#shrekuna

[tammulberry]

Shrek's Domain: A Shrek & Jujutsu Kaisen Crossover (Mulberry Conundrum)

On why I did this, I don't even know the answer to that.

SYNOPSIS: Shrek gets kidnapped.

Years of the Yapping™ started in 2022 finished in 2024

RATING: GG for Goodness Gracious WORD COUNT: 1069

Copyright © 2024 by T.A.M. Mulberry

Somebody once told Shrek that he would be left all alone in his swamp. Yeah sure, he ain't the brightest tool in the shed but what exactly was the issue with that? Shrek was living the Far Far Away dream. He had private property, a mud jacuzzi, a limitless supply of slugtastic cuisine and signs that tell people to get off his property.

However, that amazing life of his was gonna be over sooner than he expected. Not because of some short dude compensating for something. Not because of a talking donkey that he wanted off his ass. It wasn't even because of some fairytale creatures that decided to invade his home.

His life was ruined because of two things: a soapy finger and a white haired bean pole with a punchable face.

***

Shrek's eyelids started to flicker as he heard an irritating voice. As he slowly opened his eyes, he saw a strange dude with white hair and a blindfold. Maybe his eyes were used for stew, he thought.

"Heyy! What's up, stinky!" the voice drawled at him as he was still delirious. "Care to hang over with me on the wall of the place that we call home in the dumpster fire of the sea and the stars?"

"What?" As Shrek slowly opened his eyes, he saw rings.

"Care for some onion rings? I heard your species liked those things."

Instinctively, Shrek tried to swing his right arm but alas, he was tied up. He struggled against the rope and the annoying beanpole laughed.

"Haha look, I know you're an orc and all but no way are you gonna get out of those restraints. It's magic."

"First of all, I'm an ogre," said Shrek nonchalantly. "Second of all..."

"WHERE IS MY SWAMP?"

The white haired man gasped dramatically. "The goblin is going to kill me!"

"I'm an OH-GER!" Shrek enunciated. "My name is Shrek!"

"Yay!" The man clapped. "He can talk! Since we're doing introductions now. I'm Satoru Gojo. The strongest sorcerer there is!"

"Where am I?" Shrek asked as he looked around. It was full of strange papers with even stranger markings hanging from every part of the room.

"You, my repulsive green friend, are in the chambers of Jujutsu High School."

"Oh, and spoiler alert," Gojo whispered. "It's far far away from your beloved swamp."

"Then why am I even here?" Shrek asked exasperatedly.

Gojo raised his pointer finger. "That's a very good question! Megumi! Come over here!"

Shrek raised his head up to see another figure walk into the room. He had black spiky hair like a porcupine and looked like he didn't want to be there.

Great, that makes two of them.

"Why don't you tell the troll here about what happened?" Gojo asked the boy with a wide grin, his hand rested on his cheek.

"For the last time, Gojo, how was I supposed to know that he was gonna eat it?" Megumi scoffed at him.

"Wait, eat?" Shrek raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I see. You idiots want to slaughter me for a banquet."

"Absolutely not," Megumi deadpanned. "You're here because you came into contact with one of the most dangerous relics known to man. Do you realize that?"

"I'm an ogre so it probably ain't that threatening if I know nothing about it."

"Do you remember eating anything strange?" said Megumi.

"No, I didn't—" But Shrek's world started to spin around like a whirlpool.

"What's happening?!" Shrek exclaimed and if things couldn't get any worse, the white man was the only thing he could see as he spun.

"See ya later, maneater!" Gojo waved at him.

***

Shrek woke up again in what seemed to be his swamp. Maybe it was just a nightmare, he thought. Relief flooded his system momentarily until he got up and looked at his surroundings.

Everything was trashed. Frantically, he tried to search through all his belongings only to find bones, muck and ruins.

He burst out from his house and saw a man that looked like him. If he was buffer and had facial hair.

"So, you've finally entered my domain," said his doppelgänger with a gravelly voice.

There goes "it was just a dream." This day couldn't get any better but Shrek could care less at this point.

"Why do you have a British accent?" Shrek asked him, perplexed.

"Shut up, ogre." At least he knows he is one. "Believe me, I do not want to be in this situation either."

"Hmm," started Shrek. "That makes you, me and the porcupine boy."

"Silence!" The other Shrek boomed. "Do you know who I am, foul beast?"

"I preferred it when you called me ogre."

"I am Ryomen Sukuna! The King of Curses! I have taken over your your body after you conveniently found my finger in your disgusting premises."

Shrek shuddered and grimaced but he's experienced weirder. "Ohh, so that's what this is about. If the whirlpool was a clue, do I just need to flush you out?"

"No!" Sukuna facepalmed. "I am a walking disaster! A bomb that can easily level cities!"

"Heh, the only bomb that can level cities is the huge load I'm about to drop on the white-haired wizard once I get out."

***

Shrek opened his eyes again. Lo and behold, Satoru Gojo and his apprentice, Megumi observing him.

"Fascinating..." said Megumi. "He's so indifferent to the situation that he managed to keep the Ryomen Sukuna at bay."

"Well!" Gojo raised his arms. "Now that you received a vague explanation as to why you are here... I'm going to offer you an ultimatum?"

"Do your worst."

"Either you become my servant OR I kill you!" Gojo exclaimed with finger guns and Shrek sighed.

"How are you gonna kill me?" Shrek asked as he seemed to be considering that option a lot more.

"We're going to spill your guts and use it as fertilizer for our plants. I'm gonna "Gojo" your eyeballs and — "

"Eh, not a bad way to use my dead body — " Shrek shrugged.

"You're not supposed to be so calm about this!" Megumi yelled.

"Whoa, chill, Megumi," said Gojo nonchalantly as he put a hand on his shoulder. "Be as indifferent as our squonk friend here."

Gojo turned to Shrek and removed his blindfold, revealing sparkling blue eyes.

"So what's it gonna be, ogre?"

"Your eyeballs would look better than mine in a cocktail."

END.