#silly common sense /j :p

[aew-regression-cove]

How come u don't use agere tags anymore?

honestly to avoid my blog being found 🙏🏻 — I made this blog because as much as I loved my old one it was a lot of people following and interacting with me and it's a very vulnerable part of myself I'm sharing with this type of blog. this blog is a way to start fresh and be more vigilant in who is seeing me/my content, and using the main agere tags would draw some attention to my blog and (especially) with the dude going around bullying regressors online again I don't wanna draw any unwanted attention to myself. <3

[mrsarnasdelicious]

Mad Sweeny NSFW Alphabet

A = After (what they’re like after sex)

He tends to bask in the afterglow for a little, before he has to piss. He might go for a smoke afterwards.

He'll then come back and cuddle up, loving it when you play with his hair or play connect the dots with his freckles.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

On himself, cock and hands. On you, most certainly your ass. Your hips and tits both come close second, but your ass just drives him up every available wall.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Huge loads, gushing out of every orifice you'll let him dump it in. It somehow seems to shine a bit golden and it tastes like old magic.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He has no secrets. He is an open book. Even when it comes to getting down and dirty, he'll not be ashamed to just state it plain and clear.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Oh you know this guy has already tried everything once. He's been around the block a good few times.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

You in his lap / cowgirl. He loves to see you ride him, look up at your tits bounce, grab at your arse.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Sweeney knows how to goof off. He will absolutely be silly when you are intimate, his laughter coming easy.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Man is ginger all over. Full bush with no shame!

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He is surprisingly needy for affection. He wants to be close to you, almost desperate for your love, clinging to you for every scrap of intimacy.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Sweeney is not beyond chasing after a quick high when you are not available.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Sex in public, breeding, overstim, size difference, edging, slapping and cum marking.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Changing rooms, tables and meadows full of flowers (bonus points if there is a fairy ring big enough for him to lay down in)

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Your tits, your ass, the noises your make, the sunshine in your hair, your scent, when you rub against him, the way you walk, the way you say his name and when you wear jewelry with sun imagery.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

DDLG, scat and vom

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

YES PLEASE. He loves it when you suck his cock, but he can lavish for HOURS between your thighs. And he is definitely not beyond rimming.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He is usually fast and rough, but has no issue taking his time on you if you want it so.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

OF COURSE, WHEN EVER YOU WANT BABY!

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Oh you bet your bottom penny he is a risk taker. In every sense of the word. He will fuck you in a public restroom with the door unlocked. This guy does not give a flying fudge what is at stake, or about common descency, for that matter.

And of course he is super game to experiment with almost everything you bring up to him!

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He is a God, he can last for literal days! He does not do this because he knows your body cannot take this and he is not a fan of not absolutely reveling in the pleasure sex brings him. He lasts on average 40ish minutes, tho he will bring on his climax when you let him know you are getting sore/beg him for his seed. And he has zero refractory period.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He does not own toys, but has no issue using any you own, on you and on himself.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He is of the Fae, of course he likes to tease. The more you are squirming and begging, the better!

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

L O U D He grunts and groans like a rutting boar, not to mention how DIRTY he dirty talks!!!

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Talks dirty gaelic when he is really deep in that throws of pleasure, especially when you have edged him for a bit.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He is hung, uncut and veiny. He got that godly cock baby!

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Resting Mood: Horny!

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Sometimes he just knocks out right away and other times he just shoves his head between your breasts and lays awake half the night, there is no telling which will happen when.

[selfshipgushing]

(SHHH ITS HIM AGAIN! THE YAPPER!)

👁☎️🐈 is back! Sorry for dying. Been experiencing the horrors lately + other dumb stuff so today im gonna share my headcanons for my hubby(who I will refer to as 👁) !!! This might be long so mod you don't have to share if you don't like that!! No pressure!! I just wanna share with the class..these don't have order to em. They're just random headcanons cuz uhhh idfk.

•Already talked about 👁 being a cat lover and such. And how there's a cat in source. I like to think after the movie 👁 adopted it. Like bro wasn't gonna leave meow meow all alone. He was probably like "my cat now. Mine! My meow meow!!meooooqwww" Or some deranged shit. Silly murder man and his Lil meow meow against the world.

•Ik sexuality/gender headcanons r common buttt..👁 is gay + intersex. Idc. His creator literally said he doesn't like women at all so he's definitely mlm/nwlm(if that's the right way to say it. Sorry if it's wrong :<) + I'm gay so It's self indulgent hehe <3 I feel like he would of delt with some internalized homophobia due to the time period he's in + trauma but he's getting over it & healinf. He's accepted he's a boy kisser.

(My experience is people in 👁's fandom do not like when people headcanon him as liking men but frankly idc. It's basically canon. Fight the wall. He's fruity and we r gay married.)

•It's canon that 👁 canonically has alot of mental health issues+trauma and alot of my headcanons stem from that. But...👁 is HEAVILY neurodivergent diverse coded. Personally I headcanon him with autism + possibly adhd. Yes this is because I'm also those things. Shhh.

•wide eyed 24/7. This man just be looking at you all crazy like. He got crazy eyes. CLOSE YOUR EYES BITCH‼️/j me and him be having starring contest and shit sometimes. Like..👁👁 looking at me with those eyes.

•insomniac. And yaps instead of sleep. I'm just trying to sleep it's 3am and he's over here Yapping about a rat he found in the house or some random shit. It's cute! Idc!

•definitely clingy. not clingy. CLINGY clingy. I can't get up from bed without having to untangle myself from his lanky ass arms. If he wants to hold my hand or hug me or whatever he will...and I'm not complaining heh. He deserves hugs after witnessing the horrors.

•he's sneaky asf. I mean that's canon. Bro broke into a sorority house- he's sneaky. Like a damn mouse.

•Fucking loves soft things. Clothes, blankets, stuffed animals, etc!!! I have a stuffed kitty named after him and he loves it. He loves anything cuddly and soft!! Possibly cuz he's never really had stuff like that so it makes him feel comfortable <3

Okay...I need to shut up☠️ erm...thanks for reading this if you did♡ most of these make no sense but they're silly so I thought I'd share!! Some might be ooc but ;P

-👁☎️🐈

i like reading these send essays pls I love the long ones

[talon-dragonbeast]

A - awakening

i realised i was nonhuman just a year ago! ^-^

B - balance

my otherkin identity doesn't interfere with my normal life, no. no one irl knows about it (except my sibling now), so i keep them pretty separate. the only thing that gives me trouble are my dragon urges sometimes, specially when interacting with people, because sometimes i just want to growl or bite at people and that is not appropriate in most settings.

C - city

i live in a city sadly and tbh its pretty bad. my heart yearns for the forest that is my hearthome, and seeing all this concrete makes me sad. also, i have asthma so my lungs really dont appreciate the city. there is a little forest park near my home where i hang out sometimes and i consider it my territory, even if it isnt quite right.

D - diary

i used to have a journal but i was not good at keeping it so I stopped doing it.

E - experience in the community

oh ive had a wonderful time here. everyone is just so nice, i cant believe how many friends ive made since i joined!

F - friends

i only told my sibling because i suspected they might be a therian too. i havent told anyone else and i prefer to keep it that way

G - gear

i have gear of my dragon side, such as my hoard of found items and my horns that i bought. for my enderman side i have my fingerless gloves and a cardboard glass block i made

I - identity

im dragonkin, endermankin, corvidhearted and spacehearted!

J - jokes

both. both is good.

like i love to write mini essays and all but sometimes i just wanna get a bit silly about it.

K - knowledge

ive only been here for less than a year so id say 6/10? i try to read about the history of the community and stay as educated as i can, but i still have a lot to learn.

L - liking, loving

yeah i like them. i sometimes wish i had a more common 'type (like, a minecraft enderman? are you serious, brain?) but i love the draconic community here so i cant complain.

N - nature

yeah, both my kintypes live in the wild.

O - otherhearted

yeah, im corvidhearted! ^-^

P - popularity

for my dragon 'type, yeah, id say its pretty "popular", in the sense that there are a lot of dragons in and outside of tumblr. as for my enderman kintype... lets just say that there are like three of us that are active rn, and im the only one that actually talks about it so...

R - real body

dont get me wrong, i like my body. im not really trans so i dont experience dysphoria or anything, but i do wish i was stronger. i dont have time to exercise anymore and im kind of built like a stick, so im not intimidating at all and i miss that. my claws are missing, my teeth are too small, i dont even have my wings :(

S - sex

yes, but also no? if we're talking about biological sex (that is, chromosomes, hormones, internal organs, external anatomy, all that) yes, my dragon kintype is technically a female dragon. but neither me nor my dragon species care about gender, so im pretty apathetic towards that. dont even get me started on the enderman, who dont even have biological sexes OR gender. because i dont have a gender, i have a habit to collect xenogenders and labels because i prefer to associate myself with an aesthetic rather than a specific gender.

T - traits

my dragon urges include getting to high places, climbing, hoarding, protecting my territory, hunting and of course flying! as for my enderman urges, its stuff like holding block-shaped objects, making enderman noises, teleporting, wandering around and attacking anyone who makes eye contact with me /j

U - urges

it depends honestly. if im having a bad day, or if im having a lot of anxiety, or if ive had a meltdown/shutdown it will become a lot harder to repress my wild nature.

W - wondering

Y - yarn

not a mammal so, no fur.

Z - zoo

zoos are fine generally. im a vet student, so ive studied A LOT on animal Welfare laws (which are much more strict than people think!). trust me, modern zoos are really good in keeping animals happy, healthy and appropriately stimulated. its the dream life for any wild animal.

Alterhuman alphabet!

(feel free to copy, paste, fill in and credit me!)

A - awakening

When did you realise you are an alterhuman? At what age, how long ago?

B - balance

Does your identity affect your social life (school, work, ect.)? Does it cause troubles or not?

C - city

Do you live in a city? If yes, is it hard for you to be away from nature? Does your therio/kintype even need nature?

D - diary

Do you have a diary about your alterhuman experiences? If not, do you want to start one?

E - experience in the community

What is your experience and thoughts about the alterhuman community?

F - friends

Have you told your friends about your identity?

G - gear

Do you have any gear? If yes, is it handmade or bought?

I - identity

What is (are) your therio/kintype(s)?

J - jokes

Do you like to make little jokes about your identity or is it rather serious for you?

K - knowldege

In scale of 1-10, how big do you think your knowldege about alterhumans is? Are you new to this topic?

L - liking, loving

Do you like your therio/kintype(s)? Do you love or dislike it/them?

N - nature

Does your therio/kintype live in the wild, or rather not? (E.g. it's a house pet, or it's a robot.)

O - otherhearted

Are you also otherhearted? If yes, what is your kithtype(s)?

P - popularity

Is your therio/kintype "popular" or is it rather rare?

R - real body

Do you feel good about your psychical body? Do you experience gender dysphoria?

S - sex

Dies therio/kintype have a different sex than you?

T - traits

What are your alterhuman traits? (E.g. a need to hunt, bark, ect.)

Urges

If you have a theriotype, are you good at controlling your animalistic urges? Do they bother you?

W - wondering

How do you think you would look like, if you could psychically shapeshift into your therio/kintype? (Describe or put an inage here!)

Y - yarn

If you wanted ti buy/make a tail, would it be real fur or fake/yarn fur?

Z - zoo

How do you feel about zoos (a place, not z00philes)? Are they good or bad in your opinion? Do you want to go there to meet your theriotype (if you are a therian).

___________

That's all! Bye!🍄

[mrzombielover]

soap nsfw alphabet

prepare for some more headcanons while i take some time to write actual fics :)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

he strikes me as a guy that will just fucking conk out immediately after. if you want to clean up you gotta move fast before hes dead asleep and holding you in a death grip.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

he’s pretty neutral about himself, not really insecure but not the most vain. i bet he likes his arms and hands, he’s a strong guy and likes his mooscles plus he enjoys being able to manhandle you. also proud of his leg gains

on you he likes your hair. he thinks it frames your face real prettily and loves how it smells. will start using your shampoo and conditioner to your dismay

other than that hes an ass man, so that’s probably high on his list too

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

doesn’t have a particular preference for where he should but one time he pulled out and came all over your thighs and ass and he’s not gonna let that image go any time soon.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

chronic panty stealer. i cant really imagine him being ashamed of any kinks or anything but this is something you might not need to know about for a while. he kept a pair hidden in his barracks and freaked the fuck out when ghost almost found it. he returned them later that day

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

one of the more experienced of mw characters, he’s had a few girlfriends and random hookups once in a while but pretty standard

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

prefers intimate positions with lots of skin to skin contact and eye contact. you cant go wrong with classic missionary, but he’ll bend down with his face close to yours and hold you against him. also likes when you wrap your legs around his waist.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

he def has the capability to be silly and goofy and perhaps a tad whimsical. to him, sex with his partner is about making you both feel good and he can be laid back and crack some jokes if the mood is light. not that he can’t be serious, but he likes laughing and not taking things super seriously

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

pretty hairy guy, he’s very clean and i imagine he’d keep things trimmed but i cant see him shaving lol. i bet he has a super sexy happy trail too. pubes are brown and curly like his hair

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

surprisingly romantic- in his own weird way. he can be traditionally romantic, too, if the situation calls for it like on an anniversary or smth.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

tends to quite often when you’re not there, he gets wound up very easily and uses it as a way to let off some steam, and relax before bed

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

usually p vanilla but there are times where he like to step it up. he’s def a switch so when you take the reigns it gets him all excited.

also likes blindfolds, on him and you. just thinks it’s sooo hot how it heightens your other senses and makes you extra sensitive.

the same can be said with temperature play- ice and wax. the different sensations get him so riled up and he loves the little gasps and whimpers it elicits.

Again both of these can be done on him or you this guy is the biggest switch ever.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

prefers classic bedroom, it’s private, comfortable, and you can really go all out without worry. unfortunately, neither of you are home very often, so the showers or barracks are the most common places.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

honestly everything you do. it doesn’t take much to get him going, he has a pretty high sex drive. watching you concentrate on something just gives him the insane urge to annoy you and ruin your concentration, and even more so if you’re actually doing work. especially working with your hands in some way

watching you get ready is another one, smth abt the contrast between how you look in your gear vs all dolled up really does it for him.

basically anything you do

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

hes a very clean guy, hence the nickname. not into piss or blood or a ton of dirt and grime. granted he might find it hot if you’re all sweaty and nasty from a workout or mission but that’s a very specific circumstance. this makes shower sex fair game.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

likes giving and receiving, again sex and making eachother feel good is very important to him in relationships. he can give very enthusiastic head but he’s def not gonna turn down a bj

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

tends to go pretty hard. hes a strong, big guy who can manhandle you and hold you down if needed, and usually goes at a pretty deep and rough pace. can always slow down if you need it tho hes so sweet at the same time

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

though he likes the convenience, especially as you’re both busy people, he much prefers when he can take his time with you and properly go multiple rounds

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

he can be real cheeky and smug, loves teasing you in semi-public situations. he’s down to experiment, mostly to have fun. doesn’t mind doing it if there’s a slight risk but wouldn’t wanna do it like in public

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

absolutely insane. from how much he works out to his relatively clean diet to his high test levels he can go for a while. tends to bust a little prematurely but he makes up for it in how many rounds he can go

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

doesn’t use them a ton but he def sees them as an ally, not a threat. prefers using them on you but he’s not opposed to them being used on himself aswell

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

very much so, but he also enjoys being teased. if you’re in a meeting he’ll love to have a hand on your thigh trailing dangerously high while you’re talking, trying his hardest to break your focus and embarrass you

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

he’s def on the louder side, not afraid to be whimpering, groaning and grunting all in your ear and it’s so fuckinf sexy he reminds me of those memes like “other dudes be afraid to moan in bed but i’m in my girls ear like”

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

has threesome/gangbang fantasies with you and the guys from 141, but he would literally never say anything to any of the guys nor you cause he’s worried about making things awkward with them. he could maybe maybe consider asking ghost

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

oooh do i have thoughts abt this 😭😭

so very thick and long. not the biggest (my man könig) but it’s very substantial. 6-7 inches hard and if the length doesn’t get you then the width WILL it feels like you’re getting SPLIT. base color #a95840 with a slightly lighter and redder tip

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

very. it doesn’t take a lot to get him going and on a good day he can go 3 rounds. whenever you’re in the mood, he’s in the mood and ready to go.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

as previously stated after he busts you got like 2 minutes before he’s knocked the fuck out and probably pinning you down with him. he can’t help it he’s so content and warm and he’s just gonna wanna take a nap

+ i plan on doing the rest of 141 and könig versions too :)

[ateezivy]

a to z with ivy

buckle in…

a

‘aye! shut up’

‘all of my energy went into this!’ (points camera to a small cake)

b

‘but hongjoong doesn’t care!’ (whining like a child)

‘BABY ITS COLD OUTSIIIIIDDDEEEE’ (every winter…)

c

‘can you puh-lease shut up’

‘cardi b’ (sleep talking ???)

d

‘dude, can you not!’

‘daddy in the sky’ (praying?)

e

‘eggies eggies’

‘end of story! whore!’

f

‘fffffuuuuu-dge’

‘frick you prick’

g

‘good day good fellow’

‘god is watching’ (literally screaming)

h

‘hey, so i kinda did an oopsie…’

‘half a heart is by far the best 1d song!’ (1d stan)

i

‘if i jump on him, and kill him, how much trouble would i be in?’

‘it’s the circle of life wooyoung, it’s not supposed to make sense’ (she has a point…)

j

‘just say you were hanging out with me’ (she does this to cover the boys up when they f up😭)

‘jesus turned water to wine, but drinking alcohol is a sin. so who’s the real sinner here ??’

k

‘kay, i’m going to bed…’ (that live where they were talking about butts)

‘katy perry kissed a girl so why can’t i?!’

l

‘love me like you doooo’

‘lady bits?’ (why? no clue)

m

‘mmmmmmm no’

‘mommy? WHAT?!’ (someone called her mommy during a concert)

n

‘no more butt talk!’

‘niall horan, if you’re watching, i love you’

o

‘oh great, you got san talking again’ (save her)

‘only i can touch mingi’s butt, back off’

p

‘pop goes the weasel’

‘popcorn from the movies is just better, common sense’

q

‘quality’ (holding up a mcdonald’s chicken nugget’

‘quick! run!’ (running from hj probably)

r

‘really though, why are you like this’ (she’s talking to wooyoung)

‘right so, i don’t care’

s

‘sun is bright today’

‘single ladiesssss’ (she’s drunk)

t

‘tits’

‘time management is not my forte’

u

‘uvul-yuhhhh’

‘undres- watch yourself’ (she sees some weird ass comments)

v

‘very not yummy’

‘vitamin time’

w

‘watermelon?!’

‘when? where? who? NO!’

x

‘x-ray’s are so weird’

‘xoxo, no’

y

‘you silly silly boy’ (probably talking to jongho)

‘yoooo’

z

‘ZEBRA’s !!!!’

‘zoom zoom baby’

[beneathstarryskies]

Hi lovely! Only if you are still doing them, but could I please request a NSFW alphabet for Madara Uchiha? 😊 thank you!

Madara Uchiha x Fem!Reader NSFW Alphabet

(Smutty goodness under the cut)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Madara can be a bit distant after sex. If things got particularly rough (and they usually do) he’ll tell you how good you were for him. After that, he kind of likes to be loved on a bit. 

Sex can be a very vulnerable act, and Madara can get a little overwhelmed because he’s not someone who is used to feeling vulnerable. Just let him lay his head on your chest while you play with his hair and listen to him talk quietly about what’s going through his mind.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His eyes of course. They’re powerful and he can use them to memorize every inch of you. Not to mention they heighten his experience because he becomes so much more aware of your movements and reactions. 

On his partner, it’s probably a tie between the hips and hands. He loves gripping onto your hips and guiding you against him. He also really just enjoys feeling your hands all over him whether your touches are gentle or rougher. He can’t choose, and honestly, he wouldn’t entertain such a silly topic even if you asked. 

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Madara definitely wants to cum inside you. This stems from the fact that he’s got a super strong breeding kink. He’s a little bit obsessed with filling you with his seed then staying inside of you to make sure none of it drips out. If a single drop spills out he’ll be like, “So wasteful. Looks like we have to start again.” 

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He wants to have a threesome with you and Hashirama really badly. Once he’s super comfortable, he may mention it to you. If you’re not into it, he would never force you to do it. It’s just something he’d be really curious about, and maybe even consider a polyamorous relationship. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s definitely got some experience. Mostly super casual and not exactly intimate. A one-night stand or quickie here and there. He’s learned a bit about what to do to please a partner, but in the past, he hasn’t actually cared much. Once he’s committed, he’ll have to learn how to be intimate. 

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

In general, he prefers positions where he’s dominant. Even if you’re on top he’s gonna be holding onto you and taking charge. Doggy style might be his favorite. He’ll have one hand on your hips guiding you on his cock while the other hand is buried in your hair. 

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Madara doesn’t have much of a sense of humor. Sometimes you might find him amusing because he can be a little bratty if things aren’t going his way, but he wouldn’t be funny on purpose. 

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Madara isn’t super hairy. He has a dark line of hair leading into his pants to a nicely groomed patch of dark hair. He is very prideful about his appearance. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Madara can be a mixed bag when it comes to intimacy. He can be a little distant at times, especially when the relationship is new. Just holding you down and pounding into you without much affection attached. 

However, he does become more intimate once his feelings for you grow. In fact, he becomes downright passionate once he realizes he loves you. He’ll cling onto you and press kisses (and bites) to every inch of your skin. He’ll also become more vocal with praising you. 

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Madara doesn’t masturbate very much. He has a lot of self-control, and would rather just wait until he can actually just have a proper fuck. 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Breeding kink is his absolute number one kink. Nothing turns him on more than fucking you and telling you how he’s going to fill you up with all of his cum. He’s also big into dominating you. Spanking, degradation, blindfolds, and bondage all come into play here. Overstimulation and edging both are things Madara is super into, and they often will come into play in tandem. He’ll edge you for ages until you’re begging him to let you cum. Then he’ll overstimulate you until you’re crying. 

Madara will sprinkle some praise in there as well to remind you that no matter how much he talks shit during sex, he does really love you. 

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

The bedroom is his favorite place because he can really take his time with you. He’s not always that picky though. Sometimes if you’re both out and about and you start being bratty, he’s not above dragging you into the nearest alleyway and teaching you a lesson. 

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

When you’re being kind of a brat, he wants to teach you a lesson. If you wear a cute little outfit in front of other people and he notices others looking at you, he’ll definitely want to remind you who you belong to. The thought of having kids with you gets him going pretty easily too. 

Deep down, Madara is kind of touch starved as fuck. If you show him any kind of affection, he will absolutely be weak. He won’t admit it, of course. The softer the affection the more it turns him on. 

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

There’s not a lot that Madara wouldn’t do. Just like everyone, he has his limits. He wouldn’t be into ageplay, scat, or piss. He might get turned on by a bit of pain and seeing you cry when he’s overstimulating you, but he would never want to actually harm you in any way. 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He doesn’t actually have much of a preference. He enjoys both equally for different reasons. You having your mouth wrapped around his cock while he guides you and fucks your face is amazing. 

However, he also loves going down on you. He’s very good at it and can have you tinkering on the edge of climax in minutes. He loves the control he has over you in that moment. The way you tug on his hair and beg him to let you cum. He could stay between your thighs like that for hours. 

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He can switch the pace up pretty easily. It just depends on his mood. Sometimes he wants to be rough with you and have you begging for him to give you a break. Other times he just wants to take his time to kiss you all over and fuck you slowly. 

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He’s very open to quickies, and it is a pretty common occurrence in your relationship. When Madara wants you, he wants you as soon as possible and wherever you can find privacy. He’s not picky about that. 

Especially if he gets jealous. He has to have you as soon as possible to remind you (and kind of himself) that you’re his.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He is absolutely game to experiment and take risks. (Especially if that risk could involve getting caught by Hashirama and him maybe joining.)

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He can last as long as he wants. Madara is very good with edging himself and has a lot of self-control during sex. He is able to go at least three rounds if he wants. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Cuffs, ropes, blindfolds. Maybe a gag, but he won’t use it much because he likes hearing you beg. Maybe if you’re being too mouthy. 

He’d much rather be the one using them, but if you play your cards right you might be able to finesse your way into using them on him. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Madara is the biggest fucking tease in the whole world. He just loves hearing you beg and the more desperate you are (especially if you cry) the more he enjoys it. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He is pretty loud. Letting his moans of pleasure come out without much regard for if anyone might hear him. He also talks a lot during sex, and the things he’ll say will be inconsistent. One moment he’s telling you what a desperate little slut you are and then the next thing that falls out of his mouth is that you’re a good girl taking his cock so well. 

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Madara really just loves boobs a lot. After sex he’ll often want to snuggle up against you and put his head on your chest. During foreplay, he’ll spend a lot of time kissing and massaging them. He’ll tease your nipples with his mouth. He just really loves boobs, and he doesn’t even care about the size. Big tits, small tits, tits somewhere in between. They’re all good to Madara. 

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Madara has a pretty big cock. Around 8 ½ inches and super thick. If you’re not super experienced beforehand, he’ll definitely have to ease it into you. 

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Madara has a super high sex drive, especially when things get serious enough for the possibility of having kids to come into the mix. He’s a little prideful, so he won’t admit how often he yearns for you. But he definitely does. 

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He doesn’t tend to fall asleep super easily after sex. In general, he doesn’t sleep much. So he’ll probably lay beside you for a long time just listening to you breathe or the two of you talking nonsense until you fall asleep.

A/N: Thank you for the request!

[honestsycrets]

Alfred the Great | Love Alphabet

❛ sy’s notes | This one includes a lot of life scenarios of Alfred and his wife. I enjoy how it came out-- and I hope you do too.

A = Affection (PDA, what sort of affection they give)

“Not here,” he bends his head. You stand behind his throne chair, settling your hand on his shoulder. You press a kiss to his rosy cheek, in the presence of the others, as he waves you off.

Alfred has never been someone who was particularly touchy due to the way he was brought up. While small touches were always common, the way you stroke him-- touch him, caress him, out in the open gives him both a sense of delight and shyness when he realizes that others are watching.

B = Babies (Anything you want about babies)

“Perhaps you should show me.”

“Hold him here,” you guide Alfred’s hands. As he kneels beside your bed, a king on his knees, Alfred feels like any other man-- not a king, fumbling for the right hold.

Has no idea what to do with a baby of his own. He has no experience with holding a child and has no idea what to do when you place his in his arms, only finding himself staring down upon the thing, utterly lost. 

C = Cuddles (How they cuddle or are cuddled)

His days are long. As a king, Alfred very rarely spends time in your rooms. He’s busy with putting all his energy into England for England. So, at the end of a long night, when he crawls in beside you, his hand might drape over your waist. He’d set an apologetic kiss to your head and fall asleep.

D = Darling  (Pet names)

Small ones. He prefers to call you more proper names while in public; his wife, his queen, being the chief of them. Behind closed doors then, he might be more lazy with his pet names. 

E = Enamored (how hard do they fall when in love)

“Who was that girl there--” he points through the crowd. You pick your skirts up, then disappear from where you came, weaving through the crowd here to see the king.

“Where m’lord?” 

“She was just there.”

Admittedly, he has no time to fall in love. His interaction with women outside of his family is limited to chamber maids and the occasional woman during feasts. That is why his marriage was arranged. But if by happenstance he does meet a woman, it’s just that: a sudden pang of surprise.

F = Firsts (A first on anything you pick)

“She won’t know,” you swish around the horse, mounting first, then extending your hand toward him. He takes your hand, despite everything in him saying he shouldn’t, not that day. “Come! Live a little, prince-boy.” 

First fling-- Taking him away from Judith and Aethelwulf is too easy. With everyone’s eye on Aethelred, all you have to do is fool Judith to slip her precious boy away. Alfred is unsure of it-- his mother’s voice beating in his head, where were you! He falls ill when you bring him back.

G = Good Morning (How do they wake you up)

Do forgive me, the parchment reads the day after your wedding. A small golden and pearl necklace sits on top of the crisp paper. I’ve too much to do. I will see you as god allows.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs?)

He does. They’re a small comfort to him when he’s going off to war, but even more so when they are followed up with a kiss, and the command for him to come back safely.

I = In Labor (Labour and Delivery)

“Women have been doing this since the dawn of time, Alfred.” His knuckle taps repeatedly over the parchment. Yes, women have been doing this since the dawn of time-- but not his woman.

He can’t get a lick of work done. He’s too busy thinking of his wife, who labors alone, in her modesty has sent him out. Get something done, he isn’t here yet, you told him. Strong woman. And still he gets nothing done, leaves his chambers, and seeks you out.

J = Jealousy (Are they jealous? How do they handle it?)

“Do you think the blonde one or the brown one is the bigger brother?” your chamber maids say, giggly amongst the quietly gathered. Before him, the Northman stood. 

“The blond,” you speak up, rarely. You never spoke. “What? He’s a big man.” 

Your chambermaids gasp, looking up. “Ooh,” they squeak-- and regretfully, Alfred’s head snaps over too. 

Watchfully. He’s not admittedly jealous-- but quietly and privately so. He asks many questions, rather than interrogate you about your interests in another, to make sense of what happened earlier. You aren’t jealous, are you? you hush him with a kiss. Of course not, he was simply-- concerned.

K = Kisses (How do they kiss? How often?)

Gently-- at any point that he can. Leaving or coming, he doesn’t spare any kisses. He’s often gentle, and so you might have to push him to be a little more passionate. Shyness won’t get him everything after all. 

L = Loyal (How loyal are they?)

Absolutely. 

M = Memory (Their favourite memory about you?)

His grandfather’s bath was a tranquil place. You come here, every moment that you can spare apart from seeing the people, caring for the settlement, and doing your duties as queen. You strip away your clothes and fold them, not hearing the door squeak open, nor Alfred come in. The water plips as you shift into it. At the sound of boots you whirl about, holding your chest. 

“Please.” Alfred stands there. His favourite moments of you are your most private moments. The moments when you think you’re all alone, but aren’t. “Go on-- clean yourself.” 

N = Never! (Dealbreakers)

He can’t deal with someone who might whine about his time. His first concern is England and everything else is secondary to the fact. In his mind, his partner must understand where his allegiance must be.

O = On the Rocks (How do they make up?)

“Why are you here?” you unclipped the earring from the back of your ear, turning to find Alfred waiting by your table where you kept your jewelry box. “Does England not need its king today?” 

“Not if you are still angry,” he raps his knuckles over the table. “I am sorry.”

With his time. It’s so important, and so scarce, that if he knows you are disappointed with him, it’s the one thing he can do to get back into both your good graces and show he’s apologetic about what happened. Or at the least, wants to make amends. 

P = Playtime (Any headcanons on sex)

“Alfred what are you doing?” 

He’ll try almost anything once. At the start of the relationship, you would take the more dominant role by inciting sex. But, after Ubbe came, Alfred seemed to change, putting more effort into chasing you with a strange confidence. The dominance is strange-- but welcome. You wonder how much he told Ubbe about your sex life.

Q = Quiet Time (How do they wind down?)

After his day, if he can sneak away, he likes to cuddle in bed. It’s better than sex to him because he can lace his fingers through yours, and carry off all thoughts of the long day away. 

R = Rapture (What makes them happy?)

He took you that morning to watch him spar with Ubbe. Ubbe was fantastic, you’d admit. A true Northman, strong, witty, quick. But your eye was on Alfred alone, following the way he dodged, the way he moved. You held a cup ready for him when he collapsed beside you. 

“What... do you think?” he heaved between heavy breaths. He could fall into illness, but he didn’t. He was strong, and as he chugged his drink, your hand caressed his chest, coming up behind his neck, kissing him hard and strong. 

“You were perfect.” He admits-- he likes to impress you.

S = Soulmate (What do they think of soulmates?)

“A soulmate?” he asks you about the concept. He’s not heard of such things-- but it sounds... fitting, he’d say.

T = Together (What do you like to do together?)

Off of the carriage, you walked in the dust. Your maids said you would dirty your dress and yet, you didn’t care, you wanted to be among the children. After his duties, Alfred clopped by on his horse, leaning down in his saddle to hand something toward you. You pluck it from his fingers and realize-- it’s a sweet smelling flower. 

Secretly, Alfred enjoys it when you accompany him on his trips. He often does get sick, so if it has to happen, he would prefer that it happen when you are by his side. 

U = Unyielding (How do they handle interlopers on the relationship?)

The queen’s hands had been over him. Not the queen-- not his queen-- but the queen from another place. You had seen the way he pushed her hands down, cupping them together with a shake of his head. “I have a wife,” he stressed. “And no interests in another.” 

Alfred doesn’t tolerate it. He makes sure to snuff out the concerns of women coming after him where they stand. Similarly, he expects you to do the same, although it he must, he will. 

V = Vulnerable (Are they vulnerable often? How do they handle it?)

Not often. Apart from his family, he might be vulnerable with you. Romance and family life is the one place where he might be vulnerable-- and hopes that you’ll protect that vulnerability.

W = Wedding (Wedding headcanons)

“I’ll make it up to you,” Alfred says once the doors are finally shut. You roll on your side, over the small stain of blood dribbled over the sheets, yet still sore. He takes initiative to shift on top of you, his forearm balancing himself. 

“That is not the way you wanted to...” he drops off, knowing that it was foolish and silly when you cup his soft cheek. It’s okay, you have to tell him, over and over again.

Being a king, it’s all done according to how it has to be done. While the wedding is luxurious, it could be better. He knows that-- you deserve his affections in private.

X = (E)x (How do they handle exes? What do they do if they see them)

With a semblance of longing but also of respect. If he’s moved on, he’ll gingerly nod his head, go on his way. If he hasn’t, he might wonder to himself-- perhaps he could have done this, or that, better.

Y = Yearning (What do they do when they miss you?)

Alfred held the end of the table, chewing his cheek, the paper was still not done. He has work to do-- but he can’t help wonder, where were you? Were you well? He turns to one of his guards, “Call the queen,” Alfred stands upright, throwing his hand out lightly. “Tell her I want to eat with her.”

He can’t get any work done. So, he does the only thing he can think to do-- he calls you into his quarters and hopes that this blaring need will quell. Or, if his body is so weak, he has to... eat first.

Z = Zzz… (Sleeping headcanons)

When he’s exhausted, he collapses into bed beside you. He doesn’t remember when he falls asleep, only that you’re there beside him.

@tephi101 @alicedopey @supernaturalvikingwhore @tootie-fruity @titty-teetee @queen-see-ya-in-valhalla @ethereallysimple @deathbyarabbit @deathbyarabbit @readsalot73 @natalie-rdr @lol-haha-joke @lisinfleur @hissouthernprincess @marvelousse @dangerous-like-a-loaded-pistol @vikingsmania @wish-i-was-a-mermaid @lif3snotouttogetyou @gruffle1 @cris101071 @gold-dragon-slayer @babypink224221 @wonderwoman292 @naaladareia @beyond-the-ashes @generic-fangirl @chinduda @laketaj24​, @peaceisadirtyword, @ly–canthrope @cris101071 @daughterofthenight117 @unassumingviking @ladyofsoa, @inforapound @winchesterwife27 @feyrearcheron44@readsalot73 @squirrelacorngliterfarts @gold-dragon-slayer @medievalfangirl @sallydelys  @bluearchersstuff @affectionrabbitt @whatamood13 @notyouraveragegirl17 @igetcarriedawaywithyou @unacceptabletatertots @ivarandersen @stra-vage @tgrrose @cookies186 @learninglemni-blog @theleeshanotlouise @soiproclaim @msmorganforever

[painted-crow]

may i ask about mbti too? in relation to sortinghatchats, ofc. (if yes, i'd like to ask about how do you think being a ravenclaw primary relates to being an intp as the introverted thinking dominant thing seems to be very much in tune with the ravenclaw primary system)

I think it is, but it's been 10 years since I really studied MBTI in depth. (13 year old me had some niche hobbies.) Hang on.

(Future Paint dropping in: just a warning, but this post is gonna be kind of a trash fire.)

Okay, I found a site that has descriptions of the functions (here's their masterpost) that seem accurate from what I remember. I don't know about the rest of the articles on the site, I poked around a bit and some of them are a little on the silly side :p

For our purposes I think it should work.

But first,

A bad crash course on MBTI and the cognitive functions system

So, you're probably used to seeing four-letter types like ESTJ thrown around on the Internet. They're each shorthand for a set of cognitive functions (if you're using the right sources and aren't a coward 😉).

There's an Introverted and an Extroverted version each of Sensing, Intuition (the N), Thinking and Feeling--so, eight total, and they're all pretty different from each other. When MBTI people say Ni they're not making a Monty Python joke, they mean Introverted Intuition (the little I = introverted, so Ne = Extroverted Intuition).

Each type uses the functions in a different order. You have a dominant function which is your main approach to the world, and your secondary function which supports it, and they describe a lot of how you think. You also have a tertiary function (opposite of your auxiliary, it's weaker support) and an inferior function (opposite of your dominant, not something you're necessarily great at, some people will say you should try to strengthen it... it's up for debate).

Intuition and Sensing belong to one category (perceiving functions) and Thinking and Feeling belong to another (judging functions). You get one of each category for your dominant and auxiliary, and one will be Introverted and the other Extroverted. So for INTPs it's Ti dominant and Ne auxiliary, for ESTJs it's Te/Si, for ENFPs it's Ne/Fi, etc.

If you find your top 2 functions, you can reverse engineer your type. Works like this. Say you've landed on Ti dominant and Se auxiliary. You already have the ST that makes up the middle of your type. Your dominant function is Introverted, so your type is too: IST. (If your dominant is Extroverted, you get an E.) If you use Ne or Se in your top two, you're a Perceiving type so slap a P on there: ISTP. (Te and Fe users get a J.)

Confused yet? It's because this is a bad explanation! Good ones take even longer! xD

MBTI is an amalgam of Meyers and Briggs' ideas, weird old versions of the functions made up by Carl Jung which have morphed into something that kinda makes sense through basically a game of Telephone (this isn't a bad thing) and various adjustments, theories, and simplifications someone decided to write a book and a quiz about. It can be useful if you read good sources, or it can be... weird. (No, you're not a J type just because you like to keep your desk clean.)

If you like MBTI and want to study it, my 13-year-old self would highly recommend Personality Type: An Owner's Manual by Lenore Thomson. Amazon has used copies for ~$7 if you can't find it locally/in a library.

Bad crash course over, back to the post.

So, Ravenclaws and Ti.

Yeah! There are similarities! And probably correlations in their... userbase? That's the word I'm going with.

Here's my post about how my Ravenclaw primary feels/works.

Here's a reference article about Introverted Thinking.

Some cherrypicked bits from the article (highlights are mine):

People with Introverted Thinking want the world to make sense in a logical manner. They form an internal framework of how the world works. It is constantly being modified and improved through life experience and experiments.

They have the ability to find commonalities in seemingly unrelated things.

Someone with Introverted Thinking may take a while to fully understand a concept. This is because they want to know all the components and how everything works together.

However, once a Ti user figures out the whole system, everything clicks. They can see how the car and motor works, and how it all fits together. They have created a map and an internal framework, which could be applied to understanding how engines in other machines work. Pieces of this framework could also be used to understand seemingly unrelated concepts, like how a plumbing system works, or how computer programming languages interact with hardware.

So, that whole linked article echoes my post really loudly! Like I said, lots of similarities.

Let's have a look at Ne, the INTP auxiliary function (article link).

Extraverted Intuition (Ne) deals with experiencing the outer world, noticing possibilities, and what could be. Ne deals with seeing how all things in life are interrelated, and allows the user to see the world in multiple different perspectives.

Okay, go on...

Extraverted Intuition is always seeing possibilities. They always want to know “what could be”. They are adept at understanding the external environment, but they always want to take it one step further. They wonder, “if I change this, what will happen?”

Uh huh...

Extraverted Intuition also has the ability to make obscure connections. The Ne user can take two seemingly unrelated topics and bring them together. This can also cause the user to have an off-beat sense of humor.

Oh wow. I dunno about that ;)

Correlation, not rule

The thing is, I don't know how much I can say about this. There are lots of Ravenclaws who aren't INTPs, or even Ti users. There are probably lots of INTPs and Ti users who aren't Ravenclaws.

My older brother from the last post? Pretty sure he's an INTJ. (I don't care what Keirsey tells you about "oh they're both NT types, they're the smart types so they're similar."* INTJs use a different set of functions and don't have Ti as part of their stack.)

The SHC community is a lot smaller than the MBTI one, of course, so I don't have a way of testing this very effectively, or a good pool of examples. Like, I can say that Luna Lovegood is often considered an INFP, but she's not exactly available to take an online test, what with magic messing with technology so badly in the wizarding world ;)

Readers, go ahead and stick your MBTI and your Sorting (as best you know them) in the replies or reblogs, if you like. We're going to have some selection bias here but it'll be interesting anyway.

This post is a mess but I don't know how to make it better. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

------

*I was hoping Keirsey might have developed a little more nuance over the past 10 years, but glancing over the site, it seems to be the same oversimplifications and stereotypes as I remember. Rationals are still the "smart types": the first word they use to describe them is "ingenious."

This kind of thing loses credibility with me real quick, especially because Keirsey is one of the most aggressive in selling their model to companies in order to evaluate employees.

[princeazurathepathetic]

Broo this is my Sothismas gift for @illputaspellonyou ! the event was hosted and made possible by @patricia-von-arundel ty for making this possible! It’s complete fluff and shenanigans by one of my favourite idiot boyfriend duo: Casphardt. It was my first time writing them, and I had a blast. I love them. story under the cut!

“C'mon Linhardt, you can't keep scaring me like that.”

Caspar's voice was teasing but had an air of worry about it. His face showed the same emotion, Linhardt almost would have found it sweet, if he wasn’t very annoyed.

“Not everyone thrives off of battle like you do. I've told you a hundred times, I don't do too well near blood."

"Yeah, I know that. But do you have to faint like that? I almost couldn't save you this time. Almost…"

It was a picture perfect sunset in the middle of the forest in Dagda, one of the many countries Linhardt and Caspar had decided to go to when they opted to travel the world.

“Well I'm sorry. Maybe you could stop running into every fight that shows itself with no preparation like that. Then, I wouldn't have to follow you, and then faint."

"What!? That's ridiculous, if someone wants to go around picking fights, you have to take it, otherwise, they might go off and try to fight someone who can't, or doesn't want to."

"Like… Me?"

Caspar rolled his eyes, but didn't argue further because something caught his eye, he saunters off, leaving Linhardt to argue with nothing.

“Seriously, if you were not so brash and unruly, then maybe this whole 'traveling the world' thing would be more enjoyable, and-"

Linhardt trailed off, promptly realizing he was talking to thin air, and continued to look for where his troublesome boyfriend is, and continue his point that would most certainly lead nowhere. It's not that he wanted to argue with Capsar all the time, he just, didn't hate it. It was simply the nature of their relationship; Caspar would do something absolutely stupid, and then Linhardt would have to drag him out of it, and then they'd playfully argue, make up for arguing, have a sweet moment, and then the cycle restarted. 

“Hey, Lin?”

Linhardt was interrupted from his thinking. 

“You might wanna come see this, it's pretty cool.”

Linhardt stormed over to where the familiar voice was coming from, Caspar couldn't distract him from winning the argument forever. But Linhardt did not get to say the thing that would obviously have decimated Caspar in that ridiculous dispute. Instead he was rendered speechless, in front of him lay one of the most gorgeous landscapes he’d ever seen. 

They were standing at the edge of a cliff, overlooking a giant river valley, littered with those bioluminescent blue crystals Dagda was known for having, and it was sunset. It truly did look incredible, then again, Caspar was very good at finding beautiful scenery (surprisingly).

“Wow, this is… beautiful.”

Caspar looked surprised, he had wanted Linhardt to stop arguing so he could talk with him seriously, but this was fast. But whatever, it made what he was about to say easier.

“Yeah… Pretty cool, huh?”

Were his palms sweaty? They were sweaty, weren’t they? Linhardt probably noticed, and just wasn’t saying anything about it. The air was far too hot. Or was it just him? And that cliff was far too unsafe to do this, and GODDESS he just had to do it!

“Hey, uh, Lin?”

Linhardt was still very involved with the scenery, and wasn’t fully paying attention to his ridiculous but adorable boyfriend, which meant Caspar had to actually go out of his way to get his attention. He took a stick from the ground, and proceeded to poke Lin with it… Or at least he had meant it to be a poke, but since it almost knocked Linhardt over, he was going to guess it was a little more harsh. 

“What!? Must you really almost impale me on the end of a stick to get my attention!?”

“Whoops.”

Linhardt let out a dramatic sigh. 

“Well, you have my attention, what is it?”

“Well… you know how you’re, uh, dating me and stuff?”

“Yes. I do. And?”

Goddess, why did this have to be so awkward!? Of course he knew that he was dating him, he’s not an idiot!

“Yeah, and I was thinking that maybe we should stop being like that…”

“You’re breaking up with me? Why!?”

“No wait that’s not what I-

“What did I do!? Is it because of that silly argument earlier? If so that is hardly a reason to- to break up with me!”

“Lin, I’m not-!”

“I think you're being a bit unreasonable, Caspar.”

“LIN!”

“Seriously, I know I’m a bit new to being in a romantic relationship, but-”

He kept going, and he was obviously too busy spiraling that he wasn’t going to listen. Honestly, Caspar had never seen Linhardt so worked up before. Seeing the stick he had previously discarded, he promptly ‘poked’ Linhardt with it again. 

“Ow! Can you stop doing that!?”

“You weren’t listening to me. Listen to me this time!”

Linhardt rolled his eyes, but stayed silent. He just hoped that Caspar wasn’t about to break up with him, because then he wouldn’t even know what to do with himself. He didn’t say it that often, but he relied on Caspar, he needed him. So he hoped that this was just Caspar phrasing something stupid.

“What I wanted to say is that we should be, ya know, more than that… or something.”

“What? Speak normally.”

“Fine. LINHARDT WILL YOU MARRY ME PLEASE!?”

What? Had he heard correctly? Yes, it was impossible not to with Caspar practically screaming it into his ear. And sure enough, there he was, on one knee holding a ring in both hands, holding it like it was his last hope for all reality. It was actually almost comedic. 

Linhardt was slowly processing what exactly this meant, (which was odd because normally he processed things very fast). When it finally sank in, Linhardt was a mess of emotions almost immediately. He broke into tears, trying desperately to maintain his composure and failing pathetically.

“I can’t tell if this is a good thing or not. Are these tears of joy? Or tears of not-joy…”

“They’re tears o-of j-joy, you id-diot.” 

He couldn't get through a single sentence without stuttering and sobbing. It was embarrassing, but it was pretty much unavoidable.

“Sooo… That a yes?”

“Y-yeah.” 

His voice was shaky, and it didn’t help that Caspar swept him up in a bridal hold. (fitting) Linhardt screamed, he hated (loved) it when Caspar picked him up, it was very bothering, but he could barely talk so he decided to save the lecture for now. 

“WOOHOO! YEAH! I KNEW YOU’D SAY YES! HAHAHA!! THIS IS GREAT NOW YOU’RE GONNA BE MY HUSBAND! LET’S INVITE EVERYONE IT’LL BE THE BEST WEDDING EVER!”

“C-Caspar! Stop yelling-g!”

“I CAN’T I’M JUST TOO PUMPED FOR OUR WEDDING! WHEN SHOULD IT BE? I WANT IT TO BE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!”

“We c-can’t do it t-too s-soon. We have to plan-n.”

“WHY PLAN WHEN WE CAN GET MARRIED TOMORROW!?”

“T-Tomorrow!? That’s way too s-soon.”

“HOW ABOUT THE DAY AFTER INSTEAD!?”

“No. P-put me down r-right now, so I can slap some c-common sense into that b-beautiful face of yours-s.”

“AWW, LIN DID YOU JUST CALL ME BEAUTIFUL!?”

“I d-don’t know. I’m still in shock.”

“WELL STOP BEING IN SHOCK! WE HAVE A WEDDING TO PLAN!

“Whatever you s-say.”

Hope you like it! (and im really sorry if you didnt) 

[deejadabbles]

Hi there! Hope you’re well :) Your writing is fantastic! I was wondering if you would consider doing a NSFW alphabet for Seto and/or Joey? No worries if you can’t or don’t want to! I appreciate all the hard work you put into your work! Be well! x

Hello Anon!

First off, thank you, I hope you’re doing well too! Second I’m so so sorry I take forever to do requests! I promise I’ve been working on these steadily, I’m just slow at everything ^^’

So, I’ll be completely honest, I’m not much of a Seto fan, but you asked so nicely and you’re so sweet that I went ahead and did them for you! I also did Joey because he’s a sweet dork. I hope these were worth the wait and you’re still hanging around to see them!

NSFW Alphabet: Seto and Joey/Jonouchi

Seto

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)Depends on who you are to him tbh. If it’s just a one night stand there won’t be much aftercare, he won’t talk or cuddle with you but he wouldn’t like kick you out right after or anything either. Now, if you two are in an actual relationship? He’ll put his arm around your shoulder and usually even pull you in to rest against his chest. When you’re laying on him he also runs his finger through your hair and/or up and down your back in a slow, rather soothing manner. Still won’t talk much if at all, but simple cuddles should be expected.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)On his own body, he likes his chest. He’s very proud of the muscles he’s built on his body and loves the way his s/o runs their hands down his chest.

On his lover he like their legs. Doesn’t matter if you’re legs are skinny or chubby, he loves them, specifically because he loves throwing them over his shoulders or putting his head between them. The inside of your thighs are almost always at the mercy of his lips and he’ll leave hickies there constantly.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically)Him and Atem have something in common, they both get this primal rush from filling their partners up with their seed. Seto will prefer not to use condoms for that very reason and may even ‘negotiate’ with you on the matter if you want him to use them, but, ultimately he respects your wishes since it’s your body. He’s also not the type who will cum on your face when you blow him, he actually really hates getting it on your face.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)In his desk in his office at Kaiba Corp, he has a bottom drawer that’s always kept locked. No one, not the maid, not his secretaries, not even Mokuba (especially not Mokuba!) have a key to it. Just him. What’s inside? The main thing is a VR headset with his custom made sexual simulations. There’s also a bottle of lube, and later when he had a partner, condoms, and few choice sex toys. The VR headset is used on nights when he needs a release from all the stresses of the day or week. The condoms and toys were put there later so that he can have fun with you when you stop by the office and he’s in a ~mood~

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)Kaiba isn’t opposed to one night stands, but I honestly have a hard time seeing him actually having them often. He can separate emotionless sex that he has for the physical release accept, and the deeper, more (for lack of better term) vulnerable kind of sex he’d let himself have with an s/o. Still, even if he does that I’d still say he might have only had sex two, maybe three times before he settles down with you.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying.)Doggie style. He can be a bit rough depending on who he’s with and he likes being able to push you down into the pillows or have you bent over his desk. He’ll often keep his hand on the back of your neck or maybe even hold your arms behind your back. That isn’t to say he’s always that rough, in fact, the longer he’s with you, the more he opens up to you and lets his walls down, the more he’s like positions allow him to hold you closer with more skin on skin contact.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)Pretty serious in the sense that he’s as intense with sex as he is with everything else. This actually makes for him being a pretty attentive lover. He won’t be good at making the mood light and fun, but he’ll definitely be getting you off and keeping things passionate.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)Down there is well tended to, but not completely shaved. The color’s black and the texture is surprisingly soft from his high-quality body wash rinsing through it.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)Like I’ve mentioned above, the longer he’s with you, the more soft he’ll be in bed. It takes him awhile not only to get in the romantic mind-frame but also to learn how to be romantic. After a while though, he’ll start doing more sweet things like brushing your hair from your face so he can look at you and giving you gentle kisses as he’s thrusting into you.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)It’s not common for him to rub one out, but sometimes when he’s in his office late at night, he’ll lock his door and open that special drawer in his desk so he can relieve some of that CEO stress.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)Despite the fact that I have literally made jokes about him basically being Christain Grey from 50 Shades, I actually don’t think he’s all that kinky. Like I said, he’ll be pretty rough with you sometimes, pushing you down or spanking you, but other than that, I think he’s pretty vanilla. He’ll be willing to tie you up and find that he likes that. Otherwise, the only other kink I could see him having would be punishing you and maybe some concent play, but you would have to be the one to bring it up.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)His office. He likes the risk and powerplay he gets off of it. He also likes telling you that you have to keep quiet if you don’t want to get caught but then test how loud he can make you scream. He’s a cheeky bastard like that.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)I’d say he’s horniest when he’s stressed (the CEO life sucks sometimes), that’s part of the reason he gets it on in his office the most. Otherwise, things that turn him on would include tight outfits, lip biting, and you trying to take charge/dominance. To elaborate on that last one: he really likes it when you grab him and pull him into a kiss or push him down onto the bed. He thinks it’s hot as hell that you’re showing some spunk, but don’t expect your position of power to last long, part of why he likes you trying is because he likes the power struggle of getting back on top and having you submit to him.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)Hm, that’s kind of a hard one. I’d say that he’s pretty turned off if his s/o acts very childish/immature. He’s a pretty serious guy and if you’re cracking jokes or acting silly while he’s trying to do the do, he’ll lose that boner pretty quick. That also leads into him having to say a hard no to any sort of age play.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)If he’s being honest he prefers to receive. He loves the power rush he gets from you being on your knees and also secretly loves when you have trouble taking his full size. Not to say he won’t go down on you, he will, especially because he likes being between your thighs, he just really likes to be on the receiving end of oral.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)Again, it mostly depends on how long you two have been together. At first, he’s almost solely hard and fast, but the closer you two get the more he’ll let himself take his time and be more sensual. (Also, side note, the longer you two are together, the more he’ll be into intimate eye contact)

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)Quickies are pretty common with him. While he isn’t opposed to pushing his work aside and having a proper sexy session with you, he’s got a lot of pent-up tension and feelings that he’ll let loose on you via a quicky.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)I wouldn’t say Kaiba experiments a lot, but he down to do a little exploring if you bring it up. Risk though? I think most risk is taken out of anything kinky he’d do because before he’s willing to try anything, he’ll do his research on it to make sure the experiment is 100% safe and handled right. His need to research everything pretty much takes any chance for spontanious kinky times off the table.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)Seto is one and done most of the time, but he makes that one round count. He’ll last for as long as you need to (he takes it as an enormous matter of pride that he gets you off before he finishes, and we all know how prideful he is) and he’ll touch you any way you want during that time~

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)Eeeeehhhhh, I’m not so sure about toys. He might be willing to use some if you have them, and he has a fleshlight (and maybe a cockring) in that special drawer of his office, but I don’t think he’d use them often. I see him as more of a “my body should be more than enough to get you off” kind of guy for some reason.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)If it’s not a quickie, he’ll tease you almost every time you have sex. He’ll pull on your hair to make you look at him, smirk, and tell you to beg for it. And if he’s in a reeeeaaally playful mood, he’ll full on stop thrusting into you right when you’re about to cum, and make you beg for it again.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)Not too loud. I mean he’s not shy by any means, but he’s just not that loud in general. Mostly makes groans and growls of pleasure but if you’re blowing him you’re treated with the rare, throaty moan.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)I mentioned earlier that Kaiba likes leaving hickeys on your thighs. Let me elaborate on that a bit more. So Kaiba likes leaving his mark on you, not only does it make him smirk to hear you moan and gasp while he’s giving them to you, but he also gets that little ego boost to know you’re walking around with proof that you’re his. However, given that paparazzi and fans are constantly up in his business, he doesn’t like others being able to see the marks and gossip about them (he also hates embarrassing you or making you feel uncomfortable). So he prefers to put said marks in privet places. And since he already loves your legs, the sensitive skin of your inner thighs are the perfect places.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)Very slightly above average in length with an average girth. Has a pretty nice curve to it as well.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)I’d say medium level. He doesn’t need sex all the time but he’d want it on the regular. 3 (maybe 4) times a week (idk if that’s considered average by most people or what???) is what he leans towards.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)He takes a while to fall asleep but that’s mostly because it takes him a while to get to sleep no matter what. But also because he secretly likes watching you sleep in his arms~

…

Joey/Jonouchi

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)Goofy ass cuddle monster! He’s actually kind of playful after sex and will do things like tickle your sides while you’re still catching your breath. Aside from that, he’ll do things like pull you against his chest or tug you onto your side and he can spoon you~

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)On himself, he really likes his arms. He’s got some decent biceps that he’s pretty proud of and he likes how they look holding his weight as he plows into you ;)

On his partner, he’s an ass man. It doesn’t even matter what kind of ass you have, he just liked holding it and giving it playful smacks. If you bend over in front of him 1000% expect him to A: smack it, or B: grab your hips and pull you against his pelvis so you can feel how hard he’s already getting.  

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically)I can see him being a fan of seeing his cum spilling out of you (I think the term is cream-pieing?) or seeing your thighs covered in it. He just gets off on the visual of it for some reason. If he wears condoms when you’re doing the do he’ll often beg you to let him take it off and cum on your thighs as he’s about to climax.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)I can’t even say his collection of porn mags/videos are a dirty secret because he’ll probably tell you about them at some point and even ask if you wanna look at them with him (he’s not a very shameful guy with that stuff lol). But I’d say he has a dirty secret more along the lines of a kink or sex fantasy that he doesn’t want to admit he has. Something kind just odd, like, I dunno, he likes having his nipples twisted before he orgasms or something like that XD (I’m sorry for some reason I can’t think of anything better for this one, I don’t think he’d have much that he’d keep a secret tbh)  

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)Okay, here’s the thing, Joey THINKS he’s got some moves, but that’s because he thinks porn is the best teacher. It isn’t. And he learns that real quick once he becomes sexually active. Thankfully, he’s a lot more perceptive and in-tune with the emotions of others than most people give him credit for, so he’ll learn fast and make it a top priority to get better for both your sakes. As for experience? I could see him having a few flings/short term things during his teen years but nothing too excessive.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)I’d say it’s a toss-up between simple missionary and his partner riding him. He doesn’t mind keeping things simple with missionary and he likes the feeling of your body writhing under his, but he also loves seeing you taking what you want from him and how you look bouncing on his cock. He also digs the riding position because it means he gets to hold the ass he loves so much~

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)Compete and utter goof! He loves making you laugh in general and that will carry over in the bedroom. He keeps things light a playful, and it’s really hard not to feel relaxed and comfortable when you’re with him. Oh, and if you’re shy? Don’t worry, he’ll have you smiling and relaxed in no time

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)I’d say he’s not terribly well-groomed, especially when you two first become intimate. However, if you express that you’d like things to be less of a jungle down there, he’d be more than willing to take care of it. (lmao why did I just picture him yelling “real men wax for their partners!!” as he’s preparing for the pain of waxing XD)

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)Despite his goofiness, Jonouchi actually has a romantic side. It’s a cheesy as heck romantic side, but romantic none the less. He’ll surprise you with rose petals leading to the bedroom where he’s waiting with lit candles and wearing noting but silk boxers (maybe even has a rose in his mouth to top it off). That sort of thing. He’s just trying to woo you and be sweet okay!

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)Typical red-blooded boy. He’ll jack off at least once a day if possible, usually with the aid of porn because he’s not really the type to get off on fantasies in his head.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)Despite being very sex-inclined (as in, he’ll probably have sex with you three times a day if you want) he kinda vanilla. He’s down to try some stuff and finds that he kinda likes it when you tie his arms up and toss him on the bed. He’ll be a teasing little shit when you do it cos he wants to A; keep his cool and B: kinda wants to see it the verbal teasing makes you fuck him harder. Besides that, he’s really big into edge play (on himself or his partner) and seeing his lover wear some sexy lingerie (whether you’re male or female).

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)He’s not picky, he’ll get it on pretty much anywhere but I’d say his top fave is probably the kitchen counter. He likes that it’s less conventional than the bed and thinks it’s hot to prop you up on the counter or bend you over it and fuck you more our in the open.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)Like I said above, he’s BIG into lingerie and will be putty in your hands if you wear some for him. He also becomes a mess when you flaunt your ass; swaying your hips a bit more, wiggling it to the beat of a song, or heaven forbid, bend over in front of him, all of it gets him hard in seconds. He also really, really loves it when you make of show of taking your clothes off! More on that one under my “Wild Card” headcanon ;)

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)No verbal degrading at all. He takes it too personally and it will ruin his confidence as well as make him outright pissed. He can take you tieing him up sometimes, but the moment you start putting him down verbally, the sexy fun comes to a screeching halt. Now when it comes to stuff he doesn’t want to do to his partner, never ask him to do anything more physically punishing than some playful spanking. He’s had to fight so many people in his life that he hates blurring that line with his S/O and will flip out on himself if he even tries to smack you around.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)He’ll never admit this because he doesn’t want you to think that he’s selfish, but he honestly kinda prefers receiving. Giving isn’t his favorite thing but he’s more than willing to do it because he will never let a blowjob go unreciprocated. Besides, he likes seeing you squirm, so he just focuses on that good part.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)He’s fast and sensual. Like, his thrusts are pretty fast but he’s touching and kissing you the whole time, pulling you close to him, whispering in your ear before biting it, groaning in pleasure against your neck after giving it a playful lick, all while his hands are grabbing and holding every inch of you he can reach.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)Quickies are more than fine in his book. Like I said above his pace is pretty fast regularly so the only real difference between his regular sex and quickies is the foreplay portion. He still likes proper sex because he actually really digs foreplay and warming you up nice and good before making you cum fast and hard, but quickies have their place.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)He’ll dip his toe into the kink realm, but he won’t dive in if ya know what I mean. So he’s willing to be a tad risky but don’t expect too much from him.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)He’s very enthusiastic and has pretty good stamina. He may not want to go ALL night or anything, but he can get a good two or three rounds most night, especially if you have cuddle breaks in between (he is a secret cuddle monster do not fight me on this!!).

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)Definitely has a fleshlight but doesn’t really use it after he has a steady partner. Doesn’t have any other toys (’cept maybe a pair of fuzzy handcuffs) unless his partner wants to start buying them. If they do he takes a very keen interest in them and ends up loving to incorporate them into sexy fun time~

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)He’s more into teasing in the sense that he’ll do it verbally, but teasing as in touch, he’ll do it a little just to see your face turn red and hear you snap at him to get on with it, but he won’t go too far.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)Pretty loud. He’s not ashamed to moan at the top of his lungs while he’s buried inside of you. As for sounds, he mostly grunts and moans with some frequent curse words sprinkled in because “Damn it- you feel so good!” and “Fuck you make me so hard!”

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)Okay, so I actually have two wildcard headcanons for Jonouchi! Buckle in peeps!

One is that he is mega into stripping! Like, if you’ll let him, he’ll install a stripper pole into your bedroom. He just loves seeing you strip to some sexy seductive music; teasing him with light touches and refusing to ride him until the show is over. Oh, but that’s not all. He likes stripping for you too. He likes seeing you appreciate his body and gets a lot of confidence from seeing your eyes raking over him like your favorite candy. Will definitely strip to the “Pony” song like a magic mike extra lol (if any of you know a Japanese song that could be good male stripper songs let me know please and I’ll add it lol)

My other headcanon is a bit deeper. So, we all know Jonouchi used to be in a gang and did some questionable things in his youth. That (and all the crazy shit that happened in the season 0 time period) resulted in some pretty noticeable scars on his body, especially on his chest. When you two are first together, he’s pretty self-conscious of the scars. He hates that reminder of his shameful past and would rather hide it from you. So, if you take some times to kiss those scars or run your fingers over them to show that he shouldn’t be ashamed, he will love you forever (not to mention he will be a sweet, soft boy in his lovemaking for the rest of the night~).

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)Slightly thick with average length. A very subtle curve and decent mushroom tip

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)Pretty high! Typical guy in the sense that he will be DTF anytime you want. It can be in the middle of the afternoon while you two are doing some cleaning and if you even begin to say something about being in the mood- he’s already throwing off his shirt and unbuckling his pants.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)Once he’s sure you two have gotten all the rounds you want to in, and he knows you’re thoroughly satisfied, he’s pretty quick to doze off. Better make sure you go pee before he falls asleep though; don’t try to escape his arms when he’s asleep he’ll just sleep-grumble and pull you closer, even going as far as to roll on top of you. Such a cute dork

[neokollection]

NSFW A - Z ㅡ Kun

Taeil  -  Johnny  -  Taeyong  -  Yuta  -  Kun  -  Doyoung  -  Jungwoo  -  Lucas

A/N: Mark is next on the list so stop bugging me about him-

A - Aftercare

You already knowwwwwwwwwwwww Mr. Qian Kun comes in first place when it comes to aftercare! He really takes care of his babe because it’s just his sense of duty in and out of the bedroom. He cleans up any mess he may have made on you or goes to the bathroom to discard his condom [bc safe sex] and uses a wet wipe or something to wipe himself down- Plus he puts back on his boxers or sweats as so he can climb back into bed with you and make sure he doesn’t get anything anywhere. He’ll have one knee back on the bed before he asks if you want anything- He also is a lil bit of a nagger for you to take care of yourself after, like coaxing you to go to the bathroom instead of falling asleep. Ready to start a shower for you or pamper you with snuggles. The rest of the day/night he’s abnormally clingy and naggy and touchy.

B - Body Part [ their favorite body part on their s/o and/or on them ]

On his S/O..... He seems like a thigh kind of guy. REALLY INTO things like garter belts, thigh highs, fishnet, etc... He can appreciate them with and without clothes on- He enjoys just casually running his hands up the backs of them when you walk around in just a hoodie and shorts, letting his fingertips slip beneath the hem of your shorts a lil bit before giving your thighs a squeeze. On himself... He has a lot of good traits, but he knows his smile kills and blinds. It’s not sexual, but I’m sure on a sexual aspect he like his teeth and the effect they have on you when used the right way.

C - Cum

He seems artistic to me and one to take special pride in his paintings. Okay, he’s not doing it for aesthetics obviously, but I think cum has a very significant symbolism to him. When it’s on you it’s a symbol of his, you’re his and he’s e only one who gets to do this to you- When it’s on the sheets on his hands it’s a symbol of what you do to him, because he definitely was thinking about your mouth around him when he was wanking off- He’s a good caretaker tho in that he’ll always clean up pretty quickly after and won’t ever ask to do something he deems too messy like on your face or hair-

D - Dirty Secret

He’s so kind and caring, but there’s a part of him that’s a tad sadistic... He may not even be aware of it himself and it may just come out occasionally in small things he does when he becomes a little rougher- Pulling your hair harder than he should, shoving you to the bed unceremoniously with his playful little smile, purposefully overstimulating you sometimes while he grits his teeth. You’d just kind of wait for the day when he lets it out and is rougher- It’s exciting, but also a little scary to be honest. Maybe he knows he has the small sadistic desire in him and keeps it on a leash, but has the most unholy thoughts to himself in the shower...

E - Experience [ how experienced they are ]

He’s really hard to read.... He’s got experience I feel, but he can always learn more-

F - Favorite Position

Um I don’t know what it’s called? Maybe lotus position??? When the two of you are sitting upright and your facing him in his lap. Sometimes he’ll be leaning against the headboard or back of the sofa and sometimes hunched forward just hugging you. It’s a very intimate position since the two of you can face each other and have skin contact literally everywhere/

G - Goofy

In the beginning defo is flirty and a little silly by teasing, but as time progresses through the night he def becomes a lot more passionate and focused.

H - Hair [ how well they manscape ]

I have no clue. Not that much? Unless it’s rlllllly unruly.

I - Intimacy [ romance-wise ]

Super romantic. Nothing is too good for you in his eyes~ If you want it, he’ll go the full 9 yards and bring wine, roses, and dim the lights. Physical intimacy is something

J - Jack Off

I feel like not that often? Like I think he usually has soft thoughts about his S/O [unless you’re being naughty...]. In his case I think it’s more like he gets boners kinda randomly, from exercising or something that has his cardio up.. And when he takes care of it because it just won’t let him ignore it, he thinks of the last time you two were intimate. 

K - Kink

Lingerie doesn’t count as a kink, right?? He’s into some common-place roleplays like police or teacher, but always ends up laughing anyway... A lil bit of sadism so if you invite him to choke you or be rough he’s thanking the heavens bc he couldn’t suggest it himself. Marking and being marked- He acts like it’s a pain to cover them up, but he enjoys it immensely.

L - Location [ their favorite place to have sex ]

Bed But in the back of a car is hot too

M - Motivation [ turn-ons ]

Anything sexual lmao, When he hasn’t seen you in a while, Revealing clothes/ short skirts, yoga pants, v-cut shirts, shoulder-less, etc... When you let your hands linger on him .05 seconds longer than necessary, even on his shoulders- he starts craving more skinship

N - NO [ turn-offs ]

No one else can join or watch And nothing too odd like weird roleplays or costumes, he couldn’t stop himself from laughing/

O - Oral

Feels a little bad asking for it from you because he doesn’t want to burden you and/or feels like females don’t actually enjoy it and just put on an act--- Plus he’s more of a giver anyway- But when he does receive he’s such a mess. He can’t keep down his voice or his little moans that slip out- It’s just otherworldly. He’s pretty good about not bucking his hips or grabbing your hair tho and instead grabs whatever else is around him. When giving oh man- He’s a tease at first, asking you if you like it and wanting you to spell out what you like because you’re cute when flustered with vulgar words. Definitely adds in fingers too and overstimulates you in the end accidentally just trying to prolong your orgasm. I mean when he eats out he eats out yo

P - Pace

Two modes; He can be sensual and slow when he first gets in you- But I think eventually he ends up picking up a pretty steady pace. Stroke game A+ Skin slaps before he starts to slow it down again and prolly kiss and murmur things before he picks up again.

Q - Quickies

Not really his thing. The idea of them is hot and imagining lifting up your dress and fucking in the back of Lucas’ closet is hot, but when it comes to practicality he’s not into it. It can stay as a fantasy for him. He doesn’t want to feel rushed. He wants to convey all of his feelings and take his time feeling you up and the sensations you give him. Plus he’d be a bussy about getting caught tbh.... He doesn’t want anyone other than himself to see you like that and doesn’t want to feel embarrassed either. So, even if your tugging on his belt loop with needy eyes, he’ll transfer your hand into his own with a soft smile and whisper ‘later’.

R - Risk [ comfort zone ]

I mean I kinda just detailed some of it. He’s not very risky when it comes to doing it in public- Nor does he like introducing other ppl to it- He like it to be in an environment he knows with just you so he can focus and not worry about someone walking in.

S - Stamina [ another round? ]

Nahh?? But maybe some days

T - Toy [ their favorite toys ]

I don’t see him as a toy kinda guy But maybe something like a vibrator he’d have fun with.

U - Unfair [ how they enjoy teasing & being teased ]

So teasing in his words... He tries to make you flustered or admit to something so it gives him the upper hand and he can chuckle at you. Doesn’t seem like one to tease much physically and rather would give you exactly what you want so much so you’d want him to chill- I don’t think he’d stand for being teased much, so good luck with that

V - Volume

Dude Kinda noisy--- He makes all kinds of sounds on the spectrum and can’t seem to keep himself quiet in most cases when he should be. Heavy breathing too that’s right in your ear or against your shoulder. The quiet thing about him is his voice, he keeps it low and quiet, as if he’d ruin the atmosphere by talking any louder. Usually, when it’s just the two of you he doesn’t mind being more vocal and stops trying to quiet himself.

W - Wild Card [ authors choice ]

He has no qualms with experimenting.. But, I think he’d be more open to letting you experiment with/on him than suggesting his own ideas. He’s down for mostly anything as long as it’s with you and him and physical contact- So if you wanna climb on top, be his guest- If you want him to call you a slut will do. He likes seeing where your imagination can go and with it usually brings a new sensation he enjoys. No kink shame here, as long as you’re not in the oddity realm of like furries and stuff

X - X-Ray [ what kind of package ]

Thicc

Y - Yearning [ sex drive ]

Not that crazy high- He keeps it under wraps a lot of times, but he is still a pervert,,, making suggestive remarks and getting a hit on the shoulder in return, but usually it doesn’t lead to anything happening. But like... he’s easy in that if you’re ever in the mood he becomes too.

Z - Zzz [ after ]

Whale, like we said earlier, he takes care of you after the fact, so he’s usually up after a minute of recuperating. I feel like he’d be active after still, he seems like a busy-body... Unless it’s like 3am.. then he climbs back into bed and just holds you and share murmurs. If you’re talkative he is too, but if you’re tired, he’ll let you rest and thus rest himself.

[typhoulogy]

Listen I feel since you have a tumblr about the MBTI you know a good amount about it lol. So here’s the q. I took the test 4 different times on three different websites and I got 4 different answers. I got ENFJ,ISFJ,ESFJ,and ESFP. I’m so confused man is there anyway you can help me with said confusion lol?

Hi! 

The types you listed seem to overlap a lot, general pattern being that you’re most likely a ExFx type. There is ISFJ in there, but the probability of you being an introvert is too low - roughly just 25%, if not less. 

Speaking further of probabilities, you seem to display a pretty certain J preference, especially for FJ. For one, it’s rather common for FJs to mistype as P types, because tests are biased towards TJs when they’re assessing Js. As in, TJs structure their time more than FJs would, to put it crudely. FJs are Judgers in a sense that they value social/relationship closure, not task closure per se (as TJs do). 

Moreover, it is also typical of FJ types to seek input from other people to help them assess themselves. 

But I am only speaking in rather broad generalisations here, given the information I have to work with.

So far I am quite confident in you being an ExFJ type. You also display a rather consistent preference for Sensing. One of your scores was ENFJ. This is not unexpected, because if you are ESFJ, you might have a soft spot for ingenuity/inventiveness and silly humour.:) Typical of tertiary Ne (3rd cognitive function of ESxJ types, but that’s going a little deeper than your question intended). 

Nonetheless, I cannot guess with confidence which type you are, though my hunch is that you’re ExFJ. 

Going by rather superficial temperamental differences, both ESFJs and ENFJs are:

Active, outgoing, friendly, helpful, organized, planful, uptight, warm, overdramatic, diplomatic. They also can be controlling, unreflective, meddlesome and insecure.

This is how they differ:

ESFJs, unlike ENFJs, tend to be realistic, literal, nitpicky, expressive, resourceful down to earth. 

ENFJs, unlike ESFJs, tend to be more optimistic, idealistic, aspiring, persuasive, ambitious, advocating, and yet also impractical, presumptuous, oversensitive. 

I hope this helps a little. Feel free to ask any follow up questions.:)

[meat-husband]

Bubba Sawyer - Alphabet Ask Meme

I’m hoping to start doing requests on this blog, so I thought I would start up with the alphabet ask memes as a sort of intro! I figure all the letters get asked eventually, so I’m just doing all of them in one go. There will be one of these posted for each character I’m writing.

I have a page with what and who I write for here.

Both the NSFW and fluff alphabet asks are under the cut!

NSFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Cuddles are mandatory – Bubba will pout and whine if you try to get out of it (why would you though, hug that boy). He can get clingy though, and won’t want to get up once you’re both settled.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Obviously, Bubba loves his masks (yes they count as a bodypart, let him live!). He puts a lot of effort into them and would love for you to help style them.

When it comes to you, he’s in for the whole package. There’s not one thing he could pick above another (but he’s totally a leg man, fyi).

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Let’s be honest, Bubba’s pull out game weak. He doesn’t care where he cums most of the time, but there’s a lot of it so even if he only meant to get it one place, it ends up everywhere.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He would never admit to it or ask for it, but he’s put a lot of thought into hanging you from the meat hook in the kitchen and just keeping you there to use whenever he wants through the day. Obviously he wouldn’t hurt you, and it makes him feel guilty to even think of hanging you up like meat but he can’t stop thinking about it.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Bubba is a sheltered baby, he’s got no idea what you’re talking about but he’s eager to go along with whatever you want. You’ll have to have a lot of patience if you want to cum with him though, it will take him a few tries to understand what to do.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

He likes when he can grab handfuls of you and just hold on. Lay on your side, one leg under him and one over his hip, and let him go to town. He can be as handsy as he wants this way, plus easy access to kisses, and it will keep him from hitting too deep in his enthusiasm.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Bubba is here to have fun. He’s going to laugh and smile and make silly faces to amuse you, he doesn’t get very serious unless he’s upset.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

You can shower all you want, that house has no AC and he’s doing manual labor all day so he’s pretty much always sweaty. He’ll clean up when he gets too bloody, but otherwise you’ve just gotta put up with it until the next shower.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Bubba is romantic in his own way. He’s already geared towards taking care of everyone else, so making you food, giving gifts and doing special things for you is just part of his personality. He doesn’t have much of an idea what romance is exactly, so if you want anything traditional, like a private dinner or date night, show him how it’s done by surprising him and he’ll pick up on it and return the favor.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Before he had a partner, it’s not something he would do often. Between Drayton’s anger and Nubbin’s teasing, he felt too guilty doing something so selfish. The thought doesn’t cross his mind once he’s got someone of his own though. Why do it alone when it’s so much more fun with you?

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

I think it's pretty common to headcanon Bubba with a breeding kink and I am all about that shit. But have you considered size kink Bubba, because I sure have! He’s a big boy and usually sort of self conscious about it, but seeing the comparison between the two of you makes him excited. It’s so easy to pick you up or to cover your body with his completely. The way you have to climb up him to sit in his lap, or how careful he has to be not to squish you under him. And he loves being the little spoon, with you trying and failing to wrap him up in your arms as well as he does to you.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

If his brothers are gone, anywhere is fair game. Most often it’s outside in the dirt or in the barn where the generator can cover up some of his noise. Otherwise it’s strictly in your room, door locked to keep wandering siblings out.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

You’re not sure there’s anything that doesn’t turn him on, really. Something as small as eye contact or a smile has set him off before, so it’s safe to assume anything you do or say is motivation enough to send him your way with grabby hands and a tent in his pants.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He wouldn’t say no to anything you ask him for, so you’ll have to figure out what he likes best and what he doesn’t want to do again. He’ll make it known right away if he’s uncomfortable with anything, squawking and waving his hands nervously.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Absolutely loves it either way. Surprisingly, he picks up on using his mouth very quickly and it’s probably what he’s best at. Don’t expect him to sit still when you return the favor though, you can try and hold his hips down all you want but he can’t stop himself from thrusting up to meet your mouth.

P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Bubba’s got no sense of the word ‘slow’ and even less of ‘gentle’. He’s not being rough or hurting you, but he’s fast and eager and the sooner he gets his cock in you, the happier he is.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He doesn’t think of them too differently, sex is sex. Most of the time he won’t be able to spend as much time with you as he’d like, since there’s so much work to do around the farm, but it’s rather easy to distract him from his chores if you really want to - just make sure to help him catch up with them afterwards.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He’ll gladly try whatever you want to, so long as you show him what to do. He’s too nervous to do anything too risky though, especially if there’s a chance of being caught by his brothers.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Theoretically, he has to stop eventually. You have yet to find that point and you will definitely wear out before he does, but you’ll keep trying.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

That kind of shit would get sniffed out in a second and you’re not sure whether Nubbins or Drayton finding it would be worse.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He’s got no threshold for teasing, he gives in right away. Like yeah, he wants you to get all squirmy and beg for him, but he doesn’t have the willpower to not put his cock in you when you ask for it.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Drayton keeps a broom in the hallway to bang on the ceiling - it doesn’t work, but it makes him feel like he’s doing something.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

He is an expert at arts and crafts. He will constantly make you things, which is flattering until you realize he’s throwing out tooth and wire friendship bracelets left and right (Nubbins has 14 of them and will only wear them all at once, like a scrawny maraca). He’s already covered the living room in hot glued bones and tacky, handmade throw pillows. His crafting knows no bounds and he cannot be stopped.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

You’ve created a monster. There is no universe in which he is not ready to fuck you at a moments notice. He’s still trying to grasp the idea that maybe you need to rest sometimes.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Almost immediately. You’ve barely got time for some snuggles before he’s out. Good thing is he’s a deep sleeper, so it’s easy to get out of bed without waking him, but he’s extra grumpy if you do. Despite the body heat he puts off, you aren’t getting a sliver of blanket either, he’s already tangled in it and no amount of force can pull it away from him.

Fluff Alphabet

A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

He wouldn’t be able to pick one thing. He feels amazingly lucky to have someone at all, let alone someone so perfect in every way.

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not?)

It’s not the first thing on his mind, but he’s definitely aware that a baby is coming along sooner or later. He’s more worried than excited at the thought, since he’s the baby of the family and hasn’t experienced anything like it before. He’ll go into overdrive making things for the future baby once it’s a sure thing - pillows, blankets, footie pajamas. They might be a little macabre with all the human teeth and hair used in their production, but it’s the thought that counts.

C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

Bubba is the champion of Extreme Cuddling™. Doesn’t matter where you are or what you’re doing, he’ll find some way to wrap himself around you. You’ve gotten used to doing the dishes with his arms around your waist and your feet dangling off the ground.

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?)

The most common are quick picnic dates, sitting in the shade behind the house and watching the sunflowers. Bubba won’t want to go too far from the house, but you might convince him to go down to the creek with you once he realizes you’re not going to be swimming in your clothing.

E = Everything (You are my ____ (e.g. my life, my world…)

Family. He was raised with the thought that there was family and there was food, and only those two groups. They’re the only things that matter and you take care of your family by providing food. Once he decides he wants you around, even if it’s not romantic yet, he automatically puts you in the first group.

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

Bubba falls fast - in the matter of a few weeks or less. His face is always red and he can’t stop knocking things over when you’re around and you caught him staring at you four times just during breakfast. Drayton tries to put a stop to it before anything can happen, but you’ve already figured it out and even if you’re not quite as far along as Bubba, it’s still adorable.

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

He’s more clumsy than rough, so he might be a little awkward but still gentle. His fingers will get caught while petting your hair or he’ll throw you over his shoulder instead of picking you up in his arms.

H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

He would much rather be holding on to another part of your anatomy tbh, but hands will do. Hand holding is fine if there’s no time for cuddling, but he likes being closer so he’ll still probably drape himself over you.

I = Impression (What was their first impression?)

He didn’t have much of an impression at first, he isn’t trying to make friends with the meat, you know. Once it’s clear you’re not for eating, though, he’s fairly happy about having someone new around, especially when you turn out to be so nice! He quickly develops a crush, and I mean quick - pretty girl said good morning to him? Heart eyes, motherfucker.

J = Jealous

He doesn’t really have anyone to be jealous of since you live with his family, and he likely wouldn’t think of such a thing as cheating on a partner. If a situation did occur where someone else was paying you special attention he’d probably get a little jealous and then you’d have a tantrum on your hands. He’d be extra protective afterwards, realizing that someone could try and steal you away.

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

Bubba starts the first kiss, but you’ve got to stop him and show him what to do. It takes a few tries before he realizes that eating and kissing require two different techniques. He’s always going to be a messy kisser but it’s more out of enthusiasm than anything, he’s just so excited every time it happens.

L = Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?)

Definitely Bubba. Maybe it’s not those exact words, you can’t really tell, but he’s pretty obvious about his affections from the beginning.

M = Memory (What’s their favourite memory together?)

Bubba does love when you surprise him with gifts, small things taken from victims or found in the crowded attic, or handmade love letters with big lipstick kisses. He keeps them all and likes to look at them sometimes, especially when you’re out in town with his brother, and remember how sweet it was to be given something special.

N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

If he ever finds out that there is something you want or need, he’s gonna do his best to provide it. It might be a handmade version, possibly containing some human material, but he tried his best so you can’t turn it away. He does like to dress you both up for dinner sometimes, keeping dresses and skirts for you to wear and sharing his make up and jewelry.

O = Orange (What colour reminds them of their other half?)

Purple. It’s his favorite color and he loves to dress you in it. That blouse is the ugliest thing you’ve seen in your life and it does not match those pants in any way, but it makes Bubba happy so you will gladly suffer these crimes against fashion.

P = Pet names (What pet names do they use?)

Bubba loves pet names! He definitely has some for you, although you can’t exactly understand them. You tend to call him sweet things like honeybun or sweetie pie and he loves it. You may not be doing it on purpose, but it sort of amuses him that the names are all food based.

Q = Quaint (What is their favorite non-modern thing?)

The most up to date thing they own is probably the old, beaten up truck Drayton drives (which Bubba is strictly forbidden from messing with). The rest of the house is pieced together with messy repairs from years of family life and everything in it is about as new as the house itself. The Sawyers are old fashioned and tend to use and recycle everything the family has ever owned, whether that be clothes or furniture.

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

There’s still work to be done no matter the weather, but if he can get away with it then he’s sleeping in for once. He hates getting out of bed in the mornings, having to slide you off his chest and untangle himself from the blankets is hard to do when you’re so warm and comfy.

S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

He’s like a worried mother hen anyways, so when anyone is feeling bad he’s extra jittery, flapping his hands and muttering and offering food or small gifts to try and make them feel better. Drayton tends to wave him off with a snarl and you can’t say that you’ve ever seen Nubbins acting like anything other than manically excited. You let him tend to you however he wants, more to soothe him than yourself, but watching him run around trying to cheer you up tends to get you smiling anyways.

When he’s upset himself he’s actually really easy to take care of, as any amount of positivity will draw him out of a bad mood quickly. Cuddling and soft praise or even just taking a short nap together will turn his day around.

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?)

You cannot understand a word of his babbling but he will go on for hours regardless. Sometimes it’s easy enough to understand what he’s trying to get across, but you don’t know how his brothers seem to know exactly what that gurgle means in detail. He’s patient with you though and doesn’t get upset when you’ve got to resort to charades.

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

Snuggling up on the couch and listening to the old radio (if you can keep the other two from messing with it). Really, any kind of snuggles are fine, but the tinny white noise in the background is extra relaxing.

V = Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

Bubba is very proud of the work he does for the family. He isn’t a great cook by any means, he can’t exactly bring in the meat himself and he’s not very diligent about cleaning but no one else can do the butchering or the heavy lifting. Anything he can do to contribute, even just helping you with the dishes, makes him happy.

W = Wedding (When, how?)

You’re probably not going to go down to the courthouse, but there will be a wedding of sorts. Drayton isn’t the most traditional person when it comes to things like this, but he’ll be the one pushing for some sort of celebration. After all, you’re part of the family now so they might as well make it as official as they can.

X = Xylophone (What’s their song?)

He’s not picky with music, he’ll listen to whatever is on the radio. His brothers fight over the station, changing the channel the moment the other one leaves the room, but he always likes whatever it gets left on so he doesn’t touch it.

Y = Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?)

He doesn’t really understand marriage, since it’s not like he’s out of the house much and grandma has been dead for years. He moves pretty quick in how seriously he takes your relationship though, going from ‘puppy love’ to ‘absolutely devoted’ in a short amount of time. Once you get to anything more serious than shy glances he’s pretty much hooked for life tbh.

Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

Bubba has never met an animal he didn’t like, so he’d take anything Drayton would let him get away with. The chickens in the yard are his favorites, but he’s strangely okay with killing them when the time comes.

[migleefulmoments]

More Crissmyglitz Wedding Guest Angst: part 2

OMG they won’t let it go. Crissmyglitz-Guest Gate. The ccers are still obsessing over the #CrissMyGlitz guest list. As I pointed out in my first post (X), every single photo posted in round one of Crissmyglitz-Guest Gate was taken while Darren was working. That’s right, every single photo the tinhatters presented as “Darren and a real friend” was taken at work. For a fandom who constantly remind the world they are astute and ALWAYS PAYING ATTENTION TO DETAILS, it was a supermassiveblackhole.  

In part 1 they presented Elvis (X), Alan Cummings (X),  Jenna Ushkowitz (X), Laura Osnes (X). In part 2 they added Jane Lynch, Matt Bomer, Matt Morrison, Kevin McHale, Lena Hall, Ricky Martin and Edgar Ramirez.  Idk what was worse, that they didn’t learn any lessons after part 1 or that the fandom egged them on in utter delight.

cc-still-going-strong

Keep on.

I love your guys’ game 🤣🤣🤣 

chrisdarebashfulsmiles

I like this game  

(This got SUPER RIDICULOUS LONG so under) 

This is the LAMEST shade ever thrown and they were eating it up. Abby spent her Sunday adding to the nonsense and trying out sarcasm. She brought up the algorithm nonsense again and I can’t stop shaking my head.  The fact that it’s easier for them to believe that someone wrote an algorithm to determine the guest list for Darren and Mia’s wedding rather than simply to acknowledge that they don’t really know Darren at all is absurd. Rational people would see Darren’s guest list and realize that they got it all wrong.  Rationale people don’t see wedding photos and spend 7+ months proclaiming it’s all fake because he clearly is much better friends with former coworkers, Edgar Ramirez and Lena Hall than he is with Jennifer Coolidge and Pamela Aldon based entirely on the fact that nobody posted social media pics with Jennifer or Pamela. 

Mysterious absence part 2- Let’s do this…

1. LENA HALL

(see part 3 (X) for further information)

ajw720

(Opening Hedwig LA 11/16 from Lena’s IG)

(From Lena’s Twitter and Instagram July 28, 2016 (X). They were Flying to perform at DNC see pic below) 

(AGAIN- same night as #1-Hedwig’s opening night LA 11/16)

(Dec 12, 2016-I don’t know the context of this one. It is obviously her photoshoot and he popped in for a pic.  See below: another pic from this photoshoot posted to her IG. This is actually a nonword photo)  

ajw720:guess the algorithm eliminated her for joking weekly that DC had all the privileges of homosexuality but none of the responsibilities…… 

(Oh ho ho ho...the shade of it all).

chrisdarebashfulsmiles: Probably.

ajw720: Or perhaps it eliminated her as when D was kissing her on stage, he was giving his PBB the finger?  Remember that time 

(No, actually I don’t because that is nonsense. Darren flipped someone off from stage? Right because that is such professional. You believe that perfect, well-mannered Darren Criss would flip off his fiancee while working? That’s very inappropriate behavior during working hours, especially in front of a big audience of people- each with a cellphone. It’s also very risky to flip off the woman he is engaged to- the cc secret might get out.  If Darren is terrified to come out and terrified to breach THE Contract, why would he risk if all just give Mia the bird? Giving someone the bird is hardly a satisfying diss for anyone over the age of 12).

flowersintheattic254: Maybe the algorithm excludes those who like way too many posts on that had Ch/ris in them? 

(OMG- Lena “liked” some pics of Chris....a pig just flew by my window. It’s almost like Hollywood is a small town and people know each other. 

(No dates so it’s impossible to know what the context of the posts but that is typical of the tinhatting- they aren’t concerned with accuracies)

leka-1998: When the difference in chemistry is undeniable even in pics that show nothing but hands, that’s probably an issue. 

(I have never in my 51 years heard someone claim a married couple had no chemistry as evidenced by their hands in a photo taken specifically to show off their nail polish or that a PR photo for a Broadway show showed more chemistry than the actual couple. I mean seriously?)

(I will give this one to them as as personal photo )

(Is “hand chemistry” a thing? I’m only speculating here but is the degree of hand chemistry a function of the depth finger-penetration-on-finger-penetration?  Cuz.....that would make total sense amiright?)

cc-still-going-strong: Keep on.

I love your guys’ game 🤣🤣🤣 

(Blergh) 

ajw720: Seriously is that his wife on the left…..oh 

(hahahah nice try Abby, you have every single photo of Mia memorized- its actually a very sweet photo) 

(I can’t with this entire post. She wasn’t invited because he kissed Lena on stage as per the script? Oh wait- no- she was not invited because he kissed Lena on stage and he flipped off Mia (how they know he is flipping off Mia is anyone’s guess. I like to imagine he is flipping off the tinhatters). But wait- is he actually flipping off anyone? No, no he actually isn’t because that would be terribly unprofessional. Darren is at work and his bosses would not appreciate him flipping off anyone the audience. No actor who wants a career is going to  flip off someone in the audience while just-fingers crossed- hoping the message is received by the intended person and not a critic or investor.). 

(Work Pic. He is NOT giving anyone the finger- his finger is actually just in the shadow from Lena’s outfit). 

(Lena is working: As for Mia banning Lena from the wedding- in a recent post by Lena,  she talks about catching up aka they don’t haven’t spent much time together lately and notice the Mia hashtag) 

(The tinhatters like that she alls Darren wifey but in fact she calls all the Hedwig’s “Wifey”. She has a lot of Hedwig photos on her social media- the vast marority are NPH).

(Lena’s Christmas photoshoot as mentioned above)  

(I probably should have led with this but I wanted to prove them wrong in all the ways possible  Lena was busy on February 16, 2019 performing at Lincoln Center. She may have very well been invited. See my update (X) 

2. EDGAR RAMIREZ

 leka-1998: Yet another person missing on February 16

(PR for ACS: A photoshoot for promotion aka PR) 

(I am not sure about this pic. Darren posted it on his Instagram and Edgar responded  “love you brother”- that’s sweet and all but what does it prove- nada. I am sure they really had a great time together filming ACS and felt close, but they haven’t maintained that relationship-at least not publicly -since they end of awards season. I’ll give the tinhatters half a point for this one- but  bear in mind- I’m being generous because it looks like a PR pic) 

(PR for ACS; ”GQ Style & Hugo Boss Celebrate Amazing Spaces”- see photo below). 

(PR for ACS Emmy: This is from the 2018 Emmy “For Your Consideration” on 3/19/18.)

(PR for ACS. This is hilarious....so Edgar is doing a red carpet interview and Darren walks by him and Edgar walks away with Darren. OKAAAYYY-what does this prove? Again, they are at a work event- so far all the pics with Edgar are from work events except maybe 1) 

(PR for ACS- photoshoot. While the sentiment is sweet, Edgar hashtagged it #ACS and #Emmys. OMG how much ccproof do you need to understand that this is PR? ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION? Me think not cuz he freakin’ tagged it for you and you still don’t understand that it was promotion for the Emmy. He-lar-E-ous!)   

chrisdarebashfulsmiles: I like this game 

(of course you do- it’s catty, bitchy and pointless.  I’m glad it makes you happy because this has been eye-opening as to the extend that you are collectively super bad at separating Darren’s personal life from his work life) 

ajw720: @leka-1998​ this friendship seems very contrived to me, constantly calling each other brother, they aren’t nearly as close as say D and J/ennifer C/oolidge or B/en F/eldman or P/amela A/ldon…………… 

(Ohhh ho ho ho sooo funny. It’s so funny I forgot to laugh...har har har aha  Since Jennifer, Ben and Pamela actually got invites to the wedding, it is clear that they are indeed close to Darren or Mia, soooo the joke doesn’t actually work. As for Edgar being his closest friend because he called him “brother” during a big ACS promotion push-I’m not feeling it.  What is so baffling to this “stupid stan” is how the tinhaters CAN’T SEE the details right in front of their faces.  The Darren-Edgar love-fest was hot and heavy during the promotion of ACS and then it stopped all together...THAT is the definition of PR. I am sure they actually did like each other during the production of ACS, but when the project ended they both moved on to other projects and other friends. I’ve had coworkers -and I’m sure many of you have too-that I adored and I never wanted lose the connection we shared while working together but alas, the romance fizzled after we no longer had the workplace in common. Obsessing about the meaning of the almost-2-year-old photo of 2 strangers is pretty silly)

ajw720: The Algorithm is a very scientific way to figure out the wedding guest list-no doubt it knows who D is closest to and would not lie….. 

(The problem is simple- there are no social-media pics of Darren (or Mia) with Jennifer, Ben, or Pamela which means, according to the cc-logic that it didn’t happen-aka they aren’t friends. In order to explain why the trio were in fact, at the wedding, the THE Algorithm was created. This Algorithm is a very scientific way to figure out the wedding-guest list-no doubt it knows who D is closest to and would not lie. The cc posse hate it when they don’t know what is going on Darren’s life which is why we are talking about a fake “CrissMyGlitz Invitation” algorithm 7 months after the wedding).   

ajw720: @chrisdarebashfulsmiles It is seriously my new favorite game and there are so many people that the algorithm eliminated.

(Seriously? There are what- 2 or 3 photos that aren’t definitively traced to work This game isn’t working out the way the posse believes it is. This is however, THE definition of confirmation bias clouding their judgment).  

3. KEVIN MCHALE

ajw720:Poor KM didn’t make the cut either. Perhaps his invite was eliminated by the weird algorithm for tagging d at his 30th right below c, yet d not pictured? He clearly considers d a good friend as he invited him to the party.

(Did Kevin suggest he was devastated to miss the destination wedding of his former coworker? Kevin and Darren went out with their former-Glee castmates maybe once or twice in the last four years- they are hardly besties. I don’t remember Kevin and Darren as being particularly close while Glee was in production. They are literally former coworkers.)

(Kevin inviting Darren to his birthday party doesn’t indicate that he “clearly   considers d a good friend”. It seems like I remember the party was a surprise party?) 

ajw720: Thankfully I think they’ve made up as d had no problem straddling him recently.

(OMG seriously? They are former coworkers in which some level of friendship exists. Darren straddled his leg while sitting on a very crowded seat- he wasn’t riding Kevin while they had sex in public.)

(ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION? Darren invited the Glee peeps that he has consistently been close to over the years - Max, Harry and Chord).

ajw720: So many mysteries. But hey D&M’s new straight couple besties, Al/len & his wife, made the cut!

(Nope, no mysteries at all. Darren simply cared more about inviting people that mean something to him and Mia rather than those who mean something to the tinhatters.)

flowersintheattic254:  @ajw720 I expect old habits die hard with K and D. They were always flirty and fun. Maybe Mr and Mrs Le/ech are stricter regarding lap sittering. That’s probably why (nods head).

(nods head and wonders if tinters were drinking early on Sunday because this thread is petty, dumb and not at all funny or clever.) 

ajw720: @flowersintheattic254​ they are WAY too comfortable together, way more chemistry than D has with his bride.  I’m thinking that was the algorithm’s issue.

(Comfortable? Chemistry? WTF, he looks like he is passing a kidney stone and Kevin is coaching him through it.) 

flowersintheattic254: @ajw720 especially when you consider that the only similar pose with M has D holding his own arm to his chest. No chemistry at all!!!!

(Do you guys actually believe the nonsense you write or did you give up on 2/16/19 and you're just blowing smoke up each other’s ass now because I gotta tell you, the second-hand embarrassment is really uncomfortable now)   

 flowersintheattic254:It’s the pic on the boat with the fam. Can someone add it as I cannot find it?

leka-1998

ajw720: Not even close, if i didn’t know, i would say KM&DC were the couple and i t think the algorithm knew.  It is magical how that algorithm works.

(Ooooh right...it’s so confusing, I can totally understand your befuddlement!) 

(In all seriousness, watching this fandom’s toxic nonsense is like watching Kellyanne Conway and Lindsey Graham defend Trump’s baloney.  Everyone knows they are full of shit but we are powerless to stop it. The damage they are doing will take years to repair- if not decades)   

(Oh....Will you look at that. That is a screenshot taken from a video that is actually cute and shows a smitten Darren cuddling with Mia. Color. Me.SHOOK) .  

4. MATT MORRISON

standingoutsidethefire: I thought of another ..

That the algorithm just didn’t seem to include ...

standingoutsidethefire: Clearly these two don’t have any affection for each other

standingoutsidethefire: Not friends at all

standingoutsidethefire: I get why MM wasn’t included ..I really do 

(Maybe a personal- photo though likely at an show or industry event)

ajw720: Hate each other

(Once again, almost all -if not all - work pics)

5. MATT BOMER

leka-1998: “He’s just a really, really good, grounded person, and I think someone who I’ll probably always be friends with.”

- M/att B/omer

(Holy shit, Matt said something nice about Darren when asked about him by during an interview... no doubt when they worked together either on Glee or ACS) 

(According to Bride’s Magazine, “How to Make Your Wedding Day About YOUl” June 2017. 

5. The guest list is one of the most difficult decisions. Should you invite your mom’s work associate? Great Aunt Gertrude whom neither of you have met? Everyone from the gym? Communicate communicate communicate. One piece of tried-and-true advice is ALWAYS invite the person who said nice about you to the national media. You won’t regret it and most likely that person will give you the best gift).  

(Work event) 

(Work event)

(Wait -isn’t this Blaine and Cooper?)

(Work event)

Leka-1998: But the great algorithm said no.

ajw720: My understanding is they despise each other, cannot stand to be in the same room together. 

(Nobody ever suggested that).

ajw720: #funny #so many of the univited #queer

(seriously “#queer”? No, not cool)

flowersintheattic254

True they have clearly and from the beginning disliked each other intensely.

ajw720: But see @leka-1998​ there is D calling him handsome, we don’t want to have anything that even hints at d talking about a boy in that manner at the sham mockery, i mean nuptials……………….  Because D is the STRAIGHTEST MAN ALIVE!!!!!

(OMG,,the sarcasm isn’t working).

[mechagym-a]

🚪!

Send me 🚪  ( or ‘door’ )   and I’ll generate a number for my muse to show up on your muse’s doorstep ( a mix of angst, silliness, and fluff ) … ll Accepting 

16. after having a nightmare

🔧 - He thought he’d be able to sleep better once he arrived at Hope’s peak. For one, it felt like it had been years since he’d allowed himself to sleep in an actual bed; as the mechanic had made a bad habit out of tinkering in the garage of the bike shop until he felt tired enough to use the blanket and pillow he kept stashed in one of his drawers. Second was the absence of any deadlines that his old man would hold over his head, things that he had to do on his own given how much of a hopeless drunk the bastard was. Any tinkering or work he did was always of his own will. 

But it had been several days he’s only had a few scattered hours of sleep, his sense of anxiety and paranoia seeming to only grow worse as he lived under the terror that his father would come drag him away from here ( it’s stupid and he knows it - to be this fucking scared). 

Tonight, he’d had that nightmare again. More accurately, a memory of one of his worst experiences.  The night he had had forgotten to close the door while he was working in the garage, the sound of his tools as he tuned the engine he was working on ( power drills, hammers, even his blowtorch had been used into the late hours of that night), and it had woken his father up. He didn’t hear him coming up behind him. He didn’t see him take the wrench he had laid besides him. But he soon felt a blinding pain from the back of his head, visions turning white and ears ringing like crazy.  Holding the back of his head, he turned around to see him screaming more than he could hear him:

‘What the hell do you think you’re doing this late at night?!’

It was so loud, everything was so loud as he held onto the sides of his head. The ringing wouldn’t stop, and all he could do was tremble as he was too scared too do or say anything. 

He had grabbed his hair, thrown him against the wall as Kazuichi cried out in apologies he couldn’t even hear himself saying. 

He’d woken up sobbing, clutching his hair and crawling out of his bed in a blind panic. The mechanic didn’t even have the common sense to try to find his contacts or the glasses he kept hidden in his nightstand drawer. He just didn’t want to be alone after that, even if he could barely walk with how badly his legs were shaking. He wasn’t even aware who’s dorm room he had knocked on - he was just desperate not to be alone. 

There are tears still spilling out of his eyes as the other student opened the door. He can’t stop shaking, it felt everything was falling apart.

“P-please...can I come in?”his voice was meek and frightened, much more appropriate to a young child rather than a growing man. He didn’t care. He just wanted to hear someone else’s voice, anything else than the shouts of that old man and the ringing he remembered sounding in his ears. 

“I j-just...r-really need to be with s-someone else right now...”

@cosfictions