#since I took her out because aforementioned guy was annoying me :P

[starlightcleric]

Accidentally coordinated outfits with Y'shtola, lol XD

[nautilusopus]

sorry this is a lot but I enjoy your opinions. G, P, U, W, X, Z

G - Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it?

Nah. I’m aggressively boring and uninvested in general in most romances so I usually just go with whatever’s canon and call it a day.

The closest thing I got to ever shipping in the past was being mildly surprised that people saw Link and Zelda as an item in Twilight Princess because they don’t really talk much in that game (they have maybe two conversations? Three if we count any presumed dialogue they might’ve had during the last boss battle when they’re on a horse together). I wouldn’t say I’m actually invested in it one way or another though. Link didn’t really have much of a personality until Wind Waker came along. 

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

FFXV AU where Noctis asks literally any questions at all about anything and interacts with the plot as an active participant in it instead of a copypasted emotional beat from FFX and thus doesn’t die at the end due to lazy writer caveat. (spoilers i guess) 

I am so so so so tempted to write this and the urge has been growing stronger over the last few weeks. I imagine fans of XV wouldn’t be too thrilled I’m writing fanfic specifically because I hate everything about XV, but y’all keep circulating posts about how writing fanfic to fix canon is totally valid!!! so I fully expect everyone to walk the walk after talking the talk. 

On another note, AU where Cloud never actually makes it to Midgar after Zack gets filled with lead, thus never meeting Tifa at and least screwing his head on semi-straight, and just wanders around in the wilderness as a weird amnesiac murderhobo in a perpetual fugue state. Hijinks ensue I guess.

Shit, I should write that. 

And now I have 48 fics queued. Look at what you’ve done. Are you proud of yourself?

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

alright let’s get the obvious one out of the way

Cloud because I used to fucking despise him and over time he really grew on me after I was exposed to his genuinely moving character arc and narrative that actively trampled every expectation I had about what it would be. Dumb asshole that unabashedly loves his friends, which is something that you rarely if ever see in other protagonists of his mould which is why it infurates me as much as it does when people (Square or the fanbase, it’s annoying either way) try to downplay it. That was one of the things that made him unique and compelling in the first place and you’re actively discarding it? Fuck you. 

It’s genuinely refreshing to see someone try as hard as they can and fail catastrophically in every possible respect, and then that’s just the result and he has to come terms with that pain as something shaping who he was instead of just learning a lesson and then getting over it. There are a lot of matter-of-fact moments like that with regards to loss and pain in VII but Cloud’s arc actually took one of said moments and made it extremely cathartic. 

I have a lot of fukken feelings about Cloud, man. That character analysis essay is officially four years old and the ETA on it is “whenever I guess”.

Azula from ATLA. I mean, I adore basically everyone in that series so I don’t even know which one I’d call my favourite, but I do think I ought to highlight Azula since a lot of who she is kinda gets overlooked. She’s like a family-friendly Eva character. 

It’s genuinely fascinating to watch her break down, and on a second rewatch you can sort of tell which beats fell into place where. Ironically, she considers Zuko the “favoured child”, and part of the reasons she utterly despises/loves/despises him as much as she does is because she tries to earn his approval in her own weird, sociopathic way. Then, when he inevitably bails, he not only rejects her, he goes and shacks up with even more people that consciously chose to love him, and for all her talent, after all her hard work, all she has is Ozai, who’s probably never loved anything in his life. The unfairness of it all. 

The breakdown she has at the end isn’t even anything new, really. It’s just the first time other people get to see it. 

Speaking of Eva, Shinji. DISCLAIMER: YES SHINJI MASTURBATED TO COMPLETION OVER ASUKA’S COMATOSE BODY IN A BLATANT DISPLAY OF NOT ONLY HIS GENERAL DISLIKE AND FEAR OF WOMEN BUT IN AN EXPRESSION OF HIS REFUSAL TO PROJECT AFFECTION ONTO PEOPLE BECAUSE PEOPLE CAN REJECT HIM, PREFERRING TO SEE ASUKA AS A PERSON-SHAPED OBJECT INSTEAD. THERE I HAVE ACKNOWLEDGED THE PROBLEMATIQUE ™ BIT NOW. CAN I LIKE THIS CHARACTER YET?

Shinji and Cloud have a lot of the same character arc, as I’ve mentioned probably more than a few times because I repeat myself a lot. Where Cloud is a more optimistic take on defining oneself on one’s own terms and as a result accepting that they can be someone worthy of love, Shinji’s side of that concept is waaaaaaaaaaay more cynical, in that Shinji kind of… doesn’t learn to do that in the end. Refuses to, in fact, to the point where it gets everyone killed. Also Kaworu is Zack if Zack actually had character development and if C//la/ck was actually canon. Where Cloud overcomes his fear of rejection by learning he is deserving of existence on his own merits, otherwise why would he have people that care about him in the first place, Shinji is crippled by it and spends most of the series screaming at anything that remotely resembles responsibility. For a guy that repeatedly tells himself “I mustn’t run away” his reaction to everything is almost exclusively to run away. 

Now, I’m not necessarily implying that if things had gone worse, Cloud might have masturbated to completion over Tifa’s comatose body, but like… I’m just saying.

(Though Aeris and Tifa were admittedly a lot more stable than poor Asuka or Rei ever were, as low of a bar as that may be.)

In case it wasn’t obvious, I clearly have a Type. And that type is a maladjusted child soldier screaming VALIDATE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE from the top of the lightpole they climbed up to avoid their feelings, and they all deserve a good hug and a firm shove down a flight of stairs or two, in either order. 

W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.

Love triangles. If I wanted to see a bunch of assholes do a bunch of petty bickering fueled by hormones and poor communication and pitting two people against one another for extremely asinine reasons, I’d lurk outside a high school. 

X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.

Apart from the aforementioned Type ™ I have, people getting overwhelmed by gestures of basic human decency and the implications of that. 

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go! (Prompts optional but encouraged.)

God they did poor Luna so dirty. You could have replaced her with another fucking crystal or something and it would affect the plot about as much. Man, didn’t the selling point for FF used to be its rich, inventive storytelling? 

Come the fuck on, Square, you had female characters figured out in fucking 1992. This isn’t hard. 

[x-irememberyearsago-x]

Notes – Zach Dempsey x Reader

Summary: 13 Reasons Why. On tape number 7, as we all know, is the chapter of Zach Dempsey and the "joke" that makes Hannah with the note in her bag.

I heard this song while I was writing.

Words: 2590

Reader's point of view.

Enjoy it!

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What were they debating? I listened to many voices, each giving their opinions on the subject that was written on the board. It had turned out to be a suggestion from some of us, anonymously, it might even have tried one of my ideas, but I was sure I had not written anything and put it in the teacher's bag. I went back to reading the blackboard, drugs, which is so much seen and boring. As if none of those around me knew the subject perfectly, and worse, they had put it into practice. I shrugged and continued to scribble in my notebook as I listened word after word, it was unbelievable that some defended the fact of being killed that way, and they did it in front of an authority. What a bah, at last was the life of everyone.

The bell rang, I sighed, relieved that the torture was finally over. I didn’t complain about the class, it was good as long as the subjects were of the same quality. Not any nonsense that we have been informed since we have "enough maturity" to cover those issues. It was urgent for me to be in college.

"Remember to check your bags!" Exclaimed the teacher in a jovial tone.

I smiled, it was a little exaggerated enthusiasm. I knew how many notes I would have in my bag, maybe one or two, I was safer than one. To get rid of some sermon, Skye and I made a pact, I left a note in her bag and she did the same in mine. We were friends, not intimate but whenever we took the paper we were giving a look and smile of complicity. And there it was, unfolding the piece of paper with a simple hello and an emoticon :P I laughed and put it in my pocket. I had another, I unfolded it, Sheri, and another ... Zach? I frowned, he had never left me a note; instead, I thought I didn’t even know i existed for him. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye as he checked his bag, on the contrary, I knew he was on this planet and at school. For a few seconds I noticed his face of disappointment and I waited patiently to get something out of his bag, but nothing, now understood the reason of his expression. What the hell? How could someone as known as Zach Dempsey, basketball star, not have a note? In what world had we fallen? As far as I was concerned, the sportsman was the most beloved, even a Troy Bolton in person.  I buffet in my interior, how curious.

I bit my lip. I had never stopped to leave a note to the aforementioned, I thought that, with so many that would have, mine would be one more of the pile and insignificant. Because i liked him a lot, but, i wasn’t a cheerleader or someone with a notorious talent. I hated it when Mom dragged me to gym classes. And give encouragement? I barely and could give them myself before stepping into this jungle every morning.

"Another rabbit?" I heard to my left.

I turned to see Sheri and Hannah smile at the small drawing the latter held in her hands. I smiled when I saw it, how funny and tender. Hannah started to laugh. Apparently it was not the first time she received one but she seemed to love it.

"It's beautiful," I said. Both girls turned to see me and nodded.

I left the room even without reading the little note of Zach, I was dying of the emotion to know that said but also filled with fear. The main rule of notes on paper bags was that they should only leave positive messages, so it was more or less certain, never really known.

At lunchtime I was sitting with some friends with whom I didn’t share many classes, but we got together from the first year and they were very nice companies. In my hand I still held the paper already wrinkled by my nerves. They all knew about the class I took and also my taste for a sportsman, almost everyone encouraged me to read it at one time, others, wanted to keep an eye on it and warn me if it was worth that I knew its content or if It was just a bunch of crap. In the end, I took courage and decided it was time, however, before opening the paper I heard an angry scream on the other side of the cafeteria.

I turned. Zach Dempsey was standing in front of the person who had heard the scream, when it moved, we all realized that it was Hannah Baker. The place was silent, making that moment more uncomfortable between the two of them, and even for me. I had never seen those two together and to be honest, the reaction I got wasn’t good at all, I mean, Hannah was really beautiful, I could not compare to her. I crumpled the piece of paper again and hid it in the depths of my backpack. Whatever I said there, it would only serve to excite me.

Zach left the cafe in silence, without turning to see anyone. I also did it, but on the opposite side from where he had left.

Two days later

"Oh, fuck!" I exclaimed as I quickly stood up from the bench where I was resting with Skye. I had passed olympically from the cafeteria.

"What?" My friend seemed surprised by my reaction.

"I forgot my hearing aids in the communication class"

It was unforgivable that I would walk in this jungle without the faithful company of music. I just couldn’t believe I forgot them, they were my best friends. I said goodbye to her and I almost ran down the hall, there was a chance that I would never see them again and the money I had, I was saving for something else, if I invested in new hearing aids, I would have to practically start Of zero my savings, which wasn’t much by the way.

I dodged the people I ran into in the hallways. I looked like the devil's soul, but I felt that with every second they were alone at my desk, more danger ran. I stopped to recover the air a few meters from the living room door. I wasn’t an athletic girl and this was too much of a stretch on my part, I needed to sit down soon.

When I looked to the front, I discovered that Hannah peered almost desperately into the classroom. I missed myself and I hit the lockers hoping to see what happened. She made several gestures, surprise, indignation but, at the end of all, sadness. But what was happening? I took a step with the intention of approaching her and investigating what she was spying ... or who. Suddenly, the identity of the "stranger" was revealed. Zach came out of the classroom with a paper in his hands and the blank expression, almost guilty, seemed nervous. Had he finally received a note? So why his reaction like that?

"Why me, Zach? Why me?"

I jumped. I hadn’t realized how much the boy had advanced, but most of all, that Hannah had walked almost to my height. I felt her tear-filled eyes as she faced the boy for what to know. As in the cafeteria, we all fell silent, apparently this couple had a lot to show. I dared to look at Zach, even with the paper in his hands and his serious countenance, stopped in the middle of the hall and watched the one who had shouted at him, I couldn’t decipher the way he looked at her, but I could still feel guilty ... Or maybe regret, it was hard to tell, Zach was a guy full of surprises.

Finally the tense atmosphere dissipated when he broke the bubble. He turned and left without even responding to Hannah. She turned, too.

"Hannah" I said without thinking, but she didn’t hear me and disappeared at one of the corners of the hall. I felt bad even though I didn’t know exactly what it was all about.

 At the end of class, I decided that I didn’t want to go home soon and I remembered that for the moment the auditorium would be empty, the practices would not start for forty-five minutes, enough time to finish some homework or just read without the annoying murmurs Which were heard in the study area. I just wanted silence, to be with my music and the notebook in my lap. As I predicted, the place was empty, I smiled as I climbed the steps to be in the middle and proceeded with what I had planned, however, my concentration wasn’t in the equations in front of me, but rather in what had happened in the hallway does only a few hours. As I watched, Zach was a good guy, maybe something childish from time to time, but i couldn’t imagine that would bring against Hannah but above all, what will have done. I bit my pencil, he had a note in his hand when he left the classroom ... What if it was not for him? What if it wasn’t from his bag? I bit the pencil harder, why did Hannah spy on him? why she? I got an idea of ​​what might have happened and maybe it would be related to what happened in the cafeteria.

My heart began to beat faster. I understood that he had some interest in her, of course. A hint of disappointment hugged me and I realized that I still hoped he would look at me, but how to do it if we have not even crossed words at any time? Or at least not to any class. I sighed.

I turned off the music on my phone, ready to leave. Being in school made me think about everything that happened here; At least at home I could be distracted by Netflix or loud music and hundreds and hundreds of homework. As he heard me around again, I heard the bounce of a ball, I looked up. Right in front of the basket I recognized Zach's body, especially for the height. My heart raced on instinct and I hated it. So, I had two options, to leave like a ninja, that is to say, without being heard or to be seen, or to leave the shyness and cowardice and finally to speak to him. I bit my lip but cheered.

"Zach!" I exclaimed as I approached him.

He dropped the ball and turned to raise his eyebrows. Yes, I'm talking to you. I tried not to roll my eyes.

"Hey, Y/N" He greeted me as if greeting one of his friends. Well, it was a start.

"You're good? You look kind of annoying "

Conversation. I really needed some conversation.

"I'm fine." He hesitated a little. "Did you read my note?"

His note? Holy sh*t! I had completely forgotten, had to remain in my backpack, crushed by my books and other nonsense. I bit my lip. My face was a poem and I knew I had given the answer to his question when he chuckled.

"I'm sorry" I whispered "It's ... it surprised me, I mean, I didn’t even think i existed for you"

"Why do you say that? You look like a great girl. I like your opinions in class, when the subject interests you"

I blushed. Zach Dempsey had watched me, and more than that, he seemed to know me at least a little of what I could have imagined after this conversation. I smiled. He was undoubtedly speechless.

"Anyway, I'll see you later, Y/N"

He took the ball and walked to pick up his backpack and jacket. What? Had that been our whole conversation? I stood there as he left, then noticed that a piece of paper had fallen to him.

"Zach, wait!" I shouted but not hoping to be heard.

I went to where he had collected his belongings and took that forgotten paper. I know I should not read it, not even open it, but I was curious, whether it was the one Hannah had been angry about or was simply a task that was aimed at there. Anyway, I opened it and read its contents. My heart was broken as I read every word Hannah expressed there, her feelings, emotions, how she was happy to receive his drawing of rabbit every time we had communication, as a small detail illuminated her interior ... and that Zach had snatched her away, so my conclusions weren’t so far-fetched. Zach Dempsey stole the bag notes from Hannah Baker!

With tears in my eyes and anger at something that didn’t belong to me, I ran to the parking lot, I knew the sportsman's car and I was glad to find him, but above all, to him without leaving. He was throwing his backpack into the back seats when I confronted him.

"Why did you do it, Zach?"

He looked at me confused. I handed him the note and he took it, deserved to keep it as a constant reminder of his acts of immaturity. All because of a rejection? I had lived with at least three and that wasn’t stealing valuable belongings from each of them. I clenched my hands in fists, perhaps mine were simple jealousy, that his attention was on her not me, or perhaps the actions he did. I didn’t know and I didn’t stop to find out.

"You didn’t have to read this, Y/N." He shook the note in front of my nose and tucked it in his pants pocket.

"I didn’t, but I did. Why are you so cruel? Why do that?"

"It's just silly, I don’t know why you take it so hard" He opened the driver's door "Besides, it's supposed to be Hannah who should be here, you have nothing to do with this"

"Did you at least understand what that letter meant?"

I hated a lot when someone hurt someone else's feelings, especially in such a stupid act as the sportsman had carried out.

"I'm sorry, alright? Is it what you want to hear? I won’t mess with that stupid bag ever again"

"You don’t have to apologize to me" I said seriously.

"But at least it made you happy, didn’t it? What I wanted to get when you read my note"

"What?"

Zach got into his car and started off at full speed exiting the parking lot.  I was stony again, staring only at the smoke that the car had lifted when it left. Make me happy?

Hyperventilating I knelt on the floor and began to pull my things out of my backpack wanting to look for that note. When I finally found it I unfolded it, wanting to smooth it, but the pile of wrinkles indicated that that was already impossible. I felt a lump in my throat as I read what I had written.

You look pretty in that color. Maybe someday you want to go out with me, because I want to go out with you.

"Oh, fuck!" I whispered, reading those words more than once.

I looked back to where I had seen her car one last time and I felt like the dumbest person in the world. Why had not I read the note when I had the chance?

[borgevino]

aforementioned processing post. extremely long

this is an attempt to make sense of the timing of the alfred series of events. since it’s been so unremittingly awful and i’d really like to track it from the beginning.

dramatis personae (names changed)

my team: samuel (lead, great, v similar to me), irina (instructional associate (IA) like me, love her), dave (another IA, isn’t quite on the same wavelength as the rest of us bc he doesn’t know us like we knew each other already but a good guy nonetheless)

other team: alfred (lead, already doesn’t get along with samuel, they try to get along but it doesn’t work), matthew (also a full instructor, tries very hard but in the wrong direction, a cat who needs herding), zachary (an IA, one of my former classmates)

calvin & lev: TAs, former classmates

chris & betsy: managers

Mar 8

alfred wants to know if I’ll be his IA

Mar 14-15

I spend some time going back & forth about the IA position

Initial interview

convo with samuel about TA vs IA. samuel “if you want my advice, TA, this would give you the chance to debug and always be coding while you have the daytime to work on applications etc”

talked to irina about what the team would look like

Mar 16

interview with chris

talked with samuel about lectures & so on. he wasn’t sure if id be on his team but chris was pretty sure

alfred forwards me a job posting that one of his recruiters sent him, I have to let him know that I’m taking the IA job with GA

Mar 20 - 26 – planning week

starts off well

couple of times throughout the week there are some warning signs, most notably alfred asking me to come and teach responsive design

in fact alfred asked a couple of times for us to go in and teach some lectures in their class without offering to come in and teach with us at all

another iffy moment was that alfred was out both thurs and fri

zachary started stressing out around this time also

my team was all set with planning and so on but theirs was much less settled in any kind of real way

we planned our schedule, we sent it to zachary, zachary passed it on to alfred

overheard alfred say on a remote call with zachary and matthew that they had to “be careful” copying what ada cohort was doing

alfred still seemed obsessed with the idea of collaboration

samuel gets stuck on installfest concept for a couple days

i get stuck on assessment concept for a couple days

Mar 27 - Apr 2 – week 1

student from alfred’s class asked on the first day to be switched to our class, which sort of immediately set the tone for the rest of the course. said she liked our vibe better and liked samuel’s teaching style.

samuel & i discussed it some on tues

samuel: But, it was very validating in a way to see that our fears that we share were picked up on after we literally just said a 5 minute hello. We have an awesome team and it just sucks that I think we all basically refuse to work with the other side.

me: & i have some thoughts abt the other thing as well (we can discuss) but i think it boils down to, our definition of working together & theirs are pretty different (wrt the time involvement required, the purpose behind collaboration, etc.). i’d be fine to work with them if it was on our terms but idt it would be

alfred mentions on tues that he’d like to meet more frequently, sets up a meeting for wed. samuel is not into the idea as one of the things samuel was hoping for from the course was less time in meetings

samuel very stressed wed for no particular reason

“is it ok if i add alfred to our gh.” on thurs

strong talk with samuel on tues or wed about him not taking on too much. eventually did have an effect

Wed meeting with other team to discuss possibility of collaboration. consensus seemed to be one lecture from us over to them and a couple of morning exercises.

thurs morning, alfred says ‘that’s not what i agreed to’ when it clearly was what he had agreed to

alfred: Hey samuel, we’ll get back to you. I want to see how we can all contribute to this for both cohorts. In the meantime can you guys send us the timeslots that we can key into our course tracker for the guest lectures. I need this asap, as I will have to share this with various parties.

samuel: alfred, this is not what we discussed yesterday. I thought we were going to let unit one take it’s course and have j do the planning lesson. And then we’d take a look at unit 2 soon.

matthew: I know we discussed both options and i think the agreement was that for Unit 1 we would begin to cross pollinate with morning exercises for now and for Unit 2 we would discuss where instructors could find opportunities to reteach topics as that approach worked really well last time around

alfred: That’s not what I agreed to. The expectation is to share on all units. For example, if the wire framing is happening In unit 1, I want it to be done in unit 1 and any other lessons that we can all benefit from.

samuel: Yes I agree with matthew, morning exercises and he wireframing.

i taught thurs all day, then went out for drinks with the team, then met with matthew to discuss how i’d done the css lecture, then hung out with friend for a couple of hours

thurs during lunch had walk in the park with samuel where he talked a lot about the situation with alfred. notable: “I have to not lose my cool. …. how do i do that????”

thurs night samuel has the realization that he’s trying to do too much & needs to delegate more, irina & i rejoice. it’s a momentous and great occasion.

during friday internal meeting samuel metnions that he thinks what alfred is doing to him is gaslighting. irina and i sit in the back of the classroom after lunch and nod with strong emphasis along to a psychology today article on gaslighting.

we all four go out for drinks and talk some shit and it’s good.

brief HM reunion; samuel gets to meet ryn; ryn, mimi, jen, & i go out for drinks

Apr 3 - 9 – week 2

talked with calvin & lev for about half an hour after the building closed. theyve noticed that alfred is never around and doesn’t help his students, and that zachary looks totally miserable a lot of the time

zachary is miserable for most of the week, we get lunch on monday and discuss. alfred is reading over his shoulder with messages and shit, sees him trying to send a message to chris about the situation, tells zachary that he should go to him (alfred) first with those types of concerns

i find out that alfred & matthew aren’t grading any homeworks, theyre letting zachary do all of it. and having calvin & lev help out. since they have two instructors compared to one IA this really is not how the work load should balance out

i gave a strong talk about not copying about homework

one of the higher-ups asks me to mentor one of the students in alfred’s class. “maybe she’ll lighten up on matthew and alfred if she gets to talk to J more often” is what i gather the reasoning is.

somewhere in here i have a weird meeting with alfred and zachary for a couple hours to discuss the saturn homework. originally it was meant to be just zachary & i but alfred decided he wanted to sit in and follow along.

becoming clearer and clearer that alfred’s goal is not “help out the students” but “do as little work as possible”.

at some point in this week also i say something along the lines of “we would be happy to collaborate if it were on our terms but it won’t be on our terms so we can’t.” samuel thinks this is extremely correct and mentions the term “rules of engagement”

Apr 10 - 16 – week 3

Tues drama: irina teaches in other classroom, is left on her own to handle unfamiliar students. samuel righteously furious

samuel: Hey fellow instructors/IAs. One of my class’s IAs gave a lecture in your class today. Excellent. While I’m fully confident that she was able to handle it on her own 100%, without a doubt, I’m also very annoyed that she was left completely alone during that lecture. As in, she didn’t even have an IA there in case she needed help during a lab. Moving forward I want to be 100% clear. Under no circumstances will that happen again. I really want everyone’s lives to be less stressful during units 2, 3, and 4, but I’ve made it a point that in my class, I, as an IL, am present for every moment of every lecture. Which is to say, if my amazing colleagues are not afforded the same consideration in your class, they will no longer be guest lecturing there. And this is not because they are IAs. When I, as an IL, am lecturing, I have back-up. So they, deserve it. that scenario honestly boggles my damn mind… as if we didnt insist that IAs were present during our lectures….

matthew: we only meant to step out for few minutes to finalize the project prompt which we needed to deliver immediately after the afternoon lectures and it took a bit longer than expected. That being said I do agree that IA’s should have support at this stage during their lectures and we will make sure that one of our team remains behind to support them…

alfred: Also, a couple of house rules: Lets make sure proper communication and behavior is practiced on this channel. Be respectful and treat individuals the way you would want to be treated. If there are any concerns/confusion, feel free to reach out, but use your judgement on best course of action and tone. Let’s make this pleasant..

samuel & i discussion about it wednesday night

samuel: Was my.message about the not support for irina too abrasive. I think the “damn mind” part went too far. But otherwise did I cross a line in your opinion. I ha EA to work on that and honestly I sent all that when I was wasted lol

me: i genuinely don’t think so, it was strongly worded but you made yourself very clear. and considering the fact that it REALLY shouldn’t have happened i thought the tone was appropriate. might have gone over better in person? is the only thing

matthew seems on verge of quitting

we plan unit 2 and send it to alfred & co. alfred & co intentionally arrange their next unit so that there’s no chance we can collaborate

this is a direct about-face from their previous attitude for no reason??

i help a couple students from their cohort and then tell samuel about it

me: i helped a couple hypatia students

samuel: oooh. you have to be careful about that. if alfred sees you he will be pissed

samuel is not wrong because i did actually check out the floor before i went and helped the students to check and make sure alfred wasn’t going to find me talking to his students but also i hate this concept so much

this is the point whereupon i decide i really cant deal with it

[psycho-alchemist]

okay but I read your tags on that grudge text post and now I really wanna hear what this Christine bitch did at your graduation???

I AM READY TO TELL YOU. THIS IS A LONG STORY

To clarify, this didn’t happen exactly at high school graduation, but it was right around that time and really did ruin the entire graduation season for me. I’m gonna need to travel back a little to explain it properly...

I’m pretty introverted now, but I was an extrovert for most of my life until the second half of my senior year of high school. In February of my senior year (over my birthday weekend, actually!), I went to an orchestra conference called All-Eastern, which brings the best orchestra musicians from all over the East Coast to this 3-day conference. You rehearse for like 25-30 hours over 2 1/2 days and then perform. So while I was there, I had an amazing time; it was one of the greatest experiences ever. But when I came back, everything just felt different to me for some reason.

I think when I came back from that conference, I realized that I didn’t really fit in with a lot of my high school friends. I felt like we didn’t really understand each other very well and that I put more effort into our friendships than they did, so I lost the motivation to talk to most of them.

At the same time that I distanced myself from most of my friends, I also became closer to one of my other friends, the aforementioned Bitch Christine. We had been friends for a while, but we only really got close during my senior year since she was a bit of a loner too. She was an extremely toxic person, but I guess since I was kind of bitter too, I liked talking to her. She talked a lot of shit about other people, which was exactly what I wanted to hear at the time. She was toxic towards other people, but never to me, so I didn’t really care.

About two weeks before graduation, we were having a senior picnic after school. Christine offered to give me a ride since her dad was dropping her, so I agreed. Two of our other friends were going as well. Christine and I met up after school, and we were just hanging around for like half an hour before her dad came. As we were walking down the hallway, we saw this girl up ahead.

Christine HATED this girl. And sure, there’s nothing wrong with hating a few people if they’ve done something really fucked up to you, but let me tell you... Christine hated this girl because at NINTH GRADE homecoming--remember, we were seniors at this point--this girl had grinded up against her then-boyfriend. That is, the boyfriend she had broken up with over two years ago. 

So she was holding a grudge against this girl for some small thing that happened three years ago with a guy she didn’t even give a fuck about anymore. And that’s honestly the kind of person she was; if someone even looked at her, she’d hold a grudge against them. I never cared because, again, it didn’t affect me, but this time was a little different.

Christine saw this girl on the other side of the hallway, and whisper-yelled, “HEY BITCH!” Just as she turned around, we ducked into another hallway so she didn’t see us. It does sound so stupid to me now, but at the time, I was really shocked. Sure, that girl had been rude to her once, but it hardly seemed like something to still be so bitter about three years later. I didn’t feel like it warranted calling her a bitch. But I just kinda laughed it off uneasily, and joked with Christine, “you didn’t need to call her that! hahaha(what the fuck)hahaha”

As we walked to the entrance of the school, I mentioned to Christine, a little more seriously, that I didn’t think it was necessary to call that girl a bitch. She just kind of rolled her eyes and cattily said, “Don’t you remember that she grinded up against Alex at homecoming??” And I said, “That was three years ago though, and you’re not even with him anymore.” She got a little irritated with me and said, “Whatever, she’s still a bitch.”

....................................mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm yeah so I started feeling a little weird.

We got into Christine’s dad’s car, along with the other two friends who were coming with us, and off we went to the picnic spot. As we got close, it was pretty difficult to find the spot, since we had to take a bunch of windy roads and turns to find it, and the GPS wasn’t really helping. And Christine started being really rude to her dad as he tried to find where to go. 

Now, I have daddy issues galore, so I’m the last person to judge, but it just didn’t feel right that Christine was treating her dad like that when he was taking us somewhere. That’s not to say that she needed to be super affectionate, but she was yelling at him for mistakes that any one of us would have made if we were driving. I was already annoyed about the whole “hey bitch” thing from earlier, so I definitely sounded irritated when I said, “Yelling at him isn’t going to get us there any faster.” She glared at me, and my other two friends looked at me like o_o, but I was just so annoyed with how petty she was being.

When we finally got to the picnic spot, Christine got out of the car and said to me--in a really fucking bitchy tone--“I need to talk to you.” So I followed her, rolling my eyes, and she said,

“Why are you picking on me??”

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh um yeah uh excuse me what

That was pretty much my exact expression, and I said, “When did I ever bully you?” And she said, “First you got mad at me about the thing with [that girl], and then you were so rude to me in the car.” And I said, “How is that picking on you?? I don’t think it’s necessary to hate [that girl] for what happened, and you were being unnecessarily rude to your dad in the car.” And she literally just shrugged off everything I said, and said, “Just stop bullying me.” And then stormed off, like ??

So since my bitchy “best” friend had called me a bully, she took our other two friends and went to go get food with them. The whole time I was in line for food, I saw Christine talking really angrily to the other two girls, and every now and then they glanced at me. Not in a judgmental way though; they were giving me pretty sympathetic looks but also still hanging out with her.I didn’t have anyone, so I just kinda sat awkwardly with the friends that I had distanced myself from months ago. Eventually I got fed up and called one of my parents to pick me up.

I talked to those other two girls who were there later. I don’t fault them for putting up with Christine’s bullshit drama, but I am still annoyed that they didn’t bother to speak up for me. They’re still friends with her, and it just dumbfounds me. But one of the girls did tell me privately that Christine was talking shit about me during the entire picnic. I appreciate her for telling me that.

The story isn’t over yet.

(ooooooh i just read all our old messages and I AM SO LIVID NOW)

So I messaged this bitch on Facebook and tried to hash it out. I know I’m calling her a bitch right now in retrospect, but I really truly tried to fix everything while still explaining my side. She basically said that it was none of my business to tell her that she was wrong, and that I was rude to tell her to calm down. So I asked her if she was really willing to throw away a friendship of SIX YEARS for some girl that she hated, and LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT THIS BITCH SAID

“IF IT CONTINUES TO BE AWKWARD”??

She was literally willing to throw away a 6-7 year friendship because of AWKWARDNESS

You know, I was in a bad place at that time since I had lost most of my other friendships as well. So I confess, I passive-aggressively said, “If you want to throw away our friendship over something like this, then fine. You’re not the first person to do that.” It was a guilt-trippy thing to say, but I can’t even express just how wronged I felt by this entire thing.

And she said: “If I’m not the first person, then maybe I’m not the problem. :P”

That single statement fucked me up for literally two years. I literally didn’t make any friends in college for two years because I hated myself and blamed myself for all of my relationships that didn’t work out. It took two years for me to figure out that even if I have made mistakes sometimes (which I definitely have, I have other stories), some people are also just shitty. Christine is one of those people.

That was about a week and a half before graduation. Unfortunately I did have one other falling out right before graduation, which probably reinforces what Christine said to me, right? But I promise you, the other falling out was because my closest friend told a very dark secret to someone who really shouldn’t have known, and it blew up into a really huge incident. I really didn’t do anything wrong to her, and she didn’t realize the gravity of what she had done until after the fact. (We’ve reconciled, actually!)

So...the end of the sob story is, I graduated high school on bad terms with all my best friends except one, who ended up getting bored of me six months later anyway. I’m in a much better situation now, but I think about that time a lot, now that I’m once again approaching graduation.

I can only provide my side of the story, so it is possible that things happened very differently from Bitch Christine’s point of view. But regardless of that particular incident, she was an extremely toxic, angry, manipulative person. She always found a way to blame other people for the way she felt, and between my dad and her, my confidence was stunted for a very long time. It really is for the better that my friendship with her ended, even if it took two years to get over it.