#shoutout to my convos with my friends for this idea

[sarastuss]

ᴹᴱᵀᴬ . PRONOUNCING SARASTUS' NAME :

i realize i have never written it out, so here it comes! sarastus name came to me with the whole association of the wol being ' the light in the darkness ', plus all the symbolisms of azem &. the sun, that i have strongly emphasized in my own portrayal. the word itself means "sunrise / dawn, the first sign of light in the darkness" which i thought goes well, since the warrior is very much the balance between both. ( for example, carrying the title of the warrior of darkness in the first that was overflown with corrupted light ) sarastus' name is pronounced ' sah - rah - stoos '.

[thebindingofpillo]

HI HELLO either seven or eight for that oc ask thing. and azazel. because i think he's neat

From this thing here

7. What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling? Oooh boy starting with a bang. Okayyyy being so old (literally immortal) a lot of things trigger his nostalgia, but the thing that usually gets him the most is seeing parents with their children. It reminds him of the family he used to have when he was still an angel, and how he lost everything in the Flood because Nephilim were not supposed to exist. It haunts him. While he loved his children and his partners very much and has a lot of nice memories of them, the fact that they all had to die so abruptly kills him every time. On a lighter note, the smell of fresh bread is also very nostalgic for him! It was the first food he ever tried when he came to Earth, and it's one of his favorite smells. Offering him freshly baked bread is like a surefire way to make him fall in love with you lmao.

8. What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child Azazel has never been a child so this is a bit more challenging to think abut buuuuuut when he was still in hell and chained to his former husband, he (Semjaza) would constantly pester him about "taking better care of himself" which meant Azazel had to wear makeup and be dressed to the nines all the time if he hoped to get a sliver of Semjaza's attention or praise. Now, Azazel used to love wearing makeup and jewellry (he even made some of it himself!) but having to do that all the time and being treated as little more than a pretty object to parade around turned makeup into a hobby he enjoyed into a task he had to perform over and over, until he came to loathe it. He still likes to help other people with their makeup sometimes, but even the thought of having it on his face can be triggering to him now. You're not going to find him adorned in jewels either.

[maximoff-forevermore]

OH BEJESUS

everyone’s doing a cutie patootie 2023 recap and now i must also give everyone love because this has truly changed my life ugh gross emotions (jkjk i love love)

first and foremost i have to give the biggest shoutout ever to my pookie @kiwisbell !!!! i was such a lurker hoe my first few weeks of tumblr BUT then i read my first kiwi fic and i could not be a lurker any longer. i reblogged with my thots and my taylor gifs (which have now become my trademark) and kiwi responded!!! and thus begun my journey of crawling out of my own hidey hole

my first mutual ever though, was my forever babe @janaispunk <3 she was struggling with a scene and i told her she could bounce some ideas off of me, she did, and i have loved her wholeheartedly ever since. MY BABY ILYSM!!

my next special shout-out is to @pr0ximamidnight, who was one of my first mutuals i had a proper convo with!! we chatted about taylor, taylor and travis, taylor jammies, and some more taylor and travis, and i love her to bits!!!

if i keep shouting-out we’re gonna be here until i die, so let me just sum it up by saying that i have had one hell of a time, both in a fun way and in a way that i’ve walked through hell (i’m still walking, but we’re not here for doom and gloom), and i have made some outstanding friends. people who i’ve loved and talked to and listened to and loved (added a second time, in case you missed it the first time).

i love you all so much, and may your 2023 be just fucking perfect, because you deserve it @amanitacowboy @planet-marz1 @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @fhatbhabie @pamasaur @heartfairy @reddedmiller @littlegrungegirlaf @beskarandblasters @joelscurls @wannab-urs @catchallfangirl @chaotic-mystery @hyzer34 @bluebeary-jay @vesrin @pedgito @wethairjoel @worhols @joels-shitty-puns @joelsgreys

i love you all

[mothstache]

The Woodland Crow

AU talk time under the cut!!

So after watching a playthrough of the GORGEOUS fangame that is Undertale Yellow, and knowing my love for fantastical RPGs with memorable characters and truly horrifying moments sprinkled in, my goofy lil brain threw together the concept of a RPG-like AU abt a bunch of notable rabbid characters. I pitched it to a good friend of mine that is just as obsessed with Woodrow as I am and soon the convo turned to him naturally.

I don't know why this man has latched onto my brain like he has but I think there's so much potential to be had with him in so many ways. I pitched the idea of this theoretical RPG having 4 different routes with a different boss depending on the route. So. What about the 4 seasonal wardens as each final boss with varying theming to go with them? And ofc, knowing both my friend and I, we decided Woodrow as a final boss would be! Kinda fucked! This guy is a poet of autumn who brings disaster with his work, could potentially be the most powerful rabbid in theory, and does not have the greatest outlook on the universe, at least in this AU. My idea I proposed entailed fighting him like normally (however you would in the RPG), but then halfway through, a murder of crows arrive and things get REALLY bad.

I love the idea of Woodrow being associated with crows, big shoutout to @bramble-scramble for cementing that in my head /pos. I imagine throughout the leadup to his boss fight in this AU, crows would show up around him quite a bit, as silent companions and symbols of what's to come. The reason I think you'd fight Woodrow in the first place would likely be the same as the other Wardens - they're guarding something (I don't know what yet). But by the time you reach Woodrow and battle him - and I imagine his battle would play out with him using the bad luck he brings ON PURPOSE against you - he's slowly losing his sanity from the sheer magnitude of what he's dealing with. When you defeat what I'll call his first phase, he collapses to the ground, only for his crows to arrive. Instead of helping their master, they begin to swarm him, pecking and biting him. But Woodrow, while he's crying out in pain, doesn't fight or beg for the protagonist to help. He breaks out into loud laughter and grins wildly at the player before the crows cover him completely. When they finally disperse, there's nothing left of him, save for his hat and coat and bowtie.

Upon following the crows after they fly off, the protagonist tracks them down finally. The swarm of birds starts shaping themselves into a massive creature, finally revealing themselves as The Woodland Crow, a much larger, winged creature resembling Woodrow.

I think The Woodland Crow would be alluded to earlier in the route, spoken of as a supernatural deity of bad luck. Whether or not this is even fully Woodrow at this point, unclear, but from this point on the boss would be intense as HELL.

So uh Yeah! My goofy idea for a Woodrow final boss, but fucked up. If you read all of my ramblings thank you and I hope I didn't make you question my thought process too much 😁

[vinelark]

Thank you for sharing your amazing stories, I love your fic...you are such a phenomenal writer! Can you talk about your writing process? What is your favorite/least favorite things to write (e.g. dialogue/plot/atmosphere, etc.)?

hi! this is so nice of you to say, thank you! ❤️

my fic process broadly looks like:

say i’m not going to write a fic yet

then have an idea (usually by accident, “haha wouldn’t it be fun if—”)

talk about the idea until it begins to take an actual shape and i go oh man. this is a whole fic isn’t it. oh no

“this will be a fun, short idea” [is not that]

(for shorter fics i can actually keep the plot tight, depending on how strict the parameters are, but every time it’s “just a fun concept” that i can run free with i get way plottier than i intended and i’ve accepted that by now. it’s why i can’t just go write every idea i have even if i wanted to.)

broad messy outline in a gdoc, including any dialogue snippets i think of as i go.

i’m a fast plotter but a slow writer, so from there i start drafting, roughly in chronological order because that works best for my brain, though sometimes i jump around to rough draft later parts.

first draft goes out to friends who read, comment, catch some errors, and delete many of the abundant first draft commas and em dashes. (this is functionally beta-ing but by people who know every thought i've ever had.)

post! and on to the next chapter/story.

a very important part of my creative process is having friends who are just as enthusiastic about the concept/characters as i am, so shoutout to those people for being the main reason i get any actual writing done. what is fandom if not wanting to feed your friends to the point of creation!

my favorite thing to write varies depending on what world/characters i’m working with, but usually dialogue comes easiest/is most fun to plan out! i often have whole convos planned out dialogue-only and then i fill in the actual action once i get there. and my least favorite thing is probably…very specific, but describing characters’ outfits? unless it’s immediately action-relevant i always have to go back and remember to work that in as part of general scene description, if i remember at all. the outfits are in my head, i just usually feel clunky describing them on the page!

[mdverse]

Oooh for the salt ask: numbers 6, 10, 12, 26 and 27?

(I dunno if your supposed to ask so many of these at once sorry :'))

ask as many as u want!! there are no rules here :)

6: Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

mmm maybe not to that extent but there are def ships i used to not care about/dislike and that i've since grown to appreciate! i'd say kurtbastian is the main one (shoutout to bella) and to a lesser extent kurtofsky (shoutout to robin). for the most part i think my opinions haven't drastically changed tho

10: Most disliked arc? Why?

whatever they had going on in ikag... kinda ties into my answer for 12 but i feel like there was a way to approach the idea of finn outing santana and then both of them dealing with the ramifications of that and it could've been interesting but my god it was handled so poorly in canon. honestly it doesn't even last long enough for me to consider it an arc bc most of it gets dropped after that episode. like idk can u imagine if finn had actually faced any consequences or taken any accountability for doing that and grown from his mistakes instead of somehow turning the tables and "helping" santana get through it like it wasn't his fault in the first place... if they hadn't done the stupid lady music week where people are just singing at santana and picking songs that didn't really do anything (puck i am looking at u in particular but i also think that i'm the only one gcv is one of the better songs in the ep ngl) (like context aside i think the gcv is fine and there are worse ones in there)... if there had been literally any scenes involving brittana bc it's kinda crazy that we didn't get to see britt, santana's girlfriend, supporting santana through a major shitty event (i don't think she even has that many lines?? she barely speaks the whole time and more of her lines are about the student council election than about the shit santana is dealing with? unless i'm remembering incorrectly?) (ur telling me that we get pezberry singing i kissed a girl instead of like. idk. a britt solo or a brittana duet or even just them talking about it???).... that ep has exactly one good scene and everything else makes me want to scream into a pillow and break things. it's not real to me. there was a way to make that storyline work but the writers just went "nah lol"

12: Is there an unpopular arc that you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

answered that one here :)

26: Most shippable character?

kurt probably! maybe this is just a by-product of being close friends with bella, a kurt multi-shipper with whom i've had many convos about almost every kurt ship, but i feel like most of his ships have sth to appreciate there

27: Least shippable character?

hmm i'd say finn bc i don't feel like any of the finn ships i've seen have ever gripped me? i think with every other glee kid there's like. a default ship that i'm at least ok with (if not super invested). but with finn i don't really have that

salty ask game

[castlebyersafterdark]

OOH you know what should be the new foah proof requirements, seeing as pics are off the table? screenshots from the friend informant. cut out your personal details like name, time, network provider from the top of the pic if you want, so we can just see the convo, presuming it was via message and not call or in person. seeing as most anons arent in ATL themselves, a message is likely. this is a good compromise and then i will start to believe foah sightings!

Compiling a few of the asks below from #cafegate yesterday!! Yall went off with this one. I accidentally deleted a few as I was trying to screenshot and clear but, all in all, much of the same sentiments across the board, running the full spectrum of emotions. I like gossip and discussing rumor, but since I am not purely a gossip blog (of which we have several lovely ones out here - shoutout, my friends 😘) I also didn't want to spam everyone as I catch-up so here's a rundown compiled. Cut for dash length:

We haven't had much going on in regards to new filming excitement or promo or photographed sightings or social media posting, so I understand the fury and flurry when we get little treats like this to flail about haha

Interesting idea, re: screenshot sharing. Obviously there's no way to prove or confirm these things without photos and anything can sound equally plausible and fake with only hearsay to go by - such is the nature of blogging sites and micro-posting social media like Twit. I do think people like to spin tales, but I also do believe there are genuine people sharing fun stuff, too. ATL is a major city and a major celeb spotting area due to the local film industry. I've said before, they're out living their lives and not everyone is a Stranger Things fan on the prowl to scope out the actors, but - there's going to be genuine sightings, too. Repeating myself: grain of salt with an equal measure of sugar. Mantra as we discuss unverified gossip always!! Keeping it light 😁

If anyone ever shares anything they want me to keep zipped about until the timing is right or wants to share any proof, however small - you can trust me, babes. I've kept 🤐 when asked for a number of things during my time here so far. Ooooh mysteries oooooh. I swear, though.

Timing - CAFE ANON: was there a specific date this supposedly happened? Though, I think we can assume they're all in town right now since filming is probably pretty intense as it ramps up/winds down towards the end. If this was a recent sighting.

I understand the frustration and sentiment navigating celebrity gossip in the one message but I have to be honest, I saw the phrase Finn balls deep in Noah and I blacked out 🤭

REGARDLESS of validity - at least the image we were envisioned is cute!

[charlie-bonkerz]

OP. my beautiful wife/husband/spouse /p

this is GORGEOUS

this gave me SUCHH GENDER ENVY U HAVE NO IDEA. my masc side is WAILINGG /pos oh to be in a big group of rowdy teenage boys 💔 this made me get my binder LOLOL I LOVE ITTT

this dynamic is soo so nice, i love group stuff. theres so much love and mundaneness. this is the stuff u remember when u look back on good memories with ur friends ykwim?? it reminds me of the lunchroom convos with my girls whom i love more than anything in the world (shoutout @pootmaster)

btw this is sooo in character bro, everyone feels so real. i bet the debriefing is INSANEEE

whoever said girls gossip more than guys fucking LIEDDD

my favorite line of dialogue HAS to be "Man, I thought she was Catholic-" LMAO i was GIGGLINGGF

i know in my heart Dally said that

speaking of dally, the way u write him is so.💕

you did him so well (sorry im autistic and i love my faves + hes literally my boyfriend)

AAAUUHH anyways yap over. i love this i love fun. i love friends. this is so nice.

"WHERE IS DARRY?" Soda is on his feet before the screen door slams, Steve jumpin' off the sofa beside him.

"What is it, Pony?" Pony rounds the corner with a wide, crazed grin 'n Darry comes barrelin' down the hall. "What's wrong?"

"Darry- they fuckin' broke up!" A brief wave of confusion passes across the panicked plains of Darry's face before his jaw drops open in delighted shock.

"No." He snatches Pony's arm, leads him back into the kitchen 'n plops down at the table. "Carrie-Ann? Are you sure?" Darry leans forwards, elbows on his knees, eagerly. Pony cackles at havin' got exactly the reaction he wanted.

Steve shoots Soda a glance 'n Soda rolls his eyes fondly, crashin' back down onto the sofa. Steve shuffles around the arm, clearly listenin' in but tryin' to be the nosy allegations. "What are they on about?"

Soda cranks the volume of the TV waves a hand dismissively. "Some couple at school. God, you would think their lives depended on it the way they talk about it."

"Hush, from the peanut gallery in there." Darry shushes him from the kitchen 'n Soda wiggles his eyebrows.

"Not our fault you don't got the attention span for a good story." Soda clutches his hand to his chest in mock offense 'n it's Pony's turn to roll his eyes.

"Wait, Carrie-Ann 'n Tommy? Ain't they been goin' together for a couple years now?" Steve stops pretendin' to be indifferent, drifts into the kitchen.

"Steve, not you too!" Darry splits into a grin and Soda sticks his tongue out.

"Yeah! But only 'cause she told him she was pregnant last year! He was gonna leave I swear! I heard Jerry tell Susan in my math class." Steve scrunches his face up and Pony shakes his head earnestly.

"Well, it would serve him right. Tommy was in my English and he'd bat those stupid eyes at anythin' that moved- even when he was pinned. That Carrie girl deserved better." Steve hops up onto the counter with a firm nod 'n Soda throws himself dramatically across the couch with a groan.

The back door swings open 'n Dallas appears in the living room, glancin' into the impromptu gatherin' around the table. "Woah woah woah, y'all talkin' about me? I'm sure it's all good shit."

He ducks over to Soda, jabbin' him in the ribs and slidin' out of the way when Soda kicks at him. He misses but rolls off the couch and dives for Dallas' knees. Dally goes down hard and Soda howls his laughter.

"Nah, one of the couples up at school broke it off." Steve leans dangerously far over Pony 'n snatches one of the grandma candies Darry loves so much from the bowl.

"Who?"

"Dallas!" But they all knew it was a lost cause. If Darry 'n Pony were drama fiends, Dallas was a hound for the stuff. He was always showin' up with some new juicy tidbit. Sometimes Soda would swear Pony loved Dallas more than him solely for the fact Dallas seemed to have his nose in everythin'.

"Carrie-Ann 'n-"

"Tommy? No fuckin' way." Dallas detangles himself from Soda, shoves Steve over, 'n climbs up onto the counter. Soda shoots him a glare he misses entirely. He flops flat onto the floor, tucks his hands under his head, and refocuses on the beach flick. Or tries to.

"I heard she cheated on him." Dallas leans forward conspiratorially and Pony 'n Darry's jaws fall open in twin shocked expressions.

"No way, really!"

"I'm sorry, you're sayin' Carrie cheated on him?" Dallas raises an eyebrow haughtily and leans back on his hands.

"Swear to God."

"Wait." All four heads swivel to Soda as he sits back up, somethin' prickin' at his memory. "Tommy. Tommy Dil- somethin' right? His daddy owns the car lot close to the river, yeah?"

"Dilon, yeah." Darry leans so he can better see Soda through the door at the same time Pony says,

"Yeah, the one that looks like a Soc 'n talks like a greaser but ain't either." And Steve leans traitorously far again and adds,

"The one that thinks he's a lady-killer but nobody wants him but Carrie." Dallas puts both hands on Steve's back 'n pushes him over so he can get a good look at Soda and hoots,

"Not even his mama wanted his busted ass. That's why he only lives with his dad." Steve shoves him off and Pony momentarily whips back around with wide eyes.

"Wait, really?" Darry bats him up the side of his head, the shit talkin' goin' a hair too far for him, apparently.

"What is it, Soda?" Steve quickly redirects the focus back to him before Pony can whine 'n Soda forgets what he was gonna say completely.

"I saw him at the Dingo with Cheryl last week. 'N they weren't just holdin' hands if I'm being delicate." He wiggles his eyebrows 'n the tips of Pony's ears go all red. Dallas howls and grabs Steve who is so bewildered he forgets to shake him off.

"Cheryl? Ain't no way! I never would have-"

"Ain't she goin' with Benny?"

"Man, I thought she was catholic-"

"I swore she didn't come to this side of town- didn't wanna dirty those damn gogo boots-"

"Soda." Darry fixes his middle brother with a look that could pin him straight to the wall. Soda blinks big, innocent eyes at him. "That true?"

"Hell no." He splits into a big mischievous grin and Pony lets out an indignant wail, launchin' himself out of his chair 'n onto Soda. Soda flips him onto his back easily but Steve is on top of him before he can blink, jabbin' him in the ticklish spot under his ribs so Pony can wriggle out.

"Since when are you 'n Pony on the same side?"

"Since now! Get 'em Pone!" Steve pins Soda's arms above his head and Pony goes to town ticklin' every place he knows will make Soda holler until he's red in the face. Soda rips one hand free and Dallas comes up behind Steve, liftin' him straight off the ground with the kind of wiry strength they all forgot Dallas had.

Darry instantly takes up Pony 'n Steve's side 'n it doesn't take long until there are no sides at all- just them all rollin' around and laughin' so hard their sides all ache.

"You know, I think I get it now- that drama shit is fun!"

[letitrainathousandflames]

Wait. How many levels of friendship do you have? And how does one become friends?

Aight sit down bc I have hyperfocus mode on and my leg is bouncing quicker than the speed of light. I have 5 levels of friendship:

1 ) awkward i-don't-know-how-comfortable i can be w/ you yet and i'm also adhd so i will forget to reply your messages sometimes and worry abt you thinking i hate you

2) i know a bit abt you and you know a bit about me. We exchange memes and wait to get a keysmash laugh reply. After a while, we get either one of us reblogging the meme the other sent, or we simply Know they were seen and are thus no longer plagued by the worries of level 1

3) We start having recurring themes/jokes in our convos. This is the best part bc I then know what to talk or ask about to get u going "oh! topic i enjoy!"; also, i know now your interests/hyperfixations/area of expertise and therefore you become my source of knowledge in this particular area so that a) I can learn from a friend and b) you get to infodump all that fun stuff no one ever asks you about.

(shoutout to my marine biologist buddy who knows everything about those underwater critters, the friend w/ animals who explains animal husbandry and the dnd pal who knows what all these dice do, love y'all <3)

4) We don't talk often, but we know timezones/work/studying is a bitch so we Get It. Starting convos is easy bc we know enough abt each other and are protected from most of the mortifying ordeal of being known by the computer screen and physical distance, which is also a curse bc goddamn, you must be fun to hang out with but there u are, in a whole other continent.

We frequently plague each other with cursed content. I might have 28% of a crush on you bc you know me better than most people IRL do. If we have mutual blorbos, we spend hours coming up w/ fic/scenarios for them, which feels as whimsical and lighthearted as playing dolls in a playground with a friend you just met but also feels like has been your soul companion since your previous lifetime. it's day for me when its night for you so the only thing we're granted is a sliver of time in which we squeeze the most meaningful glance via a discord stream of me playing some shooter game.

One day you might leave Tumblr or just shift into a different friend group or discord server, and I'll have a chunk of knowledge about you and nothing to do with it, and so will you. It was real. I hope we meet again. If we don't, I hope you find your happiness somewhere.

5) All that but you actually survived the test of time and the shift of interests and we remain friends bc we are actually connected to each other's personalities and tastes and we make the effort to keep the friendship going, even if I now talk of a fandom you're not a part of, and you got married and had a kid and now doesn't have as much time but you still find a way to send the occasional message or drop in for a chat. We've seen each other's actual faces on video. I tell you my top-secret stories and you tell me yours. I constantly refer to you in convos w/ ppl IRL like "oh, my friend from [country]" said- to the point where they already have their own idea of you too. I love u and you know it.

[quasieli]

happy sleepover saturday! top 5 silly dnd moments?

Ooh, this should be a fun one!

1. (Frostmaiden) At the start of this campaign, my wonderful DM Ace allowed us to choose a couple magic items to start with and I wanted something that would sow a lot of chaos. I chose the Bag of Beans, which, when a bean is planted, you roll percentile and some sort of magical effect happens. On more than one occasion, we ended up with the effect of pink toads appearing that, when touched, become a small, medium or large creature for the next minute. These fights have been so fucking funny. Sometimes, we'll get some scary shit, like a woestrider, but in that same fight, we got some Lumiere ass sentient candelabra and I love that those two things can just coincide in D&D.

2. (EWF) This is a game I DM and I just love my players so much (they're all very close IRL friends of mine and just the best goofuses lol). We've had a lot of really silly moments in that game, but the king of goofs is our monk, an owl Aarakocra named Swoop. His goofs include: starting a secret knock that he told no one about; trying, and succeeding, to hug a smoke monster out of an NPC; eating a handful of acorns he found on the street, even though the party was actively in the process of getting food (this was an early session and he thought he had to eat like an actual bird); and just the litany of disguises and personas he comes up with literally almost every session. Best boy, 10/10, love him.

3. (SICL) Oh I have so many moments in mind but for some reason the first thing that popped up was this one time in a very early session where our party came across a band of half-orc bards while we were travelling. We all got drunk together and they told us stories. What made this particularly memorable was JD doing an amazing English accent for all of these half-orcs. Best of all, anytime e needed to anchor emself back to the accent, e would just yell "'Arry Potta!' very loudly lmao

4. (Azica) Wild magic pie eating contest. This was a while ago now so I don't remember all the effects that happened but I do remember our rogue accidentally getting turned into a goat and I believe they also got a pie that started insulting them. Brilliant idea from my awesome DM, Ciara. Man, I miss that game. (Honorable mention moment from this game: the party ragging on our warlock, and the player, because he didn't know that sugar gliders were real animals. TBF the drawing our rogue produced of one did look like a gingerbread man with skin, but that's neither here nor there lmao).

5. (Frostmaiden) This was from a recent one shot with my character, Sparks, and my party's lovely druid, Ambrose, where we ended up in the plane of air, trying to saving our little baby bear friend, BB. While we were in the plane of air, we encountered some elemental guards (I believe myrmidons?) and just, shoutout to @quantum-lesbian for the whole convo between Ambrose and this guard. Probably my fave bit of that convo was "Does air have pronouns?" Love that funky lil elemental, hope we get to meet them again.

[flxwergxrden]

(i’m feeling like spreading love today. i want to thank all the people who approach me and have ooc convos with me and the muses, here or on discord. you’re all so precious and important. mainly you’re the reason why i’m still around and have the mood to write. our plots and muse-talking gives me ideas and keep me coming back here. also thank you for being patient with me and still willing to write despite me vanishing every now and then.)

let’s shoutout in no particular order to: 

@ghxstlyrxveries ,  @occidimus​ , @resplendentice / @xstcrytellcr / @oncstepagain , @daydreamiist , @bclasaeg , @illdivine ,  @nxvatines / @misfxrtunatecrown , @lvylaced / @inferae / @veprem , @offtrails , @tximidity , @everdeadly , @prekliatyvlk , @koderror , @peopleoftheshadows , @thelazyeditor / @petiteamores , @voidht , @eternity-hero , @sotshin , @shadyinfo , @control-issues , @aestuavis / @lunaetis , @sleeploved , @sadisticbloodlxst​ , @avaere​ / @stckhlmr​ , @asocier​ 

Some of the people on this list mean the world to me, some I consider close friends, some are inspiring me from afar, some are new but precious and some are old and gold but what connects you all is that you’re in my follow forever. 

[kafus]

lil snippet of not major spoilers from my convo w my friend earlier. for some reason i develop ideas best in the form of talking to someone, just like someone to listen and not actually contribute necessarily lol, so shoutout to my friend for listening to me dump hundreds of words about this in her dms at random

before i fell asleep i worked on developing my au more… im taking this more serious than any of my previous ideas. like im actually planning out an outline for a multi chapter fic. at least i think itll be a fic. regardless im working out the whole plot from start to finish

[whats-rambled-rambled]

Smoke&Mirrors - playlist

You can find it on Spotify here.

Let’s start from the beginning:

Imagine Dragons - Smoke and Mirrors

Okay, so with Stuck in reverse series everything started with one song that inspired me to write something, and you know what happened later.

With this new series, the idea came first (prompted by @vaneilla​’s wonderful brain, and you know what? I actually went back to check that bit of convo, and it was all because @gallifreyan-uprising​ did what she did to TP, so I guess thank you both, ladies!), and then I was looking for THE song, that could serve as an inspiration and as a title.

And because all my best ideas come to me while driving, and I had Imagine Dragons in my car’s CD player… BOOM.

//I'm starting to cave

I'm losing my flame

I wanted your truth

But I wanted the pain

To disappear

Dream maker, life taker

Open up my mind

All I believe

Is it a dream

That comes crashing down on me?

All that I hope

Is it just smoke and mirrors?

I want to believe

But all that I know

Is it just smoke and mirrors?//

This just felt so fitting for Reader and her struggle a little later in the series, and smoke and mirrors alone seemed like just what I needed to capture the essence of the main conflict between Neil and R.

Chapter 1: Imagine Dragons - Natural

I had the title, I knew what I wanted to do in the first chapter, but I still had doubts if I could switch to this new dynamic. -Neil being mean? I mean how even-- I needed a good playlist to get myself in the right mood to set the tone for the whole series, and even when I found a few songs that were good enough, I knew that none of them was the one. And then again, on my way to work, this time from my Spotify playlist - Natural. I literally started screaming when I realized that it was exactly what I’d been looking for. Not only because of its badass vibe, but those lyrics, holy shit -

//That's the price you pay

Leave behind your heart and cast away

Just another product of today

Rather be the hunter than the prey

And you're standing on the edge face up

'Cause you're a natural

A beating heart of stone

You gotta be so cold

To make it in this world

Yeah, you're a natural

Living your life cutthroat

You gotta be so cold

Yeah, you're a natural//

This is R.  “A beating heart of stone / You gotta be so cold / To make it in this world”. Because she might be all spiky and angry on the outside, but why is she that way? Because she has to. Because nothing ever came easy in her life.

And this is Neil, too. A true natural, as TP calls him. But he also plays a role, because he was put in a position he didn’t want. And not only by TP, but also by R. That scene in the bar? He really hopes to clear the air between them, but she is not ready to listen, and keeps antagonizing him. *sigh* We know how it ends up. Anyway -

bonus: Willyecho - Welcome to the fire

Found this one when I was looking for the vibe, and then those lyrics--:

//I'm focused

I've been watching for the omens

I've been listening to everything you've said

Its been running through my head

Locked and loaded

I've got the feeling that you've noticed

Yeah I've only just begun

I won't stop until it's done

'Til you're broken

So welcome to the fire

I'm the one who lit the night up//

-- because yes, R’s that mad at him, TP, the whole world at this point, really.

Chapter 2: Florence + the Machine - What kind of man

So you know, one of the challenges I’d set for myself for this series was to finally write a proper smut. God, was I stressed out (shoutout to my lovely friends who had to listen to my self-doubting whines for quite some time). And as I knew it was supposed to happen in this chapter, and I already had an appropriate build-up in mind, I needed a song. And it wasn’t this one, although it made its way to the chapter’s playlist. But as I actually wrote the whole thing down… I felt it had that vibe.

//You were on the other side, like always

You could never make you mine//

Oh R, my sweet summer child.

//To let me dangle at a cruel angle

Oh, my feet don't touch the floor

Sometimes you're half in and then you're half out

But you never close the door

What kind of man loves like this?//

And that part is just so fitting with the whole confusion.

bonus: Graffiti Ghosts - Last man standing

The one behind the shooting range sequence:

//Your trigger finger better think about your future

You’re getting twisted thinking I don’t want to shoot ya

I’ve been waiting for a long time

and I’m coming back to get what’s mine

Sick of living with your little double faces

I’m getting itchy and so livid I can taste it

I’ve been waiting for a long time

and I’m swinging til I get what’s mine

but I’m not going down

I’m not going down//

Can’t say that R isn’t fantasizing about shooting Neil at some point, it’s all I’m saying. And the vibe was all right, and worked for the sparring scene as well.

bonus:  Zayde Wolf - New Blood

I needed decent background music to write that sparring scene, you know - to hype myself up. And then found this song. Look at the lyrics:

//I spent my whole life chained to the wall

Hunger for more, not afraid to fall

Had to cut a man down to get where I am

But someone had to tumble, and someone had to stand

Don't try to fight, nothin' you can do

I'm gonna run all over you

It's too late to try, there's nothin' you can do

I'm gonna run all over you//

and

//Most of my life was heavy and hard, yeah

So many days, so many scars

But it was all of those years who make who I am, yeah

But I broke through, and here I stand, yeah//

Added to the playlist instantly. You can see it too, right?

bonus: Nothing But Thieves - Itch

I love this band and I’m eternally grateful that my dear friend @connie-nikas​ itroduced me to their music. Spotify suggested that it fit the mood for the playlist I already had for that part, so I checked the lyrics and YES:

//There's a hunger in my heart

It's full of promise, promise

There's an itch under my skin

It's under my skin, under my skin//

...

//There's a blood red on my shirt

And it's shining, shining

There's a sharp pain from my face

I kinda like it, I like it//

...

//I just wanna love

I just wanna touch

I just wanna see

'Cause I, I just wanna feel something real

'Cause I, I just wanna feel something real

Wanna feel something//

It fits more than one moment in the series, but that blood part seemed accurate for sparring, so it stayed in this chapter.

bonus: Dorothy - Wicked ones

Another Spotify suggestion, and it works pretty well for these dumbasses, although this part:

//This night ain't for the faint of heart

For the faint of heart, for the faint of heart

This night ain't for the faint of heart

'Cause the faint of heart gonna fall apart//

--this got me going while I was having heart palpitations as I was getting closer to the locker scene lol.

And then:

//Ain't no sleep when the wicked play

All we do is get laid, uuh uh uuh uuh

Ain't no love when the wicked run

All we do is try to lay off, lay off, lay off

We're the wicked ones, wicked ones//

Fits, right?

bonus: Muse - Undisclosed desires

I -blame- have to thank M for this one, and it was my initial title song for this part. Just see for yourselves:

//I know you've suffered

But I don't want you to hide

It's cold and loveless

I won't let you be denied

Soothing, I'll make you feel pure

Trust me, you can be sure

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart

I want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask

I want to exorcise the demons from your past

I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

You trick your lovers

That you're wicked and divine

You may be a sinner

But your innocence is mine

Please me, show me how it's done

Tease me, you are the one//

It just -- it’s not only about that one scene. Maybe it would be even better for part 3? Anyway, could be sung to R almost word for word, right?

Chapter 3: Nothing But Thieves - You know me too well

One of my favourites from this band, and I knew it had to be a title of some part of the story. Because:

//I gave you a call

Baby, I could come by, help forget it all

'Cause in this sticky weather, oh, it's really hard to sleep

As you know all too well

And when we dig together, oh, you make me feel so cheap

But I can't help myself

Filthy impetuous soul

I wanna give it to you

Oh, just to see what you do

'Cause I'm so drunk on you

Baby, you're all that I want

I want you all to myself

Oh, but you know me too well//

So yeah, filthy impetuous soul was only fair to use for that bathroom, right?

//And maybe you're right

We don't get on so well, when we lose the high//

That’s them at this point, all right.

//'Cause every love story always end in tragedy

If you wait long enough//

Oh hello, R’s beliefs here, clear as night.

//Renew me 'cause sometimes I forget

Got my own two hands clenched around my neck//

Could be said by both of them at this point, tbh.

bonus: Leann Rimes - Can’t fight the moonlight

So let me be frank - I knew I wanted to put that bathroom scene somewhere for quite some time, so it’s written purely for self-indulgence. I just needed to find an opportunity. And during one of the brainstorming sessions with A (because she was so kind to help me out with figuring things out when I stumbled over certain plot points, and I can’t thank her enough), the idea of karaoke night came to life and she gave me this song and fuck yes! That was it!  

One of my favourite Neil headcanons is that he likes cheesy songs, and Coyote Ugly movie has a special place in my heart, so I just knew it was the one for him! Especially because:

//Under the lovers sky

Gonna be with you

And no one's gonna be around

If you think that you won't fall

Well just wait until

'Til the sun goes down//

it’s just perfect if you wanna kinda seduce/kinda embarrass someone, right? And also:

//You can try to resist

Try to hide from my kiss

Don't you know, don't you know

That you, can't fight the moonlight

Deep in the dark, you'll surrender your heart//

Because yes, he wanted to kiss her in that locker room, that’s a thing you do when you’re attracted to someone, right? He thought it was just because of this whole angry sex thing, but was aware of that all the time, that’s why R’s reaction in the bathroom alarms him. I mean it would make him stop anyway, but still.

bonus: Ruelle - Until we go down

The mood progression in this song fried my brain, absolutely amazing!

The lyrics, too:

//And I feel it running through my veins

And I need that fire just to know that I'm awake

Erased, I missed till the break of day

And I need that fire just to know that I'm awake

Until we go down//

bonus: Bishop Briggs - Wild horses

Another song that captures the spirit of what’s going on in R’s head.

//You hold me down in the best way

No quarter from these chains that I've

Slept on my heart for a feeling

Why can't I let my demons out?

Keep screaming into the pillow

Cause your taste still gets me stupid high

Oh glory, I'm a believer

Oh glory, I'm a troubler//

At this point, she’s well aware of the effect Neil has on her, and the internal conflict is strong in this one.

//You call my truth in the worst way

Through the dirty lands of a broken smile

And I swear I'm not a pretender

Sometimes it's love who's the baby's cry

So, I keep on damning the devil

And you keep on saying it's alright

Oh glory, I'm a believer

Oh Lord, I'm holding tight, but//

And the whole vibe of this song, it’s like fuck I’m losing my mind, but I want you and I want you now. Just makes my breath hitch.

bonus: Transviolet - Bloodstream

And as I needed a certain mood, -(ended up actually writing with TENDER in the background because apparently I need a complete opposite mood seeping through my headphones to write any smut at all but anyway...)-, and this song is just...wow.

//Fingertips drip down my spine

Cruel desire, danger in our consequence

You look my way and I lose my…

Hey, you wanna rule the world?

Outlaw love, make you lose control

Hey, hey, boy you got me like whoa

White hot, adrenaline baby

In my veins, you got me praying

Whoa, whoa, whoaaaa

My pretty blue lips begging

Take me, I need you in my bloodstream

Hold me, break me

My breath is for holding, overdose me

I need you in my bloodstream

Hold me, break me, break me//

Hot. I won’t be taking any notes.

Chapter 4: Aimee Mann - Save me

You remember that part 4 was supposed to be the last one? Don’t ask me, I don’t know how I would manage to get that emotional progression from these dumbasses by the end of that part, so I’m glad y’all voted on splitting it into 2 (and then another 2) parts. But I already had a playlist for the finale, and then had to make a new one, and then had too many possible title songs.

Why did this one win? Because in my brain it’s directly connected to my OTP and also fits this part of the story. I battled myself if it was a spoiler or not (and also had trouble getting to terms with R ever admitting that she needs to be saved), but then thought - eh, what the hell, it has the right lyrics and a proper mood, and here it is.

//You look like a perfect fit

For a girl in need of a tourniquet

But can you save me

Come on and save me

If you could save me

From the ranks of the freaks

Who suspect they could never love anyone//

and that shift to this part, oh my heart:

//Except the freaks

Who suspect they could never love anyone

Except the freaks who could never love anyone.//

bonus: Jamie O'Neal - All by myself

Okay, so the car scene was in my mind for a little while, and in the initial outline, aka part 4 is the finale I couldn't find a place for it and thought I might end up making a one shot out of it, so when I actually had enough time to write it into the story, I was so excited!

I was looking for a song, and the first one that came to my mind was Air Supply - All out of love, but I could never beat what Jensen Ackles did in the outtakes of that one Supernatural episode, so I had to abandon that song, sadly. And then I thought about the one with basically the same vibe and *ding ding ding*.  And of course Neil would know it. And would know what movie this is from (just look at him and try telling me he doesn’t like British rom-coms, I dare you). And would tease R about it. (and that’s why I used that cover of this song).

//Hard to be sure

Sometimes I feel so insecure

And loves so distant and obscure

Remains the cure

All by myself

Don't wanna be

All by myself

Anymore//

bonus: Meg Myers - Motel

I’ve discovered Meg’s music just because of Spotify’s recommendations, and oh my god, it’s amazing! And this song just felt right for their talk during the stakeout, just look at the lyrics:

//You're weak, broken in a motel

You blink, tears are falling down, down, down

And you're free, free inside your own hell

You speak, someone let me out, out, out

And I can't stop this pain, it only grows

Tell me why I always feel alone

And I can't fight this feeling anymore

Show me what I'm really living for

I wanna love, wanna live, wanna breath, wanna give

But it's hard and it's dark and we're doomed from the start

I wanna love, wanna live, wanna breathe, wanna give

But it's hard and it's dark and I'm falling apart//

ahh, nothing like a good old angst, am I right? Perfect for writing about the more vulnerable sides of them.

bonus: Fear Of Men - Sane

There is just something in this song that resonates deeply, you know?

//I see you drowning

Half flesh half stone

With ambitions that drain your health

You hear me

(Secrets)

You run from me

You hear me

(You hear me)

I know

You hear me

(Secrets)

You run from me

You hear me

(You hear me)

You know, you know, you know

It’s in your eyes when you’re perfectly sane

It’s in your blood when you can’t bear these heavy thoughts again

It’s in your eyes when you’re perfectly sane

It’s in your blood when you can’t bear these heavy thoughts again//

bonus: Laura Doggett - Beautiful undone

That track almost ended up as the title. When I stumbled upon this song, I was completely blown away, as in I-had-it-on-repeat-for-4h-straight blown away.

//I took you walking

Through the murmurations of my mind//

that line just strikes me right through the heart, and it gets even better later:

//I'm looking down and my heart's connected

I'm feeling love from a different view

We learn the most when we least expect it

We learn the most when we break in two//

I don’t think that any of them expects to learn more about each other during that one mission. I mean sure, Neil counts on it, but doesn’t know what it's gonna be. And if she lets him into his head at all.

//You know you're beautiful undone

(Shine on)

So beautiful undone

You look beautiful undone

(Hearts connected)

My boy of blue.//

My boy of blue. I don’t know why it screamed Neil to me, but it did.

//It's the cracks that let the light shine

It's the cracks that let the light shine through.//

And that’s exactly it.

Chapter 5: LAUREL - Blue blood

Okay, THIS song, as soon as I heard it, I was like - this is it, this is her.

//You woke me up for your blue blood

Made me come undone

Can't believe you've been here the whole time

Too nice to pass you by and I can't believe

You've been here the whole time

You made me feel again

Made me dance circles 'round the pieces of your heart

You made me feel again

After the last time, didn't think that I could love//

That “was he always so gorgeous” moment, right? When she just sees him for the first time this way. And is slowly coming to terms with her feelings.

bonus: Prep School - Come as you are

So this one… We all know the original song (or this is my old ass talking), but only when I heard this cover, I really felt it, you know?

//Come as you are, as you were

As I want you to be

As a friend, as a friend

As an old enemy//

Just made me think about R being ready to get to know Neil better. About the shift in their dynamic.

//When I swear that I don't have a gun

No I don't have a gun//

She lets her guard down, and is ready to trust him.

Also - how great is the mood of this song? That crescendo just takes my breath away, and that calmer moment at the end? Good god. Utter perfection.

bonus: Ray LaMontagne - Such a simple thing

I’ve been sitting on this song for quite some time, and just had to find a suitable moment for it. And this was it.

//Tell me what you're feeling

I can take the pain

Tell me that you mean it

That you won't leave again

Tell me what your heart wants

Such a simple thing

My heart is like paper

Yours is like a flame

I can't make you see

If you don't by now

I'll get through these chains

Some how, some how

Take it if you want it

I'm so tired I just don't care

Can't you see how much you hurt me?

It's like I wasn't there//

My heart just aches while I listen to this song. It’s so tender, and yet so heartbreaking.

bonus: Keane - Hamburg sing

When A sent me this song, god, the way I screamed. Because this is so Neil.

//I don't wanna be adored

Don't wanna be first in line

Or make myself heard

I'd like to bring a little light

To shine a light on your life

To make you feel loved

No, I don't wanna be the only one you know

I want to be the place you call home

I lay myself down to make it so

But you don't want to know

I give much more than I'd ever ask for

Will you see me in the end

Or is it just a waste of time?

Trying to be your friend?

Just shine, shine, shine

Shine a little light

Shine a light on my life

And warm me up again//

At this point in the story, he already fell for her hard. And can just hope that she sees him at one point, too.

You know, writing that first really intimate moment between them-- I know I was supposed to be on R’s side, but I knew what was going on in Neil’s head at that point (that’s why I was so happy when Chels asked that one question that made me write Come as you are) and... I don’t know, I’m so soft for this idiot, I just want to hug him.

//Fool, I wonder if you know yourself at all

You know that it could be so simple//

My dumbasses.

Chapter 6: Phantogram - You’re mine

We’re gonna save this one for the very end, just mentioning it here as we move to the next chapter.

bonus: Adna - Night

You know that sad music montage thing that the movies do after a breakup scene or something? This song has that exact vibe.

//Silence grows and you're all i know

Eyes are closed, I'll see your smile, your love

Thinking

This is what

It could be

Knowing

It is all

It would be

In the night

When you see

What i see

In the night when you feel

What i mean

You're my knight

And my dream

And my only sight

Oh you

Oh you

Stay true//

For me, it’s the beginning of chapter 6. R is almost heartbroken, and that almost comes from the part of her that still thinks that still fights the idea that she might have any feelings for that blonde idiot. Conceal, don't feel, or something. But she’s being haunted by random memories from their time together.

bonus: Snow Patrol - Make this go on forever

This song makes my heart ache and clench and oh my god--

//Please don't let this turn into something it's not

I can only give you everything I've got

I can't be as sorry as you think I should

But I still love you more than anyone else could

All that I keep thinking throughout this whole flight

Is it could take my whole damn life to make this right

This splintered mast I'm holding on won't save me long

Because I know fine well that what I did was wrong//

This works for the sad montage thing I’ve mentioned, but it was all about this line:

//First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything//

I was listening to it on my way home one day and my eyes welled up. Because that’s what I wanted both of them to feel right then.

//And I don't know where to look

My words just break and melt

Please just save me from this darkness//

and these lines just brought the image of Neil stumbling over his words and, well, that was it. I knew it had to be done like that.

bonus: Walking On Cars - Speeding Cars

This song is about something different, but there is one part that resonated with the story:

//Even the half smile would have slowed down the time

If I could call you half mine

Maybe this is the safest way to go//

Just fits. Had to be there.

bonus: Etham - Before I lose my mind - Stripped

I think I found this one a while ago, and then it came on when I had Spotify on shuffle, and oh myyyy goooood. That heart-wrenching yearning? So, so on point.

//Look at the state I'm in

I couldn’t say where I've been

Lord knows that it ain't felt like home//

This is as much R’s song, as it is Neil’s.

//I don't know what

I've been running from, running from

Or what I thought I would find

All I know is

You're the only one, only one

I need you tonight

Before I lose my mind//

and this part:

//Don't tell me that I’m too late this time

So much I couldn’t see

With words that I didn't speak

What do I have to do to make you mine?//

This part of the playlist is just utter heartbreak and yearning, but it was only fitting. Just moments before the confession.

bonus: Nick Wilson - Let me hold you

On repeat for the whole part with Neil’s confession. This song is so goddamn beautiful, I can’t--.

//We've been there before

Reaching the end but forgetting the reason we started this for

In all of our flaws

Laid out beneath us, there's no need to keep building up these walls

(Oh we can't go on)

Just let me hold you

I'll run my fingers through your hair

Let our ghost loose

Let me know that you're still there//

bonus: Liz Longley - Rescue my heart

This, on the other hand, started playing right after, and I partially blame it for R’s breakdown. I was just staring at that line about her being afraid to lose him and I was like “where the hell this came from, girl?” and then, as I was trying to push them both further into the plot, but they kinda refused to let each other go, so I was sitting there like “you guys really needed that, huh?”

I know what it sounds like. But when I spend so much time with my characters, really fleshing them out in every possible way, they kinda develop minds of their own, and later they guide me through the dialogue parts, and even sometimes ruin my initial plans. Because they know best how they would behave right then. So all I have to do is just follow them. Or try reasoning with them. (Had a moment like that at the end of the first scene in chapter 6, like had this feeling that R just wanted to dwell on the nature of her relationship with Ives, but I didn’t want to put it there so openly, I was happy with leaving a line here and there, so I had to put my foot down pff - and it switched into that bit about friendships in general)

Right, back to the song:

//Lying to myself I can make it on my own

Making it alone is lonely

Twisting and I'm turning

Oh I'm crashing and I'm burning

So reach out your hand to me

Come down

Rescue my heart I'll drown

Without you//

This is it.

bonus: Madonna - I want you

You know, one of my favourite parts of the writing process is just bumping the ideas around, and I have been blessed to have a wonderful friend such as M, who’s always there when I need to discuss different ideas or just got a bit of dialogue I really want to share. And knowing what I was writing, she sent me this song.

And I’ve been listening to it a lot ever since, and when Neil started his confession, and struggled with words, I wrote: "I want…you.” He moved closer. “The right way.”

I stopped, staring at that line, like really, Neil? This is it? Then the next song from the playlist started playing and:

//I want you the right way

I want you, but I want you to want me too//

So I just sighed and moved on, dropping a short message to M on the way.

bonus: Welshly Arms - Need you tonight

Spotify recommends the best covers, hands down. I love the original song, but this right here? It’s everything.

//How do you feel

I'm lonely

What do you think

Can't take it all

What ya gonna do

Gonna live my life

So slide over here

And give me a moment

Your moves are so raw

I've got to let you know

I've got to let you know

You're one of my kind

I need you tonight

'Cause I'm not sleeping

There's something about you girl

That makes me sweat//

bonus: TENDER - Afternoon

Every song of theirs is just incredibly sensual, so I thought it was only fair to include one of those for the scene (thank you again A, their music is everything, I swear). And this one was particularly accurate:

//I'm spendin' all of my time tryna open up

Let it breathe, let it breathe

It all comes down

To whether you love me anymore

God, I hope you do

'Cause I can't tell, I can't tell

By the look in your eyes//

bonus: Layla - Weightless

Another one for that moment.

//A silver whisper, take flight and steal into my mouth

An urge to kiss you and let this secret pleasure out

Your touch so tender, a helpless roar of golden play

This youthful slender, hallucinate my woes away

We are weightless

We are invincible

Nothin' like this

Flyin' like cannonballs//

bonus: Rob Simonsen - Soft center

While I was discussing the main plot points with A, we knew there had to be a morning after scene, and she had just a song for it. Utter perfection.

end credits: Phantogram - You’re mine

I know I say it a lot, but when A sent it to me… The way I screamed. I couldn’t believe it. The story was already like 2 parts in, I think? And this song...every line was about them. Every. Goddamn. One. And the overall  I just thought to myself “oh, end credits rolling right here.”

//You don't talk to no one

Don't you look at nothing

Focus on me

Look into my eyes

Come a little closer

Let me tell you something

Eat your ego honey

Honey swallow your pride

You don't talk to no one

Don't you look at nothing

Focus on me

Look into my eyes

Come a little closer

Let me tell you something

You ain't going anywhere

'Cause you mine//

And from this part it gets even better:

//I used to be a rifle

Yeah I had my distance,

Whistling like a bullet in the sky//

//I used to be a psycho

Yeah I had my demons,

Crawling like a spider up my spine//

*incoherent screaming*

And the next part took me right back to the very first scene.

//I spotted you the second I walked in the building

I knew that you had let me get you high//

Right? Right???

//I wanna hear the things you say when no-one's listening

But that don't matter anyway...

'Cause you're mine//

And that’s it.

Damn, what a wild ride that was.

Thank you for staying with me until the very end.

[jamesvanriemsdyk]

it's loving my friends hours, folks

hi so. i hit 1.5k a bit ago and while i dont want to do a follow forever (did one for 1k, it took so fucking long), i do want to like. talk about my friends! because i love them. so here we go, time for emo hours here at james jamesvanriemsdyk dot tumblr dot com

to all of the people ive met and talked to in the past few months: i am so grateful to have met you. i am so grateful to be your friend, whether we talk every day or not, and it is such a huge fucking gift to know you and be known by you. i would give you all a little paragraph but then i would get out of control and this post would never end because i have a lot of fucking love in my heart okay??? i love yall a whole hell of a lot ( @goaliehugs​ @farfrombucky​ @andrewcogliano​ @couturriere​ @brockmcgrinn​ @boesersson​ @steadyfreddie​ @nicolasaube-kubel​ @alexvass​ @beauvilliers​ @girouxes​ )

to all the mutuals i see in my notifications a lot (and the ones i dont), the new followers and the old ones, all my super sweet anons, anyone who’s tagged a post with a lovely comment or who’s messaged me with sweet words: thank you. for just like - existing in the same timeline as me, and being wonderful, and choosing to be kind even though im a clown. i love you all a lot.

to @heckeyleague​ @iceburgh87​ and @assistantcaptainmitchmarner​ : im so grateful we still talk, if only every once in a while, and if only through streak snaps. it’s been, what, how many years? four? more? i look forward to snaps of your pets and the little glimpses of your lives i get every day. i love yall to pieces.

and here we go:

@fireworksatdawn​ : hi jayc. its, like, really hard to believe that ur essay comments on my fics led to this but - im really grateful. just, really fucking grateful. youre so kind and so loving and such a wonderful presence in my life and im so grateful that once c*vid has died down, we’ll, like. be able to see each other? fucking wild. thank you for all the fic convos and the tswift tiktoks, and the memes when im sad. i love you a ton, and im so, so glad you’re my friend. shoutout to philly as, like, a concept for giving me all the emotions i needed to write my heartbeat fics. (im still emotional about the fact that you tell me ‘its late for you, go to bed’ every time i stay up past 10pm. its the being known for me <3)

@pencilhoarders​ : my favorite flyers art witch. what an incredibly kind, talented soul you are. what a beautiful heart you have, really and truly. i love listening to you talk about your ideas and seeing your art process, and i love that your mind works like mine does, and that we really do understand each other. i love that you’re going after your dream and i know you’ll be incredible at whatever you decide to do post-grad - you’re simply too amazing not to be. thank you for sending me those anons about the canes what feels like forever ago; i am so fucking glad i get to call you my friend.

@majorpenalty​ : you are, without a doubt, one of my most favorite people ive ever met on this site. your life is fucking wild and you are so funny and kind and resilient, and i never want to not be your friend. i love losing my mind with you for five to eight hours on zoom, i love just being able to just exist with you even though we have half a country between us. you are so intelligent and strong and lovely, and you deserve every single good thing in the entire world. thank you also for sending me those wild ass anons, and for sending me all the videos of you singing trap bunny bubbles and tswift on snap (we have the yellow heart now uwu) and for just - being there and understanding. you are so brilliant and i cant fucking wait to watch you continue to grow and succeed. i love u so fuckin much.

@softgrantaire​ : hi, alex! kiss the cats and your baby for me and tell your husband i said hey. also, sorry in advance for how long and sappy this is about to be, because im already choked up thinking about it! so: i would not be the person i am today without you. its been a literal month since we became friends, but i literally have never felt more immediately loved or accepted by anyone in my life. you are, probably, the reason i felt comfortable enough to change my name in public; youre the first person i told i was deeply uncomfortable with my name and you changed it immediately, without fucking blinking, and i knew trans friends hit different, but i didnt realize how different it would hit til i met you. and its not just that, either, its the kindness and the trust and the mutual respect, and the pics and vids of jules and the cats all day, its being genuinely excited to see your name pop up on my phone screen, its the voice messages on my way home from work and its the sound of you laugh and the comfort that exists in the little space we’ve carved out for ourselves. i love being your friend, and i love that you’re my friend, and i want us to be that for a long, long time -  ill always be the nolpat to your g. i love you so fucking much, dude.

@codyglass​ : ngl, i typed your url and just like - froze, for a minute. because like. how do you talk about a friendship like this? how do you put it into words? how do you describe all of the laughter and the tears and the years we’ve had together? its the kindness for me, its the communication and comprehension for me, its the unconditional love for me. there isnt a place i feel safer than our friendship; there isnt a person on earth i love like i love you. thanks for all the late nights, all the massive fic concepts/outlines we’ll never write but always find solace in, for all the nolpats roasts, for all the hockey tears and all the real life tears too. for listening to folklore with me for the first time when it dropped, for understanding when i couldnt turn it off for weeks after, for getting the days i send you 30 messages in a row and the days i cant get out of bed. it’s so fucking insane that we’re friends, still - how fucking incredible is it that i met my best friend, who lives 1846 miles away from me, through fucking hockey of all things? youre the best gift life ever gave me, and its such a fucking blessing to be alive at the same time as you, much less to be your best friend. i love you to the moon and to saturn.

[snarkwrites]

okay🥵 so after the little finger fucking thing and the fact that tim was just so eager to do that in public AND OUR LITTLE CONVO ABOUT HIM TEASING THE FUCK OUT OF YOU BECAUSE HE KNOWS YOULL BREAK EASILY got me thinking....

add to that those vibrating panties or a remote control vibrator and 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤 absolute sin. he’s gonna make melt one way or another and he’s more than happy to get a front row seat to watch you attempt to keep it all together in public settings - ❤️

Oh my god, okay. Look, I love this one. I love it, I love it, I love it. ALSO YES. SHOUTOUTS TO THAT CONVERSATION. BC THE THOTS THAT CAME, WHEW. OMG.

Warnings:

Not for children. If you’re under 18+, please show yourself out. This post is not even remotely meant for your young eyes to see it and I cannot possibly stress that enough. If you choose to stick around, even after my warnings, you have absolutely no one to blame but yourself.

Warnings to watch for : sexual activities (use of a vibrator discreetly) in a public place, use of vibrators, teasing to the nth degree, and that’s pretty much it. 

Tagging:

@chasingeverybreakingwave 

@twistnet 

Other Stuff:

[ faq page | new tag list doc ] 

TIM SPEEDLE & make you lose control ... in public edition;

“This is going to be too easy. Way too easy.” you bragged. Smirking at Tim through the mirror as he stood behind you, his hands skimming your sides. He chuckled, the warmth of his breath tickling the shell of your ear. Sending a shiver racing through you. You bit the inside of your cheek just to keep from quietly whimpering like you wanted.

He kept saying it was too easy for him to turn you on. You were about to prove him wrong, one way or another. Tim gripped your hips, guiding your body back against his completely. Rocking himself right against your ass so you could feel the way his cock strained beneath the towel slung low on his hips.

“Way too easy, huh?” Tim muttered, that damned sleepy deep husk to his voice making you start to get wet. You took a deep breath. Did everything you absolutely could mentally to pull yourself together. Determined to prove to him that you weren’t as easy to turn on as he liked to brag you were. He spoke up again. His hands moving up the front of your body, cupping and squeezing your breasts as he mumbled against your skin, “Well, let’s make it a little more fun. I bet I know just how to make you give in...”

You raised a brow. Turning to face him. Dancing your fingertips over his bare chest as you gazed up at him. “Oh you do, hm?”

“Well, since we’re going out tonight and we’re going to be around a bunch of our friends.. Let’s just see how long it takes you to crack if you’re wearing that little vibrator... you know, the one with the remote?” Tim eyed you, licking his lips. Rubbing his chin.

You swallowed hard. Your eyes were widening just a little and he chuckled, rubbing his chin. “If you say it’s harder for me to turn you on then I think, let’s test it.”

His hand dipped down. Cupping your warm and wet core. Squeezing a little and using his grip to pull you even closer to him. Burying his mouth against yours as he muttered breathlessly, “You’re dripping already. Are you sure you don’t wanna change your mind on this little bet, baby girl?”

“N-no. I’m not changing my mind.” you stammered out, melting against the rubbing of his palm against your soaked core. “What do you have in mind?”

“Well.. you wear it tonight. While we’re out with the group. Because we’re both going to be doing our own thing anyway...”

“And you have the remote.”

“Mhm.” Tim’s lips were ghosting over your neck now. You gasped, gritting your teeth as you fought for composure. “What do you think?”

“Let’s do it.” you gasped the words against his mouth when it crashed against yours. The heel of his hand pressed harder into your cunt, rubbing faster. Your breath caught in your throat and the kiss broke, you gazing up at him as you briefly wondered exactly what the fuck you'd just gotten yourself into.

TIME SKIP...

You were across the restaurant, talking to Calleigh. Catching up because you hadn't seen her in a while. You felt the vibrator turn on and you tensed a little, trying to be covert about it. One glance across the room to where Tim stood, leaned against a wall, his hand in his pocket and a beer in the other hand, watching Eric take his shot in the game of pool they'd been playing. Tim winked and you bit your lip. Fidgeting in your seat ever so slightly as the vibrator hummed and pulsed in your pussy. You crossed and re-crossed your legs, but that didn't even help matters.

Calleigh eyed you and laughed softly, following your gaze to where Tim stood. "Aww, y'all are so cute! I remember when Eric and I were in that honeymoon phase."

All you could do was nod. And try not to moan as the vibrator sped up inside you. You curled your toes inside your shoes, but even that wasn't enough. When the vibrator slowed, you could finally unclench your body a little. Start working your way back from the orgasm that had started to build rapidly.

Your phone buzzing on the bartop had you glancing down while Calleigh was busy ordering drinks. It was a text from Tim.

The devil and a shrugging emoji. You licked your lips. Taking a deep breath. It seemed like he was going to take it easy on you for a little bit, so you relaxed completely. The slow and steady pulse of the vibrator keeping you soaked. The way your juices coated your panties and the insides of your thighs wasn't the most comfortable, but you were smug. You'd managed to make it through the first round of surprise teasing.

Then an idea hit you... Two could play the game. He might have the vibrator control but.. You could tease him right back in other ways. Bearing the thought in mind, you stood and excused yourself, hurrying to the bathroom of the restaurant.

Once safely inside a stall, you sat down, spreading your legs. Making sure you had the flash on so Tim could see exactly how wet you were. Once you'd taken the picture, you sent it to him.

By the time you were back out at your seat, Tim was wandering over. Pressing against you from behind. The vibrator sped up. The steadiness of the pulse became more of a throbbing type. And you bit back a gasp as Tim mumbled against your ear with a quiet laugh, "Already wet for me, hm? Ready to cave in yet, baby girl?"

"Nope. I told you I can make it and I'm going to." you took the cherry from your mixed drink and plopped it into your mouth, chewing the fruit thoughtfully. Turning so that Tim could watch you as you used your tongue to tie a knot in the stem. Smiling, you grabbed his hand and pressed the stem into it... Along with your wet panties, which you'd taken off in the bathroom. He bit back a whimper, sucking in a harsh breath as soon as his hands closed around fabric.

The vibrator was moving faster now, pulsing even harder. Tim nipped at your earlobe and mumbled lazily, "What about now, hm?" a hint of a pleading tone to his voice as he grabbed hold of your wrist, covertly guiding your hand down to his crotch. Letting you palm at the way he strained hard against his jeans. "Fuck. I can't wait to get you home, doll. Bend you over the table... You're bein' a bad, bad girl tonight, you know that, right?"

"I'm winning." you managed to stammer as your orgasm built and you tried as hard as you could to keep from whimpering or moaning because god did you ever want to, while adding to yourself silently, ,, but at what cost? "

[lizzybeanbutt]

Here's the rest of the liveblog

As I was saying: staring into the distance, hands clasped - Nightmare! Nightmare! Nightmare!

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"You probably live in a cave" YOU MAAADD, YOU MAAAAAAAADDDDDD

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"I'm sorry you're the voice of the principality? You?" KILL EM, KILL EM BRNINE. HIT EM WITH THAT PREV SEASON SASS

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Oh I remember this liquid metal projector. Wait isn't this like, a sliver of a person's consciousness cloned. We bringing the personhood convos to the forefront again.

Remember when signet made (BLANK) upset?

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Love to be sweating on TV, in the actual fucking pressure cooker

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"I have two questions" Sit Down

This isn't the person leap stole rings from right?

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OH OLD MECH DROP?  THREE CHEERS RETURN

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yeah ur whole government got run through brnine. On TV.

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Oops the gassing got mentioned again

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Shoutout KO 🫡

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Brnine shouldering this bla-- nvm the blame got spun to stel apostolas

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"YOU ASK MY GIRL FOR THAT" TEARS

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Glow up only in the literal sense (head is on fire, casting light)

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"If my crew ever sees this, hey guys 😘✌️🫶"

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You should of said you worked with 10 million and just lied through your teeth I dunno. Ig that may not get u the antidote but eh. Dumb question to ask imo.

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"Live in history with greats like exanchester march" me coughing

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Oooooooooooooouuuuuuggggghhhhhh

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Sylvi grabbing the mic: palisade is a fuck

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Brnine hitting the TV with the Hi Mom.

BRNINE ON HOT ONES FBBFBD.

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Guuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Oriooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

Fucking Gallica

Yeeeaah teleporting bs.

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Captain O' Captain, where is my captain.

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Branched man icons branched man banners branched man signatures

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"Branched lives matter" oh to dig a funny little hole into my bed just claw a little hole into my bed oh boy oh boy oh boy

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"The David Guetta tribute to George Floyd" oh the way my eyes shot up as they presented this, no...

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Ik who David is but I haven't heard this.

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Physically I am lying down but emotionally I am standing, arms behind me, looking at the wall.

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God fucking dammit

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IS THAT THE MLK SPEECH?

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The most mid drop as well, god fucking.

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YEAH SAME KEITH, I THOUGHT DAVID WAS RECITING THE SPEECH.

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THAT KEITH JAY LENO

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"Can we end the episode. I think I have one more scene in me" checking the time, 30 mins left

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This is the first time I'm like tired before an ep is done but that talk show segment sapped my energy

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THE CAPTAIN BRNINE FANCAMMM, MY STEAMED FISH CAPTAIINN.

Those song questions were so good btw.

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That's a great intro ngl keith, that's slick as shit. Hi Eclectic. God my friend would looove you.

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Making a nooote of this timestamp whole sceenneee.

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Fhdgvdvdvdvdvd NAH YOU GETTING THIS SHIP TO VAPE

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Aespsis vaping like the vintage dog photos with a stoogie

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Dammmnnnn, calling gucci

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Brnine says hey guys to their team, and their team fucking clowns on them

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The leap fan boy has logged onnn

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Rose river iluuu 🫰🏽🫰🏽🫰🏽🫰🏽

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Damn Gur.

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"Do you have ideas?"

"Oh my friend"

"Oh shit--"

Hollering! Hollering hollering! Ur ass haunted!!!, Also writing it down this scenee

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YEEEAAH MORE GHOSTSSSS, DIVINE CYCLE HAUNTEDDD

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Yessss NEH folks let's goooo

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"You look better, you got a glow" Dre you can pull it again--

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Ali dhdvvdvdvd

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Partials voice bout to make me go to bed as I rest here.

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Wait partial palisade recruitment?

YEEEEAAAAAHHHH.

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Love how the ep ends with ali going Huh???

Double feature! Liveblogging episode 27 & 28 of palisade in this posts replies. A little opening chatter as a buffer and then we're off!