#sirius panicking that remus wasnt with him

[lulublack90]

Prompt 7 - The Quidditch Locker Room

@wolfstarmicrofic November 7, word count 428

CW- Blood, Open Wounds

Previous part First part

Sirius’s breath flew out of him in a flurry of bubbles as he screamed in shock as he was pulled into the pool. He felt Remus’s massive body beside him and tried to grab him with his free hand, but Remus had the same idea. His claws bit into Sirius’s arms as he cut deep furrows into his skin. As soon as Remus realised what he was doing, he stopped, and Sirius grabbed him. 

He felt himself drifting. He was unsure if it was a lack of oxygen or blood, but he felt like if they didn’t stop soon, he wasn’t going to make it.

They broke the surface, and Sirius was flung high into the air. He landed on a solid surface. He coughed, and water spilt out of his mouth, he rolled over and let the water spill from his lips. 

“Remus?” He croaked. “Remus?” A weak whine let him know the Grim had landed with him. 

He tried to get to his feet and slipped on the slick tiles. He tried again, this time more carefully, and looked around the bright white room. 

Remus lay in a heap to his left and beside him was a large drain with its cover blown off. “Eww, did we really come out of the drain?” He grimaced. That’s when the pain hit. He looked down at the tattered coat Hagrid had given him and saw the damage Remus’s razor-sharp claws had done. He lifted his right hand and slowly moved it along his left forearm. It took a lot of power, but slowly the wounds began to close. He copied the movement on the other arm, feeling better once he’d healed himself, and went to help Remus. 

He managed to get the giant beast on his feet and looked around the room again. The bright white light had dimmed some, and now he could make out benches and cubbies. A locker room, he thought. He had no idea why they’d been left here. He highly doubted it was the place Remus was going to change back. 

He moved to check the cubbies just in case, but all he found was a few bits of graffiti. Someone had scratched Quidd into the base of one. Sirius shook his head at the incorrect spelling, and someone else had written itch beside it. This locker room clearly had deep thinkers using it. 

There was a door on the wall behind him. It opened when he pulled it. “Come on, let's see where this leads," and they left the ‘Quidditch Locker Room’.  

[mblematic]

10) things you said that made me feel like shit

so i WASNT previously looking for angst but OOH NOW I AM, let’s see you try to make THIS one not angsty >:)

Moohahaha i love a challenge

things you said that made me feel like shit

“I hate you,” Remus said, with feeling.

“You say that today,” Sirius said soothingly, rubbing his back. “Tomorrow you’ll remember that I’m quite a nice chap to have around, really.”

“No,” Remus said, and burped, ominously. “No, I think this is the end. I think I’ve finally realized my mistake.”

“Don't even joke about that,” Sirius said. “I’ll be bereft, Moony. Bereft.”

“Well,” Remus muttered, and then paused to burp. “You should have thought about that before pointing your wand at me.” Then he vomited another slug into the toilet.

“Moony?” James voice came tentatively from the other side of the door. “You doing alright?”

“No,” Remus said miserably. “I'm breaking up with Padfoot.”

“Justified,” James said, with the sage wisdom of a long-time Sirius-sufferer. He pushed the door of the stall open and ventured inside. “Still vomiting slugs, then?”

“Yes,” Remus said, at the same time that Sirius said: “It's not justified, actually, it was a mistake—”

“Have you tried eating something very salty?” James suggested, ignoring Sirius entirely.

Remus looked up hopefully: “No? D’you think it would work?”

“Worth a shot, I think. Peter: run and get some chips from the kitchens. And a salt shaker.” Peter ran off, looking a bit green and a lot relieved: he hated slugs. “What happened, anyway?”

“Sirius hexed me,” Remus said, and burped again, in a gloopy sort of way that made all of their respective stomachs flip-turn unpleasantly. “We’re through.”

“It was an accident,” Sirius protested; he looked vaguely panicked, as if he still couldn't decide if Remus was joking. “I wasn't even trying for slugs, I was trying to give Snivellus a load of extra hair. I wanted to see if you could spread the grease out and make him slightly less disgusting."

James snorted. “Doubt it.”

“And Fenwick,” Sirius continued passionately; “Jostled me as I was casting it. Moony happened to be coming through the door, and I flubbed the incantation because I ran into Dearborn’s elbow, and—and—and it was a mistake!”

James looked up, interested. “Oh—do you remember what you ended up saying? I’ve tried about five hundred variations on Slugus Vomitus but nothing’s caught—” He caught Remus’ eye and backtracked hastily. “I mean, er… gosh. Whoops. Comedy of errors, really.”

“Comedy of idiocy,” Remus mumbled, then spat up another slug. “I hate you.”

“The chips will fix it,” Sirius said. “It’ll be over soon.”

“Not soon enough,” Remus said, and leaned gently against the stall partition.

“I'm sorry,” Sirius said, a bit pathetically. “I didn't mean to slug you. I really was aiming for Snivellus. And I wasn't even trying for slugs,” he added again quickly. Next to him, James was mumbling the hair growth spell with increasingly garbled versions of the second component.

“I know,” Remus said, eyes still closed. “I know, Padfoot. Shush. I think they’ve slowed down. Please no more talking. Let me just… sit.”

Sirius was silent for approximately fifteen seconds. “And if I had been trying for slugs, I definitely would have made sure you were well out of range—because—because—I like your mouth far too much to put slugs in it.”

Remus’ smile crept across his mouth with an ill-suppressed, constrained slowness, like he couldn't help himself. “How sweet,” he said, with a sarcasm somewhat belied by the smile.

Sirius, sensing the softening, perked up. “And anyway,” he added, “Snivellus deserves a few more spots, don't you think?”

James looked up. “Spots?” he repeated, confused. “I thought you were trying to grow out his hair.”

“Er,” Sirius said. “Yeah—that's what I meant. Hair.”

James narrowed his eyes. “Pads. Have you figured out the slug charm?”

“No,” Sirius said immediately. But he had gone shifty, and he was no longer meeting James’ eye.

“Pads!” James said, scandalized. “You said you'd tell me if you got it! We promised each other!”

“I haven't! I don't know what I said!”

“You bloody liar!” James yelled, outraged. “What is it? What's the incantation?”

“I don't know!” Sirius yelped.

James pulled out his wand and held it threateningly to Sirius’ throat: “Tell me, or I’ll give you laryngitis. Try apologizing to Moony appropriately without your voice!”

Sirius glared at him for a long moment. Then he sighed, loudly. “Fine!” he said, throwing up his hands. “It's Slugulus Eructo, alright? Happy?”

“Slugulus Eructo?” James repeated, with his wand still held to Sirius’ throat.

By the time Remus was done laughing, he had forgiven Sirius entirely. As for the frankly impressive spout of slugs coming out of Sirius' mouth? Well, it took Sirius a bit longer to forgive James for that.

[deerest-prongs]

❄New Years Eve❄

(wolfstar based)

au: I've ever written anything like this before, so please give feedback! This just popped in my head. :) would love to see a much better writer build on it.💛

WARNING: FLUFF, extreme fluff,

-its 6th year??

-marauders are at the potters for holidays

-they sneak out to a muggle bar

-"don't worry moons no ones gonna care"

-the owner being a wizard and immediately recognizing sirius and james them and threatens to leave because of past trouble

-finally lets them stay after james practically begs (and offers a nice sum)

-sirius peter and james getting plastered while remus makes sure they don't get kicked out for anything stupid

-there's a karaoke machine

-sirius' eyes lighting up and remus immediately protesting having connected the dots

-peter doing an emotional duet with james while sirius tries to convince remus to please for the love of hippogriffs sing

-"for merlin's sake moony, do it for me??"

- remus refusing and sirius grumbles but finally leaves him alone

-the three of them singing horribly out of sync version of super trouper complete with dance moves obviously pre-rehearsed

-but they're not that bad

-finally Sirius gets a solo and chooses a celestina warbeck song

-its a cheesy love song and he sings it in French, over-enunciating the vowels as the lighting changes and a spotlight suddenly appears (thanks prongs)

-the girls in the bar swooning while sirius drunkenly sings only to Remus, somehow knowing exactly where he is in the darkened room

-his voice is actually really good thanks to vocal lessons in the black household

-just hearing it makes remus' stomach do backflips (but he doesn't know why)

-he looks really beautiful up there singing

-suddenly an image pops into his mind of sirius softly singing to remus by the black lake while remus lays his head in his lap

-another of them in the common room, sirius playing the piano while he is sprawled in front of the fireplace, reading or doing homework

-holding hands under the table during meals

-stolen kisses in between classes

-more scenarios take form in his head as Sirius continues to belt out the velvet notes of the melody

-the song ends and remus is in a swimming trance amidst the clapping and thunderous cheers for the raven-haired boy

-midnight is creeping closer and closer

-all of a sudden he's being dragged to the stage

-oh no

- a howling padfoot and a hysterical peter letting go of remus' arms and rushing back to their table, previously occupied by the latter

-james thought he saw lily and went to go investigate, abandoning his previous post of light production

-before he can stop it there's a backing track playing and remus struggles to focus on the words queuing on the screen, glaring at sirius

-sirius just grins and blows a dramatic kiss which only makes remus more nervous

-its another celestina warbeck song

-specifically, the same one that remus and sirius danced to as a joke (it wasnt a joke to remus) or sirius at the yule ball

-mr. werewolf man™ takes a deep breath and locks eyes with the boy staring (in awe?) at him from across the room

-holy honeydukes remus is even better than sirius

-his voice is deeper and has a little bit of rasp that just silences the hum of the small pub

-he doesn't once take his eyes off of sirius, afraid that his voice might falter if he does.

-james did not find lily, but has now clued into what's going on between two of his best mates (Peter has to fill him in a bit)

-james mother-fluffing fleamont potter immediately forms a plan, and puts another duet in the que, slipping a few galleons to the sound guy.

-remus' song is almost at an end (thankfully), when all of a sudden the track skips, changing the on-screen lyrics from a solo to a duet

-remus looks around panicked, only to find a certain mr. padfoot wrestling with james as the chaser plops him unceremoniously in front of a second mic (magicked by peter) and gives him a thumbs up

-neither of them have a clue as to whats going on as the audience waits curiously for one of them to keep singing

-its remus who says fuck it and begins belting out the bridge of the song, not knowing as to whether sirius is going to join him or not but hoping to anything he will

-(he does, but not before being stunned with the realization that he's head over heels in love with this boy)

-because merlin's beard that was hot

-they continue their performance together, alternating between harmonizing and falling silent for the other

-remus has never felt more alive as he glances over only to find sirius once again staring at him

-that only makes him smile more as nerves and butterflies explode in time with the songs abrupt stop

-the boys are left standing on the stage, spotlight bright and unbelievably warm as they are left in a staring match with each other, daring the other to chicken and tear away first

-everyone's confused until someone starts counting down

-"10-"

-"9-"

-everyone's looking at the clock now, and remus' heartbeat begins to replicate a centaur's galloping hooves

-"8!"

-neither of them are moving from the stage

-"7-"

-neither dares to even blink

-"6!"

-sirius vaguely notices people start to anxiously pair up but doesn't even think of moving away from his staring opponent

-"5-"

-almost unconsciously he moves closer, waiting to see how his best mate responds-to his utter (albeit unfathomably pleasant) surprise, the honey-eyed boy doesn't even flinch

-"4-"

-in fact, he moves closer, stopping a measly four inches from his face

-"3-"

-remus hasn't drawn a single breath in the past 15 seconds, ever since he heard the first countdown

-normally, he'd panic and find some excuse to slip away, away from the attention and away from sirius

-"2-"

-but one singular glance at the boy standing in front of him, and remus knows that this is it.

-he hasn't had a single drink tonight but for how he's feeling right now there may as well be firewhiskey coursing through his bloodstream

-hes so drunk off of the thrill of the moment, and everything else dulls out as the final numbers are uttered

-"1!"

-"HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!"

-the clock finally strokes midnight-its just remus and sirius standing on a rundown stage in some rundown bar as people hug the nearest person and the traditional kisses are exchanged

-people drunkenly singing as someone opens a bottle of champagne, the cork flying in the crowd and warnings are haphazardly shouted

-remus and sirius still standing there, staring. Neither moving a muscle.-finally, sirius opening his arms for a hug

-"happy new year re-"

-he's cut off by remus grabbing him by the shirt (rather forcefully too) and kissing him like there's no tomorrow

-sirius arms originally going for a hug (what was he thinking!?) are now wrapped around remus' neck when he finally pulls away from his lips

-james and peter cheering and congratulating eachother because what a great plan to start off the new year

-they go to get more drinks, shoving their way to the counter-leaving the two standing there alone, silently in each other's embrace

-there's a glint in sirius' eye that somehow tells remus that this will not be a one time fluke (like he was worried about) and sirius will definitely remember this in the morning despite the buzz of butterbeer in his veins

-both of them grinning ear to ear when remus leans forward into his ear to be heard over the ruckus

-his voice is so low and quiet that sirius has to close his eyes to fully hear

-"happy new year pads"

-both laugh and sirius sighs, opening his eyes and staring up at the boy hes so greatly in love with

-"happy new year moons"

[stopbeingcurious]

You make me feel young again*

PART TWO / MASTERLIST

Pairings: Post Azkaban Sirius Black x Reader

no smut, sorry :/

“Y/n he’s my roomate!”

Thoughts cloud your mind, an unreadable face expression shown on your face. You just fucked your Professors roommate, and Sirius said last night, he was coming home today?! The thought made you panicked, a bead of sweat threatening to fall from your forehead if you stress anymore.

“I- Sirius i need to get out of here before he gets gets home!” Sirius nods his head. His face soon changed from concerned to realisation.

“We need to get you gone quick Y/n, i don’t know when he’s going to be home” You grab your dress and wand and check the time, 1:03pm, shit, that’s late! You scurry around trying to remember whether you brought anything else or not, you damned yourself for drinking last night as your memories slurred.

“Do you have a fireplace? I don’t have my apparition licence yet” Sirius nods quickly, wrapping his arm around your back, ushering you down the stairs but you were to late, you heard the faint rumble of the flu network...

“Shit, shit, shit” Sirius face palms. “Y/n, i’m so sorry” He didn’t even try to hide you, he just stood there and waited for Remus to walk round the corner.

Your eyes grew wide as you realised that you had Sirius’ shirt on and a pair of his boxers that you couldn’t even see and a silk dress in my hand, we couldn’t even play it off, we couldn’t make up some silly exuse, then Sirius started to guide me towards the kitchen, but that was the first place Remus went.

The panic rises even more, you bit your lip trying to breath normal and quiet breaths after running around like a mad man.

“Sirius!” Remus shouts from around the corner, he was getting closer. At this point you gave up completely in trying to hide, you might as well surender. “Why’s there two glasses of firewhiskey on the table” He shouts again. Remus turns the corner, of course where you were hiding...

“Y/n? Oh... Y/n?! Sirius?” Remus face went from confused to wide eyes too angry but then back to confused. You bit your lip and stayed silent.

“Sirius, what. the. fuck” Remus couldn’t look you in the eye. Sirius then grabbed you by your shoulders and moved you behind him, obviously reading Remus discomfort.

“Let- Remus, let me see Y/n out, then we can’t talk about this” Remus huffed and turned around, letting you and Sirius do the walk of shame to wherever the fireplace was.

There was an awkward silence as we walked... it were more like a shuffle.

“Sirius, i’m really sorry” Sirius smiled and scoffed, like nothing was wrong. You were in slight disbelief but then you remembered why you were so attacked to him in the first place. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for Pup” He kissed your cheek and backed away from the fireplace.

“Forth Avery Manor”

Third Person POV

Sirius let out a loud huff as Y/n disappeared, he didn’t want to face Remus, Remus could be scary.

Sirius saunters as slowly as possible, stopping to brush the dust off photoframes he didn’t even acknowledge before today. Finally he reached the kitchen, where Remus was sat at the table, head in hands.

“Please tell me it wasn’t you that left them horrible marks on her body” Sirius knew what Remus was referring too, he found them rather pretty, he was proud of them, obviously Remus didn’t think so.

The silence answered Remus question.

“For fuck sake Sirius” Remus banged his fist on the table making Sirius flinch. “That’s my fucking student, ive taught her for years!” Remus voices his anger, tugging at the roots of his hair.

“In all fairness Rem, i didn’t know that she was your student until this morning” Sirius was calm about the situation, this told Remus that he didn’t care much but Sirius did care, he just wasn’t a very empathetic guy.

“Tell me the story then” Remus rests his head on his arm and cocks an eyebrow in question.

Sirius told Remus the story in detail, all in detail but the part where they had sex, he didn’t think Remus wanted to hear about that part. In all honesty, Sirius was excited to tell Remus about this girl, about how amazing he was in bed, about how she rocked his world that night, that excitement went out the window very quickly.

“She said she wouldn’t go to the bar” Remus mutters under his breath, away from Sirius so he didn’t hear.

“Did you have sex?” Remus holds his hand out in question, you could see where he had dug his nails into his palms.

“Erm... ~yeh~”

Remus face palms, many questions and scenarios to do with his work fill his mind, overwhelming him slightly.

“I’m sorry Rem, i truly didn’t know” Remus shakes his head.

“What, and if you did know, would that have stopped you? Would you have been able to control yourself?” Remus asks seriously.

“If i knew she would fuck me like that then no” Sirius joked, immediately regretting it seeing the look on Remus face.

“Sirius! Your disgusting, genuinely disgusting, i have to teach that girl, i have to watch her sit in my class, knowing that- ugh i don’t want to think about it” Sirius laughed at Remus reaction, he thought that Remus would take it harder than this.

“Did you tell her how old you was?” Sirius sucked in a breath, offering Remus a shy smile and sorrowful eyes.

“No, Pads...” Remus realised that Sirius had lied about his age. Remus hands snake into his hair, pulling at the roots in annoyance.

“What’s next, are you going to tell me you got her pregnant” Remus laughs.

“Oh shit...” Sirius fakes concern. Remus eyes shoot open, he looks like he’s ready to throttle Sirius.

“Joking, only joking, please don’t kill me” Remus hits Sirius round the back of the head.

// later that night

Sirius knocks on Remus bedroom door, it hadn’t exactly been awkward since the whole situation, seeing as they were joking about it in the end but it wasn’t the same.

“Yep” Remus answers, eyes shooting up from the book he’s reading.

“I just wanted to apologise, like genuinely apologise, i realised how bad it actually was” Sirius fiddles with his thumbs, standing in the doorframe.

“I thought you said it was good?” Remus asks, jokingly talking about the sex. He knew what Sirius was talking about.

“Oh no the sex was some of the best sex ive had in a while and that’s saying something, i meant how bad it was, what i done Rem, i’m sorry” Remus cringed at the subject of his student but his eyes turned soft when Sirius voiced his apologies.

“Sirius, you said it, you didn’t know that she was my student, there wasn’t much you could do about it, neither of you” Sirius nods. “I’m dreading going back to school now, i cant imagine how embarrassed the poor girl is” Remus eyes lying back on the book.

Sirius sniggers. “There are so many things i could reply to that comment with, but for your sake, ill refrain” Remus made a disgusted face.

“Sirius, your gross”

// back to school

Going back to school wasnt as bad as the pair thought it was going to be. Y/n was incredibly worried, she was worried that Remus would think less of her, that he was disappointed. But when they saw each other, they just nodded and smiled. Until one day.

Remus asked Y/n to stay behind after lesson.

Y/n immediately knew what the subject of their meeting would be about. She was afraid. She was embarrassed.

Y/n knocked on her Professors classroom door.

“Come in” She walked into his class, warily.

“Ah Y/n, come sit” He offered a welcoming smile.

You obliged, you sat and fiddled with the hem of your skirt, staying completely silent.

“Y/n, first of all, i wanted to let you know that you’ve done nothing wrong here, your an adult and you can make decisions for yourself, i’m not angry or annoyed or dissapointed at you, it’s a natural thing, you know that” You nod with a smile, a releif being lifted of your shoulders. “And sorry about my language, i was in such shock,” The Professor scratched the back of his head in awkwardness. This still doesn’t change that your Professor saw you looking like a disheveled mess.

“Also, i wanted to give you this” He hands you a little tub of gel. You look at him confused as to what was in his hand.

“It’s bruise gel, it will help your marks” You thank Remus for the gel, the hickeys had gone down a little bit since he last saw.

“I know a bad bruise when i see one, that was bad Y/n” He chuckles, your glad you can joke about his with him, you feel comfortable.

“You can blame me for that one, that wasn’t my fault” You laugh with him.

“True point, i’ll tell Sirius off”

// grimmuald place

“I gave Y/n some of my bruise gel to get rid of those retched marks you gave her” Sirius feigns offence.

“You got rid of my masterpiece, i was so proud of that Moons!” He laughs. Remus rolls his eyes at Sirius, not being able to tell if he was being serious.

“But how did you make them marks so tenebrous?”

[faustrinus]

you're okay now

When Sirius crossed that door, he knew he wasn't going to come back, or at least he didn't plan to. No way he was going back to that place; his own hell. After he finally decided he was going to run away from home, he couldn't wait one day more, he escaped that same night while everyone was sleeping, knowing that the next morning when his parents were awake; he wouldn't be a Black anymore. He didn't care that much for his family anymore, only for Regulus. But he had to leave, the abuse, the curses, the words that have been spoken in that house drained every single drop of happiness he had, he felt empty. But now, out of that place, running through the streets, he finally felt like he could breathe again. But It wasn't a pleasant sensation that was taking over him at the same time- it felt like he condemned himself to a certain and doubtless death. Orion and Walburga were going to find him- and kill him. They would torture him until he regretted his decision, but it would be too late since he wasn't their son anymore, and he would die painfully, probably under the eyes of his younger brother. Please, please don't hurt him, he thought. The Potters' house was getting closer.

It was the only place he had, and he knew the Potters loved him more than his own family ever did, that's why he trusted they were still awake to receive him, or at least James. His best friend, his brother- he didn't even know about his plan. And now he was forced to deal with it, and Sirius felt genuinely sorry for not having another place to go. He was scared, alone, and with only his wand in hand. The lights were still on, a miracle in all the misfortune he was having. But he knew exactly what that light meant- only James was awake, probably reading or planning some dumb but still functional strategy for Quidditch. The boy always used those hours when the world was sleeping to fulfill his internal nerd wishes, like reading in silence or studying. Sirius was too scared to use the front door, afraid that Euphemia or Fleamont opened it. They were the loving parents he wished to have, and he didn't want them to see him like this, with tears threatening his vision and his hands trembling visibly. So with all the strength he had, he jumped the fence in the back, heart tumbling against his chest. "Please open, please do, please," he mumbled, knocking on the glass door of the backyard. He used to move with confidence and infinite calm, but now his movements were nervous and clumsy, he tried to call himself, but it wasn't easy when he knew exactly what going to happen if his family found him. A few seconds later James appeared, wand in hand, ready to attack whatever was trying to gain entry to his house. Of course, he didn't expect to see his best friend pale face gesturing through the class, and when he opened, Sirius entered so quickly he almost fell to the ground, still nervous, he tried to speak, but no words came out. "Padfoot? what are you doing here? it's almost one am," James was whispering, trying not to wake up his parents.

Sirius stumbled against his own words. "I... I ran away."

James dropped his wand, his mouth suddenly open, "Oh, Merlin..."

Sirius felt insecure seeing his reaction, his mind was picturing a thousand different and cruel scenarios in his mind. Scenarios where James told him he couldn't be here, where Walburga walked through the door and grabbed his arm to take him back, every scenario worse than the previous one. "I'm... I'm sorry. I had nowhere to go, Prongs! They were sleeping and... since last night... I wouldn't have lasted one day more in that house, it was killing me! I know your parents have their own problems but..."

"But they love you like their own son. You are my brother, Sirius, and you are welcomed here whenever you want. It's just that..." James patted the couch, trying to make his agitated friend calm down a little, and it seemed to work for a minute. Sirius sat down and James took place next to him, "It's just that I was surprised to see you there, in my backyard... no one else knows about this?"

Sirius shook his head. "Not even...?"

"Not even Regulus nor Remus, Peter neither."

James nodded, he noticed how Sirius was still shaking, slowly sinking in the couch as if he was trying to hide from the danger, James hated seeing him like this, so weak and afraid of everything. "Okay... So I will prepare my room, and you'll sleep here, okay? then we are going to see what we can do, I'm sure my parents won't have problems with having you here."

Sirius wanted to trust James's words, but all of that seemed so ideal. What if Walburga came right now to the house and killed his best friend? attacked the Potter's? maybe kill him on the couch he was sitting? his imagination was going stronger with every second that passed, and soon the little calm he gained during his chat with James left him. His eyes were watery again, and his head hurt as if someone was stabbing him, he couldn't control it, he was drowning, he couldn't breathe. James panicked almost as a reflex, sadly, it wasn't the first time Sirius had a panic attack, but that one seemed terrifyingly strong, he was breathing loudly and clumsily, sweat in his forehead. "Sirius, Sirius. I'm here for you, you are having a panic attack. Feel your breath... I'm here."

"I can't... I can't feel it. I'm not breathing."

"Close your eyes, relax your stomach... you are breathing, slowly. Do it with me, okay?"

Sirius tried his hardest to follow James's breathing pattern. He closed his eyes, concentrating on the silence of the place, his friend breathing, his hands holding tight the cushions of the couch.

"There you go..." James was nervous, something was telling him that the panic attack was far from ending, but at least now Sirius was breathing a little bit steadier, "I'm going to try and contact Remus, okay? wait here, keep breathing... I will be back in a second."

Sirius nodded without lifting his sight from the ground. He had to keep it together- it wasnt a good time neither a good place to breakdown. But even after all James's efforts for keeping him were helping, seeing him walking away even for a few seconds made him go into panic mode again. No, Sirius, breathe, he tried to repeat, but his voice was drowned by the sound of choking, he really felt like he was dying.

He heard James in the background, speaking, probably trying to contact Remus. The werewolf had this magic effect on the boy with the raven hair that made him feel calm in a matter of minutes, and seeing Remus would make him feel so much better, knowing that he was close, that Walburga wasnt going to kill him too- because that was probably one of the main reasons that Sirius parents had to end him, their oldest son was gay and was dating a werewolf, a werewolf named Remus Lupin. But with Remus by his side, everything was easier- what if something happened to him? what if during one of his transformations he injures himself really bad? of he gets hurt by another wizard? everything was possible, and Sirius's mind was doing its best job reminding the poor boy that he was no one from now on. Not Sirius Black, only Sirius, forever and ever. He wished his tears drowned him.

"Sirius."

And there was the angel Remus Lupin, with messy hair and wearing his favorite sweater. His gaze was full of worry, and one more time, Sirius felt guilty about making him feel that way, he didn't want to worry his friends- but he was so broken. "Remus..."

Remus crouched himself, his hands on Sirius's knees, "It's horrible what you are going through, love. But you need to breathe, okay? Just like James told you. You can hold my hands."

Before ending his sentence, Remus's hands were already being grabbed by Sirius's. He was squeezing them, but the werewolf didn't seem to mind, he was too focused on pronouncing numbers to guide Sirius breathing, and it was working, surely slowly, but it was.

James was leaning on the door frame, still concerned about his friend but happy seeing two of the people he loved the most on the planet complementing each other so perfectly. In the beginning, he couldn't understand their relationship, but later, while seeing how they stared at each other with so much love he understood. That was love, pure and healthy love that was helping them heal their bruises; both external and internal. But clearly, he felt like he was invading some intimate moment, so he left the room towards the kitchen. Maybe Sirius would like some tea when he was feeling better.

When the attack finally ended, Sirius felt like he could pass out anytime soon, but he was glad his boyfriend was there for him, smiling softly and caressing his knuckles as if they were crystal. He muttered some gentle "thank you" when Remus started cleaning his cheeks stained with tears. "It's okay. Just for you to know, I was still awake when James told me about you. You have not had a panic attack in a long time, I'm really proud of you for being able to deal with it, I can't imagine how horrible it is."

Sirius was drawing the bruises in Remus's hands, smiling softly at their texture, "I missed you, Remus. James also, and Peter too, I haven't talked with him recently."

"I'm sure James will try and contact him when he ends whatever he's doing. I'm not judging, but my tea it's better than his."

Sirius laughed a little and Remus thanked all the powerful wizards he could remember at that moment for seeing his boyfriend finally feeling better. James walked into the room, with two cups of tea in his hands, he sat next to Sirius, giving him one of the cups and the other one to Remus, "Heard you were feeling a little bit better and also heard Remus complaining about my tea-making abilities."

Remus took a sip, "I wasn't wrong."

"Hey!"

Sirius laughed but drank anyway, that's what he needed. Normality, love, his friends, James and Remus bickering in a silent living room, the only one that was missing was Peter, but they would probably reach out for him soon. "I should go and talk to my parents about you staying."

Remus bit his lip, "They won't have problems with that, right?"

James rolled his eyes while he got up from the couch, "You are doubting my parents too much. They love Sirius, and if they could have any problem I would convince them, I'm James Potter!"

"Yes, you are. Now James Potter, would you mind give me and my boyfriend some privacy?" Remus spoke again, arching an eyebrow.

"I will only because I want to. Don't forget this is my house, you lovebirds. I will also ask if Remus can stay."

James walked towards the stairs, smiling softly at his friends. Remus took his place on the couch, and Sirius automatically snuggled against him, being honest, the tea wasn't that bad, but he was feeling really tired. And the werewolf understood the gesture without words, his arm in his boyfriend's shoulders while he hummed to the crickets making noise outside.

"I don't what I'm going to do now."

"We, because you are not alone. We'll figure something out, I'm sure." Sirius yawned, "I love you a lot."

Remus left a little kiss on Sirius's hair, "I love you too. Now, rest, you need to."

The werewolf took the cup out of the boy's hands and left it on the ground, far enough not to step on it later. "You're okay now, Sirius, you're okay."

[theazm10]

Remus x Reader

Remus and you had been together since the start of fourth year.  now it was half of fifth year and both were happy, lucky that they had one another. but one day that remus was starting to feel sick, she stayed with him in his dorm tacking care of him. but when she returned from getting more towels and water. she came to see an empty bed.

"what? where did you go remus?"(Y/N) said to herself. she started looking for him, maybe he had gone to the hospital wing but no he wasnt there. then the great hall, but she only found the other 3 marauders.

"Hey,(Y/N)" said sirius to the worried girl.

"hey, have any of you seen remus? i was with him because he started to feel sick but when I came back from getting more towels he was gone"(Y/N) told them. james just shrugged and said"he's fine, maybe he just needed some air, now sit down and eat!" Y/N was pulled down to the sit next to him.

"do you really think he is fine he was getting really sick"

"yes we know he's perfectly fine, he always does this. know eat"said sirius. "bloody hell,fine i'll eat" said the girl filling up her plate. when they finished eating the four went to finish the rest of their classes after convincing (Y/N) that remus was fine and would like for her to take notes for him.

they were almost at the end of dinner, when the guys had left to go find remmy. so (Y/N) went looking for him at the dorm hospital wing bu nothing.

when she finished it was late and she was supposed to be in bed but she went outside remembering what the guys said earlier.

she was walking around the grounds for a while when she heard a noise coming from the forest. curiously (Y/N) went to see what the noise was coming from.

she was met with a growl and a howl. panicking (Y/N) started running from the noise.

she tripped and was met with a werewolf getting to her, a dog and a stag with a rat in its back came running after him. the werewolf raised its claws and scratched her right arm. the dog started barking at her and the stag was trying to get the werewolf away from her.

(Y/N) was losing blood but she saw the black dog dragging her to the school. then the dog changed to sirius but she saw him as a blur then black.

when (Y/N) woke up she saw white knowing she was at the hospital wing.she noticed she had her arm covered in white bandage and a note in one of her hands  and a head was resting in her other. when she saw Lily Evans her best friend since first year she opened the note and she recognized remus writing.

(Y/N) i am truly sorry for what i did to you, in it would be the best if we weren't together anymore. sincerely, Remus (Y/N) was crushed with a hug and a hand whipping away a tear that had fallen. first (Y/N) was sad, but then she realized Remus was lying to her and now being paranoiac. Lily was trying to calm her, hugging her, telling her everything was going to be alright.   Now (Y/N) was angry with Remus,  with herself for not putting the pieces together, he was sick and gone every full moon coming back with scratches and exhausted. how could he not tell her what he was going through. and now he was breaking up with her. (Y/N) found herself running to the common room with Lily right behind her. when she got to the common room she saw Sirius and James sitting in the sofa. discussing something. standing up when they saw her. (Y/N) was furious, "is he up there?" she demanded the now two scared boys to tell her. but they  didn't answer frustrating her even more. she ran up the stairs and knock on the door, when no one answered  she opened it herself. she saw Remus sleeping that meant that she had been in the hospital wing for almost two days she went to wake him up. "Remus wake up" but the boy didn't move "REMUS WAKE UP!" now the boy was up and confused, "what are you doing here? you shouldn't be here, I am a monster" said the boy with a sad expression. "how could you? were you ever going to tell me?"(Y/N) said with tears running down her face. "I don't know, its the best if you get away from me. who would want to be with an ugly werewolf that would attack his own girlfriend" "what? I have been with you for more than a year, do you really think I would go away from you? do you really think I was that kind of girl?" she looked at Remus with a face full of disappointment. "its what is best for you (Y/N), I love you and I don't want to cause you any kind of pain" Remus told the girl

"you are causing me pain by telling to go away from you!" both were crying "please don't leave me, I will always be here for you even if you become a werewolf, I love you Remus" with that Remus stood up and walked to the girl, whipping away her tears, he crashed his lips on hers kissing her deeply. when he pulled away resting his forehead on hers looking straight to her beautiful (E/C) eyes " I love you, I will always love you." (Y/N) smiled "I have always loved you too, forever" she told him. "know come on lets have some rest, we both need healing... I'm sorry for your arm" Remus said while laying down. "hey, don't worry about it, it wasn't you. and it doesn't hurt that much" she said snuggling next to him. "I love you" "I love you more" they both said before drifting to sleep. ~from the other side of the door~~ "well isn't that a great girlfriend" said Sirius to James, Lily and Peter.

 "that is love" Lily told them "damn  I want a girlfriend" said peter " speaking of love, Lily- flower I love you, would you go to hogsmade with me?" James told Lily "uuggh, NO! Potter, leave no alone" said Lily leaving "mate I think she doesn't like you" "shut up Padfoot"