#sighhhh maybe I should be the one to write it who knows

[heavenly-halcyon]

Come on guys if we try hard enough we can make a fandom for the new mystery skulls music video can’t we

[ae-neon]

Going from throne of glass to crown of midnight and realising sjm is not gonna let Celaena face the consequences of her own decisions

WHAT WAS THE POINT OF PUTTING HERSELF IN THIS POSITION TO SERVE THE MAN WHO MURDERED HER FAMILY

AND DO HIS DIRTY WORK IN THE CITY SHE GREW UP IN, ON THE PATH OF PEOPLE SHE ONCE KNEW?????

IF SHES BEEN PLAYING HIM FROM THE START???

If the main character isn't afraid of the villain, why should the reader be?

sure she almost pisses herself in his presence but clearly she doesn't actually think he'll do anything because she's not even done one single mission for him??

I hate hate hate that sjm introduces these characters as complex and morally gray and then cannot have them do things that are bad with no narrative excuses or greater good justification

Celaena should have killed those nobles because it's her job. Because she prioritises her own freedom above their lives. Above whatever the king has planned

THEN you introduce Archer Finn as the next target and have her hesitate and change tactics

Celaena is an assassin. LET HER KILL PEOPLE

I had to skip the assassin's blade novella because from the very first story she's out here doing the most to free slaves. And it's not the action itself. It's sjms vile writing where Celaena doesn't actually give a fuck about the slaves but as the main character, she must be a white saviour so she'll do this dangerous stupid thing that benefits her or changes the world in no way

And it's not even character development either, Celaena from AB is the same as tog and so far the same in com. She's flat. Perfect except for her allowed flaws. Unchanged by her experiences

Again, you could have easily done this in a different way. A better way. A way that is cohesive with the world and doesn't have the main character be the only moving piece in the world

Have it be that the pirate king is the one smuggling people out of slavery and it's fucking with nobles money so Celaena is sent to kill him. but something happens, maybe someone there is from Terrasen, and without doing a 180 we see an understandable reason she can't keep her cold assassin persona going. She refuses to do her job, leading to her being betrayed or something idk I didn't finish the story

see how easily that then plays into the beginning of tog and makes her even more sympathetic and real without sacrificing the character's flawed morals? Or making her the only active character in the story? Almost like the world is real and exists outside of her?

The Celaena from the end of tog, the one who gave up Dorian because her life and freedom meant more than kissing princes, would have slit those nobles throats.

Mind you she's not even from Ardalan, why does she care enough about these people to risk her life and freedom. If even one of those nobles she let fake their death and escape, tried to get revenge on the king for sending his assassin, she would be hanged at best. How does she know those nobles weren't involved in or benefitted from the fall of Terrasen or slavery in general?? Why are we pretending assassins only kill "bad" people??

She should keep her head down and let Ardalan cannibalise itself until she's hit with a personal connection then have her risk the king's wrath not just for the "greater good", the hope of rebellion but also for herself - for the name Celaena and the life she lived under it

SIGHHHH

annyyyyyways

[klutzyroses]

Hii Im sorry if im late but i just wanted to ask if you can write a little story fanfic on Mc drunk but nothing very explicit just like maybe when she isn’t drunk she’s composed and stoic but when she is maybe trying to flirt with everyone. If thats to much can you do Sebastian,Mozart and Comte? Thank you.

The only late one here would be me, I'm afraid.

IkeVamp: Drunk Flirty SO

How do they handle a stoic s/o who is very flirtatious when drunk?

Suitors: Mozart, Comte, Sebastian

Mozart

Yes, because that is exactly what he needs in his life right now.

The pianist is a jealous man. That is a known fact, a fact that Y/N should know very well. And he never expects the solemn, often withdrawn young woman to be anything but.

That is why the man is completely blindsided when just a glass of wine in her system is enough to completely unwind her into the brazen minx she is hiding underneath.

And Jean seems to be the man on the receiving end of her temporary collapse in judgment.

The poor man in question is at a complete loss at how to deal with the seductive woman before him, cooing obscene things at him.

It isn't until she starts murmuring about kisses that the musician peels her off the soldier and handles her out into the hallway, quietly seething as he guides her to bed. He glares down at the beauty with her hair fallen around her like a halo as she lay on the bed, looking tempting as ever.

However, he summons all his will and instead leans into her ear, his voice like a lullaby, stern as his words may be.

"When you are sober, you and I are going to have a very serious discussion."

Comte

Oh dear...Oh cherie.

He is quite used to the quiet, reserved maiden who carried herself with such dignity and elegance.

So seeing that same maiden become a sloe eyed vixen currently leveling sultry looks towards Leonardo is quite the...surprise.

Not a particularly welcome one either, if he was being honest.

Especially since Leonardo himself isn't making much of an effort to rebuff the woman's scandalous advances. He seems to be having the time of his life actually, fully indulging the usually stoic woman's whims.

Well, at least he was until Comte's edged, layered smile has him chuckling and finally getting Y/N to settle down enough for Comte to take her without issue. He opts to keep her with him, if they are out in public, then she will not be leaving his side until they get home.

Even as they return to the mansion, he makes sure she gets to her room unharmed. As she meets his gaze with her own lascivious, suggestive look, he can't help but caress her cheek tenderly before resting his finger under her chin.

"Not tonight but perhaps soon, ma cherie. Very soon."

Sebastian

Sighhhh...he can feel a headache coming on...

Watching Y/N go from a quiet, composed young lady to...well, whatever this was.

Having had just a little too much to drink, she was now leaning flirtatiously on the arm of (The very amused) Arthur, her gleaming eyes glazed over and unfocused as she murmurs suggestive words to the mystery author.

The butler eventually has to pull her away because he fears she may start disrobing any moment now. And that is not something he believes he can stomach.

He steers her all the way to her room, ignoring her attempts to seduce him before he lays her down on the bed.

He makes sure she is laying down comfortably, lest she finds some way to hurt herself.

He tucks her in and takes it upon himself to remain at her side until she is asleep, having to withstand her bedroom eyes until she is out cold. Which thankfully for him doesn't take too long as she lulls into a deep slumber. A gloved hand gently moves the hair out of her pretty face as she remains asleep.

"You are such a handful. You're lucky I'm able to hold myself back as well as I do."

🌸

[merv606]

Romanian is a very nice sounding language! Since Terry is fluent in it, he should speak Romanian to Daniel 😈 Maybe dirty talk lmao. Daniel can’t understand it after all, so Terry can get away with a lot of filth 😂 He should totally have a Romanian pet name for Daniel! I can totally see Terry in the future calling Daniel terms of endearment while they’re making love or something. Sighhhh 😌 🥰

HOW DARE YOU!!!!

Come to my inbox with such violence!!!

Go to the naughty corner and think about what you have done!

🇷🇴

There it is again.

Terry slipping into Romanian as soon as he slips inside Daniel.

The older man groaning low in his throat as he bottoms out, Daniel’s legs, which had been wrapped around his waist falling open.

Terry takes them in his arms as he starts an all too familiar rhythm, as the all too familiar, if still foreign words spill out.

Whenever he asks what Terry is saying, Terry won’t say, which is odd as when they’re out and someone speaks, Terry translates without so much as a thought.

It can’t be that he’s embarrassed about what he’s saying considering what comes out of his mouth in English.

The older man truly is one giant ball of unironic sap.

Still, Terry won’t tell him, no matter who much he asks, even if Terry would call it begging, and part of Daniel wonders if it’s incentive for him to learn the language.

Terry has started the lessons and while Daniel is picking it up, it’s slow going. He figures it will be like his Japanese, he’ll understand it when it’s spoken just from hearing it so much, but will probably never be able to read or write it, and probably only master the ability to speak only a few of the more important sentiments. Terry however was flawless, having been speaking English and Romanian since birth, curtesy of his mother.

Terry had actually been surprised when Daniel had pointed out that often times, during their lovemaking, that he switched seamlessly between the both.

“Draga mea, viața mea, iubirea mea,” is whispered in his ear, and Daniel shivers.

Some of that he understands - love and darling, but then Terry’s hand is on his jaw holding his head so that he can capture the younger man’s lips in a messy kiss, practically licking into his mouth.

Daniel tries to move his own hand, and as sure as breathing, Terry’s hand wraps around his wrist, bringing it up to hold it flat to the mattress above his head.

He arches up as much as he’s able to under the larger man’s bulk. He wraps his legs back around, Terry’s hand hiking his thigh up higher so he can get deeper, cock nailing his sweet spot.

His legs tighten, as does his ass around Terry’s cock, his other hand, the one Terry has graciously allowed to be free of his covetous grasp rakes down his back, surely leaving blood in its wake. This only spurs the older man on, hips snapping in, and Daniel digs his teeth into Terry’s shoulder to stop the ugly nosies from spilling out of him. The noises that prove to Terry how much he loves this; how much of a whore he is for it. The nosies Terry loves nothing more than to fuck out of him. The noises Terry would call anything but ugly; they are the older man’s life blood.

He licks Daniel’s fingers into his mouth, tasting his own blood.

“Pisicuța mea dulce,” Terry says fondly when he lets his fingers go. For that, all Daniel catches is sweet, although he is a bit preoccupied, hips rolling in time with the older man’s thrusts, chasing the pleasure.

Terry buries his face in Daniel’s neck as he works his hips stronger and faster, chasing his all too quick impending orgasm inside Daniel’s body.

“Touch me please,” Daniel begs, desperate to come, and the older man groans, his hips stuttering inside the tight embrace of his boy. He begs so sweetly.

“Pe penisul meu” Terry answers, and Daniel doesn’t need to understand that to know what Terry means as the thick cock finds, with scary accuracy, that spot inside him that makes the initial discomfort of penetration, the near overwhelming stretch of Terry’s cock opening him, no matter how prepped he is, all worth it.

His eyes roll back and it feels good, so good, too good. It feels better than it had any right to be, and even if this is nothing new, Terry having Daniel like this, it’s like it surprises him every time. Terry hadn’t been lying when he told Daniel he would be spreading his legs for it, so log ago now that it feels like another lifetime ago.

“Please I need…” he whines.

“Tu nu,” Terry affirms, wet kisses up a smooth throat that Daniel eagerly bares for him.

Daniel is so close, he can taste it, his body lovingly conditioned from his time with Terry to come best when the older man is inside him, rearranging him.

“Se simte atât de bine în tine.”

His cock is trapped between them, and Terry eases off a bit, just enough that the friction is delicious.

“I know it feels good for you too, sweetheart,” he damn near coos. He ass clenching around the thick length, like he doesn’t want Terry to leave, not even an inch.

A hand on his forehead, smoothing back the slightly damp hair so that Terry is staring down at him, his hips never stopping. “So just let go baby,” he encourages. “This is all you need. We both know that.” He’s just rutting in now, grinding against that spot, giving his boy what he needs; always.

“Please,” and god, big brown eyes shine with desperation and, more devastatingly, tears, which almost have Terry giving in, almost, especially when Daniel looks Terry directly in the eyes as he clenches tight around him, pleading with his body, trying to get his own way.

Still, the older man wants his boy to come just from this, from Terry’s cock inside him, fucking him full of his love.

Doubling down, he jackhammers in, and Daniel’s mouth falls open, panting wetly, his fingers flexing in Terry’s grasp as the older man holds his wrists back to the bed, with a bit more force this time.

“Be a good boy, and come for me sweetheart,” he growls as he screws in deep, lacing their fingers together, and and that’s all it takes, his boy’s hard cock erupting between them, painting them both in white as he comes, untouched, just as Terry wanted.

There was no other choice. Terry always gets what he wants. The fact that Daniel is under him like this, Terry inside him like this, is clear proof of that.

Grabbing his hips now, fingers lining up with the bruises already there, from past lovemaking, all in various shades of healing. Terry never misses an opportunity to have his boy, the bruises a testament to that, and he fucks in one last time, burying himself as deep as the position allows, his cock throbbing and pulsing his release into the beautiful body below him.

He thrusts shallowly a few times, making sure Daniel is not only as full as possible but that every drop is out of Terry and into Daniel as deep inside his ass as can be, where is belongs - irrefutable proof of the older man’s claim - before slowly pulling out.

His boy is too open and wet, an audible squelch as Terry finally pulls his cock free. He considers fucking his fingers in, getting him to come dry, but settles for opening his still trembling thighs wide, on either side of his hips, his beautifully used hole on display, as well as the dark love bites that litter the once smooth inner thighs as Terry waits for the telltale white to slowly make it’s way out.

“Atât de frumos ca asta,” Terry murmurs, transfixed by the sight, a hand gentle as it cups his face, a thumb rubbing his jaw lovingly.

Lacing their fingers together once more, Terry brings Daniel’s hand to his mouth, kissing every knuckle.

Everything about his boy is perfect but this - on display like this after allowing Terry to express his unending love for him, his body an empty vessel for Terry to fill a- he’s a masterpiece. He’s even more than Terry could have imagined and certainly more than he deserves but he’ll spend their lives trying to make himself worthy of it.

“Te iubesc.”

And that one Daniel definitely knows.

A beat - the silence and space stretching between them.

“Și eu te iubesc, Terry.”

The older man leans down, their lips touching, the slightest pressure.

“For now,” Terry says, the words heavy on his lips.

“For alway,” Daniel says, taking their weight.

Let me take you, Duolingo was not ready 😂

Google translate did most the heavy lifting though

Draga mea, viața mea, iubirea mea

my darling my life my love

Pisicuța mea dulce

My sweet little kitten

Pe penisul meu

On my cock

Tu nu

You don’t

Se simte atât de bine în tine

Feels so good inside you

Atât de frumos ca asta

So beautiful like this

Te iubesc

I love you

Și eu te iubesc

I love you too

[andsalttheearthbehindyou]

january reading wrapup

a bit weak this month but it was my birthday and thats a holiday in and of itself sooooooo

the shards, bret easton ellis - this was so perfect, top to bottom. moshfegh is obsessed with ellis and i totally see where she draws her inspo from, *I* feel inspired, like this is just an incredibly gifted writer and i feel stupid for being like, hey have you heard of this guy?? but i think everyone just thinks of the american psycho film when we really should be like my god this writer is insanely gifted. im gonna read all his work albeit slowly because i imagine a lot of his novels are similar in vibe and i dont wanna get overwhelmed by it hahaahaha. but this ones gonna stick with me for sure. hbo's making this into a show, im gonna message casey bloys and say cAlL mE I wAnNa Be An aCtrEsS!!!

the vulnerables, sigrid nunez - not much to say but it gave satc vibes for some weird reason to me that i cant even explain

vladimir, julia may jonas - chose this because of natalie portmans bookclub, and i could literally envision her envisioning herself in this type of role if this were a movie, especially after her may december performance. i did enjoy this but the moralist ending really wasn't...warranted? and im being vague here for risk of spoilers but the fire seemed like a very cheap cop out? if anyones read this id like your thoughts? also from the vague synopsis id read it made it seem like the prof was an older man obsessing over a younger woman so i was really intrigued by the role reversal here and i really did want to like this.

black swans, eve babitz - cant believe i didnt read this in 2020! especially since i read slow days back then. eves writing makes me swoon

tender is the flesh, agustina bazterrica - okayy. prefacing this by saying ive been vegetarian for 4 years now and that that greatly affects my take on this, i feel like book is heavily reliant on shock value and the grotesqueness of the real world and the author knows that the reader knows this is a real practice irl and is only forcing them to care because its being done to humans now instead of animals. which is so disturbing? maybe its just me but i think its horrific and cheap to pretend like youre making a statement and pretend like youre urging people to give a fuck about a real world problem but people dont see our irl food industry as a problem, if they did there would be more people with plant based diets. i hate to sound preachy in a 'review' where im condemning the author for being fake preachy but any positive reviews of this honestly are from people that will pretend to make a change in their diet for like a week and then revert to eating meat. and then the 'twist' where it also a commentary on surrogacy at the end, i was honestly appalled. modern day surrogacy as glorified by kardashians where its just rich women who dont feel like gaining weight or are only slightly inconvenienced by pregnancy so they turn to surrogacy is obviously disgusting but the main characters wife in this is obviously infertile and i dont see anything wrong with surrogacy in that instance -- (obviously not like its done here with the cattle-woman, hello??) but oh my god this book was really not....it. for me. and i think cannibalism in media had its fun but we need to move on already its tired. this book had nothing even interesting to say on it, whatever, im annoyed, at least it was short.

sirens & muses, antonia angress - very cute i liked this a lot! it reminded me a lot of this book i read in 2022 called cleopatra and frankenstein, which i also liked a lot. this just reads really well all the way through and i loved all the characters, i was a little upset about what happened with preston but only because i really liked him and i do realize that it was interesting to show flashes of his father in him it made him more complex sighhhh! this could be a good mini series tbh i saw karina so clearly in my head as sophie thatcher ooooof

pefume: the story of a murderer, patrick süskind - kurt rec so i knew it was going to be good, wasn’t expecting it to be sooo funny tho! loved

a knight of the seven kingdoms (the tales of dunk and egg #1-3), grrm - i kept putting off reading this one because ive been scared that i’ll never have a new grrm book to read :[ and also honestly i thought this one would be boring lol but it WASNT, i LOVED it, dunk and egg r literally babies omgmggmgmgmg. loved it so much :,(

the last tale of the flower bride, roshani choksi - i think i liked this, i dont know, i dont know if me not knowng if i liked it or not means i didnt like it, i think i did, but idk lol. I did! i did like this. very tangible and idyllic, i love 'we were girls together' relationships, a jennifer and needy type of thing which will always get me. i thought the switches in pov were fun. someone described this as gothic which is why i picked it up and i...wouldnt call it gothic, but it was good.

i guess this month wasnt as weak as i thought but whenever i dont hit double digits im like ugh. slump.

[thewordworrier]

Some Writing Musings

I started to type up a WIP list and... Apparently a lot of the stuff that I could consider shorter fics are going to end up with smutty elements. Ugh, brain, can we maybe not with that? I don’t want to write a ton of smut XD Not all of them, just some. I’m not against writing smut, but I... Don’t know if I’m that good at it. Uh, I have a handwritten list of my GoogleDoc files - at least the fic ones; I don’t need a list of my prompts or notes or whatever. I’ve been thinking about this list, and... Truthfully, I think Call Me Babe For The Weekend was my peak. I don’t think I’m going to top that. I’m not sure I want to beat that in regards to length though and that’s okay. I wouldn’t mind another similiar idea I can get my teeth into. So if you’re reading this and you haven’t read Call Me Babe For The Weekend (and of course, if it’s your kinda thing) please do. It’s a little bit of a time sink, depending on your reading speed, but... I really did enjoy writing it. And planning it. Who knows, maybe I’ll have another idea like that. I’m not gonna stop writing, don’t think I could. I think I struggle with shorter fics though - a lot of what I’m working on are long form, multi-thousand word files. Sighhhh. I should work on the ‘writing short things’ issue, I think. That’s gonna be a challenge and I don’t know where to start. I’m not entirely sure what people would like to read either. I mean! I primarily do write for myself, and share because I think others would enjoy them, and y’all do, which makes me happy, ‘cause Shelly is pretty much my child and I love her. As lame as that sounds. But sometimes a girl gets stuck and isn’t sure what to work on, you know? But it’s not like I can take requests because I’m not a YN writer, and I’m... Pretty strange? Specific? in what/how I write? I’m not sure how to word that. I don’t think I ever would be either. I don’t know if I’ve got it in me to kinda change my writing style like that. I’m old okay? I’ve been writing this way for... Decades (with some improvement, hopefully.) Ehhhhhhhhhhhh. I’m not sure what I aim to achieve with this, but I’m gonna post it anyway.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Have you ever hugged someone for over a minute? Hm. I don’t think I have for that long, but maybe. 

Would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? Nooo.

Would you take the 3 minute beatdown to be in a gang? Um, no... Do you check your texts right away when you receive them? Not always.

Has the last person you texted ever been mad at you before? Yes.

Have you ever searched for your house on Google Earth? Ha, yeah. I remember when that was the new thing the first thing a lot of people did was search their own house. Out of everything we could look at lol.

How old do you look? Early 20s.

Do you like movie nights? Yeah.

Is there a trampoline in your backyard? Nope.

Does the thought of having children scare you? I’m not having children.

Are you nice to everyone? I think so.

Would you rather date someone older than you or younger? Older. Not by a lot, though.

Are you excited for anything happening in the next week? No.

What will you be doing in the next 2 hours? I should try and attempt sleep.

Who did you talk to on the phone last? My mom.

Does it make you uncomfortable when you receive a compliment? It’s just awkward cause I’m awkward. 

When you are home alone at night and hear strange noises, are you afraid someone is going to break in? Thankfully, I’m never home alone at night.

Do you wake up cranky? Sometimes. I’m typically just a zombie, though, until I’ve had coffee.

What is on your wrists right now? Nothing.

Are you a beach, country, or city person? Well, I live in the city but I love the beach.

Are you an official couple with the last person you kissed? Nope. Never was.

Looking back, did you ever think you would be where you are now? No.

Do you like someone? I’m not interested in anyone in the romantic sense, currently.

Are you happier now or three months ago? Wasn’t happy then or now.

What’s the greatest thing that happened to you today? Nothing has really happened so far, it’s only 5:45AM.

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids? Sigh.

Are you waiting for something? For the weather to finally feel like fall.

If you could change your eye color would you? Yeah. I wish I had blue or green eyes.

What was the weather like today? It’s supposed to be 93F today aka too hot. Sighhhh.

Do you think you’ll be married in ten years? Nope.

Does your ex still love/like you? Nope.

Are you stubborn? Ohh yes.

Do you tend to hold a grudge? No.

Where were you at 9am this morning? It hasn’t been 9AM, yet, but I know I’ll be right here in bed.

How has the week been? It’s just starting.

Did you go out or stay in last night? Stayed in of course. I don’t go out anymore, even pre-covid. It’s been a few years.

Something you do a lot? Worry.

How many states have you lived in? Just one.

Can you commit to one person? Yes.

Who was the last person to hold your hand? My doggo, ha.

How many chances do you tend to give people before enough is enough? I give out many chances. Do you think you and your best friend will be friends in 10 years? My mom has and always will be my best friend.

What do you miss most about your ex? He made me laugh like no other. He was just a fun guy to be around. That was also part of the issue, though. We could never have a serious conversation because he turned everything into a joke.

Are you attracted to the last person that kissed you? Not anymore.

What’s a fact about the last person you kissed? He’s into writing, photography, and drawing.

Something you really want right now? My back to stop hurting.

How long have you liked the person you like? I don’t like anyone in that way.

Does any part of your body hurt right now? Yes.

Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed? Probably.

Can you recall the last time you liked someone? Yeah, back in 2016.

Are you happy with the way things are going? No.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? Nope.

What plans do you have for tomorrow? Same stuff, different day.

Has a friendship ended recently that you wish hadn’t? Not recently, it’s been a few years now. 

Have you ever given your ALL to someone who walked away? Yes.

Have you ever kissed the last person you texted? No.

Do you and your last ex hate each other? No.

When was the last time you were sick? I feel crappy in some way or another all the time, but as far as like a cold or something not since earlier this year.

Are you one of those people who are always cold? No, I’m always hot.

Do you tend to waste a lot of money? I can get carried away sometimes with stuff I don’t need, but this year I think I’ve been pretty good for the most part.

Have you ever regretted kissing someone? No.

When was the last time you got a haircut? Back in February.

Did you sing at all today? Not as of yet.

Would you rather be able to control the weather or control traffic? The weather, most definitely.

Do you own any articles of clothing with skulls on it? Yeah.

Are you faster at text messaging or typing on the computer? Typing on the computer.

If you won a trip to a nude beach would you go or give the trip away? Aw, it can’t be a regular beach? lol. I don’t care to see a bunch of people in the nude and I certainly wouldn’t be nude.

In your opinion which is the stronger emotion: love or hate? Both are very strong, intense emotions.

Tongue piercings - cute or trashy? Not my thing.

When it comes to jeans: skinny, flared or boot cut? Only skinny jeans.

Would you rather be a star ballerina or a star break dancer? Neither would be possible for me.

When it comes to Baseball would you rather be on the field or in the stands? Neither.

I’ve got to know, who do you prefer: Mario or Luigi? Luigi.

Have you ever changed clothes in a public area (not a dressing room)? Nooo.

How many months apart is your birthday from your best friends? Two months.

Yes or no: Techno music? No.

Yes or no: pigtails? Not for me.

They say diamonds are a girls best friend; what do you say? I mean, they’re beautiful but I’m not super into jewelry.

Has anybody ever told somebody one of your secrets? Yes.

Have you ever kissed anybody who had a mustache? No.

If you were famous do you think you could handle the popularity? Noooo. I never would want to be famous.

Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a letter P? Nope.

Did you talk to one of your best friends today? What did you talk about? Not yet, but later on.

Do you get on better with funny or serious people? I like people who know when to be funny and when to be serious. <<<

Do you have mood swings around the time of the month? Yeah, I always did. I don’t have “the time of the month” anymore, but I’m moody all the time.

Have your friends met the last person you kissed? The friends I had at the time did, yeah.

What if you saw your best friend holding hands with your ex? My mom would never.

Your last relationship, who dumped who? He ended it.

How old were you when you had your first boyfriend/girlfriend? 16.

Is your hometown nice? No.

What if you got stuck in a lift with the last person who Facebook messaged you? I’d be freaking out cause claustrophobia, but at least I’d be with my aunt, who I’ve always been really close to.

When/where did your last hug take place? Here at home.

Do you consider yourself mature enough to make your own decisions? At 31 I should be, but I certainly have made a lot of bad ones...

Have your parents ever told you about their love lives, and any previous relationships they had before they met? My mom has told me about a high school boyfriend.

You get a text from someone saying that they want to hang out - who would you most like it to be from? I don’t have any friends, so. 

Do you and your friends have any inside jokes? My family and I do.

Do you think someone has feelings for you? Are these feelings returned? At this time, no one likes me romantically and I don’t like anyone romantically.

What if the last person you texted were to ask you out? Uh, no they would never. The only people I text with are my parents and brother...

Do you believe in love at first sight? Explain. Nope. I just don’t see how you can love and have such strong, intense feelings for someone you haven’t met or just met. You don’t know them. You don’t know if you even vibe or connect. They may have the shittiest personality. You gotta get to know a person first and see if you have a connection.

Would you prefer to be somewhere else right now? If so, where? And why would you prefer to be there? No, I’m perfectly fine with being in bed right now.

When you listen to music, do you ever find that the songs affect your moods and change how you feel? Sometimes.

Can you remember what you dreamt about last night? No, but I know it was something super weird and random cause they always are.

What’s one thing about today that you didn’t like? It’s only 6 in the morning, too soon to say.

Who is the last person that you said i love you to, besides family members? There hasn’t been anyone other than my family.

Are you mad at anyone right now? No.

Is there one thing all of your ex’s had in common? Sense of humor.

What’s a compliment you receive often? I don’t receive compliments often.

Have you ever had a friend that got a bf/gf, and then completely ignored you? No.

Would you ever go back to any of your past relationships? No.

Who was the last person to comfort you when you were upset or crying? My mom. Do you prefer to text or talk on the phone? Texting over talking on the phone for sure, but I don’t text much either.

Do you know anyone that’s gotten an abortion before? Yes.

Do you think you could forgive someone for cheating on you? I don’t know.

Have you ever been arrested? No.

Who’s the last person that gave you roses? I haven’t received roses, but I’ve received flowers of a different variety by family for graduations, hospital stays, and birthdays.

Do you still talk to the first person you kissed? Nope. It’s been like 10 years. What if you had a baby with the last person you kissed? Nope.

Do you have a picture of you kissing someone? Yeah.

Who was the last person to comment one of your pictures? My aunt.

What’s a cuss word you use often? “Damn”, “shit”, “hell.” If I drop an F bomb then I’m really upset and in a bad mood.

Have you learned from your past mistakes? I keep making them.

Who’s the last guy you texted? My brother.

What about the last girl? My mom.

Who was the last person to make you cry? It was just out of frustration with stuff I’m dealing with.

Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head? Yeah, for a long time. I wouldn’t think about my ex nearly as much, if at all, anymore if surveys didn’t keep bringing him up. I mean, I would randomly now and then, but surveys won’t let me go a day. Although, the thoughts don’t tend to last too long after the survey is over, so. They’re gone until the next batch f surveys, ha.

What is one quality that you really appreciate in a person? I admire people who are passionate about something. I love how animated people get when talking about something they love; their whole face lights up.  I also really envy that quality.

When was your first real relationship? Technically, I’ve only had boyfriend and that was when I was 16. It had the title anyway, but it wasn’t what I’d consider to be a real relationship. It didn’t last long, like seriously it was 2 months, so it never got very serious at all. My heart wasn’t really in it either, I wasn’t ready. Then there’s the whole Joseph situation, which lasted 3 years and in a lot of ways is the closest thing I have to a relationship, even though it never was one. The feelings and intensity were definitely there for me. But honestly, I have yet to actually experience a real relationship. 

Have you ever cried over an ex? Yeah, too many times.

Do you ever think about your ex and cry? Not anymore.

Is there anyone in your life who you won’t ever want to lose? I don’t want to lose any of my loved ones. Have you ever snuck out of your house? No, I was a good kid. <<< Ha, same. But also, I wouldn’t have had to anyway. I could have hung out, I just didn’t. I was such a homebody then, too. My social life came when I was 19 and into my early and mid 20s. Then I became a total hermit crab.

Have you ever snuck someone into your house? No.

Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? No.

How many people have you kissed? Three.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve done on a dare? I’m usually too much of a chicken shit to choose “dare”. Haha. <<< Hahaha. We’re so much alike.

Have you ever cussed someone out? Not to their face.

Have you ever cheated on someone? No. I was loyal even to Joseph, who I was never officially with, so I definitely would be to someone I was actually in a relationship with.

Have you ever had a friend-with-benefits? Yes. Have you ever spread a nasty rumor about someone? Nooo.

Have you ever broken someone’s heart? Yes. :/

Have you ever been physically abused? No.

What’s something you really regret saying to someone? There’s many things I wish I could take back.

Is there something really bad that you’ve done, that only YOU know about? I’m pretty boring, so I don’t think so..

Does it take a lot to make you feel guilty? No.

Have you ever broken a really important promise? Yes. 

Have you ever gone out with a best friend’s ex? No.

Have you ever made out with someone who was just a friend? Yes.

Have you ever cheated on a test? No.

Have you ever told someone’s deep, dark secret? No.

Do you ever lie to make yourself sound better? Ha, based on my survey answers I clearly don’t. I’m open with ya’ll, and it’s not pretty.

Have you ever made up a false rumor to get back at someone? No.

Have you ever gotten in a fist fight? Nope.

Have you ever purposely hurt yourself? Yes.

Have you ever mooned/flashed someone? Nooo.

Have you ever caused someone major embarrassment? I feel like I’m just embarrassing.

Have you ever pushed someone into a pool? No.

Have you ever got in a fight with someone and never made up? Yes.

Have you ever farted and blamed it on someone else? Um, excuse me I don’t fart.

Have you ever copied someone else’s homework? No. I was the person people tried coming to so they could copy mine. I hated that.

Have you ever skipped school to do something more fun? I have for family vacations.

Have you ever skipped school to get out of a test? No. I wouldn’t have gotten out of it, I would have gotten a zero.

Have you ever kissed someone the same day you met them? No.

What’s under your bed? Nothing.

What’s on that way top shelf or in the very far back of your closet? Medical supplies.

Do you have a super-secret hiding place and what’s in it? Now why would I share that if I did?

Have you done something recently you hope no one finds out about? No.

What is your last thought before you fall asleep? My mind goes to some random places.

Have you ever you shop lifted? No.

[islandofsages]

YOU... YOU ARE NOW ONE OF MY FAVORITE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD

i cannot begin to explain how safe i feel on this blog i am absolutely gonna be coming back

IN FACT.

may i reserve an emoji and become an emoji anon?? you probably could tell who i am through me liking your posts but i am too afraid to go off of anon publicly so LOL

but IF I CAN. AND ONLY IF. may i be 🐯 anon? tiger bc it's my favorite animal hehehehe

NOW ABOUT THE THINGS YOU SAID;

you know what the worst thing about the whole excluding non-fem people? it's the fact that half the time they don't even specify the gender of the reader. LIKE. i have to take a shot in the dark to even see if i am able to read a fic. AND MAJORITY OF THE TIME I CAN'T!! so i get that icky icky feeling of gender dysphoria when that is the one thing i am trying to escape when i go to read fanfics. SIGHHHH. i swear the amount of times i have had to comment on a post about specifying that the reader's gender is chosen or about a slip up with pronouns/terms is crazy, it should be none!! why is this just not common decency!!!

also you're absolutely right, frick them!! and i know it's not the case but the amount of misgendering when it comes to gn reader fics frickin feels transphobic at this point. AGAIN, I KNOW IT'S NOT, but with how much i come across it not only on Tumblr but ao3 as well, it sure is starting to feel like it. i think i only feel this way because of the amount of times i've heard people tell me that they can't use my correct pronouns because it's "too hard" n stuff. and seeing people slip up so much is triggering that anger i feel when i hear that FOSJEJ

AND AND AAAAHH FOUND FAMILY ❤️💝💓💝 i live for that trope it is a trope i hold so dearly close to my heart. i love it so much that i cried over the last Alvin and the Chipmunks movie where that guy adopted the chipmunks. a frickin MOVIE ABOUT SINGING CHIMPMUNKS MADE ME, A 17 Y/O, CRY solely because of the adoption. i am a mess of a person KFAOSJJS but GOODNESS. underrated trope!!

also i hope you know that i may come knockin on your door every now and then with requests and/or just floffy platonic thoughts if you're okay with that bc AAAJDJSKKDKE i have so many my brain never stops thinking i am always daydreaming this stuff

I'M GONNA JOIN YOU WITH SCREAMING ABOUT QPRs BECAUSE THEY'RE SO UNDERRATED AND NEED TO BE MORE NORMALIZED i absolutely hate when people are so ignorant about what they mean it is infuriating to see people brush it off as like just fwb or something :(

i tend to type A LOT, i have so many things to say all of the time and i never stop talking whether it's irl or online apparently KFKSOD i hope that's okay, if it's too much just lmk and i'll tone it down as much as i can

i guess it's just my ADHD thought LMFAO

OKAY I'M GONNA STOP TYPING BEFORE I END UP WRITING AN ESSAY TO YOU IF YOU'RE GOING TO BED I HOPE YOU HAVE THE BEST REST OF YOUR LIFE 💝💝 YOU DESERVE IT SM BECAUSE YOU'RE AWESOME AND AAKSFKOE

also when you mentioned your big brother instincts i squealed i am so bad about getting attached to people big brother energy because THEY'RE ALWAYS SO COMFORTING and maybe it's just my family issues speaking but if i admire someone even slightly older than me or a character i adopt them as my older sibling in my head

okay i lied apparently i wasn't gonna stop talking BUT NOW I AM. DISIWKKS thank you for reading through all of this i apologize if i am overwhelming at all

[just a heads up im gonna be kinda mean in this and swearing a lot so if you dont like that ignore this JSHDHSJJDKS]

hey 🐯 anon!! :D omg i have my own emoji anon now LOL

AND TRUE LIKE it can't be that hard to specify details about the reader right?? especially when it comes to gender,, even if your blog specifically writes for fem readers, if you're gonna use the fucking genshin tags then FUCKING SPECIFY IT'S FOR FEM READER JFC also i genuinely do not understand slip-ups. i really don't like what's there to slip up on? i usually see this with male characters and writers tend to "slip up" and put in fem nouns for reader and it's like....it's honestly kinda mlmphobic/nblmphobic ngl :/ even tho it's probably just heteronormativity bc boy must like girl right hahahahaha wrong. you're not "slipping up" dipshit, that's why proofreading exists

sorry you have to deal with the misgendering anon :(( i feel that, i really do. even tho sometimes it's unintentional, it hurts anyway. and to people who do it on purpose, here's something for you:🖕

ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS PLSSSS FELT THAT that's me with the sonic movies 😭 there's also so much found family in genshin too like MY GODDDD this game has so many flaws but man the storytelling? it can be good we don't talk about inazuma's writing

feel free to knock on my door or even barge in and destroy it with your requests :] at this point they're the only things making me write LMAO tho i do have ideas of my own that i'll write down soon....probably

THANK YOU maybe it's bc i myself am attached to the concept of qprs (been in one, also i self-ship myself queerplatonically with zhongli) but thing is it's not just a fwb thing nor is it only an aspec thing like. allos can perfectly be in qprs. in fact, i think it'd benefit them – if only they take the time to learn about it

and it's okay!! you all can talk to me all you want idm!! plus i get pretty lonely here too on tumblr dot com bc i actually do not have any friends here LMAO (and i did have a good rest thank you 💖)

honestly same 😭 i myself am the eldest sibling in my family and idk what it's like to have an older sibling so sometimes when im close enough to someone older than me my brain just assigns them as the older sibling LOL. also yes family issues.....we on the same page anon 🤝

thank you for entertaining me anon, it's exciting to think that someone likes my works this much LOL and you weren't overwhelming at all dw. hope you have a nice day 🐯 anon <3

[wolfwhiteflowers]

hate-watching s9, I guess. I can’t let it go. Damn u TV Gods.

 Rick and Maggie’s death/leaving is gonna make me sad anyways. :\

*Spoilers! Ep 2 spoilers!

*anti C/E

(keep reading)

Oh gosh. Idk how to emotionally handle TWD and Rick’s last five episodes. I mainly just don’t want to be really sad when he dies (or leaves) or be mad. I’m already annoyed with TWD crappy writing and the miss opportunities and not ending the story with Rick. But TWD isn’t totally that bad to me yet. So it’s all hard to just quit. (didn’t watch TMP final season because of it’s all about dating....OU@T was because I only like Neal’s parts and the show writing is super crappy. Idk maybe cos those shows were also quick to show it, learn that it’s crap. Whereas TWD, we know Rick will die for like the whole summer and more.And I like other characters too.) I got free time..still love TWD in some parts, so it’s hard to like avoid it. Even after Rick dies/leave, I might wanna watch s10 if it’s like a Caryl show or other interesting stuff going on. It’s harder rn because we still have Rick and Maggie. I’m all about TF and Grimes boy(s).

So 9x01 aired last night. I didn’t watch it. It’s funny how AMC promoted ep 1 with a bunch of sneak peeks, me reading filming spoilers and episode spoilers of it. I feel like I did saw the first episode anyway. There’s also social media where fans spoil everything and show clips and gifs of the scenes.

Like yeah ep 1 was good-ish like as usual, probably better than s8 already, imo. It got TF moments, shippy moments, action. I could make edits on parallels or something on it. I know there’s other dumb moments like CE’s romance, questionable things characters do, etc. I could watch Rick’s last episodes, if I just ignore CE. Carol isn’t featured that much anyway. I just laugh at CE plot. I love that Rick was holding Hershel Jr. 

 I really like this time-jump plot but I’m just bummed that when it seems like the show got more interesting or still interesting, it has better dialogue , charactery moments, callbacks, it’s when Rick is gonna die/leave in ep 5(6?) and Maggie too. Sighhhh. It might be just three or five episodes of showing TF a lot. Everyone’s about the museum and the bridge. Communities are coming together. Idk what ep 6/7 will be like when Whisperers show up. The show goes back to community per ep like in s8?

Recently, I read ep 2  spoilers of the full ep. (Critics/TSDF have them out already cos critics seen three episodes already.) I’m just arrrrghhhh it’s so charactery and TF! Ignore the weird romances part, but omg it’s good Maggie ep. Writers actually callback something about Hershel(sr) that I didn’t think they would do that. There’s interesting plots with Michonne and Maggie together and their leaderships. It’s a lot of Maggie..but it’s her last time too (maybe). There’s great Aaron scenes and with Rick and Daryl.

Carol isn’t with the ladies though.......but she was around with Rick and Daryl. arrrggghhh. Carickyl! But ..it’s too late. Carick isn’t the same anymore. It’s not gonna be what I always wanted them to be like. They’re just friends talking. I’m assuming they’re not gonna act or talk like they got history and strong bond and act like siblings kind of thing. If ya get it. They can still be but..it’s too late to what I hope for.

 And, ugh Caryl. Now it’s when writers kinda tell us what they are. There’s some hope about Caryl. Daryl is like jealous and protects Carol’s loved ones. Like there’s some hope about Caryl being romantic and canon someday. What McReedus were saying on TD show, they’re protective of Caryl. It makes me hopeful for Caryl. But who knows how it goes later on and in s9B.

So .....idk what to do. Reading ep 2 spoilers got me all emotional again. I’m gonna be sad anyways when ep 5/6 spoilers come up. I know if I watch it live and hear the music and being into the show, I’ll be even more emotional mess. But I’ll be sad anyways from just reading a summary. I want to know what happens canon-ly because I think that’s how to let it go.... I also can’t seem to not look at any TWD stuff/fandom&shippy stuff. I heard this theory that Rick is dying and he’s laughing. That seems like a good ending. Ending-like. He’s proud. There’s also spoilers about other past characters popping up in hallucination I guess. Sounds so charactery and good. But yeah...after days later, I think I still want Rick to die when the show ends. I also think it’s sucky storywise to have two protagonists, Carl and Rick-the Grimes boys, Carl dies and I think it should be that Rick dies of old age or doesn’t die. Because Carl already died. Why keep the show going? (But hey ukno AMC wants $$$ killed off the main characters on TWD and FTWD. They probably purposely killed off Carl just to get the Grimes out of the story like Madison and Nick. To be more like a spinoff show.)

 Stories. WTF. I want ep 5/6 to happen now so then I can go through it and get it over with. And then make fun of it and think of my AU ending of the show. >:| Also I gotta deal with a show “ending” too. TWD is like done-done soon and gonna be like a spinoff show. 

I know..I just gotta detach more on the show. A lot more. Like stop looking at gifs and ship fandom wank. Gotta watch a different show. :]

[abadpoetwithdreams]

Nirvana in Fire Episode 9 Reaction

In just one week I will be taking to the skies yet again, this time to go visit my dear friend ewokshootsfirst for two weeks! So as of this typing I hope to finish this reaction post before I depart, since I do not expect to get any writing done while I am away, but if I don't manage that feat then, um, sorry, and I guess you are reading this in early February instead of mid-January. (Note: GUESS WHAT it's February I literally resumed watching this ep as SOON as I was back in the US and dramafever stopped blocking my videos (I found out even saved-for-offline-viewing videos are unwatchable overseas the hard way, lol). I did write about half of this before my trip, but the rest is post. While very jetlagged.)

Episode nine begins with a focus on a sign that apparently reads Su Residence hanging over a doorway, so this is our cue that Mei Chang Su has, indeed, moved out of the Snow Cottage. Ironically, his new manor is covered with literal snow, as the fall from Jing Rui's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Night has evidently not slowed, but never mind that. I hate that now whenever I see snow falling at night my first thought will be good time for a murder, btw. Thanks, Nirvana in Fire.

There are lots of workers bustling around carrying furniture and sweeping and mending things and doing other busy moving-house work, and in the midst of them in the middle of a snowy courtyard Fei Liu is building a snowman. Or at least he is piling snow up in a shape that might turn into a snowman. Maybe he is building a SnowMeng to destroy. Su is watching him fondly from beneath a sheltering jut of roof. When a man (might be Li Gang, hard to tell from this distance) tells Su he should go inside, because it is too cold for him out of doors (he looks very bundled up in this scene), he says okay and then immediately is like FEI LIU THROW ME A SNOWBALL which is the exact opposite thing to what he just agreed to, sighhhh. So he starts playing catch with Fei Liu in the snow, and it would be adorable because he looks so giddy and happy, but I'm with his household on this one, GET INSIDE AND GET WARM, MCS. Why do even the cute things on this hell show just make me sad??? A woman also scolds him and tells him to go inside (and again he says okay and doesn't budge, behold Actual Child Lin Shu, ladies and gentlemen), but then a fellow named Doctor Yan shows up, and he looks Serious. All it takes is a harrumph from the imposing-looking doctor, and Su guiltily, reluctantly, retreats indoors. This is an oddly charming scene, but of course in typical NiF fashion it's also terribly sad, because it isn't fair, our hero should be able to play in the snow and enjoy the chill air, and it's yet another reminder of how he is caged: in his invalid body, in his false face and persona, in his self-imposed quest for justice. Strangely enough, this scene reminds me of how Jing Rui described how carefree his friend Su was before they returned to the capitol together. For the first time, I can sort of imagine what that would have been like, and it is heartbreaking.

Young Master Lin Chen is so smart to have sent Doctor Yan over, Li Gang says with a smile, as he watches Su re-enter the house. Ahh, Lin Chen, the sword dancer! Nice to hear his name mentioned again, as I have not seen him since episode one and I quite liked him in that ep. Also a reminder that he was the one looking after Su's health, and it would seem that has not changed.

Meanwhile Minister Gao is happily pouring himself a relaxing cup of tea, cheerfully expounding upon how good he feels now that he has handed the murder well case off to the other ministry as Ban Ruo suggested. If he had kept working on that case any longer, he jokes, I'm afraid that this case might still be around but I wouldn't be. His audience, one of his subordinates, laughs politely and then says slightly apologetically that The magistrate of Lantai County seeks an audience. Gao reacts as poorly as might be expected, all happy relaxation feelings gone, but his officer hastens to reassure him that this is nothing like the murder well case. It is simply that people have spotted a beast on Xiaogu Mountain. Wait, what? That has to be relevant to the plot somehow but as of now it just seems really random. Gao says the other man should take care of it on his own, and expresses his fervent wish that no more cases implicating imperial officials pop up. I don't think he will get his wish; not as long as Mei Chang Su lives, anyway.

Now it is time to check in on what Yu is doing! A new character has arrived to meet with him: this is Minister Qi, and I thiiiink he is Yu's ally in the Ministry of Justice, because he reports that Minister Gao took Ban Ruo's hint and sent all case materials to the Ministry of Justice, and Yu responds by saying that now he knows that the case is in Qi's hands he no longer worries about anything. Minister Qi smiles way too much, it's creepy. Well, smile while you can, mister; I am certain MCS will come for you eventually! Qi reminds Yu that if they manage to take down Lou Zhi Jing then Yu will be able to hopefully install one of his supporters in the highly influential Minster of Revenue position, further growing his political power. Yu definitely knows this already, so this is just early-episode exposition to remind the viewer of where the stakes are in this situation.

Cut to: Mei Chang Su again, and AHH I LOVE THIS SCENE. Mainly because it introduces what is one of my favourite bits of MCS Extraness™ so far, namely, the game pieces. Yeah, that's what I want to call them: these wooden tiles carved with a lot of writing I obviously can't read. Are they supposed to be a visual nod to mahjong, with its eliminating pairs of pieces from the gameboard? (Since as is revealed in this scene, Su is balancing how he is crippling CP and Yu by taking out their allies in even matches?) Anyway, he is holding two of them meditatively, as he sits in his new manor, and when Meng shows up to ask what he is plotting (hi, Meng!), Su begins to lay out the rules of this deadly game he is playing with the powerful officials in government.

Yu and the Crown Prince are vying for the throne, says Su. We know this. He then goes on to elaborate, however: each prince has equal power over the six ministries of government. We already know CP has Revenue and Yu has Justice, but now we have confirmation that this equal balance exists. Meng, listening, suddenly frowns and stoops closer: there on the table are six wooden tiles, each painted with the name of a ministry. THE GAME IS AFOOT, WATSON. I LOVE THIS. It's both really cool, a very clever and dramatic visual way of helping the viewer keep track of what is surely about to become a very very complicated game of politics, but also just a little chilling to see Su literally reduce people in the capitol to pieces in his game. Is there a tile with Jing Rui's name on it because I wouldn't be surprised. Just disappointed.

Meng lays each piece out and says what each is, which I appreciate because dramafever wasn't subtitling the tiles themselves and for an instant I was worried I'd have to track down online translations for them (I have tried to avoid any and all googling related to this show because I'm terrified of spoilers). The Ministries are:

Justice, Personnel, and Public Works (Yu's team) Revenue, Justice, and Rites (CP's team)

Not sure why Justice is listed on both sides, unless they are different branches of it or something. Or just a subtitle thing again. Guess I'll find out as I go along.

Meng pauses, considering the tiles, and then looks up at Su, who has been watching him in silence. You are thinking about cutting off their supporters one by one? he asks, looking, I think, a bit concerned. Su smiles like this is a private joke, then replies that he isn’t just getting rid of the six ministries (JUST the six ministries, oh yeah, because obviously that would be underachieving), he is getting rid of our old friend the Duke of Qing (who has been haunting the doings on this show ever since the beginning of episode one!) and the Marquis of Ning as well. Military? Meng asks, and Su confirms. He is looking not just to destabilize the powers that be in government: he means to utterly tear them down. Lin Shu has come home to ruin the lives of everyone who wronged him and to raise up the righteous and guys I'm getting emotional about this I have to move on.

As we already know, the Marquis supports CP and the Duke of Qing supports Yu, keeping that balance of power equal. And now Su starts illustrating to Meng how he has started to tear his foes apart, all the while carefully keeping that balance so that they do not suspect: the Minister of Revenue, Lou Zhi Jing, is done for after the whole Orchid Garden scandal, taking out one person from team CP. And how does Su illustrate this? By picking up Revenue's tile, considering it for a moment, and then casually tossing it into the brazier so it can burn there and keep him warm. Lin Shu is my favourite drama queen, this is so unnecessary and yet so satisfying. BuRN THEM BURN THEM ALL

Furthermore, he reminds both Meng and us the viewers, the Duke of Qing has also been taken down, so that's one less ally for Yu. Su allows himself a tiny smile at this one, and then yep, into the brazier the tile goes. Prince Yu might still want to fight for his ally, though, says Su, and even more ironically he might come to Su for help in that fight. And then, with perfect comedic timing cutting the tension of this scene: in comes a servant announcing that Yu has just arrived for a visit. Meng is impressed by Su's predictive skills, but you can just see the animation leave Su's face, and indeed his entire body; he visibly sags, steeling himself. He may have anticipated the visit, but he is not happy about having to deal with Yu again. He was enjoying showing off to Meng, I think; enjoying being able to share his plans with a friend he can trust.

Meng says ah, I will go into hiding before Yu comes in, and I was honestly a bit disappointed he didn't just do the ol' lampshade over the head and stand in a corner bit or whatever the equivalent of that is in ancient fantasy China, but he exits to hide much more sensibly and now we cut to see Yu stepping down from his carriage at Su's door, and he is wearing this giant collar of almost blue fur, his outfit is exquisite. Oh, and we also see Su return his wooden tiles to where he stores them in a plain wooden box at his side, while meanwhile the Duke of Qing and Minister of Revenue are burning merrily away in the brazier. Still totally legible, by the way, but this doesn’t seem to worry Su so I won’t let it worry me either (but can you imagine how amazing it would be if Yu noticed, ahahaha).

They talk about the Duke of Qing case a little and Yu tries to act like, oh, that's all water under the bridge, no hard feelings. But then he makes a formal bow (!) and asks Su for help on the case! Father has already formally summoned Prince Jing today to appoint him in charge of trying the case, says Yu. Su does a very good fake surprise reaction at hearing this.

(We are also treated to a glorious little scene that basically just consists of the Minister of Justice scurrying to welcome Prince Jing to his office and praising Jing for his military service and commenting on what an honor it is to have him visit (lies) and not-so-subtly asking why are you here instead of resting on your time off from the battlefields? and then Jing turns around with icy deliberation and just fixes him and his sycophancy with the most deadpan, scathing Look, and WELCOME BACK JINGYAN I HAVE MISSED YOU SO)

Back at Su's house he asks Yu: didn't you or the Crown Prince protest Jing taking control of this case? Yu looks unhappy as he admits that the Emperor has forbidden them from getting involved, and further that whatever Jing decides will probably go in the Crown Prince's favor (since, remember, Yu's ally is in the wrong here, and Jing will always be fair). But Yu cannot do anything to interfere, or his dad would be very upset. He also admits that he is worried because he cannot bribe/influence that stubborn Prince Jing anyway LOL. That's my boy!

Su looks a little proud of that stubborn Prince Jing but he does remind Yu that Jing owes him a favor (for shielding him from punishment in the Ni Huang case). Yu just huffs a small, disparaging laugh at that:

You might not know what my seventh brother is like. I have never sen anyone in Imperial Court who is as thickheaded and behaves more like an old fogey. Not even father can handle him at times. I'm afraid that small favor isn't enough to make him obey me.

Priceless. Mei Chang Su, listening to Yu's analysis of Jing, looks increasingly amused, but manages to hold himself in check. He also fidgets a bit with his right hand (all these closeups of Hu Ge's hands are killing me btw I always love watching how people use their hands in film and his are so nice. Yes, I guess I have two fixations on this show: Su's hands and Jing's eyebrows.) which I guess is significant since the camera focuses on it but I don't know why. Maybe that's his tell when he's thinking hard, I'll have to pay more attention in future.

Su says So essentially you want me to somehow control Jing to make sure the Duke is spared punishment? Yu leans forward eagerly: that is exactly what he wants, and if Su can do it, Prince Yu will be extremely grateful. Su keeps fidgeting with that hand. Maybe it's more just a tell of when he wants to kill someone lol

Meanwhile, Jing is making the Minister of Justice's life miserable by reciting the protocol for the trial at him, demanding proper preparations be made, and announcing his Imperial-ordained authority over the trial. Qi tries to bluster and delay by saying he hasn't received any orders from the Emperor yet, so he cannot start doing what Jing says until he gets said orders! Jing blinks, taken aback a bit: I AM the Imperial order, I just told them to you right now, he says. That's not the same as actually seeing official paperwork, Qi simpers, and it's easy to see why he likes Yu, they are both super slimy. Look, Prince Jing, he says, in a very insincere show of apology, I wish I could start helping right away and it isn't like I WANT to make you look bad, it's just that official protocol says I cannot do what you say until I get the paperwork. Aw what a shame. Oh, and also I am already busy with many important cases and am understaffed etc. etc. so you might have to wait a while to get this case started anyway! Poor Jing looks very put out, but he cannot exactly argue. How long does Qi need to prep the case? he asks. Oh, not too many days, Qi replies. It should only take maybe two weeks? How does two weeks sound? I hate Qi. Jing considers, then steps forward. The official paperwork will arrive tomorrow, and I will return here then, he says. By then, think carefully before you answer me. And then he just WALKS like a BOSS out of there, knocking Qi deliberately aside with his shoulder as he goes and totally ignoring the Minister of Justice's attempts at speaking to him further. He's so sick of having to deal with this horrid little man already and he hasn't even properly started the job yet, poor Jing.

Back with Su and Yu: Su tells the prince that what he is asking for is a dead end path. When Yu is confused, Su explains: Yu is very powerful and has everything going for him but he has forgotten the most important rule: that there is one person against whom you must never set yourself, namely, the Emperor. Yu leaps to his feet, alarmed. What? Su is mistaken; he would NEVER go against his father's will! This is a big deal not just because obviously one must not cross one's emperor, but also the emperor is Yu's father so doing anything against him is a huge crime against his filial responsibility as well as his political allegiance. No wonder Yu has such a violent reaction to Su accusing him of such an act.

Our Mei Chang Su, however, is unfazed. Who do you think demanded that Qing be tried to begin with? he asks Yu. Do you think it was the Crown Prince or Jing? No; it was the Emperor, and thus if you try to interfere with the outcome of the trial in anyway you are setting yourself against not one of your brothers but against the Emperor himself. DO look at the big picture, Yu.

Yu sinks back down, shaken. Is there really no solution? Yu asks. Su shakes his head: The Duke of Qing is a lost cause, he says, and I think Your Highness knows it. (This is intercut with the Duke of Qing and his family being dragged out of their house in chains, to emphasize just how Doomed he is.) Yu takes a bracing gulp of tea and says he does not think Su understands just how important Qing is to him. Oh, I do, says Su, with a slight chuckle (you have NO idea, Yu). Yu starts to question why Su left the Marquis' manor so quickly: surely there must be a reason? Su dodges the question, and Yu backs off a little disappointed, but then vows that as long as you are willing to favor me, the gates of my manor will always be open for you. Su doesn't exactly look thrilled by this promise, but that's just what he gets for his deceptions working so well. I'm pretty sure in the novel I remember him literally throwing up after spending time talking with Yu because Yu nauseates him literally that much, so I like imagining that that expression is just his fighting not to hurl face. All of Mei Chang Su and Yu's conversations are made even better by just keeping in mind that Su is spending them fighting not to literally vomit.

We meet yet another new character: Lie Zhan Ying, Jing's adjudant general! He works with Jing so I automatically like him. He also has something of Jing's straightforward, no-nonsense mannerisms, which is a nice way to remind us of the divide between the political and the pugilist lifestyles, I love all the attention to detail in this show. Ying has arrived at whichever political building is holding the plaintiffs in the Duke of Qing case, to collect them and bring them to Jing's manor. The official who meets him at the door is wholly obliging, in stark contrast to Minister Qi's attitude towards Jing earlier. This official also mentions that the Crown Prince sent a message saying Prince Jing is going to all this trouble, so we mustn't hinder him. He also mentions how We are all working for the Emperor here, so basically Mei Chang Su was 100% correct in his advice to Yu and Yu has dodged a bullet by taking his advice and not trying to mess with the case. His meddling would have been VERY obvious and would have made him look VERY bad.

We return to Su and Yu, the former of whom is apparently walking the latter out. Yu takes a moment to ask if there is any further advice that Mei Chang Su wishes to impart? In my opinion, replies the very innocent and unbiased Divine Talent, it's best for Your Highness to abandon Duke of Qing State now and support Prince Jing. YOU SNEAKY CAD I LOVE YOU. (Sidenote: I forget if I mentioned this before, but the lighting work in this drama is delightful. This scene, for example, looks so very cold even without the clouds of breath curling up when the actors speak, it's lit so everything and everyone looks so frozen and sharp and blue. I'm yelling at my screen for Su to go put that gorgeous fur collar back on, even Yu is wearing his furs for goodness' sake, BEHAVE, LIN SHU.)

Yu is taken aback but considers. Jing is a prince, he says, and is acting under Imperial decree. No one, therefore, would think to stand against him; what does he need Yu's support for? Okay, so he has seemingly conveniently forgotten that that is EXACTLY what HE was planning to do just a few minutes ago. After a moment he grudgingly concedes that Minister Qi miiiiiiight stall things a bit, but that is all. Su, who totally eye rolled when Yu played innocent, shakes his head with a smile. Certainly Jing might need the support of the Ministry of Justice for the case, he says, but he isn't just talking about this mess with Qing. He is talking of all the days to come. And I start cackling at the look on Yu's serious duped face because I swear, if Mei Chang Su successfully tricks Prince Yu into supporting Prince Jing and aiding in his ascension to power, I will laugh myself SICK. THIS IS SO GOOD.

Su calmly explains that there will be more cases to be tried after Qing, and many of them will undoubtedly involve powerful families and wealthy landowners like the Duke. How could Prince Jing handle that alone? If Prince Yu were to throw his political weight behind Jing, then not only would Jing truly owe him on a scale that he could not ignore, but the Emperor would also be pleased because this would help him in implementing his agricultural policy. It is a win-win, Yu! Listen to the Divine Talent!

Sooo . . . you are having me draw Prince Jing over to my side? Yu asks slowly. My cackling intensifies.

Yep, that is correct, Su says, and with a touch of smugness: I have been planning this since the Ni Huang incident.

Yu is most impressed. He presses Su to tell him what the point of this strategy is. Su answers easily: What is the fuss about losing the Duke of Qing State? In terms of military power would two Dukes of Qing State even make up for one Prince Jing? OH, BRILLIANT. When presented like that, it make SO much sense! If you can get Jing on your side everyone is always on about his stubbornness and his lack of subtlety, so he would be the ideal ally. Plus, everyone (Yu and CP included) keep overlooking him because he has zero political power. But he has spent his entire adult life building military power. So of COURSE he would be more valuable a military ally than Qing! LIN SHU I LOVE YOU. AGAIN.

Prince Yu spends a full ten seconds silently having his mind blown (yes, I timed them, because his myriad of baffled/astonished/delighted expressions was HILARIOUS to watch, all hail this actor) but he emerges out the other side with a giddy smile. If I could win Prince Jing over, that would be great! He exclaims excitedly, before sobering a little to add that but judging by his temperment he wouldn't obey my orders to summon the army when I need him. LOLOL I WANT TO SEE THAT AU PLEASE.

Again, Su looks pretty amused by this read on Jing's character. He reminds Yu, however: why on earth would Yu ever need an army? Is he planning on taking the throne by force? WHAT? NO THAT IS CRAZY TALK, says a very worried Yu. That's right, Su. Play him like a fiddle.

We interrupt this scene to enjoy a temper tantrum being thrown by good ol' CP, who is raging about how Yu has essentially done in Lou Zhi Jing. Fine, then, he shouts, I will make certain he loses the Duke of Qing, too! And thus he is following neatly the path Su has laid out for him, effectively disguising the hand of Mei Chang Su in all this. The Marquis, much calmer (he always worries me, he is too clever), says CP doesn't have to worry about the Duke; even if Yu dared try to meddle in the trial, Prince Jing wouldn't back down. The Duke is doomed. Similarly, though, the Marquis points out, Lou Zhi Jing is also definitely going to be convicted of his various disgusting crimes. This means that the position of Minister of Revenue will soon be vacant! If CP acts fast, he can recommend one of his allies to the position before Yu can and thus can take control of that political seat and tip the scales in his favor. CP is mollified by this, but then goes on to scoff at the Marquis' urging that he not be anxious:

As long as Mei Chang Su exists how can I possibly remain calm? No matter where he moves to, you have to get rid of him!

Uh, oh. The Crown Prince storms off and the Marquis does not look unduly bothered by the order. Ugh, Jing Rui, you deserve so much better but your father is a toad.

Back with Yu and MCS, Su is continuing to remind Yu of his place. In the capital His Majesty is in charge of the Palace Guards. Commander General Meng watches over the palace. Should anything go wrong, who would have the chance to launch an attack once the Imperial decree was made? Yu looks so intensely uncomfortable. You're right, he admits to Su. Su reminds him the goal now should be to gain the Emperor's favor.

As to who gets military support, it's just a matter of perspective. What's the point of having [Jing] obey your every word? Even if we were to say at the least that should Crown Prince one day seek to hatch an evil plot and put His Majesty in danger, or to go against his decree, judging from Prince Jing's personality would he wait to be summoned by you to defend His Majesty?

Yu thinks this over, sighs, and agrees. Prince Jing prides himself on being righteous, he says disapprovingly. Oh, Yu. Su reminds him that helping Jing doesn't mean doing anything grandoise, just--be friendlier. It seems I will have to pay a visit to Prince Jing's manor tomorrow for your sake, Su says. He explains basically that Jing is super dumb when it comes to politics and so he must himself intercede to Jing on Yu's behalf to let him know what's up, otherwise Jing probably wouldn't even recognize any favors Yu does for him. Su is so mean when talking about Jing, he must love him very much. Also, this is hilarious that he has justified his comings and goings to Jing's manor to his enemy like this, so now when Yu sees Su with Jing he will just be happy and think they are working for him, while they are all the while working together to burn him down. Yu even bows to Su in gratitude, thanking him for his hard work, and if Yu wasn't such a hateful snake of a man I would feel very sorry for him right now. But he is, so I don't. Plus Su's blank, dead-eyed expression as he accepts this wholly misplaced gratitude has me laughing. He looks like he is 0.0005 seconds away from just turning to the camera and breaking the fourth wall like he's on The Office. Yu also pledges to be personally responsible for Su's safety, no matter what CP and the Marquis try. How many birds has Su killed with this one stone of a conversation? Lots of birds.

Yu magnanimously says Su does not have to walk him out, as he is an invalid and it is still very cold and wet; melting snow or rain or both has been dripping from the rafters of these scenes for quite some time now. Su watches him depart, and then Li Gang rushes up with The Fur and it's like the sight of the thick cloak reminds Su that he is cold; where moments before he had been holding himself with perfect ease around Yu, he now shivers and clutches the cloak close. I am very grateful to Li Gang for taking care of my boy. I wonder if Su deliberately ordered his men not to give him any warm wraps until after Yu left, for appearance's/pride's sake.  The two men return inside, and Su explains to a wondering Li Gang that he had to spend a very long time talking with Yu because Yu is difficult to deal with: he is very meticulous. Interesting.Whenever Su admits anyone is a challenge to manipulate I feel like I'm marking off this character checklist in my head: knowing that Su feels he has to tread carefully when speaking with Yu, for example, will add a nice layer of tension in their future meetings.

What is heartbreaking about this conversation is it is one of the few times we have so far where Su really does seem to be at his limit. He just seems so very tired--mentally from the intricate net he had to weave to catch Yu in, emotionally from having to pretend to be so cordial and mild-mannered around Yu when probably all he wants to do is stab Yu in the eye repeatedly (or, like, shoot him in the eye with an arrow, I suppose, wasn't it mentioned that Lin Shu's weapon of choice was the bow? A super awesome choice, by the way, as it is yet another shade of character depth: our hero's specialty was ranged weaponry and now here he is in the thick of the action in the capitol having to deal with all his enemies up close and personal. Just a fun little note), and physically because of the whole, you know, not-so-slowly-dying thing. Let the man rest! Where did that grumpy doctor go??

And, alas, Mei Chang Su cannot take the time to rest. Already he is moving onto the next stage of his plan: he tells Li Gang as they walk along (with Li Gang carefully supporting his boss, I am so grateful for this man) that he needs to visit Prince Jing tomorrow. Oh, and that he will also be bringing some golden chainmail. Whaaaat? Is it going to be dangerous? a very alarmed Li Gang exclaims. Su indulges first in a solid couple seconds of flat, disappointed staring, and then with a most massive eyeroll and silent sigh before he begins explaining, poor exhausted man. This is why he needs someone like Ni Huang on his side, someone similarly brilliant to himself and capable of making the same intellectual leaps he does, so that he does not have to constantly be explaining himself all the time. He just looks and sounds so Done.

The chainmail is to be a gift for little Ting Sheng, he says. That's super cute. But Li Gang disapproves, saying such a gift will be too suspicious coming from the East Yangtze Alliance leader. True, true. But it is odd that Su had not considered that; another sign seemingly of how worn thin he is right now. He asks Li Gang what he should do then (again, odd that he is asking someone else's advice, I cannot recall him doing that before??) but before Li Gang can come up with an alternative (he looks pretty stumped) Su calls Fei Liu (who was chilling on the rooftop, as one does) and tells him he will be giving a gift to Ting Sheng tomorrow. When Li Gang starts trying to comment on this plan, stating and restating the obvious about how Fei Liu is so eccentric no one will think such a valuable gift weird, Su juSt LIFTS his hand without even looking to coVER LI GANG'S MOUTH MID-SENTENCE, silencing him, and then he has the gall to look grumpily at his hand and SHAKE it like "EEW" BEFORE WALKING OFF he is so DONE LIN SHU IS DONE WITH TODAY HIS PEOPLE WOULDN'T LET HIM PLAY IN THE SNOW AND THEN HE HAD TO SPeND HOUrs PRETENDING TO LIKE PRINCE YU AND HE JUST HATES EVERYTHING I LOVE HIM SO MUCHHHH. WHAT AN ICON.

Then we get a hilarious scene where Minister Qi happily reports to Yu that he stalled Jing and sent him away earlier and it was so easy because Jing is a political idiot hohohoho and then Yu steps forward menacingly and is all Who told you to make him leave? and Qi suddenly realizes with a look of absolute horror that he did the Wrong Thing and it's beautiful. This show is so sad and so intense and so emotionally complex and then it every so often just turns into this terrific comedy of errors (that scene with the two princes madly competing for Su's attention at the combat trials always comes to mind as a brilliant example of this) and its so? Funny? This show is a GIFT.

Cut to the Marquis of Ning's manor at night, presumably that night! He has a headache. His son in law--Jing Rui's brother-in-law but also maybe Actual Brother because this family is so messed up, the pugilist dad son whose name I forget--shows up to report that he has sent out some men. Are you confident this time? asks the Marquis. Based on earlier goings on I'm guessing this is yet another attempt on the Divine Talent's life. Over at Su's manor, he is trying to convince a very disapproving Fei Liu that golden chainmail is a good present for Ting Sheng. Once he explains that Ting Sheng is not as good a fighter as Fei Liu and thus chainmail is something he will both like and actually find useful, Fei Liu is sold, and as always I really enjoy this scene between just the two of them, but then they hear a commotion. Go ahead, Su tells a suddenly alert Fei Liu, who darts off. Su then deliberately starts reading a book and ignoring the various sounds of fierce combat coming from outside, lol. Or at least trying to ignore; he's probably just trying to distract himself since he can't go join in. Li Gang eventually reports that all intruders were killed, so so much for the Marquis' second assassination attempt!

Next day we see Su stepping down from a carriage at the gates of Jing's manor. The Sad Music is back and he's got that awful heartbreaking Look on his face again--the one he had when Ni Huang led him to his old house, the one he had when royal grandma ripped my heart out. So I immediately am like OH NO and I try to brace myself for something soul-crushing. But you know what I have learned? You cannot brace yourself for any of the pain this show inflicts. If Nirvana in Fire wants you to hurt, then by golly you are going to HURT, and there is nothing you can do to prevent that.

Because we suddenly get a freaking FLASHBACK. A FLASHBACK YOU GUYS. We haven't had any flashbacks before except to the battle where Lin Shu fell off that cliff!!! And now out of NOWHERE we see a 17-yr-old Jing SMILINGGGGGGG ANd LIN SHU IS WITH HIM AND LIKE IT'S SO CUtE I CAN'T THEY'RE RuNNING UP tHE STePS TO THE GATe AND NOOOOOOOO

AND WANG KAI'S V.O. SOuNDS SO DIFFERENT FROM HIS USUAL JING VOICE It'S SO HAPPY???? MY BOYS WERE HAPPY THEY WERE FREAKING BEST FRIENDS I KNEW IT I kNEW IT and LIN SHU WWAS SO CUUUUUTE LOOK AT THEMMMMM

(Also like they're wearing the same colors so I love that visually, obviously, but also lol Lin Shu changed his WHOLE physical appearance somehow to disguise himself but his clothing is EXACTLY the same what a loser)

So the gist of the V.O. is that my fave boys were each other's fave boys too and Jing got this mansion when he was just 17 and eagerly assured Lin Shu that as far as he is concerned it is Lin Shu's as well because Shu is is best friend and what is his is theirs as far as he is concerned and omg someone make these tears stop

(ALSO he mentions that Prince Qi was the one who found the place for him! How much older was Qi than these two when he died? My impression is old enough to be the impressive cool role model but young enough that they felt personally close to him too. I'm gonna guess mid-20s????)

The flashback ends with the camera lingering to watch the shades of these two laughing, affectionate, bright-faced boys running side by side through the gate and up to the house, running away from us, as we can do nothing but watch them rush blithely forward, knowing what horrible, unfair futures await them. It's so mean, and so effective. I LOVE it. I'm also left shaken not only by the unexpected glimpse of what Lin Shu and Jing's past lives were like and what they both have lost, but by the certainty that this short flashback must surely mean there are MORE flashbacks coming in future and OH NO but also OH yES GIVE ME ALL THE PAIN.

We return to present-day Lin Shu, who is standing gazing up those stairs, watching his past self disappear. This place hasn't changed at all, he says, quietly. It's just like how it was back then. MY HEART.

And now here comes Jing to greet his guest. He bows coldly but politely, and Mei Chang Su pays his respects too. I am in agony. Ting Sheng is very cute and bows all the way to the ground for Su, his savior, and Su helps him up with a smile and he's so sweet with kids you guys

Ting Sheng really lights up when he sees Fei Liu, who proudly bestows his gift on the kid. When Jing realizes what the gift is, he bristles and tries to give it back to Su, saying it is too valuable a present. And Su, wholly innocently, says the gift isn't from him, for goodness' sake, it is from Fei Liu, so go talk to him about it instead! Poor Jing is so confused by this, clearly unsure of how to deal with Fei Liu. The latter of whom promptly snatches the chain mail back from Jing's hands and plops it firmly back in Ting Sheng's arms. Su watches, not even bothering to hide his amusement, and Jing after a moment's inward struggle gives up and invites Su inside, effectively allowing Ting Sheng to keep the chainmail after all. Point to Mei Chang Su! The boys scamper off to play together or fight together or whatever and their fake dads head inside for their own meeting.

(Jing's outfit is especially beautiful today, btw. I missed you, Wang Kai.)

Jing introduces Su to his guard as his friend Su Zhe, and then the two of them retreat further to Jing's private study. Along the way, Su is plainly eating up the place with his eyes, these halls must be full of ghosts for him. He pauses to look out over a courtyard, and Jing pauses too, to confess that all those men they spoke with had been present when Su's arrival was announced: they had wanted to see the famous Su Zhe for themselves. So we took a detour? Su supplies, with mild good humor. Jing's subtly changing expressions here are a marvel: slight embarrassment at being found out, relief that Su is not affronted, a momentary glance of reevaluation like he is sizing up Su again, and then even a small smile as he relaxes just a little. Is our favourite prince warming up to the Divine Talent a little? Time will tell, I suppose! But this tiny exchange is certainly the closest thing to friendliness that has passed between these two so far, and contrasted with that flashback it's like a punch to the gut. Also, the MUSIC. The Sad Music is playing again, but it's being played by a flute or whistle or something instead of the deep strings that usually play it, so it feels tremulous and hopeful instead of melancholic and that makes it even worse and also sooooo much better. Once again, I take a moment to rage at how this OST isn't available to buy anywhere that I can find.

Anyway, they get to the study and it's very sweet how Jing notices Su looks unwell and inquires after his comfort and calls for one of his men to bring in more braziers to heat the room when Su says he is cold because remember Jing doesn't even LIKE Su. He is just a Good Boy. He also congratulates Su on his recent move, because apparently Mu Qing is a gossip and told Jing all about it, ahaha. Su tells Jing the reason for his visit is to express goodwill on behalf of Prince Yu: Jing will now be able to run the trial of the Duke of Qing without any difficulties. Okay, but that is what I was going to do anyway, says Jing, because of course he does. Su wryly asks whether Minister Qi had been helpful? It doesn't matter if he has, Jing responds, stubbornly unfazed. Whether he cooperates or not the case will still be tried the way it should be. He is so totally out of his depth, bless his heart. Su looks so--not happy, but lighter. Jing's unshakeable, forthright virtue must be so refreshing. The contrast between his demeanor in this conversation and his frayed-thin, irritable behavior the previous day is very obvious.

Meanwhile, Ting Sheng is proudly giving Fei Liu a tour of his new home. They go to the military training ground, where Ting Sheng says he spends most of his time. Sometimes even Prince Jing himself comes to train him, he says, and ugh that is the cutest mental image ever. Fei Liu snorts: Jing is a poor fighter, he tells his erstwhile student, in a tone that implies he thinks Ting Sheng deserves better, and Ting Sheng doesn't even defend Jing, he just grins in agreement because if Fei Liu says it then it MUST be true. I adore these kids' friendship and pray nothing bad happens to them in future. It's weird and cute and sort of sad seeing how simple their lives are, largely oblivious to all the machinations all around them and even involving them.

Li Gang, however, tries to hush Fei Liu and remind him to be respectful, and Fei Liu of course responds by elaborating: even General Meng is better than Prince Jing! (Somewhere, Meng probably feels suddenly cheerful and doesn't know why.) Li Gang tries to do more damage control, so Fei Liu continues on: I'm the best, he says. It isn't even bragging, he just says it like it is the obvious truth. One of Jing's commanders overhears this and looks very annoyed by it, to put it mildly. Uh, oh.

Back in Jing's study, Mei Chang Su is quizzing him about how he views the case. Jing lays out how he has examined the evidence and it's simple in his eyes: the Duke is obviously guilty. Su plays a sort of game with Jing by playing devil's advocate and tossing a variety of excuses and loopholes at him and Jing manages to thwart them all: the Duke is guilty, and justice will be served. Su is impressed and very proud of his (former????) friend. Then Su lays out some BRILLIANT advice to Jing: basically, Jing is going to continue to judge over cases that involve wealthy landowners, right? And a lot of them will be guilty of the same crimes as the Duke. But Su says Jing should be careful not to punish them all the same way, even if their criems are the same. Why? Because if they were all punished the same, they would feel commonly wronged by the Emperor and might form an alliance against him, united by a shared anger. If there is no apparent pattern to the severity of the punishment, however, then the landowners will be jealous of/suspicious of each other, and will be focused more on comparing their lot with that of their neighbors', and they will not be unified. BRILLIANT, I SAY. Jing agrees with the wisdom in this plan. Su recommends he lets off some of Yu's guilty allies lightly as a way of saying thanks to Yu for his support. Jing frowns: Yu should be fighting to save the Duke of Qing right now. Why is he instead helping Jing take down his own ally? You are now very important to him, Su smiles, slightly sarcastically. Jing mulls this over. This is all thanks to you, he tells Su. And he should thank him, but . . . Jing does not want people to think that he is friends with or supporting Prince Yu. He doesn't want to side with either of his terrible brothers. Su tries to assure him that people will understand, but Jing is not appeased.

What others might think is not my concern, he clarifies. However, the spirits of heroes still linger. I don't want them to think that I have finally surrendered to the others.

Su tries to comfort him: Since they were once heroes, they will know who you truly are. Jing does not look convinced in the slightest. HOW has he survived all these years surrounded by enemies and ghosts, never able to forget either?

Su stands up and paces the room a little to try to ease some stiffness and numbness in his legs, and then he approaches a bow that is displayed on its own plinth in the room and this is it, even after the flashback, THIS is the moment of this episode that kills me. Because immediately my whole brain is just OMG THAT MUST BE LIN SHU'S BOW FREAKING JING HAS KEPT IT ALL THIS TIME

Su reaches out to touch it, and Jing, who had been concerned about Su's discomfort because he is a Good Boy, immediately SNAPS at him: Don't touch it! Su freezes. Jing leaps to his feet. Badpoet dies.

Su almost whispers his apology, and Jing approaches him, with a very visible hitch in his breathing as he tries to settle himself after his sudden alarm and impulsive reaction. He looks as though he is fighting down the adrenaline rush of only barely avoiding a tragedy. Perhaps he did. But shaken as he is he also looks a little sorry for yelling harshly at his invalid guest. Jingmum raised him right.

Jing tries to explain, his eyes drawn to the bow almost as if against his will: Please don't take it to heart. This once belonged to my late friend. When he was alive, he never liked to have his belongings touched by strangers. Oh, my gosh, he isn't even so protective of this weapon because it is important or of sentimental value to HIM, it's because Lin Shu hated people touching his stuff, and Jing is a Good Friend, a Best Friend, and Su's face, hidden from Jing, looks like he, like Jing, is remembering for a moment this kid who cared about dumb stuff like that, this kid who was Jing's best friend and who is now dead, who lived a life happy enough that such small things could MATTER to him, and then he swallows hard, and bows to Jing, and apologizes for his rudeness, and this is It I CAN'T I CAN'T WHAT IS THIS SHOW HOW HAS IT MADE ME CARE SO MUCH IN JUST NINE EPISODES HOW CAN IT POSSIBLY DRAG ME DOWn FARTHER IN LIKE FIFTY MORE HOW DID ANy OF YOU WHo HAVE WATCHED THE ENTIRE THING EMERGE BREATHING ON THE OTHER SIDE

(Somewhere there exists a happier timeline where Jing tells Mei Chang Su not to touch the bow because Lin Shu hated strangers touching his stuff and Su says okay and then makes his most trollish eye contact with Jing and deliberately starts touching the bow as much as he dang well pleases and that is how Jing finds out Lin Shu and Mei Chang Su is the same person the end)

Meanwhile, a decent distance away from all this misery and bro-angst, the indignant commander at the training grounds is demanding who Fei Liu is since he thinks he is good enough to insult Jing. I'm Fei Liu, the boy replies, as if that is all the answer necessary, and as it turns out--it is! Another of Jing's men recognizes the name as the fighter who arrived with the Lord of the East Yangtze Alliance. The one who defeated Xia Dong and held his own against Meng! Yep, that's me, Fei Liu affirms. Everyone looks very impressed. We also get a scene with Fei Liu taking out some challengers to show off his skills to Jing's men, best moment being where he grabs two men charging at him by the spers they are wielding and just smashes them onto the ground, aha. He's escalating the situation, basically. I wonder if Su was counting on that to happen.

Also meanwhile, at the palace, Yu and CP are arguing in front of the Emperor about who to make the new Minister of Revenue and oh this levity is SO NEEDED my soul is revived by CP's indignant squeak at Yu and the Emperor's fed up You have been arguing for more than an hour now LOL I swear at least half the Emperor's scenes so far have just been him watching his sons squabble. I would feel bad for the Emperor, except for what he did to Jingmum, so I don't. He deserves this. Also I guess he is also somewhat responsible for whatever ruined Lin Shu's life so he doubly-deserves this. He dismisses the princes, who walk out very quickly after glaring at each other sidelong. I would so not be surprised if the instant they are out of sight they start pulling each other's hair or pinching each other or whatever. They fight like preschoolers.

After they are gone, some random official starts telling the Emperor that the princes had the right to express their opinions like that as the question of who will take the position of Minister of Revenue is a very important and pressing one. The Emperor concedes that point but also angrily indicates the massive stack of names in front of him on his table: he has too many people to choose from! The official says someone named Shen Chui is acting as interim Minister of Revenue so he can hold down the fort for now, don't worry about it. The Emperor suddenly narrows his eyes, interested. Shen Chui? he repeats. Aaaaand--end of episode!

A weird ending, but I remember reading somewhere that these episodes aired two at a time, so with that in mind it makes more sense. I don't know why the Emperor is interested in this name, but I know I will find out next time. In the meantime I'm still reeling from all the Jing and MCS goodness in this episode. I missed Jingyan the last couple episodes but he came back with a vengeance for this one, and I am SO excited for wherever the show is taking him and his weird relationship with Su-who-is-secretly-Shu. Terrified, yes, but also EXCITED. Next episode is episode 10 and I am officially in the double digits! Nine episodes of emotional trauma down, sooooooo many more to go. BRING IT.

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 12: “Phase One: Get the Grandma’s Boys Back Together” - Jones

I have thoughts.

1 I still feel bad for telling Tom to fuck off but also,,,,, I don’t ???

2 I hate that I’m the one who has to apologize to *****these men***** when they were the ones who apparently threw me under the bus in the first place

3 I miss Julia

Ok I don’t feel like doing the number thing anymore that shits dumb.

Um if Mitch is gonna let an alliance slide through the cracks again he’s not playing hard like he said, he’s just playing dumb and out of fear. Benj is probs gonna do whatever Mitch says tho so maybe it’d be better sooner or later to get one of them out before we split up the Jason/Tom/Ali trio

Speaking OF,, Julia went out saying that that trio is the biggest threat to win, but that’s only true about like,,, only Ali SKSKKDKF to me it’s kinda clear that Jason and Tom are Ali’s goats and they’re gonna be the easiest to beat for him in a F3/2 situation. Ali is by far the biggest threat to win and probably has been since Alex got voted out. Bc who doesn’t love Ali yk??? It’s gonna be hard to get him out but I feel like at least my 100% people (Caeleb and Mo as of this vote) would be down to vote him if he was the biggest threat.

Um also ??? These guys REALLY think Alex left with the durmitor idol???? Which is SO shocking because I cannot keep a secret for my life and I’m so easy to read. But um that’s a plus for me tho so woohoo? I’m not gonna tell anyone else ab it tho Bc,,,, obviously. This cast is messy as fuck I don’t want anyone else that I DONT trust to know about it. So I’m happy that my little inner durmitor triangle are the only ones that know.

I think this is mostly me rambling at this point so i’m gonna sign off I think.

okay so I really did a crap job of confessing last round, so I have a lot of catch-up to do.

so first off, i think i already confessed about this, but i have TWO IDOLS NOW jklasdfaf, the budva idol and the merge sapphire idol. like assuming i play them right, i can fast track myself to F6 already, which is SO EXCITING.

also... last vote was such a mess. so after the last vote, where i was left out-ish, in that Jones/Caeleb/Benj told me what was happening, but don't know that each other told me. Me and Julia (who was truly left out) talked, and I was genuinely hoping to group up with her. Benj suggested a F4 of me/him/Tom/Julia last round, and I was SO DOWN. Like I've genuinely wanted to work with Julia all season, I should have told her about the Alex vote, but I've been with her this whole time, so its frustrating what happened next.

So... I'm on call and Mo/Mitch tell me to vote Julia, and I agree, knowing I'm lying because I'm in a chat with Jason/Julia/Tom where we are trying to vote off Mo or Jones. But then Mo being shady, and I literally told Julia this to, tells Julia that everyone is voting her out, and Jones says Tom is who threw Julia's name out.

Julia. Goes. Nuclear. She goes on call, outs the alliance, says we are all shady and tries to blow up our games. I'm REALLY frustrated that she did that, because Mo/Mitch were literally voting her and we were stopping it, but she let them mist her. Also... I didn't want to vote Tom or Julia, they are both outsiders, as am I, and we needed each other. Tom/Julia were both not apart of the Jules vote, we just had a fight amongst the outsiders which... dumb.

Once Julia did that, I was sure Tom was gone, I was totally sure. But Tom managed to flip Mitch, which good for him. But I don't know how he did that, getting Mitch to vote with me, when Mitch has been paranoid about me above everyone else. But now... Mitch will likely be suspicious of me, Jones/Mo will know for sure that I'm targeting them, and I'm no closer to breaking up that group.

So now I'm confident I'll need to use the idol to fracture that group. A scenario I could see happening and working, is next round maybe Mitch/Jones/Mo/Benj and maybe Caeleb vote me, Tom/Jason vote Jones/Mo and I vote the other, which means my sapphire idol can both save myself and break up that group. I'll have to stay tuned on that one though.

This reward challenge flash game is very annoying, so I'm probably not gonna win. Considering how much I popped off for the last immunity, if I win two in a row, it might cause me problems. Hopefully the immunity challenge is do-able, because if I win that, I'm guaranteed a spot in FINAL SEVEN YAY.

I haven't done one of these in a while, but ideal bootlist moving forwards:

Jones > Mitch > Jason > Caeleb > Mo > F3: Me/Tom/Benj or F2: Me/Benj

And if I am voted out eighth, the order in which I would vote for people at FTC:

Mitch > Jason > Caeleb > Benj > Jones > Tom > Mo

also just wanna stay like... how much i stan jones? like we literally have not voted together pretty much at all across merge... but we stan?

she is just so much fun, like our game relationship... is fragile at best, but on a personal level I am and will remain a Jones WARRIOR.

Omg I no longer have the most votes cast for me cuz now Tom does. Even though 2 of Tom's votes are HIMSELF the bafoon.

I was not surprised to see Julia go last tribal. I of course did not vote for her, but her craziness kinda sealed her deal. Plus theres the curse within the curse of where someone who gets cursed initially also goes home (Alex, Jules, Julia). Lmao. But seriously, I voted Tom and he got really sad because we had a good thing going, but at the time no one was willing to be cemented on Julia, but Mo and Jones were cemented on Tom. So I went with the "confidence" and voted what I knew was more certain. However, Ali and Benj and Mitch all voted Julia. Ali and Benj are my closest allies so they let me know before tribal, but Mitch is a flip always been so. The two of them (Ali and Benj) are playing very well which makes me nervous. I either have to take control back in this game or start voting them off, even if that makes me a little cut throat. My other option is to let them vote off Mo next time (Benj's idea) and then have them drag me along and lose in FTC. Instead I think I'm going to get Mo, Jones, and Me to vote Mitch next round (taken he doesn't have immunity), with maybe Ali and maybe Tom but I think 4 might be enough. Then next round I work with Benj and Jason and Ali and Tom to vote out Mo. That puts me back in a strong position (I THINK BUT TRULY IM NERVOUS WITH ANY VOTE AND ALL VOTES IM JUST PRETENDING TO KNOW WHAT IM SAYING). I just hope Tom doesn't have it out for me after last time. That could make things hard, and I'll have to navigate trying to get Benj to wait to vote Mo and telling Jason, Benj, and Mitch a wrong vote.

I’m genuinely feeling confident in my score of 10 guesses, I don’t know what’s considered a good score but for me this is stunnin

Oh Jones, Caeleb and Benj tied for a score of 8? That’s cool... Happy for them... In all seriousness though I think Ali might of screwed himself over by doing the challenge drunk because this may very well be our lucky chance to get out a comp beast.

So... I didn't win immunity, which is a shame, but also probably good news, since if I won three challenges in a row, people would likely try and vote me at every opportunity.

I feel like I'm going to need to play one of my idols this round, which... is unfortunate, but also like kinda exciting? I think the ideal situation is that I play the sapphire idol, maybe in a way that since Tom/Jason have exposed votes, if Caeleb/Benj/Mitch/Jones/Mo vote me, and Tom/Jason vote one of Jones or Mo, I vote the other and send them home with one vote.

However, I'm not 100% sure I'll be getting votes, just since Caeleb and I are super close, so I don't see him super wanting to vote for me. I feel like if the plan was to vote Ali, Mitch would tell Benj, who would tell me, or Caeleb might not be down. Regardless, I'm very much expecting to have to pull out an idol tonight!

If I get my way tonight, I want Jones and Mo split up. As people, we love them both, but as players right now, they are too connected and have too much sway. If I got my way, I would want Jones out, since I think she is the glue between the Caeleb/Mo/Mitch, so would defo be worth getting out.

Just realised that if I play the sapphire idol, it gets rehidden which I do not want, so I might just have to play the budva idol if I'm getting votes tonight, which is frustrating but I'll have to deal with it sighhhh.

ding dong the witch is dead (ur welcome johnny)

confessing this because my brain is SO BIG, and I clocked this on call. Caeleb is the boyfriend of Matt who just won Kuwait. MY MIND IS SO POWERFUL

I've been meaning to write this all day but Tom fell asleep on call and I've been distracted the whole time. SO here we are

I'm also typing this out with Google whatever the f*** is Google voice??? So it might sound a bit robotic just bare with me here LOL.

but literally yesterday while I was doing the trash at work I was brainstorming probably one of my favorite moves I've ever and probably will ever accomplish ever?? I'm very excited about it, because it seems like it's going underway,,, like it might work?? and knowing my luck this shouldn't be happening but here we go,,

So phase one: get the Grandma's boys back together. So like,,, me Caeleb and Mo. we basically already trust each other with our entire hearts anyway and besides the Alex but we've stuck together on everything? So we might as well get the band back together you know what I mean? also they're probably the three people I trust the most and the three people that I really want to go to the end with for sure so that's how I'm feeling about that. Check that off the list.

Phase 2: get Mitch and Benj to possibly spill who the other side is voting for and or get them to vote for Tom or Jason. because quite frankly Benj and Mitch are a very obvious power duo and have floated through the middle the entire time and they've been together the entire game so it feels kind of obvious that they're working together. Plus benj told Mitch the plan about voting out Caeleb premerge, so it just feels like it's been a thing forever. call go to be honest thinking about it now, I feel is though we're going to figure out who Jason and Tom are voting for anyway because they do have to vote in advance? So as long as Benj and Mitch vote for who we tell them for, then phase 2 will be a success.

Phase 3: grandma's boys vote,,,,, ALI!!!!! sorry to say, Ali is by far the biggest threat in the game and probably has been for a long time? Not only is he amazing in challenges , but he has like one the best social games ?? Ever???? So no one would Want to vote out Ali, but it's like,,, the best move I think to do now . Esp bc he doesn't have immunity.

And then,,,,, optional step 4: play my idol. That way,,, we can guarantee that a tie scenario doesn't happen,, and then in the split Ali would theoretically go w 3, but if an idol is played either way on them, one of those two will go. SO YA HOPEFULLY THIS PLAN ACTUHLY WORKS HAHAHAHAHA

Update!!! So like I think im in an ok spot. I was the sole vote to send home Julia because I found her unpredictable and she voted me the round previously so.... This vote should be between tom and one of jones/mo/caeleb because they are an obvious trio and im pretty sure one of them has an idol. If there is an idol played and it is flushed, the trio of mo/caeleb/jones is broken up. If it isnt flushed, we intend to do a 3-3-2 with Benj Ali Tom Jason and I splitting between two of them. Id prefer if Jones stays because I feel like I have the best connection with her out of the three, but I also fear that they have gotten closer and closer ever since we have merged. We will find out what happens shortly because as of now, there is still no definitive plan

[0225pm]

good morning! it's currently 9:18AM and i'm so damn beat i want to ko already but i'm pooping rn hence i've decided to post something!!!! soOoOoo because i'm an overly attached gf who needs attention like 24/7 i actually went down all the way to han's place because i missed him hahahahahaha like, initially i was contemplating about it because....... 1, i was afraid that he might have fallen asleep 2, he might not be able to leave the house at such timing 3, he might get mad at me for troubling myself before traveling to his place, dayah wanted to meet up after her shift ended for supper and since i haven't really had anything for dinner i thought it was a good idea to fill my tummy first. so i met her at our usual haunt (the mcds near our place) and asked her for some advice about whether i should go over to his place or not. she was rather against it since it was already really late (about 12ish by the time we reached mcds) and even if we're to uber or grab down it will be really really late and she was kinda worried about my wellbeing since his area is rather quiet with little to zero human traffic at such a late timing unlike our area - we have quite a fair bit of shops that are open 24/7. she also said i must be so obsessed with han to the point that i'm willing to travel all the way there so late which tbh is true la hahaha honestly i don't mind traveling anywhere he is, except maybe if i have to buy a plane ticket or smth la bc your girl is broke (；▽；) but anyway i ended up saying fuck it and just decided to go je because i'm gonna make "go je" one of my life mottos now (half kidding about this bc i'm still a coward and i'm forever thinking about the "what ifs"). and booked an uber around 1:45AM almost 2 i guess!! it was considerably cheap!!!! like $9 for the ride after discount. and wah u know how hard it was to try and surprise han HAHAHAHA i was trying to lie my way through to not make him suspicious of me by asking him to play ml together (another tactic to keep him busy so he won't fall asleep!) and then he got a lil mad bc i kept asking him to wait and wait so he played like i think 3 rounds of brawl while waiting for me to come online hahahaha but hoho little did he know!!! during the last round i told him to lemme know when his game was ending and when he finally texted me, i immediately called him and then asked him if he can come out. i'm not sure if he was taken aback bc he said no at first so i asked if his parents were asleep already and he said no LMAO i was soOo shocked but i didn't rly feel disappointed bc i know that was one of the possibility of him not being able leave the house and i actually brought along some things to keep me busy while i wait (my drawing stuff and a book i'm currently reading). then he asked me come out where? if go out he won't able to so i told him to just come down then cus i'm here and he was like "ok u wait there" AND TADA!!!!! my surprise visit was a success???!?!!!?! he asked me what i was doing there while grabbing me into a tight embrace hehehehe he looked genuinely happy and i'm happy too!!!!! he even brushed his teeth (i could smell the mint) before he left the house so that his "breath won't stink" quoted bc that's what he said hahaha lmao so cute rly!!! oh how i've missed him :') 3-4 days felt so longgGgGgg uGhhH and then we walked towards 7-11 cus i told him my breath prolly stinks since i just had macs so i wanted to get some candies to mask the grossness of the spicy nuggets i had hahahaha but he wasn't even bothered and leaned in for a kiss haisSSssssSss i spent a fortune (ok not rly) at 7-11 man like from just wanting to get candies, i ended up getting all sorts of things - a drink, ice cream, an onigiri. the amount u pay for convenience sake :') and then we decide to sit around mccafe and played a round of ml which we lost bc he didn't realised that his data was all out *rolls eyes* HAHAHAHA and then bc we were trying to conserve both our phones battery lives, we decided to stop playing and that was when i could really look at his face sighHh idk how he can look so good all the time wtf meanwhile i look like a kentang (this is true i have gained the weight i lost hahahha but good la this shows that i'm happy right) and then he went on and said "now dunno what to do right cus cannot play ml alr" and i was like nahHhh it's fine and then he looked at me and went all "is it you bored?" and i shook my head hahahah yallllllll idk about him but i don't think there will ever be a time that i will feel bored just looking at his face and basking his in presence sia like i can't get enough hahaha and then he took my phone and went through my camera roll of junk (i have 12k over photos) so i asked him for the password to his phone and he just went like this ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (damn taik rly) so i kept asking again and again and he just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯!!!! and finally said "theres some past stuff i haven't deleted yet not bc i want to keep them for memories but bc i'm lazy and idw u to see them there since it's not deleted" and i was like???? why?????? didn't u delete them???? then????? then he wanted to unlock his phone for me to let me see but i was like nah u kno what i'm not gonna get my feelings hurt bc maybe there are intimate photos inside too so i rather not look at them and he was like "no there's no intimate photos la" but it was like it's ok!!! :) and then i snatched my phone back from him since i felt like it was kinda unfair that he could see all the photos i have with no secrecy. but then he took his phone and went on a "deletion mode" clearing unwanted photos in his phone while showing me photos he had of me in his gallery!!!! i looked so!!! cute wtf HAHAHAHA like there was a few photos where i actually think i look quite cute and which i've never seen before bc he didn't send it to me wah damn selfish keep for himself HAHAHA JKJK but ya most of them were during my blonde/silver hair days tho sighhhh i rly miss having light colored hair tbvvvvh :( and then he gave me the password to his phone!!!!! wowowoow i never knew that such a day would come (no i'm not being loyar buruk ok hahahaahah) and gave me the freedom to look through his phone (but i never did actually hahaahha bc i was busy scrolling thru my 12k worth of photos instead wth i missed my chance!!!!) even when he went outside for a smoke and left his phone with me i didn't even look through his gallery wth so dumb i could have sent the photos to myself!! but ok ya then i wanted to pee so i asked him to accompany me (bc the toilet is the one at the food court and even though it's relatively clean, the atmosphere was still quiet since it was only around 4+AM in the morning). then we walked back to his place and sat at the void deck - he told me stories about his encik at the station and showed me a few diss track videos between some youtubers and this one really cool short stories videos of which i've forgotten the name of, i will have to ask him later!! and then around 630-7AM i decided to leave the place and instead of taking grab or uber back home i insisted on taking the train and bus bc i wanted to listen to an updated playlist of music that i had synced earlier on BUT LOL WTF apparently ZERO music got synced into the phone and my journey was kinda half shitty bc i thought that i can finally listen to some new tracks but i ended up just listening to the 200+ old music in my phone. not that they're bad music but it has been about 3 months since i last updated my playlist so i've been listening to the same old tracks for quite some time already. but anyway!!!! i still had a great time bc at least i managed to see han today ^^ i guess it's something to get me through the rest of the day and till tomorrow's shift. ok this took like rly long to write and i'm actually done pooping. time check: 10:09AM!! i'm gonna shower and remove my makeup before hitting the hay!