#shrekuna

[tammulberry]

Shrek's Domain: A Shrek & Jujutsu Kaisen Crossover (Mulberry Conundrum)

On why I did this, I don't even know the answer to that.

SYNOPSIS: Shrek gets kidnapped.

Years of the Yapping™ started in 2022 finished in 2024

RATING: GG for Goodness Gracious WORD COUNT: 1069

Copyright © 2024 by T.A.M. Mulberry

Somebody once told Shrek that he would be left all alone in his swamp. Yeah sure, he ain't the brightest tool in the shed but what exactly was the issue with that? Shrek was living the Far Far Away dream. He had private property, a mud jacuzzi, a limitless supply of slugtastic cuisine and signs that tell people to get off his property.

However, that amazing life of his was gonna be over sooner than he expected. Not because of some short dude compensating for something. Not because of a talking donkey that he wanted off his ass. It wasn't even because of some fairytale creatures that decided to invade his home.

His life was ruined because of two things: a soapy finger and a white haired bean pole with a punchable face.

***

Shrek's eyelids started to flicker as he heard an irritating voice. As he slowly opened his eyes, he saw a strange dude with white hair and a blindfold. Maybe his eyes were used for stew, he thought.

"Heyy! What's up, stinky!" the voice drawled at him as he was still delirious. "Care to hang over with me on the wall of the place that we call home in the dumpster fire of the sea and the stars?"

"What?" As Shrek slowly opened his eyes, he saw rings.

"Care for some onion rings? I heard your species liked those things."

Instinctively, Shrek tried to swing his right arm but alas, he was tied up. He struggled against the rope and the annoying beanpole laughed.

"Haha look, I know you're an orc and all but no way are you gonna get out of those restraints. It's magic."

"First of all, I'm an ogre," said Shrek nonchalantly. "Second of all..."

"WHERE IS MY SWAMP?"

The white haired man gasped dramatically. "The goblin is going to kill me!"

"I'm an OH-GER!" Shrek enunciated. "My name is Shrek!"

"Yay!" The man clapped. "He can talk! Since we're doing introductions now. I'm Satoru Gojo. The strongest sorcerer there is!"

"Where am I?" Shrek asked as he looked around. It was full of strange papers with even stranger markings hanging from every part of the room.

"You, my repulsive green friend, are in the chambers of Jujutsu High School."

"Oh, and spoiler alert," Gojo whispered. "It's far far away from your beloved swamp."

"Then why am I even here?" Shrek asked exasperatedly.

Gojo raised his pointer finger. "That's a very good question! Megumi! Come over here!"

Shrek raised his head up to see another figure walk into the room. He had black spiky hair like a porcupine and looked like he didn't want to be there.

Great, that makes two of them.

"Why don't you tell the troll here about what happened?" Gojo asked the boy with a wide grin, his hand rested on his cheek.

"For the last time, Gojo, how was I supposed to know that he was gonna eat it?" Megumi scoffed at him.

"Wait, eat?" Shrek raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I see. You idiots want to slaughter me for a banquet."

"Absolutely not," Megumi deadpanned. "You're here because you came into contact with one of the most dangerous relics known to man. Do you realize that?"

"I'm an ogre so it probably ain't that threatening if I know nothing about it."

"Do you remember eating anything strange?" said Megumi.

"No, I didn't—" But Shrek's world started to spin around like a whirlpool.

"What's happening?!" Shrek exclaimed and if things couldn't get any worse, the white man was the only thing he could see as he spun.

"See ya later, maneater!" Gojo waved at him.

***

Shrek woke up again in what seemed to be his swamp. Maybe it was just a nightmare, he thought. Relief flooded his system momentarily until he got up and looked at his surroundings.

Everything was trashed. Frantically, he tried to search through all his belongings only to find bones, muck and ruins.

He burst out from his house and saw a man that looked like him. If he was buffer and had facial hair.

"So, you've finally entered my domain," said his doppelgänger with a gravelly voice.

There goes "it was just a dream." This day couldn't get any better but Shrek could care less at this point.

"Why do you have a British accent?" Shrek asked him, perplexed.

"Shut up, ogre." At least he knows he is one. "Believe me, I do not want to be in this situation either."

"Hmm," started Shrek. "That makes you, me and the porcupine boy."

"Silence!" The other Shrek boomed. "Do you know who I am, foul beast?"

"I preferred it when you called me ogre."

"I am Ryomen Sukuna! The King of Curses! I have taken over your your body after you conveniently found my finger in your disgusting premises."

Shrek shuddered and grimaced but he's experienced weirder. "Ohh, so that's what this is about. If the whirlpool was a clue, do I just need to flush you out?"

"No!" Sukuna facepalmed. "I am a walking disaster! A bomb that can easily level cities!"

"Heh, the only bomb that can level cities is the huge load I'm about to drop on the white-haired wizard once I get out."

***

Shrek opened his eyes again. Lo and behold, Satoru Gojo and his apprentice, Megumi observing him.

"Fascinating..." said Megumi. "He's so indifferent to the situation that he managed to keep the Ryomen Sukuna at bay."

"Well!" Gojo raised his arms. "Now that you received a vague explanation as to why you are here... I'm going to offer you an ultimatum?"

"Do your worst."

"Either you become my servant OR I kill you!" Gojo exclaimed with finger guns and Shrek sighed.

"How are you gonna kill me?" Shrek asked as he seemed to be considering that option a lot more.

"We're going to spill your guts and use it as fertilizer for our plants. I'm gonna "Gojo" your eyeballs and — "

"Eh, not a bad way to use my dead body — " Shrek shrugged.

"You're not supposed to be so calm about this!" Megumi yelled.

"Whoa, chill, Megumi," said Gojo nonchalantly as he put a hand on his shoulder. "Be as indifferent as our squonk friend here."

Gojo turned to Shrek and removed his blindfold, revealing sparkling blue eyes.

"So what's it gonna be, ogre?"

"Your eyeballs would look better than mine in a cocktail."

END.

[impishsensei]

it's  incredibly  rare  for  someone  like  satoru  to  get  caught  off  guard  and  flustered.  he's  often  the  playful,  flirty  type  himself,  and  it's  usually  him  that  renders  others  shy  and  speechless.  par  the  course  for  him,  really,  as  he  enjoys  this  power  he  often  seems  to  hold  over  others.  he  likes  seeing  the  pretty  blush  stain  another's  cheeks  —  espcially  a  particularly  cute  boy  or  girl,  as  those  tend  to  be  his  type. 

sukuna  is  none  of  those  things.  satoru  likes  to  call  him  a  short  king,  but  even  being  shorter  than  satoru,  he's  hardly  cute  in  the  traditional  sense.  cute  is  a  word  better  reserved  for  someone  like  sukuna's  younger  brother  or  satoru  himself.  sukuna's  all  tough  and  hard  edges,  lips  typically  curled  into  a  scowl  and  brows  often  furrowed  in  annoyance.  his  attitude  was  far  more  akin  to  a  grumpy  old  man  with  an affinity  for  throwing  hands  rather  than  a  young  man.  despite  all  that,  satoru  finds  him  quite  endearing.  even  now,  with  him  being  the  one  to  leave  satoru  flustered  and  blushing,  he  still  thinks  so. 

❝  you  just  surprised  me  because  of  our  agreement! ❞ satoru  says,  quick  to  hop  on  the  defensive.  satoru  knew  they  were  quite  clear  about  that.  sukuna  hadn't  seemed  to  mind  then,  but  something  came  over  him  evidently  as  he  couldn't  help  but  leave  such  a  visible  mark  on  satoru's  neck  of  all  places.  rather  than  be  backed  into  a  corner  and  admit  defeat,  however,  satoru  opts  to  spin  this  all  back  in  sukuna's  direction.

❝  you're  a  terrible  liar,  'kuna.  you're  tryna  drop  some  hints  here,  right? ❞  satoru  is  quick  to  gather  himself.  he  refuses  to  be  caught  slipping,  especially  when  he  feels  like  the  two  of  them  have  such  a  competitive  push  and  pull  dynamic.  it's  rare  to  get  under  the  other  man's  skin,  but  that  doesn't  mean  he  won't  try. 

❝  are  you  feeling  possessive  or  somethin'?  or  are  you  trying  to  drop  some  hinds  because  you're  too  shy  to  use  your  words  and  tell  me  you  want  me,  hmm?   ❞ 

There's something about Satoru Gojo that has somewhat captivated Sukuna. They're the same yet so different; a man who yaps all day long living with a man who doesn't mind solitude. Someone so beloved by almost everyone living with a man who knows hatred down to it's burning core. Yet something about Satoru's company gives anything he's used to beyond the bickering.

It's moments like this when he's lounging on top of the other, listening to the other man giggling to himself, his easy breathing and the heart beat that thumps rhythmically in his ears that makes Sukuna feel something, but he's unsure about what that something could be. He's supposed to be taking a nap, at least that's what he wanted to do after a long pissy day at work, however these thoughts were far too disturbing and he needed to do something to let it all out.

Tongue darting out to lick the untainted skin, he had to hold himself together to not laugh at the girlish noise the other made despite his attempts not to yelp. Too focused on getting this pent up energy and thoughts out, Sukuna can't help but give in to his temptations to mark Satoru's neck. Vaguely he recalls some agreement about not leaving any marks upon each others flesh like this, but he couldn't be asked to care. His teeth dig in more to illicit a tantalizing sound from him, and just before Sukuna could dive in to draw that noise out from him again he's being pushed away.

What a killjoy; still Sukuna's eyes linger on the reddening mark left there and has the gall to look satisfied for some reason. He huffs at Satoru scolding him like a kitten.

"Huh? I thought it was just for the last time we fooled around?"

A lie; he knew damn well it applied no matter what, he's just being a brat, indicated by him licking Satoru's hand on his face. His smirk deepens.

"Doesn't seem like you didn't like it though. You should really see your face right now. Awfully cute blush you're sporting."