#shouldn’t be perceived
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I keep thinking like “no, don’t use your blog like an echo chamber of thought, people don’t like that!” “Don’t like your mutuals every post! It’s creepy! Probably!” “Don’t reblog too many things from this one person! They won’t like it in their notifs it’s basic decorum!”
When my whole goal was to not be perceived and be Gonzo in the first place, I can at least claim I put my best muppet forward 😔
Still gonna rant and riot about Supernatural though, I’ve been watching season 8 and it’s… Meg… no
At least Meg and I can agree that Sam is and always should be rizzless and any attempt to make him a womanizer or a bar jockey is a scam and a fraud and never happened because it simply cannot with SAMUEL drinks his “absolute and utter fear and love are the same thing” juice WINCHESTER, at least not on my watch.
#s1 sam winchester#spn sam winchester#sam winchester#sam winchester headcanon#complaining#assigned Gonzo at birth#shouldn’t be perceived
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tgcf book spoilers, but one mu qing and xie lian snippet that I think about a lot is this one, at the start of xie lian’s second banishment when he’s surprised to hear mu qing being described as generous and kind:
as opposed to this memory from before his first ascension when mu qing started giving out cherries to the kids in the city:
I think it just really goes to show 1) how deeply mq’s actions truly affected xl and what he thought of him, but also 2) just how different mq and xl are fundamentally in the way that they think and approach things.
I don’t have a lot of commentary on xl that hasn’t already been said, but bc we get the story from xl’s pov, we see a lot of mq’s actions being framed as selfish or suspicious (which is fair, bc again, we know how much his actions hurt xl), but we also see a lot of misconstrued kindness, like in book 8 where it’s revealed that he knocked out fx in order to save him. it’s also pretty obvious how much mq still cares abt xl, with how quickly he volunteers as fu yao and the lengths he goes to protect him when he deems hc a threat, so I also think it’s very likely that mq leaving the trio first was exactly what he said it was — that he thought becoming a junior official, ascending quickly, would be the best way to take care of not just his mother, but also xl, fx, the king and queen, and himself, and so in a way, him leaving was him acting on his kindness. but ofc it doesn’t work out, and he spends the next 800 years fighting w/ fx about it, defending himself, his decisions, and his kindness, and nitpicking the accuracies of his statues while he himself remains completely misunderstood by the two people he probably cares abt the most.
and idk, I guess I just think that’s probably a really lonely way to spend 800 years.
#idk where I was going w this actually#but misunderstood mq who cares so much abt how he’s perceived is smth that I think abt a lot#really resonates w my eldest daughter scapegoat of the family trauma tbh#also to be clear I don’t think xl was in the wrong for chasing him away either#I think they were both just twenty year olds doing their best in a situation that twenty year olds shouldn’t have to face#that said I do think it’s hilarious and incredible that fq spent 800 years beating each other up instead of having one (1) conversation#anyway! I love all three of them! I’m glad they get a happy post canon!#oh also I think mq deserved more than just a ‘just so u know dianxia never thought that poorly of u! just be normal!’#i think he deserves an apology actually#tgcf#tgcf spoilers#mu qing#xie lian#feng xin#xianle trio#yams thoughts
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… :/
#i wish people would stop making well-intentioned positivity posts to support stone bottoms/pillow princesses that are just scolding ppl#for ‘not respecting our boundaries.’ like yeah it’s partly about boundaries but it’s way more about how sex and topping is viewed as labor#and therefore must be reciprocal to be moral. shit talking pillow princesses is so common in the queer community bc it is perceived to be#the MORAL stance. scolding ppl as if this is a purely interpersonal matter of ‘respecting boundaries’ is not shifting anything babes#sex is only labor when it’s sex work. if you think topping is a chore you shouldn’t be doing it. this is what we need to be saying to ppl#but anyways. i know these posts come from a good place but goddamn. why does the way i like to have sex need to be a ‘boundary’#shit like this makes me never wanna have sex again bc i genuinely don’t wanna hook up w someone who’s just trying to ‘respect my boundary’#i want to hook up with someone who actually wants to have sex with me!! the way i like to have sex!!! the fuck!!!!#delete later#ugh sorry im. in a mood 😣
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tf you mean S4 Starlight gets bullied for her looks ??? Meanwhile I’m still giggling thinking back about all the times she threw hands. In fact I hope she punches even more people in season 5.
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More animation frame screenshots whoop whoop! I swear it’s almost comedic how he’s managed to hijack my YouTube channel and gain me a baffling amount of new subscribers from OUT OF NOWHERE WHA- someone needs to stop him before this happens again I’m scared /j. It’s been fun watching the numbers increase in real time if not a tad overwhelming, but thankfully it mostly makes me feel appreciative more than anything else. Hopefully it’s made people laugh or helped inspired others <3
I would have talked myself out of sharing it otherwise…so glad I made the right decision with posting there. Took a leap of faith and now I feel validated for doing so. I just hope that I’m doing the characters justice even if adding my own unique spin on it. Plus gotta take a step back and remind myself that viewership isn’t what makes the world go round. Wouldn’t want the numbers getting to my head this early on and intervening with my creative visions jksjskp! I get easily influenced sometimes so finding a healthy balance for it is key :))
In meantime enjoy the facial doodles I love drawing expressions hehe
#yeah so funny enough might have just had another character growth moment here with myself YIPEEE#turns out I was the one holding myself back for so long#which honestly shouldn’t be a suprise for me but here we are <<#but I felt conditioned to suppress my interests from others and can’t even pinpoint why that was? Or how it started?#it’s just been something I’ve grown to struggle with throughout middle school & high school#think I internalized being a people pleaser and acting the role of who others perceived me to be?#NO CLUE we don’t got enough time for a therapy session *throws it all out the window*#point being that FINALLY I’ve broken out of that cycle#and with the success of the animation I’m finally realizing ‘HUH wait it’s actally a good thing to share nerdy fanart?’#because I labeled myself as an exception who couldn’t be allowed to do that#moral of story: anxiety messes with you and limits your creative freedom#you just need to stop caring about how others will react and GO FOR IT!! Because in reality you won’t be ridiculed for doing so#it’s just that we are so self critical and one of our biggest fans/haters all at once#but sharing fanart is perfectly acceptable and fun to do. Don’t limit yourself from doing something you want to <3#wip frames#wip animation frames#hplonesome art
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Do you think you’re annoying?
I think today is a beautiful day to pet a cat
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me laughing at the same jokes i’ve heard 1000 times every time i listen to/watch a recording of phantom
#and i swear it gets funnier every time!#was dying while listening to an audio today#(it was specifically nehal joshi during the il muto ballet)#(i could not stop laughing and i couldn’t even SEE him it was just his delivery)#(ugh he’s so funny i love him)#poto shitpost#also side note im about to go on a tangent#but my phantom hyperfixation runs so deep and i have so many thoughts about it#i have at least 100 posts in my drafts about it and i’m not exaggerating#they’re mostly silly memes but it’s still like an overload of posts about phantom#and i’m like. insecure about how much i think about it???? and how much of my headspace i dedicate to it????#so i keep the bulk of the memes/random posts in my drafts because i just feel weird about posting so much#i really could post about it 24/7 if i didn’t have to be a Person with Tasks#and idk i think im just hyper-aware of how i present my interests in daily life while offline#i am someone who hyperfixates and obsesses and while i could talk about phantom for years i am terrified of annoying people with my interest#i’m worried about being perceived as weird so i kind of flatten myself to make myself more palatable for others#which has me being insecure about the things i’m passionate about and how deep that passion runs#and these feelings have bled online to the specific space i have created as an outlet for my passion#like it’s my blog i shouldn’t be censoring my love for a thing that brings me joy#but my fear of being othered is like. overtaking me. because there are many things that i can’t change about myself#that categorize me as an ‘other’ (sexuality identity mental health etc)#and this is something i can control. i can control how i portray my personality#so i flatten my personality to compensate for the other (perceived) weird things that can’t be changed#idk i just shouldn’t feel the need to do that here bc pretty much everyone on here is super passionate about something#like obsessive about it#and that’s what i love about this site with all its faults. like this is a space for people to come and Be Weird and Act Strange#and everyone just accepts it#and also the phantom community in general#why should i water down my love for phantom in the one place where people can understand it and relate to it???#hit the tag limit but i’ve come to multiple revelations while typing this lmao
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Anne Carson // The Untamed // Herman Melville // Anne Carson // Anne Carson // Euripides
#when you entered the hero narrative as a means of survival and received nothing#but persecution and questions and a forever wait room for people you love knowing you’ll never get to see them again#because you shouldn’t have gotten to see them another time anyway#because you died. and died again. and died again. and returning was a fight you didn’t want to enter#but they forced your hand the same way they took your hope and they took your life#and the greatest mercy that could have been given to you in what you perceived as a a self made mess#is an escape from your own myth they made for you to confine you and restrict you and keep you watched#and you knew it before the cultivation world knew it & the kindest way out isn’t through it’s absence & even then they couldn’t give that to#you. because life has never been a gift. not yet. not until your true second one. and even then. even then. the question haunts your life li#ke it haunted your death#ANYWAY. YEAH. HEAB. OKAY.#parallels#the untamed#mdzs#wei ying#wei wuxian
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@pyrotechnicarus was right, that tv can fucking glow.
#i saw the tv glow#isttvg#the set design dude#the world is just decaying around Owen as they’re dying from the inside out#everything starts losing color and we stop seeing Owen out in the bright sunlight#the only shot that’s there that’s nice and bright and wonderful is the one of maddys burial spot#the split second pause after the drive thru worker calls Owen sir#like it was just physically painful to hear and they needed a second#the fact they just start apologizing for having a breakdown but there’s still time and they shouldn’t be doing that#they phrase it as needing to become a man but really all they’re doing is killing themself slowly over time#i 100% read Maddy and Owen/Isabel and Tara as t4t love where one of them was ready to come out and move on with their life while the other#is too scared to ever change and is stuck in an endless loop of being something they’re not#Owen has the personality of wet grass but that’s the entire point#being too scared to ever be anything more than what is expected and just rotting over years and year and just hating yourself all the while#I love the part where Owen can’t verbalize why exactly their romantic attraction feels wrong#it’s wrong because they’re trans and can’t incision a life as Owen but can’t say out loud that it’s being perceived as a male in#a relationship that is the problem#the jab the dad makes about pink opaque being a girl’s show and how the dad is the one to drag Owen away from freedom in the tv#he’s holding Owen back but they’re so fucking scared to live as Isabel and are just stuck in a cycle of self loathing#but there’s still time#the reason Maddy/Tara doesn’t come back is because there is still time#but Owen has to be the one to commit to being Isabel and no one else is going to drag them into the dirt#it’s their choice alone and their inaction is a choice all on its own#no matter how much time passes as long as Owen is alive then there is still time to change but their inaction is slowly killing them#the fact they find the truth in their own chest dude that’s such a trans thing#where the fuck is my insurance card I’m calling my doctor to start t when the offices open#THERES STILL TIME MAN#THERES STILL TIME
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The amount of times I relate to blitzø on so many levels per an episode is probably concerning and something I should definitely rethink who i am as a human being but ha ha pretty pink pop star go brrr
#i relate to Blitzo to much#oh no#oh no I’m awful oh no#oh I shouldn’t be perceived or acknowledged#oh well#pretty pink pop star go ooooo#I’m a motherfucker#helluva boss#Blitzo#verosika mayday#helluva boss apology tour
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when normie critical role blogs like and reblog my critickle role fics: 🙇♀️ hello 👀👀👀👀 ?
#I shouldn’t really say normie but you know. the non criTICKLE role people#I’m like ahdhsjakdkgkhl I interact with you on my main and you post wonderful fics and things and art and you’re liking / reblogging MY#very specifically tickle fics lol#dhfjfjkgkghkh#I die#also I like make sure I don’t put any main main tags as my first 5 so it won’t show up in the ship tags and stuff#I’m always like How did you Find this#anyway#thoughts#mine#personal#cr#lol#there’s several amazing mollymauk centric blogs that have been liking some of my cr fics and I’m like AGEHDHFKAKDKGKLGLHSJDHRJFKKH about it#lmao#BEING PERCEIVED IS FRIGHTENING
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Silco and Jynx did not have a cute relationship, idk how so many ppl dote on them. Maybe it’s nice to imagine them in wholesome interactions but they had an unhealthy dynamic with no boundaries. their interactions were supposed to make us feel uncomfortable, as confirmed by one of the writers
#I’m not saying their relationship shouldn’t have happened#just that I don’t know how y’all find it cute when it’s supposed to be perceived as weird and uncomfortable#arcane silco#silco and jinx#arcane#jynx arcane
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#apropos that pen and its origin..#some people shouldn’t be allowed to even perceive louis let alone speak about him...#.
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I crawl out of my lurker corner to ramble into the void because- because the general consensus on Phee’s introduction appears to be that she gets her defenses up because Hunter calls her trustworthiness into question, but that isn’t quite true - that that interaction happened and that she gets her defenses up is true, but it’s not actually our introduction to her- it’s not her first response, not her first words.
Her first words are “Better late than dead, I always say.”
There is no defensiveness here, she’s not making a quip, it’s not a witty one-liner: her mouth is downturned, her eyes are distant, she’s looking into her cup and not at the room - she speaks those words with grief.
And then she looks up and speaks with levity, with a hint of teasing - like she’s preparing to share her own secrets in the hopes of connecting with theirs. Like she’s hoping to find a group of people with whom she can build a form of comradery. And then it all goes south, due to Cid sharing a secret that wasn’t hers, and also the mention of the word pirate? Anyway. Maybe Cid was hoping that they would hit it off, that they would be able to help each other find that ‘future’ she brings up to convince the Batch to go to Serenno. Maybe she was actually trying to do something good, before the empire arrived and she did what everyone warned them she would do(the irony of not trusting the pirate who ends up helping them in lieu of sort-of trusting the cantina owner who ends up betraying them). Who knows. It ends up working in the end, despite the rocky start - but the rockiness wasn’t really the start, at least not for Phee. Am I the only one who thinks that? Have I missed someone else bringing this up?
There is so much here that I cannot unpack because I’m typing this at work but aaaaagh!
Anyway, I retreat back to my lurker corner with the serious hope that we get to see more of (and learn more about) Phee in season 3.
#what on earth do I tag this#should I tag this?#being perceived on the internet is a strange thing#phee genoa#she only appears in season two so I shouldn’t have to tag spoilers right?#hit post#you can do it
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claire has been in therapy since she was fifteen which is why she’s so self aware but also what do you mean that’s her with therapy. what went wrong
#she got screened and diagnosed at 15 so shes been in therapy ever since#<- her father being a psychiatrist made this possibility. more possible#(as in. access to therapy. not him diagnosing her)#the only time her father perceived her was to say there must be something wrong with this child. and well#oc: claire swanson#also i’m a big fan of claire being self aware like you’d think she’s not. she shouldn’t be. she CANT be. but she is#be a nuisance on purpose <- her life motto
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the theories in my drafts 👁️👁️
the theories i haven’t read 👁️👁️
me the past few weeks😴
me now 🔥🔥
#self spaghettificationn#we’re so back <33 (for now)#me when i hyperfixate on the show and am unable to do anything else (so i have been trying to do it not as much lately yk) (but i think it’#at least healthier than the depression i’ve been in lately lmfao#op lore#i was also lowkey recovering from rejection via a parasocial relationship/microfixation i had#before i realized i should be enjoying this for myself not for how other people perceive my content <33#and there are a lot of other cool people who do love and perceive my content in a positive light#so i really shouldn’t let small letdowns get to me even though i often do lol#and i always was lively around friends and felt like doing stuff for myself with them but felt so sad and empty when they left#but i think i just need to start giving MYSELF the time of day TOO!#even if that is a weird time of day. because it’s still A time!! and it’s what works for me <33#so yeah. heres a vent slash motivation depending how you take it#chances are if you’re reading this you’re a cool person too
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