#silly salem

[jonny-b-meowborn]

"what the fuck, father is doing something that makes the ground wet???? I hate when the ground is wet. I should walk all over the wet and investigate"

- my cat, whenever I wash the floors (paraphrased)

[jugheadthelesbian]

sometimes i read reid x reader and get so confused bc yall make him this like bad boy type mega hottie flirt and at that point, write morgan instead. reid is an autistic nerd(/pos). he has THREE doctorates, bro would not be the type to be all sexy professor in ur class like he would be like “um statistically student teacher relationships fail horribly 9 out of 10 times” the second u try to get with him. like BABE where is the spencer x reader where he’s ranting to reader about something and reader is attracted to that?? like why butcher his character, this genius who is very mentally ill and hilarious and a cutie pie, when his actual personality is so amazing??

anyways now i want to write some spencer reid stuff that would actually work with his canon character so send requests ☺️

[salemoleander]

So. I am at my parent's home/childhood home, sick

And I decided to see if there was any Nyquil or other quils of any variety hidden in the upper recesses of the medicine cabinet

And after lugging a chair over, and standing on the counter, I remembered very quickly that child-me LOVED climbing on the counter, and wait...

didn't I have a collection of...

but surely they're not still....

Inexplicably my Very Dusty silly band collection was still hidden up there, as well as papers for an insane and seemingly completed (?) treasure hunt I'd constructed for my sisters at some point (and 2 duct tape bracelets I made and remember aggressively trying to convince other kids could be the next big thing circa 2012)

So I guess if anyone wants to trade sillybandz, I am still in the market for some Nyquil

[pink-octopede64]

the full cast of indigo park but as closely to the general style of 1960s saturday morning cartoons as possible

[thebusytypewriter]

Et tu, mayor?

[woof-squiggles]

i think i drew this before ii16 dropped so this has haunted my monitors for days

[littlesapphicraccoonguy]

Something devilish has been brewing within them for years on end that will only escape through means of physical violence😈

[salemisdying]

i have,,,zero clue who put this brain worm into my noggin but someone had a fic where Danny, Ember, and Johnny were in a band together and,,,,yeah. (also silly little things i put words one)

[ayliaan]

when you live on lands where drugs are forbidden you learn few this and that

[nightmare-foundation]

Oh, also, I've seen a couple of people say that there's a worldwide religion surrounding the Two Brothers, and honestly I feel like that's such a silly thing to say??

Not to headcanon, of course, but to claim it as canon.

Cause like... in RWBY, the Two Brothers is explicitly claimed as a fairytale. Not only that, but the main characters have to be TOLD about it- the tale has very likely faded into obscurity over time.

There's no churches, and as far as I remember, no one uses exclamations referring to them beyond using things like 'dear Gods' (and even if people use, say, "Oh Brothers", it's possible it can be compared to saying 'bless you'- using a common saying doesn't mean you're religious). Either it's faded into obscurity as a religion, or it's a small religion.

Qrow DOES say that "not many people are religious these days"- so I wouldn't be surprised if it is a religion, just a very small one now. Either small enough for people not to complain when it's called a fairytale, or it's no longer practiced but still somewhat known.

[sillygoofyboii]

Alright kids, your homework for today is fuck around with the relationship between the player and the protagonist. Make the player some voice in the protagonist’s head, make the player the weird creature that follows around the protagonist, make the player some weird thing controlling the protagonist DO WHATEVER!!!

[clock0fmeantime]

so anyways i think i've returned to tumblr. Ch&t designs be upon you

[jugheadthelesbian]

(note before this rant!! i acknowledge that i only refer to women and men in this post, which is not to say i don’t also recognize the lack of support towards ccs who r neither, it is just not what this post is about!)

what really bothers me about the mcyt fandom is how for the YEARS i was in it i begged for people to pay attention to women ccs and no one batted an eye. for years i wanted friends who knew ldshadowlady like i did. wanted people to appreciate niki the way i did. sat in niki’s live stream as she cried bc of the way she was being treated. was one of the few people who watched every single video lizzie made. adore creators like stacyplays and shubble and amylee and squashey and puffy and ihascupquake and laurenzside and so so so so many more. now some of these creators still make content and there r new creators like gem and pearl and cleo and im not as into mcyt as i was but people still r just talking about the men.

and don’t get me wrong, there r SO many men ccs who i absolutely adore and love but i watch history repeat itself every single day. i saw it with stampy and dantdm and their popularity over creators like squashey and stacy(and lizzie bc yes she made content way before she was on the life series). i saw again with the favoring of men on the dsmp over niki and the horrible way the fans treated her. and again when joel became outrageously popular and people ignored lizzie. and i see it now with the way ccs like grian r favored over the women on hermitcraft(which also there r not that many women there in the first place so).

and it is frustrating because people say that they support women ccs but will talk more about the men always. it’s showed in the fanwork differences, in the dialogue used to describe ccs, in the environment created in the mcyt fandom, in the way that i probably named many ccs u have never heard of before but u could name three times the number of men ccs. in many people’s minds, minecraft, like most video games, is seen as a men dominated space and fandom but minecraft, like most video games, has so many amazing women creators that r not just side characters, but people with amazing stories and talent and humor and u just need to open ur eyes.

[salemoleander]

Really fascinated by the focus on base destruction this series? It always happens, but it's normally collateral when they're trying to kill or it's arson.

But this season there's a concerted effort to destroy entire structures. Scott destroying Skizz's meeting room, the bombings of TIES tower, and the complete destruction of Bread Bridge- these aren't normally how things work. Yes griefing and theft are always technically allowed, but they don't normally happen like this.

Imo this is the most escalated this series has been since 3L. People have always been willing to play a bit of murder chicken, but there were multiple times this session where people got very close to killing each other, intentionally, when they aren't supposed to

[bestworstcase]

…so THAT's why there was so much lingering whale left after the magenuke. Grimmcromancy. Though if Monstra was that hefty (and toothy) before Salem started renovating, I figure those kaiju grimm often wind up on the food chain's other end. And no goddamn wonder the kingdoms stick with airfleets.

i am a normal fan with normal headcanons come closer

aside from the relative lack of biomechanical constraints on body mass underwater compared to terrestrial organisms one of variables correlated with massive size in marine animals is temperature, suggesting that there may be thermoregulatory advantages to getting REALLY LARGE in the ocean or else (with filter-feeding cetaceans specifically) it may be that colder oceans yield indirect benefits e.g. a greater abundance of plankton. with TOOTHED WHALES like our dear friend the cachalot the hard upper limit on size is a function of availability of food; deep-diving whales like the cachalot must exist in a sweet spot between “huge enough to efficiently dive down to where the squid are” and “small enough to not starve to death.” your average adult cachalot needs to eat about 1.3 tons every day. for example.

FUN FACT #1: vale has snowy winters. vale sits ever so slightly north of the equator. it SNOWS in the TROPICS–

FUN FACT #2: argus—the northern province of mistral whose cold climate stymied the empire’s advance into the region until mantle extended a helping hand—is, eyeballing it, somewhere in the neighborhood of 35-40N. cold san francisco. (literally. sanfran is 37N.)

bangs gavel. the first rule of headcanon is no doylist answers to watsonian questions! how come people living in the city-state north of the polar circle dress like this:

not huntsmen/huntresses whose auras protect them from the cold, but ordinary people. no aura training. no hat no gloves that reporter is wearing a PEA COAT.

remnant is cold! a lot colder than our own world. i imagine dust deposits interact with local climates in myriad ways that are well out of scope for This Post Which Is About Monster Whales but on average global temperatures on remnant are Cold. and people run around the polar north with their Bare Hands out because if you plonked them down in a balmy mediterranean summer they would overheat and die

(i am heroically restraining myself here but if you want the really HINGES OFF climate headcanon ask me about tdt!remnant <3) 

anyway whales.

abyssal gigantism—invertebrate organisms such as crustaceans and cephalopods that live in very deep water tending to be VERY LARGE in comparison to shallower-water relatives—is thought to be influenced by a combination of factors of which the one that interests us for the purpose of MONSTER WHALES is, of course, colder temperature. remnant is very cold—much colder than earth—and while this would have only a small impact in the very deepest parts of the ocean (the abyssal zone is 2-3 °C), the upper layers will be significantly colder. so we can imagine that marine lifeforms in the bathyal and middle pelagic zones in remnant’s oceans are subject to much harsher conditions than their equivalents in the real world, and extrapolate from this a phenomenon of pelagic gigantism.

with that in mind. the average adult male cachalot is about 16 meters long. they are known to eat colossal squid, which are estimated to grow between 10-14 meters in length, but the bulk of their diet is squid of more reasonable size, such as the clubhook squid (2m). and while this has never been observed, cachalots often have extensive scarring on their heads thought to be inflicted by colossal squids fighting to not be eaten.

consider a very cold ocean with a fairly low vertical temperature gradient—thus weak thermohaline circulation—and thus nutrient-poor and deoxygenated waters in the middle and upper layers—and thus marine lifeforms are sparser than in our world but tend to be VERY LARGE. in such an ocean, we can imagine that the colossal squid would not be an elusive deep-sea giant but rather a squid of normal size; the evolutionary pressures that exist in our abyssal zone to produce gigantism in this ocean extend into the pelagic zone.

in the real world, the colossal squid is difficult prey: living in deep waters, nearly as long as its hunter, armed with hooks all over its arms and tentacles. its great size makes it an important pillar of the cachalot’s diet, but data suggest these whales prefer to gorge themselves on much smaller animals. 

what does a cachalot look like in a world without an abundance of 1-2 meter long squid to feast on? plausibly… bigger. a lot bigger

perhaps even SO BIG that the colossal squid is as defenseless against the whale as the clubhook squid is to the cachalot. in fact for the sake of simplicity let’s say there’s a linear relationship between the size of the whale and the size of the squid such that the whale is always about eight times longer than its staple prey. and for maximum MONSTER WHALE let’s take the upper bound estimate for the colossal squid, 14m, and say that’s the average size of a squid in remnant’s oceans. the result is a whale 112 meters long.

which is a little bit less than FOUR TIMES the size of a blue whale

in war we can see that monstra’s teeth are about as long as salem. for simplicity let’s say that salem is exactly 180cm tall (5'11"). the teeth of a real cachalot is about 20cm long, and an adult male of average size is 16m; a single tooth is 1.25% the length of the body. 1.25% of 112m is 140cm, and 180cm is 1.25% of 144m. the largest adult males can grow as long as 19m, with the longest (verifiably) recorded specimen ever found measuring 20.7m. for our MONSTER WHALE, with an average length of 112m, that is equivalent to large male specimens in the neighborhood of 133m being fairly common and the largest known specimen in history being… 144.9 meters long :)

(rest in FUCKING pieces captain ahab)

now if monstra is 144 meters long that does

imply that atlas is pretty gods damned small, way smaller than makes sense in relation to the size of these buildings. but the scale of atlas is just sort of weird in general—like the urbanized area bisecting the farmland, those buildings are shown to be skyscrapers in closer shots and that should make the shield-generator pylons like kilometers tall but they

clearly aren’t because centinels are not That Big. meanwhile the size difference between monstra and a megoliath looks about right for “four times the size of a blue whale” so i’m inclined to just think atlas is supposed to be itty bitty and the proportional size of the buildings is off in the artwork in the long shots as a stylistic choice. because based on her proportions and interior scale i simply refuse to believe monstra is several kilometers long

about the grimm—their WOR episode implies that grimm Are In Fact obligate predators who will die if deprived of their prey: grimm are known to eat their kills and, contra popular belief that they “are not obligated to feed” but “choose to,” they cannot be kept in captivity for study because if they do not break free and slaughter their captors, they… die…

(this is my favorite fact about grimm and my favorite thing about that WOR; here’s the grimm lady outlining the modern-day scientific consensus about grimm with irony so thick you could cut it with a knife. here is a grimm eating! it lunges at a scavenger to drive the animal away from its kill! salem, deeply sarcastic: the common belief is that grimm don’t need to eat, they’re just evil and violent, also they die when you keep them in cages and don’t feed them, if you even CARE)

and in ‘before the dawn’ the characters make observations that lead them to theorize that grimm are actually after aura, not “negative emotions;” given a huge mass of people of whom a minority have supernaturally elevated aura, grimm swarm the ones with juiced aura and completely ignore everyone else.

so they need to consume aura to sustain themselves, and their (supposedly) exclusive preference for human prey is probably driven by humans having a lot more aura proportionate to their size than plants or animals. but aura isn’t restricted to humans and faunus; it’s a life force that flows through all living things on remnant, including animals. aura is a kind of spiritual energy rising from the soul and seems to be (based on what pyrrha tells jaune in v1) correlated to knowledge, both of the self and of the world. 

so it makes a certain amount of sense to conclude that intelligence and social complexity are positively correlated with aura levels; cetaceans are both of those things. i also imagine that a creature nearly four times the size of a blue whale would need aura to maintain the structural integrity of its body, even suspended in water. also whales can get the bends! so i imagine deep-diving animals on remnant like our MONSTER WHALES tend to have proportionally much higher levels of aura compared to most marine lifeforms, because the long-term damage done by repeated dives (<- osteonecrosis) would be offset by aura’s healing factor and thus there is selective pressure favoring whales with whatever combination of physical and cognitive traits strengthen aura. 

which means i think really large marine grimm like the leviathan would hunt the MONSTER WHALES :)—maybe with hunting strategies akin to orcas preying on cachalots, i.e. in pods targeting calves and injured adults, but also i think grimm are immune to pressure on the grounds that the liquid core of the planet is grimm and i like to imagine grimm crawling out of mid-ocean ridges. so even a lone grimm could probably kill a MONSTER WHALE by forcing it to surface from a dive fast enough. OR HAGFISH-STYLE–

anyway. on the one hand, who is going to get onto a boat to hunt something That Big. but on the other, think of the spermaceti! the blubber! the ambergris! the bones! and the MEAT! you kill one whale and you can feed an entire city for months. and really all you need is a big natural deposit of gravity dust—something like the floating islands of lake matsu would do—that you can carve up to make drogues. few dozen boats, each armed with a couple harpoons roped to huge chunks of gravity dust. you harpoon the whale, fire the dust, the drogues lift it partially out of the water and prevent it from diving, you let it exhaust itself struggling and move in to kill it once it stops moving. salem’s flying battleship whale is just a modification of the technique traditionally used to hunt these things. or if you live on the coast but don’t have grav dust, you harvest drift whales and eat like kings.

in conclusion argus is a whaling town thanks for coming to my tedtalk

[thebusytypewriter]

GOAT 🗣️🗣️