#shoutout to reallyfuckinggay for help with the swearing

[ramblinganthropologist]

Best laid plans

For once, it’s not a prompt! Instead, I was inspired by a t-shirt. 

Summary: Avery wants to show Fenris her cool shirt. Problem is, she’s getting more than she bargained for. Pairing: Fem! FenHawke, pre-dating. Setting: That Modern Dragon Age AU Words: 1600

For once, it was a decent day in Kirkwall. The sky above was a rusty orange as the day gave way to night and people headed from work to home. Chatter filled the streets as the occupants of what was fondly known as a “giant shithole” dawdled in their tasks to take one last look at the sky before heading in. As merchants shut up their wares for the day, a peaceful feeling settled in that would no doubt be broken in a few hours by some ill-mannered assholes with swords.

Two of said ill-mannered assholes, or rather the ones who mostly got paid to deal with them once the city guard stopped dying from embarrassment, were making their way down one of those streets. Fenris and Avery had just finished an errand together, and the path to the man's borrowed mansion was littered with shadows.

“I thought that guy was going to piss himself when you showed up!” Avery's voice bounced off the walls of well to do residents' homes as she laughed. Her sword and shield were paired with t-shirt and jeans for once. After all, they had only needed to threaten instead of actually hurt. Since it meant less laundry, her mother wouldn't get on her case. “Or maybe he did, it smelled pretty bad in there.”

Fenris chuckled as he held the door open for his guest, closing it behind him once they were inside. The floor was dusty, but at least there were no splinters. A certain half elf had made sure of that when she had all but chased him out of his own house with a broom. She did good work, even if her methods were a tad unconditional.

“It would not be unusual.” He sighed in relief as he placed his sword against the wall for a moment, watching as it was joined by a battered shield and over sized dagger. “Though, if I may ask a question, Hawke?”

Avery had been in the middle of stretching out, so she was caught in the middle of being doubled over. In a smooth motion, she rose back to her meager height in order to give him her full attention. Blue eyes met green, and the gaze was so strong he considered looking away for a moment.

“What's up, Fen?”

He fumbled for his words for a few minutes, though whether it was from language barrier or something else entirely. His tongue eventually untangled, though it still felt somewhat knotty when he put his thoughts together into something that would work.

“I was just curious about your shirt. What does it mean?”

In response to his question, she cocked her eyebrow but then looked down at the black t-shirt she was wearing. On the front in bright yellow letters, the message asked the viewer to ask her about her dark side. What that meant, though, was beyond him.

“I think it'd be easier if I showed you instead.”

That time it was Fenris' eyebrow that all but zoomed off his face as he watched Avery reach for the bottom hem of her shirt and lift it up, exposing the tank top she was wearing underneath. However, she didn't take it off, but instead pulled it over her face. Someone had printed the face of a mask there in white, and it stared right at him.

At first, he worried she might have problems breathing since the sounds coming from under the shirt were bordering on painful. However, it soon became clear to him that she was doing it on purpose rather than from need.

“Would this be another reference?”

From under her mask shirt, Avery left out a rather strangled noise that reminded him of a cat that had used to live outside his home. One blue eye peaked out at him from the neck of the shirt, glowing in the low light of the mansion. It was as wide as a dinner plate.

“You have GOT to be kidding me! You haven't seen it either?!” She was soon trying to pull her shirt back down. “I knew Anders hadn't but by the Maker's lubed up asshole it's an epidemic! That's it, we're having a marathon at my place next weekend.”

Another tug, but her head didn't come free. Then a third followed, but the shirt remained stuck. A sound somewhat like a wounded mabari soon filled the room, causing the man to put a hand over his mouth to stifle a chuckle. In her enthusiasm, it seemed as though she was unable to fit her ears through her shirt.

“Fuck. I'm stuck.” That blue eye found him again. “Little help, Fen?”

Fenris shook his head as he walked over to help Avery out of her predicament. “Will it get me out of this marathon?”

“Not on your life.” Another tug, and then, “Maybe it'll get you out of the prequels.”

Well, that was a deal he could hardly pass up. Fenris really did chuckle that time as he helped navigate pointed ears out of the neck of the t-shirt. With a few handy tugs, she was soon free and none the worse for the wear save for being a tiny bit disheveled. Of course, since she had escaped the veritable hell of a fabric prison, he had to admit that was a light punishment.

Avery was all grins as she swiped a strand of hair behind one of her treacherous ears. “Thanks for the save. Man, I have to admit that was not how I saw you getting me out of my clothes.”

Her mouth lingered open, but no more sound came out. Instead, brilliant color bloomed across the half elf's cheeks and spread across her entire face, even reaching the tips of her ears. She reminded him of a tomato in some instance, albeit a very deadly one. He couldn't really criticize, though, as he felt his own face heat up.

Without another word, she reached out her hand for her abandoned t-shirt. Fenris handed it over gladly, avoiding making too much contact. This time it was much easier to pull on, and soon she was headed for the door, shield in hand. However, as she walked away, he noticed something laying on the floor, just out of her reach.

“Hawke. You forgot something.”

Fenris stooped down in order to retrieve her forgotten belonging. A length of shiny purple ribbon rested in his closed fist, the ends dangling as he moved. In the rush to free her from her shirt, it had fallen from her hair.

Avery stopped in order to retrieve her lost item. She took the time to return it to her ponytail, tugging on the ends to make sure everything was straight. Their eyes met for the briefest of moments before she turned to leave, still red faced.

The man bit his lips before he spoke. “I will see you next weekend for the marathon, then?”

“What? Oh, yeah, sure. Around noon, block your day out.”

He would kick himself for this later, but Fenris had to add it. “Also... I hope the next time we have the chance to... remove clothing... that it is far more enjoyable.”

The squeak that followed could have summoned dogs from all of Kirkwall. Avery slammed the door behind her so hard it dislodged dust. Mentally, he was already kicking himself as he watched her go. It had probably sounded better in his head.

Sighing, Fenris returned to his borrowed mansion. He had a sword to clean, and apparently a marathon to prep for. Since it was the kind without running, he could at least be assured that they wouldn't be going anywhere. At least, he hoped so.

---

“He did not say that!”

“I swear on Andraste's finely oiled Antivan strap on that he did!”

The Hanged Man had been the closest, and after that she had needed a drink. Avery would have rested her burning face on the table, but... well, it was the Hanged Man after all. Instead, she was working on her second ale. Next to her, Isabela was working on her third.

The pirate chuckled as she took a sip from her mug, placing it on the table in front of them. “And let me guess. You turned bright red and ran out of there like the void itself was on your heels.”

When the half elf didn't answer, she laughed. “Of course you did. Templars and raiders are no problem, but a handsome man you're interested in all but inviting you to sex is out of the realm of possibility.”

“Templars are only trying to stick me with their swords, you know.”

Avery sighed as she continued her drink. The way this went, it was going to be a very long night. Thankfully, she had quite a tolerance for alcohol and Varric was holding onto her phone until the next day.

She might not always have bright ideas, but that was one of them.

“Well, at least your shirt plan worked better than you thought it would.” Isabela didn't sound too convinced though. “What's next? Han Solo themed underwear? Do they even make those?”

“If I say yes do I have to reveal why I know it?”

The look the pirate gave her could have put the Blooming Rose out of business. Avery settled for draining her mug. Sometimes, it was better just to say nothing at all. At least she had plans for her next move.

There was a movie marathon just for two to plan for, after all.