#since most of the time all the people are close to each other even in their house placement

[acesofspadess]

Track Walk

landoscar x content creator!reader

part 1 // part 2 // part 3

series summary: You were invited to the Miami GP for your Track Walk series on social media, what follows after you run into a certain Papaya boy, no one could prepare you for...

series warnings: cursing, angst, smut, making out, mentions of people you may not like, mmf, threesome/throuple, if there is more let me know... ;)

a/n: this a long 4 part series, but the chapters will be released daily!! also... there is no hate to anyone mention in this story, it is a work of fiction and any hate towards the characters/people will be deleted.

Miami 2024 

“Hello lovely F1 fans!” You said to the camera you were holding quite close to your face, “We’ve got a bit of a different setting today, because we are at the…” You took the camera away from your face to show the full setting, “Miami GP!”

You were a small F1 content creator who had become known for your at home ‘track-walks’. Every Thursday you would walk around your neighbourhood or get on the treadmill and walk the length of the race circuit for the weekend.

“This is my first ever GP, as you all know, and I just can’t explain to you all how excited I am. A big thank you to Liquid IV for sponsoring this trip, and this video. We are starting at the P1 box, because obviously. We’ve got a total of 5.4 kilometers to walk, so let's get to it.”

Throughout the walk you filmed information on the track, the city, the race, and even some snippets of fans who happened to know who you were.You were doing a light run when at one point in the video you saw a group of papaya and flipped the camera at them and slowed to a light jog, “I think those are our papaya boys, if I’m not mistaken.” You whispered into the mic. As you jogged past them you looked up and saw it was just Lando with some of his team. 

“Good luck this weekend.” You called out as you surpassed them. “Cheers!” Lando called out with a small smile. You smiled back and continued with your jog and video. “Meeting Lando Norris, can check that off the bucket list.” You laughed softly to the camera. When you made it back to the P1 box you started to end the video. “Well that was so much fun, thank you again to Liquid IV for bringing me out here. Cheers to a hopefully amazing weekend.”

An amazing weekend it was indeed. That Sunday you watched Lando Norris get his maiden win. It was safe to say you were crying in the VIP box as he crossed the line. That night you went back to the hotel with endless happiness, your life couldn’t get any better. Or so you thought.

You woke up that morning to your phone buzzing relentlessly. Every two seconds it felt like someone was liking, commenting, and following you. You sat up in shock logging into tiktok to see that your most recent track walk video had jumped from a few thousand views and likes, to millions of each, and your follower count was soaring as well.

You went through some of the comments laughing at them saying this was your first grand prix and it was the best one ever. Some said you wishing him luck was the reason he won and you replied to those comments teasingly.

It was a few hours later when you were getting ready to head back home that you saw the best notifications. 

Lando Norris liked your video

Lando Norris commented on your video

You were thoroughly freaking out. You opened tiktok for the hundredth time that day to see if your eyes were deceiving you, they were not.

Lando Norris: "Maybe this was my lucky charm. Thanks for the good vibes! 🧡"

You screamed in the comfort of your hotel room as you read it, replying back.

“I’ll need to come to a lot more races this season if this is the outcome. Congratulations! 🧡”

Hungary 2024

A few weeks had passed since Miami and everything that came with it. You still continued on your content journey with track walks and other videos with your new following. “Hello lovely F1 fans, old and new. We are here with another special edition track walk!” You cheered showing your surroundings. “I’ve been doing some overtime and made my way to the Hungaroring, so let’s go on a walk…” 

The walk itself went as normal, shared some info, showed the surroundings, and made it seem like a facetime time call. It was almost comical how when you were walking off the track you actually bumped into someone, that someone being Oscar Piastri. “I’m so sorry, I was not paying any attention.” You apologised immediately. He just chuckled, waving you off. “Don’t worry about it. Making a video?” He said looking at the camera. You nodded shyly. “Yeah another track walk.” He nodded at the information, slowly getting awkward. “Well, in true fashion. Good luck this weekend.” You bid and he thanked you with a chuckle.

Once again, it was a Mclaren win. This time, it was for Oscar. You were starting to go a little crazy. How was it that everytime you came to a race McLaren won? Again your video blew up, and like clock work, Oscar commented.

Oscar Piastri liked your video

Oscar Piastri commented on your video

You opened the video and tapped on the comments to see what he had put…

Oscar Piastri: Guess I owe you a huge thank you for the good luck wishes. Let's see if this works every time!”

You giggled lightly at the comment before writing a reply back…

“I’d go to every race if I could! Congratulations !!!”

Zandvoort 2024

Over the summer break you worked endlessly on your upcoming finals for your graduation in December. You were missing F1, and needed your fix. In a last ditch attempt at getting your best friend to come with you, you ended up back in Zandvoort.  “Hello F1 friends! We are here in Zandvoort, home of Max Verstappen. We’ve got lots of orange here so I’m just going to say everyone is in papaya.” 

There was no meeting on track this go around, but that night just as you were getting ready to call it, you got a DM from McLaren. You thought it was just a community thing and glanced at it, but when you saw your name, you sat up quickly. You opened it with shaky hands and read the message:

“Hey Y/N!! Hope you're enjoying your weekend in Zandvoort so far! You’ve got a name here in McLaren and we want to invite you to spend the rest of the weekend with the team in the garage! If you send us a photo of yourself, we can get you your passes by morning! Just give us a call when you get there and let us take care of everything else.” 

It was safe to say you might be receiving a noise complaint from your neighbours. Immediately you grabbed your camera and turned it on. “Hi friends, I’m shaking right now,” you laughed in shock. “McLaren just invited me to their garage this weekend. What the fuck?!” You showed the camera your phone where the message was still up. “Your girl is going to the McLaren garage, which means vlog time.”

You cut the video there and replied to McLaren with immense gratitude and a photo.

Walking up to the paddock entrance you had phoned McLaren and let them know you were walking up. You saw someone in Papaya and they waved at you enthusiastically. She passed you your passes over the barrier so that you could scan in. “This is crazy.” You said while she laughed. “I run all the social media accounts, and when I saw your videos I just had to pull some strings for you. You’re genuine, we like that at McLaren.” She told you honestly and you smiled bashfully. “Thank you, that means a lot.”

She then gave you a run through of everything happening in the garage, in the hub, and in the paddock revolving McLaren. The paddock wasn’t new to you, but this whole experience was strange to you. “And then you have a scooter to get around as well. Just don’t hit anyone because papaya is an easy colour to notice.” You laughed with her knowing how true it was. “I’ll do my best.”

You bounced between sides all morning, watching the teams set up the car for Lando and Oscar. You loved both drivers equally, you would never be able to choose one. You were on Lando’s side not paying much attention to your surroundings when two bodies stood in front of you. You looked up to get out of the way when you saw Oscar and Lando. “Following us now?” Lando asked with a smile. “I should ask you the same thing.” You shot back and Oscar chuckled. “They told us this morning you would be here for the rest of the weekend. It’s nice to see you.” Lando nodded in agreement and smiled happily. “It was a last minute decision to come,” you told them, “and then I got invited into the garage, it’s definitely going to be a good weekend.” The three of you laughed softly knowing the hidden meaning. “Well I’m certainly looking forward to a win this weekend.” Oscar shared. “She was my lucky charm first.” Lando pointed out. “Don’t fight!” You laughed, “I’ll be cheering the both of you on, see?” You took off your hat to show the underside of the brim. Each side had a number on it. “I stitched two of them together.” You informed. “That’s actually really cool.” Oscar said, taking the hat for a closer look.

“Your nails! Osc look at them.” Lando said taking your hands in his and showing off your nails, one hand was dedicated to Lando and his famous helmet design, and the other side was Oscars helmet design with a croissant on the ring finger. “Very funny.” He said when he saw it. “It was this or a cat.” You shrugged and Lando laughed as Oscar shook his head.

“Boys!” The two drivers looked behind them to see the clock counting down. “I will not be the reason you two don’t win this weekend so do go.” You pushed them lightly. “Thank you for coming, we’ll chat again later.” Lando said, going in for a hug. “Of course, go top both practices.” You cheered as Oscar also gave you a hug before the both of them went to their respective sides of the garage.

f1gossipofficial 

liked by user4 and others

f1gossipofficial Who’s that? Today before FP1 both McLaren drivers were seen talking and hugging with someone in their garage. In a different view, we can see that the person is content creator Y/N L/N who has gone viral for being the duo’s ‘good luck charm’. The three seem to be very cosy considering they’ve never officially met. 

view comments

user4 THAT SHOULD BE ME

user5 she posted a mini vlog on her tiktok this morning! She said McLaren dm’ed her and asked for her to be in the garage

User9 awwe that’s so sweet of McLaren to do for her 

user6 something about her doesn’t seem right

user7 don’t start, she’s one of the nicest people I’ve seen on tiktok

user8 another McLaren win is incoming

The following two days of the weekend were spent filming and nerding out over being in the garage. Lando and Oscar of course got super busy over the following two days, but they still managed to give you a wave when they could. Watching the race from the garage and hearing the live feed, watching the pit crew get ready for the pit stops, the actual pit stops, it was beyond magical for you. And without fail, one of the boys won, this time in Lando’s favor by 20 seconds.

You got to celebrate with the team, some of them recognising you and saying you needed to be here more often. Days like this were what you dreamed for. In between the chaos, you never managed to say goodbye to the papaya drivers, but they did DM you.

Lando Norris has followed you

Oscar Piastri has followed you

You’ve been added to a groupchat with Lando Norris and Oscar Piastri

Your eyes almost flew out of your head when you saw the notifications. This wasn’t happening, you thought but you clicked on it anyway.

Lando Norris: We didn’t get the chance to say goodbye, but we just wanted to thank you for your support and coming to as many races as you can!

Oscar Piastri: Lando’s said it all, but hopefully you can come to another race soon, and we’ll try to win even if you can’t.

You laughed at the very opposite but almost the same message from each of them. Your hands were shaking as you replied back.

Y/N L/N: You were having too much fun celebrating the win! A big thank you to you guys as well for making it so easy to support a great team. Hopefully I can get to a race soon! If not I’ll be watching from home still cheering you guys on!

Oscar Piastri: you don’t have to be so formal 😂I feel like we can call you a friend if you keep helping us win

Lando Norris: what osc said, don’t be a stranger.

Y/N L/N: no need to bully me! You’re a-listers! How else was i supposed to respond

Lando Norris: OMG!!! I can’t believe you texted me!! You followed me too OMG OMG OMG. I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH 🧡🧡🥰🥰🥳🥳 ASGKWBEWOEHJ

Oscar Piastri: like that ^^

Y/N L/N: that’s what I’m doing on the inside lol, but i think I would block myself if I did actually typed that

Lando Norris: yeah it was a bit weird to type 😂

Oscar Piastri: great, now I have two of you

You tilted your head at the comment but shook it off. You were pretty similar to Lando on the goofy side of things.

Y/N L/N: Don’t worry Oscar, when I’m not on an adrenaline high like I am right now, I’m more like you than you think

Lando Norris: great, now there’s two of you

Oscar Piastri: i’ll have to see this in person then

Y/N L/N: is that an invite I’m hearing?

Lando Norris: sounds like it to me.

Oscar Piastri: it was indeed.

Y/N L/N: i’ll see what my work and class schedule looks like and I’ll get back to you on that offer. Graduation is soon so i’m balancing a lot of things

Lando Norris: its my offer too!!!!!!

Oscar Piastri: what do you go to school for?

Y/N L/N: noted Lando, and sports journalism, dream job is to work in F1.

Lando Norris: That’s mint! I think you’ll do good

Oscar Piastri: you’ve got a very warming personality that I’m sure all the drivers will like. If you ever need to practise, we’re here.

Lando Norris: If you twist my words I’ll know you did it

Oscar Piastri: Lando!

Y/N L/N: Lando!! 😭 I promise I won’t, this season especially really helped push me into this because I hate the way the media portrays two/three of the nicest people ever.

Lando Norris: i know we’re the two…but who’s three

Oscar Piastri: guess 🦁

Lando Norris: NOOOOOOOOO

Lando Norris: WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO MEEE

Oscar Piastri:  😂😂😂

Y/N L/N: IM SORRY!!! I CAN’T HELP IT!!

Y/N L/N: Oscar!! Why would you throw me under like that!!

Oscar Piastri: *this user is no longer available*

Lando Norris: invite has been taken back.

Y/N L/N: nooo!!! I’m sorry!!! OSCAR!!!!!

Oscar Piastri: *this user apologises for the chaos he has now unpacked*

Baku 2024

Within the three weeks that passed between Zandvoort and Baku, Oscar and Lando never stopped texting you. The three of you figured out you had a lot in common and clicked like magnets. Over that time, you had plenty of new followers and decided to do a Q&A on your tiktok.

“How am I able to go to so many GP’s? Are you a millionaire?” You laughed after reading the question. “I’m not a millionaire by any means. I saved up for about a little over a year, didn’t go out with friends unless it was a birthday, didn’t buy unnecessary stuff, just was really good with not spending so I could treat myself this year. I’m in my last months of uni, which I got a full scholarship for, so not having to worry about school costs is also a great help.”

“Have you spoken to Lando and Oscar since your time in the garage? They follow you now too.” You thought quickly about it, “I haven’t no,” oops. “They were just being polite and doing their jobs when they saw me in the garage. As for the following thing, I can’t tell you why they decided to do that, but I'm not complaining.” You chuckled.

“What are you studying in Uni?”

“I’m in my final months of my sports journalism major. That's why I’m a big fan of F1, but also F1 got me into journalism, it's a circle of interest.” You mimicked drawing a circle that never ends.

In those three weeks you had also moved your group chat out of Instagram.

Osco: Is it terrible to say I miss having you in the garage?

Landito: wow Osc, straight to the point

Osco: leave me alone

Y/N: if it's anything I miss being in the garage, but no it’s terrible

Landito: what he means to say is…. we miss seeing you in person

Osco: facetime isn’t enough

Osco: come to Baku?

Landito: we took back her invite remember?

Osco: you took back your invite…

Y/N: i’ll be there already

Landito: WAIT REALLY???

Osco: is this a prank?

Y/N: yes really

Y/N: and no not a prank

Osco: answer please

Your phone started ringing just as you read it. You were in no position to be facetiming two people you now had a crush on… yeah, that also happened over the three weeks. You tried to tell yourself they were just being nice and you were caught up, but the way they acted sometimes led you to believe otherwise.

“Why am I looking at the ceiling?” Lando pointed out. “Because I am in no way showing you what I look like right now.” You laughed at them. “Yes you are.” Oscar commented. “We facetimed you for a reason.”

“Face please.” Lando asked sweetly, and you rolled your eyes. There you were in your McLaren x Reiss jacket, curls thrown up into a mix of a bun and ponytail, and glasses over your eyes. “You wear glasses?!” Lando said peeking over Oscar’s shoulder. They were always together, you started to realise.

“Yes, Lando. I wear glasses.” You shook your head with a small smile. “Well, you look beautiful as always. What’s this about you coming to Baku and not telling us?” Oscar moved on swiftly. “It was supposed to be a surprise! I was-”

“Nope, if it’s a surprise we shall wait.” Oscar cut her off. “I don’t want to wait though.” Lando groaned from behind him. “It’s in 2 days, Lando.” Oscar said, looking at the head that was now on his shoulder. “2 days too long.” He mumbled. “I promise it’ll be worth it!”

And worth it it was. After your track walk, there you were, the media pen, questions about the upcoming weekend ready, with an F1 TV microphone in your hand. F1 had reached out to you after your Q&A video asking about your sports journalism career. One thing led to another and here you were.

“Hey Max, first things first, how are you feeling this weekend?” Max smiled. “I mean, I’m feeling fine, I definitely need to get in the car to see how we do on track. Not very well if you’re here though.” 

“You know who I am?” You asked in shock. “All other drivers hope you don’t make it to the races with the track record you have, but someone told me I was one of your favourites.” Of course they did. “Well they wouldn’t be lying.” You chuckled shyly. 

Max leaned on the gate as you got your questions ready. "This year has seen a shift in the competitive order with McLaren and Ferrari stepping up. You’ve still proven to be one of the best drivers this season and currently lead the Drivers' Championship, with Red Bull fighting to stay at the top in the Constructors’. With three titles already under your belt, how do you maintain focus when the dominance you’ve grown used to in both championships isn’t guaranteed anymore—especially heading into a high-risk, high-reward circuit like Baku, where unpredictability often plays a major role?"

Max seemed a little shocked with the question. “I mean…” You nodded along as he answered and when he finished and the camera was off he smiled. “Those were very good questions. I look forward to seeing you the rest of the weekend.” You smiled at him. “Thank you, it means a lot.”

You got similar style compliments from other drivers and when the papaya boys walked in and spotted you they both smiled but had to work their way down the pen. Oscar was the first to get to your station. A quick glance to his eyes showed the professionalism he was using to hide the sheer excitement at seeing you again. “Hey Oscar, you’re going into this weekend with a double podium from Monza, how are you preparing for this weekend to get the same results if not better?”

Oscar chuckled. “Well if you’re here then a McLaren win seems to be in the cards.” You shook your head at him as he smirked. “But…”

“Thank you Oscar, good luck this weekend.” Before he left he reached over the barrier to give you a quick hug. “Nice to see you again.” He said before walking off. Lando quickly took his position and gave you his eye-closing smile. “Hey you.” You chuckled, shaking your head. “Hey Lando, after the double podium in Monza, it’s clear that McLaren has made significant strides this season. With the Constructors' Championship in reach with just 11 points to Red Bull, how do you approach a circuit like Baku, where opportunities and risks are amplified? Do you feel this weekend could be pivotal in swinging the fight for the Constructors’ in McLaren’s favor against Ferrari as well?"

Lando tilted his head. “You’re one of the only people who’s brought Ferrari into the Constructors fight.” He pointed out and you shrugged lightly. “You’ve said before that Red Bull isn’t your competition, Ferrari is.”

Lando’s interview came and went just as quickly as Oscars and he too ended the interview with a hug. Charles and Carlos were just after and both of them mentioned knowing who you were and to take a stop at their garage.

The weekend went really well. Any free time you had was bouncing between garages and meeting new people. And like clock work, McLaren won the race, in Oscar’s favour. You were doing post race interviews and the wide smile on Oscar’s face when he saw you made your insides warm. “Please come to every race.” He joked and you laughed lightly. “Congratulations on your win today Oscar, after some very good fights with Charles…”

Because you had to go through every driver, and then got invited to talk about your experience on F1 TV-

“We are bringing on the voice you’ve heard all weekend, Y/N L/N.” Laura introduced as you walked into the middle of the group. “How are you?” She asked. “I’m doing really amazing. It’s been such a busy weekend for me, all thanks to you guys for inviting me and giving me some on the field action.”

Will Buxton spoke next. “You’ve become a big name here, everytime you come to a race, a McLaren driver wins. How is that even possible?”

You laughed alongside the rest of the panel. “I just put 50 kilos of extra weight in everyones car before the race this time. I think I’ll run the engine out next time though. Make everyone have grid-penalties.” You joked and they all laughed again. “It’s been so nice having you with us this weekend! We hope that you can join us again sometime soon!”

-you were able to stay much longer into the evening. Making your way to the McLaren garage you saw that they were prepping for a team photo and you quickly got your camera out to snap the moment for yourself. “No, you get in here too!” Zak yelled seeing you and the team cheered in agreement. You shook your hands not wanting to spoil it but then you were getting picked up from behind by a shoeless Lando and plopped right to Oscar.

Oscar placed an arm around you with a wide smile. “This is too much.” You told him. “Nope, it’s not.” He smiled again. You shook your head but smiled and cheered for the picture as well, and then the champagne. The team member next to you handed you their bottle with a wink at Oscar. Right as the photo ended you shook the bottle and made sure to douse Oscar as he tried to run away. Lando also joined you and the three of you were getting drenched in everyone else's champagne.

“There are two of you!” Oscar joked. “Yeah you might be right about that.” Lando laughed, clearing champagne from his eyes. “That was fun!” you laughed clinking Oscars champagne bottle. “You’ve got about 5 minutes before you start to smell.” He laughed and then your face fell. “I don’t have a change of clothes!” Lando laughed as you freaked out and Oscar just hugged you. “I’m sure we can find you something to wear.”

They did, you were wearing a team kit from their spare room in the hub. It was enough to get you to your hotel room. “Want to ride with us to the hotel?” Lando asked coming to walk with you as you reached the doors to walk out. “Yeah that sounds good.” He took your hand just as you were going to exit. “We have to wait for Oscar.” He said and you nodded and without letting go of your hand he dragged you back towards the main area.

“Did you enjoy your weekend?” He asked as you two leaned against a wall. “It was an amazing weekend.” You smiled giddily, closing your eyes. “I hope this doesn’t change that.” You opened your eyes to see Lando coming closer to you, eyes looking down at your lips. You nodded lightly and he closed the gap between your lips. His teeth nipped yours, with a sense of impatience. “Just couldn’t wait could you.” You broke away with his head resting against yours. Oscar. Why did you feel so guilty? “Oscar I-” He just shook his head with a laugh coming to your otherside. “I won, does that mean I get a kiss?” 

You looked at Lando who still had that dazed smile, then back to Oscar. “You didn’t tell her, did you?” He said and Lando shook his head. “We’re dating, now can I kiss you please?” He said quickly before taking your lips in his. His kiss was softer but still as impatient. “We’ve wanted to do that for so long.” He sighed when he pulled away. 

“Really?” You asked softly, hand coming to press against your tingling lips. “Yes, since we started texting you. Oscar and I just couldn’t get you out of our heads.” Lando said with a small smile. 

“I thought I was being delusional.” You chuckled softly. “Not at all.” Oscar's hand went to your hip softly squeezing. “Come to Singapore with us, please.” You looked at Lando who took your hand and held it in his own. “Please.” You nodded almost in a trance.

[strwberri-milk]

Hiii I love your work 🥺♡ can I request reader comforting LADS boys over their insecurities? Since we're always the one being comforted, I think they deserve some love as well 😌♡✨️

its slightly adjusted, just a little for me to like. make it fit better for them lol

Zayne struggles with feeling good enough for you. He doesn't ever voice it but he hears the way other people talk about their partners and wonders if that's how you feel about him. He worries that he isn't around enough for you, that his genuine desire to help every patient that comes into his unit giving him incredibly long hours. Then, by the time he gets home he's exhausted and unable to give you the attention you deserve.

You watch him puzzle over his schedule, a deep furrow in his brows as he tries his best to figure out how to balance these two priorities in his life. It's normal for him to try and figure out the schedule best so you can spend time together but this is the first time you hear him muttering about not being good enough for you.

Before he can continue his quiet ramblings you throw your arms over his shoulders, hugging him tightly from behind. He's surprised you're there and even more surprised when you tell him that you heard him talking to himself. He sits quietly, taking in your words as you comfort him. You remind him that you love him, that everything he does makes you fall in love with him more and more. He likes being told directly these affections, making it easier for him to accept your love.

Xavier knows he's not the most emotive and he worries that you don't know how much he loves you. He shows it to you through gifts, buying you little things or through acts of service and cooking meals for you - well, trying to.

You've never doubted his love for you because you've learned all the quiet ways he does so. You adore him and know he does you. You've never told him so in so many words, thinking that he already knows you know. However, you can tell that something is off when his affectionate patterns seem to increase tenfold.

You get the sense that he's overcompensating for something, asking him if something's wrong. He doesn't want to say anything directly to you, a little embarrassed by his inability to cook you proper meals. When he tells you what's wrong you laugh a little, holding his hands and reassuring him that you know he loves you. You don't mind his quiet way of loving you, knowing that it's comforting to have something so gentle to come home to.

Rafayel is always worried about being forgotten, something you know well because of how much he talks about it. He thinks he's being subtle but that's because to him, he doesn't tell you often enough how desperate he is for him to remain in your memory indefinitely. The thought of you forgetting him, even just for a moment makes him want to curl up in a ball and die.

The only way for you to reassure him would be by holding him tightly, gently running your fingers through his hair. You let him rest his face in your neck, mutter whatever it is he wants to about you forgetting him and abandoning him. You let him get whatever it is he needs to get off his chest, then comfort him through your words.

You reassure him that you would never forget him willingly, that you think about him all the time. He occupies your every thought. You're obsessed with him, and you show him so by showing him all the photos you have of him, of his art, tell him that you constantly re-read the texts he sends you because you like to remember that he loves you just as much. He needs this closeness often, and that's the only way he can cope with his feelings of abandonment.

Sylus thinks you don't know that he does indeed love you. The two of you tease each other and he likes to mess with you sometimes. He's not good with his words, not really able to verbalise "I love you" without tripping over the simple syllables. It's something he's trying to work on but can't quite comprehend, finding himself growing frustrated from his repeated failures.

You overhear the twins teasing him about not being able to say "I love you", Sylus simply ignoring them both because he's got far too much work to do to really worry about it. He doesn't know that you're listening in, quietly shooing them off so you can speak to him personally.

You tease him just a little bit at first, amused that somehow, he's been so obvious about worrying about this shortcoming that the twins caught on. He doesn't really blush, but you can sense that he is a little flustered with the extra line between his furrowed brows and the way he pretends he doesn't hear what you're saying to him. Soon enough though you climb into his lap, holding him tightly as you reassure him that you know he loves you and you've never doubted it for a second.

[rothpie]

❝FIDELITY❞ |part14

MASTERLIST -`✮´- Rafe Cameron x Kook!Reader x JJ Maybank

Summary: Kook!Reader’s world is upended by betrayal, and her only way forward might lie with the most unlikely person—JJ Maybank. But as they build a new life together, old flames and past mistakes refuse to stay buried.

Warnings: none (I guess)

previous - next

Witnessing Something You’ve Never Experienced 

There are moments in life—like when someone’s laughter makes you laugh, when you share their joy, or when you cry together—that are impossible to put into words. Watching someone else’s happiness is priceless. Maybe that’s one of the best things about being human: feeling their happiness as if it were your own. 

These were the simplest, purest emotions. And yet, when you saw Cleo and Pope smiling at each other, it was hard to keep your own happiness in check. It almost felt like it wasn’t their story, but yours. Like their vows added something to your life, too. 

You’d never been married. In fact, you’d never even come close to it. But as you listened to Cleo and Pope exchange vows, for a moment, you forgot about that emptiness inside you. Standing barefoot on the moonlit beach, watching them hold hands, it felt like everything was exactly as it should be. 

A gentle breeze mingled with the sound of waves breaking on the shore, creating a serene melody in the background. Standing on the sand, you realized how special this moment was. Everyone around you was smiling, even JJ. 

He stood a little apart from the crowd, lazily swirling a beer bottle in his hand as he watched the ceremony. His trademark smirk was there, but something about him seemed softer. As if he was sharing in the happiness in his own way. 

“You ready to head back?” JJ’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts. He had come up beside you, gesturing toward the lights at the edge of the beach with his beer bottle. 

You weren’t in the best shape, to be honest. 

You’d only known Cleo and Pope for four years—a long time, but not forever. You met them through JJ, yet your bond with them felt deeper than just friendship. Cleo, especially, felt like a sister to you. You loved them both and wanted to share in their happiness. 

It had been years since you’d felt like this. Your attachment to alcohol had ended alongside everything with Liliana, or so you thought. But now, Liliana was weaned, and you’d found a rare moment to be on your own. 

Cleo’s wedding wasn’t a grand affair; it was intimate, with close friends, family, and a few others. Your parents had even come. While they wished the same happiness for you, they also took Liliana with them when the reception started. It was their way of giving you a rare night of freedom. 

It wasn’t lost on you that they were doing this for you. Liliana was your baby, but in their eyes, you were still theirs. It was one of the rare times you could just be. A night to be young again. 

And JJ—well, you could tell your parents were secretly grateful for him too. They’d told him as much when they thought you weren’t listening. Your dad had even helped him out with work, quietly making sure JJ stayed on track. 

You were thankful for this time. For a little while, it felt like the old days. Not reckless or wild, just... young. 

And maybe you’d gone a little overboard. You’d been drinking and dancing all night. You weren’t sure how much, but it was enough to notice some concerned glances from people here and there. 

Still, it wasn’t just the alcohol. There was tension in you that you hadn’t let out. You hadn’t told JJ that you’d seen Rafe earlier. You just wanted to forget. But seeing him—especially when you were with your daughter—was a heartbreak all its own. 

After a moment of hesitation, you nodded. You didn’t feel sharp enough to respond with words, yet somehow, you felt like a genius. “I miss my house,” you mumbled, kicking at the sand. 

JJ chuckled, shaking his head. “Which house?” 

He grabbed your wrist gently, steadying you as you stumbled a bit. His touch moved to your hand, and you couldn’t help but follow his movements, your gaze dropping to the sand. 

“All of them,” you replied, your voice a little dreamy. Your answer made JJ laugh harder, the sound blending into the soft music playing in the background. His laughter—it suited everything, like it was a perfect fit for the moment, maybe even better than the music itself. 

“All of them? How many houses you got, sweetheart?” he teased, keeping a steady eye on you as if ready to catch you if you fell. 

“Two.” You held up two fingers to show him, wobbling slightly. JJ’s hand darted out to catch you by the arm while his other hand held yours firmly. 

“Yep, that’s our sign to head out,” he said with a smirk. His hand slipped to your waist as he pulled you closer, keeping you upright. Your bodies brushed against each other, and in your tipsy state, you didn’t have the energy to fight the thoughts that came next. 

You couldn’t help but look at him. JJ was one of those people you just had to look at. Admire. Worship, even. Had he really been right in front of you this whole time? What a snack. 

“So, one house is in Asheville,” he said, steering you toward your table to grab your bag. “Where’s the other one?” 

“You and Liliana.” 

JJ’s eyebrows shot up as he looked at you, his mouth opening slightly like he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words. For a moment, he froze, trying to process what you’d just said. 

Then his gaze shifted, and he waved at Sarah and Pope, who were chatting nearby. He clearly chose to distract himself. It was just drunken rambling, right? No need to read into it. 

He knew better than to press the issue. You were drunk. That was all there was to it.

And while you were utterly drunk, he was completely sober. He’d only had one beer, because if you were falling apart like this, someone had to stay grounded to take care of you. The trip home had to be safe. That was his job, and he’d always make sure of it. 

You left the beach together, walking slowly. As the sand turned into a gravel path, the wind picked up, biting at your cheeks. JJ shoved his hands into his jacket pockets and tilted his head back to gaze at the sky. Almost entirely leaning on him, you looked up with glassy eyes. “The stars look so beautiful, don’t they?” you asked, your voice carrying an unusual softness.

The house you’d rented wasn’t far. You had intentionally chosen a place close to the beach, for Liliana. When you arrived, JJ opened the door, turning to flash you a small smile. “Come on, let’s get inside. The wind’s going to make you sick,” he teased with a playful tone.

As you stepped inside, the happy scenes from the wedding were still vivid in your mind. Something felt different about tonight, though you couldn’t quite put your finger on it. 

JJ couldn’t believe you had made it all the way home. He was sure you’d pass out halfway through, but here you were, still standing—well, barely. He held you steady, watching as you stared at the house like you were seeing it for the first time. You smiled faintly as you spoke. 

“I can’t believe how much you drank. I mean—I didn’t even know you could drink that much.” 

He raised an eyebrow as you pursed your lips, clearly preparing a rebuttal. Despite your foggy brain, you still managed to respond. “I only had two shots,” you said confidently, holding up your fingers to emphasize your point. The attempt, however, was far from accurate.

JJ reached out to steady your hand, trying to refocus you. “Two shots and, what, a whole bottle of vodka?” he replied with a smirk. 

You threw your head back, laughing loudly. JJ’s lips quirked into a grin as he listened to your laughter, his hand brushing against your back in a comforting way. He had watched you all night—dancing with him, going wild with Cleo, chatting with Sarah—and at every moment, a drink had been in your hand, always nearing empty. 

“No!” you exclaimed, poking his chest with your finger as if trying to push him away. JJ didn’t budge an inch. Instead, when you stumbled back, he placed both hands on your waist to steady you.

“Alright, come here,” JJ said gently, his tone calm yet firm. He figured you needed to sit down before you hurt yourself. “Let’s get your shoes off before you end up face-first on the floor,” he added, a teasing lilt in his voice. He guided you back to lean against the wall. 

He crouched down to untie your shoes quickly, his movements brisk but careful. It was obvious he was afraid you’d trip and hurt yourself. When he finished, he set your shoes by the door and stood up. His gaze immediately met yours. You had been watching him the entire time, tracking his every move. 

You threw your arms around his shoulders and looked at him with a drunk, adoring smile. “Your eyes are blue,” you said in awe, studying his face as if it were the first time. 

JJ raised his eyebrows, his lips parting slightly. He wanted to pull back and figure out if you were serious, but then he remembered how drunk you were. His lips twitched into an amused grin. “Wow. Five years of living together, and you’re just now noticing?” he teased.

You had no idea what you were doing. You felt like a fool, detached from any sense of self-control. Your thoughts were jumbled, and logic had left the building. You leaned in closer, your heavy-lidded eyes fixated on his face. “Your dimples… they’re really cute,” you whispered.

JJ took a deep breath, shaking his head slightly. His heart raced, which annoyed him more than anything. He tried to pull away from your embrace, turning his head as he gently pried your arms off his neck. “Yeah, you’re definitely drunk,” he muttered, letting your hands drop but still holding onto your wrists to keep you steady.

Suddenly, your breath hitched, and JJ’s attention snapped back to you. His expression shifted as he watched your face, now filled with a mix of worry and sadness. “I didn’t kiss Liliana,” you said in a mournful tone. “Before bed—I didn’t give her her goodnight kiss. I have to do it.”

JJ froze for a moment, trying to process your words. Liliana had been gone for hours, staying with her grandparents. She wasn’t even in the house, and there was no way you’d remember that right now. “Hey, hey. Liliana’s asleep, okay? You can’t kiss her now. You’ll wake her up,” he said soothingly, doing his best to calm you down. He didn’t dare remind you she wasn’t there; that would only lead to a meltdown.

You rested your head on his shoulder, your voice soft and sad. “But I needed to kiss her…”

JJ smiled faintly, brushing his hand over your hair. “It’s alright, sweetheart. You can kiss her in the morning. Let her sleep now.”

Lifting your head, you looked at him intently, your gaze almost too focused for how drunk you were. JJ frowned slightly, sensing the shift in your demeanor. There was something behind your eyes—something determined. It made his chest tighten with unease, a feeling he couldn’t quite place. 

“You’re awake,” you said suddenly, as if realizing a profound truth. 

JJ raised an eyebrow, looking at you in utter confusion. He took a step back. "Huh?"

Despite his retreat, you stepped closer. JJ swallowed hard as you approached, suddenly feeling trapped—vulnerable, even. Thoughts he had no business entertaining were creeping into his head. After all, it was you. You. His friend. His roommate. Yet, he could tell by your innocent tone that you meant nothing by it, and maybe that’s what he hated the most—because those innocent words were pulling his mind into places it didn’t belong. 

“You’re awake, so I can kiss you,” you said, your voice far too nonchalant for the chaos it stirred in him.

JJ quickly stepped back, holding up a hand to stop you, his face turning away as if looking at you directly might break his resolve. “Let’s get you to bed,” he said, his tone soft but firm. You were drunk, and there was no way you meant what you were saying. If you were sober, those words wouldn’t have left your lips. No matter what you said, he was getting you to bed and leaving you there to sleep it off.

“Why? If I can’t kiss Lily, can’t I kiss you? You’re awake! Besides—this is just a goodnight kiss,” you insisted with a faint smile, your tone bordering on teasing. 

Those words sparked something deep within JJ, something unfamiliar and unsettling. You two had never crossed this kind of line before. He’d never seen you look at him like that. And for the first time in years, you were drunk. He knew you hadn’t touched alcohol since Liliana. He also knew how much of your life had been shaped around her absence. Tonight, though, was different—you were drunk, and it was obvious your body wasn’t handling it well.

Even though he knew your words were soaked in alcohol, JJ couldn’t stop the heat creeping up his neck. It wasn’t just what you said—it was how it made him feel. 

JJ exhaled and shook his head, a defeated sort of gesture. He knew you meant nothing by it. There was no way this was anything more than innocent—it had to be. Besides, you were drunk. “Alright, fine. You can kiss me on the cheek,” he said, hoping to diffuse the moment, to get you to let this go. You were speaking without thinking, but his brain was taking your words to places he wished it wouldn’t.

JJ turned his head slightly, offering his cheek as he braced himself, standing as still as a statue. It wasn’t as if this was the first time you’d kissed each other on the cheek. It was a friendly gesture, a sign of affection. You were close—roommates raising a kid together. You spent almost every waking moment together. It was impossible not to care deeply for each other—as friends, of course.

But this? This felt different. Something about the situation was wrong. Whether it was the alcohol he’d had earlier, his own overthinking, or something entirely to do with you, he couldn’t say. All he knew was that, for the first time since you’d moved in, his mind was wandering into territory it had no business exploring. It was like he was just now realizing—or maybe finally acknowledging—that something had shifted between you two.

JJ couldn’t shake the unease in your presence tonight. He was used to being around you, practically glued to your side at all times. But this? Drunk you? That was a new one. Well, aside from those wild parties in your younger days, though even then, he’d usually seen you from a distance—usually surrounded by people. Or… with that fuck-face.

And now here you were, just the two of you, and it felt like uncharted waters. JJ had been drunk around you before, sure, but he could hold his liquor. He didn’t drink often, but when he did, it wasn’t new territory for him.

JJ glanced at you out of the corner of his eye as you took another unsteady step closer. His hands were still on you, steadying you, keeping you upright. He felt his tension rise with every passing second, his stomach twisting in knots. All he wanted was to let you kiss his cheek, put you to bed, and be done with this excruciating moment.

Then he felt it—your fingers slipping from his grip, brushing against the stubble on his freshly-shaven cheek. The light, almost hesitant touch sent a shiver down his spine. He couldn’t even turn his head fully to face you; he just stood there, keeping his gaze flitting between you and the floor. Your touch was nearly enough to make him close his eyes and lean into it, but the reminder of your drunken state snapped him back to reality.

As you swayed closer, your weight pressed into him. JJ quickly steadied you, hearing the soft giggle escape your lips. “Oops,” you muttered, your laughter muffled against his chest. 

He hated this—hated everything about it. Hated the situation, his thoughts, and most of all, how he was feeling. For the love of God, you were drunk, and the thoughts running through his mind were nothing short of sinful. How had he sunk so low as to let his brain spiral like this over a drunk woman—his best friend?

When your lips finally pressed against his cheek, JJ exhaled shakily, his gaze dropping to the floor as his heart pounded furiously in his chest. You’d kissed him on the cheek plenty of times before, but this? This felt different. This kiss lingered too long, carrying a weight he couldn’t explain—a spark that was entirely new and unsettling.

When your lips didn’t move away, JJ gently pulled back, clearing his throat as he steadied you by the waist. As he turned his head back toward you, his eyes briefly—and accidentally—flicked to your lips. He quickly dragged his gaze back up to your eyes, cursing himself internally. He shouldn’t have looked. 

Clearing his throat again, JJ felt his face flush with heat. His prayers for composure were no match for the image of your lips—now cherry red, like they’d been painted that way. It wasn’t the lipstick you’d put on earlier. That had smudged and faded hours ago. Had your lips always been this red? Or was this something he was only now noticing? 

The moment he realized his eyes had drifted back to your lips, it felt like death itself. He needed to stop this. It was weird—no, terrifying. You were drunk, and he was completely sober. 

JJ took a deep breath and looked at your face. It was like you were staring straight into his soul, as though trying to pull everything he was out of him with just your gaze. "Okay," he muttered, trying to compose himself. He leaned on the thought that you'd forget this by morning, that you wouldn't remember any of it. If you were sober, he wouldn't dare let his eyes linger on your lips this long. "Well, since we’ve got the goodnight kiss out of the way—" 

JJ stopped mid-sentence when he felt your hand on the collar of his shirt. The proximity was already absurd—he’d only been holding onto you to keep you from falling—but this? This was nowhere near what he’d expected. Your grip tightened, and before he knew it, you pulled him closer. His eyes widened, and in the next instant, he found himself on your lips. 

His mind blanked. He didn’t even have the sense to close his eyes, as if keeping them open might confirm the absurdity of this moment. It couldn’t be real—it shouldn’t be real. 

The shock rendered JJ motionless. This wasn’t a passionate kiss. You weren’t moving; you just held your lips against his. Yet JJ was sure he was about to have a heart attack. 

Just the touch of your lips sent his heart into a frenzy. He was either dying or dreaming, and neither seemed plausible. 

But it didn’t take long for reality to sink in. He pulled away quickly, stumbling back. His hand darted out to steady you, but he didn’t dare come any closer. He had no idea what to make of what had just happened—or how he was supposed to feel about it. 

God, you were drunk. So drunk. 

“Stop,” he said firmly, though his voice shook slightly. He’d messed up. This wasn’t supposed to happen—none of it. And yet he swore he could still feel your lips on his. He regretted this. You wouldn’t remember it tomorrow, but he wouldn’t forget. “You’re going to regret this when I tell you in the morning.” 

He wouldn’t tell you. He couldn’t. Losing your friendship wasn’t a risk he was willing to take. More than that, he couldn’t bear the thought of being cut out of your life—or Liliana’s. No, he couldn’t lose the family he’d found. Not over one night. 

The words had only been meant to stop you, to get you to back off and let the moment end. He needed you to listen. Then he could put you to bed and get through the night without ever feeling your lips again, without remembering how soft they were or the feeling of having you this close. 

Shit. 

“I won’t,” you said stubbornly. 

JJ squeezed his eyes shut, running a hand over his temple as if trying to think straight. You had no idea what you were doing. You were drunk. You’d regret kissing him. And if he ever saw that regret on your face, he didn’t know how he’d handle it. 

Even though you were the one who kissed him, he still felt responsible for this. He shouldn’t have let you get this close. He should’ve gotten you to bed and let you sleep it off. 

JJ took a steadying breath, searching your gaze for something—anything—that might reassure him. Maybe a glimmer of awareness, a sign you understood what was happening. But you were too far gone. You wouldn’t remember any of this in the morning. And even if you could think straight, the kiss was wrong. And you saying you wouldn’t regret it? That was wrong too. “You will,” he said softly but firmly, his voice unwavering. He wrapped an arm around yours and started guiding you to your room. He just wanted to erase this moment from his memory. 

Not because he didn’t like it—he couldn’t let himself think about that. Whether or not he liked it didn’t matter. You were drunk, and you’d crossed a line. Worse, he’d let you. If you were sober, you wouldn’t have kissed him or gotten this close. And that hurt more than anything else. 

You went quiet as you leaned against his arm. The silence persisted as he helped you to the edge of the bed. Gently, JJ eased you down to sit. You stared at the floor, saying nothing. JJ hated the silence. This shouldn’t have happened. It wasn’t supposed to happen. Finally, his voice broke the quiet, low and strained. “This is wrong... We’re friends.” 

JJ knelt in front of you, meeting your eyes. He knew that. You knew that. But the weight of your actions was already heavy on him. You’d kissed him, and he was already regretting it. He couldn’t stop himself from wondering how you’d feel when he told you in the morning. Would it change things between you? He wasn’t ready to lose you—or Liliana. He wanted a lifetime of memories with both of you, of raising her together and laughing through it all. He couldn’t lose that. “Yeah, we’re friends,” you murmured softly. 

The silence stretched again, and then, out of nowhere, your shoulders began to shake. You couldn’t stop the tears from spilling, your quiet sobs breaking the stillness. JJ’s eyes widened in shock. Seeing you cry tore at something inside him. He didn’t even know why you were crying. Maybe a piece of your clarity had returned. He didn’t want that—not now. 

Hesitating for only a moment, JJ pulled you into his arms, holding you tightly. “Hey, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” he asked, his voice laced with worry. 

You didn’t answer. JJ tilted his head, resting his forehead against yours. The warmth of your breath ghosted over his skin as you shifted. When your nose brushed against his, JJ inhaled sharply, his eyes fluttering shut. His hands slid down your back, settling at your waist. You still didn’t speak, but your movements spoke volumes. JJ exhaled shakily, like he’d just lost a battle with himself. “You need to stop…” he whispered. 

Suddenly, you lifted your head, and the space between you seemed to vanish. JJ’s breath hitched. He wanted this to stop—he needed it to. He knew he wouldn’t be able to control himself if it didn’t. He’d never thought of you this way, never imagined having your lips on his. But now that it had happened, everything felt… right. 

Except it wasn’t. 

You were drunk, and this was so, so wrong. 

But when your lips touched his again, it felt like the most natural thing in the world. 

When JJ felt your noses brush again, he let out a shaky breath, unable to open his eyes and meet yours. He wasn’t even sure who had started it this time. But when your lips met again, JJ felt... found. Like he’d discovered something he hadn’t known he was searching for. In that moment, he pushed everything else aside—all the rules, all the lines he wasn’t supposed to cross—and tightened his arms around your waist. Instead of pulling back, he gave in, even if just for a moment.

As your lips moved together in perfect rhythm, JJ could feel his heartbeat pounding in his chest. If he’d known it would feel this right, he wouldn’t have waited until now to kiss you. Hell, he’d have done it ages ago. When your hands gripped his collar and tugged him closer, JJ didn’t resist. Taking advantage of the way you shifted back on the bed, he let you guide him, following your lead as his hand instinctively slid to your neck.

The kiss broke momentarily as you both gasped for air, but before either of you could even think, your lips found each other again. JJ forgot everything—every rule, every fear, every reason this wasn’t supposed to happen. The only thing that mattered was you. Just you. 

When your fingers tangled in his hair, JJ realized he was completely at your mercy. You were insatiable, like you couldn’t get enough of him. And when your kisses turned more fervent, more desperate, he understood the shift. This wasn’t a sweet, affectionate kiss anymore. This was raw, unrestrained desire. When a soft, breathy moan escaped your lips, JJ froze.

Self-loathing hit him like a freight train. He couldn’t believe he’d let it happen again. With a jolt of awareness, he pulled back abruptly, putting distance between the two of you. As he took in the scene—the two of you on the bed, him hovering over you—he felt sick to his stomach. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t let himself take advantage of you like this. 

“You’re drunk,” JJ said, his voice unsteady, his breath uneven. “You don’t know what you’re doing.” His hands trembled as he held himself back. Deep down, he wished you weren’t drunk. He wished this could be real.

Your gaze met his, and tears brimmed in your eyes. “I’m sorry,” you said, your voice cracking. But JJ knew he was the one who should be apologizing. Tomorrow morning—if he ever found the courage to bring this up—it would be on him. He was the one who was sober. He was the one who should’ve known better. He shouldn’t have let you pull him in, shouldn’t have let himself fall for it.

JJ took a deep breath and carefully helped you lie back on the bed. He brushed your hair back gently, his chest heavy with regret. Not regret for kissing you, but for doing it when you were drunk. For crossing a line when you wouldn’t even remember it. “Get some sleep, okay?” he said softly, trying to push the guilt from his tone.

As he started to pull away and leave the room, you caught his hand. “Don’t go,” you whispered.

JJ swallowed hard, his throat tightening. He shook his head slowly, refusing to look at you. “I can’t,” he said quietly. Staying would only make it worse—make him hate himself even more. But then he looked at you, and his resolve crumbled. He cursed himself silently. This wasn’t supposed to happen. None of this was.

“Please,” you said, your voice barely audible. JJ’s eyes fluttered shut, his jaw clenching. The second he walked out of that room, he knew he’d be sick. He couldn’t believe he’d let things go this far, couldn’t believe he’d put you in this position. You were his friend, and you wouldn’t remember any of this. Not a single moment.

God, he wished you were sober. If you woke up and remembered everything—if you looked at him with disgust—he wouldn’t be able to handle it. He couldn’t.

“Fine,” he said, defeated. He was terrified—terrified of you waking up and hating him. “Close your eyes,” he murmured without thinking. He couldn’t take the way you were looking at him. That look only made the guilt gnaw at him even more.

You did as he asked, your eyes fluttering shut. JJ let out a long, heavy sigh and sat down beside you. He leaned his head back, running a hand through his hair as he muttered to himself under his breath, “Why do you make me hate myself like this...”

It was close to 3 a.m., and you still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. You’d been awake for hours, but the dull ache in your head and the strange fog clouding your mind refused to lift. Some parts of last night were blurry—there were flashes of laughter, dancing, the wedding… but the details were frustratingly out of reach. 

You sat curled up on the corner of the couch, sipping your coffee slowly, the warmth doing little to ease your unease. Across the room, JJ was in the kitchen, fiddling with the kettle as if it was the most intricate puzzle in the world. Normally, you were used to his easygoing, morning-person energy, but this wasn’t it. His movements were precise, almost tense, and his face carried a weird stiffness. You couldn’t make sense of it. 

“My head hurts,” you finally said, breaking the suffocating silence. You were tired of his strange behavior. 

JJ glanced over his shoulder, his expression unreadable. With a faint, almost forced smile, he said, “Not surprised.” But his tone betrayed something deeper, something unsaid that hung in the air. 

“Not surprised?” you asked, frowning. “You’re acting weird, JJ.” 

He shrugged, putting the kettle back down and leaning against the counter. His fingers raked through his hair, a telltale sign that something was bothering him. Still, he avoided your eyes. “I’m just… tired. You know, long night and all.” 

But you knew it wasn’t just exhaustion. You could feel it. “Did something happen?” you asked, studying his face carefully, hoping to find a clue. 

“No,” he said too quickly, his voice sharp before softening a beat later. “No, really. Just… the usual.” 

His vague response only unsettled you further, but you decided not to press him. Not right now. Your headache and the foggy haze in your mind were draining enough without getting into a confrontation. 

When you glanced at the clock and noticed how late it had gotten, you suddenly straightened. “I need to pick up Liliana,” you said abruptly. 

JJ hesitated, his head turning to look at you like he was searching for something in your expression. “Alright,” he said cautiously. “Are you good to drive?” 

“Yeah,” you replied, grabbing your bag and standing up. “She’s probably missing us by now. I should get going.” 

JJ didn’t respond right away, just nodded slowly. His gaze stayed on you, heavy with something unspoken. It was like he wanted to stop you, to say something, but couldn’t find the words. 

As you headed to the door and bent down to put on your shoes, you could still feel his eyes on you. It was unnerving. Pausing for a moment, you glanced back at him. “We’ll talk later,” you said, keeping your tone light but purposeful. 

JJ gave another nod. “Yeah. We’ll talk.” But his words carried a weight far greater than they should have. 

Sliding into the driver’s seat of your car, you couldn’t shake the strange feeling in your gut. JJ’s behavior, your pounding headache, and the scattered, blurry memories from the night before were all swirling together, leaving an uneasy knot in your stomach. 

As you started the car and pulled onto the road, your phone lit up on the passenger seat. The screen showed Sarah’s name flashing as she called. Reaching over, you grabbed the phone, the knot in your stomach tightening as you answered. 

Rafe hadn’t felt this vulnerable in a very long time. When he left Sarah’s house days ago, his steps were slow and heavy. Inside, a storm was raging. His thoughts collided, each crashing harder than the last. Talking to Sarah had been like a slap in the face with the truth he’d tried so hard to avoid. Hearing the things he didn’t want to hear—it had turned his whole world upside down. 

Once, he’d believed the life he was living was normal. Or maybe he’d just convinced himself of that. The life he’d shaped with his own choices, every step calculated to reach his goals... He had sacrificed everything for them. Absolutely everything.

And now, there was an emptiness inside him. He’d achieved the goals he’d fought for with relentless ambition and passion, but what had they given him in return? Monotony. A quiet restlessness. His soul was weighed down with a sense of suffocation he couldn’t even admit to himself. 

The moment he saw you and Liliana, everything changed. That’s when it all hit him. The scene played over and over in his mind—your icy gaze, Liliana’s delicate features that mirrored his own... her tiny hands, her green dress... Those images were burned into his memory. No matter what he did, he couldn’t erase them. 

He couldn’t sleep peacefully anymore. The moment he closed his eyes, he found himself lost in a vivid dream. He was holding you in his arms, playing games in the garden with Liliana. In those dreams, he clung to the illusion of a life he might have had, a life as a father with his own family. But every morning, he woke to the harsh truth. You weren’t his. Liliana wasn’t his. That life wasn’t his. 

Even throwing himself into work hadn’t helped. His mind wandered constantly, his thoughts overpowering him. There seemed to be no escape. For days, he’d stopped working entirely. Maybe, for the first time in his life, he allowed himself to just stop. To think. To try to figure out what was right. 

But he never expected to see you again. For four years, there had been nothing from you. He’d lost count of how many times he’d tried to find out where you or your family were. But you’d completely cut him off. You’d disappeared from his world. 

And now, after seeing you again, he didn’t know what to do. Should he fight to bring you back into his life, or was he meant to keep paying for the mistakes of his past? 

Every night, he dreamed. He dreamed of making you and Liliana part of his world, even though he knew it was impossible. In those dreams, Liliana’s laughter echoed, and you smiled at him. But that smile had been lost to him in the real world long ago. 

Calling Sarah had been a desperate act. He just needed to hear something—anything that could help. Again and again, he’d been met with Sarah’s irritated tone on the other end of the line. “What do you want now?” she’d asked, her exasperation unmistakable. 

And Rafe’s answer was always the same: “Hey... I just... I need a favor.” 

Rafe had realized his life was an illusion. The structure he thought he wanted was nothing but a trap. Seeing you had made that painfully clear. The dream of a life he might have had—holding you in his arms, hearing his daughter’s laughter, playing with her—had carved itself into his mind. But could those dreams ever become reality? Or had the wreckage of the past already swept everything away? 

These questions had no answers, but Rafe had made a decision. For the first time, he felt truly lost and defenseless. The only promise he made to himself was not to repeat his mistakes. Or at least, this time, he would try. 

To start, he knew he needed help. Calling Sarah, asking for her help—it meant swallowing his pride, but there was no other choice. “I just need to know where she is, Sarah,” he’d pleaded over the phone, his desperation seeping into every word. 

Sarah’s reply had been sharp and definitive. “Cut the crap, Rafe. I’m not giving you her address. And if you bother her one more time, I swear you’ll ruin what’s left of the relationship between us too.” 

The call ended. It hit him like a cold slap, but Rafe didn’t give up. He called again. Sent messages. Pushed Sarah to the edge of her patience. Eventually, he got a sliver of information. She mentioned a gas station stop. It was his only chance. Today.

He didn’t hesitate. He jumped into his car and sped off, his mind a whirlwind. His heart pounded, his hands gripped the steering wheel like a lifeline. 

When he arrived at the gas station, his breath caught in his throat. His eyes searched for you, and finally, there you were. Through the store window, he saw you picking something off the shelf. Your eyes narrowed slightly, as if lost in thought. 

For a moment, all he could do was watch. His feet felt rooted to the ground. But then he took a deep breath and forced himself forward, one heavy step at a time, toward the door. His heart raced faster with every step, his mind repeating, Is this the right thing? But he had no choice. He needed to see you. He needed to talk to you. 

When he opened the door, the bell chimed softly. You turned your head, your eyes meeting his. In that instant, the world seemed to stop. Your gaze held a mix of surprise and anger, but no matter what, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from you. 

Rafe shoved his hands into his pockets, hesitating as he walked toward you. His shoulders slumped slightly, his eyes unsure. He stopped a few steps away, took a deep breath, and opened his mouth, but no words came out. 

“Hey,” he said finally, his voice trembling just enough to betray him. 

He watched as your eyes scanned him, waiting for a response. The silence between you felt heavy. 

“What are you doing here?” you asked, your tone flat, devoid of any warmth. Your brows furrowed, and your lips pressed into a thin line. You didn’t take your eyes off him. 

Rafe had expected anger, maybe even an outburst. But the coldness in your voice—it stung in a way he hadn’t anticipated. It hit him somewhere deep, leaving a dull ache in its wake. 

Rafe cleared his throat and briefly lowered his gaze to the floor. He’d imagined seeing you before he arrived but hadn’t thought about what he’d actually say. He tried to slip his hands into his pockets but stopped himself. His shoulders slumped, and his eyes stayed fixed on the ground. "I—I just wanted to say hi." 

Your face fell into an impassive mask. The disdain for him was clear, and Rafe felt like he couldn’t breathe under the weight of it. "Alright. Hi." 

Rafe forced a smile as he looked at you, his expression nervous but determined. "Hi." The silence between you stretched, thick and uncomfortable. Desperate to shift the mood, Rafe mumbled, "You look really beautiful, by the way." 

Your face immediately hardened, and your eyes flashed with anger, as if you couldn’t believe what he had just said. The hiss that escaped your lips made Rafe regret his words instantly. He’d crossed the line. "Cut the nonsense, Rafe. Can you leave, please?" 

Rafe tensed but took a step back. His hands remained buried in his pockets, and he dropped his head slightly, cursing himself. He’d had one chance, and he’d ruined it—like he always did. He pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled before lowering his hand again. "I—I’m sorry. Really." 

He had barely turned to leave when your voice stopped him cold. 

"For what?" 

Rafe froze, his shoulders stiffening. Slowly, he turned back, confusion etched across his face. He understood the question, but was this really the time for this conversation? Of course, he expected you to hate him. He just hadn’t thought he’d get under your skin so quickly. "What?" 

"For what are you apologizing?" you repeated, your voice shaking but firm. Despite being in a public place, you struggled to keep it down, your anger barely restrained. "Did you honestly think you could just show up and casually talk to me? Like this is some kind of fucking joke?" 

Rafe raised his hands in a helpless gesture. Of course, you were right. What had he been thinking? "No. I—I just wanted to see if you were okay." 

Your brows knitted together as you crossed your arms, stepping closer to him. Rafe felt his entire body tense. "That’s none of your business. Why do you even care if I’m okay? You didn’t care five years ago." 

Rafe dropped his head. No matter what you said, you would always be right. He didn’t even have the words to defend himself. "I know." 

"You know?" Your voice climbed, sharp and incredulous, as you jabbed a finger toward him. "Fuck off, Rafe!" 

His breathing quickened, but he didn’t back away. This wasn’t how he imagined this would go, but—what did he expect? That you’d run into his arms and forgive everything he’d done? He had deluded himself into thinking you were still the person he used to know. "Look, I’m trying—" 

"I don’t want to hear it!" You raised a hand to cut him off, your voice louder than you intended. 

Rafe took a step closer. "I swear—" 

"I don’t want to hear it!" you yelled, your voice trembling but resolute. Rafe exhaled deeply, defeated. He hated this. Hated himself. He’d never be anything but a source of shame in your eyes. 

Rafe fell silent, guilt etched into every line of his face. He ran a hand through his hair, then took a step back. The quiet between you became unbearable. You took a deep breath, closing your eyes as the words forced their way out. "It’s over. It’s been over for years. That’s it. You didn’t want—" 

"Don’t say it," Rafe interrupted, his voice low but thick with emotion. Every word was weighted with regret. 

"You said, ‘Get rid of it!’ You didn’t want it! That’s why it ended," you snapped, your voice breaking as tears welled in your eyes. You didn’t back down, though. Rafe hated seeing you like this, hated knowing he was the reason for it. 

Rafe spread his hands helplessly, unsure of what to do. If you had told him back then, he would’ve accepted it with joy. But back then, he’d been a fool—a selfish, spineless coward desperate for his father’s approval. "I wasn’t thinking straight!" 

"Don’t give me that shit, Rafe." A bitter laugh escaped your lips, almost like you were exhaling your pain. You turned your gaze away, shaking your head. 

"I wasn’t in a good place," he whispered. But even he knew that no excuse could erase what he’d done. He wasn’t trying to absolve himself—he couldn’t. He was just…lost. 

Your laughter cut through him, sharp and bitter. "Right. Because your mistakes were all about your ‘bad mental state.’ Not because you’re just a shitty person! Enough, Rafe! This conversation is pointless. You’ve got a new life—without me. And we’ve got ours—without you. Let it go." 

You gave him one last look, lowering the finger you’d been pointing at him. Turning on your heel, you took a step to leave. 

Panic flared in Rafe’s chest. He couldn’t let it end like this. He’d made every mistake imaginable, but he couldn’t bear to add another one to the pile. He had to try. And if it didn’t work—well, at least he tried. 

"I want to meet her." 

You stopped in your tracks. The step you were about to take hung in the air before slowly retreating. You turned to him, eyes blazing with fury. 

"Liliana—" 

"Don’t you dare!" you shouted, pointing a trembling finger at him as you stormed toward him. Rafe stayed rooted in place, letting your fury wash over him. Of course, you were angry. You had every right to be. He just wished—wished he could turn back time and fix everything. "How dare you? Do you think it’s that simple?!" 

Rafe recoiled slightly, carefully choosing his words. He didn’t want to hurt you more than he already had—or dig himself into an even deeper hole. "I don’t mean to say the wrong thing." 

"I don’t care what you mean!" you snapped, your voice cutting through him like a knife. He watched as your expression shifted, protective and fierce. "You’re not meeting her!" 

"Don’t make me use force," Rafe said, his voice trembling but firm. He regretted it instantly. He shouldn’t have said it. It wasn’t true. He’d never do that. Never. It was a fleeting moment—an impulsive lapse. He needed to think before speaking. Shit.

You flinched. Then, with a bitter laugh, you stepped closer and shoved him in the chest. Rafe let you. He shouldn’t have spoken like an idiot. He should’ve stayed calm. 

“What are you going to do? Sue me? Go ahead! Does your father even know you have a kid? Everything you’ve built—your stupid little empire—it’ll all crumble! Are you really going to do it? Because you won’t. You’re a coward, and you always have been.”

Rafe’s eyes hardened. “I will,” he said, his tone low but sharp with determination. He could. He had the power. Lawyers, connections—it was all on his side. But he couldn’t do it to you. 

You froze, staring at him in shock. 

Rafe stepped closer, taking a deep breath and holding out his hands as if trying to calm the storm. He didn’t want this to escalate, and he knew you didn’t want it either. "But I won’t do that. That’s not the point. I want to be in Liliana’s life. I’m going to tell my father.”

You watched his brows furrow as he exhaled. You were right—if he wanted to be a father, his family needed to know. And if you allowed it, they had a right to be informed. But even if you didn’t allow it, he’d still tell them. They wouldn’t take it well. He couldn’t predict what would happen, but he was done hiding. He was done being a coward. 

“What?” you asked, disbelief and frustration tightening your voice.

“I’m going to tell them. No matter what.” He took a deep breath, his voice softening. It was almost as if the confident man standing before everyone else had deflated before you. He could barely hold your gaze. He knew he didn’t deserve you.

“You’re lying,” you said, stepping back. Your voice carried not just doubt but a deep-rooted unwillingness to believe him. You didn’t want to.

“I swear I’m not.” Rafe lifted his head, his eyes meeting yours with a certainty that startled you. He would do it. In fact, he should have done it from the beginning, back when you told him you were pregnant. He was already too late.

You didn’t want to believe him. But the resolve in his eyes—he’d never looked more sincere. 

Rafe drew in a deep breath and spoke, his gaze never wavering from yours. “I want them to know. Everything. I—” His voice cracked, but he pressed on. “I’m not making any more mistakes. I can’t afford to.”

Your brows knit together, your face hardening. You took a long, deliberate breath, though it was clear you were barely keeping your emotions in check. “Rafe, if this backfires on us—I don’t want it. I don’t want Liliana or me dragged into this mess.”

Rafe hesitated for a moment, then shook his head firmly. “It won’t. I promise.” He wouldn’t let it. Not ever. 

Your voice rose, insistent. “Rafe—”

He cut you off, stepping closer. “No. I won’t let that happen. I’m not that stupid, irresponsible kid you left behind anymore. That person...he’s gone. He’s gone for good.”

You let out a sharp breath, rolling your eyes as you shook your head. “I don’t trust you. I just—can’t.”

The guilt etched deep into Rafe’s face made him drop his gaze. He nodded silently, as if accepting it. He hated himself for this. If one of his friends had done what he had, Rafe would’ve ripped them apart for their irresponsibility, for being such a terrible person. And he knew—that’s exactly what he was. A terrible person. 

“I know. It’s going to take everything to prove myself to you, and I get that. But…”

You squinted at him, your eyes sharp and wary. “Liliana thinks her dad’s in space,” you said flatly, your voice dripping with sarcastic calm.

Rafe blinked in surprise. His eyebrows shot up, lips parting as the faintest spark of humor lit his expression. His heart raced at the absurdity of it. “What?”

“Yes,” you said, shrugging. “I told her her dad’s an astronaut. He’s so far away he can’t come see her. If you step into her life, there’s no stepping out again. If you think for one second you can’t handle this, don’t even bother starting.”

Your voice was firm, your gaze sharp as steel. “And—I need time to think.”

Rafe nodded but never took his eyes off you. “I’m not going anywhere. I won’t leave her again. No matter what, I won’t lose Liliana. I swear it.”

For a moment, silence hung between you. His seriousness, his unyielding resolve—it threw you off balance. You studied him with narrowed eyes, his words echoing in your mind. They made you uneasy. You hated feeling this way. 

“Fine. I’ll think about it,” you said at last, your voice tempered, the anger giving way to a measured determination.

Rafe exhaled deeply, relief softening his expression. “Thank you,” he murmured, his voice quiet.

You lifted your chin, your eyes cold as ever. “I’m not doing this for you.”

This wasn’t a decision you could make on your own. It never had been, and it never could be.

When you returned home with Liliana, you had every intention of explaining everything to JJ. But as soon as you walked through the door, Liliana insisted on playing a game with JJ. Knowing you couldn’t discuss something this heavy in her presence, you simply went along with it. But JJ was no fool. He had picked up on something being off.

He’d been tense since you’d seen him that morning. While playing with Liliana, he would steal glances at you, checking on you like he was trying to piece together a puzzle. 

You had no idea what was bothering him, but that nagging weight in your chest wouldn’t go away. You wanted to just tell him and be done with it. You couldn’t handle this alone—especially not when you and JJ shared a home and were raising a child together.

This wasn’t just your decision to make. No, it would affect JJ too. Practically speaking, the two of you were living together. Sure, JJ had his own place, but he barely used it. He’d take Liliana to school sometimes, decide what she’d eat, and even join you for her daycare events. 

Whatever you did for Liliana, JJ did as well. He cared for her as much as you did. At night, he’d kiss her goodnight just as you would. The choice ahead of you wouldn’t just impact your life or Liliana’s—it would alter JJ’s too.

You had to talk to him. You needed to unload this unease and find some relief.

When Liliana and JJ finished playing, your eyes immediately sought his. He was already looking at you. When you held his gaze for a second too long, JJ quickly turned back to Liliana. “Go on, give Mommy a kiss, then you can go upstairs and play with your dolls.” He planted a kiss on her hair and stood up.

Your attention shifted to Liliana as she waddled over to you. “Want some coffee?” JJ asked just as Liliana climbed onto the couch and wrapped her tiny arms around your neck.

“Yes, please,” you replied as her kisses landed on your cheeks. Smiling, you kissed her back. “Now I’m going to play with my dolls. I love you, Mommy,” she chirped, pulling away.

“I love you too, sweetheart,” you said, watching as she clambered down and carefully made her way upstairs. Your eyes lingered on her until she disappeared at the top of the stairs.

JJ headed to the kitchen, and you felt the weight of your discomfort pressing down on you. You knew he’d bring you coffee, just like always, but this time, sitting in silence and ignoring the elephant in the room wasn’t an option. You had to talk. The life you shared, the responsibilities you both carried—everything had been thrown off balance by Rafe’s unexpected move. And you needed to know where JJ stood on all of it.

When JJ returned with two cups of coffee, the exhaustion etched on his face hit you immediately. He set your cup in front of you and sank into the opposite chair, staring down at his coffee in silence. You recognized this—the way JJ withdrew when something weighed heavily on him. You’d seen it many times before.

“JJ,” you said, not bothering to hide the determination in your voice. He hesitated for a moment before finally lifting his gaze to meet yours. The calm you were used to seeing in his eyes had been replaced by something much harder to read.

“Something happened,” you said, noticing the way his brows instantly furrowed.

“I know,” he murmured, his voice steady but tinged with something fragile. “I’ve been waiting for you to say it. Go ahead.”

You took a deep breath, trying to calm the storm within you. “Rafe,” you said, hoping that single word would convey everything.

JJ’s expression hardened instantly. He straightened in his seat, his protective instincts kicking in. “What happened?” 

Your hands tightened around your coffee cup as you steadied yourself. “He… he wants to be in Liliana’s life,” you said, the words feeling heavy as they left your mouth. “He told me as much. And it doesn’t feel like something I can decide on my own. It’s not just my decision to make.” You trailed off, watching JJ’s face shift—from shock to anger and finally to a resigned sort of disbelief.

JJ’s gaze dropped to the floor. His hands remained on the cup, his fingers whitening with the grip, but his eyes stayed fixed on the ground. You wanted so badly to read his thoughts, but he gave nothing away. He just sat there, silent. And that silence unnerved you more than any outburst ever could.

It was driving you mad. You waited for him to speak—to say yes, no, anything. When it came to Liliana, your emotions were always raw, and thinking clearly was difficult. You needed JJ to ground you. “Say something,” you whispered, your voice betraying the helplessness you felt.

“Are you meeting him?” JJ finally asked, his voice barely audible. The room felt eerily quiet, the kind of silence that pressed down on your chest. You noticed his knuckles whitening further as he clutched his cup, his gaze still glued to the floor.

You shook your head quickly. “No. He came to me. I didn’t go to him. I didn’t call him—he found me. I would never willingly see him.” You paused, your voice trembling. “He… he saw us a few days ago. And today, when I went to pick up Liliana, he was at the gas station.” You swallowed hard, bracing for JJ’s reaction. You wanted him to lash out—to yell, to be angry at someone—but he didn’t. He just sat there.

“You’re her mother,” he said at last, his words cutting like a blade. His tone wasn’t comforting—it was almost dismissive. You’d hoped for guidance, for support, but his response left you feeling more alone.

“JJ—” you began, but he cut you off sharply. His gaze never lifted as he leaned back in his chair, taking a sip of his coffee. His reactions were impossible to decipher.

“This is your choice.”

“You know it’s not that simple,” you countered, your heart pounding as you leaned forward, trying to draw his attention. You needed him to look at you, to see you, but he remained where he was, unmoving.

“Alright, suit yourself.” JJ’s voice was flat, his tone monoton once again. You could feel your frustration rising, but you knew it stemmed from sadness. 

“Wait,” you said, your voice trembling. You couldn’t make this decision alone. 

“No, this is your choice.” JJ took a sip from his coffee. You had no idea how to change his mind. He kept throwing out these ridiculous comments and expected you to agree. And—it wasn’t like him at all. He spoke as if—as if he’d never been part of Liliana’s life. As if he hadn’t been there raising her alongside you.

“JJ—”

“Maybe you should move in together. You, Liliana, and Rafe. Picture-perfect family, what do you think?” His lips curled into a sarcastic smirk, and your jaw dropped. That bitter smile on his face made you feel utterly defeated. Did he even realize how ridiculous he sounded? These weren’t your words at all.

“Maybe you’ll rekindle your great love, hmm? Have another kid—” You couldn’t take it anymore. Did he not know you at all? Hadn’t he seen everything you’d been through? How could he talk like this?

Besides—you had come to him for advice. To figure out what to do as a team. It’s not like you had run to JJ impulsively to say yes to Rafe’s offer. You hadn’t even accepted it!

“You know I didn’t say that!” you yelled, unable to hold back your anger any longer. The realization that Liliana was upstairs hit you hard, and you closed your eyes tightly, taking a shaky breath to calm yourself before opening them again.

“I came to you for advice,” you said, the words catching in your throat. “To tell you this isn’t a decision I can make alone. And you’re—you’re saying all this to me?” The disappointment was written all over your face. You wanted to talk this through together, not deal with it on your own.

JJ gave a hollow chuckle as he stood up. When he slammed his coffee mug onto the table, you flinched. He ran his hands through his hair, pacing. “Maybe you’ll leave Asheville, move back to the Outer Banks. Start over with Rafe.” He turned his back on you, one hand resting on his hip while the other rubbed his temple. A frustrated sigh escaped him.

His words hit you like a slap. You stood abruptly. “You’re being cruel,” you said, your voice shaking. You cursed yourself as you felt your lips begin to tremble. You hated crying.

JJ’s face hardened. The anger seemed to drain from him, replaced by that same flat tone. “It’s not my place to decide. You’re her parent.”

“Me? Just me? So you weren’t her parent when you changed her diapers, stayed up with her when she cried at night, or showed up for her daycare events? Do you not see that Liliana views you as a father figure in her life?” Your voice cracked, as shattered as your emotions. You couldn’t stand how foolish he was being—or how he was acting. He wasn’t listening to you. “Does being a family only count if there’s blood involved?”

JJ paused for a moment, then sighed deeply, shaking his head. “Rafe’s her father. If he wants to be part of her life, you should let him.”

You threw your hands up in exasperation. “Stop talking like that!” you cried, desperation creeping into your tone.

JJ turned to you sharply, frustration etched into his features. He stepped closer, pointing a finger at you. “Didn’t you ask for my opinion? I just gave it to you. But know this—if he’s in her life, he’ll be in yours too. Whether you like it or not.”

That final sentence struck a nerve, and the storm inside you intensified. Before you could respond, JJ cut you off again. “You’ll fall for him again—” His smile was bitter, filled with pain.

You couldn’t take another second of this. “Do you think I forgot what he did to me?!” you shouted, interrupting him. “He left me when I was three months pregnant! Do you think I’m stupid enough to forgive that?!”

“I didn’t say that,” JJ muttered, his voice lower, but his words cut like a blade. “But you won’t be able to control your feelings.”

“You have no idea how I feel!” you snapped, anger and heartbreak tangled together in your voice. When you noticed a faint smirk tugging at JJ’s lips, your brows furrowed.

“You’re absolutely right,” he said, his tone strangely hollow. He nodded as if conceding your point, his tongue running over his teeth. “I really don’t.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you asked, shaken by how cold and distant he had become. His words were so cryptic, so frustratingly vague, it felt like he was mocking you.

“I don’t know. What do I mean?” he replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he shook his head. You couldn’t shake the feeling that he knew something you didn’t. 

It felt like you were trapped in an endless loop. When JJ began gathering his things from the table, your heart clenched. Despite everything, you didn’t want him to leave. No matter what he said—you couldn’t bear for him to turn his back on you. This couldn’t be happening.

As your anger faded into pure worry, you watched him with rising panic. You took a step forward, but he had already packed up. No. This couldn’t be it. You couldn’t let Rafe ruin your life all over again. “Where—JJ, wait. Please.”

JJ headed for the door, and you quickly followed, grabbing his arm. When he turned to face you, your eyes brimmed with tears. You didn’t want him to leave. You didn’t want this to end in anger and heartbreak. “Please—please, don’t go. Don’t.” 

“I need some air,” he said, his voice soft but firm. His eyes locked with yours, and for a moment, his expression softened. 

“I’ll stop talking, I swear—” you rushed out, desperate to keep him from leaving. You were ready to beg if it came to that. This wasn’t worth losing him over, not something so small. It didn’t have to escalate like this. 

“I’ll come back,” he said. His tone was steady, reassuring. But you didn’t want him to go, not even for a moment. Even if it meant sitting in silence together, you needed him to stay. You weren’t used to him walking away. 

“I really will stop—” you started again, your voice trembling. Your hands briefly reached for his arm before falling back to your sides, unsure of what to do. 

JJ looked away, threading his fingers through his hair in frustration. His fingers raked through his blond strands, his face tense and brooding. His brows were furrowed, and the muscle in his jaw tightened slightly. When he finally turned back to you, his gaze was a mixture of emotions—no anger, but a deep, aching disappointment. 

“I don’t want you to stop talking,” he said, his voice lower than usual, but it carried a quiet intensity. “If I stay, we’ll just hurt each other more.” He hesitated, drawing in a long, controlled breath before stepping back further. “I just need some space to calm down. I’ll come back.” 

“I’m sorry—” you murmured, your hand instinctively reaching out to him again before stopping mid-air. You were scared to touch him, scared it might push him further away. 

“Don’t.” JJ stepped back another pace, lifting his hand slightly as if to hold you at bay. “I’m not mad at you.” His gaze met yours, and beneath the resolve in his eyes, you could see how fragile he felt, even if he didn’t want to admit it. 

“Yes, you are. You’re mad at me. I shouldn’t have brought it up,” you insisted, your voice barely above a whisper. 

JJ froze for a moment, exhaling deeply as he looked away. His hands fell to his sides, and he shook his head slowly, as if wrestling with something. “Why shouldn’t you have brought it up?” he asked, his voice rough around the edges. When his eyes met yours again, there was pain in them, not directed at you but at himself. “This has always been your choice. I only said what I did because I care about you. I’m not angry at you—how could I be? How could I ever be angry at you?” 

He paused, his gaze drifting somewhere distant. His fingers fidgeted unconsciously near the pocket of his jeans, and his lips pressed into a thin line before parting again. “I’m angry at myself,” he admitted quietly, so quietly you almost didn’t hear him. 

His words stopped you in your tracks. Looking at his face, you realized there was something he wasn’t saying, something he was holding back. But you couldn’t bring yourself to ask. Asking might shatter the fragile tension that still tethered you together. 

JJ stood motionless for a long moment, then turned and walked toward the door. He stopped just before opening it, resting his hand on the frame. His fingertips gripped the edge so tightly they turned white. Without looking back, he stepped out. The door closed with a soft but final thud, the sound echoing through the room, leaving the air heavier than before. 

[trashytracktales]

Idk if you write about this topics since they are really sensitive, but it is something I’m currently struggling with and I would like to see how lando would react after finding out that the reader has been hiding a her struggle with mental illness and attempts of ending her life. Once again I know how sensitive this request is but I started reading your work and fell in love with it and thought that you would write this beautifully

Seasons change | LN⁴

💌 REQUESTED by anon ──── This was a pretty difficult one-shot to write, even though it's not very lengthy. I know that mental health is still a topic of actuality that we all deal with in one way or another. The only thing that I want you guys to remember after reading this, is that you are not alone. I know that it may sound like a broken record, but it's true. Each of us has a Lando in our lives who will care enough to stand by you without ulterior motives or conditions. And if you really feel like you don't, I can be him for you. My DMs and ask box are always open, so don't hesitate to reach out if you need someone. You matter in all your forms 🤍

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

☆ summary ──── He's been away for work for a while now, but when Lando comes home to find his girlfriend at her lowest, they have to learn the hard way that love is about sitting with each other in the dark, not just chasing the light.

☆ pairing ──── Lando Norris x she/her reader

☆ rating ──── mature

☆ category ──── F/M

☆ word count ──── 2.6k

☆ date ──── Jan. 11, 2025

☆ warnings ──── 16+, established relationship, soft!Lando, mental health struggles, depression, suicidal ideation, mention of alcohol consumption and pills, emotional distress, vulnerability, guilt and healing, non-sexual nudity (bathtub scene, including tenderness and intimacy).

Please, proceed with caution and prioritize your well-being. If you or someone you know is struggling, these are some of the resources I personally used for years now & I think (and hope) that it might help you at some point:

☆ MENTAL HEALTH APPS

Calm

7 cups

BetterMe

☆ INSTAGRAM ACCOUNTS

idontmind

thefabstory (also an app)

getreformative (currently inactive, but great resources posted there)

talkspace

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THE APARTMENT IS too quiet tonight. A space that once felt like a sanctuary, now seems to close in on her, the walls pressing closer with each passing hour.

To anyone looking in, her life might appear perfectly ordinary, even enviable. She has a stable job that she loves, a couple of friends who care in their own way, and Lando. Lando, with his boundless energy, his boyish grin, and his unwavering ability to see the good in her even when she struggles to find it in herself. But beneath that polished surface, there’s a darkness she’s been hiding for as long as she can remember.

She’s not really sure when it happened, or what caused her to lose her spark. Most of the times, she thinks that she’s always been like this, but that can’t be right. Although, at this point in time, it went on long enough that she learned to wear masks and mimic people’s gestures. It’s exhausting, but it’s easier than explaining why some days she can barely drag herself out of bed, or why her mind feels like a storm she can’t escape.

Lately, the same storm has been relentless. Lando’s been away for weeks, hopping from one race to another, his life a whirlwind of fast cars, tons of people, and flashing cameras. She’s proud of him, of course, but his absence leaves a void she can’t seem to fill on her own, no matter how many phone calls they share.

She knows it’s not his responsibility to fix her, but without even knowing it, Lando does it every time he looks at her. In those moments, pieces of her heart are welded back together, giving her hope that one day, maybe, it will be whole again.

Of course, things aren’t that easy.

She’s always been a loner, someone who enjoys her own company more than the chaos of others. This is why she doesn’t go with Lando to all of his races. Over time, they’ve developed their own rhythm, and it only works when they both put in the effort to be together. However, she knows that he often works for both of them. She also knows that it’s not right to let him do this, but she doesn’t know how to stop.

But being alone isn’t the same as being lonely, and lately, the loneliness feels like it’s swallowing her whole. She tries to keep busy, to distract herself with work or a new book, but the dark thoughts always find her; a cycle she can’t break. They usually creep in at night when she’s most vulnerable, whispering lies she can’t ignore.

You’re a burden.

He’d be better off without you.

Everyone would be better off without you.

In spite of everything, she knows she’s lucky, though. She has a roof over her head, food on the table, and someone who loves her. And, somehow, knowing that only makes her feel worse. Most of the times, the guilt is suffocating — a heavy weight that presses down on her chest until she can’t breathe. She’s tried to push the thoughts away, to drown them in work or meaningless distractions. She tried to be grateful. But tonight, like many other nights before, they’ve won.

When Lando steps into the apartment, the soft click of the door is echoing in the stillness. It’s late — later than he’d hoped — and he assumes she’s already asleep, because he texted her hours ago to let her know he was on his way, but there had been no reply.

Dropping his bag quietly by the door, he toes off his sneakers and glances toward the dimly lit living room. The faint glow of the city skyline filters through the curtains, casting muted shadows across the floor. He moves carefully, not wanting to wake her, with a simple plan in mind: slip into bed, wrap his arms around his girlfriend, and fall asleep to the steady rhythm of her breathing.

But something feels off.

On his way to the bedroom, he spots the balcony door slightly ajar. A cool breeze sneaks through the crack, carrying with it the faint scent of something acrid. He pauses, his brow furrowing as he approaches the glass door.

That’s when he sees her.

She’s out on the balcony, her back to him, legs dangling dangerously over the edge. For a moment, he’s frozen in place, his mind struggling to process what he’s seeing. Then his gaze shifts, taking in the scene: some things are knocked over on the small table by the door, a small flacon of pills alongside a half-empty bottle of wine, and all the mess. The realization hits him like a physical blow, and his heart starts pounding in his chest.

But then, panic grips him as he slides the door open, stepping out onto the balcony. The sound startles her, and she turns her head slightly, her expression distant and unfocused. Her eyes are red-rimmed, and there’s an eerie calmness about her that chills him to the core.

“Hey, is everything okay?” asks Lando, his voice soft as he crouches beside her, careful not to make any sudden movements. “What… baby, what are you doing out here?”

She doesn’t answer immediately, her gaze drifting back to the city below. The silence stretches, each second feeling heavier than the previous one.

“Talk to me,” he pleads, his voice slightly cracking. His eyes dart back to the table, to the pill bottle and the wine, and he feels a surge of anger mixed with fear. “Is this—fuck. Did you take these?”

She shakes her head, a small smile curving in the corner of her mouth. “I’m so tired, love,” she whispers finally, her voice shaking over the hum of the city.

Her words hit him like a punch in the gut, and he’s suddenly aware of how fragile she looks, and how close she is to the edge. His hands shake as he reaches for her, gently gripping her arm. His heart beats so hard that he feels it throughout his body — his ribcage, in his throat, in the hand he tightens around her, to make sure he’s holding her with enough force.

“Okay. That’s okay,” he says, his tone soft but urgent. “Let’s go inside, yeah? I’m tired too, we can rest together. What do you say?”

“No… no, it’s not—” she tries to speak, but her brain is clouded by a mental fog, and everything around her moves too quickly for her to catch up.

“Come on, can you step back? Please. For me?”

His last question is what jolts her back to reality. For him? She would do anything for him. Lando knows that, and she soon realizes that he is using it to emotionally blackmail her. He always does that, and it annoys her.

She raises her head to look at him, her tired eyes meeting his, and for a moment, Lando thinks she’ll comply. But then, she pushes his hand away, a trace of betrayal crossing his face.

“No. It’s pretty out here,” she says, gazing down at the world that simply exists under her feet. The distance makes her stomach clench, knowing that all it takes it’s a small misstep for everything to end. Still, she doesn’t move an inch.

“I see that, love,” he agrees, “But I want to talk to you, and I can’t do that unless I make sure you’re safe. Did you… do this before?”

She nods slowly, refusing to look at him.

At that, Lando exhales sharply, running a hand through his hair, trying to calm the storm in his chest. He knows her enough to know when to push and when to give her space, only this time around, he’s met with a weird combination of both. Luckily, his body decides what to do before his mind agrees to it and, cautiously, he climbs up to join her on the edge, his hands gripping the cold railing as his pulse pounds in his ears.

Her head snaps toward him, her expression instantly shifting, panic flashing in her eyes. “No, what are you doing?” she whispers, her voice cracking.

“I’m with you,” he murmurs, his voice tender, laced with fear he’s desperately trying to hide. “If you’re staying here, then so am I.”

She blinks, her lips parting as if to protest, but no words come. Instead, her gaze softens, the wine-induced haze in her eyes clearing. Slowly, she lets out a shaky breath and sits down on the narrow ledge, her hands gripping the edge. Lando follows her lead, sitting close but careful not to crowd her, his knee brushing hers. He hesitates for a moment before gently reaching for her hand, and he exhales relieved when her fingers close around his, grounding both of them.

They sit in silence for a moment, the distant city lights flickering around them.

“I’ve missed you a lot, you know?” he finally whispers, his voice barely audible, breaking the quiet. “I never… If something happens, I don’t want to have to miss you all the time—”

“Lando, I know,” she cuts him off. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” she continues, staring at their joined hands. Her voice is small, guilt creeping into her tone.

He nods, looking at her, “Whatever it is, you can tell me,” Lando says gently. “I know I’m away a lot, but if you need me, I’ll do anything.”

Her grip on his hand tightens slightly just as she turns to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry,” she repeats, tears pooling but not yet falling. “It’s not your fault, Lan. It’s me. I… don’t even know. There’s nothing wrong, but at the same time, nothing’s quite right, either.”

He shakes his head, his thumb brushing over her knuckles. “Don’t apologize for feeling. It just makes me think now, because I thought you trusted me,” says Lando, his words cutting through her like a knife through butter. “I trust you,” he adds, almost like pointing it out.

She knows he does, her mind instantly replaying the moments in her mind, the times he’d come to her with his struggles. When a race didn’t go his way, and he doubted everything he’d worked so hard for. When social media was brutal, tearing him apart with words that left invisible scars. When he felt hated and couldn’t understand why. He always talked to her, shared his pain, his fears, his insecurities. He let her in, trusted her completely. And now, here she was, shutting him out when he was only trying to do the same for her.

“Don’t say that…” she starts, but her voice catches, and her breath hitches. “I’m trying.”

“I know, baby. I know,” Lando says gently, his thumb brushing over her knuckles. “Can we, please, just go inside?”

The tears she’s been holding back for too long finally slip free, carving hot, silent paths down her cheeks. She looks up at him, her lips trembling as she whispers, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

His expression softens, and without hesitation, he lifts her hand to his lips, pressing a tender kiss to her knuckles, mostly to show her that she didn’t. The gesture is so simple yet so full of love that it sends a fresh wave of emotion crashing over her.

Lando doesn’t let go of her hand as he gently helps her to her feet, guiding her back inside the apartment. The night air clings to their skin, but it’s the quiet inside that feels even heavier. He doesn’t say much, just keeps her close, his touch steady and grounding as they make their way to the bathroom.

A little uncomfortable now, she leans against the doorframe, watching as Lando moves around, carefully. He runs the water, testing the temperature with his hand, adding just the right amount of bath salts from the container on the shelf. The pale lavender-scented steam begins to fill the space, creating a safe bubble for both of them.

When Lando finally looks back at her, his expression is warm and inviting, somehow hopeful. He steps closer, reaching out to gently cup her cheek, wiping away the tear stains that remain.

“You’re everything to me,” he says softly, his thumb brushing over her skin before his hands move to the hem of her hoodie.

She doesn’t protest as he carefully lifts it over her head, his touch tender, his eyes never leaving hers. For a moment, she stands there, feeling vulnerable under his gaze, but there’s nothing but love in his expression.

Her fingers tremble slightly as she reaches out to return the gesture, undoing the buttons on his shirt one by one. His eyes stay locked on hers, silently reassuring her, grounding her in the best way possible. By the time she pushes the fabric off his shoulders, the weight in her chest feels a little lighter.

They step into the bath together, the warm water enveloping them like a soothing embrace. She settles between his legs, her back against his chest, and his arms come around her instinctively. There’s no rush, no need for words. It’s just them, surrounded by the quiet hum of the water and the soft glow of the candles Lando had lit earlier.

He presses a gentle kiss to the top of her head, his lips lingering for a moment before he rests his chin on her shoulder. “Promise you’ll talk to me next time?” he asks, his voice small but steady. “I know things won’t change overnight, I don’t expect them to. But I need to know you understand that I’m here for you. That I love you enough to listen, and feel everything with you.”

The words settle in her chest, heavy but necessary, like the first raindrops of a storm. For the first time in what feels like forever, she sees beyond the swirling chaos in her mind. The weight of his love and understanding wraps around her like the warmth of the water they’re sitting in. And then it hits her.

How life itself is the changing of seasons, a constant push and pull — a constant chaos. Sometimes, the sun will break through, lighting everything in gold. Other times, it will rain so hard she won’t see the way ahead. But Lando’s right. It will get better again. Then worse. And then better again. That’s the way it is for everyone. A relentless tide of ups and downs, joy and pain, hope and disappointments.

As she leans back into his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart, she realizes the most important thing: it isn’t always black or white. Sometimes, it’s a hazy gray — a space where the lines blur, where the answers aren’t clear, and the path you find yourself on feels impossibly difficult to navigate. But it’s in that in-between, in the murky middle, that having the right person beside you matters the most. Not to pull you into the light or demand you leave the shadows, but to sit with you in the dark, holding your hand, letting you know you’re not alone.

She swallows hard, her throat tight, but not from sadness this time. “I promise,” she finds the strength to whisper. Her breath catches, and she turns her head slightly to meet his gaze, tears still pooling in her eyes. “I know I don’t deserve you, but I—”

“You deserve everything, my love,” Lando assures her, his lips brushing her temple, before placing a tiny kiss there. “And I’ll make sure you get it.”

His definitive tone sends shivers down her spine.

She closes her eyes, feeling the water ripple softly around them, and holds on tighter, knowing that no matter what storms may come, the most important thing is that they won’t lose each other’s touch.

And that’s everything to her.

PREVIOUS LN⁴ ONE-SHOT

MASTERLIST

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© trashy track tales, 2025

[gothicfied]

Hey, i love your writing. I was wondering if you could do a Dae-ho fic where the reader is apart of his group (with gi-hun and stuff) but used to date Thanos, who is trying to win her back. She asks the boys to help stop her from going back to him cause she can;' help but want to. Later dae ho asks why she dated thanos cause he was toxic and she admits she feels she doesn't deserve better. Dae ho confesses and promises that he will give her better. I don't know if this makes sense, but thanks :)

Why can't I let go? - Kang Dae-ho / Player 388

Pairing: Kang Dae-ho / Player 388 x fem!reader (maybe slight Thanos x reader)

Summary: Seeing your ex months after your break up made you question things again, but Dae-ho gave you a reason not to go back to him.

Warnings: Mentions of death/dying, gunshots (typical squid game stuff), other than that it's just fluff, not proof read (english isn't my first language)

Word count: ~ 1.6k

A/N: hi and thank you sm!! I hope this comes close to what you had in mind (:

What made being in this slaughter house even worse for you, besides the fact that you had to worry about dying every few seconds, was the fact that your literal ex boyfriend somehow also ended up here. Well, actually, you knew exactly why Thanos, as he liked to call himself now, entered the games as well — Not only did he basically bankrupt himself with investing in that stupid crypto currency, no, he took most of your savings too and created unnecessary money problems for you. That was obviously the break-up-reason, although he just wasn't the best boyfriend over all.

His presence already pissed you off when spotting him in the crowd after initially waking up in that uncomfortable bunk bed. Thanos only spotted you when walking up the weird, colorful stairs to the first game. Pushing other players to the side, he made his way up to you and tapped you on the shoulder, non-stop apologizing for what he had done to you. It has been like that since you broke things off with him, but you made the effort to block him on everything and simply not answer the door when he came by every now and then to win you back.

Thanos was annoying and dangerous, as it showed itself in Red-Light-Green-Light. Not only was he a junkie, he was also seemingly ready to sacrifice the life of other people for his own benefit. At first, when Player 456 yelled out that everyone who got 'disqualified' would essentially get shot, you didn't want to believe him. Even Thanos leaned over to you, much to your annoyance, and said "What the fuck is this guy on?". He's one to talk, huh. In the end, when Player 456 was right, you immediately took his advice and voted 'X' during the first voting.

"Thanks for saving us back there." you said to Player 456, hesitantly approaching him and his friend, Player 390. They introduced themselves as Gi-hun and Jung-bae, inviting you to sit down and eat with them. A few moments later another young man dropped down from his bed and agreed with you, also claiming that how Gi-hun acted was heroic. "Why'd you vote like that then?" you asked Dae-ho after he sat down next to you, pointing at the blue badge upon his chest. "Ah, you know," feeling like he got caught, he kept looking away from your eyes, "the money now is not nearly enough to pay off my debts. But, don't worry, I'll definitely vote different next time!" You guys continued talking and even laughing a bit, telling each other about your life outside of here.

You, alongside Jung-bae, found out that he was a marine. Both were actually, immediately finding common ground. Watching them joke around with each other, you couldn't help but smile — Which stopped as soon as you looked to the other side, to the people who voted 'O', and spotted Thanos staring at you. He was clearly not happy with how you voted or the fact that another man made you laugh, even though you only met him a few minutes ago. That's just how Thanos is, you feared: always jealous about someone, worried you're going to cheat on him, but would then flirt with his female fans in the same breath. He always claimed it was because they were his fans and they loved to feel like he was reachable, but that was never a justification for you.

For some reason, that you didn't pay attention to, a little fight between the two sides broke out, and Thanos thought this was the best time to drag you away from all that and talk with you. You saw him stand up and approach you, to which you already shook your head, but when he grabbed your arm and just took you with him, you couldn't do much. "Why would you do that?" he asked you, his eyes staring into yours. "What? What did I do now? Can't you just leave me alone?" You crossed your arms in front if your chest and just looked down at your feet, because, if you were being honest with yourself, when your ex boyfriend looked at you like that.. it kind of did something to you. Perhaps regret your decision.

"Baby, seriously?"

"Don't fucking call me that."

"Come on, I know you love it, princess.."

"Get to the point."

You were annoyed, agitated, but somehow still wanted to hear what he had to say. Thanos huffed, furrowing his eyebrows. "Why did you vote like that? If we play just two more games, we could pay off our debts and maybe.. try again?" He grabbed you by your shoulders, shaking you a little so you'd look up at him again. When that didn't work, he wrapped his arms around your waist and tried to pull you close, but that was your breaking point. Forcefully, you ripped yourself out of his grasp and started walking back to your group again: "Don't even start with that. You ruined my life."

In a twisted way, you felt bad. His proposal almost, almost, made you give in. It was just nice to see a familiar face and hear a familiar voice in this environment, it brought you comfort to know that there was someone you shared so many special memories with that you could turn to. And, you would, just if it wasn't Choi Su-bong. "Is everything okay? Was he giving you trouble?" Jung-bae asked, looking like he was ready to fight him. Actually, he was probably ready to fight everyone who voted 'O'. "No.. no, I'm okay." Without another word you sat back down next to Dae-ho, picking away at your fingernails.

"Who is he?"

"What?"

"That guy.. who is he?"

"To me? My ex boyfriend."

The man let out an 'aha', just nodding along. When he looked at Thanos and then back to you, he couldn't really believe it — That purple-haired guy was almost the complete opposite of you. You were pretty, seemed to be kind and gentle and Thanos was just kind of.. Dae-ho would say you're way out of his league. "If he's bothering you, just tell me, okay? I'll take care of it." You looked at the former marine, giving him a smile when noticing that he was serious about that. You thanked him quickly and looked away, feeling your cheeks heat up slightly.

After surviving the second game together, Dae-ho and you have gotten closer incredibly fast. He was mesmerized by you, to say the least, and you appreciated that you had someone to rely on at all times. That still didn't stop Thanos from perusing you, though, it actually was the complete opposite. A few minutes before lights out he tried to talk to you again, following you to your bed, which was right behind Dae-ho's. The two of you slept head to head together, only a metal bar separating the beds.

"Please.. just listen to me! I miss you.. I swear, I'll vote 'X' the next time!" Thanos' annoying voice rang through your ears and no matter how often you told him to leave you alone, he didn't want to understand it. At some point he got annoyed and just walked off himself, sighing and planning to try again next day. With a quiet groan, you let your head fall back against your pillow, Dae-ho watching you the whole time from his side. He felt like it wasn't his place to continue to ask you about the situation when you didn't bring it up yourself, but he was still curios as to why you'd ever be with that guy.

"Hey, are you okay? Do you need me to say something to him next time?"

"No.. It's fine, I can handle it. It's just- complicated, that's all." You were tired, your mind was reeling — People dying was stressful enough and now you had to handle your immature and manipulative ex boyfriend as well. "You don't have to answer this but," Dae-ho tucked some of his hair behind his ears, sitting up so he could properly look at you, "why did you date him? You're too good for him." His little comment made you chuckle, even though he was right and it probably wasn't all that funny. "I don't know.. to be honest, at that time I just felt like I didn't deserve any better."

Dae-ho was appalled by your words, his face scrunching up. How could you even talk about yourself like that? "You do deserve better. You deserve the world." His tone wasn't angry, but definitely a lot firmer than before, showing you that he actually meant what he said. "What?" you asked him, also slowly sitting up now. "I'm serious, you're kind and smart and deserve a better life, a better boyfriend." His words made your heart beat a little faster.

"He doesn't deserve you. I would treat you be-" As soon as Dae-ho noticed what he just said himself, he immediately stopped talking, looking at you with wide eyes. "You would treat me better?" Your voice was laced with amusement, maybe teasing him a little now. That question made him stutter a quiet 'Yeah..' and it was clear how taken aback Dae-ho was from his own words. He didn't want you to know, at least not now. He knew this wasn't an ideal place to develop a crush on a girl he could lose in an instant, but he couldn't control his feelings now, could he?

"A lot better even."

"Then show me.."

[mari-lair]

hello ! i love your fics and analysis! I was wondering which tbhk ships you think will become endgame?

Anon I have the most white bread of answers but since you asked-

1 - Hananene.

Nene starts the manga by wanting a date. It doesn't matter with who, any hot guy will do. She has many infatuations but isn't in love with anyone, she just want to be loved.

Nene has a lot of small character developments in different areas throughout the manga, but her strongest and most consistent change is her increasing love for Hanako and her acceptance of it.

She is still a girl with a ton of emotions, and she finds hot people attractive BUT now she want Hanako and only Hanako. She rejects everyone she used to have a crush on, there is no doki doki's when she gets the attention of pretty people cause they aren't the boys she wants attention from anymore.

Even Teru doesn't compare to Hanako. She went on a 'date' with him and felt more excited about bragging than the actual 'date'

AND SHE DID NOT BRAG when hanako got back, she just wanted to enjoy that he's back.

I don't even know why I am going so in dept on the couple stablished since chapter 1 but since i'm already rambling: Despite everything crazy going on in the festival NENE'S BIGGEST FOCUS WAS TO CONFESS TO HANAKO. That's something she thinks more about than her own death, like girl- Hanako is her whole world. She will not get a romance with another person.

There is the question of "Will Nene survive?"

If she doesn't, she'll disappear and have no boyfriend but I bet she'll be thinking about Hanako in her death. If she finds a way to become a supernatural in a very wild narrative choice she will be able to stay with hanako in their cursed eternity forever.

In the case she lives and Hanako gets exorcised she won't move on. Aidairo loves tragedies and obsessive love, so I can't see her approaching crushes with the same whimsy after her love dies. And Aidairo would likely preffer to make her suffer in her grief and longing than give her a rebound with some random guy, cause it sure won't be Kou.

2 - Mitsukou

My personal preferences aside, it is clear they are written to have romantic implications. Kou will either die with Mitsuba (As shown in the new timeline), and stay with him in death.

Or live to have an intense homoerotic 'friendship' with him.

He legit can't get mitsuba off his head, he thinks about him more than anything during the manga and he has A LOT of problems to think about.

I can't personally picture an explicit confession but we had a lot of equivalents already. It would be weird for Aidairo to send them to the aquarium, make Kou obsessed with mitsuba (and vise verse), show that they are 'very very close' in this new timeline, keep drawing them star-struck by each other and so on without romance in the head.

Kou is also never able to put his feelings into words, like, bro that's suspicious as hell.

They always get matching art with all the couples in Aidairo's twitter arts too.

That's not queerbaiting, they may not be explicit but by the lord they are not subtle at all, there is never a single "oh Mitsuba is like a brother to me" moment, they don't undo any of the gay implications we see, they double down on it.

Kou may be bi but it sure isn't the Nene route that Aidairo is playing.

3 - Aoikane

Akane has loved Aoi since he was a little kid. Waaaaaaay before he got a clock keeper contract.

He saw that Aoi cared so much about his opinion that she'd break out of her cold persona and burst into tears at the idea of being hated, and he locked in for life.

They are the codependent childhood friends troupe, the "I know you better than anyone" troupe, the "you are a part of my life I can't live without" troupe and they both love each other from the very start of the manga, not showing romantic interest in anyone else.

Nothing has made Akane change his mind about being with Aoi. Not being stabbed, not being rejected many times, not facing how bad aoi is at deling with her issues head on. He'll do anything for her time and time again.

in Akane's own words:

They had many build ups and a whole arc dedicated to their developments with each other (which is a lot considering they aren't main characters and Aoi usually get no focus in this manga.)

Narratively, it wouldn't make any sense to dedicate so many chapters pointing out how much they mean to each other and slowly working through their issues only to slap another ship at the end.

And is not like Aidairo said "They had their arc let's never talk about them again!", the author went out of her way to say "Even in a world where Aoi is in an arranged marriage, she still loves Akane"

They aren't subtle.

From the matching names, to the way they both crumble when they are separated from one another and keep thinking about marriage, they are very devoted. They have already explicitly confessed to the audience that they are in love with each other.

They'll either stay together forever or they'll die together.

[kewrnage]

𖤐 𝗦𝗬𝗟𝗨𝗦 𝗪𝗜𝗧𝗛 𝗔 𝗧𝗢𝗠𝗕𝗢𝗬 𝗦/𝗢

⌗ ꒰ sylus x f! reader ꒱ ; non-mc reader ; headcanons ; love and deepspace. sfw. fluff.

⌗ ꒰ a/n ꒱ ; had this idea during my long ass med-surg class yesterday, also because i haven't seen a hc with the li's that's remotely close to my slightly tomboyish preferences (but this hc is full-blown haha). with only minor alterations today. it's pretty straightforward since it's a headcanon (and i didn't get help from grammarly cuz too i'm lazy for it lmaoo) but fuck i think I might write like this more in the future. overly descriptive writing activates my writer's block wtf- 😭 might make something like this for caleb too. ++ maybe more tomboy reader in the future!

Sylus is very respectful to women. If you had met him through a dating app and decided to meet in real life, it would most likely be in a park, cafe, or restaurant, where there are a lot of people. He would have insisted in your chats that he'd pay for your first date, no matter how many times you said to split the bill with angry emojis in your text boxes. The chats before you met him were casual and full of usual banters.

The first time he saw you, you were different from most of the girls and women he had met in his life. Not different in a bad way, but he was rather surprised. They mostly dressed in ultra-feminine outfits, while you wore a loose fit because that's where you're most comfortable. You hadn't gone for a full-blown tomboy wardrobe on your first date because you knew he was a man of eloquence.

On your first date, you really really tried your best to sit with straight legs even in your tomboyish fit, but you kept spreading your legs unconsciously. You gave in to your comfort. But if you wanted to know what is in Sylus’s mind, it does not bother him one bit. He's even glad you're comfortable around him despite his poise yet mischievous nature.

As the both of you went on more dates, your once decent, androgynous fashion of trousers, polos, and slightly colorful yet almost logoless loose t-shirts evolved. You now sported ripped sleeves, logos of your favorite rock/metal bands, wide shorts, jackets, etc., with colors that had little to no pastels anymore.

The more you dress like this so comfortably, the more he appreciates you as he already did from the beginning. If you're still thinking he prefers feminine women— he loves you for who you are, no matter what. What you wear doesn't matter to him at all. So is the way you talk in a straightforward and laid back manner. You are you around him is what matters to him the most.

No matter how busy he is in his faction and business deals, he makes time for you. You may be independent and all-powerful, and masculine, but he doesn't treat you any less of a woman, while still respecting your brazen attitude and masculinity. This includes hanging out with you doing your hobbies, be it skateboarding, bowling or being gym buddies!

If you think you'd open the car of the passenger's seat or pull the chair yourself on dates, he won't let you and will still be a gentleman and do it for you instead. You might not like that he still thinks of you as his princess because that's one of his many ways to show that he cares, but he definitely respects your preferences.

Arcade dates! They're often a must if you two meet and go on a date again. Sometimes, he might tease you by getting you cute, girly plushies or prizes, but does not go overboard, respecting your tomboy identity. Arcade fighting games are what hooks you the most and to his never-ending surprise, you often win against him and he's always impressed. You also play basketball together in it and have scores always close to each other.

He lets you wear his clothes with no problem at all! The ones you liked, he tried to find the exact same items in mall or online shoppings just so he can give it all to you. What you probably most liked the most in his wardrobe was his black leather jacket, designed with red and white lightning bolts. He somehow found a copy of it— and now you're matching jackets!

Rides! It's either you two race against each other on the roads (this goes the same with both your cars), but if you feel like borrowing his bike, Sylus would let you drive it and him sitting behind you. He's least bit worried that if you surpass speed limits while driving due to your competitive nature, he can save you with his Evol and buy another one easily and the two of you enjoy the wind whipping on your faces, or with your badass helmets on! There's not much difference when using his sports car, he'd even die to see you make his car leap to a bridge.

When it comes to giving you gifts, he always bases your preferences. Sylus tries to avoid anything that will offend you because that's how much he loves you. So the gifts he'd usually gift you are hoodies, badass looking t-shirts even if you have more than enough of them already, sneakers, minimalist jewelry, and buys your new favorite games you often gush about before you can purchase them, he also gives you gaming gears to beat enemies or levels to your ease. Skins? He also got it, or you can use his black card!

There would be more gifts he would give you like sport gear, comic books and tickets to your favorite bands he would come along with you. He would spoil you to no end. Really, there's no limit to his generosity when it comes to you!

[susiekern]

maybe in another universe - Satoru Gojo x reader

a/n: just a little something I wrote tonight, it's not even good, but whatever, also the first thing I post since starting the fallen, wild

word count: 840

warnings: none I think?

Another sleepless night kept y/n stuck in her thoughts. Her eyes were stuck on the toned chest of the man who slept peacefully next to her in a queen-size bed. His steady breaths were soothing her nerves, seeing him in such a rare state of vulnerability and calmness. She looked up at his face and smiled a little, reaching his forehead to brush back a few strands of white hair that got messy throughout the night. Her hand stayed there for a moment, gently caressing his cheek and jaw, her heart clenching almost painfully.

Satoru Gojo and y/n y/l weren’t meant to work. Not here, not now, not in this universe.

Maybe somewhere, in another life, they were just Toru and y/n, living a mundane life together, working 9-5 to come back home, eat dinner together, talk about their days, and go to sleep for a deserved rest. Maybe they go out for a date once a week or two; maybe they visit their friends every month for a joined game and wine night; maybe they plan their future in the middle of the night, wrapped in each other’s arms. Maybe they’ll buy a bigger house, get married, have a child, and grow old together. Maybe they’ll rest in the grave next to one another, having lived a fulfilling and pleasant life.

Or maybe in a different universe, they fight against the world, against the people who tried to keep them down. Maybe they stand proudly by each other’s side, not letting anyone disrupt their happy ending. Maybe they’re on the run, hiding all over the planet, but they’re happy ‘cause they’re together.

Maybe in a different timeline, they’ve never even met. They passed each other once or twice, on the streets or in the metro, not even aware of it. Of missing the opportunity. Of how the random person was their soulmate. Both of them settled with a different partner, never fully satisfied, but it was good enough, right? Because they never got a chance to experience the love, the excitement, and the pain of falling for someone so hard and so fast as this universe Satoru and y/n did.

Still kids, barely 16 at the time they met, they already had to deal with impossible expectations that the world threw at them every day. He was The Satoru Gojo, a boy who was the jujutsu hope and future, called the strongest even back then. She was a special-grade sorcerer, tested and trained ruthlessly since she was a child due to her unusual cursed technique. When they met in jujutsu tech, both quickly understood their situations were painfully similar. That’s what got them so close, so fast. Only one another could understand what they had to go through daily.

Time passed by, and as they grew up, it only got tougher. Satoru was now officially the head of his clan, the strongest sorcerer. Y/n was known as the most reckless one, taking on missions that no one else wanted to deal with. Some of their friends joked that if a devil can’t reach something, he’ll send y/n y/l there. And the higher-ups used that as often as they could, sending her on the roughest missions.

Each time she dealt with a special-grade curse, she thought about how many would be petrified to even stand in front of it when she did the most dangerous things she could to get it exorcised. If she died, she wouldn’t have any regrets, and that’s what kept her going. Because ever since she was a child, she lived a day at once, not thinking about even the closest future. It was a privilege she wasn’t granted. Not with her technique that could kill her at any time. It was a dangerous game, but y/n played it every time.

She’d only allow herself to think… no, dream about what could happen when it came to Satoru. She dreamt about their life together as he kept her in his arms after a hard mission, after they hadn’t seen each other in a few days due to work, or when life got too heavy to bear on their own. In the middle of the night, when darkness veiled her thoughts from the rest of the world, she imagined a small house in the suburbs, walls filled with photos of a happy family, maybe a dog running in the backyard, chased by the little kid, a perfect mix of its parents.

But it all vanished as soon as y/n’s phone buzzed on the nightstand, a distress call summoning her on another mission. She sighed and slowly got out of Satoru’s arms, getting dressed in the uniform that he hurried to take off her just a few hours ago. With a last glance at his sleeping body under the white duvet and a gentle kiss on his forehead, she quietly left his bedroom and apartment to put her life in danger once more. Wishing she could stay in his embrace for a little longer.

Maybe in another universe…

[horse-girl-anthy]

this is gonna be an off the cuff ramble/vent so don't read if that doesn't interest you.

I am thinking I'm going to back away from Ikuhara fandom in the next six months (coinciding with when I finish the rewatches I'm doing in my server). I feel like I've exhausted what I have to say about his shows, and I've also developed a very specific way of understanding them which clashes with others. I'm torn between feeling like it's worth trying to delineate my own understanding and feeling that I'm just being territorial, pedantic, or close minded. at a certain point, even if I could be proved "right" on my interpretations, I'm losing the enjoyment I should have in the stories by caring what other people think about them. at the moment, I'm thinking I want to flesh a couple more ideas and then let it rest. I'll always be grateful to Ikuhara and happy I put time into this blog, but nothing lasts forever.

so all of that to say... I was on the fence about writing what I'm about to write. I recommend people who don't want to read someone objecting to common RGU fan interpretations to just check out now. I'm not trying to start anything. but after reflecting on it, I decided it to share my thoughts on this topic; I think it's worth saying, even if it makes me look contrarian or problematic.

---

I watched RGU in 2014, right as the western fandom was experiencing a shift in how it approached the show. I won't detail all that went on during that time--today I'm specifically interested in two characters: Nanami and Miki.

before, I'd say the fandom was overall less critical. things were taken more at face value. for instance, Nanami was not always taken seriously, while characters like Miki, just because they were "nice," were seen as "good guys." however as time's wore on, there's been a backlash to that way of approaching the show. the characters most likely to have received misogynistic hate in the past (Anthy, Shiori, Nanami, and Kozue, mainly) were reinterpreted, while "good guy" characters were increasingly scrutinized.

that was a good thing, as it was a counterbalance to the previous attitude. however, it's been more than a decade since I joined the fandom, and I still see people talking like it's 2014. the way that people have reinterpreted the anime has, often, not resulted in interesting readings. this is because people are still applying an ideological lens to the story, rather than engaging with how it presents itself.

I specifically want to highlight Nanami in this regard. I check the RGU tag almost every single day, and I have seen scores of posts which are nigh-identical to each other. it's always people talking about how she's a "calf to the slaughter," she's actually a victim, etc. and I just... don't get anything out of it.

I think a lot of this shift began with this essay series called Palace Perspective. it's been a long time since I read it--actually before my Utena renaissance--but I didn't like it at the time. it was written in this very self-serious style, and all I remember it arguing was "Nanami is a victim, Touga is a bad guy." I'd loved the Touga/Nanami relationship since I first watched RGU, and that was never how I felt about it. Touga certainly harms Nanami, but based on the series itself, it seemed to me that in large part, Touga was the victim, and Nanami was harmed by his victimization.

anyway, since around the time that essay series came out, people have had this attitude of "actually Nanami is a very deep character, you guys," as if it needs to be repeated over and over. and there's a denial that Nanami is a comic relief character--"actually her being funny is just a ruse because the show is camouflaging that she's a victim!" okay, yes, they do lure you in to Nanami's story slowly; she's initially silly, but all along hiding under that was some serious shit. I'm not denying that. but I'm also not buying that line entirely.

the Shadow Girls do an entire play about how Nanami's comedic suffering is the result of her own actions (they call it "divine justice"). take episode 16 specifically. yes, we have Nanami dreaming about being a calf for the slaughter. that is a great scene and indicative of the unhealthy relationship between her and Touga. but isn't the crux of the episode that Nanami is making a fool of herself??? she tries to one-up Juri at a party. her failure to realize what the cowbell is highlights her ignorance. the show is absolutely poking fun at her. you can go into why Nanami ended up this way, but I don't understand how we've gotten to the point where people are so over-serious about Nanami--and RGU in general--that they can't laugh at it.

I'll take a detour here to talk about Miki. it's become increasingly popular to frame him as a sexist--I've even seen him termed a "raging misogynist." he gets blamed for his strained relationship with his sister and written off as "just as bad as the other male characters." that's another case where I really don't see it. or at least, I feel like people have lost track of degrees in these things. Miki seems unsure of what he believes, sometimes expressing progressive views but other times regressive ones, and he does act within a patriarchal system. but does he comport himself that badly? or is he just a normal 13-year-old boy who falls into temptation?

I want to make a comparison between him and Nanami here. I think you could make a very real case that Nanami has far more sexist beliefs than Miki. she treats every female character as competition, as a hussy out to steal her brother. when she finds out the truth about Anthy and Akio, she immediately jumps to victim blaming Anthy. and another thing: Nanami plays princess.

the fact that so many people write about Nanami but this aspect of her character is rarely commented on is mind boggling. it's like, her whole thing. Nanami wants to be the center of the universe; Touga is her everything and she wants to possess Touga. she constantly acts the victim and tries to manipulate things so her enemies look like the villain.

I'm not saying this to shit on Nanami! I love Nanami, she's one of my favorite characters of all time! but I've found it alienating to be in a fandom where whitewashing is framed as appreciation. even her backstory: people make post after post about how it wasn't Nanami's fault she killed the cat, because she's a victim. here's the problem with that: why are we engaging with the story on the level of blame? I recently read an essay on methods of analysis that placed "vilification and heroization" as the lowest form of engagement with fiction. I understand why someone would want to defend a character from attack, but aside from like, youtube comments or old forum posts, who exactly is attacking Nanami? and also, how is saying "actually she's a victim so that explains everything" accomplishing anything?

I am being unfair here, because some people do engage with the work enough to say more than that. people will point to the neglect Nanami experienced as the cause of her behavior. that's there, it's certainly there. I'm not objecting to serious attempts to explain character motivation in reaction to vilifiction, but more to the impulse to try to paint characters as morally pure. isn't Nanami so great because she's so complicated? when people approach the story with the drive to whitewash, so much of the nuance and feeling of the work goes unnoticed. episode 31 and 32 do portray Nanami as a victim (of Touga and of her parents and of Akio). however, they also portray Nanami's motivations, and not all of them are pretty. over the course of the arc, you watch her entire worldview fall apart. it doesn't matter whether it's "her fault" she has that worldview--the process is painful and humiliating either way.

all of this carries through to how people react to both Nanami's final scene in the show and her comic relief section in the film. the comic relief scene is bad because it doesn't take Nanami seriously enough, while her final scene is bad because it shows her waiting on Touga and Saionji, which is sexist because she's partaking in traditional gender roles. the only way I can understand those reactions is that people didn't actually pay attention to how she was portrayed in the show, as a comic relief character or as a serious character. I'd understand the objection if Anthy's final scene involved her waiting on Akio, but Anthy and Nanami are different characters (I also don't get much out of the endless Anthy/Nanami posts because of how they are flattened in comparisons). unlike Anthy, Nanami spent the entire show demanding to be waited on, but when we see her for the last time, she's contentedly serving others. that is called character development.

I wanted to highlight Miki and Nanami because I feel they point to a major problem of the fandom: the maintenance of the prince and the princess, just with new definitions. the prince is bad, masculine, harmful, and needs to be rejected. the princess is good, feminine, eternally victimized, and above question. I find this sad because I thought we were supposed to be transcending the gender binary. I know saying this makes me sound anti-feminist, but I'm not. I'm not saying "oh we need to transcend the gender binary by never criticizing men or ignoring how women are victimized"; that would be stupid. but my vision of feminism is vigilantly critical of all things, evaluates each situation on an individual basis, and avoids self-flattery and self-deception.

[wulfdreaded]

truth  be  told,  zeke  was  full  of  shit.  because  someone  had  tortured  him  &  he'd  let  them  walk  away.  worse  even.  he  saw  him  regularly  &  even  though  he  sometimes  wondered  if  he  shouldn't  just  end  him,  zeke  never  actually  went  close  to  trying.  quite  the  opposite,  much  like  with  vilem...  he  felt  drawn  to  him.  his  curse,  clearly.  he  was  drawn  towards  those  he  shouldn't  be  drawn  to.  or  something  like  that.  but  as  per  usual,  he'd  do  his  best  to  make  the  other  believe  he  was  this  monster  everybody  was  afraid  of.  not  that  he  wasn't,  but  not  all  the  things  people  whispered  about  him  was  true.  he  enjoyed  a  bloodbath,  truly,  but  he  was  ...well,  it  was  complicated  sometimes.  though,  most  people  who  crossed  him,  really  didn't  survive  it.  there  were  just  exceptions,  which  generally  proved  a  rule,  right?  yeah.  "that's  right."  there  hadn't  been  much  fanfare  the  other  time.  they  wanted  each  other,  they  ...got  each  other.  zeke  lost  control  of  his  shift  &  well,  the  rest  ...was  history.  honestly,  vilem  should've  been  flattered  he  did  that  to  zeke,  because  only  few  hook-ups  left  him  so  relaxed  &  spent  he  forgot  who  he  was  for  the  time  being.  but,  they  really  didn't  have  to  go  over  it  again.  "strangers,  huh?  guess  i  deserved  that."  he  didn't  know  what  they  were...  he  really  didn't,  but  they  had  long  since  passed  strangers.  what  else  was  there,  though?  zeke  didn't  care  about  sides  of  the  bed,  but  vilem  seemed  calm  with  his  choice,  so  zeke  would  be,  too.  he  ...couldn't  remember  feeling  this  ...on  edge  last  time  they  shared  a  bed,  which  was  annoying.  yes,  that.  "can't  disagree  there."  people  were  stupid,  except...for  a  few.  he'd  like  to  count  the  old  farmer  to  that  list  of  exceptions,  too.  zeke  followed  suit  &  propped  himself  up  on  an  arm  facing  the  other.  "you  still  okay?  sharing  your  bed  with  a  stranger  and  all?"

honestly,  a  part  of  him  did  wonder  if  there  was  anyone  out  there  that  could've  gotten  zeke  into  a  corner  and  tortured  him  a  bit.  no  one  was  coming  to  mind.  not  rory.  not  the  three  brothers.  hell,  not  even  the  royals  or  himself.  that  was  why  he  didn't  even  push  him  or  challenge  him  when  he  said  that  no  one  could  torture  him.  “you're  safe  in  that  realm  then.  lucky  even.  they're  not  even  going  to  want  to  touch  you  after  everything  that  you've  done.”  a  small  grin  played  on  his  face  when  the  wolf  said  that  they  wouldn't  survive.  was  he  thinking  about  how  he  would  torture  and  kill  them?  yes.  was  it  giving  him  a  little  bit  of  joy  since  it  had  been  a  long  time  since  he  saw  carnage?  yes.  although  he  would  never  admit  that  out  loud.  it  wasn't  very  human  of  him.  if  anything,  it  was  the  same  streak  that  attracted  maeve  and  rory  to  monsters.  it  would  be  so  hypocritical  for  him  to  be  the  one  that  they  gained  that  gene  from.  “i  guess  that  i  don't  know  you  that  well.  we  haven't  really  spent  any  alone  time  aside  from,  well,  you  know.  i  don't  think  i  have  to  say  it  out  loud.”  maybe  he  was  turning  a  new  leaf.  vilem  realized  that  this  wasn't  normal  for  the  two  of  them  and  for  once,  he  wasn't  fully  judging  the  other  for  being  a  beast.  “i  don't  know  you  and  you  don't  know  me.  we  might  as  well  be  strangers  then.”  he  shrugged  casually.  they  weren't.  zeke  could  picture  him  naked  and  not  everyone  in  his  life  could  do  that.  he  nodded  slightly  and  crawled  into  the  bed.  normally  he  slept  in  the  middle,  since  he  didn't  have  to  worry  about  someone  else  being  there  with  him.  although  this  time,  he  took  the  left  side  of  the  bed.  farthest  from  the  window,  but  closest  to  what  would  be  considered  the  door  towards  the  entrance.  not  that  he  thought  he  was  going  to  have  to  runaway  in  the  middle  of  the  night,  but  just  in  case.  “i  like  my  space  and  i  like  my  privacy.  i'm  also  not  going  to  move  just  because  of  rory's  connection  to  the  royal  family,  this  has  always  been  home.  plus,  people  are  stupid.  the  farther  away  they  are  the  better.”  vilem  propped  himself  up  on  the  bed  against  the  pillows.

[projectjasper]

Pond and Phuwin talking about their friendship in an interview with Praew Magazine

[TRANS. CREDIT]

Interviewer: How have you felt during the time you have been working together as partners?

Phuwin: If we really count, it's been exactly four years. In terms of work, I feel that there are many more things that both of us can still do and improve on. But in terms of our relationship, we've come a long way. We started at 0 and now we are at 90+. I've never thought I'd have such an important relationship in my life.

Pond: It's really great. It's a journey I'm very happy with. Now that I said it, I feel shy... I don't want to say too much, or people will accuse me of fanservice, but I'm telling the truth. Because when we just started working together, the word "friendship" wasn't exactly right. But as we worked together more and more, there was a point when we decided we should try to do something that doesn't involve work. And that's when we became friends.

Phuwin: Our relationship is both like that of colleagues and friends. And I feel like both of these aspects developed a lot, until Pond became a really important person in my life.

Interviewer: What do you think made you guys so close?

Pond: At first, we were very different. Not so different that we couldn't get along, but we had different lifestyles. We grew up differently. When we got to know each other more, we felt like we got to know each other's true selves and how we can fit together. It felt right.

Phuwin: I think another common point is that we are getting older, we are growing up. We have more responsibilities, whether it's work, family, or other things. And there are a lot of similarities there. It makes us feel like we've found someone, who is by our side through all this, and it's another thing that made us feel comfortable with each other.

Interviewer: What impresses you the most about the other person?

Pond: Many things. If this was before, I would have said I was impressed by his dedication to work. But now that we have spent more time together, went out to eat together, just did things together that didn't involve work, I feel like we respect each other and care for each other, which is what's important and what keeps us together. It's all about understanding. There is no competition in terms of who is better. We grow together

Phuwin: Something special about Pond that I have not found in anyone else is that he can say something and make me feel fuzzy on the inside. He gives compliments in this very sweet but sincere way. Usually when someone compliments you, you think there must be something behind it for sure. But when Pond compliments someone, it's in earnest. When hearing that, I'm not sure what to do...

Pond: Hey, thank you wa~

Phuwin: There was this one time we were talking on the phone and Pond said: "I'm shy, but I feel like I have to say this..." So I replied: "Hmm... I feel fuzzy listening to that. I don't know what to say, but thank you very much."

Pond: We don't compliment each other often. When there is a chance to do it, let's do it. We've spent this much time together. But I'm feeling really shy....

Interviewer: In that case, let's take the opportunity this New Year's and give each other a compliment or say something to one another.

Pond: Really? When I say this to media, I feel shy. If you get goosebumps, don't take offence. But what I'm going to say is the truth.

Phuwin: Because what we both really care about is not wanting to do anything that seems like fanservice. We don't want to say anything that's not true.

Pond: We feel like being natural is best. This is true. We've known each other since before I was even 20 years old. As we are growing up, we are focusing more on the people around us. Like I said, as I moved away from the word "co-worker" with Phuwin, we really became friends: going out to eat, hanging out together, not forcing each other to do anything, just doing what comes naturally. I'm really happy about it.

Phuwin: Exactly. Pond is a good person. And in the past four years, he has become even better. It turned out that, as we were hanging out, we were picking up each other's habits. He did something and I thought: "Eh... this looks familiar. I do this too." It's like we're learning from each other and becoming better by borrowing good traits from one another.

Pond: Yes, I can say that he is one of the reasons why I've become a better person. He is great at his job and has a very high sense of responsibility. He is a good example. Watching him makes me want to push myself to become better, to be on the same level with him.

Phuwin: Pond is the same. He has a great mindset, he thinks positively, and he sees things from the bright side. Sometimes I look at the bigger picture and see the negative side, but Pond helps me see the positives.

Pond: I feel like we are partners, not just an on-screen CP. I remember when I was a kid, there was a time when my family was having financial problems. But after I acted in a series with Phuwin and it was successful, I could solve all those problems. If we didn't have each other, we wouldn't be where we are today. And we have to continue our journey together.

Phuwin: Do you understand why I get goosebumps now?

[blaire-beast]

Main 3 of my story :]

Dip pens are so awesome istg

Also rebloggs are highly appreciated!! I'd love to get more of my oc content out there, they're my pride and joy

Story explained below, please leave some feedback if you take the time to read it!!

So, top to bottom: Eden, Silas and Chaos(all more or less any pronouns, Eden goes mostly by she/her and Chaos and Silas by he/him)

Eden is the daughter of the sun god and another dragon (not a god but she's viewed as the moon) and she grew up alone with her mom Eskar up in the mountains shielded from everything that was going down in the outside world. She goes off to find out what happened to the gods who disappeared around 100 years ago as a young adult and ends up having to save the world after dying and waking up the sun god

Chaos is half roach half person and he grew up in a cult away from society under the hand of a fake god (cancer taking the form of something and trying to get people to join her cult so that she may consume the whole world one day). Said "god" calls herself Visha and is the main villain of the story and he had to be her right hand and do all of her dirty work for most of his life. He met Eden when Visha took notice of her traveling through her forests and made Chaos set up some sort of camp out in the desert promising to teach magic and let people speak with the gods. The two got very close and eventually fell in love which caused him to freak out and urge Eden to pack her things and go before "she" finds out, unfortunately he left earlier than her cause he couldn't say goodbye and eden followed him up to his lab where she saw the eldritch horror and had to fight it as she used chaos as a puppet and in the end had to be put out of her misery due to her injuries and the very real possibility of getting tortured till the end of the world if Visha got her hands on her

Silas is the son of a very rich harpy woman and a monkey person (don't have a name for them yet aaaa), along with his brother Elias. They grew up rich but his brother is selectively mute and was a really emotional kid so everyone in their family treated him as some sort of animal who stained their image and so they only gave silas an education. His dad was a dragon hunter up until the day he was attacked and killed by a "dragon" which is when silas had to step in and fill in his role even tho he was really inexperienced in everything that came with it and deep down he did not want to kill or hurt anything for that matter. He goes off to the desert a year or two after running into eden thinking that she's the one who killed his dad and using it as an excuse to finally get away from his family. Eventually he is rescued by her after his attempts to survive out in the wilderness fail miserably and they live together in the desert till eden is badly injured and has to be rushed to the nearest town for immediate help

Eden and Silas end up moving in together while eden tries to do more research on the gods and the weirdness around the sudden disappearing and chaos' situation degrades as he falls deeper into grief and Visha gets more violent and aggressive. Eventually him and eden run into each other at a festival in the town square and after a bit of freaking out and avoiding each other they talk and eden starts putting the pieces together

There's a bit of back and forth with chaos not being able to reveal much in fear of being watched but eventually they run into each other in an old temple both looking for anything that might give them more info on the gods and in the midst of a very sad embrace visha materializes out of nowhere to formally introduce herself to eden and to kill her for good since at that point she knew way too much. The fight doesn't go her away and upon realizing that eden knows how to use fire really well and could easily burn her to a crisp and undo months of work she goes full flesh monster and breaks one of the pillars holding everything together trying to burry her alive. Eden manages to escape last minute and chaos is left to wake up back at the cult surrounded by mangled bodies and a very hungry and very angry visha

Eventually she goes into a sort of deep hibernation for like a year to conserve her strength after being sure that she scared chaos into submission (she didn't) and while she's not there to keep an eye on everything he goes to eden and silas' place and proceeds to explain everything and then probably faint. At that point in the story he'd be very sick with the same cancer that the gods suffered from quietly and his state would only degrade from then on as they wake them all up and prepare for a final confrontation with the flesh monster

Him and eden wake her up and fight her, he ends up immobilizing her with an old powerful spell so that eden can channel the wrath of her god parent and burn her to an absolute crisp, loosing her right arm in the process

Chaos is caught in the fire and comes out of it alive and better than he ever was, realizing that he's more or less a manifestation of the magic that's in every living thing and that Visha only stayed alive cause she could feed on him (she can only really feed on magic stuff, she started out as a disease that the gods of life and death got after fighting each other and sharing blood)

That's mostly it! There's a lotttt of bits and pieces but i thought it was about time i shared the full story somewhere

Either way thank you all for the support so far!! Tumblr has been genuinely wonderful

Here's an old animatic i did about it

[dyingswanpavlova]

Shortcomings

Aemond Targaryen x Venice Targaryen (sisterwife!reader)

Despite her marriage with Aemond, Venice normally seeks comfort and love in her other brothers arms. Until Aemond suddenly comes up with a wicked idea...

warnings: incest, (oral) sex, cheating, swear words

author's note: hey, sweet people! i haven't actually finished the show yet, so I'm asking you (very hopefully) that you'll kindly ignore if storywise my oneshot doesn't make sense. another thing is that english isn't my first language, so I apologize in advance for any spelling or grammar mistakes. aside from all that, I hope you enjoy reading it. Much love 🤍 Lana.

"Are you anywhere near close?"

Her brother pulled his head back with a frown and tilted it to the side. The expression in his eyes was nothing short of confused, but there was a hint of pain there, she could tell.

"I cannot remember a time before when you asked me something like that", he murmured and averted his gaze.

Wonderful. Just wonderful.

Venice quickly tipped up his chin, her touch gentle and affectionate.

"You know that is not how I meant it", she muttered. "But Aemond might come back any minute now."

It was no secret that Aemond spent most of his time in either the training yard or the library. But sometimes, on rare occasions like that day or well, in the evenings, he managed to make his way back to his sister-wife, obviously one thing in mind.

Conceive.

So far, it hadn't worked. It had been nearly two years of trying. She would have lied, had she claimed to be displeased about it. Having a child, an heir, with Aemond wasn't exactly her dream. But sometimes she asked herself if maybe there was something wrong with her...With her body. Or her soul. Did the Gods think she wouldn't make a good mother, so they kept her from becoming one? Venice wanted children. Desperately. Just not with Aemond. But that wasn't up for debate, since Alicent made it so abundantly clear that they were to wed. And that was the end of it. Which it was. Except, it didn't really end things between Venice and Aegon.

"Fucking hell", Aegon murmured and rolled off of her, his gaze directed at the ceiling. His chest rose and fell hard with each breath and his eyes were nearly unfocused as he kept his gaze averted.

"Please, I...That is truly not how I meant it", she said gently and attempted to touch his cheek. He caught her wrist in a firm grip before she could and he turned to face her.

"Is he still fucking you every night?"

She felt her face flush at the bluntness of his words and coming from him, they stung.

"That is not how this is and you know it", she murmured in a mixture of shame and embarassment. She tried to shrug his hand off, but he was stronger than her and she wasn't really trying all too hard. She sighed and averted her gaze.

"He is my husband after all."

Aegon let out a laugh. A cruel, mocking sound. It was her own fault, she thought. After all it was her who angered him in the first place.

"Yes. And Helaena is my wife. Do you see me up on her every night?"

The flush on her face deepened. "No."

"Maybe I should."

"Aegon!"

"What?" He snapped and shot her a deep glare. "Is it not true? I have not attempted to touch her in years. I thought we were on the same page, but maybe..."

"You have the twins", she interrupted him firmly. "Do you think I enjoy being with him, Aegon? I do not. But he wants an heir, of course he does. Every man does, do they not? And by law, I owe him one. Or at least, I have to try."

His frown deepened and he released his grip on her wrist.

"Yes, well, whatever", he said coolly and got up to get dressed. He slid his breeches back on and kept eyeing her with a hard look.

Venice stayed seated on the bed and met his angry look with a soft, guilty one of her own.

"Please", she said gently. "Do not leave like this. I could not bear it. I will not sleep a wink."

His own expression softened, albeit barely.

"I hate that he gets to touch you", he suddenly said. "That he gets to have you. Every night. While all I get are stolen encounters and Are you anywhere near close?" He mocked openly.

Venice could feel her cheeks burn in shame and she lowered her gaze down to her hands. She looked at the intricate bracelet Aegon had given her many years ago, as a name day gift. He followed her gaze and sighed.

"Do not make that face. You know I cannot stay angry when you make that face."

She looked up at him and it was as though only one thing had stuck with her from the conversation.

"Please, do not touch her", she said quietly.

Aegon's expression softened even more. He stopped fidgeting with his buttons and sat down beside her, gently placing his hand on top of her own. His fingertips ran over the cold metal of the bracelet, a subtle smile on his lips.

"Stupid girl."

That made her smile and he smiled in return. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and murmured: "I will not. I promised you."

Venice gently closed her fingers around his own and whispered: "And I promised you, the moment I am with child, he will not get to touch me ever again. And I meant it. I just...need to get pregnant. Maybe I will some day."

Her eldest brother regarded her with a long, thoughtful look, before he nodded and instead cupped her cheek in his hand. She leaned into the touch without thinking about it and her eyes fluttered shut.

"You will", he whispered gently. "Maybe it will be me who makes sure of it."

Venice felt her breath catch in her throat and her eyes widened almost comically. He had always pulled out so far. The thought of deceiving Aemond like that, of having him raise his brothers son as his own, it felt wrong. But then again...What if it wasn't Venice who was unable to procreate? If it was Aemond, what then? And would it truly be all that bad? He would have his heir and it wouldn't be any less of his child. Aegon wouldn't risk the entire legacy of his family by speaking the truth. And also, how would they even know who the father was? They both had silver hair and amethyst eyes.

"You left me highly unsatisfied", he finally purred and his breath tickled her ear. "I cannot tell if you are familiar with the male body enough to know, but that is rather unhealthy for me. You will have to make up for it by tomorrow."

She grinned and pinched his side.

"As you wish, my prince."

He gave her a warm smile, before he leaned in and captured her lips in a tender kiss.

"I love you", he breathed.

She smiled against his lips. However jealous she was of Helaena for being his wife, she knew she was special for him.

She knew he had never said those words to anyone else. And he wouldn't.

Two hours later, Aemond and Venice made their way back to their chambers from the dining hall. They had hardly spoken a word, as they rarely did as of late. A little bit of polite chatter about his training and her embroidery. Idiot. He didn't even know how she despised embroidery.

It hadn't always been as cold and calculated between them.

Back when he was her brother more than her husband, she had truly adored him. Aemond had been the one who had taught her how to read. She remembered vividly, the day he lost his eye. She had been young, yes, but mostly had she been furious. Like it was yesterday, she remembered the scene infront of the whole family. Rhaenyra had demanded for Aemond to be sharply questioned and before she even realized it, Venice called out the dreaded words.

He is your brother, you wretched whore.

For anyone to hear. Aegon had pulled her back and given her a rough shake. Of course she had expected to get her tongue cut out, insulting the rightful heir so openly. But no. All she got was a good scolding from her nursemaid and Ser Criston had escorted her back to their quarters, before anyone else had to leave.

But aside from that, she recognized the silent pride in her mothers eyes, Aemonds quiet gratitude.

Her engagement to Jacaerys had immediately been broken off and she got betrothed to Aemond instead. She never spoke to either of the bastards again. The bastards of Dragonstone and their miserable mother were all dead to her. Aemond respected her for that.

Things changed when they married though.

At first, Venice tried to be a good wife. She really did. She cut off the intimate encounters with Aegon, calling their relationship sinful. She was a married woman now. She wanted to be proper and good for her husband.

But it didn't work. The consummation had been odd enough. There simply was no...passion. It had felt as though they were trying to weave a shawl. Mechanical. Cold. Calculated. It felt awkward enough for them to kiss, but the moment he slid off his belt Venice had felt cold sweat on her forehead.

Aegon was as much her brother as Aemond was, but to her it felt different. With Aegon she could argue all day, they insulted each other and fought it off, but at the end of the day, they made up and things were good again. They got jealous over each other and they were fiercely protective. Sometimes, a little too much. It was pretty obvious to someone who paid close attention.

It had always been obvious how they had always been in love.

But Aemond...Aemond. Things simply got awkward between Aemond and Venice. She tried for a few months...but eventually, she ended up in Aegon's embrace and she found he was what she needed to be happy. To feel alive. To feel at all.

Venice blamed their mother. Of course she had begged and pleaded for her to let them wed. But no. Tradition.

Aegon The Conqueror had wed Visenya. It was tradition.

But what about the part, where he wed Rhaenys, too?

Venice was the youngest. And by far the greatest troublemaker. She just couldn't keep her mouth shut for her life. After all, she insulted Rhaenyra terribly when she was only seven.

Aemond was far more quiet. That didn't mean he was softer, no. He had this front, these mile high walls, he didn't break them down for anyone. Not even his wife.

There were some rare moments of tenderness. Sometimes when he took her to bed, he would look at her for a while and gently touch her cheek, kiss her forehead and then her lips. It was rare, but it happened. Or whenever he spoke of the eye incident or the things he considered weaknesses. These were the moments when Venice' guilt grew unbearably. She felt always guilty. Always. He was her husband and she was deceiving him, cheating on him with their own brother. And even worse, they were deceiving Helaena.

She didn't do it out of malice. She simply loved Aegon. He was her soul, her heart. She couldn't breathe whenever he was angry at her, truly angry. She feared for his life at all times. She adored everything about him. And she trusted only him in this crude, godforsaken castle. She loved him.

But Gods, she felt guilty about it.

Aemond suddenly spoke up and his voice made her jump. She had hardly noticed that they had finally reached their chambers.

"What?"

"I wanted to know how you feel." He raised brow. "You seem distracted. Are you well?"

"Forgive me", she murmured and rubbed her temples. "I was just lost in thought."

She went over to the dresser and began rummaging through it for a nightdress.

"Anything interesting?"

"No", she murmured absentmindedly. "I guess I simply am tired."

"Too tired?", he asked calmly as he began to fumble with the buttons of his shirt. His skilled hands, most skilled with a sword, trembled whenever he attempted to undress. He was sure it was because of the angle he had to take, looking down with the missing eye. He had to tilt his head in an unnatural manner. Before he could finish, gentle fingers took hold of his own and swiftly undid the rest of his buttons. He gave her a subtle nod.

"So?" He asked calmly. "We must not try tonight. Tomorrow will do fine."

She looked at him thoughtfully. She wasn't really in the mood, but she was never really in the mood with him. Still, the guilt weighed hard on her.

"No, darling. Let us try. I have a feeling it might work for us tonight."

Aemond raised a brow as he slid his breeches off, leaving him only in his smallclothes. He took the eyepatch off and set it aside on his bedside table.

"What makes you think that?"

She shrugged off her current dress and hummed softly.

"Just a feeling I have."

She was about to put on her nightdress, but eventually decided against it. He would slide it off of her anyway in a minute. She placed the dress on a nearby chair and grabbed the big candle in order to light the others.

He couldn't help but stare at her form while she did. She paraded around the room naked and lit the candles like she was some kind of wicked maid. The thought made him smirk to himself.

Aemond slid off his own smallclothes and went to lay on the bed while he waited for her to finish. He hummed softly.

"You look...pretty."

His voice was like silk, so gentle and sweet that it nearly made her cry. His words were what surprised her, he wasn't usually so open for compliments.

She stopped fidgeting with the candles for a moment and looked up at him. Her face flushed slightly as her gaze roamed his naked form. He was lean, but oh-so fit and he was already hard and waiting for her, simply by watching her light the candles that way. Two years later and she still blushed. The thought made his smirk widen.

"Thank you", she murmured.

"Are you trying to set us on fire?" He teased. "Come, get over here." He wasn't normally this impatient either. Sure, he was a man and he had needs obviously, but they were normally rather casual about it. Like it was something that needed to be done. It could be nice at times, but on most days it was simply duty. Or so she thought.

She set the candle aside and slowly approached the bed.

"How should I..."

He caught her wrist and pulled her down, causing her to let out a startled gasp as she stumbled forward and landed on top of him. He looked up at her with a smug expression. Calm as always, but she could see the hint of mischief in his eye.

"Like this", he purred.

Venice opened her mouth and closed it again. She normally wasn't on top. She didn't even know how.

"Are you...sure?"

Instead of answering, he gripped the back of her thighs and tugged her legs apart. She felt her face flush even more as she felt his hardness pressed up right against her.

"Not yet", he whispered. "I want to try something."

She frowned slightly in confusion. "And what?"

"Stay like that", he commanded lowly. "And let me know if you want me to stop."

Her frown deepened and she was about to ask further, when suddenly he disappeared underneath her and into the covers. She froze when she realized where he was headed and her heart skipped several beats. His grip on her thighs stayed firm, but before she knew what was going on, she felt his hot breath wash over her heat. That alone was enough to make her moan.

"Are you sure?", she gasped out breathlessly. "You have never before-"

He quickly closed his mouth around her, taking her in and began teasing her with his tongue. The sound she made was something between a moan and a shriek.

Her fingers clutched at the bedsheets tightly as she tried to keep her balance, all the while his tongue flicked over her wet folds like it was made for that.

Venice quickly forgot who and where she was and the only thing on her mind was Aemond.

Her eyes shot open in surprise.

Aemond. This was Aemond.

She felt herself grow closer and closer to the warm, blissful feeling that his tongue provided. Her moans grew louder and more breathless, while she tangled her free hand in his hair and her nails gently grazed his scalp.

She never ever came before, not with Aemond. But now it felt as though, even if she wanted to stop herself from going over the edge, it was impossible. He licked and lapped at her most sensitive skin, until she felt a white wave of bliss wash over her, so hot and good that she found herself mumbling out Oh Gods, oh Gods, oh Gods- until she went completely still.

He was still underneath her, gently nipping and kissing at her skin, until he felt her shudder and nearly recoil in overstimulation. He slowly pushed himself back up and looked at her with a satisfied smirk.

"How was that?"

Venice couldn't help herself, she collapsed next to him like a puddle. She tried to speak, but all that came out were ragged breaths.

He was very perceptive and most likely knew that she had never reached the peak before, despite her relentless attempts to make it seem like she did. She had never enjoyed their mingling too much, but it would have killed her to purposely hurt him by letting him know the truth.

And still, that night was different. He had caused her to tug on his hair while her eyes rolled back and she nearly screamed out his name. Very uncharacteristic for them.

Eventually she found her voice back.

"That was...insane", she breathed out exhaustedly. "How did you..."

"Your taste is exquisite", he said bluntly and propped himself up on his elbow.

Venice felt herself blush furiously at his words. Just a minute ago, he had buried his tongue in her and now she blushed.

She was sweet, he suddenly realized. His sweet wife.

"I..."

"We can stop for tonight", he interrupted her gently. "I do not wish to overwhelm you."

She stared at him with a soft frown. "Where did you learn that?"

Aemond. Great, stern Aemond. And now it was him whose face was covered in the softest blush.

"I...", he cleared his throat. "I read it. In a book."

"In a book?", she asked incredulously. "What kind of book?"

"Well, none of those you will find in our library", he said matter-of-factly. Then he sighed and lay back down on his back.

"I wished to make you happy. That is all."

She suddenly felt like someone had punched her gut. Make you happy. No, she felt like the worst person alive. A terrible, terrible whore she was. Not Rhaenyra. No. She was the whore.

"But you always make me happy", she choked out barely audibly.

He cocked a brow and shook his head.

"You always compliment my intellect as well as my brains and yet you did not think I would figure out how you pretend to feel pleased for my sake?"

Her cheeks burned hot in embarassment and guilt.

"Aemond, I...I truly did not..."

He gently pressed his index finger against her lips.

"I am not angry. I promise."

When he pulled his finger back, she bit her lip and regarded him with a careful look.

"Please, forgive me. I simply thought, there must be something wrong with me and I did not wish to hurt you. I do enjoy our..."

He raised an expectant brow.

"Our encounters."

Aemond let out a sarcastic laugh and shook his head, his gaze glued to the ceiling.

"Yes. As do I", he murmured sarcastically.

She knew she had no right to feel hurt. But she did, oh Gods, how she did. Before she even realized it, she already wiped a tear off her cheek. He caught the movement and his eye widened in horror.

"No, no, no, I did not mean it like that!" He quickly sat up and took her hands in his. "Venice, that is not what I meant. You must believe me."

She stared down at their intertwined hands, the look in her eyes far away.

"Then how did you mean it?"

"Of course I enjoy being close to you", he murmured and gently wiped her face dry with his palm. "But I always thought something is missing."

Now it was her who raised a brow and he sighed.

"Passion, Venice. The fire. Your pleasure. I might have spilled my seed, yes, but I never felt truly satisfied", he explained quietly. "Because you did not."

Her expression immediately softened and she gently squeezed his hand. After a long moment, she whispered: "I think I know what the problem is."

He looked at her, obviously curious.

"All we ever did was try to conceive", she said quietly. "There is no romance in that."

He hummed softly. "What do you suggest?"

She regarded him with a thoughtful look, before an idea struck her. She bit her lip and gently pushed him back against the pillows.

"What are you doing?", he murmured.

"Shhh." She gently cupped his face in her palms. "Just...stay still and let me try something."

He wanted to question her further, but the second he felt her lips against his neck, he was done for. His good eye fluttered shut and a soft breath came over his lips.

"You do not have to do this", he whispered. "I did not mean it like that when I said I was not satisfied. I am now. I am because you are and-"

When she slowly sunk her teeth into the skin of his shoulder, he broke himself off with a soft groan.

"Oh Gods. Do that again."

She smiled against him and began to gently nibble on his skin like before. She took her time, exploring every inch of his bare chest. He brought up a hand to the back of her head, his fingers gently combing through her hair as his eye stayed shut.

By the time he felt her glide her tongue down his stomach, he shuddered and couldn't suppress the small sound of pleasure.

"Fuck, yes", he breathed out. And when she licked him again, he moaned even louder.

His hardness was so apparent now, she was sure she had never seen or felt him like that. It felt as though the softest touch might cause him to burst.

Venice hummed softly as her tongue rolled along his waistline and her hot breath caused him to inhale sharply.

"Tell me that you want it", she breathed out. "Please, I need to know."

"Want it? Fuck, yes, yes, darling, please."

It was enough to make her smile, but not enough to have mercy. She kissed her way down his thigh, which caused him to whimper.

"I did not tease you like this", he murmured.

"No, you did not." She breathed a puff of hot air against him, causing him to moan loudly. Gods, she had no idea how badly she had craved that sound. "But you caught me off-guard. And this is my way of retaliating."

"If you are trying to get me to beg, Venice-"

"No", she whispered instantly. "You are my leader."

Her words made him pause, then filled him with a sudden rush of power and dominance.

"Open your mouth."

That was more like it.

Slowly, and a little nervously, she parted her lips. Not much and she swallowed down a nervous lump.

He reached down his free hand and gently cupped her jaw.

"Look at me", he commanded softly. And of course she did. She stared up at him with wide, dark eyes as her heart pounded wildly in her chest.

He gently held her in place with one hand, while the other one slowly treaded through her locks. Before she realized it, she felt him press his hardness against her lips, silently begging for entrance. Her breath hitched and she slowly parted her trembling lips even wider, allowing him to inch forward into her mouth, very carefully. When he felt her soft lips and the warmth of her mouth envelop him slowly, he let out a low groan.

"Ah, fuck."

She kept staring up at him with wide eyes, while her body seemed to be on fire. She could feel the dampness between her legs grow into a pool of heat.

Aemond gently tightened the grip in her hair and carefully pulled her closer, which caused her to take him even deeper into her mouth. His eye fluttered shut and he didn't even try to suppress the sounds of pleasure he made, much to her pleasure.

"Let me feel your tongue, darling. Lick it for me."

The heat between her legs grew even hotter and she slowly pushed her tongue forward, carefully running it up and down his tip. She flicked it against him and involuntarily clenched her lips around him, sucking gently.

The sound he made was sinful. And she nearly came again, just listening to him.

"Yes", he breathed out. "Yes, my darling, my sweet. Just like that. Do not stop. Do not..."

He carefully bucked his hips up, causing her to take him in almost all the way. She let out a soft moan and ignored the tears that pricked her eyes. She couldn't focus on that. All she could think about was how she slowly slid her hand between her thighs.

"My good girl", he purred breathlessly. "My beautiful, good girl."

He bucked his hips up and pulled them back and then anew, causing her to whimper.

"Fuck-"

When he felt her gently sucking again, he nearly lost it.

"Harder, darling. Just a little harder."

She immediately obeyed and while her fingers worked on herself relentlessly, she moved her head and took him in as deep as it was possible without being forced to gag. She felt him twitch and throb between her lips and it made her melt.

"Oh darling, I am so close. So close", he gasped out. He moved his hips, gently and carefully, but the grip on her hair was tight, almost bruising. It nearly brought tears to her eyes. And at the same time she knew, she had never felt this aroused before.

He began moving his hips more and more urgently, until he was ready to burst.

"Pull your head back, sweetling. I do not wish to...ruin you."

She looked up at him with the utmost tender care and respect and whispered: "I am your wife, Aemond. Ruin me."

These words were enough to force him to move again. And then he did. He did ruin her. His entire body froze, except for his hardness. He let out a shuddery breath and he throbbed and throbbed until he was sure he had spilled himself in between her lips. He had half a mind to find a napkin for her, but-

Gods, the sound of her swallowing forced him to moan again.

"You did not have to do that", he breathed out and gently held her chin.

Venice could barely open her eyes. The second she felt him go over the edge, her fingers drove her past the point of no return again, causing her to writhe and moan beneath him.

Eventually she pulled her head back and whispered: "But I wanted to."

He gently cupped her cheek in his hand and guided her to come back up to him. When she lay on her side beside him, he kept staring into her eyes and gently caressing her cheek.

"That was...insane."

She smirked. "I thought you were more creative."

He laughed. A rich sound. A sound she hadn't heard in...ever.

Her eyes widened when she realized she wanted to hear it again. And again and again and again.

"Listen, Venice. I know we did not start on the best terms", he said quietly.

Her chest felt tight as she nodded.

"But that...tonight, it showed me that I feel more for you than I initially thought and..." he cleared his throat. He wasn't used to this. Feelings.

"Just...give me a chance." He murmured.

Her eyes widened even more and despite herself, she felt herself nod again.

Aemond pressed a long kiss to her forehead and sighed contentedly. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer, closer, closer.

She felt like she was about to suffocate. But...what...Aegon...

And despite herself, she pushed the thought away.

She was in bed now, with her husband. And suddenly she realized she owed him far more than just an heir. She owed him loyalty and a lifelong marriage.

And that was exactly what she longed for.

[cosyvelvetorchid]

For One Night Only.. Maybe chapter 4 is up!

Read on Ao3 or below

Enjoy!

🩶

Rating: G (for this chapter)

W/C: 3,852

Summary:

It's New Years eve and after talking with Maddie and Eddie Buck realises his feelings.

**********

“Uncle Buck!” Jee yelled excitedly, hurtling towards Buck the second he walked through the door. He opened his arms wide for her to jump into and picked her up. 

“My favourite girl! Did you have a good Christmas with Grandma and Grampa?” She gave a big nod in response. “Well that’s good to hear. Did Santa bring you lots of nice things?” 

“A pony!” 

“A pony?! I don’t think a point would fit in your room.” 

“Not a real pony, silly.” She giggled. She wiggled in his arms to get down and he put her back on the ground. She immediately ran towards her room. 

“Welcome back.” He greeted Maddie with a hug. 

“Thanks. Coffee?”

“Uh, sure.” He followed her into the kitchen. “So, come on, tell me the truth now that they can’t hear you on the phone—how was it?” 

“Surprisingly, calm.” 

“Really?” 

“Uh-huh. I mean they of course criticised Jee’s bedtime, what we fed her for breakfast, oh and my choice of Christmas sweater-“ she rolled her eyes. “But, all in all they were actually pretty well behaved.” 

“Did they, uh.. did they say anything about me?” He asked, expecting to hear the usual criticism. 

“Actually mom said she misses you.” Buck raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, I know it surprised me too.”

“She misses me.” He said not quite believing it. 

“Yep.”

“Wow.” They looked at each both laughed at the absurdity of their mother actually admitting how she felt. 

“How were they with Chim?” 

“Dad actually started calling him Chimney, if you can believe that.”

“You’re kidding?”

“Nope.” Maddie shook her head “When they talked about you they called you Buck, too.”

“Took them long enough.” He scoffed. 

“I missed you there.” She said after a moment. 

“I know.” He looked at her. “I-I know they’re getting better and I’m glad, but.. I’m not ready to act all happy families with them yet.” 

“I understand.” She smiled. “How was Christmas at Tommy’s? I’m surprised you didn’t spend it with Bobby and Athena to be honest.”

“I was going to but Tommy was going to be alone most of the day. I get the feeling he doesn’t have anybody other than his aunt.”

“Has he not mentioned any friends?” 

Buck shook his head. “Not really. He talks about the people he works with, and he likes them, but they’re not close—not like the 118 are anyway.” 

“You’re always trying to save people.” She said. She wasn’t being accusatory, just stating a fact. 

“He doesn’t need saving, Maddie—I just hated the idea of him being on his own for Christmas. It’s the time you’re supposed to spend with people you care about.” He explained. “But it was nice. I cooked us dinner and we spent the day watching movies. Pretty chill.” 

Buck had kept his word and cooked them both a roast turkey with all the trimmings. Tommy had stubbornly refused to let him do all of the work so Buck had delegated the vegetable preparation to him. 

They’d stood side by side in Tommy’s kitchen in their respective aprons, singing along to Christmas music as they worked. Buck was surprised to find out that Tommy had a beautiful singing voice and had tried to convince him to come along to one of Chim’s karaoke nights. Tommy steadfastly refused but Buck hadn’t given up and was determined to convince him eventually. 

Tommy was the most relaxed Buck had seen him since they’d met. They’d laughed and joked, ate good food and drank good wine, and by the time Clara had arrived in the early evening they were a little tipsy. 

But they were aware enough to switch into boyfriend mode as soon as she walked in the door. 

Tommy moved from his previous position at the end of the sofa to the middle so he was closer to Buck. Their legs were against each others and Tommys arm was along the back of the sofa behind Bucks head. 

Every so often his arm would slip down across Bucks shoulder and each time Buck relaxed into him. Slowly bucks eyes got heavier and he fell asleep with his head on Tommys shoulder. 

Tommy gently woke him up some time later and ushered him upstairs to his bedroom. 

“You don’t have to stay here.” He’d said. “But with my aunt in the guest room, you’d either have to go home or sleep on the sofa.”

“That might look suspicious.” Buck had said. 

Tommy then changed in to pyjama pants and a T-shirt and Buck had opted to stay in the sweats he was wearing and they got into his bed. Buck laid on his back and Tommy on his side facing away from Buck. 

It was silent for a while until Tommy spoke. He reached behind himself until he found Bucks hand and held it gently. 

“Thank you, Evan.” He had whispered in the dark; his voice thick with sleepiness. 

“For what?”

“Best Christmas I’ve ever had.” He lightly squeezed Bucks hand before sleep quickly took over his consciousness and his hand loosened but didn’t fall out of Bucks. 

Buck had laid still; his hand still holding Tommy’s, listening to his soft breathing. It was pitch dark in the room so Buck hadn’t been able to see what Tommy looked like in his sleeping state but he couldn’t help picturing his face soft and relaxed. He sighed deeply trying to calm the flutter in his stomach at the image.

He thought about why this could be Tommys best Christmas. All they did was eat and drink and hang out—it wasn’t exactly a raging party. He thought about his own sad Christmas’s as a child and wondered if Tommy had experienced something similar. He knew that Tommy had loved with Clara for a while and that his dad was homophobic, but beyond that Buck knew nothing about Tommy’s childhood. 

Eventually he had drifted off into sleep still holding Tommys hand. 

“Uncle Buck, look!” 

Buck turned to see Jee dragging a giant stuffed pink pony, bigger than herself, across the floor. 

“Woah!” He cried out. “Santa really did he you a pony, huh?”

“You should have seen Chim carrying that through the airport.” Maddie laughed. 

“It’s probably bigger than him!” Buck joked. 

“Hey.” Maddie lightly chastised with a soft whack to his arm. 

Buck sat down on the floor and laid against the giant pink fluffy horse. Jee immediately jumped on top of him causing to let out an “oomf!”. She giggled as he bounced her up and down on his legs.

“Stop me if I’m being too intrusive but-“

“Since when has stopping you ever actually stopped you?” Buck said back to her. 

Maddie ignored his response. “Have you met someone?” 

Buck stilled from bouncing Jee. “What? No. What- w-why would you ask that?” 

“Just.. I don’t know, these last couple of months you’ve been- you’ve seemed more.. at ease. Little bit more settled, maybe.” 

She wasn’t wrong. He had been feeling like his life was becoming some more of what he wanted it to be. He loved his job—even on the bad days, he had his 118 family, Maddie and his niece whom he adored. His culinary skills had never been better thanks to Bobby and now he had Tommy in his life. 

This amazing firefighter pilot that he still couldn’t believe was his friend. 

Being around Tommy was easy. He never felt like he was in the way when he was around him; that his presence was wanted. They shared the same witty banter and playful insults, could read each others body language and when they had to pretend to be dating, they fell into it with such ease that there were moments when Buck had to remind himself that Tommy wasn’t actually his boyfriend. 

Buck loved Eddie. He loved Bobby and Hen and Chim and Karen and Athena. And they loved him, he knew that, he felt that. But they all had the tendency sometimes to treat him like a child. Or an over excited Labrador that needed a whack on the nose occasionally. 

Tommy never did that. Tommy let him be Evan. Tommy gave him a space to show every part of himself without fear of judgment or condescension. He accepted Evan flaws and all. 

For the first time in his life Buck was beginning to feel like Evan was enough. 

“I guess I am.” 

“What’s changed?” She asked. 

“I’ve just been feeling more myself self lately.” 

“Does this have anything to do with Tommy?” She had a knowing look that Buck wasn’t sure was about. 

“Uh, yeah. Kind of. We-we’ve become really good friends. I feel like.. like he really sees me, ya know?” 

Maddie looked at him for a beat and tilted her head. “Is that all?” 

“Wha-what else is there?” He asked. 

“I just- Look, you know I love you, right?”

“Yeah. I love you too, Maddie. And I love you the most!” He tickled Jee still sat in his lap on the floor. 

“And you know that no matter what I will always love you. And always accept you. Whoever you are.” She raised her eyebrows as though they somehow sent a message that Buck wasn’t getting. 

“Thank you..?” He said confused. 

“I’m just saying that you will always be my brother and however you feel about.. certain things.. I will always support you. No matter what. Don’t ever forget that.” 

“Are you talking about Tommy and I?” He asked and she nodded. “We’re just friends.” He told her. 

“Right, but if you were more than that, that would okay.” 

“A-actually there’s.. there’s something I should tell you.” 

“Oh really?” She said, smiling. 

“It’s not what you think.” He said. “Okay, it’s kind of what you think but not-“ He stopped himself and took a breath. “He and are in a kind of fake relationship.”

“Fake?” 

“We’re pretending to be in one so his aunt stops trying to set him up with men.” He explained.

“Buck.” She said in that admonishing tone. 

“It’s fine, okay. I don’t mind. And-and Clara is actually really cool for an old lady.” 

“So, you’re pretending to be together?” 

“Yes.”

“Okay. How does that work? What do you.. do?” She raised a curious eyebrow. 

“Nothing like that.” He waved his hand. “We just- we act like we normally do as friends, but also hold hands sometimes, put an arm around each other, sometimes kiss each other-“ Maddie's eyes opened wider “on the cheek.”

“Right.” She said looking skeptical. “Well, whatever he is to you, you do seem happier.” She smiled softly. 

“I am.”

*****

Somehow the 118 A shift had managed to also New Year’s Eve off this year and Bobby and Athena were going to hosting a party for everyone. Eddie and was flying back to attend and Tommy and Buck were driving to pick them up. 

“What’s your New Year’s resolution?” Buck asked as they drove along the freeway. 

“Do I look like the kind of guy that makes New Year’s resolutions?”

“No, but you don’t look like a guy who has the voice of an angel either.” 

Tommy scoffed. “Evan, I am not doing karaoke no matter how much you bug me about it.”

“I didn’t say anything!” He protested. 

“Uh-huh.” 

Buck laughed. “Seriously, you don’t believe in resolutions?” 

“I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume that you do?”

“I mean.. yeah. I feel like the new year is like a fresh start, ya know? A chance to look at where your life is and who you are and maybe chance some things.” 

“You don’t need a new year to do that—you can change any time you want.” Tommy countered. 

“I guess. But there’s something about a brand new year that feels good. It’s stupid I know.” 

“Hey, it’s not stupid. If it’s something you like to do then that’s okay. Just because it’s not my thing doesn’t mean it can’t be yours. Tell me—what are your New Year’s resolutions?”

Buck turned in the passenger seat to face Tommy a little. “I definitely want to be more disciplined in the gym.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. It’s hard not to want to be when one of your best friends is built like a tank.” He reached out and gently squeezed Tommys upper arm. 

Did Tommy hear that right? Evan just referred to him as one of his best friends?

“Best friend?” He questioned. 

“Well, yeah.” He said earnestly.

Tommy felt mixed emotions at that. A part of him felt privileged that someone like Evan would see him that way. Truthfully—and perhaps pathetically—he’d never had a best friend before. It was entirely his own doing—he’d never let anybody get close enough to him to build that kind of bond with someone. But Evan was just so easy to know it was no wonder he burrowed himself into Tommys life so easily. 

But, there was a large part of him that felt disappointed. And sad. He knew that Evan was straight, but that didn’t stop Tommy from developing.. something towards him. But despite knowing Buck was straight there was that little delusional side of his brain that hoped that maybe he wasn’t entirely. 

It didn’t help that on numerous occasions he’d wondered if Evan was flirting with him. The way he looked at Tommy or playfully insulted him had him thinking that, although it was an incredibly small chance, maybe it meant something. 

But hearing Evan referring to him as a best friend put an end to those hopes. It wasn't like Evan was a consolation prize--he was a wonderful man to know. But it still stung to have it confirmed that he saw Tommy as nothing more than a friend. 

“Good.” He said smiling at his passenger. There was no doubt his hopes had been dashed, but he really was still grateful to have met Evan and have him in his life. 

Buck regretted calling Tommy one of his best friends as soon as the words came from his mouth. He wasn’t lying—he really did see Tommy as one of his best friends. But what he felt for Tommy was more than that. 

When they weren’t together he thought him constantly; always wondering what he was doing and counting down the hours or days until they saw each other next. He’d turn his head on the street when somebody walked past wearing the same cologne. Every time his phone would ping his heart would light up hoping it was a text from him. 

And there had been numerous times when they were alone he’d honestly thought Tommy was flirting with him. And every time he’d feel his stomach flutter and his skin flush with heat. As much as their romantic relationship was fake, he couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like if it were real. 

But Tommy seemed happy with the best friend designation, and Bucks hope of Tommy liking him were slashed. 

~

“Welcome back.” Buck greeted Eddie with a hug. 

“I didn’t realise you were bringing your boyfriend.” Eddie said hugging Tommy. 

“You told him?” Tommy asked Buck, surprised.

“I had to! If Clara came over and saw the two of you rolling around in your garage she might say something about me.” 

“There’s no rolling, Evan—it’s called sparing.”

“Thank you!” Eddie added. 

Buck rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

“If you want I can spar with you sometime. I might even go easy on you.” Tommy said playfully nudging Buck with his elbow. 

“Hey, I don’t need you to go easy on me!” Buck protested. “I reckon I could take you.”

“Oh really?” 

“Is this what you guys are like around Clara?” Eddie asked. 

“What are you talking about?” Asked Buck. 

Eddie looked at them for a second before shaking his head. “Nothing. What time is Bobbys party?”

“Uh, 8 o’clock.” 

“Do we have to bring anything?” Eddie asked. 

“I’m bringing some beer.” Tommy answered. 

“And I’ve made a large batch of brownies.” Added Buck. 

“Are they the chocolate fudge ones?” Tommy asked. 

Buck nodded. “Yup.” 

“Remind me to hide a couple of those before everybody eats them.” 

“No need—there’s an extra batch in my fridge for you.” 

Tommy smiled warmly at the thoughtful gesture as Bucks phone pinged in his pocket. 

“It’s Bobby—he wants us to pick up a few things for him for the party.” 

“Alright. We can stop on the way back to Eddie’s.” Tommy suggested. 

~

The three of them walked into the grocery store and Tommy went off to pick up the wine he said he’d bring leaving Eddie and Buck to get the things Bobby needed. 

“So.” Eddie began as they walked along the meet aisle. “You and Tommy.”

“What about us?” Eddie simply raised his eyebrows at him. “What?” Buck repeated. 

“You said this relationship you were in was fake.” 

“It is.” 

“And the flirting?”

“What flirting?” Buck asked throwing a few packs of pork chops into the basket. 

“At the airport.” Eddie reminded him.

“What? That-that wasn’t flirting.” 

“Buck. I’ve seen you flirt. On the job and off—that was textbook flirtatious Buck.” 

Buck rolled his eyes. “Shut up. It was not.” 

It wasn’t intended to be at least. Was it possible to flirt without realising it? Historically, Buck was great at flirting. He knew how to use his words, his tone, his body language—every move he made was intentional. But that was with women. 

He’d never actively flirted with a man before. He liked Tommy, there was no doubt about that anymore, but Tommy thought of him a friend only. So why would Buck flirt with him?

Eddie knew what Buck looked like when he was having an internal debate and threw him a lifeline. 

“If you say you’re not flirting then you’re not flirting. But for the record, it wouldn’t change a thing between us.” He placed a hand on Bucks shoulder. “Okay?” 

Buck wasn’t ready to talk about his confusing, and clearly unreciprocated feelings yet, but he appreciated Eddie’s sentiment. 

“Thanks.”

“You guys got what you need?” Tommy came up from behind lugging a basket full of wine bottles. 

“Uh, yeah.” Buck replied. “We got everything.”

*****

By 10pm the party was in good spirits. Music was playing—at “an acceptable volume so people can have an actual conversation” as per Athena’s instruction, the dining table, formally covered in food, was half empty and everyone was dotted around the house in various conversations. 

Hen and Karen were in the kitchen with Athena, Chim and Tommy were reminiscing with Bobby about the 118, and Maddie and Eddie were playfully arguing over what music to play. 

Buck was leaning against the fireplace wall watching Tommy. He couldn’t help it. The way his mouth moved when he spoke, the little twitches in his eyebrows when reacting to something Bobby was saying and those beautiful creases around his eyes when he smiled. 

He was mesmerising. 

“Earth to Buck.” Eddie snapped his fingers in front of Bucks face. 

Buck shoved Eddie’s hand away. “What?” 

“Alright.” Eddie said. “Come with me.” 

“Where?

“Outside. Come on.” 

Buck glanced over at Tommy again who caught his eye and smiled before focusing back on what Chim was talking about. Eddie slid the glass door open and closed it again behind them. 

“What’s going on?” Buck asked. 

“You and Tommy.” 

“We’ve had this conversation, Eddie.” Buck moved to open the door again by Eddie stepped in front of him. 

“And this time you’re going to tell me the truth.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“Buck, I can practically see the hearts floating around your head like a damn cartoon every time you look at the guy.” 

“I-“ Buck wanted to argue back that Eddie was wrong but what was the point? He gave in with a sigh, walking over to one of the day beds and sitting down. Eddie followed suit and sat across from him. 

“It doesn’t matter anyway.”

“Why?”

“Because he.. Were friends. He’s made it clear that’s all he sees me as.” He admitted. 

“But you want more?” 

“I dunno, I- We’re.. Yeah. I do.” He sipped from his beer bottle and picked at something imaginary on his jeans. 

He looked at Tommy through the window and sighed. He was grateful to be friends with him and if that’s all he could have of him, he’d gladly take it. But he couldn’t pretend that he wasn’t sad that that’s all he could have of him. 

“I gotta say I didn’t think that this is where your interest would lie.” Eddie said. 

“What, Tommy?”

“No, I mean guys in general.” He clarified.

“I didn’t either. I love women—I’ve always loved women.”

“How long have you been leaning in the other direction?” 

“I haven’t. N-not specifically.” He said. “I mean, sure I’ll check out a hot guys ass but that’s normal.”

Eddie gave him a weird look before it shifted into recognition. “Oh my god!” 

“What?”

“When we were in Texas helping out the 126. There was something about the way you were talking to that guy. What was his name. Uh…”

“TK?”

“TK. Yes. The way you were talking to him. Looking back now you were totally flirting with him.” 

“I was not!” Buck protested. “And didn’t you say earlier that you know when I’m flirting?”

“Yeah, now—I didn’t know then as well as I do now. Now I can spot it a mile away.” He sipped his beer. “Trust me—you were flirting.”

Looking back, Buck did think that TK was good looking. He was exceedingly competent at his job and competency was always something that he found attractive in the women he liked. Between his skills as a firefighter, the love his team had for him and the fact that he was willing to fly into a forest fire to save somebody he loved, Buck had thought that he was jealous of TK. Maybe it was actually a crush. 

“I'm curious--what is it about Tommy?” Eddie asked. 

Buck again looked towards Tommy then back at Eddie. “He’s just so cool, and-and confident. He has a cleft.” He couldn’t help the corner of his mouth rising. “He’s calm to be around and when he makes fun of me it doesn’t make me feel bad. I feel good when I’m around him.” 

“But he doesn’t feel the same about you?” Eddie questioned. 

“No, I don’t think so.” 

“You don’t think so? Has he actually said he only thinks of you as a friend?” 

“I mean.. not technically, but-“

“Have you asked him?” Eddie interrupted. 

“No. And I’m not going to, before you ask.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because the chances of him liking me are slim and-and I’m not going to humiliate myself and ruin our friendship in the process.” He shook his head. “No. Trust me, it’s better that things stay as they are between us. As friends.”

“Look, Buck, I think that you-“

The glass door slid open and Tommy stood with his phone in his hand and a pained expression on his face.

“What’s wrong?” Buck immediately stood up. 

“That was the hospital. It’s Clara.”

“What happened? Is she okay?” 

“She.. she had a heart attack.”

**********

[kopiicryptid]

Can you yap about Squidwashing?

Oh my god OP you're gonna so regret this/lh

SquidWashing AU: LORE EDITION‼️

CW: Spoilers for Mouthwashing and Season 2 of Squidgames, mentions of death, assault, what you can typically expect from these two medias.

Gonna start by discussing the world-building then hop to the characters!!

So in this universe, Pony Express is still a giant company, although far from financial ruin. They're actually more of monopoly if anything, just consuming more and more business enterprises. While the company itself isn't majorly relevant to the plot, I like to think the people up top are somewhat involved as VIPS or sponsors of the game. Part of me is tempted to say that Polle is also an actual person in this AU as the one in charge of the games or even as player 001 in season 1.

In addition, the layoffs are still relevant in this AU. With the rise of AI and technology, they ended up dismissing a huge portion of their workforce to cut costs and because human labor has become unnecessary. However, the real ulterior motive here is that they laid off employees that they knew were financially struggling a.k.a. most of the lower-working class in their company, which in turn creates more fodder for the games. It's a coincidence that Pony Express just can't help but to take advantage of.

The games themselves are held on a massive ship in space, called the Kraken. It travels far from where usual transport lines cross so there's little chance of the contestants being found. It's only close enough to some lines just for the sake of importing materials and things needed on board, otherwise, you can argue that all the contestants are practically stranded in space. Given that rich people are investing in this, there's enough money for them to build giant rooms and decks on this ship, along with utilizing technology like simulators, holograms, etc for the games.

Now onto the players!

Curly - #456

It's obvious that he of all people plays our main lead, player 456 in place of Gi-Hun. He's won the game before so now he's back to save people and put an end to it. His first time in the games was mostly people he didn't know aside from a couple of coworkers he's known for quite some time and people from long ago. Either way, it's enough for him to feel such survivor's guilt that he can't just sit back and do nothing.

As to why he's in the games, it's partially similar to Gi-Hun's. Years ago he participated in a worker's strike against Pony Express, one that got violent and left him with some PTSD. Ever since, he's been struggling to hold a job due to how technology-driven their world is, most piloting jobs are done by automatic systems so he ends up doing odd jobs here and there, small deliveries and such for cheap. However, losing his job from PE left him with crippling debts that have yet to be paid, and it doesn't help either that he had a habit of loaning money to less fortunate friends of his, so there's not much for him in the bank.

After the first games, Curly, like Gi-Hun, spent his money and time investigating the games, but it all boiled down to him knowing that it'd be near impossible to take it down from the outside. He'd have to do so within the games themselves. During his investigations, he also discovered the potential involvement of Pony Express, yet there's still not enough evidence for him to present...

Anya - #222

Although this was another obvious choice, I'd like to say there's a lot of change in terms of Anya's story and that of #222's/Jun-Hee's. Anya is still pregnant in this AU and yes it's Jimmy's (I'll get to that in a bit), but instead of wanting the money so that she can raise the baby, it's so she can afford the abortion and have money left over for medical school because of how the procedure would take all the money she has left.

Now for the pregnancy, I still wanted to make it Jimmy's because I didn't want to erase that from the source media after all. The two know each other only because were coworkers at some minimum wage job, but they weren't that close. You might ask why doesn't Anya tell the others about Jimmy, she can't. In this AU, all of them are strangers to each other except for Curly, Jimmy, and Swansea, and Swansea only knows Curly. She wouldn't feel comfortable just dropping that bomb onto a bunch of strangers, it’s not an easy thing to confess something so personal to someone you just met. Especially when she realizes that Curly and Jimmy are close friends. Not to mention, I don't think she'd want this to define her, Anya would try to focus on the games themselves without causing further unnecessary drama. She knows this team is the only group she can rely on to survive, so she's taking advantage of it all she wants, even if it means dealing with Jimmy. There's no point in bringing up something that could tear them all apart or worse, put her on Jimmy's hit list.

In a way, these two have a mutual understanding that the r*pe is something they're keeping under wraps because Jimmy knows Anya has the power to tear him down with it, and doing so is Anya's way of keeping Jimmy in check. A way for her to regain some kind of control over him, if you will.

Jimmy - #001

Jimmy's story is the most different from his character here, and I envision his storyline and personality being a mix of #218/Sang-Woo from S1 and #001/Frontman from S2. He went to piloting school with Curly and was fairly good at it. He and Curly were close friends, although they slowly drifted after graduation due to their jobs. Jimmy fell from grace when he kept screwing up jobs and got reported at work one too many times, that and a few problems in his personal life like getting into fights, picking up bad habits, etc, going from a dependable pilot to a washed-up nobody leeching off of all his connections.

It should be obvious why Jimmy's in the games but what's less obvious is why he's a traitor. Rather than being the Frontman, Jimmy's working with the Frontman. After hearing that Curly was coming back to the games to stop them and then finding out that Jimmy used to be a close friend of his, the Frontman struck a deal that they'd guarantee Jimmy moderate assistance in the games, in exchange for keeping Curly in line. And of course, Jimmy took the deal with no hesitation, but in reality, he's just another pawn on the board.

And like #222's ex in the show, Jimmy at one point goes to Anya and tries to convince her to keep the baby, that their money combined will be enough for them to start a family. Obviously, this is just a tactic for Jimmy to control most of the finances and it's him fooling himself, thinking that he could 'turn a new page' by pursuing a 'normal' life. Anya declines, and rightfully so.

Swansea - #390

Ironically, Swansea is the most disconnected from #390/Jung-Bae in terms of personality, yet his story is quite fitting. Alongside Curly, Swansea was a participant in the PE worker strikes, which also meant that he lost his job and ended up with barely enough to support his family, especially with his looming alcoholism. On the brink of a divorce, Swansea joined the games in hopes that the money would convince his wife to stay with the kids and that he could afford rehab in the process. He's simply a man who wants to keep his family together, but deep down, there's a cynical part of him that just wonders what would happen if he let it all fall apart then and there.

Out of everyone aside from Anya, Swansea was the first to catch onto how suspicious Jimmy was, confirmed only when he witnessed Jimmy kill another player without hesitance, just like Jung-Bae did with the Frontman. On a different note, Swansea has the same slight parental instinct that Jung-Bae did to #388, who in this case, is obviously Daisuke.

In relation to Curly, Swansea is closer to Curly here than in the games, mainly for the fact that they were coworkers for years in Pony Express and kept some contact after the strikes. I like to think Swansea invited Curly to his home on occasion, and that his wife welcomed him too, pitying that such a nice man was struggling so much.

Daisuke - #388

After seeing so much fanart of Daisuke and #388/Dae-Ho, I had to watch S2 and jump on this AU, so thank that for the reason I'm even yapping. Daisuke's backstory is also different here, maybe a little drastically. Daisuke and his mom were refugees escaping a warring region when he was fairly young. Years later, they became citizens of the region they're in and are considerably well off in terms of career, yet his mom still has numerous debts to be paid from the process of citizenship and the years she spent on her education so that she could provide for Daisuke.

Daisuke decided to participate in the games to relieve her debt, and hopefully make her proud.

And yes, the warring region mention is relevant since Daisuke ends up having a PTSD episode similar to Dae-Ho during the player uprising. Also, it's partially me projecting my SE Asian background and history onto one of my favorites, sue me I guess. Daisuke likes to boast that he's a brave kid with a mean swing and how he managed to escape a war so the games are light work.

So if you've made it this far, congrats! I'd love to hear your thoughts and ideas if you have any! I definitely have some more, but for now, I just wanted to make a basic post to establish the roles and world around it. If you guys make any content based specifically on my version of the AU, PLEASE TAG ME, PLEASEEEEE!! Also...

Bonus // Atlas - #120

Because why not? There's no harm in me inserting my Mouthwashing OC and plus, they actually really fit #120's/Hyun-Ju's character.

Just like Hyun-Ju, Atlas is a trans person, although their assigned birth gender is private and they're specifically a trans-nonbinary individual. Besides needing the money for the rest of their operations, Atlas is also impoverished and hopes to use the funds to finish piloting school. In this AU and their official canon, Atlas is ex-military; they worked in special forces as a unit captain and used the money to afford their surgeries. However, after an incident that caused them to voluntarily step down from service, they became severely indebted and eventually homeless.

Atlas is aware of Anya's pregnancy and knows Jimmy and Curly well through word of mouth in the few years of piloting school they attended, but they were hardly friends or acquainted with the two before the games. They're suspicious of Jimmy, however they're more suspicious of the Frontman and those in charge of the games. The games were a rumor in the special forces, and something about the Frontman seems familiar...

[bloodspick]

featuring: scuffed designs, @wreckowafer's yunie, and elsie relationship chart rambles under cut

robin -> elsie feels indebted to her. they have an odd relationship of caretaker (or protector)/victim that is reversible. robin is older than elsie and used to look out for her, though in monetary means, elsie is the one taking care of it.

it's created a relationship where robin is incapable of finding fault or able to express any negative feelings towards elsie she might have. each other's therapists, unfortunately.

elsie -> robin genuinely cares but doesn't truly feel anything romantic towards robin. wants her to be well yet isn't emotionally available or exactly around a lot of the time. guard dog that doesn't fully understand play or how to comfort, finds robin's trauma suffocating yet understands no one else can truly be there for robin that isn't her

(c!)sydney -> elsie fully infatuated and in love. have been close since they were children, even more so than robin was given elsie was a fellow churchgoer. unaware of elsie's less legal skill-sets, jobs, or even understands who she really is, but her acceptance of whom he is made him very happy (or so he thinks, at the very least) thinks she's smart and hardworking, unaware of all things orphanage.

elsie -> (c!)sydney while elsie wasn't religious before being orphaned, jordan's care as well as the environment of the temple made her fond of the whole thing. reconnected with sydney as she often stayed late in the school library to avoid going back to the orphanage. finds sydney cute and endearing, someone fond and nice to be around. isn't sure if this is love, but it's the closest thing to the real deal, right? thinks it's funny to tease him lol

kylar -> elsie obsessed with elsie when she rescued her from bullies. pictures her as this perfect fairytale prince, yet someone who couldn't possibly do any wrong and needs kylar to care and protect her. it's constant contradictions with how she thinks of elsie. fawns over her all the time. ignores elsie's questionable jobs and thinks she'd make both the perfect stay-at-home wife who could hone her gardening skills without issue, yet pictures her as the ideal breadwinner whom would spoil her without complains. deeply jealous of the fact she seems to be busy most often than not, and chooses to ignore the potential fact elsie might be cheating on her. her darling isn't capable of something so scummy like that, right?

elsie -> kylar deeply, deeply afraid of kylar ever since she saw her to be the one stalking her and stealing her clothing. only got closer to her out of a fear of any potential danger kylar could do to her. finds her pitiful and pathetic above anything else, nowadays, or even a bit of a burden. nonetheless, likes her enough as to keep her around. she's useful, too, after all. learns to stay quiet and let kylar do whatever she wants long enough as to not make her cause troubles in her routine.

whitney -> elsie sexually obsessed with someone whom seems unobtainable. doesn't fully understand her. both tries to subdue her through sexual attempts as well as awkwardly hanging out with her outside of school when he catches her sneaking out at night. weird relationship where they are begrudging equals. whitney is the closest to knowing elsie as she is, yet is emotionally inept as to not say anything about it.

elsie -> whitney finds him deeply, deeply irritating. fought nail and claw anytime he tried to accost her, to the point she'd rather jump the fence, or use the secret tunnels to avoid him whilst leaving school. figured that if she were nice to him, maybe he'd return the favour. ended up accidentally becoming his girlfriend in his eyes. has no clue what to do about it. they 100% fuck (whitney thinks it's because they are in love. elsie because she is, very unfortunately, attractive to him). (she wants him to stop calling her a slut. that implies people pay her.)

also, to clarify: elsie doesn't have a main li nor does she really consider any of them her one true partner lol. it's not cheating for cheating's sake, she sees it as wanting to please/make most of the main hindrances in her life happy and make the most out of her relationships for her facilitated survival

doesn't even truly sees it as cheating because she has a wack sense of romantic love aye. isn't ever touching eden, gh, or bw ever sorry she values her autonomy all too much for them