#simping on main is surprisingly positive for my mental health

[sr-sam-bodypillow]

hoogh im thinking about stancat123. he’s so cute frrrrr… so behold! nsfw stan x reader headcanons since I’m simping on main. no gendered pronouns but reader is afab

[full disclosure this was first put into my drafts in fucking January. time is a myth i have adhd]

stan is overall kind of a disaster of a guy (affectionate). you would absolutely have to make the first move and flirt with him

he’s so warm…. like human hot water bottle. good for hugging.

he would absolutely ramble about topics that he likes for hours on end and it’s adorable

i don’t think he’s a good cook. like, at all. im pretty sure he managed to give himself food poisoning within a few weeks of living by himself. he goes into the kitchen and creates biohazards modern horror writers only wish they could create. but he makes up for it with enthusiasm and puppy-dog eyes, so you two spend a lot of time cooking together (he improves. eventually)

when you snuggle in bed he starts out as the little spoon but you end up waking up to his limbs tangled around you as he clings onto you like a weird lanky koala

he’s also NOT a morning person at all. he’s like a siren but instead of leading your ship into the rocks with his singing he leads you back into the warm and comfy bed in the morning when you have things to do with his cute snoring and 🥺 face. when he does get up it’s always after 10am (unless he has something to do) and he shuffles around awkwardly like a zombie for an hour until his brain properly wakes up. he has fallen asleep in his breakfast and on your shoulder whilst standing several times and you’ve got a lot of photos

it’s so easy to make him flustered, you hold his hand in public in the beginning of your relationship and he can’t make eye contact with anyone for the next two hours

you accidentally give him a hickey once and he walks into the office, screams at a such a high pitch that has some people think that a bird has gotten stuck in the room, turns around runs out and promptly falls down the stairs.

the only thing he bruises is his ego. you were the one bruising his neck ;)

he’s very submissive in bed. he likes the feeling of someone else taking control of him, telling him exactly what to do and how to do it. he doesn’t have to think for a while, and for a few hours all he will ever be is a pretty little pet, a living dildo for you to use and pleasure yourself with as you see fit, exisiting solely to make you feel good and he fucking loves it.

he’s definitely got a big dick, and his dick’s pretty thick too. this does not change how much of a bottom he is and if anything it makes it more adorable

pet play. god, he’d be so big on pet play. again, he loves being ordered around, so he happily puts on a collar and lets you put a leash on him, tongue lolling out of his mouth as he pants slightly. his mind goes fuzzy and he finds it hard to think, but he doesn’t mind since you’re doing all the thinking for him. he finds it a bit harder to control himself, so sometimes he ends up humping your thighs sloppily to get off and even though both of you know that you’re going to need to punish him later for being a bad boy and touching himself when he wasn’t allowed to, you don’t stop him because the little moans and whimpers he makes as he tries to fuck your thighs, spreading his pre everywhere as he bucks his hips against you shakily sound so damn good

he’s really fucking kinky even though it embarrasses him a bit. like you name it he’s either willing to try it or he’s already jerked off to it. hands? check. choking? absolutely! face sitting? god yes, he wants you to smother him so badly. pegging? spanking? wax play? he’s already been trying to figure out how to ask you about that. knife play? he wasn’t too sure about this but he had a dream recently where you held him at knifepoint and he woke up to realise that he’d come in his pants, so yes.

also PEGGING. holy shit he’d probably love to be pegged, love the feeling of your skin pressing up against him as you slam into him over and over again ruthlessly until he cums all over himself. spanking, too. he wants you to slap his ass till it bruises, and there’s a chance you could probably get him to finish just by slapping his ass

yknow how i mentioned that he loves to ramble about topics he likes? imagine starting to grind up against him as he talks, slipping your hands underneath his shirt and seeing just how long he can keep his composure, words starting to slur together as he gasps and groans, desperately trying to stop himself from moaning like the needy little whore you both know he is. he doesn’t last long, and soon he’s on his knees with his head in between your thighs, using his mouth for something that’s equally as productive and enjoyable for the both of you.

he probably sends you a lot of nudes. like every single image/video he sends you during the day is a Risky Click because it’s either something absolutely adorable and goofy like him showing you how many books he can stack on his head or it’s his fully erect, thick throbbing cock with precum leaking from the tip as he softly moans your name like it’s the only thing in life that matters, tears of overstimulation rolling down his cheeks, pretty brown eyes clouded with lust, one hand groping his chest and playing with his cute pink nipples, the other slowly pumping two of his fingers in and out of his perfect ass whilst he’s rambling about how he wishes you were home with him because he wants you to fuck him so badly and he just can’t wait any longer and he’s so sorry but surely you can understand that he’s too horny to not fuck himself like this

Voyeurism kink…. it’d absolutely embarrass him to admit it but he definitely gets off to the thought of people watching him, you included. he’s put on a show for you quite a few times, taking off all his clothes and slowly edging himself with a dildo or vibrator until he can’t take it anymore, the overstimulation breaking him. he just wants you to watch him be your perfect little slut <3

once you get past the initial hurdle of literally everything embarrassing him and you realise just how much of a needy pervert he actually is you both start to do a lot more somewhat public stuff. he starts wearing a collar around everywhere, hiding it beneath his clothes, starts asking you to give him more hickeys in visible spots because he loves it when people can see just who he belongs to

if he ever tops you it’s more of a service top thing with a lot of body worship. he may be on top but he’s still submissive, doing exactly what you ask of him and doing all he can to make sure that you feel good

all in all, adorable subby pervert. thank you for coming to my Ted talk