#since I don't think we can make progress where we stand.

[iwasntstable]

n.s. | is it true?

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summary: Always stubborn, Noah refuses to take a break when he's sick, but everyone's convinced you can persuade him.

content tags: fluff, like a smidge of angst, slight miscommunication.

word count: 3.1k.

note: I started this in September and have been thinking about it ever since so it was about time I finished it 🖤

All the text from Jolly said was, “Hey, can you come down to the studio?” And the first thing you hear as you approach the door is raised voices. 

“You tell him!”

“Tell who what?” You ask, entering into the chaos as the hum of noise is reduced to silence and every face in the room turns to look at you.

“Tell Noah he needs to stop pushing himself and go home and rest in bed,” Matt is the first to speak up.

"I don't need to fucking rest," Noah sighs, rubbing his brow.

"And why do I need to tell him that?" You ask.

"She doesn't need to tell me anything!"

"Noah, you're going to make things worse,” Jolly stands with his arms folded like an impatient father.

“Make what worse? What’s going on?” You look between the men in the room, searching each of their faces for answers.

“He’s sick, but he keeps pushing himself even though he can’t sing properly right now. He needs to go get some fucking rest at home or he’ll fuck up his voice!” Jolly explains.

“It’s fine!” Noah protests from his desk chair. Though he was only half facing you, you could see the dark circles under his eyes and the greyish pallor to his skin. “If I need to re-record it, I will, but it’s fine right now,” he continues, and you can hear the hoarseness in his voice. Matt pulls off his hat and runs his hand through his hair in frustration, then replaces the hat back on his head with a sigh.

“Noah, you’re not going to be able to re-record anything if you lose your fucking voice,” Jolly turns to you and states your name firmly. “Tell him.”

“Again, why do I need to tell him? Why would he listen to me if he’s not listening to you?" You know they’re right, but he’s stubborn; you don’t understand what would make your instructions different.

“He'll listen to you because he's fucking in love with you!" Matt shouts.

It was like the air suddenly became thick, and nobody says a word more as your eyes widen and flick straight to Matt. Then to Noah, where he sits wearing what you guess is the exact same expression as yours. Your eyes lock, and you can feel the panic radiating from him. Just as you’re about to speak, the question on the tip of your tongue goes left unsaid as Noah abruptly stands and shoulders his way past the other men. “Noah,” you try, but he’s steadfast in his pace; his shoulder brushes yours as he passes, and not once does he look back.

You watch as his silhouette grows smaller through the window in the door, watching even as he disappears around the corner and out of view. You only turn when Matt calls your name quietly.

"What the fuck was that about?" you all but shout. The men shuffle awkwardly on their feet and struggle to meet your eyes.

"He's sick and losing his voice, but he keeps pushing anyway. We kept telling him to go back home and rest, but he wouldn't listen." Jolly tries to avoid the question.

"Yeah, I get that,” you cast a glance at him. “What did you mean?" You ask Matt directly.

"What?" He responds like a deer caught in headlights.

"What did you mean when you said he'd listen to me because..." You couldn't say it; just the thought had your face growing hot.

"Look, Dierkes, you go. We're gonna go talk," Jolly nods at his friend and spins around the desk chair Noah was sitting in, taking the seat for himself at the computer.

Matt enthusiastically makes his exit. Gathering his bags, he all but runs out of the studio, out from under the weight of your gaze. When the door closes behind him, you sit in the chair next to Jolly, and he turns his own chair to face you.

"He's crazy about you," he starts without hesitation. You pick at the leather of the armrest as your heart begins to race. "He talks about you all the time. Honestly, I don't know how you haven't noticed. He's liked you for months."

"You're serious?" You ask, meeting his eyes, which hold nothing but sincerity.

"You can't say you haven't seen it even a little!” He tilts his head and leans back against the chair. “The way he looks at you, he drops everything for you. Always coming to your side whenever some weird guy flirts with you. He hasn't gone on a date in ages because he's waiting for you!" You bite your lip, unwilling to believe what you're hearing, until Jolly says quietly, "I know you feel the same too."

"What?!" you raise your voice automatically, wishing immediately that you didn't when you see him smiling knowingly at you.

"I see the way you look at him too, when he's not looking. You go bright red when he teases you. Just like you are now. You know I see everything.” You press your hands to your cheeks, and they feel like ice compared to the heat from your face. "You should go talk to him. At least convince him to take a fucking week off," he spins around in his chair, waving his hand and going back to the piece he was working on before all this.

You sit frozen to the spot for a moment trying to process what he'd just said. Noah likes you. He likes you back.

Jolly's voice rings in your head as you stand. "He's liked you for months." You head for the door, out of the building, and into your car on autopilot. Taking a deep breath before turning the key in the ignition and pulling out onto the road in the direction of Noah’s house.

The whole way your mind is racing. "He's crazy about you." You had no idea what you were going to say when you got there. "He talks about you all the time... the way he looks at you." You were telling yourself it wasn't true; it couldn't be. The man you've admired and apparently not-so-secretly adored all this time felt the same way? It was crazy. It couldn’t be true. And yet the concept still makes your heart race, and that treacherous heat makes your skin flush.

You find yourself parked outside his house, your car neatly on the drive right next to his. For several minutes, you go back and forth on whether to go in or just leave. The idea of really confronting him about this situation brings you nothing but anxiety, but the fact that he’s unwell and pushing himself so hard, the need to check on him and at least make sure he’s okay, brings you to his front door.

When you knock, there’s no answer. You wonder if he's watching you from the doorbell camera and choosing to ignore you. After knocking again, you decide to just use your key instead, hoping he won’t be too mad.

Inside, you find no signs of life. All the lights downstairs are off, and the house is statically silent as though it were totally empty. You’d think it were empty if not for Noah’s car parked outside.

You finally figure out where he is when you head upstairs and see the glow of purple LEDs leak from underneath his bedroom door. Your hand hesitates in a fist before you pluck up the courage to knock. No response. You knock a little louder, but still, no response.

Pushing the slightly ajar door open, you peek into his room, finding him lying in bed. Curled up under a blanket, fast asleep. You can’t help but smile at the peaceful sight. He must’ve been exhausted to fall asleep so quickly and deeply. You back out of his room and close the door softly, treading lightly as you go back down the stairs to the kitchen. 

You jump up to sit on the counter and rest your head back against the upper cabinets, closing your eyes. How could you be in this situation? You were content to never tell Noah about your feelings for him, and never ever did you expect your feelings to be reciprocated. You’re still convinced this is all some joke or a misunderstanding. He ran from that studio because he was humiliated by the thought of liking you. There’s no way Noah could want you the way you want him. But after what Matt and Jolly said, you’ll never be content until you know the truth. Even if he denies it, you still have the chance to salvage this friendship that’s so dear to you. He doesn’t know how you feel. It’s not too late to save this, and if he confesses... Shaking your head, you can’t even entertain that thought.

To distract yourself from the feeling of impending doom and to make yourself useful, you decide to cook. Pulling your phone from your pocket, a quick Google search suggests chicken noodle soup as a good option for someone who’s unwell. Warm, high in protein, easy to digest. You slide from the counter to rummage through the kitchen, mentally thanking whoever went grocery shopping recently for having everything you need for the simple recipe.

Following the instructions on your phone, you work quickly, having the food prepared in just over thirty minutes. After preparing a serving in a bowl and buttering some bread too, you balance both on a plate, almost forgetting the spoon before you go carefully back up the stairs.

You weren’t expecting him to be awake yet, but when you knock, he answers.

"Yeah?" His voice is hoarse and quiet even through the door.

"It's me," you say.

There's a brief moment of silence that has anxiety clawing at your throat before he replies, "Go away."

"Noah, please. I just-"

"Just go away," he rasped louder. "I don't wanna talk."

You sigh, feeling the urge to run, but you suppress it. "But I made you soup," you try, but he says nothing. "Can I at least come in and leave this for you?" Again, no response. You can’t help but sigh quietly. He can be stubborn as a bull at times. "I'm coming in. You better be decent," you try to joke. Once more, no response.

You toe the door open gently, stepping into the dim room to find Noah now rolled over in bed, his back to you, still cocooned in the blanket. Moving over some of the items on his desk—a coaster, a book with a dollar bill sticking out as a bookmark, a half-empty bottle of water, the TV remote—you set the food down. Seeing his phone next to him on the mattress, you take it and check the charge, 12%, and a text from Matt that read, “I’m sorry man.” You crouch down by the bed and put it on to charge, then replace it next to him on the mattress.

You stay there for a moment. Internally warring with yourself on whether you were really about to broach this topic. Ultimately, you decide you just have to know the truth.

"Noah, I know you don't wanna talk, but-"

"Good. Go then," his coarse words sting. True or not, sick or not, he had no right to snap like that. 

"Stop being so fucking harsh with me. I didn't have to come here for you, I didn't have to spend time in your kitchen making food for you, but I did. The least you could do is say thank you.” You wait for him to respond, waiting for an apology, but he says nothing.

The urge to run like Matt ran from the studio was strong; your legs flex under you, and you almost stand, but you don’t want to give him the satisfaction. More so, you don’t want to leave him when he's unwell.

"What they said back there," biting the bullet, your voice is quieter now. "Is it true?"

You didn't expect him to answer, what with his commitment to silence. So when that silence stretched on, you resigned yourself to his will. Standing and heading for the door, hand on the handle, you're stopped by his voice, "That's not how I wanted you to find out."

You pause, waiting to see if he'd continue, but he goes quiet again. "So, it is true?" But he returns to his silence. You go back over to his bed, crouching down again. "Will you talk to me? Please."

Noah doesn’t yield.

"I'm not mad or upset. I just want-" You cut yourself off, struggling to say the words out loud. "Jolly told me he sees the way you look at me, how you go out of your way to do things for me and talk about me all the time," he curls in on himself a little tighter under the blanket, hiding from your words. "He also said... how he sees the way I look at you when you're not looking... and how flustered I get when you tease me..." you trail off. Feeling your heart hammering so hard inside your chest that you can hear it in your ears. You honestly can't believe you just said that out loud.

Noah shifts under the blanket, straightening his legs and rolling onto his back, arm over his face, obscuring his eyes. "You're just saying that," he mumbles.

"Noah, I'm here in your room with homemade chicken noodle soup, even after you told me a million times to leave. Who else would I do that for?"

"You'd do it for Nicholas."

"I would not let Nicholas talk to me like that and walk away unscathed."

He laughs, rubs his eyes, and moves his arm, finally looking at you. He has a despondent expression on his face, but somewhere underneath is a slight smile. You smile softly, happy to finally see his face.

"I'm sorry," he tries, but you shake your head.

"Don't be,” you say, taking a deep breath. “I'd probably freak out too if you found out I love you like that."

"You- What?" He sits up a little straighter.

"Don't make me say it again," you groan and rest your forehead on the mattress.

Feeling the bed move, you look up to see him sitting upright and staring down at you. You move too to sit on the end of his bed. Silence once again fills the room, neither one of you knowing exactly what to say next.

Noah closes his eyes and runs a hand through his already messy hair. "Jolly told me so many times to just tell you, but I convinced myself there's no way you felt the same," he confessed.

You almost felt sick from the adrenaline racing through your veins. Looking down at your lap and playing with the sleeves of your hoodie. "Well, I do. He said the same to me too," you let out a bitter laugh. "Seems as though Joakim has been playing cupid." When you look back up, he still seems tense. "Noah, I'm not lying," you hold out your hand to him, which he takes and laces your fingers together. "I was never going to tell you because..." you hesitate again, but it’s too late to turn back now. "I never thought you'd like me back. I thought you'd laugh in my face. I don't deserve you."

"Don't say that. It's me who doesn’t deserve you. You're always so kind and generous,” he glances at the bowl of soup. “Even when I really don't deserve it."

"You do deserve it. You deserve kindness because you give so much kindness. Jolly was right, you do so much for me even when you don't need to. You drove me everywhere before I got my car, even when you were busy. Which I felt so fucking guilty for because I knew you had enough on your plate as it was."

"You know, I hated when you got that car," he smiled shyly. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "I wanted to drive you everywhere, all the time. Whenever you needed. I loved those times when we could just... be alone together," he sighed, not in sadness but in relief. A small smile on his lips.

You don’t think you could handle your heart racing any faster than it already was and decide to change the topic slightly. "How are you feeling, anyway?"

"Terrible, honestly. My throat is fucked. I don't know how I'm gonna finish recording."

"Yeah, you're not," you state. "You're gonna eat the delicious soup I made you, and you're gonna rest. No recording vocals until you're better. I’d say no producing until you’re better, but I think we’d have to detain you. Lock you in the bathroom or something,” you sadly break your hand apart from his and reach for the food on the side table as he chuckles under his breath. "What's so funny?" You ask.

Shaking his head, he says, "nothing. Just, they really were right, I do listen to you.”

Handing him the bowl, you smile teasingly at him, "because you love me."

"Yeah, I do," he smiles genuinely, caressing your hands briefly as he takes it from you to set it on his lap. "Can you stay?” he asks quietly. “I don't want you to go away. Will you sit with me?"

Your heart warms at his sincerity. “Of course I will.” You climb onto his bed and rest back against the headboard next to him in the space he made. A comfortable, familiar setting you’d both been in numerous times before. He leans over to the side table and tosses the TV remote onto your lap.

“Find something for us,” he says. You press the power button and load up Netflix to scroll through the categories as he eats. “Mm,” he hums with a mouthful of food. “This is so good, I should get sick more often. I didn’t know you could cook like this.”

“Yeah, don’t you dare,” you smile as you continue to scroll. The options turn into blurs as they pass by on the screen. Your mind was well and truly wandering at the thought of what was going to come next for you and Noah. Were you dating now? Did he even want that right now, or would it take time? These were all questions that would have to be asked and answered tomorrow. For now, you settled with the contentment that your current relationship wasn’t completely ruined and felt thrilled at the prospect of it becoming something more. 

“Oh!” Noah’s exclamation breaks your train of thought. “Remind me to beat the shit out of Matt the next time I see him.”

You break out in a laugh and lean in closer to his side. “Not if I get my hands on him first.”

This fic was inspired by the following randomly generated prompts, from this post!

꒰ 2 ꒱ “what they said back there. Is it true?” ꒰ L ꒱ relief ꒰ 𓅫 ꒱ the bedside of someone who doesn’t want you there

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[for-the-writing-artist]

I'm going to need some explanation as to why you think anyone would or should ever entertain telling the truth under either of the examples I've given. Unless I've misunderstood something here; I'm genuinely having trouble seeing what point you're making with this.

Alright. In case it was not clear, in your example you ask why you should ask forgiveness for something you do not think is wrong ─ lying. I counter that in the same example, to not lie imputes you a greater wrong. In a sense, I am agreeing with you, as was my intention with the examples above.

I hold that God can be cut and dry, that lying is wrong, and I also recognize when circumstances give reason for a lie, due to nuance/ambiguity of human situations. Hopefully this clears things up.

Definitions are descriptive, not prescriptive. That's one definition you can take for morality, sure. But morality is also the process by which we determine which actions are right or wrong. And it's all a social construct, subject to a myriad of factors and it often changes as we evolve and adapt to new situations.

Well, almost? Yes, human morality will change as often as we change, and that's all we can agree on.

Society's moral standard varied a lot! Human sacrifices were considered acceptable, women's rights, and inability to vote sparked the suffragette, and then later the feminist movement. The criminal justice system was created, along with law enforcement, to penalize even small things like, whether you are wearing a seat belt while driving.

But what is right or wrong does not change, because ─ and this is what I believe ─ society's construct of what currently is moral or immoral do not have the power to define right or wrong.

Nothing stated above tells me if [x] is right or wrong, so how can I subscribe to such volatile teachings, when today I am allowed to do x thing, and tomorrow I may not? Which, to me, doesn't seem like it denies the existence of a higher being? Argh, anyway.

*Enter God and Divinity, and why it makes more sense to have an eternal status of good (or moral) value ─ that exist regardless of our existence*

“Exists” is a word I'm hesitant to use here. Some people think that there's some intangible, ethereal abstract that is somehow present in the universe or whatever and I'm not comfortable adopting that without evidential warrant. Like I said, it's a social construct and subject to change, and if we imagine a universe with no thinking agents there could be no morality there. It exists as a philosophical concept, a brain pattern that we use to make decisions. By my definition, morally good actions promote well-being and reduce harm, but morality does not and cannot “do” anything on its own, instead needing variable input in order to do any kind of work.

Hmm, I get what you're saying, but even in the absence of our existence, two plus two would still equal four. It is an absolute truth, and, in the same way, morality (right) or immorality (wrong) transcend our existence. Lest, this is what I believe in. We don't need to exist for murder to be wrong.

You are aware that there are over 600 commandments in the Bible, right? I don't think I'm out of line in thinking that every time god says to do something it's meant to be a command. Certainly if you don't think so I could find any number of Christians who do, so I'd have yet another instance of not knowing who's right.

Slavery was very common in antiquity. The entire Eastern world at one point owned slaves. That is a fact. It was also very common to have multiple wives, something we know God abhors ─ yet it is written in the laws not only ways a man may treat his cohort of wives, but also how he can divorce one. Something God also abhors.

And you will, I guarantee you, find people calling themselves Christians out there that do believe polygamy is endorsed by God. It doesn't make them right.

And you know that slavery is wrong, but to my understanding the Bible fails to ever make that statement, so how did you come by that awareness? The god described by the Bible sure seems to be a fan. He's infallible, but you disagree with these passages. Why are you more moral than the perfect being you worship?

There are laws on how to treat slaves (Ex 21:1-2, 16, 26-27, Dt 23-15-16). There is also detailed punishment for whomever is found trafficking slaves (Ex 21:16, Dt 24:7).

With this latter part, along with the endorsements in 1 Timothy 1:10 and Galatians 3:28, coupled with the two greatest commandments, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” ─ Mark 12:30-31

The golden rule, “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” ─ Matthew 7:12-14, and God himself freeing the people of Israel from the slavery they endured in Egypt (Ex 1:8-13) ─ you can only claim that if you really want it to be true, somehow.

Christianity exhorts us to be freed from spiritual bondage, and it is in direct opposition to that, to condone someone be physically enslaved. If God wants us spiritually free of sin, He cannot want us physically enslaved to someone else.

And the irony, is that the Bible was used by both, to condemn and endorse slavery. One used the exact chapter you quote to claim God approved of slavery. The other used it to prove that God holds all lives in equal value, and that one is not inferior to another. (Galatians 3:28, Acts 17:26, Acts 10:34-35).

And this inferiority, God has never decreed.

So I've addressed your points, and the points of other people, and so far all we've done is looked at what people believe. A lot of claims, but I'd like to re-center the conversation around how anyone can show any of this to be true. Why do you believe? Why don't you believe in any of the other gods who are proposed to exist (I mean Krishna sounds like kind of a cool guy maybe...)? And why should I be convinced of any of it? I can tell you all day about why I'd refuse to worship a deity that commands genocide and slavery but we're still in the realm of hypotheticals if all you've got to stand on is a book full of unsubstantiated claims.

Indeed, this could turn into a back and forth on how God does not command slavery or genocide; and we could look at the history of things, like how the Bible has been used both in support and condemnation of slavery ─ and it would be good to research this part of history.

And none of it will answer if He is real, or why He is real, or how it should convince you. I don't think I came to argue about that.

I get that the burden of proof lies on me, and I would be genuinely interested in your reasons for why God isn't real. But a discussion can only go so far in unequal footing.

And, if by some miracle, it is proven without a shadow of doubt that God is real, and all your answers and reasons for disbelief disproved ─ would you acquiesce? Would you believe then?

Something is. Something exists that is higher than me, or you. It could be this Krishna, it could be God. But I cannot argue in favor of this, if you believe that Nothing exists (really weird, as nothing is the absence of something). I would need to disprove this Nothing to then argue in favor of Something.

@wayward-wren that other post was getting to be a chore to scroll through, so I hope you don't mind that I'm moving my responses to a new one. If I've missed something you'd really like a response to, just remind me about it and I'll do my best. I think I've pulled everything that I wanted to go over here.

> Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 1:22-23  "For Jews demand signs and Greeks seek wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles..." You're not alone in your skepticism, and that's why we have to rely on God.

I understand why you think that way, but my skepticism means that I can't rely on god. I can't appeal to something that hasn't met its burden of proof in order to explain other things that haven't met their burden of proof either. This just doesn't work, it's not a logical conclusion to make. In the absence of evidence for the claims, I must reject them until they can be shown to be true.

> Where does your morality come from? You can't claim God is evil without defining what evil is. Is evil hurting others? Then being a personal trainer would be evil, because exercise hurts.

This is hard to explain briefly. I mean, philosophers have been trying to nail down morality for about as long as all of written history. But what we see is that morality is an ever shifting social construct. There are things that we understand now to be morally bad which were seen as good or neutral in the past. And in the future I'm sure there are things we won't look upon favorably that are totally fine today.

Morality can't exist in a vacuum, so it needs a goal in order to sort of ground it. For me, it starts simply; the goal is to promote human flourishing and well-being while mitigating as much harm and suffering as possible. The evidence that this is a worthwhile goal is this: we, and even other mammalian species, have an awareness that individual suffering diminishes the chances of group survival, so in order to make sure we all flourish we ought to care for one another.

So I really don't believe in evil, though this might be a semantic point. With respect to my goal stated above, how can I see any moral value to a commandment that tells me that people should be used as property? This degrades and dehumanizes both subject and master, maybe even irreparably, and does nothing to promote human flourishing.

And this view is capable of accounting for nuance, whereas "don't look at someone and think they're sexy," is a harsh, black and white statement that amounts to thought crime, which is something that has no use other than to mentally dominate people and make them subservient. And for what? Thoughts like this cause no harm as long as the thought doesn't lead to any external, non-consensual action, and most of the time if not all, they're completely involuntary. It's control for the sake of control without even approaching being a moral value.

The nuance comes in as well with your personal trainer example, though I'd argue that the trainer is not harming directly but guiding a person through a process that will indeed cause some self harm, but with a positive goal. It's contractual and the recipient knows that the slight harm is to their benefit. Similarly, we consent to surgery which can be very risky harm, with the goal of becoming well. Absolute, black and white commands don't leave room for this and should ultimately be rejected in favor of a reasoned approach that takes all available information into account.

If god commands us not to lie, did he know that in 1930's Germany a great number of compassionate people, often devoted believers, would hide people in their homes who were taking refuge from a fascist regime? Did he expect those people who lied to the officers banging at their door, in order to protect innocent lives, to beg his forgiveness for misleading men with murder and torture in their minds? If my friend is in an abusive relationship and they've come to my place to call for help, and their enraged partner comes to me asking where my friend is, what forgiveness do I need for telling them that my friend isn't there? I've done no wrong, but this imperative given with no caveats or grey areas allowed brands me with the title of sinner and I object. Real life application of morality is rarely, if ever, as cut and dry as these ancient edicts would imply.

> If there is a God who created the world and is so much more powerful than the beings He created, why can't he make the rules?

I don't think that there is a god, or that the world was created, but to entertain the hypothetical; of course, I'd have no choice but to accept that those are the rules, but I'd also have no obligation to follow the rules if I have the free will you say I do. I don't necessarily believe in free will, but I would never follow an immoral command. If a god told me to go and do a genocide on the Canaanites or to keep slaves, for example, I would have all the information I needed to conclude that this god is a tyrant and undeserving of obedience or worship. I'd be damned, but my conscience would be clear.

> The thing with Christianity, is it's a story of God reaching to man. Every single other religion is man reaching to God. Every single other religion is a works based religion. Every single other religion is focused on how we can be Good Enough for God.

I don't have much to say here, except this: do you know every single other religion that has ever existed? Have you studied the Vedas of Hinduism, or whatever texts are foundational to Shintoism? How about ancient religions of fallen civilizations lost to time? Is it not more than a little bit dishonest to make broad, sweeping claims about "every single other religion," especially when your own's adherents can hardly agree among one another on what the official doctrine demands? These things are complicated and we shouldn't make such generalizations given the vast amount of study one would have to go through in order to truly know what you're claiming to know here.

[hunnylagoon]

Right Where You Left Me

Pt 2: Jailbird

Ellie Williams x reader

I want to write a poem about you but I’m afraid it won’t be enough. I almost feel ashamed that I want you to fit into a word because we both know that you are beyond anything that can be put on paper.

Premise: You and Ellie were childhood friends before you drifted apart. Funny thing about soulmates is that they tend to find there way back to each other. While you both visit home for winter break, events unfold and it is no longer possible to avoid each other.

Warnings: Angst / homophobia / brief violence / reader has religious issues

Part one here!

Part three here!

Part four here!

I may have been wrong to say that I could never hate Ellie. Fuck she was vicious, in the most passive-aggressive way too. She's so sly about it that I can't even get mad without seeming irrational.

Winter break finally rolled around and I had yet to make any progress with Ellie it was whatever the opposite of progress is. If she wanted to hate me, that was fine, I could do the same, I could be petty. It's now December and all of this bullshit started in September, she could hardly be courteous.

Fuck her.

I had survived mid-terms and finals but the way Ellie was acting had me skipping happily towards the edge. She will wash a whole sink of dishes and leave just my fork, or Venmo request me if I ate one of her grapes. Everything had gotten worse when Dina, Abby, and Cat all left to visit their families for winter break leaving just Ellie and I, without the girls there to hold us to the house rules we were at each other's throats.

She was foaming at the fucking mouth to tear me apart. There was no level-headed Abby or fun-loving Dina, not even Cat who was just mellow. Just me and Ellie verbally abusing each other. "Fuck off, with your wild animal teeth," I spat, slamming the dish cupboard closed with a loud thud.

"Wild animal teeth?" She repeats "Wow, you're getting creative, I'll give you that," Ellie's gaze held a certain bitterness "Heard you were on your knees again last night and I don't mean praying."

My eye almost twitches at her words and it takes everything in me not to throw a ceramic bowl at her. I hated her, I hated her freckled face, and eyes as sharp as knives, just hearing her raspy voice, and seeing her sardonic smile made me want to keel over and let the earth wrap me in her flourishing greenery. I often wanted that to happen. I was trying to refrain from going home as I didn't want to spend the entire break with my family but I was starting to think nothing was better than this, I was set to leave the following day (Christmas Eve) anyway but I was seconds away from grabbing my bag and jumping into my car. "Can you just learn to be fucking civil?"

"Why would-

"Because we were sixteen years old when that stupid shit happened!" I spat "You're holding a grudge from when we were sixteen," I reiterated, searching her features for some sign that I'd gotten through to her.

"It's not like you've changed since any of that happened." She stands, unnervingly calm on the other side of the kitchen island. "You were always awful since we were young, always crying, always emotional, always explosive, my dad said you're like a birch tree, one spark and you burst into flames."

"Fuck off."

"You always had to have the attention," Her eyebrows furrow "Nothing was your fault, blame being fucking erratic and insane on your parents."

"You don't know my parents half as well as you think you do."

"What don't I know about them? They've been in my life as long as you have."

"Ellie, stop," I say, suddenly I'm taken away from the mood to fight, I just want to scream into my pillow.

"What?" She asks "You're going to say some shit like 'they aren't loving'  or 'you wouldn't get it' Please, enlighten me, what wouldn't I get?" She moves closer just an inch or so "Wow, your life sounds so hard, you have two parents who love each other and a huge fucking house, oh shit," Sarcasm drips from her tone "Maybe it's that trust fund that's taking a toll on you."

"Please, stop."

"You could commit every crime known to man and you would still be their pride and joy, there is nothing you could say or do that would make them hate you-

"Here we go with your 'life is so fucking hard and I'm edgy and indie and I have a sad backstory that I'll bring up every second sentence even though I was seven when it happened' " I mock her.

She bites the inside of her cheek and I can tell that I've struck a nerve "You know when my lease-

"Don't even worry about it," I move out from the kitchen and begin towards my room, Ellie's eyes are trailing me "The minute my lease is up, I'm packing my shit and moving into student housing so I won't have to look at your fucking face while I'm eating!" I slam my bedroom door behind me.

I left that night, I couldn't bear the sound of her guitar strums, so repetitive it made me want to slam my head through the drywall.

You better believe that I cried my entire way home while blasting Julien Baker. My mother was pleasantly surprised to see me at her doorstep a day early, I knew Ellie would be coming down sometime tomorrow to spend the Holidays with her family, I didn't know when, I just knew that I didn't want to see her.

I never even told my parents that Ellie was my roommate and they hadn't heard it from Joel as they drifted when Ellie and I were fifteen.

My bedroom was exactly how I left, I cuddled into my twin bed that night sinking into the absolute silence of the the snowfall, with my dog Dusty curled at my side. I always loved the snow, the way it acted as soundproofing for the earth, when I was little I would just sit in the backyard so I could hear the birds sing in their purest and truest form.

Christmas Eve was dull to begin with, to say the least; my mom made Christmas tree-shaped waffles as she did every year, I was then dragged to an excruciatingly long church sermon. When we returned home I was sent to shovel the driveway, turns out visiting home from college doesn't excuse you from chores. I knew Ellie had arrived when I saw her grey sedan in Joel's driveway as well as Tommy's Range Rover. Bundled up in mittens and a hand-knitted scarf that Naomi gave to me I felt really tough giving the middle finger to Ellie wherever she was in Joel's house.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Elijah was cackling in the doorway. Dusty I happily bounding through the snow, paying to mind to my brother.

I immediately dropped my arm, trying to play nonchalantly "Uh, shoveling the driveway?"

His laughter only grew "You look so stupid," He huffed between cackles "You're standing in a foot of snow in the driveway giving Mr. Miller's house the middle finger in your cute little mitts."

"Say that louder, no one could hear you," I say, sarcastically.

"Hear ye, hear ye-

My eyes go wide and I drop the shovel to form a snowball and deck it at my brother "Shut up!"

"Ow!" He flinches, and his track and field hoodie from high school is now covered in powdered sleet. "Whatever," He yanks his hoodie off to shake the snow off of it "Just finish the driveway so we can watch a movie or something, I haven't seen you in months, Naomi and Aaron haven't shut up about you all holiday break."

I give him a mitted thumbs up before I try to speed run the shovelling, albeit slipping on black ice more than a few times. When I came back inside, I needed to change, my parka was dripping with snow that had melted into water.

I bundle up into sweatpants and an old soccer t-shirt. Being in my old room digs up memories pinned on my wall with bright thumbtacks year after year of photos of my soccer team, in every single one Ellie and I have our arms slung over each other. We're smiling wide and not focusing on the camera but on one another. I tear the picture away from the thumbtacks and throw them into a random shoe box that sits at the bottom of my closet. After that, I take down every artifact I have of Ellie, the drawings she made me, drafts of songs we wrote together, and t-shirts she left in my drawers, I throw it all into a Rubbermaid storage bin.

Though I leave the little wood carvings that Joel made for me alone.

My family's famous Christmas Eve dinner rolled around and I couldn't believe how excited I was, I'm not the best cook and despite me and my mother going through spats every other day, she was one hell of a good chef and I had spent months craving her honey roasted carrots and creamy mashed potatoes.

Please don't judge me when I say this, but we are the family that dresses up for dinners at home. Nothing black tie, just something a little dapper, one time I wore jeans to our family dinner and I was grounded for a week.

I finished zipping up my white sundress and I let my little sister tie a matching bow into my hair, when she saw what I was wearing she changed into her white dress which was ankle length while mine fell right above my knees.

"Oh, my sweet girls are matching again," My mom fawns over us "Let me get a picture of this cute little moment," I smile for the picture, and Naomi does the same, hooking an arm around my midriff. "Adorable," Mom looks at the picture before tucking her phone into her pocket "Now girls, please set the table."

Even though I hadn't been at home for months, setting the table was like muscle memory to me, Naomi put the placemats down, and then I did the dinner plate and salad plate, Naomi would place the napkins and cutlery then I would set glasses and pour everyone water from the pitcher. By the time we finished setting the table everyone aside from my mother and Elijah were at the table, early awaiting what was sure to be a filling dinner.

Slowly but surely my mom brought the dishes with Elijah, placing them all through the center of the dining table. After everything was placed my father, who sits at the head of the table cleared his throat, that was his signal for everyone to join hands. "Dear God, We gather today with grateful hearts to thank you for this food before us. We appreciate the effort and resources that have provided us with this nourishment. May this meal sustain our bodies and remind us of the many blessings in our lives. We are thankful for the love of family and friends who surround us and for the abundance we enjoy. Bless this food, our time together, and those who prepared it. May it strengthen us physically and spiritually. This is your body, this is your love. We thank you for feeding us with your gracious hands. In Jesus' name, we give thanks and pray. Amen."

"Amen," My family repeats before we all ravishingly fill our plates with chicken, maple-roasted mushrooms, buttered green beans, bread rolls, and mashed potatoes. I was eating so fast, I was shocked that I didn't spill anything on myself.

"So, have you met any cute boys at college?" My mother asks me, she is the only one eating politely "I'm sure you could get a real smart guy with those looks of yours."

My father nods "Just make sure he's Christian."

"Or catholic," My mother adds.

I laugh awkwardly in response, I take a sip of my water, the condensation making it slippery in my hands. Elijah gives me an odd look that goes unnoticed by my parents.

"I think we should drop off some bread or cookies or something to the Miller's, just something to say hi while Tommy and Maria are still there." My mom tells us, she isn't speaking to anyone in particular.

"Is Ellie there right now?" Aaron asks.

Elijah shrugs "Probably, her car is in the driveway."

Now Naomi is looking at me "We should invite her over for New Year's or something if she's staying for the rest of break."

My dad shakes his head "I don't know if that's a good idea," All eyes fall on him "It's just- I think she's a bit of a bad influence." He takes a swig of his wine and attempts to suppress a burp but fails. I press my lips into a thin line and look down at my plate to hold in my laughter, Elijah does the same beside me.

"I don't remember Ellie being a bad influence," Aaaron furrows his eyebrows, racking his brain to think of a time that she had done their family wrong.

"It's just that there were rumours of her having-" My father searches for the words "Unnatural tendencies I suppose, and I tried to talk to Joel about it but he got defensive and said that she didn't need fixing, that's how I lost my best fishing buddy."

My mom looks at the discomfort on all of her children's faces "I mean, we all need a bit of fixing."

Dad is quick to catch on "Oh, yeah, of course, I mean it's not just Ellie," He fumbles over his words "And it's not her fault that she's that way, I think It's because she lost her mother when she was young so she got confused about the parental roles, Joel never remarried and he didn't date around much so Ellie didn't have a proper mother figure, it's not her fault she's a dyke and there's still time to fix it if she wants to choose the right path."

Stillness falls over the table, I had never heard silence quite this loud. Even my mother is at a loss for words. All of my siblings are darting our eyes at one another, we don't utter a single word but we understand each other clearly 'Dad actually said it'.

He noticed this and tried to backtrack on his words "I'm not a bad guy, I mean we've all read the bible cover to cover, we know it's a sin. I'll wrap this up, you all know that we love you no matter what and all I'm saying is I'm glad we could distance ourselves away from it."

"Hey Dad, did you watch the Canucks game last week?" Elijah swoops in to change the topic. It's too late, a wave of sickness has already overtaken me.

While my family discusses nothing in particular, trying to ignore what Dad said, I am sick to my stomach, I push my plate away and prop my elbow the the table for my hand to support my head. I am nearly shaking. My dull eyes peer across the table and meet my father's drowsy gaze.

"Honey, are you feeling alright?" My mom pauses whatever conversation she is enwrapped in.

I don't respond, I don't know how.

My family's eyes find a resting place on my figure. Mom pushes herself away from her chair and walks over to me, she places one hand between my shoulder blades, the other takes my cold hand and she slowly rubs a circle on my back to comfort me. "Sweetness, whatever is repressed inside, say it, let it out, we're all family."

Naomi nods in agreement, her wide eyes full of concern. "I don't know how to say it," I tell them.

"Air it out," My dad says, finishing off his glass of wine and pouring himself another "Today is the perfect day, tomorrow is the birth of Jesus, a fresh start."

My heart is racing faster than it ever has before, faster than when I broke my wrist in Ellie's backyard or when I had been on a rollercoaster for the first time. "I like girls," I say, my voice is quiet, and my three words take my family with silence. My mother freezes and takes a step back, her comforting hands leaving me.

"You're joking," My dad scoffs "Tell me this is a joke and you're normal."

"I can't," My voice cracks and I can already tell that the tears are oncoming. I think briefly back to Ellie's words 'There is nothing you could say or do that would make them hate you' if only she could see what was about to happen.

"All of those sleepovers with Ellie?" He is disgusted, his face contorting with horror "Were you dating her?"

"no-

"How can I believe anything you say, you lied to us for nineteen years when you knew you were sick."

"Dad, I'm not sick-

"How many sinful acts have you done under this roof?"

"None, I swear," I shake my head, it took less than a minute for me to be filled with regret at my words. I shouldn't have even come home for the holidays, actually, I never should've found Dina's listing and jumped at the deal.

"Get out," Any light tone in my dad's voice is gone, replaced by pure resentment.

"What?"

"You heard me, get out."

"Dad, it's Christmas Eve-

"Get out!" His voice rumbles through the dining room like thunder "I thought we fixed this phase when we sent you to boarding school."

"Please, dad-

"Get up and get out or I'm going to make you,"

"Fine- make me," Tears prick in my eyes but I cross my arms trying to muster up that false coolness Ellie is so good at feigning.

My dad slams his glass down so hard that it shakes the table, and the partially empty wine bottle my parents had been nursing all night is knocked over by the abruption, tipping over the deep red liquor to travel down the tablecloth and drip onto what was once my pure white dress. "Get up!" He grabs a fistful of my hair and I scream from the shock of pain. He yanks me off my chair and my face slams against the hardwood when his arm slumps, impact heavy from the sudden drop, it doesn't take long for my nose to start bleeding. He drags me to the door pushing it open; my siblings don't do anything they're petrified in horror and my mother begins to cry, covering her eyes from the scene before her.

My dad doesn't stop at the door, I thrash on the ground and he pulls me over both of my hands trying to pry his away from the roots of my hair, he drags me into the snow, finally releasing me. I shake as my hand gently finds the way to my burning scalp where I fully believe he has pulled out clumps of my hair with his harsh and unforgiving grasp.

From the doorway the rest of my family watches, Naomi has a hand covering her mouth her doe eyes brimming with tears of her own. My father disappeared into the house, it didn't take long to see what he was doing he slammed the window to make the bedroom open and began to throw all of my belongings out of the window. My pictures, my old soccer uniform, armfuls of clothes from my old beaten dresser, candles, books, paints, and shredded posters were torn straight off my wall.

"Dad, stop, I'm sorry, I'll get better!" I am on my knees, hands clasped together pleading with him. My skin is burning from the contact with the snow, I know that it must be a horrific sight to behold. White sundress, stained with wine, tangled hair, red-tinged skin, puffy eyes and incoherent sobs.

The snow makes everything so quiet the only sound travelling through the night are my sobs. I can no longer see my father in my bedroom, he is coming back down and somehow that is worse, he pushes past my family and throws the presents I was supposed to receive on Christmas morning beside me, I flinch at the movement.

"I'm sorry!" I plead like I'm bargaining with the Grimm Reaper for my life "Give me a job and I'll do it, just tell me what to do to get better!" The screaming carries through the night, alerting the neighbours in what was supposed to be a calm and quiet neighbourhood. Across the street, Joel turns on his porch light, squinting his eyes at the scene on the opposing lawn and trying to make sense of it. "I want to get better!" I shake with every sob. I could hear my dogs barking from the loud noises.

My dad shakes his head "You're too far gone, I didn't raise a fucking dyke," He is almost crying himself, he doesn't mourn for the daughter that he has but the daughter that could've been. The daughter who donned white every Sunday for church and settled down with a nice family man, a daughter who was holy but in this moment I am the purest form of holiness, born again from the violence of my father.

"Dad, I was created in God's image, why would he create his child to be this way if it was so wrong?"

"You're a fucking mistake is what you are," He seethes "Get off my property or I'm calling the cops."

"You still have my bags!" I scream and I watch him retreat to get them "Are you going to do anything at all?" I search my family for any sign of life but they all avert their eyes from mine. My father comes back out, and he throws my purse and suitcase on the lawn, this time both of them hit me, talking about kicking someone when they're down.

My dad begins to usher the family inside "I never want to see you again, get your ass up and start working, I'm not paying for you to fuck around with women instead of getting an education."

"That's it?" I cry "You won't come to my wedding or meet my kids? What about my funeral?"

"Not as long as you're with a woman." With that, he slams the door behind him and locks it. I let out another guttural sob, I've already cried so much that it's beginning to hurt within my stomach. I take a deep and shaky breath in, wiping the tears away from my eyes with my freezing hands, I'm sure to catch hypothermia if I don't warm up. I look up to see my neighbours all around either watching from their window or in the Miller family's case, the front porch. I'm sure that someone has already called the police.

"Let me in, I'm sorry!" I scramble off the ground and begin to bang on the door. Shaking the handle "Let me in!" This goes on for longer than I would've liked, I hammer on the door and scream as loud as I can but they all ignore me. Eventually, I stand by the window and slam my hands on it "Let me in or give me my fucking dog, you can't take care of him!"

I knew I was fucked when I heard sirens. It only made sense for the neighbours to call the cops at this disturbance.

I'm going to do you all a favour and tell you some useful information; when the police arrive and you don't wanna seem guilty, don't try to drive away from the scene because you might just end up getting handcuffed and shoved into the back of a police car for your childhood bestfriends family to watch from their front row seats.

"Prison life isn't for me," I wallow as I press myself against the bars of the holding cell. There are two other women in the cell with me and they both snigger. One of their names is Lucia, and she has bronze skin and brown hair so dark that it almost looks black with gold hoop earrings the size of my head, I don't know the other woman's name but she looks significantly older and has stringy blonde hair, the wrinkles of her face drooping.

"Honey, this isn't prison, you'll live another hour," Lucia sits on the uncomfortable bench, her arms crossed, she's kind of hot to be blunt.

"You reek of liquor though," Blondie cackles and I catch a glimpse of her rotting yellow teeth, what's the opposite of pearly whites? Golden nuggets? Something like that.

"Because I got wine spilled on me," I retort. I had been crying before they even placed me in the cell, wailing so loud that I was annoying the officers. I was so upset and starved for affection that I hugged the officer who detained me, babbling incoherently about how my life was ruined, I don’t even blame them for arresting me, I looked like a crackhead trying to break into a nice suburban home. “I'm not drunk."

"Could've fooled me," Lucia smirks, she's wearing a black tank top and skinny jeans. I wasn't a fan of skinny jeans but she was converting me.

I fell asleep hugging myself on one of the uncomfortable metal benches with chipped blue paint, when I woke up, it was Christmas, even though it didn't feel like it. I saw the snowfall outside of the windows on the other side of the cells. Lucia had told me just before she was released that they had the right to hold you longer over holidays, I wanted to weep all over again.

Blondie got removed from the cell too and I was all alone. The only thing that kept me sane was pretending I was Katniss or Lucy Gray, if they had survived the Hunger Games, I could survive this. I genuinely thought my life was over and I was getting sent to prison for hammering on my dad's door and screaming.

With each hour that ticked by, my profound sense of loneliness only grew. The sounds of distant laughter flitted through the hall and I am reminded of the world that lies beyond the metal bars. I wonder what my family is doing at this moment, every voice that I hear acts as a reminder of the love I had jeopardized. I lost Ellie, I lost Conner, and now I had lost my family.

I think about praying to god for a moment though I discard the thought. If he was real why did he let that happen to me? Maybe forgiveness and redemption were not necessary.

"Crybaby, call someone to pick you up," Officer Reid who initially arrested me and interrogated me began to unlock the cell, "Charges are dismissed." He had been calling me Crybaby since I was stuffed in the back of the police car and wailing uncontrollably.

"Like for real?"

He was in fact, for real. I was brought to a landline phone and my hands acted faster than my head, dialling the number of someone I would trust with my life, I just prayed that the number hadn't changed.

After making my call I was told to go to a weird booth thing to collect my effects, where an old and very judgmental woman dumped my few belongings out of an envelope. I wish I knew the technical names for this stuff but it's not like I've been arrested before this one off occasion. She looked at each of the items, stating what it was while she took inventory of it. "Smartphone, lipgloss, a single gold earring, and a cross necklace," She marks something down and then turns the paper around and holds out a blue pen for me to take "Sign here."

My phone had died already, I was missing an earring, and the cross had failed me, all I had left to rely on was my cover girl lipgloss. I sat in that stark grey room for what seemed like hours, everyone seemed miserable as I am, at least I wasn't the only person having a not-so-merry Christmas.

Holy shit, I was still disgusting. I was sticky and freezing, still in the wine-ruined white dress, there was still dried blood on my face despite my pestering Lucia to help me get it off. My hair is tangled, the bow that my sister had tied in lost somewhere in the snow. I haven't looked in a mirror but I know I look rough from the side glances that everyone is casting me. I can't imagine the dark bags beneath my red, puffy eyes to be any sort of appealing.

The sterile waiting room is beginning to get on my nerves, I flinch at every movement and hold onto hope that every person walking through the door is the person I'm waiting on. I try my best to avert my eyes from the clock so time doesn't drag on any longer than it already is.

By the time Joel gets here, the sun is beginning to set, his eyes frantically search the room until they land on me, I'm already standing up and walking toward him. "Kiddo, are you okay?"

My lip quivers and it feels like every awful thing I've ever felt is going to seep through my teeth. My head falls onto his chest but this time I don't cry, I think I've run out of tears "I have nothing ahead of me."

Joel doesn't ask questions, he just hugs me in return, resting his chin on the top of my head, there is the comfort I had been so desperately searching for.

He signs release papers and he guides me to his red Ford Explorer. When I called him I asked him to bring me shoes as I was barefoot when I was detained, being the number one dad that he was, he brought a reusable grocery store tote bag, containing a hoodie, sneakers, fuzzy socks, sweatpants and a bag of my favourite chips. I slip the sweats on underneath my dress while the hoodie goes overtop, I awkwardly unzip it and shimmy it off, stuffing it into the tote bag.

The drive back to his house begins and he turns on the radio, trying to make lighthearted chatter "Thanks for coming to get me," I say, my voice is quiet and I pull my knees to my chest like as I tend to do when I get nervous "You can just drop me off at my car and I'll be out of your way."

"Sorry, kiddo," He says, eyes focused on the road "You're staying with me tonight, I don't want you driving these roads in the dark and it'll be good for you to have a hot shower and a warm meal, get some sleep somewhere that's not a holding cell."

"It's just that-

"If you still want to leave in the morning that's up to you but you shouldn't end your Christmas alone," Each word seems so genuine "And you know I would gladly have you stay with me three hundred and sixty-five days a year."

I look at him, a soft melancholic smile on my face, "Thank you," I say.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

A sigh falls from my lips "What happened to all of my stuff that was left on the lawn?"

"Tommy and Ellie brought it all inside."

Ellie brought it back inside? Did she actually give a shit or was this something her dad ordered her to do? "Did my dad say anything to you?"

Joel shakes his head "Maria went barging on his door, those two were in a screaming match for a good two minutes before he locked the door on her. Hasn't been outside since, everyone in the neighbourhood has been coming by to ask what happened."

"Even Sharron?" I ask Joel, wrinkling my nose in distaste.

"Even Sharron," He solidifies. Sharron was the grouchy crone of the street, shutting down every party, cussing out teenagers from her porch, and yelling at barking dogs "She said she was worried about you." The windshield wipers painted rhythmic patterns across the glass, clearing a path through the soft snow that continued to fall.

"She's not worried about me, she's worried I'm on drugs and I'll break into her musty home to steal all of her hummels."

Joel huffs a laugh "I can't believe that I used to let her babysit you and Ellie."

"Me neither, you should be paying for my therapy." I tease.

He chuckles at my words, "So you're majoring in wildlife biology?"

"You remembered what I wanted to major in?"

"Of course I did."

"Hey, Mookie!" Tommy wraps his arms around me the moment I set foot in the door. He's called me Mookie since I was a little girl, it started when I couldn't pronounce monkey and thus Mookie was born. "Let me get a good look at you," He pushes me back just the slightest hands clasped on my shoulders "Look at that bruise you've got on your cheek, looking awful tough, like those greasers you used to read about."

"Look at that, Mookie grew up," Maria greets me with a warm smile, pushing Tommy away to hug me "Good to see you made it through prison alive," She jests.

Joel's house is exactly how it was when I left.

The air carried the familiar scent of firewood and lavender incense. In the living room, an inviting fireplace stood as the heart of the home. Its gentle crackle and the dancing flames provided a soothing backdrop to the overstuffed couches adorned with cozy blankets and throw pillows, worn from years of shared family movie nights. A well-loved rug covered the wooden floor, its pattern a mosaic of memories and spills easily forgiven and of course, a coffee table hand-crafted by Joel and intricately carved.

The shelves lining the walls were a treasure trove of family history. Photographs in mismatched frames captured smiling faces frozen in time, chronicling the evolution of Ellie through the years. A collection of well-read books, their spines creased and pages worn, stood proudly, offering a glimpse into the literary adventures that had unfolded within those walls.

The kitchen, the heart of many childhood homes, held the lingering aroma of Christmas dinner. The countertops, scarred from countless meals prepared and shared, were a testament to the love that had gone into creating family dinners. A worn wooden table in the center of the room bore witness to the countless conversations, celebrations, and moments of solace shared over shared meals.

"You know what, when I was around your age, I spent my fair share of time in the cooler, good to see you're taking after me," Tommy winks and gives me a hard pat on the back. Neither of them acknowledges the reason behind last night's events and somehow it feels worse than talking about it.

"We've just finished up making dinner, I'm sure you're hungry," Maria smiles softly, taking my hand into her calloused one.

"Yeah, I'm starving," I smile in return and trail behind the blonde woman to the dining table.

All of the plates are laid out with portions of food on each one, Ellie is sitting alone, spooning mashed potato into her mouth while she texts someone, she glances up at me and offers nothing more than a tight-lipped smile and awkward wave before going back to her phone. Tommy comes by with a tray of garlic butter rolls and uses tongs to add more onto my plate "Don't think I've forgotten how much you love these."

I grin up at him, I'm sitting in the same chair I sat in all those years ago when I Ellie and I would settle down after spending all day in the sun, Joel would ask us what we wanted for dinner and almost every time we would shout hotdogs.

"Good to have you back," Joel nods to me "House always felt a little empty without you."

I always felt a little empty without this house "Good to be back," I smear some mashed potato onto Tommy's famous garlic butter bread rolls.

I feel almost sick with nostalgia as I look around the dining room, Joel still had Ellie's crafts from elementary school hung up and if you look closely, you find little clues that I've left behind; proof that I once existed as a girl beneath this roof. There's a dent in the wall from the time I stood on my chair to catch a spider and accidentally fell over, my head hitting right into the wall, Ellie was laughing too hard to help me.

"So what school do you go to?" Maria asks me, washing down her pot roast with some ice water.

"Northridge actually," At my words, Ellie's head perks up, she's looking dead at me with a look of fear in her eyes.

"Oh, Ellie goes there!" Tommy smiles "She never mentioned that you do too."

Ellie is silently pleading with me, I know she doesn't want me to tell her family that she's been borderline tormenting me as my roommate and sending me to bed with tears in my eyes. I didn't plan on telling them anyway "That's funny, I guess we just keep missing each other."

Joel set up an air mattress in Ellie's room, that's when it became clear to me that he had no idea just how bad the fallout was between us. I hate to say that I missed her room and all of the memories we shared in it.

Ellie's bedroom resembled something of a teen guy who'd never gotten laid before. She had a navy comforter, her shelves were lined with comics and novels, I know for a fact that she'd read every single one of them. Her desk was always a mess, covered in pages of poetry and sketches that she had torn out from her journal. Almost every inch of her walls is covered in posters of bands, movies and her nerdy video games.

I was fresh out of the shower, finally in my clean clothes that I had dug out of my suitcase. I got to charge my phone too, there was an overwhelming number of messages.

D-Manz: HAPPY CHRISTMAS BITCH!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU AND CAN'T WAIT TO PARTY WHEN WE GET BACK

Jesse: Merry Christmas, hope your day isn��t shit! 😁😁😁

Riley: Merry Christmas! Hope you're having fun at your new school!

Abs: Merry Christmas and stay safe!

Kayla: Missing you girl ☹️ so excited for that staff party!

Kit-Cat: Merry Christmas, don't have too much fun without me

Yara: Merry Christmas ❤️ this probably isn't the time but I was hoping you could send over your notes from the last conservation lecture, just wanna text you before I forget!

566-460-4374: I got your number from Kyle, this is Roderick, I saw you last night and wanted to check up on you, hope everything is okay and merry Christmas.

Lindsey: Hey, haven't talked to you in a while but my parents said some stuff went down, just wanna make sure you're okay.

Ellie: Lmk if you need a ride back to our place

Ellie: Don't know if you can even see this but I got all of your stuff off the lawn, I promise it's safe 👍

Naomi: I'm so sorry

Naomi: I didn't think that would happen

Naomi: I didn't know what to do

Naomi: I love you

Aaron: U good?

Naomi: Please don't hate me, I'm sorry I didn't do anything

Elijah: Sorry but I wish you didn't tell Dad that

Naomi: I'll try to talk to Dad

Elijah: Hope you're safe

Elijah: Call me when you can

Still, there wasn't any word from either of my parents. I replied returning well wishes and assuring everyone that I was okay, I turned my phone onto Do Not Disturb and began to watch the Hunger Games on my phone. The room would've been pitch black if it wasn't for the blue light from my screen and the gentle beams of moonlight gliding through the window.

Ellie walks into the room after she finishes with her shower, she's in sweatpants and an old hoodie that she got from a rodeo, I had the same one, and we bought them together. I glance up at her before looking back at my movie and pulling the quilt further up my body. "You still like the Hunger Games?"

"Yeah," I say, being as brief as possible.

"You should take my bed and I'll sleep on the air mattress," Ellie says while she ties her hair into a low ponytail.

"I'm fine here, thanks."

"Seriously," Ellie is standing awkwardly at the foot of her bed, waiting for me to do something.

I shut my phone off and turned on my other side to face away from her "Just go to bed."

Ellie runs her hands down her face in frustration, she's starting to feel like an asshole "Please take the bed, it's the least I can do." I ignore her so she speaks again "I am begging you," She tells me bluntly "I feel like a dick and it would make me feel better if you just took the bed."

"You are a dick," I answer, she should've seen this response coming from a mile away.

"Please take the bed."

I sit up to look at her, frustration now boiling up inside of me "You're going to be nice now because you feel bad for me?"

"That's not why-

"It is actually," I tell her "This will last for a few days and then we'll go home and you'll be a cunt all over again, fucking keeping a list of everything I lay a finger on so you can say it's my fault if it breaks." She bites the inside of her cheek, that's her tell. Every time she does that I can tell that I've gotten under her skin. "You'll still act like you don't know me and I'm just some weird girl who thinks the world of you, I know what you say to those girls you have over, the walls aren't that thick." My insides ache from all of the screaming and crying of the past couple of days "And I know that I hurt you and I've told you a million times over that I'm sorry, you don't get to start having empathy for me now."

Ellie's silent again, she can't seem to find the words, so instead she slips under the covers of her bed, giving up. Minutes pass us, we've slept in this room together a thousand times but this time it's different, we don't share her queen bed and stay up all night watching the walking dead and talking shit about people at our school, we lay in the uncomfortable silence. We're grown but in this moment I still feel like a child searching for her mother's hand to guide her, I feel like my teeth still need to fall out so brighter, stronger ones can take their place, that the baby fat has yet to shed from my bones.

"I didn't know that you liked girls," Ellie said, breaking the silence "And I shouldn't have assumed that stuff about your parents." I don't respond to her, though she knows that I heard her. "I lied that night when you moved in."

"What?"

"I got all bitchy and said that you don't even cross my mind, I was lying," She's confessing to me as if I'm a priest "There wasn't a day that went by where I didn't think about you."

I'm not doing well.

I want nothing more than to crawl into bed next to Ellie and just hug her until I fall asleep but the resentment I've garnered for her these past months refrains me.

"I don't know if you ever knew this, but back in high school I had a bit of a crush on you," She says and my break hitches in my throat "Hey, you there?"

'I don't know if you ever knew this but I turned myself inside out trying not to be in love with you.' I don't say that, instead, I say "Goodnight, Ellie, Merry Christmas."

"Goodnight," She mutters, and like me, she turns her body to face away from me.

I don't feel mature in the slightest, I'm kept awake, haunted by shame and embarrassment. Ellie had seen me only one night prior, on my knees begging for love. We may be cold and calculated to one another now but I remember when she was a little girl who overwatered her plants because she didn't know how to stop giving.

TAG LIST I just tagged whoever wanted a part two: @elliesaesp @yalaysbee @laundrybag29 @readbydayana @elliesaturnsoftdrink @mikellie @melanie-watermelon @skylerwhitwyo

[maddiethedogstories]

The Book Store

The familiar sound of the bell ringing as you entered the door along with the musty smell of books assaulted your senses as you stepped into your favorite book store. You couldn't help but smile as you were hit by the rush of nostalgia as you crossed the threshold into the cozy, little shop.

Each time you left the shop, you left with a new book, a new story, and, in a lot of ways, a new life.

You smiled at the shopkeeper, a lovely woman who had owned the store since you started coming here with your parents as a small child.

"Hello, Sweetie!" She called out cheerily, as you waved at her, "Can I help you with anything?"

"No," You say as you walk towards your favorite section, Romance, "Just browsing today."

You feel a strange tingling course through your body as you drew closer to the books decorated with steamy covers, a nod to the smut hidden inside. You didn't notice the shop owner standing behind you before you feel her hand on your shoulder as you reach for a particularly raunchy dark romance.

"And what do you think you're doing, Little One? I think these books are a bit too mature for you!"

You tried to protest as she dragged you away from the bookshelf, but suddenly felt something soft and rubbery filling your mouth, making it impossible for you to talk.

"Here we go, sweetie, these books are a little more your speed. Why don't you plop down on our magic carpet, and I'll find us a book to take us on a little adventure together?"

You wanted to protest that you were much too old to sit on the store's "Magic Reading Carpet," let alone be read to like a toddler. However, as the woman spoke, you felt your legs turn to jelly, causing you to sit on the carpet right where she indicated with a suddenly suspicious squishy feeling cushioning your uncoordinated fall.

Before you could assess your situation further, the store clerk came back with a copy of Green Eggs and Ham.

You tried to groan at the thought of being read such a childish book, but instead found yourself giggling around the rubbery object in your mouth as the women settled into the rocking chair on the carpet and began reading.

As the story progressed, you find yourself utterly entranced. You don't notice when you lean forward at start grunting, and remained oblivious to the horrid smell emanating from you the feeling of a lump growing under your bottom. You were fully absorbed in the story.

When the story ends, you foundd yourself suddenly wanting to cry. Tears start to fall unbidden to your cheeks as you softly lisp out, "More, more!"

The clerk smiled warmly as she closed the book and looked over your head.

"Oh, baby, that's all the stories you need for today," a cheerful voice rings out from behind you, "I think it's time to get you home though."

You turn to see a beautiful young woman walk up behind you, before she lifts you from the floor and into her arms with surprising ease.

You find yourself clutching her, almost as if out of well-worn habit, as she talks to the clerk.

"Thank you for the story! I think it's time I got my little monkey home though!" The new woman said as she carried you out of the store.

"Bye, bye!" The clerk said as bell on in the front door rang.

You waved feebly as you looked at the clerk over your new Mommy's shoulder, leaving the book store with yet another new life.

[loveandleases]

Hey lovely! here's a prompt: "You deserve to be loved." between MC n Kara <3

i don't remember which prompt list this is from now! It got kinda angsty, well what can we do!? More below the cut~

"Why didn't you answer the phone?" Chris asks, their voice slightly robotic as they make their way through another tunnel. Headed somewhere for work with their father. "I told you Chris, I was helping-"

"I'm sure my dear sister realizes that you need to speak to your partner. Besides we need to move into our new place in a few weeks." Kara sighs, in part due to the last load of boxes she pushes along her new apartment floor. The other part...well she would rather not say. "Chris, I said I was sorry for taking MC. But I wouldn't have needed to if you warned me ahead of time that you would be moving in together." Kara gives you a soft smile as she stands to wipe the sweat from her brow. Your phone rests precariously on top of the boxes you carry into her new living room. "C'mon Kara, you knew MC and I were going to move in together eventually." Kara nods at that, she did know. It was inevitable with how the relationship between the two of them was progressing. As was an engagement. Which she knew would be fast approaching. She knew that and yet, at the same time knowing she had to move out of her shared apartment with Chris was still a shock. "Anyways," Chris clears their throat, catching your attention as you stack the boxes on top of the others on the ground. "I won't be in until late next Friday. So, I won't be able to make it to your birthday. I'll make it up to you, promise." Chris coos the last word. Though their honeyed promise did little as MC's shoulders slump, they had expected as much since Chris's father had promoted them to their new position. Yet it still stung to know another event would go by where they don't get to see their partner. But, it was for the greater good, the greater good being their future together. "Well you better bring me back something nice." Kara watches as you rub the spot between your neck and shoulder, a sigh escaping your lips as you stare at the ceiling. Trying to hide the hurt behind your eyes. She knew Chris cares about you, but it still made her feel uneasy when she noticed they were spending less time with you than they had previously. "I'll call you when I get there. Love you." Chris says, voice quick as you reply and hang up. Kara gives you a small smile, walking over to wrap an arm around your shoulders, "Lucky for you. I'll be here. I know just the way to celebrate a birthday." She ruffles your hair, as she grabs the phone and tosses it onto the counter. No more interruptions for the rest of the day if she could help it. "Thanks Kara, really. It's not too bad. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder right?" A look crosses her face, quickly to be covered with her sweet smile. One she uses to reassure you from time to time, no hidden meaning, no malice. "You know Mc, you deserve to be loved." Her words are almost a whisper as she looks you over. Her friend, someone she has come to care for. "Well, it's a good think I'm with Chris then isn't it?" She nods, "Yeah.." She meant the word, yet it still felt rough coming from her mouth. Unsure why, maybe the fact that she missed her sibling? Maybe the thought of Chris putting their work ahead of MC left a bitter taste in her mouth? Yet, Chris was doing this to better themself, and their life. That should make them happy. They would never hurt MC, Kara was sure of it.

[soapsilly]

PDA - Zoro Imagine

Pairing: Roronoa Zoro x Reader

Spoilers for One Piece (?), also kinda NSFW?

Summary: Zoro showing a lot of PDA in front of Sanji because he knows it bothers him

Requests are closed

A/N: Unofficial sequel to Cardio. But works as a stand alone.

************************************************************************

"(Y/N)-san! I'm sorry I left you alone on this ship with this pervert! I promise I'll make it up to you"

"What did you just call me, ero-cook?"

"You heard me! If you just as much as put a single finger on (Y/N)-san I'll make you regret it"

"Sorry, to disappoint you, but I did a little more than that", Zoro laughed.

It's been a few weeks since the crew barged in on Zoro and (Y/N). Nothing really changed between them. (Y/N) was still shamelessly flirting with the mosshead and Zoro didn't really reciprocate - at least not in public. He was never the type for public displays of affection but when the two of them were alone, the swordfighter didn't have any problem to show the girl how much he enjoyed her company.

"You looked so good today", he mumbled against her lips.

"So usually I look bad?", she grinned - her smart mouth getting the best of her again.

"Too bad you still don't have a filter", he rolled his eye but didn't loosen his grip around her waist.

"But you love me for it", she laughed.

He exhaled audibly but didn't protest.

The two of them decided not to complicate things. They'd rather just let the relationship progress naturally. For the moment, neither of them would change a thing being happy with the way things were.

************************************************************************

"It's so nice to finally have some free time again", Nami sighed - already excited for a long overdue shopping trip.

"We shouldn't leave the ship unattended", (Y/N) nudged Zoro in the side not really caring about exposing her true intentions. She knew that her lover would be up for some alone time - which was confirmed by the smile that the swordsman failed to keep off of his face.

But it was not only (Y/N) that noticed. The mosshead's smile didn't go unnoticed by a certain curly-browed cook either.

"I'll be keeping you company, (Y/N)-san! There are a few new creations that I wanted to test out anyways", Sanji exclaimed.

(Y/N) was just about to protest when Nami's voice cut her off, "Yeah, that's probably a great idea. These two need a chaperone! We don't need any little Zoros and (Y/N)s running around deck!"

(Y/N) pulled a face, "Seriously? Sex has never ever sounded so unappealing"

"And don't you forget it!", the read-head scolded, "Always think about the full diapers and the disrupted night sleep"

(Y/N) tried to drown Nami's words out by putting her hands over her ears and singing loudly.

However, it wasn't just (Y/N) who had a problem with the thought. Zoro's eye darted over to where Sanji was standing. It was almost unnoticable but for the fraction of a second the cook's face twitched when Nami started her rant. At this moment, the swordsman got an idea to still make the afternoon worthwhile.

"Can we go now?", their captain interrupted the discussion - eager to raid the market place for street food.

Zoro threw his arm around a confused (Y/N)'s shoulder. This was the first time that her lover actually touched her in front of the others. Before she could say anything though, Zoro spoke up, "Yeah, you guys leave and we'll hold the fort here. Right, babe?"

"Uh, yeah sure...", (Y/N) blushed at the little nickname.

And with that the crew parted ways. (Y/N), Zoro and Sanji remaining on the ship while the rest of the crew made their way towards the city.

"So, it's just us now, huh?", (Y/N) tried to overcome the awkwardness. Spending a whole afternoon on the ship together with these two didn't seem very appealing to her. But surprisingly these two mortal enemies weren't at each other's throats immediately.

"Well, since our plans have been so rudely interrupted", the mosshead turned towards the cook, "Why don't we squeeze in a training session?", Zoro asked his girlfriend - his voice almost soft. After hours and hours of asking, (Y/N) had finally worn down the swordfighter. So, lately Zoro agreed to let the girl join him during practice. On one hand, her constant pleading got on his nerves so that he partly agreed just to shut her up. On the other hand, though, training with her meant he got to spend time with her. To him, she looked adorable as she was trying to figure out the steps and maneuvers. And if she ever needed correction with her stance, he wouldn't complain either.

"I'd say you're welcome to join us, waiter. But I don't think you could handle it anyways", Zoro mocked the blonde. And of course Zoro's words had the desired effect as the cook immediately started cussing out the mosshead - swearing to make him look old in any type of training.

(Y/N) rolled her eyes. Of course, the peace didn't last long, "Oi, Sanji? Didn't you actually want to try out some new recipes or something?"

She didn't mind the cook's company but she knew if Sanji and Zoro were to actually train together, their competition would be anything but friendly and she didn't feel like a headache today. To her surprise, Zoro just shrugged though, "You can try, ero-cook"

And with that the three of them started their work-out. Almost provocatively Zoro took off his robe, showing off his body and sending (Y/N) a cheeky wink. He knew the effect he had on the girl.

"We should start with some stretching first", he announced - his arm already behind his back.

(Y/N) decided to get on the floor, working on her lower body first, whilst Sanji was bent over easily touching his toes without any issue.

"(Y/N)-san, you're so flexible~", the cook complimented the girl.

"Hm, I don't know. I think she could do better", Zoro acted thoughtful, as he walked over to where (Y/N) was standing, trying to reach her toes aswell. Her fingertips just graced the floorboards but that wasn't enough for the swordsman. He positioned himself behind her, his crotch dangerously close to her backside. With a gentle hand he pressed down on her lower back to help her bend over even further, so that her palms fully touched the ground.

With a soothing voice, her lover praised her and while (Y/N) enjoyed the personal attention, she'd be lying if she said that she wasn't confused. She wasn't used to him being so gentle with her when other people were around. What she didn't see from her bend over position however, was the look Zoro and Sanji exchanged. The mosshead sent the other man a gloating smile, which only got wider as he saw how blonde struggled to keep his composure.

"Oi, Marimo! When you're finished harassing, (Y/N)-san, how about a sparring session?", there was nothing he wanted to do more than to beat up the brute that dared to lay his calloused fingers on a lady. The cook was of the opinion that a beautiful woman should only be touched in the most gentle way - a word the marimo probably didn't even know.

Zoro barked out a laugh - (Y/N) long forgotten. Fighting with the ero-cook was one of his favourite past-times.

(Y/N) knew there was no way her lover would continue their practice anymore. Instead she decided to just keep exercising on her own and to leave the two guys to it - not feeling like getting into the path of fire.

After an hour or so, the two of them didn't show any sign of slowing down but the girl decided she had enough, "Hey guys? Guys? Oi!"(Y/N) clapped into her hands loudly to get the two frenemies' attention. Almost immediately the men stopped what they were doing.

"While I do enjoy watching two handsome men exhaust themselves physically", she sent Zoro a wink, "I think this is enough. I'll go take a shower and afterwards we should probably get started on dinner. You know how hangry Luffy can get"

"Of course, (Y/N)-san~", the cook was delighted by her compliment, "I'll create the most exquisite menu just for you"

The girl thanked her friend, by now she gave up on the idea of convincing the blonde that he didn't have to do all that. It seemed to make him happy, so she just decided to enjoy the perks of having the talented cook at her service.

"Great, while you do that, we'll go take that shower", Zoro spoke up.

(Y/N) head whipped around to face the mosshead, who could barely hold back a smile. He, however, wasn't facing her at all. His smile was not directed at her and her surprised reaction but rather at Sanji, who by the looks of it was not amused about his suggestion at all. (Y/N) massaged the bridge of her nose in no mood for these two to start fighting again.

"Okay, we'll do that", she grabbed Zoro's hand and pulled him with her. However, Zoro had other ideas. While (Y/N) was walking in front of him the swordsman's hands reached out to pinch the girl's sides teasingly which earned him a surprised yelp from his lover.

"Oi, idiot! Who do you think you are? Leave your dirty hands off of (Y/N)-san!", Sanji yelled towards the couple.

"Oh, does it bother you?", Zoro yelled back, "Good thing, (Y/N) likes it"

"(Y/N)-san! Just say a word and I'll save you from this... this... pervert!", Sanji's voice was soft as he adressed the girl but grew harsher towards the end - his dig clearly directed towards the marimo.

"Thank you, Sanji, I'll keep it in mind!", she yelled back at her friend as she tried to usher Zoro, who was loudly protesting the cook's claims -inside the Sunny towards the bathroom.

Once inside, (Y/N) let out an exasperated sigh, this isn't how she expected her afternoon to go. Zoro, however, didn't waste any time attacking her lips with his own. His hands everywhere they could reach.

"Oi, you okay?", Zoro asked almost nonchalantly when he realized that (Y/N) hesitated to return the kiss - as if he wasn't the cause of her desperation.

"Respectfully, what the fuck?", (Y/N) answered the mosshead.

"Huh?"

"I mean, I'm not complaining but how come you're so touchy-feely all of a sudden? And let me repeat. I'm not complaining. At all. It's just... unusual is all...", she rambled - not wanting Zoro to feel like he crossed a line.

"Oh, that", he smiled, "I noticed PDA bothers that shitty cook, so naturally I had to play it up"

"Of course", (Y/N)'s voice was sarcastic.

"Are you mad?", the swordfighter acted unbothered - like he couldn't see how that could possibly offend the girl - but in actuality he was worried that he took things a step too far. He knew she was okay with their arrangement. He know that it didn't bother her that he only showed affection towards her when the two of them were alone. She once told him that it made it even more special. But would she be okay with him suddenly publicly flirting with her just to spite the shitty cook? His eye scanned her face, searching for any sign of hurt. He couldn't always show it but he cared about (Y/N) a lot - more than anyone else in the crew.

(Y/N)'s face turned soft when she realized that the man in front of her was actually insecure. She reached out to cup his face and press a gentle kiss on his lips. When they parted, he was relieved to see her smile.

"Of course, I'm not mad! In fact, I think it's hilarious... if anything I'm mad that you didn't fill me in on it", she grinned, "If I had known, I'd have enjoyed it more"

"Oh, so now you didn't enjoy it?", this time it was him, that teased the girl with a lopsided smile on his face.

"I did! I really did! But my confusion kind of overshadowed the pleasure", she tried to assure him.

"Don't you worry", he started to undress her, "I'll take care of that"

His hands were gentle as he pulled her towards him by the small of her back.

"Who do you think you are? Touching me with those calloused hands", she scolded him. He paused what he was doing until she finally broke into a giggle.

"I can always count on you to ruin the moment", he sighed when he realized what she was up to. Quoting the ero-cook was the last thing he wanted from her.

"But you love me for it", she smiled up at him.

"Shut up", he leaned down to capture her lips in a kiss before leading her into the shower.

************************************************************************

When the two entered the dining room after the shower, the kitchen was already filled with the steam from whatever the cook was preparing. The two were greeted with the most delicious of smells. (Y/N) sometimes seriously asked herself how the cook could be this good and still improve with every meal he prepared.

"Wow, Sanji this smells great!", she beamed at the blonde, who by the looks of it couldn't be any more pleased about the praise. After all, the way to a loved one's heart is through their stomach.

"And this is only the beginning (Y/N)-san", the cook explained happily - hinting that there'd be more to come.

"Is there anything I can help you with?", she asked the cook, knowing he'd probably decline.

"You are too kind, (Y/N)-san ~ ! But I couldn't possibly take you up on your offer. A beautiful lady like you should never have to prepare her own food - in fact, you should be served~"

"Oh, but I insist", (Y/N) smiled. Anybody that knew her also knew how stubborn she could be, so after a little back and forth Sanji eventually agreed to let (Y/N) stirr some pots and maybe even wash some vegetables.

Zoro decided to take a seat at the dinner table, watching the two of them do their thing whilst enjoying a drink. He would never admit it but watching (Y/N) do mundane tasks was one his favourite things. He loved seeing her being lost in whatever she was doing. The way her brows creased whenever she was concentrated or how she started mumbling to herself if things didn't go her way. This was more than a innocent flirt and even more than a friends with benefits type of arrangement - at least for him. Her company was one of the few pleasures his life had to offer. At first he was annoyed by her everlasting presence, the way she wouldn't shut up, the constant flirts but now he couldn't imagine a life without her. He was so lost in his thoughts that he wasn't even bothered by the shitty cook prancing around her.

One after the other all the Straw Hats arrived into the dining area - just in time for dinner. As everyone gathered around the table, the space next to Zoro remained free. By now, the crew was used to (Y/N) exclusively sitting next to the swordsman. When she finally plopped down next to him, her hand almost automatically found it's way to rest on her lovers leg. Zoro didn't seem to mind the PDA. Usually, the girl refrained from touching the mosshead while in the company of the others - respecting his boundaries - instead only choosing to show her affection verbally. But right now, she decided it was fair game after the stunt the swordsman pulled on her.

"And what do you think you're doing?", Zoro leaned down, speaking lowly so that only she could hear him. (Y/N) could hear the amusement in his voice.

"Do you want me to stop?", she turned to face him - their faces now merely an inch apart.

For a moment it felt like the world stood still around them but then the two lovebirds were interrupted by their navigator.

"Come on, guys! At dinner?", Nami was not amused about the scene that unfolded before her very eyes.

"Seems like Sanji isn't the only one bothered by PDA", (Y/N) grinned but her voice was soft.

"Well, if that's the case, it seems like I'll have to keep this going", Zoro answered - his voice just as low.

Both of them knew that all of this may have started as a means to annoy the cook but by now it was merely an excuse to keep the open display of affection going. Seeing (Y/N) in private was just not enough for him anymore. What harm could a little - just a little - PDA do anyways?

"The things you do to me", he slowly shook his head.

"But you love me for it"

Usually, Zoro easily dismissed her little catchphrase but this time he couldn't quite deny it. Maybe he did. And maybe she knew that. But maybe that wasn't so bad...

[cyborgartalchemist2]

Imagine being so fucking aggressive about a ship you make jokes about Magneto and that very groomer scene from X-Men 97 that just... excuse the behavior? Because that doesn't sound very progressive in my opinion. Like yeah... rape culture in relationships just permeats fucking shipping but lets do nothing to argue against it. Lets make jokes that perpetuate the behavior and excuse men taking advantage of women.

To me having Magneto take advantage of a much younger mutant under his tutelage because she's desperate for physical connection and he's the only one she can touch is meant to showcase A) how Gambit contrasts Magneto and B) remind us that Magneto is never above using mutants for his own gains.

If this were reality most people would be calling Magneto a groomer and worse. We know Rogue was still a teen when Mystique took her in. We know that she's been an X-man for a few years. So Magneto was patient enough to wait until she turned 18?

Historically he hasn't done well with his love life. Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver's mom left him without telling him he fathered children because she was scared of him! (I'm only going on TAS and 97 here since this is an adaptation.) So where in the high heavens does everyome think he would be good for Rogue?

I don't care about the 'better than Remy' arguments because that's not the point! The point of who you ship Rogue with should be about if it's a relationship that is good for her! Is she their equal? Does she get treated with respect? Magneto looked at the Genosha council and without asking Rogue said "I'll lead but only if this woman I am trying to get back is my queen". LIKE DOES THAT EVEN SOUND MATURE? Magneto shows up, sees Gambit and Rogue being even mildly affectionate and starts pulling asshole moves on Rogue. And the narrative did nothing to make Rogue stand up for herself (which she would have) she should have told Erik "I'm a big girl I can get my own sugar for my coffee." She is shown numerous times to remind everyone she is no one's 'territory'.

Also wish to address the fact that making Rogue x Magneto comes with a 'sex is the only thing that matters!' Flavor that is exactly what so many of us are tired of in shipping. When did shipping stop being about the drama of a couple fighting against a narrative that pushes them apart or about finding love in the most unconventional of places, like alien hunting? And become solely about how nasty they can fuck? Seriously?

AND it's so blandly hetero it's not even funny. Because honestly the ways in which a couple can experience pleasure that don't involve traditional p in v penetration is vast and wild and there are enough types of gear and costumes and the like to facilitate that between Rogue and Gambit. Because that's all the argument has to stand on, is which man can fulfill her sexual needs. WHICH SHE HERSELF REALIZED WASN'T ENOUGH. She kisses Erik and goes "nope they're ain't any sparks there. This isn't going to be fulfilling ever."

Not to mention the fact that I can't genuinely see Magneto offering to die for Rogue. Sorry that grandstanding in Genosha was not the same. It was barely a heroic move... he still didn't save the Morlocks he promised to protect... he still failed. He couldn't save Leech and he couldn't stop the Sentinel either. Because yeah Magneto attempted to save Rogue and Gambit, but he did nothing to save the Morlocks at his side and he also survived without taking out the giant killer robot... but Gambit? Gambit said fuck it, gonna take this motherfucker to hell with me. He stopped Rogue from facing the sentinel so he could. And he actually stopped it. All on his own. Because that's what an x-man would do. Sure Magneto protectdd two people but sacrificed the morlocks yet again...

AND ON THE SUBJECT OF ROGUE x GAMBIT

Has Gambit always been great with Rogue? No, but that was the 90s and now look at how he handles shit? Comics writing has grown. It was a lot more heternormative and still had lots of rape culture hold overs in it.

Look at the episode when Cody shows up. He uses Rogue's connection to him from the past and then puts her in a situation that almost takes away her humanity. Her powers, which was what lured her into this trap in the first place, saved her from a man taking advantage of her. And the one time Gambit (in TAS) takes advantage of her, Morph in her form, told him to come and get some from her first. (So while he should have paused and woke Rogue up before kissing her, he had what he thought was an invitation.)

Gambit takes Rogue's decision to rule Genosha with Magneto incredibly well. He doesn't get mad, he doesn't call Rogue names, he doesn't do anyhting to hurt Rogue the way she is hurting him. He accepts it like a gentleman. Unlike Magneto who pursued Rogue's affections in unhealthy ways.

So uh... yeah that's my fucking rant.

[maxarchive]

2024 L'Équipe Interview, "I always need to improve."

This fascinating dive into the heart of a champion's life, through his words, reveals the warm and endearing man described by those who know him intimately. A 26-year-old man, different from the one we have become accustomed to seeing over the years, this wild and cold beast who leaves no room for improvisation and feeling.

At your press briefing, you said you'd rather talk about your car than non-sporting problems. So, how is this RB20? It's great. I felt comfortable in it straight away. I'd say it was more of an evolution, an improvement on the previous car.

Is that so? Despite all the exterior changes, are your driving feelings close to those of last year? It's even a little better, a little more natural. And that's great.

Did you feel it as soon as you got into the car during winter testing? You can never be sure right from the first run, but I could see from the start that it was well balanced and, above all, that I could set a good time straight away. That's a sign that the car will be fast! After that, you have to know where the competition stands. We don't know how the others have worked.

Did you have the same feeling with the RB19 in early 2023? Pretty much, yes. There were a couple of things to sort out, but nothing dramatic.

Of all the Red Bulls you've driven driven since 2016, is there one that you like the most? The most fun were those of the previous generation (before the 2022 ground effect regulations).

The one from 2021? Exactly (his face lights up). The car was great, it was responsive. Today, they've become heavy, wide and long.

But do you like them all the same? When you're driving the best car on the grid, when it's a Formula 1 car, of course (he laughs).

Weren't those 2021 cars a little on the edge? Didn't they force you to make mistakes sometimes? (He reflects.) No, I don't think so. We managed to make the most of it, and then there was this philosophy, this way of to make it sharper (his hand mimics the diving single-seater like Red Bull used to design its single-seaters). I loved it.

Are you having more trouble today? (He smiles.) No… I don't care. I can adapt. But these 2021 cars, they went faster through the slow corners, they moved better. I was having more fun.

When they say you can drive any car, what would you do at the wheel of a Haas (last team in the standings last year)? (He smiles.) I don't think I'd win a race.

Not even a podium? Normally not (he reflects). Probably not. But I'd try do a better job than anyone else, that's for sure. After that, if the car is slow, it's slow.

It seems that since the advent of ground effect cars, you've been unbeatable. Do these single-seaters require special driving techniques and do you adapt better to them? I don't think so. If I'm successful, it's because I've got a great team around me who have built these fabulous cars. We had a bit of trouble getting back to the top with the old generation, but by 2021, we'd figured it out. And by 2022, things were looking up.

So, no change in style? Of course not. The cars have changed, and so have the tires. But we're adapting.

In what way? The car is heavier so I can't rely on it as much. The tires are wider, which means less visibility. The suspensions are so hard that we have to work on a new way of attacking the curbs.

Does that take time? Yes, it does. But it's the same for everyone.

Last week, Pierre Waché, the designer of the RB20, told us he really appreciated your technical feedback, that it allowed the team to progress. What do you have to ask him today, when you crushed the first race? Every car has its weaknesses and it takes time to overcome them. We haven't driven on enough tracks yet to tell you. Last year, it was the street circuits. This year, I'll tell you later, but I'd say they're details.

You give the impression of always having had a steering wheel in your hands. What's your first memory? (Instantly.) I was 3 years old and rode a mini moto.

And in a car? In August 2013, in Wales, on a Formula Renault 2-liter on the Pembrey circuit. It was my first experience in a single-seater. Something very different from karting. It took me a while to adjust my behavior and reflexes. I had no experience of tires, especially as it was raining. It was raining hard. The first few laps were a bit hard, and I spun a few times, but after that I had a blast. I had Michelin tyres which are excellent in these conditions. I just loved it.

Everything seems easy when you talk about driving. I was lucky enough to have a father who helped me a lot and gave me lots of advice. And the best thing was to let myself go and find the limit of the car.

Do you think your success can be explained by the talent or hard work you've put in to progress? Some people are more gifted than others. It's the same in soccer. The first day I drove a go-kart, I smiled (his eyes sparkle). And I haven't stopped since. The helmet (he mimes putting it on), I didn't take it off all day. I knew it was what I wanted to do.

This winter, you went GT racing with your father. Can't you stop stop driving? It's my passion. I also love the simulator. It's important because by changing cars all the time, you can adapt more quickly to the changes in F1. I need to try things out; I always need to improve. And I love making a car go faster (he smiles).

Alain Prost confided to us that his last year in F1, in 1993, was a very tense one, when he was favourite for the title with the best car in the field. Now, for your fourth title, you find yourself in a similar situation. How do you see this season? I'm not asking myself that question. If I don't win, I look for the reason why. Is it my fault? Then I'll correct the mistake. It's not my fault, so I'm going to help the team improve our performance. You can never win it all.

Is that why your duel with Lewis Hamilton in 2021 will surely go down as one of the greatest seasons in Formula 1 history? I know you're not going to agree with me (he smiles). But, in my eyes, the best was last year. People saw it as a one-sided domination, but you don't measure the degree of involvement of every member of the team in achieving this amazing result (21 wins out of a possible 22 for Red Bull, 19 for Verstappen). It's something I'm very proud of. It must have seemed boring to some people, but I don't care (his hands make a helpless gesture). I'm here to judge my performance and that of the team. And 2023 was the best season ever. The 2021 season doesn't even come close.

Translated via DeepL

[rhettmotel]

Rhett can ride a bucking bull for 8 seconds and drive around in the bumpiest tractor known to man, but he gets carsick in any public transport or a car he isn't driving.

You're more of a city person, so when you start dating a country boy, people are shocked, including you. At first, you spend most of your time at the Abbott ranch, and it's a bit of an adjustment, but you like his family, and it's just easier to head back to his place after you watch him ride bulls since it's usually late.

As your relationship progresses, it's starting to get weird that Rhett's never spent the night at your apartment or even seen it. Maybe bringing it up right before he rides is not the best idea, but it just pops into your head.

"Gonna give me a kiss for luck?" Rhett smirks, just before he's meant to climb into the chute.

"Always," You smile, putting your hands on his cheeks to press a kiss to his lips. "What do you think about coming to my place after your ride?" You ask once your faces break apart.

Rhett turns to look down at the bull and then back at you. "Can this wait?" It isn't meant to come across as rude, but he's a little preoccupied, and he's half shouting over all the commotion of the crowd and the announcers. He must notice how your face falls because he gives a soft sigh. "Okay, as soon as my ride's over, we'll go back to yours."

Rhett seems happy enough to go to your apartment, especially after he wins. There's nothing that can squash a cowboy's good mood after getting first place. You want him to get the full city experience, so you suggest taking the bus since it's what you use to get around every day. He seems slightly hesitant, but his good mood overshadows it, and you take his hand while you climb up the steps.

At first, you don't notice anything out of the ordinary. You're too busy looking out the window and trying to remember if you left any dirty dishes in the sink or anything else you would be ashamed for Rhett to see. Then, Rhett lets out a heavy sigh through his nose, and you turn your head to look at him.

He looks worse than you've ever seen him, and it startles you slightly. His face is devoid of all colour, and his eyes are closed, fluttering slightly. His hand is gripping the metal rail of the seat in front of him; his knuckles are white, and his jaw is clenched, visibly popping every so often. "You okay?" You frown, placing a hand on his knee and squeezing lightly.

Rhett gives a grunt, not even opening his eyes, forehead pressed against the metal pole in front of him, always cold even in the summer. You hadn't known about this ailment of Rhett's, but that's because he had always insisted on being the driver. You thought it was just him being overly protective of his truck, but now the real reason is painfully obvious.

After watching his Adam's apple bob up and down a few times, each time he swallows thickly, you reach up and pull the stop cord. You're still a few blocks away from your place, but it's a nice enough night, and at this point, it feels like you're just torturing your boyfriend.

The bus comes to a screeching halt at the next stop, and you take Rhett's hand again. He wobbles a few times, nausea and dizziness making him shaky on his legs, but you both make it off, and the bus pulls away just in time for Rhett's stomach content to splatter all over the sidewalk.

"So... how about next time we just take your truck? City experiences are overrated anyway," You chuckle softly as you rub at his back, not wanting him to feel worse.

"I love that idea," He grumbles, stomach acid in his throat making his voice sound even more gruff, standing up as he wipes his mouth. "So, where's your apartment?" He asks, looking around in the dark.

"Couple blocks that way," You say, pointing down the sidewalk to your left. "Figured we didn't have much time left, and walking out here in the cool air will help you feel better," You smile, interlocking your fingers with his as you begin your walk.

"Good call," He chuckles. "And you're right. City experiences are overrated"

[violettwrites]

Hi! Just read something you posted a few hours ago, and thing is I'm thinking I'm basically setting myself up for getting disappointed by just sending in this ask—not to say that I'm discrediting you writing- god no— but just the fact that this is a really big undertaking. Whatever, whatever, I'm rambling atp.

Uh I wanted to ask for a DBF!Farmer!Rick x reader fic. Where reader is barely nineteen,— most of this next part doesn't really hold any significance to the plot, but it would be nice to read— long, jet back hair, super dark brown eyes, cinnamon skin, reader also religiously wears sundresses as well as always having a cherry lollipop/popsicle in her mouth. And since her farm doesn't have horses, she decides to ask Rick for horse riding lessons! I don't want you'll do with this but god speed!

(the reference photo, just in case. Te he~)

riding lessons 🗡️ dbf!rick grimes

summary: reader wants to learn to ride horses, and her father’s best friend is the one she turns to.

author’s note: here you go nonnie ! apologies if you were after something different, but i hope you enjoy !

also just a little heads up for my readers, at this moment i don’t really write smut. i’m just not too confident with it at this moment, but as my writing progresses i’m sure it’ll be something i look into in the future. this is not directed at you either, nonnie ! i just never really brought it up and i’ve been meaning to 🫶🏻

warnings: age gap ig???

word count: 970

it was a busy saturday morning, and your father’s farm was alive with people travelling from all over for your father’s sale yard for the year. you were up early ( as per usual ), in your favourite sundress. you had a cherry lollipop in hand as you walked through the yard, looking for the older male you had fancied since you were old enough to understand what crushes were.

“hey, rick!” you called out once you spotted the attractive man, your voice slightly muffled by the cherry lollipop in your mouth. “can i talk to you for a minute?”

rick grimes, your dad’s best friend from high school, turned around to look at you, his forearms leaning against a fence as he watched the cattle being rounded up from the field, ready to be auctioned off. “mornin’, darlin’,” he nodded at you, his words making your heart flutter. he turned around to face you, hands moving to rest on his hips. “what can i do for ya?”

you took a deep breath, trying to steady the nervous excitement. “i was wondering if you could give me some horse riding lessons. i’ve always wanted to learn, but we don’t have any horses on our farm.”

rick’s eyes sparkled with interest, eyeing the way your sundress stopped mid thigh. “well, i’d be more than happy to help with that. the horses we have are gentle, and i’m sure they’d love to have you.”

a surge of relief and excitement washed over you. “really? that would be wonderful! I’ve only ever seen them from the fence,” you sighed, pulling the lollipop from your mouth.

“how about this afternoon? you come on over and i’ll show you the ropes.” he raised his eyebrow, his gaze lingered on you for a moment longer. “and who knows, maybe i’ll learn a thing or to on how you ride.” he smirked, making your heart jump.

you nodded quickly. “that would be amazing, thank you. i really appreciate it.” you grinned, lollipop going back into your mouth as you turned around, quickly making your way back to the house.

— — —

a few hours later, you made the trip to rick’s farm, eager. you were stood next to comet, a beautiful chestnut mare. rick had helped you through the basics of grooming and saddling, and now he was standing besides you, hand on your lower back as he explained the basics of mounting a horse.

“alright, ready to jump on?” he asked, moving to grab the rein as he looked at you. you nodded your head, moving to put your foot through the stirrup like rick had explained, pulling yourself onto the horse. you could feel rick’s free hand on the back of your thigh, steadying you.

once you were comfortably sat in the saddle, you looked down at him, his lips holding an encouraging smile. “look at you, you’re a natural already.” he chuckled, patting your thigh as he moved towards the front of comet, ready to lead her.

“alright, let’s do this.” you grinned down at him, feeling comfortable. rick nodded, clicking his tongue to get comet moving slowly and steadily.

“just relax and let comet guide you, okay? i’ve got you, but she’s a good horse. carl first learnt to ride on this old girl.” he hummed, smiling at you. “if you need anything, just let me know.”

rick walked alongside comet, offering pointers and encouragement. his gaze was appreciative, and you could feel the warmth of his eyes as he looked at you. “you’re doing great, darlin’,” he said, a playful grin on his face. “you know, i might start thinking about taking lessons from you if you keep this up.”

you laughed, a blush on your cheeks at the warmth of his words. “i’m glad you think so. i’ve always admired how you handle the horses. you make it look so easy.”

rick’s smile widened. “well, I’ve got to say, seeing you out here in that dress, it’s a pretty nice change of pace. makes me wish every day was a lesson with you.”

the flirtatious remark made your heart skip a beat. you tried to focus on guiding comet, but your thoughts kept drifting back to rick’s teasing comments. as you trotted around the paddock, the sun warm on your back, you caught glimpses of rick watching you with a twinkle in his eye.

by the end of the lesson, you were glowing with pride. rick patted comet affectionately, bringing her to a stop. he turned to you, his eyes soft and warm. “you’ve done real well today. keep practicing, and you might just become the best rider around here.”

you looked down at him, your heart full of joy. “thank you, rick. this has been amazing.”

rick tipped his hat with a grin, his eyes meeting yours in a way that made your stomach flutter. “anytime. i’m always here if you want more lessons. and who knows, maybe next time we’ll make it a little more... interesting.”

you blushed once again at his words, moving to get off comet, rick’s hands coming to your hips to help you down, the warmth of his hands on your skin made your stomach fill with butterflies.

once you had left the paddock with rick, the older male walking you back to your car, you offered him a smile before leaning in to press a kiss to his cheek. you noticed his cheeks turn a light shade of pink as he opened your car door for you, smiling down at you as you slipped into your car.

“i’ll see you later, darlin’. i look forward to our little lessons.” he chuckled, closing the door for you, waving as you drove away. you couldn’t help but think of him on your drive home, excited for your future lessons together.

[wizzdot]

The Patron Saint of One Way Trips

Ch9

Description: more progress. Laika goes shopping with Gaz and Cap. Cap looses his cool in the lingerie shop but keeps it hidden. Gaz is upfront to John about how he feels. Progress progress progress. Johnny is busy looking after Simon!

*Laika’s POV*

I close my eyes and try to trick my brain to switch itself off. I toss and turn for what feels like hours. Everything is so foreign here. It's too clean, too spacious and open. I climb from the bed and lean down to organise an area to sleep underneath, like I had done at the safe house. Shit. The bed is solid. It has built in storage drawers underneath. I look around the room and try to figure out a more secure sleeping location. My eyes settle on the walk in wardrobe. I scramble towards the door, clutching my blankets and hanky. Yes. This would do. It's small, dark and gives me an extra barrier if someone were to intrude.

I crawl in and curl up into a ball. This was much better. A few minutes pass and I eventually fall asleep.

I don't feel well rested when I wake up to muffled knocking. I forget where I am for a few seconds, as I blink away sleep. It's pitch black. Oh yeah.. the cupboard. I'd slept in the cupboard.

"Laika" a muffled voice carries through the door. Two doors. I rush to my feet, feeling light headed from standing too quickly. I blink away the black spots in the corners of my vision and hurry to open the door. Its Gaz.

"How'd you sleep?" he asks, glancing at the bare bed with a furrowed brow. He doesn't bring it up. "Uhm.. better, I think" I respond. He smiles and holds his hand out for me to take. "Let's grab something to eat, then we can get ready for your big shopping spree. Did you not get chance to dig through your drawers? I thought Cap said he'd asked to have them filled with clothes for you. Just guessed your size but it'd be better than walking round in mine and Soap's clothes everyday..they're huge on you.." he laughs.

"I didn't think to look..I can go and get changed and give you your hoodie back if you like?" I suggest, slowing slightly as he leads me down the hall. He tugs me forward gently. "Don't want it back, love. You keep it, makes it special huh? Your first proper gift since you escaped" - "I didn't escape. Soap.... stole me." I wince at how that sounds said out loud but Kyle seems to find it hilarious. He laughs loudly "Yeah, Johnny does have a habit of taking things. He 'borrows' stuff all the time and never returns them. Guess he's went and done the same with you" he chuckles, squeezing my hand.

I find myself smiling along with him. It felt foreign on my face. "Toast again? Or cereal?" - "toast please.." - "fine, but you're having at least two slices today. No more under-eating, yeah? Gotta look after yourself, Laika. You've got a busy few weeks ahead of you". My happiness fades, I feel like I'd been doused with a bucked of ice cold water. Oh yeah, I forgot. This was temporary. Just a few weeks. Then I'd be on my own again. Abandoned when I was no longer useful.

I lean against the counter as Gaz flutters around the kitchen. The toast is in front of me before I have chance to snap out of my sad thoughts. "Remember what I said? Eat up, busy few weeks ahead, yeah." That's it, Gaz, rub it in. "Yeah" I reply "busy few weeks". I repeat glumly. Gaz furrows his brows, but tries to brush over whatever had upset me. I can tell he is confused.

*Gaz's POV*

I had set my alarm early - I was buzzing to spend the day off base with my Alpha and Laika. A rare treat for us when we were usually bogged down by missions and paperwork. I had showered and dressed before knocking on Laika's door. Weird. I thought she was a light sleeper but for some reason it took her about a minute to start rustling about after I'd started knocking. She greeted me at the door, still wearing mine and Johnny's clothes. That caught me off guard a little bit.

I smile at her and lead her down the hallway. Her hand feels so nice in mine. I was stupid and brought up the clothes and my hoodie and she thought I wanted my hoodie back. That was the last thing I wanted. She seems pleased when I offer the hoodie to her as a gift but she doesn't really say anything. To be honest, it's more of a gift to myself. I swear I can start smelling a tiny hint of something that wasn't mine or Johnny's scent. Could just be whatever she used to shower.

She seems to withdraw from me, all of a sudden. What did I say? Did I upset her by telling her to eat more. Fuck, Kyle. You stupid prick. I needed to have a chat with Cap.. he always knew how to diffuse this sort of situation. I'd do that when I drop her back at her room to get changed for her shopping trip. Hopefully she still wanted to go. Fuck, she looked so out of it again. Maybe it's the drugs still in her system...

*Laika's (Y/N's) POV*

Gaz leads me back to my room again after I'd eaten a slice and a half of toast. He seemed a little sad. He probably wasn't looking forward to being dragged out to the shops with me. His time could probably be better spent.. "I - I don't mind if you'd rather not come to the shops with me.. I don't want you to feel like I'm dragging you off base when you have more important things to do.." I offer him an out.

*Gaz's POV*

My stomach drops.. she didn't want me to go with her anymore. Think Kyle, think!

"Do you not want me to come? It's your call, love" I say in the most balanced voice I can manage. She furrows her brow and looks up at me. Why is she confused? I'm confused..

*Laika's (Y/N's) POV*

"I just don't want to be a burden.. I - I would like you to come with me.. but only if you actually want to..." I murmur, feeling guilty. "That's settled then, I'm coming" he smiles brightly. I remind myself that this is only temporary. "The clothes I told you about are in the drawers under the bed. I asked to put a few shoes in one of the drawers too, checked the size of your boots at the safe house. Hope you don't mind..." - "You didn't have to do that.. I feel bad that you're wasting money on me.." - "None of that" he interrupts before continuing "we get paid well and have very little opportunity to spend it, so it's actually nice to buy things. Especially for you.." he trails off.

I rub the back of my neck, feeling anxious under his gaze. "I'll shower and get dressed then.. Is the Captain ready?" - "He said he needed to call Laswell quickly, he should be ready whenever we are. I'll wait in the kitchen for you. Just come find me when you're done" he smiles and waits at the door before turning away when I start closing it. I quickly shower and change, choosing some black cargo style trousers and a form-fitting black body suit. It was all fairly standard military issue clothing but I actually liked it. It was comfortable and...mine.

Lined neatly in the drawers on the other side of the bed are a few pairs of shoes. I immediately feel guilty even though he had told me not to. There were black converse, and a few branded trainers. They had spent far too much on me, I was going to tell him. I choose the converse and put my hair in a tidy low-bun. Time to find Gaz.

When I reach the kitchen, Gaz and the Captain are already waiting. John jingles the car keys at me in a friendly nature with the sweet smile that he so often has on his face. "Let's go and get you decked out with whatever you need, Y/N".

John drives, Gaz sits up front and I sit in the back. I find myself biting my nails, trying to distract myself from the anxiety clawing at me. Gaz faces me from the front seat - "What is first on your list?" - "shower stuff and socks and.. underwear.." I reply awkwardly, blushing slightly. "Did you have stuff to use in the shower at base? I asked for some to be provided before we arrived" the captain asks "yeah.. there were a couple of small bottles of the unscented stuff.." I explain.

*Gaz's POV*

That answer piqued my interest... so if the shower gel she used was unscented, that means that whatever the faint smell I could pick up that wasn't Johnny or I, must be hers. That must mean that the drugs were fading from her system. I feel the Alpha in me get a little excited at the possibility of finally learning her scent. Beta's had nice calming, soft scents. I needed to get closer and try and scent her.. find out what she smells like.

*Laika's (Y/N's) POV*

The captain pulls up at a large multi-shop shopping center and we all get out of the car and walk towards the main entrance. I feel a little anxious - this was the first time in years that I'd been out in public without having an objective to track someone or assassinate a target. I felt as if everyone's eyes were on me but that was just my anxiety talking. I am safe with John and Kyle... "I think we should just start at the first shop we get to and work our way around, clockwise - that's probably easiest. Y/N - whatever you see, just pick it up. There is no limit or budget. I mean that.." John explains. I nod while still biting my finger nails. He gently removes my hand from my mouth and tutts at me "bad habit, that".

Gaz grabs my hand and smiles. He was good at reassuring me.. always there with a kind smile or gentle encouragement. "Let's go then" he says.

The shopping trip is successful, I am exhausted though. I slump into the back seat of the car while the Alpha's load several bags into the boot. They insisted on literally buying anything I so much as looked at. We came away with soft fur blankets, pillows, cushions, clothes, underwear, shower and skin care products, jackets, shoes, workout gear, jeans, other clothing - hell - John even bought me some summer dresses that he had caught me gazing at. He refused to take no for an answer. Gaz had disappeared for a few minutes and returned with a build-a-bear styled after himself, cap and everything. He gives it to me and it REEKS of him - he must have scented it. I blush and take it. John shakes his head fondly at the young Alpha.

*John's POV*

The Alpha inside of me was positively preening. A happy Kyle and Y/N was a job well done as far as I was concerned. Kyle had told me in the kitchen to try and scent Laika closely today because he had picked up an unknown scent earlier under his and Johnny's clothes - that was interesting. I am aware of it all day. It's faint - hardly even there, but every time she feels nervous or happy, it heightens a little. It was almost like a reward, the Alpha inside of me quickly learnt. We had developed quite a good little routine.

It went like this - Laika shows interest in something from afar, I move her toward it and encourage her to get it for herself, she hesitates and makes up excuses on why she shouldn't, I send Kyle with my card to buy it anyway. She gets all bashful and I get a fleeting hint of that faint scent that had started coming from her. See something. Buy it for her. Inhale her scent. Repeat - repeat - repeat.

I almost lost the plot in the lingerie shop. I wasn't quite sure what came over me but I had to push the Alpha down, I was getting far too excited and I could tell Y/N was feeling a little awkward, especially when the cashier called her a 'lucky girl' while glancing between the three of us. I feel myself grumbling with pride and stepping closer to her and Kyle. Snap out of it, John. She isn't your pack. Chill out!

*Laika's (Y/N's) POV)

I fall asleep on the drive home, comforted by the teddy with the scent of Gaz. The car smelt strongly of the entire pack but John and Kyle's scents were certainly heaviest. Since when did I start recognising scents so well? Another thing I should bring up to the doctor when I eventually feel brave enough to visit.

*Gaz's POV*

I nudge John and tell him to look at Laika. She had fallen asleep clutching the Gaz-bear up at her nose. John shocks me when he purrs slightly. I whisper so I don't risk waking her up "S'not only me feeling oddly attached to her, then..?"

"Kyle.." he warns in a grumbly whisper. "Don't get ahead of yourself".

I feel a little deflated at his answer before he speaks up again, rubbing my scent gland with his rough fingers "But yes, there is something intriguing about her, isn't there? Oranges and honey and something flowery.. I can't put my finger on it - it's faint but it's her.."

The Alpha inside of me hums happily, feeling encouraged at the pack Alpha's opinion.

"I want her to stay, Cap" - "I know you do, Gaz.. but we have to take things at her pace. We don't know much about her. And Simon isn't the most welcoming. We've got to look after our pack as well.. can't just make decisions for everyone without discussing them first.."

"I'll speak to Johnny, I think Ghost could come round if he gave her a chance.."

"We'll see Gaz, but don't get your hopes up" he squeezes my thigh from the drivers seat.

I stare at Y/N who sleeps the entire way back to base.

Beautiful.

[livzblogg]

howdy, neighbor

Rhett Abbott x reader

Smut under the cut! Mdni. Everyone feel free to send requests!

@atuman thanks for sending in this request!

sub!Rhett x dom!Reader

You sighed as you unpacked the last box in your brand-new room. Moving from Texas to Wabang, Wyoming was a big change after living in Texas. "Y/N! Get down here!" your mother yells from the kitchen.

"Go take these brownies to our new neighbors and introduce yourself. You need to make new friends around here. Maybe they will have a kid your age or something." your mother mutters as she shoves the brownies into your hands.

You sigh as you grab the brownies and make your way to your neighbor's house. It was quite a long walk, but anything is better than listening to your parents argue about where to put the new couch or the dining table.

You find yourself lost in thought during your walk as you arrive at the Abbott's ranch. You notice there is only one truck in the driveway, and you silently pray that nobody will answer the door so you can save yourself the embarrassment of explaining why your mother sent you over here.

You walk onto the porch and lightly knock on the door. You wait a few minutes, with no response so you begin to make your way back down the porch to walk home. Just as you step off of the porch, a man who seems to be around your age peaks his head out of the door.

He looks at you for a moment before muttering "Can I help you?". You take a moment to admire how handsome he is. He has gorgeous blue eyes and is trying his best to hold back a border collie from jumping on you.

"Oh! Uh, hi. I'm Y/N Y/L/N. Your new neighbor. My mama asked me to bring you guys these brownies as a gift." you pause for a moment before asking "Are you the only one who lives here?". He chucked before shaking his head and saying "Nah, this is my mom and dad's house. I live here with my brother Perry and my niece Amy". You immediately notice his sexy southern accent. Thicker than any accent you ever heard in Texas.

You nod and smile as you hand him the brownies. Before you can say anything, he says "Do you wanna come in for a beer? I got the house to myself and it's awfully lonely. Nellie here really wants to meet you, too" he says with a smile as he looks down at the gorgeous dog behind him.

You happily accept his offer. As the night progresses and you both progressively get more tipsy, you begin to talk about deeper subjects. "The whole town things I'm a man whore because I'm a bull rider. It's kind of funny, honestly. I wonder what they'd think if they knew I've only ever been with one girl" he snorts as he takes another sip of his beer.

You stall for a moment before asking "Only one girl your entire life? Are you guys still together?". He sighs before saying "Nah, we broke up 4 years ago. She moved to Colorado". You look at him in disbelief "You haven't had sex in years?". He looks at you and chuckles before smirking and saying "Unfortunately not. Just haven't found a girl I was really interested in since my last relationship... until now."

You smile back at him and lock eyes for a moment. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the fact that he was practically undressing you with his eyes, but you swiftly stand up and move to straddle his hips, immediately kissing him. He immediately kisses back, and adds his tongue into the kiss.

"4 years is far too long, don't you think? Must've been so hard for you to go that long without sex. You want me to help you out with that, baby?" you whisper in his ear in between your attack of kisses on his neck.

He groans at the feeling of you sucking a mark into his skin and nods with excitement. You stand up and tell him to direct you to his room. He grabs your hand and drags you up the stairs as you take a moment to collect your thoughts. You find yourself very surprised at how naturally submissive he is, but who can blame him after years of not being with a woman.

Once you arrive in his room, you immediately push him onto the bed and begin kissing down his body. You rip his shirt off and admire his muscular chest and faint abs. You begin to unbutton his jeans and pull them down. Once his jeans are on the floor, you begin to press messy kisses over his boxer-clad cock. He moans at the sensation and bucks his hips up in an unsuccessful attempt to gain more friction.

You push his hips down and give him a dirty look and he whines out an apology. Once you are done teasing him, you hook your fingers under the band of his boxers and begin to pull them down slowly. You press tiny kisses to his cock and he lets out breathy moans and lets his head fall back in pleasure.

You take his cock into your mouth and begin slowly sucking him. His moans and whines make your slick begin to drip out of you. He is such a good and submissive boy. You can't wait to ruin him. After a few minutes of sucking, you pull off of his cock and rip your clothes off.

He admires your body intently, with his mouth slightly open in adoration and lust. You lean down to kiss him and he roughly kisses you back. You stroke his cock as you kiss and slowly line up his cock with your dripping pussy. He moans at the feeling of his throbbing head meeting your core.

"Such a good boy for me, yeah? You want me to fuck you, baby?" you whisper in his ear. He responds "Yes! Please, please, please!". You smile at this response and slowly sink down onto his cock. He throws his head back and lets out a loud moan as he envelops your warmth.

You look down at him take his cowboy hat off of his head and place it onto yours before you begin riding him. He moans even louder as he watches you bounce on his cock while wearing his stetson. "You're such a pretty boy for me, baby. Isn't that right? You're gonna be ruined for any other girl. Only ever gonna be able to think of my wet pussy, yeah? Only able to think of me and how good I made you feel" you say to him.

He whimpers and nods his head before he says "Ba- babe I'm not gonna be able to last long, it's too good". You sigh before looking at him and saying "You wouldn't dare come before me, would you? I thought you were a good boy". His eyes shoot open and he says "No, ma'am. I wouldn't come before you. I'm your good boy, I promise".

His hand flies to your clit and rubs in tight circles before bringing you over the edge. Feeling you come around his cock has his own orgasm setting off as he fills you up with his warm cum. You smile down at him in this vulnerable state. This little cowboy is going to be your fun little toy from now on. Maybe Wabang isn't so bad after all.

[osleeplessflowero]

It's been long enough, time to bring back some content for this series. I hope you all enjoy! (Also yay new lily divider! Gonna start putting these around my notes from now on :] credits are in the tags!)

*Notes - Reader Soultype: Bravery🧡 - Reader Gender: Ambiguous, They/Them pronouns by default - Horror goes by Sans - Context from the first two parts is needed for this one to make sense - Words: 3,906

☕Previous Part☕ 🎃First Part 🪓Oneshot Masterpost/List 💜💙 In-Progress Fics Masterpost/List💚💛

Content Warning: Swearing, Violence, Light Blood

A while passed since your coffee meetup with Sans. You've been texting each other pretty much daily, discussing this and that and getting a good laugh out of each other from time to time. He's been really supportive of you since your emotions from your breakup had started hitting you like a truck, bringing your spirits back up when they started to spiral. You really appreciate him for that..

At the moment, you're currently sitting in your living room and replying to the last message your skeleton companion sent you. The two of you had been having a long conversation about something obscure he found, before the topic shifted to meeting his brother, like you'd asked about when you went to go get coffee. Upon being informed, Sans said he was delighted at the idea, and wanted to invite you over for dinner. You eagerly accepted, but not without saying you'd want to bring something over as well.. call it a gift exchange. Perhaps dessert would be best, since he's really looking forward to making dinner.

Thing is, you have no idea what this guy likes, so you don't know how well your decision making could be..

i mean i could just go to the store with you if you need help picking it aint like i have shit to do

You perk up at his reply, grinning. That's perfect! If anybody would know what he likes, it'd be him. And it's an excuse to hang out a little earlier than expected.

sounds awesome, where should we meet? i could just come pick you up tho idk if ur comfortable with me knowing where u live i mean its not like youd be coming over to kidnap me lmao i dont mind sent attachment sick ok i think i know where that is ill be there in a few alrrr i'll get ready then

You hop up from your seat on the couch, walking into your room and picking out some warm clothes so you're comfortable outside. The air has definitely gotten more and more chilly after Halloween, and you're not quite sure if you like that sensation or not.

Hopping a bit to pull on your shoes, you hear your doorbell ring and drop your leg to walk over and look through the peephole. Sure enough, you're met with the skeleton waiting with a bored expression before you open the door.

"Hey! Wow, I didn't think you'd get here so quick." You muse, earning a chuckle from the skeleton as you step aside to let him in out of the cold. Can skeletons feel temperatures? You assume not because of the lack of skin.

He puts his hands in his pockets as he enters, watching you close the door behind him. "i took a shortcut, didn't take long at all. nice place."

"Thanks, it's nothing big, but it's home. That's all that matters, right?" You smile, walking to your bathroom and heading inside to fix your hair how you like it (if you have any, that is.) You leave the door open, glancing over briefly when he stands in the doorway to speak with you.

"yeah, doesn't matter what size. home's a home, anyway." His eyelight drifts around as he inspects what he can see, learning a little bit more about you from observing some of your favorite things. You give him a smile before exiting the bathroom, walking over to the front door to hold it open for him. He follows you out silently, and the two of you begin your walk down the street.

"So..does he like any particular kinds of desserts? Cakes, cookies, brownies, etcetera.. throw me a bone here." You hold up your phone and open your notes app so you can get an idea of what to look for.

"well, anything made from the heart's gonna appeal to him right off the bat. but if you wanna go for something he'll really like.. he loves sugar cookies. like the kind with icing, he eats those up when i get 'em." He smiles, thinking back to a memory. You nod, saving "sugar cookies" to your phone. If you're gonna bake, then it's gotta be something he'd love! That's one way to win him over.

"Sugar cookies it is! Any specific kind of frosting flavor?"

There's a pause. You wait patiently, but when Sans' reply never comes, you look up at his face. His eyes have gone blank, almost like he'd shut down.

"Sans? Are you alright?"

"just..hang on, i..i know it's in there. i know i can remember that, i know i can." He speaks softly, and you frown, stopping in place and stopping him as well.

"Hey. Don't worry if you can't remember. I'll figure something out, don't strain yourself. It's okay, Sans." You reach your hands up, placing them on his shoulders with a reassuring smile. His eyelight slowly reforms in his eye, warbling a bit before returning to its usual large shape.

"..okay. thanks."

You nod, leading the big skeleton along until you finally reach your destination: the grocery store. A nostalgic song plays as you both hear the doors slide open, granting you both access. Thankfully not too many people are inside at the moment, which gives you more room to look and gives Sans a bit more peace.

Seeing as you probably won't need a bunch of ingredients, you settle for a basket and begin walking to look for the baking section. Sans simply walks right beside you, ignoring any stares from other people inside.

"Okay, sugar cookies..I need a box with a mix..I'm not getting the frozen ones, I just wanna make these myself. I could get some red icing maybe, like strawberry? Or cherry? Is there cherry icing? I'm sure there is." You mutter to yourself as you walk, unaware of Sans' fond smile as he watches you talk, making sure to pay attention in case you ask him something out of the blue.

"I could make cute little patterns on them- ooor I could just cover them..I dunno, we'll see how I feel when the baking starts." You smile, reaching your hand up to try and grab a box of the mix you need, but frown when you can't reach it. Gonna need a step stool..

Sans leans a little over you from behind, putting a hand on your shoulder and reaching up to grab the box for you. You smile up at him, thanking him promptly as he shrugs it off. You should ask him to shop with you more often, it'd definitely be easier than climbing the shelves. You used to do that when you were younger, and had gotten caught a few times..well, you won't get caught again!

You look through some different cookie cutters, debating cutting the cookies into shapes, and if so, what shapes in particular to use. Your peace is interrupted when you hear quiet whispering a good distance away, furrowing your brows when you overhear what some people are saying.

Sans tries to pretend not to notice, but you can tell it's really starting to bother him..

You hold out your arm. He looks at you with confusion, raising a browbone.

"Take my arm in yours." You whisper, earning even more confusion. "C'mon, just do it!"

He holds out his arm slightly, and you take that as a cue to wrap yours around it, walking with him down another aisle. When you walk beside the few whispering, you glare daggers at them before looking over some different cookie cutters that are much more to your liking, wondering why they hadn't put them where you were. Poor organization..

Sans keeps his skull turned away, a mix of a blue and red flush covering his cheekbones as he avoids looking at your face. You don't seem to notice, which he's admittedly a bit thankful for.

"Okay! I think that's all that I-"

You hear your name being called, stopping mid sentence. Your eyes quickly dart over to the source, spotting him..

Your Ex.

Your grip tightens on Sans' arm. He snaps back to reality, looking between you and them before realizing. You glare at him as he approaches.

"So. One day you just ditch me out of the blue and now you're hanging out with monster trash. Man, I didn't think you'd stoop that low."

"Shut up. Nobody cares what you have to say. You're the only one who's trash here. Just leave me alone, and get out of my life."

"Woah, easy." He holds up his hands in mock defense. "Got me shaking in my boots, babe! So scary.."

"Yeah, still scared after we spooked the shit out of you in the haunted house?" You tilt your head, a sly smile on your face. His face darkens, and his brows furrow.

"Whatever- Look, you-"

"I just want you to leave me alone. The only reason you finally want to spend time with me now is because I'm gone. You had your chance with me, and now I'm spending my time with way better people. We are through, we will always be through, so leave me be."

"You really think a monster is better than me? You're kidding yourself! Just.. look at him. He's probably an actual axe murdere-"

You move before you can think, punching him square in the nose and watching him stumble. It isn't until you see his blood on your hand and his widened eyes that you realize what you just did, quickly ushering Sans away and pulling him to the checkout section. You have what you need, time to get out of here.

It's quiet as you pay, before you both leave the store. Sans tugs a little on your hand, so you stop, facing him as you calm your breathing down.

"..you okay?" He sounds a little worried.

"Yeah. I'm..I'm alright, now. Are.. you okay?"

"you just punched a guy for me." He states, a smile creeping onto his face.

"Well, yeah. I hate him and he was being a jerk, of course I did. Nobody messes with the people I care about." You grab some napkins from the bag, wiping away your ex's blood as you both make your way across the street.

Sans bumps your hand with his, so you unclench your fingers, allowing him to hold it. ..He's..never done that before. That's new.

Heat rises to your face, and you pray to anyone above that it doesn't show. That's all you need right now.

You enter your home, turning on the lights. "Just go wherever, my house is your house and all that jazz. I'm gonna wear something for baking." You smile, walking to your room. He gives you a thumbs up before you go, sitting down on your couch and covering his face with his hands.

Stars, feelings are complicated. You just made his soul do a somersault twice in a row without even meaning to. It's not fair, why does he have to feel so- conflicted?! He moves his hands down, groaning before taking a deep breath as you walk back in.

"Okay. You wanna bake with me?" You smile innocently, completely unaware of the rollercoaster looping around in his skull. He nods, walking into the kitchen after you, simply watching as you grab an apron and set the oven up for baking.

Several seconds of ingredient hunting later, you set everything out on the counter and get to work. Crack the eggs, add some butter, throw in some oil.. mix. You move around like a robot, earning an amused chuckle from the skeleton as he sits on the same counter to watch you, sending some ingredients over when you need them using magic.

Once you have the cookie dough mixed up properly, you smack his hand away once with a spatula to make sure he doesn't try and snatch any up. Your focus then shifts to the icing, making a bit of a mess as you stir. A bit of it lands on your face that you don't seem to notice, but a certain someone with you does.

"hey, c'mere." He slides off the counter with ease, making you stop in your tracks. He holds his hand up to your cheek, resting his thumb over a small bit of icing. He pauses for a moment, the two of you staring into each other's eyes. Heat rushes to both of your faces, his cheekbones erupting in a blue and red mixed blush as he raises his thumb to his mouth, allowing his mixed tongue to lick away the icing in question.

Oh. Oh man.

You avert your eyes when he does, focusing back on the icing. That's new. A lot of things are new today.

The tension eventually fades out once the cookies have been brought out, now cut into lovely different shapes Sans is sure Papyrus will love. He shares a few stories he can remember from the past, you happily listening along and sometimes replying with witty comebacks to his jokes.

Time flies, and finally the cookies are finished, ready to eat! You almost feel kinda bad that these'll be gone soon..but it'll be worth it if he likes them! You hang up your apron, grinning slyly when you turn back to Sans. He raises a browbone in your direction, when you place a small bit of icing on his nose. He laughs, a determined glint to his eye as he tries to get some of the leftover stuff on you, the two of you chasing each other around the kitchen before you erupt into laughter.

He looks up from the floor at you, and his breath hitches. You have a really nice smile..he should tell you that some time. Not yet, though. No..it's too soon for that.

You grin, licking any leftover icing on you and walking to your room to change into the clothes you'd set out previously for when you go with Sans back to his house. Alright, first impressions are everything! Gotta look nice for the occasion.

Sans stares at the ceiling for a little bit while he waits for you, trying to remember some obscure TV show he watched once as a child with his brother he just can't seem to put a name on. You eventually walk back into the room, determined and ready to go. You walk into the kitchen and grab the lovely bowl of cookies you baked, holding it under your arm.

"So, shall we walk?" You smile as he walks up to you, but then raise a brow in confusion when he shakes his head. Maybe he'd prefer driving? You didn't see a car outside, though..

"i know a faster way to get there, if you're okay with it."

"Sure. What is it?"

"hold my arm for a sec. you might feel kinda dizzy for a little bit." He offers his arm to you, and you accept it quickly.

"OkaaAAAY-" You panic when the ground disappears from beneath your feet, holding onto him tightly and squeezing your eyes shut. It is only when you're back on the ground that you open them, glancing around. ..You appear to be in someone's driveway, someone who owns a very lovely home.

"aaaand we're here. tada." He grins, letting you regain your balance. How did he do that? When did he learn he could do that? Why did he not tell you he could do that befo- that's how he got to your house so fast. Of course. A "shortcut".

"You're really amazing, Sans." You smile up at him, chuckling a little to yourself when he looks away. He leads you up the porch steps to the front door, knocking in a rhythmic pattern and waiting for a moment before it swings abruptly open.

"AH! Brother, There You Are!" The much-taller-than-you'd-expected skeleton exclaims, pushing up his glasses a bit so he can see better. "And You've Brought The Human Along With You! Excellent! I've Just Gotten Started On Tonight's Dinner. Do Come Inside! It's Certainly Much Warmer Than It Is Out There. Sans, You Both Didn't Walk, Did You? It's Easy For Humans To Get Colds!"

You both smile at his rambling as Sans reassures him that he used a shortcut to get here. He's a total contrast to his brother, a ball of energy to counter his brother's overall tired and "lazy" demeanor.

Papyrus gestures for you to walk in, you both promptly remove your shoes at the door when you see that there are a few pairs of boots there already. You can assume literally all of them belong to Papyrus, because Sans is usually either wearing slippers or sneakers.

"Ah! Where Are My Manners." He clasps his gloved hands together, grinning down at you. "I Am The Great Papyrus! I'm Certain My Brother Has Told You About Me Already." He grins, his braces shining when the light of the ceiling fan above him hits them.

You smile, moving one of your arms to hold it out to shake his hand, watching him eagerly grab it. "It's nice to meet you in person, Papyrus." You tell him your name, and he makes sure to remember it for next time.

"Sans told me you were really looking forward to making dinner tonight, sooo I thought I'd bake some cookies! We can have them after dinner's over with, and you guys can keep them for a while until you run out. And if you like them, well..I'd be more than happy to make some more."

Papyrus gasps, putting a hand where his heart would be, as if he'd been struck right through it. "Oh, That's So Kind Of You! And Fitting For The Occasion! You Can Place Them On The Counter For Now, There Should Be An Open Space."

You do as instructed, admiring all the lovely little details in the home. They certainly tell you plenty about the two, and the things they like.. There's a ton of pretty patterns in the wood in some parts of the kitchen, presumably crafted by Paps himself. There are some red gingham curtains gently blowing with the breeze from outside before he closes the windows, and you briefly catch a glance of a clothesline with drying clothes. Huh, Papyrus must be into cosplay. That's cool!

Sans spooks you, giving you a pat on the shoulder as he walks up to his room. Ooh..this gives you an opportunity to see it..you would hate to pry, though. Maybe another time you can. You'll definitely be visiting later.

Deciding not to pester him, you focus your attention on Papyrus, who's happily humming a tune you don't recognize and cooking up something that makes your mouth water.

"So," His voice catches you off guard, making you jolt. "How'd It Happen?"

"How'd..what happen, exactly?" You smile, leaning a bit on the counter to watch him work.

"How'd You Meet, And How'd You Convince My Brother To Think So Fondly Of You?"

"We met at a- wait, he thinks fondly of me?"

"Well, Of Course He Does! Don't Tell Me You're As Blind As I Am Without Glasses." He lets out a nyeh-heh, stirring something. "He Talks About You Quite Often!"

"He does?.." Your voice is soft when you ask, heat creeping back up to your cheeks before you shake your head to try and make it go away.

"Indeed! Now, I'll Repeat The Other Part..How'd You Meet? I'm Very Curious About That."

"Well, it all started when me and my..well, he's my ex now-"

"Oh, Is This Drama? Now I've Certainly Got To Hear About This. I Love A Little Bit Of Gossip." He grins slyly, and you let out a laugh before going into detail about everything.

Papyrus is such a lovely person to talk to, even if you have to repeat what you say a few times because of his hearing problems. You can definitely understand why Sans thinks so highly of his brother.

Speaking of Sans, he finally joins you both downstairs after a while, having changed into an almost exact replica of the clothes he had been wearing before but much cleaner. Look at him, getting dressed up for the occasion..

Papyrus finishes making his masterpiece, and you all sit down at the table together. It's such a warm environment..Sans cracking jokes, Papyrus groaning but making a few of his own in return..the two sharing fond stories from the past..Papyrus talking about his work and what he loves to do..you could listen to him for hours. The food is immaculate, and you fight the urge to groan with delight at the taste.

When dinner is finished, you send your compliments to the chef, and the taste test for the cookies begins..you stare with anxious anticipation as he inspects a skull-shaped cookie, amused by your choice before biting into it. Silence fills the room before he grins in your direction, putting his hands on his hips.

"This Is Excellent! You Did Wonderfully! Stars, I May Run Out Of These Within The Week! GAH!" He puts his hands on his skull, you and Sans letting out a laugh at his expressions.

"Don't worry, Paps. I'll definitely make some more for you later."

"Wonderful! You Simply Must Show Me How You Make Them. They're Exquisite!"

"Maaybe..but good magicians never reveal their secrets, do they?" You smile slyly. He gasps in understanding, before placing his fist against his palm.

"Right. Fair Enough!"

You don't realize how fast time flies when you're having fun. You could spend eternity with these guys, without changing a thing. They're both so much fun to be around, and..it's really nice, being surrounded by such caring people.

Before you know it you're sitting on the couch, listening to Papyrus ramble about scandals in the monster celebrity world, promptly gasping when you hear something shocking. Sans simply watches the both of you with a lazy smile, chiming in from time to time before you all focus on whatever movie's playing on the TV.

One movie turns into several..

You feel your eyes slowly close as you lean against something big and warm, relaxing with a smile.

Sans freezes when he looks down at you, holding his hands in the air and unsure where to put them. Papyrus scoffs, motioning for him to put his arm around you. Sans looks at him with an expression that screams "are you crazy?!" before Papyrus shoots one back, rolling his eyes and waving him off before whispering a good night to him and heading upstairs. Fuck. What does he do? He couldn't just..could he?

His eyelight darts around until it rests on your sleeping form. He sighs for a moment, before abruptly shortcutting to your house and ensuring that the doors are locked, reappearing in the spot he had been sitting in before. You readjust your position, getting even closer this time.. His face flushes again as he lowers an arm over you, unable to look away. Oh jeez.. Ain't this complicated? Well..lots of things are, aren't they?

Hearing your soft breathing leaves him feeling calm..content. He's..alright with this. He'll embrace the moment for a little while, while it lasts. He focuses on the screen, until his eyes begin to close as well..maybe a nap wouldn't hurt.

[iovebarca]

Tides Of Love - Pablo Gavi

Authors note: I was trying to make a longer fic but I don't know how I feel about it so i may delete it later on😭 like idk if this moves too fast n whatever so yh

Warnings: incorrect grammar (probably), my first language isn't english so if you notice any mistakes please tell me, not proofread

WC: 2400

Summary: Childhood friends Pablo and the reader share an unbreakable bond, supporting each other through thick and thin. After a heartfelt confession, they realize their mutual feelings and embark on a romantic journey together.

The sun rises over Barcelona, casting a golden glow over the city as you start your day. Today, like every other day, you're headed to pick up your best friend, Pablo, for his training session. Pablo Gavi, the talented football player, has been your closest friend since childhood. You've seen each other through thick and thin, and your bond is unbreakable.

As you arrive at his apartment, Pablo is already waiting for you, his gym bag slung over his shoulder and a bright smile on his face. He hops into your car, and the two of you drive to the training grounds, chatting and laughing about everything and nothing.

"Remember when we used to play football in the park, and you would always steal the ball from me?" Pablo teases, his eyes sparkling with fond memories.

"Hey, I had to keep you on your toes somehow," you reply with a grin. "Who knew you'd end up playing for Barcelona?"

Your daily routine is a testament to your deep connection. You bring him to training, support him during matches, and spend almost every free moment together. Yet, despite this closeness, there's an unspoken agreement between you both to brush off any romantic feelings. Neither of you wants to risk the friendship that means so much.

At the training grounds, you wave goodbye to Pablo and head to the stands, where Pedri, another of your mutual friends and a fellow FC Barcelona player, is waiting. Pedri knows about the feelings you both harbor but refuse to acknowledge. He's made it his mission to encourage Pablo to take a leap of faith.

"Hey, Pedri," you greet, taking a seat beside him. "Ready to watch Pablo show off his skills for the last time this season?"

Pedri chuckles. "Always. But, you know, I think there's something more important we need to talk about."

You raise an eyebrow, curious. "Oh? And that is?"

Pedri leans in, lowering his voice conspiratorially. "You and Pablo. It's obvious you both like each other. What's stopping you?"

Your heart skips a beat at his words, but you quickly brush it off with a laugh. "Pedri, you know we're just friends. Besides, it would complicate things. I don't want to ruin what we have."

Pedri shakes his head, a knowing smile on his face. "Sometimes, the best relationships start as friendships. You both deserve to be happy, and I can see that you make each other happy."

As the training session progresses, you watch Pablo with a mix of pride and longing. His dedication, skill, and passion for football are inspiring, but it's his kindness and unwavering support that have truly captured your heart. Despite the butterflies in your stomach, you push those thoughts aside, focusing instead on being the best friend you can be.

Pablo interacts with his teammates, sharing jokes and laughs. One of them, Ferran, playfully nudges Pablo. "Hey, Gavi, your number one fan is here as always," he says, glancing at you with a grin.

Pablo laughs, glancing over at you. "Couldn't do it without her," he replies, his voice sincere.

After training, Pablo jogs over to you, sweat-soaked but beaming. "How'd I do?" he asks, grabbing a water bottle from his bag.

"Amazing, as always," you reply, handing him a towel. "You never fail to impress."

Pedri joins you, clapping Pablo on the back. "Great session, man. But you know, there's something you should probably work on outside the pitch too."

Pablo looks between you and Pedri, a puzzled expression on his face. "What are you talking about?"

Pedri smirks. "Just think about it, Pablo. Sometimes, the best opportunities are right in front of you."

As you watch the exchange between Pablo and Pedri, a flutter of hope stirs in your chest. Could it be that Pedri sees what you've been trying so hard to ignore? Is it possible that your feelings for Pablo are not as one-sided as you'd thought?

And as the day draws to a close, you find yourself lost in thoughts of what might be. Could this be the beginning of something new, something more than just friendship? Only time will tell, but for now, you cling to the hope that maybe, just maybe, love is waiting just around the corner.

After the last training session of the season, Pablo, Pedri, and you decide to take a much-needed vacation to a small beach city in Spain. The picturesque town, with its golden sands and crystal-clear waters, promises a perfect getaway from the hustle and bustle of your regular lives.

The three of you rent a charming house close to the beach, and as the days pass, you and Pablo find yourselves spending even more time together. Whether it's lounging on the beach, exploring the local markets, or sharing quiet moments under the starlit sky, the connection between you two grows stronger. The unspoken tension, however, becomes almost unbearable.

One day, you and Pablo build sandcastles on the beach, laughing and competing to see who can make the best one. "You're still a kid at heart," you tease, smiling fondly at him.

"And you love me for it," he retorts, his eyes twinkling.

That evening, while Pedri is out picking up groceries, you and Pablo are in the kitchen, preparing dinner together. The intimacy of the moment—chopping vegetables side by side, the occasional brush of hands—heightens the tension. You can feel Pablo's eyes on you, and when you finally look up, your gazes lock.

"Pablo," you say softly, feeling a rush of emotions.

"Yes?" he replies, his voice equally soft, his eyes never leaving yours.

The air between you crackles with anticipation, and for a moment, it feels like the world outside the kitchen has ceased to exist. Pablo takes a step closer, and your heart races. You can feel his breath on your skin, and just as his lips are about to meet yours, the front door swings open.

Pedri walks in, oblivious to the moment he's interrupted. "Hey, guys! I got everything we need for dinner!"

You and Pablo quickly step apart, the spell broken. The moment is awkward, and you both pretend like nothing happened, focusing instead on finishing dinner. Pedri, sensing something is off but unsure of what, remains silent.

Later that night, after dinner and a few rounds of laughter and games, Pedri pulls Pablo aside. They step out onto the patio, the cool night air providing a stark contrast to the tension inside.

"What's going on with you and y/n?" Pedri asks, his tone curious but concerned.

Pablo sighs, running a hand through his hair. "We almost kissed, Pedri. In the kitchen. And then you walked in."

Pedri's eyes widen in realization. "Oh shit, man I had no idea. I'm sorry if I ruined the moment."

"It's not your fault," Pablo replies, shaking his head. "It's just... we've been best friends forever. What if... what if we mess everything up?"

Pedri places a reassuring hand on Pablo's shoulder. "Listen, the best relationships often start as friendships. You two clearly have something special. Don't let fear hold you back. Talk to her. You both deserve to know how the other feels."

Pablo sighs, nodding slowly. "Okay, so let's say I do want to tell her. How do I do it? I can't just blurt it out."

Pedri grins, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "You need to make it special. Show her how much she means to you. Do something that she'll never forget."

Pablo's eyes light up with a newfound determination. "You're right. I need to plan something amazing. Flowers, chocolates, maybe even a small gift. Something that shows her how much I care."

Pedri claps him on the back. "There you go! Now you're thinking. I'll help you out. Tomorrow, I'll keep her busy while you get everything ready."

Pablo smiles, feeling a surge of confidence. "Thanks, Pedri. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Inside the house, you lay on your bed, your mind racing with thoughts of what almost happened. The tension between you and Pablo is undeniable, but so is the fear of losing the friendship that means so much to you. 

-

The morning sun peeks through the curtains, casting a warm glow over the quaint beach house. Pablo wakes up with a sense of determination; today is the day he plans to confess his feelings to you. He knows he needs to make it special, and after talking to Pedri the night before, he's decided to go all out.

While you’re still asleep, Pablo heads to the kitchen where Pedri is already making breakfast. He quickly explains his plan to Pedri, who listens with an amused but supportive expression.

"I need your help today," Pablo says, grabbing a piece of toast. "I want to find the best flowers, chocolates—anything that will make this perfect. I need you to keep y/n busy while I'm gone."

Pedri grins. "You got it, man. I'll make sure she's entertained. Just focus on getting everything ready for your big confession."

With the plan set, Pablo finishes his breakfast and slips out of the house quietly. He heads into town, determined to find everything he needs to express his love for you.

-

Back at the house, you wake up to the sound of Pedri's cheerful voice. "Morning, are you up to go shopping?"

You stretch and yawn, still feeling the lingering tension from the previous night. "Where's Pablo?"

Pedri shrugs nonchalantly. "He had some errands to run. But don’t worry, he’ll be back soon. In the meantime, how about we go explore the town?"

Curious but agreeing to the distraction, you and Pedri set off to explore the charming beach town. You visit local shops, taste delicious treats from street vendors, All the while, Pedri keeps you entertained with his humor and easygoing nature, but you can't shake the feeling that something is up. You miss Pablo though.

Meanwhile, Pablo is on a mission. He drives to the nearby town to find everything he needs for the confession. He visits a small, charming flower shop, carefully selecting a bouquet of stargazer lilies as he knew those were your favorite flowers. The elderly shopkeeper watches him with a knowing smile.

"Someone special, eh?" she asks, wrapping the flowers carefully.

Pablo nods, a shy smile on his face. "Yeah, very special." He can't help but smile, imagining the look on your face when he presents them to you.

Flowers in hand, Pablo makes one final stop at a small boutique. He finds a delicate piece of jewelry—a pearl bracelet with a heart shaped gold charm. It's simple yet meaningful, a perfect symbol of his feelings for you.

As he makes his purchases, Pablo's mind races with thoughts of the confession. He wants everything to be perfect, but the fear of what might happen if things go wrong looms over him. Still, he knows he can't back out now.

When he returns to the beach house, he finds you and Pedri lounging in the living room, chatting and laughing. You look up as he walks in, and for a moment, your eyes meet. There's an intensity there, a mix of hope and fear, and it makes his heart race.

"Where have you been?" you ask, a teasing tone in your voice.

Pablo steps out from the kitchen, holding the bouquet of flowers and a small jewelry box. Your eyes widen in surprise as he walks toward you, his expression earnest and hopeful.

"Hey," he says softly, handing you the flowers. "I wanted to do something special for you."

You take the flowers, your heart pounding. "Pablo, what's all this?"

He takes a deep breath, gathering his courage. "Come take a walk with me on the beach. I’ll explain everything."

Hand in hand, you leave the house and step onto the soft sands, the rhythmic sound of the waves providing a soothing backdrop. The sky is painted with the colors of the setting sun, casting a golden glow over the water.

As you walk along the shore, Pablo squeezes your hand, his thumb gently stroking your skin. "I know this might seem sudden, but I've been feeling this way for a long time. Every time we were together, I wanted to say something, but I was afraid of what might happen if you didn't feel the same way."

You stop walking and look out at the horizon, the beauty of the moment making your heart ache with unspoken emotions. "I've felt the same, Pablo," you admit softly. "Every time I thought about telling you, I was terrified of losing our friendship. But being here with you now, I realize that we both wanted the same thing."

He stops and turns to face you, "I don't want to hide my feelings anymore. You're my best friend, and I cherish every moment we spend together. But... I realized that it's more than that. I love you, I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember."

Your eyes well up with tears as you listen to his heartfelt confession. "Pablo, I..."

Before you can find the right words to respond, Pablo reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small jewelry box. With trembling hands, he opens it, revealing a delicate pearl bracelet with a heart-shaped charm. "I got this for you because I wanted you to know how much you mean to me."

Overwhelmed with emotion, you reach out and take the bracelet, your fingers brushing against his as you do. "Pablo, I..." you try again, but once more, the words fail you.

I know it's a lot to take in, but I just couldn't keep it to myself any longer."

Overwhelmed with emotion, you step closer to him, setting the flowers and chocolates aside. "Pablo, I love you too. I was just scared to tell you because I didn't want to ruin our friendship."

A radiant smile spreads across his face, and he pulls you into a tight embrace. "You have no idea how happy that makes me," he whispers.

The evening is magical. You and Pablo enjoy a romantic dinner on the patio, the sound of the waves providing a soothing backdrop. After dinner, he takes your hand, leading you to a secluded spot on the beach. Under the starlit sky, you dance to the sound of the ocean, wrapped in each other's arms.

As the music fades, Pablo looks into your eyes, his gaze filled with love and longing. Without a word, he leans in, capturing your lips in a passionate kiss. The world falls away, and in that moment, there's only you and him, lost in the intensity of your feelings for each other.

When you finally pull apart, breathless and flushed, you both know that this is just the beginning of a beautiful new chapter in your lives. And as you hold each other close, watching the stars twinkle above, you can't help but feel that everything has finally fallen into place.

[thewertsearch]

TG: i thought about taking his sword TG: when i was there TG: but i couldnt TG: couldnt really bring myself to try to pull it out it was too weird

Even if you did, you’d have to break it in order to wield it - and unlike your regenerating sword, I don't think Bro's katana will be very effective as a half-blade.

GG: dave we have to stop him!!!!! TG: what GG: jack! […] GG: why dont you stop jumping around through time like a maniac and stop being like a hundred daves all the time and come to my house so we can make a plan to kill him??

I’m liking this new, more pro-active Jade. With Rose distracted by Doc Scratch's games, we probably need a new leader, and I think Jade could fit the bill.

However, I don’t think any number of Daves would be enough to take Jack down. That’s exactly what Aradia tried, and we all know how that turned out. If a thousand telekinetic necromancers can't put a scratch on him, I don't think Dave will fare much better.

TG: besides we cant beat him TG: look what he did to bro and davesprite together TG: im at the top of my echeladder with all the fraymotifs and i stand no chance

Dave’s already stronger than Future Dave was when he came back to the past. His progress is astounding - but the session's power creep has got so bad that it doesn’t even matter.

Like - let's imagine, for a second, that all four kids attacked Jack with their full power, right now. If they all synergized perfectly, taking full advantage of John's hurricanes, Rose's Horrorterror connections, and all the time duplicates Dave can make....

They'd still be reduced to a fine mist.

Jack has inherited a power strong enough to raze the entire Earth, and none of the kids can touch him. Becsprite initially seemed like an opportunity to match that power, Sun-to-Sun, but Vriska, for her own godforsaken reasons, nixed that plan.

The kids have got nothing. Even their plan to cheat by destroying the Green Sun is probably hopeless, because we know it ultimately serves Doc Scratch's ends, not ours. Things are really dire.

TG: only thing we can do is hold out until the scratch GG: what is the scratch? TG: guess i shouldnt really say TG: since you sort of lead the way in making that plan

And then there's the Scratch plan itself, which is apparently Jade's idea - although I'd be extremely surprised if Doc's grubby little fingers weren't all over this one, too.

Opening rifts in space is certainly Jade's department, so I think she's going to suggest it as a counter-plan to Rose's more risky Sun strategy.

TG: if we cant beat him TG: all we can really do is exile him to a place where he cant teleport back TG: which hopefully buys us some time TG: to try to take out his power source in a crazy suicide mission

A two-pronged approach, then. They trigger the Scratch, push Jack through a rift, and then send Rose's dream self out to destroy the sun before he's able to return.

...man, this is such a dangerous idea. Even if it wasn't being influenced by Doc, it'd still set off some huge alarm bells.

Like - sure, destroying the Green Sun might help this session survive, but what about every other session? Don't they need the Sun, to power their non-corrupted First Guardians? I just think we should maybe think for a second before deleting a critical piece of the reproductive mechanism for the entire multiverse.

[asnowdriftsomewhere]

Daylight pt4

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Cassian x F!reader

AN: Thank you to everyone for reading this series and enjoying it! Part 1 now has over 100 notes, which makes me very happy! I hope you continue to like what i have to say!

Summary: Helion comes to check on you in the Night Court. You have feelings about it and Cassian is shirtless.

Warnings: talking about death and expectations and pressures

Word count: 1596

You sat perfectly still in the seat across from Rhysand. Everything in your body begged you to run, to flee this room where the walls pushed in. Suffocating you, trapping you. But your spin was a pillar of steel and your eyes belied none of your discomfort. As far as anyone in the room was concerned you were perfectly calm as you kept your gaze on the High Lord before you.

“Y/N?” The voice came from the seat next to you. A warm, familiar tone that once wrapped around your bones and soothed your anxious heart. Now it made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up and a muscle in your jaw tic.

“My research is slow moving,” you spoke to Rhysand, your fingers interlaced over your crossed knees, “but it is progressing.”

Violet eyes flicked from you to the male beside you and back again, “Do you require anything to aid you? The resources of the Night Court are at your disposal.”

“A most generous offer, High Lord-”

“Y/N-”

“Perhaps you can spare your Shadowsinger for a few questions,” you continued as if not hearing him speak. “I think he would have some most illuminating things to say.”

Rhysand nodded once, “When Azriel gets back from the continent, I'll send him to you.”

You bowed your head in thanks as you got to your feet, “Until then, I shall return to the library.” You started to leave but paused, “Males aren't allowed down there unless given permission, correct?”

“Correct.”

“Y/N-”

“Good to know,” you turned and left without another word to either male. The door slamming in your wake.

Rhysand turned to Helion, who slumped into his chair and raised an eyebrow. “Well…” he started, and the High Lord of Day let out a low groan. “You've certainly managed to piss her off. What did you do?”

“I brought her here,” Helion sighed as he stood to cross the room to the window. The golden rays of the sun seemed to shine even brighter in his presence. “The Grand Library was her home, and I sent her away.”

Rhysand hummed softly, “Why did you bring her here, old friend?”

Helion's amber eyes closed briefly, a shiver of what almost seemed like regret running through his powerful body, “Y/N had a sister. My father's chief advisor and a brilliant researcher. She died defending the library from being looted again just before Amarantha fell.”

“Ah.”

“Y/N hasn't been the same since,” he continued, slipping his hands into his pockets. “It's as if, because she survived, she feels she needs to live up to her sister's legacy. That she needs to be as good or better than her. But Y/N already was those things, just in a smaller way.”

Rhysand tipped his head to the side, “What do you mean?”

“Her sister made miracles, feats of magic that we never could have dreamed possible. Y/N…” he trailed off, turning back to the Night Lord. “Her research was about philosophy. The very concepts of Life and Death. She dove into the essence of Religion and Mythology and the laws of the universe itself. She sought answers to questions no one else in my court would have ever bothered with because they did not affect or change our day to day. And I believe she felt like she had the freedom to do so because her sister's accomplishments shielded her from the competition my father fostered among his Advisors.”

Rhysand steepled his fingers in front of him, “And with her sister dead, her own lack of answers is weighing on her.”

Helion nodded once, “She feels that if she can't provide results, then the wrong sister died.”

“Do you know what she's looking into now?”

“I don't,” he admitted with a sigh, “I've not been privy to her research since coming back from under the mountain. She hides it from everyone.”

Rhysand seemed to ponder something for a moment, “She asked Cassian if he's ever heard a swan song. Are you familiar with the concept?”

Helion turned back to him, “I am.”

“And now she's asking to speak with Azriel,” the corners of his mouth ticked down.

Helion raised an eyebrow, “What are you thinking?”

“I'm thinking about death…” he trailed off before meeting his friend's amber gaze. “I'll need to speak to Clotho to verify but…” the two males fell into conversation quietly as Rhysand relayed his theory to Helion. Too engrossed in the debate to notice the slip of daylight that slithered under the door and into the hall.

***

You found yourself not in the library as you had intended after winnowing back to the House of Wind, but instead in the training right above it. You don't know why you ended up here. What force drew you to this place you'd not yet had need of in the two months since coming here. But once you were staring into the wide open sky above, you let out a scream that nearly shook the mountain before collapsing into the middle of the training pit.

Your breath was coming in shaky, uneven gasps as if your lungs were being held in a vice, so you buried your hands up to your wrists into the gravel. Focusing on the cool stones against your skin helped sooth and smother your roiling anger. The burning you felt in your soul dissipating into the mountain below until slowly your breathing evened out and your body stopped shaking.

Your rage was still there. It never left entirely. Like a ball of fire, it squatted in your chest, waiting to be unleashed. Some days, it was the only thing that got you out of bed. Others you had to lock yourself in your room to keep from lashing out indiscriminately. Regardless, it was always there, always prepared for however you would wield it.

“Are you okay?”

The voice came from behind you, and your head snapped up in response. Cassian stood at the edge of the pit. Shirtless and sweaty, he'd clearly been in the middle of training when you'd stomped through the space like a viper ready to strike.

He'd know better than to intercept you. A female with that look on her face was more dangerous than entire armies, and Cassian wasn't stupid enough to think his presence would improve the situation. Especially after he heard the scream that came out of your small frame. Pain and rage and sorrow- he knew that scream. Knew how deep the hurt had to run to be able to produce a cry like that. He'd heard every single one of his family members make that scream and knew what caused it. A wounding of the soul itself.

He'd been about to slip back into the House, intent on giving you your privacy when he saw you collapse into the training pit and bury your hands in the stones. It confused him enough that he lingered in the threshold and baffled him entirely as he WATCHED the anger leak out of your body.

Cassian approached then, not only to make sure you were okay but also because some central part of him wondered at what you had done. How you had leashed your rage.

“Are you okay?”

Your head snapped up to face him, your expression turning weary. He held up his hands to show you he had no weapons and your shoulders eased some.

“Why are you always sneaking up on me?” Your voice was heavy and held none of the bite he imagined you intended your words to carry.

“In my defense” he shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest, “I was here first this time. You just didn't see me.”

You let out a hard breath, eyes falling back to the stones, “Indeed.”

“Y/N,” he said your name so softly, so sweetly, something in your chest cracked in response, “Are you okay?”

You looked up at him again, your gaze crashing into his, and your vision blurred. “No,” you admitted, something straining in your voice, “But I will be. I must be.”

“What does that-”

“Thank you, General,” you silenced him as you stood up from the gravel. Wiping the dust from your hands as you did. “For caring enough to check, but please, let's not fool ourselves into thinking this is anything more than court politics.”

He frowned at that, “Court polit- Y/N-”

“I am a member of the Day Court, your High Lord's closest ally. I was sent here to be kept from breaking under the weight of my role,” you said simply, studying the dirt now crusted under your nails. “I know this, you know this. Your kindness, while appreciated, is not needed or wanted. I will fix myself. I will not break.”

Cassian was at a loss for words, “Y/N-”

“I will not break,” you said again, your eyes flicking to meet his, and he felt his world shift out from under him. He was not in Prythian. He was not in the Night Court or Velaris or standing atop the House of Wind. He was standing on a sunbeam, walking on the wind, fingers trailing through the clouds. And across from him, there you were. Glowing and graceful, a star made just for him.

Cassian blinked, and the vision was gone. He was back in the training pit, his gaze locked with yours. Only you were fading, like the edges of your body were fraying into the wind as you disappeared before his eyes. He blinked again, and you were gone.

Part 5