#since up to this point even the ones i've mostly enjoyed i haven't felt any real urge to revisit at all

[supercantaloupe]

finding a verdi opera that i will unambiguously love is like my holy grail. my white whale. my bigfoot. she's out there somewhere, probably

[willalove75]

Alcina's New Maid Pt. 6 Lady Dimitrescu x Reader

Summary: Lady Dimitrescu brings you in as one of her maids, at least, that's what you thought she brought you to the castle for.

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI

Tags: flirty, fluff, slow burn, smut, angst.

Notes: Part 6! The angst, SO MUCH ANGST. I think this is the least amount of dialogue I've ever had in a fic so I hope you all like it💕 Do I want to stay up all night and write chapter 7 right now? Yes. Holy shit yes. But I have stupid 'sponserbilities and adulting to do so part 7 will have to wait until next week. Until then, please enjoy this angsty as fuck chapter💕💕

Click here for the rest of the series

It struck you as odd that Alcina said you were to be by her side at all times, yet you barely saw her over the last few days. You were either in your room or with the girls; a couple of times you felt like Zina was tasked with babysitting you while you followed her around the castle, helping her with some of her duties. You haven't even been into your Mistresses chambers or her study since you got the concussion. Every time you did see Alcina, she didn't act like she normally does when she's around you, she seemed colder, more distant. That was apparent when you went to the dining hall the night of the incident and instead of being seated next to Alcina like you usually were, your chair was at the opposite end of the long dining table. Alcina barely looked at you, you thought maybe she just had a rough day and you tried to not think too much into it; but every time you've had a meal with them since, your chair was placed as far away from her as possible.

It was impossible for the thoughts to not flood your mind, wondering if you did something wrong, if maybe she was finally bored with you, if you just weren't living up to her expectations? She hasn't relieved you of your duties and she hasn't brought any other maids into her chambers, at least that you're aware of. The thought of her bringing another maid into her bed made your stomach twist with jealousy, but not rage. It was mostly just sadness, disappointment, heartbreak even. You hoped she wasn't, but truth be told you really had no idea and the thought haunted you a little.

The girls noticed a difference in their mother too, but they didn't dare talk to you about it, and you respected that. That didn't stop you from overhearing them mention that Alcina has been more agitated and easily angered lately. She damn near took a maids head off when the maid tripped in front of her. The maid was fine, traumatized for sure when Alcina whipped out her claws and threatened the poor girl with them, but physically unharmed.

Alcina's week has been anything but relaxing, she's done everything she possibly could to avoid you minus locking you away in your room. She tried her hardest to avoid looking at you during meals, seating you on the opposite end of the table. Being directly across from her made trying not to look at you difficult but she managed to ignore you for the most part. There were definitely a few stolen glances, but every time she caught herself looking at you she pried her eyes away and tried to distract herself with something else.

She noticed the look in your eyes during the last few meals, a look of sadness, confusion, uncertainty. Alcina brushed it off and did her best to keep the guilt from eating away at her. Her vices were her crutch during these trying times, she's been smoking nearly twice as much and drinking at least a bottle of her wine a day, sometimes two. The only vice she hasn't been able to satisfy was the sexual frustration that's been pent up inside of her. At this point she might as well be avoiding you because the minute she talks to you, she might just throw you onto her bed and ravage you, the complete opposite of what she feels like she has to do. She's been horny, but hasn't been able to bring herself to take another maid into her chambers. Instead her pent up frustrations have been released in bursts of unbridled anger.

It's not that Alcina really wants to avoid you, to shut you out, to put every feeling she has towards you into a box and never touch it again; she feels like she has to. Not only to protect you, but more for her own protection. She hasn't let herself get close to anyone since she was human, years before she was infected with the cadou and was mutated. The walls she built only got bigger and stronger once she was turned into what she is today, only letting her daughters in once they came to her. You managed to climb over and break down so many of her walls so effortlessly it terrified her, but the companionship was nice and she enjoyed caring for someone other than the girls, plus, she genuinely began to like you.

As soon as she realized how attached she was becoming, she bolted. Between Stefana and Mother Miranda, especially Mother Miranda, coming after you, wanting to cause you harm, she couldn't bear the thought of it. It was as if someone threatened to rip her heart out of her chest, a feeling she was not only completely not used to, but something that made her feel more vulnerable than she's ever experienced before. Every day since she began avoiding you she's had to convince herself that what she's doing is for the best.

After lunch you asked the girls to take you into the library, which Daniela happily agreed to, the other two followed out of obligation to their mother's orders. Daniela enjoyed the same kind of books as you, romance novels for the most part, some fantasy. She also enjoyed thrillers, but after one night of terrible nightmares that were brought on by reading her "It", you both decided it was best if she read those by herself. You began piling a few books you and Daniela picked out on one of the tables while the girls bickered as usual. Once you were satisfied with your selections you went to find the girls to head back to your room.

"Daniela? Bela? Cass?" You call out for them as you walk around the library. "Are you guys still here?"

After walking around for a minute and unable to hear them arguing, or even the buzzing of flies, you call out for them again; searching between the bookshelves in case they were just playing a game.

In one of the chaise lounges near the window you see Alcina laying across it, her head resting on her hand, invested in the book she's reading. Her eyes shift up to you as you come around the shelf.

"Oh, hi, sorry. I didn't know you were here." You nervously say. "I was looking for the girls."

Her gorgeous gold eyes stare into yours for a few moments, you try and see if you can gauge any kind of reaction in them but they're like stone. They shift back down to her book and she continues to read, as if you already walked away, or as if you were never there to begin with.

You feel a pain in your chest when she acts like you don't exist. It's taking all of the self restraint in your body to not break down and grab her face and ask her what you did wrong, begging for forgiveness for something that might not even exist. Instead you settle for asking if she needs anything, anything to make her speak to you.

"Is there anything you need me to do?"

Her eyes leave the page and snap up to yours, an intensity in them that hasn't been directed at you in a while. She closes the book in her hand and stands, you crane your neck and follow her eyes up, desperate for something, anything. Even if she just screamed at you, at least she'll have spoken to you. A lump in your throat grows as she turns and walks away without saying a word.

Closing your eyes in defeat, you stand there for a minute, gathering the strength to keep the tears you feel building at bay. You go back to your search for the girls, a swarm eventually showing up in the middle of the library.

"I'm so sorry!" Daniela cries and wraps her arms around you.

"What? What happened?"

"We left you!"

"It's okay," you laugh "I'm fine, I had a feeling one of you were gonna show up eventually."

Daniela looks at you, she has a small smile on her face but guilt in her eyes.

"Hey, it's okay kiddo, I'm not upset or mad, we're good, no worries." The guilt in her eyes fade and her smile grows. "Want to go read one of these?" You ask, picking up the stack.

"YES!" She squeals.

In a flash there's a swarm of flies surrounding you and lifting you off of the ground.

"Oh my god!" You yell as you laugh.

Daniela flies the both of you to your room at lightening speed, you're surprised and grateful you managed to hold onto the stack of books the whole way there. She sets you down onto your feet and emerges next to you from the swarm.

She picks out one of the books and you read to her until dinner. When the dinner bell rings Daniela whines, not wanting you to put the book down. Reluctantly, she gets up and swarms out and you follow her to the dining room.

The girls appear in their seats in the dining room as you walk in, you see your chair at the opposite end of the table, the same place its been for the last week, and you take your seat.

The maids bring out your meals, you quietly thank the maid who puts your meal down in front of you and you stare at it for a moment. What's the point of having every meal with them every day if she's just going to ignore you? There's a part of you that wants to get up and go back into your room, but you fight against the urge.

The clinking of silverware against the plates pulls you out of your thoughts and you quietly eat, although your hunger is suddenly gone.

"How was your day girls?" Alcina says. You look up and see her looking at her daughters, not even acknowledging your existence.

"Our hunt this morning was a lot of fun!" Bela says.

"Yeah, I killed so many lycans, I even got a deer!"

"Hey! I helped!" Daniela says.

"Yeah, barely."

They begin to argue over the subject and Alcina clears her throat and gives them both a look and they immediately drop it.

"Y/n started reading this really good book to me!" Daniela says with excitement in her voice.

You notice Alcina's face drop a little when she hears your name, you feel your heart drop as you watch. She gently smiles at Daniela, hiding her reaction.

"That's wonderful draga."

Your heart feels like it's in your stomach, you've barely touched your food and Bela notices.

"Do you not like it y/n?" She asks.

"Oh, no" you say, snapping out of your trance. "No it's delicious, I'm just not very hungry."

Your eyes meet Alcinas for a second and she looks away, crushing you even more.

After dinner you head to your room and read for a little while. Your stomach begins to growl and you get up and open your door, hoping to find a maid or one of the girls. Luckily you see a maid walking through the hall with cleaning supplies in her hand.

"Hey, can you do me a favor? Can you get one of the girls for me?" It's well known that you're not allowed to go anywhere by yourself now so the maid nods her head and walks off.

A few minutes later a swarm appears in your room.

"You rang?" You hear Bela say as she emerges from the swarm.

"Yeah, sorry, want to come down to the kitchen with me? I'm starting to get hungry."

"What is with you lately? You seem, weird. You and mom seem weird."

"I'm fine, just an off week I guess." You shrug.

"Okay," she says, unconvinced. "Lets go."

The two of you go into the kitchen and you whip up a quick sandwich and eat it as you both head back to your room. Once you get up the stairs Bela turns to you.

"Do I need to walk the extra 50 feet with you or can you manage not getting killed?" She teases.

"I'll be fine, thanks Bela."

She heads off in the opposite direction as you head towards your room.

As you walk past Alcina's door it opens and you see one of the new maids walk out. Her face is flush, her hair is messy, her legs are shaking and she looks mortified when she sees you. Your heart sinks into the bottom of your stomach, you know what caused the maids disheveled look, you know what just took place in Alcina's chambers. Looking up you see Alcina, who's surprised to see you as she wasn't expecting you to be outside of her door; you think you see shame in her eyes but your vision starts to become blurry as tears filled your eyes. You run into your room and shut the door without saying a word to either of them.

Hot tears flow into your pillow as you curl up in bed and sob. You're heartbroken and mad, mad at Alcina for providing such a false sense of security, mad at yourself for not listening and for getting attached. Zina was right, about everything. She'll make you feel special, but she really doesn't care about you, you're replaceable, disposable to her, just a plaything. A toy to use for her own enjoyment until she gets bored and wants something new to play with.

Unlike Stefana, you're not mad at the maid, you know it's not her fault, you don't even feel the urge to lash out at her. You're more upset at Alcina, not just for making you feel special and ripping it all away from you, but for not even giving you the curtesy of telling you. No warning, nothing. One day she's protecting you, from two different people and nursing you back to health, and the very next day its like you never existed.

Heartbroken, you cry into your pillow until you tire yourself out and finally fall asleep.

With some rare free time, Alcina decides to go to the library and find a new book to read. She picks up a book that peaked her interest and begins to read the first few pages. Immediately drawn in, she abandons her plans to read in her chambers and sits down on the closest thing to her, a chaise lounge in the corner by the window. Noises fill the library, but her attention is glued to the book so she pays them no mind. Her attention wasn't drawn away from her book until she sees something moving in front of her over the edge of her book, she looks up and sees you.

Surprised, she masks her emotions as she looks into your eyes. The knot in her stomach grows, she hears you speak but doesn't respond. Hoping you'll just leave, she turns her attention back to her book, although she can't focus at all with you standing in front of her.

"Is there anything you need me to do?"

Her eyes snap up into yours when she hears your shaking voice, she anticipates seeing fear in your eyes, she's a little taken back when she sees desperation, a deep sadness instead. An internal battle in her mind wages on, part of her just wants to wrap you in her arms and hold you, the other part just wants to pretend you don't exist. Realizing she's staring for too long she closes her book and stands up, there's a small second where she almost gives in to her desire, but she stays steadfast with her plan; she says nothing and walks away.

The look in your eyes haunts her as she makes her way back to her chambers. She tosses the book on her bed and walks up to her vanity and grabs the edge, lowering her head she pushes everything she's feeling back into its box. With her frustration and tension at an all time high she decides to try and provide some relief for herself.

She removes her hat and gloves and makes herself comfortable in her bed. With her eyes closed she pulls up her dress and slides her hand between her legs. After a few minutes of finding absolutely no relief, she gets up and goes into her wardrobe and grabs her favorite toy. This one always seems to do the trick and she's desperately hoping it doesn't fail her. She works the toy in and out of her and her anger only grows; she might as well not be touching herself because that would give her just about the same amount of pleasure that she's getting right now.

More frustrated than ever, she chucks the toy against the wall and lays back down, staring at the ceiling. In her head she goes over a list of maids she can bring into her chambers, every time she tries to picture one in bed with her, they always turn into you. Her frustration reaches its peak and she hears the dinner bell ring. A low growl rumbles in her chest and she gets up, places her hat back on her head, slides her gloves back on and makes her way down to the dining room.

She manages to avoid looking at you for the majority of the meal, focusing her attention on her plate and her girls. It wasn't until Daniela mentioned your name when she felt a sinking feeling in her heart. In an instant she pushes the feeling away, hoping you didn't witness her moment of weakness. Bela mentions that you barely touched your food and she quickly glances at your plate. It hasn't been touched except for one or two bites, you've just been pushing the rest around mindlessly.

Once dinner ends Alcina quickly makes her way back to her chambers. As she's walking through the halls she spots one of her newer maids. A cute, sweet looking girl, she can't be more than 20. Alcina doesn't know her name, and truth be told she doesn't really care to. All she knows is that the girl is quiet and does a decent job on the tasks she's assigned.

Usually when she talks to a maid about coming into her chambers she's flirtatious, mysterious, she likes to toy with the girls for a little bit, but tonight, Alcina doesn't have the patience.

Alcina walks up to the girl, who immediately looks terrified. Bending down to come off as less intimidating, Alcina speaks softly to the girl, but her demeanor doesn't change. If anything, she's more afraid now that the Lady is nearly eye-level with her. If she wasn't so pent up with frustrations Alcina would make a mental note to try and come off as less intimidating, but she's too focused on finding any kind of relief to even think about anything else.

With the girl finally in her chambers, Alcina lays with her on the bed and softly kisses her. It annoys her that the girl doesn't soften up at all, she's stiff as a board with fear, even after Alcina repeatedly tried to ease her fears, it was no use, so she continues anyway. It's not that the maiden was unwilling, Alcina told her she can tell her to stop at any time and she would, whether or not the maid believed her, or was too terrified to speak up was another story. Although if the maids drenched panties were any indication, Alcina had a feeling she was fine with it, probably just terrified that she was going to kill her. The girls soft cries as she came almost made Alcina finish without even being touched. She's never been this desperate before.

Alcina laid next to the maiden on her bed and pulled up her dress and removed her panties and ordered the girl between her legs. Nervous at first, the girl seem scattered, but after some praising and reassuring moans she found her rhythm and within minutes Alcina was cumming all over her face and hand. At the height of her orgasm she thought of you, she almost called out your name but bit down hard on her lip to stop it from slipping out. As she was recovering she looked down at the maiden between her legs and for a fleeting second, was disappointed it wasn't you. It was getting harder and harder to get you out of her head and she wasn't sure if she would be able to take much more of it. She felt as if trying to ignore you so much just made you more irresistible to her, it frustrated her to no end.

The maiden cleaned herself up and Alcina led her to the door for her to leave. Alcina opened the door and froze, there you were, standing right in front of her, walking back to your room. The look in your eyes when you saw the maiden, the way you immediately knew what had just happened almost broke Alcina. She's never felt shame like this before in her life and the guilt practically swallowed her whole. Alcina wasn't even able to hide the look of shame on her face when you looked up at her, the feeling only got worse when she saw the tears building up in your eyes.

She would have been grateful that you ran off if it didn't cause her so much physical pain in her chest seeing you that way. Knowing that she was the cause of your pain, she couldn't even think about it. The maiden stood there frozen, unsure of what to do. Alcina bent down and put her lips to her ear.

"Thank you sweetling." She said, petting her head.

The maiden took that as her cue to leave which Alcina was grateful for because she didn't have the patience or the constitution to keep herself together for much longer.

With the maiden on her way Alcina closed the door and stood there for a moment with her hand against it. She could hear your heartbeat in the room next door, she could hear you quiet sobs as you cried into your pillow. Out of all of the horrific screams and sounds she's heard in her life, hearing you crying, because of what she did to you, was once of the worst sounds she's ever heard. Alcina somberly got herself ready for bed and laid down, pulling the duvet over her. She listened to you cry until your heartbeat finally settled, letting her know that you finally fell asleep.

Alcina can't remember the last time she cried, but for the first time in years, tears escaped from her gold eyes and plummeted onto her pillow.

[justladders]

Hello! I’m Ladders :)

I'm just here stylizing some fnaf characters and mostly drawing the evil green rabbit like an animated villain.

Basically, I always loved animated shows and movies. They're why I started drawing when I was little, and I still watch and pull ideas from that kind of stuff to this day. Classic Disney's my fav, so you might see me talking about it sometimes. Anyways, since villains are my favorite and since I've starting drawing fnaf stuff, it's mainly been art of Springtrap, which you'll see a lot here.

If you're ever just looking for my art, the tag is #laddersarts. More tag stuff at the bottom of the post. Also, love asks, but please be considerate about the ask box, ty.

Do not repost my art anywhere, even with credit. I'm fine with it being used for things like a profile picture/banner as long as it is credited.

vv FAQ / TAG GUIDE vv

Q: What art program do you use? Krita. It's free and it "works," which is all I ask for.

Q: Do you do commissions? This answer will change around: currently, no. I've been meaning to, honestly, but just haven't felt collected enough to make a comm sheet and whatnot. Hopefully I'll be able to update this soon though.

Q: What are your other socials? I currently don't have any others, so if you see my art somewhere else, it's stolen :)

Q: Why do you draw [insert character] like that? I normally get this question about Springtrap, but I like to make designs that lend themselves more to 2D animation, which means simplifying a lot of things and hopefully still being able to get the point across. Too much detail and it becomes complicated very quickly. Fnaf animatronics/characters lend themselves really nicely to stylization because of how simple in concept they are overall. They're also left up to a lot of different characterization potential, not just from their simple designs, but the fact that they don't really get super hard-established personalities. Basically, all of that comes together into me enjoying taking a base concept and turning it into something you could potentially see in some older hand-drawn cartoon. As far as *specific* choices for how I draw *specific* characters, I feel like those would each need their own posts especially for Springtrap since I draw him the most. I know I'll have to make that sometime.

Q: Can I draw fanart of your designs? Of course! I'd just like to be credited and tagged so I can see it and reblog it :D

Tag Guide laddersarts and not my art - arts that I post or ones that I reblog (my art tag is all stuff since I got back earlier this year, art before that I just tagged as "my art") justtalks and talkin disney - indulgent tangents justfrens - things from peeps I know and whatnot answered ask - stuff from the inbox goofies - silly stuff midnight magma things - arts from group canvas drawing fanart for me :0 - fanarts of my designs!!!!! :0 present for springtrap :) - ask series where y'all wanted to give Springtrap something nice (there's a line formed and I just get to them whenever I'm up for it, but feel free to add to it) alt springtrap - art of goofy alternate versions of Springtrap I make sometimes: there's currently Vamptrap, Mothtrap, Jackotrap, and ERRORtrap (suggestive, eyestrain, flashing, gore, and all that stuff some people might not want to see I will hopefully remeber to tag)

[wolfiesmoon]

Binding the book

duke!gojo x fem!reader

This is in a manhwa au?? I don't want to call it a royalty au since neither of you are royalty but its essentially your average manhwa plot

I've decided to write something completely unrelated to the canon plot of jjk since I'm still in the process of watching the anime lmaooo

i feel overwhelmed by this anime tbh someone save me , i might just skip to the second season since i've already seen the first one back when it first came out but lowkey forgor everything😵

He's talking to her with that smile on his face again. You really shouldn't be bothered by this anyway, so why do you keep staring? You know how this story ends for you anyways.

You quickly turned around, not wanting to invade upon Satoru's buisness any further. You weren't outright bothering him, but you have a feeling he wouldn't enjoy you staring at him from behind the corner like some stalker. Not when he has better things to be looking at.

You've been married to Gojo Satoru for exactly 3 months now. It was a marriage born of neccessity, pure interest to stop marriage pressure from your families. Atleast on his side, it was. He made that clear during the marriage proposal.

"Well, I'm mostly just doing this so mom stops nagging me about finding a wife already. I'm sure the same applies to you."

Those words have been replaying in your head for a while now. You've known Satoru only for about a year at that point, and even then it was mostly through social events you attended that he also happened to be attending.

So needless to say, it was simulaneously a complete surprise and completely expected when he suddenly gave your family a surprise visit to offer his hand in marriage.

You knew there was zero romantic feelings involved from the very beginning, so you know you shouldn't be surprised if Satoru wants to leave you for Lady Ichikawa, the girl he talks to almost every day. But your heart can't help but clench at the sight, and you wish Satoru could...

Nevermind.

You should be attending to your duties anyways.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You sighed, practically collapsing on your bed. Finance is not fun, to say the least. Being the Lady of the house is a suprisingly tiring job, and definitely gives you more respect for your mother.

The servants had already helped you change into your night gown, and you were perfectly ready to hit the hay right now.

As the servant put out the lights in the chandelier, you thought about Satoru again. The guy is an annoyingly persistent thought in the back of your head, that's for sure.

You haven't even talked in a week.

Sure, the two of you tend to get busy, but this essentially just proves to you what kind of marriage this is. If he did care about you, he would've checked up on you atleast once, wouldn't he..? You don't have a right to complain about it anyways, since you were the one who agreed to the marriage in the end. You should be grateful you even had a say in it.

As the servant closed the door behind you, you clutched the pillow in your hand. Maybe if you keep being useful, he won't discard you. You've only been thinking of yourself up until now. You just now realise that if he leaves you for Lady Ichikawa, you'll lose your family face.

This is shaping up to be a nightmare.

Suddenly, you hear a knock on the door. "Oiiii, can I come iiiin?"

Well, speak of the devil. You would recognise that voice anywhere. "Sure, come in." you said so, but did you want to face him right now? You felt conflicted, both really happy and really nervous.

As the door opened, you turned your head, his silhouette, illuminated by the lights in the doorway coming into view. "Man, it's dark in here. You're going to sleep so early?" he said casually as he turned on the oil lamp on your table.

You only nodded in response, looking at him with half wonder half suspicion. Why is he paying you a visit all of a sudden? "What..? Can't a husband visit his wife?" Satoru furrowed his brows, noticing your dimmly lit expression and sitting down on the edge of your bed.

"I'm happy you're here." You assured him. And you truly were.

"Right, of course you are." Satoru smirked boldly at you, but somehow, you could tell that he was relieved to hear it. He looked in front of him.

"I got you this." he said a little more quietly, handing you a book as you sat up in bed. But it wasn't just any book. "No way... how did you even get your hands on this?!" you blinked multiple times in the dim light, making sure your eyes weren't playing tricks on you.

When you realised how loud you just were, you quickly covered your mouth, and Satoru laughed at you for a bit before saying "I have my ways."

"That... doesn't answer the question. How much did this even cost?"

"...You shouldn't worry so much."

That idiot... You took another look at the book in your lap, the rare book you were trying to get your hands on for 3 years at this point. You can't help but wonder if the emergency finance work you had to do today has something to do with this.

"...Why?" you looked back up at him.

"Why what?" he flashed his usual smile at you, his white lashes fluttering as he gazed at you. This all seems... odd.

"Why did you get this for me? Why would you spend so much money on me? How did you even know I wanted this? What are you trying to do... here..." your last question died off as you saw his expression slowly shift to one of concern.

"You're... my wife? And I happen to know you want this? What kind of questions even are those, seriously." he scoffed, shaking his head.

"But... Lady Ichikawa..." why would he spend money on you when he could be putting it towards his future with Lady Ichikawa? Wait, why did you even start assuming that he'll leave you any minute to begin with? Gosh...

"Oh, her? Wait... are you jealous?" he raised his eyebrows playfully, leaning back. "Not really, I just thought that you... like her more than me." it felt strange finally admitting this to him.

"Ehhh.... She's just a friend, ya know. And I actually mean it. Why would I like her more?" Satoru looked as unaffected as ever, smiling at you. But beneath that nonchalant attitude and those shining blue eyes of his, you could feel confusion, doubt, and something else.

"You said in your proposal t-that... So I thought Lady Ichikawa..." all the turmoil that had been building up inside you for the last three months finally let loose, with you trying your best to speak through your tears. Isn't this pathetic?

"Shhh, I know what I said back then. But now that I actually have you, I dunno anymore. I wanna try out this whole love thing." Satoru moved up on the bed, moving over to your side and gently petting your head.

"In other words, you can stop crying now. Because I'm not letting you go anytime soon."

i dont like this one all that much I'll be real, but then again when do I ever ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

this is actually based on a very specific manga plot, if you get it right I'll give you a gold star ⭐

[flightfoot]

Miraculous movie review

Just watched the movie. Overall, I'm pretty mixed on it. There were some things I thought it did well and others I thought it was pretty poor at, especially with how the constraints of its runtime meant it couldn't build relationships as well. Ultimately, I prefer the show, though the movie definitely had some things going for it.

More details below the break, warning there will be SPOILERS below.

What I liked about the movie:

It had some really nice music and song sequences, they were my favorite part of the movie! I thought the singing was top-notch, and I loved the visuals they brought out for them, even if it was clearly non-diagetic most of the time. I adore musicals and sadly there haven't been enough of them lately.

The movie was more consistent with its tone and theming than the show usually is. Granted, that's a LOT easier to do in a single movie than in a show spanning 100+ episodes over seven years. They really leaned into the "Marinette has low self-confidence and just considers herself a useless mess who causes disasters all the time, so she needs to learn that she IS capable and heroic."

This movie BELONGED to Ladynoir, specifically with the song sequences with both of them, I adored them singing duets and dancing together.

ADRIEN GOT TO FIND OUT GABRIEL WAS HAWK MOTH AND REALLY REACT TO IT. Gabriel gave a genuine, heartfelt apology for everything, and gave up when he realized he'd been hurting his son. Since this version of Gabriel had only been avoiding Adrien out of grief and hadn't seemed to ever go out of his way to hurt him or subjugate him, Adrien forgiving him worked, I thought. This version of Gabriel jives nicely with most Gabenath fics I've read.

---

What I didn't like about the movie:

While I enjoyed the song sequences the most, they did feel kind of jarring with the rest of the movie, especially since Marinette and Adrien had different voice actors for the singing parts.

Adrien's and Marinette's relationship was barely developed in the Adrienette dynamic. I was actually surprised when Ladybug told Chat that her heart belonged to someone else, given that she'd only had like, two scenes with him as a civilian? And neither one was THAT meaningful. The library scene was nowhere NEAR the level of the umbrella scene.

This movie had beautiful music... for the singing parts. But then they tried to bring out the opening chords of "Careless Whisper" for some bits that were supposed to be romantic and... yeah no, that didn't work at all. It felt like a parody. The show uses its OST WAY better, especially "In The Rain".

While this movie emphasized the Ladynoir dynamic, it didn't actually work for me? It was nice to see them sparring, but I didn't like their actual interactions - mostly because of how Chat was portrayed.

Which leads to a point about Chat: he got done dirty here, with his over-the-top bravado getting to the point of arrogance and it even seeming like he was putting Ladybug down sometimes, with him calling her a "sidekick" several times (which Plagg joined in on for some reason) and a watermelon and while that seems to have been in order to show how his and Ladybug's relationship strengthened and became more playful over time, the shortened length of the movie didn't really allow that to be conveyed well. He was mostly just annoying, and it didn't feel like he actually got to do much in fights. We didn't get to follow him much so there wasn't much reason to get attached to Adrien, either.

Were the fart scenes with Plagg really necessary?

---

Overall I'm happy I watched it, but I wouldn't call it the definitive version of Miraculous by any means. For all its flaws and foibles, I far prefer the show, with the relationships and characters its built, and the creative, intelligent superhero fights it showcases. Just watched the movie wouldn't have gotten me into Miraculous's world, but the show entranced me after only two episodes.

[jadelotusflower]

So I finally watched Andor...

...and naturally I have thoughts (hey, it’s me). Maybe they're belated, seeing as this show was released almost two years ago, but I've been on the outskirts of the Star Wars fandom for a while now. This in and of itself isn't usual - I tend to drift between my core fandoms in phases, but since TLJ the GFFA hasn't really been a pleasant place to be so I haven't really had a reason to drift back to it for any length of time.

Which isn't to say I've avoided Star Wars altogether, dipping in when something piques my interest like Obi-Wan Kenobi (which I liked aspects of but ultimately felt like just a setup to the show I actually wanted to watch), and have absorbed some of the rest through cultural osmosis. Andor is a show I've been meaning to get to for a while, although it has been praised to the point of being overhyped (and there was a whiff of Not Like Other Star Wars to the critical reception) so I was concerned it would not meet expectations.

But I was pleasantly surprised as how much this show felt spiritually and aesthetically in tune with the original trilogy, and especially A New Hope, as opposed to Disney!Star Wars. Even if the tone and content of Andor is very different, it feels in conversation with the OT in a way the rest of Disney’s output has not - building on the story we already know, rather than trying replace or rewrite it as something else.

Aesthetically, we have the 70's vibe of the set design and costuming in middle-class Coruscant, the stark white jumpsuits and surrounds of Narkina 5 evoking Lucas's early film THX-1138, even the way we are plopped right into the middle of the story with very little exposition, but still eased into the narrative is very reminiscent of the first act of A New Hope. Thematically, of course we’re seeing the Rebellion in its earlier stages - small disparate cells of seditious activity directly acting against Imperial interests that will become the somewhat ragtag but nonetheless organised and unified Alliance.

While Star Wars was a cinema pastiche throwback to Flash Gordan serials and Campbell’s hero’s journey as an antidote to the grimdark antiheroes of the 70’s, in many ways Andor brings things back full circle to the grit of neo-noir. It holds a mirror up to the OT and lets us see the other side of the coin - and the full cost of victory. So many people have to die for Cassian to make it to the Rebellion - just like Cassian himself will die for the Death Star plans to make it to Leia, like Obi-Wan will die to ensure those plans make it to the Rebellion, and squadrons of rebel pilots will die so Luke can ultimately destroy the Death Star.

A stone is dropped in a pond, and we see the ripples but the stone itself sinks.

Overall thoughts

Tony Gilroy is the showrunner here, a veteran screenwriter notable for the Bourne films, and we can certainly see this influence at work. He also wrote The Devil’s Advocate, which is by no means good but I do enjoy in all its ott mythological monologues-and-accents glory, and seminal romcom (of my childhood at least) The Cutting Edge. He also wrote and directed Michael Clayton, which I have not seen but was nominated for several Oscars, including Original Screenplay, Director, and Best Picture (Tilda Swinton won for Supporting Actress).

Of course he's also a credited screenwriter on Rogue One, and I understand his contribution was mostly to the infamous rewrites/reshoots. I desperately want to read a full breakdown/bts of what went down with that film (well all of Disney-led Lucasfilm really) and see the deleted/original material, because I am fascinated. It's also interesting to note that Gilroy took over showrunning duties from Stephen Schiff pre-production. The show does very much feel like Gilroy wanted to make his own stamp on the Andor character and use him as a vehicle in his spy-thriller/political intrigue wheelhouse.

Reading some of Gilroy’s comments around the series had made me wonder how much of Andor being reflective/referential to the OT was intentional (on his part at least), and arguably Gilroy did overwrite the character of Cassian Andor so…there’s nuance. But as a story, to me it felt in tune with what I love about Star Wars rather than at odds with it, and that's what I appreciated most.

But first things first. B2EMO made it to the end! Finally, my expectations are subverted in a good way, because I love this little droid with all my heart. There are several key elements of Star Wars to me that separate it from other sci-fi/space fantasy and that is Jedi, distinctive aliens, and sentient droids. Obviously there's no Jedi here (nor does there need to be), my issues with the lack of aliens I'll address below, but when it comes to droids B2EMO fits right in, and we can assume is a precursor to Cassian's relationship with K-2SO.

Overall I thought the show was excellent (with a few caveats). What's impressive is the sheer number of characters and plots interwoven together, every conversation servicing character, the overall theme or setting something up that will pay off later, playing with coincidence and fate (the will of the Force), the interlocking domino effect. Arvel Skeen recognising the tattoo on Cassian's arm leads to a conversation of his history, but also sets up Skeen later offering to take and split the haul with Cassian (and getting killed for it). The raid on Aldhani triggers the Empire’s harsh new measures that gets Cassian sentenced to six years in prison, but also inspires the rebellion on Ferrix (via Maarva). The Aldhani heist is a triumph for Vel, but traps Mon’s financial contributions to the Rebellion by the Empire’s crackdown on banking, leading her and her daughter into an unwanted family alliance.

I'm a big proponent of Star Wars Dialogue is Good, Actually - not saying there's not clunkers or stilted scenes (the PT moreso than the OT) but there seems to be this weird consensus that Lucas-era dialogue sucks despite being some of the most quoted/referenced movies of all time. Lucas was creating a modern myth, of course a lot of it is arch and operatic. I love the dialogue in Andor too - which rightly gets high praise, and while it's arguably tighter, in many ways it's no more naturalistic than that of the Saga with everyone constantly speaking in metaphor, it's just pitched differently because this is a different genre (and the acting is uniformly excellent because they are actually interacting with each other and being competently directed).

There’s layers of meaning in almost every scene and subtle moments of foreshadowing that I really enjoy - Karis Nemik muses on the role of mercenaries in a rebellion that must use every tool and weapon at its disposal, and obviously Cassian starts out as that mercenary who will be pulled into the wider struggle, but this also foreshadows the importance of Han Solo - at first only out for the promise of a reward but ultimately instrumental in bringing the Empire down. But it’s not because he’s treated as a tool - as the Empire treats its workforce as tools - but because he’s treated as worthwhile, he’s valued as a person. The Empire casts people out while the Rebellion draws them in.

We also see this in the arc on Narkina 5, and the Empire’s tightening grip backfiring against them. In order to force the prisoners to speedily produce parts for the Death Star they work in close-knit teams, creating a close camaraderie ultimately allowing them to escape - because when you turn people into cogs of a machine, the machine can be turned back against you. Contrast this to the jockeying over position and territory and power in the ISB - they serve the Empire, but never at personal cost.

We see the Republic of affiliated systems from the PT turn into an Empire of conquered planets, where local cultures are subsumed into homogeneous Imperial rule. Even Corpsec is replaced by Imperial oversight, and we know that the Senate on Coruscant will be dissolved completely in ANH. But ultimately this ferments rebellion and unites the outcast and oppressed - the Keredians on Narkina 5 hate the Empire for their prison polluting the waterways, and so let Cassian and Melchi go. Cinta’s whole family was killed by stormtroopers turning her single minded focus to destroying them. The people of Ferrix respond to Maarva’s call and riot against the Imperial forces even though it will mean violent reprisal.

The Empire forges the weapons that will be used against them. As Nemik’s manifesto states: “The Imperial need for control is so desperate because it is so unnatural. Tyranny requires constant effort. It breaks, it leaks. Authority is brittle. Oppression is the mask of fear.”

And yet we're not there yet - it's important that this is still a Rebellion and not an Alliance, a disparate collection of segmented sedition with a myriad of agendas we see run by Saw Gerrara, Anton Kreegyr, Luthen Rael. They won't be a genuine threat to the Empire until they join forces, share resources and intelligence, and unite behind a collective goal. Although there may be sacrifices in this as well - Separatists, Partisan Front, Sectorists etc mentioned by Saw will either coalesce under the Alliance to Restore the Republic or be driven further to the fringes.

The thrust of Nemik's manifesto is that freedom is a natural state of being, while oppression is unnatural, and even though Andor has nothing to do with the Jedi it nonetheless echoes their philosophy: that the Force is in a natural state of balance, while the existence of the Sith who tap into the Dark Side upset this balance. As we see in Return of the Jedi, the balance is ultimately restored by the return to that natural state buffeted by the most powerful forces - friendship, love, sacrifice - forces that ultimately drive Cassian as well. While much has been said of the moral ambiguity and nuance of Andor, it's not incongruent with the OT, if anything it reinforces its power and message.

HOWEVER, I have my nits to pick - the lack of aliens is a serious flaw (and in particular, the lack of familiar aliens). In some cases they can get away with it and make subtle commentary - Coruscant is stark and grey as the centre of bureaucracy in stark contrast to the vibrant metropolis of the PT. Seeing the streets populated almost exclusively by humans where once it was a melting pot underscores the Empire’s segregationist policies. However the dearth of non-humans elsewhere - Ferrix, Aldhani, even the prison labour camp Narkina 5 - is disconcerting. These are places meant to depict the oppressive rule of the Empire and this undermines the strength of the rebellion as a group of diverse species fighting against the Imperial monoculture. It's odd, for example, that we see all the characters from Ferrix return except Vetch, the muscle employed "just to stand there" by Nurchi (a nice moment with Cassian!), and that Maarva's funeral procession seems entirely human.

Ultimately, I think the setup is much stronger than the payoff, and while I appreciate the slow burn, the show does have sometimes have difficulty juggling the plots. Once set up, characters are parked waiting to be incorporated into the narrative (it feels like we watch Syril stare at his cereal forever) and looking back not much actually happens to a lot of them- there are a lot of threads left hanging and not much resolution. Which is of course because this was only intended to be season 1 of 5, with each arc a year of Cassian’s life leading up to Rogue One. But sadly Andor has been given a second season only, leaving 12 episodes to wrap everything up, so ultimately I fear the show will feel like a slow setup and rushed conclusion, which is a real shame.

Cassian Andor

I’m went into this as someone who doesn’t really have a strong connection to Cassian as a character - I certainly liked him in Rogue One! But let’s just say he’s not my blorbo. And this not the backstory I would have expected for the character five years before Rogue One as someone who has “been in this fight since [he] was six years old.”

Diego Luna has such a charismatic presence and it is nice to have a more internal, insular character, but it’s kind of sad that Cassian is really the least developed character in a show ostensibly about him. It’s not really his story, but he’s the fulcrum (pun intended) around which most of the other characters pivot; this is a story of the rebellion of which he is just one part. So, I can see if Cassian fans may have been upset by his lack of focus, and I personally would have wanted to delve a bit deeper into Cassian Andor on a show called Andor, you know? And it does feel a little bit skeevy that the actual Axis (pun intended) of the show is Luthen in his middle age white man glory, with a whiff of Gilroy’s self-insert about him.

I do wish LFL would abandon simply naming their shows after the main character - presumably it’s for general audience recognition and algorithmic reasons, but my god how boring. If the show had been marketed as the ensemble it actually is I would take less issue with the lack of Cassian focus. But sadly I’m not sure we know that much more about Cassian at the end of the show than we did at the end of the first three episodes - or really, what it adds to his character and arc we see in Rogue One.

Yes he’s further radicalised by his experiences and is now presumably "all in" on the rebellion, but the events of the show are kicked off by Cassian searching for his sister which is a motivation that is all but dropped thereafter - although at one point I was half-expecting (dreading) it to be revealed that Luthen's assistant Kleya Marki was Kerri (and sidebar, Kleya - what a stone cold bitch! I love a stone cold bitch).

This plot will likely continue in season 2, but it felt a bit undercooked and too deep in the subtext given the prominence it had in kicking off the narrative. We get a flashback to Cassian’s childhood, but ultimately it feels like lipservice to his Indigenous heritage rather than true engagement since we don't see him reflect on it in any way, nor does it seem to have any impact on his choices throughout the series that seem primarily motivated by his life and relationships on Ferrix.

We get a strong start to Cassian and Luthen that peters out - he's intent on recruiting Cassian, but then writes him off when Cassian flees after Aldhani and wants him killed, then goes all the way to Ferrix for him, but is about to leave without actually doing anything? I know Luthen's meant to be ambiguous, but this is one area where plot is obviously driving things not character. I get that it was important for Cassian to be the one to go to Luthen at the end and choose the Rebellion unfetted, but the relationship is undercooked. I almost feel like the series is a procession of things that happen to Cassian rather than a journey I was on with him. There's external forces, but very little internal focus.

However, what I did love about the show was the thematic resonance that was happening on a macro and micro level - while the show as a whole is a mirror/reflection of the OT, we also see dichotomy in the character pairings that are mirrors and/or foils of each other in various ways - we have the two sides of the conflict being Empire and Rebellion (with Cassian stuck in the middle), and we are also shown conflict within those two sides.

Cassian is without a reflective character pairing because his true mirror is Jyn Erso, and seeing Cassian’s struggles here does give real weight to his “you’re not the only one who lost everything” speech - in many ways the show is his journey from being Jyn, to being the man who says to her “we don't all have the luxury of deciding when and where we want to care about something.”

Mon Mothma and Luthen Rael

The most obvious mirror/foil pair as the two sides of the Rebellion, although arguably we have a third prong in Saw Gerrara, and kind of a mirror in Luthen as Cassian’s mentor as Saw was Jyn’s - and I do wonder about the show that was a two-handed prequel with Cassian and Jyn growing up in different factions of the Rebellion, but alas.

The artifact Luthen gives Mon represents “a sun goddess and a serpent sharing the same mouth” representing their differing philosophical approach to fighting the Empire. As mirror characters they are alike in many ways - both of the privileged class and living double lives on Coruscant, but while Mon makes political efforts to move the needle on the Empire's activities in the Senate while also funneling money to direct but small rebel efforts, Luthen outright pokes the bear, sacrifices allies, and knowingly making things worse to swell the ranks of the rebellion on the hope it will speed up progress. There's more than a hint of the incrementalism/revolutionary dichotomy here.

It also raises a lot of interesting questions without (rightly) providing many answers - the struggle of the oppressed, the moral weight of insurgency and revolution. Is it right to intentionally provoke an oppressive power into reacting with violence in order to fuel a greater pushback against them? Is short term suffering justified if it achieves eventual victory, and is it right for the few to decide what is a justifiable sacrifice? What are our responsibilities to each other under the threat of/struggle against authoritarianism? As social commentary it's more timely than ever.

Whether Mon or Luthen is right for the viewer to decide, although as Leia tells Tarkin in ANH: "the more you tighten your grip, the more star systems will slip through your fingers." On the other hand, we know Mon survives to the end of the Empire while Luthen (I assume) will not. She will become a leading figure in the Alliance, and eventual Chancellor of the New Republic, while he will be another stone at the bottom of the pond.

This is foreshadowed in the dialogue (with a direct mirror reference):

“I’m condemned to use the tools of my enemy to defeat them. I burn my decency for someone else’s future. I burn my life, to make a sunrise that I know I’ll never see. No, the ego that started this fight will never have a mirror, or an audience, or the light of gratitude."

Arguably however, the mirror is the show - we are the audience.

We know Cassian joins Luthen at the end of season 1, and will meet Mon in season 2, so it will be interesting to see him struggle between these two philosophies, although we can infer from Rogue One that he aligns himself (out of necessity) with Luthen's veiwpoint:

"We've all done terrible things on behalf of the Rebellion. Spies, saboteurs, assassins....And every time I walked away from something I wanted to forget, I told myself it was for a cause that I believed in. A cause that was worth it. Without that, we're lost."

Ultimately, the Rebellion needs people like Luthen and Cassian to make not only the physical sacrifice, but the moral one as well (noting our first introduction to Cassian is him killing an informant so he can escape) - people who play the Empire's game so Luke can ultimately reject the Emperor's.

But I had mixed feelings on the Mon Mothma storyline. It feels a bit off for Luthen to be her entrée into the Rebellion, when we know she’s been on the ground from the very beginning with the Petition of the 2000 (cut from ROTS, but still canon I assume). She just felt very isolated and fragile which is at odds with her quiet steel that we see in Return of the Jedi and Rogue One. I could maybe see this Mon in the early dark days, but only 5 years before ANH? A scene with Bail Organa would not have gone amiss just to give breadth to her rebellious activities.

We get to see Luthen visit Saw Gerrara on Segra Milo, why not give Mon a scene with Bail to show she has other irons in the fire rather than relying on Luthen? In Saw we see the rough and tumble of disparate rebel factions, I would have liked to see the political machinations of Mon and Bail to serve the metaphor even further.

She is more than just a bank for the rebellion, and I think in the effort to contrast Luthen and Mon there was a bit of disservice done to the latter.

And Mon’s loser husband - ugh. Okay they’re in some kind of arranged marriage but there’s very little substance, nothing us particularly revealed about Mon by including him. Other than her cleverly using his gambling debts to deflect her rebellion spending at the end, the story wouldn’t really have changed by him not existing, and in fact would have been improved by focusing more on Mon’s difficult relationship with her daughter.

But on a purely shallow note, I want her wardrobe!

Dedra Meero and Syril Karn

In some ways Cassian and Syril are the narrative foils and there are parallels between them - their conflict instigated in the first episodes, their maternal relationships, both essentially exiles for the middle section before both end up back on Ferrix where Cassian saves Bix and Syril saves Dedra. But I feel Syril and Dedra work better as mirrors, and their arcs also parallel and intersect.

In the Empire, Dedra and Syril are two sides of the other coin (there's quite a few coins in this metaphor). Regimes need bureaucracy, and you have the true believers, the status-climbers, and those just going along to get along. In Dedra we have the talented star of the prestigious Imperial Security Bureau, and in Syril the over eager Corporate Security officer, two arms of the Empire’s control, although the latter we see becoming obsolete as the former gains more control.

But they're both middlemen who chafe against the inaction of their superiors, both desperate to rise above their station (although those stations are quite far apart). Throughout the series their plots are mostly in parallel; they are reflections of each other without even having met.

It's uncomfortable to watch both of them on screen - all unblinking stares, sucked in cheeks, and pursed lips - fittingly repellent. I’m surprised Gilroy has said he wrote Dedra to be relatable - she skeeved me out from the first, someone clearly ready to step over anyone and everyone if it served her purposes rather than someone gradually drawn further into an authoritarian regime. There's the slight subtext of sexism - there's only one other women in the ISB briefing and Pendergast alludes to it, but that certainly didn't engender any sympathy or admiration from me.

In episode 7 Syril’s mother Eedy says “Everything says something, Syril” and chastises him about tailoring his uniform (just as he did in the first episode, a neat little character tell), and immediately after we see Dedra donning her uniform perfectly in sync with the rest of the ISB. He’s trying to stand out from the crowd, she’s trying to fit in - or, from a different perspective, Syril adjusts his collar to resemble the Imperial style as a signifier of where he wants to be, while Dedra is already there and still looking higher.

But both are thinking outside the rigid Imperial lines and command structures, both on the hunt for Cassian - although for Syril it's personal and Dedra it's about climbing the ranks. Both take it upon themselves to investigate against orders, but Syril’s attempts are clumsy and random while Dedra’s are clinical and targeted.

She identifies that “systems either change or die” to push the ISB’s fragmented and bureaucratic inefficiencies into a cohesive power structure, but while it wins her approval it doesn’t earn her any loyalty; her troops abandon her to the mob on Ferrix. Inexplicably though, Syril does manage to gain the loyalty of Sergeant Mosk, who was also punished for the initial blunder on Ferrix, but ultimately draws Syril back there to in search of Cassian.

The point at which they first intersect in episode 8, Dedra is on an upswing, she holds the power and sends Syril further down, but when they meet again in episode 11, the roles are reversed as he is the one to save her from the mob.

I just hope they’re going somewhere more interesting than his creepy crush.

Vel Sartha and Cinta Kaz

One of the major faults of Rogue One was its Smurfette Syndrome, where Jyn is a great female character surrounded by men, but Andor has pleasingly course corrected from this. See what happens when you don’t have one woman having to embody everything and bear the weight of her entire gender in the narrative (and therefore, also bear the criticism)? Andor happily treats its women as characters, not faux-empowering meme-fodder. Although there is perhaps some valid commentary that it’s still white women on the whole - Dedra, Mon, Vel, Maarva - who get the meatier roles, and I have my issues with Mon’s characterisation, but one thing I will give Disney LFL credit for is it’s ongoing efforts towards gender parity.

In Vel and Cinta we have two more sides of insurgency - from wealth and privilege in Vel, the cousin of Mon Mothma struggling with the weight of it all, to Cinta with her cold fire and unwavering drive, her family killed by stormtroopers and for whom the struggle will always come first.

Cinta’s cool reserve is a contrast to Vel’s nerves (as seen in the Aldhani raid); they’re coming from very different places even if their cause is the same. There may even be a bit of classism in the subtext - Vel leads the mission on Aldhani after asking for the mission from Luthen, when really Cinta is the one who is most committed, and she has to push Vel though several times when she falters.

Vel still has one foot in the Imperial world and the complications of rebellious machinations - worried for Mon and her family, wanting to prove herself to Luthen, jockeying with Kleya - but for Cinta none of that matters, she loves Vel but there's often a sense she's disappointed in her. There's a dichotomy within Cinta - she's not unfeeling, showing kindness to Cassian when he joins their group, yet accepting the mission to kill him later without hesitation.

It seems to me that Cinta is the revolutionary Vel wants to be but can't quite divest herself of enough to become - the metaphor is made explicit with these two - Cinta tells Vel: “I’m a mirror. You love me because I show you what you need to see.”

Which is a pretty interesting dynamic, especially as a romantic one, and I’m interested to see where it will go (and hope that Cinta will get more focus, even though I do love Vel a lot too).

Their storyline did run out of steam by the end through, was there any point to either of these characters being on Ferrix at the end? It very much felt like all the plot lines were being forced to intersect at the climax without all of them necessarily needing to. Although Cinta stabbing that guy in the heart was pretty cathartic.

Bix Callen, Maarva Andor, and Ferrix

I loved Ferrix as a location, with its own distinct aesthetic, culture, and populace - the work gloves all hung on the wall, the metal tapping warning system, the daily hammer and anvil (the Time Grappler, according to Wookieepedia), funerary practices. etc. The first few episodes set up Cassian’s community on Ferrix which we come full circle on in the final two, but I did have some trouble keeping track of who was who at that point.

It is interesting that the trope of “just another brick in the wall” is turned on its head here - rather than representing a cog in the machine, in Ferrix ashes of the deceased are mixed with brick and added to a wall in remembrance - a literal touchstone for Cassian as he remembers his adoptive father Clem. A wall is strong, a bulwark against outside forces, and every brick added makes it stronger. Stones dropped in a pond, bricks built into a wall - reminders of the dead that spur the will to fight.

I do love the relationship between Maarva and Cassian, especially in a franchise that has never really had an interest in mothers and sons. And we have another mirror in the overcritical and cold relationship between Syril and Eedy as the inverse of Cassian’s complicated but loving one with Maarva - contrast the reception Syril gets when he returns home to the one Cassian gets from Maarva, as ultimately Eedy's pointed disappointment is sharp where Maarva's is borne from love and concern for Cassian.

But again there’s a disconnect with the history we’re shown - Maarva and Clem kidnap/save Kassa from Kenari but we don’t really get any sense of how Cassian feels about it or the connection he has to his heritage/childhood. I’m not saying I need everything spelled out, but sometimes I feel the show does err too much on the side of subtext, and as a result we don’t delve as deep into some of the relationships as we could have. Even her final message to Cassian - that she loves him more than anything he could ever do wrong - is a beautiful sentiment, but is it earned? He hasn't really done anything wrong, arguably she did wrong by him by taking him from Kenari but it's never even mentioned, it doesn’t even seem to be a factor in their relationship as adults.

On the other hand, I didn’t mind the treatment of the post-romantic relationship between Cassian and Bix - there’s a sense of history there but it didn’t need to be explored further. Bix's involvement in the Rebellion is interesting though, it's implied she was recruited by Kleya through the black market but are her motives purely profit or does she have rebellious fervor? Luthen knows of Cassian through Bix - did she see him as a candidate for the Rebellion or just another person from whom Luthen could obtain tech? What piqued Luthen's interest from what Bix said about him?

I don't think all these questions need answers, but it is unfortunate that she does get a bit Damseled, spending most of the runtime threatened, captured, and then tortured. On the other hand, there's less to criticise in employing that trope when it's not the only one at work and the breadth of female characters on the show.

I do wonder if we will see Bix, Brasso, and B2EMO again though, or if they’re a part of Cassian’s past he had to leave behind to fully commit himself to the Rebellion.

On nostalgia, fanservice, and the state of the Star Wars universe

A tangent into my frustrations with the sequel trilogy, skip if you’re allergic to salt.

Andor has been lauded for its lack of fanservice, although I’d actually argue it’s a show that (perhaps despite Gilroy's intention) is rooted in nostalgia. Well, perhaps not nostalgia per se, but it’s a show that relies on the audience’s knowledge and affection of Rogue One and the Original Trilogy, and it’s successful because it manages to feel authentic and fulfilling rather than ham-fisted and overly meta - a story set in the Star Wars universe, not about the Star Wars universe.

I know Gilroy intended this to be able to stand alone, but would the story have the same resonance if we weren't aware where Cassian's path leads, that the efforts and actions of Mon and Luthern, Vel and Cinta, Nemik, Bix and Kleya, are ultimately justified? Perhaps it would work in a generic sci-fi setting rather than the GFFA, but would we feel as much watching it? Personally, I think not.

Because nostalgia isn’t inherently bad. It’s a vital part of how we consume media - the stories that resonate with us in childhood will continue to resonate in adulthood because they are foundational, it's a shortcut to that incredible feeling of discovering something new that's nonetheless something very old. It's partly why Star Wars was such a success in the first place - a mix of myth and fairy tale, matinee serial and Kurosawa - a familiar story told in a new way. And like in Hadestown, "we're gonna sing it again and again."

The problem with nostalgia is when it’s empty; window dressing intended to evoke that feeling but without any substance behind it, so it feels cheap and unsatisfying. Andor doesn’t completely escape from this (blue milk, mouse droid), but most inclusions feel organic.

Sometimes I think we go to far decrying fanservice, and of course it's subjective - as I like to say, everyone hates it until they’re the fan being serviced. But there is criticism, and then there's dismissing any references to existing material as mere "fanservice" and therefore contemptible. For example, I’ve seen the treatment of Luke, Han, and Leia in the sequel trilogy defended because to actually have them interact at all would be “silly fanservice” rather than natural because, you know, they’re family.

The difference, for me, is does inclusion of a known character/object/trope/line of dialogue serve the character and/or story, or is it Leo DiCaprio pointing meme, designed for “hey it’s the thing” nostalgia and YouTube compilations with no substance behind it? Ultimately, is the inclusion Watsonian or Doylist - and if the latter, what of the former justifies it.

Mon Mothma or Saw Gerrara in Andor doesn’t feel like fanservice even though they’re existing characters, because it makes sense to include them in a story about the Rebellion’s beginning and they had a part to play in Rogue One, to which Andor is ostensibly a prequel. Conversely Leia and Vader’s inclusion in Obi-Wan Kenobi (even if I did enjoy them both) tip over in the side of fanservice because they really have no place in Obi-Wan’s story at that point and require fanwanking around their dialogue in ANH (and to be fair, Lucas was guilty of this as well). I don’t need to see random object or minor character no 6 from the PT/OT/Clone Wars, iconic catch phrase shoved where it doesn’t make sense, or obscure Legends reference divorced from context, just tell me a good story! Give me characters to care about! Make me feel something! Andor did that, where much of the other Disney Star Wars content has not.

This is my fundamental, and possibly at this point, irreconcilable, issue. Disney wanted to get away from Lucas-associated Star Wars as quickly as possible, replacing every character, planet, and theme with their own wholly Disney counterpart, killing off Han, Luke, and Leia so the old and classic couldn’t distract from the shiny and new, tearing down the conclusion of the original trilogy only to try and tell the exact same story (just not as well). They did it so quickly and so shoddily that many were understandably unsatisfied, leaving Disney to frantically course correct, going back to the well and shoving nostalgia bait into every conceivable project even (especially) if it had no place.

If they’d actually had any sort of plan for the sequel trilogy, if they’d made their focus to conclude the Skywalker Saga in a way that even approached emotional resonance, imo the vast majority of the audience would be happy to move on and embrace the next chapter - new characters, new stories. But people can’t move on from the characters they love because the treatment of those characters and the post-ROTJ timeline was so unsatisfying. Luke wouldn’t have needed to show up in The Mandolorian to try and placate the fans if treatment of the character in the ST hasn’t been so abysmal.

So LFL have been stuck in this weird ancillary storytelling space, where every project seemingly needs to be adjacent to the Skywalker Saga but not actually engaging with the Saga direct - Han has a prequel film no one asked for, Rey is a Skywalker for name recognition only, Luke pops up in pointless cameos but isn’t there when he arguably should be (just recast the damn role already!), we get young Leia in a story where she has no place rather than in one she does, who knows what’s going on with the whole Ashoka/Thrawn/Heir to the Empire stuff, Boba Fett is There with a parade of Hey it’s that character/ship/thing with no contribution to the actual storytelling.

What does this have to do with Andor? Well, Andor is perhaps the only quality tv product of the Disney era, which is fitting since Rogue One is imo the only quality film of the Disney era (TFA being retroactively diminished by what came after). Andor is the type of story Star Wars should be telling - expanding the universe, using known elements and characters where it makes sense to do so, not a collection of ideas on a whiteboard thrown in front of an LED screenstage and a bunch of meaningless easter eggs.

To be fair, this does seem what they are attempting to do with The Acolyte (which I am actually enjoying!) but the planned Rey-focused post-ST film…eh. Admittedly I never bothered to watch Rise of Skywalker, but where can the story possibly go? Is there any investment at all after the mess that was the sequel trilogy? I can’t see how the narrative can possibly be redeemed at this point, which is a shame because I do believe it started with a lot of promise in The Force Awakens that was squandered by a lack of vision, planning, and oversight, and the bizarre need to brutalise and kill off the legacy characters, marginalise the genuinely original and interesting new characters, and waste the immense acting talent they had at their disposal.

They’ve made no meaningful in-universe progress after the ST, the New Republic and Jedi have to be rebuilt again, except Rey is going to do it this time somehow, so what what the point of the last 30 years in the timeline? It’s different with Andor - we know where his story ends, but the series only makes Cassian’s sacrifice stronger, there’s emotional resonance in seeing his journey to Rogue One in knowing that it’s in service of the overall victory of the Rebellion (however undermined that victory is made by the ST).

But I digress. This rant really ended up being kind of off topic - apologies.

Anyway. Andor is good! I liked it! Looking forward to season 2!

[stupendousfoxthing]

I want to share a post making the rounds that made a lot of great points, but op dismisses the idea of any romantic relationships existing between any two members of the group in the replies. I will never be down with the "no ships are real" crowd because I can't think of a single valid (non-homophobic) reason to think a romance between two men is impossible. A romantic relationship between two people who met when they were young, worked and lived together for the better part of a decade, and enjoyed each other's company so much that when given the opportunity to build lives separate from that work STILL chose each other makes more sense than a lot of other things people will accept as perfectly reasonable (if it's a man and a woman of course). But the homophobia is just one layer to their dismissal, and the post hit on several others. There are so many layers to the shitty way this fandom treats Taekook and Taekookers. The video I shared earlier from an anon tells it like it is. Taekookers are not delusional to believe it's possible there is something there. No matter what antis would like you to believe, they are not literally brothers. Saying they are brothers is literally delusional (believing something is true when there is evidence to the contrary). There is a pattern of suspicious behavior going back years and only intensifying during solo era. I've talked about this before, but during the frenzy over the Dream premiere last year I saw something I thought was funny. I saw two people on Twitter talking about it, talking about Taekook fondly, and saying they felt like it had been a million years since they had seen them together. I realized then that they had no idea about all of the things that had happened with Taekook in the months prior to that. I started to wonder if we get called delusional just because people really do only pay attention to what is laid out in front of them, mostly in official content. Like...yeah, we probably do look delusional if you don't know about 95% of the things that have happened. This would tie back into how the fandom sees Tae as well, and why he is treated like an outsider. If you've been in the fandom for a while, you know how people who go against the company narrative in any way are treated. Tae does go against that narrative. He has talked about the more negative aspects of their position openly more than any other member. Why was he allowed to hint that things aren't all rosy between him and the company in the recent documentary? Look at how the fandom treats those who go against the company, and you will know. Taekook as a ship has a unique ability to create a perfect storm of animosity in this particular fandom that literally has training materials and guidelines written up for "baby ARMY". Layers. Homophobia. Company loyalty over everything. The spoon-fed narratives. The "outsider" and the "privileged" one dating? But they're awkward brothers... Taekookers get treated like monsters, no other group even comes close and it isn't because we're "shippers". I see evidence of that everyday. Other ships/shippers within the group have a free pass to do whatever they want. The fandom loves Namkook, for instance. You can openly romanticize/sexualize them and the fandom eats it up. Tons of people showed their ass with Tae/IU as well. It's not shipping that bothers them. It's Taekook. Taekook challenges what they've been led to believe. Taekookers shine a light on it and celebrate it. That's what pisses people off, and I do believe that when they actually look at Taekook they see it too. We bring something that makes them uncomfortable to their attention, something they'd rather not see or acknowledge. When a Taekook "moment" happens and we haven't even said anything yet but people are already bitching about the fact they can't enjoy it because they know Taekookers will be happy and celebrating? It's not us. It's Taekook as a pair that bothers them.

[missyourflight]

some stuff i read and watched january - may

i had to stop doing f1 stuff (because it was making me miserable lol), redirected most of that energy into reading romance novels (occasionally other things but mostly romance novels lbr) and watching films. anyway now interview with the vampire's back and i'm fully deranged about that etc. highlights below!

black sails (s1 & 2 rewatch): i do enjoy s1 for my sins (marcus aurelius foreshadowing!) but it's Wild how much s2 kicks up a gear the instant they start properly pairing off flint and silver. coming back for the rest of the rewatch once i've calmed down about the vampires so the true devastation lies ahead etc. also i rewatched twelfth night for toby stephens reasons, his orsino remains a formative piece of nonsense

mary & george: i'm not going to get into the whole nicholas galitzine filmography deepdive i was compelled to do for reasons not even known to myself but i raced through this. very sexy obviously but often in a way transactional or empowering or tender without necessarily being romantic. like it's not reinventing the wheel but it felt like a more expansive presentation of intimacy than you usually see in a costume drama. tony curran great in this!

shōgun: god what a show!! epic and tragic and funny and specific and just like an unbelievable showcase for craft and talent. fuji forever

a moment of romance: andy lau so gorgeous i could die, neon bloody hong kong action with a love story that's almost chaste until they finally kiss and it's fire actually. the rain! sparklers! explosions! a motorcycle helmet that says "safety!" on it!

tampopo: spent way too much money on a bunch of criterion collection blu-rays and i Loved this one, even the freaky egg stuff. an all-time food film and also baby ken watanabe is there with a little bandana!

all that heaven allows: i always feel like i came to sirk backwards because i saw far from heaven first; did magnificent obsession and written on the wind as well and the colours are always gorgeous but this was far and away my favourite. at one point a teapot gets smashed and i gasped like my heart was breaking

thief: god this absolutely rips! unfortunately your girl Is a michael mann bro (austin butler heat 2 let's gooo) and incredibly into things like blowtorches and shots of windows exploding outwards like a shower of diamonds

challengers: feral about it obviously, itemised list of derangements here

la chimera: it's josh o'connor season and i loved this even more than challengers, there are moments in this that felt like miracles

emma. (2020): rewatched this with the blu-ray commentary which only made me love it more, also i've warmed on callum turner since i saw his trip to the criterion closet, what a babe

queen of the damned: watched this in a vampire fever and in the spirit of "how bad can it be?" and the answer was: worse even than that

furiosa: a mad max saga: i really felt the saga of it all, like the almost mythic telling of it, and hemsworth's great and the action's great, but most importantly OH GOD TOM BURKE IS SO HOT AS PRAETORIAN JACK. OH GOD HE'S SO HOT AND STOIC AND SOLID and i was not prepared for it to be a Romance like that oh god

land of milk and honey by c pam zhang: near-future dystopian unbelievably sexy food book, i still think about some of those images. a duck breast split open like a geode!! fuck!!

the spymasters series by joanna bourne: i haven't loved a romance series like this in a While, it's napoleonic era spies! everyone's in love and constantly betraying and shooting each other! it's Not lymond but it was twisty and detailed enough to scratch the lymond itch for me. you can basically read them in any order because they weren't written chronologically, but take my advice and start with the black hawk, because then you can play "what's hawker up to?" in all the other books and hurt your feelings, then go back to the spymaster's lady and do the rest in publication order. i love my terrible spy family!!

practice by rosalind brown: i'm so obsessed with this, it's about a student trying to write an essay but really it's about shakespeare and yoga and the elaborate gay fictions she's constantly making up in her head

henry henry by allen bratton: henry iv by way of brideshead and patrick melrose, i deeply loved this and i deeply loved this hal. one for the hal/hotspur yuletide enjoyers etc

you should be so lucky by cat sebastian: i also read and loved her cabot series but this one really got to me. as a brit i can never truly be a baseball understander but this crossed the bull durham/everybody wants some!! line of making me yearn about it a bit

kaliane bradley, the ministry of time: loved this so wildly that i committed multiple counts of reverse wage theft to dazedly copy the best parts into my notes app and yowl about it with my friends who'd had arcs. sexy time travel roommate situation, my beloved

add me on goodreads or letterboxd if you're into that sort of thing etc

[taffywabbit]

Favorite blorbo?

hmmmm... I haven't had a LOT of blorbos I've been particularly fixated on recently but I am always and forever at least mildly fixated on the narrative themes that surround BotW Link (and by extension Zelda, who kinda helps put his whole deal in perspective through her own struggles with her dad and her role as the princess).

I've realized in the past year that I have kind of an obsession with impostors and doppelgangers and the struggle of a character trying to pretend to be someone else who they don't fully understand or identify with, and the way BotW plays with that through the whole amnesia angle is always really interesting to me. like here's a guy who was supposed to be an unstoppable badass 100 years ago, was basically killed, and then suddenly revived with no firsthand memories of his past heroics or relationships. nearly everything he learns about himself is through the external lens of other people's stories, so he can't really tell how his past self felt about the pressure he was under. and yet, because he is essentially a fresh new person in the same body, people who recognize Link still expect him to live up to that standard and pick up his heroic quest where he left off a century ago. he finds himself in the unique position of living in his OWN shadow, and it makes him a really interesting stand-in for the player (who ALSO only learns about Link's pre-amnesia life via scattered short flashbacks and the words of strangers, and is left to decide how much of that reputation they actually care about).

there's a scene in one of the memory cutscenes where Zelda asks Link (heavily paraphrased probably, it's been a while) if he would've chosen a different path for himself, had he not been expected since childhood to become a famous knight like his dad. and I like to think about how badly that memory would mess with post-Calamity Link's head if he was stressed, or tired, or scared, or depressed when it resurfaced. it's been 100 years, nearly everyone he knew before is dead, and as far as most people are concerned he's dead too. if he wants - if the PLAYER wants - Link could just fuck off to some remote corner of Hyrule and build himself a house and live a quiet life, leaving the heroics to someone else. the world seems pretty fuckin doomed regardless and he already failed once, so it wouldn't be that hard to choose a different path this time and try to enjoy the second chance he's been given. and in a sense, if you don't finish the game, or if you spend a hundred hours piddling around cooking fish and chasing dragons and practicing rock-climbing, that IS kinda just what happens. the player is just as free to refuse the call as Link is. the point where YOU decide that the role of the pre-Calamity hero is a role worth stepping into, is the same moment he puts aside any personal fears and misgivings he has, and decides that he has to try, even if these memories and stories feel like they belong to someone far more capable and courageous and difficult to kill. even if he doesn't fully remember Zelda or any of his other old friends, he decides at some point that he would LIKE to remember and claim those bonds for himself, and that this land full of strangers whose faces he doesn't recognize are worth sticking his neck out for. BotW, in spite of its shortcomings, is a game where you get to grow and learn and choose to be The Hero You Keep Hearing About right alongside Link himself, in a way that pretty much no other Zelda game allows for, and I think that's really cool! and sad! but mostly cool!

(I also think Link and Zelda both need therapy really really badly but OOPS sequel there's no time for that when we have gimmicks to introduce and storytelling mechanisms to clumsily reuse and character development to casually reset/ignore hahahaha..... 😭)

[tuwasduwillst]

Veilguard First Impressions!

First off, here's my Rook! I'm pretty happy with how I got them to look; I ended up going with what's technically the "American male" voice or whatever (I was torn between that one or the "American female" voice).

And here's my beloved Inquisitor. :) I knew I wouldn't be able to get her to look the same as she did in Inquisition (her eyes/nose/mouth have specific shapes I don't think I can replicate, at least not with spending way longer in the CC than I probably should), so I kind of just made a "Veilguard version" of her that was mostly vibes-based, though I did try to get her skin/eye/hair colour to match and I think I succeeded there!

She's got more meat on her than she did in Inquisition because Inquisition elves are scarily thin. 😂 Though I did make my Rook tall and skinny... but they still look more normal than Inquisition elves IMO.

I've been really enjoying the game so far! I've only unlocked four companions and three locations, I think, but I've been enjoying myself. The areas are big enough to feel like they're worth exploring (and big enough for me to get lost in), but not so big that it feels like you're stuck endlessly wandering. The sidequests have all felt relevant and good, too, IMO!

My Rook, as I think I said in a post before, is a Mourn Watch member. I haven't gone to the Necropolis or anything yet, so not much about their past has come up at this point. You do get to make some little "past" decisions while you decorate your room, though, which I thought was nice!

They're using the preorder mage armor right now because I didn't like any of the others I had... I've got to look at fashion the next time I play, but I've been spending all of my money on upgrades and presents for companions. u_u

Since it's a new game, I'm a little worried about missing stuff, but I'm mostly just focused on taking things slow and exploring everywhere I can for now! If I miss something, oh well, I can just play again in the future.

I'm keeping this post spoiler-free, so that's all I've got for now! I'll talk more about it once I've played more, probably. :U

Oh! I do think the combat is fun, though. Even if I ended up in a fight against a level 25 boss enemy at level 12... I think it took me almost a half hour to beat it... many thanks to Lucanis for keeping me alive >_>

[cryptidsurveys]

Wednesday, September 4th, 2024.

Do you know a James? I don't.

Have you ever been to Australia? If not, would you like to? I haven't. It's not somewhere I'm especially interested in visiting, but I wouldn't be opposed to it either if the right opportunity presented itself.

Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness? Yeah.

If you had to choose to have a different accent than the one you have now, what accent would you choose and why? Probably a Southern American accent. Idk, I just feel like it would fit my vibe.

New York or California? California. Mainly for the natural aspects.

Have you ever or do you currently live in a Gated Community? I don't.

Who was your last text from? It was from my dad. A reply to my text letting him know that I was on the way home from the shelter yesterday evening.

Do you know how to use a DSLR camera? I've never used one before. I've only ever owned point-and-shoot cameras.

If you had to choose one instrument to perfect, what instrument would you choose? Guitar seems the most versatile, but perfecting the harp or violin would be pretty cool too.

Have you ever owned an Axolotl? I haven't.

What has been the longest amount of time you’ve spent on a plane? Maybe a couple of hours.

How often do you use Snapchat? Never.

What does your last text say? It's just a random key smash. It's kind of a joke between us at this point.

Have you ever played Habbo? I haven't.

What about Runescape? No.

Have you ever heard of the band Mumford & Sons? If yes, do you like their music? I've probably heard a song or two, and yeah, I think I'd enjoy them if I listened to them more.

Have you ever kissed anyone starting with the letter A, C, N, T or K? I've kissed an A, C, and N.

Have you ever used Valium before? No.

What time is it where you’re from? 7:49am. I'm trying to fit in (at least part of) a survey while I eat breakfast because after this I have to take a shower and get ready to go to therapy.

Have you ever adopted an animal from an animal shelter? Yes. I've adopted four kitties from the animal shelter where I volunteer.

Where do you usually find Surveys from? The people I follow. I used to snag a lot of them from Bzoink, but that's not a thing anymore. :'(

Australia or New Zealand? I don't have enough of an interest in either place to have a preference.

Have you ever missed a flight? No.

What is your best friend’s middle name? Blah.

How do you feel about the passing of Aretha Franklin? I don't think I was even aware of it when it happened.

Did you enjoy any of her music? Again, I probably would if I gave it more of a listen.

What is your favourite film from your childhood? Watership Down. That movie traumatized me, but I was obsessed with it all the same…

Kanye West or Drake? Neither.

Do you know anyone who is named after a state? I don't.

What was the reason for your previous doctor’s visit? It was just a check-up.

Have you ever been to an outdoor cinema? Not since I was a child/teen.

Have you ever had a “bad trip”? If yes, what happened? I've had a few bad experiences with weed (mostly just feeling really dizzy and out of it), but as for a bad trip, no; my one and only shrooms trip was pretty amazing.

How often do you use Instagram? I update it every few days or so. Mostly with kitty pictures from the shelter.

Have you ever smoked a cigarette? Yeah.

If so, do you still smoke? Yeah.

What are you up to tomorrow? Hopefully visiting the Mountain Park with my dad, and - if he's feeling up to it - perhaps a short hike.

What type of questions do you like being asked during a survey? I prefer questions about my day-to-day life because I use surveys as a form of journaling. Questions like "when was the last time you did X or felt Y, etc" are usually good as well. I'm not a huge fan of specific questions like "do you watch this show, listen to this band, etc."

Adam Sandler or Jim Carrey? No preference.

What is your favourite Ben Stiller movie? I think the only ones I've seen are Zoolander, Anchorman, and Meet The Parents. Can't say I have a favorite, though.

What is your favourite Spotify playlist if you have one? N/a.

Firefox or Chrome? I just use Microsoft Edge.

Do you enjoy learning about conspiracy theories? I used to be obsessed with conspiracy theories (it was bad, lmao). I still enjoy them occasionally, but to a lesser (and far less gullible) extent.

If so, what is your favourite? These days, probably anything involving aliens/UFOs. Again, not in the sense that I believe them at face value, but the lore behind them - how they came about, who was involved, what's fact, what's fiction, etc. It's just such an interesting, convoluted web of deception and weirdness.

Do you find hand tattoos attractive on your preferred sex? Depends.

If you had a baby boy, what would you name him? Abe Ortion. <- Lmao. I was just starting to think what an odd name that was, but then--!!

What is your favourite Netflix original series? I don't have one.

Have you ever owned a Tamagotchi? Yeah.

Do you have a favourite “survey blog” on Tumblr? If so, who? Pretty much everyone I follow who updates often + gives somewhat detailed answers. If I regularly like your surveys, then you're one of those people. :')

Would you rather be 10 minutes late or 20 minutes early? 20 minutes early. The thought of being late makes me anxious.

If you could be a member of any TV-Sitcom family, which would it be? No thanks.

Tell me about the 6th person in your contact list: N/a.

Are you waiting for a text back right now? No.

Would you rather be able to control fire or water? I guess water.

[zodiac-blood]

asexuality with a fetish; but weirder than that somehow

Most of us in the system don't fully label our orientation due to how stressful it can be with headmates blurring, but one identity that has felt the most concrete with me (Tobey writing this) has been Asexuality. Now that identity is also one I have struggled with because well, I have what very obviously seems to be a fetish. It works a bit weird because of my sexuality and my sexuality works a bit weird because of the fetish. I'll explain that a bit further in a bit but I'll try not to get too much into my personal sex life. If you have read previous posts of mine you may know it, but its a hand fetish. (before you make the joke, yes I actually did realize it because of the JoJo character, kinda.) For a while I didn't want to label myself as asexual because of both that, and that I can *tolerate* having sex, not really enjoy it entirely but I don't (usually) get disgusted by it. I've since started realizing that's not the part that matters really, and have been trying to figure out what's up with my specific flavour of sexuality.

I think a very important thing that I have figured out, and is why it took a very long time to figure out what was up with me, is I don't get 'horny' in the way most people do. When I see like a very attractive pair of hands doing something (mostly just something non-sexual oddly), I get what I tend to say is "arousal" but not once will the thought of sex or even kissing come up in my mind. It's more like aggression?? but almost in the way you get "cuteness aggression" where youre not actually angry or wanting to hurt something, the emotions are just so extremely positive that you start getting aggressive. Its like that, but more fight or flight instincts, it makes me want to either hide curled up in a ball crying or punch something; somehow all this is in a very positive way though. Not once will I ever think of trying to do anything sexual and the times I have tried to do something sexual both by myself and with a partner while feeling this way yet it just doesn't help at all. I tend to call this arousal/being horny but it feels more like something else? I am not sure since it has no *actually* sexual nature to it yet is definetly tied so some sort of sexuality and sexual feelings. I don't just see a hand and get weird about it, its only if it sort of matches my type and in certain contexts. That I think is to be expected with a sexual interests though, just wanted to clarify. If someone has more information on this please let me know because it has been very hard to find anything for it and its something I haven't heard anyone talk about. I have briefly mentioned it before and someone commented saying I might have autism but honestly but they never responded to my asking what they meant by that so I don't really understand what that meant and can't find anything on that.

On that, although a bit of a tangent; do not try and diagnose me with something, it is fine to point out if something is a common symptom of something but specific diagnosises stress me out.

I am an individual in a somewhat large group of people sharing a brain, and that makes things kind of weird. I think hands can be really good looking and I even have preferences and specific things I can point to as 'turn-ons' (in the agrressive horny way) and things I consider to be turn-offs (long nails...), yet we are realising that there are some in the system who have different aspects they like, but also most of them don't have that interest at all. I have headmates who most likely have more "normal" sexualities and blurred with them in times that made it really confusing, but I do understand the feeling somewhat of how its "supposed" to be somewhat. I have a specific memory of when we were younger, like middle school aged, I didn't have any understanding of it but I definetly already had the fetish at that point. I had a conversation with a friend about JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, a series I didn't know anything about back then, you probably know where this is going. She started being funny and talking about a character called "Yoshikage Kira", she mentioned that he is known mostly by his hand fetish, and definetly made a point to joke about how weird it was. I don't know how much about myself I really was understanding at that point but I definetly just started hiding all form of sexuality that could be "weird" from myself by that point. I remember sometime around that time I made some sort of post somewhere, I don't know where but I think its deleted, saying something along the lines of "is it possible to be really into hands but its not a fetish because I don't want to fuck them?" (paraphrasing). I "shut off" and ignored any thoughts I had around that for many years, until I watched JoJo and got INTENSE 'new' emotions seeing scenes of Kira being intimate with the disembodied hand, and kick-started a whole identity crisis. I think its also important to note, this wasn't long after I actually had sex for the first time and didn't understand why I wasn't into it and tried out labelling as asexual, hense the "crisis" began.

Now I say multiple times sex doesn't really ever come to my mind when "aroused" (if thats even what it is), but you may also know I have posted things in the past in a very sexual nature and drawn sexual art. I'm entirely sex positive so when I say this do NOT think I am against it; but that's just something I don't think I want to really do anymore and kinda didn't want to do in the first place. The main reason I did, is to me it was one level of 'weird' to be into something abnormal sexually, but a whole other level of 'weird' to be into something for whatever weird aggressive frustrating but thrilling reasons I have. So, trying to let myself be myself but still be "normal about it" I just chose what I'm ""supposed"" to do with a fetish, be sexual about it. I've done things like that also with many fictional characters where I really am into them in that weird aggressive "horny" way but just say something sexual because it makes the point I'm into them without being "weird". I am still learning to just be myself, and am working on just being myself with this. Another reason, and moreso applies to the art I did, was that I was trying to figure out if I could really like it as a sexual thing, I tried, and none of the actually sexual parts really got me interested, good note is I did find out what specific things I'm disgusted by.

[cipheramnesia]

I watched my first horror movie tonight since i was a teenager in the 90's. Back then i mostly giggled through Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer with friends. Then life happened and i sort-of stopped watching things in general. Anyway, I'm now finding myself on months of bedrest and am watching things to pass the time and decided I'd watch a movie tonight and picked horror just to see if i even like horror. I caught The Pope's Exorcist and actually really enjoyed it, which is delightful! It kept me on the edge of my seat and in suspense and i know my heart was racing at times. So I figure enjoying that one gives me a starting point in the genre, and i was wondering if you might be able to suggest others based off my liking that one? I picked it based off rotton tomato critic and audience ratings. Not because i care heavily about such things, but it made it a logical place to start of what's new. I'm not catholic so i don't care about religion based horror but I'm not opposed to it. I don't like jumpscares. Learned that from Sixth Sense and 12 years on tumblr. Oh! I've also recently seen Renfield, though none of the dracula movies that follow the books. I don't really count Renfield as horror in this regard because it's comedy horror and more funny than scary. Kind of like how i found 90's horror. Though that might have been just as much me being a punk ass kid trying to look brave with my friends. Who knows. It was a long time ago. Anyway, do you have any suggestions? Old or new doesn't matter. I'm bored and mostly stuck in bed. Thank you for your time!

I haven't seen The Pope's Exorcist so I had to search it up - exorcism movies don't do a lot for me, but The Taking of Deborah Logan and Daniel Isn't Real are perennial recommendations which I think would sync up with possession movies. Deborah Logan is kind of divisive with how it treats Alzheimer's and dementia - for me it resonated with my experiences and felt like a sensitive exploration of the topic for horror, but it can also reas the opposite way.

Hellbender and The Deeper You Dig are some fantastic work by a team of independent filmmakers who are also a family. They all act and direct and write together in upstate New York and have astonishing talent. A magnificent illustration of why seeking work by independent artists is such a good idea.

I just watched Ghost Crew, a weird little low budget Scottish movie that I won't say too much about except that it starts out as slightly cringe-comedy faux documentary and grows into a lot more. Zombie For Sale is an adorable Korean romantic comedy zombie movie I had a fun time watching. The Dark (2018) also very intriguing movie, basically victims of abuse getting revenge but one of them is a revenant.

Jamie Marks Is Dead is a queer ghost story that made me cry, everyone should watch it. Also in the sweet romantic category is Attachement, a Jewish and queer horror. It's written and directed by a Jewish person and to my experience felt very true to life. My personal reading of it was a kind of metaphor about how Judaism can be carried forward in different ways everywhere from generational to academically to people who convert. It's another one that I think could be read different, but the positive reading works better for me.

A Wounded Fawn is just bonkers surreal, I can't describe it exactly but it's about a serial killer who gets in deep with some very hallucinatory shit. Related, but Vicious Fun is exactly what it says on the tin. Very fun silly stuff. He's Watching is imho one of the most terrifying found footage movies ever. All found footage movies use a lot of pretty common and consistent tricks of limited light and limited perspective, but He's Watching fucks with the sense of reality by constantly obfuscating who or what is recording, where the line between real and film is blurred.

Babysitter Wanted is also a fun twist on the satanic panic trope. Also similar in that vein, Anything For Jackson is pretty neat. And while I'm thinking about Shudder, The Mortuary Collection is pure spooky fun, a delightful anthology movie with Clancy Brown getting to chew up some scenery. Also for the movie that has everything, Saloum. It's a kind of revenge crossed with magic crossed with evil spirits centered around a bad ass team of mercenaries for hire.

Also check out my horror movie tag.

[voxnumbskull]

Hey guys, feel like I haven't posted anything Nanu related in a while because I've been in a bad slump, and I'm just now pulling myself out of it again, so I decided to treat you with some headcanons.

If any of these are repeats, I'm sorry. I can't remember what I have and haven't said, and I really don't feel like going back and looking.

That being said, I just have hcs about his past before becoming a cop today.

•I always imagine Nanu in his early 40s. I hc him being born on November 14th, 1981, putting him at 42 years today. Also, I chose this date specifically because something about it felt right, and he really gives me November Scorpio vibes.

•Nanu to me always resembled some other characters in the franchise vaguely, at least as far as facial features go. He definitely screams Unovan, with a strong jawline and larger eyes reminiscent of an American man. But he also has something about him that screams Hoenn, mostly really specific facial features that makes him resemble characters like Norman and of course Kabu, who is canonically from the Hoenn region. This always made me believe he's mixed Asian American. Unovan father, Hoennian mother, tales as old as time.

•Whether or not they lived in Alola at any time during his childhood is honestly up to your preference. I could genuinely see him growing up pretty much anywhere around a more large urban area.

•I like to imagine his father served in the military at some point, since in our world, Nanu would have been born not long after the end of the Vietnam war. I imagine his father was a hard ass, and his mother was the strict parent who just wanted to see her son doing well. Their influence most definitely made him the rebellious type when he got older, and the embarrassment of some of the things he did, or getting involved with the cops one two many times inspired him to turn over a new leaf later in life and join the academy.

•Nanu would have been a teen to young adult in the 90s, so I imagine a lot of band tshirts, washed out jeans, flannels, dirt stained Converse, and messy hair. No doubt his grungy style and interests drove his parents crazy. Especially the music. Favoring 90s grunge, 80s hairbands and old school thrash, trad metal, etc. Anything loud that drowned out the high expectations placed on his shoulders.

•This makes me feel like he eventually would've tried making a band with some of his high school buddies. Not his idea, of course, but it sounded cool and gave him something to do. Hell, he even enjoyed the idea of getting to be a dope ass bassist like some of his faves.

•Maybe he gets his first job in retail somewhere just to save up money for his own shiny red bass guitar, and he practices by recreating his favorite bass lines from his horde of CDs.

•Maybe they even get as far as becoming a decently popular garage band in their area, who knows?

•Around the age of 20-21 though, Nanu starts getting serious about his future, and he quits the band to join the police academy, where he showed real talent. The rest was history.

[jugg3rn4ut]

I've always felt detestable. Well, maybe not always, but for a good majority of my life. As if there's something deeply unpleasant about me, something off-putting buried in my bones or whatever. I was a pretty quiet kid, never enjoyed socialising (that was my little sister's niche), I'd give polite responses when addressed but mostly tried to figure out a way to escape the conversation overall. That was alright though, it didn't matter then. After all, most people don't hate 7 year olds. The trouble started once I turned 11. People become a lot less accommodating once you hit your teens.

 Any behaviours that are considered quirky for a child quickly become unnerving when you hit puberty. All of a sudden you're weird and scary. You have friends, but boys look at you with pure disgust and you cant figure out why. You've always dreamed of the perfect highschool experience, a fairytale teen romance is your only goal at this age, but you don't fit the “beautiful brunette main character” bill. You're odd and average and most importantly, black. No one wants you this way and that sucks ass so obviously you try to change, act and look more “normal”, but it's near impossible to completely detach yourself from what's natural to you when you're 13. Your mind and soul follow you like a dirty stain, making your attempt to blend in look uncanny at best. Surely everyone can still see that you're a freak, and even if they cant, you certainly can and it's disgusting. 

So eventually, keeping up the act becomes too much for you. You try to revert back to your old self but you don't remember how, the lines are too blurred at this point. Then you're angry. Angry that you tried so hard to become socially acceptable only to end up in situations you never thought you would end up in. Boys are so so so evil and you can't look past that. They grope and grin and laugh in their group chats and they burrow into your head, nestling down so you can't pull them out again. They'll say things that never leave your mind, leaving you hearing their voices on repeat like a ringing in your ears that'll never go away. Boy-induced tinnitus, or boy-induced psychosis, or both maybe. You can no longer see yourself the same way, you can't shower the same way, you can't daydream the same way, you can't speak the same way, nothing is the same after that, not ever.

But you're stupid, or maybe just human, there's barely a difference there. You still crave affection from a boy. You're mind is set on them being evil but you're so so lonely anyway. Being weird is lonely, but being a bitch feels like you're trapped in a malfunctioning submarine with no reflective surfaces and no echo. Strange description maybe, but that's it.

You're furious at the fact that you've lost so much of yourself, to the point where fury is all you can feel. Everything you do is fueled by that bitter, miserable rage, the knowledge that you've lost control of who you are and how you're perceived. You have so much misdirected adrenaline that for a while, you feel powerful, productive. You can stand up for yourself, speak your mind, put on makeup and you feel on top of the world. Untouchable. You have to be untouchable because God knows you can't handle that again.

Then comes the drop. Unfortunately, the world is constantly spinning and remaining on top of it is impossible because you are not fast enough to keep up, and you never will be. You've hit a wall, hard, and you no longer have enough energy to find your way over it. You realise that since you were 11, not a single boy has looked at you as though you were human. Not when you were odd, not when you were normal, not when you were a bitch, and certainly not now that your mind has stopped working. You know boys are evil, you know it, but the fact that you haven't experienced the full extent of a boy somehow fills you with self-loathing. 

It's crazy, its so bad of you to think, but sometimes you wish you were still sexualised the way you were when you were normal. You feel so undesirable now and your track record doesn't convince you otherwise. All the other girls are having their hearts broken but you're just hated. Boys hate you and you hate them but it's not the same. You hate boys as people but boys hate you as if you're a piece of gum stuck to the sole of their shoe. You aren't a person to them, you aren't even an object. You don't actually know what you are. Your standards are out the window now but that doesn't actually matter, because there's no one to meet them, or even fall short of them, because no one wants you. No one. Wants you. 

And you want someone so badly. You fall asleep curled up in a ball, pretending to hold yourself in a warm embrace. You crave human contact, romantic contact, even eye contact, but no one wants you. You dress up and do your hair, try to look pretty and you know you do, but no one wants you. You post picture upon picture, try to seem fun and interesting and you ARE, but no one wants you. You cvt yourself and punch yourself and cry and cry and cry because the scars are so bad that they'd surely put any boyfriend you ever get off because you look despicable, but you don't actually have to worry about that, because no one wants you. So you keep cvtting yourself, it doesn't matter either way because you're so innately unnerving and gross and weird and rude and creepy and fcking ugly on the inside.

And then you realise how similar that last paragraph is to the first and you think, I think, that I haven't actually changed. All of this shit, just for me to end up being exactly the same as I was at eleven years old. 

[imminentinertia]

I'm a nice little bisexual woman who find it unacceptable that the best piece of entertainment about girls who like girls I've ever seen is a film from 1998. 1998!!!

I've certainly liked more wlw films and shows than this. Also I watched Fucking Åmål at a very impressionable age. But surely I should be able to find something as good nearly three decades after it premiered, eh.

I'm giving pretty much every Asian GL I can find a go, as I've always given most wlw films and shows a go. I want them to be good. I need good wlw media in my life - and to be fair, there's a lot that's fairly good.

(I'm not really looking for representation I can personally relate to, as I've always felt like the odd one out in most settings and I'm very surprised whenever I see a me-ish bi or lesbian character. I just want a story that engages me and some prettiness or charm to admire. Bonus points for good cinematography, a soundtrack I like and so on.)

By GL I mean a tropey romance between girls/women. Some shows are often counted as GLs while I personally don't find them tropey enough, and as with all genres there's characteristics overlap and sometimes genre Venn diagrams look more or less like this:

So I'm not going to count things like She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat because I don't really see it as belonging in the queer romance sub-genre Girl's Love, but I'm not arguing with anyone who sees it as such.

I like to complain about how I dislike a number of the common QL tropes but let's be honest, I'll adore pretty much any tired trope if it's done in a way I find appealing (I even like the sort of body swap in My Stand-In, and I detest body swap (no really, I do)). So I ought to be all set to be swept off my feet by cute love stories featuring pretty girls and women, right?

Riiiight.

In this reblog of a post about the reception of 23.5, @illgiveyouahint makes some points that really resonate with me (reblogs are turned off, hence this separate post):

"(...) why do I have to sit through these shows about high femme girls that I have no connection to and who I frankly find boring (...) Why do I have to sit through these shows that sometimes just really don't make sense (...) Yes the girls are kissing but is it really enough for me? For us? Are we really watching these shows just to see girls kiss? Is that all? And are we not allowed to demand more. Can't we demand that we want coherent storylines and some depth to the characters?"

We absolutely can.

Also the girls kissing is usually pretty bad (scowling at the side couple in Wedding Plan, who ought to win awards for Worst Kiss of the Decade, although they were otherwise enjoyable) whereas the boys have mostly learned how to kiss and the directors and producers of BLs have mostly learned that the actors should kiss like human beings. Anyway.

I get that at this point GL production is speedrunning the BL development stages. Gap is arguably an office drama, it didn't take nearly a decade of mostly high school/uni dramas to get there. The Last Case looks like it will be a crime story (please get as far as airing). Love Senior looks fascinatingly a lot like a fix-it of a few uni BLs (and has good kissing). I give it at most two years until a series Y meta/criticism show appears where the Y is for Yuri.

But I mostly can't stand what's on offer so far. Sorry.

I noped out of Gap after episode 2 and all I can remember now is ALL THE THINGS ARE PINK and there was a horrible "comical" sidekick. I stopped watching 23.5 at some point in episode 2 because I was starting to need to kill Ongsa, and it's not good to want to kill the main character. I sort of enjoyed Love Senior, partly because the main character is enjoyable and a bit relatable to me, but I haven't finished it. And so on and so forth. Maybe The Two of Us will be enjoyable, since the characters are grown-ups and I liked Deep Night.

By all means adore the GLs that are out by now! It's just that I can't. The best GL storylines I've seen so far in this wave are honestly the wlw arcs in the strictly speaking non-QL show The Warp Effect. By best I mean those that were engaging and fulfilling to me.

So here's my demand:

coherent storylines would be nice (but I can live with messes if they're otherwise engaging)

plots that aren't all romance - crime, sci-fi, fantasy, action, period, sports, horror, give it to me

characters that aren't all stereotype

grown-ups! By all means make teen shows for the young crowd but please throw some grown women in too

by all means cater to those who appreciate high femme but please cater to the rest of us too

up the cinematography game, and I get that it will take some time to get better financing, but please make that a priority

have Mie Nannapas play a horny serial killer