#sincerely. this moment killed me
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toasterdrake · 2 years ago
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hello again!
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thewiglesswonder · 2 months ago
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"NO, I WANT TO KILL HIM!"
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royalarms · 6 months ago
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what kind of tragedy are you ?
doomed from the start : there was no way of winning , and you knew it too . but you still tried . you tried again and again and again to change it . you fought tooth and claw to change your fate , but she cannot be easily manipulated . it’s not your fault . the game was always rigged against you . from the moment you entered the narrative , your fate was sealed .
you didn’t stand a chance .
tagged by : @sarastuss ty ty <3 tagging : @zoeticbled ( for any muse ! ) , @groovepawn , @highwindo , @unmeiha , @zhylia , @youmourn , @fxnrirs , @adureus , @lunabrae , @keyschosen , and anyone ! ( you don't have to do this if you don't want to ! feel free to tag me in your new post so i can see your answers if you'd like ! )
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anti-dazai-blog · 1 year ago
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bsd killing potentially emotional scenes by pulling the “I knew everything all along and it was all according to plan” is the equivalent of marvel movies killing sincere moments with quips and one-liners.
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cyarskj1899 · 23 days ago
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nerdynikki94 · 2 years ago
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Crazy to me that people think Barry is a show about a hit-man trying to become an actor, but unable to stop killing, when really, it's a beautiful gay star-crossed romance between a Chechen mob boss and a Bolivian mob boss, prioritizing their passionate love over their torn allegiances, withstanding the bleakest of odds, to show that true love really does conquer all.
Like seriously, I think everybody's watching a different show than me, lol.
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benetnvsch · 1 year ago
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if I had a nickel every time I watched an anime where a character voiced by Patrick Seitz blows up a character voiced by Griffin Puatu I'd have two nickels which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice-
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psalmsofpsychosis · 1 year ago
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people that need the proper context and label for every single fucking thing in their lives and need it defined by Some Invisible Authority TM bore me to death. "this is the X space. X space rules state that X space is for doing Y and Z. Therefore in this space we do the assigned Y and Z functions and NOTHING ELSE, because that was not defined within the parameters of the space and IT'S INAPPROPRIATE." "this is a café; here you order coffee and food and do your job only make eye contact with people you've brought with you or keep to yourself" "this is a club, here you dance and drink alcohol and grind on strangers and suggest sex to people" "this is the supermarket; here you buy grocery and then go home" "this is the feminism circle; here you talk about women according to vague criteria and dont bring up anything else" what if i tell you that you can make a Barista's day brighter by pulling a baby duck out of your pucket and mimicking a duckie voice thanking them and wishing them a lovely day as they're registering your order? what if you debate Hegel's philosophy with someone in a club and you both find out that you've been trying for ages to look acceptable and well-within-the-shallow-lines and you dont have to? what if you go to the supermarket and a grandma asks you to tell them the name of earlier mentioned Duckie and you end up befriending a grandma that introduces you to the best 70s underground obscure psychedelic bands?
The point is, no space is truly defined to contain the full spectrum of spontaneous human expression. You cannot assign protocol behaviors to different "contexts" in a way that doesn't inherently diminish your humanity and kill you inside. the "Normalize blahblahblah—" you dont need normalization, you need your fucking personhood back. The context is you; you happen, other people happen, let yourself happen for fucks sake. "you can't chat a stranger up while you're both standing in line to get movie tickets" listen to me— their bag had a Batman and a Stitch keychain hanging from it, i wanted to tell them that i think Batman and Stitch would be best friends actually, in fact; i did! because here is the thing; i'm alive and i can show love when i feel it and i can do whatever the fuck i want. <3 I'm not gonna wait for some Almighty Invisible Authority TM voice to tell me which parts of my personality are green lighted for which artifically structured context, i'm a whole person, not a fucking puzzle, you dont get to tell me which parts of me do i pick out and leave outside the door as i enter a space. What dies within the inflexible bounds of "expected and appropriate behavior in expected and appropriate spaces" is the intelligent and exhilarating instinct of creativity and spontaneity, and you know what? not on me or my duckie's watch.
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eldritch-bisexual · 1 month ago
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Guy that's an unlikeable cunt doesn't understand why the one single gesture of kindness he makes doesn't change how people feel about him overall. More at 10.
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shaddy-bee · 4 months ago
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.
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junosswans · 1 year ago
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I know we all make mistakes, but there's actually a large difference between snapping at your loved ones when you're having a bad day and saying the most abusive, fucked up, gaslighting shit to your kids and then forget about it like it's a normal saturday night, and i honestly don't think it's a mistake that a person can "casually" make?
you can't pretend all faults are on the same level in terms of its difficulty to commit and its severity, as if you can tell a dictator "it's okay we all make mistakes :) it's very easy to call for the death of a million people and actually going through with it!" like yes, we can all try to be a better person and everyone deserves a chance to redemption, but acting like all wrongdoings are of the same level and telling people who were abused by their parents that they will make the same mistake as their parents?? it happens on some abused people, yes, but this take seriously lacks nuance and compassion like a piece of white bread lacks spice
parents are so crazy because they can say the most fucked up shit to you when your brain is forming and it sets the tone for your whole adult mind set and then they forget about it the next day
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hecksupremechips · 6 months ago
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The way akishinji and ashbella both have dramatic coma scenes and dramatic shot through the heart scenes like we’ve gotta stop meeting like this 😩
#the klock keeps ticking#theres actually so many similarities between these two pairings which is. probably why theyre my favorite pairings ever#like theres shinji and ashton they are guys with long hair/crabby/trying to be cool but theyre lame/emo/fingerless gloves/repressed#care so so deeply about their friends and break their fucking backs trying to protect them but are terrible with expressing their affection#with words so they come off as uncaring and rude/associates with shady people/buried beneath lies they tell to their friends/hate themselves#plans to die alone because they think they dont matter/bad at sincerity/has it bad like really bad for aki/bella#they love aki/bella for their kindness and sincerity and they feel theyre unworthy of it and that theyre a burden#gets [REDACTED] and held by aki/bella#then the aki isabella similarities are like older sibling who works too hard/stubborn/bad at reading social cues#too good for this world/will punch their friends if needed/bad at self care/emotionally repressed/kinda clumsy and silly#when they find out about shinji/ash trying to get themselves killed they get very angry and emotional and have a big confrontation#lose an important family member despite all their efforts to keep them safe/have trouble understanding their own feelings#especially if those feelings are romantic#and like both couples love to argue and bicker but care for each other so deeply its annoying lol and theres lots of miscommunication#cuz god theyre bad at having feelings and expressing them to each other and theyre long term friends#the coma scenes and the shot through the heart scenes are waaaaay better on the ashbella end though thats a given#since the letter has significantly better writing good god lol#like the emotions are very real and they fuck me up so bad then p3 its like. aki cries for 3 seconds and thats all you get cuz god forbid#a character in this series get to like. be written in a satisfying way lol#the letter just works so much better like akishinji would benefit from those scenes but ashbella needs like no work aksjks#plus ‘this is how it should be’ is a line that i fucking hate cuz of how its treated afterwards meanwhile fucking#‘you are going to die ashton frey. and you are going to die alone’ ‘she got one thing wrong though. i did not die alone’#that shit gets me so bad every single time ITS SO GOOD and such a slap to the face#realizing that youve made a grave error and youre actually loved deeply and matter a lot right as youre dying and feeling relieved#cuz you may be dying. BUT YOU DIDNT DIE ALONE YOU DIED BEING LOVED AND CARED FOR#like idk at least his death is able to mean something for him as a character its still a moment of growth#shinji doesnt learn anything he fully dies believing he deserves it and that everyone will benefit from it#god awful writing right there boooo
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khioneee · 1 month ago
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simon didn’t say ‘i love you’
not in the way most people did. but in his own quiet, raw way, he gave you pieces of his heart through the things he did say—words heavy with meaning, words that stuck with you long after they left his lips.
‘i really miss you. don’t know how much more i can take.’ his voice crackled through the comm line, strained and distant. he was halfway across the world, out on another mission, but in that moment, you could hear the weariness seeping into every word. he wasn’t just talking about the mission; he was talking about being without you—like the distance between you was slowly killing him. ‘don’t know how much more of this i’ve got in me.’
‘stay with me. i don’t want you to leave.’ the words came low and rough, slipping out as you tried to leave for work. after being gone for so long, simon wasn’t ready to let you go. not just yet. his hand wrapped around your wrist, gently pulling you back into bed. ‘just a little longer, yeah?’ he murmured, eyes heavy with unspoken need, as if saying goodbye now would tear him apart.
‘i think i like you best when you’re just with me and no one else.’ he muttered it under his breath after a night spent with soap and the lads. they’d stolen your attention all evening, and simon had stayed quiet, watching from the sidelines. but when he finally pulled you aside, his words came low and possessive. there was no jealousy, only the quiet truth that he preferred you like this—just the two of you, away from the rest of the world.
‘i would gladly break my heart for you.’ the fight still hung heavy in the air, your threat to leave cutting deeper than you realized. but simon didn’t raise his voice. his response was quiet, steady, and devastatingly sincere. ‘if it means you’ll be happier… i’d do it. i’d break my heart for you.’ in that moment, you knew his love wasn’t just in the easy moments—it was in the sacrifices he was willing to make, even if it destroyed him.
‘you’re the only good thing in my life,’ he said softly, almost like a confession, as if admitting it out loud made it more real. his voice carried a weariness that hinted at everything he’d been through, all the darkness that clung to him. but you—you were the one light that cut through it all. and in those words, he gave you the truth of his love—whether he could say the words or not.
and that’s how simon told you ‘i love you.’ not with grand declarations or flowery speeches, but with quiet, broken truths. each one more powerful than three simple words could ever be.
an. based on lyrics by cigarettes after sex haha.
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janetbrown711 · 10 months ago
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Ahahahahahhahahahaha I love how a person can leave a server and then come back because of mental health, and completely regain all authority and power without any question, but if you dare act even the slightest bit rude because of mental health that you then apologize and better yourself and your actions for to genuinely show signs of improvement, then fuck you
Anyways mental health totally matters guys we should all take care of each other
#fucking kill me#janet blabs#the worst part is that I fucking called it#I knew my time was limited#I knew i'd be kicked out the moment the rule said 'hey if you're mean you're getting kicked out zero question'#this person doesn't even KNOW ME#we've never so much as held a fucking conversation and yet she thinks she understands me and my relationships with these people#I was in a bad headspace and acted bitchy at the time i'll admit#i vented a bit to unwilling participants which i've apologized sincerely for and haven't done since#and that's the key !!!! I fucking changed my actions#but because she doesn't even fucking know me and is just offended on behalf of these people she just kicks me out#you know what bitchy things I did?#I made jokes about monsterfucking being odd. you know. like the other half of the 'hear me out' meme?#I know it was bad for those I affected and I'm not lying when I say I haven't done it since#I don't get why these people hold such godawful grudges against me when I didn't even hurt them directly and those I did I apologized to#and I haven't made the same fucking mistakes since !!!!#GOD#just#*sigh*#I'm so fucking tired guys#I'm so so so so tired#I can't keep doing this#I can't keep being kicked out of every friend group#everyone tells me I'll find people who appreciate me and I can click with but every. single. time it goes south#is there something wrong with me???#I feel like there has to at this point#god....#anyways yeah#what a lovely way to start february#vent
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pucksandpower · 10 days ago
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Critics and Lovers
Max Verstappen x journalist!Reader
Summary: how would the paddock react if they knew that the woman writing scathing critiques about the reigning world champion weekend after weekend was the same woman who whispers sweet nothings in his ear at night?
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“Did you really go to school for half a decade to get your journalism degree just to ask if I think I’ll win?”
Max’s voice cuts through the bustle of the press room, drawing the attention of a few journalists milling around with their notebooks and recorders. He leans back in his chair, arms folded across his chest, his smirk more amused than annoyed. His blue eyes — always so intense under the brim of his cap — lock onto yours, daring you to respond.
You raise an eyebrow, fighting the urge to roll your eyes at him. “I’m asking the questions the people want answers to, Max. It’s my job, remember?”
“Your job is to provoke me, apparently,” he counters, leaning forward slightly, his smirk widening. “But you know, you could at least pretend to be creative. Ask something that might surprise me for once.”
“I wasn’t aware you had the capacity to be surprised,” you quip, your pen hovering over your notepad as if ready to jot down his response.
Max lets out a low chuckle, shaking his head. “Touché. But if you’re expecting me to give you a soundbite for your next article, you’ll have to do better than that.”
The exchange draws a few chuckles from the nearby journalists, but they quickly refocus on their own tasks, used to the banter between the two of you. After all, it’s no secret that you’re Max Verstappen’s biggest critic.
Week after week, your articles dissect his performances with surgical precision, never shying away from pointing out his flaws, his temper, his moments of questionable judgment. To everyone else, you’re just doing your job, holding one of the sport’s biggest stars accountable. But to Max — well, he seems to take it in stride, brushing off your critiques with the same ease he shows on track.
What no one else knows, though, is that this verbal sparring is just another part of the complicated dance you and Max have been perfecting for years. A dance that begins in front of cameras and microphones, and ends in private, where the lines between your professional rivalry and personal relationship blur into something neither of you can fully define.
“Okay, fine,” you say, pretending to think hard about your next question. “How about this: what’s your plan for today? Any new strategies to surprise us with?”
Max raises an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed. “That’s almost worse than your first question. Did you really think that would get me talking?”
You sigh, exasperated. “Maybe if you gave me a straight answer for once, I wouldn’t have to keep asking.”
He leans in closer, lowering his voice just enough so only you can hear. “Maybe if you asked me something off the record, I’d actually consider it.”
“Off the record doesn’t sell papers, Max,” you reply, your tone equally low but tinged with something more affectionate, something that would be impossible to miss for anyone paying close attention.
Max’s smirk softens into something more sincere, his eyes flickering with the warmth that you’ve come to associate with the quiet moments you share away from the track, away from the scrutiny of the world.
It’s a look that says he knows you’re playing a role, just like he is. That despite the biting comments and the professional jabs, there’s a mutual understanding between you. A connection that runs deeper than anything either of you would ever admit in public.
But here, in this crowded room filled with reporters who’d kill for the kind of scoop only you could provide, that connection has to stay hidden. Because if anyone ever found out the truth — if they knew that you, the woman who writes those scathing critiques of Max Verstappen, were the same woman who shares his bed at night — it would be the end of both your careers.
And so, the game continues, with both of you playing your parts to perfection.
“Next time, try asking me something interesting,” Max says, his voice returning to its usual volume as he straightens in his chair, signaling the end of your private moment. “Otherwise, I’ll start thinking you’re getting lazy.”
You give him a look that’s meant to be stern but can’t quite hide the smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. “Lazy? I think you’re confusing me with your performance last weekend.”
The jab earns you a mock glare from Max, but he doesn’t take the bait, instead giving a noncommittal shrug. “We’ll see who’s lazy when I’m on top of the podium later.”
“Confident as ever, I see,” you remark, jotting down a few notes that you know you’ll never actually use.
“Just stating facts,” he says, and for a moment, you can’t help but admire the way he carries himself, the ease with which he navigates this world of high stakes and even higher expectations. It’s one of the things that drew you to him in the first place, back when neither of you had any idea where this relationship was heading.
“Well, good luck out there,” you say, finally stepping back to let the next reporter have their turn. But as you move away, you catch the briefest flash of something in his eyes — something that tells you he’s not just thinking about the race ahead, but about the conversation you’ll have later, away from prying eyes.
As you find a spot at the back of the room, your phone buzzes in your pocket. A quick glance tells you it’s a message from Max, sent under the guise of a work-related email, as usual.
You know I’m going to make you pay for that lazy comment later, right?
You bite back a smile, typing out a quick response.
Promises, promises.
The rest of the press conference goes by in a blur of questions and answers, none of which capture your attention the way Max does. You’re barely listening when the moderator finally wraps things up, and the drivers start to file out.
But before Max can make his exit, he pauses just long enough to catch your eye, giving you a look that’s all too familiar. It’s the same look he gave you the first time you met, back when he was just another driver on the grid and you were the new journalist determined to make a name for yourself. A look that says he’s already planning what he’s going to say to you later, when the cameras are off and the real conversations can begin.
You follow the crowd out of the room, blending in with the other journalists as you make your way toward the paddock. But your thoughts are already drifting to the end of the day, to the moment when you’ll finally be alone with Max, free to drop the pretense and just be yourselves.
Because despite the roles you play in public — the critical journalist and the cocky driver — in private, you’re something else entirely. Something that neither of you can fully explain, but neither of you wants to give up.
“Heading back to the media center?” One of your colleagues asks as you step outside, the midday sun beating down on the paddock.
“Yeah, I’ve got a deadline to meet,” you reply, forcing your mind back to the task at hand. But even as you say it, you know that your thoughts will be elsewhere for the rest of the day. On Max, and the secret you both share. A secret that, for now, is safe.
But how long can it stay that way?
The question lingers in your mind as you head back to your desk, the usual chatter of the paddock fading into the background. You’ve always known that this arrangement couldn’t last forever, that eventually, something would give.
The world of Formula 1 is too small, too tightly knit, for secrets like this to stay buried forever. And when the truth finally comes out — because it’s not a matter of if, but when — you know that everything will change.
But for now, you push those thoughts aside, focusing on the article you need to write. It’s what you’re good at, after all — crafting narratives, shaping stories. And today, the story is about Max, the driver who never fails to surprise you, both on and off the track.
The press room is quieter now, most of the other journalists having moved on to other tasks. You sit down at your laptop, the screen reflecting your determined expression. The cursor blinks at you, waiting. And as you begin to type, the words flow easily, the story taking shape with each keystroke.
It’s a story the world has seen before — another race, another analysis of Max Verstappen’s performance. But underneath it all, there’s a subtext that only you can see, a hidden layer that tells the real story. The one that will never make it to print.
The one that belongs to just you and Max.
Hours pass in a blur, your fingers flying over the keyboard as you lose yourself in the work. It’s almost too easy to write about Max, to analyze his every move, his every decision. You know him better than anyone, after all — better than any other journalist in this room, better than most of the people in his life. It’s a knowledge that comes with a price, though, a price you’re all too aware of.
But as the final paragraph falls into place, you sit back, satisfied. The article is done, the narrative complete. And with it, the day’s work is finally over. You stretch, glancing around the empty press room, and for a moment, you allow yourself to relax. To let go of the role you’ve been playing all day, and just be yourself.
Your phone buzzes again, pulling you back to reality. Another message from Max.
Meet me in the usual place?
You don’t hesitate before typing out a reply.
On my way.
The media center is almost deserted as you make your way out, the soft hum of electronics the only sound filling the room. You slip your laptop into your bag and sling it over your shoulder, feeling the weight of the day lift slightly as you step into the paddock. The evening air is cooler now, a welcome relief after the day’s heat, and the sky is streaked with shades of orange and pink as the sun dips below the horizon.
You walk with purpose, navigating the familiar maze of trailers and motorhomes, heading toward the secluded spot where you and Max often meet. It’s tucked away from the main pathways, a place where no one would think to look for you, and that’s exactly why it works. You reach the spot and pause, taking a deep breath before stepping around the corner.
Max is already there, leaning against the side of a trailer, his cap pulled low over his eyes, hands shoved in his pockets. He looks up as you approach, a slow smile spreading across his face.
“Took you long enough,” he says, his tone teasing.
“Had to finish that article you’re so eager to read,” you reply, stopping a few feet away from him, just outside the reach of his hands.
“Oh, I’m sure it’s a glowing review of my abilities,” he says, pushing off the trailer and closing the distance between you in two strides. He reaches for your hand, pulling you closer, and you don’t resist. Here, in this quiet corner of the paddock, the walls come down, and the roles you play for the cameras melt away.
“Glowing might be a stretch,” you say, allowing yourself a small smile as his hand lingers on your waist. “But it’s fair.”
“Fair is good,” he murmurs, leaning in so his forehead rests against yours. “But if I didn’t know better, I’d say you’re going easy on me.”
“Maybe I am,” you admit, your voice softening. “Or maybe I just think you deserve a break every now and then.”
“From the criticism? Or from you?” He asks, his eyes twinkling with mischief.
“Both,” you say, giving him a playful shove, but he doesn’t budge, his grip on you firm yet gentle.
“You know I’d never take a break from you,” he says, his voice low, serious now. His thumb strokes your side, sending a shiver up your spine.
You close your eyes for a moment, letting the sensation wash over you. It’s these moments you treasure the most, the ones where it’s just the two of you, no expectations, no pressure. Just Max and you, stripped down to the simplest version of yourselves.
“I know,” you whisper, opening your eyes to meet his gaze. “I’d never let you.”
His smile turns tender, and he cups your cheek, his thumb brushing over your skin in a way that makes your heart skip a beat. “Good,” he says simply, before closing the small gap between you and pressing his lips to yours.
The kiss is soft, unhurried, a stark contrast to the fast-paced world you both live in. It’s a reminder of what you have, what you’ve built together despite the odds. And as you kiss him back, you feel a warmth spread through you, one that has nothing to do with the lingering heat of the day.
When he finally pulls back, his forehead resting against yours again, he lets out a small sigh, as if he’s been holding his breath all day and can finally relax. “I hate this,” he admits quietly.
“Hate what?” You ask, your fingers playing with the edge of his shirt, needing the physical connection to anchor you.
“Hiding,” he says, the word heavy with the weight of months, years of secrecy. “I hate that we have to keep doing this, sneaking around like we’re doing something wrong.”
You feel a pang in your chest, because you hate it too. Hate the way you have to pretend to be something you’re not in front of everyone else. Hate the way you have to watch your words, your actions, every time you’re in the same room as him. But more than that, you hate the idea of what would happen if the truth came out. The scrutiny, the backlash, the way it would change everything.
“I know,” you say softly, your fingers stilling on his shirt. “But it’s the only way right now. We both knew that going into this.”
“I know we did,” he replies, his voice tinged with frustration. “But it doesn’t make it any easier.”
“No,” you agree, resting your head against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. “It doesn’t.”
He wraps his arms around you, holding you close, and for a while, neither of you says anything. The silence is comforting, a shared understanding that words can’t always convey. It’s moments like these that make the rest of it bearable — the stolen kisses, the secret glances, the knowledge that, no matter what happens, you’ll always have each other.
Eventually, Max pulls back just enough to look at you, his expression softer now, the frustration replaced with something gentler, more resigned. “I just wish it could be different,” he says, his voice barely above a whisper.
“Me too,” you admit, your heart aching with the truth of it. “But we’ll get through this, Max. We always do.”
He nods, though you can see the doubt lingering in his eyes. “Yeah, we will,” he says, as if trying to convince himself as much as you. “And when we do, we’ll figure it out. Together.”
“Together,” you echo, holding onto the word like a lifeline.
He leans in to kiss you again, and this time, it’s slower, more deliberate, as if he’s trying to memorize every detail, every sensation. And you let him, because you’re doing the same, savoring the feel of him, the taste of him, the way his hand cradles the back of your head like you’re something precious.
When you finally break apart, both of you are breathless, and the world feels a little less heavy, a little less overwhelming. Max rests his forehead against yours, his eyes closed, his breath warm against your skin.
“I love you,” he says, the words so simple, yet so profound in the way they ground you, remind you of what’s important.
“I love you too,” you reply, your voice steady, certain.
He smiles then, that slow, genuine smile that’s just for you, the one that makes your heart skip a beat every time. And in that moment, everything else fades away — the doubts, the fears, the uncertainty of what the future holds. Because right now, in this quiet corner of the paddock, it’s just the two of you, and that’s enough.
For now, it’s enough.
“Come on,” Max says after a moment, his hand finding yours and giving it a gentle squeeze. “Let’s get out of here before someone comes looking for us.”
You nod, and together, you slip out of the shadows, making your way back through the maze of trailers and motorhomes, hand in hand. The paddock is quieter now, most of the crew having called it a day, and the sky is a deep, dusky blue as night settles in.
As you walk, you can’t help but glance at Max, the way his profile is lit by the dim lights of the paddock, the way his grip on your hand never wavers. It’s moments like these that make it all worth it — the sacrifices, the secrecy, the constant balancing act between your public and private lives.
Because at the end of the day, it’s not the criticism or the articles or even the races that matter. It’s this — being with him, knowing that no matter what, you’ll always have each other.
And as you slip out of the paddock together, unnoticed by anyone, you hold onto that thought, letting it carry you through the darkness, through the uncertainty of what tomorrow might bring.
Because for now, it’s enough.
And that’s all you need.
***
The Hidden Truth: Why I Kept My Marriage a Secret
By: Y/N Y/L/N
For as long as I’ve been a journalist, I’ve prided myself on one thing: honesty. I’ve built a career on asking the tough questions, on digging for the truth even when it’s uncomfortable, and on holding the powerful accountable. That’s why, as I sit down to write this, I find myself in an unfamiliar position — one where I’m the subject of my own scrutiny.
Over the past few years, I’ve become known as Max Verstappen’s biggest critic. I’ve questioned his decisions on track, his attitude off it, and his approach to the sport we both love. I’ve written article after article dissecting his every move, never once pulling my punches. And, in doing so, I’ve created a persona that many have come to recognize — a journalist who isn’t afraid to speak her mind, no matter who she’s writing about.
But there’s something I’ve kept hidden. Something I’ve chosen not to share, not because I’m ashamed of it, but because it’s deeply personal. And now, it’s time to tell the truth.
Max Verstappen is my husband.
Yes, you read that correctly. The man I’ve spent years publicly scrutinizing is the same man I wake up next to every morning, the same man who knows me better than anyone else in this world. We’ve been married for two years, together for even longer, and our relationship is something I hold incredibly dear.
I can already hear the questions — how could I, a journalist dedicated to transparency, keep such a monumental secret? How could I write so critically about the man I love, knowing the impact my words would have? The answers are complex, but I’ll do my best to explain.
When Max and I first started dating, it was easy to keep our relationship private. We were just two people trying to navigate the chaotic world of Formula 1, and neither of us wanted the added pressure of public scrutiny. But as our relationship grew more serious, we both knew that revealing it would come with consequences — not just for us, but for our careers, our reputations, and our personal lives.
So we made a choice. We decided that our relationship was something we wanted to protect, something we wanted to keep just for ourselves. And yes, that meant keeping it a secret from the public, from our colleagues, even from some of our closest friends.
But the secrecy wasn’t about hiding. It was about creating a space where we could be ourselves, away from the cameras, the interviews, the constant analysis of every move we made. It was about having something that was ours and ours alone, in a world where so much is shared, dissected, and often distorted.
Now, as for the criticism — many of you will likely wonder how I could write so harshly about the man I love. The truth is, when I put on my journalist hat, I’m not Max Verstappen’s wife. I’m not Y/N, the woman who loves him. I’m Y/N Y/L/N, the journalist who has a job to do. And that job is to report on the sport objectively, to ask the tough questions, and to hold everyone — including my husband — accountable.
Max knew this from the beginning, and he respected it. In fact, he encouraged it. He didn’t want me to go easy on him just because of our relationship. He wanted me to be true to myself and to my profession, even if that meant writing things that were difficult for both of us. And yes, there were times when it was hard — when I wrote something that hurt him, when we had to have difficult conversations about where to draw the line between my role as a journalist and my role as his partner.
But through it all, we’ve managed to keep our relationship strong, because we both understand that what happens on the track, what’s written in the press, isn’t the full story. The full story is what happens behind closed doors, away from the public eye, in the quiet moments we share when it’s just the two of us.
And now, the secret’s out. I know this revelation will come as a shock to many, and I’m prepared for the questions, the speculation, and yes, the criticism that will inevitably follow. But I want to make one thing clear — I’m not sorry.
I’m not sorry for keeping our relationship private. I’m not sorry for protecting something that means the world to me. And I’m not sorry for continuing to do my job with integrity, even when it meant writing things that were difficult for both of us.
This is our truth. It’s messy, it’s complicated, but it’s ours. And now, it’s out there for the world to see. I’m not asking for understanding or approval, because I know this will be a difficult pill for some to swallow. But I am asking for respect — for my choices, for our relationship, and for the fact that, at the end of the day, we’re just two people who fell in love in a world that’s anything but ordinary.
Max and I are still the same people we were before you knew about us. He’s still the incredible driver you’ve come to admire, and I’m still the journalist who will continue to ask the tough questions, no matter who’s on the other side of them.
The only difference now is that you know the full story.
And I’m okay with that.
***
The Other Side: Why We Chose to Keep Our Love Private
By: Max Verstappen
I’ve never been one to shy away from a challenge, whether on the track or off. Racing is in my blood — it’s what I’ve known and loved my entire life. But writing? That’s a whole different race, one where I’m definitely out of my comfort zone. So, when Y/N suggested I write this article, I wasn’t sure if it was such a great idea. But she convinced me — like she always does — so here I am, trying to find the words to explain what’s been one of the most significant parts of my life, one that I’ve kept hidden from the world until now.
As you’ve probably read by now, Y/N Y/L/N, the journalist who has been my harshest critic, is also my wife. Let that sink in for a moment — I know it took me a while to get used to the idea too. Not the fact that she’s my wife, but that the world now knows something we’ve kept private for so long.
When Y/N and I started dating, we had no idea where it would lead. We were just two people who happened to find something special in each other, despite the chaos of our worlds. But as our relationship deepened, so did the challenges. How do you navigate a relationship when one of you is in the spotlight 24/7, and the other’s job is to shine that light as brightly as possible, even when it’s uncomfortable?
We quickly realized that what we had was too important to let the world dictate how we lived it. So, we made a choice — a choice to keep our relationship private, not because we were ashamed, but because we wanted something for ourselves, something that wasn’t up for public debate or scrutiny.
People will ask why we did it, why we went to such lengths to keep it a secret, and the answer is simple: because we had to. Being a Formula 1 driver means living your life under a microscope. Every move you make, every word you say, is analyzed, criticized, and often misunderstood. It’s a pressure cooker, and adding a public relationship into that mix was something we weren’t willing to do.
It wasn’t an easy decision. There were times when I wanted to scream from the rooftops about how much I love this woman, how much she means to me, and how proud I am of her. But I knew that doing so would open us up to a level of scrutiny neither of us wanted or needed. And so, we kept it quiet, we kept it private, and we built something strong and real away from the cameras.
That’s not to say it was without its challenges. Y/N’s articles about me — some of which were less than flattering — were hard to swallow at times. But I respected her too much to ask her to change the way she does her job. She’s a journalist, and a damn good one at that. She has a responsibility to her readers, to the sport, and to herself to be honest, even if that honesty stings.
Did it hurt when she wrote something critical about me? Of course, it did. But I also understood that what she wrote came from a place of integrity, not malice. It was her job to ask the tough questions, to hold me accountable, and to do so without bias. And I loved her even more for it.
You might wonder how we managed to keep our relationship strong despite the secrecy and the criticism. The truth is, we did it by being honest with each other in ways we couldn’t be with anyone else. We talked — about everything. About the articles, about the pressures we were both under, about our fears and our hopes for the future. We made sure that, no matter what happened on the track or in the press, we were solid in our relationship. And we were.
But now that the secret’s out, I know things will change. People will have opinions, and they’ll want to know every detail of how we made this work. They’ll want to dissect our relationship just like they dissect my races. And that’s fine — we knew this day would come eventually.
What I want people to understand, though, is that our decision to keep our relationship private wasn’t about deception. It was about protection. We wanted to protect what we had, to give ourselves the space to grow as a couple without the pressures of the outside world bearing down on us.
I’ve always been a private person, and that’s not going to change just because the truth is out. But I’m also incredibly proud of what Y/N and I have built together. She’s my toughest critic, yes, but she’s also my biggest supporter, my partner, and the person I trust more than anyone else in this world.
So, why write this now? Because I want to set the record straight. I want people to understand that our relationship is real, that it’s built on love, respect, and a shared understanding of what it means to live in this crazy world of Formula 1. We didn’t hide it because we were ashamed — we hid it because we wanted to protect it, to keep it safe from the chaos that surrounds us every day.
And now that the secret’s out, I’m not afraid of what’s to come. I know there will be challenges, but I also know that we’ll face them together, just like we’ve faced everything else.
This is our story. It’s not perfect, and it’s far from simple, but it’s ours. And now, the world knows it too.
***
The sun hangs low over the paddock as you walk beside Max, your hand nestled comfortably in his. The usually bustling environment feels different today, like the air has thickened with anticipation. You can feel the eyes on you — hundreds of them, some curious, some incredulous, all hungry for the next piece of the puzzle that is you and Max Verstappen.
You’ve written about this very paddock more times than you can count. You’ve captured its energy, its chaos, its unpredictability. But today, for the first time, you’re the story.
Max squeezes your hand, a silent reassurance, and you glance up at him. He’s calm, or at least he appears to be. You know him well enough to see the subtle signs of tension — the set of his jaw, the way his eyes scan the crowd with a little more intensity than usual. He’s ready for whatever comes next. So are you, or at least that’s what you tell yourself.
“Ready?” He asks, his voice low, meant only for you.
“As I’ll ever be,” you reply, managing a small smile.
The first few steps into the paddock are deceptively quiet, almost serene. But then, as if someone has flipped a switch, the cameras flash, the microphones extend, and the questions start flying at you from every direction.
“Max! Is it true you’ve been married for two years?”
“Y/N, why did you keep it a secret?”
“How does this change your dynamic on the grid?”
“Will you be writing about Max differently now?”
You and Max exchange a glance, a wordless conversation in the middle of the media frenzy. His hand tightens around yours, a steady anchor in the chaos. You can feel the eyes of your colleagues, the other journalists who are now looking at you not as one of them but as a subject. It’s a disorienting feeling, like the world has suddenly shifted and you’re standing in a place you no longer recognize.
Max leans in close, his lips brushing your ear as he whispers, “Welcome to my world.”
You can’t help the laugh that bubbles up, a sound that cuts through the tension like a knife. It’s absurd, this whole situation. You’ve spent years writing about him, criticizing him, analyzing his every move, and now you’re on the other side of that scrutiny.
You straighten your shoulders, drawing on every ounce of professionalism you have. This is what you signed up for. You’ve spent years dissecting the lives of others, and now it’s your turn to be under the microscope. It’s only fair.
But Max isn’t letting you go it alone. He steps forward, his presence commanding as he addresses the swarm of reporters. “We’ll take questions, but let’s keep it civil,” he says, his tone leaving no room for argument.
The first question comes from a reporter you recognize, someone you’ve shared more than a few press rooms with. “Max, how does it feel to have your relationship with Y/N out in the open?”
Max glances at you, a small smile tugging at his lips. “It feels good. We’ve wanted to keep this part of our lives private, but now that it’s out, we’re ready to move forward.”
Another reporter jumps in, this one more aggressive. “Y/N, how do you expect to remain unbiased in your reporting now that everyone knows you’re married to Max?”
You take a deep breath, forcing yourself to stay calm. “I’ve always strived for objectivity in my work, and that won’t change. My relationship with Max is separate from my role as a journalist. I’ll continue to ask the tough questions, just as I always have.”
It’s a carefully crafted answer, one you rehearsed in your head a dozen times before stepping into the paddock. But you can see the skepticism in their eyes, the doubt that you can truly keep your professional and personal lives separate. It stings, but you knew it was coming.
Max’s voice cuts through the murmurs. “Y/N has always been one of the best in the business, and that’s not going to change just because we’re married. If anything, she’ll probably be even harder on me now.”
There’s a ripple of laughter, a brief moment of levity in the tension-filled space. But it’s short-lived. The questions keep coming, each one sharper than the last.
“Max, do you think your performance on the track will be affected now that your marriage is public?”
“Y/N, do you regret keeping this a secret for so long?”
“What about the other drivers? How do they feel about this?”
You’re starting to feel the weight of it all, the relentless pressure of the cameras, the voices, the questions that seem to dig deeper and deeper. But Max is by your side, unwavering, and that gives you strength.
“I don’t regret anything,” you say firmly, your voice cutting through the noise. “Max and I made the decision to keep our relationship private because it was what was best for us. We wanted to protect something that mattered to us, and I don’t think anyone can fault us for that.”
Max nods, his hand still wrapped around yours. “We knew this would come with challenges, but we’re ready to face them together.”
There’s a moment of silence, a pause as the reporters digest your words. But you know this isn’t the end of it. The scrutiny, the questions, they’re not going to stop anytime soon. You’ve become the story, and that’s something you’ll have to live with.
But as you stand there, side by side with Max, you realize that you’re okay with it. You’ve spent years writing about other people’s lives, their triumphs and failures, their relationships and rivalries. Now, it’s your turn to be in the spotlight, and you’re ready for it.
“Max, Y/N,” a voice calls out, one of the more seasoned journalists you’ve always respected. “What’s next for you two? How do you plan to navigate this new chapter?”
Max looks at you, his eyes softening. “We’re going to keep doing what we’ve always done. I’ll keep racing, Y/N will keep writing, and we’ll keep supporting each other every step of the way. This is just another challenge, and we’re more than ready to face it.”
You nod, feeling a surge of confidence. “We’re not going to let this change who we are or what we do. We’ve always been a team, and that’s not going to change now.”
There’s a finality to your words, a sense that you’ve said all there is to say. The reporters sense it too, the questions starting to taper off as they realize they’re not going to get anything more out of you today.
Max squeezes your hand one last time before turning to the crowd. “Thanks, everyone. We’ll see you in the media pen.”
With that, he starts to lead you away, but not before you catch the eyes of a few of your colleagues. There’s a mix of emotions there — some understanding, some curiosity, and yes, some judgment. But you don’t let it get to you. You’ve spent your career building a reputation, and one revelation isn’t going to tear that down.
As you walk away from the crowd, Max’s arm slips around your waist, pulling you close. “Not so bad, huh?” He murmurs.
You laugh softly, leaning into him. “Speak for yourself. I think I’ll stick to writing the articles, not being the subject of them.”
Max chuckles, his breath warm against your temple. “Now you know why I’m not a fan of the media. Present company excluded, of course.”
“Of course,” you echo, smiling up at him.
The paddock is still buzzing with energy, the usual pre-race preparations in full swing. But you and Max walk through it with a new sense of purpose, a newfound clarity. The secret is out, and while it comes with challenges, it also comes with freedom — a freedom to be yourselves, to love each other openly, without the burden of secrecy.
You know the road ahead won’t be easy. There will be more questions, more scrutiny, more judgment. But as long as you have Max by your side, you know you can handle whatever comes your way.
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astralleywright · 1 year ago
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i have made the "orym read theory" joke like three times today alone but. i think it would genuinely be very helpful for him to develop an overarching philosophy through which to understand the world and the structure of power, because the simplistic "nice guy" approach to morality has utterly failed him in this moment.
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