digs her nails into her cheek, trying to keep her noises under control, but she's finding it harder and harder as Karlach slides her tail into her cunt, the cartilage point dragging against her walls deliciously.

Karlach presses her long claws into the supple flesh of Shadowheart's ass, leaving evenly spaced pink puncture marks. Shadowheart cants her hips wildly, overwhelmed by the sensation of being fucked slowly by Karlach's tail and her skilled mouth moving around her clit. She bites down on the skin of her palm to try to keep quiet, but the shrieks tear through her nonetheless. She tightens her grip around Karlach's horn, feeling the pressure build as Karlach's tongue laps up the slick juices flowing freely from her.

"Fuck, Karlach, faster, please." Her words are muffled by her hand, but Karlach hears the plea loud and clear. She increases the pace of her tail pumping in and out of Shadowheart while she alternates light flicks and slow stripes on her clit. Shadowheart's legs begin to shake violently and she squeezes her knee around Karlach's shoulder as her orgasm wracks through her, the white hot lightning vibrating through her core and crackling out into her fingers and toes. Karlach dutifully drinks in Shadowheart's spend like it's the sweetest wine.

Shadowheart finally collapses against the door, fully boneless and unable to hold herself up. Karlach stands, wiping her face crassly on her sleeve before capturing Shadowheart's comparatively cool lips in a tender kiss. She presses her forehead against her love's and hums contentedly.

"Next time, tell me you're not wearing underwear after the event, please."

[breelandwalker]

THE FINAL UPDATE:

Y'all know that feeling when you get onto a rollercoaster and you think you're ready and you're all braced for shit, and then you just get thrown around and windwhipped to hell and back and you scream your head off, and then suddenly the ride is over and you're sitting at the depot like tf just happened.

That's kind of how the last stretch of missions went.

With as few spoilers as possible, highlights include:

closure and reconciliation for Wyll and his dad (YES. ULDER. YOUR SON IS A GODDAMN HERO. SHOW SOME RESPECT.)

meeting Voss' dragon pal

finally beating the shit out of Gortash (good GODS if ever a man needed his entire ass kicked up and down the entirety of the Sword Coast TWICE)

sobbing my entire heart out over the ensuing conversation with Karlach (my sweet bestie, the narrative did you so dirty, you deserve the fucking world 😭)

classic puzzle-solving dungeon crawl under Wyrm's Rock with a rotating crew bc different things need different skillsets and maybe i wanted to pretend the whole gang was there don't judge me (but we are judging the SHIT out of Astarion for apparently being a REAL asshole in his previous career, you sure your last name is Ancunin and not Turpin? no more gavel for you)

DRAGON DRAGON DRAGO-....oh. that's gonna complicate things.

WAIT NEVERMIND

....i'm sorry, the Emperor is WHOMST??????

welp.

props to Wyll for coming into his own and also Blade of Avernus sounds way more badass than Blade of Frontiers (also I see you and Karlach vibing back there, don't think we didn't notice 😏)

So then there was nothing left to do but one last supply run, one last round of hugs and kisses in camp, and then off to fight the big brain. (For those wanting to know, my final fight team was Karlach, Astarion, and Shadowheart.) We got thrashed for a bit, then it was into the prism to regroup. We did choose to free Orpheus, which didn't go over well with Tall, Dark, and Squidly.

From there, we portaled back to the Gate for one last rally, walked into the High Hall like Aragorn returning to Edoras, and....wow, I had no idea we had so many allies. Like I knew we'd helped a lot of people but DAMN. The entire room was full!

AND MY BABY OWLBEAR WAS ALL GROWN UP AND ARMORED! Omg my sweet floofy boy, all ready to rip and tear. Mama's so proud! Also SO much tiefling solidarity. All my peeps from Arabella to Zevlor turned up and I know it's game canon but my girl couldn't help having a moment of I Think I Have Done A Good For My People Here.

Then it was all a blur of stairs and fighting and dodging artillery and calling on allies and okay can we BREATHE for five seconds? Angelic Reprieve, Hero's Feast, and....here we fuckin go.

The last fight is BRUTAL. Even in Explorer, it pulls no punches and it took me a few tries. But in the end, WE WON. The big brain went squish, the floating mind palace fell into the river, and we all washed up like half-drowned rats to find a whole lot of dead mindflayers and a city that is once more safe...for now.

The Aftermath: (Spoilers for endgame)

Orpheus asked for an honorable death and bequeathed his dragons and his mission to Lae'zel, who promptly took off for the Astral Sea to liberate her people. Cue my tiefling waving goodbye like, you're still an insufferable cunt, but I respect you.

Gale decided to be a bit of a dick about the crown and sort of just...walked away to become a god. (And then was even MORE of a dick at the reunion party later.) So much for that. Guess my tiefling made the right choice after all.

With the tadpoles out of commission, Astarion became allergic to the sun again and had to SCAMPER away from the docks before he burned up. We'll catch up with him later.

Karlach's engine finally gave out and as she was starting to burn, Wyll stepped in and offered to escort her back to Avernus to save her life, promising he'd keep her safe from Zariel. Then we got a nice little cutscene of the two of them preparing to kick INFERNAL amounts of ass together. (I SHIP IT SO HARD. LARIEN YOU COWARDS, THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN AN AMAZING DLC.)

Once everything calmed down and the remaining party members retreated to the Elfsong for some heavy drink and a good night's sleep, we got our romantic epilogue. And of COURSE, my tiefling is staying with her bitchy feral tomcat of a vampire, who is SO much happier now, and they'll be setting out on a quest to find him a way to walk in the sun again. And is it a coincidence that the Til Death Do Us Part ring is on her finger? No it is not. 🥰

Six months later, we catch up with everyone at the reunion party, learn some fun new developments (AGAIN, MISSED OPPORTUNITIES FOR DLC), read some grateful letters from the people we helped, and rest on our laurels for the time being.

Bit of a shame we have to wait until the party to find out how things went for Halsin, but as predicted, Papa Bear (DADDY HALSIN gfdi devs you did that on purpose) has built a refuge in Reithwin for anyone who needs a place to go and is raising several dozen orphaned children as a single dad. And yes, he will be seeing his tiefling honey there very soon to help with storytime. Among other things. 😏

So that's the end! We saved the world, we saved everyone we could possibly save, the whole party made it out alive and they lived happily ever after. What a glow-up it's been. My tiefling started out with nothing, just a broke homeless druid from the Gate, and wound up becoming a hero, saving the realm, making some amazing friends, elevating her people, and finding love not once, but twice.

Fabulous game, 100/10, will play again and again and again. Feel free to drop questions in my inbox if you have them.

Until next time!

Tfw you're nearing the end of Act II in your BG3 run and you realize you've fallen into the exact trap you said you were going to avoid FROM THE BEGINNING.

The devs knew exactly what they were doing, didn't they.