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FANFIC * NESSIAN * PART NINE
Nessian Part Nine by L.J. LaFleur
The sun did not rise, the moon did not set. I stared out the window letting all color drain from this world. He feared me, I could see it in those beautiful pools of hazel. He feared me, but not as much as I fear myself. The monster I’ve become. I burned him. I marked him.
I ignored several knocks, unsure of who was on the other side of the door. My sisters, maybe? It didn’t matter, I wouldn’t answer. More knocks, but I didn’t care. Faintly I heard their voices, their pleas. Drowning, it was like a wall of water blocking them out. I was drained from last night, tired from lack of sleep but too scared to close my eyes. Who else would I hurt? Who was next?
“Nesta,” he pounded on the door, his voice breaking through the thunder clouds that stained my mind.
I ignored him.
Cassian huffed, “Nesta…let me in. It’s been two days and you haven’t eaten.”
Two days? I haven’t slept for two days?
Another knock on the door, “C’mon Nes…let me in.”
I dropped my head into my fragile palms, “go away, Cassian.”
“Nes…” He murmured, scratching at the door with his thumbnail.
“Please. Go. Away.” My hushed voice cracked at the end. Burning tears leaked out of me, “please,” I could only whisper. Quickly I wiped away the fiery tears, retreating within myself like I had for the others.
The door crashed open, splintering into pieces as Cassian stormed into the room. A large metal tray balanced on one hand, filled with delicious looking cakes and scones. Desserts from foreign lands and fruit that looked like dragon eggs. My growling stomach gave me away. Damn, him.
“Must you always kick my door in? I asked you to go away,” I jutted my chin outwards. I braced myself against the window frame, feeling nauseous from the lack of food in my system.
“I don’t care.” He declared, setting the tray on the leaf patterned bed spread. “Eat.” Cassian pointed to the platter, his hands completely healed. His forehead creased as his scowl grew.
“Leave me,” I shot back, straightening my spine. Although he was healed, I could still see the melted flesh from before. Bile rose to the back of my throat as I shuddered.
“Eat,” he ordered, his demanding eyes darkened as he watched every move.
I clenched my jaw before clicking my tongue against the roof of my mouth. “Who made this?” I sniffed displaying a displeasing face as if it were poison. When really, it smelled absolutely delectable. I eased closer, mouthwatering instantly.
Cassian’s tone didn’t soften, nor did his facial expression of angst. “It doesn’t matter. Eat, Nes.” His muscular arms crossed against his rust colored tunic. Raven leather cords fell down his chest, unveiling a portion of his tattooed collarbone. The hazel traps for eyes caught mine, “unless you have another appetite that needs feeding first,” his bewitching voice suggested. Cassian’s left brow rose, as he licked his lower lip. A growing smirk made my knees weak momentarily.
I moved away from the bed, invading the space between us. “Stop calling me Nes,” I snapped, shoving him backwards into the emerald wall.
He let out a soft grunt as his back slammed into it, an inkling of a smile rising on his lips. “You cruel beautiful creature,” he taunted, running his fingers through that luscious dark hair. The corners of his lips edging upwards.
“Don’t call me that,” I growled alongside my stomach. The dragon egg fruit, I would start with that one. I turned my back to him, scanning the items on the tray once again.
An unfamiliar sensation glided against my lips as I took in the spread. All the colors of a rainbow—except for red. How obvious I must be for the kitchen staff to have caught on so quickly. I dipped my bony finger into a fluffy white substance before licking it off.
Cassian’s stare lingered on my finger. “It isn’t Nes. Now cruel beautiful creature won’t do? I said beautiful.” He waited as I dug into the fruit, “Fine. How about malevolent monster? That better?”
I dropped the juicy oblong fruit, suddenly losing my appetite. “Monsters are made, not born,” I whispered to myself. “Monsters are…”
“What did I do now?” Cassian asked exasperated, uncrossing his arms to wrap a hand around the post of the bed. He gripped it so tightly that the wood groaned in response to his touch.
The gray in my eyes retreated, leaving only the lonely darkness behind. “You could never love someone so selfish, so spiteful.” I repeated his words, unable to look at him for verification.
Cassian’s jaw dropped slightly, he reached for my elbow with his free hand, “let me explain.” His muscles tightened as I rejected him with my palm.
I finally faced him, feeling the blood drain out of me. “You said it,” I sneered, now unable to look away from him. The hurt, anger…the mix of emotions swirling inside of him that no one could see but me, filtered to his eyes.
“Yes, but…” Cassian started, reaching out his arms of steel towards me as I backed away from him.
“As selfish, as spiteful as I was—am.” I paused, waiting for my voice to thicken, “at least my heart won’t be shattered by a bastard.” I made my mark.
Cassian’s siphons flared, along with the fire within him. “Is bastard all you have? Or should I wait for a better insult?” he waited only to receive silence. “Finish eating,” he nearly barked.
“Bite me,” I muttered.
A saucy grin developed on his luscious lips, “you’ll enjoy it when I do.” His left eye squinted slightly, his tongue gliding against his lower lip again. I could feel my nipples perk outwards, cold chills racing down my neck. I wanted his lips, I wanted him all…
“Leave,” I snarled, interrupting the seductive inner thoughts that drummed through me.
“I think I’ve done that enough,” he replied coolly, stepping forward, not making a sound.
He was using the same tactic as me. Winding me up, invading my space. “Get out, Cassian,” I pushed him again, this time he stood firmly. The rising heat between our skin amplified.
“No. Eat.” Cassian whispered, his lips nearing mine. I wasn’t sure if he was commanding me to eat the tray of food he brought up—or him.
I didn’t realize my body had already reacted, lifting myself towards him. “Will you leave if I do?” I questioned, nearly shuddering as his hand slid up my arm—grazing my skin until bumps arose.
He leaned in further, closing in towards my mouth. Our lips hadn’t been this close since…I couldn’t think of the day. I didn’t want to remember him almost dying...yet again.
“Nope. I’ll still be here,” he lifted my chin with his calloused fist, his scent enrapturing me. “You can bet your ass that I will stay by your side,” his husky voice whispered my name, “Nesta.”
The way I sounded on his tongue, I could feel the earth shake beneath me. “I’m not the one who needs protection.” The intensity between us continued as I glared directly into my weakness. Crumbling before him, his rough thumb circled against my chin.
“I won’t leave you,” Cassian breathed heavily, “get that through your head, woman.”
“You’re merely a winged beast.” I paused, debating the next attack. I searched into him, diving into his soul. Deeper and deeper, I looked into him—seeing only that he spoke of the truth. And I can’t let that be true.
I took a deep breath, releasing the arrow from my tongue. “And one that failed at protecting not only me but my sister too.” I could have sworn the hurt within him unraveled as he released me. If I said this enough, would he go? Would he be safe—far, far away from me? Would he realize that I’m unworthy of his love? Unworthy of him?
“Your insults are the most exciting thing about my day.” Whether he was being honest or not, I didn’t know. I couldn’t tell being this close to him—it was distracting. Cassian tilted his head, studying me. “Do you sit here all day practicing them?”
“Leave,” I replied calmly, while the bones within me twisted with longing.
Cassian tipped his head towards mine, “I told you, I’m not going anywhere.”
“Fine. I won’t stop you then,” I slammed my fist into his abdomen.
Cassian groaned as he backed away from me, holding his gut. “Playing hard to get, are we?”
I retreated to the bathing room, “no. It’s called stay the hell away from me.” Forcing my already laid out clothes on. A shade of dirty cream for pants and an azure hued tunic, trimmed with golden swirls similar to the traditional Illyrian tattoos. I stared at the boots he gave me, wanting to wear them desperately but knowing all too well that I couldn’t. I shook my head as I strapped on a different pair.
“I already told you…” Cassian began but before he could finish, I felt the flames wrap around my wrists, burning into the decorated sleeves.
The anger within me rising. “Fine!” I yelled back, not wanting to hear him risk his life anymore. I patted the flames, flustered, I rolled up my sleeves.
“Good! It’s gotten through your stubborn head.” He paused, waiting for me to return to the bedroom.
I walked out of the bathing room to see Cassian lazily laying across the mattress, taking up the majority of it as his wings stretched out. I had never seen such mammoth wings before. He flexed his muscles beneath that rusty tunic, a flutter of his wings as he adjusted to make room for me. The almighty bulge in his onyx trousers caught my attention next. I ignored his taunting gaze, retreating towards the bed, only to silently dismiss him as I sat down.
“Where are you going?” He asked cautiously, sitting upright. Cassian’s lips nearly grazed my shoulder, the heat of his breath stunned me like lightening.
“To see Az.” I commented, a curt smile bracing itself against my full lips as I watched him transform.
A low, throaty snarl escaped his lips as he shifted on the bed.
“Training,” I replied, grabbing the plate of scones. Cursing as I walked away, I threw one at his head, hitting my target. Cassian’s low laughter rang in my ears—pissing me off even more. “Feral beast,” I muttered as I scarfed down the blueberry scones.
“You’re late,” Azriel commented as he adjusted his leather cuffs. He waited on the roof top, overlooking the busy city. Darkness coiling around his armored shoulders. I wasn’t sure why he continued to wear his battle gear and I really didn’t want to know. Handling my own demons is difficult enough, throwing in the entire Night Court’s problems too—I wasn’t sure how well I could handle it.
“Cassian.” I replied, stuffing the last buttery scone into my mouth.
“Ah,” he raised his wings, stretching them to their full length. Absolutely majestic, but nothing like Cassian’s.
I nodded with my full mouth, setting the empty plate on the outdoor table.
Azriel moved through the shadows to stand beside me. “Ready?” he reached out his scarred hand, beckoning me towards him.
“As I will ever be,” I answered with a hard swallow.
Azriel gently layered his arms around me, “hold on and don’t forget to breathe.”
We disappeared in a sea of black, swallowed whole by whispering darkness. I could hear them. Closing in around me, they sang my name. “Nesta Archeon, The Cauldron Thief.”
“Breathe,” Azriel whispered into my sharply tipped ear, a slight squeeze around my waist for reassurance that he still held me. That I was still alive.
“Come back to us, Cauldron Thief.” The voices snickered.
I shifted in Azriel’s shoulder, daring a peak. Nothing.
“You swam among us. You walked through darkness. You danced in the deep. Until you found, your way to victory. Come play with us,” the voices echoed before a cold breath entered my ear, “come play with me,” a single hollow voice sung to me.
Light blinded us as we entered the House of Wind. I nearly fell to my knees before Azriel caught me. Out of breath, I sucked in as much air as I possibly could.
He held my shoulders, leaning down as he peered into my unsteady eyes. “What did you hear?”
“Nothing. Nothing at all.” I responded standing upright, adjusting my tunic for a distraction.
In case you missed the previous parts...
PART ONE
PART TWO
PART THREE
PART FOUR
PART FIVE
PART SIX
PART SEVEN
PART EIGHT
#nessian fanfiction#nessian#nesta archeron#nesta#cassian#feyre#feyre archeron#elain archeron#Azriel#amren#amren and varian#mor#rhysand#feyre x rhysand#fanfiction#fanfic#acotar#acowar#acomaf#a court of thorns and roses#a court of dreams#a court of mist and fury#a court of nightmares#a court of wings and ruin#sarah j maas#neverending#writing#writevswrong#beron#eris
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TRIE GODDESS SYMBOLS
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Ocean
The Ocean is the Womb of the Earth Mother.
The Ocean is the symbol of the Ocean of the Mother's sacred and magickal blood. It is the primordial womb that gave birth to the universe when there was only the Darkness of non-form.
From Her womb, was born night, and water, and eternity. From these were born light, and earth, and time.
All life comes from the sea, as the Wicca chant goes. Life on Earth began in the Ocean.
And when we moved onto land, the Ocean came with us, traveling within our cells.
The Ocean is the fluid which runs in your veins. The salt water of the Ocean lives in your sweat, flows in your tears, fountains in your sexual juices.
Mother Ocean purifies and rebirths everything that enters Her.
The Ocean is virtually interchangeable as a Goddess symbol with the Moon. The Moon's effects on the Ocean demonstrate their eternal interconnectivity.
See also Shell, and Wicca Symbols - Menstruation,
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Rose
The 5-petaled Rose everywhere was sacred to the Goddess.
In ancient India, the Great Mother was the Holy Rose. In Asia, the Flower of the Goddess was the red China rose. In Roman times, the Rose was the Flower of Venus. Even the Christian Mary is associated with the Rose.
Roses are symbols of the sacred Vulva of the Goddess. The Vulva is the gateway through which life is born, which is awe-inspiring enough, but that is not it's only meaning.
The Vulva also represents the ability of men to "plug in" to the Power of the Goddess, and access Her directly. (An event sadly long-forgotten by most.)
And lastly, it represents beauty and joy - the sheer physical pleasure of life on Earth.
See also Vesica Piscis
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Serpent
The Serpent is one of the first Goddess symbols.
Serpents are mysterious creatures. They dwell in the dark inner Earth and sunlit outer Earth equally - crossing the borders between the worlds.
They move with the fluidity of water. In ancient times, it was believed that snakes never died of age, but shed their old skins and were reborn.
Serpents are ancient Goddess symbols, for all these reasons, and many more . . . They have been identified from time immemorial as the Consciousness and Will of the Divine, which creates all life and guides humanity to the realisation of its spiritual potential.
The serpent represents the Feminine Spiritual Energy. This is the Kundalini - the Goddess Within. This life energy lies essentially dormant in most people. It seems to awaken spontaneously, to some degree, in women during menopause and childbirth.
(This is my own theory; I have no objective verification of it as yet. But the signs are striking.)
The Serpent has a long and fascinating history of worship and supernatural struggle between the Gods and Goddesses. (The Woman's Encyclopedia of Myths and Secrets details this drama.)
Even in Gnostic Judaism and Gnostic Christianity, the Serpent was revered as Divine.
There is also a connection between the serpent and the mysterious and magickal DNA molecules. This Rainbow Serpent is worshipped in many forms, all over the world, by shamanic cultures.
The Goddess has been celebrated in the serpentine motions of bellydance, for millennia, despite efforts to stamp it out and defame the women who practiced it. This is a practice that is gaining great popularity again, as the Goddess becomes honoured once more.
See also Apple.
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Shell
Shells are common Goddess symbols. Not only because they represent the Ocean, but shellfish have similarities to the female Yoni.
Shells are sacred to the Goddess, Cowrie Shells in particular.
Although they are often used to contain incense or smudges, this is inadvisable. There are fire safety reasons for this, but also because putting fire elements into a Shell is an offense to the Goddess.
Read more at Sacred Scents.
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Silver
Silver shines with the white light of the Moon. Silver represents the Goddess in general, and the Moon Mother in particular.
Silver is therefore a yin metal.
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Snake
See Serpent.
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Spiral
A Spiral is one of the ancient Goddess symbols, as a sign of Life. As such, it is also one of the primary Wicca symbols.
A Spiral is a created by a Circle moving forward, so to speak.
As the Wheel turns, you come around again, but not to the same point as before. You arrive at same place, but on a new level. Just as May 1900 and May 2000 are both spring, yet a different experience.
A spiral line uncoiling is "the movement of creation," according to Arthur Avalon in Shakti and Shakta. The Spiral represents the path of life - from your Essence, outward to the world. Or, depending on your perspective, from worldly existence to spiritual Essence.
As Walker so eloquently phrases it, a Spiral represents "death and rebirth as movement into the disappearing-point of formlessness, and out of it again, to a new world of form." ( The Woman's Encyclopedia of Myths and Secrets, p 491)
The Spiral is one of the most common natural shapes, seen in nature from galaxies to sea shells to the pattern of a falcon's dive.
Spirals have been primary Goddess symbols since the late Paleolithic, where they were marked on tombs.
See also Double Spiral, Triple Spiral.
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Tree
Trees are Goddess symbols by way of the Tree of Life, or World Tree. The Tree of Life was associated with the Great Mother Goddess, from which all life arises.
The quiet generosity of trees had been worshipped throughout time. Trees are the source of much that is necessary to life. In days before the One Jealous God, prayers were offered to trees in thanks for their gifts, and asking their forgiveness.
Trees symbolise the all-nurturing Goddess, as well as She Who Reclaims Life. Most of the major Gods were martyred on or in connection with some version of the Tree.
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Triangle
Three's, of course, in any configuration represent the Feminine Divine. In relation to the Goddess such symbols have taken many forms over the millennia - Triple Spirals, Three-Pointed Stars, Trefoils, Triquetra, etc.
But simple Triangles are still a Goddess symbols, motherhood symbols, and women's symbols.
The upward-pointing Triangle represents the Goddess in her Triple form - Maiden, Mother, Crone.
A downward-pointing Triangle, called a Yoni Yantra, represents the Goddess as Creatrix and the Goddess Within.
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Triple Moon
The Triple Moon is one of the Triple Goddess symbols - the Divine Feminine as Maiden, Mother, and Crone as the Moon in her waxing, full, and waning phases.
So the Triple Moon symbolises all the aspects of female Power united: intuition and psychic insight, creative energy, wisdom and mystery.
Back to Symbols of the Goddess Index
Triple Spiral
The Triple Spiral, or Triskele, is believed to be one of the ancient Goddess symbols of the Celts. It represents the Triple Goddess, and in particular is associated with the Celtic Goddess Brighid.
The Triple Spiral is sometimes also used to represent the three realms of land, sea, and sky.
See also Spiral.
Back to Symbols of the Goddess Index
Vesica Piscis
The Vesica Piscis is the 6th level of Sacred Geometry. It is also one of the common multicultural Goddess symbols.
And not without reason. In Sacred Geometry, the Vesica Piscis is considered to be the source of literally all creation. As Charles Gilchrist writes, "The Vesica Piscis is literally the womb of the universe . . . the ever unfolding Mother of Sacred Geometry."
Apparently, humans of every culture would agree. According to Walker, the Vesica Piscis was "a worldwide ancient synonym for the yoni, or vulva." (Barbara Walker, The Woman's Dictionary of Symbols & Sacred Objects, p 16.)
"Yoni" refers to both the vulva and the womb. It has always signified a gateway between the worlds. This represents the feminine Creative power of the Goddess, the Mother of all . . . even the Gods.
Vesica Piscis means "vessel of the fish." This refers to the sea-water fragrance of the vulva.
Walker continues, "One of the Hindu titles of the Great Goddess was "a virgin named Fishy Smell, whose real name was Truth."
It is in Her honour that fish were eaten on Friday (Freya's Day).
The Vesica Piscis was so synonymous with what is most sacred, that even the Christians used it to confer sanctity on Christian figures and places of worship.
It is likely these connections which brought the fish to be a symbol of Christ, ironic as that is.
Note: Vesica Piscis can be pronounced several ways. VESS - ick -a PIE - sis is a common version.
See also Cowrie Shell, and Rose.
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Goddess Symbols As Wicca Symbols
These items that are listed above are Goddess symbols representing the Great Goddess - that is, the One Feminine Divine of which all other goddesses are only aspects.
Specific Goddess symbols for individual Goddesses can be found by researching them by name. Wikipedia is a great resource for Goddess symbols. This link will take you to Wikipedia's deities list, from which you can access information on tons of individual Gods and Goddesses with symbols, attributes, history, etc. Although not necessarily from a Wiccan perspective. (This link opens a new window.)
And each of these Goddess symbols are also often used as Wicca symbols. If they represent the Goddess all symbols can be Wicca symbols.
SOURCE, WICCA SPIRITUALITY.COM
REPOSTED BY, PHYNXRIZNG
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