#siiiighs reach

[ro4dlj]

Personal designs again.... (Also once more for a commission)

Stayyy fresh

[aleximustd13]

Three monkeys hitting keys at random on typewriters for an infinite amount of time will almost surely produce something better than whatever i'm doing right now

[101ocs]

Thomas's Birthday

[A/N]: siiiigh…..mental illness is contagious. happy birthday to my stinky 💙 TW: SA mentioned.

“You’re funny if you think I-I’m going up there.”

“Come on! What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Oh, I dunno. F-F…Falling to your death, maybe?”

Thomas laughed and held his arms wide to balance himself on the narrow metal beam he walked on. It was high above the raging waters below, surprisingly steady and sturdy despite the bridge being so old. As he carelessly marched, Sam followed right next to him on the pavement, looking up at him as though he were crazy. He definitely was. Nobody who valued their life would be acting so carelessly around a height as great as this. 

Laughing into the wind passing through his hair, Thomas looked down at Sam with a warm grin spread across that pretty face of his. It was hard to resist it, but rolling his eyes and folding his arms up tight to his chest, Sam did just that. 

“It’s nice up here! Come on, baby—!”

“No!”

“Saaam…”

“You’re g-gonna fall!”

Thomas sneered ear to ear. “What would you do if I did?”

With a glare, Sam rolled his eyes. “Don’t be stupid.”

Thomas pouted his lip playfully before wiping the look off his face and hurrying to change positions. Sam’s eyes grew huge as he held his hands out in a desperate attempt to catch him if he needed it. He didn’t though, sitting on the beam with his legs dangling over the river. Telling by the way his shoulders relaxed, Sam clearly liked this position a lot more than the other. 

“Sit with me,” Thomas said and this time, Sam didn’t deny him. With a shaky start, he hoisted himself up onto the tall beam and allowed his legs to dangle off too. 

Thomas pulled him close. Sam rested his hands on his chest and clutched at his shirt as if he were his safety guard from falling. Cute. It was chilly enough to wrap his arm around Sam’s shoulder without being called a total dork for it, so he took the opportunity and ran with it, smiling more when Sam leaned into him instinctively.

“Are you having a good b-b…bir-birthday?”

“A real good one,” Thomas assured him. He knew Sam’s tendencies to worry usually ruined calm moments like this, so it was better to reassure him of everything from the get-go. So, he did just that. “I loved all the presents you got me, the big party, the cake you made me…”

Sam moved in closer. “You don’t even like sweets.”

“But I still ate a piece for you, huh?”

With a pleasant hum, Sam’s hand trailed down his pec. Thomas always loved the sensation of his fingers trailing right over his heart, protected by his ribcage, skin, and expensive fabric he wore. It was as though he were reaching for it. So close, yet so far. 

“Thomas, I was wondering…”

The mood shifted in seconds. Thomas tensed and turned to lock eye contact with him to prolong his attention span, only to see Sam dodging it. Staring at his feet, down at the noisy water, up to the star-littered sky, but never into his eyes. 

“Yeah? What’s up?”

“At the party,” Sam said, pulling away from his grasp slightly. Just by his face, it was clear something had been bothering him for a while in the back of his mind. He clutched at his shirt a little before continuing. “I saw Lindsey and she looked s-sort of upset. She was calling your d-d-d…your d-…your dad.”

Thomas cocked his head to the side with an amused look, his smile never leaving him. “So?”

“S-S-So…” Sam hesitated, bringing his eyes back to the water below. Despite the clear indication that he was nervous, Thomas’s eyes never left his face. That only seemed to make him more anxious. “I was wondering where h-he was. It’s your b-irthday, so…”

“He was at work,” Thomas hummed.

The explanation popped off his tongue so easily that it almost surprised him. Almost. He knew the reason behind those words coming off so easy — it was because he had said it so much in his life. There wasn’t a day that went by without his father being away from the house for at least an hour. Usually though, it was up to days or weeks at a time. Thomas and Lindsey were older now, so he didn’t mind it as much. They could take care of themselves. They knew how to handle themselves. They were fine without him.

Sam nodded, perhaps because he already knew that would be the answer, before finally raising his eyes to meet his. This time, the air felt stiffer.

“And y-your mom?”

The water below them, once loud and obnoxious, had suddenly gone silent in comparison to all the thoughts swirling through Thomas’s skull. A wave of emotions hit him, then another, then another, before he was able to fix his stunned face back into a smile. It was too weak to even be called a smile. Telling by Sam’s worried face, he knew that he wasn’t holding the facade up as much as he wanted to.

It was his turn to break eye contact and look down. Unlike him, Sam respected this subtle notion and did the same thing. 

“…My mother,” he repeated. It didn’t sound real to hear that title coming out of his mouth. With a scoff, he shook his head. “I get it. You wanna know about my mother ‘cause you know everything else about me, hm? You know my dad, my sister, my little brother, all of ‘em. But you don’t know anything about…her.”

“Yes,” Sam bluntly answered. His eyes grew wide with a glint of instability flashing through his eyes. “It was easy to find information on your dad. I see him in c-commercials all the time. Hall’s Robotics…how he made your bionic arm,” he hummed with a slight ease to his once erratic voice. “And everything about your sister is pretty easy to fi-figure out. She’s a v-very…open person.”

“Open is one way to put it,” Thomas sneered with a hoarse ring of laughter. He reached in his pocket for his pack of cigarettes. Only then did he notice how shaky his hands had gotten. 

Sam looked at him with pitiful eyes. He turned away as quickly as he saw them.

“You never t…talk about your mom,” Sam said softly. Thomas hated that soft tone.

“You think it’s a good idea to ask me about it, then?”

The question was condescending in of itself. Thomas purposely made it that way as a verbal hazard sign into what he was poking into. Sam understood cues like that. That’s why it confused him even more when Sam leaned in close to his face with those same wide eyes, hungry and eager to jump on any opportunity to learn more about him. To see more about him — Sam wanted a visible, emotional reaction more than anything. It was obvious.

“Nobody else will,” he said. “Freddy, Charlie, David, n-nobody else has. They don’t care enough to. But I care, Thomas. I care more than any-any-a-anyone.”

Thomas looked at him for a long while before turning back to the cigarette between his fingers and a lighter in his other hand. He flicked in on with a dim smile. The flame fluttered and swayed despite the brisk breeze around it.

“My mother’s in the psychiatric hospital. They sent her away there instead of prison when I was little.”

“P-Prison?”

“Thought you would’ve known already. All you got to type in is Hall—!”

“All the l-links about y…your mother have been deleted years a-a-ago.”

Thomas nodded and lifted the cigarette to his mouth. “My dad must’ve taken care of it.”

“Why was sh-she going to be sent to p-prison?”

“Take a guess,” Thomas purred, half-expecting Sam to back down from the offer.

Sam thought for a minute, eyebrows furrowed while racking up an answer, before he lifted his head again. “Domestic violence?”

Thomas let out a ring of laughter. The smoke from his lips hit Sam in the face a little as he swatted the cloud away.

“No, stupid! She tried to kill me!”

Sam’s eyes widened again, this time, with pure horror. His mouth fell agape as Thomas continued to laugh, sticking the cigarette right back in between his lips to take another hit. Their eyes never met in these brief moments. Thomas was too afraid of what would happen if he saw Sam’s terrified eyes. 

“My dad raped her. When she came up pregnant, he married her and forced her to have me. And when she did, she tried killing me a bunch of times. She’d try to suffocate me, strangle me, drown me, poison me, all kinds of stuff. And, y’know, my dad sort of knew something was up, but he didn’t want any of the public to catch wind of it, so he swept it off under the rug until he couldn’t.”

Thomas gestured to his bionic arm with a shrug. Sam visibly shuddered.

“Left me with her brother’s three big Doberman dogs when I was four. Public heard about that one. That’s when she went to court and they found out she was bonkers.”

“Thomas…” 

“I get it though. Why she did it, I mean. Nobody should have to look at their son and see their rapist’s face.”

Sam reached for his hand. Thomas pulled away in time to avoid it. 

“There’s your reason, Sam. You can add it to your little journal and jerk off to it, I don’t care.”

Thomas finally turned to him, ready to look him in the eyes again. He expected to see tears streaming down his face, or at least tears brimming in his eyes, but instead, he saw Sam looking straight back at him with a pitiful expression. Nausea hit Thomas like a brick. He hated that look more than anything.

“You’re beautiful, Thomas.”

. . .

“What?” Thomas laughed nervously, furrowing his eyebrows to showcase his utter confusion.

Sam clasped his hands together between his own and moved closer with that same stern look. Thomas allowed it. 

“You said that nobody sh-should have to look at th-their son and see their rapist…” Sam’s eyes drifted low for a moment before he locked contact with him again. “But you aren’t an-anything like him. Your d…dad doesn’t look like you.”

Thomas scoffed, evidently ready to deny this claim before Sam continued.

“Your eyes are different.”

This amused him. Leaving that statement in the air for a few seconds, Thomas smiled just a little more. “Yeah?”

Sam nodded and held his hands closer to his chest. “Y-You…have something behind them. Even if you don’t l…like to show it, I know it’s there. You’re a v-very…hurt person.”

The smile finally fell. Tensing his shoulders up and puffing his chest just a little, his posture alone showed his distaste toward those words. Sam didn’t back down from it. Instead, he pulled his hands even closer to rest his face against them. 

“So what?” Thomas finally said. His tone was low and stern, his eyes burning into Sam’s pleased face like cigarette cherries. “What does that change?”

“Nothing,” he whispered. “Understanding you doesn’t change how I f-feel about you, Thomas.”

Thomas didn’t say anything. Sam continued with a smile resting on his face.

“You’re shaking.”

Sam pulled his hands to position on his face and Thomas obliged instinctively, caressing his thumbs right against his freckled cheekbones. He allowed his eyes to flutter shut in Thomas’s grasp. That only made his heart feel heavier.

“You know everything,” Thomas said. His front had fallen apart by this point, so the words that came from his mouth were straight from his mind. No filters, no sugar coat, nothing. 

“Are you going to kill me now? Usually you do when people find out t-t-too much,” Sam purred, his face still in utter relaxation.

“…No.”

“No?”

Thomas lifted his face gently. The adoration decorated in Sam’s irises melted him inside. He hated it. He told himself he hated being so in love with Sam Vega, but in reality, he couldn’t have been happier.

With the slightest hint of hesitance, Thomas finally gave in with a look of tranquility like no other. “No.”

Sam blinked slowly to take in every detail of this rare face he showcased just for him. Then, with a soft giggle, he leaned in close. “I love you, Thomas.”

Thomas allowed his eyes to flutter shut, prepared for the inevitable moment where their lips would meet. To his dismay, the kiss never came. 

Thomas opened his eyes again. Only this time, he found himself lying in bed all by himself, with only the light of his alarm clock illuminating the room. He turned to it with a shaky breath, slowly beginning to piece together what just happened. The time read 2:52 AM, meaning his birthday had passed a few hours ago. At first, he couldn’t recall when he got into bed that night, but it didn’t take a genius to put it all together — empty shot glasses on the nightstand, music playing downstairs, and a naked red-head was wrapped up in his blankets beside him. She was pretty. Thomas smelled like her perfume.

Groaning, he allowed his feet to find the floor. He lowered his head into his hands in an attempt to give himself a spare second to get oriented, seeing as his vision spun and blurred with every movement. He was drunk out of his mind. Then again, he had gotten like this so often that he knew it wasn’t the worst it could’ve been.

“I love you, Thomas.”

Sam’s voice haunted him. He tried his hardest to shake off the memory and stand up, only to stumble and hit his nightstand. This startled the girl enough for her to jump up with a gasp, turning to Thomas for reassurance. When their eyes met, a wave of nausea overwhelmed him. 

“Thomas…?” 

Her voice was delicate just as he liked it. Girls with pretty faces and even prettier voices always seemed to fall into the category of “his type.” In reality, those were simply prominent features Sam had and this favoritism was just a desperate attempt replacing them. Stupid. He knew it was, but that clearly didn’t keep him out of trouble like this.

Straightening his posture and smiling, he rocked slowly back and forth. “I need to go get some water.”

“It’s okay if you wanna go back downstairs,” she said as she laid back down, her eyes still locked on him. “It’s your party. I’ll be fine.”

He had almost forgotten about all the people downstairs. The thought of dealing with any of them made him want to bang his head against a wall. But really, everything was making him feel that way at this point. Being drunk and painfully desperate for an ex on a day like this wasn’t an easy pill to swallow. 

“I love you, Thomas.”

No. He wasn’t going to let another birthday pass where Sam wasn’t in his arms again. He couldn’t stand the thought of being with anyone else but him. He wanted him again. He wanted to hold him, to kiss him, to touch him, no matter what it meant for him to get it. That’s why he walked over to his dresser with wobbly steps, pulling out a fresh pair of pants and a new shirt to go get him.

“Do you need your cigarettes?” the girl hummed, grabbing the pack from the nightstand on her side.

He turned to her as he buttoned up his shirt, smiling warmly at her. “Thanks, hun. Can you grab the gun from that drawer for me?”

/—/—/—/—/—/—\—\—\—\—\—\—\

His combat boots landed against the roof with a soft thud as he leveled out his weight, trying his hardest not to be detected by anyone inside the house. After all, seeing as it was so early in the morning, he knew the chances of anyone being awake were close to none. At least, that’s what he figured until he took a peek into the window.

“Did you really call the police?”

“You bet your sorry ass I did.”

“…My mom and dad are gonna be so mad at me!”

With a plate of strawberries, Riley laid on her tummy while watching TV, kicking her feet in as if she were a teenage girl in a cheesy movie. Thomas smiled a little at the sight. He tried to blame the growing warmth in his chest on how pretty she was as he moved closer to the glass, preparing to get a grip on the ledge to pull it open. Before he did, however, he let himself indulge in her natural state for a little longer. She didn’t have much of an ass, let alone tits, but she had a perfect body in his eyes. A small waist, a flat stomach, nice legs, and freckles that covered her pale skin. Pretty, but he already knew that before coming here.

Thomas lowered his eyes to her bedroom floor. His heart dropped to the ground as he saw a set of eyes staring right back at him, alert and cautious of his presence. They belonged to her dog, Harley, a big golden retriever whose tail could never stop wagging. Even coming face-to-face with an intruder like this, she wagged her tail and tilted her head playfully, trying to understand him without her sense of smell. 

His hand hovered over the pocket his gun was in before he took a shaky breath and loosened up. He couldn’t kill it like this. Besides, the gunshot and Riley’s screams would wake the whole neighborhood up. Even then, it was a thought that still stayed fresh in his mind. If push came to shove and that dog did attack him…

Thomas knocked his knuckles against the glass three times to alert Riley. She practically jumped from her bed, turning to him with a huge smile. It was pretty. So pretty. His heart couldn’t help but flutter from the sight of it being directed towards him. At least, until it dropped into a frown upon realizing who he truly was. She must’ve been expecting Sam.

“I love you, Thomas…”

He could hardly blame her.

Pulling Harley back by the collar before opening the window for him, Riley let out a long sigh of annoyance. “Do you know how late it is?”

She stepped aside to make room for him to come in. Thomas stared at the dog with heat unlike any other building up on the back of his neck. Riley visibly recognized this after analyzing his face once or twice, smiling smugly and cocking her eyebrows up.

“Awh, Harley! Looks like someone’s scared of you.”

Thomas scoffed with a tough front suddenly presenting itself, stepping inside with a playful glare. “I’m not scared of it. I just…don’t want it near me.”

He hurriedly backed away as Harley stuck her nose out to sniff him, wagging her tail even faster. He couldn’t understand dog language for shit and, therefore, couldn’t have been more intimidated by her every movement. He knew Riley found it entertaining and maybe it was, but it didn’t make him feel too hot.

“Okay, okay, she won’t go near you,” Riley hummed while turning on her heel. She walked back over to her bed and patted the spot beside her for Harley to lay down, showcasing the sheer obedience she had for her. Thomas watched in awe. He never saw a trained dog so up close before. Freaky. 

“Sooo, what’s up?”

Thomas swallowed hard, his eyes still burning into the dog despite all the reassurance of being safe he was receiving. “…You let it sleep with you?”

Riley ignored his ignorance and pressed forward. “Don’t you have a party to be at? It’s your birthday.”

That finally caught his attention enough to raise his eyes to hers, interlocking their first instance of eye contact. His weak smile grew just a little steadier as he spoke to her. “You remembered?”

She moved the plate of strawberries onto her nightstand before sweeping up both her feet on the mattress, once again showing off her petite frame. She was skinny, so skinny, yet so beautiful. Thomas couldn’t understand how someone, very obviously sick, could be so attractive still. 

“Mhm. Not as dumb as you think I am, huh?”

Thomas scoffed and took a tiny step forward. She moved to give him more room on the bed to sit, but he didn’t immediately accept it. “…I know you aren’t dumb.”

“So, why’d you come over?”

It was a perfect layaway into his initial point of the conversation. Reaching into his pocket with a now fully polished grin, he was able to hold up his facade better than ever. She smiled too as he pulled out a set of keys.

“You ever ride on a motorcycle?”

“You’re crazy…” Riley rolled her eyes with a giggle, despite being obviously interested in the offer he was going to pitch.

“Lemme take you,” Thomas hummed. He lowered his head just enough for him to look at her through the bridge of his nose, tilting his head in expectation. 

To say she didn’t look tempted would be a lie. Her eyes lit up with a spark of excitement and intrigue, her body tensing up as she leaned forward to ask, “why?”

It was a rational question but not one Thomas expected. Usually girls swooned at the thought of ever going on a solo trip with Thomas anywhere, let alone on one of his own personal vehicles. (One of his babies.) They always went without a fight, always so eager to accept, yet Riley clearly wasn’t falling into it so blindly. So, with a playful scoff, he lowered his eyes to the ground and stuffed his hands back into his pockets, twirling his foot around restlessly. 

“I dunno. I just thought you’d wanna go.”

Riley squinted her eyes suspiciously. “How much have you been drinking?”

“Not a lot.”

“Yeah? And smoking?”

“Not this time.”

“Likely story,” Riley purred, directing her attention back to Harley to give her yet another ruffle of her fur. “I mean, you look sober enough to me. I guess a little ride won’t hurt…as long as you don’t kidnap me again or something.”

“Trust me. There’s no one else around.”

“David’s not waiting out there with some chloroform again?”

Thomas rolled her eyes as she snickered, standing from her bed while smoothing out her pajama pants. She grabbed her phone off her nightstand before walking over to her dresser to grab her hairbrush, preparing to pull up her hair. She was getting ready to go. His heart began to race. Not at the sight, but at the idea of being able to get her out of here with him. Alone.

Once she finished up, she walked right on past him and to the window, crawling out as though it were a walk in a park. Thomas hadn’t realized before but she had slipped some cute slippers on to accessorize with her pretty pajamas, steadying her feet onto the roof easily. She stared at him for a long while with a silly smile written up on her face. He assumed he had one too.

“Um, you coming?”

Thomas allowed his eyes to fall back on Harley one last time before following her lead, crawling out the window right beside her. (Less gracefully, of course, but that was to be expected from someone who wasn’t used to navigating himself on rooftops everyday.) Once they both quietly made their way to the ground, using the big tree branches hanging over the rooftop as leverage, they headed in the direction of the motorcycle parked a few houses down. Riley took bubbly steps with bright eyes, smiling to herself despite being next to someone she claimed she hated. Thomas wondered if she felt the same way inside, too. Although, he had a feeling a lot of this joy was perpetuated from the fact she was going to ride a motorcycle for the first time. Even then, it was still cute to see her this way — to see her with eyes like a child standing outside of a toy store. 

When they finally made it, Riley silently waited for his instructions. Again, unusual behavior compared to all the girls who hopped onto his stuff without a care or a second thought in their pretty heads.

“I know you just did your hair, but you gotta put this on.” Thomas pulled out his helmet from the opposite side of the bike, spinning it around a few times with a sly grin. Before she could respond, he reached to shove it on her head.

Riley pushed him away with a groan. “Lemme do it, lemme do it, you’re gonna pull my hair…”

Pulling it over her head with ease, Riley now stood in front of him as if she had a bobble head. He giggled a little and pressed his hand on the top of the helmet, shaking it around a little just to annoy her. It did just that, only with her voice being muffled this time.

“Stop it, dickhead.”

“Pfft, you can hardly hold it up…”

“That’s what all the girls you fuck on say.”

Thomas rolled his eyes and returned to his beloved bike, getting into position to rev it on. At least, until he realized he still had to explain to Riley how to sit. So, with a playful smirk, he tapped the back seat and turned to face her. He couldn’t tell how she was feeling under that helmet, but assumed she was probably glaring at him as she approached the bike. Telling by her hesitant body language, she was evidently debating on whether or not this was a good idea. It was a little late for that, but Thomas forgave her for it anyway.

“C’mon, I don’t want someone seeing us. They might tell your parents.”

This seemingly convinced Riley in mere seconds as she swung her leg over to the other side, settling down right behind him. Her hands sat between her legs for a few moments before she slowly raised them into the proper position — to have them planted on Thomas. Some girls wrapped their arms around his waist or belly, but for Riley, it seemed she took the chest approach instead. Planting either hand on his pecs, she leaned into him and turned her head to the side, avoiding any sort of attention she might draw to her face. It was cute, especially since her face couldn’t have been seen anyhow from the tinted shielding.

“…Am I doing it right?” Her voice was softer now as she asked, seemingly getting more and more nervous as time went on.

Thomas clicked his tongue in amusement before grabbing her hands and moving them just a little further up. It wasn’t needed, not at all, but he wanted to do it anyway. It felt the best when she held him this way. 

“Perfect,” he said. 

She might have tried to say something else before he revved on the engine obnoxiously, immediately peeling out in the road with little to no sign of following any traffic safety laws. Her grip got tighter as they sped down the pavement, lifting her head to be level with his ear.

“You don’t have a helmet!” she practically shouted in his ear, squeezing even harder as they made it to the end of the road where a sharp turn was bound to be.

“Yeah, you’re wearing it!” 

“But you—!”

“Relax, Rie! I got you!”

That seemed to calm her down as soon after, a ring of laughter left her chest. Upon hearing the adrenaline embedded in her voice and feeling the grasp around him tighten just a little more, he couldn’t help but smile to himself. She was having fun. She liked it. And that was the only thing he cared about in those moments. 

/—/—/—/—/—/—\—\—\—\—\—\—\

It was cold. Telling by the way she shuddered and rubbed her upper arms in a desperate attempt for warmth, too cold for Riley. He watched as she paced around the pavement, her eyes wandering across the pretty landscape and bridge with curiosity. He grabbed his pack of cigarettes from his back pocket and smoked one near his bike as she made her way down the bridge without him, waving her arms about to feel out the sheer size of the ledges side-to-side. It was huge, made as an old backroad for semi-trucks to pass through, though it evidently had seen its better days. The place was abandoned. Graffiti on the ground and the metal beams, broken bottles and crushed cigarettes, and yet, the sight was still as beautiful as ever. Riley recognized that. From the way she rested her hands on the railing and looked down to the water with a broad smile on her face, she recognized it all too well.

“Wow!” Her voice echoed into the wood line he stood at, all the way to the other side of the bridge and down the steep slope beneath them. She turned to him. “It’s beautiful, Thomas!”

“You’re beautiful, Thomas.”

Lowering his head, he saw the cigarette between his fingers begin to tremble. He swallowed hard and took a deep breath, smiling right back at her. “Look down at the water, Riley.”

She did. Her ginger hair flew back and fluttered behind her as the wind picked up, her eyes unmoved from the water thrashing below. It was a chaotic sight, a mix of blues and greys slamming against the jagged rocks sticking out just enough to see on the surface. The scene was identical to the look in Thomas’s eyes as dropped the cigarette and snuffed it with his boot, taking a few steps closer to the bridge. They never left her. Never once. Not when she smiled and climbed out that window and not when the barrel of his gun was aimed toward the back of her skull.

“I love you, Thomas.”

His finger brushed the trigger. His hand grew shakier. Paler.

“You’re beautiful, Thomas.”

To get rid of her, was to get him back.

“Thomas…”

All he had to do now was pull the trigger.

“…you aren’t an-anything like him.”

And in a second, all of the hatred he had for her melted into guilt. The gun visibly trembled now as he took a shaky breath, trying to regulate his thoughts back into what he needed to do. But even after the constant reminder of Riley’s problematic role in his life, he still wasn’t able to apply enough pressure to the trigger to release the bullet. These thoughts shifted into internal pleas to himself, begging to get it over with. All the girls who stood in the same spot she did were easy to handle. One bullet in the back of the head, flip the body over the side, and it was over with. So, why? He couldn’t understand why.

“…you aren’t an-anything like him.”

His father would’ve done it.

Riley turned, maybe in response to hearing silence for so long, and finally came face-to-face with his intentions. His heart stopped as he watched her smile drop and her eyes widen — she was going to do something, run, fight, scream, something. And that feeling of what was to come is what made him smile.

She stared at him. He stared back.

“What are you doing?”

Unlike what he was expecting, her voice didn’t have a single hint of fear embedded into it whatsoever. Her eyes had settled from the initial shock and her posture grew only straighter as she interlocked her gaze with his. It was impossible to look away. Looking away now would give the other a chance to make a move.

“What I should’ve done from the beginning,” Thomas hummed with a sly grin. “I guess I have a soft spot for you, Rie.”

Riley didn’t say anything at first. Thomas awaited for the moment she would take a step back so he could blow her away. After all, a step back would be admitting defeat, throwing all your cards down for everyone to see. And, unsurprisingly, Riley gave him the exact opposite of what he wanted. She stepped forward.

“You don’t know what you’re doing,” she said in a steady, calculated tone, slowly approaching him.

Ignoring these words, Thomas held the gun as stable as he could. “I’m just giving you what you’ve always wanted, Riley.”

Riley didn’t say anything. Although telling from her eyes, it was hardly because she didn’t have anything to say, but rather, that she knew better than to acknowledge his pathetic attempts to raise a reaction out of her. She was reading him. Thomas’s hands couldn’t stop shaking.

“What will happen if I pull this trigger, huh?” he said, louder this time, in a desperate attempt to feel out the control he had over her. “Heaven? Hell? Lala land?”

Silence for a moment. But by the time it was broken, Riley had gotten close enough to have her forehead right against the barrel. Her eyes never left his. His hands grew shakier.

“Nothing,” Riley said.

Thomas stared at her as if he had seen a ghost. Finally, she leaned into the barrel with those same intense eyes as before, pressing harder and harder with every second that passed.

“So do it. If you really think this will do anything for you, for Sam, go ahead and pull the fucking trigger.”

He didn’t say anything.

“Pull it!” Riley snapped, grabbing at his wrist this time.

He fought back in a few moments of frenzy before shoving her off and to the jagged ground. She fell with a hard collision to the concrete, bleeding from her hands and knees almost immediately.

Thomas aimed the gun to her head again. She looked up at him.

“He would’ve blown you away,” Thomas muttered, almost to himself. His once calm and rational demeanor seemed to upturn into erratic behavior as the adrenaline shot through his veins, his skin growing paler. “Nobody would ever find you if I were like him.”

“Like who?” Riley said, this time, her eyes became softer. It was evident the sudden change of tone was a direct result of seeing a side to Thomas she had never seen before. Maybe it was the small amount of drinking he did, or just the pure adrenaline, but what laid in his eyes was something she could only recognize as hurt.

“Like…” Lowering the gun, Thomas turned his head away to look off into the distance wistfully. “…Like nothing.”

Sticking his hands into his pockets and turning back to the direction of his bike, Thomas slowly walked back as if nothing had happened. Riley hurried to her feet and wiped the blood from her hands onto her pajamas, staring at him with a stunned look.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to get more drunk,” Thomas said softly. “I need to think.”

[liminalweirdo]

the petition to halt the passage of North Carolina's Bill 237 which wants to Ban masks in public (siiiigh) is trying to reach 25,000 signatures.

You can sign even if you aren't in NC or the US.

More action items:

Here is a google doc with a script for opposing Lopez’s Proposed Ordinance Introduced to Chicago’s City Council on May 22, 2024, and includes information on how to find your alderman

If you are frequently in Chicago for medical appointments, visiting family or friends, etc., find out what ward you spend the most time in here and make note of the Alderman’s email and phone number. Otherwise, you can focus on Alderman Lopez at ward15@cityofchicago.org / 773-823-1539.

Here is a script:

“I visit Chicago frequently for _________________ and I am writing to express my strong opposition to Ald. Lopez’s proposed amendment to Title 8 of the Municipal Code of Chicago, “Enhanced penalties for concealing or attempting to conceal identity.”

If passed, this ordinance would prevent me from safely traveling to Chicago while wearing a mask, which is an essential safety device for me and all immunocompromised people. Furthermore, it would increase the number of people being sent to Illinois prisons, disproportionately affecting Black and brown Chicagoans; and it would undermine both public health and our constitutional right to protest.

Please oppose this ordinance so that I, and others like me, can continue traveling to Chicago. Thank you.

[joey-smack]

review of “the end is not the end” by house of heroes for @ismashedkasso666 !!

the cover made me giggle btw

intro - not rating cause pointless ya know

if - i give this one a 9/10 cause i like it a bunch :P. these lyrics making me ponder things too … ESPECIALLY “if you were mine, i’d have the world” cause like word!

lose control - 7/10. i like it, but it doesn’t particularly stand out. “i have no future and i have no past” i fw that haaard.

leave you now - 8/10. for some reason, my favorite part is the bass LMAO. i also want to comment that this album is mixed very well… everything is the perfect volume and sounds very nice. “i can’t leave you now / i got nowhere to go anyhow” luv it.

dangerous - 10/10. i reaaaally like this one. i can’t even put lyrics here cause i love them all!!!! this one is def going on a playlist of mine. i am thanking you for making me hear this.

in the valley of the dying son - 9/10. at first i thought i wasn’t gonna like it but i reaaally do. i like the little solo part & honestly the whole song. literally just “i’m thinking of you” yes dawg i am always thinking of u 🙏🏼💔

code name : raven - 8.8/10. these cats are cookin! LMAO. this one is pretty good, i like his vocals a bunch. “you’re the only reason i stayed” / “i’m on your side until my body drains of blood” this dude GETS it.

by your side - 100/10. i looove a good sappy/acoustic song. this one is good as freak like i’m feeling it for real !!!!! “just to see your face for a moment, i’d cross the ocean again” uhh yeah most certainly … i feel like this guy just stole all my internal thoughts or smthn >_<. this song hurts, but i love it regardless.

journey into space (pt.1) - 7.5/10. i found it a liiiittle boring … don’t hate me pls 💔. it wasn’t bad, tho. the lyrics are a bit repetitive x_x.

sooner or later - 9/10. i like this one a bunch. “we never had a chance but i’m happy we that we tried” DO YOU WANT ME TO KMS!? guh. this one is super super good.

baby’s a red - 11/10. WHY IS THIS ONE MAKING ME EMOTIONAL????? okay listen i feel music harder than literally anything so like. good lird. i love this song, it’s so sweet T-T. “i will testify that i loved you” / “only that i loved you until death” YOU’RE KILLING ME!

drown - 8.9/10. this one is pretty good. “sacrifice your pride to find a new beginning” very, very true…

faces - 9.2/10. siiiigh… again, he gets me. “i only want what’s bad for me” girlll me too LMAO. i can’t properly convey my thoughts here for some reason, but i quite like this one.

voices - 6.8/10. guhh… i didn’t care much for this one </3. it could’ve been better i think.

field of daggers - 8/10. very pretty ^_^. seems religious in a way? i may be a little stupid and interpreting the lyrics incorrectly, but that’s how it sounds. the outro is very nice.

new moon - 8.5/10. “i feel the aching of an old bruise healing” gguuuuuhhhh!!! lyricism is off-the-charts. i am still taken aback at how well this album sounds, i’m seriously impressed.

ghost - 9.8/10. :-(. this one just hurts zawg… sigh. i think it’s a very fitting closing track for the album. i really like his voice, it’s versatile and fits the lyrics well. “i got my freedom, but it feels like emptiness” / “i wanna fade away driftin’ out your life” good lird. i cant even. do u want to see me cry brotha …

WE HAVE REACHED THE END!!! overall, i think i give it an 8.9/10. i did not expect to like it so much, but i really do ^_^! thank you for showing me this, i WILL kiss u on the mouth 4 this cause it is srs great. i hope my review is sufficient 💘!!!

[strwbrrycough]

Daydreaming about giving the sloppiest head to a pretty boy rn and it’s so out of reach at the moment *siiiigh*

why is life so unfair >.<

[panvnsleake]

is it too late to reach out to a domestic violence hotline. wish we woukdve told our dad that our stepdad threw a cooler at our mom and gwve here a black eye when we were like???? Seven???? Idfk. siiiigh whateverrrrr... i dont care actually. i dotn care -🍞

[sweetfirebird]

I am not sure how to promote this book. I never expected it to sell well, mind you. But I can't even generate a tiny bit of hype because I don't even have a release date even though the thing is done. It's not going to have a long preorder period either. I guess a drop release? Like A Heaven to Reach For? (Though that was a surprise story to me too). I can just pretend I am a cool music star who releases whole albums as a surprise I guess.

sigh. though. siiiigh.

[dcvilgrams]

writer asks! 🥺 ✨ 🛠 and 🧠 for Satan

🥺: IS THERE A CERTAIN TYPE OF MOMENT OR COMMON INTERACTION BETWEEN YOUR CHARACTERS THAT NEVER FAILS TO PUT YOU IN YOUR FEELS?

oh man for Satan??? definitely his interactions with Xhura forever and always but especially when they make their pact. it's just so cute and wholesome and they understand being the 'odd one out' even in a family of oddballs and they just... really are there for each other, y'know??

like look here, aren't they so cute???

came back to this once I reached the last question realizing you meant the headcanon was for Satan and not all of the questions, including this one—oh well, enjoy the foot blurb XD

But Satan just laughs at first. "Right now?" That's not as funny as— "on your hand?" He's nice enough to want Xhura to think that through. He knows a witch with a pact mark on her tongue and does not envy the demon who tastes everything. “Well—where the hell else would it go? ... If my hand isn’t good enough, how about my foot!” He goes in for another light kick like earlier. Everyone hates feet. It’s the perfect revenge. Satan effortlessly catches the foot swinging his way before it can make any more damaging contact. He laughs, fondly, with all of that trust and brotherly affection still fresh at the front of his mind— "Oh." He laughs even harder. "I suppose that serves us both right." And it's done. And it's beautiful. And, yeah, it's still pretty funny.

✨: GIVE YOU AND YOUR WRITING A COMPLIMENT. GO ON NOW. YOU KNOW YOU DESERVE IT ;)

biiiiig siiiigh bc i literally suck at doing thisssss but I guess if I must then I must...

I guess I can compliment myself on my stream-of-consciousness writing style. I've been told that it makes certain introspective scenes and scenes that involve a lot of chaotic turmoil very exciting and immersive to read

🛠: WHAT TOOLS/PROGRAMS/APPS DO YOU USE TO WRITE?

I am a big advocate for using scrivener, as well as it's mind-mapping sister scapple. for script writing I have an old version of celtx installed on my laptop that doesn't require their new subscription thank god

scriv has been my godsend from day one and though it may be pricy, I've literally used it every day and for every chapter and writing blurb and idea that's popped into my head since I discovered it

🧠: PICK A CHARACTER, AND I'LL TELL YOU MY FAVORITE HEADCANON FOR THEM

my favorite headcanon for Satan is probably baby Satan, which was @houselamentation's idea first, and doesn't go with canon revealed in NB but it's still fucking hilarious to imagine a sharp-toothed hellion baby terrorizing the brothers when they first arrived in the Devildom

fanfic writer emoji ask | my ask

[sawzzie]

TW// mentions of EDs

writing snippet!!! siiiigh more footage of brutus being a way better dad to stevie than tucker.

The door creaks opens as a gruff voice echoes through, Startling Stevie out of her daze.

“Stevie.”

“Oh, Brutus! Hey..”

“You’re in my apartment?”

“Just had to get away from my dad for a while, sorry.. I’ll go-“

Brutus cuts her off, taking a seat next to her on the soft, plushy sofa. A stark contrast to the worn, dirty leather couch of Stevie and Tucker’s apartment.

“-No, no. Stay. Talk to me.”

Stevie feigns a chuckle, “Oh, it’s nothing r-“

“Talk to me.” Brutus repeats, his tone softening as he scoots the jar of cookies on the coffee table toward her.

“Thank you, but I really shouldn’t, I’ve been eating too much junk lately.”

“I know you haven’t eaten properly in three days. Healthy or unhealthy, you need to eat.”

Stevie sighs, ashamed to even explain herself, she knew her father had previously manipulated her own mother into an eating disorder, but god if his words don’t pierce her all the same.

“…Dad says nobody loves a fat girl.“

Beat.

“That’s not true, and you’re extremely underweight,” he says, voice steady. “Your dad says.. a lot of things that aren’t true.”

Stevie forces a laugh, but it barely makes it past her throat, coming out as moreso a cough. “Yeah, well. He’s right about this one.”

“No, he’s not.” Brutus shifts, turning to face her fully, his long dark locks unmoving from his face as per usual. “You think the way people love you has anything to do with that?”

She doesn’t answer. Can’t.

Brutus grunts, reaching for the cookie jar again. He pulls one out and holds it in front of her.

“I can’t force feed you, but please help yourself.”

-

-

-

this is literally stevies song my poor girl

[rockanroller]

i…what? how did they even reach that…

siiiigh. Viv. didn’t you literally have Angel say something about how sex isn’t everything there is to him…so which is it?

Here it is.

[berrehjuice]

Come follow my new naughty blog to get y'alls juice

@berrehjuice

[heymrspatel]

you awaken to find me mere centimeters from your face, waiting for you to be conscious for my attack (not telling u what kind)

oh sweet jesus i'm sorry for yelping in your face the second i cracked my eyes open! that's the breathing i was hearing in my dreams? just huffin' and puffin' right in my face huh? O_O

but you know that i latched on as soon as i registered your cute ass face. like you know. attack away. do with me what you will. i'm at your mercy. although.. um.. maybe no tickle attack, because i lose all control of my limbs and quite frankly become a monster and no one wants to see that. other than that though, have at it! 😇💙

[deadgrantaires]

did my laundry, filled out all the updated forms for 2 of my doctors that requested them, help roommate organize his stuff a bit i am. exhuasted. frustrated about insurance (As usual) annoyed that i have a doctor appointment almsot eveyr day of the week the next three weeks. siiiigh i am just. reaching my limit i think! if i could at least. have all the insurance stuff figured out i wouldnt be as panicked but clearly i have no control on how much they decide to do their jobs so!!! [banging my head against the wall] whos ready to cl0ck in in 12 hours!!!!!!

[sebastianshaw]

@southern-belle-outcasts- “Yeeeah I saw that earlier. Siiiigh.” If it were just a dearly held headcanon of mine, I’d get it. No matter how many hints and subtext there are, they still are just that, and no one is required to share my views. But you literally SAW him say it in that panel from 2019. And, what I observed then is....no one else seemed to. As I’ve said before about it, fandom on Tumblr typically goes NUTS over the slightest hint of queerness. Hell, they reach like crazy a lot of the times, imo. But here Shaw is blatantly saying “I devour both men and women” in a clearly sexual sense and just. . .nothing. Did nobody read it? I think they did. They just didn’t make the connection they would if another character, one they LIKED, said this. Because no one likes Shaw, and on Tumblr, queerness is innately tied to likeability. Not respectability, but likeability. I’ve said before why I understand that people wouldn’t want Shaw for bi rep. . .but the Tumblr community seems to LOVE Mystique for it, and she’s EVERY nasty stereotype of bi women as malicious, manipulative, mentally unstable seductresses. But she’s also humanized, sympathetic, has the right politics. So she’s likeable. Sinister has NONE of those qualities, but he’s entertaining and fun to read in his current incarnation, so while some people have been critical of his OTT queercoding in the Krakoa era, most celebrate it. Because he’s likeable as a character, if not a person. Shaw’s not. Ergo, Shaw could probably fuck a man onscreen and people would claim he can’t be bi. The same way I’ve seen people very seriously talk about who “can” and “can’t” be queer, like saying Ellen D.egeneres is “a straight woman who just happens to fuck women” as if lesbians cant be nasty people. Or when people apologize for being/liking men or masc folks. It’s those same vibes, like sexuality and who you’re attracted to is not simply a gauge for if you’re good or not, but if you’re Cool or not. Mystique and Sinister and other beloved queer/queercoded villains may not be good, but they’re cool and liked and thus get to have their sexuality recognized. Shaw can put in just as much subtext---and hell, TEXTUAL text---and he doesn’t because he’s The Wrong Type of Person. He’s not a radical revolutionary or a fabulous quip-cracking queen, so hey, who cares, right? And it’s frustrating to me not as a fan of the character, which is small potatoes, and more because of this cultural trend it represents that Really Disturbs Me.

[bonvoyagenoona]

Question for you; make up sex BTS edition, what would it be like? 😇

[cracks knuckles]

Awrite, here we go. Still Thirsty Thursday for just under 3 mins in my time zone. Consider it a nightcap!

Jin isn't making up. Because you were wrong. But he'll definitely fuck you. (sigh) Yes, whatever, you look cute with your big, puppy eyes. And yeah, maybe he said some things that were wrong, too. (siiiigh) OK, sure, the way you're holding him close makes him feel... things. Your lips feel incredible on him. You're telling him you want to put them around his fingers. Nipples. Cock. But... maybe just stay here with this deep, wanting kiss. Press your sweet heart against his. TITS. Those sweet tits. But also that sweet, loving heart.

Yoongi's quiet, and that's saying something. You're not sure what it was that you said or did. He can tell based on the way your pupils are zigzagging back and forth, and the crease in your forehead is deepening, that you're trying to figure it out. It's not until you stop rationalizing and just look at him, steady and sultry and sorry gaze thawing the freeze-out. He finally smiles sheepishly. You sink down to your knees and bury your head in his lap. And when you reach for the buckle of his pants, he lets out a grunt, and a growl. All was already forgiven. But maybe he won't tell you so just yet.

Hobi doesn't quite slam the door. And he doesn't quite stomp back to the bedroom. And he hadn't quite made up his mind of what to do when he finds himself on the receiving end of your just-as-angry glare. But as soon as he barks, "I'm sorry, OK?!", you both realize that you'd forgotten what you were even fighting about. Your sorry is a little more soothing, as he climbs into bed next to you, spooning you, and starting to move his hips against you. "With this ass?" he asks. "Nothing to be sorry for."

How many times does Namjoon have to say it? He's sorry... He didn't mean to be so severe in the way he spoke to you just now. HE knows he can be a bit much. Don't turn away from him. Don't push away his arms, still heavier and stronger than you'd gotten used to. Don't block out his low murmur of your name. Don't ignore that warmth in your flesh. Don't reject the fingers finding their way into your jeans. Just come to him. And, soon enough, come for him.

Jimin's whining is too bearable because it sounds like he's singing to you from the hallway. "C'monnn, jagi. Let me innnn." You'd forgiven him hours ago, but you want to wring out as much as you can of this moment, your body pressed against the door, nipples hard, pussy wet, hands clawing desperately around the peephole as he bites his lip and sighs. You see the bouquet of flowers that he's fisting. He knocks again, and the door rattles against your too-sensitive body, shocks thrilling and tickling you. "Let me innn. Pleeeease." Oh, you'll let him in alright. Wherever he wants.

This would be much easier if Taehyung's pout weren't so damn cute. You can't believe you're apologizing for something so petty, but to Taehyung, it truly feels like a betrayal. You've fed him, done his laundry, even washed his hair in the tub. But he's still pouting in the mirror as he rubs product into his dark curls, towel threatening to slip off his waist as his arms work. When it does, you kneel down to pick it up. But you don't pick it up. You hold onto his thighs and look up at him, licking your lips, and thankful you finally see a hint of a smile.

Jungkook was never mad. But to hear you pleading for him to tear himself away from his game and come out of the bedroom to talk things out? Whimpering and moaning like that? It sounds way too much like another song you sing, one on this side of the door. He smirks at the countdown on his screen. You don't know it, but in about 15 seconds, he's going to throw open that door and pull you inside. He's going to throw you onto the bed. And he's going to turn up the volume on that song that you're singing. His tongue always knows where the dial is.

More Important Questions