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vitanes · 5 years

Text

say it’s okay when it’s not

chapter 14: just friends?

Everything is very messy and needs plenty of patience, Lucas has an epiphany and certain truths come out.

Everything happens so quickly that Lucas is barely aware of his surroundings. He goes through the motions in a daze. It takes so much effort to keep Eliott with them until his parents arrive. Once they do, Arthur steps out to explain the situation but only gets a word in before Eliott’s mom shushes him and looks over them.

Scared, stoned teenagers. Anxiously fidgeting in place.

She clicks her tongue as her husband tries to convince Eliott to go with him. Lucas’ keeps his eyes on the woman, not sure he can handle watching Eliott. He’s worried Eliott won’t go with them, will run off. So if he doesn’t see it, Lucas can pretend nothing bad is happening.

“He didn’t tell you, did he?” she asks, her tone stern. They don’t know what she’s talking about, but all of them shake their heads nonetheless. After all, Eliott has never told either of them anything that could have prepared them for this. “What were you doing before this started?”

Arthur opens his mouth. “Um… just relax–“

“We smoke,” Basile cuts in with a serious expression on his face. “Pot,” he adds and Eliott’s mom sighs deeply.

“I told you, we should have come after he stopped answering,” she says to her husband.

“It’s my fault. Like always,” the man mutters under his nose. “He’s probably been off medication for too long.”

Being here feels wrong. Eliott deserves privacy and as much as Lucas hates to admit it, he definitely isn’t fit for this situation. He’s helpless, like all those times with his mom. All he can do is stand and stare.

“You boys should go,” Eliott’s mom says, smiling tiredly at them. “It’s getting dark, go home. We’ll take care of him now.”

They all retreat slowly and the next thing Lucas knows, he’s standing in the doorway of his flat on shaking legs. He doesn’t remember parting with the boys or getting a tram to get home. His mind is full of white noise and he isn’t sure he can feel his body.

Lucas failed. He should have known. Eliott and he are friends, Eliott likes him, but Lucas didn’t make him trust him enough. He should have tried harder to be there for him so now this wouldn’t have caught them off guard. And even in his helpless state, Lucas should’ve been able to do something. He’s got experience after years of seeing his mom being ill. But all he did was observe from the sides while the others were trying to console Eliott as much as possible.

And the worst of it all, Lucas was scared. Selfishly scared when Eliott kept getting worse and worse. Lucas could feel his heartbeat speed up every time Eliott said more and more concerning things when they were waiting for his parents. Sure, he was worried about Eliott, but he was also terrified. It’s something he’s ashamed of.

Lucas is a useless coward and he thinks that Eliott could do so much better than him. Fuck, he deserves so much better than someone being scared of approaching him when he’s at his lowest.

“Hey, bud, everything alright?” someone says and Lucas’ head shoots up. Mika is watching him carefully and only then does Lucas realise how badly he’s trembling.

“Something bad happened with Eliott and I couldn’t be there for him,” Lucas says, his voice breaking halfway through.

“Oh, Lucas… come here,” Mika lets out, frowning and opens his arms wide for him. Normally Lucas isn’t a big fan of that kind of affection, but this time, he crosses the distance between them in two steps and buries his face in Mika’s neck, wrapping his arms tightly around his middle. Soon enough he’s comfortingly engulfed by Mika and can let a shuddering breath out.

“I couldn’t do anything for my mom and I couldn’t do anything for Eliott. People keep on giving me so much, but I can’t even do one single thing for them,” Lucas mumbles.

“Don’t say that. You make it sound like you’re so selfish,” Mika whispers. “What happened with Eliott?” he asks, rubbing soothing circles over Lucas’ back.

“His parents didn’t say what exactly it is, but I think he’s ill,” Lucas says and then launches into retelling the events of the evening. As embarrassed as it makes him feel, he doesn’t skip the part when he was lying next to Eliott and they held hands. At this moment he puts his own feelings aside and says how it was. Mentions how unnerving Eliott talking about dying was.

Mika keeps holding onto him, listening. Lucas stumbles over his words the further he goes into the story, realising how much he tuned out by the end. There are so many gaps he can’t fill in so he pathetically finishes with, “Then his mom told us to leave,” and waits for a response.

“That’s a lot, huh?” Mika asks after a minute or two of complete silence. “Shit, poor Eliott. I know you’re blaming yourself for not doing anything, but you had no idea, right? Nothing could have prepared you for this. What matters is that you were all with him and that he’s safe,” Mika says and something about his words slaps Lucas across the face.

God, hasn’t he said something similar to Arthur when he was blaming himself for what’s happened to Lucas?

They didn’t know because Eliott didn’t want them to know. He hid it from them on purpose and like with Lucas, it backfired, but as Mika has said, nothing could have made them ready for that.

Although, Lucas can’t help but think that if he had tried harder, then Eliott would have had more trust in him.

“Once all of this is over, just talk with Eliott,” Mika adds, patting Lucas on the back. “You must be tired. Take a shower, lie down,” he suggests.

Lucas pulls away and sends Mika a weak, strained smile. “Thanks. You always know what to say.”

Mika wiggles his eyebrows. “I’m older. Life experience and all that jazz,” he jokes. “Okay, go. Get some rest,” he adds, his voice gentle. He reaches his hand out and ruffles Lucas’ hair before pushing him forward.

Lucas feels so much calmer now.

***

By the time it’s morning, Lucas has barely slept, there are over thirty unanswered messages from Eliott on his phone and a whole gallery full of drawings Eliott has sent him. He’s not sure how he feels once his phone stops buzzing.

***

“Any news from Eliott?” Arthur asks no one in particular when they’re waiting for the bell to ring.

Lucas threads his fingers through his hair. The weekend has been hard. He was bombarded with Eliott’s texts, which has relieved him at first before it got too overwhelming, but once Eliott went quiet, a new kind of dread has appeared and Lucas hasn’t been able to shake it off ever since. He tried calling Eliott but to no avail.

“He sent me some stuff before going MIA again. But it was mostly incoherent,” he says, not looking up at them and shrugs.

“Well, at least he contacted you in some way,” Arthur replies and sighs.

“If he has what my mom does, he must be coming down from a manic episode now. Could be out of reach for some time,” Basile chimes in and all eyes land on him. Lucas remembers how Basile made a comment back then as if he knew.

“What do you mean?” Yann asks before Lucan can.

“I mean that he could be like my mom. She’s bipolar. He’s got pretty similar symptoms, that’s all. I could be wrong, though. We need to give him time, whatever it is and then let him talk with us,” Basile says and for the first time, he’s making sense. And he doesn’t even look stupid, that’s an achievement.

“So, we should be patient?” Arthur asks to which Basile only hums in agreement.

Easier said than done.

***

Lucas didn’t plan on asking Imane about anything, especially since to approach her, he’d probably have to come closer to the girls – don’t get him wrong, he likes them, but the thing with Daphne is still the elephant in the room. He’s not very keen on pretending to be nice to her nor is he going to be the one to expose her. He’s not going to make it easier for her. Anyway, the point is, he wasn’t going to say anything to Imane, no matter how tempting it could be. Because even if she’s an old friend of Eliott, Lucas can’t just butt in and ask her about that stuff, can he?

But it’s like Imane has the sixth sense and it’s her doing when she drags him away from the guys and they end up in the library.

“Something happened with Eliott,” she states, not asks, right after they’ve both sat down.

The first thing that comes to Lucas’ mind is, “How do you know?”

“He’s been posting weird thing on Insta,” she says as if that explained everything. “I thought I could have been wrong, but your response literally confirms it. Do you know how he is?” There’s concern painted all over her face and Lucas feels bad because he doesn’t have anything reliable to offer to her.

“Not really. I haven’t heard from him since Saturday. But wait, you have his Insta?” Lucas asks, because he’s young, sometimes stupid and focuses on things that may not be important, but catch his attention nevertheless. Eliott has told him about his account, but Lucas had no idea someone else knew about it, let alone followed him.

Imane looks confused for a second before she says, “Yeah? He doesn’t post much, though, that’s how I knew something was up. He posted so many confusing things over the weekend and then deleted the posts.”

“Oh,” Lucas breathes out. He shifts in his place and looks to the side. “I was actually wondering if you knew something. Since you are old friends,” Lucas murmurs and looks back towards Imane. She seems conflicted as she processes his words. There is something bugging her. It’s obvious that she knows the truth, but the longer she stays quiet, the more Lucas understands that she may not tell him anything. She came to him thinking that he’s already been aware and could provide her with information.

At least that’s the conclusion Lucas reaches after Imane doesn’t say anything for a few moments and keeps avoiding his eyes.

“It’s… private,” she finally says. “I don’t want to tell you something that’s Eliott’s to tell, you know? I’m not the gossiping type when it comes to matters like that,” she adds apologetically and Lucas nods. Imane is loyal as fuck and she’s not about to betray Eliott’s trust, no matter how their relationship looks like now.

And Lucas is already suspecting what it’s all about, but at the same time, Eliott hasn’t had a chance to speak for himself and Lucas knows how much it sucks when someone takes that away from you.

He could get all his answers if only he pushed harder, but he decides that it wouldn’t be fair. Most importantly, he wants to find out from Eliott. Not have Basile guessing or from pestering Imane. He can wait a little longer, the same way Eliott was patient with him. Though, there is something that makes him curious.

“How long have you two known each other?” he asks and Imane looks stopped in her tracks for a hot second. She clears her throat.

“A few years. But he was mostly friends with my brother. I was just always around.” She smiles to herself and going by the look on her face, Lucas figures out that she’s sorting through the memories in her head.

“Was he different from now?”

Imane snorts. “He was hanging out with my stupid brother. Obviously, it rubbed off on him when they were together,” she jokes, making Lucas chuckle. “He was more open and carefree. I think it all has changed after…” she hesitates to continue.

“After all that happened at his old school? He told me about it,” Lucas says. At least he isn’t completely in the dark. Imane seems relieved upon hearing that. One less secret she has to keep to herself.

“Yeah. It has really affected him, but… he’s been opening up more recently. I think it’s you and the boys. Your friendship. I’m glad you took him under your wings,” Imane admits. She doesn’t mention anything about how Lucas acted like an asshole towards Eliott for the first few weeks and at the moment, he gladly appreciates this. He likes to think that perhaps, he’s been a good influence in Eliott’s life, even if only slightly so.

“I just hope that what happened won’t make him pull away,” Lucas says. He’s got so many worries surrounding this situation and they just keep on coming.

Imane reaches her hand out and puts it over Lucas’. She squeezes his palm and sends him an encouraging grin. “Then make sure he doesn’t.”

***

Lucas has decided to give Eliott time and that’s what he’s going to do, okay, but he’s also sixteen and worried about his friend that he hasn’t heard from since Saturday. And it’s Wednesday now. So one has to understand why he’s anxiously fidgeting by Eliott’s building with a bag full of bananas.

He knows he shouldn’t be here but he couldn’t stop himself.

Lucas just wants to see Eliott and make sure everything is okay. He hasn’t told anyone about coming here because he’s aware that he isn’t acting reasonably. He should wait a few more days, but at the same time, he misses Eliott.

It’s okay if they don’t talk just yet. They could simply be together, no words spoken. That would be enough for Lucas. They could even hold hands if Eliott wanted to.

(Because Lucas definitely doesn’t want to do that himself.)

After all, Eliott may not even open the door for him. That’s exactly what Lucas is expecting once he summons up some courage and reaches Eliott’s flat. He knocks and waits, thinking that he will leave after a couple of minutes pass.

He doesn’t wait long until the door opens, but much to his surprise it’s not Eliott or even his parents, but a young girl.

Lucas almost drops the bananas and forgets how to speak for a moment.

“Um, hello?” she says, frowning at him.

Instead of saying something civil and appropriate, Lucas blurts out, “Who are you?” making the wrinkles on the girl’s face deepen.

“I think I should be asking you this question,” she replies and Lucas ignores her in favour of checking the number of the door.

It is the one he remembers.

“You aren’t Eliott,” he says, glancing back at her.

“Oh,” she gasps and realisation passes over her face. “I’m Lucille. Eliott’s ex,” she says, reaching her hand out.

Lucas shakes it, scowling. He should ask her why she’s there. They are exes and from what Lucas remembers, their relationship didn’t end well.

Lucille gazes at him sheepishly, probably thinking something similar as he is. “Come in,” she ushers him in.

Lucas follows her inside, unsure whether it’s a good idea. He came to see Eliott. If he’s not here he doesn’t really have any reason to stay.

“Are those for Eliott?” She points towards the bananas.

“Yeah,” Lucas replies and gives her the bag.

“He’s sleeping. Probably won’t talk with you. He doesn’t like being bothered when he’s like that,” Lucille tells Lucas while she’s putting the fruit away. Lucas squints at her. He’s not sure who Eliott would consider a bother in this situation. “I can tell him you visited, though,” she offers, sending his way a grin.

“I want to see him,” Lucas says, knowing he sounds like a petulant five-year-old and frankly not giving a fuck.

She has a more serious look on her face now. “I’m really not sure it’s a good idea.”

“The last time I saw him, he wasn’t present and I don’t know what happened to him. It freaked us all out. My friends and I are worried. All I want is to take a look at him,” Lucas says, not being able to stop desperation from slipping into his tone.

Lucile looks uncertain, her lips pursed into a tight line.

In the end, Lucas is just tired. It’s been days since the shit hit the fan, his head has been a mess, he can’t sleep again and simply having a proof that Eliott is okay in front of him would improve things drastically. Logically, he knows Eliott must be okay, if not mentally, then physically, but sometimes Lucas doesn’t listen to logic.

“Okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Lucille mutters, waving him off.

Lucas doesn’t say anything to her. He turns around and takes his steps towards Eliott’s bedroom. The doorknob makes a quiet sound when he pulls it down. He opens the door ever so slightly and steps in despite his hammering heart and anxiety filling his body up.

Lucas gulps as he closes the door behind himself. His eyes scan the room quickly, too scared to settle on the visible silhouette on the bed.

It’s not messy like he expected. Quite the contrary, it feels like something is missing. No clothes draped over the furniture, no drawings scattered over the floor or empty beer bottles in the corner. A bit anticlimactic if you ask him.

The curtains are drawn so the colours are muted, soft. And when Lucas eventually rests his eyes on Eliott’s form, he breathes out slowly. Eliott’s curled up on one side of the bed, his blankets covering him up to his eyes, with only his hair visible from where Lucas is standing. One of his feet is peeking out from under the blanket and Lucas is tempted to step closer and throw another cover at Eliott.

There’s something about Eliott that makes Lucas want to hold him. He dismisses the thought.

Lucille said that he was sleeping and Lucas should have only come here to see he was okay, but once he’s stepped inside, he isn’t sure he wants to leave. Eliott feels safe for him even when everything is not like it’s supposed to be. So Lucas stands near the foot of the bed, unmoving.

“Have you come here to stare at me?” Lucas is startled by Eliott’s raspy voice, muffled by the sheets. He doesn’t say anything for a good minute, surprised and it’s a mistake when Eliott adds, “If so, just leave. I don’t need another babysitter.”

He sounds irritated, so unlike his usual self and Lucas is hesitant to speak out. What if he makes it worse?

“I don’t need your pity,” Eliott finally lets out and that’s what does it for Lucas.

“I don’t pity you,” he says. Sure, he is worried about Eliott, but it’s far from pity. He wants to be there for him, that’s all.

“Yeah, sure. Bipolar Eliott has gone off the rails. I’m the crazy guy again,” Eliott spits out. “You think it’s fun, having you find out like that?”

Lucas isn’t even seeing Eliott’s face right now, but he can only imagine how pained his expression must be. He wants to say something, but he has no idea if there are any words in the world that would make the situation better. He takes a step forward, desperate to do something.

“Just leave me alone. I don’t want anyone here,” Eliott says sharply and buries his face deeper into his pillow.

Lucas wishes he could smack himself in the back of his head. He knew he should have waited longer, he was so aware and willing to give Eliott time, but some fucked up part of him came to Eliott anyway. Lucas should use his brain sometimes, it’d do him some good.

“Alright. But just so you know, I’m here for you. We all are,” Lucas says, hoping it will get through Eliott, if only a bit.

He leaves the room and before he can school his expression, he runs into Lucille on his way out. He doesn’t want to talk with her, he doesn’t want her I-know-Eliott-better-than-you vibe she’s giving off. Why is she even here?

Lucille sighs, crossing her arms over her chest. “I told you so,” she says. “But it’s not your fault, okay? Just remember that.”

Well, it’s reassuring, but doesn’t make him feel any less like crap.

Lucas leaves the flat defeated and a bit angry at himself because he should have considered that outcome. He also realises how little he knows about acting in such a situation. That’s why as soon as he’s outside, he dials his mom.

***

They’re walking side by side around the park that’s next to the facility Lucas’ mom is staying at. She’s been having her bad days so she didn’t want to meet too far away and Lucas respected that. He just hopes it’ll pass soon, for her own sake.

He thought that maybe calling his mom up about this matter was a slightly rushed decision. After all, he knows someone who lives with a bipolar person and probably has plenty of experience, but something told him that his mom will have what he’s looking for. In one way or another.

“So, tell me what it’s about,” Lucas’ mom says, linking arms with him. Lucas figures out it’s partly affectionate and partly seeking out support. He brings her closer before saying anything.

“Eliott is bipolar and had an episode. I don’t really know what to do.” Lucas has spent most of the last night looking up Eliott’s disorder online, but he’s still pretty clueless, no matter how much information he processed.

“What do you mean, dear?” his mom asks, a tint of confusion in her voice.

“Like how to help him? How to be there for him? I want to make sure he knows he isn’t alone,” Lucas says quietly. He hates not being able to do a single thing. He never wants a repetition of how everything went down with his family.

His mom takes a deep breath. He can see her watching him out of the corner of his eye.

“I’m not an expert, obviously, but you have to remember everyone goes through their illness differently. No amount of articles on the Internet is going to be one hundred percent correct. Be patient, don’t overwhelm him. Let him know you’re there but in small ways. Baby steps, you know? When everything is difficult, you have to focus on the now and try to get through this with this person. That’s what your father forgot about. He tried to handle me, do everything quickly. It’s never the way because sometimes even hours make it hard to breathe.” The raw honesty in her voice breaks Lucas’ heart. He’s been made aware to wait, give time, but no one has explained it to him like this.

Rushing things – that’s what Lucas tried to do, despite knowing better. He went to Eliott before he was ready. When he was, and probably still is, hurting. And like his mom said, it should be an individual approach. Lucas read that some people want to be alone, some don’t. And as much as he hates to admit it, Lucille does know which group Eliott belongs to. She had the time to learn, Lucas hasn’t. But he will, as long as Eliott will let him.

“You really care about that boy, don’t you?” Lucas’ mom asks, snapping him out of his thoughts. Lucas looks towards her and nods.

“Yes, I do. He’s my friend.”

His mom tilts her head to the side and says, “I don’t want to pry, but are you sure it’s only friendship?”

They stop walking. Lucas opens his mouth, ready to reply but no sound comes out. For the first time, he can’t give a definite answer. For the first time, his mind is filled with doubts as to how he really feels about Eliott.

When exactly does a friendship become something more?

There are fingers tilting his chin up. “Don’t overthink it, okay?” his mom tells him with a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “Whatever it is, he’s lucky to have you.”

In the evening, Lucas sends Eliott a text.

No matter what, you’re not alone.

***

Lucas is in Yann’s house, supposed to be studying, but he is sprawled out on Yann’s bed with his textbooks opened next to him and left untouched. His best friend is doing homework, not paying a lot of attention to Lucas’ present(one of many) crisis.

When Lucas is told not to overthink, he does the opposite. He hasn’t been able to stop his mind from going right back to his mom’s question. It’s like he’s seeing the world through new lenses. Thinking back to his whole relationship with Eliott, going through all he’s felt from the very first moment he saw him.

They have a connection. A deep one. Not quite like the one he shares with his other friends. It’s not the same as with Yann. There has always been something that drew Lucas in, even back when he was convinced he hated Eliott. Their eyes would find each other and for one moment, the rest of the world didn’t exist. Lucas has never questioned why. He has never stopped to think what’s it about Eliott that makes him so special.

What is Eliott to Lucas?

Eliott is warmth, solace, and peace. Eliott is held hands and whispered secrets. Shared joints, bad music taste, and drawings of the two of them. He’s staying up late and eating pizza for a whole day while playing stupid games together. Comfortable silences and feeling safe to come to.

But Lucas has only thought of him as a friend. Not even Eliott’s sudden confession or Arthur’s comment changed the way he looked at him. Or, maybe he simply wasn’t aware of it? After all, Lucas has a great talent to internalising and repressing things and as he looks back on everything that happened with Eliott, there have been so many moments that made his heart race. Way too many.

How did he know that he liked Yann? Oh, right, he kept thinking about kissing him.

Kissing Eliott, what would it entail? Does he want it?

Lucas thinks about how it’d be to thread his fingers through Eliott’s hair and pull him closer, so close they’d be breathing the same air. He imagines moving his other hand over Eliott’s heart and letting it rest there as he’d look up into Eliott’s eyes and see the stars. They would be smiling softly at each other and Lucas would be the one to close the gap between them, his lips parted. The kiss would be tentative at first, but they’d be already blushing furiously with their sweaty palms holding onto one another. It’d be messy before they’d find their rhythm. Slow and lazy because they’d have no need to hurry. And then Eliott would bite down on Lucas’ lower lip and Lucas would feel him smirking into the kiss–

Lucas sits up, placing his hands over his burning cheeks and looks in panic at Yann who jumps in his place, startled by Lucas.

“Dude, what?” Yann asks, staring at Lucas quizzically and holding his pen up in a funny way. Like he was ready to attack him.

Lucas gazes back at him in horror and in the grimmest voice possible says, “I think I like Eliott.” His heart is beating so fast it may as well kill him any minute. He’s not sure it’s because of what he’s just vividly imagined or the epiphany. Maybe both.

Yann deflates and makes a sceptic face at Lucas. He throws the pen at him, hitting Lucas in the forehead. “Fuck you, you scared me,” he mutters and clicks his tongue.

“Listen, it’s serious. It’s a game-changer,” Lucas proclaims and realises his hands are shaking. If that isn’t one drastic way to act when one learns they’ve got a crush on someone.

Yann stares at him doubtfully. “Alright. It’s not like you can do much about it now, though. So calm down,” he reasons, patting Lucas on the back.

“You don’t understand. It’s so sudden.” Lucas hides his face in his hands and exhales loudly.

“Honestly?” Yann asks as he starts rubbing Lucas’ back comfortingly. “I could see that coming.”

Lucas looks up at him, surprised. “What?”

“I know you, Lucas. You guys have gotten so close together, which is fine. But I know you. It’s not because you both like guys or something, I’m not that shallow. I could just see this happening on your face,” Yann admits sheepishly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Would you have believed me if I had said anything before you realised it yourself? Because I doubt it,” Yann says, taking his hand away. He shrugs. “I prefer to let people do things at their own pace.”

Well, he isn’t wrong given how Lucas denied everything when Arthur thought there was something between him and Eliott.

“I think that all that happened with Eliott recently must have pushed you,” Yann adds as an afterthought.

“Yeah, maybe,” Lucas says tiredly. “What now?”

“I have no idea. You know how things went with Emma,” Yann replies, apologetic. Yeah, Lucas knows because it was partly his doing. “You don’t even know if he likes you back.”

Okay, so Lucas guesses Yann is only perceptive when it comes to how Lucas is feeling. Or, Eliott is really fucking good at keeping his feelings to himself.

“He does,” Lucas says. “He confessed to me some time ago.”

The surprise on Yann’s face is priceless. His jaw goes slack and eyes open comically wide.

“And that didn’t make you realise your feelings?”

“Shockingly enough, but no.” It did trigger something in him, though, because the level of staring at Eliott grew unhealthily ever since then. God, Lucas has been so fucking gay.

“You’re hopeless,” Yann states simply, his face scrunched up. Then he gasps. “That mural. It was for you.” Lucas nods even though Yann doesn’t really need confirmation. “Wow. That’s great. You both like each other. Best case scenario, right?” He’s smiling encouragingly at Lucas.

Lucas sighs, lacking Yann’s enthusiasm. “In theory, yeah.”

“But?” Yann asks, confused.

Lucas can’t say that he’s gay and among many things, he has intimacy issues. So he says something else, that’s just as true. “Liking you was safe because I knew you were straight and I wouldn’t fuck up anything. I’ve never had a mutual crush or been in a relationship. I don’t want to lose what we have because of that,” Lucas confesses, wrapping his arms around himself. “It’s scary.”

Yann looks at him with understanding in his eyes and nudges him in the side. “I know it’s scary. That shit is terrifying as fuck, but you know what? Some risks are worth taking,” he says quietly, throwing his arm over Lucas’ shoulders.

***

It’s Friday afternoon and Lucas is in the tram, on his way back home when he feels his phone buzz. He pulls it out and his heart skips a beat when he sees he’s got a message from Eliott. He hasn’t heard from him ever since he texted him two days ago.

What he reads is a simple thank you, but it’s still more than he expected. He smiles to himself and tucks his phone back into his pocket.

He’s shaken by the epiphany he had the day before but he’s trying to work around it and not freak out. Especially since he knows Eliott is nowhere near to being in the state when they could be talking about such things.

This time Lucas pushes his feelings aside on purpose because it’s not the time yet. Everything that’s happened in the last week has been a lesson on patience and slowly but surely, Lucas is learning the basics. There are still so many other things he needs to take care of, stuff that he wishes he could already move past on. But well, he can’t rush the universe.

“Have you already run out of money?” Lucas hears someone exclaiming loudly.

It’s not aimed at him, but he glances briefly towards the people behind him anyway. There are three boys, talking amongst each other. He recognises one of them as Tom, the guy Yann and him were hanging out with last year. He was their weed-provider for a while and also a total asshole. Lucas scrunches his nose up and looks away.

“No, I still have some saved up. But I can’t go wild anymore, you know.” It’s Tom.

“Why?” the third guy asks.

“The guy you’ve been leeching off stopped paying you?”

“Yeah, it was fun while it lasted, though. I thought he was loaded because I was in his house once. I guess he just didn’t care,” Tom says, sounding bored.

“But it’s a good way to get some free money.”

Tom hums. “It was so easy I didn’t even have to try hard. The amount of money I got because of two blurry pictures some drunk chick took. Fuck,” he snorts.

Lucas freezes.

“It was fifty euros every week, right?” Tom lets out an affirming noise. “Shit, better than going to work.”

“I heard he was beaten up, though. Tough luck, I guess. He could have tried harder,” Tom complains and it’s not a coincidence. Everything that they’ve said so far is too fucking familiar. It’s fucking Tom who called Lucas gay every single time they hung out. There’s no fucking way in hell it’s not about him.

Lucas stops listening to them.

He turns around, shaking, buzzing with anger. All he can see is red as he approaches the boys, who are laughing at something right now. Not having noticed him yet.

“It was you,” Lucas grits out, catching their attention. Tom looks towards him and curses under his breath.

The tram stops.

Lucas drags Tom out of it, ignoring Tom’s protests and his friends following them out. They can do whatever they want to him, but he isn’t letting Tom off the hook.

He pushes Tom and he lands on the ground. “Why the fuck did you do it?!” he cries out, ignoring everyone around.

Tom gulps. “I needed some cash for drugs?” he offers, smiling nervously.

Drugs. Lucas’ life has been ruined because of fucking drugs. That’s how much he is worth. He stands there, baffled, his fingers curled up into fists.

“You fucked me over to smoke some weed?” Lucas asks, his voice cracking.

“Paid rent with your money, too,” Tom blabbers as if it made the situation better.

“What have I ever done to you?” Lucas won’t cry. He won’t fucking cry and give that asshole more satisfaction.

Tom backs away a few centimetres when he notices Lucas stepping closer. “It’s nothing personal! I just saw the opportunity and took it,” he explains.

Lucas shakes his head in disbelief. “You’re sick,” he spits out. His vision becomes blurry, but he isn’t going to show more weakness. He blinks the tears away and when he sees Tom trying to get up, he waits until they are on the same level.

“No hard feelings,” Tom says, dusting himself off and looking over himself. Like all was good. As if Lucas wasn’t close to exploding.

Too engrossed in himself, Tom doesn’t see Lucas’ fist coming.

(a/n:ill understand if some of you are disappointed by who the blackmailer is but by this story i wanted to show that sometimes something so grand happens in our life when for someone else it means nothing, they are just a random person. tom just wanted money and have fun, he didn’t care abt the rest. anyways, one more chapter to go!)

#elu #elu fic #elu fanfic #skam france #skam france fic #skam france fanfic #lucas x eliott #lucas lallemant #eliott demaury

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paperclipninja · 5 years

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Younger post-ep ramble 6x10

Ok, so this week’s episode, ‘It’s All About The Money, Honey’ delivered two of my season 6 wish list items: Kelsey and Charles working together as a supportive team and really getting to see their dynamic and relationship (I sometimes forget that they have a whole history BL - Before Liza) and Liza and Charles getting drunk and handsy at a bar. I’m not even kidding, when I wrote my season 6 wish list I word for word wrote that. So thank you for those Alison Brown, I am simple folk and I am happy. I would also like to show my appreciation for a number of throwbacks that were nice little nuggets from previous seasons.

I don’t know whether it was deliberate or not, but this ep seemed to really play very obvious set ups, where you could see what was coming and kind of hoped it’d play out differently because eek! but then nope. I have no idea if this approach has a name in screenwriting, it was sort of like set-up slapstick, for absolute lack of any better description (I’m sure ‘eek!’ is a technical term somewhere…). I am writing much of this on a plane on my way to holiday time (yay), which may mean nothing or something but I think my point is that I may miss a few bits and pieces here and there. There’s much to discuss so let’s do this!

After their declarations of love last week, this episode opens with Zane, a towel, his abs and Kelsey chatting about her trip to Chicago to ‘beg for money’, which nicely sets up a few themes for the ep. The issue of not being taken seriously as a woman in business is quickly flagged, along with the appropriate foreshadowing of future faux pas with Zane’s reassurance that Kelsey will get their attention being the only woman in the room (as he very unsubtly opens her shirt while staring at her chest) and Kelsey’s quip that ‘I guess I have more assets than you’ (boobs, she means her boobs ICYMI).

Liza and Charles are also saying their farewells, with Charles continuing to be supportive boyfriend no. 1 as he tells Liza to stop feeling guilty before reassuring her that everything is going to be fine, which we all know means it absolutely will not be. I’d like to officially welcome back the ‘miss you’ texts because a) they’re adorable and b) I do love a good text distraction as a giant poster of a woman and her ex goes past on the side of a bus just when that woman is floating along blissfully thinking of her current bf. As she passes another poster, it’s only a matter of time until Liza comes face to face with, well, her face. On the side of a building. Eek! indeed.

Naturally Liza’s first instinct is to call Kelsey, who is at the airport with Charles, to ask her to stop him from seeing the ad until she has the chance to speak to him. I feel like a phone call to Charles instead in that moment would’ve sorted it all pretty quickly, but then we would’ve missed out on his smile at the pic of Liza that comes up on Kelsey’s phone and the funniest moment of the episode, Kelsey’s sudden onset escalator phobia (‘I don’t like them, they’re weird’ LOL). The absolute highlight of this episode for me was seeing Kelsey and Charles working together. From the moment she’s filling him in on the investors they’re meeting with because she’s done her research to Charles saying that she can do the job without investors sticking their noses in (Bryce reference noted, what a dud) to Kelsey redirecting him to the elevator and him confused but obliging without question, their dynamic from the get go was fab and a lovely build on last week’s ep.

Meanwhile, luckily for Liza Lauren is at work, which is really lucky for all of us because Lauren now only referring to Diana as Diva and Diana clearly very ok with it is all I’ve ever wanted and my mind is filling in all the blanks about what the two of them would have been sitting there talking about while waiting to see if the people they sent to catch their food return (this line = yes Diva). I loved Lauren’s 'here?’ when Liza asks if she can talk to her (then 'so here, ok’ as she sits down lol) because it certainly feels as though Lauren is trying to keep the moment about Diana and the excitement of getting the appointment at Kleinfeld and is reluctant to let Liza make it all about her (which she of course does and Diana calls her out on it and I am here for it every day of the week).

Liza’s obsessive focus on the ad campaign and the need to speak to Charles about it really consumes her for the entire episode and blinds her to the needs of any other characters in way that seems uncharacteristic, but is also quite on brand considering some of the self-absorbed moments we’ve seen from her throughout the series. I guess it just seems uncharacteristic for season 6 Liza (or at least my understanding and construction of this character at this point), with a lie no longer in play and able to live her life honestly, as she’s been hoping to do since season one. I’m unsure whether this fixation and her consequent behaviour was meant to be funny or highlight the point that clearly there is more to the poster than it just being about clothes (we get it, there are FEELINGS), but I have to say that I really struggled with it considering Liza’s journey to where she is now and also this show’s usual tendency to be more nuanced.

Despite Liza’s persistence with Lauren re: Infinitely 21 at Kleinfeld (my concern that Lauren was harbouring some ill feeling towards Liza following the lie reveal was quashed when she revealed that she’d phoned Shelly to say Liza was uncomfortable with the ad. I mean, ‘I left a voicemail for you!’ is as ‘I’ve got your back’ as it comes), we were given a delightful moment between Diana and Liza as they reminisced about their first weddings and it’s conversations like this that I would like to see many more of. These two talking as women who have shared life experience is everything. It is then revealed that Infinitely 21’s campaign is going national which leads Liza to bail on the bride to frantically make a dash to Chicago, but my main takeaway from this scene is that Diana is going to have the wedding celebration she damn well deserves and quite frankly, this Trout/DeLuca “event of the year” cannot come fast enough.

Turns out Liza is not the only one getting on a big jet plane, as Claire fills Josh in on the amazing promotion to Senior Project Manager she’s been offered at Google, which will set Gemma up nicely. The only catch is, it’s in LA. Josh is understandably upset and as Claire assures him they’ll figure it out, he also spots the Infinitely 21 poster for the first time, because the only thing better than finding out your daughter might be moving across the country is being plastered all over the city in a pic with your ex who you’re still in love with. One of my favourite friendships on this show is that between Maggie and Josh, so I enjoyed seeing him go to Maggie to talk over the revelations of the morning (what a morning!). You’ve gotta love Maggie’s, ‘it’s not a sign’ to snap Josh out of the wallowing (and Josh’s ‘it’s literally a sign’, ha), her encouraging him to fight for Gemma and use the Infinitely 21 success to his advantage was a solid suggestion (though I am a little disappointed that Maggie didn’t ask if he’d consider moving to LA as one possible option to keep Gemma in his life or at least throw it out there on one of her famous Maggie ‘these are your options’ lists).

Josh meets with Shelly, who makes zero attempt to hide her thirst and it’s pretty darn hilarious and I actually love this entire interaction. Josh’s idea of franchising Inkburg, mentioned at the retreat in episode 6, remerges in the form of a collaboration with Infinitely 21 (Retail-tainment). Inkburg Midtown would offer a set of flash pieces exclusive to Infinitely 21, it is all very well pitched and I like seeing Josh in business mode because he’s clearly pretty decent at it after all these years, but not as much as Shelly likes it and him and everything which leads to her basically groping him in store (‘I’m a hugger’, yeah sure Shel). I have to believe that Josh’s move to establish the partnership with Infinitely 21 is so that he has clout to replicate the idea in LA and establish a national presence if he wants, rather than to try and keep Claire in New York by saying he can support her financially (unless we discover that is what Claire actually wants). Josh has been written as way too woke to do something to sabotage the career of the mother of his child, especially considering his experience with Liza and knowing what she went through. I, for one, will watch this space.

Another space I have watched closely is Kelsey’s, especially as she’s grappled with the role of publisher and really found her feet in the last couple of episodes. Her brilliant boss mode continued this week and seeing Kelsey so nervous before the pitch meeting, but still keeping her level head even after discovering Jacobs was the only shot at keeping the company alive, demonstrated again how much she has grown. From the moment Jeffrey and Ennis greet Kelsey and Charles, and by greet I mean look straight through Kelsey at Charles, you just know that this is going to be a tough gig for Kels. The men very obviously talk only to Charles, patronise Kelsey asking 'do you even know what those [precious metals] are?’, ugh it’s all so gross but also a bit too real and familiar. I love that Charles makes a point of saying 'we’ and emphasising that they are a team and it is obvious he is not comfortable that even when Kelsey is speaking they still look at and talk to him. Seeing Kelsey interject confidently and intelligently (although when she tells that room of suits to follow her on Insta it was a definite Eek! moment) was so satisfying, she read the room, commanded it pay attention and it did. Charles is proud and impressed and lets her hold the floor (as he should but it was great to see) and I could legit watch a whole series with these two as kick-ass business partners.

Just when I thought my new fave dynamic duo couldn’t have any more golden moments, Kelsey and Charles getting celebratory drinks happened. After last season saw a lot of tension between these two characters, seeing this relationship shift to one of mentor/mentee that is truly symbiotic (I have no doubt that Charles is learning as much from Kelsey as she is from him), where Kelsey still needs reassurance about how the business world works and Charles expresses his eternal gratitude for her amazing work…seriously, did I mention how much I love this? It is an actual dream.

Of course it is just after a commemorative glass clinking moment that Liza arrives, much to the elation of Charles (‘this day just keeps getting better and better’, ugh) and wariness of Kelsey, who immediately questions Liza’s real reason for being there. Upon hearing that the Infinitely 21 campaign (yes, we’re still talking about that) has gone national so Liza came to speak to Charles, Kelsey looks at her with the same ‘you have lost the plot’ look I had on my face, before telling her, ‘not now…we are celebrating’. Liza agrees as smitten, happy Charles looks over but this high school drama-esque carry on is really a bit much at this point. All I can say is thank goodness for the scene that followed, because it very quickly made me forget that I was getting annoyed.

First we get the revelation that Liza made out with Chrissie Hart on Shelter Island, which was also the last time we saw Charles and Liza drunk together but they were also not actually together, so it was very much that moment that sparked my need to see them out and drinking again some time. So yes, sharing great stories as they all sit around, check, they are all so carefree and jovial and then Charles and Liza just start making out in front of third wheel Kelsey and I cannot and this is 100% the quality content that my trashbag heart lives for. But it is Liza and Charles bidding Kelsey goodnight when she says she’s heading back to her room, and Charles saying, ‘bye’ before turning to Liza with a soft, ‘hi’ that completely undoes me. Seriously, project this entire scene on loop on my tombstone for I. am. deceased.

Drunk Kelsey back in her room responding to Zane’s message with a boob shot = I am DYING again but for different reasons. Kelsey Lorraine indeed, Lauren seeing it on Insta stories is every kind of second hand mortification and poor Kelsey waking up and realising what she’s done is yikes (but lbh it’s also a little bit hilarious, special thanks to the messages left on her story: A tale of two titties, Nippy longstockings and my personal fave, Did you mean to post this? It’s Liz from the gym). Kelsey’s waking nightmare is contrasted by Liza waking up to her fantasy of her, Charles, coffee and paper (you and me both sista), but my fantasy is quickly shattered when Liza spots that pesky ad on the back of the newspaper and grabs it from Charles in a totally normal way, which he interprets to be playful and suggestive, until he realises it is not.

Liza’s reveal makes it pretty obvious that she’s feeling guilty but that is quickly interrupted by the frantic knocking of Kelsey, the bearer of more bad news. Liza greeting her with ‘he’s seen it’, countered by Kelsey’s horrified, ‘Charles saw my boobs?’ before Liza corrects her with, ‘no, the Infinitely 21 ad’ is just so mind boggling, I mean, what person in their right mind opens the door to their best friend’s incessant knocking and thinks ‘they must be beside themselves to find out if I told Charles yet?’ I get it, it’s consuming Liza because it’s dredging up feelings so that the triangle can be revived after lying dormant (presumed dead) the past two seasons, but Charles having to hear about Kelsey’s mistake (though Liza’s ‘you look good’ is v. funny), as well as process that Liza didn’t come to Chicago to surprise him and Kelsey at all just makes me pretty sad.

Kelsey continues to be impressive as she owns her screw up and humbly explains herself to the room full of gross men. I do love how they’ve been cast, so much brown fabric. Charles’, 'it’s just too much of a good thing…I mean Kelsey’s internet presence’, is awks af but he’s really trying to throw his support behind her. Ennis Jacobs asking Kelsey if she’s considered distancing herself from the Millennial brand (dude, she IS the Millennial brand) and saying they are still interested in investing if Charles is publisher made me want to scream for her, Charles’ assertion that 'she is a woman who has made nothing but smart decisions since she’s been in a position to make decisions’ met with the biggest decision Kelsey has made yet; stepping down as publisher.

I do see it, the juxtaposition of how a man embroiled in a scandal (publisher having an affair with a 28 year old assistant) is treated vs. a woman whose potentially scandalous error was accidental, that the ultimate ramifications for him are minimal because look, he’s now back where he was not that long ago (though I also see the mirroring of Charles having to step down due to the scandal and now Kelsey having to do the same…so maybe they’re just the ultimate tag team?). I am going to wait to see how the rest of this season plays out (on all fronts), but if at seasons end, Charles is publisher again, and it’s all basically as it once was, then what was the point of any of this beyond making that statement? I mean, there are a number of ways it could go, so I am interested to see what this means. I am just really heartbroken for Kelsey because in that moment, she put the need of the company ahead of her own ambition and I am also heartbroken because she really had FINALLY come into her own as publisher and I was excited to see what she would do next.

After the horrendous meeting, Liza is waiting for Charles to finish the conversation about the ad and Charles suggests that she fly back to NY with Kelsey, because ‘she needs you now’ (seriously, if Charles is in your corner he is IN your corner). I love that Charles knows what Liza flying to Chicago really means and calls her out on it, that he is not bothered by her past or relationship with Josh, it’s the fact she felt she had to get on a plane that makes him wonder if there is something to be worried about. Call me boring but I have always appreciated that these two have actual proper adult conversations and don’t avoid issues and this was no exception.

Charles puts it to Liza that ‘everyone has a past, but in order to have a future, you move on from it’, to which she responds that ‘other people live in the past in order to have a future’. Yes, Liza had to live a younger life in order to build a new future for herself but now that she has re-established her career and her real age is no longer a secret, is that what she wants to keep doing? I do believe Liza realises she isn’t being fair to Charles but I think we all know that even if her pledge not to see Josh anymore was genuine at the time, it is not going to be upheld and was probably a bit of an over-promise. But I do appreciate that Liza really is choosing Charles in that moment.

It’s the escalator ride (which is weirdly relatable for some reason) once Kelsey and Liza are back in New York, but neither want to go home, that shows that even if Liza does want to move forward, she is still stuck between these two worlds. I have to say, Kelsey losing her job and being publicly humiliated somehow being on par with a 42 year old woman feeling sad that she can’t be friends with an ex because she’s confused about her feelings is ridiculous and I personally feel like the final moments of this ep should have been focused squarely on Kelsey. I do agree with Liza that Kelsey will get it back though, that was the correct response.

The painfully longing glances at the giant poster of her and Josh can be taken as a letting go of the past and moving forward (time will tell) but it also undoubtedly indicates that Liza’s days of once again oscillating between these two men are very much on the horizon which is, to be frank, really disappointing at this point in a series. My biggest issue is the fact that we keep being told that this show is not about the triangle, it’s about the women and the friendships yet it’s constantly being made about the triangle. In always pulling the focus to the triangle this show is making it about the men, which is the very thing it so brilliantly admonishes society for doing.

While I am absolutely reserving all judgement until I see how the rest of this season unfolds, I have to believe that if the triangle does make a comeback, it is being dredged up again to bring it to a head once and for all, so that we can all move on and focus on the many far more compelling aspects that make up this wonderful show.

#youngertv #younger tv #ramble #review #younger season 6 #6x01 #liza miller #kelsey peters #charles brooks #diana trout #liza x charles #team charles

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consulting-celiac-in-the-tardis · 5 years

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5 Lessons From Celiac Disease That Help During the Coronavirus Outbreak

New blog post! I'm sure that most people can relate when I say that the last few weeks have felt as surreal as they have chaotic. The Coronavirus outbreak has meant I moved out of my apartment in Minnesota two months ahead of schedule, am now busy transitioning the college class I teach to be online and am receiving a very different ending to my grad school experience than I expected.

As overwhelming as this whirlwind of events has been, though, I've been trying to focus on gratitude and staying as positive as possible...which is why I started thinking about how living with celiac disease has actually made adapting to the new precautions for the Coronavirus outbreak a little easier. (Especially since otherwise healthy individuals with celiac disease are not at a higher risk for the Coronavirus). So in order to share a little light during this hectic time, I thought I would start my entry back into the blogging world (which I've definitely missed while my schedule was far too busy to write and post!) by sharing five ways living with celiac disease has helped me adapt a little easier to life during the Coronavirus outbreak.

Coronavirus Outbreak, Celiac Hack #1: Already knowing how to work with what you have in the kitchen.

As most people probably know from experience or news stories, in many parts of the United States (and the rest of the world, I'm assuming), many grocery shelves are bare as people have been stocking up. Personally, I flew back to Minnesota from my Spring Break in California (check out my Insta posts here for more fun details into my adventure before this chaos all began!) and immediately hit my local Aldi hours after I landed, and I had never seen so many things out of stock.

As a result, a lot of people may not be able to find their usual groceries, which requires a lil' bit more creativity in the kitchen.

And that's where the benefits of living with celiac disease come in.

Because when gluten, wheat and all of its cousins suddenly become off-limits, creativity in the kitchen is a must. So the idea of having to whip up a delicious dinner using only the foods still available at your local grocery store might not feel as intimidating for someone with celiac disease than it might for a creative-cooking newbie. ;)

Coronavirus Outbreak, Celiac Hack #2: Already knowing how to be innovative when connecting with others.

Besides empty grocery shelves, the biggest way the Coronavirus outbreak has affected my life (and many others) is by majorly limiting my face-to-face social activity. Even though I was never a huge extrovert, I still interacted with people daily at the gym or while attending and teaching college classes, so shifting to only interacting with family members living in the same house has been a major shift. But as I've reflected over the past week, I've realized that I'm somewhat used to being creative in how I connect with others...and I believe many with celiac disease can relate. After all, one of the most common ways for people to spend time together is to "break bread"...and celiac disease doesn't make that easy.

So we're often forced to get creative. We go to restaurants with loved ones for the company instead of the food. I invite friends for walks (or even rollerskating!) instead of coffee shop dates, and I consider many of the Instagram connections I've made in the gluten free community real friends, even though I've never met them in real life. And in the time of social distancing, I think that kind of adaptability can actually work to our advantage. I know I've found comfort checking in with friends on Instagram (my DMs are always open, even if I may be a bit slow to respond!) and look forward to getting creative with family baking adventures, FaceTime "parties" with friends and more fun Insta challenges (considering I've already been tagged to complete the push-up challenge, I'm sure more will come my way!).

Coronavirus Outbreak, Celiac Hack #3: Having experience making my OWN definition of a "healthy lifestyle."

Right now, at least in the health and wellness bubble I often occupy on social media, it seems like "healthy living" is a lot harder to achieve than normal. Gyms are closed, fresh produce may be limited and some people aren't even allowed to leave their house to get in some steps. As a result, I know I've been having a little anxiety about not being "active enough" or eating too much comfort foods (thank youuuu stress), and from just a quick glance on Instagram, I know I'm not alone.

However, I've already needed to re-define my definition of "healthy" in the past, like when I was diagnosed with celiac disease. Suddenly, whole wheat and whole grain were the LEAST healthy items I could add to my shopping cart, and when I was dangerously malnourished initially after my celiac diagnosis, exercise was also not the "healthiest" activity I could have done.

From back during my hospitalization in 2013...

So I'm trying to apply a similar mindset shift to the Coronavirus outbreak. Maybe we can't move our bodies as much as usual...but perhaps this can be a rejuvenating time for rest and different forms of exercise, if we feel like it. And maybe we can't eat the "healthiest" diet...but when there are countless lives at stake, should that really be a priority?

Obviously, I'm not a professional in nutrition, mental health, exercise or really anything regarding the Coronavirus outbreak and general health. But I have realized how empowering it is to define "healthy" in a way that actually lets you feel your best instead of constantly feeling "not enough"...and I believe many people living with celiac disease or other chronic illnesses can relate.

Coronavirus Outbreak, Celiac Hack #4: Already knowing how to openly discuss your needs with others...especially, housemates.

Another major way life has changed since the Coronavirus outbreak? Many people are now quarantined in their houses...often with other people. And at least in my experience of sharing a small apartment with 3+ other girls for almost a year, that level of constant cohabitation requires a LOT of open communication.

And like you can probably guess...living with celiac disease can def help with that. ;) After all, when you have celiac disease, you don't just need to communicate your dietary needs to family. You need to talk to friends and significant others, waiters and chefs, food company owners and, of course, anyone who uses your kitchen. So while I definitely wouldn't say I - or anyone else with celiac disease - automatically nail every communication opportunity, I do think having experience stating your needs can make spending a lot of quality time with people a lil' easier. So thank you celiac disease for that!

Coronavirus Outbreak, Celiac Hack #5: Regularly getting excited over little things in life.

If you've ever jumped up and down in a grocery store because you finally found that delicious food you've spent months looking for, you probably have celiac disease or other dietary restrictions. Personally, I've cried over not having any good tasting gluten free tortillas, and I've definitely done happy dances in public when I discovered a new gluten free restaurant or product in my local grocery store. The benefit of these experiences? I've learned that little things in life - like finding some damn tasty GF tortillas - are worth celebrating and being grateful for. And at a time in the world when a lot of our usual daily activities are frustratingly off-limits, I think this mindset is more important than ever.

From the delicious Gluten Free Gem in Portland

The Bottom Line of How Celiac Disease is Helping Me Cope with the Coronavirus Outbreak

I don't want to make it seem like I'm feeling super grateful and happy every hour of the day since the Coronavirus outbreaks started. I miss talking to grad school friends and my students, face-to-face. I miss being able to buy toilet paper without a second thought. And I definitely miss being able to go to the gym - my favorite mental escape. But I'm trying to cultivate as positive a mindset as possible, and like I've shared in this post, I think living with celiac disease - or perhaps any chronic illness - definitely helps with that. Because of celiac disease, I've learned how to be adaptable. How to be transparent about my needs with others and find joy in little moments. (Not to mention that gluten free food doesn't seem to be flying off the shelves as quickly as their gluten-filled counterparts.)

And if you have celiac disease, I hope this post reminds you of ALL the badass skills and swagger your chronic illness has given you - and that you can (and should!) take advantage of those skills during this trying time. So stay safe and healthy, and know I'm sending lots of gluten free love your way! And to help us all get some socialization during social distancing, tell me in the comments how you're doing with the Coronavirus outbreak or what skills celiac disease has taught you! via Blogger https://ift.tt/3bmfLdM

#Blogger #college #celiac #gluten free #coeliac #celiacs #paleo #primal #foodporn #foodart

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