#sister's doctrine
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⟡ ⠀hold me tight⠀⠀⊹⠀⠀ soshiro hoshina & you
gn, flower shop owner reader who deals with depression and anxiety. hurt/comfort, a bit of angst maybe. this is the part 1 of my scaredy cat series.
what you had achieved so far slipped through your fingers like fine sand, swallowed up, swept away by greedy waves of poisonous distress, almost like ivy, choking your laments as they hugged your throat.
the prelude to a chain of events that would almost push you over the edge in front of the person you most admired— you felt so weak and ashamed.
the piece of paper was lying in front of you, sharing a place next to your friend's results.
your expression bordered on sadness even though you had passed just as he had, lips pressed into a thin line
you thought you didn't deserve it
and soshiro looked at you worriedly
he took your hand gently and even dared to intertwine his fingers with yours for brief instants
he ran the pad of his thumb over the back of your hand.
"sorry…"
you mumbled in an almost inaudible whisper.
you knew how hard he had worked to get here, how many sleepless nights had passed in which he had dedicated himself to training
how he woke up almost every day only to pick up the sword
how his hands were calloused, rough to the touch from gripping the weapon so tightly for so long
but you thought you lacked the same spark that he did
and that you were just following him without any purpose beyond accompanying him in his dream.
even if that were so, you would be useless as his companion.
you couldn't protect others, you were incapable of fighting and you felt useless compared to most others.
so why did you decide to accept your friend's proposal to take the exams for the defense forces together?
perhaps it was because of how enthusiastic he seemed to be when he told you about his plan.
how his smile spread across his face and his eyes took on the shape of little crescents
he seemed so cheerful talking to you, convincing you to hold his hand if you became nervous during the exam
your lower lip trembled with insecurity as you realized that you just didn't want to disappoint him
you were afraid to see his dissapointed face
because you wanted to live up to his expectations
however, the silent, disconsolate sob you barely managed to utter was proof enough of how much you demanded of yourself, and how it didn't seem to be nearly enough for you to live up to the man in front of you.
you didn't deserve the results etched in ink that went hand in hand with your name, much less could you allow your racing heartbeat to be the cause of your fractured smile that came before your tears.
because you were happy to have passed, but you could not accept it.
there were people much better suited for this job than you— and you even assured yourself that you would fail the next exam.
so if you were so fervent in your claims, why would you even take that second test?
why put in the effort?
"it would be… better if i supported you from afar."
you managed to feel that hint of sadness through the touch of the dark-haired one, who refused to withdraw his hand from yours
even though you tried to retract yours, trembling.
"i don't think i can do this."
you bit your lower lip with the intention of holding back those tears that threatened to spill from your eyes
"sorry"
your jaw trembled to the rhythm of your hands, voice bathed in obvious fear
your gaze barely lifted at the sound of your friend's voice.
"'tis not a job apt for everyone, so don't beat yerself up over it."
a soft, almost gentle tone adorned those words
and your heart ached in anguish when you didn't find the disappointment you had imagined.
perhaps he was hiding it, so as not to make you uncomfortable.
soshiro was always attentive to you— even his touch on your fearful hands was as soft as feathers
and that made you imagine that he was hiding what he really wanted to tell you.
because you'd heard harsh words throughout your life
just like him
he was as exhausted as you, carrying so much on his shoulders— and yet he had decided to stay by your side, to comfort you when you hit rock bottom and try to ease what you were so worried about.
you felt that all you were doing was occupying him more than he already was, putting more weight on him, even though he repeated several times that this did not bother him at all, that he did it voluntarily.
the wall that divided the two of you was the simple fact that he wanted to begin to fight against what he had been told throughout his life
while you were just sinking, learning to live with it rather than against it.
so you assumed that everyone would treat you the same; and when that didn't happen you simply thought the worst
even if you didn't want to
"ya better support me like you say"
soshiro's finger was pointing at you, and his little fangs showed above his lower lip
you lightly mimicked his smile, aware that he was only acting this way in an attempt to cheer you up
"i wanna see yer pretty face all happy, 'kay?"
#hoshina soshiro#soshiro hoshina#soshiro hoshina x reader#hoshina soshiro x reader#kn8 x reader#kn8#kaiju no. 8 x reader#kaiju no. 8#hoshina#soshiro#sister's doctrine
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Was not expecting Con//clave to be the "fuck you and your islamophobia" and "intersex people can do whatever they want forever" and "sorry i know you've improved since then but there ARE consequences for sexual assault" movie of 2024 but I am EXTREMELY here for it
#i'm shocked by how not anti-catholic it was#granted there was very little doctrinal anything#it was weirdly devoid of meat while also being an absolute cornucopia#sister agnes for pope tho tbh#i don't want this to appear in the tag only bc idk if people care about spoilers lol
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The hanabi hinata backstory episodes are so ass which is crazy because the hyuugas have like the perfect ready-made insane family drama already built in and they STILL couldn't do anything interesting with it
#naruto#they're alr at the point in shippuden where they're setting up the character assassination of the last so they cant do anything interesting#w hanabi and hinata's relationship and instead have to do nonstop hinata glaze about how Kind and Generous she is#like it's just insane that hanabi who fully buys into the hyuuga doctrine would also have this hero worship of her sister who is unanimously#considered lesser by their clan. where are her insane complexes about this situation.
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The murderer of her siblings looks at Xivu Arath through a lens of carnelian and wish magic, her features pulled into something that must be deep concentration as she braces to counter the incoming thought-missile. She is a frail thing, this Queen, even here in the realm of intent: a pale-faced blunt-toothed spectre, her Will a wisp of choking perfume, spitting poison like a viper to save her fragile spine from snapping in half under Xivu’s blade. Her mere presence here is an offence. Xivu hates her.
She hates her purple eyes and the wreath of stars on her temples, her hands that hold no sword, her arrow-words swift and piercing. But it is a good hatred—a giddy sort of anger. Mara Sov stares her straight in the face like she has the right to be here, and this excites Xivu Arath.
“You are bound in servitude,” the woman speaks, sending ripples across the Sea of Screams which lap at the shores of Xivu’s throne world. “Forever trapped in a prison of hunger.”
YOUR DESPERATE STRUGGLES FEED ME WELL.
“A finite amount of sustenance.”
THERE WILL BE PLENTY MORE AFTER YOU.
“How far are you willing to push?” Mara Sov flings her thoughts like spears aimed for Xivu’s throat, brittle sticks that crack into splinters with but a gesture of the Avatar’s hand, but she doesn’t seem discouraged by this. “Your people preach there is an end to this universe, a sword so sharp there will be nothing that doesn’t yield to its edge, until even Nothing is sliced and subdued by it. And then there will be no war. Who will you be, then?”
Xivu parries.
THIS SHAN’T CONCERN YOU ONCE YOU ARE A SPLOTCH OF GOO ON YOUR CRYSTAL WALLS.
“Yours is not the first blade I have danced down and yet transcended.”
Xivu Arath flicks her hand and a blight opens over Mara Sov, covering her like a tent. It is perfectly opaque and resonates with intrusive whispers, and she relishes the fleeting feeling of satiation as she watches the Queen struggle to shake free.
AND WHERE IS YOUR TAKEN THRONE?
Mara Sov emerges from the black fountain, panting and sticky with ooze, but her eyes are sharp with deadly intent.
“And where is your brother?”
Xivu bares her teeth and lunges forward. She hates this woman, this frail shadow of a form she could have assumed but instead chose to shun, those eyes like jewels and words scalpel-sharp and scalpel-precise. She hates that Oryx wore a diadem of galaxies around his temples and she hates the hydrogen and helium tomb where he lies, and she hates this proud, shameless thing who defeated him by ducking under when he swung to strike her. They dance in a circle, a steady rhythm of charge and retreat, until Xivu hooks the tip of her spear over Mara’s and locks their weapons together.
YOU ARE WHAT YOU HATED.
“You are alone,” the Queen hisses, the metaphor of her breath wafting in Xivu’s face.
YOUR HOME WILL BE A FISTFUL OF ASH AND NOTHING.
“As you have rendered yours.”
Xivu laughs hoarsely, half humorously and half threateningly, and kicks the woman hard enough to send her reeling.
Mara Sov sends her a glare of exhausted hatred, a façade Xivu knows is masking her fear. It is a matter of pride, this play pretend, this white-knuckled struggle to remain elusive and foglike. There is a scheme behind those brilliant eyes, and Xivu relishes the idea of crushing it under the blunt end of her axe before it can bud and bloom into reality. She will try to swivel and dodge, wrap herself tightly with lofty words until she is flayed to bare bone; too desperate to back out and too proud to admit that despair even as the ground slowly crumbles under her feet. All too eager to continue this dance of daggers, so long as it provides her with a semblance of control.
GO DEFEND YOUR COURT, QUEEN OF THE REEF. SEE IF IT CAN WITHSTAND ME.
She reminds Xivu of someone she loved.
#wip#i’m too excited about this bit to keep it to myself#mara sov#little war sister#doctrine of the passions
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“I just think that children have a closer relationship with God”
Bro??? You’re child is literally indoctrinated??? She’s literally chanting about how God is going to kill all the nonbelievers and spewing anti-trans rhetoric? How is that normal or Godly?
#based on a convo I had with my mom about my sister#this child literally won’t shut the fvck up about Biden#she literally will tell me about how a man can’t be a woman#meanwhile conservative kids older than her will ask me about my gender#and when I say “just call me whatever you want#they’ll just do it#she’s fvcking SIX#she’s learning about how a dude tried to sacrifice his kid#but isn’t allowed to watch atla#because it’s too violent#wtf is going on#christianity#christian doctrine#cultist#cultism#cultish#christianity is a cult#my mom also exorcised me once because of my autism
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No church is perfect. It is a gathering of fallen people lifting up other fallen people to worship the One Infallible God. Church is hard. Church is messy. Church is family.
In our individualistic culture, it has become very easy and very common to simply cut and leave when we take issue with something in our church. This is not Biblical. We are to speak up and hold everyone accountable to the Word. Pastors/elders are not to be idols immune from criticism. Indeed, their position means they are to be held to a higher standard than the typical member as they will be made to give an account (Hebrews 13:17). Hold them accountable. Follow the guide of bringing grievances laid out in Matthew. If you believe the elders of your church are doing wrong, or even if you just have a disagreement, TALK to them. They are here to serve YOU.
Leaving a local church is not a light matter. If you believe wrong is being done, you must speak up in grace. Do not leave your brothers and sisters under those you see as wolves. These are matters that must be done prayerfully.
"He has told you, O Man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" (Micah 6:8, ESV)
#christian faith#christian thoughts#church#christian doctrine#church discipline#faith#brother in christ#sister in christ
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Look I love fig paladin of Cassandra, iconic, slay, Emily axford the woman that you are. HOWEVER I am still emotionally attached to Bucky Applebees, paladin of Cassandra. His sister is a cleric he’s a paladin sibling duo of Cassandra healing their bond as they spread the doctrine of doubt together and hold each other’s hands in the dark,,,, I gotta go call my brother
#dimension 20#d20#dropout#fantasy high#dropout tv#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#kristen applebees#bucky applebees
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Two ships (Daemon Targaryen x Reader)
Summary: Two people who do not understand each other, but keep coming back together. Familiar much? It’s the tale you share with your brother, Daemon.
Warnings: Crybaby! Reader. Medieval punishment for children. Canon character death (Alyssa and Baelor) Sexual thoughts. Prostitution. Mature language. Incest. Fluff.
A/N: In which we explore the complicated dynamics of the sister wife. Requested. We also suscribe to @just-some-random-blogger doctrine about Daemon being a scary unhinged man but soft for the reader.
THE FIRST TIME your brother makes you cry is when you are eight years old. It is, of course, not the first time you tear up because of him. But there is a difference between tearing up because he tugged too hard on your braid, or because he cut your favorite doll’s hair and what he did to you that day.
You shall never forget the reason for your mother’s death, not for the rest of your life. It’s one of those core memories, a truth of the universe. You cannot forget fire burns, you cannot forget water is wet, and you cannot forget your mother is dead because of you. Even if you do not know when you learned those facts, they are still there. Tucked into your mind.
As a child, you used to be quiet. You barely cried, or demanded things of anyone. As the youngest and only girl of the household, you often felt like there was an unbreachable gap between you and your family. And so, you filled your days with your lessons, and behaved well, eager for praise and attention.
Your relationship with your brothers was complicated. Your father was often far away, busy with his important position, so Viserys felt more like a parent than a sibling. The age difference didn’t help things along. While you were still learning how to walk, his betrothal was already negotiated.
Daemon, while much closer in age, is much more distant too. He is mercurial, playing the cruelest tricks on you, but also defending you from other children. Just last week, he had dyed your beloved white dog green, but he had also punched a steward’s son for mocking your braids.
He can never decide if he hates you or loves you. And today, it’s one of the days he hates you. You can’t do anything right, it seems. As you break your fast, with Viserys cutting up your food for you, he calls you a baby. When the Septa comes to get you for your lessons, you are a suck-up. His bad mood escalates during the day, and when your father arrives for lunch and dares ruffle your hair, Daemon doesn't hesitate to call you a cocksucker whore.
For his offense, his mouth is washed with soap. It is not a punishment you have ever endured, because everyone knows ladies don’t get physical punishments, but it looks unpleasant. Whatever cocksucker whore means mustn't be very nice.
By the time his punishment is over, your father is long gone again. He has disappeared into his chambers, and Viserys has been left with the bitter task of reconciling you.
“You will apologize to our sister.” He orders Daemon. “Now.”
“NO!” Daemon shrieks, face blotchy from the humiliation of his mouth being washed with soap. He has not shed a single tear, which you find admirable despite yourself. The taste alone would make you gag, and that is without including the humiliation of a servant holding you while Viserys does the deed.
You feel awkward at the thought. Something doesn’t sit right with the thought of such a thing being a punishment, but you do not dare voice it. You simply sit in the chair Viserys has pulled for you and kick your feet. It soothes you slightly.
“Take it back, Daemon or so help me the Seven…”
“I will not take it back!” Daemon screams, pushing at Viserys. “She is a little whore! She has you all wrapped around her little finger, and now you will send me away…”
“Daemon.” Viserys grabs his wrists, in warning. With several years and a growth spurt on his side, he manages to subdue him easily. You worry that will not be the case for much longer. Daemon looks very different from your peaceful Viserys, shoulders broader, hands a bit bigger. In a few years, he will become a fearsome warrior, and Viserys will still be your bookish older brother.
“Why do I have to go squire for some stupid lord, anyway? We are the blood of the dragon! We do not need those fools.” At this new information, you frown. You clutch your doll more tightly. No one had informed you Daemon had to go squire away from Viserys and you.
“Fostering is important. It helps us form bonds with other houses.” Viserys explains, with the patience of someone who has had this argument already. You tug on your doll, feeling sadder by the minute. Everyone knew but you?
“Why don’t we send her away?” Daemon points at you, and a sudden wave of fear hits you. Viserys can’t agree with him. You cannot leave. Your panic almost makes you miss his next words. “She is the reason mother is dead. I hate her.”
And the world stops for a second. The argument goes on, Viserys screaming at Daemon, but you are still stuck there. Your ears begin to ring, so you press your hands tightly to them and shake your head.
By the Seven, Daemon is right, you realize with growing horror. Your father and Septa always told you your mother had died the way you were born, from the difficult birth. Tears begin to fall down your face, but you barely notice them. It feels like you are choking.
In your childish mind, the death of your mother in childbirth, and your birth had never been connected. You never thought it had been your fault. But Daemon was right. She was dead because she had birthed you. It was your birth that killed her.
Her death was your fault. You killed her.
No. No. It can’t be right.
“That is not true.” You turn to Viserys, uncaring they have long since moved on with the argument. He has always protected you and reassured you. Even takes care to get rid of the monsters beneath your bed every night. He will fix it. “Brother, he is lying again!”
Viserys makes a strange face. A cross between a grimace and a frown. He doesn’t refute it, nor tries to comfort you.
“It’s the truth.” Daemon smiles, with the smugness of someone who has delivered a killing blow. He advances, his eleven-year-old body seeming larger than life to you, and pokes a finger in your sternum. “You killed her.”
It feels like a rug has been pulled from under your feet. You stumble back. It’s all your fault. Your mother is dead, and your father is never home, haunted by the memory of his wife, because of you. Daemon and Viserys lost their mother, because of you.
You killed her. You killed her. You killed her. The world looks the same around you, despite the revelation, and you wonder if it is so because everyone knew but you. Is it why Daemon doesn’t love you? Why father is never around?
A sob makes its way out of your throat, and then another. And another. Soon, you are bawling like a dying animal, and feel like it too. You cry so much, your little heart feels like it will jump out of your chest and you will die. You cannot breathe, choking in your own snot and tears, and panic makes you nauseous.
Never in your life had you ever cried so. A nervous fit, the Maester will call it later, after you puke your lunch and stop making heaving noises like you are lacking air. One caused by extreme distress. Daemon will be standing guard at the foot of your bed when you come to be again. They had ended up having to give you three drops of Milk of the Poppy to calm you down.
It doesn’t happen again, and you barely remember it when you grow up. But Daemon never forgets it.
CRYING IS A weakness that cannot be tolerated. The three of you had been born dragons, but sometimes Daemon doubted Viserys and you had as much fire in your veins as he did.
Said doubt intensifies when he finds you crying in the gardens. Daemon has never been fond of crying women. He is not an empathetic man, and has a tendency to think he is surrounded by fools. Such a character trait doesn’t lend itself to soothing crying maidens. At least, not sincerely.
If he wants to bed the chit, Daemon can pretend like the best mummer. It’s not hard at all to fool highborn maidens into thinking he shares something special with them, convincing them that the pain won’t last, that it will start to feel good soon. When it comes to you, though, the problems start.
You are not a common whore, like most women at court. As a daughter of House Targaryen, you are closer to a goddess than a woman. Fooling a goddess is no easy task, much less when the goddess knows you so well.
His usual tricks do not work. When Daemon tries to apply faux pity, and forced pleasantries, you see right through him. It’s not because you are particularly cunning, but rather the fact that you have a long memory.
Long enough to remember all the pranks and fun he had had at your expense when the two of you were children. With how much Daemon tortured you, it’s no wonder you prefer Viserys.
Daemon never meant to be as nasty to you as he had been. He coveted the attention Viserys paid you, as the youngest in the family. He disliked how everyone fawned over you, how his mother had died, and his father had left, and all they had gotten in exchange was you.
Another part of Daemon simply enjoyed mischief. Causing chaos for chaos’s sake. Like any young boy, he had fun playing tricks on others. The disdain he felt for you had made you into the ideal target.
When the years began to pass, Daemon had noticed you were flourishing into a beautiful maiden. Targaryen custom dictated you were meant to be his, since you were too young to be Viserys’. There was no point in fixing your relationship, or trying to win you over like he did with the other maidens. You were a given thing. No matter your shared past, you would have to marry him.
It’s only the fact that you are embarrassing the family name that prompts him to approach you in the gardens. He has no intention of comforting you. It’s not like he cares that you are crying. Really. How ridiculous.
“What happened to you?” Daemon asks, sitting next to you. “Princess shouldn’t cry.”
It is quite recent, of course. Viserys' ascension to the throne has not actually yet occurred, but the succession issue has been settled in their favor. Daemon had gathered a small force of loyal men that hadn’t been necessary in the end, but Viserys said his first act as King would be rewarding him from his loyalty.
He knows what he will ask for already. Marriage. His grandmother had tried to marry him to a Vale woman, but the idea had ended up being discarded because Viserys’ own match ensured the allegiance of that kingdom. Daemon wanted to have his Valyrian bride before anyone, especially the Hightower cunt, got any ideas.
“Nothing.” You wipe your tears away, angrily. You scoot your cute little rear towards the edge of the tree you are sitting under. As far as you can go without losing the spot of shade.
Daemon sighs. He is used to you being difficult, but it would soon change. You would be informed of your duty and behave in a manner befitting your position in life soon enough.
“Do I need to protect your honor?” The very thought unsettles him. Three years his younger, you are still barely a maiden in his eyes. A pure, unspoiled being. The idea of someone else corrupting your innocence, something that is meant to be his, is infuriating. Daemon hates when other people touch what is his.
If anyone will corrupt you, it’s him.
You laugh, bitterly.
“If only!”
“What do you mean?” Your statement has clarified nothing. He feels more confused than before. Perhaps, you have a secret lover who refuses to take your maidenhead? Or are you suffering from unrequited love? But when? With whom? You spend nearly all your time in the library, pouring over dusty books, or on dragonback. Not much time for entertaining suitors.
You stay quiet. There is a strange expression on your face, a mix of embarrassment and sadness.
“Hāedus.” Daemon prompts, gently tugging on your braid.
“Some ladies Aemma brought were talking about knights, and kissing…” You get a fit of hiccups and nearly choke, so Daemon is forced to wipe the snot from your nose so you don’t suffocate to death. Let it not be said he is a bad brother. “They laughed at me!”
“They laughed at you?” How dare them. Only Daemon was allowed the honor of your tears. You were too important.
“No one asked to dance with me at the feast! And no knight has ever kissed me.” You pout, about to go into hysterics again. “Ever.”
“Doña hāedus…” Daemon wipes your tears, fighting his smile. He has an inkling you wouldn’t think it funny. “You shouldn’t listen to them. You are a Princess, the blood of the dragon. They are just sheep.”
You pout more. Daemon hurries to comfort you. Oddly, he dislikes seeing tears on your face. It must be because you are in public. As a Princess and his future wife, your actions reflect on House Targaryen.
“Ugly sheep. In fact, the actual sheep in the Vale are prettier.”
“But knights have kissed them! And they get asked to dance, and to walk in the gardens, and…”
Daemon raises his hand.
“Knights would kiss you too if they could. But you are too superior to them. They wouldn’t dare.” Or they would meet Dark Sister. All your first should be his. “It’s excellent that you have not sullied yourself with just any knight who looks at you.”
“But I am getting old.”
You are about to cry again. Your female vanity must be hurt, thinking yourself unwanted. Daemon will never understand caring about what others think of him. Dragons shouldn’t concern themselves with the opinion of the sheep.
But there is something about you, the soft little Princess who crumbles up completely when someone is mean to her, that tugs at his heartstrings.
It is why he leans in and captures your mouth with his. You taste like innocence and salt, melting on his tongue. It’s not Daemon’s first kiss, but it feels like it. There is a tug deep inside of him, a strange yearning on his chest, that has not been present when he has kissed other women. Not even maidens.
Cloyingly sweet, dripping on his tongue like the most enticing potion. His. Never has he experienced this before. Daemon wants to drown on it, drown in you. But before he has a chance, you give him a shove and run as fast as you can.
And he stands there, as if struck by lighting, pinned down by the unmeasurable realization that this is love. Love, in its purest form, for his soon-to-be sister wife. It leaves him dazed, confused, rooted to the spot. Utterly out of control.
“DID YOU HEAR?” The serving girl whispers loudly, her voice carrying through the corridor. Night has fallen already, and you pour over a heavy tome on constellations while sitting in one of the windowsills of the Red Keep. It is the best time to put your new knowledge into practice, but the constant chattering of the maids interrupts you.
You close your book, hesitating between scolding them and sending them away, or waiting for them to leave on their own. Scolding them feels unkind. It’s late enough for them to no longer be on duty, and there is no harm in what they are doing. This corridor is a heavily transited one.
Perhaps you should move to your rooms. But you do not have a balcony, and the view from your windowsill it’s quite limited. As you ponder on it, something they say catches your attention.
“And they say the Prince asked for a blonde girl. A maiden.” The Prince. Daemon! You have not seen hide nor hair of your older brother since he stole your first kiss. In fact, you have been avoiding him.
As children, he had played plenty of nasty tricks on you. Once, in a fit of temper, he had beheaded all your dolls and hanged their little heads from a window. But adulthood had mellowed him out. Or so you thought.
The worst thing wasn’t that Daemon stole your first kiss. It was that you enjoyed it.
“No!” The other girl sounds scandalized.
“Yes. And that is not all. He took her roughly, and was kicked out before even…”
Took a whore roughly? You knew he whored around, but hurting whores was a new low. You weren’t too approving of his behavior, but whoring was normal for young lords. Everyone knew they did it, even the most pious ones. Hurting them, though? It was no better than being a rapist.
The other girl lets out a gasp, but she sounds more delighted by the gossip than anything else.
“Imagine how rough it had to be for them to kick him out.”
“I would say plenty. Poor girl.”
“He is out again, is he not?”
“Every night, like clockwork. Something has roused his appetite, it seems. He used to whore, but not…”
Their scandalized voices drift down the corridor, and you think the rumor must be wrong. Daemon wouldn’t hurt anyone. Sure, he whored around, and took plenty of maidenheads, but your brother wasn’t cruel.
Was he?
He had stolen your first kiss. Beyond the softness and the sweetness of the kiss, Daemon had ruined a moment that was meant to be special. Now, it was forever tainted with the memory of being made a mockery of. Not only by those girls, but him too.
There was a difference between stealing a kiss and hurting whores, though. Much more, when it came to hurting them seriously enough to be kicked out of the pleasure house.
Was it your fault? Had he discovered with you he enjoyed taking from women by force? Was he taking out his anger with you on them? The maid had said the girl was blonde. Perhaps Valyrian blonde.
You needed to know. You ran to your rooms and got your black cloak, set on finding him.
Finding Daemon was no easy task. You made it to the city on foot, but once there, you had trouble locating the pleasure houses. There was no sign outwardly pointing to them, but you managed to get to Flea Bottom without getting mugged. Or at least, this looked like what you thought Flea Bottom looked like.
The streets were dirtier, the crowd rougher and drunker. There were people sleeping on the floor, no Sept in sight. This was a place far away from the Gods. The few Goldcloaks patrolling seemed uninterested in actually preventing crime.
You made sure to walk with purpose, afraid of being stopped if you looked like you were out of place. The streets were badly lit, and you could barely tell apart one alley from another.
A sudden tune caught your attention. A woman was singing in a tongue you didn’t recognize. You decided to follow her voice, but before you could do so, someone blocked your path.
“… A dragon for half an hour.” It was a woman. Her hair was dark and hanging limp around her face. She swayed as she walked. “My prince, I will let you choke me.”
You made a face, realizing a strand of your silver hair was peeking on the edge of your hood. She thought you were Daemon, you realized. Both your brother and you kept your hair long, and in the darkness of the alley, with your hood up, you may have looked alike. Was she a whore?
“I’ll let you. A dragon, please, I need to feed my children.”
Children. She had babes. You imagined them, tucked in their beds, wondering where their mother had gone. What if something happened to her? If the children had a present father, he would provide for them, and she wouldn’t be here. It was how the world worked. She must be alone with the babes.
You reached inside your cloak, and pulled out a gold dragon. There was an odd sort of pity building inside you. You imagined yourself, offering up your body to strangers to feed your children, and your heart shattered into little pieces.
You had never questioned the role of whores. They were sullied women, but they served a purpose. Entertain the men so they didn’t hurt others. Tend to their baser needs. It didn’t feel so clear-cut as you avoided the woman, in fear she might attempt to service you.
The voice sounded louder, so you ducked into the next alleyway. It was then you saw them.
The woman singing was sitting at the entrance of a small house. She was scantily clad, as were the surrounding women. But there was only one of them who caught your attention.
She was tall and willowy, with long limbs. There was a haunting elegance to her that looked out of place in the Street of Silk. Her blonde hair was long, and in the right light, could be mistaken for silver. It cascaded down her shoulders. Her face was eerily similar to your own. She was tragically beautiful, stricken by some unseen grief.
Sitting down and clapping along to the song, she looked as if she was praying. There was a dark stain on her neck, cleverly hidden by her hair. The closer you looked, the more it seemed like a bite mark. Not just any bite. A vicious one.
You gasped, hands coming to your mouth to muffle the sound. Whores had never been of concern to you, but now you were seeing their reality, and it was heartbreaking. The thought of women in brothels, in cages, as pleasure slaves, made you want to weep.
Women like you. That she wore your face was even more jarring.
WHEN CARAXES HAD been born, he had not done so alone. Out of the ether, his sister had come, hands linked with his. Meraxes, goddess of the sky, an eternity doomed to hold to her sibling. Caraxes only reflected his twin’s colors, gazing up at her as the flowers did the sun.
It was said that they met only once a day, thanks to the mercy of Gaelithox, who allowed the twins to embrace every sunset. It was the reason Meraxes hated him. He held on to her too strong, and prevented her from embracing the one who she truly loved. He invaded even her reflection, seeking to make himself a part of her, even invading her sacred reflection in the waters of her twin.
The story was always one of your favorites. You begged Viserys every night to tell it to you, sickening Daemon with your romantic tales. He isn’t sure why he is reminded of it today, of all days.
Foreboding, he will think later, when the storm has passed. But now, he chooses to focus on the coronation taking place in front of him, and bask in their triumph.
“Kings reward loyalty.” Viserys says, after the crown is placed on his head by a proud Aemma. “And my first act will be rewarding those that stood by my side.”
Daemon and you are kneeling, the first among the crowd. The first to take a knee to their King. There is a strange feeling in his throat, and he fights the urge to cry. Daemon has always considered tears a weakness, but the moment is so perfect, so magical, he feels the urge to do so.
Men don’t cry. Instead, they take big breaths, and savor their victory. Viserys on the Iron Throne, and Daemon about to be given your hand. All they have ever wanted, now ripe for the taking.
“Brother, please rise.” Viserys' voice is clear and loud. Daemon does so, pleased by the honor of being the first to rise in front of the masses. They had talked about it, of putting up a show for their political enemies, but Daemon had never expected Viserys to grant him honors before any other of his advisors. “Your diplomatic and martial skills were essential to securing my claim. As a reward, I give to you our sister’s hand, and name you my heir. May the two of you have a fruitful union and make House Targaryen proud.”
And when he turns to you, with a smile on his face, he realizes why he remembered the story of Caraxes and Meraxes.
Your beautiful, purple eyes, are wet with tears. You remain on bent knee, frozen.
Daemon pulls you up with the utmost tenderness, one reserved for family alone. The hand on your elbow seems to shake you out of your stupor.
“Thank you, my King.” Your voice trembles, but you speak the words dutifully. You know as well as him that this is Viserys’ day. Everything has to go perfectly. There can’t be any hint of division between the three of you, not when the rallying cry for Viserys had been that he was bringing back the three heads of the dragon.
Three siblings. Three dragonriders. Aegon, Visenya, Rhaenys.
“It is a great honor.” Daemon adds, tightening his grip on your arm. You look ready to bolt, and he is tasked with reminding you that you can’t.
A silent tear travels down your cheek. With your back to the crowd, no one but Viserys and Daemon can see it. Viserys gives him a long look, pleading him to do something. Neither of them had been expecting your reaction.
They had thought you would settle well into your duty. That marriage would give you a stable tether, a shield for your fragile soul. Viserys had chosen Daemon for the honor, had given you to him to care and protect.
But you seem even more scared that you were before. How wrong had they been.
“We are very excited.” Daemon hugs you to him, fighting to keep his composure. Your rejection stings, and he wants to rage, but he can’t. Because you are in public, and House Targaryen doesn’t air their dirty laundry in front of witnesses, but more importantly because your dam is breaking. You let out a little sob, and Daemon has to embrace you fully to prevent you from falling apart.
Fools that they are, the rest of the courtiers mistake it for a sound of joy. What else could you want? To marry the King’s heir, a Valyrian husband who can give you pure Valyrian babes.
“Good.” Viserys smiles, a bit strained. You take a shuddery breath, and straighten up under his arm. Daemon can practically feel the change, from scared girl, to experienced courtier. You know as well as he does the importance of presenting a united front.
You smile. It’s as fake as the silks whores wear, when pretending to be a Targaryen Princess. To the inexperienced masses, it tears all the same.
“How joyful days come ahead. Long live the King!”
You open your arms, the picture of the hopeful bride. The smile threatens to crack your face in two. The crowd cheers. A royal wedding is always something to admire, and there is no better way of celebrating a coronation than with one.
The hour is late when Daemon finally manages to catch Viserys alone. You have gone straight to your rooms after the feast, sulking. Aemma has been sat outside your door for hours by now, trying to coax you out like one would do to a skittish cat. Her talks of duty and royal wombs only got her a pillow to the face for her efforts.
Daemon and Viserys, much more used to your moods, hadn’t bothered. You were angry, but not hysterical. Both often manifested in tears in your case. Only one could prove lethal.
“I do not understand.” Viserys frowns. “What more can she want? The two of you will get Dragonstone, for a few years at least, and when I have an heir, you will not be kicked out. You are family.”
“I do not understand it either.” Underneath the simmering rage Daemon feels, there is only confusion. He is a knight, and has proven his skills sufficiently enough to be awarded Dark Sister. He is of an equal standing to you, a Prince to a Princess. He loves you so deeply it scares him.
The Seven know he has tried to get you out of his head through every means possible. He has deflowered more maidens that he can count this week alone, his cock is chafed raw, and yet, no matter how beautiful they are, your face still haunts him. It’s your name on his lips when he comes, and your body he pictures under him. The whores are never right. Their hair is the wrong shade, they are too thin or too fat, their tears taste of iron instead of your sweet salt.
You should not think it is a bad thing. Women love that sort of thing, leading men by their cocks, getting them so cuntstruck they cannot see straight. You should love it too because it is a weakness to him, but a power you can wield. And yet, you hate it. You had run.
“I cannot go back on my word now.” Viserys reaches for his cup of wine. He knows that his reign is still fragile, and if his lords see his sister defying him, they might get ideas. “She has to marry someone, and with her delicate constitution, I cannot in good conscience…”
“Handing her to a stranger is a bad idea.” Daemon agrees, not out of some selfish motivation, but because he knows it’s the truth. You have always been far more delicate than most ladies, with your books and silly ideas about the role women should play. Had you not been so closely tied to Viserys, you may have even supported Rhaenys.
If Viserys was Aegon, you were Rhaenys. The sensitive little sister, loved because of her innocence and kindness. You never tried to push your strange ideas, after all. You just looked like a kicked puppy when contradicted.
Any other man would crush you at the first hint of defiance. Daemon, used to you as he was, knew rage was futile. If you wouldn’t settle in your duties easily, he had to take action and ensure you did through other means.
Gentler means. Daemon still remembered the fits you used to have when little. Viserys did too. Neither wanted a repetition.
“I have thought about it, and you should forgo the bedding.”
“I agree. It might make her sick.” Sick is the euphemism they use for your fits when there are prying ears. Daemon gives a pointed glance at the guards. Viserys drops the topic after that.
Almost against his will, when the embers of the fire they sit in front of die, Daemon goes to your rooms. He isn’t really thinking, when he walks down the hallways that lead to your chambers instead of his. Nor is he thinking when he dismisses your guards, and opens your door.
You are laying on your side, a pillow held to your thighs. Your hands are made into fists over them, as if you had fallen asleep in your rage still. Despite it, your face is peaceful, with only dried tear tracks to disturb your childish expression.
Your body is curled into itself, tightly. You must be cold, Daemon thinks, and takes of his cloak to lay it over your form.
In dreams, you smile. And Daemon understands that he is no Gaelithox. There was a reason Caraxes and Meraxes were only allowed to embrace once a day, after all.
HORROR AND RAGE are not emotions that lend itself to permanence. At least, not in you. Not when it comes to him.
Not when he plays such strange game, and gets you strange prizes. Daemon has not asked for his cloak back. You have taken to sleeping wrapped up underneath it.
How can a man capable of such cruelty be capable of such tenderness? Confusion means ignorance, and ignorance breeds fear. You have known Daemon all your life, but you are still unable to understand him.
The only certainty you have is that when he is near, your rationality flies out of the window. It’s all instinctual. To fight, to fuck, to fucking fight.
The sleep of reason produces monsters. Monsters that take hold of your heart and squeeze it, until it is no more than liquid and pulp. Did he hurt that woman? Will he hurt you? Love you?
Daemon had stolen your first kiss. Daemon had gotten kicked out of a brothel. There was a girl in the Street of Silk with a bite mark on her neck. He had visited you the night of your betrothal and tucked you in.
It might mean nothing. It might mean everything. Whichever it is, you have no time to come to terms with it. Viserys wishes for the two of you to be married by the end of this moon. It makes you feel even more blindsided and betrayed.
None of them had thought to ask you before deciding. They had just done so.
The idea of marrying your brother wasn’t what came as a great shock. As a child, you had often daydreamed of honoring your ancestors and becoming your brother’s wife. It was the way things should be. But you had always thought you would marry Viserys.
When Viserys married Aemma, you thought you would marry someone outside your household. Daemon and you were clearly ill-suited, even before everything that had happened between the two of you.
Betrothing the two of you would be madness. You had never understood each other in the manner Viserys and him did. You were an outsider to their relationship, the other head of the dragon. Rhaenys to her conquerors.
But inexplicably, Viserys had done so. Being betrothed to him without even being asked about it stung. No one had thought to warn you, or ask for your opinion. They had simply announced it to court and hoped you would comply.
The feeling of betrayal had only mellowed out after asking Viserys his reasoning. He hadn’t been trying to blindside you, he had explained. He had thought you would be happy. Both Daemon and you yearned for Valyrian partners. It made sense to betroth the two of you, especially because Daemon had asked to marry soon.
Your brothers were just dumb. But their foolishness was a dangerous one, since they rode the two biggest dragons of your generation and sat on the Iron Throne. Common fools could undo the damage they caused.
But in your case, there was no way out but through. Viserys had begged you to give Daemon a chance, and so, you found yourself preparing for meeting him.
Viserys had chosen the place the two of you would meet. The Godswood was neutral territory, and far away from the castle that if you started shouting insults at each other, only the Kingsguard shadowing you would hear.
It only made you dread the encounter further. You had taken a liking to the Godswood, and were contemplating using it as a hideaway for when things at court got to be too much. If this went wrong, it would forever taint the place for you.
You decide to arrive early, to allow yourself some time to compose yourself. Daemon beats you to it, already waiting near a tree when you get there.
“Hāedus,” Daemon says, when he sees you. In a show of rebellion, you have decided to wear your more modest gown, with a neckline that nearly reaches your ears. Aemma had encouraged you to wear something more revealing, but you wanted to strangle the cow. “You look lovely.”
“Lēkia.” You press a kiss to his cheek, unsure if you should greet him like you always do, or the betrothal has changed the protocol. Kissing his cheek as you always do seems safer, but you regret it when his eyes flutter closed at your touch.
He is acting odder than usual. In an increasingly out-of-character charm offensive, he takes off his cloak and places it on the grass.
“So you may sit.” His tone is too formal. It makes you even more wary, but you sit. Daemon does the same, by your side. So close, you end up frowning more.
He leans in. His lips brush the shell of your ear.
“Despite my struggles, I have come to admire you.” Daemon noses along the hair right above your ear. “Rationality has left me, and no matter how hard I try, you haunt me at every corner, every hallway, every street of this damned city.”
“What am I supposed to say?” You complain, with a frown. You push him a little, to be able to meet his eyes.“I am well aware of your attempts at forgetting. Valyrian whores, Daemon? Really?”
“It was all in vain.” He pulls you back in, embracing you. His hands are warm around your stomach, his lips chafed against the skin of your neck. “Let me take down your hair.”
Your eyebrows raise. Out of all things he can ask for, this is the weirdest one. His petition is so simple and innocent, you almost think he is not Daemon.
“Let me take down your hair.” Daemon begs. The ardent tone in his voices surprises you. He sounds like a man possessed. As if he cannot survive if you deny him. “Hāedus...”
This devotion, this unexpected fit of love, surprises you. So much, you find yourself nodding.
You feel his chest contract with his sudden inhale. His hands are careful as they unmake your braid. His touch so tender, even the most delicate hairdresser would envy it. But when your hair falls down your back, in mussed tendrils, he shows himself to be Daemon.
His nose presses to your temple, breathing you in. His fingers run through your hair, and he presses feverish kisses to your scalp, your jaw, your ear. Licks the sweat behind it, samples your earlobe with his teeth.
Teeth. It makes you tense. You think of the girl in Flea Bottom, of the bite over her throat.
“I can’t stop thinking of you. You appear before me in the darkest corners, and in the brightest meadows.” Daemon inhales, hands grasping your waist tightly. “When I squired, away from home, I couldn’t get you out of my head. I didn’t know it was love then, but I have loved you since before I knew what the word meant. I fucked the tightest cunts of Westeros, sampled the prettiest maidens, and yet it is your face that I imagine when tugging at my cock.”
Something inside you snaps. Among the righteous indignation, a strange satisfaction takes place. You shove him off you.
“Don’t be crass!”
Daemon doesn’t attempt to embrace you again, but remains unbearably close. Your eyes drift to his lips. You would love him even if he were the one who mauled the whore. You would love him even if he did it to you. Because of it, perhaps.
“I want you to be mine. Put me out of my misery.” Daemon begs, tucking your hair behind your ears. “Marry me, and end my suffering.”
“You frighten me.” You whisper, without quite meaning to.
“Do you fear I will hurt you?” Daemon asks you, voice very gentle.
You avert your eyes. It’s not that what you fear. It’s how out of control you are when it comes to him.
“I would never.” He vows, leaning in. His lips brush against yours, before Daemon presses his forehead to yours. He looks into your eyes, and smiles. “Do you remember the last time we kissed?”
“Of course I do, you idiot.” You scowl at the memory. “You stole…”
“No. You were crying because no knight…” He gets up, and begins to tug you to your feet. You remain sitting. “Oh, get up, you stubborn thing.”
“Daemon!” You complain, but get up. He stands a few feet away from you. Curious about the point he intends to make, you cross your arms over your chest and glare.
He offers you his hand, as if to dance. You take it, eyes full of distrust.
“I have been a cunt. But you have to stop running.” Daemon circles you, pulling on your hand slightly. Is he…? Your confusion must show on your face because he gives you a mocking glance. “To dance from afar is not to dance.”
“What do you mean?”
“You might as well be in Essos.” Daemon keeps circling you. “Let us dance properly, for once.”
“Here? Dance?” There is no music. And your brother has never been one for bursting into spontaneous song and dance. At least, you don’t think so.
“Together. You wanted knights to ask you to.” Daemon pulls you close, into a hug, and the puzzle pieces finally fit. The day he had kissed you, you had been crying because no one had asked you to dance. That Daemon remembers the reason when you had nearly forgotten it yourself astonishes you. “Now a Prince asks you. Do not make me ask twice, please.”
“Let us try. To dance as if glued by fire. Let me prove I can be good to you. That I listen to you. ”
And it’s stupid. It’s silly, there is not even music. But you let him pull you in, this time, and realize Daemon has always been capable of tenderness. At least, when it comes to you.
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self-destruction — aemond targaryen x sister!reader
a/n: my idea was to make this angstober all about pedro pascal characters, but I’m not good at keeping my word and this prompt made me think of (book) aemond very intensely. so, here it is, a little late, but here it is!!! day 03 — self-destruction, from @angstober. there are some pop culture inspired references here and there, but nothing that takes aways from the medieval vibes, pinky promise! let me know what you think, and feel free to dm me :)
this is an angsty smutty piece, so beware and mdni.
word count: 3.5k
warnings: angst. mentions of death. mentions of war. (targaryen) incest (brother/sister). smut. oral (m!receiving). p in v. slight (if you squint) breeding kink.
You realized from a very young age you were bound to marry one of your brothers or nephews.’Targaryens have queer customs’, your mother would say, but it didn’t seem like she’d mind it at all. Even though she would take you to the sept constantly and there the people would say it was a terrible sin to lay with one’s blood, she had betrothed your eldest brother to Helaena.
Your father would tell tales about his grandparents, the King Jahaerys and the Good Queen Alyssane. How they knew Targaryens were closer to gods than they were to man, which was why only your bloodline remained as dragonlords. The doctrine of exceptionalism. It all seemed a little unhumble to you, and you knew gods, whether Valyrian gods, old gods or the Seven, had a way to punish mortals who flew too close to the Sun.
Despite it being strange to you, you loved the stories. You loved the songs about old tales, the epicness of it all. Queen Rhaenys and your great-grandmother Alyssane were your favorites. Oh, how lovely would it be to see Meraxes flying in the skies next to Balerion and Vhagar. Balerion was your father’s dragon, and Vhagar was claimed by your brother. It seemed cruel that fate had taken Meraxes before you could ever ride her.
The King Viserys would kid he had a Visenya and a Rhaenys in his offspring. Your eldest sister, the heir to the throne, had Visenya’s warrior ways, and her husband was the wielder of the very own Dark Sister. You, on the other hand, were much alike the Conqueror’s other wife, all would say. In the same fashion as the late Queen, you loved dancing, poetry and, above all, you loved flying.
You bonded with the dragon Silverwing as a young woman, later than your siblings had. The feeling of the she-dragon's scales beneath your hands as you mounted her for the very first time was worth all the years of wait. You knew that if you couldn’t pursue Meraxes, the dragon that was meant for you, reserved to you by fate, was the one of Queen Alyssane’s.
The brother closest to you in age, Prince Daeron, had his own dragon, but he was much too small to fly on when you claimed Silverwing, and he was already halfway across Westeros with your mother’s family. That was why you took the skies with Vhagar and her rider.
Another story you commonly loved was your grandparents, Princess Alyssa and Baelon, the Brave. It seemed Alyssane knew they were bound to each other, so she refused to marry Alyssa, the oldest living daughter of age, to Aemon, the eldest son. Instead, as your father told, she married Alyssa to Baelon, who were the love of each other's lives.
Hearing about your grandparents was the first time you thought that, perhaps, marrying one of your brothers wouldn’t be awful, or even Jacaerys Velaryon.
The wedding ceremony for Aegon and Helaena happened when you were a young woman, just entering the age to be betrothed. You knew the expectations were high, above all because of the disputes regarding Rhaenyra’s claim and her children’s legitimacy.
Honestly, you thought, all of this would have ended if Aegon was married to Rhaenyra, despite the age difference, or Jacaerys to Helaena. However, there was too much pride and ego involved.
When it came to your pride and ego, you knew that as a Targaryen princess, your wishes mattered to everyone, except for your family. Your father would marry you to whom he saw fit, and your mother would make sure it was a match able to strengthen Aegon’s silent claim. You had a preference, though. With the story of your grandparents in mind, you had your own Baelon.
From the first moment you took the skies together, you knew you were meant to take on life together. He was no Aegon the Conqueror, it was true, but he was your match in more ways than one.
You were set to be married on the fortnight following your sixteenth name day, but the death of your father changed everything. The horrible deaths of your nephews, the terrible aftermaths of battle, the sheer horror of your family destroying itself from the insides. There was no more poetry, no more songs, no more flying.
On the fall of a night, you were on the balcony, overlooking Blackwater Bay. You thought that, maybe, if you tried, you could see all the way up to Dragonstone. Maybe, if your sister, almost two decades your senior, looked from her chambers, she could try to see you too. Perhaps, you could make peace, if not for all, for the two of you.
He walked in quietly behind you, in the same wild but quiet fashion as always. His presence made himself known to you before any sound, and you let him get close enough before acknowledging him.
“I often imagine what life looked like for our family. Rhaenys and Aegon, for instance. Sometimes, I like to wonder”, you started, voice barely above a whisper, “when our ancestors stood on the balconies of the Red Keep, as we now stand”, you finally turned around, meeting his eyes — one purple, one sapphire, “did they see this line where the sky meets the sea in the same way as we see?”
He was quiet, his one eye passing through your face, down your neck, to your almost sheer purple nightgown, all the way down to your bare feet. You wish you could tell what was happening in his brain. Your brother looked up to your uncle, the Rogue Prince, but you wished he could see the virtues in your father: the curiosity, the longing for beauty, for art. He had it in him, but it wasn’t cultivated. It broke your heart, and it revolted you.
“Aren’t you cold?”, he asked, and you scoffed.
“Nyke hae olvie hen nykeā zaldrīzes hae ao, jorrāelagon lēkia (I am as much of a dragon as you, dear brother)”, you straightened your back, and turned again to gaze at the bay and the city.
“Nyke emagon daor doubt, issa mandia (I have no doubt, my sister)”, you could hear the smile in his voice as he replied. You rolled your eyes, not letting the memories flood through you.
He had been your first for everything — your first fight, your first flight, your first kiss, and everything else.
The tantrum your mother would have thrown had she found out about this years ago… But now, after the babe Jahaerys’ death and Helaena’s exhaustion, you doubt she would care if you appeared with child, as long as the wedding was set to a proper date.
His right hand raised and rested on your hip, and you felt his body approach yours as he took a step closer. You could feel his breath on your ear, and you slowly closed your eyes.
The thing with fire is that, when not properly controlled by a force equal or bigger than itself, it becomes all consuming. You and Aemond were much like fire — multiplying, growing, and, even if by accident, destroying your surroundings. You had never expected this fire to harm you, but now, you realized just how much fire was a force of nature not to be tamed by any man or woman, regardless of their lineage. You, a Targaryen, would die if a fire brought down your surroundings, just as any commoner.
Aemond’s hand started caressing your hips, and in the silence of the night, high on the Red Keep, away from any prying eyes, you let your head fall to his shoulder. He wasted no time in starting kissing your neck, as his free flew up to your breast. It was natural how your hands reached back to his shoulder length hair, and you let out a soft moan. His kisses found their way near your hear, and he whispered.
“Hemtubis, nyke jāhor sagon leaving syt Rook's Rest isse naejot rhaenagon rūsīr Ser Criston. Nyke syt nykeā jikagon-pryjagon. (Tomorrow, I will be leaving for Rook's Rest in secrecy to meet with Ser Criston... I hoped for a proper send-off)”.
You stopped.
Much like dragons, there was an inexplicable beauty in fire, but it is also fearsome.You hoped Aemond had learned that by now, after the pointless war in your family, but you realized he hadn’t.
You turned in his arms, as he held your hips. He looked amused, tranquil. You, on the other hand, had a frown you knew resembled your mother’s.
“Aemond”.
“Sister”.
You laughed lightly. “Surely you do not think of me as a common whore you can call upon when you desire”.
“Of course not, jorrāelagon (dear)”, his hand raised to move a strain of hair from your face, but you moved, stubbornly, to avoid the caress. His head tilted to the side, an amused look on his face. “Are you not to be my wife?”
“I am not yours for anything”, the response was quick, instinctive. By now, he should know you were not a lady for his bedding, but his alike, his sister, a Targaryen princess. Maybe not a warrior as he and your brother, the King, would have liked, but a dragonrider nonetheless.
He seemed all the more entertained by your reply. His hand once more tried to touch your hair, but you slapped it away. Aemond had always been quick to anger and slow to forgiveness, and you knew it. You knew he would take it as a challenge when you fought him, which was why his aggressiveness did not surprise or scare you. He used one hand to pin your wrists together, and the other to grasp at your gown at the height of your waist. You tried to kick him, without any use of your actual strength, and he simply used the size and force of his body to push you against the balcony.
Heights never scared you, you were a dragonrider and a fearless princess from the blood of Old Valyria. Aemond, however, scared you in this moment, because you knew that no matter how much he loved you, his temper would always be his one true reliable characteristic. For a second you imagined he would let his hand go, and let you fall all the way to the patios beneath.
His one eye darkened, and his breath was quick. Against your chest, you felt his rise and fall almost rhythmically. He could drop you or throw you, but you would still choose him, you realized. And what a terrible tragedy that was.
Your realization must have softened your features, for Aemond’s own face calmed. He could destroy you, ruin you, and you’d let him. Your soul was intertwined with his, for better or worse, whether you willed it or no. Walking in this horrible pattern willingly, constantly putting yourself in the way of his temper, denying yourself… Was it self-destructive behavior, as the men with skinny arms in Old Town would say? Perhaps. What a small price to pay this terror was, a price you were willing to pay to be alongside your twin flame.
The small of your back was still pressed on the balcony when Aemond kissed you, wet and fast. He let go of your pulses, and your hands immediately held to his shoulders for dear life. Was it fear he’d drop you? Was it desire?
Both.
Aemond passed one hand beneath your legs, and the other supporting your back. He picked you up like it was nothing. One of your hands caressed his neck, and the other laid quietly on his chest.
That fire from a few minutes before had grown, like fire always does. It became a fuel for the desire you had for each other. Walking inside, into your chambers, Aemond threw you on your bed as gently as he knew how. His expression was hungry, and he would have devoured you if he could.
You moved and sat on the bed as he stood in front of you, eye level with his crotch. You wanted to devour him, too, and there was no better time than the present. With one hand you began to unlace his pants, and with the other you pushed his dress shirt up. You hadn’t realized he was wearing his combat clothes. He was probably training all day.
He took the hint and took his shirt off, his gaze never leaving you. When his pants dropped to the ground with a quiet sound, he made no move to remove it, or his boots. You couldn’t care less, as his manhood presented itself already fully upward and hard, leaking from the top. His tip was probably one of your favorite parts, because it was always so sensitive, which was exactly why you didn’t start there.
One hand on his bum and the other making up and down movements on his shaft, you looked into his eye with your best sweet and helpless look. It was one of the things Aemond loved the most about you: that you were his younger, fragile little sister, bound to him, given to him by the Gods to fulfill the Valyrian tradition and his destiny. His member twitched, and he threw his head back when you finally licked a stripe from the base all the way to the tip.
There you were, bobbing your head up and down, using your tongue to move when you reached the tip of your brother’s beautiful cock. You felt yourself wet, in need of release too, so you took your hand from Aemond’s body to your own, using it to feel your breasts beneath the nightgown.
This did not go unnoticed by Aemond. Nothing went unnoticed by Aemond.
“How could I be so selfish, hāedar (sister)?”, he removed himself from your mouth, taking a step back from the back and making you whimper from the loss of contact.
His face, lit by the moonlight, was the most beautiful of all sights. You were sure you had seen other men, even other Princes, who were charming, but there was no one who could be this alluring.
How could someone so beautiful be so destructive?
You began to let your body fall back in the bed as Aemond straddled you. By the look on his face, you knew this would be fast and rough. It didn’t scare you. Should it? Should the consequences of it scare you?
A little princeling with violet eyes and white hair, running through the Keep. The memory of Jaehaerys was painful, but what troubled you most was if this little boy of yours would be a Targaryen or a Waters.
Still, you let Aemond climb to the top of you, pulling your gown up to your waist, revealing a part of your body that he, and he alone, was familiar with. He pushed the nightgown all the way up, taking it off and leaving you bare, as naked as the day you were born beneath him.
Very rarely would he take you in this position. Sometimes, he would have you on your hands and knees, face away from him. Most times, he liked to have you ride him, going as far as making jokes that you were mounting the fiercest of Targaryen dragons, and he would hide his face in your breasts. But tonight, his eyes were looking into yours the whole time.
He entered you quickly, with one deep thrust. Your cunt was ready for him, and he knew it would be; having him in your mouth had this effect on you, always left you throbbing and ready.
As his body would enter yours with force and then leave, making you see stars with the movement of his hips, you raised your legs and intertwined them around his waist. He grabbed both your hands again, this time holding them close to your breasts, which allowed his body to rise in a delicious angle.
You both had done this enough times to know to be quiet. It was hard keeping the moans in, and you let out little sighs and made a painful expression as he became sloppier.
Your hips had a life of its own, moving with Aemond’s, trying to get him as deep as possible while also obtained friction. Your brother realized this very quickly, and he let go of your hands to prop himself on his knees and put both your legs on his shoulder. One hand of his went straight to that place where your bodies met, and he began to pressure and circle the one spot he knew would make you feel as good as you were making him feel.
Warm, wet, welcoming, That was all Aemond wanted.
Your moans became louder, and you took one hand to your mouth and the other to his chest. You let your nails make a red line down to his stomach, and it wouldn’t be a problem, considering all the training he endured these past days. You were close to screaming when you were about to finish, and Aemond could tell. Your walls began clenching around him, and your juices were rolling down to your bum, making a mess of the linen sheets.
He let his body fall close to yours and kissed you passionately as you came, muffing out the sounds and making you feel oh, so loved.
Too bad it only lasted a second.
“Nyke jāhor mazverdagon ao issa ābrazȳrys, nyke jāhor tepagon ao issa riñar, mandia. ȳdra daor worry. Ao jāhor sagon dāria, se olvie Targārien hen ry queens pār Rhaenys. (I will make you my wife, I will give you my children, sister. Don't worry. You will be Queen, the most Targaryen of all Queens since Rhaenys).”, he murmured in your ear. This thought of his, this pursue of greatness and the Targaryen tradition… This would be his downfall.
He kept thrusting, completely ignoring you, chasing his release. You laid there, unmoving, thinking about what he had just said. You could never be the Queen Rhaenys, because you could never be Queen. Aegon was married to Helaena, Daemon was married to Rhaenyra, Rhaenyra had five sons, and none of your kin would let go of their claims.
You felt the warmness of Aemond’s release inside you, and he bit down hard on your neck as he came.
He could use your body for his own pleasure, it didn’t bother you. He pleased you as he did it, so there was nothing the matter for you. But he couldn’t use your kinship to justify whatever horrors he planned or wished to commit.
His body left yours, falling with a thud on the bed. He was sweaty, but he smelled like home. What a bizarre thought of yours, that someone’s sweat was comfortable. You turned onto your side to face him, laying on his back with his eyes closed. Would he dare to spend the night? Could he stay for another minute, even, considering this plan on Rook’s Rest?
“Lēkia (Brother)”, you called him, who opened his eyes slowly and murmured “hm?”. “This war we are fighting with our sister… I have a feeling this will be irreparable for our House. It’s self-destruction, it’s terror. It’s unnecessary”.
He was quiet, and coolness was always more concerning on Aemond than explosions of rage.
“Ao issi se jorrāelagon hen issa glaeson, mandia. Nyke jāhor daor emagon aōha bartos dīnagon se egros kesrio syt hen īlva kepa's refusal naejot brōzi se drēje prince. (You are the love of my life, sister. I will not have your head put the sword because of our father's refusal to name the correct heir)”, he simply said. He was peaceful, which was all the more concerning.
“You are destroying yourself, Aemond”, you shaked your head, turning your back to him as he sat on the bed, clearly preparing to leave you once more. “Ao jāhor daor botagon bisa vīlībāzma. (You will not survive this war)”, your heart broke as you spoke what you knew to be the truth.
Helaena could be a prophetess, Aegon could be King, Daeron could be as daring as he wished. You and Aemond had your fates intertwined, and he seemed ready to let it all burn, destroying himself, you and whatever lifes you hoped to have.
“Mirre hen īlva jāhor (None of us will)”, Aemond, now fully dressed, replied.
You raised your gaze to meet his. In this darkness, he was still beautiful. There was a part of you, however, that wondered if this was already a memory. Aemond was leaving now, with only hope and faith guarding his return.
Looking back on that night, many moons later, you knew what he meant with that last comment, right before he left. He thought the people would not survive, but the Targaryen name would. What Aemond didn’t realize is that the destruction was generalized, and it took from all of you, innocent or no, destined for greatness or no, all the same.
Surely, none of you would survive the battles.
#angstober 2024#angstober#day 03#day 3#this is about book aemond but it's ok to imagine ewan mitchell (i did)#targaryen#aemond targaryen x reader#aemond x reader#hotd#house of the dragon#hotd aemond#aemonx x you#angst#smut#aemond targaryen x reader smut#aemond x reader smut#hotd aemond x reader#ewan mitchell#rhaenyra targaryen#alicent hightower#house hightower#house targaryen#game of thrones#a song of ice and fire#fiction
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Jayvik fics list (pt2)
Older fics that are longer and were written before season 2. Many are a mixture of Arcane and LoL lore.
Byproduct of a Gifted Mind by argonautoida is the first part of the series Viktor Quartet. Jayvik starts in the second and third parts.
Viktor works for Silco in this AU.
I re-read this series a lot...
I will stay so the lantern in your heart won't fade by OrangeChickenPillow
“Come on,” was all Jayce said. “I’m taking you home.” Viktor shook his head, eyes widening slightly. After a moment of trying to organize his racing thoughts, he looked down and said, “I am not sure being alone would be the most responsible thing for me at the moment.” “Alright, well… No problem, then.” The other man looked up, confused. It still sounded very much like a problem. The sentiment must have been clear on his face because Jayce quickly explained. “Viktor, I am officially inviting myself to sleep over.” If Viktor had ever imagined getting Jayce into his bed, it would not have been like this.
doctrine by aevallare
"They're going to destroy us," Jayce says. "They're people, Jayce. If one thing in my life had gone differently, I'd still be down there myself." Jayce won't meet his eyes. viktor finances ekko and the firelights. this is not a conflict of interest until it is.
All of their Jayvik fics are lovely and I recommend them.
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Adopting Jinx>
AU is basicly a rewrite of the whole season 1.
Whatever It Takes by cryptiddentalstudent
Viktor, Jayce, and Mel raise an extremely volatile Jinx AU When Vi sees Silco standing over Powder she manages to break free from Marcus and get back to her sister. The two are captured by Silco– Vi becoming his right hand and de facto leader of the lanes- and Powder being sent away to Stillwater Hold as a hostage. But Powder is done being a jinx to the people she loves. Instead, she’ll use her bad luck to foil every plan Silco has for her. The first step? Get out of the prison cell. The second? To figure out how to get the two well meaning scientist who have taken her in to let her close enough to their research to build a bomb.
This is my favorite story of this AU. I love their dynamic in the first part of this series. Jayce and Viktor aren't together (yet) but Jinx thought they were.
Bombs and Secrets Both Blow Up by TheBardITP
Showing that hextech worked, and the subsequent debate with the Council, was exhausting. More than that, it wore out Viktor's lungs, meaning that he needed to get himself some medicine from the undercity. Unfortunately, witnessing a hextech blue explosion means his plans for the future irrevocably change. Two hextech partners become three hextech partners, as Powder latches onto Viktor instead of Silco. But Silco didn't make Jinx -Vi did. It's already too late for Powder, and Jinx will take her pain out on Piltover, the undercity, and anyone else she wants to. She has friends, though, and family -people who care for her. In time, it may be enough to heal her . . . at least a little. There will be a happy ending to the sad story of sisters and sister cities. Note: The main story is chapters 1-75. Everything after is fluff for the characters, who very much deserve it!
We’ll Paint The Wolf In Gold by AbiCats16
,'And as those wide eyes pierced her soul, Mel considered if she should just let it alone. She was not so brimming with love, and this child clearly needed more than she could give. She really oughtn't to bring herself trouble. This was not her forte, not her place, not within the boundaries of the comfort zone she had built around herself since her exile. She had no maternal instincts, and for a dreaded moment she reconsidered whether she should just turn the girl in and be done with it. And then the child leapt forth and latched onto her waist, knocking her to the ground. Well.' In which Mel takes in Powder at the end of Act 1.
The Scientist's Daughter by onegraycat
“You sound nervous, Viktor. Is something –” Then he caught sight of the small hand clutching the side of Viktor’s vest. Jayce’s words stuck in his throat as a face peeped out from behind the scientist, a young girl with startlingly blue hair looking up at him with fear. “Um – who’s this?” . . . years later . . . “Just this once,” Jinx whispered, “Can’t I prove that I can help my family instead of watching them die?" On the night Jinx loses her family, Viktor finds her and takes her in as his apprentice on the Hextech team. But when he falls ill, the lengths she’ll go to save him might just drive her mad…
A Scientific Guide to Parenting Your Spontaneously Adopted, Traumatized Child by Noir_Kabuki
On the fateful night that her monkey bomb finally works, Powder is swept up by a team of enforcers investigating the explosion and taken to Piltover, where she lands directly in the clutches of... two loving dads. Now Jayce and Viktor, in addition to spearheading the Hextech revolution and building their own relationship, have to figure out how to best take care of this belligerent, prodigious, and (often literally) bombastic little girl. Does chaos ensue? Yes. Would any of them change a thing? No they would not.
Collaberation of Loners by EndlessRose
A scenario where enforcers found Powder before Silco got to her. Now Jayce and Viktor are forced to appeal for their hextech dream and keep the very thief that started everything from being sent to prison.
pt 2 An Undoing by EndlessRose
A series of short stories with Powder living under the guardianship of the creators of Hextech. Will there be chaos? Of course there will be. A continuation of Collaboration of Loners
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Divorce Era (LoL + Arcane)>>>
What Shall I Do With This Body They Gave Me? by Thinwhitedutchess
After the explosion, the majority of the council are left dead. Viktor nearly joins them, but Jayce doesn't let him die. Now, a month after Viktor leaves Piltover, Jayce is summoned to the bridge. But the man he meets there is different than the one who left him. The war is just beginning.
My Dear Adversary by Ts_Stuff
Jayce scanned The Herald’s mask as if he could read into its unchanging features. “You really think we can set all of it aside?” Viktor came close to him again and offered out his right hand, “I have sacrificed my humanity for the bigger picture, Defender. This is nothing compared to that.” - With Shimmer rampant, and his The Council in corrupt waters, Jayce travels to the Undercity to get to the bottom of Shimmer production to expose his colleagues. Coincidentally, his long-time adversary, Viktor, is also looking to end the Shimmer Crisis for the sake of Zaun’s health. Normally, Jayce wouldn’t trust an enemy, but he has no funds or allies in his research. He could only hope he wasn’t making a mistake.
Broken beyond repair by Beweme
Jayce finds himself stuck underground with Viktor, and after deciding to make a truce until they get out, he realizes just how much he misses his old friend.
grieving (all that i gave up) by MaryaDmitrievnaLikesSundays
Jayce makes a list in his mind of what he knows for certain: Fact one: the building fell. Fact two: despite being inside, he hasn’t been flattened into a meaty pulp. Fact three: the Machine Herald, who could have used his inhuman speed to escape into the night, instead moved at the speed of light to stand over Jayce, back bowed, hands up against the concrete threatening to crush him, one knee digging into the floor to hold the weight of the building. Conclusion: ”You saved me,” Jayce whispers. —— Or, when the Defender of Tomorrow sets out to face off once again with the Machine Herald, he never imagines that he’ll end up stuck beneath the rubble with nothing but the Herald and their history.
Amaranthine Wins by chowderpuff
Lost in the streets of Zaun with a skinned knee, Amaranthine meets a man by the name of Viktor. He takes her in, patches her up, and gives her a bit of kind advice. He seems sort of lonely, though. If only he would agree to meet her dad (of sorts).
Divorced dads pretend not to care about each other.
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Explicit (one poly)>>>
HAMMER TO FALL by Caspercryptid (FaiaHae), theneonpineapple
Viktor and Jayce are roommates, old friends, and lab partners. They both have just one little secret from the other, which would be fine, if it weren't the same secret. Only on different sides of an incredibly deep divide between two cities.
This is a Super Hero\Super Villain AU... A love square, technically. When you don't know the identity of your arch-enemy, it kinda happens.
Guys, is it gay to have an arch-enemy?
Here is your answer >
breathe with me by Sinister_Queer
When the Machine Herald, gravely wounded, requests Jayce's help in repairing his augmented body - who is Jayce to deny his old friend? (AKA: The Inherent Homo-Eroticism of Holding Your Ex-Husbands Lungs In Your Hands)
Anywhere Away From Here by Laugh_at_the_girl_who_loves_too_easily
Viktor is forced to go to a Gala by Jayce and a night to remember ensues. Being invited to a Gala ran by the Kiramman's, or a gala ever, was not an occurrence Viktor saw happening in his lifetime. And yet here Viktor was. He was surrounded by Piltovians who didn't even know of his existence–like he expected–let alone his name, which occasionally frustrated the Zaunite, but for now he just wanted the event to end quickly. He hoped to fade into the background. Come tomorrow, Viktor would throttle Jayce for causing him to have to endure this... torture. He was certain Jayce was enjoying his pain right now, if he knew where the big oaf was.
2X8 Viktor behavior (in 22)
Someone Worth Sharing by fenfyre (Jace)
Viktor had known this day would come. Had known it since he noticed the way Mel looked at Jayce. What he had not seen coming though was how this day would end.
Mel invites Viktor to join them in Jayce's bedroom. There is powerplay, and it's long.
He who makes a beast of himself by MGCraig, SirCumference
'Maybe this is normal. Maybe most people who are dying of slow decay start feeling mysterious pains in the last months of their lives. Maybe he should just take up smoking shimmer and call it a life. Or, perhaps this has something to do with his… “experiment.” Maybe Viktor somehow did this to himself.' Viktor turns into a horrible creature. Jayce is kind of into it.
I'm sure some will be into this. Vik is the top in this one.
The Pulse of the Machine by BringtheKaos
The Machine Herald is captured by Piltover after a failed attack on the bridge, and he is mortally wounded in the process. Jayce must risk everything to save him and repair the damage done, racing against the clock as Piltover hunts him down for treason, but the history between them complicates things. Despite his claims that his actions are no longer dictated by emotion, Viktor is still harboring anger and hatred for his exile in the wake of Jinx's attack, and blames Jayce for what happened. But despite it all, they still care about each other (in their own violent, traumatized ways) and as time runs out, necessity forces them to face the past—and each other—if they want to get out of this unscathed.
wound care by weatheredlaw for Sinister_Queer
"No, you don't get to know," Jayce snaps. "You forfeited that right when you had your lawyer serve me with our fucking divorce papers in the emergency room!" or: jayce and viktor are two brilliant surgeons at piltover general. when a tough patient brings them closer together, old troubles make themselves known.
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Part 3 is on the way
#jayvik#jayvikmel#arcane#arcane fanfic#fanfic list#machine herald#defender of tomorrow#league of legends#jayvik divorce era#i love their divorce era#jayvik fanfic
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I feel like people have read into Alicent's response to Rhaenyra's ultimatum in both good AND bad faith ways, but i feel like I haven't seen much of what Rhaenyra was feeling about it!!
Personally, I feel like the ultimatum she gave Alicent was the product of 3 different motivations- first, it was the obvious political move to kill the usurper to her throne, duh. The second, is that I think Rhaenyra is super aware- and terrified of- being trapped in a cycle of loss, being passed over for a son, and her claim to the throne standing only because of what she represents not her as a person. Thats its own whole fascinating character essay i cant get into here lol.
But the third reason is that I THINK she has a desperate personal obsession with being chosen by Alicent over Aegon, and leans into the ultimatum as a way to extract what she needs from Alicent-- to be chosen and prioritized over her father's son, and be the centre of Alicent's attention (romantic or not).
The directors/writers have mentioned one of the crucial aspects of Rhaenyra and Alicent's relationship is how many times Rhaenyra reaches out, only to be rejected by Alicent over and over. I think Rhaenyra, as someone who really internalized going after what she wants from a young age, is a bit spoiled, and is obsessed with Alicent's continuous rejection as both a novelty, and a deep source of insecurity.
Rhaenyra has a bit of magical thinking where she really does think that if she just pushes hard enough she can change the world into the shape she wants it to be, and I think when Alicent CONTINUES to deny her, she gets more and more frustrated.
Double this with her general issues around being passed over for a son, first from her father with baelon, and then COMPOUNDED with baby aegon stealing both her father AND alicent's attention as alicent prioritized birthing and probably caring for her son over rhaenyra's sulking when Rhaenyra was in the most pain she had been in yet in her life.
I think Rhaenyra is HIGHLY resentful about not just aegon usurping her throne, but also the lack of attention during the HEIGHT of her teenage years, where she already has a contentious relationship with her father AND .....stepmother?? first love??? sister?? (targaryen family incest issues are a wonderful icing on top of this cake)
It was very clear that the reason Alicent married viserys was SPECIFICALLY to have more children, and that Alicent CHOSE (from Rhaenyra's perspective) to put herself in that position JUST after Aemma died from the same cause, becoming a mother rather than staying with Rhaenyra and daydreaming about riding off into the sunset. In Rhaenyra's mind, she lost her mother to the promise of a son, only to lose Her Alicent™️ to ANOTHER promise of a son right after. This is probably the deepest rejection Alicent could have given her.
The entire second half of season 2 is more denial; Rhaenyra's marriage proposal of their children is rejected, Alicent rejects Rhaenyra's bastard sons in general, and Rhaenyra's choices by extension, then driftmark happens, then the ENTIRE USURPTION happens, rejecting Rhaenyra's claim to her own birthright.
Rhaenyra even tries AGAIN in season 3 - extending herself to go into Alicent's place of comfort to sue for peace, even telling Alicent bits of a personally sacred religious doctrine only to be rejected AGAINNNNNNN.
(I could write forever about how Rhaenyra indulges Alicent's religious but never gets the same back on her own customs)
Yah, I think when Rhaenyra sees Alicent next, its not just that the ultimatum is a political necessity, but its decades of rejection culminating in 'you need to choose and prioritize me over everything, including your son, bc i cannot take anymore rejection from you, and I cant handle NOT being the most important thing in your whole world tbh :)' Especially on the heels of her newfound radicalization i feel like Rhaenyra sees Alicent's 'Choosing Rhaenyra' this time as a Holy Blessing and the last crucial piece she needs to self actualize.
(Also never forget all of this takes place in the targaryen CESSPOOL that is Rhaenyra having Alicent as a sister/step mother/half employee?? Alicent was at least her subordinate at one point/only confidante/possible first love-- theres probably alot of projection on Rhaenyra's part for what Alicent's approval means to her)
sorry this is so long the word rejection has ceased to mean anything to me at this point
"Rhaenyra sees Alicent's 'choosing Rhaenyra' this time as a Holy Blessing and the last crucial piece that she needs to self actualize"
what if we all just set each other on fire
#anonymous#answered#hotd#house of the dragon#rhaenicent#alicent hightower#rhaenyra targaryen#people always talk about alicents obsession with rhaenyra but forget its also true vice versa#rhaenyra literally dressed up like a septa and broke into kings landing#the most dangerous place in the WORLD for her to be at#just to see alicent and try for one last time to reach her just to be rejected again#but even THEN she still loves her and seeks her approval#so her coming to dragon stone finally willing to bend a little after YEARS of rejection is probably like ecstasy on crack for rhaenyra#and unintentionally seals her fate into her own path of destruction#because shes finally self actualized and fully believes in her own conquest now#because her wife gave her the Final Blessing
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Me and the Devil ; i
ɪᴛ ʀᴀɪɴꜱ ᴏɴ ᴄᴀʟᴀᴅᴀɴ. ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ʀɪᴘᴘᴇᴅ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʏᴏᴜʀ ɴᴇꜱᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴅᴀʀᴋɴᴇꜱꜱ ᴀɴᴅ ꜱʜɪᴘᴘᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴀ ɴᴇᴡ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ.
word count: 7k warnings: arranged marriage, politics, graphic scenes of blood, violence, & death of family. trauma, past abuse (harkonnen&feyd rautha warning) not much else. mutual mistrust. notes: hi! tysm to my new followers ily all <3 here's chapter one remastered of this fic [originally posted on @tremendum ] - (inspiration for reader's family is taken from the family of tsar nicholas ii, so if it feels familiar that's why.) feedback very much appreciated :)
prelude series masterlist
Penitent Crimes of Retaliation;
“In accordance with the legal doctrine of the 'Reprisal Accord', as sanctioned by the High Court of the Landsraad, attacked houses are granted the right to retaliate against proven offenses committed against them; This action shall such be labelled as ‘Penitent Crimes of Retaliation.’
Under this mandate, should sufficient evidence be presented, the aggrieved house may initiate a retaliatory strike and is sanctioned to engage in warfare against the offending party. While reparations for damages incurred during the conflict are mandated, perpetrators shall be exempt from criminal sentences ensuring a balanced recourse within the framework of inter-house disputes; as deemed by a jury of the Great Houses Major and Minor at court."
- From the Reprisal Accord, Office of the Padishah Emperor. Imperium, 10041.
There was once a time when green was your favorite color.
You'd enjoyed a childhood of it – Peridot stones glittering upon headdresses, jade figurines, the velveted forest of winter dresses; halls draped with verdant portraits of the faces which came before you, and before you, and before you – all shroud in that forested pride; an ancient thing, to know the ground of the planet and to take life from the same roots as the trees around you.
A life cushioned in the nested hearth of mountainside and jade pools of glacier; and of course the breathstealing height of the sacred Pine. Viridescent flicks of the woven banner of your house, waving in the snow-whipped wind; A snarling green wolf upon grey armor, a hall of decadent verdant heirloom stones.
And in the three months each year when the ice melts off the lower glaciers – the glacial lakes, thawed into that deep emerald green. Your brother, your sisters and you, charging with wild hollers and flailing limbs as tutors and soldiers alike chased after you; scolds and yelps of fear dying on chapped lips as young bodies leapt into the glossy pools, rippling screams through the woods.
In the yawning abyss of childhood, there’s always been that lingering haunt color; When the men of a faraway House Major arrived to retrieve your older sister, she'd been shroud in that very same sacred pine-satin. An elegant dress, you remember quite clearly – draped in gold and jade, haunting the mouth of the ship in her shining emerald headpiece as she turned to wave goodbye for the last time.
A constant source of home, perhaps; and a reminder of the ever-churning yield of abundance the planet gifted your family. Gifts of life, spurting through the ice, growing over centuries within the warm breast of mountain caverns – miners returning to the villages and towns surrounding the castle, hands stained with verdant dust. Green, that gift of life.
Even at your sister's funeral.
A glossy forested casket, laid to rest in the ground of a foreign planet – the wind was sharp against the dark emerald veils of the women of House Bourbon the day you said goodbye to your sister.
Killed by the birth of her first – a son. You became the oldest of your siblings that day.
It was an honor, your parents had told you through tears as the earth swallowed the emerald peeks of casket through handfuls of dirt; an honor to serve your family, to serve the Sisterhood, to serve the Imperium.
Years churn on, as they always do – and somewhere across the Imperium, perhaps a new life has sprouted ,evergreen above the plot where your sister lies in eternal rest. But you can hardly stand to look at green anymore.
No, instead, you mostly see black.
They'd sent you away to make for your house a fortune; a son, they'd wished, for your sake - and, by whispers of your Lady Mother, a daughter – but the nest you made was one of fear and survival; a place crawling with shadows and monsters and deadly smiles.
Your na-Baron.
If Feyd-Rautha ever had a semblance of hesitancy, it was when you first met four years ago. You were at the end of your seventeenth year and he, freshly eighteen – a cordial boy by at least Harkonnen standards; escorting you with an arm held out, eyes malicious and teeth glinting but nonetheless tamed to curved glances and sickeningly sinister grins.
He'd even called you Lady Bourbon those first few months on Giedi Prime.
Perhaps in many ways, you can consider yourself lucky. Even if only for your bloodline, or the power laced through the syllables of the name you come from – or even, Maker forbid, in some way for yourself – Feyd-Rautha has indeed taken special care of you. Perhaps he does care for you – the care a panther reserves for his chosen prey.
Despite his endless vanity, he still has stooped so as to admit he waited too long to claim you as wife; a feat which, in some way, might bring him just a step higher in the chokehold his family holds the Imperium – and you, with tongue as sharp as your mind, know when to push and when to dissolve into those dark shadows he loves so much.
So you’ve let him stew in fury, avoiding eyes and sneaking from column to column; ears pressed to oaken doors with a trembling hand.
The accusations had come from Baron Vladimir; House Bourbon has been stealing the precious refinery codes, committing treason against the trading accords along the Harkonnen-dominated exportation route. And perhaps, he thought, you’ve been the one to plot against your beloved future family.
But Feyd-Rautha knows better – knows you'd never dare betray him for the sake of your life or purely through the denial of access. Feyd was, after all, the one to demand a public execution of your family and, in the same breath, redirect your sentencing to imprisonment. As if you weren't already.
Don't look away. See what we do to scum, my pet?
Hatred flows thicker than blood; and perhaps if you'd had your blade this morning, you would have finally plunged it right into the junction of creamy skin upon his neck, right there in the stands.
You were, in some ways, relieved when their bodies hit the sand fast. You've never seen your brother's skin so reflective as you did this morning; and the black sun, oppressive as it is intense, still could not hide the blood that had seeped from him.
A deafening roar of the crowd still did not muffle the glistening cries of the two girls; the ones no older than seventeen and nineteen, the ones who carry your nose, and your hair, and your laugh, and your blood. The crowd could not muffle the sharp loss of breath as the blades slid slow across the seam of their necks to spill that which you share so intrinsically.
You'd swallowed thickly, twitching to look away, gasp – to cry; but any semblance of pain was concealed under layers of unbudging, seething hatred. There is no space here for anguish; Your na-Baron would love it too much.
Why don't you leave me with them, then? You'd hissed through your teeth.
Though he was wild and psychotic, growling with hunger at the bloodsport in front of him, he heard you for what you'd said. Feyd's fingers pulled your hair hard, forcing your chin up towards his crazed stare. A sickly glint in the black sun, his teeth shone with hunger.
You'd have me throw you to your Wolves, and lose my prize? He'd tutted, kissing your forehead with a sickening sweetness; enough so that the servants had turned away their spider-black gazes. They didn't care much for the acts of affection you'd occasionally show one another – they know just as well as you that in a world marred by ugliness, any glimpse of beauty becomes a hauntingly grotesque show of power.
He'd snarled, a growling rumble through the chanting crowd of spectators screaming kill the Wolves; His breath was hot against your cheek. You're mine to keep – there's plenty of life left for you to serve.
He'd held your hand tight as they slit your father's throat – he was too drugged to put up a fight worthy of retaining his life; after minutes, his blade fell. It was then both of your sisters, swift deaths prolonged only by the wisps of prana-bindu that remained in their muscles’ memories, by the screams that heightened the jeering crowd in bloodthirst. Next came the assassination of your brother; the Tsarevich, the boy whose grasp on his knife shook as he looked up towards your seat helplessly.
Your mother had fought as much as she could in her drugged state – a Weirding Woman, whose flashing arms and darting legs outsmarted the Harkonnen fighters for far longer than what must have been expected. A Ginaz fighter until the end.
You saw it all with nails torn into your palms; the Harkonnens are ruthless, and Feyd-Rautha had sat calmly beside you with a sickly grin.
Your mother met the slow knife’s blade against her throat. It should have finished quickly – but in your horror: The neckline of her gown was too high, and too thickly inlaid with encrusted heirlooms.
Bless their voided souls.
The emeralds that tore from her gown as she'd spilled her blood to the sand sent a ripple of pain out of your throat; and Feyd had buried his face in your neck, teeth sharp and gaze glued to your own ruby blood beading out of your clenched palms, blackened in the sun's light.
If anybody would have bothered to look before burning the bodies, you know they'd find all the family diamonds sewn into the fabric of their clothing. Centuries of your House, melted away.
And Feyd-Rautha had drank up your agony with his lips, smiling as his hand wrapped around your throat.
Now, alone and away from the thick industrial air, your chambers are cold and suffocating.
There are screams coming from the hall – not the kind that you've grown to associate with your na-Baron testing his new blades, but the kind that comes with danger. With change.
As it turns out, you are not Feyd-Rautha's to keep any longer.
A loud noise outside of your quarters jolts you from your bed with shaky legs, whispering to yourself. They're coming for you. The sheets are crisp against your awaiting, tensed body; the blade gifted to you on your nameday three years ago by your husband-to-be grasped in your palm; still tainted with the ghost of your own blood.
Your whispers reverberate in the empty room, a spiny crawl of black moulding curling around your bed and awaiting the coming voices. "I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me–”
Your voice shakes, despite yourself. Air puffs from your lips as your blood rushes - few things remain from your early days of training, before you were sent off to become a Harkonnen; This remains a relic.
A loud clash outside – blades against the failing force of shields.
For a moment, a hand grasps your arm; ghost-white and possessive, it claws at your skin, voice rumbling through your mind. Don't look so sad, my pet.
The door to your chambers begins to slam with an external force; Soon, the soldiers will enter, and you will do what must be done.
The hand squeezes upon your wrist harder – you bite back a cry. I will never let them keep what is mine. I will find you again.
You almost wish he will.
Slow as a predator, you rise from the sheets; a preparation for a fight that will end before it begins. A fight that has already been won.
Even when the hand upon your arm is gone into the shadows, succeeded only by a whispering ghost of bruises clutching your skin, you do not stop the old prayer; in fact, you hardly notice that you're saying it at all.
Even as the doors give in.
"-and when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing – only I will remain–”
The soldiers arrive in a burst of splintered doors and smooth movements; the one at the front, flanked by only two others clad in Atreides-tan armor, triggers some faint memory from a lost childhood.
He moves towards you in the sickeningly familiar stride, and it fills you with rage.
Duncan. Why did you wait so long?
It is too late. You lunge, snarling like the wild beast you've become; You fight, because that is the only thing you know how to do. It is the only thing you have left.
Your blade falls within minutes and you're taken by the man from your past not a minute after; you're on a ship, watching the black Opiuchi B disappear in an hour.
“My Lady.”
There is a buzzing downfall of drizzling rain that slides over the umbrella’s spine above you. The air here is thicker, laced in salt and terra; the voice snaps your mind back to the ground. Wind whips the veil draped over your head as you step forward stiffly, arms sore and eyes heavy.
The dress you wear, salvaged from your family's old castle, is dusty and pressed.
It clings to your skin, drowns you, as the rain falls. A staff of House Atreides holds the umbrella above you, shielding the intricate detailing inlaid along the trim of the dress as you walk.
The dress upon your shoulders is as tight a cage as the one you inhabited on Geidi Prime; and though it was an effort of good intentions, the Atreides' insistence of providing you with the necessities for you to perform your Sabberon's traditional customary mourning rituals has left you with a prickled spine and a saturation of spite bleeding into your heart.
Your family may be gone, but the ghosts of their deeds remain with you; a hard goodbye to give when you alone remain to pay for their transgressions. Still, you have found yourself draped with the veil, the dresses, the jewelry; you, alone on a strange planet with the symbols of their crimes, of their betrayals, of their poisoned love. It's what they would have wanted.
It is a death march from the hangar into the covered acceptance hall – banners of Hawks climb high towards the ragged cliffs, whipping and cerulean in the afternoon light. And ahead, stoic and proud, the members of House Atreides await you.
Your hands brush against the dark velvet – a texture you have not felt in years. It is odd, you notice, to catch the light of your skin not wrapped completely in black fabric; It has been many years, too, since you found yourself in green.
It is with a prickled glance that you slow your pace behind Duncan Idaho – the man turns and glances at you when you begin to ascend towards the House members, but you can't bear the look of unfamiliarity that flickers over him when he looks at you now. Your chin remains high, your eyes over the line of cliff climbing towards the sky.
Duncan, after these years, still looks the same – perhaps less tall, but that has more to do with your growth than his own; You, however, are not the same girl he last saw on Sabberon. Your hackles raised, your talons flexed within your palms: A coiling beast of hatred backed into a corner.
There is a coastline far beyond the hangar – and it calls to you quietly; a vast thing, cerulean, cold, and deep. You’d been otherwise occupied when the ship entered atmo to Caladan this afternoon; the sea remains something only within your mind, a figment whispering of golden lips and curling tides in the corners of your dreams.
An urge strikes you as you begin to ascend the stone stairs towards the welcoming party; and subtly, you crane your neck outwards to catch a glimpse of that sea – a crashing call in the distance, the circle of gulls cutting through the clouded rainfall. But there is no ocean within sight; only jagged cliffs which rocket hundreds of feet above or drop off sharp below.
Duncan stops just before you; Your spine straightens once more, vision concealed in hues of pine and evergreen as you take in the retinue standing before you.
Duke Leto Atreides at the center; a man with peppered age, a tall pride and commanding stare – beside him, a woman in a gown of the same deep cerulean – Lady Jessica.
A flood of knowing penetrates you the moment your eyes find hers; through the veil she stares at you, before flicking her sight beyond you, to the Reverend Mother who’d travelled with your retinue as per High Court orders. A voice curls in the back of your mind, stalling your heartbeat for a slow moment. Hello, sister.
Your lips purse as you look to the right, stood tall next to Lady Jessica; a boy intense in stare and proud in ceremonial uniform, eyes already awaiting your gaze with a sharp curiosity. Paul Atreides.
The son to whom you're now destined.
Even from your obstructed vision, there is no hiding such sharply beautiful features – a sculpted visage kissed with a smattering of freckles from the Caladan sun, pale from the weather; a curve of pouted lips, full, furrowed brows – curled dark locks and eyes wide and just as penetrating as his mother's. A properly handsome heir, you allow your heart's skip; But Maker, you realize as he solemnly watches your veil shift in the breeze, those eyes are so green.
And most peculiar – within them, there is no hunger; nor hatred, no inkling of emotion besides a giveaway twitch of curiosity in the dragging gaze over your shrouded form. Some ancient stirring in your chest, a hibernated anger, a desire to bare teeth towards such an unassuming and altruistic stare – though you do no such thing, remaining balanced upon your feet and tense with the coiled hibernation of an awaiting serpent.
There are eyes upon you with each movement of breath from your chest, and it stirs your fear in a way you’ve not felt in a long time.
It was easy to go unseen with the Harkonnens; by nature of arrogance and brashness, they paid no mind to the girl hiding around the shadows, slinking through the halls with a dark stare but blood that still bleeds green. The Atreides are no fools, and you are not one to think so; where Harkonnen honor lacks, Atreides honor flows in abundance. Though still, any such action that might come from a place of intrinsic value sets your teeth to edge.
The Great Houses of the Landsraad have charged you to leave your nest of shadows, and you have done so. You have been shipped to a new world, a new chain to which you will forever be shackled.
You have learned to find the betrayal of emotion that lingers within the stare of men like Feyd-Rautha and Vladimir Harkonnen – the hunger, the greed, the danger; you have learned to sharpen your edges with the blade of their power, and you know now what your place in this galaxy must be.
And yet, Paul Atreides: His stare betrays no emotion but duty; a foreign thing to you in these times, though as you scrutinize the twitch of his brow or the brush of eyelashes against cheek, you find yourself struck wary and off-balance.
He does not have that wolfish hunger in his stare that you’ve come to know – in truth, if not for the boyish pout of his pink lips and his freshly-shaven jaw, you might have dared mistake him for his father; A Duke.
You might have remained in your study of your betrothed if not for the echoing voice of Duke Leto speaking your name. A snap of your gaze towards the man in front of you as he nods warmly, “Welcome.”
It is an effort to bow in return to him, wincing through your stiffened muscles as your headpiece chimes with your movements.
“We are honored to welcome you to Caladan.” It is an exceedingly polite, humane tone with which he addresses you; you, a stranger who has been delivered from the protection (which itself might even be a laughable term) of their sworn enemy.
Though despite the sincerity, you find yourself struck with a stinging embarrassment: There is no honor to your presence, not anymore.
It gives you a moment to gather your expression, however hidden behind the veil it may be – perhaps they can't quite make out your face, but Lady Jessica watches closely. She sees.
You take a sharp breath, swallowing away the lump of emotion in your throat.
“Thank you, Duke Leto.” It is steel which grinds the melodically polite veneer of your voice; and without a hesitation you turn to greet the Lady of the House.
“Lady Jessica, it is a pleasure.”
In response you are offered a smile as warm as the Duke’s voice; there is a flicker of understanding which floats along the line of blue in her irises, and it compels you to continue, “Thank you for welcoming me to your home,” You finish, hoping the steely reflection within your voice does not bleed unto the other ears.
The rain falls quietly overhead, sliding over the high-drawn ceiling of the open acceptance hall. “We understand that these are trying times,” Lady Jessica begins; your legs feel weakened in a moment of shortened breath, though she finishes in a quiet nod. “We are relieved to have you on Caladan.”
The spin of worldchange has caught up with you at the reminder of such trying times – a day and a half’s travel between systems behind you, and yet the deaths of your family meet you still with a fresh sickness of shock each time you close your eyes. Your headdress chimes lightly when you bow your head once more in appreciation of her words.
The welcome feels rather intimate, in this moment – a retinue of four strong flanks behind you: Duncan Idaho, the Reverend Mother, and two Atreides soldiers; and before you stands the Duke and Lady, their Heir, and a party of five men in Atreides uniforms. Your eyes sweep them efficiently – no weapons; a surprising show of trust, knowing who indeed you have just been delivered from the clutches of.
Perhaps they'd thought they'd be taking in some injured little dove; a cooing thing, wings clipped and battered by the ferocious boy who'd gifted her with a knife plunged between her ribs on her eighteenth nameday. A bitter thought.
The scar that lies just below your breast on your right side is not a reminder, but instead fate carved into flesh – it does not ache; it hums with the echoes of pain grown to purpose.
It echoes of the months spent thrown into a pit under the glaring black sun; Not the arena that rang in the end of your family, no – this pit is smaller, with one large seat for the na-Baron himself; one not with a crowd of vicious jeering but with drugged concubines and slaves clutching blades to service his na-Baroness.
A place to watch his pets play.
Your eyes glance to the curved wounds scabbed over your hands – little half moons, skies of pain, etched into the palms of your hands. Destruction: the only thing you and Feyd-Rautha may have ever had in common.
Unfortunately, you endured; a hard lesson, to live with Harkonnens, to be one of them – and with a clip of fear, you worry you may never be able to unlearn.
It has been long enough for a bout of thunder to rumble up in the heavens above; you turn to the young man who stands next to Lady Jessica.
Your betrothed watches you in a peculiar tilt of head – subtle, but analytical; a gaze so green you have to look away, nodding slightly as you speak once more. “My Lord,” your heart thuds in your chest uncomfortably, wondering if he, too, will be as displeased as Feyd so often was when you spoke to him; though Paul does not so much as move as he inhales softly, eyes coasting over your jaded silhouette.
“My Lady.” He returns the formality with a voice much softer than expected; your heart is struck with a cool unease, distrust tightening its clutches around your throat.
A silent moment hangs thick between you; it is only then that you see the tense coil of Paul’s shoulders – surely a mirror of your own. Defiance, your mind tells you. Though Duncan Idaho’s voice cuts through your observations quickly. “We have much to discuss.”
Cutting to the chase, as always; you are relieved for the attention to fall off your presence as you let out a short exhale. “Yes–” though the Duke lifts a brow, eyes caught on the lump of gauze which wraps around Duncan’s bicep, concealed by his uniform. “–Idaho, Do you need to see treatment?” He questions the Swordsman.
As Duncan laughs, your shoulders tense; and before you can consider some quieter death, he begins to speak. “No. Harkonnen blades are sharp – but so are Lady Bourbon's nails.”
It is immediate, the prickling of eyes which befall you from all sides, and a heated stare from your betrothed that you steadfastly ignore for the sake of glaring at Duncan. There is a smirk growing on his lips as the Swordsman addresses you. “You fight differently than I remember, Little Bourbon.”
An old nickname, unearthed from the catacombs of the life you once lived in the wintered palace of Sabberon; a nickname so cherished in your youth and so foreign now that it knocks the air from your chest. Resentment curls within you at the warmth upon his tongue.
The shame floods you just as fast as the pride does, and in the aftermath, you stand just as rigid as before, hands clenched into the velvet of your skirt, seething under your veil.
There is no hiding the shock upon the Atreides' countenances; before them stands some monster, some savagery wrapped up in a gown and a pretty smile hidden beneath a veil.
It had been a habit – rabid hounds don't tuck tail when cornered, do they?
Nonetheless, you smile tight behind the veil, trying not to think of the life you've just left – of what cold life lies ahead.
When you respond, your voice is frigid. “It has been a long time, Duncan.” You muse; Paul’s piercing gaze of green penetrates the veil, but you ignore him.
“Threats demand evolution.”
The rain is gone into mist by the next day.
It rolls in fog along the moors outside, taunting an echo of tides far below the castle – in the morning room, forks scrape over blue-plated China. A grandfather clock lives in the corner; the seconds pass in quiet, insistent ticks.
A cleared throat, a swallow of water – air blown across a plane of steeped tea.
Your eyes burn from exhaustion.
To your relief, your arrival last evening held no such time for small talk – you were whisked away by the service staff to make sure your quarters were comfortable; in the minutes you’d been given to yourself, you’d found the clothing of a former life – dresses, tops and trousers of yourself, your sisters and your mother; the dressings salvaged from the Castle on Sabberon in the week leading up to the trial at Harko Arena.
All washed thrice of soot and rubble, hanging in wait of your touch within the wardrobes in the room. A sickening feeling had haunted you the moment you’d slipped your mother’s old ceremonial ferronnière and hair chain; the reflection of your stare in the mirror resembling too close the sharp gaze of her own. And that feeling had lingered in the shadows of your room still as you shut away the diadem of gold and emerald, the gowns, the old trousers your sister would wear to ritual; your eyes, burning along the skyline in the distance as you locked the wardrobe with trembling fingers.
Late in the evening, you'd attended a meeting in a small conference hall.
There, sat across from Paul, Masters of War and Swords and Strategy, a Mentat, and Lady Jessica, the Duke had asked you questions, ensuring you were not harmed – and perhaps more importantly, trying to ensure there was no malicious intent to your presence. It was in your sleepy haze you first detected the twitching motions of Lady Jessica's hands, the flicking gazes of the others as your voice carried to them. A war language, you’d realized quite quick. They think I am lying.
You'd only been there for ten minutes before you were escorted by a handmaid back to your chambers, where you sat without rest through the night.
Truthfully, you're breaking fast this morning with Lady Jessica and Lord Paul out of courtesy; You were up far before the sun had teased the horizon this morning, staring emotionless at the ghost who stood in the corner of your new chambers.
He is not a new visitor; in the hazy world between waking and dreaming, you’re well used to the ghost – how he smirks by the foot of your mattress, whispering with sharp teeth, with sweet memories, with promises of blood and pain. You’d grown used to his presence, and you’d remained upright for most of the night – until something moved in the corner of your vision, and you screamed.
That had woken one of the servants.
She came in with her head tilted down, holding a pitcher of water; you asked her to stay.
Her name is Hestia; close enough in age if not younger, as she must be merely twenty – the silence was hesitant but not wholly unpleasant as she’d sat, wary but willing as you shared the pot of tea brought for you.
It wasn't until she'd brought you breakfast a few minutes later that you realized the staff must have been informed of your ancestral customs before your arrival – she said nothing as you ate silently, staring out towards the coast of rocky cliffs and rolling moors you could just barely make out from your chamber windows. She’d helped silently to smooth your hair under your veil as you’d drawn it in preparation to leave the room; and with a beat of hesitance, you’d almost admitted to her you did not wish to wear it.
Now, you sit quite similarly; hands perched in your lap, tea in front of you untouched as the food on your plate.
Your future husband sits across the table from you – with a motion sluggish and ruminating, he pushes the omelet around on his fork. You find the boyishly restless knee from Paul, one which shakes the table just slightly, jilting your glass full of water.
A polite and quiet conversation follows; some throw off observation of the weather this coming week, how you seem to have brought the sunshine – a comment that makes both you and your betrothed share a sharp glance; heat following the sudden shared connection.
Efforts to bring you into such discussions are met with your polite, quiet words – and after a short time, a woman enters and whispers something to the Lady at the end of the table. Nodding, Lady Jessica takes her leave with a pointed look at Paul, suggesting he might escort you around the castle to settle you in.
Some cold dread licks its way up your spine, though you force yourself to nod – to adapt. “–If you have time, my Lord, I'd appreciate it.”
He seems equally pricked by his mother’s suggestion, though he hides it quite well – a quiet, chivalrous demeanor suits his striking features, and you find your distrust mounting in some self-preserving effort.
Lady Jessica’s leave brings a gust of air through the morning room, and soon you’re met with the scent of forest; a warm soap, sharp with the efforts of Caladan’s bright ocean salt and wooded hills to the west that lingers upon his skin. Your face flushes in the heat of the sudden morning rays, exposed by a gap in the clouds.
It's silent for a few moments as only the two of you remain; Your food untouched, his half-eaten.
The wall behind Paul boasts an intricate geometric wall of wood and empty-space; a fascinating architectural choice which complements the beauty of Caladan’s moors – you find yourself intent on tracing each line laid before you, ignoring the glossy glint of Paul’s hair in foresight. In the silence of youthful discomfort, the quiet feels inescapable – until it isn’t.
“Are you one of them?”
His eyes trace you when you return to his visage. Them?
In a slow realization, it occurs to you that Paul might assume you are just as bald and sickly as each Harkonnen; that perhaps their soil, so poisoned, might have penetrated the evergreen veins that carry your life to each part of you – might have wilted the very things that make you so uniquely yourself.
You shake your head, thankful for the lack of chains upon the crown of your head today; you are not a Harkonnen, and you never will be.
Perhaps that would have been the preferred choice of words, but instead from your lips fall a curt sentence: “I have hair.”
In the morning light, you glance at the skin of your arm; The skin that boasts arm hair, none of the sickly pale skin that knew of no clean air nor healthy sunlight – your skin, glowing with real melanin and health.
It is a brash choice to speak with such frivolity; You'd not dare speak so freely on Geidi Prime – stars, you'd never have spoken this freely at home on Sabberon, either – but there is no home anymore.
And if you've learned one thing in your years since coming of age, it's that the Great and Noble Houses of the Landsraad are crawling with perjurers, fabricators; Paul is likely the same.
If the Atreides boy must be wed to you, you cannot help that; They can dress you, insist on your traditional customs – but you will not go down easy. No matter how cold the home, you can be colder – you are more than the bones which hold you up; crueller than the demons that kept you in their ghostly grip for four years.
Though at your words, Paul’s cheeks flush a peculiar pink – and his lip twitches in a momentary lapse of stoicism. A lost battle, it seems, as you are rewarded with a small, boyish grin flickering over his visage. “No,” he starts again, eyes penetrating your own somehow, even beneath the layers of green that wrap around you. His breath comes in a short exhale, “Not Harkonnen,” His elaboration grows quiet as he continues, “I meant…Bene Gesserit.”
Your stomach chills.
His eyes seem to know the words which whisper around your mind, and a faint sense of memory gnaws at the cage within your head. After only half a moment’s hesitation, you shake your head. “No, my Lord.”
It must be what he expected – he does not so much as blink; though a flicker of knowledge passes over his face and he closes off, eyes flashing.
You are – despite your resolve – coaxed by his expression to continue, “I suppose I was…” Your hand tugs the sleeve of your gown.
“–Or, I was supposed to be.”
Your tone, unemotional; Paul bites back the suspicion that climbs up his throat. He’s no fool; he saw the glances between his mother and you, however short – in those breaths, the buzzing of his mother’s whispers behind shut doors, her eyes quaking and steadfast in the same.
And, of course, the lapping memories of dreams upon a beach of consciousness; a face beneath a shroud, a whisper from golden lips, a pathway dimly lit and forked into the foggy horizon.
He stands when you rise from your seat.
The dress you wear is unlike any he’s seen outside of your culture’s books; a waterfall of emerald that pools and flows – some frozen-limbed weeping willow, kissing the face of a thawing lake. He offers an arm to you, and you loop yourself to him with only a breath of hesitation.
Your voice comes again from those lips so hidden behind the veil of pine. “I was supposed to be a lot of things.”
Your voice is undeniably beautiful; strong, cold, unwilling. Polite, yes – but calculating, aggressive. Coiled in a nest, watching, waiting to strike.
She tells the truth.
His mother had signaled during the council the night before a dissection of your honesty; Yet trust is a fragile thing, and as much as he places faith in Duncan and his father, the thought lingers of distrust.
He saw the claw marks you'd left upon Duncan; a man you've known since you were a young girl. By decree, Paul is now bound to you in marriage; but he has spent endless hours unraveling the Harkonnens — their cunning, their strategy, their thirst for power – and yet, according to Duncan, the Baron and his brutish nephew simply let you go, unscathed and unpursued.
It gnaws at him, such inexplicable mercy from a house that knows no such thing.
Paul’s wariness does not bleed through his posture, as indeed it does not with you: You walk with your chest out, back as straight as a soldier’s; your words are cordial, indifferent.
Halls pass as he murmurs a light overview of the castle’s history, introducing you to Houseworkers as you stop to greet them; he is rather surprised by your indifferent charm that seems to enrapture the workers and scare them all the same; he wonders, then, what this life will be like, when you become the Duchess and he Duke.
A revolt in his heart; one childish and quelled by duty and understanding – and by his father’s words, burnt sharp into his mind.
Duty often requires us to navigate paths we may not have chosen for ourselves, Paul. You may not always like her, but you will treat her with the respect and care befitting of a future wife.
Love may come to you in other ways. But you will marry her, you will respect her, and when the time comes, together you will sire an heir.
Outside the walls, it is quiet – the wind is calmed, the tide drawn by the looming moon in the morning sky; you and Paul share no more than one unintentional glance broken up by wind-warmed cheeks and a softly cleared throat.
It is not until he escorts you along a path that winds down out of your sights that he notices your change in demeanor. Beside him, you take a deep breath, footsteps faltering as you slow – a blink of concern until he follows the direction of your veil towards a clump of moss sprawled across the earth. Curiously, Paul slows to a stop beside you.
For a moment, you stare down at the dirt and fallen tree limbs, the grassy field and rocks; though as if an invisible string pulls you upwards, you snap your head, voice sheepish behind your veil. “Apologies, my Lord.” You start to turn, “I've read of plants like this, but never seen them before in person.”
It is an odd moment in which Paul comes to understand: He knows what Giedi Prime is like, and your homeworld, from what he's read in the books on Sabberon, is mostly Glaciers, forests, and high altitudes.
The notion of you finding interest in Caladan’s flora and fauna is as bizarre as it is endearing – and so instead of moving along, Paul bends to grasp a bit of moss from a fallen trunk.
Your veiled visage tracks him as he returns to his full height; The earthy dirt spreads between his nimble fingers, green and soft against his skin. You watch him silently, curiously.
“It absorbs up to twenty times its dry weight in water,” He explains in an echo of an old ecological lesson, pushing the spongy material with the nail of his thumb. “Banks of it grow just around the brackish tidepools below the castle.”
Your interest, piqued, causes your head to crane slightly from your small height – he can tell, even without seeing any part of your face, that you are fascinated; it brings him a moment of pride.
At his gesture towards the coastline just peeking below, you follow in a slow move of interest, breath coming soft from hidden lips. He watches the side of your silhouette flutter in the breeze. “Am I allowed to see?” You ask stiffly, arms hanging at your sides.
An odd request – one which penetrates any semblance of protectiveness for his homeworld and instead strikes alarm in his chest. What such monsters do you come from that you must ask such foolish questions?
He lets the moss fall back to the stump, brows furrowing. “You are to be Lady Atreides one day.” His voice does not reveal any hint of his resistance to this fact, and for this, he is grateful. “You do not have to ask permission to see your own land.” He finishes, cheeks warm with the insistence of the seabreeze and the alarm which still thuds through his heart.
You have grown quiet – in the rushing blow of wind, you are still as an evergreen.
The wind from the sea whips in misty breaths even this high; inky tresses swirl around his vision and are swept away by his own hand – there are no words from you for several very long breaths, in which you clear your throat.
“I…do not feel well.” Your voice is sudden, thick with some hint of insistence – though your spine does not bend, it does not yield; a small breath as your head cranes up. Paul sees a glint of eyes through the ripple of green. “Please, if you would excuse me.”
It is not below Paul to entertain your fib – for your sake, sure; but rather for the growing weight of bitterness that festers in his chest each time he thinks of what is to come. Paul escorts you to your chambers in a tense silence that echoes only the footfalls and the swishing of velveted fabric.
You slip into your chambers with a polite and half-whispered thanks to his looming frame. Paul watches the fabric of your dress curl around the corner as the door shuts.
Upon his return to his own quarters, Paul catches Hestia; a girl known long before she began working for the House. He requests she bring you some bread and cheese, and send Dr. Yueh to check on you once more.
An insistent tapping grates in his mind as he stalks the corridor towards his rooms; a clock from halls away, ticking away the seconds – hands clench, flex; an itching shiver down his spine as he turns corner towards his chambers. A flicker of green around the corner just across the hall sends his stomach to tense, stilling in a moment of suspicion; hackles raised, Paul blinks away paranoia as a Houseworker trims a houseplant. A hand swipes over his visage, massaging his eyes.
Threats demand evolution.
The memory of your voice pierces his thoughts – and without a second thought, he turns heel and makes towards the training room, fingers itching for a blade.
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#the more i edit this story#the more i see the leaking traits of house Stark#its so awkward#i would NEVER be in that fandom!#<- me when i lie#paul atreides x you#paul atredies x reader#dune fanfiction#dune 2021#dune movie#dune part one#paul atreides x reader#paul atreides fanfic#paul atreides smut
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Doctrine of the Passions — Chapter 2
“Let the old ways shape the new.” —Seventh Seraph Vector
Chapter 2: Double Stop
#i made it before the reset!!!!!#doctrine of the passions#my fics#yilwran#julianna-2#exo stranger#mara sov#little war sister#haroktha scourge of the helium drinkers#ir nithra scourge of the ammonite#ir hanal scourge of the dakaua#hive#season of the seraph
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In fairness, if I were BG3 Viconia I would also hate Shadowheart's guts. You spend 100 years in loyal service and then get thrown aside because Shar will not stop trying to make this girl Sharran.
And she is. Terrible. At. It.
'Mistress, we've had to send her to have her memories reset for the fifteenth time this month.'
'Mistress, she won't stop defending the trans girl no matter how many times we remind her that she's supposed to be driving her into misery and isolation to better embrace your teachings. We keep telling her that acceptance of diversity and befriending minority groups is Selûnite behaviour and she's still doing it.'
'Mistress, she's cooing over fluffy animals again. She just saved another cat that got hit by a cart. Now she's trying not to cry over it.'
'Mistress, she cannot lie to save her life and I'm convinced it's inherent and immutable. I've been training her for 30 years and she still keeps outing herself as Sharran in public. It's basic doctrine!'
'Mistress, this is a complete waste of res- no, I'm not questioning you! ...but it's been 30 years and we're using up so many torture implements and spell components putting her back on the right track, I'm sure temple funding could go to less taxing things?'
'Mistress, p l e a s e.'
But Shar cannot be convinced she's ever wrong and is determined to prove that she's inherently better than her sister and will cut off her nose to spite her own face; so Viconia has to keep pushing that boulder uphill. Time for re-education session #984!
I mean it's horrible for Shadowheart, but it's also so hilariously stupid on Shar's end. Sure she might win and corrupt Shadowheart, but oh my god this time and effort could've gone to better use.
#Viconia and Orin should have lunch together and complain about their respective deities' doctrines and horrible choice in Chosen#babbling#edgelord hours#villainous nonsense#/shadowheart
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Obviously Aegon IV was generally a shitbag (including to Naerys) and generally a completely selfish person, so I wouldn’t necessarily need to ascribe any greater motivation to Aegon’s extramarital sexual relationship with Megette than the king’s overall lust, greed, and cruelty. (Indeed, I’ve compared Aegon’s acquisition of Megette to Tyrion’s acquisition of Shae.) Yet I wonder whether part of Aegon’s idea in making Megette his de facto official mistress was to humiliate Naerys in a very particular, very cruel way.
After all, Aegon didn’t just make Megette his sexual partner - according to Yandel, “[Megette] and Aegon were even ‘wed’ in a secret ceremony conducted by a mummer playing a septon”. Of course no one would have believed that Aegon and Megette’s play-marriage was legally binding, given that “bride” and “bridegroom” were already married to other people and that the officiant seems to have been deliberately chosen for jovial mockery. Yet the very farcical nature of the “marriage” may have been precisely what Aegon wanted, specifically to hurt and demean his sister-wife and queen.
Aegon had every reason to know that Naerys was deeply unhappy in their own marriage, in no small part I think because of her religious scruples. I very much believe that Naerys had wanted to become a septa, rather than marry her brother, because she (along with other Targaryens of her generation) believed the Doctrine of Exceptionalism was a heresy which had incurred the wrath of the Seven. Moreover, when Naerys had attempted to voice her pious resistance to their incestuous union, Aegon had responded not just with denial, but with scornful, sardonic cruelty.
So perhaps Aegon, with his penchant for vicious, decided to frame his relationship with Megette, his first major mistress following his marriage, in the way that would most hurt Naerys. If Naerys had resisted an incestuous union as heretical in the eyes of the Seven, Aegon would now force her to engage in an even more heretical relationship - an unwillingly bigamous “marriage” in which not only was she married to her brother, but another woman was as well. To twist the knife more for Naerys, perhaps, Aegon had chosen as his play-second wife a woman who was herself already married - that is, a sort of double bigamy on top of the incestuous union Naerys had been forced to endure. This was Aegon openly sneering at the concept of marriage as defined by the Faith of the Seven, and as such attacking Naerys in that piety she held so dear. He so little cared about the Seven’s institution of marriage, so he might have wanted to show Naerys, that not only was he going to insist that she stay married to him despite the physical danger to herself and (so she may have believed) the spiritual danger to her soul, but he was going to turn marriage itself into a joke - so obviously flouting the principles of Faith marriage, with his married play-wife and a mummer to oversee the play-polygamy.
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I see the term "Valyrian supremacy" thrown around here a lot but what does it mean exactly?
My guess is that this concept stems somewhat from the Doctrine of Exceptionalism and primarily from sentiments espoused by characters like Viserys III (a famously reliable source of information) and, well, show!Aemond:
She had always assumed that she would wed Viserys when she came of age. For centuries the Targaryens had married brother to sister, since Aegon the Conqueror had taken his sisters to bride. The line must be kept pure, Viserys had told her a thousand times; theirs was the kingsblood, the golden blood of old Valyria, the blood of the dragon. Dragons did not mate with the beasts of the field, and Targaryens did not mingle their blood with that of lesser men. (AGOT, Daenerys I)
In Aemond's case there's clearly a lot of subtext here, and Viserys III's idea of Targaryen history elides the fact that plenty of Targaryens have married members of First Men, Andal, and Rhoynar houses (their direct ancestors Betha Blackwood, Dyanna Dayne, and Myriah Martell, to name a few). The emphasis on bloodlines is also not exactly unique to the Valyrian families, and honestly I’ve generally seen accusations of "Valyrian supremacy" directed toward that which are clearly just bog standard Westerosi feudal conventions.
In regard to the Doctrine of Exceptionalism, it’s a provision that Jaehaerys and Alysanne made the Faith of the Seven adopt and which states that Targaryens are allowed to continue their tradition of endogamous marriage because they are Valyrian and have different customs than the rest of Westeros. Bear in mind that they did this after a group of assassins tried to stab Alysanne while she was pregnant because the Faith of the Seven viewed her unborn baby as an “abomination” conceived of incest, and thus the Doctrine serves a very particular political purpose. The same can be said of endogamous marriage itself—a revealing example is that of Queen Rhaena, whom the Lannisters tried to coerce into marrying one of their own, as this would have produced Lannisters who could ride dragons and had access to them since Rhaena’s dragon was known to produce eggs. Jason Lannister clearly had similar designs for Rhaenyra on the show.
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