#shreking ball

[superbeans89]

[gaiaspoken]

"Sounds fair, yeah! It's settled then. I'll be sure to make something good, promise. There's a couple new recipes I've been wanting to try, so you'll have to be my taste tester for a while!" A role she's sure he wouldn't mind at all, considering how much he loved food.

Once he's finally settled onto the bed next to her, explained what matcha is, and propped himself up accordingly, Aerith leans down to kiss his forehead before pulling away again to start applying the mask. Upon opening the jar, it smells exactly as he described, but she doesn't dislike it. "Definitely...smells like grass. Yeah, I'll put it on you! Probably won't do a good job though, warning you in advance!" With that, she dipped her hands into the product and began liberally applying it to his face.

It's uneven and patchy at first, but she manages to smooth it out into a somewhat presentable thick enough layer that should do the trick. When she finally sits back to look at the finished product, she can't help but laugh. "Your face...it's so green! And you smell...so grassy! Like a forest! I think I need that for me. Do me next!"

｢𓆄｣ "Fair enough, I suppose!" Can't argue with that sound logic.

When invited back in, he's shuffling to grab the sleepwear he set aside for himself, "Oh, that sounds nice! If you want to keep it light then, I'll look into menu offerings in the area of the stores we'll stop at. I pick lunch, and you pick what you're making for dinner? Sound fair?'

"Uhhh! Give me a sec! I forgot to grab these when you kicked me out, so I need to change!" So, he rushed off to his bathroom, slamming yet another door. Maybe if he weren't in a rush everywhere, he wouldn't be slamming things...

But! Nevertheless, he returned relatively quickly, practically crashing into the bed next to her, already kicking his legs in the air like a gossiping high schooler might.

"Matcha's a...type of green tea or something. I 'unno, it's kind of bitter and tastes like grass. I don't really like it. I'm sure it makes a great face mask." Eagerly, he's now propping himself up by his elbows, still kicking his legs idly.

"You wanna put it on me, and I'll put it on you?"

[catroidvania]

are u ready to shrek the balls

who else up shreking thy balls

[monk-of-mystery]

I came in like a Shreking ball

[stevesunu]

all star by smash mouth “jokes” that now live on tumblr instead of twitter part 3

i came in like a shreking ball i never hit so hard in love all i wanted was to break your walls all you ever did was shrek me yeah you, you shrek me

--

smash mouth by mouthwest

--

tay now you’re an all star get your game on go play

this is a taylor swift tweet

--

dance like nobody’s watching reference smash mouth like everybody’s watching and hates it

--

remember to write your favorite band to ask them to cover all star by smash mouth

[prompoms]

I'm coming in like a Shreking ball. let's party like it 2001 beebs. once I get my Smash Mouth swag on, it's all ogre for y'all. swamp dance karaoke at ten, be there or be square. bonfire to follow shortly after, momma Dragon bringin the heat tonight, for reals. toasted marshfellows and spooky stories whoop whoop. shrek insists marshfellows are better, he says they're basically fluffy white salt marsh caterpillars on sticks. uh.... new cuisine experience i guess? idk

Anon I am so glad quarantine hasn’t defeated your spirit <3 I love you and I hope you’re well and erm... Shrek is treating you well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[rileyhastheanswers]

The Sword of R’lyeh - Chapter 5, Page 71 - “An Unexpected Spark of Passion At The Robotic Bear”

Here’s an exclusive section of my novel ((DO NOT STEAL! IT’S ON MY BLOG AND THAT’S BASICALLY COPYRIGHT!)) wherein R’lyeh meets their love interest, Tobias (I’m not married to that name yet, it’s just a stand-in) at the tavern where he works. 

Important thing to remember: I write all these in long-hand on my various notebooks, and this is a direct transcription, so there’ll be some mistakes and strikethroughs, I just ask you to not read those parts.

Without further adieu, enjoy this brief extract from chapter five.

Another day of hardcore demon slaying has concluded, meaning R’lyeh needed to get themselves a well-earned drink and snack from the local tarvern in their home township of Tallahassia: Ye Olde Pizza Pizzazz-O Pizza Pizzazzia Pizzaronia? The Robotic Bear. For not only did The Robotic Bear, a fine establishment that had been in Tallahassia for as long as R’lyeh had remembered, serve the finest circular bread with prodigious cheeses and even smaller discs of pure meat on top, they also provide novelty in the form of games, with tests of knightly skill like firing arrows and skee ball.

HOWEVER, on this night, R’lyeh would find another kind of feast than the one that would satisfy their stomach - this time, they found a feast for their eyes - that, by the way, were normal size and not weird and starey.

The tavern was strolled into by R’lyeh, whomst stood perfectly upright, their spine a beautiful obelisk to the concept of being at a ninety degree angle from the ground rather than curved at the top. Also they had very thick biceps, and a toned torso with really shredded abs and defined pecs that leant them a kind of alluring yet androgynous look, and their armer fit them perfectly and while They walked among the crowd in the tavern the people in the tarvern looked at them and could barely comprehend how cool and amazing they areAlso their hair was straight too and neatly syled and I know while I’ve said this in previous chapters I think its important to just emphasise this again just in case.

However, before Riley R’lyeh could order their circular cheese circular meat bread, and before they could experience sensory overload from the numerous very loud children who were running all over and creating these big lines at the games and just don’t you think it’s kind of fucked up how there are like no restaurants with games where it’s socially acceptable for adults to show up and play the games without everyone looking at you like some kind of creep? Like I don’t wanna kidnap your shitty little kid, Karen, he’d probably just tastebad anyway like that one in the play area in McDonalds before they removed the play area because of the fact I 

R’lyeh saw Tobias, the tavern waiter man, across one of the tables, as he cleaned the table with a rag and some Pledge Pledgia. He was on the tall side, like really tall, like he was going on for days, and he was skinny but that was okay, he had a kind-looking face with round, soft cheeks and hair that looked like it’d be fun to run your claws through. The way he leaned over to clean the desk I R’lyeh could see down his shirt and saw some of his chest hair and they just kept looking and standing in the same place and it was weird but Riley could feel their heart beating so, even though they were are a master iof theur own mind and heart, this was a new an d exciing experience and soft face and R’lyehjust stood there and stared for what they later realised was two full minutes.

Eventually, Tobias, wgo was as vigilant as he was handsome, noticed that R’lyehwas staring anf so approached R’lyeh, flattered to have received the curious gaze of such a dashing and erudite and famished knight.

“Can I help you, Mx?” he said and he even used the gender-neutral term and wow that was impressive becuse even though R’lyeh is CLEARLY non-binary they get constanrly misgendered by people but no, Tobias was special. “Have you ordered?”

R’lyeh, who was typically extraodinarily articulate and socially adept, was at a loss for words. They continued to be silent and kept steely eye contact with their eyes that are not too big and starey despite of what some people have said.

“Mx?” Tobias repeated, his voice cracked a little but like in an adorable way, like when you can tell someone is nervous because they like you too? Anyway-- “Are you okay? Do you want me to call someone?”

However, R’lyeh, deciding that, at the time, it was the most clever tactical decision, made a loud, almost piercing shreking shrieking noise that made everyone in the restaurant shudder in surprise and some dropepd what they were holding. While everyone there was confounded by the Warrior Screech emitted by R’lyeh, R’lyeh quickly fled the establishment and stole away into the night, without so much as a single session of skee ball or some pizza bread circules.

R’lyeh decided to then just eat a dead fox rhey found that night, but they could barelt swallow, because the waiter that they would later learn was named Tobias ((for now like I said I’m not married to it, the character, like all characters in The Sword of R’lyeh, bears no resemblance to anyone real, dead, or undead in real life/my life)) was twisting their green guts into passionate knots.

Little did they know of the size of the grrat blaze’s size that would come from that little spark of passion at The Robotic Bear.

[the-breloominati]

In loving memory of the team that no longer functions

Almost Slicey Dicey sweep

__________ Or No Balls

People actually notice my nicknames

Get Shreked Fool

Opponent is confused (or angery)!

6-0 EZ PZ

When they trick u a choice scarf cuz they think ull use stealth rocks

[teesurprise]

Shreking Ball Shirt

[falsettolandhigh]

Marvin loves Shrek puns. His Instagram bio is "I came in like a shreking ball"

honestly SAME

[lenin-it-to-win-it]

“this isnt a herem anime u fucken weebs”

summary: toshi gets injured and drama ensues when nighteye, naomasa, hizashi, and aizawa all show up to fuck him! who shall win his affections (and 8 foot thundercock) in the end? find out on this episode of “its almost 2 in the fucking morning i have class in 6 hours what the fuck am i doing” 

notes: i decided to write this bc i thought naomasa and nighteye arguing over all might would be a Dank Meme and then i added mic and aizawa to make it a proper HaremTM, im dedicating this to @motojirou-kajii bc rose is literally the only reason i have the slightest interest in nighteye so congrats u are INDIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS HEAP OF SIN HOPE U LIKE IT FUCKO

***************************************************************************************all mite had broekn much of his limbs and ruptured all 3 of the orgens he had left so it was basically like any other day in his miserble life.

he was sad and loenly and even tho his arms were 8 feet long neither could reach his mightey montser cock that wuz also 8 feet long ;)).

“what a sad day this is for me, ALL MIGHT TM” he saed sadly. he coffed up blood and sighed sighfully. “if only ther was a nubile young man who could bring me confort,,”

sir niteeye crawled out from underneath the couch where he had been hiding for totally legitiemet, not secretly jacking his dick to all mights despare, reasons.

“sir nite ey” said toshinori weakly.

nihteye gently slapped toshinorys ass. “good nighteye. sleep tighteye.”

toshinori laghed. “dont let the bedbugs,,, biteeye?”

“nice fuckin going dr. genius u ruined the joke u stupid idiot” nighteye snapped angrely. “it was perfect but u pushed it 3 far and now its ruined 5ever. ur beating that dead horse harder than i beat my meat when i think of your grate jiggling jugs in that slutty little spandex onesie u run around in”

“not aneymor” toshinori cried as teers ran down his face. “my slutty dayz are over. now im just a sad old man. no mor spandex onsesies for me- only” his face scrunched up as he wept mournfully. “TASTEFUL TROUSERS AND LOOSE TURTLENECKS OH NGHTEYE WHAT IS MY LIEF BECONE??? I WISH I WER THE DED!!1”

nightey wipped out his two inch dick and bithc-slapped the sympol of peace across his fuckin face iwth it. “TOSHi YYou INgoRENT SlUT stop being EMO this isnt 2004 that shits not cute anymore fam”

toshi kept rcrying but now they were happey teers. “relly bro?? u think wer fam???”

nighteyey started wackin his ween. “o fuck ye dude, ur like my fuckably non-blood related older brother that id 10/10 would bang”

all mite opened his moth like he mIGHT (GET  IT?!!??!1?) say words but befor that cold hapdlen, the door SLAMMED OPEN and nowmasa walked in.

“helo toshi my bff forever with whom i am best friends forever” he said, friendily. “i hav come to take care of u, my friEND!”

“NAO-NAO-CHAN!” toshi exclamed happely, his cockanoodledoo swellign up to the size of 3 lebron jameses with joy and knocking kniteey out the fuckin window. “MY BEST FRIEND FOREVER!!!!1! YOURE MY FRIEND AND I LOV U!!!”

“I LOV U TOO!!1” naomasa replied with much gaynes on his ordinary face.

“um E XC USUEE uuU!” niteeye saed angrielty as he crowled in thru the window, picking sticks out of his hare (sadly he left the stick up his ass). “TOshI who is this?!???”

“i could ask the SAME QUESTION!!” naomasma yelled with his boring eyes narrowing suspeciously. “toshi, who is this OTHER MAN??? is ther somethign u would liek to ExpLAnE?”

t0shi sweated nervsouly. “nao nao chan this is., um,, he,s,”

“IM NITEEYE” nighteye snapped, doing the anime glasses thing with his glasses. “his sidekiCk”

“ex sidekick” toshi added

“well iMM naomasa, his CURRENT best friend!” naomasa replied crossing his unremarkable arms.

“well ur currently abotu to get ur  ass beAT u fuCKEN NORMIE” nighteye shouted threateningly as he flexed he collectiv 2 miligrams of muscle he had on his entire bodey.

“NORMIES REEE” shreiekd a fmailiar voice from the door which was still oepn.

“HIBACHI YAMDADDY???” nighteye roared, territorially draping his penis across toshinorys eyeball. “what teh abosulte Fuc  K are u doign here you cheap hore???”

“excus u fucko im am NOt chEEP!” hizashy yelled igdignatly. “u can ask showta, it costs at LEAST three dollers to insrert ping pong balls up my ass! FOUR dolers if u wanna snort cockaeine off my stank tiddys.” hizashi lowered his voice shamefully. “the cokane isnt reel tho, its the powedery suger thing from like, pixy sticks. i cut open and shitlod of pixy sticks and sprinkle the sugar on my tiddys and predent its cocaine. MY LIFE IS A LIE!!!!”

“take ur fake tits and ur fake cocaein and your FAKE ASS KMART WEAVE AND GET YOUR SKANK ASS GONE, BITCH!” naomasa shrieked, taking out a fucking glock that he had bc he was a PolicemenTM and shoting hizasy in the dickhole.

hizashy bled 2 death on the flor but other than that he wuz fine. ‘wat are all u beta cucks doing her?? i thot this was all mitgh-senpais house not an incel convention”

“IM here taking care of super dady so he’ll repay me with the secks!” nighetye proclaimed proudly. “idk wat HES doing heer” he added pointing at naowmasa.

“Im supoorting my best friend you nutless heap of used scrotumz!” naomasa replied upsettedly. “bc im a GOOd PERson and I c ARE”

“how du u even KNOw ur best friends?” niteye asked snottily. “mayebe IM hi best friend!1”

“fat chance bozo!” naomaasa laffed as he tore off his plain white shirt revealign his chest wich was totally unremarkable except the tatto ritten in comick sanz that sed “ALL MIGHTES BEST FRIEND FORVER, LUV ALL MITE PS. SIR NITEEYE CAN LICK A CHODE”

nighteye gasped, infurieted and only slightly aroused. “ya well wateVER” he snapped pissily. “its not like some piece of shit tattoo is legaly binding”

naomasa turned around. “THIS TATOO IS LEGALY BINDING, SIGNED THE FUCKIGN GOVERNMENT OF JAPANESE???” nigtheye yelled loudly, reading the rest of the tatoo. “wel maybe i dont CARE about the law! im a bad bitch FUCK THA POLICE!!!”

naomasa smirked “all might sure is”

toshinori paused what he was doing- chewing off his own arm to escape- long enuff ot nod and conferm this fact so the fact was almost as firm as nighteyes salty rage boner.

be4 nightey could kik naomasa in the eyebal, aizawa walked in. he wasnt werring clothes but his nakeed body was covered in hair and appelsauce so it was basicaly hthe same thign.

“sup toshy” he said unceremonsioulsly faceplanting onto toshis bony ass. “i herd u got injured. want som simpathy secks?”

“Not from YUO, u BIG DUM DOODOOHEAD!” hizashi shrieked, thrusting angriyl against aizawa. he tenderly inserted his weenie hut jr into aizawas mouth. “from us.”

“wher did this walking bag of stray pubes come from?” noamasa asked confusedly.

“straight from ur moms house, pissbaby!” azawa roared sexily. “ya, thats rite, idk who ur mom even is and i fucked her.”

“but rnt u gay??” naomasa asked confusedly

“nowmasa ur  denser than a bowling ball made of other, heavier bowling balls” nighteye snapped frustratedly. “ thats the  JOKE!!”

“ur sex lifes a joke” aizawa sed, flipping his slimy hare over his sholder. thre ded flies fell out.

“OH SHIT SON GET DUNKED ON” hizashi yelled proudly hi-5ving aizawa with his dick.

“WHY DONT U GO FUCK A CAT YOU GREASY CUMSOCK” nighteye screamed enragedly as all the vains in his silly time sexin snake popped open.

“been ther don that” aizawa sed flatly “wy dont u shov ur hand up ur ass and c if u can find anymore shit comebacks”

“oh snap” naomasa whispered quietly  

“YOU SINGLE PEACE OF STALE WHITE BREAD I WIL KIL U WERHE U STAND” nigheye SHREKED as allstar by smashmouth stared playing on hziashys neck speeker.

“pls comrades do not fite over me” said toshinory sadly “violenc dosnt turn me on, im not endeovor”

“endevor is literally the fuckign worst thign to excist ever” naomasa agreed

“iv sen the minion porn hizashy jacks off to but i still agree” aizawa also aggred

“MINIONS WITH FAT TITS ARE HOTTER THAN NEDEVORS STEAMING NIPPLES WILL EVER BE!” mic agreedded impassionetly!

“it seems like we all agree” said nighteye agreebly.

every1 agred.

“c were not so differnt are we?” said toshinoriy, putting down his half gnawed arm “cant we all b firends?”

“or we coudl all FUCK” hizashi suggested eagerly

“yes, share my body for the glory of cummunism!” all mighte was happey to say

“this isnt a herem anime u sack of shit weebs” ngihteye replied disgustedly

“wat about,,.” hizashy pulled down his pants reveelign the sord art online tato of kiritows face he got on his asscheek in the 4th grade “NOW”

nighteyse night eyes welled up with teers. “oh ddady,,” he tore off his shrit to show the tato of asunas face he had on his left boob “TAKE ME NOW”

they all fukced and toshinory coghed up blod multiple times, hizashy was mssing at least 40 percent of his penis, nighteye kept calling toshy “daddy”, naomasa responded to 3 calls from the polece station mid-nut, and they all got rugburn from aizawas big ol donkey dick the end

[prinxietys]

My brother just said "get shreked" and I'm going to go curl into a ball now

[oriiginator-blog]

I CAME IN LIKE A SHREKING BALL

Eh?

[drawceptionlovesmusic]

Shreking ball is love, Shreking ball is life.

[thebrogreblog]

*Slowly applauds* I love this. She looks a million times better like this, just saying. Shrek is everything.

[clitsnotfunny]

SHrek is love shrek is life