#shout out to john mclean for the line that goes something like

[midniitemusewrites]

"Hello my lovely flowers! Today I am in Kaer Morhen and I am going to be sharing with you," Jaskier raised his hands in the air, pretending to hold a title that he could put in later, "The Secrets of Witcher Skin Care."

"I've been getting SO many questions from you guys about my... friend Geralt's skin ever since my last video where I mentioned that I basically constructed an entire ten step routine for him, so I decided to share that with you all! But first! I wouldn't be here without your support, of course, but I also wouldn't be able to do this without a little help from...

"Raycon Earbuds! Don't you just HATE when siren music interrupts your day? It's like geez, I know you're music is beautiful and super enchanting and not as good as mine, but I'm trying to not get eaten over here! I'm serious you guys, I never go on a monster hunt with Geralt without bringing these and a spare with me. Thanks Raycon! Oh, and if you use my code 'LovelyFlower', you get 15% off your own pair of Raycons right now!"

"Okay, so, the famous 10 step Witcher Skincare Routine! Before I start, I should mention that this routine is... Intense. Witcher skin gets exposed to monster blood, venom, and that asshole up in the sky, the sun, a LOT. You know, I checked my audience stats the other day, and I'm beginning to think that I have some ACTUAL Witchers that follow me on here so, that's very flattering, but I am in no way an expert-- this is just something that I found works for Geralt's skin very well..."

Jaskier was never sure how much of what he said would make it to the final cut. Maybe he'd axe that part about Witchers following him.. he didn't want to alienate his audience. But he was VERY curious to know exactly which Witchers it could be... Everyone in Kaer Morhen knew he made 'video journals', but no one knew that he was slightly famous on YouTube. Right? He'd gotten too many comments that were.. almost familiar in tone. Things like, "you should ask Vesemir to make pie again, he'd listen to you," and "Maybe don't video at night? Everyone in the keep can hear you, probably".

But until someone said something, to his face, he wasn't changing a thing. His adsense revenue was getting larger and larger every month.

A week after he uploaded "The Secrets of Witcher Skincare", he noticed that the still room was more crowded than usual. And the chamomile patch in the garden had been picked over to nubs so badly, that Vesemir demanded someone tend to it before they ruined their crop for good.

He'd mentioned Chamomile oil as a perfect moisturizer in his video. There was no doubt about it then-- someone in Kear Morhen was watching his YouTube. Maybe even more than one person? His nose wasn't as keen as a Witcher's, but he knew Chamomile when he smelled it. All he'd have to do was walk by somebody and inhale, and he'd know who was a fan of his.

"Why are you smiling, bard?" Lambert asked from across the table at dinnertime.

"No reason. Is someone wearing Chamomile oil? It smells lovely in here."

yes jaskier bathes geralt and rubs chamomile on his lovely bottom but

he also has a whole assortment of oils he puts in geralt’s hair to keep it healthy and lotions he puts on geralt’s body to keep it moisturized and serums he puts on geralt’s face to keep it soft

and geralt thinks it’s absolutely fucking ridiculous because he’s a witcher??? like HELLO WHY?????????

but… all the products smell very nice. and there has been a certain… glow to his skin lately. and his hair has been growing longer and his natural waves are more defined.

and it’s not like this is harming anyone, right? so. he just lets jaskier do what jaskier wants