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plantbased-elise · 7 years ago

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Secrets are the best when they no longer exist

Warnings: panic attacks, implied cheating, implied sex Word count: 9759 Summery: When Dan visits his best friend Phil, they fall asleep on his sofa. Phil is rudely woken up by Dan’s phone ringing. When he picks it up, he doesn’t expect it to be Kate, Dan’s wife, with a really strange conversation. When Phil also notices that Dan’s wedding ring is missing, he confronts his best friend. They have to figure out how to do everything, and take care of Mike.

To: Phil hey, up for a movie marathon tonight

From: Phil Yeah sure. Anything to get my head out of the work gutter :)

It had been a while since the two had hung out. Phil was honestly looking forward to it more than he should have. Dan and him had been best friends since their first year of high school, and eventually became flatmates after Dan dropped out of Law study.

He later went for a teacher’s degree. While studying in the library one day a girl had dropped her books on his head. (Dan still didn’t know how Kate managed to drop 7 law books). They hit it off right away, and two years later Dan popped the question. Phil had spent hours with Dan whilst the latter contemplated whether or not he should ask her, and eventually did it anyway.

Kate worked as a lawyer at a big, well-known law firm. Dan found a job as a pre-school teacher, which didn’t pay very well, but he loved it. Kate always ‘provided’ for the two of them. It was only a year into their marriage that Dan had come bursting into Phil’s apartment, screaming he was going to be a dad.

Phil had gotten a job at BBC, first as assistant, but later being promoted to DJ. He lived in an apartment not far from Kate and Dan’s house. When Michael was born Dan often had to cancel plans with his best friend because Kate was working late and he had to take care of Mike. Phil understood, but still felt sad every time Dan cancelled.

Now, Mike was four, and starting pre-school at the end of August. Lately, Phil had been busy with some major events coming up where he had to prepare for. Now, he was happy to take his mind off of work to hang out with his best friend.

To: Phil i’ll be over in 10

True to his word, 11 minutes later, the sound of keys turning in the lock reached Phil’s ears. Dan had always had the tendency to forget to text Phil before he came over, and after one accident where Dan had sat outside for half an hour in the pouring rain because Phil didn’t know he was coming over and had gone to the store, he’d given the brunet his spare key so he could get in.

Dan walked into the living room, holding out a plastic bag. “I’ve got Malteasers, popcorn, crisps, and many other things that aren’t good for us but are too damn good to pass on.” He plopped down on the couch next to Phil, and almost on top of him. Personal space was nothing to them, not after being friends for so long.

“How are you? I haven’t seen you in a while. The BBC thought it was fun to make me interview every possible type of celebrity that is coming to the Brits.”

“I’m good. Kate is out of town for a big case in America. Some drugs gang was arrested in America, but they’re British. Mike is at my mom’s for a few days, because I have to work so I’m home alone for now. And you should be excited that you get to interview all these people. It’s better than being a weatherman isn’t it?” he was mocking his friend. The period in which Phil had wanted to become a weatherman was always a good way to mock the ebony haired man.

“If you needed Mike out of the house for a few days you could’ve dropped him off here. I’d love to see him again. I could take him to the studio. I’m sure Louise could take care of him while I’m live.” He didn’t go on about Kate being out of town.

Kate and Phil had never gotten along well. It was more like ‘you are the best friend of my husband and my child’s godfather so I have to tolerate you’, at least for Kate. Phil was sure they would’ve gotten along if Kate hadn’t disliked him without reason. The first time she came visiting the flat Dan and he lived in at that moment, she’d stepped inside, kissed Dan as greeting, and sat down on the couch, ignoring Phil who’d opened door. Dan never really noticed they didn’t get along.

---

Spending the night watching movies of all sorts of genres got Phil feeling like they were back in their crappy dorm rooms. Dan made sarcastic comments on the characters’ actions, spilled popcorn when he got jump scared, and insisted they watched just one more movie while his eyelids drooped. It was nearing two AM, and Dan insisted they watch the last of the three Lord of the Rings movies, because “You can’t just watch the first two movies and then leave the third movie for abandoned.”

And like always when Dan insisted on a movie marathon, he fell asleep when Frodo and Sam got to Minas Morgul. He was leaning on Phil’s shoulder, and Phil therefor felt the exact moment the brunet fell asleep. While this used to be a normal occurrence during their uni-days, but now not so much.

The responsibility that came with fatherhood had turned Dan from someone who could pull an all-nighter and still sit through lectures to a man who would often fall asleep at ten whilst watching television. Phil was surprised he’d even held out this long. He let Dan sleep, who was now positioned with his head on the elder’s chest.

He switched off the television and lay down, slowly lowering the sleeping man down with him. Dan would be impossible to wake right now, and Phil was too lazy to get up and move to his bedroom.

---

“Somebody once told me the world is gonna role me, I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed…”

Phil felt disorientated when he woke up. There was a weight on his chest and something tickling his chin. All Star blared through his living room, but Dan, the weight on his chest, didn’t even stir.

The source of the sound was Dan’s phone, conveniently located next to Phil’s head on his coffee table. Not fully awake yet, he picked up the phone and answered the call.

“This is Dan’s phone, Phil speaking.” “Hey Phil, I didn’t expect you to pick up. Although, I should have known he’d go to you. Anyway can you tell him that I need his lawyer’s contact info the custody matter? Thank you. Bye.”

He didn’t even get to say one more word before Kate hung up. He lay there, Dan still breathing slowly. He was so confused by the conversation he’d just had, if you could even call it that. Lawyer? Custody?

He looked down at the sleeping form of his best friend. He looked peaceful, hair slightly curly and lips parted. Only now did he notice the prominent bags under Dan’s eyes. It looked like he hadn’t slept in days.

As if on cue, Dan snuggled deeper into Phil’s chest and moved his hand to grip Phil’s shirt. His left hand. The hand that for the past five years had held a gold band. Now it was gone. The tan line the ring had left was still there, but fading.

In the time that Dan slept, Phil thought. What had he missed in those few weeks that he’d been busy for the BBC? He had constantly been in the studio, where phones weren’t allowed, or at home, where he’d go through interview after interview with his phone turned off so he wouldn’t get distracted.

He picked his own phone up and opened his text conversation with Dan. Not a day passed when one wouldn’t text the other, even if it was just a picture of a dog (more of then not Phil) or a meme (Dan had too much time on his hands sometimes). But now, as he looked through the messages he saw that Dan hadn’t texted him in 6 days before today. Normally Phil would’ve noticed, but his busy schedule had made him a bit oblivious.

Now Phil was getting increasingly worried. Why hadn’t Dan called or texted him? If he was really getting a divorce, he would have called.

He looked back at their conversation from 6 days ago. It’d taken place at around midnight, and the next morning Phil had to be at the studio at 8 AM.

From: Dan hey are you still up?

To: Dan Yeah but not for long. Have to be at the BBC at 8 tomorrow):

From: Dan okay I won’t bother you too much (:

Oh no. Dan hadn’t texted him because he thought Phil was too busy to talk to him. He must’ve been wanting to talk to his best friend, but instead he stayed silent.

The brunet stirred atop Phil’s chest. He groaned softly and lifted his head. His eyes met Phil’s and widened slightly.

“Dan, Kate just called you and I picked up. Why didn’t you tell me?”

He hesitated for a few seconds, his mouth opening and closing but no sound coming out. He seemed the regain a bit of composure and swallowed before he started speaking: “It was too embarrassing. She left me because I hung out with you too much, because ‘I didn’t give her the pleasure I used to give her’. Basically she cheated on me. Before she left for her business trip she told me everything. How she’d been cheating on me for several months with a co-worker and that she was made fun off at the office for marrying someone who did such a ‘low’ job.”

He breathed in deeply. Phil saw the tears welling up in the brown eyes and pulled the other man closer. After a few beats of silence he continued.

“Now, she filed a divorce. And she wants primary custody over Mike. So she started a court case. Tomorrow I’m supposed to meet with her and her lawyer. They’re going to look over the entire thing.”

“Well, I’m going to be there to back you up if you don’t mind. That reminds me. Kate told me to tell you that’s she needs your lawyer’s contact information.”

“I’d really appreciate it if you came along. I need the support. But I need to find a babysitter for Mike. My mom is starting to suspect something and I don’t want him being so far away from me. And I need to sort out the bank accounts and the rent and the house and……”

“Dan, Dan calm down. All that stuff is going to be sorted during the case. As for babysitting Mike, I’ll look after him. I have to go to the studio Thursday evening for work but I’m sure he’ll love it there and Louise might want to try to take him home. She is basically my mom at the studio and loves children. It’ll be okay. Now, send Kate a text with the info she needs and then go take a shower. We’re going to your parent to pick Mike up. As for you, as much as I get how upset you are over everything, but you need to get back to work tomorrow. It’ll be easier and it’s a way to get back into the swing of things. If you need anything, just call me, I’ll always make time for you.”

Dan raised his head and looked at his best friend. Slowly he picked up the phone Phil was holding up. He unlocked it and typed a message, not bothering with any formalities. After he dropped the phone on the couch cushion and sat up. Phil sat up too and both stood up.

“You go have a shower and take a shirt from my closet. I’ll get you some breakfast.”

---

Two hours later they were driving to their childhood city of Reading. The drive consisted of belting out the lyrics to various Muse songs, Phil making puns for half an hour when they were stuck in traffic and Dan ranting about a memes he saw on Tumblr.

When they turned onto Dan’s childhood street it fell quiet in the car. After a few seconds while Phil was parking, Dan spoke up: “I’m sorry for not telling you, I truly am. I just felt weak and it’s kind of really embarrassing. Thank you for not judging me.”

“Dan, the only thing I’m going to judge you for is the fact that you’re still wearing black even though I have shirts in every colour of the rainbow. Did you actually search my entire closet just to find a black shirt?”

That got Dan to start laughing, and utter out a ‘yes’ between breaths.

“Okay, let’s go in and collect my favourite person in the world. Oh don’t look so dejected, you knew that from the moment Mike was born he’d become my favourite.”

They walked up the drive way and rang the doorbell. After a few moments they heard someone approach the door. It opened to reveal Mike, looking up curiously at the unexpected visitors.

“Dad! What are you doing here? I thought I was going to stay with gran longer.” The 4 year old barrelled into Dan’s legs, hugging them tightly. Dan crouched down and kissed his hair, the mop of ringlets tickling ever so slightly.

“Hey, little bear. Yeah, Phil convinced me to let you stay with him, so we’re not so far apart.”

Just as Mike turned to hug Phil, Dan’s mom appeared in the doorway. “Michael, who was at the… oh hey dear, Phil. I thought you said you’d pick him up after the results are clear. Come in.”

She lead them back inside. Turning to Mike, she told him to go pack his things. Then she turned to Dan and gave him a look that said ‘you better explain this young man’. In the kitchen she started the kettle for tea while the two men sat down.

Phil looked around the house he’d spend half his teen years in. This place had long since started to feel like a second home to him, and now even though he hadn’t been there since the ‘Phil I can’t do law anymore I want to drop out and do something I actually like’ incident (for short PICDLAIWTDOADSIAL incident). They’d travelled back to Brighton together because Dan had claimed he couldn’t break the news to his parents without Phil’s moral support.

Nothing had changed since. The pictures still adorned the walls, the round kitchen table still had a dent in the corner from the time Phil’d slipped over when the two of them had been making pancakes, and fallen headfirst into the table. He’d been lucky, and only had a minor concussion, but the dent was still there.

Colin, the Howells’ family dog, came bustling into the kitchen, enthusiastically jumping up against first Dan’s chair and then Phil’s chair, before lying down on top of both their feet.

“So Dan, care to explain why six days ago you came here at 10 PM at night, with your son asleep, looking worse than death, dropping said son off without explanation, and mumbling something about picking him up when the results are in and then leaving? And now you’re here again, still looking really tired but less, with your best friend, who I haven’t properly talked to in nearly a year and forgot to greet just now. I’m sorry, hi Phil, nice to see you.” She smiled at the ebony haired man.

“Hello, Mrs. Howell. Oh don’t you worry about not being informed. Mister ‘I’m really embarrassed right now' didn’t text me or call me because I told him I was busy with work and he thought that this wasn’t important enough to contact me for. So that made two of us that didn’t know, until this morning. And Dan, seriously, you didn’t even tell your mom. You know what happens when you brood on your feelings too long, we’ll have another PICDLAIWTDOADSIA and that didn’t not go down well the first time.”

Dan looked down at the hands sheepishly, but a small smile played at his lips, just because of the weird name Phil had given the ‘incident’ although the incident was never funny.

“Okay, so mom, I owe you and Phil an apology and you an explanation. Phil, I’m so sorry for not telling you. I already told you why. And mom, I’m so sorry for just leaving Mike with you without explanation. I guess I’ll explain everything now.”

----

Mrs. Howell was to say, enraged. Luckily, not at either of the men sat at the table or Mike, but rather at Mike’s mother, which Phil could relate to. However, Mrs. Howell, took it further, and called Mr. Howell and Adam to call upon an ‘emergency Howell family meeting’. Phil made to retreat to Dan’s old bedroom, but both Dan and his mom insisted he stayed because he was just as much a part of the family as the rest of them.

So approximately 10 minutes later, all Howells plus Phil were sitting around the dining table, spare Mike, and Kate, since she officially still bore the Howell name. But after Mrs. Howell explained the situation, Adam exclaimed loudly: “Phil you’re Kate’s replacement. I officially promote you to part of the Howell family and are to attend every meeting and holiday spend together. I always liked you, and mom and dad did too. It’s obvious Dan likes you, because you’re attached at the hip. So, I think everyone agrees that Philip Michael Lester, are to be the replacing member in the council of Howell family for Kate whatsherename. She was a bitch anyway.”

Mrs. Howell yelled ‘Adam’, Phil smiled fondly and ruffled his hair with a soft ‘thanks bud’. Adam squealed and tried to flatten down the messy curls. It reminded Phil so much of Dan, hating his curls and hating it when Phil’d mess them up.

“Well, as you are now all aware of the situation, I think it’s time for Phil, Mike and I to get going. There’s still a bit of a drive ahead and I need to finalise some details for the case tomorrow. I’ll keep you all updated.”

After hugs were exchanged, Colin had been given his last pats on the head and a friendly hair-ruffle for Adam, Phil crouched down next to Mike, who was standing at the door, waiting to go home. The ebony haired man picked him up, and looked him in the eyes.

“Hey little Bear. Are you excited to spend a few days at my house? We’re going to have loads of fun. You can even come with me to the radio station, and see how everything works.”

Mike smiled brightly, the dimple he’d inherited from Dan popping, and nodded his head furiously. The reason Phil had nicknamed the child Little Bear was always apparent in situations like these. He had the same dark brown ringlets as Dan, and the same coffee brown eyes, dimples and rosy cheeks. However his nose was sharper, and his lips a little thinner, trades he’d inherited from his mother. When they were teenagers, and later on occasion, Phil used to call Dan Bear, because that’s how his hugs felt. In return Dan called Phil Lion, referring to the fact that the latter had always been the braver of the two.

Now Phil had adapted the name for Michael, much to Kate’s dislike. Mike’s first word had always sounded suspiciously like ��bear’ and Kate had hated it.

Now the nicknames were a form of comfort shared between them as a reassurance. A simple way to communicate support.

---

“Mr. Everson-Howell, Mrs. Everson-Howell, I’m glad you could join me here today. I don’t see reason to have to take this to court. So if you come to an agreement today, you’ll both sign the ‘Statement of Arrangements for Children’. If we do not come to an agreement today, this will be taken to court. Mrs. Everson-Howell, would you like to begin?”

Oh, Kate wanted to begin. The longer Phil listened, the angrier he felt at the woman. She made it sound like her ‘adultery’ was entirely Dan’s fault. But Phil really wanted to punch her, and he usually wasn’t a very confrontational person, when she proposed her idea as to the splitting of custody and possessions.

“I propose that Michael comes into my sole custody. He’ll be able to visit his father, and contact him all he wants, but he’s is lawfully mine. I also propose for the house to go to me. I paid the majority of the expenses when we bought the house and still do. He’ll will get our shared car and all his rightful possessions.”

Dan was sat opposite her, staring with open mouth the more she talked. He wanted to speak up, but his lawyer did before he could start.

“I disagree with these proposals. Mr. Howell has paid all the expenses accordingly, and therefore has equal rights concerning the estate. Mrs Everson, with your incomes you could easily afford to buy a new house. Why are you so set on keeping this house? Can you please explain this to me?”

“Well, after the divorce I want to progress things with my new lover. He agreed with me that, for Michael to have a proper childhood, we’d have to keeping living here. He has his friends here, and for such a young child it is not good to go through change so soon.”

The room fell silent for a moment. Phil is no longer angry, just astonished at the tunnel vision of the woman. She was supposed to be a lawyer, which meant being able to see something from more than one side. Didn’t she realise that she was going to change Mike’s life more if someone suddenly replaced his dad than if he moved?

Luckily, Phil’s thoughts were shared, by Dan. “You do realise, hopefully, that you’re implying that you want the least change possible for Michael, yet you seem to be set on the idea of replacing me, his father, for another man, which will shake his world so much worse. A new father-figure would only confuse the boy further. Right now, he’s so confused already, asking where his mother is, when we’re going home. And I can’t bloody well tell him that his mother has left us and we might not have a home anymore, can I now?!”

Kate was speechless. She repeatedly opened and closed her mouth, but didn’t say anything. Her lawyer cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention.

“I think we won’t come to an agreement today. I’d hoped we could keep this out of court, but this case will have to be taken to a judge.” He nodded his head to Dan’s lawyer, who agreed. Dan also gave a short sharp nod. However Kate seemed on the brink of saying something more, but, after her lawyer gave her a pointed look, nodded her head too.

---

The entire case didn’t take long to complete. The judge was quick to come to a decision, and while the process was still going on, Dan and Mike stayed with Phil. His apartment had never felt so lively.

Mike’s toys were scattered across the coffee table and floor of the lounge, Dan’s cursing and snort laughter could be heard all throughout the apartment.

Phil had to repeatedly scold Dan for swearing around Mike. The boy had already picked up on some of the words Dan used. It was miracle to Phil how a man who swore when his hair was out of place, could teach 6 year olds, and not use one profanity during the day.

Dan felt guilty for taking advantage of Phil in this situation. He felt like he’d intruded on his best friend’s life, despite living with him for several years. He felt like a burden. As a result, he’d told Phil, repeatedly, that, if at any point Phil didn’t want them in his house anymore, he could say the word and they’d go.

In return, Phil had told Dan repeatedly that Mike and he would never be a burden.

On a Wednesday morning, just before Dan was leaving for work, his phone rung. When his lawyer’s number flashed on the screen, he answered as fast as he could.

“Hey, Dan. Umm, Kate’s lawyer just called me and apparently when Kate filled out the forms she only put her lawyer and herself down as contact person. Her lawyer wanted to check something on the forms and found out. Basically, the verdict is today. As in, in twenty minutes.”

Dan swallowed harshly. If he didn’t leave now, he’d be late for work. He’d couldn’t be late again, not after the amount of days he took off when this all happened in the first place. He’d be fired on the spot.

“Okay Andrew, thanks for calling me. I can’t come to the verdict. I’m going to need you to represent me. I have to be at work. As soon as you know the result, call me. I’ll find a way to answer the phone during class. Do inform the judge of happened. I, Daniel James Howell give you official permission to sign the ‘Statement of Arrangements for Children’ for the case of Michael Howell. That should do it. I have to run now, talk to you later.”

He heard Andrew’s muffled bye and okay, then he hung up the phone. He rushed back to the kitchen where Mike and Phil were having breakfast. He was down to his last hope.

“Phil, I need your help, quick!” in an instant Phil was next to him, concerned look on his face, and looked at him.

“So, the verdict is today, but Kate ‘forgot’ to put me down as contact person. I wasn’t informed. I can’t go, because of my job, so my lawyer is going. He’ll call me as soon as he knows everything, but I need to be able to take the call during class. So I was thinking you could come by my class and tell the kids a bit about your job while I sit in anticipation. Could you please?”

“Dan, of course. I’d love to talk to those little kids for a while. I’ll come to your classroom as soon as I’ve dropped off Mike. Now go, you’re going to be late!”

It wasn’t until Dan was halfway to work that he realised how domestic that moment in the kitchen had been. Weirdest of all was, that it felt more normal than any of the things that can be filed as domestic felt when he was with Kate.

Dan shivered, but brushed off the feeling that was blooming in his chest. It was just that he missed having someone like Kate.

---

As promised, Phil arrived at Dan’s classroom. He said Mike had introduced him to the teacher as ‘the coolest Uncle Phil who actually isn’t my uncle’ and the teacher had looked so confused, that Phil had not been able to contain his laughs.

It made Dan smile through all the anxious thoughts. His phone felt heavy in his pocket, and he tried not to think about the phone call he’s going to get.

Just before recess, Dan’s phone rung. Phil, who’d been talking about his jobs and various other things, looked at his best friend and nodded. ‘Go’ he mouthed.

Dan nervously left the room, at the same time answering the phone.

“What’s the result Andrew?”

“Calm down Dan. So Kate, she got the house. The judge didn’t agree with her reasoning for getting custody over Mike on top of the house. You have primary custody of Mike, and Kate decided to pay the child support. You have to arrange with her how it’s going to work. Your shared money has been split equally. Since you both have your own car, you keep those. The rest is stated in the divorce papers. I thought this was the most important thing to tell you. The judge wasn’t pleased with your absence but I explained so it was fine.”

“Thank you, thank you, and thank you. I have to go now. Phil’s watching over my class and I don’t know which side has it worse. Thank you, again. Bye”

“Bye.”

Dan re-entered the classroom, just as the bell for recess rung. As collected as he could he sent the kids to the playground. Luckily he wasn’t on playground duty today. All the while Phil stood by Dan’s desk, looking over the teacher, trying to read his body language to decipher the outcome of the phone call.

As soon as the kids had left the classroom, Dan took three big strides towards his best friend and put his arms around him. Phil hugged him back instantly and Dan relaxed.

“Mike is mine. My Little Bear is staying with me.” His tears soaked Phil’s shirt, and he didn’t know why he was crying, but he was, and he felt so relieved.

“I’ll try to find something to live as soon as possible. I don’t want to bother you any longer and…”

“Dan, shut up,” Phil interrupted “you can stay as long as you need. Get everything sorted.”

Dan wanted to protest further, but decided against it. He just made a promise to himself to find a house as quick as possible

---

“Hello this is Phil, live on BBC Radio One. Today I have a very special guest with me. Say hello Mike!”

“Hello.”

“So Mike is my godchild, and my best friend’s son. Dan, the dad, is currently on a trip with his school, and is most likely listing to this show right now. I’m babysitting Mike, and he wanted to say something to his dad on national radio so here you go Mike, say something.”

“Hey dad, I don’t know if you’re listening. I just wanted to say you are the best dad in the world. I love you.”

Mike stepped away from the microphone shyly. Phil could feel his heart swell in his chest. This was the single most precious boy in the world, and he’d seen videos of small Dan singing Spice Girls, so he had some competition.

“Okay we have our first caller. Hello what’s your name and what song do you want me to play?”

“Hello, I’m Dan” Phil chuckled softly under his breath

“Hello Dan, what song do you want to request?”

“I’d like to request ‘interrupted by fireworks’ from Final Fantasy VIII. This song holds a place in my heart. I might not be in the best spot right now, but my best friend is the greatest person alive, except for my son, and this has been the song that reminds me of him since the day we met.”

“So dedicated to the best friend of Dan, can I have a name please?”

“For Phil, the man hosting this radio show and my son, who will be listening as well. I love you both very much.”

“Here is ‘Interrupted by fireworks’ from Final Fantasy VIII, requested by Dan and dedicated to Phil and Mike here at BBC Radio One.”

Phil pushed a few buttons and the song started playing. The camera aimed at his faced panned away. Phil felt relieved. He needed a second. The song meant so much to the two of them, for the strangest reason ever.

The very first time they’d met, was when Dan was listening to music during their first English class. The first assignment they had been given was to get to know the person next to you. Dan hadn’t heard a single word of the teacher, and Phil had been awkwardly trying to get his attention. After a minute of useless attempts, he’d yanked the earbud out of the brunet’s ear. They had had a glaring contest for .3 seconds, then Dan had spoken up: “What?!”

Phil had sat there, surprised at his own actions before he’d found the ability to speak again. “Um… we’re supposed to get to know our partner.”

Dan had looked confused for a second, then he’d smiled and offered Phil an earbud. “Just listening to my music collection will give you a good idea.”

As soon as Phil had placed the bud in his ear, Dan had switched to a different song. Phil’d recognised it instantly. “This is ‘Interrupted by fireworks’ from Final Fantasy VIII, right. I love the game. I’m Phil, by the way.”

“I love that game too. It has a beautiful soundtrack too. I’m Dan, nice to meet you.”

From that day, their friendship had blossomed.

----

“You little shit”, was the first thing Phil said when Dan walked through the door a day later. “You almost made me cry on national radio.” Dan smiled and walked to the table, where Phil had gathered his mail over the last few days.

“And you just swore in the presence of a child. So I think we’re even again. Wait that doesn’t make sense.”

He started shifting through his mail, his smile slipping from his face as he got closer to the end of the pile. When he reached the end, his slime had been replaced by a frown. He went through the pile again, whilst also sorting it into a few piles. He looked up from the letters, and turned to Phil.

“Is this all my mail.” “Yes, the mailbox was empty this morning.” Dan looked back at the letters and mumbled something about ‘being bac later’. He left the room, leaving Phil standing there in confusion.

Dan returned a few minutes later, looking more confused but also slightly panicked. He was mumbling inaudibly under his breath, and his fingers were fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

“Dan, what’s wrong. You’re being fidgety again.”

The younger took a deep breath and dropped his hands to his side. “This month’s Child Support letter hasn’t come in. that means Kate hasn’t paid it yet. I found a small flat not too far from here for me and Mike, and I spoke with the landlord. We agreed that if I wanted the apartment, I’d have to make a deposit for the apartment before the end of this month. The deadline is tomorrow, and I was counting on the Child Support to be there before I’d have to make the deposit because otherwise it would be too expensive. The bank won’t give me a loan because my income isn’t reliable enough to ever pay the debt off. Now I can’t pay the deposit.” He took another deep breath and shifted his eyes to his friend, expecting his blue eyes to be filled with sympathy, but instead they were glued to his phone, seemingly not listening to Dan.

“Dan give me a second and I’ll go make a call. Sit down, get some tea and rest. I’ll solve this for you.”

Phil was an idiot. Whilst his best friend had been trying to find a flat, there had been an option all along, way closer than either had imagined. But first he had to make a call to the Child Support office.

“Hello this is British Child Support. How may I help you?”

“Hello, I’m Phil Lester and I wanted to ask something about Dan Howell’s payments. He was supposed to receive his monthly Child Support deposit from his ex-wife, Kate Everson. However, the deposit nor the letter have come through to Mister Howell. I just wanted to ask if you could tell more about that.”

“Well, I have to check if you have authority to be given this information. You said your name is Phil Lester. What is your relation to Mister Howell?”

“Umm… Partner.” It wouldn’t hurt. They’d pulled that kind of stunt before. To get the couples discount, to get out of embarrassing or awkward situation. This should be no different. Only now Phil did it without telling Dan, and he lied to a governmental institution.

“It seems like I can give you some information. I can only give Mister Howell or Miss Everson full access. It seems that Miss Everson’s automatic transaction was stop because the account it came from was shut down. I can call her to ask her to make the deposit still. I’ll give you a call back on the number provided on Mister Howell’s contact information.”

“Thank you. That would be great. Bye.”

Now one problem was solved, kind of. Next Phil turned to his next door neighbour’s door. It was an old rich lady who enjoyed living in a small apartment over living in some big house alone. However, her health was going down, so she was moving in with her son, to have it a bit easier. Phil spoke to her regularly, and a few weeks ago she’d mentioned that she didn’t want to sell the apartment to a stranger.

He knocked on the door, and a few moments later Miss Pillsbury opened the door. “Philip, what a nice surprise. Would you like to come in for some tea?”

“Sorry Miss Pillsbury, I’d love to, but I have a quick question to ask. Is the apartment still up for sale?”

“Yes, boy. Why, if I may ask? You have an identical apartment, don’t you?”

“Well, you know how you met Dan a few weeks back?” they had gone to the park with Mike and on the way back in they’d come across Miss Pillsbury. She immediately loved both Howells and called Mike ‘the sweetest child she’d ever seen’. Now this came in handy. “He recently divorced his wife, and she got to keep their house and he Michael. He’s been trying to find a new place but he doesn’t have the funds for it. He’s been staying with me. I wanted to ask if you’d consider selling the apartment for a lower price than intended, to Dan. He wants to stay close, but he feels like he’s taking advantage of my generosity, which he’s not. Could you please consider it? I’d totally get it if you said no. I thought it’d be worth a try.”

Miss Pillsbury smiled up at the tall man. “Philip, of course Daniel can buy the apartment from me. Just come over tomorrow, or whenever it sooths you two so we can discuss things. You are so kind to be taking such good care of your friend. I’ll see you soon then, honey. Take care.” She waved him away softly.

“Thank you so much. We’ll definitely be coming over for tea tomorrow. Thank you again.”

Phil returned to his ow apartment and found Dan sitting on the sofa, sipping some tea and watching anime. The older clear his throat.

“Dan, I did a thing.” Dan looked up with the ‘what did you do’ already on his lips. “Don’t get mad, but I may have called Child Support and said we’re a couple to get info about the deposit. She said that the bank account the automatic deposit comes from had been shut down and she’d give you a call when she found out.”

“Phil! You didn’t have to…” but Phil interrupted Dan. “Shush, yes I did. You were freaking out. Now, you said you were looking for a place in the neighbourhood, but it’s too expensive. And you can never be invading in my home, because we used to live together before. But because I get that you want to be independent and I want you to not break your neck in the process, I helped a little. See, the old lady next door, Miss Pillsbury, is moving in with her son. And I may have convinced her to sell the apartment to you. And before you say you can’t afford it, listen to me. She agreed with me to sell the apartment for a lower price. She adores you and Mike. She wants to talk the price over tea tomorrow. Please, please consider it.”

Dan’s mouth dropped open. He stood up, walked over to Phil and stood still in front of him. Then he slapped himself, making Phil gasp loudly. “Are you real. Am I actually standing in front of you or is this just some amazing dream I’m going to wake up from in a minute, next to Kate, who is bothering me about being in time and doing something. God I love you and your impulsive mind and quirks, Phil Lester.”

He threw his arms around Phil and pulled him close, nuzzling his head into the crook of the other’s neck.

“I love you too, Dan, always will.” The words sounded more genuine than they’d ever sounded from Kate. They made Dan’s heart skip a beat, and old feelings he’d suppressed came up again.

When they were 16 Dan started to develop feelings for his best friend. At the time he’d never acted on them because he had been afraid of losing Phil. Now these butterflies returned, with even more force than back then, and Dan felt the need to giggle and hide his face.

“I really do, Phil.” He lifted his head off Phil’s shoulder and looked him in the eye, trying to wordlessly say more.

Phil stared back. He leaned forward a bit and rested his forehead against Dan’s, and slowly exhaled. God, he would be okay if they stayed in this position forever.

Dan felt Phil’s breath stream over his lips. His lips looked so delicious, and he wanted to kiss him. Just as he was about to close the space between their lips, a small voice came from the entrance of the living room.

“Daddy, you’re back!” Mike came running forward, and Dan reluctantly broke his embrace with Phil to scoop up Mike. The boy was a little heavy to be picked up, but Dan tried anyway.

“Hey Little Bear. Yes, I’m back. I heard you on the radio. Did you enjoy your week with Phil? He didn’t spoil you too much, did he?”

“No, we only had ice cream three times before dinner.” Mike was smiling innocently at his dad and Phil.

“Phil!” “You know I can’t resist his pout. He even puts it to better use than you. And you made me do your essay once because you were ill and pouted to get me to do that. He knows that it’s my kryptonite just as well as you do.”

Phil looked at Dan accusingly, who just looked back innocently. He then turned back to his son. “Aren’t you hungry? It’s almost lunchtime. We’re going out for sandwiches because I have amazing news.”

Mike cheered excitingly, but stopped suddenly and pouted up at his dad. “Can Uncle Phil come too? He’s part of the family too.”

Dan’s heart melted a little, and he looked at Mike before looking at Phil. “you heard him. Your kryptonite is being used against both of us. Are you stronger? Are you?” he proceeded to pout with round innocent doe eyes.

“Come, gather your stuff, I’m paying.” Phil said in defeat. These Howell boys were going to be the death of him.

----

“Daniel, Philip, Michael. How lovely to see you all. Do come in.” Miss Pillsbury enthusiastically opened the door. She ruffled Mike’s hair. Mike hid behind his dad’s legs, shyly looking at the woman. When Dan pressed him forward softly he shuffled forward, only to hide behind Phil’s legs.

“Come on Little Bear, no need to be shy. Don’t you want to see your future house?”

The boy stepped forward and looked inside curiously, he turned back to the adults, smiled and ran inside. Dan, Phil and Miss Pillsbury followed him. They sat down in the lounge and Miss Pillsbury served tea and delicious cake.

“So, Daniel, I understand that you want to buy an apartment. This apartment in particular. I own the apartment, so I can do with it what I want. So I want to sell it to you. What is your budget?”

So they started to discuss a price that Dan could afford. Miss Pillsbury said that the furniture came with the apartment, because it would go to waste otherwise. Dan agreed instantly, knowing that if he’d have to buy new furniture he would be well over his budget.

They also came to an agreement for the date Dan would officially move into the apartment. The Saturday of the following week. Phil immediately promised to help.

When they returned home Dan turned to Phil and said: “Thank you so much. But I have one question for you.”

Phil looked at him curiously. “Yeah sure. Shoot.”

“Do you own your apartment or do you rent it? It’s just, I had this idea and if you’re renting it can’t happen and I just want to know.”

“I own it. I wanted to get a dog so bad so about four months ago I bought the apartment. Then I started looking for the perfect dog but got distracted by you and Mike. Why?”

Dan looked guilty for a second, then explained his plan. “I was thinking about your lounge, and how it connects to the lounge next door. And I know one thing, we’re going to be to each other’s a lot. So I thought maybe we could connect our lounges with a door, or something like that. And you should totally get a dog. Preferably a Shiba Inu or a Corgi. Though I might steal it when you’re not paying attention.”

Phil smiled and reached for Dan’s hand that rested next to their knees on the sofa. “Dan, I’d love to break that wall and connect our lounges. And you can steal the dog, only I’ll have to steal it back. Or we can just share. Anyway, it’s not like we don’t share everything yet. Well, almost everything.”

Dan smiled and leaned into Phil, using his shoulder as a pillow. “Do you remember how in high school people shipped us? I was always confused as to why they’d do that. It wasn’t until last year that I realised why they did. We’d always practically sit or lie on each other, and barely leave the other’s side. I once overheard a conversation between two girls, in one of the classes we didn’t share. They were talking about how one of them liked you, and mentioned me then. They said, and I remember the exact words, ‘I’m not even going to bother to ask Phil on a date. I mean everyone knows Dan and Phil are together, although some many people think they’re hot.’ I snorted at the idea of us being together romantically, and never really thought about it. But I think I didn’t snort at the idea, more at the idea that people were actually pining after me, not just you. I don’t know how I managed to convince myself for all those years that all my feelings for you were completely platonic. Because they were so far from platonic. I pushed the feelings down, learned to live with them. But they never vanished. I think Kate knew, even though I didn’t. And then Kate left, and I didn’t feel as terrible as I should have felt. And I didn’t even realise until last week when I was listening to you and Mike on the radio that I felt so much more content than I’d ever felt with Kate. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say anymore, but thank you Phil, for being there, always.”

Phil gazed down at him fondly. “Dan, you idiot. I knew about those girls. I was asked out several times, and I always turned them down. I felt perfectly content just sitting beside you in a movie theatre whilst you voiced your opinion to me, instead of some girl who would giggle if I would just look at them, and didn’t care about the movie at all. And yes, I too was completely oblivious to my feelings until you told me you were going to propose to Kate. But I ignored it, as I helped you get ready for your own wedding. When you burst into my apartment shouting you were going to be a dad. When you called me at 4 am because Kate was going into labour and you were panicking. When you told me you wanted me to be the godfather, and also told me that when you suggested Michael you were thinking of me. I coped with my feelings, and was there for you as much as you were there for me. Then, you came to my apartment, fell asleep on top of me, and I answered your phone, only to find out that you were getting a divorce, and hadn’t told me because you thought I’d be too busy to help you. And I couldn’t even think to feel happy, because you needed me, and I had to be there. Then you moved back in with me and I couldn’t feel more elated. I got the chance to bond with Mike in a way I hadn’t before. And, god, do I love that little guy. He makes me think of you so much. And felt right. Eating dinner whilst you complain about an annoying parent, and Mike is trying to sneak his vegetables onto your plate. So I should be thanking you, you’re this amazing human that’s hiding behind sarcasm. Thank you, Dan Howell, for being the most amazing human in the world.”

They were facing each other. The remaining space seemed to have disappeared, and Phil’s breath was fawning over Dan’s face. He leaned closer to Dan and stopped just centimetres away from his lips, giving him time to pull away. Dan impatiently leaned forward and pressed his lips to Phil’s.

The kiss felt familiar and unknown at the same time. Familiar, because they’d been best friends for so long. Unknown, because it was something new, something thrilling, yet at the same timing calming. There were no fireworks, but it felt right, like everything was finally falling into place.

When they broke apart their lips the first time, panting, Phil asked: “Will you be my boyfriend?” and Dan reconnected their lips in answer. This kiss was fiercer, and years of pent up longing was catching up with them.

The second time they broke apart Dan murmured: “go out with me.” And Phil nodded. Before their lips could meet a third time, Phil’s phone went off. He reluctantly pulled it out and answered.

“Hello, this is Phil.”

“Phil. I’m outside your apartment. Open the door or I’ll burst through the door.”

“Louise, you have the worst timing in the world. But I’ll buzz you in. See you in a second.”

He hung up and pecked Dan’s lips one more time. “As much as I’d like to continue this, there is a four year old in the next room, and a very stubborn blonde waiting to be led in. So we’ll continue later tonight.”

He left the couch and went to the front door. He buzzed Louise in and waited for her to arrive at his front door.

“Philip, this is not the way to greet a lady. You are supposed to look polished, not like you just had sex. Did your mom never teach you that?” Louise greeted him.

Only then Phil realised he’d done nothing to smooth down his hair, which had been messed up by Dan’s eager hands. He must’ve looked pretty flustered too, so yes he didn’t look very presentable.

“Hey Louise. Yeah, sorry about that. Come in, I think Dan was about to start a kettle for tea. How are you and Darcy?”

She followed him to the lounge, and in the passing greeted Dan, who was indeed preparing tea. Phil silently thanked Dan for his ability to read minds or something akin to that.

“Darcy is great, she keeps talking about her kindergarten teacher, and apparently he’s really cool and tall. She said, and I quote, ‘he looks like Phil but with opposite hair’. Got me cracking up. But what about you. Who got your hair so messed up? Do you have to introduce me someone?”

Dan returned at that point, blushing slightly, and put down the tea. “Mike, can you come to the lounge, I have cookies for you.”

The three adults chuckled. Then Phil turned back to Louise and continued the conversation. “No, I don’t need to introduce anyone to you.” Technically, it was true. She already knew Dan.

He shared a quick look with Dan, who grinned back, biting his lip, and God, Phil wanted to do unspeakable things to this man.

“Louise, I thought I recognised you. Your daughter looks exactly like you. I’m her teacher. You know, ‘the one with hair like Phil but opposite’. She is a creative little kid. Already makes better drawings than me. She also complemented my Pokémon shirt the other day, said it was her favourite when she played it with Phil. I think she and Mike would get along like a house on fire.”

“Phil! I told you not to let Darcy play Pokémon. She is already obsessed and insisted I buy her a Pokémon plushie, and I don’t know any Pokémon other than Pikachu. You owe her one now.”

Phil smiled and looked down guiltily. So maybe he spoiled Darcy a bit every time he had to babysit her. Apparently that wasn’t the only child he spoiled, as Dan spoke up just after.

“Yeah, I agree. Every time Phil looks after Mike, he ends up having ice cream either before or as dinner. And he blames the freaking dimples. Like Mike can change the fact that he is so incredibly cute.”

Mike was stuffing cookies into his mouth, but smiled innocently up at his dad. Dan ruffled his hair.

“Well, I have to agree with Phil there. The dimples are very powerful.” Dan looked betrayed.

“Dan, Mike isn’t the only one who puts his beautiful genetics to good use. You know your cute face has made me do more things than Mike has gotten ice cream for dinner. But Louise, your timing isn’t actually as bad as I thought it would be. Dan and I need a night off, and as selfish as it may sound, I wanted to ask you if you could take Mike for the evening. We have some things to... discuss. So could you please help me? I am using the favour from when you were panicking about your holiday and I looked after Darcy for three hours while you ran around London.”

“Yes of course. I can’t help but think it has something to do with the state of your hair Philly. So I’ll gather my stuff and let you to at it. Mike will need an overnight bag, so Dan, could you help me get his stuff sorted?”

“Yes, sure. Follow me.”

Phil smiled as the two left the room. Louise was always very good at reading into him, and it showed.

---

It was a few days later that Dan got a phone call. He was on his way home from Tesco’s when his phone rang. He looked at the caller ID, and a rush of confusion went through him at the sight of the Child Support company. He answered.

“Hello, Dan Howell here.”

“Hello Mister Howell. Your partner called a few days ago on the matter of your Child Support deposit. I told him I’d call you once I had more information. Well, I contacted Miss Everson, and asked her about the deposit.”

“Okay. What did she say? Is the deposit coming in soon?”

“I’m sorry Mister Howell. She said she would inform you herself, but it’s good I checked. She gave up her parental rights over Michael Richard Everson-Howell. She claims she no longer wants contact with either of you. Miss Everson said she is moving to America, and no longer wants her parental rights. I’m sorry. I was originally calling to ask you if you want to be written out of the system. This means we no longer have access to your bank information and address, etcetera.”

“Yeah sure. Write me out of the system. Um… thank you for informing me. Bye.”

“Bye Mister Howell. Good luck.”

Dan stared at his phone, dumbfounded. Although he didn’t love her, but it still stung. How was he going to tell Mike that his mother never wanted to see him again, or be associated with him? That could break a young child.

Dan began to run. He knew he looked ridiculous, but he didn’t care. He needed to get away. He didn’t stop running until he reached the front door of Phil’s apartment. He couldn’t find it in himself to find his keys. He knocked on the door frantically, and sunk down against the wall, panting harshly.

Phil walked to the door, confused. Most of his neighbours were at work, and he couldn’t think of anyone who would come by on a Thursday afternoon. He walked to the door and opened it. For a second he saw no-one. Then he heard heavy panting, from the left of his door.

“Dan! Dan, what’s wrong? Okay, Dan breathe. In and out. Follow me. You’re okay. You’re here. I’m here, Bear. Easy. Deep breaths. Good, just like that.”

They sat outside like that for several minutes. Slowly, Dan’s breathing slowed. He calmed down, and slowly leaned into Phil, just breathing in his scent.

“She gave up her parental rights. She doesn’t want anything to do Mike, or me. How will I ever tell him? It will break him.”

“Shh, Dan. I’ll help you. I’m here for you. Remember? I will be there for you, always. And Mike’s a strong kid. Once he’s a little older, you can explain the entire thing. For now, settle into your new life. Get everything together. I’ll be there all along the way.”

“God, Phil. I love you, so, so much.”

“Dan, I love you too, always have and always will.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

---

--Five years later—

Kate Everson was looking through her mail. Between the usual bills, she saw an ivory envelope, made out of thick paper, with golden letters curling on the front.

You are officially invited to the wedding of

Daniel James Howell and Philip Michael Lester

Please confirm your presence before the date.

Keep open: 19th of October 2022

At the Syon park, London.

All the love form Dan and Phil

Kate smiled. She was happy, that after all those years, Dan was happy.

After all, Dan and Phil deserved it more than anything.

----------

this now has a sequal

Read it here

#phanfic #phandom #phanfiction #parent!phan #singleparent!phan #fluff #angst #oh god this is so long #idk what happened but it happened #dan #phil

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