#shoutout to siken for introducing me to the socratic method

[mortal-maebh]

hello?

hello.

are you god?

do you want me to be god?

people have almost died and said they talked to god. if i was wrong, this is where i find out.

what would you want god to say to you?

if i tell you, is that what you're going to say?

is that what you want me to say to you?

it doesn't matter. i wasn't always this far down the slope. i'm too far down to get back up now - I'm on my way to you. should have climbed up when i had the chance.

why did you let it go so far?

because i thought it was too late to climb back up.

so nothing has changed?

i got further down.

that's not changing. you can say that anywhere, as long as you're not at the top.

sorry - it's a bad habit. i keep doing that -

i sit down and because i'm sitting, i stay sitting. and then when I stand up, i think, I could have just done that from the start.

when was the start?

when i wasn't at the top any more, i guess.

where is the top?

am i not supposed to be the one asking the questions?

yes.

are you god, then?

what is a god, to you?

same as it is to everyone else. a power you can't see. something omnipresent.

and?

it answers your questions.

so you don't have to answer them yourself.

no, because it knows better.

it makes the decision for you. does the prospect of being responsible for those kinds of decisions scare you?

what kind of decisions?

the kind you need to blame on an omnipresent being.

you're not really helping, you know.

do you want me to help?

I want you stop asking me what I want.

alright. have you started climbing back up yet?

i told you - I'm too far down. i missed my chance to start climbing up. that's why I'm talking to you.

how far away is the top?

I don't know - I can't see it.

how far away is the bottom?

I haven't looked down yet. what if i slip further?

according to you, it's too late anyway. why delay the inevitable?

I don't know. because I'm still on the slope, I guess.

so you do still think you have a chance?

no - that's not what I said. just because I have to fall doesn't mean I'm ready.

so, just because you know you're going to fall down doesn't mean you're going to try to fall down.

yeah, I guess.

just because you can climb, doesn't mean you will make it if you try.

it won't be about how hard i try. it will be about how far down I am.

was it about how long you were sitting down for?

no, because the amount of time I was sitting down for didn't impact my chances of being able to stand up.

and yet, the longer you stayed sitting, the longer you stayed sitting. until you stood up. the time was irrelevant, right? that's what you said.

I don't like you.

the time was irrelevant. you sat down, you stayed down, and then you stood up. start, middle, end. I don't see how this is any different.

because i'm moving down?

time, space - they're all just dimensions. the body doesn't matter. it's about when you start it, and when you decide to end it - and how you respond to the space in between.

you think i can still make it back up to the top.

i think you can try to make it back up, but you're right - it's too high, and you've fallen too far. you will fail.

what are doing, then? what was that whole speech about?

you could just let yourself fall. who says it's not the same thing?

The top is behind me. it's up there. the bottom is below me. do I really need to explain this to you?

why are you obsessed with the futility of trying to undo it all? that's what we're talking about. you can't go back. why do you let that fact stop you from going forward?

going down.

let me ask you something.

i haven't been able to stop you so far.

when you sat, and you were sitting - the longer you were sitting, the more you wished you would have gotten up earlier?

yeah, I guess.

you didn't stand up, because you were too busy trying to un-sit. trying to erase it all. but none of it made a difference - the time you spend, the space you cover. you could have just stood up at any time. it still ended the same. you still finished in the same place you started.

are you telling me if I fall, I'll end up in the same place I started?

irrelevant. it doesn't matter. where are you now?

somewhere down the slope - I can't tell.

the slope. it's a single answer. either you're on the slope, or you're not. you can finish this whenever you want. wherever you want.

thank you.

yes.

so - before I leave - are you god, then?

do you think I'm god?

I don't know. I think you're a bit annoying to be god.

who says god isn't annoying? let's say there is an all-knowing, omnipresent being out there. why does he owe you kindness? what have you done to deserve it? where are the rules that dictate this?

most people have the same rough idea of it. be good. do good things. make the world a better place.

and who says those are god's rules? who says god's rules don't require you to be cruel, and cause pain?

I don't think that's a version of god that people would want to follow. that's not my mother's version of god.

because he is what you want him to be? I thought he was omnipresent?

everyone has different rules about who they want god to be.

does that scare you? the idea that your image of an omnipresent god is the version that you want him to be? the version you want to emulate?

are you saying my version of god is just the version of me that i want to be? that god is just me, where i want to end up?

I didn't say that. you did.

which would mean that the decisions are mine - that they are my responsibility. those aren't my words, those are yours.

are they mine? or are they god's?

are you god?

I'm you.

so you are, then. god.

I didn't say that. those are your words.

so, mine. ergo, god's.

ergo, yours.

whatever. thank you anyway, but i'm going now. I've already wasted too much time.

no such thing, remember? time is only a dimension. the only thing that exists now is the moment that you move on.

goodbye.

yes.