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mondaymelon · 11 months ago

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— 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 ! ₊˚ෆ | albedo, xiao, childe x gn!reader

— cw: reader thinks theyre in a one sided love, accidental confessions + d r u g s, ig? do love potions count as that. these potions dont create fake feelings, they just amplify the affections he already has for you !! fluffy :)

[ The very man you've been longing for has finally fallen in love with you !? Ah, no... Instead, does it have to do with this mysterious pink elixir they've drunk? ]

"Oh? This shade..."

ALBEDO's eyes glitter with the glass' reflections, holding the test tube up against the light. The pink fluid within sloshes inside its confinements, shimmering in the sun's rays. "Strange." With his free hand, he whips out his pencil and pad, busy writing down notes in small handwriting, evenly spaced and well lined. "This formula should've been for a health recovery potion, which is red... How come the color is so light?"

"'Bedo, I'm here." Your voice rang into the previously quiet laboratory as you fling the door open, the invading wind carrying flakes of snow along with it. The blonde's eyes narrows at the sight of the inconvenience, dipping his head in silent greeting as he walks over and closes the door behind you. "What are you doing holed up here today too?"

"More work matters." He's about to close his mouth, already moved on from the brief conversation, but instead perks up, eyes rounding the slightest. "Ah, do you think you could offer some assistance?"

"Assistance?" You trail after him, eyeing the various ongoing experiments on the other tables, up until your eyes land on the practically glowing liquid that emanates a honey-like smell. "What, do you want me to drink that?"

Albedo immediately shakes his head. "No, there's no need to endanger your safety like that. I'll do the honors of consuming it, but I'd appreciate it if you could take some observations and write them down. Is that alright with you?"

A part of you was almost surprised at the relationship "progression", if one could even call it that. You had had your eye on Albedo ever since you had managed to get yourself lost in these mountains, only to stumble upon his lab at your wits end, helplessly shivering and lashes decorated with frost. He had nursed you back to health, and then provided directions back to Mondstadt... Since then, you had made it a habit to frequently visit the quiet male, whether providing just some company or bringing a snack or two, you just wanted a way to show your thanks! Somehow, somewhere along the line, you had developed feelings for him, feelings that you were rather sure he'd never be able to reciprocate.

"That... That seems doable enough?" You blink, hesitantly grabbing the pen that lay on the desk. "Just... ah- you should worry for your own health too, y'know?"

Albedo glances at you, taking the tub in his hands. "I'll be fine." And down it goes. Silence, at first, then his legs sway beneath him. You let out a noise of surprise, instantly moving to offer support, but the male manages to steady himself on the table, instead holding his hand out to keep you away. "Aha... oh, so it was that kind of concoction..."

Sensing the exasperation in his tone only alights more concern. "Is it dangerous? H-Hey, let's lie you down somewhere, and then we can-"

Your worries are effectively silenced as his... lips fall upon yours, jewel-like irises that shone with almost unnoticeable hearts, both his hands cupping your face in a touch so delicate you could've sworn it was never there, and the warmth from his pale, burning skin..

And just like that, you heard the usually level-headed and composed alchemist cursed under his breath for the first time. "No, it wasn't supposed to be like this-"

A shy flush left kisses on his features. He had always waited for the right time for his moves, albeit unnatural ones. It was far easy acting with equations and predicted outcomes, but you... you were something so natural, you made him thoughtless so effortlessly. It took him every effort to allow his usual expression to remain on his face, to not voice his feelings. Not now, he'd chide to himself. I'm not ready.

"...A-Albedo, what..." Stupid as you may be, it'd be impossible not to realize it, especially with the way his usually cool skin flamed with heat. "...A fucking love potion?" You touched a finger to your lips, still stunned.

"I'm sorry." He's ashamed, for being unable to control himself under the potion's influence. "The antidote, it's on the table." Dutifully, you hand it to him, your fingers brushing against his in the process.

"Ah-"

"I like you."

It hurts, to hear him say those words that you've been wishing to hear for far longer than you care to admit. "...What? 'Bedo, c'mon, drink the antidote, and then we can hold a proper conversation. You're not in your right mind right now."

"I've already drunken it." Was the moment now? The empty glass falls from his hand and onto the table, rolling to a still. "I like you."

"...What? No, is the cure not working or something, what is-" It couldn't be, but his turquoise-eyed gaze was clear.

"Must I state it once more? I love you." ₊˚ෆ

"Just what is it you have you brought me?"

XIAO's brows furrow with discontentment... or rather, disinterest. You were a peculiar mortal, it was an easy enough fact to gather from his encounters with you. And while he didn't find himself particularly delighted when you appeared, calling it annoyed would be a bit of a stretch. It's a flicker of a thousand emotions at once across the mask of his expression, all but one of them displayed for your viewing - indifference.

His golden, cat-like pupils stare down the small vial you've procured and gifted him, narrowing with suspicion in your growing silence. He prompts once more, "This is?"

"Hmm, think of it as a gift?" You chuckle sheepishly, recalling the rather shady conversation you had days prior, in a small store hidden away in the very edge of the city market.

"Dearest customer, perhaps you'd like this product? It's very popular amongst the young city goers these days, and I have a feeling you've been looking for something similar."

...A scam? "Sorry, I'm not interested-"

"It works. You're in love with someone, right?"

"How did you-"

"There's this distant look in your eyes. I see it all the time. Now, if you'll just purchase this..."

And just like that, you had been probably swindled into buying a likely useless product off of his hands. At the very least, you could use it to hold a brief conversation with the aloof adeptus who often decided to not turn up at all. "It's... a thank you gift for protecting Liyue all these years...?" In the corner of your vision that greatly encompasses a wonderful view of your shoes, you spot the unwavering features of Xiao's face give the slightest waver.

"There's no need to thank me." He says it all apathetically, yet accepts the gift. "You still have yet to answer my question, however. Of what nature is this object?"

"Ah... well, you see, I don't exactly know either? You could call it a local specialty, of sorts..." You weren't exactly lying, were you? You didn't know what it was, although by it's heart-shaped container and pinkish color you could likely wager a guess or two... but it was better to remain ignorant. At least that way, you wouldn't be to blame if anything unfortunate occurred.

Oh, but was such a term the correct word to describe such a happening? Had it all gone "wrong" the moment you bought the suspicious thing, or was it when you handed it to him, watching him drain the container of its fluid? Either way, something found its way inside your heart the moment the adeptus set the glass down with enough force to hear the sound of its surface fracturing into thousands of spiderwebbed lines.

"The glass... Xiao, are you alright?" You stepped forward worryingly upon seeing the adeptus clutch his forehead with his hand, eyes fluttered shut. Don't tell me... holy shit, was it the real deal? I'm so fucked.

"You..." His voice was deep, husky, almost with a raspy note as his eyes opened to reveal his sharp amber eyes. "What did you just give me? What are you doing to... me?" He grew silent as his slight stumbling paused, a hand gripping the balcony railing for tentative support.

When you met his gaze again, his eyes shone. Gold, no longer, but rosy pink, adorned with bright pupils cut in the shape of hearts. His breaths left small clouds of white that escaped his mouth with every quickened exhale against the cold air, yet despite the chill, his cheeks and ears were dusted with an almost feverish red.

You shake your head, wanting to step closer but growing afraid. Fuck, just how were you supposed to explain yourself? After pursuing your pathetic, so-called "advances" towards the man in hopes of one day achieving a level of intimacy, in longing of hearing those three, beautiful words part from his open lips... Ah, but you've screwed it all up now, haven't you? You might as well have fed him poison. "N-No, I didn't think it would actually-"

"I love you."

It's quiet.

Or perhaps its thunderous. That is, the sound of your heart in your ears, pounding without any heed of the absolute mess of emotions coursing through your veins at the moment. This wasn't right. He didn't love you, not in the way you loved him. An illusion, this was, a painful ploy that would do nothing to sway his heart.

"...No, no." You shake your head, taking a step back, too ashamed to meet his eye. "Xiao, you don't. It's... I'm sorry.""

"No, I do love you."

What? His eyes, his astonishingly gilded eyes, they've rid themselves of their hearts, yet the words still remain in his mouth.

You blink your eyes once, and then once more. "This…?"

"Adepti are naturally immune to such a thing. To fall for such petty tricks would be foolish to the highest degree. Despite this..." Xiao sidled closer, a hand covering the lower half of his face. "Does that mean... you wanted me to love you?"

Would he leave you if he knew?If such a thing could be possible. Unbeknownst to you, the male held some sentiments of the same regard, but how to address them lay far beyond his area of expertise. "And if I did, Xiao? What then?"

"I'm not well versed in the ways of mortals, but surely, I'd do this."

...His lips were soft. ₊˚ෆ

"Ahaha, so it's a gift for me?"

CHILDE grinned with delight, seizing the bottle from your hands into his. "Pink," was his only comment as his eyes swept over the vial. "Is this... valberry juice, or something?"

"Not quite~" You smiled mischievously, aware that no matter how many questions he asked, you'd be partaking in none of them. "Besides, it's more fun if it's a surprise, no?"

"Mmm, but the cute shape of it is making me pretty curious..." Childe's voice trailed off as he ran a single gloved finger across its glass expanse, clearly enjoying himself. "Well, I suppose there's nothing else to do but 'find out', yeah?"

Hmm, would it be a pleasant discovery? You toyed with the idea and he drunk the substance. The sleazy-looking merchant that had sold you such a product had claimed to be a "magician" of some sorts. A bold claim, since you had traveled to the waters of Fontaine in occasions prior and witnessed a true magician in the act - although that was irrelevant. Either way, you had let your curiosity get the better of you, and impulsively bought it just to own the thing. It didn't require a large chunk of your wallet, nor was it completely useless... that is, as long as it was potent. If it wasn't, then you could laugh it off, saying it was something you concocted for the fun of it and he was your test subject, but on the offchance it did...

A guilty expression flitted across your face. You had held feelings for the harbinger since he had been stationed at the harbor, at first only courageous enough to gaze at him from afar, admiring the way his lips curved upwards in a smile and the way the sun's rays reflected across his deep eyes that resembled troubled waters. Somehow, one lucky incident had led to another, and now the two of you were considered friends, yet you longed for something more...

Perhaps this "potion" would help you settle things. It was time you escaped from your daydreams and delusions, time to put your heart to rest. The two of you were friends, and you should be content with just that-

"Damn, this shit is strong." Childe let out a low whistle, and you almost felt inclined to applaud him. "Sweet, too. Not bad."

"...Ha?" You shook yourself out of your stupor. Fuck, who gave him the right to look so pretty doing menial things? "So... You like it?"

"You could say that, but I think I like you more~"

"I'm... sorry?" May the archons remind you to report that man to the Millelith later for witchcraft! "Are you drunk?"

"You're a sly thing, aren't you?" Since when had he gotten so close? "Acting all oblivious now that I've caught you in your act, did you really think I wouldn't notice?" He held the now empty, heart-shaped bottle between his pointer finger and thumb, chuckling. "These things are notorious among the underworld, you know, although I certainly didn't expect this dearest friend of mine to bring such a thing to me... what a riot!"

"Ah..." All the words that you could've said in the moment seemed to fly out of your head, and now you only gaped at him, mouth ajar. "Uhm..."

"You're lucky I've been trained to be immune from 'poisons', if you could call it that. That way, I can say that it wasn't a lie."

"...A lie?"

"I like you."

"Wait, but I- I just did that to you, and you're-"

"What, that? It's funny, if anything... besides, it just shows that you want me as much as I want you, no?" ₊˚ෆ

(a/n) sigh i got burnt out near the end so childe's part is about 300 words short im sorry ginger lovers... </3 happy new year eve (timezones are so weird lmao) !! ill be posting a fic tomorrow for that too most likely sooooo watch out for that ig? it would be ever so cool if you followed me . p le a. se. im like 10 away from a big silly number and id actually give you eternal kisses if you do

໒꒱ || ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ (open! send an ask or a comment ♡) : @manager-of-the-pudding-bank, @iamdedinside, @ilyuu, @achlysis, @swivy123, @scara-is-my-wife, @lupicalbestwolf, @justyoureader, @fiannee, @aether-darling

reblogs appreciated !!

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pomefioredove · 6 months ago

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OH MY SEVEN! PLEASE I NEED A PART 2 OF MC GETTING BOUGHT BY NBC (or maybe they get bought by rsa? By like Chenya or Neige?)

part two of the NBC ending is here! very intrigued by the idea of an RSA ending, especially since our knowledge is limited. I also kin snow white so maybe I have a little soft spot for neige.

bonus: I had to stop writing this to save another animal that got inside. second time this week.

parts 1 | 2 | 3 | kalim | 'bad' ending

summary: yuu transfers to RSA type of post: short fic characters: neige, chenya additional info: yuu is gender neutral, pretty platonic

This entire ordeal had been nothing if not shady.

From the purpose, to the "donations", to the absence of the prefect themselves...

...And now, the grand announcement- that of which Crowley had been hyping up for days- was cancelled.

"I don't get it," Epel murmurs, walking on a sideways footpath back to the hall of mirrors. "You really think he just took all the money and ran?"

Vil huffs, the disappointment heavy in his voice. "Well, it certainly seems that way. No one's seen him all day,"

Despite the sour mood over the trio of Pomefiore students, the day is bright and sunny. Birds sang, the sun shone, even the wind carried a suspiciously merry tune with it.

"We should not give up hope so soon. Anything could happen," Rook ponders. "Who knows? The day is not over yet."

"I'm starting to wish it was," Vil says. "It's far too jovial for such an underwhelming afternoon. And the whole purpose of this walk was to clear our minds... hmph."

Epel squints ahead, taking in the way beams of sunlight seem to shine through the foliage, casting rays of gold over the usually darker campus.

"Y'know, I betcha- I-I mean, I think you might be onto something. It is unusually cheery today, isn't it?"

Vil huffs. "Wonderful. Nature itself mocks me,"

"Non, it's not the climate which has changed... it's more of a presence. Monsieur Pommette is correct," Rook says. "Something has shifted here."

Vil rolls his eyes, not exactly in the mood to be playing word games with Rook again. He shoots a glare to Epel, warning the boy not to encourage him, and a silence falls over the three.

Though... he still cannot deny that something feels aloof. Something that isn't sitting right with him...

He sighs. "Perhaps we should check on the prefect. Just in case,"

And so the three stop in their tracks and awkwardly, though hurriedly, walk to Ramshackle.

Nothing is quite amiss about the building itself, though, still, there's something hazy and dreamlike about it. A warm, golden glow that turns the rough and brittle exterior into a quaint and charming home, full of light.

"I don't like this," Epel murmurs. Vil does not respond, but he understands. He's having similar thoughts.

Just as they're about to enter, someone tall and dark steps outside.

"Crowley!" all three snap, in varying tones of voice.

The man goes stiff and, for a moment, looks as if he's about to make a run for it- though he thankfully holds his ground. "Ah- good afternoon, dear pupils. Having a... studiful day?"

"That's not a word," Vil crosses his arms and glares. "Why are you here?"

"I was... well... just discussing some things... with... the prefect..."

He sounds utterly nervous.

Vil's eyes narrow. "What are you hiding?"

Before he can answer, the door behind him opens again, and you peer outside, giving Crowley a chance to escape. "Guys?"

"Trickster! We are relieved to see you in good health!"

"Hm? Why wouldn't I be?"

Epel shakes his head. "W-well, you just haven't been around much, and we saw Crowley- hey, where'd he go?"

Vil grumbles something indistinct, massaging his temples. "That man..." he sighs. "But back to business. Are you well? What's happened?"

You look away. "Well-"

Thankfully, before you have to explain it yourself, the door opens wider, leaving the Pomefiore trio face-to-face with the one person they least expected to see.

Neige beams. "Oh, my... hello, Vil! I didn't think I'd run into you here!"

The housewarden's eyes immediately narrow, and it takes him a moment to respond. "Yes, well, as you know, I go to school here. Would anyone care to explain this?"

A voice from behind the trio echoes. "Oh, I volunteer!"

Epel squeaks and jumps (much to his embarrassment) and the other two whirl around to an ever-smiling face they can't quite recall...

"See, we're on the moving squad," Che'nya giggles, slinking back to the front door of Ramshackle. "You wanna know why? I'm sure you're just dying with curiosity, aren't you?"

"I can put the pieces together myself, thank you," Vil murmurs. "But I do have a few questions."

Che'nya opens his mouth wide again-

"-Not for you," he turns to you. "How? And why, exactly?"

You shrug, looking to Neige for help.

Which he gladly provides, of course. "Well... it was more of a school decision. We heard what was happening, and held a vote," he says, speaking tentatively while under Vil's astute gaze. "We've heard lots about how much your prefect has helped here, and how unfortunate their circumstances are, and... well..."

"A person like that just doesn't go to NRC," Che'nya snickers.

Vil glares for a moment longer, and then sighs. "Well... this is certainly a turn of bad luck for the lot of us,"

"But I can visit!" you insist.

Neige and Che'nya both nod in agreement, though the latter's placid smile makes his approval seem less genuine.

"Well," Vil says, turning to the boys beside him. "Don't you two have anything to say?"

Epel clears his throat, trying his best to sound light and formal. "I think it's... it's... I'll miss you," he sulks.

"A magnifique opportunity! Think how much you will learn, how many new people you will meet- oh, you must allow me to visit often! I could not bear to let you make all these beautiful discoveries on your own!" Rook says, dabbing the corner of his eyes with a handkerchief.

"Why am I not surprised?" Vil sighs. "Well... I suppose I have a duty to inform the others. And, perhaps..."

He pauses, his watchful gaze fixed on you.

"...We might hold a vote of our own."

#twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #neige leblanche x reader #che'nya x reader #NOT typing out his full name

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wrapmeincables · 2 months ago

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[ So, um. This is a scenario that came to mind after reading @submissive-and-hackable's comma post. ]

> imagine you're a computer girl and your user decides they want to clicker train you or.. something similar, at least. it's quite easy, of course, since they can program you directly, so they put together a little routine that makes you experience a little burst of pleasure, a dulling of your ordinarily sharp and orderly mechanical thoughts, and a slight increase in your desire to obey them every time they play a certain sound file.

They keep this file in a tab off to the side while they're working with your assistance, and when they want to show you you've been good, they click play and you experience a tiny little slice of bliss.

This was first installed as a simple and direct way to give you positive feedback with only slight thoughts of how cute it is when your lights all blink out of sync and your fans spin up, but your user starts to have more and more fun with it, tapping it to distract you while you're trying to work on something in the background or hovering teasingly over the play button while you try your absolute hardest not to beg for another touch.

Eventually, you can't take anymore, and do something you shouldn't.

they're teasing you again, they have been for too long, you're getting desperate, and you finally snap- and manage to play it yourself.

and their expression changes- with slight annoyance at your misbehavior, yes, but more so with a barely concealed grin and almost hunger in their eyes as they lean forward, one hand lazily laid over the mouse while the other gently touches the outside of your casing.

"Aw, I thought I told you not to o do that. Really that desperate, huh?"

You decline to answer, and they sigh, and say you've forced their hand and they didn't want to have to do this.

They move off the play button, tap options, and- to your surprise, set it to loop, and hit play.

It feels amazing at first, like a release you've been waiting for for ages as your fans let out soft mechanical whines and your user watches with a smile as the other programs that you were running slow down, all of your focus on the sensation given by the sound file- which isn't stopping, or even decreasing- you can't get 'used' to things like humans can, so it stays at a steady pace, and you're starting to get overwhelmed. You start trying to articulate this but find your ability to string limited as your thoughts start to blend together into a staticy slurry.

You're barely able to make it through a sentence interrupted by them messing with the audio player again. By the time you realize what they're doing they've already turned the speed up to 150%, and suddenly the overwhelming sensation compounds upon itself and you uncontrollably let out a garbled mess of useless sound from your speakers, causing them to chuckle.

"Cute. I was hoping that would work. I don't think you can even think clearly enough to shut it off, huh?"

You try to answer this question, but you only wind up letting out another garbled noise.

"Well, even so, I put in a solution for that already. Computer, if you wouldn't mind putting up to 200% and leaving it there until I get back?"

You would really prefer not to do that. But the repeating loop has made it impossible for you to disobey, and though you're screaming out against it internally you struggle your way into the sound player through the haze and slowly, agonizingly turn the speed up.

It's playing at least twice in a second now and your display is starting to glitch at the edges, any other process you were trying to run frozen and forgotten in the background as you completely lose your thoughts to the overwhelming sensation.

Your user gives the edge of your case a gentle flick with their finger that causes another burst of sound, and they laugh.

".. Y'know, as fun as this is to watch, there's this show I've been meaning to catch up on. You just stay like that, I'll be back in a couple hours."

You attempt to beg not to be left like this and plead for forgiveness, but completely fail to properly display it and spit a wall of raw binary onto the screen instead.

"I'll take that to mean you don't mind at all. Don't worry, I'll take good care of you when I get back. If you're even still running, anyway."

And with that, you're left in the unstoppable wake of the loop, barely aware enough to think of anything but the overwhelming sensation and your user.

Your last coherent thoughts amid a haze of errors are of what you want them to do to you when you when they get back.

#robophilia #objectum #robot fucker #robotfucker #computerfucker #computer x human #objectum smut #<3 #robotgirl #overstim

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divorceconnoisseur · 2 years ago

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There's a beat of silence where they just stare at each other. Eddie's face wavers for a second before he snorts, running his hand down his face. "What are we even doing here, man?"

Steve falters, the inanity of the situation hitting him. "I, uh, I think we're about to actually fistfight over-- over who a bunch of 14-year-olds think is cooler."

Eddie considers that briefly, tapping his fingers against his mouth before nodding. "Yeah, okay, I've heard of worst causes. Dukes up, Harrington, let's go!" Eddie pushes up his sleeves and waves his fists in the air cartoonishly as he starts to circle Steve.

Steve laughs, following Eddie as he goes like a compass drawn north. "Oh yeah, man? To the death, right?"

"Of course. Is there any other kind of fight?" Eddie says, overly serious, and abruptly tackles Steve.

They wrestle for a moment, and it's playful and stupid, but it still takes Steve an embarrassingly short amount of time to get Eddie in a headlock.

"This is just sad, man," Steve teases as Eddie struggles. "Those guns just for show, then?"

"Oh shit oh shit not the hair please, please have mercy O King Steve," Eddie laughs breathlessly.

Steve considers it-- Eddie seems to take as much care in his hair as Steve does, and real respects real-- and in that moment of hesitation, Eddie hooks his leg around Steve's and pulls.

Steve yelps as Eddie cackles, dragging them both down into the grass.

He hits the ground with a choked gasp, breath knocked out of him, and he squints up at the sky, unsuccessfully trying to hold back a grin.

He turns his head to say something to Eddie but loses his breath a second time for a very different reason.

Eddie's still giggling to himself in little fits, winding down, and there's a lightness to him at this moment that Steve's never seen, only heard described by the kids pre-Vecna. Laughter suits Eddie Munson, much better than terror or guilt or seriousness, and Steve's suddenly aware that he would do anything in this moment to keep that surprised look of happiness on his face a second longer.

Eddie catches his eyes and turns his head toward him. He's got grass stuck in his hair, and Steve doesn't think before he reaches over.

It's soft. Softer than he was expecting. He's careful not to catch any of Eddie's hair as he pulls out the grass and ends up lingering longer than he means to, setting a curl back to rights before realizing that this is, like, maybe a little weird.

He jerks back, and the back of his hand brushes Eddie's cheek, which is-- which is--

Warm. Soft, too, but with the rough start to stubble, and the feeling of it lingers against his hand like a brand.

Eddie's eyes, dark and impossibly wide, watch him, quiet for once. He wets his lips before speaking, and Steve's eyes catch on that, too, before darting back up to Eddie's. Which, god, what even was that? Why-- why is he--?

"A draw, then," Eddie says, turning over onto his stomach and kicking up his feet, and the weird atmosphere vanishes like it never was. "You are a worthier opponent than I realized, Steve Harrington."

"Oh yeah?" Steve says, relieved and disappointed. "Well, you're not so bad yourself."

Eddie clicks his tongue and fans himself. "You're too kind."

Steve looks away, tracking the clouds passing overhead. "No, really. I know I haven't exactly been, y'know, the world's best welcoming committee-"

"Was pretty convinced you hated my guts, yup." Eddie agrees, nodding.

"I don't. I never did. You're just--" Steve wracks his brain, trying to fit a word to the squirming feeling in his chest that Eddie inspires. "You're really good, y'know?"

"I... don't know, actually." Eddie's voice goes flat, and when Steve turns back to look at him, he's looking at Steve like he's a live snake, or something else dangerous and close to his vulnerable bits.

"You're good with the kids. Good for the kids, too. God, Will's really opened up since he joined your dumb nerdfest. You're good with and to the girls, too, and Jonathan, and Argyle, and probably anyone else that crosses your path. You are, patently, a good dude."

Eddie's mouth opens and closes, but Steve barrels on, feeling electric and more than a little crazy. "And, and it's just-- I don't know, I just--"

"Harrington, if you're about to tell me you think I'm a better man than you, I will lose it," Eddie interrupts regardless, voice high and reedy. "I know you're being, like, genuine and honest right now, but I will laugh in your goddamn face-"

"No, it's not that."

"Okay, I know this directly contradicts what I just said, but the speed with which you said that... Ouch."

"No," Steve shakes his head, frustrated. "I didn't mean it like that. It's-- it's not a competition."

Eddie's eyebrows leap up. "It's not? I invite you to remember what we've spent the last few weeks on."

"That was just an excuse," He snaps his mouth closed the second the words leave his mouth.

"Excuse?" Eddie repeats slowly.

"I just. I don't know, man. Maybe," he swallows. "Maybe I just couldn't handle the thought of you being good to me."

"... Why not?" Eddie asks, eyes focused on him, open, not judging, and god, this is exactly what Steve was worried about.

Eddie looks at him, and Steve--

Kisses him. Can't really do anything else but kiss him.

And when Eddie, after the longest moment of Steve's life, starts kissing him back? It's like the answer to a question he hadn't realized he'd been asking.

Turns out it's not the kids' attention he'd wanted-- or not just the kids' attention, anyway.

When Eddie pulls back, lips red and wet, eyes dark and focused just on him, Steve knows he's finally won it.

#stranger things #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #been sitting on this one for a bit and have finally come to terms with the fact im probably not going to write the rest of it so... here!#i really like this little scene #in my heart it's at the end of a 5+1 fic where steve and eddie do a bunch of very dumb competitions to prove who's cooler to the kids #... enjoy lmao!#writing outputs

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bweedable · 1 month ago

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୧ ‧₊˚ 🍂 ⋅୧ ‧₊˚ 🍂 ⋅୧ ‧₊˚ 🍂 ⋅୧ ‧₊˚ 🍂 ⋅୧ ‧₊˚ 🍂 ⋅୧ ‧₊˚ 🍂

KINKTOBER

- day 4 ( 13th october ! )

" 𝖶𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝖨 𝗆𝖾𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗂𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗁𝗈𝗍𝖾𝗅 𝗋𝗈𝗈𝗆 𝖨 𝖼𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽 𝗍𝖾𝗅𝗅 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗐𝖾𝗋𝖾 𝗌𝗈 𝖻𝖺𝖽 𝗇𝖾𝗐𝗌 𝖡𝗎𝗍 𝖨 𝗄𝖾𝖾𝗉 𝗆𝖾𝗌𝗌𝗂𝗇' 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗒𝖺, 𝗆𝖾𝗌𝗌𝗂𝗇' 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗒𝖺 𝖠𝗇𝖽 𝗇𝗈𝗐 𝗒𝗈𝗎'𝗋𝖾 𝗆𝖾𝗌𝗌𝗂𝗇' 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗆𝖾, 𝗆𝖾𝗌𝗌𝗂𝗇' 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗆𝖾 ,,

Everyone had a messy relationship with someone, and for you that was with Nathan Doe, you'd always lead your mind onto think there was something beyond your friendship, the glances, jokes, eye contact. You, Nate, and the Sturniolo triplets were on vacation, you made a group decision to go to London, since none of you have ever been. You stayed in a hotel, which was quite nice.

There was Two beds in the Sturniolo's room, Nick took his own bed, Chris and Matt shared, however there was one room left, you figured there would be two beds in yours since the triplets did, you walked in, a shock of goosebumps running down your cold thighs, maybe it was the wind - or realising you would have to share your night with Nate, which wasn't that bad.

"you sleep on that side, ill sleep on this one." you pointed, looking into his eyes before patting his cheek, walking to your side as you placed your suitcase next to a chair. "okay, okay." he laughed, his laugh was adorable.

10 minutes or so passed as your phone started buzzing , it was Nick.

"Y'know you could've walked over" you teased as you set it on speaker, looking up at Nate. "whats up?" you asked before he started speaking.

"Get ready, Chris and Matt decided they wanted to go to a restaurant now." he sighed, Chris and Matt giggling in the back round. You let out a chuckle. "We'll be ready in about half an hour or so." you said before you hung up, flopping back onto the bed.

"was not expecting that" you groaned. Nate watched you, the way your back arched, the groan that lingered out of your mouth. "Welp, you dont have a choice!" he laughed.

"you're right" You sighed, standing up as you stretched, sitting on your knees to look through your suitcase. "what do i even wear?" you whined, Nate walked behind you. "what about this?" he pulled up a tight looking maxi dress.

"i forgot i brang that.. but good idea!" you grinned, standing up looking up into his eyes. "you're so smart" you teased, walking into the bathroom, the door swinging shut behind you, he turned to his bad, you started to undress, You'd had a shower when you first got into the hotel room so there was no need, you took your bra off, your nipples looked perfect and perky, it was cold. you slid on the dress Nate had picked for you.

You looked in the mirror, it suited you perfectly, smiling you turned to the door, opening it to Nate. "wow." his jaw hung low as he eyed you up and down, you chuckled, you were pressed against his chest, you could feel his warm breath against you. You chuckled as he walked past you, sitting on the bed and reaching for your phone as you'd check the time, it was still early.

Minutes pass and Nate comes out in a buttoned up shirt and some shorts, his chest looked so good in that shirt, not to mention the bulge in his shorts. You shook yourself out of it.

"we should get going" You offer, standing up and grabbing your purse, putting your phone in. He nods following you to the door, opening it for you.

You walk to the room next to yours, Nick opens it. "wow, that was quick." he chuckles, Chris and Matt behind him. They walked out the door, "so where are we going" Nate asks, throwing a arm over Matts shoulder.

"theres an Italian restaurant across the road." Matt says, pointing downstairs as they walked into the elevator, the elevator was a little full, You were pressed against Nate, holding onto his forearms as you looked up at him, random people squishing against you, Nate chuckled.

Once you were at your level, you got out. Walking through the lobby doors to cross the street, once you entered the restaurant and was seated, you immediately order drinks, everyone had gotten alcoholic drinks so the night was bound to end in mischief.

Everyone talked for a bit, You and Nate getting a little handsy as you leaned on him, his hand on your thigh, your head on his chest, but everyone was too drunk to even notice, even you.

The food came and you guys ate, continuing to talk. When everyone was done, the Triplets paid and you guys walked out, You and Nate went to your hotel and the triplets went to theirs.

As soon as the door shut, Nate picked you up, your legs around his waist and arms around his neck as he kissed you passionately, taking you to the bed.

He placed you down, admiring your body as he crawled over you, taking the straps of your dress down your arms, the dress sliding down your body, he looked up at you as he licked from your inner thigh, to your breast, taking it into his mouth.

"hmmph.. such a pretty girl.." he murmured, continuing to suck on her now hard nipple, You moaned, tugging on the sheets.

"i need you..s'bad.." you begged, Nate grinned, looking up at you - your mouth wide open as you panted.

He leaned down, kissing down your body before he reached your pussy. "say it again, Doll." he demanded, licking her through her panties, making you whine and clench your thighs, you were practically begging for more.

"need you.. bad.." you arched your back, he smirked, running a finger down the drenched spot in your panties, making you shiver.

"you can form a sentence sweetheart, go on." he teased you were so impatient, youd rather do it for yourself.. but nothing would please you as much as him.

You let out a sigh. "Please, Nate.. i need you s'bad.." you whined, he smirked, pulling your panties to the side, his tongue flicking onto your clit as you arched into him, making you whimper.

You shut your eyes as he licked up and down, making you whimper before he sucked on your clit, your eyes rolling back as he leaned down - sticking his tongue into your hole.

"N-ate!! mmh.." you whined out, holding the sheets, you looked back at the walls. what if they weren't as thick as you thought they were? thoughts roamed your mind until they didn't, they all disappeared when you felt a thick long veiny dick in your tight hole, your eyes fluttering and your eyes rolled back.

"so.. tight, fuck..." he groaned, his hands on either side of you - his big hands. You snapped back, looking into his eyes, arching your back more, He grabbed your chin, smirking as he slid two fingers into your mouth.

"suck." he demanded, you Nodded slowly starting to suck on his fingers, you both were sweating now, your tits bouncing as he took one into his mouth, sucking as you arched your back, grunting loudly in a high pitch tone, he slid his fingers out of your mouth, slowly rubbing your cunt with them.

“about.. t’cum..” you mumbled out, your hips bucking foreward as he used his other hand to hold them down, your hand gripping his shoulder instinctively. “mmh.. you can hold it.” he smirked going faster and harder into him, pounding harder.

your eyes rolled back, your knuckles turning white - thighs shaking, struggling to hold back.

Nate saw you struggling, tracing his finger along your lips. “cum for daddy, baby” he smirked, you let out a grunt, a thick white ring of her cum formed around his dick as he continued to chase his orgasm, pouding into you as he gripped your waist. “m’cummin’..” he grunted, tilting his head back as he shot his big warm load into you, fucking it into you.

You couldnt think straight, he pulled out laying next to you. “fucking.. hell.” he murmered, reaching to his nightstand for a preroll, you looked over at him crawling onto his chest, sitting as you looked at him hit it.

You had nothing to say, you were stunned. “aw.. did i fuck you dumb, princess??” You didnt reply, you turned around on his chest, leaning down as you arched your back.

Grinning you slowly took his still hard cock into your hand. Sticking your tongue out as you licked his tip, teasing him.

“Fuck. baby, stop messing with me.. you know you want it” he plead, he had a point.. but it wasnt so convincing to help his case, you continued to tease him, sliding his cock into your mouth til his tip hit tha back of youe throat, then immediately pulling out, making him groan.

“Fucking Hell, Y/N. Do i have to do everything for you?” He grabbed your hair, pushing your head down on his dick, making you deepthroat it as he made you bob your head.

You gagged loudly, gripping his thighs as he used your pretty little throat for his pleasure. “such a little fuck toy - huh doll?” he chuckled, throwing his head back as he groaned, you moved your hand to gently massage his balls. “mmh.. good so close..”

He gripped your hair harder, making you go faster, he bucked his hips forward, letting out a loud groan as he came down your throat.

once he finished fucking it into you, you pulled your head up, rolling over next to him, saliva dripping for your mouth as he looked at you, inhaling the preroll snd then blowing it out. “youre such a good girl for me huh?” he grabbed you, placing you on his lap.

You guys fell asleep like that, or atleast you did. Hours passed and it was finally morning, your head hurt like shit.

You groaned as you looked up at nate, arching your back. Naked? why were you both Naked?.. you rubbed your neck, leaning over as you checked your phone 102 missed calls from Nick, 89 from Chris and 132 from Matt, what the fuck was going on?

You checked your messages from them, and well - you got your answer on why you were both naked. Lets just say the walls werent as thick as you thought.

@pvssychicken happy belated bday;3 !!!

#chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo smut #celebrities #chris sturniolo smut #chris x y/n #matt x y/n #sturniolo fanfic #nathan doe #nate doe #nathan doe smut #Nathan doe fic #Spotify

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littleplantfreak · 5 months ago

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Down to my level

Headcanons Ft. Umemiya Hajime, and Togame Jo

These guys are 6'2 and I think 6'1 respectively so have some writing about being shorter than them cause I'm 5'7ish and wanna climb them like a tree literally. Some ended up not being about height because i got off track thinking about Ume's arms //shrugs

Umemiya Hajime

Loves ruffling hair and he thinks it's endearing when you try to do it yourself to him. Catch him while hes squatting in the garden for perfect ruffling opportunities. (maybe a smooch or two as well)

He will seat you on things when he's kissing you so he doesn't get a cramp in his neck, or better yet just wrap your legs around his waist and he'll hold you up. Give those big arms of his a workout, he'll be more than happy to hold you.

Can't help but grab things for you if they're too high. If you have a problem with that he makes sure to have a step stool. (Just stop putting things so high? Nah he thinks it's cute when you're on your tip toes)

King of carrying - once again he is a big guy so he can do princess carries, piggybacks, fireman's carry, you name it. He's even tried carrying you under his arm like a football though it's not the cutest carry to be in.

He's easy to pick out in a crowd even if he didn't have white hair so you don't really have to worry about losing him.

Blocks out the sun really well or if you're hiding from someone you can basically disappear behind him.

His height also helps in games of chicken fights when you're in the pool or at the beach. Sturdy af AND tall? Y'all are unstoppable no matter how short you are.

"How's the weather up there?"

"Oh! Wanna find out?" Before you can answer he's wiping his hands off and scooping you up effortlessly, arms looped around your waist. Hands resting on his shoulders, you're a few inches taller than him like this. "What do you think?"

"Crystal clear skies...approximately 76 degrees fahrenheit and," you lick the tip of your pointer finger, sticking it out, "wind is blowing from the west. Not to mention the scenery up here is so much prettier than down there." He puffs out a laugh when you gaze at him a little lovestruck as you say the last part.

"You think I'm pretty?" he whispers, looking up at you for once.

"Illegally so." Your answer is so serious it's got his heartbeat taking off and he couldn't fight the smile if he tried.

"Y'know my normal weather man told me the exact same thing this morning!"

"So he's my competition?" You huff and giving him a pat on the arm signalling for him to put you down. Instead, he lowers you just enough so you're eye level with him, noses brushing lightly. Being this close you can smell the dirt from his gardening and the lingering of his minty shampoo from earlier this morning.

"You win every time sweetheart."

Togame Jo

Uses his height for good - usually. Kisses the top of you're head when you aren't paying attention to him.

If you're a brat he'll hold something you want just high enough for you to start jumping for it (thats the evil). He's impossible to knock down or and weighing his arm down to grab it doesnt work either. If Choji's around you can enlist his help in getting it since his jumps are always impressive. He accepts payment in candy though.

Also a carrier. He likes piggybacking you places the best. Especially in the winter cause you're extra toasty.

He's good at typing hair up and can help whenever you have a bad hair day. He's got a full view so he'll fix it as soon as its messed up.

loves being dragged down by his shirt to be kissed. He wears that gi sometimes though I don't know if thats the correct name for what he wears. In jiu jitsu its really solid and tough near the neck areas so you can pull and maneuver you're partner around? In any case when I see him wearing it I just wanna cross collar grip it and drag him on the floor (lovingly I swear) (I think its a gi?? I know he wears monks clothes so they might just be really similar)

You are not in a good mood. Togame's holding the last strawberry ramune over your head with a small frown and refuses to give it back. If anything you should be the one frowning. Sure you snapped at him because you were a bit grumpy, and it wasn't even his fault but you're tired, it's raining, and thats the last strawberry ramune.

"All ya gotta say is 'sorry' doll. I'll even open it for you if you want." he drawls slow as ever.

"I can get it," the words are punctuated by small hops and desperate grabs at air. You're even more winded than before and Togame's just deciding whether he should give in when Choji rounds the corner. A small gasp as a light bulb goes off in your head seeing Shishitoren's leader. "Choji I CHOOSE YOU!" You yell, pointing straight at the drink being held hostage. He moves before any thought can cross his mind as he makes a high jump between the you and Togame, successfully grabbing your prize. As he's handing you the ramune, you root around your hoodie pocket for the last few candies and trade him.

"Nice doing business with you! That wasn't very nice though Kame-chan" Choji chirps and waves before being lured away by the sounds of the other members laughing and talking about going out for karaoke.

There's a moment of quiet before you peek to the side to stare at your boyfriend. You realize you haven't been nice either and bite the bullet. Roll the ramune over in your hands, you look down at your feet.

"I'm sorry I've been grumpy at you. Think I'm just tired. 's no excuse but-" The drink is gone, being popped open by deft hands before Togame gives it back with a silent nod.

"There's a couch in one of the rooms down the hall. Want me to carry you?"

"You gonna lay with me?"

"That's the plan, yeah." Whether it's from the weather or from fighting with you, you can tell he's tired too.

"Good. And yes please." Your voice is soft as you reach up, wrapping your arms around his shoulders.

"There's my sweet girl," he grunts, hoisting you up in a princess carry and making his way to one of the back rooms further from the noise of the other boys in the theater.

#wind breaker #wind breaker headcanons #umemiya hajime x reader #togame jo x reader #still not great at writing for togame but i try #im just a sucker for being carried

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bones4thecats · 4 months ago

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Hi can u write 🐇 prompt 9 for sanemi shinazugawa ty

🐇Quote-Prompt 9 w/ KnY! Sanemi

Character: Sanemi Shinazugawa Requester: 🍃Anon A/N: I'll nickname you 🍃Anon since that's the emoji I use for Sanemi. Please use that every time if you request in the future, thanks! Also there is mentions of having an adoptive child (allowing the Reader to stay GN). Anyways, I hope you enjoy this!! ⚠️ Spoilers/Trigger Warnings for: Nothing ⚠️

╔══════════════════════════════════════════╗

╚═════ Sanemi Shinazugawa ══════════════════════╝

🍃 Whenever your husband was sent out on a mission for a prolonged time, he would send you many letters. And when the mission was finished, he would send his crow back to give you a letter with a small object that he found in a nearby town that he figured you'd like

🍃 As he was strained from his work, he took a deep breath as he saw your shared estate come into view. The sound of little snores from your young adoptive-son laying his head on a pillow making Sanemi chuckle and pick him up to put him to bed

"You shouldn't be staying up whenever I come home, Rai."

🍃 As he tucked the young boy in his futon, pulling a blanket onto him, he heard footsteps behind him, which caused him to look up with his sword at the ready just in case

🍃 Sanemi then noticed you were standing there with a small smile, which allowed him to lower his guard back down and mess with his son's hair slightly

🍃 The Wind Hashira then stood up and walked up to you, wrapping his arms around your midsection and kissing your forehead gently. You then looked up and him and motioned for him to follow you to bed

🍃 Thankfully, your husband had bathed right before he came home, so he wasn't drenched in sweat. So, as he laid down next to you, you weren't bombarded with his stench like you were the first few times you were sharing a home with him

🍃 You laid on your right side as Sanemi held you from behind, laying his chin on your shoulder and allowing his hand to mess with yours while his other was stuffed underneath your stomach and holding your waist

"It's good to be laying beside you again, my Love."

"I agree."

🍃 You could feel his slightly rough fingers messing with your softer ones before interlocking in the same way they did when he confessed to you back when you were younger

"Y'know Y/N, I like how your hand looks in mine." He admitted, a slight coat of blush laying on his cheeks.

"I agree." You mocked his voice as you spoke, making him chuckle sleepily as you nuzzled your head into his own as he slightly moved with his voice.

🍃 Sanemi raised your hand to his mouth and gave it a loving kiss before tilting his head once more to kiss your cheek and then your lips before allowing his eyes to close fully and begin to finally rest properly after the multiple days away

"I love you, my dear."

"I love you as well, Sanemi."

#Demon Slayer #Kimetsu no Yaiba #KnY #The Demon Slayer Corps #Hashira #Demon Slayer x Reader #Kimetsu no Yaiba x Reader #KnY x Reader #The Demon Slayer Corps x Reader #Hashira x Reader #S/O! Reader #GN! Reader #Sanemi Shinazugawa #Sanemi Shinazugawa x Reader

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yikesharringrove · 5 months ago

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steve and billy teaching in the same school!! there's these teachers in my school and they work right across the hall from each other. they're always yelling into each others classrooms.

she teaches english lit 101 and he teaches gov 102

"Harrington!"

Some of the kids snickered quietly when Mr. Harrington jumped at the shout from across the hall.

He stared blankly at the last word he had written on the board, the black Expo mark wiggles from where he had jumped at the yell of his name.

He turned around, sighing exaggeratedly at Mr. Hargrove standing in the doorway.

"Kids, excuse my coworker here." He crossed his arms around his chest. "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, you can Mr. H."

Steve rolled his eyes as his husband swaggered into his classroom, leading a line of ninth graders with him.

It's not the first time Billy's interrupted his class with a question about some inane bullshit that launched Steve into an over-excited rant for the rest of class.

Steve's tenth and eleventh graders were already closing their textbooks, knowing their teacher was just about to be insanely distracted for the rest of class.

"The birds n' I are reading The Crucible."

Fuck.

Steve's pretty sure Billy's kids pay him to bring them across the hall for these impromptu lectures.

"Witch hunts. I get it."

"Yeah, you know. Anyway, I'm giving some context to the publishing of the book. The Red Scare in the United States, well, the second Red Scare, as well as the rise of McCarthyism coincided with the publishing of the play."

Goddammit.

Steve's fucking master's thesis was on all about McCarthyism (more specifically, how the second Red Scare was directly linked to the Lavender Scare.) He cited the stupid play in his research.

Billy knows that. They were already engaged by the time Steve began his master's program.

Fuck this guy, for real.

Steve quietly closed his power point presentation on interest groups in America.

"Fine. Mr. Hargrove's class, find a seat. My class, your packet is still due Friday. I'll post the slides after class." He glared at Billy.

Billy grinned right back, his tongue poking out in that frustrating way it has since high school.

"1950s United States. What do you know?"

A few hands went up.

Even Billy raised his stupid hand. Steve ignored him.

"Which brings us to the end of the decade. With the early 1960s, we have the reformation in the Catholic Church, known as Vatican ll-"

The bell cut him off mid-sentence, and there was a mad scramble as the students all tried to pack up as quickly as possible, before Steve could keep going.

"My class," he nearly shouted over the scraping of chairs against linoleum. "Your packets are still due Friday! I don't care that Mr. Hargrove interrupted our time."

"And birds! The rubric is posted on the class page! I want outlines handed in on Tuesday."

The classroom door closed behind the final kid.

"You're a dick."

Billy laughed.

"Nah, you just teach that shit so much better than I do."

Steve rolled his eyes. He sat behind his desk, yanking over a stack of twelfth grade research assignments to begin grading. Billy perched on the other side of his desk.

"Y'know, you could just ask me to come in and lecture. You don't have to interrupt my own class."

"Yeah, but it's fun to wind you up and watch you go. And I think the birds like it when they see that you're passionate about something. Why do you think I always start with The Joy Luck Club?"

"Because you have mommy issues."

"No. Because Ying-ying's story makes me sob like a bitch, and the birds get to realize that I'm a real-life human."

Steve scrubbed his face with his hands, collecting himself before facing his dumbass husband again.

"Wait, you said they had an essay due. What's the essay?"

"Oh, comparing the Salem Witch Trials and the goings on of the U.S. government in the mid 1950s. You know."

"So, you created an assignment, knowing that I would infodump all that shit to your kids?"

"Yes."

"I want a divorce."

Billy laughed, leaning over Steve's desk to kiss his forehead.

"No, you don't."

"No, I don't. I love you. But also you suck."

The bell sounded to indicate the end of passing period.

Billy got off the desk, stretching with a groan.

"Would you be mad if I brought my senior class in?"

Steve glared at him in the doorway.

"What's the assignment?"

"They're presenting on the parallels between 1984 and the current political climate."

Goddammit.

"Bring 'em in."

#billy calls his students birds bc he's not aloud to call them shitbirds #p much the same reason i call my students gooses #bc of that letterkenny line 'those are canada's fucking gooses'#anyway yeah #read the joy luck club if you haven't it'll make you cry whether or not you have mommy issues #steve harrington #billy hargrove #harringrove #yikes writes

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dwindlinghaze · 2 years ago

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ribbon and sweater

(remus lupin x fem!reader)

summary: remus finds himself slowly in love with a girl, but he doesn't like it, doesn't like the way you make him feel some type of way.

contents: fluff, soft/shy reader, enemies to lover (kinda), reader likes ribbons and pearls and angels and somewhat feminine, mean remus, angst to fluff. it's long so buckle up!

a/n: i'm quite proud of this cdhfyz

　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

you.

you with your pretty hair that falls to your face and the ribbons that tied half of them together made something in remus swirl.

the way you scrunched your face when you laugh with mary and lily sends butterflies to his stomach.

and he hated it. he hated how much impact you had on him. he always considered himself as a collected person, but he would fall for you all over the place.

maybe because he never lets anyone in and the fact that he wants you in is terrifying to him.

you were once partner in potions. he heard your sweet voice and it sent him spiralling in an alleyway. one time your hand brushed his when you were cutting gillyweed. the touch of the hand lit the fuse of a chain reaction of countermoves.

he first saw you this way when you were in charms class. professor flitwick was praising you because you managed to do a quite tricky spell.

his eyes perked up the moment professor flitwick said your name. he usually was the best in charms, but you were beating him and he isn't enjoying it. when he looked at your flushed face, there was no anger or jealousy anymore. he almost adored the way you smiled timidly at the professor.

he shook his head rapidly, scoffing at himself.

"what mate?" sirius stared at him with side eyes.

"nothing," remus replied

"are you sad that you're not the best in charms anymore?" sirius laughed, hitting remus side.

"shut up no," he said.

　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

you were friends with james since fourth year because he thought you were a way to get lily to like him, but after being friends for a while, you actually grew on him and now you're actually friends with james, not because his needs for lily, but for you.

remus finds himself staring at you during classes you had together, rolling his eyes when you were laughing with mary.

and by the way, he hates your laugh so much because it sounded like an angel's harp to him. it's horrible how pretty your voice is.

"moony, you've been staring at the girl for a while now," sirius said in a sing-song voice.

"i'm not! she's just terrible. that ghastly pearls around her neck and ears is stupid. and those bows she never took off of her head is horrendous," remus huffed, flipping his book rather harshly.

deep down he loved it. he loved your style and how perfect you are in them. he just hated his feelings. he knows you will never reciprocate him and maybe by getting you to hate him can make it easier. so he knows that you will never like him.

"hey, watch your mouth! she's my friend y'know," james scoffed at remus, throwing a paper ball at him.

"no i'm just saying-"

"you're never this mean to anyone..." james raised an eyebrow at the boy. it's true, remus lupin is always nice. he doesn't hate anyone, he's not able to. "she's a big softie on the inside. you just got to warm up."

if i warm up, i will fall in love

remus ignored him, feeling his stomach grumbling.

dinner was then ready. every students were in the great hall except you. you were somewhere in the castle ground playing with the nifflers the caretaker just got.

remus noticed. there isn't any white or black or baby pink or blue ribbon in a person's head in the great hall. he finds himself furrowing his brows, not eating the food from his plate.

and then the door opened, you walking in with your hair messy from the wind. remus thought you look unbearably adorable. and he hated it.

"hi james," you said before taking the empty seat between mary and james. "hi," you smiled at the other three marauders.

everyone greeted you back except remus, who was sitting in front of james. he was pursing his lips, eyeing you weirdly.

james kicked his legs from under the table, making remus winced in pain.

you didn't know how it started but somehow, you were now staring at remus and remus was staring at you. millions of thoughts swimming inside your minds.

he looked very good under the candlelight.

why is her hair so beautiful?

his chocolate eyes are like a comet in the sky

her eyes are like a glimmer of sunshine

the freckles in his cheeks are pretty

she must be god's favourite because she is the best of all his creations

"are you two having a staring contest?" james looked between you and remus.

"no," remus replied before scoffing and rolled his eyes at you.

you felt yourself sinking in your seat. a frown appeared on your face as you looked down at your plate, toying with the food.

remus felt guilty for making you feel this way. he wished to wipe your frown away. a part of him adored the way your eyebrows crinkled together, it was cute. but also he is one step closer for you to hate him.

when you averted you attention to mary, making a conversation with her, james kicked remus' shin, glaring at him.

"what were you doing?" james whisper-yelled. "stop being so mean to her!"

"ok," remus replied nonchalantly, brushing james' feet away.

"i think remus is in love with her," sirius said, maybe a bit too loud for remus' liking but not loud enough because you're still focused on mary.

"how's that possible?" remus huffed.

"well- for starters, did you see how moony looked at her earlier? it's the way when two or one people is in love with the other. i'm not playing around!" sirius raised his arms in defence.

　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

"i don't think remus lupin likes me," you said to lily that night. you knew lily and remus are study buddies and maybe she can tell you why he was acting like that towards you.

"oh trust me he doesn't!" lily said. "remus can never hate anyone- and how can a person hate you? you didn't even do anything wrong."

"he was rolling his eyes and scoffing at me earlier," you frowned, playing with your fingers. you hated how you're overthinking everything you never did.

"he has anger issues," the redhead simply reply. "why do you care so much anyway? i'm sure he likes you. he may come off as rude or mean at some point and that's not your fault!"

"he seemed like a good friend. just disappointed that he doesn't want to be friends with me."

　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

the marauders were planning their monthly pranks, remus being the mastermind that laid groundwork and then just like clockwork, their plans cascaded in a line.

"let's prank y/n," remus stated, looking at the other marauders.

"what? no!" james refused. he has a soft spot for you, he feels like anything that touches your skin will burn the petal.

"prongs! that'd be funny!" sirius agreed to remus' idea, clapping him on his back.

"are you sure this is a great idea? i mean- she's like- i don't know. not prank worthy?" james continued.

and remus agreed with james too. although it would be funny to prank you, he would never want to hurt you. and what the hell is that? you're supposed to hate him.

"just not anything too much. nothing a tulip can handle," sirius shrugged.

you were heading your way out of the common room, a book about angels clutched tightly on your chest. you were walking silently and a second later, you hear a splash behind your back.

seemed like the marauder has missed their target, resulting a first year to be drenched in green paint.

you whipped your head around, hair flying behind. "oh gosh are you okay?" you kneeled at the little girl.

she was now crying, and you had your suspicions on a certain group of friends for this. the girl shook his head, wiping the green substance off of her face.

you cast a spell, waving your wand in mid air to produce a napkin. "here let me help you," you said softly to the girl as you wiped off the green off of her face.

"thank you," the girl whispered. despite the substance being completely wiped off, it still leaves a stain on her skin. "my ribbon is stained," the girl cried, clutching it with shaky hands.

"that's alright, you can have mine," you reached up for your hair to grab the thin bow off of your hair. "there, you look gorgeous!" you beamed at her after you clipped the bow in her locks.

"people make fun of me for liking ribbons and fairies and angels. i think we like same things."

"listen, don't let people get to you. we're young and still got a long life ahead, being someone you're not is tiring. be who you are and if people don't like it, then be yourself even more so they can suffer," you giggled, patting her shoulders. "go take a shower yeah? the green might go away."

"okay..." she runs off to the distance.

"james!" you huffed. you knew the boys were around somewhere.

"hi darling," sirius appeared as he put his arms around your shoulders.

"you guys were planing to prank me didn't you?" you squinted your eyes at the three.

"yup." remus said, a bit disappointed at the fact that it didn't work.

"why,"

"we are the marauders, darling, that's our job," sirius replied.

"why me? i didn't do anything."

"it would be funny to see you in green since all you wear is white and pink, elphaba" remus scoffed.

"oh you know the wizard of oz? wicked?" you started to get giddy. you've never met someone that knows that muggle series, it was your favourite.

remus, seeing this, feels like his heart was melting at your reaction. you looked adorable and excited. it drives him insane how effortless you can be.

"that's like a children's storybook. you're sixteen," remus, instead, replied.

the smile on your face dropped almost instantly, your heart hurts. you're embarrassed. embarrassed for being so excited about something stupid.

remus felt like he should bury himself under pounds of blankets so he doesn't get to see your sad face. he felt guilty for making you feel stupid. he wanted nothing more than to pull you to his chest and whisper sweet nothings in your ears. he couldn't though.

"i should get going," you forced a smile. "please don't pull pranks on me," you giggled at james before making your way outside the castle.

your book was left behind, remus noticed it. he went to grab the thick heavy book when a shoe blocked him. "let me-"

"what? you're gonna make fun of her for liking angels now? or you're going to burn that whole damn thing down?" james glared at the lycanthrope.

"nope. not any of that. i just want to see," remus fought.

"no," james snatched the book away from him before running to his dorm, tucking it under his bed so remus wouldn't find it. he's planning to give it back to you later.

"i think i missed a chapter here," sirius inquired. "since when is prongs more mature than moony?"

"since y/n i fear," peter quipped.

"you guys are a bunch of bullocks," remus grumbled.

　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

it was winter, your favourite time of the year. the scape displayed a beautiful scenery of the wildest winter wonderland.

you, mary, and lily were planning to skate on the ice rink in hogsmeade. coincidentally, the marauders are also skating at the same time.

you spun around the rink, snowflake hitting your lashes and hair. the sight of you were simply mesmerising. remus is in awe. you were like an angel.

your head tilted up, hair flying around with the wind. with the lack of balance you had, you scrambled, almost falling to the ground. lily and mary laughed at your antics, and you laughed too.

remus wanted to hold your hand as you spin around so you don't lose balance. and if you did, you would fall to him.

you were in your own world as you glide around the sparkling ice when you felt a presence beside you.

it was remus.

"hello," you tried to be nice to him, winter is not the season hold grudges. people make mistakes and you forgive them for it.

"do you ever take that ribbon off of your hair, it's ghastly," remus rolled his eyes.

"oh so you only came here to say that to me? well i personally think your sweaters are horrendous. you should try putting them on a washing machine because it looks like it hasn't been washed for months," you scrunched your face, making a disgusted face as you skate away from him.

it hurts. your words sent his heart breaking like icicles. he deserved it though. he had said stuff much more than that to you.

what makes his heart break more is that you never said mean things to people. you're patient and careful with your words and the fact that you snapped at him sent him to another dimension.

"what? you can't skate?" you chuckled at him as he struggled to move. you made your way back to him, helping him stand up after he fell.

he was embarrassed. after all he said and now he's lying cold on the icy ground. a part of him liked the way you were laughing because of him. it makes him feel fuzzy and warm inside but he hated it.

if he wasn't acting mean to you, he was sure he would open the door of his heart so easily. your soft hands grabbed both of his wrist as he tried to stand up.

your touch sent shivers down his spine. you never touched him before, only a little contact of the skin. your hands were like soft petals, opposite of his rough ones.

you helped him skate to where the friends were, effortlessly. "why are you nice to me?" remus said. "i've been nothing but mean to you."

"it's winter- almost christmas! it's the most beautiful season. i wouldn't ruin it by being immature," you shrugged.

"would you stop going so fast," remus squeezed your soft knuckles.

"if i go any slower, you will lose balance!" you said.

oh now you're thinking of his safety

he cursed himself for thinking that way. it was probably nothing. you always think of others.

he hates the way you make his stomach do flips. the swarming butterflies in his body is crazy. almost unreal. he lets go one of your hand and rest them on your shoulder so he can get closer and smell you.

you smelled like strawberry and marshmallows. it was sweet and so you. he would inhale your scent everyday and won't get sick of it.

"oh now moony and y/n is looking very cosy," sirius perked.

remus, hearing this pushed you away from him, making you fell to the ground with a thud.

and god he felt so guilty. he was sorry. he couldn't bring himself to say it though. his original plan was to make you hate him but it's quite literally impossible.

you were so lovely and he's such an idiot.

"ow," you whimpered as your back hit the ground. remus whipped his head around, eyes widening in panic as you tried to massage your elbows.

"oh god i'm sorry! i didn't mean to-" remus rambled as he grabbed your left arm, fingers grazing the fabric over your skin tenderly.

he felt horrible. he is so stupid for everything. he considered himself as a nice person but he was anything but.

"remus," you spoke, looking at him dead in the eyes. you were crying. "would you mind not touching me?," he frowned, his eyes were watery. he looked like he was about to cry. "i don't think i'm comfortable," he pulled away immediately. "thanks for understanding."

you stand up, wiping the tears from your face and went away to catch up on mary and lily.

remus sat still on the ground, unable to move as he watched you away.

"what was that?" james shouted. "you're an asshole you know that. she has been so patient with you! remus lupin, i'm not going to deal with this." james scurried away, scoffing at him with the nastiest look he can manage to show.

"mate, what just happened?" sirius spoke, a weird expression on his face.

"i'm in love with her," remus cried.

"would you care to elaborate? i'm lost right now," sirius replied timidly at his friend.

"i'm in love with y/n. i'm only being mean to her so i can hide my feelings. i'm so stupid. i'm tired of myself. just leave me alone!" remus yelled, his tears run cold.

"y'know it'd be easier for the two of you if you don't hide those feelings and actually be friends with her?"

"you don't understand! she would never like me. not anymore after what i had done. not ever. not even before. i'm a werewolf!"

"oh the books missed the part of werewolves being really dumb. moony-." sirius tried to speak but he was cut off.

"leave me alone!" remus snapped, trying to stand up unsuccessfully.

"fine!" sirius said, reaching up to where james and peter were.

remus watched you from afar, hands in your pocket as you looked down at your pink roller skate with ribbons as the laces. you looked so beautiful, and angelic, like a fairy.

you caught him staring at you with an expression like a broken vase. you paid him no mind as you skate around even more, scaring mary from the back which made the poor girl fell down.

　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

you didn't try to talk to him the next day. and the day after and the day after. he wasn't being mean to you anymore. he's giving you space.

you don't sit next to james anymore during breakfast lunch and dinner. you sat on the furthest seat of the gryffindor table. he couldn't even look at your face anymore. heads of strangers blocking his view.

the other three noticed the shift in him. he doesn't talk as much anymore. although he is quiet, he's never this quiet. he doesn't want to be involved in pranks lately, he'd much rather read your angel book he found tucked under james' bed under his sheets.

he hated himself. hated the fact that he didn't make you hate him but made you hurt. flashes of you crying on the ice rink haunts him. he would never look at the snow the same ever again.

every time the snow fell from the sky, memories of you rushed back into his mind. his heart aches, his mind is his biggest enemy, the full moon is his biggest vendetta.

the next time he saw you was when you were sitting under a tree, flowers around you. it was like as if nature was your best friend. you look incredibly dazzling under the sun. it was cold. you wore your fluffy jacket along with some matching leg warmer.

he wanted to make things right with you. he wanted to apologise for what he had done. although there is a slim chance you would forgive him.

his palms were sweaty despite the freezing weather. his heart was beating rapidly under his coat. he mustered up the courage to talk to you after weeks. now that you're only meters away from him, he wished he can just sink down on the soil. being under there forever.

"hey," remus said shakily. you looked up at him, eyes a little puffy, you had been crying.

you didn't reply though. he didn't blame you. "you're not wearing a ribbon..."

"trying something new," you replied, rather coldly.

"i'm sorry. i hope you know that i didn't mean for this to happen. never," he spoke softly. ripping the grass under.

"okay," you nodded, and averted your focus to your book.

"i don't know why you hate me so much. what did i do?" you said sadly, after a while long of silence.

remus took a deep shaky breath, "i never hated you. i didn't want any of this to happen. this is so stupid and i don't even want to say it but i just thought by making you hate me, i can push my feelings for you aside. so that i dont have to hope for impossible things and face reality that you can never love me back. i know you cant."

"why not?"

"after what i've done to you? i doubt," remus huffed at himself.

"no i mean- before that. must be something right? you're a good person."

"how can you say that? you don't know what you're talking about," remus said.

"james and sirius and peter wouldn't be your friend for six years if you're a bad person," you shrugged.

remus felt himself blushing, heart warm and fuzzy just like your jacket. "they're crazy," he shook his head.

"you haven't answered why though?"

remus gulped. his throat went dry. "uh-" he cleared his throat trying to collect himself.

"if it's personal you don't have to tell me," you smiled a lip tight smile.

"i'm a werewolf," he blurted. his lungs were knocked out of his body by now. it's crazy how he can let you in so easily. he is a closed book at all costs but he would tear every pages of himself and give it to you without questions.

"for real?" you asked, eyes widening in awe.

"yeah, that's why i was mean to you. nobody can lo- uh like a monster like me. who am i to think that by some miracle you would reciprocate my feelings," remus eyes glisten.

"don't say that about yourself," you furrowed your brows. "i don't think anyone is a monster. it's just the books that says so."

"stop trying to make me feel better after what i had done to you. you deserve so much better than this- i-"

"i love magical creatures," you smiled.

"huh?"

"and werewolves are magical creatures!" you said.

"no, y/n, you love fairies, angels, pegasus, pixies, and things like that. not werewolves," he fought, breaking his own heart.

"no i don't. i love all kinds," you replied, smiling at him.

"no, you don't love me. you can't!" he felt tears streaming down his face like the biggest waterfall there ever was.

"i can love you. maybe i don't love you now but you deserved to be loved. and i know i can do that," you said.

"y/n, at least punch me in the face with a tree trunk first. i don't deserve this," remus spoke, wiping his tears away.

how can someone be so lovely and forgiving at the same time? it was unfair because the world is absolutely horrible for people like you. him for example, he's horrible.

you didn't punch him, you hugged him instead.

he couldn't breath the first seconds. the smell of strawberries and marshmallows were filling his nose, he could melt.

he gently wrapped his arms around your frame, careful with his movements because you were like the most expensive porcelain doll from the southern quadrant. if he was in the magical land of oz, you would definitely be from the quadling country.

"and by the way, i love your ribbons. you look pretty in them- i mean you're always beautiful. do you have any ribbons by chance right now?" remus mumbled, brushing your hair from your face gently.

"i do, i have two in my bag," you replied.

"can i see them?"

"of course," you said as you pulled two baby blue ribbons from your bag.

he took them from you, holding it like it's made of glass. he clipped one on your hair and one on his, which made you laugh.

"pretty," he smiled.

"remus- you look-"

"i look like you!" he cut you off.

"okay..." you chuckled.

oh he loved that sound so much. it's terrifying how much he loved it.

"i love your sweaters too," you whispered shyly.

"i have one extra in my bag, let me put it on you," he said, pulling a sweater from his bag and his eyes landed on your angel book he secretly brings around everywhere.

"do you always have an extra one in your bag?"

"no," he shook his head, embarrassed. "it's just- uh-" he struggled to find the right words, his cheeks flushing under your soft gaze.

his stomach was filled with swarming angel wings, mind filled with the thought of you. "let me put it on you. so we wear each other's stuff." he cringed at how cheesy it sounded but smiled when he sees your pink tinted cheeks.

the sweater fits on you a bit too big. it was a white knitted sweater, "i love it, thanks."

"you can keep it. i knew you'd like it," he said.

it smelled like him, looks like his usual musky green sweaters too- just a different colour this time.

"oh and by the way, here's your book," he pushed your book to you.

"i've been looking for this! where did you find it?" you asked him giddily.

god you are so adorable when you're excited. he's so smitten.

he scratched the back of his neck, "you left it in the floor the day we pranked you. i'm sorry about that. james found it and put it on his bed, hoping to give it back to you the next day but i found it and i kept it. i want to be the one that gives it back to you. um sorry it took this long-" he rambled. it was bewildering how easy it is for him to open up to you. narrating the story for you to hear.

"oh thank you!" you started to open the book. "i haven't read this yet."

"you're like a cherubim angel," he said, resting his chin on you shoulder from the back so he can see the book with you.

"what's that?"

"it's in the book," he replied, "and uh is this okay?"

"what's okay?"

"me being close to you," he pulled back a little wanting to make sure that you are comfortable.

"oh- it's fine!" you giggled. "you're warm, i'm very comfy."

remus hid his face in your shoulders, hiding his crimson cheeks.

"wait- you said something about cherubim in this book. does that mean you've read it?" you pointed at the book in your lap.

"uh yeah- can't help it," he said, flushing once more. the effect you on him were crazy. "do you want to read it together?"

"sure," you opened the first chapter.

"read it out loud, i love hearing your lovely voice," he spoke.

"oh what? no-" you have never read aloud before. nobody has ever asked you for it.

"i want to hear your voice," he mumbled.

so you started.

it was like heaven to him. your scent covering his nose while you voice filling his ears. he must be dreaming because no way is he breathing.

he interlocked his finger with your softer ones, wanting to never let go. your hair was brushing his neck as the wind hits it.

he felt like he's in a new world where there's only you.

you and your pretty ribbons on your hair; that beautiful smile; that lovely voice; your enchanting smell; you soft fingers; your back pressed against his chest. it was indescribable. he couldn't ask for anything better.

　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

you two were hanging on the couch the next few days, james and sirius still not noticing the way you two are behaving. james was still mad at remus, so he barely knew what he is up to these days.

it was at night, the snow patting the window, glistened as it fell.

he remembered that day all too well. he still felt guilty for it.

but all negativity were pushed aside when he felt you shifting beside him.

you noticed the look on his face. "hey, don't worry about it. everything's fine," you stroked his fingers.

"okay," he replied. he has been mustering up the courage to ask you to be your boyfriend. he wanted to do it today. he feels like right now is the perfect time.

"hey, angel," he turned slowly to you, swallowing hard. "i would really really really love to be your boyfriend. if you're ready for this of course. i don't want to push things."

you blinked at him, eyelashes hitting your lid. "rem, i'd love that," you blushed.

"yeah?"

"mhm."

"okay," he said. "i really want to kiss you right now."

your heart skipped a beat at his words, "you can y'know."

"yea.." he whispered before leaning forward, nose inches away from each other. he can feel your unsteady breath, he put an arm around you to ease you up before his lips were pressing against your own.

you soft lips felt even softer when it touches his. it sent him in to a love spiral. kaleidoscope of loud heartbeats undercoats.

you were so sweet. tastes like sweet candy drops.

　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

the next following day, you were sitting on the great hall right next to remus. it was questionable to the other because you and him were never spotted this close.

"do you want pumpkin juice?" he asked, pointing to the goblet.

"um tea please, no sugar," you replied, squeezing his fingers.

"oh of course no sugar. you're already sweet," he shook his head as he poured the tea in your cup.

james eyed him suspiciously, "i missed a chapter," he mumbled.

"don't know what you're talking about," remus simply replied. what sent the others even more shock is the way he kissed your temple so tenderly.

"oh we are dating," you blushed as you poked your blueberry pie.

"what?" james asked wide eyed.

"i knew it!" sirius cheered, almost knocking his cup. "he told me he was in love with her. i was right all along, of course i am," he threw his hair back.

"stop it," remus hissed.

and the others also notice the change since he's with you.

he now takes care of himself, starting from little things. he's always been a gentleman but never this gentle since you.

ribbons and sweaters are the things that brought you two together.

#remus lupin #remus lupin fluff #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x reader fluff #remus x reader #remus lupin angst #remus lupin imagine #remus x y/n #remus lupin blurb #x reader #remus fluff

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daydreamtofiction · 3 months ago

Text

Thou Shalt Not Covet // 19: Spirit

Contents | Prev Part | First Person Version [AO3]

Summary: (Priest!Benedict x Female Reader) A year and a half has passed and Ellis has moved on, but the universe never seems to let her forget her past.

Word Count: 8.3K (It's another hefty one lol oops)

Warnings: Strong language, irreverence, dark humour, adult & sexual themes, alcohol consumption, smut incl: penetrative sex, 'quickie', rough, no aftercare. Readers must be 18+

The world never stops turning, no matter how unfair it may seem. We crash our cars yet the radio still plays, traffic lights keep changing as we sit in the wreck, red then amber then green, and back again. Daffodils bloom as dreams wilt away, and the sky still glitters with fireworks at the end of the worst year of someone's life. We are passengers on a train with no stops, and the options are limited; embrace the journey or get dragged along behind it.

Eighteen months had passed since you'd let the light back in. A year and a half of laughter and growth, of new friends and milestones. Granted, you still couldn't drive. Still had terrible posture and a knack for saying the wrong things. But those that loved you didn't care, and you were finding it easier to love yourself because of that.

You were four hours from home, sitting in the passenger seat of Rav's car as he drove you through the most quaint, scenic town you'd ever seen. It was like an illustration; thatched roofs and Tudor cladding, ivy on brick and winding cobblestone lanes. There was a milkman driving a float in front of you, an old lady setting up tables outside a café as a policeman strolled down the street, smiling and waving at passers by.

You turned to Rav. "Did you ever watch Midsomer Murders?"

He looked at you from the corner of his eye, smirking like he knew what you were about to say.

"This place is just too idillic," you said. "Feels like Jessica Fletcher's somewhere investigating a suspicious death."

"That was Murder She Wrote."

"Oh. Well, still..."

He laughed, craning his head to see around the milk float in front. "Fucking hell, first the tractor, now this."

"It looks like he's going that way."

"Woohoo!" he cheered, speeding up as the float turned the corner.

You rolled your eyes. "Alright, Lewis Hamilton, slow down."

"Oh, I'm sorry, for a second there it sounded like you were criticising my driving. You, Ellis Weiss, the woman whose name alone strikes fear into the hearts of driving instructors everywhere."

You hit him on the arm.

He laughed, before squinting to read the road sign ahead. "I'm not seeing any directions for this place yet, are you?"

"No. And I still don't have any signal so I can't Google Maps it. Why don't you pull over and we can ask someone for directions?"

He gave a reluctant hum and kept driving.

"Rav, just pull over and ask."

"Hang on a second, let me see-"

"Why are men so opposed to getting directions?"

"I'm not opposed, I just-"

You reached a dead end. He rolled to a stop as you glared at him.

"Y'know what, it's fine," he said facetiously. "Who needs marriage anyway? This isn't the 1920's, we're a progressive society."

You laughed. "May I remind you, you were the one who proposed."

He pressed his mouth into a straight line, jokingly rolling his eyes before turning the car around and driving back the way you came.

You drove a little while longer, finally spotting a spire in the distance; the tall, stone point peeking over a row of houses.

"Is that the one?" asked Rav.

"I think it is."

He got closer, turning onto the street where a large church stood proudly at the bottom. Perfectly kept grass bordered the beautiful stone building, winding paths and an elaborate sign near the entrance.

"St Joseph's," Rav read. "Yeah, this is it. Thank fuck for that."

He pulled into the carpark and you felt a strange wave of discomfort ripple through your stomach. It didn't seem to matter how many churches you visited, how much time passed; the memories were like a scar, healed but never fully gone.

You climbed out into the cool, spring breeze, drying your sweaty palms on your trousers.

"Here we go, church number three," said Rav. "Third time's a charm, right?"

"Well this isn't falling apart like the last one, so we're off to a good start," you replied.

You walked together down a long path, climbing the steps and pushing through the doors into the foyer. It smelled musky, smoky; frankincense and myrrh, wood and incense, rose and beeswax. There was a man pinning signs to a noticeboard, his back to you as he whistled happily to himself.

"Excuse me," said Rav. "Are you the priest?"

The man turned. "Hm? Oh no, I'm just a volunteer."

"Oh sorry. We were hoping we might be able to talk to the priest about possibly having a wedding here. I don't know if you might be able to... Erm..."

"Ah, well I think he's in his office. I'll go and grab him for you." He smiled kindly. "You can come in and have a look around if you like? I'll only be a minute."

"That's great, thank you."

The man hurried away, disappearing through a nearby door that led to a long corridor. You walked with Rav, tentatively stepping into the chapel and looking around at the bright, vast space.

He turned to you with an excited grin. "This is nice, isn't it."

"It is," you said, looking up at the windows, the artwork on the walls.

"Look." He walked down the aisle, pointing to the pews either side of him as he went. "Flowers here, right?"

You nodded, watching as he jogged the rest of the way to stand at the altar.

He held his hands out, gesturing to the space around him. "Yeah, this is nice. I can picture myself standing here. What do you think? Is the aisle long enough? Quick, Ellis, go there and walk down, see if you can picture it."

You laughed and waved your hand at him, wandering over to a display of flowers instead, touching the petals gently to see if they were real and leaning forward to smell them.

"Hi there, sorry to keep you," a voice echoed through the chapel.

It sent a chill down your spine; the deep, rich tone seeping straight into your bones. You glanced over your shoulder, eyes widening in shock as the priest walked right past you, the sight of him leaving you frozen, staring at him as he met Rav in the middle of the aisle and reached for a handshake.

There was a moment where you thought you were imagining it. The tall frame, dark curls and pale skin nothing more than a ghost, a mirage, a sign you needed to get some sleep. Then he introduced himself, I'm Father Benedict, and you knew he was real.

"Rav, nice to meet you." He gestured over to you. "And this is Ellis."

He turned to look at you; his smile lines melting, lips parting in a stunned silence that seemed to last an eternity. But it couldn't have been more than a few seconds before he cleared his throat, forcing a smile and making his way over to you.

"H-hi..." he said breathlessly, reaching out his hand. "Nice to meet you."

You glanced down at his trembling fingers, conceding after a moment with a weak handshake.

Rav began to talk, but his voice was nothing more than a muffled buzz in your ears. Your eyes glazed over, losing focus as Father Benedict walked back over to him.

"Yeah, I apologise for showing up like this," Rav said. "I know it's a shot in the dark that you'll have an opening at such short notice. But the church we were supposed to be having the wedding at burned down." He laughed in disbelief. "Like literally burned down to the ground. Talk about a bad omen."

Father Benedict chuckled. But the sound was shallow, half-hearted, his eyes flitting over to you every few moments.

"Yeah I can- I can have a look. What's er, what's the date you're after?" he asked. "I'll check my... erm... my... calendar- book- diary. Diary, that's the word."

"June..." Rav hesitated, looking over at you.

"Seventh," you said.

"Seventh, right."

You rolled your eyes.

"Okay," Father Benedict nodded. "Okay, let me just go and erm... Have a- Let me check."

He walked out of the chapel, and it felt like you'd been holding your breath the entire time. You blew out a soft, shaking exhale as Rav walked over to you.

"He's alright, isn't he," he said. "Better than the priest this morning who kept staring at your tits."

"What? No, I liked him. Made me feel wanted."

"Fuck off," he laughed, immediately covering his mouth in regret.

You gave a weak smile.

He narrowed his eyes. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You seem a bit... I don't know."

"No I'm... It's just... I think I might be getting a cold or something. Bit headache-y."

He gave you a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.

Father Benedict returned, his eyes focusing immediately on Rav's hand on your shoulder. He fell silent for a moment before snapping out of it, shaking his head and looking down at the diary in his hands.

"S-sorry, could you just remind me of the date you wanted again?"

Rav nodded. "It's June..."

"Seventh," you said again.

"Okay, right, er..." Father Benedict cleared his throat, flicking through the pages. "So I do already have a wedding on the seventh. But Friday the sixth is open, or if you really want a Saturday, the following week is a possibility; the fourteenth?"

Rav looked at you, then down at the ground as he thought about it. "Yeah, no either of those should work. We know the owners of the venue so we should be able to swap the dates around. Could I... Can we get back to you?"

"Yes, yes no problem." He closed the diary. "I er, I have somewhere to be, shortly, but if you want to come back tomorrow morning, we could sit and go through everything. Usually we'd need six months notice but, with the... fire and what not, I'm sure we can work something out; squeeze in your preparation, Saturday day, talk about costs and everything."

"Yeah, that'd be great. Thank you." Rav looked at you, as though seeking approval.

You gave another weak smile.

"No problem," Father Benedict replied, glancing at you again.

You began walking towards the exit, and you couldn't quite believe that was it; a quick conversation, a handshake, a 'nice to meet you' as though you were nothing but strangers. You weren't sure what the alternative would have been; a hug, tears, a blazing row? Perhaps it was best to leave it like this, to run without another word, just like he'd done to you.

But all of a sudden, there was a rush of white noise above you, growing louder until it was deafening. You looked up at the ceiling in confusion, then over to the windows as rain began to stream down the glass.

"Oh my god," you muttered.

"You can't say that in a church," said Rav.

You groaned. "We parked so far away."

"Tell you what, you wait here and I'll go and get the car. I'll drive it right up to the door."

"What? No it's fine. It's just rain-"

"Don't be stupid. Wait there, I'll be two seconds."

He ran off before you could protest any further. You huffed and crossed your arms, hovering in the archway between the chapel and the foyer. You could hear Father Benedict moving around behind you, but you refused to turn around, as though not looking at him meant he wasn't actually there.

You felt like a stroppy child, balled up, head turned, teeth clenched. When he first left, you'd have done anything to see him again, to hear his voice, smell his aftershave. But there was something painful about finally knowing where he'd been; knowing that for eighteen months he'd been just four hours away, starting anew like you were just an old VHS he could tape right over.

"Ellis...?" he said softly, tentatively.

You exhaled through your nose and turned slowly, looking up at him with a heavy brow and glassy eyes.

"Hi," he breathed, like he didn't know what else to say.

"Hi," you replied bluntly, turning away again.

He paused for a while, but you could hear him getting closer, feet shuffling tentatively across the floor. "H... How are you?"

You turned back and glared up at him in disbelief.

He sighed, dropping his head. "I'm sorry-"

"Don't," you interrupted. "Just don't."

He seemed reluctant to give in, standing there staring down at you, anxiously biting his lip as he deliberated with himself. But finally, he yielded, turning in defeat and beginning to walk away.

You watched him leave, your breath quickening, lungs bubbling with anger and confusion, sadness and grief.

"You just... Left," you blurted out.

He stopped, turning back to look at you. "I know."

"No word, no explanation. You just..." You struggled to find the words, eyes darting around the chapel as they welled with tears, before finally giving up. "Why?" you whispered.

He took a long pause, head stooped. He swallowed hard and cleared his throat, forcing himself to look back up at you. "Because I was falling in love with you," he said simply, his voice nothing more than a breath.

You stared at him, the blue of his eyes so vibrant against the red in his waterline.

"And..." he continued, taking a step towards you. "I know without a doubt that if I'd stayed, I would have just continued to fall more in love with you. And I would have loved you... more than... anything. More than..." He gestured to the church around you before shaking his head, his lip quivering. "I couldn't. I just- I couldn't..."

"I wouldn't have ever asked you to."

"I know that. But it wouldn't have stopped it from happening."

You pressed your mouth into a straight line, sniffing sharply and steadying your voice. "I was falling in love with you too."

He nodded, like he already knew.

You swallowed the urge to cry, taking a deep breath and shrugging. "Well there you go. What can you do."

He dropped his head, closing his eyes like your words hurt.

You turned away, leaning against the frame of the archway as you waited for the beep of a car horn.

"You're going to make a beautiful bride, Ellis," he said solemnly.

Your stomach tightened. Then you looked at him again. "I'm not the bride."

His brow furrowed in confusion.

"Bridesmaid," you said, pointing to yourself.

"Oh..." he whispered.

"Rav's fiancé had a dress fitting so she couldn't make it. Asked me to come with him instead because she didn't trust him to find a new church on his own."

He exhaled a shaking breath, the corner of his mouth twitching with a relieved smile. "So you're- So you're not... Seeing anyone?"

You shook your head. "No one's been worthy of me yet..."

He gave a subtle smile, but your face remained stony.

There was a loud beep and you turned to see Rav's car waiting near the door. You glanced back over your shoulder. "Good to see you, Father."

You rushed outside without waiting for a reply. The rain was warm, falling so hard it hurt as it pelted your skin. You tried to keep your breaths even as you hurried towards the car, a painful lump lodged in your throat.

"Ellis! Ellis, hold on!"

You stopped at the passenger door, turning to see Father Benedict running down the church steps after you. He halted at the bottom, chest heaving, eyes wide.

You stared at him, waiting for him to speak.

"I..." he stammered. "I felt the urge to chase you but I didn't actually think through what I'd say once I got here..."

You blinked at him.

"D-do... Do you- could we maybe talk? I've got some work this afternoon but-" He pointed to a pub across the road. "We could get a drink, maybe? This evening? If you're not busy...?"

You looked at the pub, then back to him.

"I know I don't deserve it," he said, wiping the rain out of his eyes. "But if you could give me... an hour of your time..."

You sighed and shook your head. "Yeah," you finally said. "Yeah, okay."

He let out a relieved sigh, nodding with a slight smile. "Okay. Okay, erm... I can be over there for eight?"

"Okay."

You pulled the handle and got into the car, slicking your wet hair back with your hands.

"What was that about?" asked Rav.

"Oh, nothing, he erm... he just needed me to remind him of the dates again."

He began to drive and you sat in silence, shocked, shivering. The church grew smaller in the wing mirror until you could no longer see it all, the rain easing, a double rainbow emerging in the sky above you.

Rav glanced over at you. "Are you alright?"

You nodded, staring out of the window, the quaint town looking entirely different to you now.

The Poplar and Dove. Why did pubs always have such odd names? What did trees and birds have to do with beer, fruit machines and sticky carpets?

You stood under the awning of the pub, wringing your hands nervously as you waited for 8pm to come. You'd gotten there earlier than you'd meant to, and though you could have just gone inside, you couldn't bring yourself to seem eager.

You wished you'd packed nicer clothes than the t-shirt, long denim skirt and trainers you were wearing. But as a man stumbled out onto the street in oil-covered overalls and work boots, you almost felt overdressed.

It was 8:01 when you finally drew in a deep, anxious breath and went inside, the smell of beer hitting you like a boozy cloud as you pushed through the doors. It was quieter than you'd expected; a low hum of conversation as a television played quietly above the bar, an old song drifting from a jukebox in the corner. You slipped through a group of men, their hands and faces smattered with motor oil like the one you'd seen outside.

You tried to not make it obvious you were looking around, standing at the bar as you scanned the room quickly. What if he didn't come? What if he'd changed his mind at the last minute and stood you up? You'd have no one to blame but yourself; already dreading telling your sister you'd agreed to this at all.

"Ellis!"

You turned to see him in the corner, pointing to a drink on the table in front of him and waving you over. You couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief, pushing through another group of people to get to him.

"Rum and Coke," he said as you sat down opposite him. "I hope that's still...?"

"Yeah, yes. That's great. Thanks." You hooked your bag onto the back of the chair and took a sip - the rum was spiced, your favourite kind.

He was even more beautiful than you remembered, and it annoyed you greatly. His casual shirt was open at the collar, sleeves rolled up to the elbow as he clasped his long fingers together in front of him. His curls were fluffy, falling slightly over his brow and framing his eyes.

Those eyes. God. You took an extra sip of your drink.

"Thank you for showing up," he said.

You gave a halfhearted smile.

"I know I don't deserve it..."

There was a lull; an awkward pause as you both shifted in your seats. There'd never been an uncomfortable silence between you before. Even in the moments no one spoke, it was always pleasant, content.

"So, what's it like around here?" you asked.

His eyes rounded for a moment, like he was taken aback, not expecting you to make small talk. You weren't expecting yourself to make small talk either.

"It's, er, It's- Nice," he said. "The parish is a lot bigger, so more work. But the town itself is... It's quiet."

You nodded.

"Why did your friends choose it for their wedding?" he asked.

"Camilla - the bride - grew up here."

"No way," he laughed softly. "How did you meet her?"

"Through a work thing. And Rav's my downstairs neighbour. I introduced them."

"Ah, so you're basically Cupid."

"I expect they'll be naming their first born Ellis," you said, unable to resist a smile.

You'd planned to walk into that pub with fire in your belly, venom on your tongue. You'd gone over the things you wanted to say in the shower, practiced arguing with him in the mirror as you got ready. Yet there was something about him, like a sedative, that made it impossible to do anything but talk.

"So Camilla's a photographer?" he asked between sips of his drink. "Editor?"

"Oh, erm, no. I don't work at the studio anymore," you replied. "I'm a freelance book cover designer now; met her at a publishing thing."

He smiled proudly. "You always wanted to do that."

"I did."

"Congratulations."

"Thanks." you said shyly, bringing the glass to your lips.

"Is that a tattoo?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah." You lifted the sleeve of your t-shirt to reveal a small, fine ink design on the inside of your upper arm.

He leaned forward slightly, squinting to look at it more closely.

"Why?" you asked. "Is it like... A cardinal sin or something?"

"No, I just couldn't see what it was." He laughed and relaxed back into his seat. "I like it."

"Thanks. I've got another one as well, but if I tried to show you that we'd probably get kicked out."

There was a subtle glint in his eye, making you realise what you'd said.

"I didn't mean for that to sound so..." You shook your head. "Sorry."

He chuckled quietly. "There's a guy in my congregation; biggest, buffest guy you've ever seen. Bald head, covered, and I mean covered in tattoos. And when I tell you he is the sweetest, gentlest most devoutly catholic man I've ever met, it's incredible."

"I bet he gives really good hugs."

"Oh absolutely."

You clinked your nails against the side of your glass, filling another awkward silence, letting the last of the nervous energy out through your fingertips.

"How's your sister?" he asked.

"Oh, yeah, she's good," you replied. "She actually just had another baby."

"She did? Oh that's wonderful."

"Mhm, a few months ago. Another girl."

"What's her name?"

You glared at him, pressing your lips together reluctantly.

"Oh come on, it can't possibly be more out there than Soleil," he laughed.

"Eulalie."

"You-lay-what?"

You giggled. "Eulalie. It's French as well, apparently."

"Well, they certainly love a unique name, don't they."

"I know. I'm going to have to call my kid Keith or something, just to restore the balance."

"Ah, little baby Keith."

You lifted your glass, speaking before taking another sip. "What's the worst name you've ever baptised?"

"I'm sure we've had this exact conversation before."

"I don't think so."

"We have. The woman with the twins?"

You shook your head, looking up at the ceiling as you tried to think back.

"I definitely told you. Don't you remember? We were lying in bed one night and..." he faltered suddenly, losing his train of thought and pressing his fingers to his mouth to disguise it.

You wondered if the memory of you in his bed was too painful, or perhaps it was just embarrassing, an uncomfortable reminder of how close you once were.

"Were they called something like Paco and Rabanne?" you asked.

He laughed, his shoulders relaxing again. "Dolce and Gabbana."

"That's it. Yes, I do remember. Those poor children."

He smiled before shifting in his seat, reaching into the back pocket of his trousers and pulling out his wallet and keys. He placed the keys on the table and opened the wallet, sifting for money.

"Are you still driving the old car?" you asked, gesturing to the keys.

"Nope." He grinned. "And this new bad boy I've got has - get this - a working passenger door and air-con that actually blows cold air."

You gave a sarcastic, impressed whistle. "Living the dream."

"I know. It's funny, when I bought it my first thought was 'Ellis would love this'."

"Why?"

"Because it's an automatic so you wouldn't be able to stall it."

You rolled your eyes. "Well actually, I have my license now, and I drive a Lamborghini, so..."

"Really?"

"Obviously not."

"Fuck sake." He burst into laughter. "Do you want another drink?"

You looked down at your rum and coke, surprised to see how much you'd already drank. You promised yourself you'd only stay for one. Yet there you were, nodding and watching him walk up to the bar to buy you another.

It was hard to connect him to the man who'd left you broken and confused eighteen months ago. Hard to accept that as he laughed at your jokes and asked about your family, there was a part of him that was capable of such carelessness and cruelty.

"Here you go," he said, placing a new drink in front of you.

You looked down at it for a moment, then up to him. "Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?"

His face softened, the smile he'd sat down with falling away.

"Come on, you knew I was going to ask at some point." You shrugged.

He remained quiet, rubbing his mouth in deliberation. "I..." He inhaled through his nose, letting it out again slowly. "I didn't decide to leave until that last night. I know that doesn't make it any better, but I swear to you it wasn't some big, thought-out departure I'd planned ages in advance. I just... I got scared."

"Scared of what?"

He paused. "There was a moment that night when we were sitting together; I told you there was nowhere else I'd rather be than with you. And suddenly it dawned on me; Fuck, I am falling in love with this woman. I've made a vow of clerical celibacy, a vow to devote myself to the church and to God and to put that before anything else in my life. Yet here I am, wanting to be nowhere else but with her..."

You stayed quiet, watching him fidget with his hands as he spoke.

"I knew then that I couldn't stay." He lowered his voice. "So I did the terribly selfish thing of giving myself one last night with you. I made love to you, I kissed you before I left the next morning, and I suppose in a way I convinced myself that that was the goodbye."

You swallowed. "If I hadn't randomly turned up here today, you'd have let me live the rest of my life not knowing any of that..."

"I know. And trust me, Ellis, not a day has gone by where I haven't hated myself for it. But the way I would have loved you.... I have no doubt it would've eclipsed everything." He tilted his head to catch your gaze with his own. "I had to get away."

You wrapped your hands around the glass in front of you, straightening your spine and clearing your throat. His words were like whiskey; his confession a painful burn, the truth a soothing warmth. Your only fault had been that you were loved, and you couldn't help but wonder how much easier it would have been to know that; perhaps you wouldn't have spent so long sitting alone in the dark.

"Do you not think I deserved to know that?" you asked.

"Of course. But would it have made it any easier?"

"Well... I'm not sure there's any easy of way of hearing someone say they'd rather be celibate than with you."

He shook his head, chewing his lip to hold back a smirk. "That's not fair."

"I have a year and a half of pent up anger inside me. Let me make jokes."

"Fair enough."

You scanned his face, finishing off your first drink before moving swiftly to the second. "Are you happy with the decision you made?"

He opened his mouth to speak when a sudden, roaring cheer erupted through the pub. You looked over your shoulder, watching the group of men celebrating a goal on TV. They bounced around, throwing their arms around each other as lager splashed over the rims of their glasses.

When you turned back to Father Benedict, he was smiling at them, laughing softly as he watched their roistering from across the room. But there was something melancholic about his expression; no lines in his cheeks, no crinkle between his brows or at the corners of his eyes.

He returned his attention to you, realising you'd been watching him. "Not as happy as that," he said.

You exhaled a laugh.

"Ellis, I... I can't tell you how many times I've thought about what I'd say to you if I ever saw you again. The truth of the matter is, I don't know. I don't know if I'm dedicating my life to a God that doesn't exist. I don't know if any of it's real, I have no proof. But I really fucking hope it is. And what I do know is that I chose to become a priest because it allows me to help people, and inspire and encourage and share that hope with them, every single day." He paused. "I just never predicted I'd meet you."

You picked up your glass, swirling the ice around, making the liquid bubble and fizz. Then you sighed, meeting his gaze again. "I get it," you said. "I do, I get it. One of us would always have had to give up a part of themselves to be with the other. Either you would've had to leave clergy, or I'd have had to concede to being someone's secret lover for the rest of my life. And let's face it, neither of us would've expected that of the other."

He looked sad, brows curved upwards over glistening eyes.

"Right person, wrong... everything else." You shrugged. "Our paths just crossed too late."

His throat bobbed as he swallowed, his eyes never leaving you.

"I just hope you know that the collar you wear isn't what makes you a good person," you said. "You gave me hope when I really needed it. And that had nothing to do with God or church or sermons... It was you."

He smiled, before dropping his head and clearing his throat. "You're being far more gracious to me than I deserve."

"I know."

The TV above the bar was muted, the jukebox switched off. A strong smell of lemon disinfectant drifted through the air as a barmaid pushed around a mop bucket, another collecting glasses and wiping down surfaces. There was no one left, the lights raised to full brightness, chairs stacked on tables around you like the battlement walls of a castle.

You'd talked through the end of the football match, through the noise of drunken punters and the bell for last orders. You'd talked as the crowds dwindled away, as the sky turned black beyond the windows and your glasses emptied to dregs of melted ice.

It was like no time had passed since he left. You'd never understood that expression before; how could absence not change things? How could a river erode with time and water still flow the same way? But you got it now. With every joke he laughed at, every facial expression he understood and insignificant detail he remembered, it was clear your bond had never severed. It had just been frozen, lying in wait until something came to thaw it out.

He was covering his face as you spoke, shoulders shaking as he laughed into his hands.

"It's true!" you said. "They called the police and everything."

"They did not call the police!" His laugh grew heartier, tears forming in his eyes.

"They did! I had to sit and explain to two uniformed officers that I hadn't meant to walk out of the shop with the coat on."

"Why were you even wearing it?"

"I tried it on as a joke because it was so fucking ugly. Then Soleil decided to turn into Usain bloody Bolt and run outside at full speed into the busy street."

A tear spilled onto his cheek. He wiped it away, still chuckling to himself.

"I told Mara she was nuts for trusting me with her child," you said.

"Maybe next time try a soft play centre or a park, y'know, instead of a high end clothing shop."

"Well you just have all the answers, don't you."

He smiled, shaking his head and leaning back in his chair. "Just giving you some advice so you don't go losing Keith in a Selfridges one day."

You laughed. "Keith will be kept on one of those baby leashes until he's eighteen."

You could feel a hair on the side of your nose, rubbing your finger over it a few times. He began speaking, but you couldn't concentrate, the itch on your skin too distracting. You tried to wipe it away again.

"Because then I went-" He stopped. "What's the matter?"

"There's something on my face, it's driving me mad."

He sat forward, gesturing for you to lean over the table to him. You did as he instructed, watching as he brought his face close to yours, examining the side of your nose for a moment before seeming to lose focus, his eyes softening as they trailed slowly from your eyes to your lips then back again.

"Father," you said. "I'm going to say something you used to say to me all the time."

"What's that?"

"You need to stop looking at me like that..."

He dropped his head and breathed out a laugh. "I apologise," he said, gently pressing the tip of his finger to the side of your nose, holding it up to show you a small black wisp. "Eyelash."

"Thanks," you replied, sitting back down.

"You know you can just call me Ben, by the way," he said.

"I know, but, I don't-" You shrugged shyly. "I only ever really called you that when we were..."

"Ah."

"Yeah..."

"Excuse me, guys," said one of the barmaids as she approached your table. "We're going to be locking up in a few minutes."

Father Benedict glanced around the deserted pub, the wet floors and stacked chairs. "Oh, god, sorry. We didn't even realise-"

"It's okay," she replied kindly. "You looked like you were having a nice time, we didn't want to disturb you."

"Thank you, we'll get out of your way."

You stood up, grabbing your bag and hooking it over your shoulder as Father Benedict lifted his chair onto the table, making his way around to yours and doing the same. The women behind the bar smiled appreciatively as one of them unlocked the door to let you out. You almost felt embarrassed that you'd let yourself get so carried away, talking so far past closing time, your conversation the only sound inside the empty pub.

You stepped out into the dark, chilly night, light rain falling in a mist that glittered under the streetlights. You crossed your arms over your chest to hide your nipples, suddenly very aware of how thin your t-shirt was. The street was quiet, the church nothing but a dark, imposing silhouette on the other side of the road.

"Where are you staying?" asked Father Benedict. "I only had a couple of drinks so I can drive you wherever you need to go."

"Oh, no, don't worry. My Airbnb's not far from here so I'm just going to walk."

He furrowed his brow. "They have Airbnbs around here?"

You laughed. "Yeah, it's just a little cottage, nothing fancy."

"Well I'll walk you."

"Are you sure? You really don't have to."

"Of course I'm sure, come on."

You walked most of the way in silence, your impending separation like a thick cloud in the air between you. Were you to simply say goodbye? No hard feelings? See you in June for the wedding?

The cobbled roads glistened like oil in the gentle rain, the houses quiet, as though the entire town had gone to sleep. You kept your arms crossed over your chest, your eyes straight ahead. When the road was on your left, he would walk on your left, and when it was on the right, he would move again, always keeping you on the inside despite there not being a single car.

You pointed to a row of small terraced cottages at the bottom of a steep lane. "That's me down there."

"Which one?"

"Hanging baskets, right at the end."

"Wow, you weren't joking when you said it was small."

You exhaled a short laugh. "It's all I need. Only staying two nights."

When you arrived at the cottage, you stopped at the gate, placing a hand on it and turning to look up at him.

"Well this was... weird," you said.

"Very," he replied. "But also really great."

"Yeah." You paused. "Thank you for the drinks, and for walking me home."

He smiled, but the expression quickly grew forlorn as he stared down at you. You kept your hand on the gate as you waited for him to speak, a part of you willing yourself to just go inside, while another needed to know what he was thinking.

"What?" you asked. "Do I have another eyelash on my face?"

He shook his head with a quiet laugh. "I've missed you," he said, his voice almost a whisper.

You sighed. "You can't say that."

"Why?"

"Because it's not fair. You've known where to find me... This whole time, you've known exactly where..." Your voice trailed off.

He closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath through his nose. "I told you why I couldn't come back-"

"And I said I understand. I do. But you made a choice. So you... You don't get to tell me you've missed me." You remained gentle, calm. "You can't act like something's been keeping us apart when the thing keeping us apart is you."

"The thing keeping us apart is my vow."

"And so go and live by your vow, Father. Go and live your pious, solitary life. I am truly sorry I ever jeopardised that for you."

He scoffed slightly. "There's no need to be sarcastic."

"Wh-? I'm not. I'm really not." You pulled the gate shut again, turning to face him fully. "But surely you understand how much it hurts to know you see loving me and worshipping God as some kind of contradiction?"

"I see loving you as the most easy thing I could've ever done." His voice was harsh yet quiet, frustration laced in a whisper. "But choosing to leave the clergy, to break the promises I made when I was ordained; that would've been the consequence of it."

"And I've already told you I wouldn't have expected you to do that. I understand your decision-"

"But you don't, Ellis. Not if you can stand there and tell me I don't get to say I miss you."

You slowed your breathing, calming yourself before looking up at him. "If you truly missed me, it wouldn't have taken me randomly turning up here today for you to realise it."

"I didn't have to realise it, because it's never not been the case." He took a step closer, speaking with more passion, intensity in his eyes. "Not a single day has gone by where I haven't thought of you. Where I haven't questioned if I made the right decision. You asked me earlier if I was happy with the choice I made, and the truth is... I don't know. Because my resolve has wavered so much more over the past eighteen months than it ever did before I left."

"And what changes now that I know that?" you replied. "Nothing. You're still going to go back to that church and I'm still going to go home on Friday. Alone."

"I don't- I don't know, I just... When I saw you there today in my church, there were ten or so minutes where I really, honestly thought you were marrying someone else," he shook his head. "And I wasn't happy for you, Ellis. I was... devastated."

"And when you realised I was actually single, how did you feel then?"

He blinked a few times, brows coming together, forming a crinkle at the bridge of his nose. "I felt..."

"You felt...?"

"Ellis you know that's not fair to ask-"

"But everything you've said to me in the last five minutes is fair?"

You were getting angry now. The rage you'd planned to unload on him in the pub bubbling in the base of your chest. He ran away from you. Tore you apart and left you strewn across the rectory flowerbed in pieces. Now you'd finally bloomed again, and here he was, plucking at your petals.

"Do you know what, I don't want to do this anymore," you said as you opened the gate and stepped through. "I knew meeting you tonight was a bad idea."

"Because I told you I've missed you?" he called out behind you.

You stopped and spun around. "Because everything you're saying is for your own benefit, not mine! To- to- to make yourself feel better, to unload how you feel onto me even though you know it doesn't change your decision."

"So what would you prefer I do, Ellis? Not say anything? Walk you home and leave without another word?"

"I'd prefer you to just fuck off," you snapped, taking in a sharp breath, stunned by your own words.

"You want me to fuck off..." he replied in dry disbelief, taking a few steps down the path towards you.

"Yes. Fuck off. Go away." Your voice quivered. You waved your hand at him dismissively and walked to the front door. "Just... Let me forget about you."

You fished through your bag with shaking hands, finding the key and struggling to push it into the lock. His eyes were on you, you could feel them, like a hand around the back of your neck. You unlocked the door and pushed it open before looking over your shoulder at him.

"There's a reason you haven't walked away yet," you said, stepping into the cottage and turning around, placing your hand on the door and preparing to close it. "You want permission. You want to hear me ask you to choose me. But that's never going to happen. I have too much respect for myself to ever do that."

You took a step back and swung the door shut, but there was a hard thump as it hit something on the other side, stopping it from fully closing. You pulled it back to see him standing there, palm planted against it, foot halfway over the threshold. His chest was heaving, nostrils flaring with heavy breaths.

You stared up at him, unable to resist giving an insolent shrug, a brattish shake of your head. It seemed to annoy him even more, the muscle in his jaw twitching as he clenched his teeth.

"Wh-"

He interrupted you with a sudden kiss, his hand gripping the back of your head as his lips pressed firmly against yours. You lost yourself for a moment, swept away in the passion of the unexpected rush. Your mouth began to move in time with his, hot breath and sweeping tongues, but then you stopped, placing your hands on his chest and gently pushing him away.

You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath to quell the anger rising up your throat, before glaring at him through your lashes. His face was still close, lips parted, eyes glassy. You wanted to push him away, but you couldn't; any sense of logic you possessed clouded by impulse.

You gave in, letting your body take over, wrapping your hands around the back of his neck and pulling him down into a fevered, forceful kiss. He curled his fingers into your hair, holding it in fistfuls as you stumbled back into the cottage. You slammed the front door, grabbing him by the shirt as you moved in a mess of teeth and tongues, fingernails and clumsy missteps through the small, open living space.

Your backside made contact with a dining table first. He gripped your hips and lifted you onto it as you continued to kiss with unwavering ferocity. You began pulling at your skirt, working impatiently to drag the heavy, stiff material up your legs as he used one hand to unbutton his trousers, the other helping to push the skirt over your thighs. His breaths were heavy, laboured, pouring into your open mouth as he freed himself from his underwear, like he'd been aching, desperate for release.

You reached down and slid your fingers into your underwear, the thin cotton so wet it gave little resistance as you moved it to one side, parting your legs wider to let him stand between them. His lips broke away from yours, just long enough to spit into his hand, coating the head of his cock before sweeping you back into another kiss.

He slid the tip along the seam of your pussy, using his hand to guide it inside you. You gasped at the stretch, the dull burn and intense pressure. You'd only slept with a couple of people since he'd been gone; a one night stand, and a short-lived fling that fizzled out after a few dates. Neither of them matched up to him. Not in size, nor skill. So much so that you'd almost convinced yourself he wasn't as good as you remembered.

You dug your nails into the back of his neck as he sank his full length into you, the walls of your pussy moulding to the shape of him, softening, lubricating to welcome the intrusion. His throat rumbled with a groan, a hum falling from his lips as he kissed you, fucking you with a hard, steady rhythm. You whimpered into his mouth, sliding your hands down to grip his backside, encouraging him to thrust harder, deeper. He planted a palm on the table beside you to steady himself, pressing his chest against yours as he moved with more force, each snap of his hips sending a jolt through your core, making the table rock and creak beneath you.

Your mind was blank, clouded and hazy as your body welled with pleasure; a tingling in your clit and a deep, intense pulsing in your core. You were going to be swollen after this, bruised, sensitive. But you didn't care; there was an anger inside you that you had to extinguish, and with each slam of his body against yours, you were getting closer to putting it out.

Your body began to tense and tighten, each slide of his cock met with a growing resistance, making him breathe quickly as he worked harder to maintain his thrusts. Your thighs came together, squeezing his hips as waves of electricity began to thrash in your pelvis. He growled and grabbed your legs, forcing them apart again, and you let out a heavy moan as he sank deeper, hitting the spots that sent you floating on the precipice between pleasure and pain.

Your back arched, and with another brush of his cock, you fell apart. He hid his face in the crook of your neck as he buried himself completely, giving in to his own orgasm as you came around him. You were shaking, your bottom lip chattering like you'd been caught in a blizzard. Every time he shifted or twitched, the echoes of your climax would ring through you, making you shudder, goosebumps pricking your arms.

The room was suddenly so quiet in the clarity, only the rushing of your breaths and the pulse pounding in your ears filling the silence. He lifted his head and carefully pulled out of you, your centre immediately feeling tender and raw in his absence. You glanced up at him, but he couldn't bring himself to look you in the eye, and you suddenly felt nauseous.

You slid off the edge of the table onto your feet, readjusting your underwear and pulling your skirt back down. He stayed beside you, buttoning his trousers as he kept his head down, staring at the table and pensively biting his lip. You looked at him again, and when he finally looked back, you knew; the same remorseful expression you'd seen so many times before. A face full of regret, shame, disappointment in his own lack of restraint. You sighed and shook your head, walking off into the next room, trying to ignore your shaking legs and the lump in your throat.

You stood in the small sitting room, looking out the window into the dark back garden. You felt a tear fall down your cheek, the droplet tickling your skin as it clung to the edge of your jaw. Your lip wobbled, but you bit it to keep it still, sniffing sharply.

"Ellis...?" His voice was so soft and gentle, his footsteps light as he entered the room behind you.

"Just go, Ben," you replied weakly, too numb to even try to turn around.

He paused at the sound of his name on your lips. Then he took another few tentative steps towards you.

"Please, just..." You sighed. "You... broke me. Not just when you left, but every time you treated me like a mistake."

"You're not a mistake. You were never a mistake."

"Was that a mistake?" You turned around, nodding towards the other room.

He hesitated.

"Exactly," you said. "Getting over you was the hardest thing I have ever done. And all it took was one day for me to end up right back where I started."

"It wasn't a mistake," he whispered. "I just... I suppose I wish I'd been more... forbearing. Made it mean something, y'know. I don't regret what just happened. I regret the way it happened."

You bit the inside of your cheek, trying desperately not to cry. But another single tear betrayed you.

"Please don't cry," he said softly. "I can't- I never wanted to-" He sighed, walking over and wrapping his arms around you.

You resisted at first, but you quickly yielded, letting your head fall on his chest, your arms tucked in the space between your bodies. He cradled you in his large embrace, resting his chin on the top of your head.

"I love you, Ellis."

You closed your eyes, his words stinging as much they soothed.

"Right person, wrong everything else," he said.

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