#since while the docs here I don’t treat me badly? usually?

[void-tiger]

Right. I need a nap. I’m feeling resentment about friends getting to do Cool Things again. And I’m old enough to know I’d feel less jealous about it with my leaky batteries recharged a bit.

(it’s not their fault I live far away, and have disabilities affecting getting to do Neat Things On My Own at least.)

[maximwtf]

The front man x reader

                                         Hwang In-ho

                             “I would take a bullet for you.”

words: 4296

google docs pages: 7

warnings: death, guns, wounds

opening: In-ho and you have been together for almost a year, but he has slowly started to realise that he can’t have anyone he’d actually care about. Caring about you can put you and him in danger, and he has to do something about this.

AN// I’m literally so sorry for how long this turned out to be- It was meant to just be a short one shot, but here we are. I hope that you don’t mind^^”

Not proof read!

                  “I would take a bullet for you.”

There you were. Laying on the soft king size bed, in the front man’s ‘office’. The silky black blankets were covering your body, and keeping you warm. You had always liked the way the rooms had been put together. The black walls looked lovely with the chandeliers' yellowish lights. It made everything look sharp and expensive. 

While deep in your thoughts, you hadn’t felt the mattress under you shift. You suddenly heard your partner speak. “Are you ever afraid of being here?”  the voice asked. You didn’t dare to turn around, so you could face him. So with your gaze on the ceiling, you thought for a moment.

Of course you knew how dangerous the whole game and everything was, but not once had you felt scared while staying in In-ho’s office. No one was allowed to come there, so you knew you’d be safe. “No, never.” You decided to finally reply. 

In-ho felt so distant when you two were out of his office. He was never mean to you, or treated you badly even then, but he acted differently. He would often ignore you, and try to make it seem like you weren’t even there. But when you made it back to his office at the end of each day, he started to talk to you and share his thoughts. This made it often hard to tell, if he even truly loved you. He had so many servants and staff members, that there was a high chance he only saw you as one of them. But even though this, you wanted to keep believing that he liked you truly, and that was why he kept you around and safe.

There was a long moment of silence from the both of you. During this time you turned around, so you could face him. For once he didn’t have his mask on, and you could see his face fully. His eyes looked a little tired, but his face was relaxed. You couldn’t read how he was feeling even now, but this was nothing new. Most nights like this, you had no idea how he was feeling. 

His eyes were clearly scanning your face, just like you had done a minute ago. “In-ho, do you still love me?” You asked quietly. This thought  had been going around your head for too long, and you just wanted to hear him say it. Even if he lied, he had still said it, and even that made you feel better. You weren’t scared of him at all, so the silence he gave you didn’t shock you at all. “I do.” was all that he gave as a reply, but it was enough. It was a yes, and that’s all that you wanted to hear. You were internally the more caring and openly loving of the two of you, but since being here for so long you had learned to suppress those emotions.

“I would take a bullet for you, just to prove my love.”

You placed your head near his neck, and breathed in his scent. He didn’t react much to this, he only allowed you to do this. You had begun to get tired, after all it was really late already.  In-ho usually had extremely long days, even if he had hundreds of workers, working around the clock. Even though you were tired, you wanted to keep talking with him. You had to tell him you cared about him as well, you wanted to let him know. “I would take a bullet for you.” You whispered with a fragile voice. And again, like always. In-ho didn’t give you anything for this, he only took a deep breath. With that his arm went around your waist. You did hear him open his mouth as if he had wanted to say something to this, but then decided to not continue this conversation.

Even after not hearing a response, you stayed awake. Maybe even hoping that In-ho would say something, to show that he actually cared. But when nothing happened, you fell asleep next to him. Without you knowing it, In-ho had stayed awake as well. He was only waiting for you to fall asleep.

After he was able to feel that your breathing had calmed down fully, he was sure that you had fallen asleep. Normally after he would come back to his office, you two wouldn’t talk almost at all. And even if you did, it wouldn’t be one of the topics you had just discussed together.

 He knew that he was going to be the fall of this relationship from the start, but back then he had wanted to gain at least one person to trust. And you were that person, you were the only one he had left. But now he had started to realise that this was even worse than being alone. You were in danger the whole time you were with him, or away from him. And if you got hurt he would be in danger for breaking character. He wouldn’t be able to hold the game, if he knew that you had gotten hurt, or you had died because of him and the game. But at this point he wouldn’t be able to let you go. Because of his emotions, and because it would put the game in danger, if he just let you go.

He was now running in circles. Day after day, he would think about this, but he didn’t dare to bring it up with you. It was his problem, since he had allowed this to happen. He had a plan in the back of his head, but that was his last resort. Thinking about this had been enough for him, tomorrow was time for a new game, and he had to sleep. After a deep breath, he closed his eyes and let himself fall asleep.

When he woke up, he carefully got out of bed to prepare for the day. He left the covers on you so that you wouldn’t get cold, like he always did. After this he disappeared into the bathroom. While looking at himself from the mirror, he buttoned up his jacket, made sure it was straight and clean. And with one last look at himself, he pulled the black mask over his face, and closed the straps that went behind his head. As he started to exit his office, he pulled the hood on to cover his face fully. 

This was what he did every single morning, and you had gotten used to it. Soon you woke up, and without even checking knew that In-ho wasn’t next to you. He had left a while ago, and would be back at the end of the day. Your only role for today was to stay in the office, and most likely watch today’s game. The deaths didn’t really even make you feel anything anymore. Over the years you had seen so many people die, that now the individual humans were just numbers to you.

You watched half of the marble game, sometimes wondering which one of the pairs would win. But before you knew it, the game was over. The staff started to bring out the black coffins, and put the bodies in there. From the corner of your eye, you saw In-ho in his front man outfit, talking to someone through a walkie talkie. Your first thought was that he was talking about the VIP’s, since they were supposed to arrive soon. Normally In-ho would invite you with him to watch the last game with the VIPs. You hoped that he would do that this time as well. You raised you brows a little, before laying down on the couch. ‘Fly me to the moon’ was playing in the background. In-ho would play it often as well.

The front man raised the walkie talkie up to his ear. The intruder that had disguised himself as one of the staff was still roaming around somewhere, and had to be caught before the guests would arrive. “What about the intruder?” He asked the person. “We haven't found him yet.” Was the reply he got. He looked down a little, pondering what he could do. He couldn’t risk getting the VIP’s getting hurt. “Make sure you catch him.” He decided to reply. “The VIPs will arrive soon.” In-ho added, before ending the call. He put down the walkie talkie, and sighed. This was what he had been afraid of. Now the whole game and you were in danger. He had no idea what the intruder wanted, but he wasn’t going to allow them to get it.

While deep in your thoughts, you suddenly sprang up. This was because the only phone that was in the office started to ring. You knew that you weren’t supposed to answer it, so you’d have to find your walkie talkie and tell In-ho to come and pick it up. But before you were able to do that, you heard it being picked up. 

You slowly got up from the couch and wandered off to where the phone was located. To your relief it was In-ho. You sighed and took a step closer. You also knew that you weren’t allowed to talk when he was using this phone, so you’d just have to wait. The call wasn’t long, it instead was rather short. 

“Who was it?” You asked quietly after he had let go of the phone. “No one you should be concerned about.” He murmured in a rather angry tone from under the mask. This took you back a little, so you didn’t dare to reply with more questions. “Get in the bedroom, and stay there.” He ordered you, before quickly walking to the hallway that led out of the office. You did as he had requested, and went to sit on the bed you shared. 

To you this was odd. He was being cold towards you again, but why did he command you to come here. It was the middle of the day, surely he didn’t mean to...No, you need to get your mind out of the gutter.

In-ho stopped before exiting his office. He loaded his gun and turned around. He had noticed how the receiver had been put down in a different way than he would do it, and he also knew that you wouldn’t touch the phone. This meant that the intruder must still be in the office. “Are you in here right now?” He asked, with the gun in hand. “You made one mistake.” He grinned under the mask. “I always put down the receiver the other way.” He added before opening the door that was on his right. No one was there so he went to the other door that was on the left. No one seemed to be there either so he kept talking, hoping that the intruder would hear him. “Your bullet was shot from a Smith and Wesson M60 revolver. The Korean police uses that model.” He explained, still remembering the bullet he had dug out of his staff’s body. After this he opened another door from the right, still he didn’t find anyone. “What’s a cop doing here..” He continued. “Alone, without a partner.” In-ho kept talking and opening the doors one by one. 

He and you were now in danger. If he took too much time by checking the doors, the intruder could potentially get to you, but this had to be done.  “You must have a lot of questions.” In-ho hummed. “Come out now, and let’s talk.” he requested before ripping open another door, and walking in while pointing his gun forward. “I don’t know how you got in, but you can’t leave this place without my permission.” 

Somehow he hadn’t noticed that you were in the room as well. His gun was searching the room, and was pointing at you a couple times. “In-ho, put down the gun.” Your tender voice said, hiding your head a little with your hand. He quickly looked down and pointed the gun at your head, before he realized that it was you. In-ho then pointed it down and his shoulder relaxed a little. 

“In-ho dear, what’s going on. I heard you talk with someone in the hallway.” You asked sweetly, trying to please him. “You follow me now. There’s an intruder here.” He murmured from under his mask, and turned around swiftly. He walked to the other side of the room, and ripped the door open. The door led to a hallway with tile walls, and not a lot of light. 

You slowly got up, and followed him. You had found the way he was talking in the hallway and in the room with you intimidating, and you could go as far as to say that it was hot. You wanted to tell him this, but you knew that there was no time for that right now. 

In-ho walked down the stairs, with a small blue light in the ceiling giving you both light. With a slower movement than before, In-ho opened the heavier door that was placed at the end of the stairs. The room was completely dark before In-ho flicked the lights on. 

The dark and gloomy tile walls just continued after the heavy metal door. There were shelfs with a lot of folders on them. It scared you how slowly In-ho was suddenly walking, and it made you want to stay even closer to him. Soon enough the room came to an end, and there seemingly wasn’t anyone else with you. But your gaze saw how In-ho had spotted one of the draws being open. He closed it slowly and turned around. Without another word you let him take the lad, and went back behind him. 

There was a buzz that came from In-ho pocket, and he picked up the walkie talkie. “We found a body.” Said the voice to In-ho. He thought for a second. “where?” He asked. “The northern coast of the island.” The voice replied again. You heard In-ho sigh as he put down the walkie talkie. You took a step back when he turned to take a look of the box that had been in the drawer he had closed. After that he took a few quicker steps and ran out of the room, with you behind him. 

“Put on your mask and go to the room where the VIPs will arrive. We have to take care of them first. I’ll meet you there.” In-ho’s cold voice said, before he left you alone. You swallowed hard and turned to look at the room you two had just been in. With that you took a few quicker steps to go and grab your mask. 

You placed the black animal mask on your face, and clicked the lock on the back so it closed. Your outfit also had a hood that you pulled on. With a quick look at yourself in the mirror you exited the office as soon as possible. There was a huge chance that the police was in one of the rooms, and you did not want to stay there and get caught.

You and In-ho were formaly standing together at the end of the hallway. Neither of you said anything but you didn’t even have time. The doors of the elevator opened and the VIPs stepped out of it. All of the masks were covered in small crystals, and were far more fancier than yours or In-ho’s. In front there was the man wearing a lion mask, behind him were two men wearing a bull and some sort of a tiger mask. Behind these men were two other men that had a bird and a bear mask. Behind all of them was a man wearing a deer mask.

In-go greeted the VIPs and you stayed quiet next to him, just as he had told you to do. After the greeting, you and In-ho led the guests to the room they were going to watch the game in. The whole time you were being quiet, and just following along. 

One of the VIPs seemed to have picked a favorite from the servants, and requested for him to stay by him. You saw how In-ho looked at them. You had no clue what was going around his head, but for once in your time while staying here, you didn’t feel safe. You felt like the intruder could be around any corner, and this made you want to stay close to the front man. 

You didn’t hear what the VIP and the servant were talking about, but you heard that they were going somewhere. They thought of what the servant would have to go through, made you gag internally. 

The game just went on, and one by one the players would step on the normal glass and then fall to their death. In-ho had noticed how long one of the VIP’s had been gone for, and he had started to suspect something had happened. He still didn’t do anything about this yet, In-ho kept talking about the game. 

“According to his file, he once had a job at a glass manufacturer.” In-ho explained to the guests, while reading the file of one of the players. They turned off the lights in the room that the players were in, so that the player wouldn’t be able to see what glass would be safe to step on. 

While this was going on, IN-ho sent a square to go and check up on the VIP. You saw the pink suited person leave. You could sense something was off.  Soon the same guard called In-ho and informed him that the VIP had collapsed. You heard In-ho ask if the guest was alive. “He’s fine.” The square replied. “What about the intruder?” In-ho asked the square, with slight concern in his voice. “We’re searching for him.” The guard replied before the call ended. He stayed still for a moment, while he was thinking. He didn’t turn around to face you, but he did give you orders. “Go to my office and stay there. If anyone comes in, you call me.” His monotone voice commanded you and without letting you speak, he walked away. 

You wanted to go with him, but you were aware that he would never allow that. It was a sweet thought to think that he wanted to keep you safe, but you wanted to know what was going on. And in general it felt safer to be near him, rather than being alone. With this thought in your head, you entered the office once again. You almost wanted to stay with the VIP guests, but you knew that you had to follow In-ho’s orders.

You settled on the couch, and began to watch the game from there. You didn’t know how long you had to wait until IN-ho would be back, but you were quite used to this. The feeling of not being sure what was going to happen next. It was always In-ho that knew what was going on but he never told you fully. All you knew was that you had to follow him around.

While you were thinking this, In-ho was after the Intruder. The next island's shore indicated that the intruder was there, since he had left the air tank he had stolen there. In-ho ordered the guards that were with him to bring the intruder to him alive. With that the guards left. 

With no time wasted, the guards had tracked down the intruder. He was now standing on a cliff, with nowhere to go. In-ho’s eyes were scanning Jun-ho under his mask. Why was he here. In-ho took steps closer to him, asking him to give the gun and his phone to In-ho, and he’d let Jun’ho live. He tried to talk Jun-ho from getting himself hurt, but it was no use. He had already loaded his gun as well.

Nothing seemed to work, and Jun-ho shot In-ho to his shoulder. He didn’t collapse, but firmly grinded his teeth under his mask. Even through the pain he got up, and showed the guards to not shoot. Even though he was shot, In-ho asked for Jun-ho to come with him. Jun-ho was a family member of his, and he didn’t want to shoot him. Jun-ho lowered his gun, and asked who the front man was. Without hesitation, In-ho pulled down the hood, and took off his mask.  

Jun-ho was clearly shocked by seeing In-ho be the front man. Yet again, In-ho asked for him to come with him, but it was no use. Jun-ho was shaking his head in denial. In-ho was now sure that he had to use his last resort. This meant that he had to shoot Jun-ho. He lifted his slightly shaking hand, and listened how Jun-ho asked him why he was doing this. With eyes filled with sorrow, he shot Jun-ho on his shoulder. Making sure that he wasn’t the reason why Jun-ho died if he did. 

You awoke from your nap, as In-ho rushed into his office. When your eyes started to focus more, you saw some blood drops on the black floor. This made you furrow your brows. “In-ho?” You yelled out for him. When you didn’t receive a response, you decided to go and check. Normally you would give him some space, but the blood concerned you too much. 

You saw how he was shaking, and looking at the mirror, like he was seeing something else, rather than his own reflection. The sight of him like this saddened you thoroughly. You wanted to comfort him, but he seemed like he wasn’t on this planet. “In-ho?” Your voice asked for him again. This time he did react to this, but his gaze only fell to the ground. You could see a bullet in the sink when you took steps closer to him. You bit your lip slightly, and placed your hands on his shoulders. You were able to feel how tense he was. Something bad must have happened while he was out there. But it warmed your heart to feel him relax a little at your touch. A small smile spread across your face as you led him to sit on the toilet. “Hold that cloth on the wound, it’ll stop bleeding soon.”  You hummed, as you kneeled down a little to see his eyes. In-ho’s eyes didn’t seem like they were focusing on you. “I’ll go and get you a drink to numb the pain.” You told him in a calm voice, and gave his forehead a small peck. 

In-ho’s mind started to wander again. He had today realised how he can’t have anyone important to him. Jun-ho was now gone as well, and he could still hear his voice in his head. You were now supposedly the only thing that he had left. The only one that cared about him. It had been what he had wanted, but it could also be the reason for his death. In-ho had to use his last resort on Jun-ho and he was afraid he'd have to do that to you as well. That was the plan he had thought about last night. That was the plan that he hadn’t wanted to put in action. But at this point it would be the only fair option for everyone.

“Only to find out, you are the one holding the gun.”

With a groan In-ho got up, and quietly walked up to where you were preparing him a drink. With a shaking hand he lifted up the same gun that had killed Jun-ho. A click was heard when he loaded it and pressed it against the back of your head. You froze and dropped the glass on the table. “I’m sorry, my love.” In-ho’s deep voice said to you, before he pulled the trigger. 

You fell against the table, and your blood mixed in the drink you had been making. He watched as your body went limp on the floor of his office. The black walls were covered in blood as well. In-ho’s empty eyes scanned your body. That day, he had lost everything.

Before he had called a couple square guards to come and pick you up, he had had a rageful fit. He had broken a few things in the office and cried through the anger, but he didn’t let the guards see this. Before they had arrived, he had put on his mask, so no one would be able to read his emotions anymore. 

His eyes watched as the guards lifted your body in the coffin, and started to take you away. He would order more guards to come and clean up the floor and the walls later. And as his emotions were draining out, he started to walk towards the room the VIPs were in. 

The show had to go on. 

AN// The front man happens to be my 3rd favorite, and I suddenly got this idea for him. The fanfic got a little out of my hands, but it ended the way I had planned it to end. Hope you enjoyed.

[starfleetbotanist]

Physician, Heal Thyself (But Not Always)

🌹

It had been stupid, even he would admit that. Academy students were typically supposed to avoid bar fights. But Cupcake had been talking smack, and he'd had a few too many, so he had allowed the inevitable to happen. What he hadn't expected was for six other cadets to decide to use him as a punching bag. More surprising, though, was Bones.

He'd vaguely heard Bones trying to reason with his assailants before the roar in his ears drowned him out, but a fist to the stomach is a much more pressing matter than a pacifist doctor trying to tell you logic you don't want to hear, so he'd more or less written him off. That is, until he saw a cadet fall at his feet and turned to see his friend wading- and punching- through the crowd towards him.

He leapt at one of Cupcakes cronies as he landed a solid punch to Bones' face, causing the man to stumble back, a protectiveness he hadn't felt since Tarsus rising in him. But Bones regained his footing and gave as good as he'd gotten, before finally reaching Jim. Then he grabbed him by the collar of his uniform and dragged him from the bar, much like a mama cat with her errant kitten.

He stared at him, stunned, the entire way back to their room, Bones loudly scolding him about safety and rules the whole way, wiping blood from his now evidently broken nose. A sick feeling overcame him. What happened now? Was Bones going to leave, like Sam had?

He found himself dumped on the couch in an ungraceful heap as Bones' angry footsteps carried him to the bathroom and back. He sat on the coffee table, and Jim was relieved to see his medkit resting on his knee. He was (mostly) a model patient as Bones scrubbed at his cuts with antiseptic before using the portable dermal regen.

"You've got too damn good a brain, Jim, to go and get it knocked around by fools like that, y'hear me?"

He blinked. No, he hadn't heard him. Upon realizing that, Bones rolled his eyes before reaching over and lightly slapping his head- a move too gentle to actually hurt, and which he immediately followed with an affectionate ruffle of Jim's hair.

"This, your brain. Use it."

With that, he got up and headed back to the bathroom. Jim followed on his heels.

"That's it? You're not... More angry?"

"Jim, I knew when I signed up to be your friend there'd be risks. If a bar fight's the most danger we get in together I'd be surprised."

"But you got hurt!"

"Yeah, and you owe me for that."

He stopped in front of the mirror, opening his case again and finding the regen and a hypo. He reached up and, with a grunt, popped his nose back into place. He swore as he turned the hypo on himself, eyes watering.

"Scratch that, you really owe me," he said through gritted teeth.

"Sorry," Jim replied. He meant it. He hated seeing Bones hurt.

"Just-- use your head next time. Okay?"

"Yeah-- yeah, okay, Bones. I promise."

"Good." He washed the blood on his face and hands before turning back to face him. "Then we can forget about it."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"Okay. Thanks, Bones."

"Anytime, kid."

🌹

Nyota held her wrist to her chest, waiting in the academy clinic. She had hurt it in combat class that day, but thankfully not too badly. The clinic was understaffed that day, and she had told Christine she was fine waiting. It was just her and two other cadets in the waiting room, after all. Not everyone was quite so patient, though.

One of the others, a command cadet, was complaining loudly, drumming his fingers on the arm of his chair, and bouncing his leg in agitation.

"How much longer is this gonna take?" He asked when Christine opened the door to call another patient back.

"Doctor McCoy or Doctor M'Benga will be able to see you soon, sir," she answered. "We will get to you as soon as we can."

Nyota prided herself on her ability to read people, and what she saw from the other cadet was not encouraging. He jumped up to his feet, crossing over to Christine with surprising speed.

"You can't just come back here!" She said, positioning herself between the cadet and the door.

"Watch me!" He snapped, grabbing her shoulder and shoving her out of the way.

Nyota rose, but she didn't need to interfere. Just as he was stepping into the hallway, he ran face first into Doctor McCoy, summoned by Christine's shout.

"Didn't you hear the lady? She said you ain't gettin' in here!" He snapped, though Nyota could see him running a clinical eye over the cadet. "Easy now. Looks like you're in withdrawal. How many stims have you taken?"

"None of your business!" The man snapped, and before anyone could stop him, caught McCoy on the side of the head with a right cross.

Christine leapt in, then, getting him into a safe hold and grabbing his arm to pin behind him as McCoy called for M'Benga to bring a sedative.

"Dammit," he swore as the other doctor handed him the hypo. "Sucker punches harder than he looks."

Once he was sedated, security called, and a treatment plan discussed for the over-use of stims to get him through the command courses, the cadet was taken to Starfleet Medical for a proper detox.

"You okay, Chris?" McCoy asked. Nyota had come to Christine's side as the cadet was taken away. The two had been friends since their first year.

"Just fine," she promised. "Didn't even fall. What about you?"

"I'll be fine," he shrugged. "Happens sometimes. Nothin' the regen can't fix."

"You might want to get on that before it swells too much, Len" M'Benga said. "I can finish up here."

"It'll hold," McCoy insisted. "But you can take that patient we just called back. C'mon, Ny, I only need one eye to see the swelling in that wrist."

"Only if you fix your eye, too," she threatened, following him back to one of the rooms.

"Wrist first," he said, taking out his tricorder. She answered his questions, let him strap the regen unit to her, and stared him into submission until he began treating himself while they waited.

"Are you sure you're alright?" She asked once they had both finished.

"Ain't that my line? Any residual pain?"

"None, thank you. Now answer me."

"I'm okay," he promised. "Not my first rodeo with someone hyped up on stims, and it won't be my last."

"Can't say I envy you."

"Yeah, well, it happens. Now, you be careful in that combat class, okay? Stretch right, and be careful which moves you use on which partners."

"I will. Thanks, Len."

"Sure, Ny."

🌹

"Scotty."

He looked up from the manual he was reading at the sound from the bathroom door.

"Ah, Doc! What can I do for you?"

"You can take a break from straining your eyes and come have some coffee."

He laughed, lowering the PADD he was reading from.

"Aye, that sounds good. What're you doin' up so early?"

He followed him into his room, where he could smell fresh coffee brewing. Like many things, McCoy seemed to prefer real coffee, and while Scotty tended to be more of a tea man, he never turned down real foods or drinks.

"Haven't been to bed yet- don't tell Jim or Spock."

He poured them both a cup, handing Scotty one of them and motioning to the sugar and creamer he'd set out.

"Aren't you the one always telling the crew the importance of a good sleep schedule?"

"Yeah, and that's why I'm askin' you not to tell on me," he grinned.

"Can you not sleep?"

"No, not really. I've been goin' over that last accident in Engineering. I've written up a few training proposals, and wanted you to read through them and tell me which you think'll work best before I submit them."

"Have you been working on this all day?"

"Since my shift ended, yeah."

Scotty saw him take two tiny pills from a bottle on his desk and take them before rubbing his eyes.

"Sorry, headache. Ibuprofen. Been at this a little too long, I think."

"Why push yourself like this, then?"

He scanned the proposals, an interdisciplinary first aid course specific to Engineering and the various injuries and accidents that could happen, a triage proposal to better prepare medical staff for what to expect when an accident is called in, and new safety guidelines and equipment inspection schedules.

"Well, every second counts, you know that. The sooner we get this smoothed out, the better. It could be life or death, and I'm not about to play games there."

"You never do," Scotty grinned, picking up a stylus and making a few notes. "I like this so far. I hope you made a lot of coffee, because I have a few ideas, too."

"I hoped you would," McCoy grinned, and the two sat down to begin work.

🌹

"You called me, Doc?"

"Mr Sulu, perfect timing!"

Doctor McCoy was standing by a selection of plants, studying them intensely.

"The botany department sent these up. They're medicinal. But the labels got mixed up, and we don't really know what's what."

"That's unusual," Sulu grinned, looking down at the selection. "She's usually more organized when making deliveries."

He began to catalogue the plants, calling to mind their uses.

"Fever few, plantain... Several of these are for stopping bleeding."

"Yeah, that's what we're hoping for. We're training our medics to learn other ways to heal in the field."

"Good idea," Sulu nodded, fixing the lables.

"Thank you for the help," McCoy grinned. "Oh, Lieutenant Lyle brought another plant, but I'm not sure what it does. It was bigger than the others, so I set it in the office. Little bastard scratched me, too."

Sulu laughed, plucking a plantain leaf and handing it to him.

"Chew on that for a minute and put it on the cut, that will help."

He heard McCoy's thanks as he went into the office. He gasped. On the desk was a rare Andorian Passionflower- spiked where its Earth counterpart was not, and blue instead of purple. In place of a label there was a note, and he recognized the handwriting.

"Ben?"

"Surprise," McCoy said, stepping in. He had the chewed leaf against his finger. "We were asked not to tell you anything."

He opened the envelope. It was handwritten anniversary card. He smiled, warmth filling him.

"Happy anniversary, you two," McCoy said, patting him on the shoulder. "There's minutes on my computer for subspace communication. He's waiting for you to call."

"Thanks, Doc," he answered, wiping sudden tears from his eyes.

McCoy patted his back again before leaving him to his call.

🌹

"Doctor?"

"Mhm?"

"Why did you do it?"

McCoy looked at Chekov, who was eyeing wound on his arm with deep concern.

"Reflex," he lied, finishing ripping his uniform shirt into bandages. He turned his eyes away, focusing on tying off and tending the wound until the ion storm ended and they could contact the Enterprise.

"Captain Kirk is right. You are a terrible liar, sir."

He snorted, tying off his makeshift sling. He'd taken a rather severe cut from a spear from one of the inhabitants of this supposedly uninhabited planet. The spear had been aimed at Chekov, but he had managed to push the kid out of the way just in time.

"Captain Kirk can mind his own business."

"Doctor..."

McCoy sighed, leaning back against the cave wall. Chekov joined him, still looking at him with wide-eyed worry.

"You remind me of Joanna."

"Huh?"

"I did it because you remind me of Joanna."

"Who is Joanna?"

"My daughter. My whole world. I don't get to see her often, but she's my pride and joy."

"And I remind you of her?"

"Yeah. Can't explain it. It's probably because you're so young, or some misplaced guilt about not being there to protect JoJo that makes me want to look out for you instead that the psychologist really doesn't wanna think too much about."

He shrugged, closing his eyes.

"That, and I'm a doctor, and your senior officer. Not gonna let you get hurt if I can help it."

Running for their lives had worn him out, it seems. Chekov studied him for a moment before placing his head on his shoulder.

"You are very much the papa I always wanted. My grandmother, she told me stories about him. He was a good man. If he was... If I had known him longer, I would have liked for him to be like you, Doctor."

He felt a strong hand ruffle his hair.

"Get some rest, kid. I'll keep watch."

Chekov smiled, allowing his own eyes to close. He fell asleep wondering if McCoy would laugh or be angry that he had become, as the captain said, a "mama bear."

🌹

Spock stood beside Captain Kirk's hospital bed, arms folded behind his back. He had come to check on the progress of McCoy's serum on their friend. But, also, he was here to check on McCoy. Nyota had expressed worry over him that morning after visiting.

"You want a seat, Spock?"

He turned as the doctor entered the room, a cup of coffee in one hand and a PADD in the other.

"No, thank you, Doctor."

McCoy set the coffee aside, moving to the bed to compare the data on the PADD to the biobed readings. As Spock watched him, he began to really notice the state the doctor was in. His eyes were bloodshot, ringed in dark circles, his hair sticking at odd angles, as though he had run his fingers through it many times. He hadn't shaved, and was looking rather gaunt.

"When did you last sleep, Leonard?"

"Does it matter, Spock?"

"I think it would matter to the captain. And... I admit to a concern, as well."

"May miracles never cease," McCoy muttered, and they both knew what miracle he was praying for.

"Doctor, you must rest. The captain's status is unlikely to change in the time it would take for you to eat and sleep."

"I can't, Spock. Not right now."

"Why?"

"Because he needs me."

"He needs all of you, Leonard. Not a shell of yourself."

McCoy's shoulders sagged at that.

"I don't want to leave him," he admitted. "I promised I wouldn't leave him."

"You do not have to leave him. You could bring a cot into this room, perhaps. Shower in the en suite, and eat the meals Nyota has been bringing you."

"When I try to sleep, Spock, all I can see is him in that chamber. In that damn body bag in my medbay. It... It hurts, Spock. In a very human way, it hurts. It- this grief, it's like a wound, Spock."

"As you so often tell me, Leonard, you are a doctor. You treat wounds, better than most. You are healing the captain. The best way to heal that grief is to continue to do so. But if you damage yourself with overwork, you will not be able to care for him to the best of your abilities."

McCoy was silent for a moment before nodding.

"You're right... Thank you, Spock."

"It is... My pleasure, Leonard."

When he visited again that night, he found McCoy asleep on a cot not far from Kirk's bed, PADD still in hand. He had showered and shaved. The plate Nyota had sent him was now empty, and someone, presumably nurse Chapel, had covered him with the knitted blanket that he usually kept on the couch in his office.

Spock allowed himself to feel relieved, and quietly retreated, turning down the lights as he did so. The next morning, Kirk woke up.

🌹

"He may be a little disoriented when he wakes up," M'Benga told the assembled officers. "It was touch and go there, and we nearly lost him a few times. But I do believe he will make a full recovery."

"You are sure?" Chekov asked, his face pale. Sulu had his hand on his back for support.

"Yes. He is stable. Now all he needs is rest."

"Thank you," Kirk spoke up, gripping one of McCoy's hands from his place beside his bed. "Bones couldn't have been in better hands."

"You remind him of that when he wakes up," M'Benga laughed quietly, his calm manner helping ease the tension in the crowd. "You can talk to him now, too. Even if he doesn't hear you, it'll help him to have friendly voices around."

Scotty coughed to hide a relieved sniffle, and patted Kirk's shoulder amiably.

"Why don't you start, Captain?"

Kirk nodded, thinking.

"Bones, you know we all love you, right? So you've gotta come back to us. It's not the same without you here yelling at me."

"Indeed, Doctor. Your colorful metaphors are... Missed." Spock looked down the line of visitors expectantly.

"Da, and you promised to let us talk to Joanna next time she called you!" Chekov watched the sleeping man eagerly.

"Yeah, she and Demora are going to space camp together," Sulu pitched in. "If you don't wake up soon, who's gonna tell them how dangerous it is?"

Nyota laughed at that, and everyone (save Spock) grinned.

"Aye, Len. And you're gonna have to be the one to tell Jaylah what happened, you know," Scotty said. "Otherwise the lassie's likely to steal a ship and come all the way from Earth to make sure you aren't still hurt."

"What about you, Uhura?" Kirk asked. "You know how he likes to hear you sing. Why don't you sing one of his favorites."

"Good idea," she nodded, thinking. "I know just the one."

Soon the medbay was filled with her soft, comforting voice.

"I'll keep you safe..."

🌹 This was a long one! Thank you for reading! This was based on a prompt by @hlabounty96 ! I hope you enjoyed! 🌹

[moon-light-jukebox]

“All you have to do is ask” Chapter 4 - [Reid x Reader]

previous chapter // series index // next chapter

Summary: The morning after! How awkward could it be when Reader and Dr. Reid meet in the bullpen the next morning? An honest conversation turns smutty and Reader is starting to rethink some decisions.

Pairing: Spencer Reid / (Female) Reader

Word Count: 3.6k for Chapter 4

Content Warnings: No smut actually happens this chapter, but there is a lot of smutty talk. BDSM themes. Fluff. Tiny bit of angst if you squint.

A/n: This chapter was initially just supposed to be filler, but when I sat down to write it, it became really important to me. The way BDSM dynamics are presented is really important to me, so I wanted to do it justice. The actually femdom kicks off in Chapter 5 😌 (Also, tumblr isn’t letting me tag some people and its slowly driving me insane.)

y/n = your name. y/l/n = your last name. italicized text are Reader’s thoughts.

-- Chapter 4 – “Please don’t lie to me.” --

I wasn’t sure what I expected to happen when I got to work the following morning; my mind spun in circles while the elevator slowly brought me to the floor that housed our elite FBI unit. Try as I might, I couldn’t stop my thoughts from straying to last night.

Spencer had fallen asleep with his head in my lap, my fingers moving softly over his scalp, brushing through his curls. I sat there for longer than I wanted to admit, lost in thought. How did I let this happen? I thought over and over again. Did I break my rules because I knew Spencer? I trusted him with my life; I trusted the entire time with my life, I had to. Perhaps that’s why I let him kiss me, let him touch me. I trusted the good doctor in a way I hadn’t trusted anyone I had been intimate with in a long time.

That must be it. I refused to look at it on a deeper level; I couldn’t. I had to keep my feelings in check. I wouldn’t risk my job, my life, my world over unchecked emotions. Not again.

The metal doors slid open; the bullpen was already buzzing with activity at 7:50 in the morning. I usually arrived earlier, but I had stopped for coffee. I reasoned that it was just a treat for myself; not an excuse to avoid the office coffee station, which we all knew was the domain of Dr. Spencer Reid. I hadn’t received any messages from Garcia or Hotch, leading me to assume today was another day of paperwork.

I tried to stop my eyes from searching for him, but it was no use. He was like a magnet for my senses. Most of us typed up our reports and only wrote when we had to, but most of us were not Dr. Reid. He was hunched over, papers scattered over his desk in some pattern of order only he would understand. His pen scribbled quickly over the pages, his tongue poking out the corner of his mouth in concentration.

It wasn’t until he glanced up suddenly that I became aware of the world around me; someone had said my name, alerting him to my presence. Looking around, I shot Prentiss a smile, her gaze already on my face. “Hi, Em,” I said in greeting.

Her smile confirmed my suspicions that she was the one who had spoken. “Did you do anything fun last night? You didn’t answer my text.”

Who, me? “Oh, nothing much,” I said brightly, placing my bag at my desk, setting my coffee down. “I just did some stuff around the house. I’m sorry I didn’t see your text.” I hadn’t seen her text until hours after she sent it. I was so wrapped up in that man I didn’t even look at my phone. For hours.

One of the wonderful things about SSA Emily Prentiss is that nothing phased her; she had lived a life that was too complicated and dangerous to sweat the small stuff. “Not a problem. Are you doing anything tonight? Garcia is trying to organize a girl’s night.”

I could still feel my boy’s eyes on me. “No, I don’t have any plans. If she asks me, I’ll let you know.” Prentiss scoffed, turning back to her work. We both knew Garcia would ask.

Don’t look, don’t look, I kept repeating to myself; but how could I not? Slowly, my head turned towards him, finding him already staring at me. To anyone else, his face would have appeared blank, but after last night, I knew him better than that. He didn’t have his glasses on today, he wore a button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, his messy curls hanging in a state of permanent disarray around his face. Calling his eyes brown was doing them an injustice; not quite hazel, they were filled with so many tiny shards of color, giving them a depth I had never noticed before last night.

No, his face wasn’t blank; his face was filled with uncertainty. When he eventually woke up last night, he lifted his head from my lap quickly, his cheeks red with embarrassment. I hadn’t said anything; I kissed his cheek and walked out of his apartment. My poor nervous, beautiful boy. I offered him a small, soft smile. This didn’t have to change anything. Not if he didn’t want it to.

--

Just because you expect something doesn’t mean you’re ready for it; that’s a lesson I had learned a long time ago that had always held true. I expected Dr. Reid to try and talk to me at some point today. I expected it, but I wasn’t ready when he finally cornered me on my way back to the bullpen from the bathroom. I felt his presence before I saw him; he stepped around the corner, briefly meeting my eyes before he started shuffling awkwardly.

He cleared his throat. “H-hey, y/n. I was…I was hoping that I could talk to you for a minute?”

Still such a nervous boy. I gave him a nod; I knew he needed answers. It wasn’t fair to ignore him just because I was uncomfortable with how I was feeling. I had done this before, Spencer hadn’t. Honestly, I wasn’t sure what Spencer had done before. I turned as he walked past me, following him down the hallway until we reached JJ’s old office. It was filled with old boxes and scattered with case files. It was as private as we were going to get.

I waited for the boy genius to speak first; it might have been cruel, but I really didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know how to begin. How was I supposed to start this conversation when I remembered the noises he made when his cock was in my mouth? When I could still see the desperation in his eyes when he begged me to cum? After I had gone home last night, I lay in my bed until I couldn't resist the urge anymore. I slid my hand into my panties and remembered those sounds, how he looked, as I brought myself to a powerful orgasm.

I had masturbated thinking about Spencer Reid. That probably wasn't as earth-shattering as I was making it out to be, but I didn't do those sorts of things. I didn't do this shit with someone I work with…someone who has some form of power over any part of my life. I wasn't vulnerable; I was never vulnerable.

“Y/n,” his voice cracked on the last letter of my name. “I…I wanted to talk about yesterday.”

“I figured.” I kept my tone light. Despite my complicated feelings about the situation, I really did care about Spencer. I knew that for certain. Seeing him nervous, squirming, and desperate yesterday was one of the sexiest moments of my life. Seeing him nervous, squirming, and desperate today was different; it made my heart squeeze.

He gave me a smile. “I know we didn’t…talk about things before or after. But…I wanted to thank you.”

I quirked an eyebrow at him, earning a beautiful flush rising on the apples of his cheeks. “No, not about that,” his voice squeaked out, furthering my amusement. “I meant for staying with me. Last night. You could have left after we were…done. But you didn’t. You knew I needed to be close to you…and you stayed with me.” Dr. Reid finally stopped fidgeting, his words less rushed, but still tinged in nervousness. “No matter what happens after this, that meant a lot to me. So, thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me for knowing you needed aftercare, Spencer.”

“Yes, I do.” Those three words made my breath stutter. Did he know? Did he know how scared I was? Could he tell how badly I wanted to run from the feelings he brought up in me? Knowing my luck, probably.

“You’re welcome, Pretty Boy.” Spencer smiled at the nickname, but I could tell he wasn’t done. Thanking me wasn’t the only reason he’d pulled me in here. I decided to speak before he got the chance to again. “Can I ask you a question?” When he nodded, I asked what I had wanted to know since the moment I met him. “Are you a virgin, Spencer?”

He must have known it was coming; he tried to keep his face impassive, but I could see the embarrassment in his micro-expressions. "No, y/n. I'm not a virgin…" Not super convincing, Doc. “I’m really not,” he gave a small huff of amusement. “I’ve had sex before…just not a lot.”

There is it. “What is not a lot?”

My boy shifted his weight from foot to foot then. "I had sex for the first time when I was 24, right after I joined the Bureau. I've gone on a few dates since then…It's lead to some…stuff, but it's never gone that far again."

“So, you’ve had sex with one person? Was that a woman or a man?”

“She was a woman.” I loved that he didn’t seem offended at the question. Spencer didn’t put on airs of hypermasculinity; I wonder if he had ever given any thought to his sexuality, or if he just accepted that it was what it was.

“Okay. Have you ever thought about having sex with a man?” This wasn’t relevant, I was just curious.

Spencer licked his lips; I could tell this conversation required a lot of courage from him. "Yes. I've been asked out…I've gone on two dates with men." He smiled when my eyebrows rose in surprise. “I’ve kissed men, but men are…they’re so aggressive. At least the ones I have been interested in.”

“Is aggression bad?”

“No,” he went on quickly. “It’s not, usually. I just…I don’t pick up on cues very well. I didn’t feel…safe with them. I was attracted to them, and I wanted to have sex with them…but I didn’t want to do that unless I felt like the person cared about me.” His voice shook, but his eyes never left mine, even as his fingers began to fidget with the end of his tie. “With you…yesterday, I knew you wouldn’t hurt me. I knew you’d…you’d stop if I wanted you to. And you made me feel like it was okay.” Fuck, why does he do this to my heart? “You made it feel like exploring my sexuality was okay. With you.”

I took a step towards him then; I couldn’t stop myself. He was the sun, lighting up the entire room, and I was just a mere mortal that wanted to stand in his light. I raised my hand to cup his cheek, gazing up at him; he was so tall, so much taller than me. “Exploring your sexuality is okay, Doc.” My voice was firm, leaving no room for debate. “It’s important to feel safe with the people you explore it with. You should never do something that makes you uncomfortable or with a person that doesn’t care about you. I’m honored that you saw that in me.”

He wanted to kiss me; I knew he did, I could see it in his eyes…but he didn’t. I don’t know if it was because we were at work or because he was afraid that I would reject him. I wouldn’t have. His hand came up to cover my own, pulling it down from his face so he could lace his fingers through mine. Just like my kissing him, it wasn’t lost on me that holding my hand was significant to him.

“I know we didn’t talk about it,” he said quietly. “I don’t want to do anything that would make you uncomfortable. We work together…but, I like you. I trust you. And…if you wanted- if you’re okay with it…I’d like to explore what we talked about yesterday. With you.”

I knew he would want to. Who wouldn’t want to explore the unknown? Especially a curious man like my Dr. Reid? Despite all of that, my heart couldn’t help but swell at his declaration. I loved being dominant in the bedroom. I found that amount of control arousing beyond belief, and I’d never say otherwise. But there was something about the trust that my submissive put in me that fulfilled a different part of me. To be trusted like this…It was something so important and it triggered a feeling of pride in myself. I was worthy of their trust.

I squeezed his hand. “Okay, Doc.” He looked so fucking hopeful. “We can discuss it. This is the unsexy part of any BDSM dynamic. We have to talk…a lot. Communication is what makes this work.” And I do want this to work, which was terrifying. “I want you to take some time to think about this,” I hurried on when it looked like he’d interrupt me. “You need to do some research, Doc. I want you to look at things and decide what or how you want to proceed. Or if you even want to proceed. If you change your mind, that is okay.” He needs to know that. “Then we can have a discussion and go from there.”

Spencer nodded, seeming more comfortable now that he had a task to focus on. “What about work?”

“That’s an important thing to talk about too. Obviously, we can’t do anything obvious at work. There are cameras everywhere. And we need to focus on cases.” He made a noise of agreement. “We need to talk about what works for us. If you’re open to playing together when we’re on a case in certain settings, like back at our hotel, if you want this to be a monogamous dynamic, signals, safe words, and how we establish when a scene starts.”

His eyebrows were so high I was worried they’d disappear into his hairline. “O-okay.”

I smiled. “Good. Think it over; you know where I’ll be.”

--

Again, just because you expect something doesn't mean you're ready for it. I expected Spencer to want to talk to me again, but I wasn't ready for the text message that popped up on my phone at 6:03 pm.

“I’d like to talk whenever you are free.”

A normal person wouldn’t have been able to do the required research in just 40 minutes, which was the maximum amount of time he could have been home for; but Spencer Reid wasn’t a normal person.

Which is why I text Emily and Garcia some lame excuse about backing out of girl’s night before I told Spencer I was free tonight.

“Are you sure? You don’t have to cancel girl’s night.”

Fucking profilers with eidetic memories. “I’d rather do this. I’ll see you in 20.”

--

I raised my hand to knock on his door but felt myself pause before my knuckles connected to the wood.

What the fuck am I doing? It was a valid question. It wasn’t too late to back out…but it was also far too late to back out. Before my fingers could decide if they wanted to knock or not, the door in question swung open to reveal the curly-headed man that plagued my thoughts.  

He was in the same clothes he wore to work that day, only his tie was missing, the first few buttons of his shirt undone. Spencer’s hair always looked like he just woke up, his curls having a mind of their own and he couldn’t be bothered to tame them. They looked different right now; it was like he had been running his hands through his hair.

I offered him a smile. “Hi, Doc.”

“Hi, y/n.” With a smile of his own, he waved an arm, ushering me into the apartment. It didn’t look any different than it had yesterday, not really. It just felt different. I walked over to his couch, just like I had yesterday. I sat on the same cushion, just like I had yesterday. Everything just felt so different.

Spencer sat beside me, just like yesterday. “I feel bad about making you cancel girl’s night.”

“Don’t. You didn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to do, Doc.” I pushed my hair behind my ear; a nervous habit I hope he hadn’t picked up on quite yet. “I want to be here.”

“I want you to be here too.”

It’s unprofessional to swoon, y/n. Get it together.

I mentally shook myself. “Right. So, where do you want to start.”

“Why do you hold your submissives at such a distance?” he licked his lips; he was nervous, but his gaze never dropped from mine. “I respect you and your decisions, but I would really like to understand.”  

“…Well, that’s certainly a place to start,” I gave an awkward chuckle. He didn’t return my amusement. My curious boy really wanted to know. “I told you, I got my heart broken. That’s it.”  

His eyes narrowed. “I don’t want to pressure you,” his voice was so fucking earnest. “I just…I don’t understand. I want to understand. You don’t have to tell me everything, but please don’t lie to me.”

Shame washed over me; I had been stressing how important open and honest communication is and here I am avoiding something because it makes me uncomfortable. This had never been an issue before; none of my previous subs had ever wanted to know. But how could I even explain how embarrassed I was? How stupid I had been? How I gave someone my entire heart when I didn’t even know the kind of person he really was? How could I explain the choices a 22-year-old girl made?

"You're right, Spence," I took a deep breath. "Trust is important. I won't lie to you, but please understand that I'm not comfortable talking about it right now. I've never talked about it with anyone." I reached out for his hand, holding it softly in mine. "It's not that I don't want you, I just…haven't done that with anyone in such a long time."

He didn’t understand, hell, I didn’t even understand, but he accepted what I said…for now, anyway. “Okay,” he squeezed my hand. “We don’t have to do that, and you don’t have to talk about it until you’re ready.”

My mouth couldn’t help but turn up into a smile. This man. “Thank you.” I let go of his hand, clasping both of mine together and putting them in my lap. I wanted to touch him, but I needed him to not feel any pressure from me for the next part of our conversation. “Now, we need to talk about limits and expectations.” He began shifting in his seat. “I know it’s uncomfortable, but this is all part of it. I assume you’ve done some research, so tell me about what interests you and what doesn’t.”

My boy looked so unsure of himself; he was bearing such a vulnerable part of himself to me, and he was frightened. But no matter how afraid he was, my boy was also brave. “I-…I don’t have any real frame of reference. I’d like to experiment with some things before I decide if it’s a hard limit for me or not.” I nodded in an attempt to encourage him. “I don’t want extreme pain. Or things that are…unsanitary.”

I laughed. “I never expected any different.”

Maybe my laugh relaxed him; he didn't seem quite as tense as he went on. "I'd like to…touch you when you allow it. I've never…really done anything with a woman outside of just penetration. I know the basics of how to…I just would like to do those things. With you. If you ever felt comfortable." I'm almost positive I was blushing now. Spencer Reid, Dr. Spencer Reid, the pride of the BAU wanted to do things to please me; and I was tempted to let him. Who would have thought? “You don’t have to decide now…but the moment you feel comfortable, I’m ready.” His eyes ran up and down my body, I could see his throat work when he swallowed. “I’m really ready.”

After a beat, he went on, “Beyond that, I’m interested in being restrained. I like the idea of choking…but I’m nervous about it. The idea of giving up control and following order is what fascinates me. I…I also wanted to tr-try what you mentioned. In Nebraska.”

As I live and breathe. "Spencer, are you asking me to fuck you?" He knew what I meant; I could see it in the way he bit his lip. "Do you want me to tie you to my bed and make you beg for me to fuck your ass?"

He tried to disguise that whimper, but I fucking heard it. “I-I…It’s not uncommon for men to like that sort of stimulation, given that-“

I raised my hand, placing a finger on his lips before I broke my own rules again. I leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on his full pink lips. “No shame here, pretty boy. None at all, especially with me.” He watched my mouth move, his posture becoming less tense. “I’d love to fuck you. Pegging a man is something I found arousing, Spencer. The thought of doing it to you turns me on. We can work up to it.”

The smile he gave me was so hesitant and sweet. "Okay." He waited a minute before he went on. "I know that you don't always orgasm with your subs…you don't let them make you cum. I don't want to pressure you or make you uncomfortable, but I really, really want to make you cum." I clenched my thighs together. Jesus fucking Christ. “If you’re comfortable, I’d like for you…for that to be part of what we do together. You’re so beautiful when you cum, y/n. I thought about it last night after you went home. I thought about how you taste…I really want to taste you again.”

Fuck. I really wanted him to taste me again too.

-- 

taglist: @rachelxwayne​ @pinkdiamond1016​ @sickeninglyshoujo @justagirllookingforherplace @nanocoool​ 

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Let me know if you’d like to be added to a taglist. Thanks for reading :)

[ghostyearzero0]

Welcome To The Wild Side (Chapter 2)

Chapter Two: Working for Motley, but pay the price. A/N: I changed some things since the last chapter. I wanted to restart this thing, but I figured fuck it, and just start from here. I changed that Lucey is now Mick’s biological sister. Lucey now works for Motley after quitting her job at a pizzeria. The title is now “Welcome To The Wild Side”. I like the sound of it than just the name of one of their many hits. Okay, but I hope you guys like this series, and I don’t know how long it’ll go. I hadn’t had the time to go and make a chapter 2 til now. I’m sorry. My parents got into a bad motorcycle accident. My dad has a broken ankle and fractured spine (at the neck, now has to wear a neck brace and he can’t move his ankle anymore). My mom is bruised and scuffed up. BOTH are okay and home now, my dad just got home today. I may not be posting chapters often due to the fact I have to take care of my father for a few weeks. So, enjoy chapter two. 😉 Thank you for your patience and hope this gets a little bit attention. You’re welcome to give me any suggestions. My requests are open too. For now, enjoy this fanfic. Word Count: 2,748 Words. Warnings: Smut, Heavy smut, cursing, mentions of drugs and alcohol. A bit of abuse. 18+ only. Do not read if you don’t like any of the themes above. You have been warned. This is going to be DETAILED smut, as much as a I can. Enjoy and thank you.           Lucey looked at Johnny as he approached her with an impatient look on his face. “Well, bitch? What is it?” He tapped his foot, his hands on his hips. Brown eyes filled with fire looked her shimmering blue ones. “I think we should see other people.” She stood up and sighed. “Mmm.. I see. You don’t want me any more.” He rolled his eyes. “It’s not that. You treat me really badly and I feel like I shouldn’t be with you anymore.” She scratched the back of her head. Johnny nodded, “Whatever.” He walked out of the house and slammed the door. She heard the car door open, and then slamming shut. She then heard it start, and drove off.

          She sighed softly and nodded softly. “There he goes. You did the right thing, girl.” She told herself as she went to get ready for her little date with the Terror Twins. Who knows what they’ll do to her? The twins are usually well known for being destructive. Their veins filled with adrenalin after each show. Though, things may be different since it’s just a date. Though, they’re always drunk and high. Rarely ever sober. Especially Nikki. -time skip-         As if right on cue, there was a knock at the door right on 6PM. Lucey got up from the couch and opened the door to see Nikki dressed up in a black tank-top and black pants. His boots match his dark clothing and his hair was of course still fluffy as hell. His bangs covering his eyes. “Hey, babe. You look hot as usual.” He looked her over, surprisingly he can still see through his bangs. She wore a short black dress and some cute knee-length boots. Her hair was fully down and was straightened. “You are all ready? Or ya need a minute?” The bassist asked as he took out a hand for her to take.        “I think I am all set.” Lucey smiled and took his hand. Nikki smirked and took her hand into his, walking out to the car. Though, he did let Lucey lock up her home. After they got in, he made Tommy sit in the back, despite he had little to no leg room. Tommy was dressed in his biker gear. Black, sleeveless shirt, black vest, fingerless gloves, tight black leather pants, and his hair was a bit neater than Nikki’s. Though, his brunette curls are a little frizzy. His brown eyes lit up when he saw the beautiful, red headed goth got into the car with his best friend.     “Hey, baby.” He wolf whistled at her. She giggled softly and shut the door, buckling up. Nikki got in, shutting his door, buckling up, then starting the car up. He started to drive after he carefully back out from the drive way. Tommy smiled and looked over to talk to Lucey. “So, tonight’s a special night. We are treating you in a special way. Spoiling you!” Tommy was a hopeless romantic. He will do his best to treat his girl right. Even spoiling the fuck out of her. He wanted his girl to be very happy. “Yeah?” Lucey smiled and looked at Tommy. Tommy nodded softly and then leaned back. After Nikki pulled up at the restaurant, he made sure to help Lucey get out of the car and Tommy got out, stretching his long legs. The trio walked in and got a booth. Tommy and Nikki sat on each side of Lucey. They ordered their usual Jack and Coke while Lucey just ordered a coke. While they were looking at the menu, Tommy grew an idea. Nikki looked over at his twin, who was smirking. He got the clue and smirked back. “Hey, babe. Why don’t you go under the table for us?” He whispered at Lucey. She rose a brow. “Why?” She asked. “Just do it.” He chuckled.. She nodded and went under the table, as she was confused. Tommy looked around, making sure no one was looking. Once the coast was clear, he bent his head down. “You know what to do right? Just a quickie.” He whispered to her. Lucey looked up and blinked, “Here? Now?” She whispered. “Mhmm… Trust me nobody can see you, there’s a long ass table cloth on this table…” He whispered at her. She rose a brow, but she did expected this from Tommy. She sighed softly, moving her hands towards Tommy’s belt, unbuckling it. Then she started to unbutton his pants, unzipping them as well. She pulled them down, half away to his legs. He wasn’t wearing any underwear… Figures, it’s Tommy fucking Lee. What do you expect? Lucey looked at his dick, as she began to rub it, feeling it going hard. Luckily, there was a table cloth other wise she wouldn’t be doing this in the first place. Nikki looked at his twin, who was trying to look serious and not obvious that he was about to get a blow job. He held the menu tightly in his hands. The waitress came back. “Are you ready to order?” She smiled. Tommy blinked and looked at her with a smile, “We need a few more minutes, please. Our date isn’t back from the bathroom yet.” He said. She nodded and walked off. Nikki chuckled and looked down at Lucey. “Don’t forget about me, babe.” He reached his hands down to her, grabbing her hair a bit. Lucey nodded and she placed Tommy’s dick inside of her mouth, bopping her head back and forth. Nikki started to unzip and unbutton his pants, taking them half way off of his legs. He was already half way hard. Tommy sip at his drink ,letting out very soft grunts as he gripped onto the girl’s head. He bucked his hips a bit and face fucked her a bit. She sucked him faster, his tip hitting the back of her throat. She reached her hand to Nikki’s dick to stroke him. Nikki bit his bottom lip a bit as he bucked his hips into her hand. “Her hand feels so soft..” He whispered to Tommy. Tommy chuckled, “Her mouth feels more better than her hands.” He looked at his twin.                As Lucey kept sucking Tommy off and stroking Nikki, the boys were softly groaning, trying hard not to be loud. After a few minutes, Tommy had came inside of her mouth and Nikki had came into her hand. She swallowed most of the cum and licked her hand clean. She wiped her mouth off with the back of her hand. She moved back up to seat in between the twins. Tommy and Nikki fixed their pants, pulling them back up and buttoning them back up. Tommy wrapped his arm around Lucey’s shoulder and kissed her cheek. “You’re pretty good at that.” He complimented her. Nikki nodded in agreement.                They ordered their food and ate. After they left the restaurant, they decided to drop her back home. “We had a blast. We do have tour coming up though.” Nikki said as he looked down at her. “We did talked to Doc about you. I even convinced him about hiring you. SO! You get to work with us now.” He smirked. “Oh shit. Well, this day just keeps getting better and better!” She smiled widely. “Yeah. Babe. We’ll see you.” He leaned down and pecked her lips, as he left her home. She smiled widely and shut the door. She flopped down on the couch. “That was a good day.” She giggled. Though, she may regret working for Motley..                -Time skip-                1982 It was now the year of 1982, Motley Crue was getting more and more well known and popular. Of course, Tommy and Nikki was fucking every groupie they can get their hands on. Vince though, he was with multiple than just one. Mick had no interested in that shit. Lucey was working with them, helping with costumes and even going in music videos. She even gets to watch the show in the back stage. Though, this night was quite different. Lucey was backstage. She wanted to watch the show but she didn’t feel like it tonight. She walked over and saw one of Nikki’s books. She was interested in reading. She sat down on the couch and looked down. She shut her eyes for just a minute. Though, it was three hours before she woke up from her nap. She stretched out softly and heard the door open. She snapped her neck towards the sound. It was just Nikki who had came in.. Covered in sweat and smudgy make up. His black locks stuck to his sweaty skin. Nikki looked at the red head. “Did you enjoyed the show?” He asked with a smirk. Lucey scratched her head and giggled. “About that. I took a nap… But it was by accident.” She raised her hands in defense.

She heard the door being locked, thanks to Nikki. “That’s too bad. You missed our solos.” He pouted. “I’ll watch the next one. I promise.” She smiled and raised her hands in defense. “Fine, but that’s on you. I’ll take your word for it.” He chuckled, walking up to her. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close. “Tommy and I have been thinking… You should be our girl.” He looked down at her. “Both of you having me?” She rose a brow. “Yeah. We can share.” He chuckled and kissed her forehead. “Besides, we can’t let a sexy girl like you go to another guy.” He glared, a hint of jealously was in his voice.

“I see. Well, Nikki… I’ll be honored to be your girl!” She nodded softly. “Good, Tommy will be happy to hear. But since it’s just us.. I want to have a little fun..” He leaned his head to her face. “Okay, fine. I’ll be down for that.” She nodded softly, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Mm. Good…” His wild side was starting show now, his hand roamed down to her ass, giving it a good squeeze. Luckily she was wearing a pair of shorts and a tour shirt. She let out a soft squeak as he pulled her closer. She felt his hard on through his tight, leather pants. “You’re eager, aren’t you?” She looked up at him. “Course I am… I need to relief myself…” He smirked.

Usually, he’d find a groupie and take her somewhere to fuck her. Though, he specifically wanted Lucey. Since he had her all to himself, he figured to have some fun with her. “I’m down for a round.. if you are…” His green eyes shimmered with lust as he looked into her bright blue’s. “Sure. Let’s do it..” She blushed softly. This made Nikki smirked as he leaned into her face, his lips latching onto hers. She softly moaned and kissed him back. She deepened the kiss, opening her mouth a bit, closing her eyes. He moaned softly, slipping his wet organ into her mouth. His hands groping her breasts, as she moaned loudly.

He pulled away, smirking softly. He chuckled and moved her to the couch. He laid her down. He took off her shirt and then shorts. He pulled off her bra and panties. She blushed softly and looked up at Nikki. He walked off towards a table. She got up and walked next to him. She saw him doing a line of coke as he turned around, left over coke all over his nose. His pupils now wide as he started to strip his clothes off. Eventually he got nude right in front of her. He roughly grabbed her and bent her down over the table. “I’m going to fuck you over this table, baby.” He growled.

She gasped once she felt him entered her. She moaned loudly, feeling him thrust quickly in and out of her. Her tits were moving back and forth a bit. He reached a hand over and grabbed one of them, squeezing it.

She moaned more louder, panting a bit. “Oh, Nikki~! Nikki!” She moaned out his name. He smirked, “That’s right, scream my name out.” He growled in a feral way as he kept thrusting quickly into her. He went harder as well, as he let go of her breast, both hands on her hips as he fucked her from behind. “You’re still tight. Mmm~” He growled as he leaned down and bit down on to her neck, but not hard enough to cause pain.

She moaned loudly and closed her eyes tightly. She bit down onto her lip, drawing blood. Nikki groaned a bit as he kept fucking her, hard and fast. She felt her orgasm coming soon, as she tightened around his dick. He moaned loudly, as he gripped onto her hair. She started to moan really loudly, anyone outside of the door would probably hear them. She eventually came onto his dick. However, Nikki wasn’t too far behind. He grabbed both of her tits, squeezing them as she was orgasming. She screamed out his name as she was orgasming.

He slammed his dick deep within her pussy. He came deep and hard into her, with a loud groan. Painting her inner walls with his cum. He panted and stayed in her for a few minutes. He pulled out slowly and helped her stood up. Her legs felt like jelly as she leaned against him, head on his chest. Both were now super sweaty and tired. “That was the best sex I ever had!” He exclaimed, his hand cupping her cheek. He looked down at her, pecking her lips. He heard a knock on the door, which made her jump a bit. He chuckled. “I got this babe.” He picked her up bridal style, carrying her to the couch and placing her gently down onto it.

He got dressed and opened the door. It was Doc, “Nikki. It’s time to go. Where’s Lucey? She’s in here with you?” He asked. “Yeah, she’s in here with me.” Nikki leaned against the door frame. Doc nodded and walked away. Nikki went back inside of the room, shutting the door. He looked over at Lucey with a smirk. “Looks like we gotta go, baby girl.” He went over to her. He helped her off of the couch and get dressed. She grabbed the bags and slug them over her shoulders. She took Nikki’s hand as they went out of the room and started to walk back towards the bus. Lucey giggled softly, being happy at the moment.

She greeted Tommy with a wave and Tommy happily waved back her. Nikki smirked at Tommy and winked at him. Tommy got the hint and smirked at him. He followed his twin with the red head. Working with Motley isn’t too bad, right? Dating the Terror Twins isn’t bad, right? Nothing bad will happen…

yet.

[staravya]

👀👀👀👀👀

i dont think any of our fandoms overlap but here’s a portion of a thing i haven’t managed to fit into a bigger whole of “pacrim au for k.ingdom hearts, feat. triple pilots as the norm bc i do what i want” yet \o/ i pulled it from a nano doc so it’s Awful and unrevised in current form but shh.

also hello hello hope the holidays have treated you well!

Terra is trembling.

He’s been trembling for a while, honestly, but since stepping out of Wayfinder’s waterlogged harness, it’s only gotten worse. It perplexes the scientists. Kind of.

They know what to call it—tremors, either cerebellar or psychogenic, they haven’t decided for sure yet—but they don’t get why it’s happening to him. Not yet.

They all have suspicions, though.

Ven sits in the bed adjacent to Terra’s, undergoing his own examination. He seems fine, if teary-eyed and stressed, so after they splint Terra’s fractured leg, they let the two of them go.

Terra leans on one crutch, hands the other to Ven, and lets his co-pilot support him instead. They limp quietly away from the medical ward, quiet in the hall but with minds screaming, the drift alive between them.

Aqua, Aqua, Aqua, they call, but there is no response. It’s just the two of them.

This is wrong, Ven says. She’s not dead.

She’s not dead. Terra tightens his hold on Ven’s arm, gritting his teeth as his limbs shake against his will. The more he thinks about them, the worse they get, but—they’re impossible to ignore. We’ll find her, he promises, Aqua is strong—faith, love—we didn’t feel her die, so she’s not dead.

Agreement. Ven buries his face in Terra’s shoulder as he bears his weight, letting muscle memory and Terra’s vision guide their steps.

There are people along the way but word must’ve gotten around, because for the most part the two of them are left alone. Soft greetings bounce off their hunched backs, meaningless platitudes against the sting of loss. The aching lack of a third must blaze like a spotlight in others’ eyes, it must, because it’s impossible to miss in the turmoil of their own minds calling and calling and calling.

Ven thinks he feels Sora’s thoughts brushing past his in quiet reassurance, but all it does is make him think of how the higher-ups are going to handle this (badly, by shoving the overworked Sora into Aqua’s position and believing that will solve everything), so Ven sends him a clear, bristling sign to back off.

Not now, he hiss-whispers, every thought tinged with distress, and Sora’s presence retracts apologetically.

Normally, Aqua would huff at him with a reprimand of be nice, but she’s not here and he hurts for it. They both hurt for it.

Jack catches them just as they move to their door. “The Master will see you in four hours, at eleven,” he says, less boisterous than usual. If his eyes skate over an empty space to Ven’s other side, nobody says anything about it. “Rescue efforts will be ongoing in the meantime.”

“Thanks,” Terra says, a curt but not unkind dismissal. Ven opens the door as Jack leaves, and the two rangers stumble into the room.

The door slams shut behind them and Terra collapses onto his bed.

“Terra,” Ven says, pressing love love love I know I miss her too at him.

“I can’t stop shaking,” Terra says. He curls his hands into fists against the covers, frustration boiling over. I’m afraid leaks through his thoughts for an instant before he crushes it ruthlessly. I’m not afraid.

I am, Ven responds, curling into his side.

…

Ven mumbles something intelligible as his mind groans, sleepy, and falls asleep right there. Terra raises a brow.

…

“Is he asleep again?” Roxas asks, baffled. “This is, what, the fifth time?”

“Maybe he hasn’t been sleeping much,” Sora says. Because of—you know. Sora’s thoughts are a little softer than usual, muddled by the weeks since their last drift together, but they’re still clear enough to understand.

That said, it’s not exactly a pleasant line of conversation. I get that, but… Roxas frowns, reaching over to gently shake the other pilot awake. This seems a little much. He’s not going to be eating enough at this rate.

Sora nods with a small frown, and then pokes a spaced-out Riku (pestering Kairi about something or another, no doubt) with his spoon. “Hey. Do you know where Terra is?”

“Last I heard, he’s having his physical therapy session.” Riku glances over at the slowly-waking Ven, and his eyes soften. “Should we go get him?”

“No,” Ven interjects, finally awake enough to slur his own opinion on the matter. He rubs his eyes with one hand, pushing Roxas’ hand away with the other. “PT’s important. Don’t distract him.”

“Do you want to go back to your room?”

“No. I’m fine.” Ven straightens his back, looking significantly more awake as he rebelliously takes a bite of his food.

…

Ven claps his hands together. “So, new diagnosis,” he says. “I have narcolepsy. If I get comfortable I can and will pass out on the spot.”

Lea takes a moment to digest this, and then asks, “Are they still gonna let you pilot?”

“Yeah.”

“Really.”

“It’s not like fighting kaiju is comfortable,” Terra drawls, steady and firm. Lea puts his hands up in mock surrender.

“Didn’t mean to sound like I doubted you. Just that—ow, Xion!”

“What he means,” Xion says, voice pitched to override Lea’s grumbling at being harshly elbowed, “is that he’s super impressed. We appreciate your efforts.” Don’t push, Xion scolds. They’re not made of glass—they’re strong, but hurting.

…

Ven figures it out first.

After a drift test to see how capable they are at piloting without their third—and they’re plenty capable, just unstable and easily unbalanced, but that’s not something they test for or can test for when it’s just a jaeger humming to life in the relative safety of the Shatterdome—their ghosting is renewed in strength.

Because of that, neither of them bring up the faults in the test. The soft buzz of the connection between them is enough of a recompense. For now.

For now, the faint impression of Ven’s amusement agrees.

Terra snorts, similarly amused. It’s quick to fade as he reaches for the water bottle on his desk, though, as his trembling fingers knock against it instead of picking it up.

As it topples, about to roll off the table, Terra watches it—annoyance frustration pain—Ven cuts in—frustration reassurance love—reaches—let me help (we are one)—and—

Terra’s arm snaps out with Ven’s will and snatches the bottle before it hits the floor.

His hand is steady. And it remains steady, even as Terra lifts it and places it back on the table.

Terra lets go (Ven lets go) and his fingers begin to shake again.

“What did you just—“

“Nothing,” Ven breathes. Nothing we haven’t done before—slipping into each others’ eyes and bodies—I just wanted to help.

Terra hesitates, glancing over to the corners of their room. Technically, pilot dorm rooms are private and aren’t under surveillance. Technically, they’re safe to say things out loud here.

Technically, the rooms aren’t soundproof.

And the idea of telling the lab coats (the people who said it was Aqua’s fault, who said she’s dead, who said she is to be left abandoned now and to move on and to fight with the burden of that missing link) turns their stomachs.

“Oh wow how lucky that didn’t hit the ground,” Ven says in a rush of an exhale, slumping back onto his bunk bed. Let me try it again!

Terra rolls his eyes but does so anyway, unable to suppress the excitement. He reaches for the bottle again, and just as his tremors rack up, Ven’s presence presses close, and they—the tremors vanish. He grabs the bottle in a smooth motion.

Oh, shit, Ven’s thought burbles, and Terra turns to see—through Ven’s eyes—his hands shaking. In shock, there’s a snap in their connection, and Ven’s hand steadies.

Terra’s, on the other hand, are trembling again.

“Okay,” Terra says, okay, okay, so you just—took my tremors?

Can you take my narcolepsy then! Let’s try! Ven hauls himself off his bed, saying, “Aren’t you tired? Let’s take a nap.” If I can stay up longer than you, then we’ll know!

“Sure.” Why the hell not, Terra says, and flops onto his own bed. He crawls a little further onto it as Ven casually tosses himself on top of him, practically vibrating with all the joy faith love pouring through him.

…

Ven laughs, a little hysterical. “We didn’t get out of that unchanged either,” he says. “If my narcolepsy hasn’t forced Wayfinder into early retirement, nothing will.”

“Narcolepsy,” Aqua repeats. “How—“

“You guys make up for it when we fight, because we’re drifting,” Ven says. “Same goes for Terra’s tremors. And your migraines, I guess.”

Aqua purses her lips, thinking. Guilt trickles over from her mind to theirs, underlined with memories of being torn out of the cockpit and the drift swaying as it frays with distance. Terra says, “It’s not your fault,” to make it go away.

“If anything,” Ven starts, and immediately shuts up as Aqua and Terra turn disapproving looks and thoughts his way. He puts his hands up innocently. “I’m just saying.”

“Absolutely not,” Aqua says.

“No,” Terra agrees.

“Then it doesn’t make sense for any of us to blame ourselves, right? It was just the kaiju.”

…

“Migraine,” Aqua says, letting Terra rest his chin on her shoulder. She laces their fingers together when his shake too much to find hers properly.

Ven makes a sympathetic sound, sitting on her lap with his legs draped over Terra’s lap. His eyelids are already dropping, but Terra and Aqua (on some unspoken instinct from a memory she gained over drift) gently pull him awake, spreading the drowsiness thin over the three of them. As a result, the pressure to fall asleep alleviates, and Ven exhales a soft sigh. Thanks, he says.

[painfulstitches17]

The Fires of Spring

3. Breathe.

A few months had come and gone, now in the middle of summer. Their relationship had progressed, yes, but not in the way Bandit would've liked, far too friendly and platonic to his taste. He was torn between following his heart and following his conscience when he looked at Jäger. Right now ? He tried not to look at him, he couldn't stomach the frightening look of anger, wait, rage that he was giving the vehicle's floor and anyone who tried to calm him down. Poor Doc, sitting right next to a ticking time bomb, crazy enough to try and disarm it. It was better for the both of them (and any collateral damage) if he stayed away for a while.

Bandit, Jäger, Kapkan, Valkyrie, Doc and the accompanying crew. The mission had been successful, no casualties, little to no injuries, what you'd expect from counter terrorism experts, right ? Well, Bandit made sure that this outcome would be hard to obtain in the end.

Every operators deployed this morning had a hunch something was wrong with Dominic. He was worse than usual, looked like it, to the point that he told them to "shut the fuck up and focus" with clear frustration in his voice, killing the chatter on the ride to the site as everybody was either shocked or upset.

An hostage situation in the middle of the city, tricky. Several streets had been evacuated. On site, they managed to empty the building of most of the present white masks on their way in, it was now a matter of protecting the hostages of any new waves of attacks before back up arrived. They had underestimated their numbers, unfortunately. The fight was far from over, Jäger took a quick look towards Bandit, pure concentration as expected. When he saw him take down a white mask, however, something glimmered in Dom's eyes, something sinister, a thirst for blood he had seen before, something more.

It's when Bandit disappeared without a word that Jäger's stomach turned. "Bandit ?" He called softly over the radio. Silence. He tried again, met with silence once more. Something was up and judging by the C4 that had just detonated, Bandit had made his way downstairs. What was he thinking going alone, to an unknown number of assailants nonetheless ? "I'm leaving my position" he said, making his way to the room Bandit should've been in, then silently making his way down the stairs. It reeked of blood and he soon found the source, as it was plastered on the walls alongside little bits and pieces of what were once men.

He could feel the tension, dust still coming down after the blow. He thanked whatever god there might be for being such a trained soldier, he wanted to puke, not just the blood and gore but the fear that Bandit was gone, that he may even be standing in his remains. He had to keep going, he couldn't back down, he couldn't freeze now. His brain was screaming, begging for a breakdown. Breathe Marius. Where the fuck did that asshole go ?

Grunts coming from the floor below caught Jäger's attention, ignoring the calls coming from the radio, a familiar voice was luring him in. Two people were fighting in front of him down the wrecked corridor, lights flickering above them before drowning them in almost complete darkness for a few seconds, rinse and repeat. He could discern a knife in the upper man's hand, his wrist firmly gripped by the man underneath who was actively trying to stop the fist coming up to his face repeatedly. He missed a few times, then came the sound of bone crushing and a groan, Dominic's voice. The hand on the terrorist's wrist swayed and has he was about to lower the knife to his victim, time seemingly slowing down, a gunshot rang.

Bandit was alive. It had almost been over, almost. A wave of something incomprehensible at first washed over him as the dead man fell on him. "Let me help you !" Jäger was on top now, pushing the corpse away, frantically searching for any signs of injury. "Y-Your nose is bleeding Dominic. You'll be fine..." Worry was palpable in his voice "Don't worry about me." Back up on his feet, he muttered a soft "thank you", almost unnoticeable. Bandit had a hard time looking at Jäger. He fucked up, but he wouldn't admit it, especially not in which way he meant. He was a strong man, smart even if not as smart as some in Rainbow, not in the same way, but even the very best have flaws. They made their way back to their objective, reassuring their teammates in the process.

It was finally over, everyone could breathe again. The last one sitting in the improvised med bay, Dominic was trying not to curse at Gustave while he tended to his very much broken nose. "I reckon hearing Marius speaking about your little escapade while on mission Dominic, non ?" That stung more than the alcohol being applied. "I didn't go that far. I killed two of them and then got fucking ambushed." He argued back "Maybe, but had Jäger not been with you, or had he not realized you had left, you'd be lying in a plastic bag right now.  You depended on him and he did too, we all do. What would he have done had you failed Dominic ?" And he was right, what would've happened if his selfishness had gotten the best of him ? He couldn't answer, admitting his faults was hard, he had felt guilty plenty of times in his life before and each time, he preferred distancing himself as needed over apologizing, taking the blow. Unless Six was sitting in front of him, of course.

"Écoute, I understand you're going through a rough period right now judging from your files but you cannot let it affect you while on mission. I'm sure you already know this, Tu vois, you're smarter than this Dominic. You might get a talk from Six if she hears about it... If you need time off, come to my office, alright ? We could schedule a few more appointments with your therapist too, if you'd like. Oh, and your nose should be fine for now." Doc put a hand on Bandit's shoulder, a genuine smile as expected. He knew when to be harsh, but it never came without a good reason. Especially when your last name was Brunsmeier. "Allez zou, dehors ! I've got cleaning up to do." And with that, Bandit left with a thankful nod.

But the problems weren't over, they had just begun. He was now facing Jäger, still in his gear and visibly upset judging from his body language. Fuck. Once the younger man had spotted him, he grabbed his arm almost painfully and dragged him down the street.

Jäger was rather quiet in his day to day life, he could talk a lot if the topic was of interest, sure, but he wasn't loud, so when the entirety of the crew started hearing his voice in a crescendo of anger from the other end of the street, they were surprised. Bandit's nonchalant attitude wasn't helping, Jäger was getting visibly upset, pushing the other against the wall at one point, pointing his finger to his chest. They were both raising their voices now, but the engineer was louder, far more aggressive, making Bandit back down. It was so unlike him all of a sudden. People started looking at each other to know who would volunteer if a fist fight broke, it sounded that bad.

Most of the public left, leaving the special ops to assess the level of trouble Bandit had gotten himself into between themselves. "Are we sure he's mad ? German does sound like an angry language. They call ambulances krankenwagen after all." Kapkan was pleased by his joke until Jäger removed his helmet, throwing it at the wall next to Bandit who flinched, closely followed by his balaclava. "Nevermind." Kapkan added. They went their own way afterward.

Bandit had never seen such an outburst of anger coming from Jäger, to the point where he left crying and he suspected his old time friend unhealthy coping mechanisms to have followed where he went to hide. He had to admit, trying to downplay the situation he had put himself in hadn't been the best call. Saying that "well, he wouldn't have suffered for long" really threw Marius over the edge, hadn't it ? You acted like an asshole to the man who saved your life whether you liked it or not. Worse yet, the man you've realised you love. He knew how he'd been feeling since he had helped him, watching Marius scream at him in their mother tongue, disappointed. Disappointed in the fact that he hurt him not once, but twice. Disappointed that he treated Marius like everybody else, like he meant nothing. Disappointedthat he didn't miscalculate his C4 and blew up.Disappointed that he got saved when the knife should've met his throat, he would've been gone putting a fight. But he felt pathetic right now, puking on the side of the road. It was hard to breathe, containing any tears that might try to escape.

Maybe Dominic should take Doc's offer on therapy.

  -----

"Here's our resident asshole ! I've been looking for you. Shouldn't you be in bed ?" James Porter in person, nicknamed Smoke, hugging a sweaty Bandit from behind before he could hit the punching bag in front of him.

"Don't touch me. What do you want Porter ? I've only got a broken nose, I don't need to rest." Bandit spat back.

"Calm down Princess, I'm here to help you. I thought you'd be resting after the humiliation your little dove gave you. The lad burnt you pretty badly didn't he ?" Smokes' laugh felt like nails on a chalkboard right now.

"Stop saying that shit out loud, why did I ever tell a cunt like you of all people about it ?" Dom was getting increasingly upset.

"Because you know I'm an expert in that field, honey." He winked.

"Such an expert sending Mark" James jumped at Mute's name "a pair of lacy men's underwear, not even for Valentine's day may I add, in the hopes that he would forward your advances, which I'd call sexual harassment to be quite frank, Bärchen" Classic Smoke.

"Who said he didn't like it ? I didn't hear back, sure, but maybe he's shy about it !" Keep telling yourself that, Bandit thought.

"C'mon, stop wasting my time, what do you want ?" He still liked Smoke, so he toned it down a bit.

"I wanted to ask you how you were feeling. You kind of went on a suicide mission there Dominic. Would you like to join me on the roof with a few beers ?" Here it was, the serious Smoke.

And what about it ? It wouldn't have been the first time but it could've been the last, sure. Alcohol did sound like an option right now though. "Alright, just promise me you won't puke your guts out on me again."

"I promise baby boo. The beers packs are in front of the door, could you get them up there for me ? I have to drop this report." He was waving his papers in front of Bandit.

Dominic hummed in agreement, watching Smoke leave while blowing a kiss on his way out. Why did he feel like something was up ?

He could do with breathing some fresh air anyway. ___ Chapter Index.

[mangled-dreams]

Fever Dreams

My first and maybe only attempt at Dr. Schneeplestein. So here you are. Reader X Dr. Henrik Von Schneeplestein. Enjoy.

It's not often that you get sick, but when you do it's very fun. Not that getting sick is ever fun, but for you it just seems to hit your harder. Now is one of those times you get sick.

You'd been holed up in your room for the past three days, slowly dying of...whatever you've got. Well, you know you're not dying dying, but it sure feels like it. Anti and the other egos have been concerned for you, but you'd told them you'd be okay after few days of rest.

“You ain't getting any better, kid. I'm sending in the Doc.” Anti had told you after the third day of you being ill. He'd come to check on you as the one of the only egos that wouldn't get sick from you.

“Oh, don't do that. Dr. Schneeplestein is always so busy,” You'd responded, whining a little at bothering Dr. Schneeplestein for just a little cold. It doesn't help that you have a crush on Dr. Schneeplestein. You think Anti knows of your crush, but he'd never ratted you out for it.

“To bad, we need you back in working order.” Anti added sternly before leaving you.

A few hours have passed since Anti had visited you, although times seems to be blending into one singular moment. Your roommate and older sister Jessica has been feeding you and makes sure you take your cough syrup, but otherwise she steers clear of you. She hates being around people that are coughing and/or ill. You don't blame her. Ever since she was a kid she couldn't stand the sound of anyone coughing around her.

“Hey, Y/n, you have a visitor.” Jess says opening your door. You barely have the energy to sit up but manage to do it before a familiar face greets you.

“Oh, my goodness, how did zis happen?” Dr. Schneeplestein cries as he enters your area of contamination., as your sister loves to call your room. It's not often that the good doctor has time to come see you, but you're glad he does. Jess says nothing and closes the door to keep your germs isolated to your room.

“Doctor. It's good to see--” You can't finish greeting Dr. Schneeplestein, instead you cough until you can't breath and then some. You double over, your hand covers your mouth with a tissue. When you've done coughing up a lung you toss your tissue into a bin at your bed side and use hand sanitizer.

“Oh, do not zink to talk. My poor dear, you look terribly ill.” Dr. Schneeplestein says sitting down on your bed, his bag propped up on his thighs. You watch him through weary eyes. Dr. Schneeplestein  takes out his stethoscope and places the buds into his ears. He stands up and walks over to your side and motions for you to lean forward. “Now, take two deep breaths for em.” He instructs you, the sound pressed against you back just to the side of your shoulder blade.

You do as he asks to the best of your ability. You hear Dr. Schneeplestein hum behind you and shift the sound head across your back. He doesn't have to instruct you to do anything and automatically breath in as deeply as you can. You remember this from your last doctor's visit.

Leaning back against the wall you let Dr. Schneeplestein listen to your lungs from the front of your chest. A few seconds later he takes the buds out and puts them back into the bag. “Despite your coughing, it seems your lungs are very clear.” He tells you sounding a little relieved.

“Just a cough?” you ask a little winded.

“Yes, zit looks like ze common cold, I would recommend you continue to rest and get loots of fluids.” Dr. Schneeplestein advises.

You nod and lay back again. “Thank you for coming, even though it wasn't necessary. Anti's just a worry wart.” You tell Dr. Schneeplestein even though you know it's not needed.

“Oh please, I vould come even if he did not azk me.” He tells you happily.

“Thank you, again, Dr. Schneeplestein.”

“Henry, please. I vould conzider us friends by now.” Henrik responds quietly.

You nod, agreeing with Henrik before coughing again. Henrik gives you a tissues and you use it cover your mouth. You hate being sick. You especially hate being sick around Dr. Schneeplestein. “Right,” you say breathing heavily. Your nose is stuffed up once again so now you're a mouth breather. “You don't have to... stick around, Henrik.” you say opting to use his actual first name and not the “Americanized” version.

“I vould never juz abandon my patient.” Henrik tells you in earnest. You smile at him but don't respond. You aren't really a patient, just a friend that's ill.

Henrik stays with you for a few hours before leaving for the night. You'd fallen into a tired haze by the time he left. You remember him saying something about his ex-wife. You hate how badly his marriage to Lilith had dissolved so quickly after the ceremony. You know Henrik hasn't been happy for quite sometime despite many attempts to rekindle the relationship.

You fall sleep with the hope that Henrik will find happiness, even if it isn't with you.

“Good morning!” Henrik greets when Jess opens the door. It's been a few days and Jess is actually letting you wonder around the house now that the “contamination period” is over. You don't look like death anymore and your coughing had gotten lighter and less frequent.

“Oh. Dr. Schneeplestein, how nice to see you today. Come to check on my sister?” Jess asks closing the door behind Henrik.

“Jess? Who's at the door?” You ask popping your head out of the steam filled bathroom. With your stuffy sinuses you'd taken up to taking steam shower or steam baths to help clear them. “Oh, Henrik!” You gasp happy and a bit surprised to see Henrik come by unannounced.

“Oh, I am zo, zorry, I did not mean to interrupt your zhower.” Henrik says almost blushing at the implication you're naked. You laugh and step out of the bathroom in your damp black tank top and shorts.

“Oh, it's no worries, Doctor. I was just trying to clear out my sinuses with some steam. Walking down the hallway you thank your sister for letting Henrik in and usher the good doctor into the living room. “So, Doctor, what bring you by today?” you ask sitting down across from Henrik.

He's in casual clothing—which is a nice change of pace. Usually Henrik is in scrubs and his lab coat while pulling double, sometimes even triple shift to avoid going home. You can tell he hasn't been eating as much as he should. Last time you saw him in casual clothing he filled them out more than he does now.

“Vell, I can to check up upon you, my dear. You zeemed to be quite ill laz time.” Henrik tells you.

You nod in agreement. You had been quite ill. “I'm on the upswing now, Henrik. I'm really only dealing with an occasional stuffy nose and a little bit of coughing, but nothing like I was a few days ago.” You report to him with a big smile. “Have you eaten? Jess and I were just about to decide on what to have for lunch.” You ask standing up with a little bit of dizziness, but nothing to knock you off your feet.

“Oh, no, I could never intrude in zuch a manner.” Henrik says quickly, standing up with you out of habit. You wave your hand at him and head to the kitchen.

“Don't worry about it, Henrik.” You tell him softly. Pausing a moment you say, “on second thought, let me treat you to lunch. I've been cooped up in this house for at least a week and a half, it'd be nice to get out for a few.”

Henrik smiles at you. “If you inzist.” He says playfully. You smirk at him and request he wait in the living room for you to change. The air outside still quite chilly despite the rise in temperature.

You dress in you favorite pair of blue jeans and slip on a cream colored long sleeved crocheted top with a burgundy colored tank top underneath. Your crochet top has large holes in it so you layer yourself with a solid black knitted cardigan. Looking at yourself in your mirror you like the color scheme you've created and pick out a cream colored infinity scarf with a metallic gold foil yarn mixed in with it. You spend a few minutes brushing your hair out until smooth before bundling it atop your head in a messy bun, using a few hair pins to keep the wild strands in place.

Applying only a fruity scented and flavored chap stick you look yourself over again in the mirror, slip your socks on, and leave your room to collect your guest. Halfway down the hall you pause as a coughing fit takes you over then continue on. Fresh air will do your lungs—not to mention your sanity some good, and it's always bound to be a good day if you get to spend it with Henrik.

“Oh yeah, my sister's always talking about you, Dr. Schneeplestein.” Jess says as you get closer to the living room.

“Oh, I did not know zat she zought to highly of me.” Henrik responds and you can't tell if he's flattered or concerned by whatever else you sister's been telling him.

You stand just outside the living room, waiting to hear if your sister or Henrik say anything more before deciding you're being too creepy and step into the living room. “Jess, I hope you're not telling embarrassing stories about me to the good doctor here. I'm sure he wouldn't be interested in hearing about our childhood.” You say trying to defuse the anxiety you feel about having left your sister alone with Henrik.

“Oh, no, no! Y/n, I always vind it interesting to learn more about my friendz.” Henrik says quickly, trying to reassure you.

“Have a good trip out, if you need me to pick you up, just call me. Okay?” Jess says as you head to the door. You nod and wave at her. You know she means it too. Day or night she will come if you call.

“Ah, fresh air!” You sigh happily. Beside you Henrik chuckles, watching you spin around on the  sidewalk. You spin on the ball of your foot and face Henrik, fighting against a coughing fit. You win the fight and continue to smile at Henrik.

“So full of ze energy. It iz good to zee you back to normal.” Henrik chuckles again. You blush and quickly turn away to hide your enjoyment at his words. You turn to quickly, your foot catching on a crack in the concrete. With a shriek you fall to the ground.

Henrik reacts quickly, launching himself forward to grab you, twisting his body to cushion your fall. Everything happens so fast you can barely register it all, but when you open your eyes Henrik is beneath you, his arms wrapped around you hugging you close.

“Oh, are you okay, Henrik?” you ask scrambling to your feet. Reaching out Henrik takes your hand and allows you to pull him up. You look him over for any scratches or cuts. You dust off his jacket as you do and sigh with relief when you find nothing out of order.

“I am okay. Are you?” he asks looking you over for any wounds. You nod your head, press your hand against your chest, and breath a sigh of relief again.

“I'm fine, Henrik, but you gave me a heart attack.” You say as a bout of coughing over takes you for a few seconds. When it's over you feel winded and out of energy. Henrik takes a hold of your shoulder steadying you as you recover from your coughing fit.

“You? You gave me a heart attack!” Henrik responds smiling when he saw your lips curl at the corners.

“Oh, look what a pair we are.” You mutter standing up with a little help from Henrik. Looking up at him you see his glasses are crooked and reach up and adjust them for him. “Okay, now that we have that out of the way,” you chuckle. “Let's get some food.”

Henrik touches the edge of his glasses a light tinting of pink dusting his pale complexion. He watches you walk ahead of him a few steps, your head looking up and down to various restaurants trying to decide where to eat lunch at. Part of him worries about agreeing to lunch. Is he just using you to fill the void of loneliness he feels since the separation from his wife?

“Henrik?” You call, your voice shaking him from his thoughts. “Is everything okay? I didn't hurt you did it?” You ask walking back to Henrik. You look him over again with just your eyes. He looks fine, a little dusted and a bit distant but okay otherwise.

Henrik stares down at you. He likes the way you care after him. In the short time he's known you he's received more attention and affection than he has in the past three years of his marriage.

“Henrik, if you don't want to have lunch you can tell me no.” You tell him feeling a little heart broken but you understand. He never did fully agree to go out for lunch.

“Oh, no, no, it iz not zat.” Henrik says waving a hand in front of himself. You can't help the confusion from entering you. “I vas jus in thought. I do apologize for zis mizcommunication.” Henrik says quickly. You still look at him with confusion. “I vas jus admiring ze amount of caring you have zhown me.”

Relaxing a little you glance away from Henrik a little embarrassed and happy he appreciates your concern for him. “Well, good... Good. You are someone I really like so of course I'd want to take care of you. Now, come along Henrik, let's go get some food in out bellies.” You tell him being a little more forward than you have in the past. You take his hand and shoot him a reassuring smile before tugging him along with you.

“Thank you.” you both mutter to your waiter and hand off your menus before a hushed silence settles between you.

You gaze around the building, looking at the various people populating the place. You smile at the families taking an afternoon out together. “Oh, what a cutie pie.” You coo seeing a chubby baby smashing two fist fulls of french fries into its little tray.

Henrik turns to look at the baby and smiles. He too think the child is quite adorable. Turning to face you he asks, “Do you plan to ztart a family zome day?”

Your cheeks flush and you look away from him. “Eventually. I'm still quite young, not to mention I don't have a prospective boyfriend, so there are a few little barriers to get over before I can start a family.” You chuckle softly. “What about you, Henrik? Do you have plans to try again? I mean if you found the right partner?” you ask softly, sipping on the lemon water in front of you.

You hate the questions as soon as they pass through your lips. You really didn't mean to get so personal so quickly, but it'd been almost to natural. Before the finalization of the divorce Henrik was a bit easier to joke around with, now everything seemed to be a trigger.

“Perhaps if ze right voman came around.” he responds and it's the end of that conversation. Oh, how he wishes you'd be that right one.

“Well, thank you for joining me for lunch.” You tell Henrik as you come up to your townhouse. Henrik nods, but he looks troubled. “Henrik, if you're still thinking about the family thing and finding the right woman, it's okay. I wasn't offended. I crossed a line, I know that now.” You offer softly. Of all the things Henrik is he is not a bad man. A little mad sometimes in his practice, but he's a good man and a good doctor.

Henrik snaps his head up, his eyes locking on yours. “No! No, you get me vrong.” Henrik says quickly. “I vas not shtill thinking of zat conversation. I vas jus... Vould you mind if ve did zis again?” He ask almost shyly.

You feel your whole face, ears and all heat up with excitement. “Yes! I-I mean, of course, Henrik. It's always a pleasure being around you.” You shout without thinking unable to contain yourself. You reel yourself back and giggle nervously. Henrik nods, a big cheesy grin on his face. You always know when Henrik is truly happy with something when me has that big grin on his face.

“Great. Great! Zo, I shall zee you again, perhaps Tuesday?” Henrik asks looking a little pink around the cheek bones and ears as well. You smile with a nod.

“Tuesday it is.”

“Good...Good! I vill be by around seven zirty.”  He tells you taking a step down from your door. You giggle when he misses a step but wave goodbye as he leaves.

Pausing a moment you shout after him, “Did you just ask me on a date?”

“YES!” Henrik shouts from a few yards down. Your heart beats faster at his admission.

“I'll see you Tuesday!” You shout back and quickly duck inside your house. The door slams shut under your full weight as you squeal and jump and giggle at the turn of events. You hadn't truly entertained the idea that Henrik was truly interested in you but now that you know well, you ain't gonna let him go.

[star-trekkin-across-theuniverse]

Letters

A series of letters between you and Leonard while you are away on a mission. And the conclusion.

Darling, I miss you An old analog clock Bedrest

Word Count: 1302 Tags: @dolamrothianlady, @supermoonpanda, @kirkaholic123, @shewhorunswithfandoms @youdonebeengarthed, @starmission @emmkolenn @auduna-druitt @outside-the-government @yourtropegirl @pinkamour1588 @impalaanddemons @flirtswithdanger @southernbellestatues @engineeringtrashcan @rayleyanns @sistasarah-sallysaidso @samaxraph99 @lonolulu @distinguishedqueenofbooks @superwholock734 @feelmyroarrrr, @anyakinamidala @ladygofuckyourself17 @dirajunara @anotherotter @little-study-bug @tellmeoflegends @rampant-salamander @goodnightwife

This story is finally done! Yay! Enjoy!

You grimaced, trying to find a comfortable position, but the muscles of your back were tight and pinching particularly badly on the lower right. You finally got the pillow behind you in the right place and were just drifting off to sleep when you heard the door slide open, and then closed again. It wasn’t an uncommon sound in the medical unit you were being observed on, and you let your eyes drowse, trying to block the voices of the medical personnel speaking at the nurse’s station.

You’d been admitted as a patient to MedBay when it became apparent that you were not planning on respecting the parameters of the bedrest the doctor had prescribed to you. It wasn’t that you didn’t respect the doctor that was treating you, and it wasn’t as though you were deliberately non-compliant, but your mind was too busy to let you sit still for long. You’d settle into a comfortable position, and realize you were thirsty, or want to check your experiments remotely, or need something. When it became obvious that you couldn’t slow down enough to respect the bedrest order, your doctor admitted you to MedBay, and as embarrassing as it was to have your agency removed from you, having someone monitor your well-being was reassuring. Your pain was better managed, you were getting adequate rest, and usually you were able to tune out the MedBay sounds.

You were just drowsing off to sleep when someone behind you cleared their throat. You started at the sound, both familiar and impossible, and you tried to roll over to see who was behind you. A hand on your shoulder stayed you. A hand you recognized. He circled around to sit in the chair beside you where you could see him and tears filled your eyes. Of joy, or anxiety, or fear, or regret, you weren’t sure. Leonard took in the entire picture of you, propped on your side, looking exhausted and worn thin and shook his head as he took your hand in his.

“Y/N.” Your name was a whisper on his exhalation. “Sweetheart, why didn’t you tell me? You’re almost due.” He placed his free hand gently on your distended belly, his eyes full of wonder and awe.

You felt your own eyes fill with tears. “I didn’t think it could be true,” you admitted. “I mean, at first, I thought the bloodwork had to be wrong. And then it wasn’t. And then I just,” you trailed off.

“What? You just what?”

“We’d never talked about children, Leonard,” you sighed. “I didn’t want you to feel trapped.”

“Trapped?” The words exploded out of his mouth and he flinched when he realized how loud the exclamation was. “No, honey, this doesn’t feel like a trap. It feels a bit like a miracle.”

“A miracle?” You laughed. “Maybe from where you’re sitting. Over here it feels like I constantly need to pee, and I’m pretty sure there’s a hot poker being stabbed into my back constantly. See, I wanted to tell you, but I’m such a miserable pregnant. I didn’t want you scared off.” You adjusted the pillow under your head a little with a smirk.

“First things first, let’s get you back on the Enterprise,” Leonard shook his head. “I can treat the back pain, and we can get you comfortable there. But we really need to talk. I’m a little hurt that you didn’t feel comfortable telling me about this.”

Before you even had time to accept and understand the Leonard knew, you were back on the Enterprise, being set up in a comfortable bed that supported your back in ways the biobed back on the colony couldn’t be reconfigured. Once you were settled, Leonard gave you a thorough physical assessment and then sat down in the chair by your bed.

“How much prenatal care have you had?” He asked, a hint of disapproval in his eyes. You sighed.

“I had bloodwork to confirm the pregnancy,” you started. “The base doctor has been seeing me once a month for well-pregnancy check-ups. I’ve been being seen every few days since I hurt my back.”

“I don’t think it’s your back,” Leonard countered. “Your back is showing signs of strain, but it looks like it’s actually a compensatory pain.”

“My back is compensating for my big belly?” You asked. Leonard shook his head.

“Your back is being irritated by the swelling in your gall bladder. I don’t understand why your doc didn’t run liver function tests on you, but your gall bladder is filled right up. If he’d caught it sooner, we could have operated. But now?” He paused, letting out a sigh of frustration. “It’ll have to wait until the little tyke arrives.”

“So -”

“Let’s keep you on bedrest until we get your pain under control,” he recommended. “In the meantime, we really need to discuss what this means.”

You closed your eyes and drew in a deep breath. “We do,” you agreed. “Listen, Len, if you don’t want -”

“Why would you think that?” He interrupted. “Why are you determined that I’m going to cut and run on you?”

“Leonard, your career is in space, aboard the Enterprise -”

“Last I checked, yours was too,” he countered. His face was flushed and he was clenching his fists, a tell you’d picked up early in your relationship that let you know he was trying to keep his temper in check. You placed your hand on his.

“But I’m the pregnant one,” you said gently. He tugged his hand and away and shook his head, letting out a deep sigh of irritation.

“Y/N, I went to medical school for a considerable long time, and I’d like to inform you that while you might be the pregnant one, it took the two of us to get you this way, and it’ll take the two of us to raise the little nosepicker. Space or not, sweetheart, you’re stuck with me for at least eighteen years.” His eyes betrayed a deep level of hurt and you realized you should have told him as soon as the blood work had come back positive. Your eyes filled with tears, and you tried to blink them away unsuccessfully.

“I’m sorry,” you managed. His hand slipped into yours and he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“Have you thought of any names for him?” He asked, changing the subject in a way that you knew meant you were forgiven, for now.

“Him? Did you peek, Leonard?” You dashed the tears off your cheeks and gave him an incredulous look.

“You can’t mean to tell me that you hadn’t found out already?” He gaped at you.

“No, I hadn’t. I was waiting until we -”

“It’s a boy,” he interrupted. “Based on everything the scans tell me, he’s in perfect health, and should be making an appearance in the next two weeks.”

“Two weeks? But -”

“No, it makes sense. We had that shore leave on Risa right around First Contact Day, and there was that one night that we drank too much. And then we -”

“Right,” you interrupted. “I was thinking about the night you made me your mama’s chicken pie.”

“Regardless, there was no shortage of opportunity,” he laughed, dipping his head to kiss your forehead.

“You’re not scared?” You asked, catching his gaze. He paused and drew in a deep breath, clearly considering the question before answering. He shook his head slowly.

“You’re here. You’re both healthy. We’re together. I’m never going to be in love with space, but if we’re together there’s less to worry about,” he admitted.

“I love you, Grumpybear,” you smiled. He gave you a somewhat sardonic grin.

“And I love you, Sassybritches,” he replied. He pressed his lips against yours and you couldn’t help a little sigh of contentment.

[fx-amberscenarios]

Amber Smut!

Hey guys, I dug through my docs and I found this old guy in there, I hope this can hold you off until my next post, enjoy!

Words: 1610

Genre: *WARNING* awful, dirty as hell smut

Amber x Reader

I am just a dumb little girl in gym. I hate how gym has to be continued through high school. I just try hard enough to get a passing grade with the least physical exertion as possible. There is one bonus to the class, well two. The class is last period so i don't have to rush to change since i drive home, and there's a girl i have a huge crush on in my class. As hard as i try not to embarrass myself, I messed up really badly today. We were playing basketball and it was my turn to go throw in front of the class. I can't throw anything let alone try to skillfully throw something in a certain area. I just gave up and threw it but of course it hit the backboard and bounced off of it. And flew off. And hit my crush. God i was so embarrassed, from hitting her and just failing in general. Thankfully i was the last one to go though and the period was finally over. I walked behind the crowd into the locker rooms. Everyone was changing quickly so they wouldn’t miss the bus. My crush, Amber didn't though, im pretty sure she drove a 67’ impala. Hot. I took my time changing regardless of feeling a stare from down the aisle. I didn't feel too bad because i usually eyed her too. Everyone but us had left now and i was folding my gym clothes for my locker. All of the embarrassment came back. I hit Amber with a fucking basketball and now im alone in the locker room with her. I hope she doesn’t beat me up. I finally got everything in order in my locker and i shut it. I turned to leave the locker room, car keys in my hand as I rammed straight into Amber. Fuck. “I-i-I’m sorry, I” I stuttered as she grabbed my wrists and shoved me into the lockers. There was a loud jingle as my keys fell to the floor. I knew i was about to get the shit beat out of me but there’s something about the way she grabbed me, i couldn't help but like how she were treating me. “God you’re so fucking innocent, probably think i’m going to fucking punch you for all the shit youve done to me” “wrong” “i’ve waited so fucking long just to get in here alone with you, I want to take your purity baby girl, i want to make you mine”

 I couldn't help the moan that escaped my lips “oh so I do have myself a nice little slut don’t I?” she said into my ear, “i’m going to make you scream baby” I didn't know what to do I just stood there breathing heavily, wanting this more than anything. she let go of my arms. “Why don’t you show me that sexy ass of yours again princess, come to master” I obliged and decided that i was totally a kinky son of a bitch and i would try my hardest to call her master. I took off my shorts and flip flops and i unzipped my sweatshirt, revealing my bra. “Oh baby you must really want me i didn't even ask for your shirt yet.” she hummed in approval as she grabbed my waist and began to kiss up my neck, leaving a trail of hickeys. My moans echoed through the locker room as I dug my nails into her back. This is what I wanted. “I’ve been waiting so long to fucking take you baby girl, I want you to fucking ride me, i want to feel that tight little pussy of yours princess” at first i didn't know what to say, but then i thought about her fucking me with a strap on. “Y-yes, m-master” I whispered. “Ah fuck what was that baby girl?” “yes master,” i said. “‘Atta girl,” she growled at me before lifting me onto her while she shoved me into the lockers again. We made out for a long time, all of our built up frustration releasing. she started to tease me by just barely rubbing me through my underwear. I tingled with excitement as she touched me. I moaned into their ear as i clawed at their back for something, anything to hold onto as the euphoric feeling was just too much to handle. I began to pant, forcing myself closer and closer to her, rolling my hips, asking for more. “Fuck yes master please fucking give it to me already please,” I whimpered. “Mmm baby give me one good reason why i should. I mean other than the fact you’ve been teasing me for two semesters now,” I smirked lightly at that remark, I actually felt good about my body for once, even if it did have a few scars. “Because now I know that you want me, but i need you” “good answer angel” she said quickly as she starting kissing me again, reaching around behind me to unhook my bra and then stopping only for a moment to rip off my underwear. she backed up but stood there with their hands still on me. “Damn baby you look even better that i imagined” “now let’s see if you look as good riding me as i imagined” holy fuck she’ve imagined me riding her. Now im worried about if i’ll do well but oh my god I want this so badly, I need her. Thankfully there’s a little couch in the back of the locker room where people wait for the bathroom. she dragged me over there and laid down on the couch, patting their lap. “Come here baby girl show me what you’ve got, i know you can be a naughty girl” she said. My lips parted in shock. Fuck she are so fucking hot. I straddled her a little above the knees and started to unbutton and unzip their pants. “Atta girl baby” i reached into their boxers and felt the strap on, she must have been planning on this a lot. I pulled it through the slot in their boxers and then I didn't know what to do next. I looked up at her to see if i was doing the right thing. she had a small smirk on their face and she seemed relaxed. It calmed me down a bit. “I-i uh,” “no, don’t tell me you’re a virgin?!” she asked, surprised. “I-i am” “oh fuck baby girl i cant wait to take that away from you, just do whatever feels right, I know you have a little slut in there you’re waiting to show me,” “yes master” Their smile got bigger. I scooted down some more and took the dildo in my mouth. I had some idea of what i was supposed to do so i tried my best. I was sucking and licking up and down the length of the dildo and i looked up for approval. “Fuck baby I love seeing you suck my cock with that pretty little ass of yours in the air for me” I moaned, closing my eyes again and going back to work. “Whenever you think you’re wet enough princess, which you should be dripping for me by now” “yes master i am dripping wet for you” “mmm fuck baby girl come ride me” “yes master” i climbed up her and positioned myself above the dildo. I looked at her for reassurance and underneath all the lust, i could see a hint of love, and i know that she could be trusted with my virginity. “I-i will it...fit?” she laughed lightly. “Of course it will baby just go slow and take your time” I felt so relieved but still pressured at the same time. I took a deep breath  to relax and i started to put the tip in. “oh fuck” I said. This was going to take me awhile, i’ve never even fingered myself before. I hissed lightly as I sank down lower and lower, finally taking the whole length in. I exhaled and looked at her again. “Damn baby that’s pretty good for your first time, you’re taking it like a champ” this made a small smile stretch across my face. At least i did something right so far. My smile was still confidently spread across my face. I relaxed myself a little bit and raised myself up again. I sat back down kind of forcefully, rolling my hips as I went. “Fuck yeah baby I knew you could do it, you’re so fucking hot,” I exhaled as I raised myself up again, this time going faster and faster. I rolled my hips up and down, opening my legs and taking it as deep as I could. I kept going as fast as i can, throwing my head back as my body was filled with an ecstasy i’d never felt before. I was so honored that I got to have my first time with someone so sweet but still so sexy. “I, I think im,” “fuck yes baby come for me i’ve waited so long for this please baby give it to me angel” “yes master fuck” I yelled, throwing my head back one more time, a loud moan ripping from my throat as i pulsed, giving everything i have to this girl. It was amazing. I sat still afterwards, breathing heavily, hands on their chest as i relaxed. After a few minutes I opened my eyes again and looked at her in the eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn't know....what i was doing” my voice drifted off as i looked away from her stare.

[new2otomelol]

How the heck did she get away? - Part 2

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I’m taken aback by his words, but I still don’t know.  He did save my life, so I guess will give it a chance. Plus, could he be the one that my love was talking about? “I… uh… alright… I will stay and help…” Soryu lets out a sigh of relief as he helps me readjust my pillows. “I will warn you though, I will take off the minute you do something weird!” I say this to him and he laughs. “I have no doubts about that. But I don’t want you to feel confined.” I lift my hand towards him and offer it as a sign of an agreement. He laughs and shakes my hand. “Alright shorty, I agree.” His eyes widen as he looks at me. “What?! You can’t deny it, even if it’s two inches, I’m still taller!” He gives me a funny look “maybe I should reconsider my stance on protecting women…” I start to laugh at his comment, but let out little moans of pain.  And so began our very weird, but interesting relationship…”

Wait a tic, this is all nice and everything, but … “Um, Soryu, who changed me out of my clothes?” He looks down uncomfortably while rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. “that, that was me, I’m sorry, none of the other guys would do it, but I didn’t look, I promise!” Great, just perfect.  I’m about to give him a piece of my mind when Baba enters the room without knocking “Princess!! You’re awake!” I roll my eyes and glare at him. “Still not happy with me, are you pretty lady?” I smile sweetly at him, which causes him to relax a little. “Gee Baba, now, why would I every dislike you?” that made him stiffen up all over again. “Now look, Soryu has explained a few things to me and I understand; however, you can’t blame me for protecting myself either.” Baba smiles and sits next to me on the bed. “Can we be friends Soraya?” I look at him and Soryu both “give me time to adjust you guys. This isn’t exactly a walk in the park. So long as you don’t treat me like a hostage, try to shoot tranquilizer darts at me again or use me as property, we’re okay.” Baba smiles and gives me a quick hug when I notice Soryu glaring daggers at him for some reason. “We’ll take it one day at a time pretty lady.”

Baba stands up to leave and bows to me “until tomorrow my sweet lady!”  Boy does this man have a flare for the dramatics?  “Until tomorrow Baba.” Soryu stands as well, preparing to leave. “I have to take care of some stuff…” I interrupt him “you mean Ice Dragons stuff?” he looks at me with widened eyes. “Soryu, you were introduced to me initially as a mobster and then when I met Inui, he had mentioned the ‘Ice Dragons’ when I helped him.  It didn’t take long for me to make the connection after I saw him leading you guys to me.” He smiles at me “you are sharp. Inui will be by in 15 minutes to help you with what you need.  In the meantime…” there’s a knock on the door and soon Eisuke walks in. “… Eisuke will be here for a few minutes, he needs to speak with you.” I nod as Soryu leaves the room.

There’s an awkward silence between Eisuke and I. Not having any better ideas, I decide to brake it the best way possible “did I hurt you badly when I kneed you, you know…?” He gives me an angry glare “nobody has ever done that to me; you’re never to do that again.” I chuckle a little “now, you would have done the same thing if you would’ve been in my position.” He shifts in the chair and finally looks at me. “Soryu decided to be the one that purchased you because he thinks he can handle you. I highly doubt it.” I know he’s trying to get me back for what I did before. “Well, I’ll let time decide that for me.  I may be giving you guys a chance, but that still doesn’t make any of this okay.” Eisuke stands up immediately and crosses his arms; he takes a deep breath in and tries to calm down. “You sure are stubborn for a woman, I wouldn’t let you…” I stop him right then and there “my sex has nothing to do with it sir, and you have no authority over me.  I respect that you seem to be a great business intellectual and that you have great confidence in yourself, but I will not be told what to do by the likes of you.  If you wish to get along, ditch your arrogant air about me and treat me like a person.” He looks at me in frustration and suddenly storms out of the room.

I take a deep breath and lay down.  Maybe I was harsh, but I need to make sure that he doesn’t think he can control me. From what I saw my first day here, he’s used to having women all over him, I’m not like them and I won’t look to him for attention the way he would like.  I try to move to get out of bed when suddenly I hear a cheerful voice “Princess! I’m here to help you!!” Yep, as promised, Inui is here.  When will this day end?

TIME SKIP – TWO WEEKS

I have been moving about the penthouse wearing an arm brace and a boot for my broken limbs, today, they come off!  I’ve been recovering quickly thanks to Soryu and Inui’s assistance.  Eisuke has been the one requiring most of my services as a translator, so I’ve been having to attend meetings with him. Luckily, since our last conversation, he has been a little more respectful towards me, although he still looks pissed off.  Ota has been surprisingly fun to hang around with; we usually just discuss art related matters and sketch away. I’m pretty sure he has a complex when it comes to pets, but he leaves me alone for the most part since Soryu seems to take out his gun a lot when others try things on me, especially Baba.  Mamoru is here ever so often, but mostly, he just takes his naps. I still maintain contact with Ms. Lee and I visit her when I am able to get away from the crew.  She’s become like a second mother to me.

I’m reading a couple of documents in the living room when I hear someone yell “tall sexy bones!” Sigh. “I’m here to inspect your wonderful bones and to…” “and to remove those braces and nothing more, right doc?” Soryu interjects as he walks in and I can’t hold back my laughter. “Aww.. come on, give me a break!” Luke jokes around.  He takes off my arm brace and has me do a few stretches, the same with my leg. “Well sexy bones, looks like you’re all set. Try not to jump off other waterfalls soon, please?” I wink at him “can’t really promise that, I’m a thrill seeker.”  Soryu looks at me and sighs nervously.  “Well, I have a casino to enjoy, so I’ll be back later, tell Eisuke I said hello!” and with that, Dr. Foster leaves.

“Soraya, I needed to talk to you about something.” Soryu looks at me with a serious stare. “All right, sure, what is it?” He holds one of my hands and an unexpected feeling begins to surge within me, something I hadn’t felt in a while. “How did you know that you loved your husband? How did you know he was the one?”  I smile and think back to those times and I squeeze Soryu’s hand tightly. “It’s not like they say, that’s for sure. He was my best friend since childhood, but one day, I realized that he meant more to me than that, and so did he. We felt complete when we looked at each other and knew that we could do anything we set our minds to while supporting each other. Love doesn’t mean candle lights and rose petals, it means working hard to meet each other half-way; willing to sacrifice the small things to learn to live with another human being. You have to remove that pre-conceived notion of the perfect person waiting for you and accept the fact that what is in front of you is what you were looking for all along, if you just follow your feelings…” I was lost in the moment when I noticed Soryu suddenly moving closer to me.  He moves his other hand to my cheek and gently pushes our faces close as we share our first kiss.

I feel his soft lips upon mine and focus on the moment, it felt so right.  After a few seconds, Soryu pulls away to look at me with his beautiful grey eyes. “I… I’m sorry Soraya, I shouldn’t have, but it felt right and I know I feel something for you, I want to get to know you better.” I take both of Soryu’s hands and hold them tight. “I feel something too, but we should take it slowly, really get to know one another and feel each other out.” Soryu’s face brightens up and he quickly embraces me “that is more than I could have asked for.”  Right at that moment “b… boss, princess!  I um…. ahem… sorry to interrupt, but there seems to be trouble down stairs.”  Soryu sighs and starts to follow Inui. “princess, we need you too, this foreigner speaks Spanish and it’s getting out of hand.” I stand up and take Soryu’s outstretched hand and make our way to the lobby.

Once downstairs I see a group of men squaring off with Eisuke and Mamoru, but they can’t understand each other.  I walk up to the men and Soryu follows closely.  The men inform me that they are here on business and that they feel the service here was not up to par, apparently one of his men innocently tried to talk to a maid and she slapped him. By the looks of the men, I could tell they were more Mexican mafia related than anything and I could see Soryu tensing up. I reassure them that the maid probably had misunderstood and offered an apology on behalf of the hotel. The leader of the men basically looks me over which causes Soryu’s to put an arm around my waist and pull me closely. The man smiles at me with a wicked grin, “we’re leaving to another hotel sweetheart, but I’ll be back for you.” (says this in Spanish). The men all take the cue from their boss and head out.

“Soraya, what was that he said?” I feel nervous and don’t want to worry Soryu, but Baba walks up to us at that moment. “He said that they were leaving, but that he would be back for her.” Soryu’s grip on me gets tighter and his muscles tense up. “Soraya, you’re coming home with me. I’m not letting anyone take you.” I hug him and try to calm him down. “Remember that I am a fighter Soryu, nothing will happen to me. I will go with you so you don’t worry, but I’ll be fine.”  The guys look at us while we embrace “so, pretty lady, when did this happen?” I begin to laugh as I step away from Soryu “let’s just say it’s happening” as I try to keep Soryu from reaching for his gun in public.

A couple of days pass since the incident and I am back to the hotel assisting Eisuke with yet another meeting; this time, my skills in Cantonese came in handy. Soryu is currently taking care of some issues while Inui and Samejima keep a careful watch over me.  Once the meeting is done I decide to take a break outside of the hotel and the guys follow close behind.  I look up to the clear sky and close my eyes for a second to take it all in. I can hear hotel guests going about their business and cars zooming by.  Suddenly, the peace is shattered by a woman’s scream towards the back of the hotel. I open my eyes and watch as people scatter around horrified, not sure of what is going on. Samejima and Inui get pushed further behind the crowd as I feel someone’s arms wrap around my waist and pull me backward.  I start to kick back and hit around when I feel a sharp pain in the back of my neck and the world before me blurs as my eyes slowly close.

INUI’s POV

“PRINCESS!!!!” I yell has loud as I can, but notice a man grab her from behind as I fight my way through the crowds. “Samejima, call the boss!  It looks like those creeps are back!” I continue to walk towards Soraya, but the crowd gets larger as panic continues to set in.  In a matter of seconds, she is injected with something and placed inside a large black Suburban. “Nooooo! Soraya!” I yell to no avail. I manage to get the license plate number and look to Samejima, who is on the phone with boss.  This is bad.

SORYU’S POV

The results on the license plates come back blank, no data. Damn it all! I slam my wrists hard on Eisuke’s desk as I finish using his computer. “Soryu, calm down, this doesn’t help matters any.  You know she’s as stubborn as they come and she’ll be fine.” I take a deep breath, but it doesn’t help. “Just when I confessed to her and started to take my time with her and this happens. Am I not meant to be happy? Scratch that, I just need her back alive, right now.”  Eisuke grabs a glass with scotch and hands it to me “we’re all working hard to find her, it won’t take long, have faith in her stubbornness.” Somehow, that doesn’t appease me.

SORAYA’S POV

I wake to the heavy sound of chains rattling and to a swaying movement.  My hands and feet are bound in rope and I seem to be in the cabin of a boat.  A voice I recognize sounds off from the dark corner and the man starts talking in Spanish “my dear, you’re awake, it’s been two days.  I apologize, but my men went overboard on your sedation.”  I shake my head to try and clear the cloudiness I feel. “We’re almost to a nearby island where we will fly to your new home in Mexico.” The man approaches me and smiles. “For now dear, sleep tight, and when you wake, you’ll be the queen of a new empire.”  I try to stand but he quickly reaches my arm and injects me yet again.

SORYU’S POV

It’s been a week and no sign of Soraya has been found. I need her back with me, safe in my arms. Traces of her were found around the city, but it’s as if she’s vanished yet again.

SORAYA’S POV

I open my eyes to a bright light as white curtains sway above me. The smell of cigarettes fills my nostrils and I turn my attention to my captor who is sitting next to my bed in a chair “chula, you have awakened.” He snaps his fingers and immediately two servants bring in food. “You’ll need your strength soon in order to be my wife.” I gasp and want to yell his head off, but my throat is dry. I eat the food and drink the water as fast as I can, I had never been so hungry in my life. The man sits there and laughs at me, that’s the straw that broke the camel’s back. “Just what do you think you’re doing in kidnapping me and bringing me here, wherever this is.”

For the first time, I get a good look at the middle-aged man; handsome, but I’m most definitely not interested. “I take what I want and I do what I please and you are in Mexico City my angel.” He comes close to me and sniffs my hair. I push him away, but my strength is not completely back. He lets out a hearty laugh again “your man will never find you because we’re planting evidence for him to follow, but it will lead him everywhere else but here; face it, no one can save you.” I glare at him and smile but don’t utter a word. Correction little mafia jerk, I will save myself. “There’s a bathroom through that door and clothes have been laid out for you.  Try as you might, you can’t escape.”

I hate to admit it, but the guy thought of everything to keep me hidden.  Days pass by as I recover and am unable to leave my room. There is only one glimmer of hope left, today is my wedding day, the day I will be taken out of this room.  I’ve looked out of my barred window and studied the grounds; I’ve visited Mexico City before and know well enough how to get to the U.S. embassy.  Today I will escape.

The maids from the mansion scatter around me as they do my hair and place me in a beautiful wedding gown that literally makes me look like a princess.  The skirting is made of tulle everywhere with intricate pearl and diamond designs throughout and the satin corset displays beautiful crystal patterns. I’ll admit, the corset restricts my movements due to the steel boning, but I will make this work.

I’m taken outside and lead to a limo by two armed men.  Just as I had expected, the other members of the mafia scatter to their vehicles and head to the church.  I’m left with the driver and my two watchdogs.  It’s now or never. I elbow one of my guards right in the gut and hold his arm with the gun and point it at the other guard as he shoots. Once the other guard is down for the count I quickly slam the man in the face with my elbow effectively knocking him out and taking his gun which I use to point at the driver. The man quickly backs away from the limo and states “I only work for them, take the car!”  

I get in the limo and ram my way out of the gates of the mansion.  I drive around the city and make my way to the embassy, but notice my groom-to-be shaking hands with someone just outside of the gate.  I quickly slam on the brakes of the limo and turn around.  Plan B, head to the airport.  I’m not crazy and I know I can be taken quickly, but if I make it to a private hanger, I can “convince” someone to fly me out of here.

I make it to the airport as I lose a couple of cars tailing me. I park the limo behind the commercial hangers and steal a worker’s van to ride to a private hanger.  I spot a nice jet that looked like it was boarding a business man.  I park and run to the man speaking in Spanish, but he only spoke in English, “Please sir, I was kidnapped and they can find me any minute, please take me with you.” The older gentleman looks at our surroundings and ushers me inside the jet. “I can only take you to England, which is where I’m headed; but you’ll need to contact people to vouch for you there at the airport.” I squeal for joy and he laughs. “It’s not over yet ma’am, we’ll need to take off right now before they find us, keep that gun near you.”

We seat and buckle up as the pilot rides out to the runway.  We notice several dark vehicles rushing towards the plane, but the pilot speeds up and we’re able to make it unharmed.  The man hands me his cell phone as we hit the perfect altitude and I contact someone I’ve been missing. “Who is this?!” I hear his worried and strained voice. “Sor… it’s me, Soraya”… “Soraya! Are you okay? Where are you? Are you hurt?” I laugh “Slow down on the questions and listen sweetheart, I’m okay, I’ve escaped. Now meet me at the British airport with my documentation. I’m going to be busy making calls to Mexico City to report these men and get them all arrested…” “You were in Mexico City? We looked everywhere but there!...” I laugh “I know Sor, they lead you astray on purpose, but everything is going to be fine, we’ll take care of them. Now, honey, I have to go, I have to make the phone calls and rest a little. I’ll see you in a day or so, and Soryu, I love you…” the phone cuts off due to service and the business man takes the phone.

“It’s okay, you’ll be able to use it soon. Now, explain to me what happened?!” This is going to take a while.

After many naps, a couple of gas stops, phone calls and lots of storytelling we finally make it to our destination.  Upon landing, I notice a black limousine with all the guys waiting outside.  I’m still wearing the wedding dress, there was literally no time to change as we tried to avoid any issues.  Once the plane stops, I see Soryu run up to the plane as they lower the stairs.

Mr. Wright, the businessman from America that helped me, insists that I exit first. As soon as I step through the door and look at Soryu, his jaw literally drops and the guys are all shocked to see me. Right, the wedding dress… sigh. I quickly run down the stairs and hug Soryu. “Are you trying to tell me something Soraya?” Soryu jokes around. “Well, yes, I’m married again!” Soryu tenses up in my arms “YOU DID WHAT?!!” I pull back, “I’m joking, I left the groom at the altar, so to speak. Now, in all seriousness Sor, the police have had their hands full taking down many mafia members in Mexico.  I was able to secure evidence thanks to their servants, but the leader got away, I’m sure of it. I last saw him at the American embassy and…” Soryu touches my lips. “Shhh… Soraya, we took care of him.  After you called me and said you were in Mexico City, we found information on the local mafias and located him.”

Eisuke steps forward “We had the guy from the embassy arrested and well, the leader of the ‘Xeros’ mafia, let’s just say he met his doom through accidental means. I knew you were too stubborn to sit still woman.” I laughed at his comment and gave him a hug. “You may be a jerk, but I really appreciate this.” Baba raises his arms in the air and crosses them in his dramatic flair “can I kiss the bride now?” I stop hugging Mr. Narcissist and slap Baba hard on the arm. Soryu is trying to restrain himself in front of Mr. Wright.

“Glad to see that you are safe Soraya” Mr. Wright tells me.  “I’m so sorry, let me introduce you sir, these are my friends…”  Once introductions are made and possible business mergers are discussed by him and Eisuke, we all leave to the Tres Spades in London.

Later that night, Soryu and I are left alone, finally. “Soraya, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t function without you, I need you in my life.” I hug Soryu tightly. “I know this is fast Sor, but I truly meant it when I said ‘I love you’ over the phone.  Let’s let this take us where it will.” Soryu smiles as he begins to undo my corset. “I love you as well and I can’t help but to feel as if this was our wedding night. You look truly wonderful in this.” He rains kisses all over my neck and shoulders as he works on removing every item of clothing on me. Let’s just say Soryu didn’t let me rest at all that night.

The next late morning I wake up to an empty bed, where could Soryu be? He must be busy doing something important. I take a shower to relax and since I had no other clothing, besides the wedding dress, I lounge about the suite in a robe.  After a few minutes of watching TV I hear a knock on the door and Soryu rushes in with a cart of food.  The happiness I feel when I see this man, I never thought I’d feel something like this again.  I jump up and quickly run to hug him from behind as he sets the plates on the table. He turns to look at me “I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to how tall you are Soraya, but I love it.” I let out a giggle as he hugs me tightly.

I motion to move towards the food, but he pulls me aside. Blast it all man, I’m hungry!  “Soraya, will you take me for who I am, be with me in all circumstances? My life is dangerous, but I will protect you with all my being. Well, that’s more like if you’ll allow me to protect you because in all seriousness woman, you can handle just about anything.” He continues to gaze deeply into my eyes, I feel so to touched. “Plus, it’s not like you can say no anyways, I own you, right?” I laugh pretty hard.  “Sor, what are you getting at?” He takes in a deep breath and gets down on one knee “marry me?”  I feel tears streaming down my face and I stop breathing. “Soraya?” Soryu stands immediately and holds me by the shoulders. I start to breathe again and immediately tackle Soryu down to the couch while hugging him tightly.  The confusion that appears on his face is just delicious to me.  “Yes, yes, yes and 20 million times yes.” Soryu laughs loudly as we lay on the couch embracing each other. “Thank you, you’ve made me the happiest man ever.” I raise myself a little bit to gaze into his eyes. “You know that if anything fishy happens, I’m out the door right?” Soryu grins with a wicked smile “you can try and run away if you’d like, but I’m not letting you go.” I laugh and seal our deal with a kiss.

If someone told me a few weeks ago that I would end up being sold in a black-market auction only to escape, be captured, jump off a waterfall, fall in love, get kidnapped by Mexican mafia, run away again and end up engaged, well, I would have laughed my head off. Now, I can’t imagine my life being any different.  There are many challenges that will come my way as the future wife of a ‘mobster,’ but I know that we can get through it all together. My advice for you all out there, live your life, fight like no tomorrow and enjoy the ride.

[chilly-territory]

Gangsta BD4 drama translation

I did a summary of it earlier, and now this is a full script of this drama starring Nina, Nicolas and Doug with a little of Theo. The mp3 of the drama was kindly shared in fuckyeahgangsta's post.

Theo: Yeah, I want to request you to guard her for the duration of this delivery. No, it's just one place. One bodyguard is more than enough. Alright, I'm counting on you then. Nina: The equipment we additionally ordered has been delivered, so I'll put it in the storage room. Theo: Okay. Nina. Nina: Yes? Theo: Once you're done, I want you to do a delivery. For Granny Rose in District 4, her meds ran out. Looks like she will be able to visit us for an examination tomorrow, but I want you to deliver her today's share of painkillers. Nina: Understood. I'll go as soon as I'm finished. Theo: I requested a bodyguard, so take him and go. Nina: A bodyguard? Theo: District 4 is near District 6 where the recent Twilight killings took place. So this is just to be on the safe side. Unfortunately, one of the requested persons is preoccupied with a woman and can't make it, but the other should be more than enough alone. Nina: Ah, understood!

Nina: Upsie. Done! Theo: You're here. Nina: *giggles* Nico! Nic: Ah? Theo: Sorry to call you on such short notice, Benriya. Nic(signs): It's fine. Theo: Worick probably told you already, but to reiterate: I want you to guard her for this delivery. She's my invaluable nurse. If anything happens to her, there'll be hell to pay. Nic(signs): If it's a delivery, I can do by myself though? Nina: Ah, about that... The granny this delivery is for, she's, um... she doesn't handle Twilights very well, so... Theo: District 4 is Corsica's turf. It has a lot of people like Corsica himself, who have a prejudice against Tags. Well, a Tag or not, if a guy with a grim face like yours was her deliveryman, the granny's back pains would get so much worse. Nic(thinks): You're the last guy I wanna hear that from, doc. Nina: *giggles* Theo: Another thing. I want to use the afternoon for dealing with the documents that've been piling up, so don't come back until evening. Nic: *grunts* Nina(thinks): But we've got only one delivery, and it will be over fast. So it means I have his permission to play in the city, right? Hehe! Theo: Well, it's on you now. Nina: Yes, sir! Let's go, Nico!

Nina: It's been a while since I got to go out with you, Nico! Nic(signs): Has it? Nina: Yes, it has. Lately, we had an influx of visitors, so I didn't have time to go out much, and now I'm lucky! Nico, how's your injury from the other day? Nic(signs): Fine. Nina: That's good to hear! But you can't work out just yet, got it? Nic: Ugh... Nina: Nico...? You're already working out, aren't you?! Nic(signs): It's just a workout, it can't hurt. Nina: Yes, it can!!! *bumps into someone* I'm sorry! *more people bump into her* It's so crowded... Nic: *sighs* Nina: Eh, up? N-Nico? Nic: *jumps to the roofs* Nina: *yelps* Th-That surprised me. Don't jump all of a sudden... Nic(signs): It will be much faster if we go by the roofs. Hold on tight. Nina: Eh? Nic: *jumps onto the next roof with Nina screaming a little*

Nina: Please take care of yourself. We will be waiting for you tomorrow. (thinks) Good. The painkillers seem to have soothed her. Nina: Thanks for waiting, Nico. Nic(signs): Done? Nina: Yes! And I'm hungry, so let's have lunch somewhere? You know, there is a shop in District 9 that I heard about from a patient the other day, and I thought it'd be nice to visit it. If you don't mind, of course, Nico... Nico? Nic(signs): Let's go. Nina: Okay! *off they go by the roofs again*

Nina: The weather is so nice today! When we jumped earlier, the sky was so close, and it felt so good! Nic(signs): That so? Doug: Damn them! Going and using the opportunity to push the chores onto me! Nina: Doug-san? Doug: Huh? Nina: It really is you! What are you doing? Why are you holding all those bags? Doug: You're that girl from the clin--- Whoa! Why's Nicolas-san here, too?! Nic: Ah? Nina: He was helping me with a delivery. Doug: Oh, I see. Nina: I want to ask you the same question, Doug-san. Are you shopping? Doug: Something like that. The guys from the Guild said, "Go shopping for us if you have so much free time on your hands," and swamped me with requests... They just don't get what house arrest means, like, no kidding. Nina: Hahahaha. Ah, I know! We're going to have something to eat, would you like to come with us, Doug-san? Doug: Huuh? Why would I? Find someone else. Nina: I... see... Since we were lucky to run into each other, I just thought it would be nice if we could have a meal together... Doug: Well, it's not like I absolutely don't wanna go, it's just, uh... Nina: Just what? Doug: Argh, alright, I get it, I'll go, I'll come with you! Nina: Really?! Yay! Nico is happy to have you along, too! Doug: His face is clearly saying "see if I give a crap” though? Nina: Oh no, nothing of the sort! Well then, let's go!

Doug: You said earlier you were making a delivery, are you always the one handling deliveries? Nina: No, usually, we request Nico-- I mean the Benriya to handle them, but today the circumstances are a little special, so this time's request was only to guard me on the way. Doug: Hoo. That Normal mister's nowhere to be seen today. Nina: Worick-san? Ah, he has another job to take care of, right? Nic: *grunts* Nina: Huh? But the doctor said... Nic(signs): He planned to be done with his today's job before noon though. Nina: Oh. (thinks) Could it be that Theo-sensei was being considerate and arranged for me to play with Nico? Nic: *quizzical grunt* Doug: What? Is something wrong? Nina: Oh no, it's nothing! Ah, it must be that shop! I heard it has super yummy stuff! Can't wait to sample it! Doug: Huh? Wait, as far as I know the joints around here don't allow Twil--

Shop'sOwner: We don't have food to sell to Twilights! Get lost and never come back! RandomTwilight: Fuck you and your stupid joint! Go bankrupt!

Nina: Huh?! That person just now... Nic(signs): He got kicked out, evidently. Nina: Why...? Doug: I hear the joints around here don't allow Twilights. Just something of an unspoken rule though. Nina: No way... Doug: It's nothing unusual. Though I do think it's stupid. Nina: Ah, I am sorry... I didn't know it was that kind of place... Doug: Why are you apologizing? We're used to this and not really bothered by it. Nic: *sighs* *grunts* Nina: *yelps* Nico? Doug: You can just come here with the doc next time. Besides, I'm not a fan of respectable places like that anyway. Like, they're so stiff and stuff... Ah, oh! There's a line of buy&eat shops on the other side. Wanna hit those? Nina: Doug-san... Hehe. You're right.

Nina: Wow... It's like a festival! It's my first time coming here! Doug: And this is why kids are so bothersome. Nic: Hmph. Doug: You snorted! You laughed at me just now! Thinking to yourself that I’m kid-sized, too! Nic: No. Doug: Then stop with that annoying half-smirk! Nina: Ah, you two, this is a street, you know, and you're blocking the way. Come on, Nico, let's go.

Nina: It's really crowded here, would you like to hold hands too, Doug-san? Doug: For the record, I'm 21, so don't treat me like a kid, would ya. Nina: Ah, I didn't mean for it to sound that way. But if the two of us took Nico's hands on both sides, it'd look like he's our dad. Doug: HUH?! No friggin way! I absolutely don't want a father like that! Nic(signs): Spare me a kid like that, either. Nina: Really? Doug: In the first place, since Nicolas-san is so short, at best we’d look like sibl–- ow-ow-ow-ow!!! Ouch, ouch, ouch! Don't stomp on my foot, stop, it'll break! Nina: I don't have siblings, but it must be nice to have some. I wonder how it would feel to have one? Doug: I was an only child, too, so I don't really know either. Although I do have someone who’s like a big brother to me. Nina: Ah, that looks yummy! Doug: Agh, let's just buy it for starters then. Mister, gimme 3 of these! Aw damn, both my hands are occupied with the bags. Nic: *sighs* Doug: What, your treat? How generous! Nina: Spots in the resting area on the other side got vacated just now! Doug: Heh, great.

Nina: Nico, this one is yummy, too. Eh, it's hot, so if you wolf it down like that, you'll... Nic: Hm? Nina: If you're OK, then never mind, I guess. Doug: I'll have that too! *gets burnt* Nina: Hey, you need to let it cool first! Water, water. Doug: Oof, I-I'm amazed you can eat something as hot as this, Nicolas-san. Nic(signs): Is this that hot? Nina: Gosh, it's too late after you got burnt. Doug: Did you learn sign language by yourself from the scratch? Nina: Yes. I started because I wanted to talk to Nico. Doug: Seriously? Isn't it too much trouble though? There's plenty of other means, like writing, no? Nina: Mmn. I wanted to talk with the same words as Nico, so... Although there are many words I haven't learned yet. Doug: I'm an idiot, so for me it's totally impossible. Nina: N-No, that is not so, I assure you! Doug: Whoa, you startled me here. Nina: Sign language may look difficult, but there are only so many frequently used words, and once you've learned the basics, it's easy. For example, you make a chop at your right hand with the back of your left hand like with a kitchen knife, and that means "thank you". Doug: Like this? Nina: Yes! Doug: True, it's easier than I thought... Hey, what are other easy words you frequently use in daily life? Nic: Hmmmm. *thinks* Hm. Nina: Nico! You can't show the middle finger!!! Doug: Haha, that’s easy to underst—- hey wait! It’s not even sign language! Nic(signs): This comes in handy frequently though, like for provoking people.

Doug: Gah, I'm so full! Nina: I rarely get to eat out like this, so it was heaps of fun! Doug: Oh really. Good to hear. Ah? Nina: Ah. Nico, at your feet. Nic: Hm? Nina: It's badly injured. Its front leg, probably? The bleeding seems to have stopped, but the bone may be broken. But why is it so dirty...? (thinks) A Twilight's tags? Its owner's, possibly? But why? Could it be that something happened with its owner...? Doug: If it has tags, the best option is to take it to old man Chad, no? Especially if something happened to its owner. *Nina is unhappy* Doug: Don't make a face like that. Nina: It's just too sad that Twilights are discriminated against just because they're Twilights. I don't deny that there are some scary people among them, but not every Twilight is like that. Yet they're treated like it's their fault that they're Twilights Nic: *grunts* Nina: Ah, sorry for my weird ramblings. Doug: What I'm gonna say may sound cold, but this city won’t change just because you alone are crying for us. But to us, people like you are like gods. Isn’t that enough? Nina: Doug-san... Doug: Besides, you're gonna become a great doctor someday, too, no? Nina: Ah... (thinks) It’d be nice if I could. But I’m sure that I... Doug: What's wrong? Nina: Nothing. Doug-san, I thought so before, but you really are a very kind person. Doug: I-I just say what I think! I don’t try to be nice or anything... Nic: Hehehe. Doug: Don’t laugh! Nina: I'll take this little one to Chad-san. Nic(signs): I'll go with you. My job's not over until you're back at doc Theo's clinic, and if something happens to you, he'll kill me. Nina: Thank you, Nico. Doug: Okay, I'll go back to the Guild, then. They'll tell me off for fooling around on my way back too much if I'm too late. Nina: Okay! Thank you for today! Let's eat together again some time! Doug: Ehh? Well, if I feel like it. Heh!

Nina: We should go, too, Nico. Nic: *grunts* Nina: Ah, right, you know what? Alex-san came the other day to make sweets! She baked cookies, and they were so yummy! I wonder when she'll drop by again? Nic(signs): Who knows. Nina: I want to make them together with her next time. I'm practicing with the recipe she told me, so I want Alex-san to taste-test my cooking. And of course you, Nico, and Worick-san, too! Nic: *grunts* (signs) I'll let them know. Nina: *giggles* Thanks! I've got to work hard to make sure it's yummy then!

Nina: ...and then Doug-san decided not to wait until it cools and burnt his mouth! It looked painful! Theo: I see. Nina: But Nico didn't react at all, just quickly ate it all up. Theo: I see. Nina: All we did was have a meal together, but it was so much fun! I even thought that if I had siblings, it'd probably feel like that. Theo: I don't even what to imagine that. Nina: Doctor? Theo: What is it? Nina: Thank you for today. Theo: What are you talking about? Ah, more importantly, make copies of these papers. Without you, the work just keeps piling up. Nina: *giggles* Yes, sir!

[mynotsoawesomescenarios]

Compos Mentis: Prologue II

His Story

A/N: Taeyong will make another appearance in the future :))))

~Admin Allie

Byun Baekhyun was always interested in how the human brain worked. While he usually worked with mentally ill teenagers, he still had an extensive knowledge on how humans work and on their natural habits and tendencies. However, his education could not prepare him for the events and people he were to encounter in the future. 

“So, you’re leaving?” Taeyong spoke from the entrance of Baekhyun's office. He was packing up because he had recently got a promotion. Well, not a promotion but an employment opportunity that just happened to pay him more. He looked to the boy that stood in the doorway and walked up to him.

“You don’t need me anymore, Taeyong,” he lifted his hand to the younger man’s shoulder but he moved away.

“I don’t need you, but I need you around. You’re the only person I can talk to..” he looked down and his voice fell. Baekhyun pulled him into a hug and held on the back of his head.

“I’ll call you often and even visit you when I’m off, which is every weekend. I promise.” He let Taeyong go and looked him into his eye. Taeyong knew that he kept his promises.

When the pair first met, Taeyong refused to go to any of his sessions. Baekhyun would stop by his room every single day and ask him to come in for just one session, but Taeyong was very stubborn. Baekhyun took it upon himself to ask the staff about his likes and dislikes, favorite food and even the music he liked. Baekhyun kept going to his room, promising him a reward if he came to him for just twenty minutes. Every time Taeyong came to him, he would add two minutes to the next session and if he didn’t come, he would take away one minute. Eventually, the sessions became proper, hour long ones and Taeyong didn’t need the reward system anymore. They formed a natural bond with one another, which is what made it so hard for them to part from one another.

“Okay.” Taeyong nodded and flashed Baekhyun a small, painful smile. “Since you promised, I believe you.” Baekhyun giggled, and pulled him into another hug. “Ew, if you keep hugging me, I’ll cry. Please stop.” Baekhyun let out a loud laugh and Taeyong laughed as well.

Baekhyun sat on the edge if his bed, deep in thought. He didn’t want to leave his clients, he really didn’t. He loved everyone he worked with and the atmosphere was so comfortable. But the city pleaded with him. They needed a new therapist at Steel Heart Asylum and they heard through the network that Baekhyun was one of the best in his field.

They told him that he could refuse, but they still managed to guilt him into it by telling him that without him, “the patients will only get worse.” He couldn’t just refuse while people needed help. But something still didn’t sit with him well. He questioned why there wasn’t another therapist in the first place and all they told him was that she was in an incident and needed a long break, which was basically code for quiting. He wanted so badly to refuse the position, but he just couldn’t.

He drove up to the dark and dreary building. It was surrounded by nothing but trees and silence. He unloaded his things and walked into the building with a sinking feeling taking over inside of him. He walked up to the woman at the front desk and gave her a smile that was obviously forced.

“Hi,” he greeted her in a polite tone.

“Why are you here?” The woman responded with a voice that showed that she was bothered with him, being forced to do her job for once.

“Ah, I’m the new therapist, Doctor Byun. I was told to come in today but received no other-” She held up a finger to him, signalling for him to hush. She dialed the phone with her uncomfortably long finger nails and popped her gum as she waited for the person on the other end to pick up.

“Yeah, there’s a Doctor...” She moved the receiver from her mouth and raised her brows at him.

“Byun.” He said, clearly growing irritated.

“Right, a Doctor Byun here. He says he was told to come here today...how am I supposed to know?...okay.” She hung up the phone. “Mr. Hart will be here in a minute.”

“Thank you.” He patted the counter before walking away and headed for the waiting area to the right of the receptionists desk. He wasn’t waiting for long until a tall, lean man dressed in a well fitted grey suit walked down the hall and instantly smiled at Baekhyun although he was feet away. Baekhyun stood up to greet him and the man walked to him quicker with his hand out.

“Nice to meet you, Dr. Byun!” The mans excitement was refreshing to Baekhyun, who just had an encounter with the uninterested receptionist.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Mr. Hart.” The man’s handshake was firm and showed off his obvious alpha male personality. The man was an easy read for Baekhyun. He was in charge, had power, strength, obviously so, but he was overall weak, fragile. Everything he had could easily crumble below him if one cog managed to not fit the rest of the machine.

“Let me show you around a bit.” Mr. Hart patted Baekhyun on his back and guided him down the hall he just walked down himself. It was a generic tour filled with patient rooms, the cafeteria, treatment rooms and staff bathrooms. Contrasting the look on the outside, the inside was very bright and clean. All of the walls were sickeningly white and the floors were tiled with a soft light blue and was clear of any marks or dirt.

“I can’t express how much we need you, Dr. Byun. You really came just in time.”

“I’m happy I can be here to help.” He flashed a fake smile.

“Now, the position is only permanent for two months, but anytime after that you can quit and go back to your old job. The network assured us that they would have a new therapist by then. So, if you want to leave, there won’t be any hard feelings.” Mr. hart gave him a charming smile. “At the end of this hall is your office. This was the head therapist office, so you’ll be here as well. You will be taking all of her patients but you can change the schedule to choose what best fits you.” He stood in the doorway as Baekhyun quickly scanned the office.

“The files you need are on the desk.” Baekhyun went to the desk and picked up the small stack of papers and folders.

“I only have three patients?” Mr. Hart nodded.

“Yes, but don’t take them lightly. The other therapist was with them for two years and never even got under their skin. They’re resilient.” Mr. Hart began to walk out of the room but skipped back in as if he had forgotten something. He waved a finger in Baekhyun’s direction and began to speak, “I have one piece of advice for you, Dr. Byun. Don’t look at them like you would a human, everything will be easier on you.” Baekhyun furrowed his brows and looked to the man. He seemed to nice and these sudden words seemed to be so out of character. “Especially that...Honey Quinn. That one, she’d beyond help, Doc.”

But that only made Baekhyun want to help these people even more than before.

It had been six weeks and Baekhyun was feeling like he was close to freedom. Just two more weeks and he could walk away from this place and never look back. It wasn’t his patients that he had a problem with, he actually learned a lot by working with people like them. They seemed to warm up to him as well. The problem was the staff, none of them cared about the people who stayed there. They didn’t treat the people how they should be treated when in an institute for treatment. Yes, they have all done some fucked up things, but Baekhyun could still see the good in them. 

And where was his third patient? He asked about her almost everyday but everyone just grazed over it, telling him that he’d meet her soon. He wanted to know what was so bad about her that he had been warned so many times by many people. As soon as his thoughts started to go deeper, there was a knock on his door.

“Yes, come in.”

“Are you Mr. Bun?” he looked at the woman that peaked her face in his door. She was clearly unwell, the display of her sunken cheeks and eye sockets  paired with her dull complexion made that apparent. However, she had the brightest smile he had seen in weeks. How could she look so happy while she looked so unhealthy? “That’s a cute name, Mr. Bun.”

“It’s actually Dr. Byun.” He rushed to the door and opened it further, inviting her in. He gestured to the brown chaise lounge chair in front of his desk and she sat down and lifted her knees to her chest. “And who might you be?” He knew exactly who she was.

“I’m Honey. Honey Quinn.” She gave him a wide smile and he couldn’t help but return it. “Say, can I call you Mr. B?”

She was charming.

[junkyardlynx]

My experience with sepsis, also known as “god please no”

So as I’ve said a few times in passing, I got to 1v1 sepsis about four years ago now. I’ve never really written out the experience, but the entire two months of my life surrounding that period is a hell scarred into my brain. So. Hey. That’s a fun story, right? Right? A brief primer on sepsis is basically uhhhh, “your body is trying to fight an infection, but it did it wrong and now all those chemicals it just released are running rampant inside of you.” The real bad part is when you go into septic shock, which is where your body just can’t hold it together and your blood pressure plummets. That’s where I ended up. 

Long read, so I’m gonna put it under a read more. It’s also...somewhat graphic. A big part of why I’m finally typing this all out is because I want you guys to know why I’m so fucking scared of COVID-19. I don’t e-beg lightly, you know? I don’t think I do, at least. Anyway.

So, how did I get it? Glad you asked. Never help your friends move. Okay, that’s disingenuous. If you help your friends move and you cut yourself, god, please clean that shit. It was January and I was helping my best friend move into his new place. We were moving his shitty old couch in when I managed to tag my inner thigh on a nail sticking out of the bottom. I swore, we laughed it off, I splotched the blood off afterwards and threw out those jeans, end of story. Right? Wrong.

I hadn’t washed it until I went home and took a shower and I guess the damage was done by that point. It was stupid and careless of me, but I’d cut myself a thousand times before on dumber shit and didn’t think anything of it. About a week later, I was in crippling pain all over my lower body. The worst pain in my life (up until that point; More on that later!) and I had a massive fever. I took a week off work, not really connecting the dots until I was crying in the shower trying to bathe myself and I felt a really hard...plateau? underneath my thigh meat. I’d noticed the area was really black and blue, but thinking was hard with a 102 fever. When I touched it, I screamed for dear fucking life, and I realized it was all centered around that cut I’d suffered. 

I’d gotten myself a massive abscess, and in the two weeks I’d let it fester, it became necrotic. You might say to yourself, “Spence, how did you not notice before hand?” and that’s a valid question. Here’s some more background. I’ve been through a decent amount in my life and am no stranger to pain. I am also...quite poor. Always have been. So when I notice my body hurts and I have a fever boiling my brain, bad enough to keep me from going to work for once? My last thought is going to the doctor. It’s “I’m already out of work for a week, and I can’t afford anything else.”

Yeah, that didn’t last so long. It got to the point where I couldn’t eat, couldn’t drink, couldn’t move. I spent two days curled up on my couch, barely sentient until I called my best friend and begged him to drive me to the hospital. He did. I was a shivering, shaking mess and I vomited outside of his car more than once on the 15 minute drive. Kinda owed me for helping him move houses, I guess. 

When I made it to the emergency room, they immediately tried to give me IV fluids. I was so fucking dehydrated that they had to stick a needle in my shoulder because the veins in my arms and hands kept collapsing. I passed out a few minutes after, assuming it’d be a matter of getting some fluids in me and some OTC antibiotics. 

So began my nightmare and recovery. 

I woke up in a hospital room, with two doctors and three nurses crowding the room. Now, I’m not a scientist or a medical professional, but that’s generally a bad sign. One doctor is usually a bad sign. They began to explain what they thought had happened to me - I had a bacterial infection in my leg, it was real bad, my flesh started to die. What’s more, that bacterial infection had spread into my bloodstream. Bacteremia! Three cheers for being just on the cusp of septic shock. I was enjoying a little major organ failure, as a treat. 

I was scheduled for a surgery the next day to remove the necrotic tissue. You have to remove necrotic tissue, as it doesn’t tell the cells next to it that it’s died, so it kinda...does a whole chain reaction thing. That’s bad, if wanna keep living. So I went in for surgery. I wasn’t going to say no. I wanted to live.

I came out and the first thing they asked was “are you feeling okay?” and when I nodded in the affirmative, they gave me the bad news.I needed more surgery. It had spread from my right thigh up around my asscheek. 

It ended up being two more rounds of surgery to tunnel all the dead flesh out of me. I couldn’t really lay on my right side or anything due to the massive surgical I’d endured, so I favored my left side heavily. I couldn’t walk or go anywhere, so I spent my time curled up on the shitty hospital bed. Somehow, things only got worse for me because I learned about a very important procedure we had to do. 

Packing the wound.

See, missing a massive chunk of flesh? That’s bad. That’s ripe for more infection and almost guaranteed to heal and scar badly if left alone. So it meant I got to have medicated gauze stuffed into my body’s wounds. I’m not sure how many of you have had fingers jammed into a non-natural orifice, but holy god, that is the most pain I’ve ever endured. 

So I endured it daily for just under two months.

See, they would come by with a syringe of dilaudid to put directly in my PICCline (a long term catheter inserted directly into a large vein, used for anything from blood draws to IV/medication distribution) before they went to pack my wound. Now dilaudid is a magical mixture that does take every ounce of pain away in your body when it’s uh, dumped directly into your heart. Yeah, for about 20 minutes. Thing is, the nurses that would administer the Dilaudid and the nurses that would shove their fingers into my open wound were different people, and they had very different ideas of what 20 minutes was. 

I’d get high as FUCK for 20-30 minutes, then fall back down to earth in the next 30 minutes, just in time for the packing nurse to show up an hour later. You know, when I was feeling pain again. This went on daily for under two months, and I begged the nurses to just find a way to come together as a team and I’d wait as long as I had to for them to both come together. One main “team” of nurses eventually tried, but it didn’t last long. The others just told me to stop being so whiny about it, in slightly nicer terms. I knew they were busy, so I bit my tongue. More than once.

So while I suffered extreme pain on the daily exacerbated by the inefficient drugging/packing schedule, I was also diagnosed with acute kidney failure due to the extremely high levels of creatinine in my piss. Creatinine is basically waste from your muscles that your kidneys are supposed to filter out. Mine weren’t. Thankfully, it was only acute, and not end-stage renal failure. A nephrologist came and added some more pills (including a diuretic) to my diet that already consisted of about 15 pills per day. My kidneys never regained full, 100% function and to this day I have elevated creatinine levels and I’m prone to vomiting and nosebleeds. Fun. 

So for two months I went through this cycle of pain and pills. I went into physical therapy for a bit to learn how to walk again, adjusting to my lack of muscle / tissue on my right side and coping with the pain. I was informed that my immune system was “remarkably weak” and it was surprising that I’d made it this long without any big issues. When I explained my history of strep throat and the like, the doctors didn’t seem surprised. 

Full disclosure, my mother was a drug addict and did everything from coke to heroin, which is why she died when I was 3. I imagine most of my health problems stem from a, uh, cursed birth. 

When I was discharged, I was given a month’s supply of percocets and my doc told me to just ring him when I needed more. He was very understanding. 

I never did, both because of the cost and because I...well, I enjoyed the feeling too much. That wasn’t a path I wanted to walk down. So I didn’t. Both sides of my family suffered with addictive personalities.

I still feel pain in my leg almost daily. I’ve never been the same. I almost died. My health deteriorated greatly, and it’s been a struggle to stay sane and alive and functional. 

So I feel a bit like a coward for not simply getting a job at a grocery store or the like, but...if I catch COVID? When no one around me is being careful and I have the body of a malformed creature born in the depths of Mordor?

I don’t wanna do that again. I’d actually rather die. I can’t suffer that again. If my quality of life dropped any more than it has since I had sepsis? Yeah.

[365-money-diary]

DAYS 300 - 306

DAY THREE HUNDRED

8:30 AM - I arrive at work and have an hour long meeting before I get to make coffee and toast.

12:00 PM - I walk to Sprouts and buy a package of vaginal probiotics because I’m starting to feel iffy, some kale, tomatoes, an avocado and a cucumber. $44.31

3:30 PM - We have a big meeting and I think I do relatively well with them, but they take forever to leave our office.

4:45 PM - I scat home super quick, let the dog out, and change my shoes for dinner.

6:00 PM - I meet my sister and the doctors she interviewed with for dinner at Seasons 52. I get a vegetable medley and a glass of wine. Doctors pay.

8:00 PM - My sister and I head down to The Van Buren and meet up with my boyfriend. We watch a few songs by Jose Gonzales and then head to Crescent so she can see the inside of that. We head to Valley Bar next where we sit for a glass of wine. Boyfriend buys.

10:30 PM - I drop her off at her hotel and I’m so hungry when I get in the car that I order boyfriend and me JJ. $17.99

11:00 PM - I hate eating late but I can’t help it this time. I eat and head to bed almost immediately.

DAY THREE HUNDRED TOTAL: $62.30

DAY THREE HUNDRED-ONE

9:30 AM - I wake up and head to Cartel. I’m taking the day off today to hang with my sister, but she has a small meeting before we can hang. I get free coffee again, but I don’t end up tipping today cause they hand it to me really far away from the register.

10:00 AM - I get a phone call from my sister and she’s done with her meeting. I walk up to the register to see if they have vegan cookies today and they don’t which is a bummer. We’re not eating until 1:30 and I’m starving.

10:15 AM - I stop at QT and get gas. $24.36

10:20 AM - I get one of those pretzel hummus combos to fight the hunger. $2.15

10:30 AM - I pick my sister up from the rental car place and we head to my office so she can meet my coworkers.

11:00 AM - We stop by my cousin’s building and they show her around. We chat for a while and then head out to Arcadia so she can see some houses.

1:30 PM - Sister and I head downtown to my boyfriend’s office. I pay to park the car and then we grab him and walk to Crescent for lunch. I get a salad and a sangria. My sister gets tacos and a marg. Boyfriend covers the tab. $4.25

3:30 PM - We decide to go to Top Golf and then the casino. Sister gets Top Golf, I cover the casino. $22

6:00 PM - We head back to Tempe and meet up with my boyfriend at Postino. I pay for our meal. $87.99

8:00 PM - I drop my sister off at the airport and she flies home to Chicago.

8:30 PM - I arrive home and am emotionally drained. I sit on my phone for a while and then turn in for the night.

DAY THREE HUNDRED-ONE TOTAL: $140.75

DAY THREE HUNDRED-TWO

8:15 AM - I wake up to a Serato charge. $9.99

9:00 AM - I make it to work on time! I toast some bread and make coffee for my assistant and me.

12:00 PM - I walk to Sprouts and pick up a giant bottle of seltzer water and a can opener. $6.34

5:30 PM - I arrive home, let the dog out, and shower quickly and then head out to meet my boyfriend and his Tucson friends downtown before the game.

7:00 PM - We all eat together at Cornish Pasty. Boyfriend and I split a charcuterie board (I just eat pickled veggies). I also get a cocktail and a pasty. He gets a salad and I cover it all. I am so fucking full. $54.63

8:30 PM - We make it to the Suns game and Isaiah Canaan fractures his ankle badly, but we still win.

11:30 PM - We arrive home and fall asleep trying to shake off the Isaiah Canaan injury. You can’t unsee that shit.

DAY THREE HUNDRED-TWO TOTAL: $70.96

DAY THREE HUNDRED-THREE

9:00 AM - I roll out of bed and head to work.

9:30 AM - My assistant already has made me coffee which is nice. I toast a piece of bread.

12:00 PM - I walk to Sprouts and buy kale, an avocado, and an 8 pack of lemon La Croix. $5.20

12:30 PM - I eat my salad but I’m still super hungry. Sad! 3:00 PM - I eat a piece of bread because I’m still starving and wash it down with a La Croix.

5:30 PM - I arrive home from work and need to snack. I catch up on the latest episode of Vanderpump Rules and eat chips, salsa, and “Bitchin’ Sauce” with a Polar seltzer.

7:00 PM - I make my way up to Postino in Old Town where I meet my cousin. She treats me to a glass of wine and a veggie panini. We gossip about her brother’s engagement and family drama. It’s really nice to have her in the valley.

9:15 PM - I head home from dinner and veg out on the couch for a while. My boyfriend makes it home from a long day at work and we start to watch the Waco doc on A&E but end up moving to the bedroom and our cable login stops working so we give up and watch The Jump and fall asleep.

DAY THREE HUNDRED-THREE TOTAL: $5.20

DAY THREE HUNDRED-FOUR

8:30 AM - Boyfriend asks if I’m going to be on time for work today. I groan and roll out of bed, brush my hair and throw on some clothes.

9:00 AM - I make it to work on time. I make some coffee and a piece of toast. The usual.

11:45 AM - My colleagues and I go to Sauce. I get pasta with pizza sauce with mushroom and spinach. It’s so nice out and we sit outside -- lunch accidentally takes us 2 hours because no one is in the mood to work. $10.53

3:30 PM - We leave work early and I head home to work on my set for tonight at PV.

5:00 PM - Boyfriend comes home and cleans out his car. He plans to trade it in for a new one. I’m so excited for him!

8:00 PM - I realize I really don’t have much to eat here so I order JJ for both me and my boyfriend. $19.84

9:00 PM - I pack up my stuff and head to PV! We set up and I go on around 10:00. My set goes over pretty well and I feel good about it! For the rest of the night, I walk around collecting money for an event I put on every year called the Vanishing Show. I end up leaving with around $300! So happy about it.

3:00 AM - It feels really good not to drink honestly. I get home and fall asleep pretty quickly.

DAY THREE HUNDRED-FOUR TOTAL: $30.37

DAY THREE HUNDRED-FIVE

9:30 AM - I don’t know how I’m awake but it’s a thing. Boyfriend and I take his new car to Cartel and he treats me to some coffee. We then head to Waffle House where I load up on hashbrowns. He pays for this as well.

12:00 PM - We head home and watch some basketball.

5:00 PM - Boyfriend leaves to go to The Van Buren for Desert Trash and then to Marquee for Vince Staples. Super bummed I’m missing Desert Trash, but I have a gig tonight. I am super hungry so I make some Daiya mac & cheeze. It’s kind of gross.

6:00 PM - I take a much needed nap.

8:30 PM - I wake up and prepare the rest of my set for tonight.

10:00 PM - I head to Dutch Bros and buy a tea before heading to Rebel Lounge. $4.25

10:35 PM - I arrive at Rebel and load in my stuff. I am all set up and ready to go at 11 sharp.

2:00 AM - I close my set with My Heart Will Go On and it bums everyone out. I think it’s hilarious though. I collect my $200 check and head back to Tempe.

3:30 AM - I am able to naturally calm down after this set which is something I’ve been working on since my last set in January where I really had a hard time. Feeling really good and positive about my efforts!

DAY THREE HUNDRED-FIVE TOTAL: $4.25

DAY THREE HUNDRED-SIX

11:30 AM - We sleep in and it feels sooooooo good!

12:00 PM - We get Cartel. I’m extremely dehydrated so I opt out of coffee today.

12:30 PM - We get brunch at Gallo Blanco. I order and iced tea and a veggie burrito. Boyfriend gets a breakfast burrito and we split chips. I pay today. $26.72

2:00 PM - We arrive back home and we watch the Suns game. The Super Bowl is on at some point but I have no idea when/what’s going on at all. After the game’s over I put on a Lakers vs. OKC game from earlier today. Boyfriend falls asleep on the couch and I am somehow awake.

5:00 PM - I try to fall asleep in the bedroom but it doesn’t pan out very well.

6:00 PM - We go to the Sprouts and I get conditioner, ($12 of this total spend goes to home and health) 3 Big Sur burritos, a few cans of beans and tomatoes, a jalapeno, an onion, an avocado, some garlic, some pasta, a loaf of bread, and a bell pepper. $45.94

6:30 PM - We go to Walmart and boyfriend buys me a tiny six pack of Dr. Pepper and a giant Lemon Lime Gatorade.

7:00 PM - We stop at Fry’s and boyfriend gets a ton of canned soup.

7:30 PM - We arrive home and I partially clean out the fridge and make chili on the stove. It turns out okay, but I’m sure it’ll be way better tomorrow after those spices soak in.

DAY THREE HUNDRED-SIX TOTAL: $72.66