#silent but deadly

[skellymom]

"Silent But Deadly"

The FIRST Bad Batch Comedy One Shot in the ONE SHIT SERIES!

Background: A stinky stench "rustles up" controversy.

Word Count: 780 words

Warning: Farts, fiery crop dusting, stinky humor, swearing.

The Bad Batch landed on Anaxis at the meeting point with the 212th for a special mission. Hunter led the way and greeted Commander Cody who introduced them to Rex. 

Cody’s clone troopers loaded onto their flying transport first with The Batch filing in after them. The door slid closed as the ship ascended on its journey to Skako Minor. All was quiet as each soldier stared ahead, contemplating the scope of this mission...until... 

...Hunter suddenly started with a coughing fit. 

“You ok, Sergeant?” Cody concerned, watched Hunter thump his chest with a closed fist, struggling to articulate his issue. 

“Uh...cough...be...ok...” 

Then the ruckus began. Cody and Rex watched as each Reg in the 212th violently protested one by one. Falling out of formation like a line of dominoes. 

“WHAT THE KRIFF!?” 

“Smells like a Rancor crapped in here!” 

“What died???” 

“I’m gonna die!” 

“Who shit themselves???” 

One trooper even tried to put his helmet on to avoid the fumes...to find the horrendous smell was trapped in with him, “GAAAAH!” 

It wafted up to Cody and Rex who grimaced and gagged. 

Every Reg in the 212th angrily glared back at The Batch. 

Hunter, ever the gentleman and a leader, tried to take the blame. “Uh, sorry Lads...huh, gag...too many rations for...gag...breakfast.” He exhaled, fanning himself. 

An angry Reg spoke up, “NO! I think it was the big guy!!! No way Sergeant Super Smeller did that!!!” 

Everyone stared at Wrecker. 

“WHAAAT???” Wrecker clearly had NO clue what was going on...as his sense of smell was deader than a Drydak. 

Another Reg threw in his guess. “Yeah! The other two look like their asses are so tight you’d hear a SQUEAK!!!” 

Tech’s head shot up from his data pad and gazed over alarmed at the Reg who was speaking with authority about HIS anatomy. 

“ENOUGH!!!” Cody bellowed. Everyone immediately straightened up to full attention. “Corporal, open the bay door and air it out!” 

Rex, speechless, put his hand over his nose. 

Tech quietly glanced at Crosshair. There was a satisfied look on Cross’ face with just a hint of a grin. Cross gave Tech the side eye. Tech glared back at Crosshair with his best dignified, “YOU ASSHOLE” expression. Cross just chewed on his toothpick. He was clearly VERY pleased with himself. 

Hunter leaned into Crosshair and whispered. “Do it again and I’m personally throwing your ass off this ship.” 

“Mhm...Almost worth it.” He snarked back arrogantly. 

Even though quiet and still standing at attention, it was clear the 212th Regs were fuming during the rest of the ride to Skako Minor. 

Finally landing sometime later, the men filed out of the ship with several of the Regs body checking Wrecker as they walked past. 

“HEY!” Wrecker protested. 

“Get out of my way you STINKY BEAST!” 

“YEAH, were you trying to gas us out back there!!!” 

“THAT’S IT! Tech, gimme your repair torch!!!” Wrecker had enough of this BS. 

Tech protested “I don’t see how that’s relevant to this situation...” 

Wrecker yanked the torch off Tech’s utility belt and turned towards the two Regs. 

“For the record...I’M NOT QUIET!” His voice rising.  

“What are you going on about STINKY???” The Reg stood his ground sneering. 

Wrecker wasn’t going to let this go. “You know what I like to do???” 

Both Regs stood there looking at Wrecker, then glanced at each other, then back at Wrecker and just shrugged. 

“I LIKE TO BLOW THINGS UP!!!” Wrecker shouted. With that he turned around, bent over, engaged the torch and squeezed out a LOUD fart that sounded like a TUBA BLAST. It ignited like a flame thrower, shooting out a jet of fire from his bum. The blast rolled over both Regs where they stood. Two high pitched Wilhelm screams were heard as both Regs took off running...their heads smoldering. 

Wrecker laughed like a maniac...and handed the torch back to Tech. 

Tech embarrassedly cleared his throat. “Uh...I assume those soldiers will need medical assistance...” 

Rex turned to Cody mortified. “THESE are the guys that are supposed to help us find ECHO???” 

“Yep...” Cody deadpanned. 

***************************************** 

Later, after Kix had medically treated the Regs, Cody marched them over to Wrecker to apologize. Both men were noticeably missing two things: Dignity and their eyebrows. 

Wrecker couldn’t help himself. “Whattsamatter? You BOTH look so...SURPRISED!” 

The rest of the 212th erupted in hysterical laughter. From then on NOBODY picked on Wrecker and he was the regiment favorite. 

Crosshair sat nearby on a boulder watching all the action go down. 

Hunter strolled up to Crosshair and kicked his boot. “You know this is all your fault, right?” 

Cross pulled out a fresh toothpick, inserting it into his mouth. 

“Hmmm...and enjoying EVERY minute of it.” 

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To read #2 in this series:

https://www.tumblr.com/skellymom/740278235151106049/bombs-away?source=share

[whowouldwininafite]

[mickeyjazz]

halloween was a jolly time my mime is called bashful rené

[ozkar-krapo]

V/A

"Tellus #20 : Media Myth"

(cassette. Tellus. 1988) [US]

[neerons]

Man, the thoughts I have when I’m bored

[lilsnifferman]

Stinky secret

I wonder how many of you girls keep hiding the fact you love huffing your own stinky farts when you're alone! 😇

I won't even mention that I'd love to join you then and enjoy your toots with you. Especially when even you're impressed by and proud of yourself about how potent they are! 🥰🥹

[itsreaditandwow2]

Don't trust a silent fart!

Alonzo Lerone

[fat-slobby-cartoon-girls]

* a few days has pass since that encounter. Boscha is currently at the cafeteria.*

By the titan the food gotten good. "Pfffrrrrrrt" But lord it messes my stomach up. Of course if I'm having this much trouble with the food. Then those land whales must be stinking up the entire place."URRrrp"

Luz tries her best to hold in a laugh “look at her, those farts and burps are so what she deserves, she’s not even embarrassed, the spell totally worked YES!!!!!

Amity was thinking about seeing her bully make a cow of herself “how about we stink up the room and blame it on her” amity then pats on het chest BBBBBBBUUUUUUUUUUUAAARRROPPPPPP

: ohhh you know it” luz points her butt into the air and pushes out a nice long PSSSSSSSSSSFFFFFFFFFFSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH silent but definitely deadly fart into the cafeteria “everyone will definitely think it’s her”

[achy-boo]

𝓣𝓪𝓶𝓪𝓴𝓲 𝓜𝓮𝓻𝓬𝓮𝓭𝓮𝓼

“Dear..I can be your dream..Or I can be your worse nightmare. Don’t do anything stupid. Or me and you will have problems.”

@dxmoness @httpghostface @lxdymoon0357 @cerine0357 @sxnful-sins @salvatvre

[sandrockian]

When Pen and Liira's daughter was seven-years-old, one of the bigger boys punched her, and she ran crying to her dad. Instead of scolding the larger boy, Pen dried her tears and promptly taught her how to curl her hand into a fist so that she could punch back.

She punched back, and the little brat wound up with two black eyes.

[thehauntedp0et]

The deep seated rage that’s underneath this calm exterior

Is something no one would expect

No one sees

But you feel it.

In those lifeless eyes

holds a spark

Almost all miss

A faint gleam.

The silence

Holds something so immense

It engulfs you

If you let it get too close

To the edge.

[sjwallin]

A team of researchers from Germany have discovered a new type of compounds that are extremely effective in killing fungi. In fact, these compounds are so good at killing, that the scientists have decided to name them after Keanu Reeves for his recent movies.

"[Keanumycins] kill so efficiently that we named them after Keanu Reeves because he, too, is extremely deadly in his roles," Sebastian Götze, a researcher at the Leibniz Institute for Natural Product Research and Infection Biology, commented.

Keanumycins are lipopeptides that the scientists discovered in Pseudomonas bacteria. There are over 190 different Pseudomonas species. They can be found everywhere in the environment, including water and soil, and many of them can cause infections in humans.

Researchers tested keanumycins A, B, and C on a flower infected with a plant pest, known for causing gray mold, and the results were astonishing.

According to the team, these compounds could provide an environmentally friendly alternative to pesticides. They are also effective against fungi affecting humans such as Candida albicans.

Reported in CNN

[thatrickpar]

Secret Fart

When I am at the office And have to hold in a big ol’ fart My stress levels will rise up and up Blow the roof off the charts

But I do have a secret weapon Which is to spread my cheeks apart And the fart comes out silent But deadly, I guess I’m not so smart

[spicana]

my dog is sleeping in my arms so she farted and smelled the air like it wasn't her fault

[doll-poetry]

Wednesday I over heard what was supposed to make me upset; although my blood did boil~ I sat there tryin to decide what I should say or do & instead I calmly & gracefully walked away without an explanation

Thats a 1st for me & that just goes to show how done I really am. If u don't react to shit the way u normally would...THAT SAYS ALOOOOTTT‼️‼️‼️‼️🤭

🎶 from Instagram sounds "ESSENCE•Casper"

[vannezen]