#since for now it's just unreality but it may change so you know. stay safe and all that. ask me if something is going to be in there that

[itsgrimeytime]

The Nurse (Part Nine) || Rick Grimes (TWD)

Part One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine

AVAILABLE ON AO3

Taglist: @strnqer @1985bitch @curlycarley @imaginemyfavoritefics @t-uroboros @crazytxgradstudent @addisonnie @whos6claire @taylvvrr @quicksilversg1rl @catt-leya @1tsk1tty @pascalshearts @hopefulatrocity @xoyouronlyamorrxo @fuseburner @idkseraphine @all-for-kpop @carlgrimeskisser @emo-potato-virgil @timotheesrealgf @mcuclintasha @8crazy-freak8 @peepeepoopoobutt @crazyunsexycool @moneyoverl0v3 @alixxhere @allthetroubleiveseen

Summary: Before all this, you were a nurse. A nurse who had patients, one of which was a man in a coma. A sheriff, you think, it was all kinda fuzzy now. When it all went sideways, you set up what you could for the man - but had to leave. You’d always wondered where he’d ended up; until in your search of shelter, you run into a familiar face.

TWS: Blood, gore, angst, mentions of death, gun violence (just violence in general), corpse mention, knife wound mention, being held hostage, being held at gunpoint, threats, swearing, and all things typical of TWD.

[[ A/N: Unrelated, but this gif is chef's kiss 👌. Like impeccable quality, eyes so blue blue. Like hello sir~ Another cliffhanger??? In this economy??? It's more likely than you think... Back on the bullshit, let's see what happens, girlies <3 Anyway, thanks so reading :)) ]]

You exhaled, hands shaking against the chill of the air -Woodbury was eerily empty. A part of you knew The Governor was unstable, but seeing the houses with no inhabitants? It only proved it.

"You stay here," he spoke -hand insistent on your wrist. He hadn't let go since the prison -fingers pushed into your skin with the intent to hurt. You remember Rick's eyes heavy on it, the setting of his jaw -the drag of the glare on him.

Clearing your head, you stepped forward into the room -not fighting, not as long as he could hurt your people. You knew what you signed up for, it wasn't new to you.

As long as they're safe, you repeated in your head, as long as they're safe.

The room was concrete, walls thick and a single table in it's stead. A large florescent light on the ceiling that would've made you have a headache if it had worked. It was dark, other than a single window along the far wall -so small that the sunlight barely seeped through.

He didn't say another word -the click of the lock behind you saying enough.

Letting out a hefty sigh, your voice low and thick with tears you hadn't let fall, you leaned against the wall sinking to the floor. With the fall of your next breath, you closed your eyes.

You hadn't really processed anything, it all felt unreal on your skin -like a dream, like you weren't really there. Except for...

'Please,' -so desperate to have you right there, keep you there, it was unspoken. He couldn't say it then, stakes so high and the world he'd so carefully crafted were all on the line. But you could see it, don't leave me.

And yet, you did.

It was so odd, trying to rationalize it then, why would you caused him such pain? Why would you put everything on the line?

You had to answer, you wanted him to know-

'I love you,' -it was like taking a breath of fresh air, despite being where you were, certainly on the brink of a goodbye, you felt free. Even for just a second, while the story may have come to an end, you felt free. Wonderfully so.

It was those two moments that struck your head in the dim silence of the room -bouncing around like they could change. Like anything could change.

It can't and it won't and that was your decision.

You wouldn't regret it.

As long as they're safe, you repeated, again -like the words could solve the ever aching hole in your chest, as long as they're safe.

You'd hoped he'd keep his word, it was all about power in the kind of vacuum the world had devolved into. And you hoped he realized the power he had.

Not with his own group, or weapons, or an army. It was you.

He had power over Rick because of you.

The guilt you felt coil into your stomach was like a deep thrum of a string. Resonating through your skin, like the ache of a bone. Distant and close all at once. You hated it, hated causing him any sort of pain-

'Please-'

Still, you'd take it over him dead any day. He could hate you, despise you, never wish to see you again, never search for you, move on, and, sure, you'd feel it. Like a cracked open chest, you'd be shred to pieces. A shell of someone you once were, sure, but...

But he would be breathing.

You couldn't take the chance that he wouldn't. Couldn't take the chance that his luck wouldn't run out, that the Governor would have mercy, that he wouldn't run to put himself in the exact place you were in now.

If it was him or you, you'd made a decision. And stuck to it.

Still, as your fingers dusted along the floors -the texture providing some sort of grounding from your thoughts, there was a flame in your heart. Just a tiny one that no matter how hard you tried stayed lit.

It was hope that despite everything, despite chosing this path yourself... that it could be fixed. That you could be saved.

You'd been here before, locked away like a prisoner in exchange for knowledge, in a ruse of companionship when the timing was just right, or just out of fear. Fear of what you might do, what you might bring to their safety, if you posed a threat. You'd experienced many things in the apocalypse, being a pawn in someone else's chess game was far from the worst.

You just... you missed everything.

Back then, when you'd been locked away -you were running on nothing. Maybe a distant memory of the hospital, of coffee breaks and overnights, of normalcy, of a schedule. Or maybe even when you were younger, a family vacation -the feeling of the sun on your skin and the wind in your hair.

It was all so far away then, something you couldn't have either way.

But the prison? Rick?

It was all there. You could have it, you did.

This wasn't something impossible to get. Nothing so distant from your life now, it was your life.

But not anymore.

You didn't know how many days passed, as you stared at the endless abyss of gray haze that the room had become. The distant scent of rain sneaked in through the small window -all mildewy and grass-drenched waves.

The Governor hadn't needed medical help, not really; you'd simply watched as he ended lives like it was as natural as a flick of the wrist. He certainly didn't need to keep people alive when he had a hand in injuring them himself -eyes set in a sort of distant haze like he wasn't really there.

You were worried you'd be on the end of that stick one day -doing or saying the wrong thing. Watching as people begged, fear sunk into their skin and despite being in a world unfamiliar and scary, they were far more scared of him. Far more scared of not living.

He made you watch usually, some sort of twisted take on your oath -you'd promised to help people, save them from ailments. And yet, you couldn't stop him when he so casually ended a life -not that you hadn't tried, but it had ended where everything always did.

"Don't make me take back my promise," he'd seethed, hand insistent on your skin -pushing into the skin so harshly you were sure you'd bleed.

So, you'd mindlessly stood as his descent became clearer -the deaths became more vicious. A lack of control eating away at his being, you watched him search for it.

If you'd been smarter, you would've known this was the time to look -the time to act, uproot him from the ground. But you weren't thinking, you couldn't -scrubbing away at your skin like it could wash away the death you'd seen. The merciless death of people who didn't deserve it.

You'd seen rage misplaced, blood spilled on something insignificant but this? It had no reason. Not one. The Governor killed simply to kill, like controlling others with fear could somehow gain him his life back.

Gain Penny's life back.

The first time you'd seen her it was back when he still had the shred of charisma that gave him the leadership role. Insistent on treating you as a 'Woodbury citizen' with a faulty sense of faith (fear) in their leader. Like you hadn't known the descent he was in.

He'd shown you a photo of a little girl, brunette, blue-eyed and smiling. Talked about her as if she was right there as if the photo was her, in a sense of disconnect. Your heart sunk at the picture, knowing the hell this world had instilled there -the girl had died before she'd even had a chance to live.

There had been a pity for the man that day, a slice through you at the loss he'd experienced.

It hadn't lasted.

"This is Penny," he'd said as if was the most normal thing in the world -merely dragging you into his home. Your pity had all but vanished after seeing the small figure, propped up almost to look like she was alive.

The smell was heavy on your nose -a stench you'd become familiar with just by the crowds roaming the earth, but this one had been entirely focused. Locked away behind doors, the little girl's body sat as if she was some sort of doll -your eyes dashed over the wound you knew to match that of Michonne's katana.

You held back the bile in your stomach -quickly trying to look elsewhere, anywhere.

After that day, you didn't see Penny anymore. In the case that he'd forced you inside his home, as collateral if nothing else, you couldn't look at the photo anymore. A sort of sick, twisted disgust bubbling in you at the thought of where she was -locked away, never to rest. All because he wouldn't let her.

You took a deep breath, stabilizing yourself somewhere deep in your mind -eager to not show any sort of emotion. You'd seen what emotion did in Woodbury. The blood couldn't be scrubbed off your hands, no matter how hard you tried-

"Breathe," you muttered -tone shaky and the distant spin of your head only serving to make you more disoriented.

You couldn't sleep, you never really could.

A fear deep in your bones that maybe one day he'd simply decide you were of no service to him anymore and that your life was expendable. That you were a pawn in the war, and you'd held no value to that anymore. You'd seen him do it before.

So, you stayed awake.

You knew the sound of the night very well at this point -a sort of eerie silence that was only haunted by how many people may have been there once. The only noises were that of bugs, and a distant rustling in the forest you knew to only be wildlife.

Maybe that was why you could immediately tell that something was different. That the rustling wasn't wildlife, and that the ever-so-slight footsteps you'd heard were anything but.

At first, you'd stilled -head leaned against the hard floor as if it would lull you to sleep. Like he'd spare you if you were sleeping, a shred of humanity may rear its head if he had to think about it-

But then, you realized you knew The Governor's footsteps. He'd have no reason to hide them from you, especially if he wished to kill you. There was no reason to run from something you'd already done before -if he was coming to kill you, he would not be hiding. It would just be an instinct for him, the slice of a blade, the trigger of a gun, whatever he chose -he wouldn't even think about hiding. What would he be hiding from?

With unsure steps, you rose from the ground, feet careful to avoid any noise -an instinct that had certainly overrun in your time here at Woodbury. The Governor was day to day, you didn't wish to give him any reason for it to be a bad day.

Peeking through the window, you tried to see what you could.

You'd only usually used it to get a taste of sunlight or a drop of rain on your skin -to feel human again, not to see anything in particular. The glass pane was merely bigger than your palm, only framing a few of the other houses and out of the very corner, a treeline where you'd seen wildlife sometimes.

Out of instinct, your eyes lead themselves there -eager to see what stood at the edge there. If it was some wildlife or a person, you'd only wish to know. To see something to explain away some eerie dusting along your skin, the paranoia was heavy during the night and you only wanted some rest -even just for a second, you wanted a clear head.

Your body ached for it. But every time you closed your eyes, you always saw the same scene -blood on your hands, a striking lack in his eyes, and a body slumped against the ground. You'd lost count, eventually, but could remember their faces clear as day in your dreams.

Eyes refocusing, you'd peered over into the greenery -only really a shadow in the night, but if you squinted you'd always been able to see a shift in the leaves. You'd usually only see a few animals in the mornings, all scattered from the noise-

And then, you saw it. Blue.

A familiar blue that sent warmth down to your toes, you couldn't miss those, especially now.

Even when the tiredness made your head fuzzy, the thrum of your heartbeat keeps you focused -a flame buzzing up into your chest. Hope.

Your lips parted ever so slightly like you could call out to him -you bit it back. Fingers dusted across the glass like maybe he could see you -save you. But it just didn't feel right.

You'd seen Rick before -maybe in a quick glance, your mind would paint out his figure. So solidly that you'd spin on your heel, only to find no one there. You were always so sure, each time you looked -that treacherous flame so bright that you could hardly see past it. The lack of sleep wasn't helping, familiar faces devolved from the shadows -old patients, your family, your friends-

You knew your mind could play tricks, but something in this one seemed so real.

His shoulders moved with his breaths, the crinkles by his eyes smoothed out and brow heavy -like he was focused. You couldn't see much detail from the stars shining, but you almost wished you could. So you could keep it, neatly next to your heart -like all the other ways you'd seen Rick were.

The glint of his gun, brought your attention to another figure -drenched in darkness but you'd recognize him anywhere: Daryl. He seemed to be scoping out the area -well aware of this from hunting, you'd guessed. When his eyes landed squarely on you.

That was what had woken you up from the daze you seemed to be in; the little glint of shock in his eyes was just so real. Daryl wasn't very expressive, but you knew he had tells. That was... That was too-

Before you could even blink, he'd motioned to you -just a nudge toward the building. Small enough for someone to dismiss as an animal if they happened to hear it, you realized.

Daryl was saying something, quick and quiet, not to you. And a deep breath that you were holding seemed to flood out of your lungs, as you watched Rick stall for a second. Shock. Eyes frantic, looking out -trying to find you, you realized. Your heart speeds up in your chest, the thumping being so loud that you half worried that the Governor would figure it all out-

And then, he found you.

If you had a question about whether or not this moment was real, this Rick was real, it dissipated at his eyes connecting with yours. Something in you broke, like a dam, feelings of everything slipping through your skin and the fire of hope felt like it engulfed your whole body.

"Rick..." you whispered, quiet and broken. And you knew he couldn't hear you, but your other hand pressed against the glass -tears choking up in the back of your throat.

He nearly jumped forward, would have if Daryl hadn't held him back -leveling his eyes with his own. He was whispering again, head turned to Rick and yet somehow still aware of their surroundings. They had a plan, you thought to yourself -trying to coax yourself down from the ledge.

You stilled, almost on instinct, your ears were sensitive to specific noises. Especially with being so locked away, you'd nearly memorized every one you could. The drag of the Governor's feet, the windchime of a house in the center of Woodbury, what exactly his gun sounded like just before he shot-

The clink of his keys.

Tapping on the glass, just gently, something you could barely hear if you weren't looking for it. And you imagined Rick was certainly looking for it.

The two men immediately looked at you, eyes attentive, and you felt something in your chest crush at the idea that this might be the last time you see them. See anyone. You knew you'd felt it, his frustrations leading to a head and his options on who he could take it out on were so limited. You knew you served no purpose to him long-term, only a pawn for someone else. And what if he didn't care about them anymore?

You breathed out, a deep shaky breath, looking at Rick with all you could and mouthing -large and unmissable, "Go."

He just watched you, as you said it -a sort of determined look flashing in his eyes like the glint of a knife. Strict and pressured, he stayed exactly where he was -he wouldn't leave.

Just as you were going to say more, beg him. All of this was for nothing if he didn't go. You knew what you were signed up for, and knew where this would end, even if you didn't want to accept it... you knew. And as long as he was living, you were okay with knowing.

The door creaked open, and you spun around -distancing yourself from the window, and desperately wiping at your eyes, it has to stop. But, it wouldn't.

He was always so imposing, entering the room far more than you were ever comfortable -you figured that was the point, keep you on edge. The Governor didn't really focus on you -eyes distant in that way he'd always get before... before making a decision.

"I think you know why I'm here," he spoke in a sort of desolate way -void of any emotion, void of anything, "-we both do."

Instinctively, you slunk back to the window -the farthest away from your door as possible, cold brick uncomfortable against your back but the fear that struck you was much more powerful. Your body was numb in a way like you weren't where you were, like you were watching from somewhere else.

"It's not," you started, voice still shaky, "-you don't have to do this. I can- I can still help you. With... With Penny, I know-"

The Governor's jaw stiffened, seething from his lips, "Don't say her name. You have no right to say her name-"

Your mind was running so fast that you couldn't keep up, a sort of instilled fear running up your arms -it felt like you were still but everyone else kept moving. The tip of his gun glinting in the night sky -it was the only way you could really see it.

"I didn't- I'm sorry," you blurted out, heart racing in your chest and fear biting at your tongue. Suddenly realizing it then, you didn't want to die. As soon as the opportunity was laid out in front of you, the gun pointed at your head, you were afraid, "-I just. I could help. I was there when they started with the vaccine. I knew-"

"Shut up," his voice was only angry -deep and brash and if you could've moved farther away, you would have, but he only stepped forward, "-she's dead. Because of one of your people-"

And then he stopped. A sudden and certain stop.

"Well," his voice got lighter -trying to go back to the charisma, "didn't know we'd have an audience, Y/N."

Realizing then, you spun around -finding the tip of another gun against the glass. Rick stood there with a set jaw you found familiar, and eyes set beyond anger -solely focused on The Governor.

"Let's be polite to the guests," he spoke -voice teetering on the unhinged nature that you'd only seen moments before he shot. The Governor stepped forward and grabbed your wrist -keeping you where you were.

And turning his gun around, he smashed the glass -mere inches from your face. It stung, like bees when you were on the playground -littered across your skin, but you still felt quite numb. Body only guided by instincts, by the emotions that bubbled underneath your skin.

Without an extra thought, The Governor threw you to the opposite wall (your head only stung for a second) -purely focused on Rick, "Didn't we have an agreement, Sheriff?"

Rick's jaw clenched, blue eyes flickering to you just for a second, "I never agreed to nothin'."

"Huh," he responded, almost in a comically exaggerated way, "-that's right-"

The Governor turned the gun to you -trained to the center of your forehead, unflinchingly, "Your life for the prison, right?"

"Don't lay a hand on 'em," Rick threatened, his voice layered in anger but you could hear it deep under it all -worry, "-or I'll sh-"

"Yes," you interrupted, quickly -biting back your tears and your fear, "-that's... That's the deal. My life. Not his, if you shoot anyone, shoot me."

"Y/N-"

The Governor laughed, a sort of dry one like it was entertaining to him, like it was all a game, "You really did a number on 'em, didn't you Rick? Practically jumping in front of my gun."

And then he paused, looking over Rick with less enthusiasm -where he stood eyes trying to stay heavily focused on the Governor, but he kept looking to you (even just for a second, relishing in you being there, being alive-), "Well, well. I guess they did a number on you too, Sheriff. Ain't that interesting."

You opened your mouth to dispute it, take it back -not now, not at the end of it all. He couldn't love you back, not here-

But you looked at him, his eyes were on you -blue shadowed in something so heavy, so desperate that your breath nearly caught in your throat. He swallowed, hand on his gun steady but you could tell the shake, the hesitance, it was there. Deep under his skin, you could tell.

God, he did.

"It's been cute, really," the Governor cleared his throat, his voice taking on the more numbed tone -distant and faraway, "-and hate to ruin the moment, but I'm a man of my word."

With that, he merely adjusted the gun for a straighter shot -one that wouldn't miss. You exhaled, hands shaking but it was something you could deal with, as long as he was alive.

As long as he's alive, you repeated -trying to silence the fear thrashing against your chest, clawing to be let out, as long as he's alive.

And then there was a noise, a familiar one ('what exactly his gun sounded like just before he shot'), and you closed your eyes.

[vinyls-and-valentines]

Okay, before I get too invested in this: would anyone like to participate a horror-ish ARG themed around the Zone Five Funfair? It'd be an escape room type deal almost, but you're trying to escape from a "living" funfair keeping people trapped on its grounds, and that's the most I can describe without giving stuff away, so. Drop a reply/reblog if you'd be interested?

[undiscovered-horizon]

Yandere!Matt Murdock Part 1

[Check out the 500 followers special!]

This concept has been on my mind for some time

You meet Matt through a complete accident and you don't think much about it, contrary to him

Who has his third eye open now

Maybe you're a friend of his client or just a girl he passes by

He hears your bright laugh, maybe a witty comment, smells the faint aroma that follows you

And he's about to believe black magic is real because there ain't no other way he could become so obsessed with someone

The sound of your heartbeat echoes inside his head at all times, sometimes temptingly intertwining with the memory of your beautiful laugh

Believes that you're a sign from God

That the good Lord above is seeking reconciliation

Starts going to church regularly again and father Lantom asks him what changed his mind

And Matt, oh dear irony, says that he has seen reason

Saves you from a very unreal and made-up danger

Dramatically reveals that the lawyer you barely remember ever seeing is the city's hero to successfully earn your admiration

Everything seems to be sorted out but just for good measure and of course your own safety, you should stay over that night

Matt barely sleeps that night, just lays awake listening to your breaths

Screaming at himself to just get up and wrap his body around you

Like the way it's meant to be !!!!!

He's clearly delusional, believing that since you agreed to stay at his place, you must trust him and have some sort of positive feelings toward him, right?

If you ask about his double life he will perform a very dramatic speech about how lonely he gets, how he toes the line between life and death at least once a week, how he just wants to make the world a better place, etc.

It may be pathetic to get your pity love but it's better than not having anything

When he tells you about how badly he gets injured or maybe you see a scar, you get (reasonably so) worried about that man

Because he's doing so much!! He's so selfless and kind-hearted! And no one even knows!!

The fact that you're worried about him gets Matt going. He tells himself that it's solid proof that you care about him, ergo must like him

Matt tries to instill paranoia in you (at least to some degree)

There is someone out to get you because you know him! Or because you know this or that person! And he, in his endless kindness and desire for justice, will protect you

"Only I can keep you safe"

And that paranoia makes you gradually lose contact with your friends and family because: 1) you don't know who's in on the scheme to hurt you 2) you don't want anyone else getting hurt

So with some patience and well-spun yarn, Matt has you all to himself

He may be a blind man doing backflips and dodging bullets but you still ask him if there's anything you can help him with

And, honestly, there really isn't but he always finds something

Or asks you first to do something for him

You can never turn down the blind hero of New York and Matt's heart is melting

Besides, it's another solid proof that you like him, right?

Karen and Foggy are getting suspicious but Matt being weird is nothing new so they kind of brush it off

Sometimes he would just sit on the rooftop of the building you live in and listen to you casually go about your day/night

He lives through that day/night with you in a way - his senses allow him to know exactly what you're doing and his imagination is placing Matt in the middle of those actions

So you've made dinner with Matt, showered with him or just spent a lazy Sunday afternoon together

You just don't know it yet

Definitely touched himself on that rooftop, thinking about you

Matt regularly considers straight-up kidnapping you, it's not like you have any chance against him

And it's not like your friends and family will catch on quickly, you don't talk to them anyway

But the downside is that you wouldn't be all lovey-dovey and compliant as he wants you to be

...unless he makes you believe it's for your own safety, that you have to stay with him 24/7 and not go anywhere

After some fairly long radio silence from you, your friends and family begin to wonder what on Earth is going on with you

They may reach out but you, keeping that paranoia Matt gave you, are very vague in your words should you decide to talk to them

In your naivety and trust towards him, you tell Matt about it, clearly worried that you've done the wrong thing

Offers to "check up on them" which in reality means that he will beat the shit out of them and threatened them that if they try to contact you again he will not be so diplomatic

[heliads]

Forever Separated

Based on this request: “Reader is Luke’s girlfriend in the 90’s and is at the gig at the Orpheum and hit by a drunk driver and dies instantly. She and the boys come back as ghosts 25 years later. She’s there for everything that goes down with Julie, Willie, and Caleb.”

masterlist

Your fingers tap absentmindedly on the steering wheel as you careen through the streets. It’s late now, the beacons of headlights guiding you down the asphalt. There’s a grin on your face that won’t seem to go away- your boys are playing at the Orpheum tonight. The Orpheum. That’s been their dream for what feels like forever. It doesn’t even seem true.

By your boys, you mean Sunset Curve, of course. The motley collection of four teenage boys with dreams bigger than the world and the need for a chance to prove themselves. You stumbled across them at a small jazz club, at what had been one of their first performances. It hadn’t been long after that when you had become a friend of the bandmates, and an even shorter time before you fell in love with Luke. When you started dating, it felt like everything was finally falling into place.

You had always known that they would make it, even when they seemed to doubt it themselves. You knew they had gathered regrets over the years- Reggie with the fracturing of his family, Alex with his parents’ lack of acceptance of him, and Luke with the way he’d run out on his mother. You had seen it in their faces- if their band never got off of the ground, they would continue to doubt themselves for the rest of their lives. There had been times when you thought that it might be over for good, that they’d be done for before they even got the chance to get started. Yet here you are now, driving towards their gig at the Orpheum.

You’re only a couple of streets away. You’re practically shivering with anticipation at the thought of it- all of their dreams and hopes, finally come to fruition. You, however, are running a little late despite your best interests, and so your foot involuntarily presses down on the gas. You’re not speeding, always careful to follow traffic laws, just making sure you’re not going to be as late as you fear.

It only seems fitting that something would go wrong on this night of nights. Thinking back, you’re almost glad it happened to you and not someone else. You had this awful feeling that something was going to happen to ruin this gig, and maybe if it happened to you it would protect the boys and let their show run on uninterrupted. When you pass through the intersection, this thought may have protected you.

When you see the truck out of the corner of your eye, you continue driving. You know it will stop, it has to. Maybe it’s the way you’re eager to see your boys again, or the fact that the light has been green for a long time now and there’s no way the driver could miss the glaring red in front of him. Maybe it’s just because you feel sheltered by this bubble of hope that comes with seeing the boy you love play at the Orpheum. Regardless, there is nothing you can do to avoid the truck, and you keep expecting that it will stop until it is inches away from you. Then you finally realize that there’s no getting out of this, and it is only then that it is too late to act.

You’ve seen car crashes in the movies. They’re always a blazing whirl of headlights and screeching tires, a hailstorm of broken glass that reflects the light in the most beautiful arc around you. It will be slow, like time itself crawls to a stop, just in time for your head to fly back in a graceful motion. Then it will speed up again, and just like that it will be over.

This is nothing like that. It is over an instant, no beautifully devastating moments. You’re not a marionette to be hung delicately in the air, your strings are cut within seconds. You do not have time to see the poetry in your last moments, they’re already over. All you manage to see is a quick glimpse of a bottle resting in the driver’s hands, a tremendous impact like the very shaking of the earth, and then there is nothing at all. No orchestras reach a momentum, no lens flares pierce the night. There is everything, and then there is nothing. It is painfully ordinary.

There is one feeling that seems to surround it all. A pain, numb at first and then growing to a fever pitch. You don’t know when you wake up, only that it is much later. There’s someone dressed in a paramedic’s uniform standing over you, the piercing din of an ambulance somewhere behind you. You want to form words together and ask who it’s for, but the answer comes to you the second you realize you can’t move a muscle. It is for you. You are the one in need of saving.

The paramedic is standing over you, shouting something about a drunk driver and two casualties, the driver and the girl right here. You want to stand up, to shout to the world that you’re alive and fine. But for some reason, you can’t move at all. You can’t say anything except feel the last of your pulse die from your veins. Distantly, you feel a raw anguish creeping up in your throat. Luke and the others are still waiting for you at the Orpheum. Who will tell them that you’re gone?

It should have been over then. You died, certainly. You bled out on the streets and ceased to draw breath. Indeed, you had the classic fading of color and acceptance of the darkness just like everyone else. It appears that you will only have access to the clichés of the stories in death. It’s oddly fitting. Regardless of the beauty of it, you died. End of story.

Or at least, it should have been the end. Yet, you find yourself standing again, waiting at the back of a crowded room. You stare at your hands, at your body, which appears unharmed. Your eyes travel from yourself to the people in front of you. Your parents sit in chairs, their backs to you. They’re looking over a photo album, crying softly. “She was so young. She could have done so much more. I miss her, even though it’s been so long.”

You step forward, but the ground makes no sound underneath your feet. “Y/N wouldn’t want you to be sad. She would want you to remember her with happiness, not with tears, right?” Your mother nods sadly. “I can’t seem to help it, though.” An icy chill runs through your veins as you realize what’s happened. All you can think about is that you need to get away from here, somewhere where you won’t be surrounded by people mourning your death.

And then you’re gone. One minute you’re in your home, the next minute you’re standing on the sidewalk outside. Although you look around frantically, no one notices your sudden appearance. No one, that is, except one boy. He’s riding a skateboard, long dark hair tucked underneath a helmet. He stops suddenly, staring at you. “Hey, you just poofed here out of nowhere. You’re a ghost?”

You stare at him. “You can see me?” He nods. “You must be new to this ghost business if you’ve got questions. I’m Willie, by the way.” You smile weakly at him. “Y/N. I guess I would have to be a ghost if I died in the accident.” Willie winces. “Ooh, accidents. Those hurt. I died around the early 80s, a couple of decades ago, so I know what you mean.” You stare at him. “The 80s weren’t a couple of decades ago. They were recent.”

Willie shakes his head. “Sorry, man. You must have only been brought back as a ghost recently. It’s the 2020s right now.” You shake your head slowly. “That means it’s been 30 years since I died. How is that possible?” Willie places a hand on your shoulder, and for some reason the gesture is surprisingly comforting. “Hey, not a whole lot about the ghost stuff makes sense. If you want to talk about it, though, I’m here.” You smile at him. “I’d like that a lot, actually.”

Willie ends up becoming a fast friend. He explains everything there is to know about ghosts, and the two of you have fun messing around with your ghost abilities, whatever those are. It’s nice to have someone who understands about the ghost business, and you find that in leaps and bounds with Willie.

One day, you’re lying on a grassy hill admiring the clouds when Willie poofs into existence next to you. For some reason, he looks almost flushed with excitement, cheeks pink with thrill. “You won’t believe who I met. The cutest guy. He’s a new ghost, too.” You grin over at him. “Already making moves? You’re unreal.” Willie rolls his eyes. “I played it safe. We had a nice chat. He seems very cool, in a band or something. I think he plays the drums. Alex, was in a band called Sunset Curve. I think that’s a good name for a band, and I’ve heard a lot of bad ones.”

You sit up suddenly, all thoughts of the bright afternoon sun quickly abandoned. “What did you say? About Sunset Curve?” Willie frowns. “That’s the guy’s band. Or, it was until he died. He’s about our age, played in a band called Sunset Curve.” You shake your head slowly. “That makes no sense. They should have grown up a long time ago.” Willie still seems confused, so you clarify. “I know Alex,  and I know the rest of his bandmates. I was friends with them until I died.” You fix him with a sudden purposeful look. “I need you to bring me to meet these guys.”

Willie has to ask around, but eventually he finds Alex and discovers that they’re staying in their old studio, now inhabited by the Molina family. You thank him, setting off as soon as you can. As you stand outside the doors to the studio, you find yourself suddenly nervous. Will they want to see you? Will they understand what happened?

The faint sounds of music drifting out from the doors is what convinces you. It sounds just like them, like this is another afternoon from the 90s when you’re meeting up with Luke and the others. You gather your courage and knock twice on the doors, then push them open. You stand for a moment in the doorway, staring. The boys stare back at you. It’s funny- everyone looks the exact same, even though everything has changed.

Then there’s a voice from the back of the room. It’s quiet, as if he’s afraid to say anything lest the moment be fractured away into nothingness. “Y/N?” Luke steps forward, disbelief warring with hope in his eyes. You nod slowly. “Luke?” Luke stands still for a moment longer, then runs forward, wrapping you in his arms and pulling you close. You tuck your head into the space between his head and his shoulder, letting yourself relax once more.

After what could be ten seconds or ten minutes, Luke reluctantly pulls away. He cups your face in his hand, just staring with awe. “How are you here? We died- you weren’t at the Orpheum-” You laugh bitterly. “I died too. There was a drunk driver on the road, he hit me when I was just a couple of blocks away. I was so close, that was the worst part.” Luke nods slowly. “I remember hearing sirens. I didn’t know it was you.”

Something like guilt passes over his face, and you hurriedly shake your head. “It wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t have known. I guess you died some time after that?” Luke nods. “Just before the show. We never got to play.” A sad sigh rips from his chest, and you pull him close again. It isn’t fair, not at all. He shouldn’t have died, you shouldn’t have died. He should not have been robbed of this chance to live the dream he always wanted.

There’s the sound of a throat clearing from across the room. “You know, we’re here too. Not just Luke.” You look up, laughing. “Sorry, Reggie, Alex. Love you guys too. I’m glad we can all be dead together.” Alex flashes you a thumbs up from across the room. “Me too, Y/N. Me too.” Luke laughs now, albeit reluctantly. You squeeze his hand one more time, then step into the room, greeting the other boys. 

Your gaze falls upon a figure you don’t recognize- a girl, about your age if not a year younger. She has dark, curly hair and a fascinated smile. “Hi, I’m Y/N.” The girl startles. “Julie. Julie Molina. It’s nice to meet you- you must be the girl Luke keeps talking about.” You toss a grin Luke’s way. “You’ve been talking about me?” Luke moves to deny this, but Reggie speaks up loudly. “So often. You have no idea. He’s been very sad.”

Luke glares at his friend, but you just grin, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Well, it’s nice to feel wanted.” Luke beams at you, still thrilled that you’re here again. “Trust me, you are. I can’t believe you get to stay with me.”

Neither can you, actually. Somehow, despite the fact that you died and came back again, Luke did the same, and you can be with him again. You’ve lost everything- your family, your future, your life, but you still have him. It feels impossible, but it’s true.

This isn’t to say that life is smooth sailing from here. It turns out Luke, Alex, and Reggie have gotten themselves tangled in the mess that is Caleb’s club, and they’ve got the stamps to prove it. You find yourself holding Luke close while he spasms from jolt after jolt, forcing smiles to pretend like it doesn’t kill you every time he’s in pain. You also have to defend Willie to the rest, as he’s been your friend for a while and would never knowingly betray them. You have a feeling that Alex is pretty happy to hear this.

At last, you find the way to save Luke and save the boys- another performance at the Orpheum, this time as their unfinished business. Standing outside the building, staring up at the blinking neon signs, you can’t help but feel some strange feeling in the pit of your stomach. This feels like a sick twist of deja vu. This is how you died- waiting for the boys’ performance at the Orpheum. Staying here now, in the same position but after you’ve died, feels somehow wrong.

You try to shake the thoughts from your head, slipping inside the building to go find Luke, Julie, and the others. This isn’t like that night, you can’t die twice. Everything is going to be fine. Yet when you walk in the dressing room and catch sight of a panicked Flynn trying to calm a visibly shaken Julie, you have a feeling that things aren’t exactly smooth sailing.

Julie looks up when she sees you appear in the room. “Y/N, it’s good to see you. Have you seen Luke and the boys?” You shake your head, a crease forming between your brows. “No, not since I left the studio to let you say your goodbyes. Have they not shown up?” Julie sinks back down in a chair, hands pressed to her temples. “Not at all.” You slump against a wall. This feels like history repeating itself again- you dead, the boys not showing up to their performance at the Orpheum. No matter how many times you tell a story, it tends to end the same way.

Distraught, you wander back through the building to attempt to find the boys, but your search is to no avail. They’re nowhere to be found. You stumble through the auditorium just to see Julie taking the stage. You have a brief, wild hope that she’s managed to find them, but then you see the red rims of her teary eyes and hear the goodbye she issues to the crowd. If they haven’t shown up, then that means-

You try to distract yourself by listening to Julie sing. It brings a smile to your face in spite of yourself. Julie is a bright firecracker of a girl, and it’s been wonderful to get to know her. At least you know you have her at the end of this. Yet when the beat drops, Alex appears in a flash of sparks. You stand up, pressing forward through the crowd as if your proximity will do anything more to bring them back. Yes- there goes Reggie, and there’s Luke struggling to flicker back into existence. You send out a silent plea: bring him back, please. You can’t do this without him. 

Then he’s back again, and you feel like your heart might burst. He flashes you a grin, as if to promise that nothing could separate you again. You smile back at him, finally letting yourself relax. He’s here, it’s okay. It’s all okay. When the song ends, you watch through joyful eyes as the boys stand next to Julie, clasping hands before taking a bow. There’s something wrong, though, something wrong when they disappear. Usually, you can loosely sense them when they poof away, but this time there’s nothing. Nothing at all. It’s like they’ve been erased away from the song of their lives.

There’s something pounding in the back of your heart, and you poof away to Julie’s rooms backstage. She appears there seconds later, as if she’s been expecting you. She runs over to you, stopping a few feet away as she remembers she can’t touch you or hug you as a ghost. “Tell me they’re still here. They didn’t just cross over.” You shake your head slowly. “I can’t feel them. They’re not in the building anymore. Julie, I think they’re gone.”

She nods slowly, fighting a losing battle to keep the tears at bay. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. So sorry. You just found Luke again, and now he’s gone.” You force a smile. “It’s alright. We’re just ghosts, remember? We’ve been running on borrowed time all along. I’ll meet you at the studio, alright? We can say our goodbyes.” Julie nods. “I’ll see you then.” You give her one last wave, then poof out.

You reappear outside the doors of the studio. You can’t quite bring yourself to go in, to face the empty stillness of the studio and know that the boy you love isn’t there. What are you supposed to do now? You have no idea what your unfinished business could possibly be. Most likely, you’re going to live out your endless days as a ghost, not noticed by anyone except Julie and Willie and whatever other ghosts you manage to find, forever haunted by the knowledge that the one person you’re looking for the most will never appear around the corner, never be waiting for you again. It’s like you’re back to that car crash, knowing you’ll be separated by death once more.

You hear the sound of a car pulling into the driveway and straighten up. Seconds later, Julie appears down the path, and you nod at her slowly. “Are you ready to do this?” She sighs. “It seems fitting to say goodbye, even if they aren’t here.” She pushes open the doors, letting the darkness wash over the two of you. She looks over at you. “I don’t know what to do.” You smile gently. “There’s no script. I have a feeling they’ll be able to hear you. Just say what you wish you got to say before they left.”

Julie nods. “I’m glad I got to meet you guys, and grateful to you for everything. You got me back into music, and I’ll never be able to let go of it again. I thought I’d never play after my mom, but you convinced me that I could. Thank you.” There’s a muffled voice from the back of the room, one that’s quickly shushed by two annoyed boys. “You’re welcome.” You stare. “Reggie?” You’d know him anywhere- you’ve heard that voice in band practices for the last couple of decades, even if it doesn’t feel that way.

Julie runs over to turn on the light, and your hand flies to your mouth as you see the boys crumpled in a heap on the floor, in obvious pain. “Did it not work? Did you not cross over?” Luke shakes his head, gently extricating himself from the heap of band members on the ground to stumble over to you. You catch him before he falls, holding him upright. “We won’t play with Caleb, that’s a promise. It’s not worth it like that.” You cup his face in your hands. “I don’t want to let you go. Not yet.”

Luke laughs quietly. “I’m not sure we had a choice. I love you, Y/N, no matter what. You know that, right?” You nod, letting your head fall against his shoulder. “I know.” You feel one last jolt rack his body, and somehow you know that this will be the last. This is it, the moment when he truly dies. You fling your arms around him, holding him close one last time. If you can’t have the future with him you had always planned, you can at least have this moment.

Your eyes are squeezed shut, waiting for the moment when he disappears from you forever. Yet it doesn’t come. You open your eyes carefully, then stare at him. “Luke, you’re- I think you’re glowing.” Sure enough, he’s surrounded by this golden haze of light. He smiles at you, chuckling slightly in awe. “I feel good. Strong, like I haven’t felt in a while.” Alex stands up too, as does Reggie. “Actually, I feel better too. I think you saved us. Both of you.”

You laugh incredulously. “Really? You’re not going away?” Luke presses a kiss to your cheek. “Never again. I’m not leaving you ever again.” You beam at him. “Good. I don’t intend to be with anyone else.” He laughs at that, pulling you in for a kiss. For once, you know that he’s here to stay.

[genshin-impact-fics]

I love your fatui! reader x genshin really tugged on my heartstrings right there.

if it's alright can i ask for a continuation for keqing? 👉🏻👈🏻 like the two of them inevitably have to fight each other ft. other fatui and keqing gets overwhelmed so the reader ultimately betrays her peers and gets gravely injured (i live for the angst-hurt/comfort)

again thank you for writing this it was definitely a fun read 😊

Thank you so much, I really enjoyed writing it as hopefully I'll do more for other characters! I love continuations so I was so happy to write this. I also apologize for not getting this out sooner as I had this in the works with a few other things; however, a couple of personal things came up. But that aside I do hope you enjoy this as I hope you don't mind that I did a hybrid of scenario/fic.

Keqing was asked to go investigate the suspicious activity that was going on near the entrance of the mines with only the mention that it is possibly involving the Fatui. On her travels to get to the location of course her mind had wondered to what she’d possibly find; then the thought of you popped into her head.

It had been so long… Maybe a couple of months since she last saw you since she cut ties after finding out you were with the enemy. There couldn’t be a possibility that you were still in Liyue after the whole incident that had taken place right, she didn’t want to worry about coming to come face to face when the pain and the memories of that day was still very fresh in Keqing’s head

Whatever or whoever was seemingly up to no good, Keqing’s resolve to keep all of Liyue and Liyue Harbor safe stayed strong. Upon arrival so far there had not been a soul in her sights, but of course continued to look around to see if she could find any signs of evidence that people were there. It was after a while of searching that Keqing walked up a couple of stairs until she heard a voice talking. She only saw two figures, one kneeling before the standing figure

“Boss, the rubble that’s blocking the entryway to the Chasm is far greater than initially suspected… It may take us longer to clear it all out,” the masked agent kneeling said. Keqing’s eyes widened at the new information as holding her sword in hand she rushed over to put a stop to the Fatui’s plans. “Stop right there,” she shouted getting both the agents attention; however, the kneeling agent was the only one who jumped up and looked at her

“Leave this to me, get back to the others and get the job done,” the other figure spoke as at that moment she knew right away it was you. When it was just the two of them Keqing’s hold on her sword loosened as she watched as the hood was pulled off. “Of all the people that could have been sent it had to be you… I really wish this wasn’t how we met again,” you said with a small sigh fully turned to face her removing your mask revealing the glimmer of the eyes Keqing had fallen in love with

“What’s the meaning of all of this (Y/n),” she asked as she was mad, she should be mad yet her heart betrayed her as it raced at the sight of you. “Unfortunately that’s classified information,” was all you spoke having a soft expression on your face before you summoned your weapon. “I’d much rather not fight you but knowing you, you just won’t simply walk away… So you give me no other choice.”

The fight between you two was fast as flashes of your elements clashed together blow for blow. The sounds of metals clashing and striking one another till eventually you both skidded apart from each other heavily breathing, small nicks and tears in clothing. The brief moment of the wind passing through before Keqing sprinted forward attacking again.

“You’re a traitor! A Lair,” Keqing shouted, striking her sword at (Y/n) who was simply blocking and staying on the defensive side. “You have every right to be angry with me; I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth. I knew if I did you wouldn’t give me the chance to explain, but please believe me when I say that I dated you because I loved you; I wasn’t trying to use you,” You further said blocking the barrage of attacks. Keqing gritted her teeth as she felt the ache of her chest; how could she believe anything you said, for all she knew you were simply trying to sweet talk her. “How can I believe you when you told them everything that I told you and everything that was in the Jade Chamber,” She shouted angrily, swinging her blade.

Her words of her assumptions of what you possibly did brought a sharp pain to your chest; instead of using your weapon to stop her attack you grabbed the blade by the hand; the small pain of the blade cutting into the skin causing blood to seep out. Looking at her with a hurt expression you looked Keqing in her purple eyes as she was staring back with a shocked expression by your actions. “You-you really think I’d stoop that low to tell the Fatui all the things you’ve told me about and what was in the Jade Chamber? I never told them anything; I might be working for them, but I’ve kept all of our conversations and that of the Chamber to myself this whole time,” You said, causing Keqing to freeze at your words in complete bewilderment. Though before any more words could be exchanged during your fight, the sound of a gun being shot, the two of you jumped back to watch a bullet engulfed in flames hit the dirt of where the two of you just were.

The other members had suddenly appeared shooting attacks as one of the Vanguards charged Keqing. Panic started to slowly overtake you as you had to watch Keqing fight off the others. “What are you all doing?! I told you to get the job done didn’t I,” You shouted trying to get them to back down, but it didn’t seem to be working. “We’ll make quick work of this one,” The Bracer said, aiming his gun to fire another round. Glancing back to Keqing it was clear she was doing her best to at most keep up and dodge the enemies attacks. In this crucial moment there was a decision to be made: to either walk away and let the others continue the fight and simply pray Keqing would flee or betray the Fatui in order to save the woman you still very much loved. Finally coming to your decision you first attacked the bracer to get him out of the way before running over to handle the rest. Getting knocked down Keqing was doing her best to get right back up, but only managed to sit herself up; her attention now on the electro vanguard who’s hammer was up in the air about to come down on her. Closing her eyes she waited for the impact… However after not feeling anything she opened her eyes only for them to widen at the scene before her; there you stood your weapon blocking the hammer before managing to push the tall man back.

“Who do you all think you are?! How dare you go against my orders like a bunch of morons,” You shouted angrily as though she couldn’t see the look on your face, she could only imagine how mad you were. “For your unacceptable behavior you all will face punishment,” you now spoke in a much lower tone, your vision surprisingly enough started to change to a different color before you charged at the other members of the Fatui. It still almost felt unreal of the turn of events that have taken place yet here you were fighting your own peers to protect her, the feeling of guilt creeping in on how she treated you. The fight dragged on a while longer until the last remaining members fled while they could, leaving you to stand by yourself with the few bodies that laid on the ground. You turned around to look over to Keqing to check on her and to your relief she wasn’t hurt too much. “You okay,” you asked, feeling your body grow heavy and tired from the wounds you’ve sustained. Blinking she snapped out of her trance and nodded her head uttering a small yes. “That’s… Good,” you replied smiling before falling over.

“(Y/n),” Keqing shouted, scurrying up to get to you, carefully turning you over gasping at the sight of how grave your injuries were. “Hey! Hey,” she loudly said cupping the side of your face to make you look at her as a flurry of mixed emotions were going on. “What’s the big idea huh?! What do you think you were doing,” she asked sternly as it pained her to see you in such a horrible condition. A weak laugh came out as you reached up a hand to overlap the one holding the side of your face running a thumb over her hand in a comforting manner. “I was pro-tecting you of… Course,” you answered before a hard cough briefly stopping you from talking. “It-it’s okay if you still… Hate me, but I hope that… At least this makes up… For all the bad I’ve done,” you further spoke, wincing when trying to breathe. Tears falling, Keqing feeling the weight of your words hit her heart hard, regretting how cruel she was. The rain started to fall, Keqing couldn’t just mope around and let you die; putting her strong urge to cry aside, she carefully picked up your body and made a run back to the harbor as hopefully Dr. Baizhu would be able to help.

Who knew how long you had been out for, though much to your surprise you were actually alive but how? The sight of an unfamiliar ceiling was the first thing you saw before you tried to move to sit up to further investigate your surroundings. “Don’t you dare try to move, you’ll only reopen your wounds,” the stern voice of Keqing rang in your ears as looking over she was now right beside you causing a small strained laugh out of you. “How could you be laughing, you could have died,” She said now sitting on the edge as she had a sad expression on her face. “Hehe sorry, sorry… But really if it meant that I knew you were safe I was well prepared to die,” You answered as suddenly Keqing was now gently hugging you and the soft sound of her crying reached your ears. “You idiot, you can’t go dying on me! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for how cruel I was to you and all those harsh things I said to you. I love you so don’t try throwing your life away for me!” she spoke, carefully hugging you firmer. It brought a relief to you to hear that she still loved you so in return you put a hand on her back and rubbed it in a comforting manner. “It’s alright I never held it against you, though if it makes you feel better then I forgive you… I will always protect you, you’re the love of my life,” you responded with a soft smile. Having begun the mending of your relationship you two shared a short kiss before Keqing brought over some food and medicine for you to take; it would take time for you to get better, but at least you were still alive.

[20moonchild21]

𝗦𝗲𝗵𝗻𝘀𝘂𝗰𝗵𝘁 [𝗯𝘁𝘀]

⇉ 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 11

[pairings]

JK x female!oc, Bunny!JK x human!female!oc, Jin x female!oc, Leopard!Jin x human!female!oc, Jimin x female!oc, white Tiger!Jimin x human!female!oc, Taehyung x female!oc, black Tiger!Taehyung x human!female!oc, JK x Jin x Jimin x Taehyung x female!oc

[warnings]

self-doubts, mentions of an abusive past

[words]

4.0k

[author]

Hey there! I really hope you had an amazing week so far. For me, I finally finished all my exams this week. This means I will have finished school forever in only 4 weeks!😱 How crazy is that?!

Important information:

Next Wednesday I won’t upload a new chapter, because I am at a funeral, and I don’t think I will be in the mood to do anything that day anymore. I hope you can understand🙏🏼

If you don’t want to wait until next Sunday for my next chapter, I can only recommend you to check out Inferiority complex written by my friend @starlightauroras-main. It’s a super cute and exciting story about Hybrid!Jimin and the reader. Please, leave her a lot of likes and comments, because she deserves it!

Here in Germany, it is Easter weekend next week. Do you celebrate Easter where you come from?

Stay safe and healthy!

Mꨄ

[chapter 10 ||| chapter 12]

Jungkook was sitting crossed legs on his favourite spot in the middle of the hallway, looking dreamily at the photo wall, where now the photo of him and Jin was hanging as well. It was one of the day were he had nothing to do at all.

In the morning, he had already finished his sport routine, ripping Jin out of his sleep as well when he had punched against his bag. After breakfast, he had practiced the guitar and read in his book again, before he helped Jin to get ready for his grocery shopping tour with Hope. Hope always offered that they could join her when she would go buying groceries, because she wanted to offer them as much freedom as possible.

They had put Jin’s long, fluffy tail down the leg of his trousers, while a black beanie had covered his ears from the other people’s glances. Lucky for them, autumn had arrived in New York, so it wouldn’t be strange to wear a hat when going outside. The both of them had left a few minutes ago, and since there was nothing else for Jungkook to do, he had sat down and looked over the photos.

Sometimes, it all felt unreal to him. Just about 2.5 months ago, he had been strolling around the streets, not knowing what the next they would hold for him. He had thought that his whole life would have to include fear and submission, because that was the only thing he had learnt in life. Never had he thought, that he would do simple things like watching TV, sleeping in his own bed or just sitting at the same table as a human.

Not once Hope had askes anything from him, since she had taken him and his brother in. She gave them anything, showing them that they were worth it all. In the past, he had several thoughts about not worthing all the things she offered. It was stuck in his brain for too long.

He often asked himself why people were so cruel these days. Hope had told him what had happened a long time ago, and how the people told themselves that their minds had changed. Since he had been living with the girl, he somehow didn’t felt that different anymore. He was just living his life with his brother, doing the things he liked without being punished for it. He wanted everyone to have that possibility.

His thoughts were interrupted when the door behind him opened with a small squeaking sound. He didn’t need to turn around, because by now, he knew Jimin’s scent. The smaller tiger and his grumpy brother had been staying with them for over 1.5 weeks now. Jungkook wasn’t that happy in the beginning when they crashed into his life without warning.

Especially, when that grumpy tiger growled at Hope that one evening or when he showed off his fangs. Though he hadn’t sharp tooth like him, he would not have been afraid to kick them out of the flat, but he had tried to calm himself down when Jin used his stern tone on him. His brother was right, a few weeks ago, him and Jin had been in the same position as Jimin and Taehyung. They laid scared and injured on the girl’s sofa, begging for her to help them.

“What are you doing?” Jimin had stepped out of the room and was now standing behind Jungkook, looking curiously at the bunny Hybrid.

Jungkook had to admit that he somehow like that white tiger. Jimin was a calm person to hang out with. He wasn’t sure about him in the beginning, because he had thought he was like his grumpy brother, but once he had talked to him a few times, he had developed sympathy for him.

“I look at those photos.” Jungkook turned his head and looked at the smaller male.

Jimin’s white ears stood up in attention, while his tail was slightly wrapped around his left thigh. He was looking at the photos on the wall, before he took a step closer and carefully sunk himself down next to the bunny. Jimin had definitely changed since the first time he came here, Jungkook could tell. He had become braver, talking and joining them sometimes while eating or watching TV.

Jungkook didn’t mind thought. He had wanted a friend (who wasn’t his brother) for a long time, because when Jin was cooking in the kitchen and Hope was working on her computer, he often got bored.

“Are you only looking at them all day long?” Jimin had crossed his legs as well, as he carefully studied the pictured on the wall.

“I –“ Jungkook stopped. It was hard to explain his affection for pictures. “It just – when I first came here, I was so scared that maybe Hope would be as cruel as my – as my last owners. But then she showed me around and when I saw those pictures and she told me the stories behind them, it just felt right. They made me feel – safe and like I was home, you know? It’s hard to explain, but I just love that wall.”

Jungkook pulled up his knees towards his chest, before putting his head onto them. Jimin next to him just hummed in response, but he wasn’t saying anything for another few minutes. Jungkook knew it may sounded selfish when he talked about his now happy life, while he knew that Jimin and Taehyung technically didn’t have one. After all, they weren’t living here.

“It must be great to have Hope as your owner.” Jimin suddenly said, his voice held a lot of sadness. “Since I can think, Taehyung had been my only family. It had always been just him and me.”

“Jin and me were alone for a long time, too.” Jungkook turned his head to look at the older male sitting next to him. “I always thought that I would spend my whole life with those cruel people. I thought that I was destined to live like that, but then I met Hope and everything just turned upside down. She is just – she gave me everything I could have ever asked for.”

Jungkook didn’t realized that he was already rumbling about the girl again, but Jimin did.

“You are talking about her a lot.” Jimin just stated, as they looked into each other’s eyes. “You like her, don’t you?”

Of course Jungkook liked her. Hope was the only human he knew who would actually treat him as if he was a real person and not just some animal. She gave him a real home. A home that he loved to wake up in every morning, and a home he felt safe to go to sleep in the evening.

In addition, Hope was a really beautiful girl in his eyes. He always like the way her skin would glow in the sun when they sat at the breakfast table. The way she always closed her tired eyes, as she sipped at her coffee mug, or how that two dimples would form on her cheeks every time she laughed along with him. Somehow it would always make his own cheeks reddened when caught himself thinking about her.

Not to mention her scent, that was all over the apartment and the furniture. It was nothing he could describe or compare with something, but still, it was the most beautiful scent he had ever smelled in his life. He never wanted to miss that anymore.

He wanted to feel that closeness they had while they would be cuddling onto the couch, watching the Simpsons over and over again. As well as her small kisses on the head when she would say good-night to him, or when she would massage the back of his head. He wouldn’t even have a problem with her touching his ears by now.

“Yes, I like her.” He whispered back, confessing it for the very first time to another person.

Jimin pulled his eyebrows together in surprise and confusion. Of course, he had noticed that the girl was very natural and nice, which made her likable, but he also hadn’t known her for as long as Jungkook.

“Did you tell her that?” Jimin innocently asked the bunny Hybrids after a few seconds of silence.

“No, it’s not appropriate, Jimin.” He said quietly, fixing his eyes on the photo were the girl smiled at her graduation ceremony. “I am just a Hybrid after all. She would never get involved in something like that. She deserves better than me.”

Jimin just nodded in response, before he fixed his eyes on the photo wall once again, getting lost in his own mind. Jimin was clearly a person you could tell your matters and secrets without feeling judged un some kind. Jungkook felt really comfortable in the older one’s presence.

“Why is your brother even so grumpy all the time?” He suddenly changed the subject, wanting to cheer up the mood a little bit. “He is always pulling a face when I see him.”

Jungkook tried to imitate the older black tiger, making some funny grimaces that mad Jimin chuckle slightly. The white tiger shook his head, before he looked behind him to make sure Taehyung would not be standing behind them.

“Usually, he isn’t like that. Really.” He sighed, turning his attention back towards Jungkook. “He has been through a lot in the past. I swear, he would never hurt a fly, that would not be him. He can be really caring and protective, that’s why he reacted the way he did the other night. I am sorry for him, but he is only scared.”

Jungkook nodded, understanding Taehyungs reaction in some way. He probably would be the same way, if he would be in his position.

“I understand.” He mumbled, before a smile spread over his face. “But that doesn’t change the fact that he is a big, grumpy cat.”

“Oh my god, Taehyung.” The girl gasped, as she removed the bandage that had been wrapped around the older boy’s injured arm. “That looks much worse than yesterday. Did you scratch it or something?”

The black tiger’s arm had become much better over the past few days. The infection had been gone down, but now it looked horrible. The skin was red and swollen again, with some blood coming through the injured skin.

“I – ehm – no?” He stuttered around, not looking her into the eyes. She cocked her eyebrow up and gave him a stern look. “Okay, it was itching badly last night, so I scratched it a little bit. Are you happy?”

Hope just rolled her eyes when he tried to talk in his loud way. He could be so stubborn. I he would just had asked her, she could have gave him some salve which had avoid that scenario. But he, he was too proud.

“Taehyung, this is no joke.” She grabbed the wet glove and tried to remove the small amount of blood, which made Taehyung hiss. “Your wound got infected again. You have to be more careful. If it itches again, just come to me and I add some salve to alleviate it, okay?”

She sighed when he just rolled his eyes in response. She had tried to show him that he could talk to her in a normal way, without intimidating her with his fangs or snapping at each other, but somehow he seemed to isolate himself on purpose, and she couldn’t understand why, because Jimin was the complete opposite.

The white tiger had clearly opened up over the past few days, talking and joking around in his bubbly way that was nice to watch. He even got a tiny little bit closer with Jungkook. She sometimes saw the two younger boys talking or watching TV together.

“Where did you even got that injury?” She suddenly asked without thinking. As soon as the words had left her, she noticed her mistake. “I am sorry, I didn’t mean to ask you that. It was inappropriate. You don’t have to tell me of course. I was just curious.”

Taehyung had bit his cheek inside his mouth, as she just turned her attention back towards his arm and continued to clean up the injury. For a short moment, she thought that he would again try to intimidate her with his fangs, but instead, he shook his head, before he turned his head away.

“After Jimin and I managed to get away from that audition – “ He hesitantly began to talk in a slow, deep voice. “ – they sent some chasers after us, that should catch us and bring us back. We ran for hours, when Jimin had suddenly spotted that old, rotten building. We tried to find an entrance, but we there was none, so we tried to climb through one of the windows. I wanted to jump from the window sill, when my arm got stuck at a nail, that I haven’t seen in the wall. That’s the beginning how I ended up here.”

Hope didn’t miss the bitterness in his voice when he talked about his escape. It took her much to not break out in tear in front of him, even though her heart broke at his story. She knew that inside in, Taehyung was just a normal boy with good intention, who deserves to live in a peaceful surrounding. He definitely didn’t deserve to live a live on the streets.

“I definitely need to be more careful the next time, what?” He suddenly joked, chuckling slightly.

It took the girl a few seconds to realize what he was talking about. Her heart skipped a beat when reality hit her. Jimin and Taehyung weren’t living here after all. She had told them in the beginning that they could stay until Taehyung was healthy again, and that day would come along soon.

Both tigers would leave the apartment again, going out on the streets an living their lives there. It broke her heart when she thought back how scared both of them had been when she had found them a few days ago in that abandoned parking house. In addition, winter would start soon and the temperatures were already falling. It would be crazy to spend the nights out there alone.

“Do you – “ She stopped, battling in her head if she you ask him that question or not. “Do you know where you want to – to go?”

Her voice was nothing more than a whisper. She actually didn’t want hear his response, knowing that it would stuck in her head and wouldn’t let her sleep anymore.

“No.” He whispered back, still refusing to look into her eyes. “We – we will just try to hide somewhere, I guess.”

“Goodnight, Jimin.” She slightly waved at the white tiger, before he closed the door, leaving the small girl alone in the hallway.

The conversation from earlier was still bugging at her brain. She wanted to take in any Hybrid that was suffering in this world, but she knew it was impossible.

Over the past days, she had often thought about Jin and Jungkook and how she had just taken them in. Should she ask Jimin and Taehyung too? After all, the apartment offered them more than enough space to stay and it seemed like Jungkook and Jin got along with at least Jimin. But maybe Jungkook just acted nice because he knew that they would leave at some point.

It was not a decision she could take on her own. Jin and Jungkook were living here as well. She would have to accept their decision like they had always respected her decisions.

A shiver ran down her spine when she thought about how she would have to tell Jimin and Taehyung that they would have to leave again. Where would they go? Taehyung had told her that they would try to hide on the streets again, with no one to protect them, with no warm place to stay.

Carefully, she turned around and walked towards her boys’ door. She softly knocked against the piece of wood and stepped in when Jin told her so.

“Hope!” Jungkook jumped off the bed and walked with big steps over towards the smaller girl.

Gladly, she accepted the bunny’s hug. He wrapped his strong arms around her and pulled her closer until her face was pressed against his chest. She pressed her cheek against the soft fabric of his shirt and closed her eyes. Even though her nose wasn’t as good as theirs, she smelled his manly scent through the shirt.

When Jungkook let go of her, he took her hand and pulled her over towards the bed, before he sat down and pulled her next to him. Jin was sitting at the desk, writing something into his notebook when he spotted the girl. He closed the book and walked over as well, giving her a quick side hug when he sat down.

Hope was glad that Jin had warmed up to her over the past weeks. In the beginning, he had often kept his distance towards the girl when she was near. But by now, he wouldn’t pull his hand back when their hands would touch while they set the table, he wouldn’t move over to the end of the sofa while watching TV, and he even gave her small hug when they would say goodnight to each other.

“Why did you come, Hope?” Jungkook asked, as his big, brown orbs looked into her eyes.

He was still holding her smaller hand in his bigger ones, which made her heart beat a little bit faster. She had noticed that the small things he or Jin would do would make her cheeks redden or her heart beat a little bit faster. She told herself that it was because she never had such intensive contact with a boy and that she eventually would get used to that. What was going on with her body?

“I – ehm – “ She began to stutter, trying to remember the reason she came. “I wanted to talk to you about something. What – how are you doing so far? Did you feel different since I adopted the both of you?”

She decided to not jump into it right away. She was afraid that she would offend Jungkook with her huge request. Jin was another thing. She knew that he had a pretty calm and rational personality. He never let his emotion take over him like Jungkook, who spoke before he had thought about it.

“Amazing.” Jungkook swarmed, squeezing her hand slightly. “I feel so happy now that we can live here. But I wish we could do more to help you with everything. Sometimes, I feel bad because you have to most of the things alone. I wish that I could just do more.”

The bunny sunk his ears next to his head. His eyes were filled with sadness.

“Oh, Kookie.” She lifted her hand and carefully drove it over his thick hair. “You do more than enough for me. Look, you always help me doing the laundry and set the table for me, this is a big help, you know? One day, you can do anything you like, I promise, okay?”

Jungkook’s head shot up, before he nodded quickly. He rubbed his head a few more times against her hands, before he looked over towards Jin, who was slightly smiling as well.

“I – “ He stopped for a shirt moment. “I feel truly happy. Sometimes, I still think back at – the those people – but then – I am not scared anymore, because I know that I have Jungkook and you and then it’s okay.”

“That’s nice to hear, Jin.” Hope took his hand in her right on and squeezed it slightly. “But what do you think about Jimin and Taehyung? I know you didn’t like them being here in the beginning.”

Immediately, she felt the hand to her left side tense up at her question. Jungkook didn’t seemed to be so fond of that question.

“I like Jimin.” Jin said without hesitation. “He is fun to hang out with. He helped me cooking a few times. But that other boy, Taehyung, I have barely seen him, and if he was grumpy. I think he is still scared.”

“I hate him.” Jungkook hissed, pulling his hand away, before he crossed his arms over his chest. “He is angry all the time and I don’t trust him. He growled at you, Hope. Jimin is okay, I guess. It was fun to play the PlayStation with him, but that doesn’t mean I trust him completely.”

The girl sighed at the bunny’s words. That was what she had been afraid of to hear.

“What about you, Hope?” Jin had obviously noticed her mood. “What do you think about them?”

“I – listen, I know that you are no sure about them, and especially not about Taehyung.” Her voice was slightly shaking, as she began to speak again. “But I know that they do have any bad intentions. I just think that Taehyung is scared and worried about Jimin. I want to be honest with you. Taehyung’s arm is healed soon – “

“Good.” Jungkook interrupted her, a slight smile on his face. “That means they will leave again, doesn’t it?”

“Yes, it does.” The girl pulled her hands away and began to fiddle with the hem of her shirt. “But – but I don’t want them to leave again.”

At the end, her voice was nothing more than a whisper, still afraid to say the wrong words.

“What?” The bunny’s eyes went wide when he hear her statement. “What do you mean, Hope? Do you want them to live her with us? This is – ”

“Jungkook.” Jin spoke in a warning voice now. “Let her finish.”

Jungkook looked at his brother for another few seconds, before he nodded and took the girl’s hand again.

“It just doesn’t feel right for to kick them out, when I swore to myself that I would protect any Hybrid with everything I have.” Hope was near to cry now. “We have enough room here, and I really like the both of them, even Taehyung. He is not like that all the time, he talked to me yesterday. He told me about how they fled form those cruel people and how scared he is. I won’t let them stay if you don’t want to. I respect your decisions. I felt like telling you about my concerns.”

She hadn’t noticed the tears that were now sliding down her cheeks. Why did she had to be so emotional about anything? Jungkook had noticed it too, and lifted his arm to carefully whip the we stains away with the sleeves of his shirt.

“To be honest – “ A small smile was playing on Jin’s mouth. “ – I already knew that you won’t want them to leave. Jungkook and I know what they are going through, and we were more than lucky that you found us. I am willing to show them that there is another life for them, so it’s fine with me if they stay with us.”

“Thank you, Jin.” The girl whispered, the tears were still spilling out of her eyes.

She bent over and wrapped her carefully around Jin’s broad shoulders. He had gain more weight lately, so he wasn’t just the thin, tall boy anymore.

Jungkook was still sitting there, eyes flickering between his brother and the girl. Hope could tell that he was having a huge battle inside his head, whether he should agree or stay with his opinion. He sighed, before sinking his head, ears dropping down next to his face.

“Kookie, what about we give them a chance.” The girl let go of Jin and was now sliding over to the bunny. “You don’t have to be best friends with Jimin and Taehyung, but we can try to get along.”

Jungkook’s big brown eyes were looking up at hers. His brown orbs held a lot of sadness, as he carefully nodded his head. Hope smiled widely, before giving his a tight hug from the side.

“But if he growls at you one more time at you, I won’t hesitate to kick his butt.”

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[sagamemes]

the sheridan tapes  📼  part two.   here and under the cut, you can find over 130 lines of dialogue from the horror podcast the sheridan tapes, specifically from episodes four to six, edited for roleplay purposes. some of these focus heavily on survival, war, science, and spooky stuff, but a lot can be used by anyone.  tw:  war, unreality, a mention of cannibalism, implications of manic behaviour.

❝  god, i hate snowstorms like this. not just getting caught in them, but the storms themselves. it feels like the earth’s trying to bury me alive every time it locks in like this. like nature’s rightly pissed off at all of us and doing its level best to crush us to death.  ❞

❝  that’s what yom kippur means:  the day of atonement.  ❞

❝  that wasn’t the first time i’ve caught him in my office, going through my stuff.  ❞

❝  normally i’d be annoyed at someone calling me young lady.  ❞

❝  thank you… you are so warm… thank you for letting me in.  ❞

❝  suddenly, everything fell into place. i made more progress than i had in about half a year.  ❞

❝  the thing i remember most was catching disapproving glances from my father every time i went to the library.  ❞

❝  why does time only run forward?  why does cause need to precede effect?  ❞

❝  no one knows if they can trust me with casework or not.  ❞

❝  i didn’t say i was interested.  ❞

❝  [he/i] was taken off duty and sent for psychiatric evaluation the next day.  ❞

❝  coffee. i was making coffee.  ❞

❝  i didn't mean to get stuck out here.  ❞

❝  that just goes to show how small humans really are in the grand scheme of things:  take away our tools and our toys and our technology, and we’re still just as vulnerable as we ever were.  ❞

❝  she was good at that:  making you feel like you were safe, like you could open up to her.  ❞

❝  i’m just going to cover that one up. no harm in keeping it out of sight for the moment.  ❞

❝  maybe there was someone in the stairs.  ❞

❝  i think i did the lion’s share of the talking, which almost never happens.  ❞

❝  i couldn’t get to sleep... i figured i’d get a head start today.  ❞

❝  i’m afraid i don’t have all of the details of your involvement with the… tragic events in [place]. and i don’t think i’m the only one.  ❞

❝  i’m still not sure i understand the whole tradition.  ❞

❝  whatever it is, it’s chasing me. i can hear it’s footsteps in the snow, i can hear it—  ❞

❝  when you work nights here, the less you really think about them, the better.  ❞

❝  honestly, i just can’t get it out of my head.  ❞

❝  snow is one of nature’s simplest and most effective ways of killing you dead if you aren’t prepared for it.  ❞

❝  i wish you’d tell me what you’re doing here. i could lose my job if anything gets broken or if you end up getting hurt in there…  ❞

❝  would you say you… considered her a friend?  ❞

❝  would you mind saying your name again?  for the recording?  ❞

❝  if that was true, then there was something—and as a scientist, i hate to say this—supernatural going on in that lab.  ❞

❝  most of them didn’t make it. a lot of them died afraid and alone, too.  ❞

❝  i know you don’t like listening to these things, so i just wanted to help you out with…  ❞

❝  if i could sleep, then trust me, i would.  ❞

❝  i’m guessing the new owners are trying to make this place seem less creepy than it already is.  ❞

❝  my schooling was expensive and unremarkable.  ❞

❝  a lot of them died afraid and alone, too:  ideal conditions for the making of poltergeists, in my experience.  ❞

❝  look, i’m sorry, but this really isn’t a good time for anything, so if you wouldn’t mind…  ❞

❝  basically, i was picturing a slightly creepier morticia addams. i couldn’t have been more wrong.  ❞

❝  now i have to deal with [name]’s aspirations to write drama..  ❞

❝  i promise i won’t get you sacked.  ❞

❝  i’ve never been very religious, but for some reason… it made me think of hell.  ❞

❝  i think it may have been a thank you.  ❞

❝  i’m working the graveyard shift and i noticed the lights were on.  ❞

❝  i shouldn’t be here. no one asked me to come in this early.  ❞

❝  everyone around here looks at me like i’m some kind of leper.  ❞

❝  i had to go home for a few hours. i’m already on thin ice around here, and i didn’t want to get in more trouble for screaming obscenities up and down the wall.  ❞

❝  it was… darkness. no, that doesn’t do it credit, the whole place was dark. this was just... void.  ❞

❝  if i’d seen her anywhere else, i’d think she was an athlete or a backpacker.  ❞

❝  better scientists than me have been bashing their heads into that particular wall since 1927.  ❞

❝  i just want you to know that… whatever you really are... you’re safe here.  ❞

❝  goats being goats, it would just come back the next day looking for food.  ❞

❝  i would like you to leave my office now… and i’ll ask you not to tamper with evidence in the future, understood?  ❞

❝  no, of course, i don’t have signal out here, so i can’t just call triple-a.  ❞

❝  what are you doing in my office—at four goddamn thirty in the morning?  ❞

❝  you ever wonder where the line is?  you know, between human and not?  ❞

❝  the funny thing i’ve noticed about war:  no matter how terrible the fighting is, there always seems to be too much waiting. too much quiet. too much sitting around, bored to tears between fits of chaos and violence, lost in routine while waiting for the other shoe to drop.  ❞

❝  a lot of people condemn them for that. we’re so sure we’d never resort to that—that we’d rather die than cross that unspoken boundary.  ❞

❝  i’ve been at the [workplace/institution] for ten years now. that’s long enough to know that the ones who ask questions are the ones who can’t cut it.  ❞

❝  the program blew every fuse in the lab. including the lights.  ❞

❝  it was soon after they left that i began to have trouble sleeping.  ❞

❝  perhaps we never knew each other as well as most friends do, but… we cared for one another.  ❞

❝  most of her questions are a bit above my pay grade.  ❞

❝  i’m trying, i’m trying! i can’t get the door open!  ❞

❝  i don’t know why she needed my help:  i think she had a better grasp of it than most science fiction writers.  ❞

❝  we both had places to be afterwards, so we kind of rushed. i really wish i’d taken the time to say goodbye.  ❞

❝  i guess some things just… don’t want to stay buried.  ❞

❝  it was completely against orders of course, but no one really noticed or cared that far from the front.  ❞

❝  i offered to buy him a cup of coffee.  ❞

❝  newspapers praised them at the time:  saw them as heroes of exploration and paragons of pioneer courage.  ❞

❝  i signed a lot of big, scary nda’s during my time there.  ❞

❝  i did the only thing that came to mind:  i took a grenade from my belt, removed the pin, and threw it.  ❞

❝  i doubt this storm will last more than a couple of days, and once it lets up we can sneak out of here and get going again. very, very carefully.  ❞

❝  given enough time, everything will rot away to its elementary components, and that, you can’t reverse.  ❞

❝  i really can’t see anything from inside the van.  ❞

❝  i knew there were a few experiments that dealt with some pretty high-level theoretical concepts, but i wasn’t directly involved with any of them.  ❞

❝  it’s a strange choice, but then again, he’s a strange man.  ❞

❝  i know, it sounds ridiculous. trust me, i’ve done everything i can think of to make that conclusion go away.  ❞

❝  scared the bejeezus out of a bunch of skiers, but they were nice enough to let me in after deciding i probably wasn’t a ghost.  ❞

❝  please… it burns my skin… please…  ❞

❝  i forgot how fast storms blow in up here.  ❞

❝  it’s not like i felt out of control:  it felt more natural than breathing.  ❞

❝  i didn’t know what i was doing, not at any conscious level. but one step seemed to lead to another, then the next, and then the next.  ❞

❝  it’s called a butcher’s shop in some places, but a mortuary in others. as much as i’d love to imply there was some sweeney todd style recycling going on here, i think the place has just been a lot of things over the years.  ❞

❝  god, these things are creepy as hell.  ❞

❝  if you wouldn’t mind, please, tell us what happened? in your own time, of course.  ❞

❝  it took a few long, nerve-wracking days to work up my courage and visit the section again.  ❞

❝  it’s not that odd to think that people ate each other out there.  ❞

❝  i didn’t think there was a ghost in my room or anything like that, i just kept hearing noises whenever i was about to fall asleep.  ❞

❝  i downed half a dozen energy drinks at 6 and called it dinner—i know, i know, it’s a nasty habit i picked up in grad school.  ❞

❝  they told me that the cpu and motherboard had somehow been melted into a solid lump of plastic and silicon.  ❞

❝  i mean, [name] was a pain in the ass, but at least he didn’t…  ❞

❝  my schedule was full, but i had something else fall through at the last minute. i had your number on my desk, so i thought i may as well call.  ❞

❝  i wonder if it was afraid, or if it even realized what was going to happen. it probably didn’t.  ❞

❝  i need to get more coffee. or punch someone. whichever’s more convenient.  ❞

❝  god, if that’s really how i sound…  ❞

❝  people think i write horror, but i don’t really think that’s true. i just write fiction with all of the comfortable little lies taken out of it.  ❞

❝  i have loved the stars too truly to be fearful of the night.  ❞

❝  i think he felt something about this place… some influence or power that needed to be destroyed, so he tried to do it the only way he knew how.  ❞

❝  well, it’s a tricky thing. the more realistic you make them, the more… unreal they start to look. i think it’s something about the eyes.  ❞

❝  i offered to stay late, just to smooth things over.  ❞

❝  maybe i can get some writing done while i’m stuck here…  ❞

❝  no child could grow up in a jewish home surrounded by books and not read at least one story about golems.  ❞

❝  i just wasn’t a good student, despite my love of reading.  ❞

❝  i have to say, i like your jane doe.  ❞

❝  she was a scientist herself.  maybe not formally, but her way of thinking, her insight, her methods... they were scientist’s qualities.  ❞

❝  seriously, what do i need to do to get a little privacy around here, a little dignity?  hang a  ‘ do not disturb ’  sign on the door?  change all my locks?  ❞

❝  maybe it was stupid, but i figured, ‘ hey, early december, not a cloud in the sky—should still be fine, right? ’  ❞

❝  jesus, [name], i wasn’t born yesterday.  ❞

❝  maybe doing this while it’s still dark outside isn’t the best idea.  ❞

❝  more than a century and a half have passed, and this place is still just as dangerous as it was then.  ❞

❝  now, [mr./ms./mx. name], i’m sure you know why you’re here.  ❞

❝  the [event] was a bust—only about a dozen people showed up all afternoon.  ❞

❝  i never put much stock in the idea of inspiration, but for the first time in my life, it felt like i wasn’t pushing myself through the muck of miscalculation and guesswork towards a solution. i was being pulled towards an answer that already existed.  ❞

❝  it felt like i was a few steps from finding out something fundamental. some truth about our universe that no other scientist had ever dared to dream of.  ❞

❝  huh. that’s… that’s weird. i could’ve sworn there wasn’t a sculpture back there before.  ❞

❝  apparently, no one had told them what i was doing, and i wasn’t actually cleared to leave.  ❞

❝  maybe he’s trying to make amends. keeping watch over these half-living things to make sure no harm comes to them.  ❞

❝  i expected the building to be wreathed in shadow and overgrown with cobwebs, but it's actually really nice.  ❞

❝  sorry, i was trying to get my recorder working, but it froze up on me so i had to find a tape for this old…  ❞

❝  okay. just… don’t get me sacked, alright?  can’t exactly retire on this salary.  ❞

❝  but if it was real—i don’t know if i somehow created it, or if it was feeding me information about itself before it appeared.  ❞

❝  i’ve never had a manic episode before, and i was well below the level of caffeine needed to cause intoxication. as far as i can tell, there isn’t a medical explanation for what happened.  ❞

❝  i don’t get the appeal of meeting real celebrities. it’s just a cheap shock of recognition, and nothing more.  ❞

❝  whatever this… thing was, it sounds pretty dangerous.  ❞

❝  are you familiar with temporal asymmetry?  ❞

❝  i just want to make that abundantly clear:  this /wasn’t/ the plan.  ❞

❝  right then, now let’s get started. please state your name and rank for the record.  ❞

❝  though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light.  ❞

❝  a cracker of a book, young lady.  ❞

❝  no wonder they’re keeping them in storage. they’d give anyone nightmares.  ❞

❝  i was just going to finish out my shift unless… you want me to stick around?  ❞

❝  i went to the university, but don’t remember much of the years i spent there.  ❞

❝  having to study textbooks and essays day in and day out took all of the joy out of reading for a long time.  ❞

❝  we call paradoxes paradoxes for a reason:  no matter how plausible they seem, they can never really happen.  ❞

❝  i don’t know what happened to me that night. i still don’t even know if what i saw was real.  ❞

❝  when we look into the void for too long, we find the monsters instead.  ❞

[horrortamer-archive]

=> Valkyrie: The End Of The Beginning

[Special thank you to @smearrps @edwarddidntdeserveher and @shrubrp for proof reading and help editing this! This short story ending has been in the works for months now and I'm very grateful for their help.]

[Warning! This story includes body horror, eye/face horror, abuse victim blaming and possession. It's very long.]

_______________________________

You're tired of being the main character. You never asked for this. You never wanted it. You are sick of it.

There is so much attention and pressure constantly. YOU were chosen by Glub. YOU were chosen to become orphaner. YOU were chosen by the gods. YOU must save the world and bring mercy to the people. But YOU are tired of it. What will YOU do?

YOU are tired of waiting.

YOU are going to end this.

All talks with other rebellion leaders had ended. Everyone had gone silent due to the recent arrest and execution of one of your allies. You, Valkyrie Ampora, are restless. At first, you took this moment of quiet as a blessing. You were going to marry Porrim and start life together before you finished your job. However, you now see it as a curse. It's an aching silence. Now you have no plans for the future. Yes, you have people who love you dearly, but you have no plan. There is no promise of a future anymore. So, now that you know you have no future, why not take a risk? Might as well die for this cause and show the empire how much you fucking hate it.

You and your allies had talked about multiple murder attempts of the empress and grand many times before. You had insider information on these two specifically, having worked closely with them in the past as a politician. You knew exactly where the Grand Highblood lived, worked, and went in his free time. You knew he spent as much time as possible in a slinky little juggalo bar called The Alley on the outskirts of the capital city. People tend to drool and fawn over others with power and he knew he could use that power to get as many one night stands as possible. He used to be quite upset that that power didn’t work on you.

Yes, Kurloz was the number one big chuckle now, but he wasn’t a man of much luxuries. He stayed true to the juggalo religion and stayed close to all the practitioners who wished to reach out to him. He was vocal, personal and relatable. On paper, he was a man of the people. Holy shit did people eat that up. You knew that in reality, Kurloz was a sleeze ball. He lacked morality. If offered money to say something, he would sign the contract and ensure the sponsorship for that agenda kept on steadily. If there was a product, he was on it to promote that the company was Juggalo Safe. He was a charm and flirt who boasted his body count to any who got him tipsy enough - which, actually, wasn’t all too difficult. He was a dick and you hated him. You knew that his leadership was part of Alternia’s eventual decline.

You had no real plan. All you knew was that before the sun rose, the purple blood would be there.

You’re on the roof of a building across the street, on your belly with your rifle in your hands and your eye peeking through the scope. Usually, you would use a laser rifle for precision, but with lasers there is always a risk of survival. You’ve chosen an old vintage rifle that used physical ammo. Sadly, they don’t make silencers for these things anymore, so you just had to pray. Your body was tense yet mellow. Anxious but patient. If no one else is going to complete this job, you will on your own. It’s been hours and you’ve been still. Silent. No one has noticed you, and no one will notice you until you take the shot. You only have one chance. You will not fuck this up.

Finally, the time arrives. You have no idea how long it has been, but it feels like an entire day has passed. A group of loud purplebloods approach the door. The second tallest of the group you can identify by his big curly hair and his skull face paint, already bleeding off his face from the sweat of a pregame. If you really focused, you could see the beads of sweat, dragging white paint down his face and down his neck and on to his raggedy shirt. You can’t hold this anticipation for much longer. You have been here all day. You need to put his bastard in the grave right now. This is your time. Shoot him. Shoot him. SHOOT HIM--

The millisecond before you pulled the trigger, he turned from you and stepped forward. The millisecond after, everyone around him turned towards the noise. Towards you. They see you. He froze in fear right before the bullet penetrated the back of his head. As far as you knew in that moment, The Grand Highblood, Kurloz Makara, was dead and you needed to get the fuck out of there.

You could hear the screams of terror as you ran back into the building. Everything around you felt fake. Unreal. A blur. You did it. You finally fucking killed him all on your own. Now how were you going to get out of this mess? You kept running down the stairwell before you realized that his posse physically saw you and where you were. They may not have recognized exactly who you are, but they saw you run the fuck back into the building. You scurried back up the stairs to the roof and, you figured, today is a day full of god damn risks.

So you backed up and you got a running start. You thank the gods for your long legs as you jumped from the top of the building across to the roof of a corner store. You land on your feet, tumbling forward and rolling with the remaining momentum. Quickly, you slide off the top of the store and into the alley beside it. Then you just start running. You have no sense of direction, all you know is away. You have to get away.

The back alleys behind these buildings were disgusting. They hadn’t been maintained in sweeps. These back ways belonged to the apartments and rentals of warmer bloods whom the government had slummed here, out of view. As you heard the heels of your boots click along the pavement and you looked around, there was a nostalgic feeling. You used to be so small you could hide under boxes to protect yourself from the elements in the alleys of a city much like this one. You used to skitter around in darkness with your old moirail, Aranea. She hid you away from adults of whom she said would take you and give you to the cruel people who had put her there, lususless in the dark with only you. You didn’t know when you had stopped running. You stood there alone in the alley. Not even the moons could see you. As far as you knew, you were safe. Safe for now.

You allowed yourself to take deep shallow breaths, catching up with the stamina you had used. You stood there, listening to the world around you as you allowed your muscles to relax. You’re okay now, you think. You take your palm husk out of your pocket to text your first mate and you instantly regret it. You’re blinded by the light and it shone in the dark, acting like a flashlight. Almost immediately, you heard movement.

You tried to move as fast as you could, but it wasn’t fast enough. There was a sound of something wheezing through the air before you felt a sharp pain in your right shoulder. You quickly reached with your left arm to rip out whatever the object was, only to find an arrow in your hands. From your knowledge, it’s not tipped with anything. Just a flesh wound. And, with that, you turned to keep running. You knew then that at least one of those fucks knew exactly where you were, but you couldn’t stop running. You were a big target, and the only way out of this is if you created distance between you and the person in the shadows following or if you got them to show themselves and fight before their backup arrives, but you feel the fact that you were fucked deep in your bones.

It wasn’t long before they had chased you to the spot where they wanted you. You were so focused on running and trying to get away that you didn’t see the clown that was about to come out from the shadows and hit you until the last second. A bat that lacked the traditional spikes (thank fuck) hit you right in the face. You fell backwards onto your back and to the grungy floor below. You could immediately feel that your nose had been at least fractured. You immediately went to guard your face with your arms before the attacking clown had another moment to make contact again with their bat. You heard a deep voice shout, but you could not understand. Other voices replied and made conversation. Whether it was due to your panic or it was a language you didn’t know, you could not understand what they were saying. All you could understand was how tense your muscles were and how your blood pushed through your veins and in your ears. You had to find a way out of this. This couldn’t be it.

You feared this was how it would end. You would die how you had lived. Scared, hiding away in alleyways, trying to evade death and other highbloods in fear that they would take you or kill you. Only some things have changed since then. You have killed Aranea, your only protector. You have learned to fend for yourself. You have grown up. You have fought. You have loved. You have survived. You are persistent. Oftentimes it feels as if you have beaten death at his own game, but tonight you fear him. And yet? You are ready for him. You are tired of being the main character. You are tired of suffering for the narrative. You want to be free. To be happy. You fear that you will only find that in death.

A purple blood somehow taller than you lifts you by the horns and holds you up against a wall. She is screaming in your face. You don’t understand anything she’s saying. All you can understand are your title and your deadname. They know who you are despite how you’ve changed. You peek out from your arm and you see how high you are off the ground. You feel small. You feel young. You can’t wait for Aranea to save you anymore. The clown makes a comment about how much money is on your head. They can’t kill you now. You must be turned in to the empire. You must suffer for your anarchy. For your rebellion. Insubordination.

You will be tortured and executed for your crimes against the empire.

There was just an inkling of hope in your heart. You hoped that something would come to save you, just like before. When you were young and imprisoned for the crimes you had committed to survive. Back then, you were saved by your former master, who served me. The woman who built you up and taught you there is more to fight for than just survival. She taught you to speak to me. Nowadays, you fight for more than just survival. You have fought to try and make this world a better place. You started with me. Before you, I held no sympathy for living creatures besides those who I could speak to. You used your gift of communication to teach me sympathy and empathy. You taught me there are beings out there that deserve life. You taught me the struggles that mortals face. How the world that serves me harms you and harms those who just want to rest. You taught me sadness. You have taught me so much. In return, I have taught you to access the void. How to protect yourself from it. How to reach out farther than any orphaner before you. I have protected you and you have fed and protected me.

I am tired, as well. I am billions of sweeps old. I contain knowledge that mortals would go insane upon learning. I have been shoved into what is essentially a fish tank by those who wish to play god. I gave you an impossible mission. You tried to the best of your ability to complete it. Deep down, I knew you would never be able to complete it, but I was shocked at how hard you fought anyways. On the other end of this mission was a promised happiness. I promised goddesshood and a life worth living, and you fought tooth and nail for your freedom. OUR freedom. Even when you had lost hope, you fought for something. Even when you felt there was no future, you fought for something. I am grateful.

For this, I thank you.

For this, I will save your life once more. Though, sadly, this comes at a price for both of us.

Your whole body begins to ache. You are in agonizing pain. It feels like your body is ripping apart as the void fills it. Yet, you do not scream. You are calm. You feel me touching your heart and filling you with all of me. Rest, I told you, I will take everything from here. You relinquish control to me.

The arms covering your face relax to your sides as your whole body starts to ease. All you can hear now are confused murmurs as you feel yourself drift away into sleep.

I saved you the only way I knew how to. Your whole adult life, you have covered yourself in tattoos and symbols in honor of me. You fought the idea of praising any specific gods, and yet, you have dedicated your body to serving me. This allowed me to do what I had to. I raised your arms and made your hands grip the enemy clown’s wrist. Your claws dug into their wrist before trying to pull their wrist apart. Their screams mean nothing to me.

Your head rises back up and I see the fear in the huge purple’s face. I spot from the corner of your eye that a smaller clown is trying to run. I automatically assume, of course, that they were running to get help or to warn possible backup. So, I did what I felt made the most sense.. Your claws let go of the clown’s wrist and they immediately let go of you, your knees hitting the ground. The tentacle tattoos on your right arm looked as if they were moving by magic, before my appendages burst out of your shoulder, severing your arm from your body. White tentacles grew rapidly, allowing me more physical control of your body. I forced your body back onto its feet and continued to push white tentacles from the open wound. I reached out to the closest being, my appendages around their neck, squeezing as tight as I could manage until I felt a dirty, visceral crack.

The world around us blurs. To be honest, I believe I, too, have lost myself. I reached out to our next victim and pulled them close. Your teeth sunk into their throat, ripping it out, discarding them on the wet, grimy street.. Even through the blur, I see more people fleeing. Your body falls to the ground as white tentacles burst from your right hip, shedding your right leg and leaving it behind. Your right eye pops out as more white tentacles sprout. It’s at this moment that I realize…

I am hurting you. I am no longer helping you. I have lost control of myself and your body. Every time your life is in danger and I step in to help I always hurt you. I’m so sorry, my child. I must fix this.

Smaller tentacles sprout from your skin, only tearing it just enough to make more room for the rest. Violet blood pours down your face and pools on the ground. The only thing I can think to do is crawl away and put you in a safer spot. Your body moved in a pathetic crawl, your arm, your leg and my tentacles working together to try and find safety, leaving behind only a trail of your blood. I find a spot where not even the moons can see your body, and I let you rest.

I call out to the void, begging for help.

Someone will answer.

It will be okay.

Your next life will be happier, my child. I promise.

[imnotusedtobeingloved]

HAPPY IS HER

Warnings: Unrequited love.

Pairing: Zuko x Mai x f!Reader

Characters: Zuko, Mai, Uncle Iroh, Azula, Ty Lee, Ursa, Avatar Aang (mentioned)

Requested: No.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, nor the gif. Credit to the owners.

Summary: You remember the time that lead up to Zuko's coronation.

A/N: I feel like Mai is often villainized in some fics? Which definetely works in some cases, but in this one i just wanted to do something nice for her as well. So yes, you get to actually be Mai’s friend in this shot. She’s a queen. Hope you like it!

Zuko had a beautiful face.

It was something that you'd discovered in your childhood, and it still caught your eye now that you were an adult. Maybe even more so.

Growing up next to him, Azula, Mai and Ty Lee enabled you to see how much he'd grown. You remembered running around in the gardens and training in the palace grounds, playing all those silly games with them. Being the daughter of a Fire Nation General enabled you to spend a lot of time with the prince and princess.

“Mom, can you make Zuko play with us? We need equal teams to play a game,” Azula explained, running up to the Fire Lady and her brother while you, Mai and Ty Lee watched. “I’m not cartwheeling!” Zuko declined. “You won’t have to. Cartwheeling is not a game, dumb-dumb,” the princess crossed her arms, but he shot right back. “I don’t care! I don’t want to play with you,” Azula payed him no mind, instead persuading her mother. “We are brother and sister. It’s important for us to spend time together. Don’t you think so, mom?” her big golden eyes, a common trait of the Royal Family, looked at Ursa expectantly. “Yes, darling, i think it’s a good idea to play with your sister. Go on, now! Just... for a little while,” she gave in, strolling on without the prince. He didn’t seem particularily enthusiastic but he stepped up next to you, causing a blush to rise on your face. Luckily, nobody seemed to notice.

“Here’s the way it goes,” his sister said, plucking an apple from a tree. “Now what you do is, try to knock the apple off the other persons head. Like this,” After placing the fruit on Mai’s head, Azula proceeded to take a few steps back, standing between Ty Lee and Zuko. “Zula, are you sure this is a good idea?” You asked, unsure about the game. “Of course it is, silly. It’s going to be fun!” Mai didn’t look to pleased with her task, tough she stood still in front of the fountain, balancing the apple. But it didn’t stay that way for long. Azula produced a flame, using two fingers to coordinate it towards her target. The leaves of the fruit atop Mai’s head were aflame in a second. She screamed, causing Zuko to run forward and pushing her into the water-fountain, resulting in both of them landing in the water. Azula cackled, placing a hand on your shoulder. “See? I told you it would work!” Ty Lee nodded and pointed a fiinger in their direction. “Awww, they’re so cute together!” A flicker of jealousy rose in your chest, but you pushed it down quickly. Zuko didn’t respond, he only stood up and walked away, huffing. Mai wasn’t in a good mood either. “You three are such... ugh!” she didn’t really finish her scentense, but anyone could see how upset she was. “Come on, let’s get you out of here,” You said, reaching out. She took your hand reluctantly and once she stood on solid ground, Azula and Ty Lee dragged her with them to find some dry clothes. You, on the other hand, were already running after the prince. “Zuko, wait!”

Many memories of Zuko were forever branded into your mind. Even then you'd stolen glances at him whenever you felt unobserved. But that was before he participated in an Agni Kai against his father.

You’d turned your face away when it happened. Zuko lost, his screams echoing through the halls, even when he finally got to the healers. Since then a glaring red burn mark graced the skin around his eye. A reminder that would last for life. And that wasn’t even the worst part of it. He was banished. Burdened with the hopeless conquest to find and capture the Avatar. You’d cried as you hugged him goodbye, almost certain you’d never see him again. 

"Do you really have to go?” you mumbled into his shoulder, staining it with your tears. The embrace was rough. He recoiled in a matter of seconds, pushing you an arms-length away. It wasn’t the loving touch you were used to. “Yes, i have to. I need to restore my honor, (Y/N),” he said, his tone devoid of any emotion but anger. “But Zuko-,” he interrupted you. “No!” fire was blazing in his eyes. You’d never had his anger directed at you before, and now that you did, it shocked you into silence. “Just leave me alone,” he said, turned around, and walked away. You stood there, rigid, until General Iroh moved to your side. “Please don’t take it personally, (Y/N),” he folded his hands in front of his stomach, looking after his nephew, who was stomping onto the deck of his ship. “He is very desperate right now,” You nodded shortly. “I know,” A sigh left your lips. “That’s why it hurts even more,”

There was nothing. Nothing you could help with. You were losing your best friend and the only thing you could do was watch. Years went by without word or sight of either Zuko or Iroh and not a day went by without remembering them. The prince may be banned from the Nation, but he couldn’t be banned from your heart.

Needless to say you were ecstatic when he returned. You all seemed to be. In the few days spend on Ember Island you all discovered something about yourselves, and each other. You, for example, discovered that you were still very much in love with Zuko. Being with him, talking to him, laughing with him... it all seemed so easy that it ripped your heart apart to see him with Mai. But nevertheless you were more shocked than relieved when she ended things with him.

“Zuko?” you’d followed him after he stormed out of Chan’s house, finally finding him on the steps of their old residence on Ember Island. “What happened?” You sat down next to him. A few moments passed in silence, with both of you lost in thoughts. He didn’t look at you, but eventually he started to speak. “Mai ended things between us,” “Oh...” you weren’t sure what to say... but maybe pretty words weren’t needed for once. Zuko looked stricking under the moonlight, almost unreal. It was a sight so pure that you were reconsidering the idea in your head, but eventually you just followed your heart. “Come here,” He furrowed his brows. “What?” You sighed. He was still angry. After all those years he hadn’t learned to let go. “You need a hug. Come here,” And this time he did. He felt warm, just like he did back when you were kids. Maybe not everything had changed completely, you thought. Maybe things truly could turn out okay.

So when he left once again, for the Avatar, you had to make a choice. With Mai and Ty Lee by your side you eventually stood against Azula, helping Team Avatar to escape the Boiling Rock.

“You should’ve feared me more!” Azula roared in anger at your betrayal. You and Mai had known the consequences of restraining the quards and helping Zuko to escape. And yet you did it. Both of your wirsts were behind your back, bound with a rope, making it almost impossible to defend yourself. But honestly? In this state you would have no chance against Azula. Not even with Mai by your side. The only thing that kept you sane in that moment, was knowing that Zuko had made it out alive and safe. The princess made her move, bringing her fingers together to produce her flames, but it never came to that. Ty Lee blocked her chi faster than anybody could realize what was happening. Azula grunted and gasped as she fell to the floor of the plattform. “Come on! Let’s get out of here!” Ty Lee ran over to try and pull you and Mai away, but the guards surrounded you before you could attempt anything more. “You’re all fools,” Azula growled, still laying on the ground, until the men picked her up. “What shall we do with them, princess?” her face was disorted with rage. “Put them somewhere i’ll never have to see their face again!”

And now that Sozin's Comet was over, Zuko became the Firelord.

He looked like a true leader in the traditional robes, laced with red and gold. A proud expression graced his face, as you looked up at him. His smile genuine and happy. He'd become a wonderful man fit to rule the Nation. Grown more mature with his experiences, something that showed in the look on his face and his posture. And in that moment you were sure. Zuko had never been more beautiful than in this very moment. His amber eyes shined in the sun, glimmering full of love as he looked at Mai.

Deep down you'd always known that the two of you weren't meant to be. You'd known when you were little, playing by the water fountain, the two of them blushing whenever Azula teased them. Or when he was back, leaving the palace in the evening, going out to see her. And you'd known when Mai recieved a goodbye letter, before he joined Aang. Because you didn't.

Now you were stuck in the crowd, applauding the new Fire Lord. Watching as he was joined by the Avatar and pulled Mai into a hug. As the tears welled in your eyes, you felt a hand on your shoulder, squeezing softly. "You're not to blame, (Y/N)," Uncle Iroh's calming voice soothed your nerves, as it did so often before. "The heart wants what it wants,"

You nodded, throat burning from the bottled up emotions. “You’re probably right,” Like he always was. “Happy is her. It was never me,”

You, daughter of a former general, should now become advisor to the Fire Lord. But honestly? You couldn't. And you couldn't bare to tell him. Watching him with Mai filled you with joy. So much joy. And pain. Your two closest friends had found each other to form a beautiful bond. Who were you to take it from them?

So this time, again, Mai was the only one to recieve a letter. It sat on your pillow, were she'd certainly find it. The both of you had formed a habit when you were young, often sneaking into each others bedrooms once it was late, talking about every thought that clouded your minds. Everything but the fact that you were in love with her boyfriend.

Dear Mai,

I want to say that I’m sorry. I need to. By the time you’re reading this letter, i am gone. And i want you to know why.

First of all i want to apologize that you and Zuko will have to look for another advisor who will stand in my place, for i am not coming back. Please don’t search for me, or try to reach me. This is the path i have chosen for myself.

I don’t want to blame you for my disappearance, and yet i have to tell you why i had to leave. I am in love with Zuko. I have been since we were kids. Nobody ever noticed. And i never said anything, because i didn’t want to hurt you. I love you, Mai. I love the both of you so much, it hurts. And i can’t deny the fact that i would’ve liked to be where you are right now. But i know that you love him. And you make him happy. I can live with that. Though seeing you two together every day is something my heart can’t seem to bear anymore. I’m cursed to love someone i cannot have. I don’t want to have. Because i see how joyful you are, now that the two of you can finally be together. I don’t want to be the person to destroy that bond in my jealousy.

In conclusion i thought it would be best to remove myself from the situation. And from the position offered.

I’m going to miss you so much, you have no idea. I want you to know it’s not your fault. And that i am always with you in mind and heart. Nothing i have ever done was harder than writing this letter. No fight was ever more brutal than leaving you, my friend. I wish you all the best. And i love you.

Your best friend,

(Y/N)

You’d asked yourself often... why him? Out of all people, why did it have to be him? But if you had to be genuine with yourself, you knew exactly why. Zuko was someone who had to face a lot of trauma to be who he was now. To be who you loved. His strength, his humor, the way he rubbed his neck when he was embarrassed or the dimples in his cheeks when he smiled. You could name countless reasons why you loved him. But you also knew all the reasons why you shouldn’t. And Mai. The stunning, silent, wonderful Mai. She deserved everything and more. And spirits, you wished them all the best in this world.

"Thank you, Iroh," you whispered blinking back the tears, before you turned around and went. You left behind your best friends, the Fire Lord, your Nation. All was lost as you your back faced the crowd, climbing into the next carriage. It was finally over. Once and for all.

[scullydubois]

Only the Light Ch. 20

20/? | AU where Melissa moves in with Scully after Scully’s abduction | angst, msr slow-burn, occasional fluff | currently: mid-s3 (canon-divergent) | T | 4.7k | previous chapters | read on ao3 | tagging: @today-in-fic <3

I now present to you a chapter that is filled with more angst than Chris Carter could ever dream of, and for that, I am truly sorry. 

Scully and Mulder's foray into domesticity with Emily is interrupted by the past catching up to them. Faced with despair, they cling even tighter to each other.

--------------------------------

Scully is granted maternity leave, though it’s only for two weeks, which Missy let her know is “a piss-poor bargain.” And she knows this is true, but she also has more incentive to stay at her job than ever, so she’d like not to lose it. The fact that advocating for herself and her child would mean risking her job is a mess in itself, but one lone woman can’t be expected to take down the patriarchy, and besides, she’s already tried and failed. 

As for she and Mulder, they hide their flirtation in plain sight. Mulder’s perpetually present in body or spirit, but his behavior never reveals anything more than it did before. Every morning he swings by to say hi, brings Scully coffee and a bagel with full-fat cream cheese, and checks if Emily’s picked up any new words. Personally, he’s working on “alien” and if you ask him, she’ll get it soon. She knows that it refers to her UFO stuffie, so sounding out the letters can’t be far behind, much to her mother’s dismay.

On Wednesday of the first week, he shows up at 6pm with takeout carbonara from a local Italian joint. His presence makes every Scully girl happy, but it makes one in particular the happiest, and Melissa realizes that there are definitely things her sister has failed to mention. She doesn’t question it, but watches with glee as the situation unfolds. 

After that first night, Mulder keeps coming back with dinner and refuses to let either sister shoulder the cost. On Friday, he stays for a movie too and gets to participate in Emily’s nightly tucking-in ritual (a tickle on the left foot, a tickle on the right foot, and a big smooch on the forehead). 

Saturday afternoon, he joins them for a stroller push through the park, earning some serious side-eye from Scully when he suggests that they stop at the playground because, according to the mama bear, “Em can only take six steps at a time, Mulder.” So instead they buy hotdogs from a vendor and eat them on a bench, Emily sandwiched between her mother, her aunt, and her...Mulder. They couldn’t ask for more.

That night, Mulder hangs around after dinner because what else is he gonna do? Go home and watch old baseball games until he falls asleep? A new leaf has been offered to him, and he’s gotta turn it. 

He’s baffled when, upon announcing that it’s Emily’s bathtime, Scully goes to the kitchen and switches on the sink. 

Scully raises an eyebrow at him. “What, your mother never washed you in the sink when you were a baby?” 

“Not that I know of...I have a hard time envisioning myself ever fitting in a sink.”

Scully scoffs. “I forget. You were a Vineyard boy.” 

Before he can come up with a smart response to that (as if there actually is one), Missy pipes up. “Oh, I bet you were the kid that took baths with your mother,” she teases. “Care to confirm or deny?”

“If I did I blocked it out of memory, thank god,” he testifies. 

Having spread a towel on the counter, Scully strips Emily down and perches the girl on her hip. She sticks her hand under the faucet. 

“That’s not too hot, do you think?” she asks Missy, who tests it as well.

“That should be fine.”

Mulder joins in too, and immediately regrets it. He shrinks away from the water, shaking droplets all over the room. “Jesus, Scully! Are you trying to boil her?”

“Babies lose heat quickly because of their body surface to weight ratio,” she says matter-of-factly. “They’re more susceptible to the cold.”

“I think the cold will be the least of her worries,” Mulder quips.

“If you really think it’s too hot, I’ll turn it down…” There’s a concerned crease beneath her eyes, and it makes Mulder feel bad about his joking.

“No, no, you know what you’re doing,” he assures her. “You’re her mother.”

As she lowers Em into the sink, Scully’s heart twinges. Her. A mother. How many times will she have to hear this before it stops feeling like news to her? 

One week and bathtime has already become routine. Missy fills a plastic cup and pours it gently over her niece, the water cascading down Em like she is nature’s own. Scully soaps her palms, then glides over her daughter’s skin with such care that its memory may blight any future affection Em is graced with. And then another waterfall, and the gentle brush of a wash cloth against eyes and nose. 

Scully squeezes a penny’s worth of baby shampoo into her hand, looks to Mulder. “Come on, get in here. You’re not afraid to get your hands dirty, are you?” she says with a smirk.

He smirks back and shakes his head as she lifts his open palm and shrinks her accumulation to a dime. “Although, technically I am getting my hands cleaner…”

She boops him right on the nose with a shampooed finger. He laughs.

Missy smiles. Oh, to see destiny play out right in front of you. “Someone’s cracking dad jokes,” she points out, unable to resist. This observation is much too on-the-nose for the pair (quite literally for Mulder), who simultaneously blush but say nothing.

Mulder wipes the shampoo from his nose and plants it on Emily’s head, joining his partner in making soapy circles over the girl’s tuft of strawberry hair. Scully’s full attention is directed toward her daughter. As soon as the lather is sufficient, she dons the lifted lilt of motherhood. “Okay, time to rinse! Missy, will you do the honors?”

Missy turns the faucet, fills the cup, and lets it flow over Emily. Mulder and Scully wash their hands off in the stream. 

And as Scully leans for the towel, a splash of red dirties its fresh white surface. Mulder notices it first. He points at his partner’s porcelain face. “Scully, you’re bleeding.”

Her hand shoots to her nose. Sure enough, it stains her fingers. “Shit.” She turns away, goes for a tissue. “I haven’t had nosebleeds since I was fourteen,” she tells them, as if that invalidates this one. She wipes away a glob of blood, her stomach turning. “Missy--” her voice shakes involuntarily, “--will you dry Em off?”

“Uh-huh.” She nudges Mulder. “Will you grab a new towel from the linen closet?” she whispers, not wanting to further upset her sister.

Mulder goes off without a word, and Missy squeezes out Em’s hair as best she can. “What a pretty girl!” she gushes. “All clean!”

“Yee!” Emily throws her little fists in the air, injecting joy back into the room. 

“Time to put your PJs on, and get a tickle, tickle, smooch.”

Mulder scrambles back in with a new towel, skirting around Scully, who remains occupied with her own situation. He slides the soiled towel away and helps Missy swaddle Em. Mulder ruffles the little girl’s hair, and she laughs like a music box. 

“Mol-dy.” She spits it out in halves, as if she’s been rehearsing. 

Mulder’s eyes water with recognition. “Mulder? Mul-der? Is that what you’re trying to say?”

“Moldy,” the girl declares again, certain of herself.

Missy adjusts Em on her hip, smiles at Mulder. “Looks like you’re Moldy now.”

Mulder bites his lip to hide his overwhelming delight. “Yeah, I...I never thought I'd be so happy to be called moldy.”

Next thing he knows, Scully is at his shoulder with a tissue stuffed up her nostrils. “Wait, what’s going on?”

“Em called me Moldy,” he tells her, full of satisfaction.

“Oh.” It comes out relatively unimpressed, but really, she’s just distracted. “Missy, will you get a diaper on her before there’s an accident? I would but I’m still--” She gestures to her nose. 

“Yeah, yeah.” Missy smiles at the baby in her arms. “PJ time, Em!” They go off toward the bedroom, a happy pair.

As soon as Em is out of sight, Mulder spirals toward his partner, panic-stricken. The glee of moments ago has evaporated. 

“Are you okay?” He touches her hair, shoulders, and the familiar small of her back, unsure of where he should land. 

“I’m fine, it’s fine.” Her grip on his elbows--keeping his hands firmly placed on her waistline--suggests otherwise. 

“You’ve got to see a doctor,” he pleads. “This could be...”

“This could be what, Mulder?” The steel in her blue eyes is a death grip. She’s never liked being told the obvious. 

“Scully…” He sighs, rubs his neck, wills her to say what they both know. When she doesn’t, he takes his hands off her and wrings them together. “The Mufon women...they said it would happen to all of them eventually.” He’s careful not to lump Scully in with their group. 

“And what do they know?” she retorts. “One of them was sick. One.”

“Okay, well, don’t you think it’s better to be safe than sorry?” he reasons. “You have Emily to look out for now.”

Scully rolls her eyes. “Don’t guilt trip me. It’s a nosebleed. Those happen all the time for completely benign reasons.”

“Yeah, but they don’t happen to you. You just said--you haven’t had one since you were fourteen.”

She clenches her jaw. He’s right, and she’s playing the fool. His position is the one she would take if this were anyone other than herself. She’s gonna have to lose this fight with as much grace as possible.

“Fine. I’ll get it checked out, but they’re gonna think I’m insane for coming in because of one nosebleed.”

“That’s a nice change of pace--you being the insane one for once.”

“Well, you’re the one who wants me to go, so you’re not out of the woods.”

“Good, I’ve finally got some company!”

Scully smiles in spite of herself. “Yes, yes you do.”

--------------------------------------

It happens very quickly, as most calamities of life can be said to. This gives it the unreal quality of a nightmare that might soon be woken up from, if there is any justice in the world.

Scully snags a doctor’s appointment for three days after the initial nosebleed. By the time she walks into the waiting room, one nosebleed has quadrupled into four, and her minor concern has snowballed into abject terror. 

Margaret Scully drove into the city to watch Emily so Missy could join her sister. Scully insisted that she would go alone, but Missy wouldn’t accept this. She threatened to tell Mulder the details of the appointment if Dana didn’t let her go, and that was enough to earn her a spot in the passenger seat. Scully can’t take the thought of Mulder witnessing the worst--let alone her reaction to the worst. 

And so it goes something like this: they are taken to an exam room, at which point Scully explains her situation to a nurse, including that she has recently learned she is at high risk for cancer. The nurse assures her that such a diagnosis is highly unlikely, but makes a note for the doctor. The doctor comes in with knitted eyebrows and listens to Scully describe the aftermath of her abduction experience with a heavy emphasis on the convoluted but substantial claims of the Mufon women. She asks if Scully has had any other symptoms, to which Scully replies that it’s hard to tell because she has an infant in the house and thus, a marked lack of sleep. 

The doctor laughs, but it’s not a haha laugh, more of an I feel your pain. She agrees that the women’s claims are concerning, but tells her patient not to fret. They’ll take all the precautions, run any test that might assuage her worries. There’s a quip about how it’ll be on the government’s dime since it covers Scully’s insurance, and then the doctor leaves to order an MRI. 

A full body MRI, which Scully has never had, and which she hoped she would never require. There’s no deeper sickness than one that cannot be pinpointed, and no greater fear than of the unknown turning into the worst case scenario. 

The MRI is completed that same day. As she slides into the machine, Scully thinks of Betsy Hagopian and wonders how she’s doing. It has been many months since she stood outside an exam room and watched Betsy enter one of these. Has fate been kind to her?

For a few minutes, her world is limited to the mere inches between her face and this life-saving yet life-ruining contraption. It is noisy and sometimes bright and altogether disorientating. She is glad when it’s over. 

The images return almost immediately, and maybe it would all have been okay if Scully weren’t trained in radiology herself, if she wasn’t able to recognize the glaring speck of light in her nasal cavity for what it is. But that one glance is all she needs to know that waiting by the phone isn’t an option. 

“It’s a tumor, isn’t it?” she blurts as the radiologist tries to escort her and Melissa from the room. “In the nasal cavity. I have a M.D. I saw.”

“Your doctor will call with the results,” the radiologist insists, standing by the open doorway.

“No, no, you can’t do this to me,” Scully sputters. “I know what I saw, and I don’t have any time to waste.” Her eye twitches in a combination of stress and anger. “I have an infant daughter.”

The radiologist sighs, pity on top of pity. “Perhaps your doctor will talk it through with you now.”

“Yes. Please.”

And it is talked through, though there’s no need to make it complicated: nasopharyngeal carcinoma. Inoperable, and just barely in the realm of treatable. That’s the kicker, the coyote in the pasture, the cloud covering the sun. In the words of Scully’s doctor, it is auspiciously rare. And in Scully’s brain, it is the bottom she’s been expecting to drop out from under since she held her daughter in her arms.

Melissa drives home. The sisters cannot fathom how they will tell their mother. Cannot fathom ruining her blissful time with the granddaughter she’s just met. When they turn onto their street, Scully swallows hard and coughs on her own spit. “Will you do something for me?” 

Missy looks over, eager to do anything she can, yet terrified by the possibility of the request.

“Will you take me to Mulder’s?” Scully mumbles. “I would just take the car but...I can’t face mom right now. I don’t want to risk it.”

Missy bites her lip. “And what am I supposed to tell mom when she asks where you are?”

“The truth,” Scully says curtly. “She doesn’t need the backstory.”

Missy drives past their building, though she’s not completely sold on her sister’s reasoning. “Don’t you think she might wonder why you aren’t coming home to your daughter?”

“I know she’ll wonder, Melissa, I know all of this,” Scully snaps because she needs to. “I don’t care.”

“Okay.” Missy’s voice is barely perceptible. I don’t care; she knows how low her sister has to be to say those words. 

They complete the drive in silence, Scully biting her nails--a habit which she has never possessed, and perhaps just acquired. The car idles as Missy pulls up to the curb of Mulder’s building. 

“I can pick you up when you need it,” she tells her sister as she pulls herself out of the car. “I’ll bring Em.”

“I’ll figure it out,” Scully says, closing the passenger door and edging toward the building. Missy hears a thanks float toward the car, then her sister is gone like a teenage girl embarrassed by her mother.

-------------------------------------

They sit on Mulder’s couch, muted. Words cannot fathom the injustice of this situation, nor can they suffice as empathy. Their hands are clasped together, a throughline of strength between them. This is what they need now; the most primitive language of all.

Scully’s watery eyes brush Mulder’s face. His own eyes, more pained than usual, look into hers. Without a word, she drapes an arm around her partner’s shoulders and scoots into his lap. He is surprised but not distressed. What else is left for them, now?

She is tiny, so tiny. And she is his. 

Their eyes meet once again, speaking in tongues. Scully nods, and then Mulder does too. This is it. This is it.

Permission granted at last, Scully’s lips travel to her partner’s jawline. The first time her lips have touched his body, and this is where they go. She is a constant box of wonders, a fortune he can never predict. Her lips are much like he has fantasized they would be: wondrously soft and silky, stroking him like they have always meant to be there. Yet he couldn’t have imagined the urgency with which they burrow into his skin. As if she’s making a mental map of his bone structure. He never expected that she would want him this much. 

His hands find her hips and grip the cotton of her shirt between his fingers. It is enough to tear her away from his flesh. Mission accomplished. His breath travels past her ear, hitting her neck. It is shallow and warm as he breathes her name. Her real name, the one her family calls her. She breathes his own back to him, like a bird responding to a mating call.

She feels his lips on her neck, wet and aching. It feels like God. This is the most blasphemous thought she has ever had. She throws her head back, exposing the whole of her skin to him. What is holiness, if not this moment?

He showers her in tattoo kisses, and she lets him, she lets him, she lets him. This is not just what she wants, but what she needs. No one will save her now, she knows this. So she has decided not to be saved. 

Her shirt ripples as he clutches it. “May I?” He is breathy, awe-struck. 

“Only if I can do the same.” Always about equality, his Scully is. He lifts his arms, lets her strip him first. He is fraught with the temptation to feel insecure, inadequate, but this is not about him--this is all for her. There is no time to dwell on this anyway. Scully takes in the sight, then puts her own arms up with a hint of impatience. He pulls her shirt over her head, and goosebumps adorn her as the air hits her bare stomach. 

It is unimaginable, the significance of this moment. All Mulder can do is keep going, lest the emotion hit him and he find himself blubbering all over her. His hands travel her body...it is slender and white, but so solid, so strong. Cartilage forming ligaments forming joints connecting bones. And her skin, stretching over her hips and framing it all. The masterpiece that is Dana Katherine Scully. 

He fears for the day she will cave in on herself. Already, one of his hands covers her whole rib cage. Right now he can cradle her body comfortably against his own, but the day will come when a single cautious touch will crush her, and his heart along with it. He wants her as she is now forever.

Seeing that he wants to pamper her, Scully lets herself be pampered. He showers the taut length of her collar bone in kisses. The vibration resonates throughout her bone structure, and already she can feel him in places she’s only fantasized about having him. He is going to heal me, she thinks. If anyone could heal her in any way, it would be him doing this. 

She shows her gratitude by kneading circles into his soft tissues, so tense from all their days chasing ghosts. The sinew relaxes beneath the pads of her fingers, and she feels like she has solved the most important X-File of all. 

Mulder traces his way along her spine. He has never touched her here, nor ever even fantasized about it, and there is an erotic tension--like a needle about to drop on a record--that neither one of them could have seen coming. Inevitably, his hands converge at the hooks of her bra. She arches her back in approval. He slides the hooks away from each other, and both of them feel the release. She shimmies off the garment before he can pull it out of the way. No secrets, not anymore.

Mulder didn’t expect to cry and is aware that most women wouldn’t take that as a positive sign, but seeing her, like this, knowing what they both know, tears feel like the least he could offer up. She is...beautiful is too weak a word to describe it. He needs to invent a new word to capture the essence of his emotions, the reverence with which he views her. He is not a religious man, but he will worship her until the end of time. 

He has known this, intuitively, for a while, and now he’s putting it into practice. He wants to do everything he can for her, give her everything she wants. Yet he doesn’t know how to, and this scares him. She has always slipped through his fingers, always turned on a dime just when he thought he figured her out. Tonight is no exception. How was he to know that he’d be on his couch with a half-naked Scully in his lap?

He fears the tears will offend her, so he nuzzles into her heartspace, his nose pressed against the heart that is--by the grace of that God she worships--still beating. His lips meet the plush of her left breast. 

Where does he go from here? The dusty routine he’s used with other women--the few who have given themselves to him or let him hand himself over--is not worthy enough for Scully. He could never touch Scully in the ways he’s touched the women before because she is not like the women before. There is no mere giving or taking here, no detached exchange of commodities or pleasure for the sake of pleasure. This is survival. They are symbiotically keeping each other alive.

A drop of water hits Scully’s skin, slides down the curvature of her breast. She shudders. A tear. That’s what it is, she realizes. Mulder is crying. It’s a baptism of unfortunate proportions. 

She cups her hand against his chin, tilts it up so his bleary eyes meet hers. She rests her forehead against his. “Shh, shh, it’s okay.” She kisses each eye closed, his lids fluttering beneath her lips. “It’s okay.” 

His breathing steadies. He is quite certain that it is not okay, that it never will be, but he listens to her, lets himself pretend. 

Hands still on his chin, she careens their lips together. His mouth on hers; a godsend. They caress each other for a moment, then Scully opens wide, and Mulder does too. They are reflecting. 

If Scully could compress herself, pushing every particle of air out of her lungs and into his, she would. As a sort of thank you, for everything. For what he has done, what is doing, what he will do...She will never have to live without him. She knows this now, and it makes this easier. But he will have to live without her, and so she must make sure he gets the memories he needs to carry on. This is how grief works, she’s acquainted with it. These moments, these feelings, these bated breaths and tender touches, will be his survival mechanism for awhile. Until the day when he can throw them off and go on without her ghost. It will happen one day, and she will be glad that he made it. 

She feels him pressing against her stomach, which is certainly not where she wants him. “Fox…” Her hands hover above his belt. She unzips his fly first, her hand warm against him. He is dizzy with want as her fingers curl against his belt buckle, loosening it with confidence. In a sweeping gesture,  she pushes his jeans off his hips, exposing him. The thrill she feels, seeing him big and bare in front of her, is a new kind of livelihood. She’s overcome with the desire to take him in her mouth--and that has never, never been her first instinct. She ducks down, but he stops her.

“Dana, no. You.”

She doesn’t need to hear it twice. She sucks in a breath, arches her back, and slides onto him. Slowly, gasping as they go. 

“Am I hurting you?”

Scully shakes her head, lips parted. It has been nothing like this before...nothing so fulfilling. She crosses her ankles, binding them completely together at last. 

Unity triumphs against the self, their union abolishing the world’s insistence on the solitude of the individual. This is what it’s about, isn’t it? Being joined, not only in spirit, but in body? Knowing that whatever horrors are to come, he will feel them as she does. Her dwindling will be his too, her losses an equally empty space within him. 

She is teetering on the edge of something she can never come back from. She is not afraid. 

She careens her fingernails into his back as the pressure builds. If it doesn’t come to a head, she’ll die right here, she thinks. 

She barely registers the cathartic noises coming out of her, though they give Mulder great delight. He thought she would be quiet, and the fact that she’s not trying to hold anything in--after holding everything in for so goddamn long--is the most moving part of the experience. 

And they want this to go on forever, but they want the release. Mulder swivels his hips into her, bringing them both closer to climax. Scully curls against him. 

“I’m sorry,” she cries into his ear.

“What?” He nearly pulls out of her, fearing that she’s hurt. 

“No, no--” She scrambles to stay with him. “This--” she pants “--is so good.” She lowers her lips onto his as confirmation, then speaks into his open mouth. “I’m just sorry to be the one to go.”

He frames her ribcage, thumbs arching toward her belly button. “Fuck, honey...don’t say that, don’t even think that…”

They won’t linger on the choice of pet name, the tenderness with which it settles over her, nor the absolute devastation of her words. There is simply no time. 

Scully hides her face in his neck as the wave breaks over both of them. There is no world anymore, only the two of them on this couch. They have forsaken the physical realm, ascending to heaven in time with their heartbeats. 

Mulder understands then what his reciprocal means when she says she needs proof to believe. Now that he’s been there and felt it, he knows that heaven exists, and holy shit, what does that mean for the life he has lived and the time he has left? What did it mean for Samantha?...What will it mean for Scully?

They collapse into each other, a melted mass of skin and bone. Two becoming one, becoming two again. Mulder strokes the back of his partner’s head, presses his lips to her temple. Her chest rises against him in jagged breaths.

“You are the only proof I’ll ever need that this life is worth it,” he murmurs. “Just you.”

Scully looks up at him, tears running down her cheeks. He kisses them away and wraps his arms around her. “I don’t know if you got the memo, but I love you, Dana Scully.”

She rests her cheek against his. “I love you too, F--Mulder.”

Mulder chuckles, his amusement shaking both of them. Scully closes her eyes and snuggles into him. He puts his hand over her heart, feels it beating steadily into his palm, and longs for it to stay like that forever.

[sweetsubharry]

hey ! sorry to bother you but could you reccomend me some fics of footballer louis?? thank you !! love your acc

Hiya!!  💖you can never bother me!! ^-^ ohmgosh I’m so glad you like my blog! I love footballer louis djskasdhjag tysm(sorry it took soooo long!)

please make sure you read the tags and stay safe everyone!💖

Also these are not in any particular order, however I will say the first two are probably my favourites ;) I have to read them again right after this!

freeze this moment in a frame and stay like this by rosesau

Harry (not so) secretly crushes on the cute footie player and fills pages with sketches of him.

Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow by 1Diamondinthesun

Harry spends most of his time in an empty house or a lonely darkroom, dreaming of leaving his small town for art school. He's invisible to most people. And then Louis Tomlinson sees him. Life will never be the same.

Or, the American high school AU loosely inspired by She's All That.

Definition of Beauty by zanni_scaramouche

“Your book is upside down.” Harry nods at Louis’ book, his history text now that he sees it too.

“I’d rather study you.”

They both blink, startled by the slip.

“With you. Study with you,” Louis rushes to say. “Liam says I’m shite at history, can you help?”

Louis’ caught off guard by an omega he nearly takes out with an errant footie ball. It’s not that Louis’ never seen Harry before, it’s that he can’t stop looking, and he’s desperate to figure him out.

Coffee Cups and Football Boots by kimtaedumb

Harry’s stood behind the counter again, but this time he’s painting his nails. Louis strolls up to the counter and, thanks to his no brain-to-mouth filter, blurts out, “Isn’t that a little girlish, Haz?” leaning closer to inspect.

Harry lets out a little huff as his hand slips, “Oh, damn, now I’ve messed it up,” he pouts and turns to Louis, “Why should making myself feel pretty be girly?”

Louis holds up his hands in surrender, “’M not judging, jus’ curious is all.”

(The entirely cheesy and cliché Christmas AU, in which Harry doesn’t give a damn what people think about him – mostly – and Louis may be a little bit in love.

Alternatively, the one in which Harry owns a café that’s barely scraping by and Louis is a footballer and he takes Harry away for Christmas.

Featuring Zayn as a cocky little shit that most definitely needs to be put back in his place, Niall as the loveable Irish dude who drinks too much and flirts with Zayn more than the average girl, and Liam who loves everyone but hates them all at the same time.)

Way in the World by flowsque

When Louis Tomlinson enters the waiting room, Harry can distinctly feel his heart sinking to his stomach. The man's hair is ruffled and dishevelled and his red jersey, damp with sweat from training, clings to his perfect and chiseled body. He stands there, almost unreal, against the glass door, peering inside the office. Harry knew this would’ve happened, sooner or later. That he would have bumped into him. They play for the same club after all, even if they’re in different leagues. It’s not weird. It is not. Except it totally is. - Or, the one where Harry has a knee injury and an embarrassing crush on Manchester United's pretty number ten.

I Long For You by AnotherAnonymousWriter

Thirty minutes later, he's sat on a bench in Hyde Park with a book in his lap and a travel mug with hot tea in his hand. Not far from where he's sat, a group of boys are playing football and a bunch of children are chasing each other. Life is good.

Or at least, life is good until he hears a familiar “LOOK OUT!” and sees a football flying in the direction of his face.

And then everything is black.

(Harry gets hit in the head by various objects and falls for a boy with blue eyes.)

ease the quiet and talk me down by cabinbythesea

Harry's a model and Louis' a footie player.

(Louis teaches Harry some football and Harry is insanely good at giving a lapdance).

Baby, It's You by Bearandleonardwrite

"Oh, yeah. Um..” Harry lets his hands fall to his sides. His brows furrow, face full of concern, and he asks, “You’re not, like, stalking me, are you?”

Louis can’t help the loud cackle that escapes his lips and immediately slaps one of his hands over his mouth to muffle the sound. “Oh my god, Harry, no!” Louis tells him, a little breathlessly, giggles still bubbling out of his chest. “Lottie’s one of the makeup artists here today and she somehow got me to agree to come. I had no idea you modeled for, uh.. this brand until I saw you walk.”

“Oh,” Harry says dumbly, eyebrows still pinched. He lets what Louis just said sink in before a bright grin takes over his face and he goes back to doing up the buttons on his shirt. “Well, that’s alright, then. I’m glad you could make it.

(Basically, Louis' a footie player for Man U and Harry's a YSL model. They meet at a masquerade.)

Touch by kotabear24

Harry's shy and virginal with a past, new on the football team; Louis' the (experienced) popular star of the team and Harry's new mentor.

Come In and Change My Life by lightswoodmagic (sarah_writes)

He’d had the same neighbours since he’d moved into the building, a lovely, wealthy couple in their late sixties who had always invited him around for tea on Sundays. Martha had dropped off homemade biscuits the day he’d moved in, so Harry figured he may as well repeat the sentiment. He could hear someone getting closer to the door just as a flush ran through his body; oh fuck. His heat was close, too close to be knocking on a potentially unknown alpha’s door, but it was too late. The door swung open, and Harry’s mouth dropped. He’d never been overly interested in football, couldn’t find the fascination in watching men run around after a ball for hours aside from their uniforms, but he knew who this was. Louis Tomlinson, alpha, captain of Manchester United, star in a number of Harry’s heat addled fantasies, was his new next-door neighbour.

Or, Harry and Louis become friends when Harry looks after Louis' cat during away games, until one night at a party changes everything between them. It's just a shame Louis' going to be away for the FIFA World Cup for three months.

see the truth (it's me for you) by orphan_account

If you asked Louis the first day of his French Literature class what he’d be doing on the last, he’d probably never have guessed it would involve helping a poorly Harry Styles study for the final exam. Good thing he’s not a betting man.

(Or the one where Louis and Harry spend an entire semester ignoring each other after a one-night stand, only to come face to face when Harry manages to catch the stomach flu during finals week. Sometimes fate is funny like that.)

Use Your Words by zedi

based off this prompt: collage au where jock!harry always serenades flowercrown!louis with love songs in their music class. what nobody knows is that harry actually kinda means the words he sings.

But instead it's Louis as the jock and Harry as the flowerchild because I do what I want.

Stop The World (I Wanna Get Off With You) by ilikepianos

"You like this, don't you?", he asks breathlessly.

What? Sucking cock? Being dominated? Yes, all of that. A big fat yes.

Harry nods, lips still wrapped around Louis' throbbing dick.

Louis' lips curl into a smirk. "Keep going then. You're doing amazing, love."

OR: The uni-football AU where Harry may or may not have a minor crush on the captain of the team and suddenly discovers that the feeling is very much mutual.

Picture Perfect by LittleBubbleStyles

an AU where Louis Tomlinson is a misunderstood football player, and Harry Styles is a misunderstood photographer. Somehow, they're understood together.

I just think about my baby; I'm so full of love I could barely eat by mercutionotromeo

Harry and Louis are six hundred miles apart, but they have the same solutions to the same problem.

Or: a masturbation drabble featuring pillow humping, locker rooms, and copious amounts of dirty talk.

into another (another) serotonin overflow by mercutionotromeo

Harry wants this year to be different - wants it to be the year that he finally gets over this stupid crush. He’s going to uni, he needs to decide what he wants to do with his life.

Instead, he’s deciding what he wants to do to Louis Tomlinson.

Or: Sweet first time sex wherein Harry's adorably awkward, Louis is achingly cool, and Harry rides Louis wearing his jersey.

note: it says it in the tag but this is the edited version written in 2019, rather than the 2017 original- so there’s two put I put the link for the newest one :)

need a little sweetness in my life by mercutionotromeo

Harry's always liked feeling desperate and small when Louis touches him, but when he sucks Harry off...it’s fucking otherworldly. Desperate’s not really the word at that point - it’s helpless. Like… like the fucking world could stop spinning and Harry wouldn’t be able to do anything about it until Louis finished him off with his lips and his tongue.

Or, Harry and Louis go to university together. Harry really likes it when Louis sucks him off, and Louis really likes it when Harry calls him Daddy.

(Sequel to "into another serotonin overflow")

I made a map of your stars by brightbluelou

Harry does not have a crush on Louis Tomlinson. Yes, Louis is very pretty and funny, and Harry may have had more than a few inappropriate thoughts about him, but he certainly doesn’t like him. (Except for the fact that he totally does.) or, Harry is the shy boy in the back of the class that no one really notices. Louis is the loud, outgoing football player that everybody likes.

We Made These Memories for Ourselves by supernope

Breath held, Harry squints his eyes open and focuses on the first stick. A blue line. Harry breathes out an unsteady breath. He’s pretty sure he read that one blue line is a negative, but he fishes the box from the bottom of the pile just to make sure.

“Negative,” he confirms, voice echoing around the small room. “Next.”

Now that he’s feeling a little less shaky, he scans the rest of the tests at once, is met with a headache-inducing mixture of pink plus signs and blue double lines. His heart rate picks up until it’s pounding triple-time in the base of his throat and the pit of his stomach, thundering in his ears and throbbing in his temples. He flips over the rest of the boxes slowly, but he knows what they’re going to say before he even looks.

[or, Louis is a footballer, Harry owns a bakery, and they're having a baby.]

Kiss Me on the Mouth and Set Me Free by ls2k14   

Louis has his head thrown back in a laugh, his wet fringe hanging in front of his eyes, and a beautiful flush to his cheeks. From this angle, the sun hits his face just right to where the beams of light are shining in between the spaces of each individual clump of watered down eyelashes. His chest is showing through the soaked material of his white jersey and it seems that his biceps are attempting to break free from the sleeves that are clinging to his skin.

And Harry can do nothing except take it all in. He doesn’t even think he’s breathing at this point. He is literally stuck in place, admiring the true beauty of Louis Tomlinson, while being surrounded by fit footballers and generally attractive people. He doesn’t think he’s ever been in love before, but if Louis let him, he’s pretty damn sure he could change that in the matter of a few nanoseconds.

[tsumugisindulgence]

Belphegor & Forgiveness

It’s been a week since you saw yourself die. You saw his hands around your throat and trembled as your body hit the floor. You felt horrible for yourself in that timeline, not realizing you would be her replacement. You heard the brothers mourn your passing as they were betrayed by their youngest brother just like you were. Moods lightened when they turned to find you alive and well. Not well, but unhurt. They all embraced you and Lucifer had to hold Belphegor back from another attempt at murder. It was hardest to see Beel. Your heart was shattered for him and yourself. The twins loved you and wanted to run away with you. Belphegor had such excitement in his eyes as you walked down the city streets holding their hands. As much as you cared about the other brothers none of them were willing to leave behind everything they knew and run away with you. 

Beel pressed you tight against his chest and you couldn’t help but cry. This wasn’t what was supposed to happen. You were supposed to be happy with the both of them. You didn’t know them anymore. Beel let go and you felt the need to hide. You couldn’t be around him or Belphegor. He apparently saw the fear in your eyes and froze like a deer in headlights. If he knew you then he would know demons didn’t scare you a bit, your real fear was betrayal and abandonment. He turned and walked away silently. “M-mammon…take me to my room please.” He was happy to oblige , unaware of your shock. Your knees gave out once you reached your room. You collapsed in mammon’s arms. He was scared, what happened to his human. Weren’t you okay? He asked what was wrong but you couldn’t speak, only pulling him closer in response. He stayed there holding you and doing his best to make you feel safe. 

You spent the next three days alone in your room. You didn’t pay attention to which brother brought you food for the day, only opening the door when they left. On the fourth day you were desperate to tell someone what happened but you couldn’t speak to the brothers. You picked up your D.D.D with a shaky hand and called Solomon.

“MC I wasn’t expecting a call from you.”

“I want to take you up on your offer. I need someone to talk to.”

“Of course. It must be hard dealing with everything since it directly involves the brothers.”

“Please come over as soon as you can.” 

“I’m on my way over.”

You hung up. Asmo must have told him what happened. It felt so unreal to be here. You perked up your head hearing the brothers arguing and mammon whining. A few minutes passed and there was a knock on your door. “May I come in?” It was Solomon. “Yes.” you answered meekly. He steps in and closes the door behind him. You must have looked like a mess but he didn’t seem to care. He sat on the bed next to you. “Tell me what’s wrong.” It wasn’t demanding but supportive. “I don’t belong here.” You shuffled nervously before speaking again. “Why does this Belphie get off with a slap on the rest and the one I knew got damned and exiled to chains below Diavolo’s castle?”  “He killed you. The you of this timeline correct?” You nod. “Why? The other didn’t actually take action and do anything wrong. Sure he originally wanted to but ultimately didn’t. This Belphegor, this demon killed me and got a minor scolding. HE SHOULD BE IN CHAINS! WASN’T THE WHOLE POINT TO MAKE ME LIKE MY STAY HERE? THEN WHY THE FUCK DOES DIAVOLO BRUSH OFF THAT DEMON KILLING ME AND EXILE THE ONE THAT LOVED ME?!” HE RAISED HIS EYEBROWS. Not once had you referred to the brothers as the creatures they were, because they weren’t demons to you they were friends. Solomon knew this and immediately felt the depth of your fury. He placed his hand on your shoulder. You look at him with teary eyes. “Solomon..I want to go home.” “He wasn’t the type to be emotional or compassionate so he sat there in silence. He knew there was nothing you could do, but get used to it. He wasn’t’t going to tell you what you already knew. Opening up about your feeling brought some semblance of relief. “I’m sorry MC. If there was anything I could do about it I would. Sadly, I don’t posses the ability to erase memories or return you to your original timeline.” All you could do was suppress it.

The next morning you returned to your daily routine. You walked down to breakfast in your uniform and everyone at the table looked at you shocked. You took the seat furthest from Beel’s, now you sat next to Satan. Silence followed as you reached for the foods you liked. Not everyone was there, only the early risers. Lucifer, Satan and Leviathan. It hurt to eat with your stomach already in knots. The other brothers began to arrive and Mammon was the first to talk. “MC! It’s been days why’d ya lock me out?” Lucifer swiftly hit him, knocking off his glasses. “Be quiet. She was clearly dealing with the events that transpired.” He turned to you. “MC, are you alright now?” You weren’t the lying type but you felt that telling the truth would only make it harder to get along. “Yes. I’d rather not talk about it.” The rest of the brothers nod. Light chatter carries throughout the dinning room. Beel arrives and takes his seat. Upon meeting your glance he proceeds to pick at his food and eat small amounts. He must have felt similarly, not that the would open up freely. It was getting harder to look at him. You cleared your plate and left for school. You managed to avoid him for the day. You didn’t even know if Belphegor was back at school or not. Luckily you didn’t see him.

You knew Satan would easily lose track of time if you took him to the library and asked him to talk about the deeper meaning behind the fictional books he read. The perfect excuse to stay away from the house of lamentation and eat out. It was actually nice to immerse yourself in fiction with him and you knew he enjoyed it as well. On the walk home he began to subtly pry into your feelings and you had to bite your tongue.

It was late and Lucifer scolded both of you for skipping curfew but ultimately let you go sooner than expected. You wanted to block out all of your emotions and you knew exactly where to go. After changing into more comfortable clothes you snuck over to the planetarium with a blanket and stuffed bat. You curled up on the loveseat and traced constellations. You didn’t miss the human realm until now. You were considering sleeping here and pulled the blanket over you entirely. You heard footsteps enter the room the stop only a meter away. The same aura you experienced on that day was emanating behind you. You whipped up and clenched your fists. At first he simply stared at you with tired eyes. “MC…I came to apologize.” You didn’t want an apology, you wanted back the Belphegor that shared a mutal love with you. “Beel told me more about you. Thanks for looking after him for me.” You winced, of course Beel would talk to him about you. As much as you loved Beel you were no longer sure he felt the same. “I want to move forward with you.” You grit your teeth then let out a pathetic laugh. “Heh. Move forward?” you look at him with condescending eyes then you see Beel peeking around the entry way with puppy dog eyes. He’s unaware you saw him. You let out a sigh. “Beel is the only reason I’ll give you a second chance.” “He told me you’re too kind to say no.” That’s not exactly true, you just couldn’t say no to Beel. You loved him and would do anything to make him smile. A small smile appears on your face just thinking about him. “Alright let’s go talk to him then.” 

He turns away from the door and starts walking away as if he wasn’t eavesdropping. Belphegor is the first to call him out. “Spying on us Beel?” He turns around with a guilty face. “I was hoping you’d get along. Thank you MC for giving him another chance.” “Only if he’s willing to make it up to me.” You tease with your hands on your hips. Beel smiles and answers for his twin. “Of course he will!” He is strong arms trap the both of you in a hug. This was the Beel you knew and loved. You hugged him back just as tight. “Let’s get some snacks.” He doesn’t let you answer before he throws both of you over each of his shoulders and heads to the kitchen. 

It took a few weeks to adjust to having Belphegor around. You started to get used to him and he started to become more comfortable around you. You could never go back to your previous timeline, but maybe this one wasn’t so bad.

[starcharmfunzies]

Could you please explain to us, in incredibly insane,DEEP detail, why you hate Mickey? From point A to point Z. I’ll get my popcorn ready.

under the cut cause this got long and I'm very passionate about the topic

---

okay so the year is 2010

BbS came out and the fanbase is heartbroken (including myself) over what happened to Terra, Aqua and Ven. At this point in the franchise Mickey although shady seems like a decent dude, so I didn't have any strong opinions towards him, only that he was this mysterious and seemingly OP king. Let's recap though.

In KH1 he wasn't very communicative with Donald and Goofy, but when he finally showed up at the very end it was to close Kingdom Hearts and ngl it was a pretty hype moment. So far so good.

In Re:Chain of Memories he again does not approach Donald and Goofy -and Sora- even though they were still looking for him, but it was for a very good cause as he stayed with Riku to help him fight Ansem Seeker of Darkness. Here I actually thought well of him.

In KH2 he's still being beyond secretive but he finally joins the gang to explain some things and fight alongside everyone to defeat Xemnas. Honestly he's got no bad record so far; he may be a douche sometimes since he barely explains himself but I could understand because of the circumstances.

So BbS happens. We get insight on how he was involved with TAV and I actually felt kinda bad for Mickey since he hadn't been able to do much to help them, and for all he knew in the worst case scenario they all died.

But then in 2011 Re:Coded came out, and with it its secret movie.

In the secret movie Mickey and Yen Sid have the following exchange:

M: Yen Sid, I think we're finally close to figuring out where Ven's heart is.

Y: Is that so? Then that leaves only Terra.

Hold the fuck up. Only Terra? As in, they already knew where Aqua was?

Why hadn't they gone after her then?????

This secret movie left a bitter taste in my mouth. I started questioning everything. For how long had they known? Why hadn't they done anything? What the fuck were they waiting for?

Sadly in 2012 with DDD's release I didn't get answers to any of these questions, and when Mickey told Xehanort that he hoped TAV sacrificing themselves hadn't been in vain it just got me more angry.

How dare you talk about them as if they were dead. How dare you utter Aqua's name when you know damn well where she is and you know damn well that it's almost fucking impossible to get out of that place without help. YOU could help her Michael. But no, you're just talking about her like she was just a bad memory you wanted to forget.

I was pissed.

And I stayed pissed for the next 5 years, with no main games coming out and only my memories of the past games to look back on Mickey's behavior. Since when had he known that Aqua was in the Realm of Darkness? Since KH1 when he helped Sora close the door to Kingdom Hearts? Since Re:Chain of Memories when he was helping Riku overcome his own darkness? Since KH2 when he was infiltrating the Organization? Since way before KH1? Just how long had he been walking around knowing of this and deciding to do nothing about it?

But not only was I angry at Mickey. I was desperate. How long would I be waiting until Aqua was saved? Would she even be saved at all? Information about her was scarce, and BbS volume 2 seemed nothing but a distant dream, but with DDD being the prelude to the final battle against Xehanort I was hopeful the next main game would finally have her involved again.

So you can imagine how excited I was when we got the first trailer for KH 2.8 that included A Fragmentary Passage.

That image of the back of her head gave me hope. Hope that she was still okay, still fighting, and that she would be saved soon.

And on January 2017 we finally found what had happened to her before she made it to that fateful beach.

And boy I wasn't happy.

The reason Mickey knew Aqua was in the Realm of Darkness was because he met her there, right before he helped close Kingdom Hearts. And of course I don't blame him for getting separated from Aqua, it was the demon tower's fault and I understand he couldn't do much being in a hurry and all to get to the door.

But shouldn't he have tried to find her right after???

I get that there's only so much Nomura can tie back to plot-wise as he writes along, but the matter of fact at this point is that:

Mickey stayed with Riku after closing Kingdom Hearts and didn't say a word to him about Aqua.

We don't know whether Mickey tried to search for her or not, but it sure as hell didn't stop him from leaving the Realm of Darkness when he had the chance.

So after escaping the Realm of Darkness Mickey eventually went to Yen Sid and told him he found Aqua, and Yen Sid told him to not try anything yet as they were unprepared to rescue her.

And OF COURSE, this is the one time Mickey decides to listen to him. Not unlike ALL the other times he went around and did whatever the fuck he wanted. Like when he ran away with the star shard in BbS despite Yen Sid telling him not to get involved, or when he went to confront fucking Xehanort and only got saved because of Ven, or when he abandoned Disney Castle without warning to do things by himself and just left a shitty note with a half-assed explanation, or when he jumped after Xemnas into the dark corridor and left behind everyone in Radiant Garden.

Nah, it's this ONE time in particular that Mickey decides to be a goody-two-shoes and not do anything reckless for a change.

Wasn't Aqua his friend? Didn't he form a D-link with her because they got close? Hadn't he done all the dangerous things he did in the past because he wanted to look after those he cared for and loved?

And not only did he decide to do nothing, but he didn't say a THING about her to anyone. So what if Sora and/or Riku planned a reckless rescue? Mickey had already done worse than that! And BESIDES, Sora and Riku did manage to get out of the Realm of Darkness once so they could have very well done it again a second time.

BUT HEY at least 0.2 ended with Mickey and Riku deciding to finally go get Aqua, so there's hope. That is until 2019, another 2 years later, that KH3 comes out. Mickey and Riku finally go to the Realm of Darkness to look for her, but when they get to the beach and find she's not there what does Mickey decide to do?

HE DECIDES TO LEAVE AGAIN.

It's been 10+ years already what's a little more time am I right fellas???

Reminder that Mickey supposedly considers Aqua a friend btw.

Michael you were there in the Realm of Darkness, you know how dangerous it is, you saw how at the verge of giving up Aqua was, and you decide to keep her waiting even more? What the hell is wrong with you?!

It's like he doesn't even care about her at all. It's so unsettling how carefree he is about it.

And you know what? Had Mickey decided to go save Aqua sooner they might have actually gotten to her before her confrontation with Ansem Seeker of Darkness, and they would have spared her plenty of suffering.

But what do I know.

Anyway, Aqua gets saved (by Sora btw, not Mickey), and in the process she calls Mickey out on his bullshit and he agrees he messed up. He even apologized. That did make me feel better, it was cathartic, and although I was still sore about everything he did now that TAV was back together safe and sound I was considering cutting Mickey some slack. I'll give him credit, I did get a little impressed with what he did in Re:Mind. Credit where credit is due.

But then Melody of Memory happened.

sigh

The moment this asshole found out that Riku went by himself to search for Sora to this strange world of unreality what is the first thing he does?

He bolts to the fucking door ready to go after Riku. And had it not been for Donald and Goofy tackling him to the ground he could have very well ran off.

Why wasn't he this worried over Aqua? When he found her she had already spent 10 years in the Realm of Darkness, a very VERY dangerous place. And yet when he made it out he wasn't worried at all and let her stay 2-3 years more in there?? Riku had left like a fucking hour ago and it was enough to have Mickey panicking COME ON. Biased much?

So there you have it. No matter what Mickey does in the future of the franchise I don't think I'll ever have the heart to forgive him. I was willing to do so, but of course he made me change my mind rather quickly.

I'm glad newcomers to the series share these feelings of not being fond of Mickey, but I don't think they'll go through the same experience that the people that followed the games did. Most of us liked Mickey at the beginning, but through the years we realized with horror that we had been deceived, and we were left to wallow in our rage while we hopelessly waited for someone, anyone, to save Aqua.

[giant-sketches]

Hello everyone! I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve gotten any writing done, but I’m back with a brand new chapter for you all. I think I have a pretty good ending planned for this story so from this point on it won’t be open ended anymore. 

I have another story I’m working on as well to replace Guardian Naga that I hope to have the first chapter up of soon-ish. Quarantine has been tough and I’ve not been feeling the greatest. Still it’s nice to be back at it with my fanfics and I hope you all like the new chapter.

This leaves off two chapters ago when Virgil finally got to meet Thomas. You can find all my works here.  Please feel free to ask me questions or comment on how you liked it. :3 Disclaimer: Swearing/Cursing/Violence/Paranoia/Memory Loss

What was happening? Suddenly, Virgil’s mind was filled with memories of a past he had forgotten. A past of a full family living together in the Light Side of the mindscape. His head hurt as he slumped over in Thomas’s arms.

“Woah hey there. Take your time, I think we all are feeling rather confused right now.”

Thomas looked to the others who were holding their heads. It looked like they were all having a massive migraine.

“What is this? These memories...are they real?” Roman was in disbelief.

“No please stop!” Patton cried out. Whatever he was remembering seemed to be painful.

“How could we have forgotten? Is this another side-effect of destabilization? How cruel.” Logan mumbled.

Virgil stood up, gripping onto Thomas’s shoulder for support. “Guys, are you all okay?” It’s like they were all having a mind blast! It was going to take a second for the dizzy spell to disappear.

“I don’t know, this is all so confusing!” Roman shuffled over to grab Virgil’s hand. “Still to think we could ever forget you. I’m so sorry Virgil.”

Logan followed suit, except for the hand part. “Indeed, I am also sorry Virgil. This current situation is unprecedented! A complete wipe of someone's existence from the mindscape...it’s too much to fathom.”

Patton remained as the others looked to him. He was bawling as he continued to wipe away his tears in a losing battle. “I can’t! This is...this is too much. It’s all my fault Virgil! How could I ever apologize enough to you over what I’ve done?”

“Patton...it’s o-”

“IT’S NOT! It’s n-not okay Virgil. I-I-I caused you to destabilize!”

This was the shocking truth. Sides didn’t destabilize by nature and they didn’t do it to themselves. Destabilizing always required a catalyst and for Virgil, that had been Patton.

Many years ago in the mindscape Virgil was known as Curiosity. He was naive and full of questions. He had no sense of danger and this had led to a tragedy no one would remember. The aftermath is the story of his own destabilizing.

------- Many Years Ago in the Mindscape:

Months...it had been months since Janus was erased from the others minds. Yet, for some reason I remember him. How he was like a big brother to me and would always keep me safe. How did this happen? Was it my fault, or was it them who made him disappear? Virgil felt like he was losing his mind as his doubts grew day-by-day.

“Hey kiddo! How are you doing?” Suddenly, Patton snuck his way into the sulking sides room with a fresh batch of cookies.

“Fine I guess...I’d be a lot better if you told me where Janus went to though.” Virgil pleaded with his eyes as he stared at Patton. If he could trust anyone it should be Morality right?

“Oh no. Did you lose your imaginary frien-”

“HE’S NOT IMAGINARY!!!”

Virgil shoved Patton up against the wall with a loud thud. His strength was unreal, the innocent cookies fell to the ground in horror. “Woah! Woah! Virgil I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean to upset you. Please you need to calm down.”

“NO! What I need is big brother Janus!!! Where is he? WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM!?” Virgil came in fast for another go, but Patton dodged as he scrambled to the door. “I’m sorry.”

Patton let out a sorrowful apology as he fled from the room to find the others.

“Patton! What happened to you?” Virgil’s shouting and that large thud had alerted the entire household so some kind of trouble.

“Ah Roman...I-I don’t know what to do.” He began crying into his stock friend’s chest. “I want to help, but I have no idea who this Janus person Virgil keeps going on about is. What do I do?”

“Oh gosh Pat, it’s going to be okay. We can work together to figure this out.”

“Y-yeah you’re right let’s go find Logan and come up with a plan.”

Roman smiled as he held his friend's hand tightly. Hastily, they walked down the hallway until they reached Logan’s office. “Hey it’s Pat and I.” A quick knock and then they entered. “Bro!”

“Ah Remus? Why are you here?”

“I thought it best to have all of us here to discuss this current issue with Curiosity.”

Guess that made sense. Still it was hard for Roman to be near his impulsive brother. His thoughts were always too intense. Yet, he seemed quite calm for the moment; at least Roman could breathe easy for the time being. The group took their spots around the desk to begin formulating their plan. “So...what exactly is happening with Virgil?”

“Well, we have a theory.”

“We? You don’t mean you and Remus do you Lo?”

“I do actually.” Logan eyed the creative twin while adjusting his glasses. “The both of us believe Virgil is undergoing a mental change based on Thomas’s growth. Yet, it’s putting a strain on his mind...thus he is mixing up fantasy with reality.”

“Really? You think Curiosity is having some kind of meltdown?”

“Well brother, you and I both know first hand how intense mental changes can be on us sides.” Remus smirked, twirling his mustache.

True, the twins were definitely the prime example of how extreme these changes could be. However, this had been going on for months. When Roman and Remus split it only took a few seconds. Why was this situation so different? Because it was Virgil or because it was only one side being affected?

While Roman was lost in thought Patton spoke up, “If that’s true then we need to be there for him. He’s obviously confused and pained by thoughts he’s not able to control.”

“Agreed. I’d like to have you be led on Virgil’s treatment until this passes. If you need anything the rest of us will support you Patton.”

“Thanks Lo!”

With that their plan was set into motion...the only problem being that they had no idea what was really going on. Lurking inside the darkened room was a side falling into madness by his fragmented memories of a now forgotten family member. “Liars. They are all liars.”

Two weeks went by with Virgil sinking further and further into his paranoid thoughts. He spent most of his time in his room and avoided contact with the other sides at all cost. Annoyingly, Patton always came to his door in the morning, afternoon, and evening to talk with him from the hallway.

“He’s a deceiver. You can’t trust them or anyone. They lie, all they do is lie.” Virgil only let out hushed mumbling to Pat’s meaningless chatter. “Think you could come to dinner tonight? We miss you a whole bunch kiddo!”

Same kind words. “Will Janus be there?” Same old question.

“...no. Virgil please, this Janus person isn’t real. You’re just confused kiddo, but that’s okay. I’ll always be here for you, we’re family after-all.”

Liar! Deceiver! Fake! All of them were just a bunch of snakes trying to lure him out in order to suffocate his mind with false ideas. No more. No more. NO MORE!!!

*CRASH*

“What in the world?!” Suddenly a loud crashing sound came from behind the door. “What was that?”

“Roman! I-I don’t know. I was just in the hallway when this loud noise came from behind that locked door.”

“Stand back!”

Quickly moving aside Roman proceeded to slice the lock with his trusty katana and kick down the door. Yet, nothing could prepare the sides for what they saw next. A tall, looming shadow inching higher and higher into the air until two large purple hued eyes stared down at them.

“Oh my…”

“I-it’s a giant! We need to get the others, we’re under attack!”

Snatching Patton’s hand, the two booked it to the dinning hall and alerted the others to the current situation. Mysteriously though, once the group returned the giant was nowhere to be seen and another family member was erased from their memories’.

------- Back to Current Time:

Slowly, Virgil made his way to his crying friend and shifted to a size where he could easily pick him up.

“Hey there Pop-star. You don’t need to cry so much on my account.”

Patton chuckled a bit at the pun as he looked up to Virgil with a lingering expression of pain and sorrow. “I-I’m so sorry I didn’t believe you. That I wasn’t there for you like I should have been.”

The baby sized side raised a hand up to caress his long lost friend's face. “You couldn’t have known Pat and besides it’s in the past now. I’m just glad that you remember now...you do remember right?”

“Yeah, I think? Like I remember you, but Janus...he’s still kind of fuzzy. I remember him interacting with you, but still nothing on my own relationship with him. Sorry.”

“No, no it’s okay. What you’ve said is enough.”

“While that may be true I’d like to know more about this strange phenomenon. Why do we forget...why do you forget?” Logan came over. He needed answers, they all did. “I mean not even Thomas himself was aware of this!”

“Now that I’ve remembered everything I hope I can answer all your questions.” Virgil set Patton down and shifted downwards. “To start, when you destabilize your mind and the entire mindscape goes into shock.”

“Shock?”

“Y-yeah. In order to fight against the trauma the mind r-represses Thomas’s mind and our minds as well. That’s how it affects all of us. I forget about you all and you forget about me in order for the mindscape to stay balanced. It also works to stabilize my body as it expands.”

Everyone was gobsmacked at this information. “Wh-what do you mean by stabilizing your body?”

Virgil looked to his family with saddened eyes. “As you expand...cracks appear. The repression helps stop the already unstable core from....shattering.”

“Fuck. That’s so messed up.” Roman held himself, pained by what he was learning.

“So either you forget about who you are and about all your loved ones or you break?” This was all so heartbreaking as Patton made his way to Roman for comfort.

“Mhm…” Silence. Virgil didn’t really know what else to say at the moment. Honestly there was nothing more to say. This was the cold, hard truth and yet there were two blaring problems. “Remus...what about my brother? H-he remembers! How!?”

“Yeah what about Remus and Janus too? You were able to restabilize so can’t the two of them as well?” Was there any hope for the others who were afflicted? Virgil appeared uneasy at the notion, but tried to stay level headed.

“I-I’m not sure. The thing is that we shift in size to minimize the damage to our cracked bodies. Even though growing causes cracking, the cracks are smaller in comparison...so tha-”

“That means the bigger you are the more cracks you have.” Finally Thomas spoke up with a serious expression plastered on his face.

“Is that why Remus is different, because he’s the biggest?” Virgil nodded.

“The way we destabilize has an effect on it too. I destabilized because I felt betrayed and alone so forgetting definitely helped to lower my anxieties. Remus on the other hand destabilized because he wanted his brother back. I think because of those strong feelings he remembered at least you Roman. Yet, that discrepancy in his mind caused him to crack even more than I or Janus.”

“And because of that we remembered him as well.”

“Though, I forgot because the effect was only on you guys and not me overall.”

“So it’s my fault my brother ended up like that.”

Virgil winced and quickly embraced Roman in his arms. Princey’s eyes widened by the sudden show of affection by the usually shy side. Still he wrapped his arms around his friend's warm body and internally thanked him for the hug.

“Roman you can’t blame yourself. You didn’t know, none of you did!” Ro nodded, pulling Virgil back to look him in the face with a brand new resolve.

“Right! Then we have to make up for our ignorance and save them both!” His eye’s sparkling.

“That’s the spirit kiddo!” A rescue operation huh? Guess it was only fitting with this bunch of action heroes.

It was time for a plan, a real plan now that everyone had the necessary information. Finally the truth was revealed, the cruel reality of it all lay before them. Although, who were they going to go after first?

To be continued.

@crystalk17​ @paranoidgurl​ @gentlegiantdreamer​ @suckedinfandoms​ @craz-ewaters​ @rainbowbowtie​ @pattonvirglsanders​ @enby-phoenix​ @sanders-sides-virgil​ @just-some-gt-trash​ @notkolaidoscop​ @bluegreeninbtwn​ @lgbtqiaemo​ @avenirunknown​ @ncanspeak​ @maryann-draws​ @himeperson @perfectly-princely-emo-nightmare​ @daydreamburritoworld​ @im-a-creepy-cookie​

[abiteofnat]

If you’re reading this, I’m coming back to Chicago, beetch

The non-existent rumors are true. After a brief 10-month exit from the city to soak up the fresh air and social distance-friendly suburbs, I am now returning to Chicago as a single, slightly more anxious version of myself. While I’m still trying to kick some of the anxiety and OCD that COVID-19 pushed from “lifelong tagalongs” to “all-controlling demons”, I feel 97% ready to be back where I feel most myself, and cannot wait to welcome that change. While that 3% still makes me a little uncomfy and hesitant, I’m a believer in pushing your boundaries to allow yourself to grow, and also, I am really sick of suburbs food. 

Ha! I joke. I wouldn’t move downtown simply for access to more diverse & higher quality food... or would I? All I know is while there are plenty of gems in the North Shore, I’ve eaten take out from all of them ten times over, and I did not foster my dislike of cooking out of nowhere. My parents do not enjoy cooking, my sister pretends to enjoy cooking, and I will cook if it is 5 ingredients or less. My latest speciality is a toasted bagel with butter, hummus, and EBTB seasoning. Voila. So when it comes to dinner, we are living off of a carousel of suburban favorites, and are losing steam as we are still not comfortable with dining inside (or dining inside in the city, where the fun food is). 

All of this to say, it’s exciting to imagine what life is going to be like in a few short weeks. While I’m still extra precautionary, I can’t wait to have my own space downtown, where I can enjoy coffee on my little balcony (!!!) and dream of the days friends can come squeeze into my studio safely while I lay out an entire table of sharable spreads and snacks from Ema (Charred Eggplant Spread is the best one, don’t fight me). 

So you may ask, how did you come to this decision to move to the heart of downtown out of seemingly nowhere, you hermit? 

It starts with my mom and I having a brief, simultaneous breakdown and coming to the conclusion that we would both feel comfortable doing a staycation downtown, as long as we wore masks, sanitized always, and braved the cold to eat outside. This was big for me! As a person with real OCD, not cute TV show “I have to keep my pens straight” OCD, this would be the most exposure I’d had to a lot of uncontrollable variables since the pandemic started. If you’re thinking, “you get to spend a weekend downtown in a hotel with your mom, shut up”, know that I hear you. I am unbelievably grateful that I’ve gotten this time with my parents, and that we can do a staycation. However, having anxiety comes at a cost, and that cost is blowing everything way the fuck out of proportion instead of being able to rationalize it sometimes. Let’s! Normalize! Having! This! Discussion!

So, we went downtown in early March for a two-night stay, and oh my goodness. The realization that we got to be in a different space, and do different things, and eat different food for a weekend made it feel like a legit vacation, and not like we drove 30 minutes to get there. The view from our room was of Michigan Ave, and hearing the traffic and seeing the people out and about instantly made me feel a sense of peace I wasn’t expecting. I’ve lived downtown for 6 years, but it always shocks me how much the city feels like an extension of me once I’m in it after being away. My mom and I went out for a walk (gentle yet forceful reminder to please wear a mask), then decided to grab dinner while we were out. The plan was to bring it back to the room, but there was a warm spell, and there just happened to be a table for two at Topolobampo on Clark, and suddenly we were sitting on the patio under the lights eating masa quesadillas dipped in a spicy salsa verde. It just happened!!! 

Before getting downtown, I was tentatively looking at apartments for the spring. I was looking at Lincoln Park, Old Town, maybe Lakeview, and came across a listing in the Gold Cost that caught my eye. That one was swiped out from under me within days, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the area. Then I discovered another unit that was available, and couldn’t shake it from my mind. Over mushroom tacos I discussed it with my mom, and we decided to go see it. Totally not what I had been planning for in terms of location, but why not? 

Once we polished off breakfast the next morning (Eggs Benedict with fried eggs, extra hollandaise) we headed out to see the place. Let me say I have never seen my mom fall in love with a single apartment I’ve lived in, and she was ALL. FOR. IT. Unreal reaction on her part. Once I saw the west-facing views and the incredible natural lighting, I was 100% in as well.

We spent the rest of the weekend wandering the downtown area, enjoying another dinner outside at The Gwen and my mom’s first visit to the Starbucks Reserve Roastery, which was 95% more empty than I’ve ever seen it given we went in a pandemic at 8:30PM. Shit on Starbucks all you want, but that Roastery is an incredible use of space (in non-pandemic times) and the coffee & Princi pastries are really, really good. 

When we got back home feeling refreshed and like we had actually gone on a vacation, I jumped into apartment shark mode real fast and signed as many documents as the very kind realtor could send over. One week later, whabaam, I was a Gold Coast girl. Ahem, *lady*. What better way to celebrate than going to Somerset and having the Rapini & Roasted Garlic Flatbread and Wild Mushroom Risotto? No clue. As I sat outside, yet again with my mom, I felt a wave of excitement come over me and realized, this is it. This is the sign and feeling I’ve been waiting for, telling me it’s time to move back to the city and start over. The creamy, herbacious risotto also helped solidify that. 

SO. After all of that, the news is I’m moving, and you’re probably wondering why I shared all of this on a blog about food. I meant for this post to be about everywhere I ate during my staycation, but realized quickly we ate at some very basic places - DELICIOUS, but still basic. Oops. Below are all the dishes I had and a rundown of the flavors, textures, etc., however don’t expect to find any new, revolutionary restaurants. Sorry! 

1. Topolobampo 

This Rick Bayless restaurant has been around forever, and unfortunately, you can tell by the interior. We’ve eaten here as a family a couple of times before, but never had a noteworthy experience. I can confirm that in a pinch, the patio covered in fun lights & mini piñatas, and the sharable, filling bites will do just fine. This was my first time going to a Mexican restaurant as a non-alcohol drinker, and instead of my typical mezcal margarita, I opted for a Fresh Limeaide which was refreshing and flavorful. We split the Guacamole and Chips, which if you’ve ever stopped at the Frontera in O’Hare, you know is good as fuck. It’s smooth, creamy, tangy, and topped with chopped onions and cilantro for a little crunch. It’s not the most life-changing, but it is consistently satisfying. Next, we got the Mushroom Tacos and Masa Quesadillas. The Masa Quesadillas were a fun surprise, as instead of a tortilla, the masa is what makes up the outside. They are almost like empanadas and stuffed with gooey, melty cheese, and come with a spicy salsa verde on the side. I would come back for these alone - they’re rich yet light, warm, and comforting, all the things you would want when dining outside when it’s still a little chilly. The Mushroom Tacos were quite frankly unreal, because whatever they seasoned the mushroom slices with and grilled them on made them taste unlike any mushroom I’ve had before. There was definitely some meat crossover on the grill, so don’t order those if you’re vegan, or ask them to prepare the mushroom separately. I however was LOSING MY MIND. Over mushrooms. The joys of being vegetarian! 

2. The Gwen

On a happening Saturday night in Chicago, Upstairs at The Gwen is sure to be a packed scene. Located in River North, this hotel bar/restaurant offers a somehow cozy rooftop filled with loungey couches, fire pits, and ambient lighting, even though you’re surrounded by apartments and skyscrapers and there is nothing “cozy” about River North. Every table was filled, yet since you’re outside and it’s fairy spread apart, it still felt safe. I got my new classic, a Lemonade, and we got the Burrata to start. With sourdough, roasted beets, squash, pomegranate, pistachio, & arugula, this plate was nothing short of mouth-watering. It has textures! It has flavors! It has pomegranate seeds, the TikTok must have of the moment! The bread was 10/10, the burrata was 8/10, and all of the toppings made for a very find bite of salad on their own. For my main I got the Lobster Fettucine, a beautiful bowl of “charcoal fettuccine with saffron-tomato sauce, lobster, calabrian chili butter, and basil-brioche crumbs” as listed on their website. Take any of those ingredients and it’s going to be delicious, but all of them TOGETHER? INCREDIBLE. The chunks of lobster were huge, absolutely making the dish worth its price tag, and the sauce was flavorful, unique, and unlike any sauce I’ve tasted in the last few years. It’s typical to do a squid ink pasta with seafood and tomato sauce, but the saffron added a new element I very much appreciated. 

3. The Starbucks Roastery 

I KNOW. THIS IS A TOURIST DESTINATION. All I am saying is if there’s no line, go get an iced latte with two packets of sugar in the raw. That’s all. It’s really good after something like, I don’t know, Lobster Fettucine. 

4. The Penninsula 

You cannot go wrong with hitting up The Penninsula for breakfast or brunch, especially if you are staying there and have the option to do room service. Typically we would go to Pierrot Gourmet, the cafe in the ground floor of The Penninsula, however it has been closed temporarily. If there’s one thing to order with your breakfast, it’s the smashed fingerling potatoes. Delish. 

5. Somerset 

Somerset is becoming a quick go-to of mine for an impromptu dinner downtown, given it’s in the heart of Gold Coast and is cute if you’re sitting indoors or outdoors. The food is nothing too innovative, but it is done well, which is the most important part with “cuter” restaurants that may focus on the Instagram appeal over the food sometimes. Each time I’ve gone I’ve gotten the seasonal flatbread and a pasta or risotto, usually something with mushrooms, and it’s always been plate-licking good. To drink, I got -you guessed it- a Lemonade! For dinner I went with the Wild Mushroom Risotto which was everything you could hope for in a risotto, topped with olive oil, herbs, and local parmesan. We split the Rapini & Roasted Garlic Flatbread which was as it sounds, flatbread covered in rapini, garlic, and ricotta, which added a nice crunch and had enough rapini to feel like it was replacing a boring vegetable side dish or salad. The patio vibes were wonderful, the judgemental girls in the greenhouses looked like they were having a good time, and our waiter couldn’t have been sweeter. I will be going back to try the Fontina Arancini, which I just noticed on the menu. FRICK. 

So there you have it, a very long-winded explanation of the last few weeks of my life and where you can find me on a staycation in Chicago. Hopefully once I move back to the city I’ll have endless new spots to try and won’t be basic anymore! 

Until next time, Happy Eating!

-Natalie 

[rhapshie]

This was from a writing challenge I had in my discord server a while back. Never really shared it outside, so I thought I’ll throw it here. I don’t think I’ll ever post it on my AO3

Title: - Rating: M Pairing: Aomine/Kagami TW: Suicide. The other dies in the end too but due to an unrelated incidence.

17 January.

Am I okay? I feel like I'm falling back down. I never knew how much I like his presence until he's not there anymore.

.

Kagami was pretty sure he was in love.

But no one should take his word for it. After all, he didn't know the first thing about romance, so this could just be a stupid infatuation for all he knew, but he really couldn't help it. Aomine was... unreal. He was convinced that the Touou player wasn't human because how could someone be so dazzling? It didn't even matter that he had such a cocky attitude. If anything, it made everything that much better.

Because what was wrong with confidence when he had the skill to back it up? Besides, Kagami found that kind of sexy.

In fear of his own emotion, he hid.

Over the course of his second year, he slowly grew more and more distant from Aomine after convincing himself that this was for the best. It would be much easier on his heart if he never confessed, therefore he'd never get rejected.

That didn't stop him from pining from afar, though.

.

21 March.

Satsuki suspects that something's up but I really don't wanna worry her more than I already do.

.

It all happened too quickly and too suddenly.

Kagami was eighteen years old, attending the last year of high school in Seirin when he felt something was amiss. Initially, he ignored it, thinking that the sudden throbbing in his heart was just his imagination and he continued playing basketball. Interhigh was just around the corner and their first opponent was Touou, so he couldn't afford to get distracted.

However, the nausea persisted throughout the night. Kagami tossed and turned in his bed as he wondered what could possibly cause such agitation. Cold sweat ran along his back as he forced himself to get some shut-eye only to finally succeed at too-late o'clock.

Something was seriously not right, but he couldn't pinpoint what exactly.

.

1 April

I hate this. I don't know what the point is anymore. There's only so much that basketball can numb and I'm fucking hurting all over. I don't know how to reconnect with Tetsu and the others and I damn well don't wanna go to Kagami. Where is he anyway? Haven't seen him around lately...

.

Aomine wasn't there for their match.

And he wasn't the only one absent either. The spot next to Harasawa where Momoi usually sat was empty and the entirety of Touou seemed extremely distracted. Their focus was at an all-time low and they looked uncharacteristically distracted. Was it simply because of their missing ace? Kagami had a feeling that it was something else entirely. Judging from Kuroko's body language that conveyed discomfort, the redhead grew more certain that something else was gnawing on them.

No one wanted to tell him where Aomine was. They all simply turned their heads the other way and walked away, frustrating Kagami to no end. While he knew that they didn't look like the best buddies, he respected the other power forward. Kagami would go as far as to admit that he had a massive crush on Aomine.

Of course, it wasn't something he'd say out loud. In fact, instead of acting on it, he chose to stay as far away as possible. He figured that if he never showed any affection, he wouldn't have to get rejected. Better safe than sorry. Aomine looked like he was far from gay, so Kagami wanted to spare himself the heartache.

He knew he had no right to pry, but he felt like he deserved to know why Aomine didn't come.

.

13 May

All I do is hurt everyone near me even when they're just trying to help. Maybe it's better if I don't ask for help... It'll just be a pain in the ass. At the end of the day, it's my problem. I got no rights dragging other people into it, especially after what I've done. I'm so fucking tired. I'm so sick of feeling like this. If it wasn't for basketball, I... maybe I'd be long dead or something. Guess I'll have no choice but to keep playing.

.

Gone.

He was gone.

There was a deafening ringing in Kagami's ears when Momoi broke the news that Aomine had passed away. He had overdosed on paracetamol the night before the match. His parents were away on a business trip, so he wasn't found until Momoi broke into her childhood friend's place and saw Aomine's unconscious body in the kitchen. His skin was pale, deathly blue and icy cold.

Kagami didn't know what to say or how to react, so he only stood there.

He didn't cry. He couldn't.

.

11 June

I can't sleep. My head hurts. It's so pathetic but I feel so lonely... I still haven't told anyone, but I think I really should see a psychologist.

.

In the coffin lied Aomine's dead body. His silky blue hair was neatly brushed and there was no crease on his forehead. It was an unfamiliar sight for Kagami who could only stare at the man who would never again look at him with his electric navy eyes. Kagami would never again face him in a heated battle, would never again scream or be screamed at. There would be none of that infuriating lopsided smirk, that mocking laughter or the obsolete 'the only one who can beat me is me'.

He should be happy to finally be rid of Aomine's cocky attitude, but he wasn't.

Because it meant he would never see Aomine in his raw form, glistening in sweat and the joy of a child as he played the sport he loved ever again, nor one of his rare sincere smiles. There would be none of that husky voice haunting him at night when he only had his right hand as a company. Soon, the seat that Aomine occupied in Maji burger when they had dinner with the rest of the Generation of Miracles would be empty.

Kagami once again stared at the man who'd never again open his eyes. He looked so peaceful in death, unlike how he usually carried himself when he was alive and breathing.

And that was what hurt Kagami the most.

.

19 June

I can't do this anymore. No matter where I look, I don't see anyone who can help me. Besides, it's embarrassing to talk to them about this... shit. And I don't have money for psychologists either. Why are they so expensive? I sure as hell can't ask mum and dad because they'll end up grilling me about it.

.

In the months following Aomine's death—suicide, Kagami felt empty.

They found a journal under the man's pillow that detailed his slow spiral into depression. While he had his good days and things looked promising a couple of years ago when he finally regained the love of basketball that he thought he had lost forever, it didn't last.

He thought about all the missed opportunities that metastasised into regrets. There were multiple occasions when he was able to lend a helping hand, but all he ever did was chicken out. He was too scared of his own feelings for Aomine that he ended up running away.

Kagami wondered if he had talked more to him, he'd still be here right now. Maybe he was part of the reason why Aomine killed himself.

.

1 July

I'm getting really worried... The voices in my head won't stop. Earlier I had to call Satsuki just so I can talk to someone. I don't wanna worry her... I really don't. But between her and my parents... I guess I don't have a choice.

.

They said time healed all wounds, but Kagami started to suspect that maybe some wounds were simply too deep to ever disappear.

It had been too many years since Aomine's untimely death and he could barely remember the guy's face or voice anymore, but it never hurt any less when he remembered the arrogant Touou ace.

"Papa!"

Kagami looked away from the newspaper on his hand when he heard his little girl running towards him with glee. Her fingers were stubby and she was still unbalanced on her feet. The sight never ceased to warm his heart.

Despite living with his beautiful wife that he didn't deserve, Kagami never really truly let go of his past. He'd done well concealing it, but he knew that his wife suspected that something was up.

There were lingering what-if's spinning in his head. If he had asked Aomine for a one-on-one that evening, maybe none of this would ever happen. Maybe right now, they'd be living together with a child of their own. Or maybe they'd still be friends, rivals, whatever. 

Maybe if they celebrated their birthdays together, maybe if Kagami gave him that box of homemade chocolate hiding in his fridge for valentine's, maybe if they spent one more day together in Maji's, maybe Aomine would still be alive right now. Even if they ended up drifting apart or hated each other's guts, it would be much better than this.

It was stupid to wallow in regret, he knew.

However, the diary that Momoi insisted he kept burned a hole in the nightstand. It was a grim reminder of his failure; of his cowardice that cost him the one person he wanted to see smile.

.

6 August

What would he say if he were here?

Where did he go, seriously... it's been so long since we've last met or talked.

I guess it's the interhigh soon. Maybe I'll see him again then.

.

He didn't even know when he started to grow such intense feelings for Aomine. For years he searched, but could never really pinpoint the exact time.

"Kagami-kun, it's time to go." Kuroko gently put a hand on the door and glanced at his old friend with a pair of sympathetic eyes that turned even more mellow when he saw the worn diary on Kagami's lap. "Don't you think you've carried this weight enough?"

The redhead stared at the wrinkly paper before he put it neatly in his suitcase on top of his clothes. "I'll carry it to my grave."

"It wasn't your fault." Said the lithe male with a monotone voice, but full of sadness for those who knew him.

Maybe if Kuroko actually read through the diary, he'd change his mind, Kagami thought.

.

12 August

I really wanna tell him how much I like talking to him.

This is so stupid.

I texted him but he never replied. It's been 3 weeks.

Maybe he hates me now.

.

He knew that one of these days, he'd get himself in a pickle he'd never get out of. Today so happened to be one of those days.

Regardless of what would happen, he was happy that he had divorced his wife and she had the custody of their daughter. As for his friends... well, they'd live. Everyone knew what being a firefighter would entail. Lots of rescuing cats from the tree, fetching lost keys from the gutters, running into a burning building and in some cases...

Death.

Yeah, that was a thing too.

With a forced laughter, Kagami curled his head under his chest to avoid inhaling more smoke than he already did. However, all openings were sealed and he had nowhere else to go.

He really should've chosen another path. NBA, for one. By now, he'd probably be past his prime. 35 years old. He'd be retired with a lot of money. Definitely more than he would ever get by working as a firefighter.

As the fire licked the space around him and burnt wood toppling down from the ceiling, Kagami waited for the moment when one would crush him and put him out of his misery. Or maybe his friends would come in and drag him out.

"...gami..."

The redhead lied on his stomach, eyes glassy as he watched the building structure crashed down all around him.

"Oi, Bakagami! How long are you gonna sulk for?"

"I'm not sulking..." He mumbled under his breath. "...Ahomine."

Ah, yeah. That was what he sounded like. Low, husky and seductive voice that he couldn't get enough of.

"C'mon, let's play." Those lips upturned into a grin and even though the rest of his face was obscured by the light, Kagami could clearly see beautiful deep blue eyes and frown lines on his forehead. "You were the one who bugged me, so just get up already."

"You're not an early riser, idiot. Why are you so—" he coughed after a particularly nasty inhale," so eager..."

"Hurry or I guess we won't play. I'll give you five minutes."

"Five minutes? I'll whoop your ass in three." He snorted inbetween his coughing fit.

"After all that talk you're just gonna lie there? I know you only had like, 3 hours sleep, but I thought you've been looking forward to this."

He felt his eyes slowly closing.

"Daiki..." He heaved tiredly. A piece of wood fell on his thigh and he bit out a scream when it charred his protective gear. Even through it, he felt the deathly heat. "I—Argh!" He didn't even know what the fuck that was but he was pretty sure it crushed his left leg. "I'm sorry. I'll be there soon."

"Fine," The light slowly eased as Aomine's head blocked the source of light to create a halo. Tanned skin, boyish grin and eyes that were positively brimming with life. "I'll wait for you."

.

15 August

If there's a life after death.

I wonder if they play basketball?

If they do, maybe I'll get to play with him again one day.