#since of y’all are real you’re part of the reason Tumblr is dying from the inside out

[annwayne]

friendly reminder that if you don’t change your pfp, background, and have something in your bio that’s not obviously a bot description you’re getting reported as spam and blocked.

[resslawx]

So, i wrote this for my Instagram page since it’s where it all started. But since I posted my edits here as well, I felt like sharing it here too.

Blacklist has been a part of my life ever since it aired 8 years ago. Back then, I was a child and I grew up with it by my side.

I’ve always been invested in this show, especially the last 4 years were really intensive. This show, most of all the relationship between Liz and Red + the Keenler bond became a big part of my life - in every meaning. And everyone who knows me personally, or is simply an active follower of my page, knows how dedicated I’ve been for the shipping I’ve grown to love so much.

To see how the show lost its path over the years was sad, of course, but for me it was bearable. It was still okay, even tho it wasn’t the blacklist I fell in love with anymore. But to see it completely destroyed in like 2 minutes, to see 8 YEARS completely destroyed in the blink of an eye? I didn’t see that coming. I didn’t want to see it coming.

When we knew Megan would leave the show after s8, I was already crushed (I won’t talk more about my opinion of how things went with her/the network/the producers/writers because I’m tired of that. We all have our own views. I’m simply talking about the show and its storyline here because that’s what my page is about) but I still hoped they’d give her character a… 'decent' ending?

As a keenler, I sure hoped for her to simply disappear, to leave a door open for their deserved happy ending. But most of all I hoped that the character of Elizabeth Keen would get the answers she deserved, the answers this whole damn show was built on finding!

I’ve read many things awesome people wrote, things I can fully relate to. I share your anger, pain, frustration and questions.

Reddington and Liz were the core of the show and to me, everyone who disagrees (or says that red was the only important main character) simply didn’t understand the show and its concept. Save your time and don’t try to argue with me about that.

Their relationship has been the show’s heart.

Liz’ questions and her try to find the answers to them.

And in the end, she died without them.

If you’re saying, she got the answer who red is by realizing he’s her mother - it wasn’t really confirmed. Besides, even if this should be the solution, then Reddington didn’t even bother to TELL her while she was DYING.

But oh, don’t get me started on how I started to dislike Reddington more and more this whole season because in my eyes he became selfish, his actions not about “keeping Liz safe” anymore - honestly, the Liz and red bond was thrown into the 🗑 for a long time already and even tho I hoped it would become better again, I had set my piece that it wouldn’t happen. I guess that’s another reason why keenler started to be my only reason for watching.

I’ve never been a fan of the rederina thingy theory but tbh at this point I don’t even care about it anymore. As many of you already said: What’s the point of us learning his real identity (if we ever would lol) if Liz isn’t there to learn about it anymore? Yeah, none. She was the one who should’ve gotten those answers, it’s not important anymore.

Liz may have annoyed me at times, made me angry or disappointed. But I still loved her and not just as "a character to throw into a ship I want to exist" as I heard some people say. She didn’t deserve this ending, nobody did.

[and if I see one more person blaming ressler for her death — for gods sake.]

Back to the heart of my page: keenler.

Who truly knows me knows that I had no problem with people who didn’t ship them because it didn’t stop me from doing so.

I like to say that it has been my once in a lifetime ship. I strongly believe that people like us, who find comfort in fictional characters of books, movies, shows, games and so on have that one special show / character / ship / relationship or whatever which keeps them sane like no other. That’s what keenler has been for me, no matter what might come in the future. I’ll never be as invested as I was with them.

The last few years had some p r e t t y rough times but I always found comfort with them. Over the time I published my edits here, many of you told me they could see how much heart I put into them (what made me really happy btw). And yes, I did. Because they made me feel like nothing else ever did and comforted me in times where nothing and nobody was able to do so.

Y’all know donald ressler will always be my favorite character of this show (✌🏻) but i grew to love this ship which had such a big influence on his character just as much. The way they ended them is more than hard for me. And with them, everyone lost.

Reds whole dedication to keep Liz safe failed.

Well, Liz lost.. everything.

Ressler lost the woman he loves for the second time. At this point I believe the writers simply never wanted him to have a happy ending.

The task force doesn’t exist as one anymore, their relationships are torn apart.

I don’t want to go into more detail, I just wanted to post something because people kept asking me about some things here.

Will I keep editing? Honestly I don’t know.

This page was dedicated to something that’s now dead. Yes, I want to do at least one last edit for them. They deserve it, I need it. But I’m not able to do so at the moment.

For now, I’m mourning. Mourning the death of a fictional character, mourning the death of the ship that was a part of myself, mourning a show that once brought me so much joy and is now destroyed.

I’m honest here, I’m not doing well but I’m trying. It’ll get better, at some point it will. But I know i need time. What feels like the loss of 8 years isn’t grieved in 4 days.

I’m still around, feel free to talk to me whenever you want (Instagram, Twitter, tumblr, wherever).

To those close to me, my friends, no matter in “real life” or those I met in this fandom: thank you. Thank you for being here, helping me through something (some of) you might not even understand. You know who you are and you are appreciated.

Let’s mourn together ? It’s all we can do.

Also: a big thank you to everyone who has always been such a supporter of the work I’ve done here ❤️ for me, posting your edits, is like posting a part of yourself and I’m truly grateful that you accepted it - and that it brought you so much joy!

[lolas-writings]

Ahh I’m so sorry that happened! But here’s me, asking for your project details again lol

(Man I hate Tumblr a lot these days... Copy and paste here we go) 

Oh buddy, you’re getting a real treat today. I’m putting this under a cut because it’ll be quite long. Enjoy!! All songs have a link included so you can listen to them. (Here’s a preview)

Ships Included:

DabiHawks

TodoDeku

ShinDeku

(Very possible TodoShinDeku)

Single Character Studies Included:

Dabi/Touya

Shouto

(Villain) Izuku

Ship Based Fics:

What A Time (Trilogy):

For this one, I won’t give too much detail because it’s already being written but I will give the general overview

A Hawks Betrayal and Dabi/Touya Rehabilitation concept. Also a mix between a ship based fic and a character study of Dabi

Part 1: [Already posted!! Read here if you’d like] Deals with the immediate aftermath of Hawks betraying the league and getting them all arrested. From Dabi’s POV (the entire trilogy is in Dabi’s POV) he begins to question his and Hawks’ relationship while Hawks is a mere ten feet away acting like they don’t even acknowledge each other’s existence. Maybe 65% angst due to present times and 35% fluff due to flashbacks

Part 2: A few months after Dabi began his rehabilitation. Discusses his therapy, goes into more detail about what exactly the rehabilitation program entails, and Dabi has a major breakdown due to an unexpected visit from Hawks. 100% angst, there is no happiness in this installment.

Part 3: About a year and a half after the league was arrested and Dabi Touya began his rehabilitation. He’s doing a lot better, both mentally and physically, and is slowly accepting his new life. Hawks in under major fire in the news, and Touya decides maybe it’s finally time to talk things out. I’m estimating about 25% angst and 75% fluff for this installment because I’m putting these boys through the wringer, they deserve to be soft. (Also, happy ending guaranteed)

Before You Go:

A childhood friends AU where Keigo and Touya are part of the same hero program. They become good friends and are practically inseparable until Touya has a training accident and is presumed dead (by accidental suicide).

I’ve actually already talked about this in much more detail in this post here so you can just read that. That post is also quite long

Rewrite the Stars:

I’m gonna call out @call1998​ because I just woke up one day, sent her this song, and said that it’s such a DabiHawks song. And then we created a fantastic soulmate AU together so she helped co-create this idea <3

So, as I said, this is a soulmate AU, but DabiHawks are not each other’s soulmate.

Hawks met his soulmate back when they were kids. Merely 12 years old and under the commission’s care because they were both part of their hero program. Hawks was the one to notice first, getting excited when he met his soulmate and wanting to get to know him. But they only got that one day together, because the next day his soulmate was gone and never to be heard from again. The commission had him believe that his soulmate moved to America and entered a different specialized program, but Hawks finds out the truth when he’s around 20 years old and snooping around the commission. He finds old files that they wanted buried, and he learns the commission actually killed his soulmate because they saw them as weaknesses, and since Hawks was the “better specimen” he was allowed to live.

Dabi’s soulmate is an abuser who works for the commission. And since Dabi is Touya, of course, he grew up watching his mother be abused by her own soulmate and thought “oh hell no.” After Dabi meets his soulmate and realizes how abusive he is (not only to him but also the wife and kids his soulmate already has) Dabi tricks him into believing Dabi actually likes him. When he’s able to, he brings his soulmate back to the league and has him turned into a Nomu, because while he’s an abusive piece of shit, his quirk is really powerful and could be of use to the league.

Now, for the DabiHawks part. Their relationship is more of a friends with benefits ordeal, but of course they wind up falling in love eventually. They never mention their soulmates until one day, after a mission left them both tired, Hawks decides to confess. He’s sitting behind Dabi, applying a special salve to the fresh burns that Dabi can’t reach himself because he can’t bring himself to confess if he’s able to be seen. When his feelings are finally out in the open, the only thing Dabi asks is “What about your soulmate?” Hawks recognizes it’s not a flat out rejection so some of the tension in his shoulders dissipates, and he tells Dabi how they met when they were just kids and how cruel the commission is for killing him off, solely to groom the perfect hero.

And Dabi? He’s vulnerable and hesitant, because the man he was supposed to “end up with” was a garbage piece of human trash, so he’s reluctant. And self deprecating, because he doesn’t believe he deserves to be loved. So he tells Hawks about how he killed his soulmate, omitting the very important fact that his soulmate was abusive just like his father was to his mother. And he uses it to try and drive Hawks away. But the thing is, Hawks knows that Dabi is a critical thinker and wouldn’t act without reason, that all of his actions have a purpose. So after that night, he searches. They don’t touch again, either, their meetings reverting back to being strict information swaps, but it only drives Hawks to uncover the truth. And he finds it, and he even remembers who Dabi’s soulmate was because he was one of the people in charge of the program that Hawks grew up in. But he keeps it to himself, he has to make sense of things first.

Then one night comes, where Hawks just has to let Dabi know, let him know that he’s not the bad guy he’s trying to paint himself to be. But when Hawks reveals what he knows, Dabi just tries to deny everything, because he truly doesn’t want to talk about this. And then he snaps, yells at Hawks about how he witnessed the abuse his mother went through, how his father broke her in more ways than one, how he vowed to never allow someone to do the same to him. That he accepted the fact that he was meant to wind up alone after he killed his soulmate because the universe is a cruel place to once kind people.

Hawks is having none of that, though. He stops Dabi, tells him he doesn’t have to be alone anymore, that they’re not explicitly tied to “fate” anymore and can in fact rewrite their own story. It takes a lot of back and forth between them, but ultimately Hawks’ end goal is convincing Dabi that they, the two of them who no longer have a soulmate, are no longer tied to whatever fate was “chosen” for them. That they’re free to go their own route, carve out their own lives how they see fit. And eventually, Dabi gives in, because in truth they both know that they love each other, so why not give it a go?

More Hearts Than Mine/Like We Used To (duology):

Okay, this duology is centered around both Shindeku and Tododeku and in the end one of y’all is gonna hate me and I’m okay with that. As a multishipper, it is so hard for me to chose which ship gets tanked in the end I’m so sorry. ((But honestly, I high key have thought about ending it with all three of them being in a poly relationship and like, ya girl likes poly. It’ll most likely happen to be completely honest))

Also, quirkless AU!!

MHTM: This is the first half of the duology. In this half, it depicts the rise and eventual fall of Izuku’s initial relationship (either with Hitoshi or Shouto, it’s so far undecided). They get together, fall in love, and genuinely have a good relationship, but it all goes downhill when they eventually have to break up due to different life interests and Izuku’s boyfriend having to move away for a few years. They knew long distance wouldn’t work, so they decided to end the relationship, and this fic ends with the aftermath of their breakup and how not only Izuku, but also his mother and step father are hurt by the breakup.

LWUT: In the second half of this duology, this fic will be from the perspective of whichever boyfriend had to end things with Izuku. He returns from his travels a few years later, but he doesn’t tell Izuku just yet. Instead, he’s trying to deal with being back and constantly reminiscing what once was. One day, while getting coffee, he sees Izuku and his new boyfriend sitting at a corner booth and overall acting very in love. And it hurts, seeing Izuku with someone else, and he gets jealous. But as the fic continues, he eventually comes to terms with the fact that him and Izuku did fall in love, but at the wrong time and while they may not ever get a chance again, he just hopes Izuku is happy with his new boyfriend. (And then they meet again at that same coffee shop, and Izuku realizes his first love is back in town and invites him to sit with them. And he does, and it’s awkward, but when Izuku’s current boyfriend leaves to use the restroom, he tells Izuku that he’s glad he found someone. And this is only the beginning of the start of all three dating because while writing this out I’ve decided, yea, I like happy endings too much so they all three fall in love.)

Single Character Study Fics:

King for a Day (warning, kind of screamo):

Dabi/Touya character study.

He’s already a villain at this point, and this fic would be a character study of his feelings throughout his mental collapse, his rise as Dabi, and his thirst for revenge.

I actually don’t have as much for this idea compared to some of the other songs on here, but the basic outline is almost your standard “Touya died then became Dabi, his mental stability is compromised, and his primary goal is bringing down Endeavor”. This song is actually more of a “hey this fits a story that already exists” than using it to create one, that’s why I don’t have much on it.

I do, however, want to share my favorite line that I’ve matched with a scene. “Dying is a gift so close your eyes and rest in piece.” Dabi says this to Endeavor because he believes he deserves to live the rest of his life rotting away in prison, but he has to kill Endeavor to make sure he gets punished. Since Endeavor is rich and famous, he could probably get out of prison with minimal damage to his reputation and life, and what would be the point then? So Dabi believes he has to die.

Modern Loneliness:

Shouto character study.

The title alone I think suits Shouto fairly well, but if you listen to the song it’s about felling alone in a room full of people. About not knowing how to connect to others. The first line alone is very much in line with Shouto. “I’ve been thinking ‘bout my father lately, the person that he made me, the person I’ve become.” I don’t even need to tell you why that line fits so well.

So this fic would be centered around the time the UA students move into the dorms, because I feel that Shouto would still be wary and not understand how to truly connect with his classmates. In the end, eventually he’d come to find that it takes two to put in the effort a relationship requires, and though it’s new and scary, he’s willing to do it.

Let Me Be Myself:

Another Shouto character study.

Again, the title alone already very heavily aligns with Shouto’s character. And, as we all already know, Shouto hates when people compare him to his father or only acknowledge him as his father’s son, and this song is about being allowed to break free from past restraints in order to live your life how you see fit.

With Izuku’s help, Shouto is able to come to this realization sooner and grow the confidence needed to finally fight back and regain control of his own life.

Lovely:

Villain!Deku character study.

I’m not even gonna lie, I saw that multiple people have done animatics of this exact concept and it’s very intriguing to me. I’ve never written villain Izuku so I think it’d be interesting to explore that kind of mindset.

That being said, I just wrote down “villain Deku = lovely” in my phone’s notes and never actually plotted anything so I have nothing more to share on this

And that’s it so far!! Realistically, I probably won’t get around to all of these, and it would take me forever to actually make a dent in this, but I’m having a lot of fun with this project. Also, these don’t go into nearly as much depth as my notes, because I basically annotate these songs in order to create an outline so, this is like the lite version.

[witnessprotectionau]

By M’gann

Welcome one, welcome all! M’gann here today, since I’m the only one in the superhero community with experience running a blog. It’s a pleasure to meet you all, even if it isn’t under the most ideal of circumstances...

This is the Justice League’s official tumblr blog! Since our identities were outed, we don’t have to worry about accidently leaking personal information anymore, and we decided to create various social media accounts so our actions are more public and available to everyone, and totally not because if we didn’t, our actions would have to be monitered by the government and none of us want people following us around at all times, or Secretary Ross anywhere close enough to have his eyes on us!! :)

(Scarlet Witch/Wanda just burst out laughing, and she doesn’t have her phone on her, so I think she’s reading my mind, now I know how it feels, but at the same time, I’m glad I made at least one person laugh with that)

If we just post what we’re up to, then we can just refuse to post about when we go to the bathroom unless it’s important, which was a big concern for us all when people following us was first brought up. But that’s besides the point!

This blog will contain all the stuff we’re posting on other social media, so you can just follow us here to get all the tea!

... My uncle just came in to inform me that those of older generations might not know what that means, and that I have to try to not leave anyone out.

‘Tea’ means gossip.

Okay, so starting off this blog with a bang, the entire superhero community (which also includes vigilantes, anti-heroes, and villains, not just superheroes, it’s just quicker to say!) decided to all create twitter accounts to post their name, if their identity was revealed and their civillian name. Now, I don’t know EVERYBODY in the community, so I put in everyone who commented superhero-like stuff on the post. I’m pretty sure that they aren’t real heroes, but it’s better safe than to be rude and exclude people! Besides, I didn’t know about the Defenders half an hour ago until I heard someone in the house exclaim that someone named Daredevil was finally getting media coverage because of this. Apparently a few people in the house were fans of him. __________

Okay, so... You guys weren’t there, but I stopped writing for a few hours to attend a justice league meeting with the avengers and quite a few other people, and here’s what was ultimately decided:

Because we have so many enemies, it isn’t safe for any of us to live alone anymore, so we’ve basically all moved in together? Well, not all of us. Those who had their identities revealed, and those who lived with them, or could have their identities revealed based on everyone else.

For example, Batman had his identity revealed, which, by the way, what???

Bruce WAYNE??

But yeah, Batman had his identity revealed, but Robin didn’t. The new Robin. Not the first one. Nightwing is his eldest son, Dick Grayson. But people can figure it out based on his height. Which, by the way... Bruce has his reasons for letting him into the community, give him some slack. He’s been getting a lot of hate from it. And speaking of Bruce Wayne, it is his manor that we’ve all moved into, since it’s large and has excellent security. I haven’t met his other kids yet, so I don’t know if they already knew their dad was Batman, and their siblings were Nightwing and Robin. I’ll ask them when they show up. __________

Okay, so I left to get food for five minutes, and when I came back, the og JL members were staring at my screen and laughing their heads off while Bruce sat by the side and scowled. So... I’m concerned. If this post never goes up, assume I’m dead.

BUT ANYWAY!!!!!!

I made everyone in the house promise not to read the comments on the original twitter post, and only read them here, as some of us wanted our accounts not to be spammed by their friends. Like, Garfield uses his account to advocate for animal rights, he doesn’t want to constantly respond to other supers’ messages. He’s too busy for that!

The mess on Twitter, as follows: __________

Youonyourphone,situpstraight! @ #1FBIAGENT Plastic Man, aka Patric O’Brian. I was outed, which makes my job VERY interesting now... (read: awkward)

Winged Warrior @ Hawkwoman ✔️ Shayera Hol. I have wings. If  you couldn’t figure out my “civillian identity” by me walking down the street, earth is too dumb to save anymore

r3d @ 70rn4d0 The children chose this name for me. Red Tornado, AKA John Smith.

Green Arrow @ notrobinhood ✔️ Oliver Queen, revealed too... Let’s hope this doesn’t affect STAR labs... Sorry PR department. :/

Adam @ DrStrangeJunior League doctor, last name strange. The avengers already have a doctor strange, and I’m younger than him, hence DrStrangJunior. I never really had a hero identity in the first place, but everyone insists that I’m a part of the group, so... yeah

Big Boy Blue @ TheREalSuperman ✔️ Clark Kent, Kal-el, Superman. Speaking of, why was @ Superman already taken?

Aquaman @ KingOfAtlantis ✔️ Even though I don’t REALLY have a secret identity, I have to do this anyway for some reason? Arthur Curry.

rocket @ PCHOOOOO raquel ervin. rocket. the only reason icon is around so bow down to me. Tim chose my name.

therapist @ capitalsareimportant Black Canary. Dinah Lance-Queen. Betcha Imma bout to lose my job.

take the shot @ harperoy Red Arrow, Will harper, Previously Speedy. I had this @ before... everything

Fastest Man Online @ 2fast2type ✔️ flash, barry allen, dying inside BECAUSEI’MLIVINGINABILLIONAIRE’SHOUSENOWANDTHEREISSOMUCHFOOD

zatanna @ annataz Only one name, Zatanna. That’s both my civillian name and my superhero name, but my stage name SOMEHOW is still a secret??? smh everyone’s blind...

cptnmarvel @ SHAZAM! Captain Marvel. The male one, since apparently I have to say that now?? My identity is still a secret tho!

Themiscyra❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤 @ Wonderous ✔️ Wonder Woman. Princess Diana. However, my Civillian name is Diana Prince __________

Now, The Green Lanterns... Kilowog got an account first, and it didn’t end well... __________

Kilowog @ GreenLanternOFFICIAL ✔️ As one of the Green Lanterns assigned to this sector, I decided to join in on this internet stuff, since it seems so important to everyone on this planet. Kilowog here! Green Lantern.

John Stewart @ GreenLantern1 ✔️ SOMEONE stole @ GreenLanternOFFICIAL  🙄

I CAME FIRST! @ OriginalGreenLantern ✔️ @ GreenLantern1 ???!?!? ONE!?!?! I WAS THE FIRST HUMAN GREEN LANTERN THANK YOU VERY MUCH JOHN!

John Stewart @ GreenLantern1 ✔️ It was the first thing I thought of aside from GreenLantenOFFICIAL, don’t yell at me!

I CAME FIRST! @ OriginalGreenLantern ✔️ why didn’t you just do GreenLanternJohn instead of stealing what was rightfully mine?

John Stewart @ GreenLantern1 ✔️ Hey, you aren’t the boss of @’s!

I CAME FIRST! @ OriginalGreenLantern ✔️ who says I’m not?

John Stewart @ GreenLantern1 ✔️ You’re obviously not!

I CAME FIRST! @ OriginalGreenLantern ✔️ but who says?

John Stewart @ GreenLantern1 ✔️ Me!

I CAME FIRST! @ OriginalGreenLantern ✔️ but you’re not the boss of me!

John Stewart @ GreenLantern1 ✔️ Since when?

I CAME FIRST! @ OriginalGreenLantern ✔️ since i’m your senior!

John Stewart @ GreenLantern1 ✔️ I’m older than you!

I CAME FIRST! @ OriginalGreenLantern ✔️ i’ve been a green lantern longer!

John Stewart @ GreenLantern1 ✔️ That doesn’t matter!

I CAME FIRST! @ OriginalGreenLantern ✔️ then if it doesn’t matter, change your name!

John Stewart @ GreenLantern1 ✔️ To WHAT?!

I CAME FIRST! @ OriginalGreenLantern ✔️ GreenLantern16 or something, i don’t know!

John Stewart @ GreenLantern1 ✔️ There aren’t even that many Green Lanterns!

I CAME FIRST! @ OriginalGreenLantern ✔️ there are hundreds of us!

John Stewart @ GreenLantern1 ✔️ I meant HUMAN Green Lanterns!

I CAME FIRST! @ OriginalGreenLantern ✔️ then fucking specify next time? is that so hard?!

John Stewart @ GreenLantern1 ✔️ Fuck off, asshole!

I CAME FIRST! @ OriginalGreenLantern ✔️ you first!

John Stewart @ GreenLantern1 ✔️ That’s not even an insult!

I CAME FIRST! @ OriginalGreenLantern ✔️ and yours was?!

John Stewart @ GreenLantern1 ✔️ Shut up!

I CAME FIRST! @ OriginalGreenLantern ✔️ just change your name and i will!

John Stewart @ GreenLantern1 ✔️ You can’t change your @’s, just your user!

I CAME FIRST! @ OriginalGreenLantern ✔️ then get a new account!

John Stewart @ GreenLantern1 ✔️ That’s a pain though!

I CAME FIRST! @ OriginalGreenLantern ✔️ suck it up!

John Stewart @ GreenLantern1 ✔️ You’re the one who started all this!

I CAME FIRST! @ OriginalGreenLantern ✔️ you started the argument with Kilowog’s account when he’s not even on the planet anymore!

John Stewart @ GreenLantern1 ✔️ It was a joke! You’re the one who took it seriously!

hey Guys @ GreenLantern ✔️ hey Guys...??

I CAME FIRST! @ OriginalGreenLantern ✔️ ...

John Stewart @ GreenLantern1 ✔️ ... __________

hey Guys @ GreenLantern ✔️ ok so kilowogs off planet, and the others are refusing to use their accounts after the incident where i murdered them both, so im doing their introductions for them

hey Guys @ GreenLantern ✔️ @ GreenLantern1 is john stewart, obviously. @ OriginalGreenLantern is hal jordan, and yeah, he was the first human lantern. and me? the only Guy who had the bright idea of actually checking to see if @ GreenLantern was available like a normal person?

hey Guys @ GreenLantern ✔️ i was off-world when everyone’s identities were revealed, and thus have my secrets!

hey Guys @ GreenLanten ✔️ well, i mean... i didn’t exactly hide it before, so some people might know, but im loving the fact that i kept my identity secret when batman didnt, so i decided to keep it to flaunt that fact to the others. peace out __________

Ro(g)y @ arsenal The OG Roy Harper here. Arsenal. Previously speedy.

Kaldur’ahm @ Aqualad ✔️ My user and @ says it all. I was revealed. Uselessly, but still revealed.

Mygreatestachievementwillbebeingborn @ Impulsive Bart Allen, AKA Impulse. My identity WAS revealed, but good luck finding out who I am. ;-)

Apollo’s Crockpot Sister @ Artemis ✔️ Artemis, AKA Artemis Crock. Now y’all can finally stop asking me about my name.

From Fanboy To @ LagoonBoy L’gann here. Lagoon Boy. I’m green, you should be able to know what my civillian self looks like. It’s not like I can hide.

buzz off @ bumblebee I wasn’t revealed, but... being a superhero would be a suitable excuse for being late to classes... Karen Beecher-Duncan, Bumblebee! (Don’t worry, I discussed revealing myself with the entire league, and they said it was cool)

World’s best dodger and bullshitter @ Guardian Bumbles’ loving husband, Mal Duncan.

hello megan! @ hellom’gann ✔️ M’gann M’orzz AKA Megan Morse AKA Miss Martian. Superboy doesn’t have an account, but also didn’t get his identity leaked (somehow) anyway!!

Wall-Man @ It’sKIDFLASH ✔️ Wally West, Kid Flash. Nice to meet Y’all

Apollo’s Crockpot Sister @ Artemis ✔️ Y’all

Wall-Man @ It’sKIDFLASH ✔️ Okay, you used it just two seconds ago so don’t @ me

Jaime @ ScarabHost ✔️ Jaime Reyes here. Now, the previous blue beetle is in a coma, and has been for years, I’m the new one. I just never had a public enough persona to tell everyone that I’m not just him with a new suit before...

Cassie @ WONDERgirl ✔️ Come to my room @ ScarabHost, I have marshmellos to cheer you up! Yes, you can come too, @ Impulsive  😋

Mygreatestachievementwillbebeingborn @ Impulsive Like you could keep me from food.  😜

Dr. Tony Stark @ youknowwhoiam ✔️ I Am Iron Man

Hawk-ayeeee @ hawkeyeshadow Clint Barton

Brunhilde @ TheLastValkyrie All in the name.

Platypus @ TiredOfTony Col. James Rhodes, AKA War Machine, previously Iron Patriot (Thank goodness)

The Black Panther @ Kingofwakanda ✔️ T’Challa of Wakanda.

godofhammers @ kingofasgard ✔️ I am Thor, son of Frigga

Captain American’t deal @ Steven19 ✔️ Steve Rogers, Captain America.

My Name’s Not Scarlett @ It’s Wanda ✔️ Scarlet Witch

On your above @ FalconPINCH ✔️ Sam Wilson

🅱️lums @ WhiteWolf James “Bucky” Barnes here. Previously Winter Soldier... Sorry.

Toaster @ Eyesight ✔️ Vision Stark.

Dr. Tony Stark @ youknowwhoiam ✔️ I’m crying.

Master Of The Mystic Arts @ DrStephenStrangeMD ✔️ I didn’t change my @ when I got into this world

Fury @ DirectorOfSHIELD ✔️ My name is already there.

Not That Maria @ AssistantDirectorOfSHIELD ✔️ Maria Hill, Assistant Director Of SHIELD

I am Groot @ Multilinguism I am Groot.

PETER NO @ GamoradaughterofABITCH Gamora.

PETER YES @ STARLORDOFFICIAL Peter Quill, Starlord!

Chocolate Works @ WeAreVenom Identity kept, bitches!

Shield Maiden @ LadySif I am Sif.

T’Challa’s babysitter @ GeneralOfWakanda ✔️ I am Okoye.

Logan @ Wolverine ✔️ I would reveal my identity, but I don’t know what it is myself.

Laura @ Wolverine2 ✔️ OMG DAD! You got your memories back, stop making amnesia jokes, they’re lame!

Logan @ Wolverine ✔️ This isn’t Private Messages sweetie

Laura @ Wolverine ✔️ FUCK

DannyRand @ AngstPuppy Iron Fist here!

notthedevil @ kurtthenightcrawler I’m blue, it’s not like I can hide?

Godda go feast @ Quicksilver Pietro Maximoff, Wanda’s twin brother.

Freshuricado @ WakandaHeadOfScience ✔️ Princess Shuri. I don’t have a hero name, but I sometimes fight with gauntlets, so...?

Best Grandma @ Gi-Ant-Man Scott Lang here, also known as Ant-Man!

The Wasp @ HopeVanDyne ✔️ Scott’s better half.

Quill chose my name @ trashpanda Rocket Raccoon. That’s my name, nothing else.

Iron Daughter @ Blueberry My name is Nebula Stark, Gamora’s sister.

Dr. Tony Stark @ youknowwhoiam ✔️ 😭😭😭🥰

bobby @ Iceman So... My identity wasn’t revealed, but... most mutants at the school don’t really hide their identities, so everyone knows who I am here? But I didn’t wanna get left out of the train, so I’m Bobby Drake. AKA Iceman

Unbreakable @ LukeCage I don’t have an alternate name?? Yet my identity was still secret somehow?? (Well, not anymore) I hate everyone’s blindness. No offence to someone though, you know who you are.

Drax @ Drax I am Drax!

Jessica Nones @ AliasInvestigations ✔️ I never hid, but I guess I’m finally advertising.

💚🔪💚@ Iammantis! Hello everyone! I am Mantis!

DIDN’T CHOOSE MY OWN NAME @ ItIsBEN The Thing. Ben Grimm.

NAME WAS GIVEN BY DUMBASS BROTHER @ butiapprove The Invisible Woman. Sue Storm.

CHOSE MY OWN NAME @ FLAMEON The Human Torch. Johnny Storm

My name wasn’t chosen by me @ butitboostsmyego Mr. Fantastic. Reed Richards.

CHOSE MY OWN NAME @ FLAMEON YOU MESSED UP THE CAPITALS ORDER!!!

My name wasn’t chosen by me @ butitboostsmyego SIGH

__________

So, quick note, the next people... Well, I haven’t got any confirmation that they’re ACTUALLY heroes. But I don’t wanna exclude anyone, and they might just be obscure vigilantes that I don’t know about, but they commented on the thread that only heroes were meant to, and it’s not like believing them to be heroes will get me hurt like it would on a mission if they were villains in disguise, so... I’m just going to trust them this time! __________

Anathema @ Device I’m Anathema Device, and I’ll be doing the technology side for Crowley, Aziraphale, and Newton Pulsifer.

Adam @ DEATHJR Kids of the Armageddon’t, unite! (Except Warlock, cuz he didn’t actually save anything) Adam Young here.

Pestilance? @ POLLUTIONJR Brian here! (My mum says I can’t give out my last name until I hit 18, sorry for the lack of syncronity...)

Adam @ DEATHJR (It’s all cool Brian, not your fault!)

Cuz common sense is the rarest resource @ FAMINEJR Well, most of us can unite, anyway... I miss Pep, even if she had a weird name that I’m pretty sure was fake, looking back on our childhood.

MY NAME IS AWESOME, FIGHT ME @ WARJR You wanna go, Wensly?

Pestilance? @ POLLUTIONJR YOU’RE ALIVE?!!

MY NAME IS AWESOME, FIGHT ME @ WARJR Yeah, I’ll DM you three my number so we can catch up.

Pestilance? @ POLLUTIONJR Is it really her though?

Adam @ DEATHJR Well, you DID forget to put your name down Wensly. Nice to see you again Pep!

Pestilance? @ POLLUTIONJR But they could have just hacked your computer?

Adam @ DEATHJR If she did that, she would have called him Wenslydale, not just Wensly. She knew better.

Cuz common sense is the rarest resource @ FAMINEJR One way to find out. @ WARJR, say you’re name to us all within the next five minutes!

MY NAME IS AWESOME, FIGHT ME @ WARJR Pippin Galadriel Moonchild, Pleb. Bow down to your missing member.

Pestilance? @ POLLUTIONJR OMG, I’m legit crying you guys...

Cuz common sense is the rarest resource @ FAMINEJR IT REALLY IS YOU!

Adam @ DEATHJR Glad to know you’re safe and sound, Pep. 🖤

MY NAME IS AWESOME, FIGHT ME @ WARJR Puh-lease. You really think *I* could keep out of trouble?

Adam @ DEATHJR Glad to know you’re sound, Pep. 🖤

MY NAME IS AWESOME, FIGHT ME @ WARJR Glad to be sound, Antichrist! 🖤 Still haven’t learnt what safety is tho... :P

Pestilance? @ POLLUTIONJR Pepper? Living a calm enough life to be SAFE? Wouldn’t dream of it. 🖤

Cuz common sense is the rarest resource @ FAMINEJR Send me your number so I can cry while hearing your voice 🖤

MY NAME IS AWESOME, FIGHT ME @ WARJR Sure, it’s in your DMs now, and Wensleydale? You were right. “Pippin Galadriel Moonchild” isn’t my real name.

Cuz common sense is the rarest resource @ FAMINEJR FUCKEN CALLED IT!

Pestilance? @ POLLUTIONJR WAIT WHAT?!

Adam @ DEATHJR THEN WHY DID THE TEACHERS CALL YOU PEPPER TOO??!?

MY NAME IS AWESOME, FIGHT ME @ WARJR Think that’s bad? Remember how all that Stuff™ went down when we all were 11? Lies, I was 9.

Cuz common sense is the rarest resource @ FAMINEJR BUT YOU WERE IN OUR CLASS

Adam @ DEATHJR WHAT THE HOME PEP?!

Pestilance? @ POLLUTIONJR HOW DID THE TEACHERS LET YOU TWO GRADES ABOVE WERE YOU REALLY THAT SMART??

MY NAME IS AWESOME, FIGHT ME @ WARJR OF COURSE I WAS YOU ASS! But nah... I ran away from home, hitchhiked, skipped the county, forged my ma’s signature to put me up for adoption, stole some adoption papers, and placed them on the mayor’s desk filled in, and as far as anyone was aware, I was now the daughter of the local hippie

MY NAME IS AWESOME, FIGHT ME @ WARJR I picked “Pippin Galadriel Moonchild” as my name because I was a massive nerd.

Adam @ DEATHJR THERE IS SO MUCH TO UNPACK IN THAT I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN, WHAT THE FUCK PEP?!?!?

MY NAME IS AWESOME, FIGHT ME @ WARJR I’m an agent of Chaos.

Two Seconds Away From Giving Up @ JERomY Kid... __________

This thread wasn’t important, but... I just found it heartwarming that they found eachother after assuming Pepper was dead, and I found it funny. __________

Miraculous @ LadybugOFFICIAL Okay, I have convinced all of the team to say their name and position. I even managed to get everyone to get matching Team Names, and put their superpower as their user! Only those with identities revealed will have to say their name, however.-OGLB

Miraculous @ LadybugOFFICIAL This account is run by two different ladybugs. If you don’t see a signature at the end of a post, it’s Bugette, the current Ladybug. If you do, it’s me, the last Ladybug. -OGLB

Cataclysm @ ChatNoirOFFICIAL My identity is still secret, suckers!

Like I’d tell you @ RenaRougeOFFICIAL Rude. Alya cesaire. I’m a retired hero, but doing my best every day to be once again worthy to wield a miraculous. I doubt it would be the same, however, as @ NeurofoxinOFFICIAL is a much better fox than I am it seems.

Miraculous @ LadybugOFFICIAL DM me -OGLB

Miraculous @ LadybugOFFICIAL Alya! You were meant to put your special power in the user! :(

Like I’d tell you @ RenaRougeOFFICIAL I was going to, but then Viperion pointed out to me that our powers were too obvious by our special power name, and that the two of us in particular needed others to not be aware of what we can do to make us all safer.

Miraculous @ LadybugOFFICIAL That is a very sound judgement! I’m glad you thought ahead and made the wise deciscion!

Your new goth gf @ NeurofoxinOFFICIAL Rena, you’re a better fox than me, it just seems like that due to self-doubt. You are more suited to the fox than I am, it’s just that the fox is needed that I am even a holder at all. WHEN you get back on the team, I’ll either be retired or given another miraculous instead. I just have the better name.

SHELLter @ CarapaceOFFICIAL Not gonna say my name, but it’s pretty obvious if you pay attention, so just like... watch if you wanna know?

Chloé Bourgeois @ QueenBeeOFFICIAL ✔️ I used to be the best holder of the Bee Miraculous, but I gave it up to @ HoneyBeeOFFICIAL, and they are acceptable.

Wenom, uwu @ HoneyBeeOFFICIAL Thank you Chloé! I couldn’t ask for a better predecessor!

Chloé Bourgeois @ QueenBeeOFFICIAL ✔️ You are most welcome, HoneyBee!

Miraculous @ LadybugOFFICIAL Uhmm... Chloé? You were meant to put your power in the user, not your name. And everyone knows what you can do, so there’s no point hiding it from everyone. -OGLB

Chloé Bourgeois @ QueenBeeOFFICIAL ✔️ You misunderstand, Ladybug. As Chloé Bourgeois, I am well known for being rich and famous.

Miraculous @ LadybugOFFICIAL And? -OGLB

Chloé Bourgeois @ QueenBeeOFFICIAL ✔️ Being rich IS my superpower.

Miraculous @ LadybugOFFICIAL SMH -OGLB

BRB, Got sword homework @ RyukoOFFICIAL @ QueenBeeOFFICIAL @ HoneyBeeOFFICIAL I am Ryuko. While the previous Hawkmoth knew my identity, the new one does not. So I will remain in the shadows, as it is now safe for me to do so and wield once more.

Miraculous @ LadybugOFFICIAL I thought we all agreed to put our powers in our users!!

BRB, Got sword homework @ RyukoOFFICIAL My skill with a blade is much more beneficial than my power over storms, I thought it more prudent to use the talent that I actually worked for. Besides, @ ChatNoirOFFICIAL sent me a meme, and it was enough to make me laugh in front of my mother, so I decided to use it.

Miraculous @ LadybugOFFICIAL DM me about how she reacted...

Miraculous @ LadybugOFFICIAL ^Same, and Chat, stop spamming our inboxes with memes! -OGLB

Pls don’t need me so I have to use it... @ ViperionOFFICIAL I am the Aforementioned Viperion. And yes, my weapon IS what you think it is. No-one knows who I am as of right now.

Your new goth gf @ NeurofoxinOFFICIAL My identity is a secret but my name is Neurofoxin.

Creation @ Ladybug Tikki here! The current active kwamis are going to sound off. Our usernames will be what we are the kwami of, and our @ s will be what animal we represent!

The ORIGINAL @ Catwoman Plagg here.

Creation @ Ladybug PLAGG!

The ORIGINAL (Destruction, THERE, HAPPY TIKKI!?!?) @ Catwoman UGH!

Avatar @ Fire Nation Dragon Well, since Plagg already broke the rules... Longg here. And I am technically not exactly breaking the rules..

Creation @ Ladybug See what you’ve caused?!

Emotional @ Peacock Duusu here!! :D

Intuition @ sassysnake Sass here.

Timey-Wimey @ BunnyIsLate Goodbye and Hello! I am Fluff, and I won’t be active on twitter often unless I will.

Trixx @ FoxyLad Technically, I’m also following the rules. 😎

;) @ Multiplication I know I just put my special ability down, but if I put my animal representative down (rat) I’ll ruin the joke... Mullo here.

Subjection @ Busylittleworkerbee I feel like I’m one of the few that still actually listens to Tikki... Pollen, at your service!

Y’all better be rich if you talk to me @ TransportationTeleportationHorse Just providing a friendly warning... Kaalki here, and I only interact with the best.

Protection @ Turtle Wayzz here, feeling like a fool since I decided following Tikki’s rule was a good idea. __________

These two groups seem like they work together? Or they’re both coincidently animal-themed, and I’m making connections when there are none. The next few are seemingly one-off people! __________

Caroline @ GLaDOS While I never saved the world myself, I saved the life of someone who did, and that should count for something.

Refined Pig @ Waddles ✔️ ((I know this is an account for my pet pig, but the creator of this account, me, has saved the world, and Waddles was there, along with my brother, @ ConspiracyTheorist))

The government isn’t the only one hiding the truth @ ConspiracyTheorist ✔️ You make me sound like a sidekick like I didn’t save your behind multiple times.

Danny Phantom’s cousin @ CALLHIMINVISOBILL Dani Phantom here! I save Amity Park, plus the world, and I’m cute to boot!

Red @ Huntress @ CALLHIMINVISOBILL is my sidekick, ignore her.

Danny Phantom’s cousin @ CALLHIMINVISOBILL Rude!

Danny PHANTOM @ GhostKingOFFICIAL ✔️ DON’T CALL ME INVISO-BILL

Danny Phantom’s cousin (Ghost Princess?) @ CALLHIMINVISOBILL You love me! 💙💚

Danny PHANTOM @ GhostKingOFFICIAL ✔️ I know you are using those for the color aesthetic, but I hope you know the blue heart represents loyalty, because you have absolutely none of that for me.

Danny Phantom’s cousin (Ghost Princess?) @ CALLHIMINVISOBILL True... How’d you even find this account anyway?

Danny PHANTOM @ GhostKingOFFICIAL ✔️ I know better than to not keep an eye on you. I’ve known for months. __________

And that’s all for now! I know we’re missing some, like Batman and my uncle, but they should be on by tomorrow. An update will be posted then!

[ahnsael]

I’m going to try to come back to tumblr. I left for a bit because it’s been rough with all the virus posts. I get that there are so many of those posts because it’s pretty much the main thing right now, but I can only take so much.

For now, I’m going to use Xkit to turn off reblogs.

There’s only so much I can handle right now. I’m two panic attacks in and while #2 wasn’t as bad because I knew what it was (the first time I literally thought I was going to drop dead before the ambulance got here, but on #2 I knew not to take medical resources away from someone who may need it more than I did after knowing that I wasn’t actually dying like I thought I was the first time). So while I want to be informed (most of you know I’m a news junkie, but I’m literally under doctor’s orders to limit my news intake), I have to try to limit things.

But I’ve missed you all more than you can possibly know.

I would appreciate any posts about the virus being tagged with either #coronavirus or #COVID-19 so I can limit my intake.

I’m not saying that I will not post about it myself, but I will tag my posts in the same way as I did before I needed to back away for a bit.

But you are my friends, and not having you in my life has made my life less enjoyable. So I need to try to be a part of your lives as well. I just...need to step lightly. If I see a post that may send me over the edge, I need to skip it if I realize what it is before I start losing it. But any warnings about it being about this thing would be VERY welcome. I know the coronavirus has kind of become the Voldemort of our time; some people don’t want to use the name when they talk about it. And I absolutely get that.

We are in unprecedented times. And I honestly don’t know how to handle it. My brain is all over the place right now and I don’t know whether I’ll be okay or not in the long run, mentally.

We’ve faced widespread viruses before (I thought the plural would be “virii” but a web search after the squiggly red line under the word I searched it and apparently it’s “viruses”), but it’s never been like this in my lifetime.

Some of you have reached out to me in messages, email, or on other sites, and I cannot tell you the amount of love I have for you. And, honestly, for those of you who are just tumblr friends who don’t know me elsewhere, I have love for you as well. Some of you who have reached out are practically strangers to me, but I follow you on here because your content is important to me as it fits my interests.

But I’m picky about who I follow. Tumblr, for me, is about relationships. I come here because I have friends here. And once in a while, I make a new friend. Some I get to know better than others. But I don’t just accept anyone into my circle. If we’re friends here, it’s because I genuinely like you.

So be gentle with me. I’m two panic attacks into this thing (the first landed me in the hospital because I had never had one before and genuinely thought I was dying within minutes). The second, while not good (and had me use one of my five pills meant to abate such a thing -- I still have four left), I at least understood what was happening and didn’t involve paramedics.

But...I do need to be careful. I don’t want another panic attack. I had never had one before last week, but...if you haven’t had one, I’ll just say they are SCARY AS HELL when you’re having one. Again, I spent hours in the hospital (and, under current circumstances, unable to even have family visit me), and I’m very fortunate that a panic attack was all that it was, but...if you haven’t had a full-blown panic attack, it’s SCARY AS HECK.

As in, I was once robbed at gunpoint and thought the guy was going to shoot me. This was scarier than that. I cannot overstate how much I thought I was about to die. I even told Facebook that I was probably done for. I could barely even move my hands (apparently that was from hyperventilation) but I have co-worker friends on Facebook and wanted them to know why I wasn’t at work whenever we are able to reopen. This is literally what I posted at the time:

I struggled before that to text my little sister to tell her that I loved her, after saying it to my mom in person. I literally thought it was my last chance to say it to both of them, and while I have more friends here than on Facebook, it was toe coworker thing that made me choose to post what I thought was my final goodbye there instead of here. I didn’t have the strength or the control of my hands to try to make a second post here. As I said, I thought I was going to drop dead before the ambulance got here.

Stepdad and Mom tried to get me to sit down, but I refused -- I honestly thought that if I let myself sit or lie down, I would never again stand up. Willing myself to stay upright, I thought at the time, was the only chance I had. I didn’t even want to get on the gurney for the ambulance ride for the same reason, but it’s not like one can stand up in an ambulance (and while it wasn’t a “lights and sirens” ride, the driver took curves and I almost fell off the gurney a couple times -- my legs were strapped in, but not my upper body, and I had to brace myself a few times to keep from falling off).

I was SO happy to be able to text my mom and my little sister to tell them that I was going to be okay and able to come home that day (last time I was at this hospital, it was for three days and two blood transfusions).

My sis had texted after my initial text to say that there was SO much that she wanted to say to me (which she has since said) but that she didn’t know whether I would have been able to reply (for the first bit, I would not have been physically able to -- it was all I could do at the time to send her the “I love you” message but I would rather die trying to tell her that than to leave it unsaid), or if I would be able to due to being in the hospital (and for the next couple hours, that WAS the case, even after my hands stopped seizing up and shaking uncontrollably).

I mean, I had an Evil Stepdad with a gun. I’ve been robbed at gunpoint. And yet this still stands out as the scariest moment of my life.

Maybe that makes me a wimp. Maybe it doesn’t. But tumblr has been my go-to social media for at LEAST a decade (granted, I have switched accounts once or twice).

I cannot get through this alone. And while I have Twitter and Facebook, both are mostly Disney (and on Facebook, the addition of coworkers). But y’all, my tumblr friends, know me better than anybody else. So I appreciate your support during these times, which some of you have already shown.

As a favor, I ask that you tag relevant posts with #coronavirus and/or #COVID-19 so I can limit how much the current situation affects me. If you miss one here or there, I get that. But while I like to keep informed (most of you know that I’m an absolute news junkie under normal circumstances and that I’m usually on top of things), I’m literally under Doctor’s orders to try to avoid news right now, but I also want to know the basics.

I’ve lived through an abusive stepdad who once tried to kill my mom. I’ve lived through natural disasters. I’ve lived through a LOT. I could probably come up with better examples if I had the mental energy. But I’m at my breaking point, and I’ve crossed that breaking point twice now and it would be a shame if I put myself over that edge again when there are so many other things that can do so.

I’m tentatively back, because I miss all of you. But that could change, because I need to take care of my mental health and avoid going over that edge again. Twice is MORE than enough.

No matter how you take this post,,whether you still support me or think I’m being a wimp, please be kind to one another in general and STAY HOME when you can (and when you cannot, PLEASE practice social distancing -- it’s only by us taking this seriously and supporting each other that we get through this).

And I mean this with absolute sincerity: I thank each and every one of you for being a friend. If we are friends here, we are friends in real life as far as I’m concerned. And the reason I’m friends with you is because you make my life better by being a part of it.

[lunawings]

King of Prism SSS Episode 9 commentary (Alexander)

FINALLY!!!!! Finally I can talk about a few big things from this series I have been dying to talk about....

...............What did I sign myself up for. 

A quick rundown of what it says here: More and more people are becoming interested in the street-style and choosing to be street-style stars since the Prism King Cup. In the graph, the gold portion is academy-style and the silver is street-style, before -> after the Prism King Cup. Below it points out that Kazuki and Hiro’s “sparking” scores from the Prism King Cup (the Prism Watch data) were equal and suggests Schwartz Rose needs to step up their game in the street category. 

Every time I laugh at this. 

Every time I feel kinda bad afterwards. 

But

So Ace was entered as an official participant. It says “reserve”, but still. I guess that may have helped to make Joji’s score possible and not break the system. 

(In between writing my episode 5 commentary post and now, I got to read the interview with the director in spoon2Di where he confirmed that Joji’s high score was only because Ace joined in what was supposed to be a solo show.)

Flashy, huh. We’re going with flashy this time for “charachara”.... Okay. (Better than gaudy I guess.)

I love this so much. Kakeru coming outside just to watch Taiga exercise and get all sweaty and all that. I wonder how long he stood there. Or rather I wonder how long he watched with binoculars after heading back inside. 

I’m such a dumbass. After episode 3 aired someone pointed out that this is Taiga’s mom vs. Alec’s mom, and my excuse for not noticing then was that it’s in the background and such. (Can’t pause the movie in the theater and didn’t think to check it afterwards.) But here the camera actually pans over them slowly, so yeah I have no excuse. 

But regardless. Amazing!! 

Another thing I didn’t catch in the theater. But I have never had a reason to know the Japanese word for asthma before. I’m glad that gave him an actual reason for being sickly instead of just.... sickly child syndrome. 

As long as you’re happy, Victoria. 

But really though, their relationship is pretty damn interesting. 

I wonder if she knows he borrowed her clothes. 

No I don’t know why these grown-ass men have nothing better to do than pick on an actual seven year old child...............

So uh. This line confused me for the longest time. The way he says it, I really thought he was giving “Daikokuno” as another last name and I thought it was some kind of DJ KOO reference I didn’t get or something. 

But thanks to Crunchyroll I finally realized.... ITS A PLACE. He’s just saying where he’s from, and that’s how Alexander is able to find him. GOOD LORD IM SUCH A DUMBASS.......... Another point for Crunchyroll. 

HE BIKED ALL THE WAY FROM YOKOSUKA TO YOKOHAMA

Okay so now that I have the luxury to pause this, as soon as I did I opened up Google Maps in another window, zoomed in and....

WELL THEN 

At least I finally know where it is

BUT DAAAAAMN

Fuck asthma am I right

It wouldn’t give me the cycling time, but yeah, you can imagine. 

They only have this one image of Rei doing a jump and gosh darn they are gonna use it to the fullest. 

So during this scene and the next people cheer for Rei in the theater, but nobody really knows what color he is. There was a whole lot of variation at the beginning before people (in Nagoya at least) finally settled on red. (For the flames maybe? I don’t know if it’s official.....)

Alexander actually had a flashback to this moment on Prism Rush during the Road to SSS 9 event. I reblogged it recently on my @prism-rush blog trying to disguise it as part of my Alexander birthday spam. (It wasn’t.)

YEAHHHHHHHHHHH BOY

So if you have no idea where the heck this egg came from and what it is..... Rainbow Live.

But anyway. 

I can finally FINALLY talk about this!!! Even though I knew it would probably be all over Twitter, I really wanted to protect this spoiler on Tumblr if I could. It was such a big deal to me when I saw it in the theater and I really wanted you guys to have the opportunity to be as blown away as I was. I could not possibly think of anything to say about it that wouldn’t be a hint, so all I could say all this time was just that Alexander’s episode has “a surprise” in it.... SURPRISE!!!

But yeah, when I saw this for the first time I thought it just came out of NOWHERE. Total shock! I thought this was not predictable at all!

But then it hit me. All of a sudden I remembered something. Something important.

Again, in Road to SSS event 9....

So, for folks who follow my @prism-rush blog, remember that one Alexander PR where he was looking into a box? And nobody knew what was in the box? But  there was something weird following him? I even mentioned it and my confusion over it in my summary of that event. WELL GUESS WHAT.

We finally know what was in the box don’t we.  

I asked a friend to see the card story to fill in the blanks and see if there were any obvious hints to what was going on at the time, and it’s just mentioned as a strange animal he picked up. Alexander struggles with what to do and not really wanting to take care of it, but then he asks himself what Rei would do..... (Whether he could see Momo at that time, I do not know ahah....)

So in the beginning after seeing Part 1 in theaters I said on Tumblr that the Road to SSS events from Prism Rush didn’t have much to do with the SSS anime, and most of them didn’t and still don’t. All of course except for Road to SSS 9, just that one, which ended up being way more important than I would have ever imagined. And this isn’t even the only reason either, there is also--

SO UH anyway Road to SSS 9 took place in June, so this flashback is taking place in June DURING Road to SSS 9. A very roundabout way to dating the episode, but really cool. I like how Road to SSS was significant after all. 

And another surprise for me. In the theatrical version he’s not glowing here. They wanted to emphasize that he’s powering up I suppose eheh. I was really freaking out about this in the stream chat. SO COOL.

To the right of his little dragon house you’ll see some “dorayaki” because.....

Although they never actually mention it in the anime, his name is Dorachi. (Confirmed on Twitter.) 

(Note: Dorayaki is also the favorite food of classic Japanese character Doraemon.) 

Even though Dorachi doesn’t talk in this episode, in the theatrical special video for Alexander he talks A LOT. An UNFAIR amount. So much I do not remember most of what he said since I only saw it once and it went by so fast. 

But his real name is very long (like the manager names from PriPara) and he talks about spreading the prism sparkle. I’m sorry, that’s honestly all I remember right now.

Will he show up again in the main anime before the end?

(Okay yes.)

And at least they gave you guys was a bit of original(??) art of him in the new ending. 

WHATEVER THEY MAKE OF THIS CHARACTER I WILL BUY IT 

Okay moving on....... 

Urrgh..... okay so.............. When I first was watching this with you guys in the stream I was like UGH because I don’t think “flashy” fits here at all. I really wished they had stuck with “playboy” since it would work better with this scene. 

But then when I watched it again, I realized they already used “flashy” once in this episode to describe Kazuki’s sweater, and it did kinda work there. 

If we go back to my episode 3 commentary, my main complaint with Crunchyroll’s  translation of “charachara” was actually less about the words they used, and more about how it just wasn’t consistent. 

This episode..... is consistent.

..................

................................

Another point for Crunchyroll. 

I officially cannot complain about the subs in this episode. 

Another little thing in SSS I have spent way too much time thinking over is how Joji got here. 

In every episode up until now, it’s always been Louis seen walking beside Jin like his pet. But in this episode. JUST THIS EPISODE.... it’s Joji instead. 

I think the reason is because Louis is performing next, so he has to rest (since he’s not exactly in the condition he once was.....) So Joji scooped up the opportunity. 

Whatever the reason, I find it really interesting. 

HERE IT IS

My all time favorite Alexander face

In a weird way I actually think he’s cuter here than in the Prism King Cup

This song.... was not quite what I was expecting for Alec, but I love it. No part of me anticipated he’d just launch into a ballad but WOW. I just love how they picked something that really shows off his beautiful voice like this. Alexander is in my top three singing voices in King of Prism (1: Hiro, 2: Taiga, 3: Alexander) so I loved hearing him belting this out. 

Now time for my like.... 4th(?) embarrassing confession in this post.... I had no idea this song was a cover until like AN HOUR before this episode aired. You guys were playing TRF songs in the stream, the original came on, and while y’all were like “what should we watch next” I was sitting there like “!!!!!!!!FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF”

Well, it’s a new song to me. And I think it’s perfect for him. 

Poor Joji and his inconveniently timed fruit. 

He finally gets to spend time with Jin, and he just can’t get a break. 

I love the generation gap here. Kazuki’s existence has been so big to Taiga he can only think of Kazuki. But Kazuki and Hijiri are able notice the subtle differences that make this an OG Rei move. 

I could certainly spend a whole lot of text speculating why Alexander did not change into his battle suit, but I won’t waste your time and just admit I have no idea. I’m glad he doesn’t, since it keeps the spotlight on Alexander since HE CAN’T PERFORM ONE GODDAMN SHOW WITHOUT TAIGA BARGING IN ON HIM BUT MMMRGGHGHG

TAIGA YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER

Yeah I was SO MAD about this when I first saw it at the midnight showing.

A lot of people change to green when Taiga comes out, but I do not. This is the only battle where I cheer for Alexander the whole time.  

Not only was I mad at Taiga for being so dumb, but just mad at the whole concept of Taiga barging into Alexander’s one show to do basically the same jumps we saw in Pride the Hero again..... 

But.....

Nowadays I forgive my idiot son. And I hope you do too. 

This wasn’t the moment I forgave him. No, that’s coming later. I was mad at him for an entire month. But yeah. 

He’s just so confident and everyone believes in him................................

So Alexander breaks the street-style curse and gets a damn good score. Higher than Taiga’s original score. 

But just like Joji’s score was due to Ace, I can’t help but think Alexander’s score was a good deal due to Taiga.........

I had a feeling this would happen. 

I knew long before Part 3. 

Even back when I had only just seen Part 1.... I just knew the tables would turn in this episode. 

Maybe it would be difficult to guess by watching week-to-week, but for me having Alexander’s episode as the last episode of the theatrical Part 3 just seemed like it would be WAAAAAY too much of a coincidence otherwise. So I had a strong feeling Schwarz would come out ahead at the end of this one. (I didn’t guess the reason would be because Taiga would get a penalty, but yeah.) And especially because the performances are kind of out of order to make this work? Up until now I thought all of the Schwarz Rose boys performed first, but Yu was up before Alec? And Louis is up next. Maybe it wasn’t a guaranteed thing that the Schwarz Boys always go first, but I noticed it.  

So up until now score has not mattered much as Edel Rose has just sailed on though. But now it does. It matters a lot. 

So this is the second surprise of this episode, and why I was saying it’s the beginning of the chain of events that lead to the end.

But about score mattering now, one of the reasons I have been questioning Taiga’s score the whole time is because I knew this was going to happen. So I just.... I just hope Taiga’s score wasn’t lower to begin with on purpose for mathematical reasons so they could get their desired progression of the overall score or something. IDK.

I don’t blame Rei for not figuring it out right away. Even though I KNOW this is Alexander, I still have trouble connecting his younger and older selves. I mean, getting muscular doesn’t make your eye shape completely change does it....?

Poor Kazuki. He doesn’t care.

So if I interpreted this episode correctly.... 

This was Alexander’s official transition from an antagonist to a protagonist. (Or just to a normal rival at least.)

During the first two movies and for a good long time of Prism Rush, he always played the part of the villain. But once Road to SSS started that began to change. We saw him reminiscing about Rei, making awkward conversation with Louis, struggling over forming a duo with Joji, etc. So I had a strong feeling they were taking his character in this direction, but this right here was the official turning point I believe. 

No more destroying stadiums. From now on he’ll be spreading the prism sparkle with Dorachi. 

And still trying to beat Kazuki but you know. 

So I don’t have a source handy (if someone challenges me to find one I’ll dig it up) but I remember I read one time that Alexander was actually originally a character that was only created for the first movie. But then they realized they had to keep him on when he was just so popular. 

So if you have ever supported Alexander, this episode was for you. Fans make King of Prism possible. 

So.... one more thing I guess. Something I learned from the Minato episode was that even if I ignore controversy and specifically state I don’t want to talk about it, it still finds its way into my inbox anyhow. So I might as well get this over with I guess. 

After Young of Prism Alexander was revealed to have light skin, someone told me a theory that mixed race children are sometimes born with lighter skin which darkens as they grow older. So up until her design was revealed, I had always imagined Alexander’s mother as a black woman. 

So yeah. I don’t know the reason for his darker skin color now. 

But I’d like to point out that in this episode being pale was associated with being weak and unhealthy, while darker skin was associated with being healthy and strong and just leave it at that. 

And thus ends Part 3. 

Next week begins.................. what I have been dreading for a long time............

So...................

So up until now I have been pretty tight-lipped about spoilers. But once episode 10 airs, the floodgates will pretty much be open. Episode 10 and episode 11 are so connected it’s really hard to talk about one without the other. I mean, once you know about episode 10, I seriously might as well. So after episode 10 airs, at the bottom of my commentary post and after a warning I plan to share some episode 11 spoilers. 

Because I have been through this......

And I know how it’s gonna make you guys feel......

And since I was lucky enough to get some answers right away, I’m going to give you guys those same answers for those who want them so you don’t have to just sit on episode 10 for a week. I am not that kind of a monster. I won’t put you guys through that. 

So after episode 10 ends, take a deep breath, cry it out if you need to, and get some tea. 

I know how you’re gonna be feeling. I know. Don’t send me a panicked anon ask right away. Give me a little time. Hold on. 

[hetaces]

@whatsnew-lgbtq​‘s 31 days of pride day 9!! i know I haven’t been doing ‘em all but that’s okay.

day 9: books

so books are my area of expertise honestly so I picked a few favorites to talk about a lil bit here (I’ll put it under a cut).

And feel free to ask me about more books because I’m Like That.

These are all ownvoices in at least one way. Ownvoices rep will be italicized in the list.

Highly Illogical Behavior by John Corey Whaley When you hear what this book is about, it sounds really bad. Like “Girl decides to ‘fix’ agoraphobic gay boy and her boyfriend gets ~close~ with him” is essentially what the synopsis says. It sets it up for every bad trope. And then uses none of them. It’s so good, has great portrayal of good accommodations, healthy friendship, and a bunch of Star Trek references. Representation: Sol is gay and agoraphobic

Heart of Iron by Ashley Poston Don’t look up the synopsis yourself, go right to goodreads (i’d link but you know how tumblr is with links), some of the synopses that come up automatically start with a “it’s like [story] in space” and it’s a spoiler. I’ll put the first part of it here bc it’s hard to get the words. Seventeen-year-old Ana is a scoundrel by nurture and an outlaw by nature. Found as a child drifting through space with a sentient android called D09, Ana was saved by a fearsome space captain and the grizzled crew she now calls family. But D09—one of the last remaining illegal Metals—has been glitching, and Ana will stop at nothing to find a way to fix him. Representation: Ana is written as acespec (not Super clear but it was the intent) Captain Siege is a lesbian. Telle is a lesbian. Robb is gay. Jax is gay.

The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee So, there’s a lot of hype around Gentleman’s Guide and I was sort of expecting to be let down, but it more than lived up to it. Henry "Monty" Montague is going on his Tour of the continent (travel around Europe and have fun one last time, is the idea). Chaotic disaster bisexual Monty causes trouble, of course. So then on the way to dropping his sister off at finishing school before returning home early, they get attacked. Because Monty is a dumbass (it’s actually his fault). Cue rich kids travelling with no money & trying to avoid a growing number of people. Mackenzi Lee has hit the nail on the head with growth. Not only does she get that sometimes, growth does happen because of one moment of learning, she also writes it well, which is a really difficult thing to write. There’s a lot of heavy stuff in it, but none of it was thrown in for no reason, it’s actually important to the books and to the characters. Representation: Monty is bi, has PTSD, and (at the end of the first book, so spoilers) deaf on one side Percy is mixed, mlm, and (you find out part way through so if you’re picky about it it could be spoilers), epileptic. Felicity is aroace. Many other characters who aren’t white and a wlw character in the second book.

I Wish You All The Best by Mason Deaver After Ben comes out to their parents, things don’t exactly go well. They get kicked out, and have to go live with their sister who they haven’t seen in 10 years. They start over at a new school, only out to their sister, her husband, and their therapist (because hey, look how well coming out went last time). This book is so damn cute. And a book with a nonbinary main character! Representation: Ben is nonbinary Nathan is bisexual and black

Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire Think Narnia, but with more worlds and less religion and you've got the concept of the doorways. Children have always been disappearing - going through a door that's appeared to them. But magic worlds rarely have use for used up miracle children. So they're sent back. But they don't come back the same. The children at Elanor West's Home for Wayward Children have all tumbled once. And they all want to get back. But with Nancy's arrival, things start going wrong. Representation: Nancy is asexual Jack is pan and has OCD Kade is a trans guy Sumi is bi (Seanan McGuire is a queer cis woman)

You Asked for Perfect by Laura Silverman Ariel Stone is a perfect student: he’s a community volunteer, first chair violin, and is on track to be valedictorian. And then he fails a calc test. When he finds he can’t fix it himself, he reluctantly gets a tutor. And he may not like calc, but he might like Amir. I started recommending this book to people when I was 5 pages into it. Ariel is so explicitly Jewish that Laura Silverman put her grandmother’s matzo ball soup recipe in the back because it’s not fair to rave about it so much and not provide a recipe. He’s explicitly bisexual by page 8. Amir and Sook’s eyes are both described as “warm” and I honestly think it’s the first time I’ve seen characters of color’s eyes described as anything but “dark”. Representation: Ariel is bisexual and Jewish Amir is a gay Pakistani Muslim Sook is a chubby Korean lesbian

The Past and Other Things That Should Stay Buried by Shaun David Hutchinson Shaun is back with more “so... the world might be ending?” and I absolutely love it. Dino’s ex-best-friend July died suddenly 4 days ago, and his family runs the funeral home. Dino is touching up July’s makeup (he knows how she wore it and everyone was doing it wrong), and she wakes up. But she’s not exactly... alive. She’s just not-dead. And then... other people just stop dying. So they have to figure out what’s happening. How July came back - or at least how to re-kill her when nobody can die. So not only is it a super interesting book, it’s also like... Shaun goes in on topics like “gay people making gay jokes and straight people making gay jokes are different” and “a cis guy might (might) not mind if you call him a girl, but do not call a trans guy a girl” Also I recommend anything by Shaun David Hutchinson. Representation: Dino is gay Rafi is trans, mlm, and mixed (white/Pakistani) Multiple LGBTQ+ minor characters

On The Edge of Gone by Corinne Duyvis It’s an end-of-the-world type book (via comet strike). Due to strange circumstances, Denise and her mother end up not at their government assigned shelter, but on a generation ship. And Denise has just a few days to find her sister and prove that her skills are worth 3 spots on a ship with limited resources. Representation: Denise is mixed (Surinamese/white) and autistic Iris is mixed (Surinamese/white) and a bi trans woman. Els is wlw. Leyla is wlw. Samira and Nordin are Muslim Some minor characters.

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman I’m just gonna give y’all the actual synopsis this time

You probably think that Aled Last and I are going to fall in love or something. Since he is a boy and I am a girl. I just wanted to say—we don’t. Frances Janvier spends most of her time studying. When she’s not studying, she’s up in her room making fan art for her favorite podcast, Universe City. Everyone knows Aled Last as that quiet boy who gets straight As. But no one knows he’s the creator of Universe City, who goes by the name Radio Silence. When Frances gets a message from Radio Silence asking if she’ll collaborate with him, everything changes. Frances and Aled spend an entire summer working together and becoming best friends. They get each other when no one else does. But when Aled’s identity as Radio Silence is revealed, Frances fears that the future of Universe City—and their friendship—is at risk. Aled helped her find her voice. Without him, will she have the courage to show the world who she really is? Or will she be met with radio silence?

This book is so good but fair warning, it gets really heavy. 

Representation: Aled is demisexual (Alice is queer/aroace) Frances is bi and mixed (white/Ethiopian) Daniel is gay and Korean Carys is a lesbian Raine is pan, Indian, and Hindu

Otherbound by Corinne Duyvis Otherbound is set in two worlds - Nolan’s (ours) and Amara’s (the Dunelands, where magic is real). Amara is on the run with the former princess, Cilla, whose family was overthrown by the ministers. Cilla has been cursed and is being hunted, and Amara’s particular type of healing magic is, basically, convenient for redirecting Cilla’s curse. Since they were children, Nolan has been experiencing Amara’s world through her every time he closes his eyes. He sees through her eyes, feels what she feels, smells what she smells. But he’s just a silent observer. She doesn’t even know he’s there. Until now. Representation: Nolan is Mexica and disabled Amara is not white, mute (due to mutilation), and bi Cilla is not white, fat, and a lesbian The majority of other characters are also not white.

[thewolfbit]

Thoughts on 801

I missed a TON being off Tumblr for almost a week, and I’ve been trying to go through everything in the tag but failing miserably (bc you all ROCK at generating new content, and I am so well fed!!!!). So this is probably really repetitive and jet-laggy, but here are my thoughts (they may be a bit out of order):

Arya Stark!!!! I SHRIEKED

Then my heart broke because she sees some of the most important men in her life again, and none of them see her, and honestly that scene was really painful??? Her reaction! She was so disappointed and it HURT.

D is upset the smallfolk of the North don’t like her, but then her dragons swoop in and TERRIFY everyone and she has SUCH a satisfied smile... like omg HBO is dark!D on main now I guess??

JON AND BRAN REUNION. Jon quickly falls into the “he’s weird but we still love and accept him” group with Sansa and Arya

JON AND SANSA HUG WAS SHORTENED!!! WTF Y’ALL. I’m mad about this!!! Why did they shorten that amazing reunion 2.0 after hyping it so much?? Idk I know they shoot it from multiple angles, but it just seems really strange to me to edit and prep two different versions to air for no apparent reason. (Also, were they for sure the same footage? For example, D and Jorah start walking, but don’t unclasp their hands like they did in the teaser... idk, I need to watch it again when my brain is done being jet lagged.) 

^ Has GoT done this before with any other alternate footage that’s only used for promo?

D: “JON TOLD ME HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE.” That’s it. That’s my take on this line.

D finding out about Viserion being turned was... rushed... I felt like this should have been a MUCH bigger moment. But—

Sansa and Tyrion reunion. Either Tyrion and Jon are both turned into devoted idiots in D’s presence, or they’re playing at something. Sansa sees through that shit with Tyrion!! I drank grape juice (no wine, I’m jet lagged!) to salute her in this scene

ARYA AND JON REUNION. While parts of this were great, I felt so bad for Arya here!! She deserved a real, wonderful, drawn-out reunion like Sansa and Jon got, instead of two seconds of loveliness and then “help me with Sansa and my gf” 🙄 Jon I get that maybe you’re trying to get on Arya’s side and be co-conspirators again like you were as kids but KNOCK IT OFF, you’re annoying me in this episode. #sansadefensesquad (which Arya is totally a part of and DON’T FORGET THAT)

Oh no the dragons only ate the equivalent of 100 human meals today!! 😢 The dragon flying scene was honestly so cringey I felt like we were watching a completely different TV show. Why TF would D just be like “hey ride my 2nd dragon”??? There wasn’t even any pretext?? Like can’t they just throw in a “hey my dragons weirdly like you, they’ve never liked anyone, maybe they’ll let you ride them”?? Anyway I don’t even have anything more to say about this mess of a DotD2.0-setting-up scene other than: IT’S A MESS

Varys: “if you think J*nerys is endgame you aren’t paying attention”

D threatening Sansa. 

N O P E. 

I want to say “TRY IT” but also... pls don’t try it because you’re scary and have WMDs. LEAVE MY GIRL ALONE, she’s trying to defend her home from a usurper, which seems like something you could understand (tbh Sansa has been perfectly respectful... all she is doing is not being friendly!!! What TREASON)

Theon saved Yara!! Wow, super rushed! But OK! Theon is coming back to WF, probably to die by saving Bran or Sansa or something. Sigh. But at least he’s coming back.

Cersei was amazing in this episode. Everything was just so... great. Lena is perfection. Lena is the anti-dragon flying scene. Grape juice all around

Sidenote: some people are mentioning Daario returning with the Golden Company? I need to look more into this, but DANG. That would be interesting. I would love for this show to tie up some of its loose ends

SANSA AND JON SCENE. This is a great scene (even though I was mad at Jon). THE ANGST. THE SUBTEXT. The lines: “You know I do.” “She’s much prettier.” (Aka she’s a pretty version of the Mad King, Jon... it’s not a compliment!!!) and of course:

The Hound’s reunion with Arya... kinda sucked? Idk I know things are Complicated between them and she hated him a lot, but they also had a kind of grudging love for each other after all they went through. I just hated that he called her a bitch. I’m not trying to defend anything the Hound did or said, because it was awful and he wasn’t an amazing role model or anything!! But that’s who he was before, and I sort of thought that after his redemption arc and all that he’d be happier to see Arya. Or at least not call her a bitch, because 

She was a child!!!

He was terrible to her!! She probably would have mercy killed him if he hadn’t been like “I wanted to rape your sister”

If she’d killed him he would be... dead... you’re alive now so calm tf down and don’t call her a bitch!! #aryadefensesquad 

(Also, I’m a bit nervous that they’ll have the Hound and Sansa have a more emotional reunion since they skipped it with him and Arya, and their relationship was even more fraught, so... yikes)

GENDRY AND ARYA REUNION. My Gendrya heart is SOARING!! That shit was cute!!! “You’ve gotten better” omfg Gendry, YOU ADORABLE IDIOT. IMO this was the only good Arya reunion in this episode, sadly

Sam was obviously upset about his dad and brother being executed. Because duh. Jon was upset too. Because duh. Wait until they find out it was execution by FIRE. (I sort of hope Sam doesn’t, because this scene was so sad and I felt so bad for him.) 

I was also annoyed that they made it somewhat comedic with Sam almost getting run over by a wagon and then tripping down the crypt steps or whatever. Sam is an actual human with feelings who just found out his dad and brother died, not just some comic relief 🙄

Sam and Jon reunion! A short nice moment between Sam learning that his family members were killed and Sam telling Jon who his real family members are (...including, coincidentally, the family member who killed Sam’s family members...)

Parentage reveal. I felt like this scene could have been slowed down a bit (and Jon could have shown a lot more consideration of Sam’s news about his dad and brother dying!!), but I get that the audience already knows the truth so they don’t have time to have Sam convince Jon that it’s true. Jon’s first response: “it’s treason.” Aka he’s scared of D’s reaction. Not that he’s gonna lose his relationship with her. Not that he doesn’t think he could be a better leader. But that she’ll turn against him—and now he’s led her into his home.

Jaime rolls up and Bran’s like “HEY PAL.” My guess is that everyone will want to kill him (besides Tyrion and Brienne) but Bran will be like “we need him” or something

Overall, I think the episode had some great Jonsa/dark!D/pol!Jon setup and enough corny J*nerys stuff to make shippers and GA think it’s still a True Romance. 

Stuff I can’t wait for in the next episode:

Sansa(!) and Arya’s reactions to the parentage reveal

D’s reaction, if it happens—Jon might not want to rock the boat and risk losing her support before the WWs come

Varys seeing Sansa as the ruler she is

Jaime swearing an oath to Sansa, Arya, and Bran in Catelyn’s honor

Braime reunion!!!!!

Gendrya moments!!

Everyone saying goodbye to their loved ones before the battle (night before the battle love/passion scenes are MY JAM)

Cersei plotting to kidnap Sansa?

[threadsketchier]

Glimpses - a time to embrace

Happy May the Fourth, y’all.

Tagging the usual suspects @culturevulture73 @kaelinaloveslomaris @littlesparklight @onwardintolight

I’ll throw most of it behind a cut this time since I know these get kinda long here on le Tumblr.

Read it at AO3 instead

A couple of hours later Luke was settled into a small recovery suite aboard the Mercy, the fleet’s secondary medical frigate.  The Redemption’s destruction had left a bacta shortage; while Luke’s injuries could be treated without it, that meant a longer downtime, and that meant it’d be a task to keep him barve-tied to his bed until he was actually healed.  We’ll see about that Jedi patience nerfshit now, Han thought.

Being away from the insulation of the forest moon meant the brass was eager to get them debriefed, but Leia put her foot down about allowing them a bit more time to just decompress.  Han was glad and relieved to see her putting herself before duty for once.

Luke should have been sleeping his ordeal off, but the three of them were aware that being in each other’s company was what they really wanted.  At least he was finally horizontal.

“Why’d you look so afraid there when Furball sniffed you out?” Han asked.

Hesitating, Luke gazed at Leia for a minute, his eyes seeming to ask her permission before he would speak.  She simply stroked her hand through his hair, brushing it back from his brow.  He swallowed and replied softly, “I laid my father’s remains to rest.”

A thick silence fell between them.  Han was at a loss – how did the kid find it within himself to care about a monster who’d tried to murder all of them numerous times, who put him in carbonite and sold him off to Jabba, who left Leia scarred for the rest of her life, who’d hacked off his own son’s hand?  But right now the homicidal tin can from hell was dead and Luke was obviously mourning him, and trying to convince him otherwise wasn’t going to help.

Leia’s expression was pained, torn between grief for her brother and revulsion.  It just wasn’t fair to either of them.

“He came back,” Luke said gravely.  “He remembered who he was in the end.  He’s the reason I’m still alive.”

And from there the whole story poured out: how the Emperor had gloated and taunted him over the trap he’d laid for the Alliance, how he and Vader had fought each other, reluctantly at first and then in one last desperate and brutal volley when Luke had sensed Leia’s pain and accidentally revealed the identity of his twin, and been pressed too far.  How close he’d come to the edge of darkness and nearly lost himself.  How the Emperor really didn’t take no for an answer.  How he’d nearly died in a barrage of dark power he hadn’t known the despot was capable of, until Vader found and listened to the one remaining molecule of a conscience he had left.

By the time Luke was finished his voice was thin and his eyes were heavy.  “Leia…he told me to tell you…”  He floundered, searching for a way to express himself, and Leia was visibly steeling herself, probably expecting an apology from a man she still loathed and wanted no such thing from.

Surprisingly, Luke looked self-conscious, not wanting to meet her glare.  “Just that…I was right.”

Han’s eyebrows arched.  “…Kind of a bold thing to say, kid.”

Luke ran a hand down his face, letting out a wheezy little laugh.  “It does sound like that, doesn’t it?”  A tear trickled down his cheek, and his breathing grew shaky with emotion.  “I’m sorry, Leia.”

As anguished as she was, Leia shook her head slowly and laid herself down onto the edge of Luke’s bed to pull him close and hold him, and his arms wrapped around her in return.  Han stretched his arm over both of them and pressed his lips into Leia’s hair.  No, this wasn’t the time for judgment or distance.  Vader wasn’t going to keep their family apart from beyond the grave.

They lingered in each other’s embrace for a while, until Luke whispered, “I saw him there at the end.  At the edge of the village, in the trees.  Father’s spirit was standing next to Ben and Yoda, and they were all happy.  He looked so different, so much younger.  The way he once was.  He’s free now.”

Han didn’t know what to say about that either.  He couldn’t really deny the Force anymore – Luke had done too much, come too far, for him to chalk it up to trickery and delusion.  But this was something he’d never be able to verify with his own eyes.  Was it just wishful thinking?  Some figment of his imagination to give him closure?  And if it was, why should he disparage it?  It’d be like kicking a pup.

But the idea that Vader wasn’t completely dead, that he could still keep existing in one form or another – and a kriffing ghost, of all things – was far more unnerving than comforting.  If this was real, could he watch them right now?  What gave him the right to do that, after everything he’d done to them?

Buzz off, Vader, Han thought sourly, and don’t show your face, either of them, here again if you know better now.  You gave up these kids when you turned your back on doing good.

Luke drifted off to sleep shortly afterwards, worn out from his confessions.  Leaning back against the bulkhead from the crate he’d swiped as a makeshift seat, Han gathered Leia into his lap and held her, both of their minds too preoccupied to doze off but their fatigue and need for respite keeping them in contented silence.

*

“Alright, look, they don’t need to know the particulars.  I’m just gonna say Luke reported straight to me with this business about Vader and him sensing each other.”

“They’re going to ask why surrender was considered a better alternative to diversion,” Leia pointed out.

“I told them I came alone, but they already knew our shuttle had to be carrying a team,” Luke interjected.  “The Executor had your voice on record, and we don’t exactly sound the same,” he added dryly.  “There wasn’t any point in a diversion by then, and if they want to argue about handing a valuable target over to the enemy and doubling the risk by increasing my potential to turn to the Dark Side, I was betting against myself dying along with the Emperor and my father when you succeeded in getting the Death Star blown.”

Both Han and Leia stared at him for half a minute.  “Good strategy, but could you maybe not let us in on that?” Han deadpanned.

Luke had the decency to look sheepish.  “The bigger issue is telling them about my father,” he continued.

“Who says you have to tell them?  It’s none of their business.”

“This won’t make sense to them if I don’t – ”

“Sure it can!” Han protested.  “You’re a Jedi, they wanted you on their side.  They turned on each other because they’re crazy evil assholes and you got out.  End of story.”

“Han.”

“Trust me, kid, honesty doesn’t get you everywhere.  You’re gonna make this harder on yourself.”

A genuine, righteous anger started to twist Luke’s face.  “Han, it’s not just a matter of honesty, I’m proud of him.  He did something no one thought possible – Ben and Yoda wanted me to solve the problem by killing him.  And what was that going to get us?  He’d be dead, and then so would I, or else I’d be at the Emperor’s side right now.  He was my father, Han, and he finally chose to stop the evil.  Anakin Skywalker was a good man once, and he found that good again one last time.  I know it’s not going to mean much to anyone else, but I think it’s a truth worth telling.”

Han shifted back from his seat at the foot of Luke’s bed and held up his hands.  “…Okay, take it easy there.”  He could see Leia’s hackles were being raised and he didn’t think he’d like to be in the epicenter of a fight between these two.

But Luke’s indignation was tempered with self-conflict as he regarded Leia.  “But I know what this means for us.  I know you don’t…want any part of this, Leia.  And I accept that.  I didn’t intend to tell them about our relationship.  You don’t have to claim me as your brother in their eyes.”

Her tone was icier than the Hoth wastes.  “You’re proud of your father and ashamed of your twin,” she remarked, the blade of her words cutting all the much deeper in their softness.

Luke’s eyes widened and his mouth dropped open to protest, but Leia snapped, “I know what you’re trying to say.  That you want to protect my reputation.”

“Not just that, Leia, you.  You don’t deserve – ”

“You’re damn right I don’t,” she hissed.  “I’m more than happy to have a brother, but I never asked for Vader.  Even if I had no family of my own, even if I was a wretched orphan in the Coruscant sublevels.”  She sighed loudly and sharply and shut her eyes, reining in her fury.  “But fine.  If you insist on singing Vader’s praises to anyone who’ll hear, what makes you think I’d disown you for the sake of my status?”

Luke gazed back at her, shaken, and she leaned forward to grasp his face in her hands, until their noses nearly met.  “What makes you think I’d let the Empire take anything else from me?”

*

Han and Leia waited for him in the corridor while it was his turn.  When it was over Luke emerged from the briefing room red-eyed and utterly weary, and he sank into Leia’s grasp.  The medics had cleared him, but as far as Han was concerned, he needed a hell of a lot more time to recuperate, not only for his body but his mind also.  For that matter, so did Leia.

“How’d it go?” Han asked.  No one else had left the room yet; he could still give them a piece or two if things hadn’t fared well.

“Not great, of course, but not as bad as I thought,” Luke replied wryly, eyeing Han’s expression over Leia’s shoulder.  Sighing, he straightened but stayed within the comforting circle of Leia’s arms.  “I’d like to think it’s because they know me well enough by now to judge me by own merits, but once upon a time my father was a Jedi, and…”  His eyes dropped.  “Everyone is capable of evil,” he added softly.

“And you think we’d let you stray that far?”  Han challenged him.  “If you didn’t keep yourself in check?”  He stepped forward and jabbed a finger into Luke’s shoulder.  “And don’t use us as an excuse – you think we’d appreciate it from the grave or the void if you went off the deep end after we’re gone?”

“No,” Luke whispered.

“I know it’s hard right then.  But you know better.  Better we all die clean than sink to the level of the goons we’re fighting.  We all bite it in the end no matter what.  If you go bad on us, we’ll be waiting for you on the other side, and I don’t think you’ll like getting your ass kicked forever.”

That elicited a burst of laughter.  “I don’t doubt you would,” Luke chortled.

“Especially with her around.”

Both men looked down at Leia, who held their gazes with a knowing stare of effortless intimidation.  Luke’s laugh petered out as he sobered.  “I’m sorry,” he told her seriously.

“For what?”

“For almost giving myself to the Dark Side for you.  I know it’s not what you would’ve wanted.  I know it’s not worth it.  It was just…”

“Luke, I would have done the same for you.  And I don’t think I would have stopped myself.”

Swallowing hard, Luke cradled her close and rested his cheek on the crown of her head.  “And I’m sorry for the way I told you,” he murmured.

Leia frowned, not comprehending, and shifted herself to make eye contact with him again.  “What do you mean?”

“When I said you were my sister…I gave it to you as a responsibility.  That you had to carry on for me if I didn’t return.  I didn’t…”  Luke shook his head.  “Leia, I’m just glad to have you.  I love you.  You’re my sister no matter what happens or what we do.”

“Oh, Luke.”  She hugged him tight in reassurance.  “I knew that.”

“But it’s still important.  You mean so much more to me than that.”  Fresh tears shone in his eyes, but he smiled.  “I’ll be happy to teach you if you’re ready someday, though.”

“Maybe.  I suppose I couldn’t ask for a better teacher.  Or a brother.”  She tapped a finger on the tip of his nose, drawing another chuckle.

 Luke bit his lower lip, self-deprecation creeping into his amusement.  “You couldn’t ask for a better teacher because I’m the only one right now,” he muttered with a note of melancholy.

Han gently pried them apart and looped an arm around each of their backs to lead them away alongside him.  “Worry about that later.  And the two of you will be sick of each other before you know it.  Alright, now that that’s over, I’ve got a case of Whyren’s in the Falcon with our name on it.  Just go light on it for now, kid.”

[willowlark369]

Survival is Imperative

This post discusses a concept which is controversial and features a great deal of disturbing information. There is a great deal of torture and misused (abused) medical procedures/practices discussed. Yet what I feel may be most problematic for most people to digest is that the concept I will be laying out will challenge the idea that an individual’s agency is a hard set dichotomy where one either has it completely or they have been stripped of it entirely.

I’m not treating this as a proper essay or academic paper. I’ve taken several levels of courses in the fields of Psychology, Sociology, and Anthropology along with specialty diversity courses. I’m pulling a lot of concepts from that academic work, and since I am not making a paper to present, I will not be citing the dual-minors-worth of knowledge that led me to the conclusions I am sharing. I apologize if this upsets you. I know that Tumblr is such a bastion of academic learning that this must be absolutely shocking. (Was that too sarcastic? OFW.)

Reader discretion is advised after the Read More break.

Let’s get the hard part out of the way:

Steve Rogers is wrong about Bucky Barnes, and he’s only showing disrespect by making his claims about Barnes’ innocence of the crimes of the Winter Soldier. Whenever Steve Rogers talks about the Winter Soldier as a separate entity from Bucky Barnes, he is ignoring the trauma of the man he claims as his friend.

Still with me? Haven’t skipped down to the bottom to post nasty comments?

Good. Now I will lay out the why for you.

Everyone has heard of Ivan Pavlov or more likely, Pavlov’s experiments with conditioned responses in dogs. He rang a bell before giving his dogs a treat and eventually all he had to do to get the dogs to salivate was ring the bell, regardless of the presence of a treat. This basic concept is actually the idea behind Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) where a person works on identifying their own conditioned responses and work to disable them (and/or redirect them, depending on the goals set by the patient).

Yeah, that’s right, folks. Conditioning is something which can be done to humans. How do we know? Because Dr. John Watson--the less fun one, apparently--and his lovely graduate hostage assistant Rosalie Rayner figured out how to create phobias in an otherwise healthy child, and that was apparently really inspiring to a great many people including the Mother of Behavioral Therapy Mary Clover Jones. Dr. Watson’s paper on the experiment came out in the early part of 1920.

For those of you playing the home game, that’s almost a decade and a half before a certain sniper took his tumble off a train in the Alps. In terms of science, that’s a really long time.

It’s long enough for the science branch of a certain religious cult to start working on a device to make it easier. This device’s purpose was understood to be memory suppression. This effect was achievable through what could be loosely described as Electrical Shock Therapy (EST). Pass enough current through the synapses and they don’t connect so good, at least for a little while.

It also hurts like a motherfucker, which is also what makes EST so useful for the treatment of behavioral disorders. I’m using the term disorder here in its most antiquated definition. Some of the disorders treated with early versions of EST were ‘hysteria’, masturbation, book-reading (in women), and refusal to marry (again, in women). Treatment was given until the patient stopped showing the problematic behavior.

It also works as a deterrent for not showing desired behavior, where the patient is given treatment for not doing what the doctor wanted. Other behavior modifying treatments are isolation, withholding of food/drink, other pain delivery systems... really, there’s a lot of manipulation techniques out there, in the real world. A lot of them can be unquestionably considered torture, but some are just simply psychological. Repeat something in a calm, reasonable tone of voice enough times, and a person begins to believe it. Show kindness to someone whose world is narrowed into nothing more than bright spots of pain and they will want to believe you, even knowing that you are the source of the pain.

Eventually, inevitably, reward does not need to be kindness, does not need to be pleasurable or unquestionably positive. It just needs to be a cessation of pain, maybe even just a lessening if given enough time. Given enough time, a knowledgeable individual can create conditional responses for any number of things, especially once the subject begins to show willingness to adapt.

That’s what we humans are good at, you know. We adapt to our environments, even if doing so might compromise firmly held ideals and principles. Instinctively, we seek to survive and to that end, nothing becomes taboo. It’s easy to stand outside of a situation and say “I’ll never do that” but historically speaking, yeah, you probably would. If the situation called for it, if it were bad enough, if the options were laid out the right way and every other path was blocked--if you knew that everyone had to think you were dead and there was no hope of rescue.

See, Sgt. James “Bucky” Barnes fell from a train traveling through the Alps. They thought he was dead, even without recovering a body. There was no hope for the SSR to come to the rescue, no reason to believe the punk was going to show up once again to save him from the pain, the hunger, the cold. He was alone in enemy hands, undergoing torture as they sought to shape him into what they wanted him to become: a willing participant in their plans capable of taking care of any problem they needed cleaned up.

He was alone and without hope, but Bucky still fought them for over twenty years before they deemed him controlled enough, conditioned enough, to begin using. The problem with conditioning is that the associations need to be maintained routinely or else they fade. So, despite being usable, Barnes would still have been routinely and methodologically tortured in order to preserve that willingness to obey without hesitation or question.

Sgt. Barnes spent over seventy years as a prisoner of war. Sgt. Barnes managed to survive over seventy years in the control of a known terrorist organization by learning when to fight and when to acquiesce to the demands of his captors. Sgt. Barnes learned how to disassociate from emotional responses which only served to slow down action and become better at the behavior Hydra wanted from him.

Sgt. Barnes became the Fist of Hydra in order to survive an untenable situation. He is the Winter Soldier and he willingly completed all missions given to him. Because his entire existence relied upon pleasing his handlers and if there is one thing that humans are good at, it is survival.

Survival is imperative.

However, while there is no question about innocence in this case, the responsibility is also not in question. Sgt. Barnes is not innocent but he is also not responsible. The responsibility shift is two-fold: military chain of command and ability to consent without duress.

Military chain of command creates a buffer of sorts for military personnel who are following directives from those higher in their direct chain of command. There is bleed-over of this buffer into similarly martial organization such as the FBI, CIA, and police. Pretty much, if an organization is authorized to use force against others, then there’s a chain of command exemption to responsibility. Hesitation or refusal to follow the chain of command is actually considered a negative trait that can limit promotions and career duration. Entry programs (such as Basic for the Armed Forces) are specifically designed to create a mentality where the knee-jerk reaction is to follow the commands of a recognized superior. Of course, under normal circumstances, most individuals will not mindlessly follow orders if they go completely contrary to social mores such as harming traditional noncombatants (women, children, the sick, the elderly) or seem really questionable (blow up this bomb while standing beside it; poison this well; execute the ally standing next to you).

Which brings me to the second fold: ability to consent without duress.

In case y’all haven’t heard, no means no. (Yeah, I’m fucking going there. Buckle up, readers. This is a crash course in Consent 110.) Straight up, body autonomy is sacrosanct. The only person allowed to make your body do things is you. You are the only one who gets to choose what your body does, even if that choice is to let someone else make your body do things. Anything else is a violation of your body autonomy.

However, it must be recognized that there are times when saying no is not really an option, for whatever reason, and even saying yes is done due to circumstances which negate the expressed permission. Why? Because it’s not really consent when there’s a threat or manipulation involved, when the choice is between doing the thing or dying (or being harmed or someone else being harmed/killed). That creates duress, which negates consent even while willingness to participate continues.

Analogy time: think of any sex act you want. Maybe it’s your favorite; maybe you’ve done it hundreds of times and you’re damn good at it. The only difference is that you don’t want to do it this time with this partner. Now imagine that partner holding a gun to your head, telling you that they will shoot you if you don’t do it. You do that thing and manage to live. You did that thing, and nothing really changes that. However, it was not consensual.

You are not innocent but you are also not responsible.

Ultimately, what you are left with at end of the day is a PoW who did everything necessary to survive, including a lot of horrible things that affected others. I think this is really fucking important to note: Sgt. Barnes is a survivor. He did things, made choices, which clearly haunt him in order to ensure that survival.

He did those things because Sgt. Barnes became the Winter Soldier to survive.

Steve Rogers continuously invalidates that. Steve Rogers makes himself unavailable as a recovery support person because he refuses to acknowledge the trauma and guilt that would accompany such actions. I’m sure that his intentions are to be helpful and comforting. Steve Rogers once went on a suicide mission for Sgt. Barnes and later decided letting the guy beat him to a pulp was a good idea when the alternative was fighting him. Never doubt that Steve Rogers loves Bucky Barnes and that it is unconditional.

However, harm is not measured by intention. It is measured by effect.

Invalidating a survivor of violence? Not cool. Insisting that “it wasn’t really you” to someone who had essentially been raped? Also not cool.

And you know what effect that has? It makes the survivor unable to comfortably open up to you. Especially if disagreement with an authority figure was a past cause for corrective behavioral modification. Logic may say the punishment won’t happen but emotionally? Essentially, you are removed from the support team, and this is after you have created a situation in which the survivor is unable to remain in their previous safe place.

So, in summation, Bucky Barnes is the Winter Soldier due to being a PoW willing to do what it took to survive, but his blast-from-the-past best friend doesn’t acknowledge any of that which is hella hurtful and dismissive, regardless of said friend’s intentions. It interferes with the possibility of recovery which is inherently harmful to someone who has already been through so much and sets up the continuation of the conditioned behaviors, furthering the trauma in a way that is quite possibly worse than the outright violence of before.

Because Bucky Barnes will not stand up for himself. Resistance has been conditioned out of him. And now the person hurting him is a trusted individual declaring that he just wants to help.

Please respect the survival of Sgt. James Barnes by acknowledging his trauma, even if it makes you uncomfortable. Survivors do not have to make you comfortable with what it took to gain that status. Survivors do not owe you a picturesque view of their trauma.

Survival itself is the only imperative.

[aquarianlights]

Coming out as transgender to people who you have absolutely no idea if they're going to reject you or not is worse and way more traumatic than coming out to people who you KNOW are going to reject you.

I'm literally fucking sobbing right now. Two of my oldest friends... Two people I have known since pre-k...maybe before that...Jymboree... That. That was before pre-k, right? Well, I've known them since Jymboree.........and I don't think either of them know I am transgender. One of them only just now found me on FB and we haven't spoken since... early college years. And the other...we haven't spoken in a few years.

I'm just coming out to them both RIGHT NOW....and I'm shaking and crying. I'm literally shaking and there are tears rolling down my cheeks.... I have known these two girls probably 24 of my 25 years of existence. Maybe almost a full 25. They were two of the biggest influences in my entire life....and they are like sisters who I grew up with.

I only found out I was transgender and not just "faking it/pretending to be a boy" around the age of 20-22ish. I honest to god thought I was pretending and my ex girlfriend breaking up with me after over 5 years of an LD relationship because she thought I was pretending, too, was possibly one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. Not THAT it happened...but how it happened. And the things I have experienced from being transgender... specifically from cishet males... is horrible.

And people misgendering me and just not understanding for some reason??? I'm sorry, but even if you're on the autism spectrum, you can understand when someone says they're a boy, they're a boy. You're not misunderstanding this because you're autistic; you're misunderstanding it because you're a white, cishet dude who apparently has a crush on me.

Receiving a text that says or someone saying "I'm sorry, but it's just weird for a me, being a straifght guy, to have a crush on you as a transboy." LET ME MAKE ONE THING CLEAR RIGHT FUCKING NOW: YOU EITHER HAVE A CRUSH ON ME OR YOU ARE NOT STRAIGHT. There is ///////////NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!/////// inbetween. You cannot be male and like another male and call yourself straight. Can you? Then how can you like me and call yourself straight? I'm just as male as you are. Always have been, always will be. Before and after HRT + gender correction surgeries. Just because I am transgender and haven't transitioned yet does not make me ANY LESS of a man than you in ANY way.

There is literally no way in this world or logic or ANYTHING that can state factually that you can be straight and male and have a crush on me. I don't understand how a man can call himself straight if he has a crush on another man? Can someone explain that to me? Please? I'm just DYING to know. And for anyone who is autistic (I think I have like maybe 2 or 3 friends on the spectrum here on FB and who knows how many on tumblr where I'm gonna c/p this to), you have absolutely no excuse. If a fucking child can understand that I'm a man....so can you. Idk if autism and down syndrome are synonymous... I don't think they are, coz my cousin has down syndrome and he's not like any of the autistic people I've spoken with online... (So I'm a little confused there), BUT EVEN HE UNDERSTANDS I AM MALE OKAY! He can't even speak for himself or change himself or dress himself or do anything for himself. He holds a bagging position at a local grocery store with help. Other than that, that's about it. He is in his late 20's and he acts like a child...always pulling my hair, can't speak correctly, speaks through sounds and groans and motions, reacts emotionally like...toddler-like emotions...Stuff like that to give examples. And I thought, for the longest time (coz I was ignorant and sheltered) that that was what autism was.

Well, I'm sorry, but if my cousin WITH THAT SEVERITY OF DOWN SYNDROME (which may or may not be autism?????? I have no clue on any developmental issues coz I only have mental disorders and not developmental issues and I only study psuedo-sciences (aka psych things) relevant to myself because I'm forced to so I'm ignorant by choice here which is probably abelist but it emotionally hurts me to look at this stuff) CAN UNDERSTAND THAT I'M A BOY EVEN WHEN I'M IN A DRESS AND HIGH HEELS WITH MAKE-UP ON, UNDERCOVER IN DISGUISE FOR A FAMILY FUNCTION.... ANY OF YOU AUTISTIC PEOPLE CAN. NONE OF YOU HAVE ANY EXCUSE. NO ONE WITH A DEVELOPMENTAL DISORDER, MENTAL ILLNESS, OR ANYTHING HAS ANY EXCUSE. AND, NO, I'M SORRY, BUT YOUR BIGOTRY IS THE SAME AS PEDOPHILIA BEING INCLUDED IN THE LGBT+ COMMUNITY: IT'S NOT COUNTING AND IT NEVER WILL BE, YOU SICK FUCK.

I'm just....I'm just so scared and so angry and so hurt and so...

All the experiences I've had irl and online with both people I know and people I don't know and anything inbetween...professionals and acquaintances and anything inbetween... I'm fucking traumatized by it all and yes that's actually part of my PTSD. It's not the main part of it, but the trauma associated with accumulated experiences due to being out and proud as a transman are a part of my extremely severe PTSD. Again, not the main part...but the fact they are a chunk is scary... Coz that means it could be the ENTIRE reason for someone's PTSD if they were to have lesser experiences than me (lesser being used in quantitative terms here, not qualitative---everyone's traumas are equal...the times we experience traumas are all different, obvs, and the times we experience traumas that contribute to PTSD are different and since I have so goddamn many, thinking some trans person could have PTSD based SOLELY around their experience as a trans person is horrifying when that is one of the least of my worries in the PTSD category).

I didn't realizing coming out could be this terrifying...

When I thought I was pretending to be male and was actually female irl, I thought I was just a lesbian since I am attracted to mostly girls. (Didn't know bi and pan was a thing either lol) so I came out on my very first day at a new school sophomore year of hs by people asking me or something and me doing something really bold and rash to prove it and then shrugging and being all "And? What are you gonna do about it?" Like. Coming out as lezz was as though I were coming out as human in my mind. It absolutely did not matter to me at all. 

And, frankly, I got off on it mentally coz it added a shock value when someone called me a dyke in a crowd and I would grab the nearest girl and ask her permission to kiss her and kiss her as hard as I could and then throw her aside (gently) into the crowd and strut right up to said (cishet white male obvs) person who asked and stand so close he could smell the shampoo I use and look him directly in the eye and dare him to do something about it and basically say "Are you just angry I get more pussy than you? Is that why you tried to make it public that you've got such a small dick?" Stuff like that. I get filmed a lot doing this stuff so there's prob videos of little female-presenting, bright blue haired, 5'1 3'4" kandi kid, harajuku girl Nickita version of me floating around being all confrontational and angry. Lol.

I forget why I made this post.

Oh yeah. Because I'm crying and shaking coz my friends aren't gonna respond for a while I'm sure and Idk if I'm going to lose them and at the same time I am super super SUPER sick and drained by guys not treating me as equal to them when I'm just as male as they are, with or without the parts.

I’m seriously so drained by cishet boys. By the ace thing and by the trans thing. I’m sick of cishet boys trying to coerce me into sex because they’re the “one exception” and I’m sick of cishet boys trying to say they’re straight but they have a crush on me, when I’m a boy. You CANNOT BE A STRAIGHT BOY AND HAVE A CRUSH ON A BOY!?!??!?!

These are things I deal with MULTIPLE times a day from MULTIPLE people...from people with autism and aspergers...to actual full on neurotypicals. Like. THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?

NOTE: I have since learned the aspergers, autism, and down syndrome are like...all different or something like that. I don’t really want to know, which is ableist af, but I don’t want to know on purpose. I want to stay ignorant on specifics. I just want the general knowledge and the tl;dr version of it all. At least....right now....maybe when I’m not about to have a panic attack, ready to slit my wrists, overdose, shoot someone, can slow down my thoughts, can force my intrusive thoughts back into intrusive thought zone and not desire zone, and can STOP HAVING AUDITORY HALLUCINATIONS WHEN I KNOW DAMN WELL MY SCHIZO MEDS ARE WORKING THEY ARE WORKING THEY ARE WORKING SO THIS ISN’T REAL AND IDK WHY THIS IS HAPPENING....maybe then I’ll like to know specifics, but I cannot an will not handle specifics right now. No thanks. Pseudo-science are ew. It’s bad enough I have to lean my OWN psuedo-sciences. (Psst. I still only learn the tl;dr textbook version of my own pseudo-science stuff (aka: psych stuff) so I can just learn the rest from self experience. it works. pro tip, y’all.)

[fab912]

I was tagged byyyyyy @blurryfaceimagines! To answer all these questions. Now see, I would have answered them all my phone...but I’m not crazy. So on my laptop it was lolol. Anyways

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag however many people you want

THE LAST:

1. Drink: Coke

2. Phone call: I think my friend RV on discord (I didn’t talk but darn it it was a call lol). If not that then my mom

3. Text message: My friend Kevin

4. Song you listened to: Die Anywhere Else from Night in the Woods

5. Time you cried: Last Tuesday I broke down

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: Ive never even dated 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Never kissed anyone either 8. Been cheated on: Can’t be cheated on if I’ve never been involved in anything, eeeeey 9. Lost someone special: Yes/no? I mean it just hurt cause I knew em but I didn’t excessively know em. 10. Been depressed: …ya 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: I don’t drink lololol. I’m a pretty boring person

 LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: Most blues, green, and a darker red (way to go me lol)

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: Yus! And I’m super thankful for all ya ;w; 16. Fallen out of love: Nah 17. Laughed until you cried: I wanna say yes 18. Found out someone was talking about you: I mean…if it was at work then I usually hear cause I hear all. Usually it’s just them mentioning me or something. If someone was talking bad about me, I would be like “Ouch…what did you want me to really care further?” 19. Met someone who changed you: I would say so, I think it’s mostly been good tho. 20. Found out who your friends are: I guess?? Kinda? I dunno? 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: I am a kiss virgin lol Smooch smooch ;3;

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: The majority of em I’d say. 23. Do you have any pets: While they’re not mine because I don’t pay for anything of em…my family has a parakeet, some fishes, and a dog. I just have to feed em sometimes and care for em. 24. Do you want to change your name: Nah, I’m good with it. 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: I went to work. The exciting world of me working all the time, rip 26. What time did you wake up: Uh….12:43pm….listen I stayed up for late last night. 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: watching hxh with bahare and the others 28. Name something you can’t wait for: Errrr….I dunno…the day all my loans are payed off? The day I get my own room/own space? The day I get a new computer so I can draw/animate? The day I feel motivated and don’t feel like a burden ;w; 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: Yesterday night. She works today 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: That I could stop caring so much about what people think about me and that I could make myself happy. The need for validation. Whoops got too deep there lol 31. What are you listening right now: My meme song playlist on Spotify. So right now it’s Renai Circulation playing lol 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: We talking about Myspace Tom? Neighborhood friend Tom? …lol but yes I have, my 5th grade teacher was named Tom. 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: The fact that I both wanna draw and not. Too many ideas and yet when I get in front of my paper…I feel I have to draw what I “owe”….whoops 34. Most visited Website: Probably youtube due to the fact it’s what I watch/listen to at work. Then it might be Tumblr (since discord isn’t a website ;w; )

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: Nope 36. Mark/s: Well I have beauty marks on my face, arms, legs, hands, foot? And I have some freckles on my nose. And a birthmark on my stomach. I also think I may have a birthmark on the back of my right leg? 37. Childhood dream: I wanted to be something successful…president or doctor. Then it changed to voice actor, and then an animator. And look where I am now….none of those things lol. But I’m happy for my job, it’s in the art field! :3 38. Haircolor: Dark brown (part of the reason I just color my hair black in my drawings, it’s so much easier lol) 39. Long or short hair: Medium? Right now it’s a bit passed my shoulders, but I may get it cut to shoulder length ish soon. 40. Do you have a crush on someone: I don’t know? Like I legit don’t know. I’m like Jumin Han…like I don’t know feelings of love or affection towards others that is not meant to be friendly lol 41. What do you like about yourself: I don’t really know? I like my kindness? I would like to think I’m kind/nice 42. Piercings: My ears 43. Bloodtype: I don’t actually know 44. Nickname: Well teeechnically ‘Jacky’ is a nickname lol. But I guess Fab is a nickname too. That’s about as far as that goes lol 45. Relationship status: Single 46. Zodiac: Virgo 47. Pronouns: She/her 48. Favorite TV Show: Aw jeez….Steven Universe, Rick and Morty, Miraculous….uh…I’m sure there’s more but I’m suddenly drawing a blank 49. Tattoos: Nope! Although my mom has asked why I don’t get the Zelda triforce or Majora’s Mask. I wouldn’t cause I’m a wimp and kinda don’t want a mark, yknow? 50. Right or left hand: Right! 51. Surgery: See this is the weird thing…cause I think my mom mentioned I may have gotten a small surgery when I was suuuuper little? But I can’t remember the story? 52. Hair dyed in different color: Nope! Once a long time ago I wanted to die my hair a really dark blue. So my hair would shine blue all cool. But then I was like “nah I like my hair I guess” 53. Sport: AhahahaHAHAHAHAHA that would mean exercise. 55. Vacation: Yes plz. I mean…no yeah yes plz. I know it’s asking for a place but I would happy with a few days off of work even if I just stayed home 56. Pair of trainers: Am I that old that I don’t know that word? I can tell ya I only own like 3 pairs of shoes: my Nintendo hightops, a pair of black boots for colder weather, and some brown boot kinda things that are Converse (those are my 707 cosplay shoes, but I wear em sometimes with the pants I used for my Seven cosplay)

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: A peach 58. Drinking: Nothing actually 59. I’m about to: Probably force myself to draw or sketch some of these things gosh darn it 61. Waiting for: My sisters to get back from the store so we can make pasta cause I’m hungry 62. Want: A break (ok ok enough with the breaks and vacations from work lol). I dunno…food? To draw? To talk to people? All of the above!   63. Get married: I dunno. 64. Career: Well the job I have no is a career job I believe. Like I got a job in the industry right after I graduated. So I’m good being in this field tbh.

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: I am veeeeeery awkward with physical contact. So whenever someone hugs me I just kind of freeze up. And kisses, meeeeeeeeeeh? 66. Lips or eyes: Eyes are the window to the soul in my case theyre as black as my soul I mean huh 67. Shorter or taller: Taller, but then again it’s not that hard to find someone taller than me lol 68. Older or younger: I kinda wanna say I prefer people who are closer to my age? As long as they are a bit mature or can be? And by closer to my age I mean like a few years difference in both directions. I feel if they’re closer to my age then we can kinda relate to each other’s problems a bit more 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: I don’t care? 71. Sensitive or loud: If they’re a good person I don’t think it should matter? 72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: I would prefer hesitant but I mean, I can’t control people. So they can be as they are. Like I said, if you’re a good and friendly person then that’s fine by me

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: Noooo 75. Drank hard liquor: I don’t drink at all                                                                         76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I can’t say yeah or no. I usually just misplace em cause I don’t need to wear em. 77. Turned someone down: …yeah…in 2015 I was apparently a magnet? Or something? Cause 3 people told me they liked me in that year and one had asked me out. I turned em all down. They are all good people too but I just didn’t feel it. I felt bad for saying no to all of em, even tho it was super flattering 78. Sex on the first date: Dude, y’all would be lucky to even get a hug on the first date tbh 79. Broken someone’s heart: I mean going back to (77)…I don’t know if I did? I don’t know how much those people actually liked me? 80. Had your heart broken: No 81. Been arrested: Cops can’t catch me lololol 82. Cried when someone died: Yup 83. Fallen for a friend: I don’t know? I think it might infatuation? But I really don’t know? I’m seriously like the beginning of the Jumin Han route, like what are these feelings

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: magic? In a young girls heart lololol 84. Yourself: Sometimes 85. Miracles: Don’t see why not 86. Love at first sight: Eeeeh? 87. Santa Claus: The big red guy? Don’t think so people the easter bunny tho 88. Kiss on the first date: Listen, y’all can do what you want. I will give you a firm handshake or a pat on the shoulder/arm on the first date. If I like ya enough, you may even get a hug

OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: Aaaaaaaaah…I don’t think I have no? I have friends who are a bit higher on my list but I don’t think I have a best friend? 91. Eyecolor: Super dark brown/almost black like my soul 92. Favorite movie: See I don’t know. But I do love Yellow Submarine a lot!

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As for who I’m tagging? These are a lot. So if any of my mutuals wanna do it so I can learn more about you? If not that’s cool too! ^^