#should i tag all of em 😬

[chukys-mouthguard]

your.username | previous post

liked by colecaufield, trevorzegras, jackhughes and 8,934 others

your.username said he needed time with the boys so i took myself for a ride 🏎️

tagged: trevorzegras, colecaufield, jackhughes

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jackhughes thank for 4th wheeling with me 🤣

-> your.username anytime bestie 🫶🏼

-> jackhughes like should you be worried?? lol

-> your.username I’ve come to terms that those boys are a package deal 🙃

trevorzegras the best chaperone any 3 boys could ever have ❤️

-> your.username i felt more like a mom chasing after her triplet boys HAHA

user2056 oh my gosh prayers for your.username having to deal with the 3 of them…

-> user5669 okay but let’s be real, it’s just trevor and cole she probably wanted to murder HAHA

-> your.username i cannot confirm or deny whether or not the thought of leaving them at the track ever crossed my mind 🤫

colecaufield thanks for giving me time with my bf 🫶🏼 (and jack too i guess)

-> trevorzegras 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

-> jackhughes wow, i feel the love

user0496 love that she doesn’t keep him from his friends though

-> user2407 exactly! I feel like she genuinely loves his friends and wants him to get time with them

colecaufield

liked by your.username, trevorzegras, jackhughes and 10,935 others

colecaufield boys were feeling neglected so i took ‘em for a spin 😮‍💨

tagged: trevorzegras, jackhughes, your.username

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trevorzegras boys day 🫶🏼

-> jackhughes plus a girl (thanks cole🙄)

-> colecaufield yeah who invited her anyways 🫣

-> your.username who got you boys tickets anyways 👀

liked by trevorzegras, colecaufield, and jackhughes

username5046 the band’s back together 🥹🫶🏼

jamiedrysdale how the hell did your.username last an entire day with you 3???

-> your.username lots of alcohol 😂

lhughes_06 don’t worry your.username, we can have a day at the lake house and leave them out of the plans

liked by your.username

-> jackhughes dude how? It’s literally my house i have a key?

-> lhughes_06 about that, we’ve been meaning to tell you this but, you’ve been evicted

-> _quinnhughes yeahhh sorry bro 😬

-> jackhughes i actually hate you both

user9056 i love how he tagged your.username but didn’t post a picture of her despite her being with them😂

liked by your.username and colecaufield

-> your.username yeah no he literally said “dedicated boys day post, I’ll tag you as a cloud in the sky” 🙄 lol

-> colecaufield 😘😘😘

[dre6ming]

Wedding

The delicate beginning rush

A/n: I just received a request for Austin and reader making wedding plans and being all cute and fluffy, so by this post I’m telling you to be in the lookout cause it’s coming

Masterlist

Instagram photo dump masterlist

Taglist -add yourself to the tag list to see more posts

y/n4real.2002

Liked by austinbutler taylorswift and 1.256.637 others

y/n4real.2002 cause when you know, you know... #oneyear

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austinbutler you are so beautiful it takes my breath away

↪︎y/n4real.2002 I love you truly

↪︎fan283 they are so sweet I love them

↪︎fan.austin it's been 11 years guys and these two are still crazy about the each other

taylorswift oh what a beautiful blushing bride

↪︎y/n4real.2002 haha thanks I had the best maids of honor

↪︎billieeilish ofc you did bitch

↪︎roxanne.02_b1tch like hell you did, we should also get an appreciation post 😤

↪︎y/n4real.2002 oooh my god what have I started

↪︎billieeilish a war

↪︎roxanne.02_b1tch tell her

fan384 she looked so happy

fansof.y/n I'm so happy for them

tchalamet my baby sister looks so dang good

↪︎austinbutler doesn't she always?

↪︎tchalamet don't twist my words Butler, you're on thin ice man

↪︎y/n4real.2002 men ! they never grow up

↪︎fan394 haha rip em them to shreds

y/n4real.2002

Liked by billieeilish taylorswift and 800.838 others

y/n4real.2002 aaaaaand since the kindly (not so kindly) asked to be featured on a post, here's to the greatest bridesmaids!! Love you Tay, Rox and Billie

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billieeilish I look good dang

↪︎y/n4real.2002 good to see you're humble as always 🤣

roxanne.02_b1tch my god how gorgeous your bridal party was

↪︎y/n4real.2002 my friends everyone

↪︎fans3939 haha they are hilarious 🤣

taylorswift I mean we do look so good

↪︎y/n4real.2002 keep up the trend Tay, keep it up 👏

↪︎fan20 I wonder when we'll get pics of Taylor's wedding? 😭🙇‍♀️

↪︎tayfan it's been 6 years almost, so probably never

↪︎taylor13 😭😭 noooo

austinbutler so happy to have you in my life

↪︎y/n4real.2002 I love you too 🫶

↪︎fan100 I miss the times when we were decoding crochet heart emojis 😭

↪︎y/n4real.2002 we still crochet together often

↪︎austinbutler yeah baby blankets all day long

↪︎fan100 I'm crying I love you

↪︎fanofaustin-y/n does this mean they're expecting? 😦

↪︎y/n4real.2002 austinbutler what have you done

↪︎austinbutler ups😬

↪︎tchalamet classic😑

Taglist : @galaxygirl453

@rainydayz101

@samaraannhan20

@marlowmode

@myradiaz

@areuirish

@micaelainthe60s

@homebodybirkin2003

@pennyroyalcreep

@purejasmine

@strokesofstokes

@lanasfloridakiloss

@denised916

@kibumslatina

@macey234

@melodixs-blog

@shantellescrivener

@chewiethecatus

@guacala

@fangirl125reader

@father-of-2cats

@lucid315

@ashtag6887

@ilovehobi101

@richardslady121

@jensmithin

@julie181

@chrisevansgirl34

@ranaissingle

@onecrazydirectioner

@maria-1287

@austinbutlerssimp

@kingdomforapony

@acoolnight

@tarot-sybarite

@goldenmarygio

@frozenhuntress67

@anonyboo63478338

@littlewhiterose

@thefallofthedamned

@1eminicookie

@rose-deathman

@iheqrtaustin

@desitravelsblog

@prompted-wordsmith

@austinsvlrslut

@crystallizedth0t

@hertvgirl

@peanutbutterinacup

@austinswhitewolf

@saniyahgordon

@thatgirlthatreadswattpad

@slowsweetlove

@jaqueline19997

@formulapierre

@ourlifeforchaos

@sunflowerleii

@b-bradshaw

@dacreshoney

@uknowulovejj

[rbkzz]

...[*whispered*] wip wednesday?

(context under the cut)

(is this is too long?)

(i wrote a trixie/keris one-shot)

(it is my first written thing)

(i am so nervous!)

(trixie pov)

Penelope Bunce is once again whirling around our room like a frizzy haired tornado.  She has literally picked up and put down every single article of clothing, book, paper, or other object at least twice (except the box under my bed, thank goodness I spelled that).

She’s such a menace – their whole golden trio is.  People say I’m annoying because of my dust, short attention span, and possessive tendencies (well anyone who had to grow up in a lower faedom and pay a tithe to the aes sidhe of all your most precious belongings each year would end up being a possessive brat too! I just don't like to share if I can avoid it is all)... 

…but I think the ‘golden trio’ made up of Snowbuncebelove should get an actual award for being the most annoying, self-absorbed students at Watford.  Nobody else would stand a chance - they’d win that award category every year.

Recently on discord my alpha @noblecorgi was lamenting the lack of lesbian smut in the CO fandom... they then got into an interesting discussion with @roomwithanopenfire about pixies/other fae folk. There was aaaalso a recent conversation about Niamh and their perspective in AWTWB about how the leads of CO had been living in their own bubble at Watford (unreliable narrators the whole lot of 'em!!)

Even though I don't write I loved the ideas that were shared, so I decided to try to smoosh them all together into a Trixie/Keris one-shot lesbian smut fic.

I got really excited about writing and caught up in the experience of it - it was so much fun!! Now I know why people do it! @roomwithanopenfire even beta read for me for which I am soooo grateful ♡♡♡♡

......aaaand then the next day I embarked on an intense perfectionist shame spiral (iykyk) and decided I should hide myself and my ideas away forevermore 🥲

However...... my brain itself is an unreliable narrator 🫠 And my recent therapy homework is to regularly try new things, mess up publicly, and be imperfect in order to rewire my brain to understand that I am still okay even when I am bad at things. Sooo I am posting part of my first fic here as therapy homework and for accountability as well as to continue on my plight of becoming consistently and unabashedly imperfect. Maybe someday I'll find the courage to post it on ao3 😬

I don't know about tags because I'm still so confused and shy about putting myself out here on tumblr 🙊 but I doooo want to say THANK YOU for tags and hellos! I love to read what y'all are up to, even though I usually wait til fics are posted in completion before starting (I'm too impatient to wait for chapter updates 🤪). xoxo!

my first wip wednesday!

[filmorgue]

PSA VERY IMPORTANT UPDATE FOR FILMORGUE SUBMISSIONS!!

I have decided to lower the amount of application submissions. Instead of 20, it is now 10-15 max, reason being, it just dawned on me if over 20-30 participates were to use cc for their sim(s), that's a ton of cc I'd have to dl if I don't already have em. And even my pc or game isn't that strong enough to handle all that cc (I should know cause me alone, my game already laggy lmao). I would also like to add if you are using cc, could you make sure its as low poly as possible (mainly in clothes). Sorry, for the last minute update but I figured I have time since submissions are low 🤷🏾‍♀️

Okay sponsors, that should literally be all for this PSA. Again, sorry for the inconveniences (also ppl that already submit, you don't have to change anything btw)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CALLING ALL SIMMERS & GHOULS!!!

I would like to present to you: Fil-Morgue High/University

Had this idea ever since I started recreating Monster High students but now it has manifest into an even better idea; that I hope turns out well. I've been on an occult/monster high *pun not intended* lately. So, I thought of building an occult themed school but instead of using just my sims; I would like to recruit you! But that's not all, you will also be a part of the visual novel/picture story (screenshots w/ captions)! I actually haven't decided if I'll post it on this page or make a separate page entirely. It'll be like a mini-series like how monster high was. I figured it'll be less work on my end because I stay taking pics and prob. much quicker than making a full animated story. Everything will be talked about in more details once the cast is set in stone.

APPLICATION FORM: MUST BE TEEN/YOUNG ADULT

TO CLARIFY: You DO NOT have to fill out (hair color, eye color, and skin details. This is an optional task only if you want me to make your sim for you. If you're not sure of the details you want, then you can write Surprise Me only if you're okay with giving me full creative range (meaning I chose for you). Again both are optional. Hope that clears up confusion lol *Sorry I meant to specify mb*

DEADLINE: January 30th (this gives me enough time in case this fails lol)

Tag me @blvckentropy or #FilMorgue. Also when I say sim(s) that means you're allowed a twin/triplet. Special Note: As for submitting a sim(s) plus your outfits (LOWPOLY as much as possible); If you're using cc please only do Everyday wear (ONE hairstyle per sim/outfit) for each sim then make every other outfit (BG, DU, HSY based) or any EXPANSION PACK excluding the newer ones (Growing Together, Horse Ranch, and For Rent) because I won't have those. To make it easier if you don't mind tagging your cc in your post. Again, I'll let you know once we cross that bridge.

Believe that's it😬Okay byeee, have fun creating!

[attapullman]

🎶let spotify predict your 2024!🎶

shuffle your on repeat playlist and the first twelve songs represent your 2024

shoutout to bb @attaboylew for the tag 🫶

january: bells - atta boy

🎶bells will ring

and i'll follow you to the grave

so listen, babe

and i'll tell you to be brave🎶

february: bad idea right? - olivia rodrigo

🎶i should probably, probably not

seein' you tonight, it's a bad idea, right?🎶

march: tripping over air - aidan bissett

🎶but i don't fucking care

that she don't fucking care

i'm tripping over air

trying to read your mind🎶

april: sugar sweet - benson boone

🎶oh, i bet you think your honey tastes like sugar

but honey, sugar don't taste that bitter

baby, you ain't sweet🎶

may: there - atta boy

🎶there's a lot to see there

i often wander back there

because at least it was somewhere🎶

june: credit card - quinn lewis

🎶no i don't know where i lost you but

you're probably out there with my

credit card keys and phone🎶

july: must be love - niall horan

🎶oh, if i'm being honest, i find it so hard

to just keep it simple and follow my heart🎶

august: lovely darling - benson boone

🎶find someone else to bury yourself in

i swear you'll be okay

just leave me broken hearted

just take that part of me🎶

september: out of sorts - atta boy

🎶you looked in my eyes, you looked in my eyes

you didn't love me no more🎶

october: until i found you - stephen sanchez, em beihold

🎶i would never fall in love again until i found her

i said i would never fall unless it's you i fall into🎶

november: higher - michael buble

🎶because when you go low, and i get higher

when you move that slow, it lights my fire

i might be falling for ya🎶

december: ghost town - benson boone

🎶maybe you'd be happier with someone else

maybe loving me's the reason you can't love yourself

before i turn your heart into a ghost town

show me everything we built so i can tear it all down🎶

it's giving...heartbreak??? should probs cancel my date sunday while i'm ahead 😬

no pressure tags: @sailor-aviator @bobgasm @sorchathered @roosterforme @just-in-case-iloveyou

[riorangedeezguts]

"Listen up, bastards!"

Here's some blog ground rules (may edit them over time) 🤩

There will definitely be some triggering topics here! I'll try to put trigger warnings where I see fit, but they may slip my mind so please be careful! 🥺

I've actually made what I call The Ranger Severity Scale that you can look at for reference here so that I won't answer asks with anything you're uncomfortable with! Please use it! 😵

Nothing explicitly sexual please! Dirty jokes are fine, smut is not (I mean, do you see my url?) 😬

Ships are allowed, just be mindful of who we're talking about (obviously no underage) 🧐

Biggest rule: Do not ask if you should harm yourself in any way. You all know Rio would encourage it 😔 and I am not here to harm anyone, only to have fun 🥳

Lastly, you better have fun! Yes, that's a rule. If you don't follow it, I will find you 🙃

Oh, and this will not be a spoiler free blog! I recommend playing Your Turn To Die all the way through at least once before interacting here! (and also viewing the Kai minisode tbh, there will def be spoilers for that! I'll be sure to tag 'em with "yttd mini episode spoilers" or "kai minisode spoilers" though! Something of that nature)

P.S. If you ask me anything we don't have an answer to in the game itself yet, I'll try my best to answer it! Just know it's all fanon at that point lmao

(also can someone please find me a better url, I can't take myself seriously with this one but "ask Rio Ranger" is too boring for my (and his too probably) taste)

(spoilers under cut btw ^^)

Last chance to turn back if you haven't played yttd!

.

Did they leave?

Okay, good.

So I have a proposition. Let's pretend Rio lived for a hot minute. And lets pretend we live in a world where he and all the others (mostly) made it out of the death game. That being said, you guys can also address asks to Laizer :3

We support bending canon to fit our needs here. In fact, we encourage it!

So yeah! Just specify who you're talking to in your ask and I'll answer it as either Ranger or Laizer. You can also ask for both of them to answer your question, or I could always surprise you if you don't care which!

[nerdyenby]

Blue time :D I’m watching H

Pregame

We love the confidence :))

H is hungover, this can only go well /lh

Dave 3v1!!!

Callum is MCC’s collective imaginary friend, real and true

H sounded like such an angry parent when he said Shane’s name lmao

Callum: “Hello team!!” Kara and Sausage: “Hello” Callum: “and- and others others” H and Pete: “that’s me!!” I love this pre-event practice amalgams of a group :)))

Callum telling Shane he can’t name two things Callum is better at than him and Shane just calling him handsome

This is so chaotic, I’m so happy right now you guys

Tubbo is such a menace

“I didn’t even know it was freaking March” “it’s May” “ITS MAY?!???” realest thing tubbo’s ever said lol

This call is such a mess /pos

TUBBO BANNED LMAO

Oh this team is gonna be so chill, I’m so ready

Eret being so confused about Krinios “winning” $1.5k

Ryan breaking their monitor with a controller 😭😭😭

Rocket Spleef

Them talking about how Jojo was on both the first all-women and all-spanish teams

“Who do is still need to collect?” “Collect?!? Like they’re trading cards” “They are trading cards to me” 😂😂😂

I could totally see H doing a TCG pack opening stream

“I don’t think, I just do” *immediately falls to the bottom of the map*

I agree with H saying RSR is a bad first game, it think belongs mid-event

“No one’s dead yet, I don’t like that” “I’ll be the first if you want” Ryan 😂

I actually love the compass idea so much

HOW did H die there??? Lmao

Eret movement game anti, as she should

That was a solid third round

Everyone being so happy for/proud of Ryan getting top ten :))

TGTTOSAWAF

Talking about the lack of game music “Alone with the demons in my mind” Ryan 😭

The Krinios puns are so bad /pos

“I’m gonna say it, I’m gonna say it” “Say what?” “I hate tgttos” the entire team: *surprised pikachu face*

I never wanted to hear “sexy chicken, baby” come out of Cub’s mouth, ever

Parkour Warrior

“God, I love that logo” based!!!

Philza made minecraft, real and true

Are you “I need music in my brain 24/7” adhd or “forgot music existed for two weeks once” adhd

The twitch rivals shade 😂😂😂

I too love the moving platforms but I also feel like I could cry if I was trying real hard and couldn’t get it

The absolute silence after “‘the edgy posts’ follow me on twitter” 😂

The “hi Cub… bye Cub” is sending me

“Don’t explode Ry- uh, Eret” “I’ll try not to” “I will, however, explode” Ryan 😂

“That’s my bad, guys” “What do you mean it’s your bad, it’s our bad, we both suck” Eret my beloved

Parkour Tag

Parkour tag my beloathed /aff

H did so good against lime!! He got all three in 35 seconds!!!

H’s comms are insane

I love how there’s not really a designated leader here, like H might be the default assumption but they’re really all equals in how they interact and communicate. It’s not a given that a certain person in is igl, they ask/say “ok I’m gonna take charge here” when applicable, I love them

Cub don’t know his lefts and rights /lh

17 SECONDS???? THEYRE INSANEEEEE

Cub’s jukes!!!

H getting onto Ryan for not carrying hard enough 😂

Grid Runners

I’ll say it every single time, grid runners is a freaking amazing game

Eret immediately crashing oh my lord

That was painful to watch 😬

“Sorry about that guys” “Nah, now we have fun” I love H, he’s not taking any of Eret’s apologies

Good comms :)))

Listen to Eret 😭😭😭

H misunderstanding the task and talking over everyone else, that’s my streamer /lh

Best grid runners in history lmao

NOT LAST!!! :D

Meltdown

I too would die for HBomb94, so true Ryan

Awww lime flanked

Yeah that was a solid play

Eret going through it, rip

That was such a good fight against orange

Ayyyy first place!!!!

H’s flank there was INSANE

The purple/Purpled distinction messed em up lol

One of the most fun meltdowns I’ve seen :))

Eret needs to stop beating herself up about not getting better at movement, doesn’t she have dyspraxia? They literally can’t help it

Survival Games

Ryan just wanting to sot with H :((

I was gonna say it’s impressive that they all got out of that alive and then bam

Rip

H hyping up sand keepers, as he should!!!!

Sot antis only take Ls

Sands of Time

H encouraging Walli <333

Ryan getting full on yelled at for saying they’re gonna offhand carpet 😂

I don’t like how quiet Eret’s being but I trust him

They’re all so attentive and on top of it :)))

THEYRE SO GOATED!!

“It’s the last game, Ryan, have a little fun” “okay” “Play a little risky, have fun” “okay” his freaking voice

“I trust you” “Youre good a minecraft, I believe in you boss” “really?” Ryan is peak 🥹 energy

They’re swimming in sand

RIP IT CUB!!!!

We’re having so much fun here

YOOOOOOOOOOOO

6KKKKKKKKKK

DUBFAN!!!!!!!!!!!

That felt so freaking good, I’m so happy man

Dodgebolt

They’re all so excited for red :))

People predicted blue low?? I placed them first lol

“I’ve never actually spoken to Wallibear, so I’m gonna say that I hope he’s a great guy”

The confusion over Capitan’s skin is killing me lol

“We english speakers SUCK” real

Hi Illumina :)))

H gently elbowing Cub into believing in himself lmao

Let’s all team with Illumina

They’re like kids fighting over the most popular toy

I would actually love to see a 5-player team event, it would be so fun and so scuffed if they just barely changed anything

Great vibes great times :)))

[startrekfangirl2233-fic-recs]

The court martial! 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬

You didn't understand what was going on, and you were pissed off that the first time you were hearing about him being involved with two people who were being court-martialed was through an email.

Graaaah! How can you do this to me Em?! Roo and BG were just getting to a good place! They were talking and communicating and everything! I really hope Bradley was hiding the court martial from her just so he didn't spoil her mood or because he didn't want Baby Girl to worry. Best case scenario would be if he doesn't know himself.

"Neither do I," he responded gently, setting the folders down in a haphazard pile. "But I don't want your login credentials attached to this in any way. Whatever happened should stay out of your hands since your husband was involved with the special detachment. I'll take care of it. Understand?"

Bickel is the best boss, I swear. He's such a nice man!

You started to nod, and then you said, "But, sir. Why am I getting emails from Admiral Yates?" Your boss sighed and checked his watch. He looked frantic, and now you were really getting nervous for whatever must have happened during Bradley's deployment. But Bickel's words and the way he smiled kindly at you even though you could tell he was stressed out meant a lot. "Because if you haven't noticed, you're second in command around here. Maybe not officially. Yet. But I rely on you for a lot of things, and everyone else in the group does, too. And your work is always spot on."

Baby Girl is Bickel's second in command?! Hell yes! We love a strong competent woman!

And you were his number two. You really wanted to be able to enjoy that fact, but you'd been dismissed. Probably so he could talk about the court-martialing. And you figured that by now, Bradley would be wrapped up in these proceedings as well. 

These mixed emotions hit so hard. Poor Baby Girl. She's not catching any breaks at all!

He pulled you back to standing as he said, "Hang on, that's my phone." Jake pulled it out of his pocket and read the text message he received. "Shit. Cat cancelled on me." "Jake-" But you stopped. You knew you shouldn't be talking about the special mission apparently gone wrong, but he looked so disappointed. He'd been wanting to go on an actual date with her for months, not just making out in the rec room.  When he spoke, his voice was bland and monotone. "She's blaming it on working late. Meanwhile it looks like you're leaving early, so I'm not buying it." Then he laughed sardonically. "I was going to take her to a movie tonight, and then on Friday I was hoping Jeremiah could tag along on another date. I found a kid-friendly restaurant for dinner." When you reached for his hand, he just shook his head. "Jake. Don't get upset with her, okay?" He ran his hand through his hair as he walked away. "I need to get back to the hanger. Later, Angel."

Fuck! Jake! He's bending over backwards to accommodate Cat and get along with Jeremiah. And now she canceled on him. Obviously she can't say anything to him about why, either. So now he's catastrophizing! 😭😭😭😭

"The spare? This Admiral Dean asshole named you the spare?" You went shooting up in the bed, indignation flashing in your eyes as you pointed at him. "You're not the spare! You're the main event. You'd never treat a mission like it was your own little game where other people's lives didn't fucking count for anything!"

Say it a little louder for the evil thoughts floating around in this man's head Baby Girl! Scream it from the fucking rooftops!

You were silent for a beat, but when you spoke, your fingers were still soft in his hair. "Who named the teams?" "Admiral Dean." "And have we not established that he's a mindless idiot who favors the aviators from Lemoore over everyone else?" Bradley hadn't really considered that the hit to his ego and career should have been taken with a grain of salt. Perhaps there was something to be said for who was in charge of the mission details. "I'm still the oldest one around, compared to everyone at Top Gun and everyone from Lemoore," he murmured.  "Older, sure," you whispered. "But you're also more experienced. And more patient. And smarter. And you were able to tolerate being named the spare without throwing a fit. You're not on the back end of your career. Maybe it will take a different shape, but it's not ending." Without another word, Bradley fell asleep on you while he thought about what flying meant to him, your touch calming him enough to do that without panicking.

Hell yes! I love that it was Baby Girl's pragmatism and logical thought that are cutting through Bradley's insecurities!

You felt like you were on your honeymoon again where everything you did together just made sense. "You read my mind." And there was just something so good about his voice right now. Whether it was him sitting behind you in the tub or fucking you on the bathmat or leading you to the shower to get you cleaned up a second time, his voice in your ear was exactly what you needed.  "We do some of our best work in the bathroom," he whispered, thrusting into you slowly as your towel unraveled from around you.  "You say that about every room," you reminded him, letting him spread your legs wider as he nipped at your breasts.  "Only because it's true, Sweetheart." You giggled in the shower, because fifteen minutes ago you'd been clean and then he came inside you. But you were yawning non stop by the time you climbed back into bed. You could barely keep your eyes open as Bradley picked up his notebook and opened it to a page you hadn't heard him read yet. 

I'm just so soft for Roo and Baby Girl! So soft. They're literal relationship goals.

And that is a fact that is worse than all my worst fears. It's worse than burning in. It's worse than dying of cancer. It's worse than being left behind. I can't stand the fact that she's too hard on herself because of me. That's fucked up. It makes me feel gross. I don't want a baby more than I want my wife. I just want my wife. I want her right now. I wanted her yesterday. I am going to want her tomorrow.  But two weeks ago when I made her think I didn't, that was probably the worst thing I've ever done. Because it didn't even occur to me how much I was fucking up. Congratulations, you failed. Stop doing it. Be better. If you even get another chance."

His fears and his love for Baby Girl are so apparent! He loves her so much. I love them, Em!

"You know," Cat replied with a smile in her voice, "it is really hard not to hate you." You turned to look at her over your shoulder. Maybe she figured you knew about Jake, and maybe she didn't, but you said, "You should reschedule your movie date." The smile was gone from her face and her voice. "I think yesterday was a wakeup call. And canceling on Jake was probably in my best interest after all. I don't know what I was thinking when-" "Stop making poor decisions," you snapped. "He found a kid-friendly restaurant, for fuck's sake. What more could you possibly want in a guy?" "Nothing," she whispered.  Then you plugged your computer in and said, "Thank you for telling me about the comms. And thank you for staying late. And thank you for not leaving me alone to finish the proposals today. But for the love of god, Cat, reschedule the movie, okay?"

I love that Baby Girl is calling Cat out on her poor decisions. Jake and Cat fit so well together, already. And he's working so hard to make sure he accepts Cat and Jeremiah!

"I got you a burrito bowl," he said, even though you could plainly see he had two on his tray. And instead of sitting down across from him, you took the chair right next to his and wrapped your hands around his bicep.  "Roo, do you want to go up to the hot sauce restaurant after work on Friday? Maybe recreate our first date? But instead of me not giving you a handjob on the pier, I totally could." Bradley's jaw dropped. You somehow read his mind. You took his idea about getting back to basics in your relationship and made it both romantic and also horny enough that he felt a little uncomfortable in his uniform pants. And you had the nerve to sit there and look sweet and innocent as you squeezed a little packet of hot sauce onto your lunch.  "I was going to suggest the same thing," he rasped softly. "Minus the handjob. But I'm definitely down for the inclusion of the handjob."

I love their relationship basics. That hot sauce restaurant was so fucking sweet and it makes me swoon just thinking about how close they've gotten since that day!

The notebook, the hot sauce restaurant, everything they're working on with each other is so sweet and it's making me feel really nostalgic. Rooster still makes me have butterflies in my stomach just like he did when I was reading Is It Working For You the first time!

Always Ever Only You Part 15 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: Bradley had some explaining to do. After the most perfect weekend, you were afraid he was trying to hide information from you again. But Bradley didn't hold back when he told you what happened and what he was concerned about. 

Warnings: Angst, swearing, fluff, smut, mentions of cancer

Length: 4600 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader

This was written to accompany my series Is It Working For You? along with a bunch of my one-shots and other series, but it can be read on its own! Check my masterlist for the reading order. Always Ever Only You masterlist. Gorgeous banner by @mak-32

Your hands were shaky as you tried to call Bradley. You didn't understand what was going on, and you were pissed off that the first time you were hearing about him being involved with two people who were being court-martialed was through an email. You hated calling him when there was a chance he was in the air, but if that was the case, then his phone should be off.

Just as you were about to tap his contact in your phone, Bickel came rushing into the lab, arms full of folders. "Delete that email," he told you, out of breath. "The one from Yates. You weren't supposed to see it."

You looked up at him as you slid your phone down onto the counter. "Well, I did see it, sir," you whispered. "I don't even know what's going on."

"Neither do I," he responded gently, setting the folders down in a haphazard pile. "But I don't want your login credentials attached to this in any way. Whatever happened should stay out of your hands since your husband was involved with the special detachment. I'll take care of it. Understand?"

You started to nod, and then you said, "But, sir. Why am I getting emails from Admiral Yates?"

Your boss sighed and checked his watch. He looked frantic, and now you were really getting nervous for whatever must have happened during Bradley's deployment. But Bickel's words and the way he smiled kindly at you even though you could tell he was stressed out meant a lot.

"Because if you haven't noticed, you're second in command around here. Maybe not officially. Yet. But I rely on you for a lot of things, and everyone else in the group does, too. And your work is always spot on."

You felt tears prickle behind your eyes, and you had to look away from him as you muttered, "Thank you." But of course your eyes settled back on your computer screen and the email. 

"Delete the email," he repeated, and you knew he wasn't going to say it kindly a third time. So you did as your commanding officer told you to and watched the email soar into your trash can, and from there you deleted it permanently. "I'll take care of it myself so you know it's done correctly. I will pull the comms and verify the coding so you don't have to question whether or not the information being sent over has been properly validated. I don't want you worrying about this right now."

"But you'll need someone else to verify everything with you, sir," you whispered.

He nodded and closed your computer softly. "I'm just on my way to talk to Lieutenant Coleman about it. She's more than competent. She and I can sign off on it and get it ready tonight. You're dismissed for the day."

And that was it. Not another word. He picked up the folders and walked over to where Cat was sitting in front of her computer wearing the expensive headphones that were used to occasionally play back communications and check aircrafts for audio clarity. And Bickel interrupted her. It was kind of an unspoken rule that you didn't interrupt someone who was wearing the state of the art headphones. 

Cat jumped in her seat before giving Bickel her full attention. After a few seconds, her eyes met yours, and then she agreed with whatever he was telling her. You quietly stood and picked up your computer and headed for your office. 

You were the only one in your group with a private office other than Commander Bickel himself. Sure, yours was roughly a quarter of the size of his, and it had a view of the parking lot and a brick wall, but it was yours. And you were his number two. You really wanted to be able to enjoy that fact, but you'd been dismissed. Probably so he could talk about the court-martialing. And you figured that by now, Bradley would be wrapped up in these proceedings as well. 

You shoved all your stuff into your desk drawer and grabbed your keys. This morning had started off so beautifully: making out with your husband followed by an overpriced drink from Starbucks that he made sure was ready for you to pick up. 

When you opened your door to leave, Cat was standing there about to knock. "Yes?" you asked her, feeling like everyone must know what was going on now besides you.

"I just wanted to catch you before you left," she replied slowly. "I read the email from Yates. I promise I'll double and triple check everything even if I'm here all night."

"Thanks," you whispered, hoping you could trust her with this. You felt like somehow Bradley's integrity was tied to that audio.

Cat fiddled with her hands as she said, "It's my job, but you're also my friend." And then she turned on her heel and walked away so quickly, you couldn't really respond if you wanted to.

When you stumbled out of the elevator in the lobby, Jake was right there. "Have you seen Bradley?" you asked him, but he gathered you up in his arms and started to dance and spin you around in front of the main entrance. 

"Sure haven't. He's been locked away with Maverick all afternoon. Phoenix and Bob, too," he replied easily. "But guess who's going out with Cat tonight. Just take one guess, Angel."

"Oh," you gasped as he dipped you. Then you pressed your lips together, afraid to tell him that Cat and Commander Bickel would probably be verifying codes for the next several hours at least. 

He pulled you back to standing as he said, "Hang on, that's my phone." Jake pulled it out of his pocket and read the text message he received. "Shit. Cat cancelled on me."

"Jake-" But you stopped. You knew you shouldn't be talking about the special mission apparently gone wrong, but he looked so disappointed. He'd been wanting to go on an actual date with her for months, not just making out in the rec room. 

When he spoke, his voice was bland and monotone. "She's blaming it on working late. Meanwhile it looks like you're leaving early, so I'm not buying it." Then he laughed sardonically. "I was going to take her to a movie tonight, and then on Friday I was hoping Jeremiah could tag along on another date. I found a kid-friendly restaurant for dinner."

When you reached for his hand, he just shook his head. "Jake. Don't get upset with her, okay?"

He ran his hand through his hair as he walked away. "I need to get back to the hanger. Later, Angel."

You hated today. You wanted answers, and then you wanted to go to bed. And it annoyed you that you still wanted Bradley to read you to sleep from his notebook when he was the one who hadn't given you any details about his deployment, even though you had asked. Multiple times. 

When you pulled your car into the driveway, you realized Bradley wouldn't be home for at least an hour. You wanted to act normal about this and start making dinner or doing something productive, but you were starting to wonder if he was hiding information from you again, just like the sperm test results. And that was enough to make you lose your appetite. You hurried inside, and Tramp followed you to the couch where you sat and took some deep breaths. The realization that you should have just stayed on base and had a discussion with Dr. Genevieve washed over you, and you were afraid you were going to cry.

You wrapped your arms around Tramp and waited, and it actually didn't feel like too much time had passed when you heard the Bronco pull into the driveway. When the front door opened, Bradley looked surprised to see you.

"You're home," he said softly, closing the door behind him. When you just nodded and clung to Tramp, Bradley pressed his lips together. "I take it you heard about the....mishap?"

"Mishap?" you asked, finally scrambling to your feet as Tramp ran to Bradley. "That's what you're calling it? All I know is that I asked you all weekend to tell me about your deployment, but you didn't. And then today I got an email with your name and credentials listed underneath a docket number for two officers who are being court martialed."

Bradley bent to pet Tramp without taking his eyes off yours. "You're right. You did ask me several times, but Sweetheart, the weekend was so perfect. I didn't want to ruin it by talking about work."

You rubbed the heels of your hands against your eyes. "You were gone for eight weeks, Bradley. That's not the same as discussing a regular day at work. And clearly something absolutely insane happened! What are you trying to hide from me now?"

The rosy pink of his cheeks faded away as a look of pure panic filled his handsome features. "Nothing. There's nothing to hide. I just thought we'd talk about it today. I had no idea everything was going to blow up like it did."

You threw your hands up in the air, and you hated how shrill your voice sounded. "Is everything even okay?"

"Yes," he insisted, closing the distance to you and wrapping his arms around your body, enveloping you in his warmth. "Everyone who left the carrier deck made it back to the carrier deck."

Apparently you'd been holding your breath, because you were finally able to let it out. "Good," you whispered, burying your face in his neck. "That email made me feel physically sick."

"I'm sorry, Baby Girl," Bradley rasped next to your ear before kissing your temple. "If I knew everything was going to happen so fast, I would have taken some time out of the weekend to talk about it. But being back home with you and spending time as just us was really the only thing on my agenda."

You didn't stop him when he guided you toward the bedroom and started to unbutton and unzip you out of your uniform. And you let him pull his UVA shirt over your head and guide you into bed. And then you watched him strip down to his underwear before he picked up Tramp and climbed in with you. "Here's what happened," he said, pulling you close.

---------------------------

Bradley felt a little awkward detailing what went down in the air with Slayer for you. It was an odd thing to recount it to someone who wasn't an aviator, but you just held him tight and asked questions when you needed clarification. But the way you gasped when Bradley told you he was the spare made him feel somewhat validated. 

"The spare? This Admiral Dean asshole named you the spare?" You went shooting up in the bed, indignation flashing in your eyes as you pointed at him. "You're not the spare! You're the main event. You'd never treat a mission like it was your own little game where other people's lives didn't fucking count for anything!"

Bradley could tell he was blushing as he said, "Nat and Bob were directly in danger when I got called to the catapult." 

Now you were standing on your knees looking straight up furious. "What did you do?!"

He ran his hand along his mustache and whispered, "I just... dealt with it. I don't know. You know I don't like talking about air to air kills. Nat and Bob were leaking fuel to the point where I was convinced they wouldn't even make it out over the water before they had to eject. But Nat managed to land it on deck in spite of full engine failure."

"Full engine failure?!"

"Yes."

"And all of this happened because this Slayer person went way off course to attend his own rodeo or something?"

Bradley laughed in spite of himself. "Yes."

"Right. Right," you said, even though it sounded like you thought it was all very wrong. "And this Slayer child was allowed to be the fucking team leader because of Admiral Dean?"

"Yes."

You just shook your head at him, standing there on your knees with your hands on your hips. "A court-martial is too good for these fuckers," you said, your voice breaking as you lunged for him. 

Bradley caught you in his arms as you burst into tears. "Don't cry. Everyone is fine."

But you were shaking in his arms as you tightened your hold on him. "I could have lost you, Roo... and like, I just know there was at least a small part of you that thought I didn't want this."

He kissed your cheek and whispered, "I knew you loved me. I knew my ring was safe with you. That was enough."

You pulled away from where you'd had your face pressed to the side of his neck. Tears were welling up in your eyes before sliding down your cheeks. "No, that's not enough. I love you more than anything. And you deserve to hear me say that to you."

Bradley gently rolled you onto your back and let his cheek rest on your shoulder as you cried. He wrapped one arm around your middle and tried not to crush you with his weight as you threaded your fingers through his hair. It felt so good, the way you were touching him and crying for him. "I'm right here," he told you, and eventually your breathing evened out. 

"I can't believe spending the weekend in the bathtub with me was more important to you than getting all of that off your chest."

"Spending a weekend in the bathtub with you is more important than literally anything else I can think of," he promised, happy to hear you laugh. "But if we're being honest here, Sweetheart, when I got passed over for the mission and named as the spare instead... I'm having a really hard time coming to terms with the fact that I'm probably on the back end of my career as a pilot."

You were silent for a beat, but when you spoke, your fingers were still soft in his hair. "Who named the teams?"

"Admiral Dean."

"And have we not established that he's a mindless idiot who favors the aviators from Lemoore over everyone else?"

Bradley hadn't really considered that the hit to his ego and career should have been taken with a grain of salt. Perhaps there was something to be said for who was in charge of the mission details. "I'm still the oldest one around, compared to everyone at Top Gun and everyone from Lemoore," he murmured. 

"Older, sure," you whispered. "But you're also more experienced. And more patient. And smarter. And you were able to tolerate being named the spare without throwing a fit. You're not on the back end of your career. Maybe it will take a different shape, but it's not ending."

Without another word, Bradley fell asleep on you while he thought about what flying meant to him, your touch calming him enough to do that without panicking.

-----------------------

You were so hungry now that Bradley told you what had happened. Your stomach was starting to growl, and you realized that you hadn't actually started anything for dinner. But Bradley was still dozing on you an hour later, his arm heavy across your belly where you pressed your fingers to the ink of his tattoo. 

He must have been exhausted, dealing with all of this nonsense during his deployment and traveling across so many time zones. And yet he had made you feel so important all weekend, even attempting to make you breakfast. Giving you his undivided attention. Making love to you exactly how you needed it. 

When he eventually started to stir, you felt bad that you didn't have anything ready for him to eat. He looked up at you, slowly easing himself into a push up position above you. "Sorry...how long was I out?" he rasped, grunting as he bent his elbows until his lips met yours.

"More than an hour," you whispered as he kissed you over and over again. "You must be exhausted."

"Nah, I feel great," he promised, climbing out of bed and pulling you with him. "Want me to make you some toast?"

"Please don't. I was thinking of just ordering something since I didn't get anything ready to cook." You briefly thought about Cat and Bickel and wondered if they were still working right now.

"Let's get a pizza," Bradley said, grabbing his phone. "It's easy and Tramp loves when you feed him the crusts."

Later, when you sat down on Bradley's lap with a slice of pizza in your hand, you laughed as Tramp sat on the floor begging. You tore off a piece of the crust for him while Bradley inhaled two slices stacked one on top of the other. You were just about to ask him if he'd read some more of his notebook to you when he reached for a third piece. 

"Was thinking," he said between bites. "How about a bath before bed? And since you let me nap earlier, I could read until you fall asleep?"

You felt like you were on your honeymoon again where everything you did together just made sense. "You read my mind." And there was just something so good about his voice right now. Whether it was him sitting behind you in the tub or fucking you on the bathmat or leading you to the shower to get you cleaned up a second time, his voice in your ear was exactly what you needed. 

"We do some of our best work in the bathroom," he whispered, thrusting into you slowly as your towel unraveled from around you. 

"You say that about every room," you reminded him, letting him spread your legs wider as he nipped at your breasts. 

"Only because it's true, Sweetheart."

You giggled in the shower, because fifteen minutes ago you'd been clean and then he came inside you. But you were yawning non stop by the time you climbed back into bed. You could barely keep your eyes open as Bradley picked up his notebook and opened it to a page you hadn't heard him read yet. 

He wrapped one strong arm around you and cleared his throat. "Promise you won't get upset?" he asked you, holding the notebook just far enough away that you couldn't read it without your contacts or glasses.

"I mean, did you like write something really mean about me?" you asked, squinting. 

"No," he said with a laugh. "But it's a full page about all the shit I do that I hate."

"I won't get mad, but that doesn't mean I have to agree with any of it."

He responded by clearing his throat again and reading.

"I was never planning on being married to someone. That's exhausting, right? Way too much responsibility. What if they decide they hate you and leave one day? Or die of cancer? Or what if I burn in? What are you even supposed to do then? 

In an effort not to turn into either of my parents, I think I just gave up on the idea. My mom's engagement ring took up residence in a cardboard box in a storage unit for almost twenty years. I don't think I thought about it more than a handful of times, only occasionally remembering how pretty it looked when she wore it outside in the sunshine. 

And then I met a woman, and suddenly the fact that I didn't know the exact location of that ring was very unsettling to me. Was it in a box with photos, pushed all the way against the back wall? Was it in a smaller box with my dad's diploma from the Naval Academy? Which box was it in?

These thoughts alternated between being paramount to my very existence and also quite laughable. She wouldn't want to marry me. I'd only known her a few weeks. She was perfect. Beautiful. Funny. Smarter than everyone else. 

I second guessed myself even more than usual. And then the most peculiar thing happened. She accepted the ring right out of the cardboard box, and then she married me. 

But I haven't been good enough. 

And that is a fact that is worse than all my worst fears. It's worse than burning in. It's worse than dying of cancer. It's worse than being left behind. I can't stand the fact that she's too hard on herself because of me. That's fucked up. It makes me feel gross. I don't want a baby more than I want my wife. I just want my wife. I want her right now. I wanted her yesterday. I am going to want her tomorrow. 

But two weeks ago when I made her think I didn't, that was probably the worst thing I've ever done. Because it didn't even occur to me how much I was fucking up. Congratulations, you failed. Stop doing it. Be better. If you even get another chance."

When Bradley turned his head to see if you were still awake, you whispered, "I didn't like that page as much as the others."

"I figured you wouldn't." 

There were a million things you wanted to say to make him feel better. Share the blame for what happened. But he was proving to you that he had nothing to hide, and he was reading back his candid thoughts. And you never wanted him to stop. So you just kissed his neck and said, "Thanks for reading it to me. But now I want you to read my favorite page again." 

He flipped back to find it, and you were asleep after about five words. 

Your alarm for work came too early considering how cozy you felt in bed. If you could live in this moment a little longer, you gladly would. You felt warm and safe, and Bradley's first words of the day made you laugh. "I'll order you another overpriced coffee, but your new French press should be here today."

When you walked into the lab with your iced latte to find that Cat was the only person there, you gave her an awkward, "Good morning."

"Hi," she replied, stifling a yawn. She looked exhausted.

"How late were you here?" you asked her, feeling terrible that you weren't the one to put in all the extra hours. 

She eyed you hesitantly. "Pretty late. Bickel told me I could come in at lunchtime today, but I didn't want to leave you hanging out to dry with the proposals from Annapolis."

"Thanks," you whispered. But then your heart rate picked up a little bit as you thought about what happened to Bradley. You blurted out, "I need to know what was in that audio."

Cat was instantly shaking her head. "You can't listen to it. Bickel said he doesn't want your login credentials anywhere near it. Could be a massive conflict of interest if you handled it in any way."

You looked down at your boots. "What was it like?" 

She was silent for so long, you were afraid she wasn't going to tell you anything. When you turned toward your seat, she said, "It was hard to listen to. Your husband is a good person."

You kept your eyes on your workstation. "He didn't even tell me anything about it until last night."

"He didn't come running home from his deployment and tell you that he's actually a hero? Again? Bickel told me he seems to have a good head on his shoulders."

"No," you whispered, closing your eyes. "He came home and told me we'd talk about it later, because he missed me too much. And then he was good to me all weekend." Good was an understatement. But you did miss your French press.

"You know," Cat replied with a smile in her voice, "it is really hard not to hate you."

You turned to look at her over your shoulder. Maybe she figured you knew about Jake, and maybe she didn't, but you said, "You should reschedule your movie date."

The smile was gone from her face and her voice. "I think yesterday was a wakeup call. And canceling on Jake was probably in my best interest after all. I don't know what I was thinking when-"

"Stop making poor decisions," you snapped. "He found a kid-friendly restaurant, for fuck's sake. What more could you possibly want in a guy?"

"Nothing," she whispered. 

Then you plugged your computer in and said, "Thank you for telling me about the comms. And thank you for staying late. And thank you for not leaving me alone to finish the proposals today. But for the love of god, Cat, reschedule the movie, okay?"

---------------------------

Bradley was expecting you to meet him for lunch in the cafeteria. He even managed to secure the table where you and he were sitting the first time he asked you out. Which was just going to be the cherry on top of his plans for the day. 

Mav let him read the official court-martial documentation along with Nat and Bob. And then he had taken the time to write an official statement. And in about a month, he'd have to appear as a witness to what happened. The sad part was, it all seemed very cut and dry since this wasn't the first time Admiral Dean had shown unjust favoritism. Maybe you were on to something about why Bradley had been selected as the spare.

He heard your laugh before he saw you. It was that beautiful, overjoyed sound that was usually reserved just for him. In fact, he heard it last night when he had you underneath him on the bathroom floor, running his mustache along your pristine skin. But right now you had it aimed at his best friend, and he didn't really mind. You were hugging Nat like you were afraid she was going to vanish into thin air, and when you released her, Bradley watched you press a kiss to Bob's cheek before hugging him just as tight. Your cheek was pressed to Bob's chest when you met Bradley's gaze from a few tables away, and you smiled at him. Then you were headed his way.

"I got you a burrito bowl," he said, even though you could plainly see he had two on his tray. And instead of sitting down across from him, you took the chair right next to his and wrapped your hands around his bicep. 

"Roo, do you want to go up to the hot sauce restaurant after work on Friday? Maybe recreate our first date? But instead of me not giving you a handjob on the pier, I totally could."

Bradley's jaw dropped. You somehow read his mind. You took his idea about getting back to basics in your relationship and made it both romantic and also horny enough that he felt a little uncomfortable in his uniform pants. And you had the nerve to sit there and look sweet and innocent as you squeezed a little packet of hot sauce onto your lunch. 

"I was going to suggest the same thing," he rasped softly. "Minus the handjob. But I'm definitely down for the inclusion of the handjob."

You just smiled at him as you took a bite of your lunch, and your hand came to rest on his thigh. This was going to be a long week.

----------------------------

Need that first date reenactment to happen. And I love how the notebook has become a bedtime staple for them. Thanks to @beyondthesefourwalls and @mak-32

PART 16

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[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

Green is My Favorite Color Ch. 7

Series Summary: Dean has been her hero from childhood, can she ever get him to be more?

Pairings: Dean x OFC

Warnings: The smut has arrived, so be warned. P in V. Loss of virginity. Fingering. Oral (fem receiving). Also warnings of extreme angst, some violent imagery, self-hatred, Dean being the sweetest, and believe it or not - some fluff too.

Word Count: 7,185 (I'm so sorry - it's so long, but there's a lot happening in this chapter!)

Chapter Summary: Dean needs Julie more than ever, but will he realize that?

A/N:  The seventh chapter in a longer series. As I’m writing, the story is stretching out a little and I’m thinking it’s going to be at least 15 chapters. Sorry! 😬 It’s what I’ll call cannon adjacent. It will follow the general storylines through the seasons, but I’m creating my own offshoots. 😊

Series Master List || Dean Master List || Main Master List || Tag Lists

2 Months Later March 2009

Julie banged again on the bright orange motel room door.

"Dean, I know you're in there. Just open the door."

She huffed a frustrated sigh. Three hours ago, she'd been all set to spend the evening reading anything that wasn't a lore book, when her phone lit up with Sam's name. She'd considered not answering, but she knew she'd be too worried if she didn't.

"Hi Sam, what's up?" she'd asked in the hopes that she could speed the conversation along.

She'd barely seen either of the Winchesters over the last couple of months. They seemed to be pretty busy fighting angels and demons, so she couldn't really blame them for neglecting her training. She kept up the best she could on her own and with some reluctant help from Bobby. But it wasn't the same.

At least Sam texted her once a week or so to let her know they were alive. But Dean hadn't really spoken to her since that night, the night he'd told her she didn't really know him. That had stung. A lot. Combine that sting with the sting of his earlier rejection of her kisses and it added up to both of them avoiding each other.

But Sam's phone call had put an end to that.

Now she pounded again on the motel door.

"Dean! For Pete's sake, I know you're in there. One, I can see a light under your door; two, your baby is still sitting here in the parking lot and you don't go anywhere without her. And lastly, and probably the most damning for you, there is a small crack in your blind and I can see you sitting at the table." Julie closed one eye and squinted through the tiny crack, giving a small wave when Dean turned his head toward the window.

She saw him throw back his head in frustration a second before he called out to her. "Go home, Julie. Now."

"No, thank you." Julie said mildly.

"Well, I'm not letting you in here so..." In the tiny crack, Dean shrugged.

"Okay, no problem. I'll just stay out here all night. The curb is surprisingly comfortable."

She saw Dean stand up and walk toward the door but then she lost sight of him. His voice was muffled through the wood when he spoke.

"You try and stay out there all night and I'll call the cops. Tell 'em there's a crazy woman stalking me outside my motel!" Dean threatened.

"Okey dokey!" Julie gave a thumbs up even though Dean couldn't see it. "I've never been arrested, should be interesting."

She was calling his bluff and they both knew it. It was quiet for a second and Julie decided to try a familiar tactic.

"So okay, I'll just hang out here all night. I'm sure nothing is going to come after me. Nothing's gonna rob me or kill me, or eat me. I mean, I'm a hunter now anyway, I can take whatever comes at me." She paused as though thinking it over.

"I mean, provided there isn't more than one of them. I've never really tried taking on more than one person at a time. But not a lot of monsters hunt in packs right? Just Vampires and Werewolves? And I guess demons sometimes show up in groups, but not always, and Vetalas hunt in pairs, but I can probably take them. And then when..."

She was interrupted by the door being yanked open and Dean giving her the coldest, angriest look she'd ever seen from him. She ignored it and pushed past him.

"Wow! That works on you and Sam. You guys really are alike."

Dean closed the door and leaned back against it, arms folded. "You're only in here until I call you a taxi."

Julie gave a look of fake sympathy. "Ooh, you went the wrong route there. Should have offered me a ride home in Baby, you know I can never resist her."

Julie looked around at the vast array of whiskey and beer bottles littering nearly every flat surface in the room. "But then, you probably aren't fit to drive."

Dean just continued to glare. "What are you doing here, Julie?"

"Sam called. Him and Bobby are worried."

Dean rolled his eyes. "For Christ's sake, I called Sam, I told him where I was. He knows I'm not dead. What more does he need?"

Julie tilted her head. "Well, that was a week ago. A lot can happen in a week."

Dean scrunched up his face, scoffing. "It wasn't a week ago!"

Julie held up her hand in concession. "No, you're right. Six days. My mistake."

Dean ran a hand across his face. "Well, whatever, now you can go home to Sam, tell him I'm fine, and buy me another week of peace."

Julie raised her eyebrows. "Oh, sweetie! This..." she gestured at the room around her. "...this is a lot of things. But fine is not one of them."

Dean scowled and pulled out his phone, presumably to call her a taxi.

"You can call the taxi, but unless you plan on carrying me out to the cab kicking and screaming, there's no point."

He put the phone to his ear and pointed a finger at her. "Don't think I won't."

While he waited to connect with a dispatcher, Julie picked up a white plastic bag from the floor and began to fill it with the empty bottles on the table.

"Stop cleaning up." Dean said quietly, moving the phone away from his mouth.

Julie ignored him.

"Stop cleaning up!" He repeated, louder.

Julie looked over her shoulder at where he was still standing by the door and then continued her task. "No. This place is gross."

Dean slammed his phone closed and then gave her a mocking smile, moving towards her. "Well, my apologies that it doesn't live up to your high expectations, Sweetheart, but if you don't like it then there's the door." He held out a hand to the door as though presenting it to her.

Julie turned to face him again as she paused, the plastic bag swinging from the hand she placed on her hip. "Don't 'sweetheart' me." she said, frowning.

"What?"

Julie threw him a very knowing look as she went back to cleaning. "When you say it like that? In that tone? You don't really mean, 'Sweetheart'."

She could practically hear his teeth grinding as he clenched his jaw. He blocked her path when she moved toward the bedside table.

"I don't want you here, Julie." His voice was clipped and angry and she tried to ignore the shot of pain in her heart at his words.

She was quiet for a moment, watching Dean's angry face, considering her next words before she spoke, and finally deciding to just tell him outright.

"Sam told me about hell."

Dean's eyes got wide and she saw fear flicker in them for a moment. When he spoke his voice was low and hard.

"Sam told you what, about hell?"

Julie took a step towards him but then stopped, sure that physical comfort wouldn't be welcomed by him right now.

"He told me that it wasn't four months." she said, quietly. "That it was...for you it was 40 years?" She paused here desperate for him to contradict Sam's information. When Sam had told her, she'd been completely speechless. How was Dean still functioning?

He didn't contradict the information however, so Julie went on, her heart breaking. "And that...that you remember all of it."

"What else did he tell you?"

Julie shook her head. "Nothing. Except he said you had a really rough time last week. That you got some 'bad news' from a demon?" she asked, using finger quotes.

Dean's jaw was clenched again, the muscle there jumping, but he didn't say anything more.

Julie nodded, respecting his refusal to talk about it. But the silence between them was heavy with unspoken words and unwanted emotions.

Julie couldn't take the loaded silence and turned away from him to begin picking up bottles from the floor around the vinyl arm chair in the corner.

"What do you imagine is going to happen here?" Dean asked, his voice quiet, but not calm. It was more like he was trying to suppress his desire to scream.

"Well," Julie said contemplatively, "I imagine you're going to keep drinking. I see another mostly full whiskey bottle over there." She pointed to a bottle beside the TV. "And I imagine I will sit over here, in this chair in the corner, and just be here if you need me."

"I don't need you."

Julie flinched a little at the words, but she just continued cleaning, starting a second bag.

"You need to get out. Now." Dean's voice was strained and she knew his breaking point was coming.

"No." Julie said softly, bracing herself. She could feel his rising anger crackle like electricity in the air.

"Get out!" He shouted at her.

Julie turned to face him completely. "No." she said again.

His face contorted and he grabbed her by the upper arms and shook her, hard enough to make the bottles in the bag she still held, clank together.

"Out!" he roared.

Julie looked down calmly at his hands wrapped around her arms. "This...is this supposed to be a scare tactic? Because it's...I mean, it won't work." Julie shrugged and looked puzzled. "I'm not afraid of you."

"No?" Dean asked, his voice deep and menacing.

"No." Julie answered, meaning it. She was very worried about him, and frustrated that he wouldn't just accept the help she was offering, especially since it was literally nothing more than sitting with him in silence. But she wasn't afraid of him. At all.

"No." Julie repeated. "Why would I be afraid of you? You'd never hurt me, not in a million years."

"I wouldn't?" Dean asked again, his eyes darkening, showing less anger. He looked harder now, colder. "I told you before, you don't really know me or what I'm capable of."

Julie rolled her eyes. "Yes, well, whatever you say, but I do know you don't hurt people." She looked up into his face, her expression telling him how ludicrous the idea was.

He pushed her away and stepped back, folding his arms across his chest, the muscles in his upper body flexing and tensing as he stared at the ground for a long minute. Silence reigned.

Unsure of what to do next, Julie set the bag of bottles down and sat on the edge of the vinyl chair, watching him.

When Dean finally spoke his words were aimed at the ground, and almost a whisper, as though he was talking to himself. "I don't hurt people."

A moment later he looked up, but he was looking past Julie, seemingly a million miles away. "So then I would never..."

He stopped talking for a moment, just dragging breaths in through his nose, his chest rising and falling sharply. "I would never pick up a razor...and start slicing into someone's body? I would never smile while I watched their blood run over my hands?"

Julie felt the shock register on her face. "What?"

"And I wouldn't take a piece of iron," he continued, his voice stronger now, "heat it up until the tip was glowing red, and hold it to a person's skin over and over again, until all their flesh was black and crackled?"

Julie felt her stomach lurch at the image his words created. She shook her head, confused, tears springing to her eyes. Why was he saying these awful things?! "I don't understand..."

Dean cut her off, looking right at her now, his features harsh and immobile. "And I would never listen to someone scream, for hours and hours, in agony, and then just...keep...cutting."

He stared at her, his expression blank as her tears flowed silently. Julie shook her head again, trying to make sense of what he was saying.

His words churned together in her mind, horrible and devastating, and almost incoherent until a thought struck her. She felt her heart clench at the idea. It was a horrendous thought, but it would explain a lot.

"Are you...you're saying..." Julie paused to close her eyes and draw a deep breath. "Are you saying...did you do those things? In hell?"

For a moment Dean continued his blank stare. But then he slowly closed his eyes and when he opened them again, their forest green depths were overflowing with guilt and heart break.

"Those things and so much more." He said slowly. "And because of my..." he paused, searching for the words. "Because of my depravity, because of the evil that exists at the core of who I am," he pushed his fist between his ribs, "because of me the world is ending. All the people that are dying, all the people that will die..."

He closed his eyes tight. "Do you understand now? Six billion people will die. Because of me. Because they tortured me and I broke, like the weak and pathetic thing I am." His voice was a raw whisper, so full of hate for himself. He opened his eyes again and his gaze bore into Julie. "Because I am a killer at the core."

Her tears continued to flow and suddenly everything Dean had said to her that night two months ago made sense; how she didn't know who he truly was, that she couldn't know his failings. He believed he was something evil and tainted, that what happened to him in hell was who he truly was.

Julie wanted to wrap her arms around him so badly, but his muscles were rigid with tension and she knew if she tried, he'd probably walk out the door himself.

So, she just took a shuddering breath and looked deep into his beautiful eyes, eyes that were so shadowed and haunted. "Dean, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that happened to you."

His eyes widened and his features settled into an expression of utter disbelief.

"What?" He shook his head. "Did you just...say you were sorry for...me?" His voice was full of incredulity, but Julie just nodded.

"Yes, I'm so sorry."

Dean exploded into motion, yanking her to her feet and grabbing her by her upper arms again.

"What the fuck is the matter with you, Julie?" He pulled her close to him, and she knew he was restraining himself from shaking her again.

"I tell you that I ripped souls apart, sliced them, burned them, broke them," he closed his eyes for a second like he was trying to escape the pictures in his mind. "I tell you that I shredded them to pieces, that I am responsible for ending the world! And your response is that you're sorry for me? For me? Really?" He let go of her a with a small shove and spun away pushing both hands through his hair and wrapping his arms around his head.

He turned back to her as his arms dropped to his sides. "Are you just that blind?" He asked, continuing to yell. "Are you that wrapped up in this fairytale, hero worship bullshit that you really can't understand what I'm telling you?"

With a furious swipe of his arm he sent all the empty liquor bottles on the TV cabinet crashing to the ground.

"Why won't you understand? What I am. Why?" He fell back against the wall beside the TV with a thump, seemingly out of anger.

"What are you thinking?" he asked, his voice strained and desperate.

Julie stood still where she was, letting the dust settle a little. "Well," she said softly, slowly, "I was thinking that for someone like you, someone who cares so deeply about people, who has taken care of others his whole life - Sam, your dad, me. For someone who has saved hundreds of people, who has spent almost every day of his life as a warrior against the monsters and the dark things of this world,"

Julie paused, swallowing the lump in her throat. "I'm thinking that for someone like you, they devised the perfect hell."

Julie ventured a step closer to where Dean stood rigid and unblinking. She continued.

"They created a hell where they forced you to become this dark, savage creature, the kind of creature you've been at war with your whole life, the thing you hate most in the world."

Julie moved closer again, keeping her gaze locked with Dean's as though she was approaching a wounded animal she didn't want to scare away.

"I'm thinking, for someone like you, they conceived the perfect, never-ending torment; torment that lasts, that's followed you out of hell," Julie's voice was soft and full of tears. "So that even though you're out, even though you're home, they're still torturing you."

She was finally close enough to Dean to reach out and take his hand. He flinched at her touch, but he let her keep hold of it.

Encouraged, Julie stepped up almost flush against him and placed her empty right hand over his heart. "And so, I'm telling you how very sorry I am that they did this to you."

To Julie it seemed like eons that Dean just stared at her, his expression inscrutable, before he reached up to put his hand over hers on his heart. Then he looked at her as though he she was an absolute enigma he couldn't unravel.

He brought his hand up to glide his fingertips across Julie's cheek, running them from her temple to her chin so delicately it was like she was made of fine china.

His eyes roamed across her face and he studied her, pulling her long mass of auburn hair over her shoulder, letting his fingers run through it like somehow it might hold the secret of her.

Julie let go of his other hand so she could put both of hers on his broad chest. He took the opportunity to cup both her cheeks in his hands, thumbs passing over her cheekbones.

He spoke quietly, and his voice was low and full of wonder. "Jules."

He frowned. "How did I get you? How...why are you?" he asked nonsensically. He shook his head. "You're the most beautiful creature I've ever known, and yet somehow you're here, and I have my hands on you. How? Why?"

Julie looked at him with a soft smile, blushing under his praise and touches. "Don't you know?" she said softly, shyly. "I love you, Dean."

She said the words and immediately panicked. Should she have kept that to herself? Would he panic?

But he just brushed his thumb gently over her mouth and Julie felt her breathing kick up, and her mouth run dry.

His eyes were suddenly bright with tears that he slowly blinked away. He pressed his lips to her forehead before pulling back, a soft laugh falling from his lips. "I'm not smart enough to tell you...I don't know how to tell you what you mean to me - what you do for me and who you are to me."

Julie reached up on her tip toes and kissed him, slow and sweet and gentle before pulling back to look up at him. "Then show me."

Dean took a deep breath and the hesitance in his eyes was obvious. Julie decided to try and make it simple.

"Dean, I want you. Do you want me?"

She saw the heat flare in his gaze, and her question was answered, but she waited for him to say it anyway.

"Of course I do." He said, his voice hoarse with desire. "But -"

Julie cut him off with another kiss, one that was decidedly less sweet and gentle. She pulled his bottom lip into her mouth and sucked on it. A small moan left his throat and she felt the sound in the clenching of her core muscles.

She pulled back again, landing back on her flat feet and resting her forehead against Dean's chest. "But nothing - that's all that matters."

They stood like that for a few minutes, and Julie was content to let him run his fingers through her hair, content just to kiss him and run her hands up and down his wide chest, to feel his lips press against her pulse. She was content, but she wanted so much more.

Then it occurred to her that there was something she should probably tell him if they were going to take this much further than kissing, and dear God, she hoped they were.

She was terrified of what he was going to say. She argued with herself internally whether she should say anything, but somehow it seemed dishonest not to.

"Dean, I should tell you." She said and then went quiet, not really sure how to get the words out.

Her silence stretched so long, Dean tilted her chin up so she was looking at him again. That was so much worse. She didn't want to tell him in the first place and now, staring into his beautiful face, his lips swollen from their kisses and his desire for her written all over his face, she wanted to tell him even less. What if he walked away? What if it weirded him out?

As she stood awkwardly, some of the heat left his gaze and worry entered.

Dammit! Okay, she just had to tell him quick, or he really was going to think better of it, or think she was hesitating because she was unsure. But she'd never been more sure of anything in her life.

Dean opened his mouth, presumably to ask her what was wrong, and she just blurted it out before he could speak.

"I'm a virgin."

Dean's jaw snapped shut and his eyebrows shot up, surprise evident in his eyes. Again before he could say anything, she spoke.

"Shit. This is extremely unsexy isn't it? Should I not have told you?"

He looked down and took a breath to speak.

"I mean, would you be able to tell?" She immediately answered her own question. "You would, wouldn't you? Because I'm all awkward and bad at this? Right?"

Dean gave his head a small shake and Julie plowed on. "I just felt like if I didn't tell you, it would be kind of like lying to you, or at least, not telling you the full truth, and I didn't want you to feel manipulated or something, you know?"

She opened her mouth to continue her ramble and it was Dean's turn to cut her off with a kiss.

Julie felt the kiss in her toes. He held her head in both hands, and slanted his mouth over hers, plunging his tongue past her lips and licking deeply into her mouth, his tongue sliding sinuously against hers; he tasted vaguely of whiskey and apple pie.

"Jules," he said as he pulled back, "I'm grateful you told me the truth.

I'm not sure if I would have been able to tell, maybe? But not because you're awkward and you sure as hell aren't bad at this."

He wrapped his mouth around Julie's top lip, sucking gently. As she let out a soft moan, he plunged his hand into her hair, wrapping it around his fist and pulling her head back far enough that he could run the tip of his tongue along her jaw to her earlobe. He sucked the soft flesh into his mouth and Julie made a sound she was positive she'd never made before.

He bit gently at the skin just behind her earlobe before moving back to give her mouth one last relatively chaste kiss. He was breathing rough.

"See?" he said, forehead pressed to hers. "You do that so good."

Julie chuckled. "I do what good? Let you kiss me senseless?"

Dean smiled gently, pulling back so he could look her in the eye. "And you being a virgin isn't sexy or unsexy. It just is."

He took her chin between his thumb and forefinger. "But if I was hesitant before..." he said letting the statement hang in the air, his brow furrowed.

Julie opened her mouth to protest, but he shook his head. "I just want you to be really sure, Jules. I never want to be your regret."

His face became a little sad and he ran his hands up and down her arms. "I'm not what you deserve, Jules and that's just facts. But -" he said, raising a finger as she tried to interrupt him. "But...the decision is yours to make and...if you do choose me, well..." he trailed off and looked down at the floor. She saw a flush run up his neck and turn the tips of his ears pink. "Well, then thank you."

Julie raised back up on her tip toes and wrapped her arms around his neck, rejoicing when his strong arms snaked around her waist and lifted her so she dangled half a foot off the ground.

She smiled at him, her face shining, bright with the love and light that had always suffused her when she was with him.

"Dean Winchester, I will always choose you."

She sealed her promise by kissing him deeply before wrapping her legs around his waist and moving her mouth to bite gently at the corded muscles in his neck.

He growled deep in his throat and Julie felt herself start throbbing. He walked forward with her and sat her on the table. Once he had the use of his arms again he wasted no time in pulling her t-shirt up over her head.

"So beautiful." he murmured before ducking his head and running his teeth and tongue along her collarbone. He reached behind her and traced little circles on the small of her back with his fingertips, slowly but surely inching his way up to the clasp of her bra.

Julie felt a warm rush of love burst over her as she realized he was inching along so slowly to give her time; time to say stop, or just time to savor the new and exciting feelings he was arousing.

And these feelings were new. Julie had made out a handful of times with guys at college, but mostly it had been them pawing at her and her calling off the heavy petting sessions out of boredom.

It had certainly never felt like this.

Those boys had never brought on the growing fire that was raging across her skin as the man in front of her took his time, and made sure she felt every brush of his lip and glide of his hand.

She wanted to tell him thank you, she wanted to tell him this was perfect, he was perfect. But he was slowly sliding her bra straps down her arms, while he flicked the clasp open at her back. Then he was pulling her breast into the warm, wet recesses of his delicious mouth and all she could manage was his name, slithering from her throat on a moan.

Dean let her breast fall from his mouth as he scooped her up under the knees and around her shoulders and carried her like a bride over to the bed.

He lowered her onto the lumpy mattress and frowned, distracted for a moment by the squeak of the springs as he sat down beside her. Looking into Julie's eyes he trailed his finger tips across her collar bone and down between her breasts.

"We probably should have found a more respectable, less sleazy place for your first time." Dean's frown deepened "This doesn't feel right."

Julie reached up, and pressed a finger to the double line that formed between his brows before she picked up his hand and pressed his palm against her flat stomach, just above the waistband of her jeans and the part of her body where she really wanted to feel him.

"I think this feels exactly right, and if you think I care about anything around me besides you and your mouth and your skin and your hands, you are very, very mistaken."

Dean's fingers tightened on her belly with a spasm and he leaned down to capture her mouth in another searing kiss.

Coming up for air, he stood up and started to shed his clothes, his green and grey flannel hitting the floor. But Julie stopped him, sitting up and putting a hand on his where it was grabbing the bottom of his t-shirt to pull it off.

"Is it okay if I do this part?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah." he said, and his voice was a deep rasp of desire.

He dropped his hands away and Julie got up on her knees on the bed. She slid his white t-shirt up a couple inches at a time, taking great pleasure in the slow reveal of his flat, muscled stomach and wide, lightly freckled chest. He ducked down to make it easier for her to slide the shirt over his head.

As she threw his t-shirt to join his flannel on the floor, she scrambled off the bed and moved around to the back of him. Dean looked back over his shoulder at her, a puzzled expression on his face.

He chuckled lightly. "What are you doing, Jules?"

"This." Julie said, breathless, just before she ran her hands up the broad expanse of his back. Her mouth could only reach as high as his shoulder blades so it was there that she began placing kisses.

She heard him suck in a breath and his muscles tensed as she ran her small hands around his ribcage from behind, flattening her breasts against his back. She pushed her hands past the waistband of his jeans and felt his growing bulge over the material of his boxer briefs.

He growled deeply and pulled her out from behind him, pushing her so she landed sideways across the bed, with a bounce against the mattress.

Julie giggled as he fell on top of her, bracing his weight on his forearms. He buried his face in the crook of her neck and rubbed the scruff of his stubble against the sensitive skin there. Julie's giggle became a bit more breathless and then died in a stuttered gasp when he simultaneously bit down on the arch of her neck and palmed her through her jeans.

He rubbed his big hand against her, pressing the seam of her jeans against the bundle of nerves that was screaming for contact.

Dean watched her closely, studying her features as her head was thrown back, neck arched. He unbuttoned her jeans and pulled down her zipper. He slipped his hand inside and pushed his middle finger against her soaked panties, rubbing it up and down against the sodden material.

Julie was lost in a blur of sensations and ragged moans she couldn't believe were coming from her. She couldn't help it, she couldn't stop them.

When Dean pushed her panties to the side and pressed a finger to the little button underneath she reared off bed, her hips bucking against his hand.

Her body knew what to do instinctively, but her mind was overflowing with feelings and sensations. She'd never felt anything like this before. Dean's hands on her body was a very different experience than her own hands on her body.

Just as she began to feel overwhelmed, Dean pulled his hand back to rest against her ribs and he kissed her closed eyelids and then the tip of her nose.

"Open your eyes, Sweetheart."

She did as he said and the sight of his face above her, so beautiful, so soft, so Dean, made her feel safe again, as he always had.

She smiled at him. "That was the good kind of 'Sweetheart'. Say that again."

He kissed her swiftly, his grin wolfish. "Whatever you say, Sweetheart." Then he kissed her slower, deeper.

"You're so beautiful." He whispered into her ear; his deep voice, husky with need, sent shivers up Julie's spine. He trailed kisses down her neck and across the tops of her breasts.

"So soft." he said, voice raspy. He laved her nipple with his wide tongue before closing his lips around it, pulling deeply and moaning against her skin.

Julie pushed her hands through his hair, and raked her nails against his scalp. She felt his hard body shudder against hers and she was suddenly, acutely aware that she could bring him just as much pleasure as he was bringing her.

With that in mind, she pulled his head up and kissed him, and then wrapped her leg around his thigh, rolling him onto his back, and ending up on top of him, straddling his hips and placing her hands against his broad chest.

He ran his tongue across his bottom lip before he pulled it in and sank his teeth into the plush, pink pillow. The sight made Julie groan and rock her hips against him.

Dean grunted and grabbed on to her hips, grinding her down against him while he raised his hips off the bed to push up into her.

Their jeans made it impossible for them to get close enough and Julie was suddenly desperate to feel all of him against her.

She copied his earlier movements, learning from him as she always had. She buried her face in his neck and since she had no stubble to tease his skin with she used her teeth and nails. She bit the beautifully rounded muscle that ran from his neck to his shoulder. And as she moved down his body, placing wet, sucking kisses across his chest and stomach, she ran her nails down his arms from his shoulders to his wrists.

She saw the red stripes she left on his skin and the goosebumps it raised on his body and she smiled.

She reached the waistband of his jeans and slowly began to unbutton them and pull them down his hips. When they were off she once again rubbed her hand against his cock still covered in the cotton of his boxer briefs. This time she felt it jump up into her palm and she laughed breathlessly.

"That's a neat trick." she said, looking at Dean with his eyes closed, head pushed back into the mattress, and his mouth open on a shuddered breath.

She slipped her hand past the elastic band of his underwear and wrapped her small hand around the throbbing shaft she found inside, enthralled by the feeling of heated velvet over steel. "Does it do any other tricks?" Julie asked, her smile mischievous.

Dean's groan turned into a growl and in a fast-as-lightning move that made her understand yet again why he was such a talented hunter, he had her flat on her back and laying lengthwise on the bed.

Whatever slightly sarcastic remark Julie had planned died in her throat as Dean yanked down her jeans and tossed them on to the floor beside the bed.

He moved to kneel between her legs, level with her calves. He ran his big, calloused palms up the outside of both her legs and then let his fingers trail back down the inside. He repeated the pattern several times, and every time, his fingertips brushed a little closer to the center of her where Julie could feel her blood throbbing under her skin.

Finally, when Julie thought she might scream if he didn't touch her soon, she felt his thumbs hook under the waistband of her panties and tug. She lifted her hips and just like that she was completely naked on the bed beneath the gaze of Dean Winchester.

That thought struck her and she was suddenly shy. She knew the feeling was ridiculous given everything they'd already done together, but she couldn't help it. Instinctively she covered herself with her palm, pushing her thighs together.

Dean put his massive hand over hers where it rested against the gently rising mound of her sex.

His voice was deep and delicious when he spoke, once again making shivers race up and down Julie's body.

"Jules, you're so incredibly beautiful. Please don't hide. All I wanna do is worship you. I promise to make you feel only pleasure, only bliss." He sank down to lay between her legs, moving his hand from on top of hers and placing a kiss to the back of the hand she still held there.

He looked up at her from beneath his eyelashes, his eyes travelling up the length of her body from his vantage point at the apex of her thighs. "Do you trust me?"

Through the haze of her desire, Julie could hear his vulnerability in the question, his fear that he wasn't to be trusted, couldn't be.

She lifted her hand off of herself and ran it loving down his cheek.

"With everything I am. I always have and I always will."

He closed his eyes and kissed her fingertips before lowering his lips to place fleeting kisses at the very tops of both her thighs. Then he pressed his lips to the soft rising mound in front of him.

The first swipe of his long, wide tongue made Julie scream and clench her thighs tight against Dean's ears. With a small chuckle, Dean wrapped his arms under and around her thighs, holding them open.

Julie became completely consumed by Dean in both the literal and figurative sense. His mouth was literally consuming her, tongue flicking against the little nub buried deep in the folds of her body, lips sucking in her juices like it was the sweetest nectar.

And she was being figuratively consumed by the fire he was stoking, the feelings he aroused in her made her feel like he was taking over her body cell by cell, every inch of her skin being claimed by him, owned by him, consumed by him.

Dean hummed in satisfaction at her sounds of pleasure and the vibrations caused her to add his name to those sounds.

"Dean, please. I...please!" She had no idea what she was asking for, what she needed, but Dean did.

He threw her left leg over his shoulder and used his free right hand to press a thick finger against her entrance. He eased in slowly, giving her time to adjust, thrusting gently a few times before he added a second finger, scissoring them to open her up and ease the way for him.

He continued to lick into her, as he crooked his two fingers, curling them forward and hitting a spot that made Julie feel like she might just shatter into a million pieces. With only two more passes of his fingers over that spot, Julie cried out and fell over the edge.

Lights and colors burst behind her eyes and her body shook from her release. She felt Dean's mouth move up her body, until he lay alongside her, his fingers staying inside her to work her through her high.

He kissed her, open mouthed, his tongue licking up into the roof of her mouth as it had licked up into her core.

She opened her eyes as he pulled his head back and moved to cover her body with his. His forearms caged her in, and he rested most of his weight there. But she could still feel the heft of him on top of her, solid and heavy; his strength above her was like a wall of safety that couldn't be breached.

He kissed her over and over, trailing his teeth and tongue down her neck, sucking purple marks into her skin. Finally he reached down and grabbed hold of his cock, rubbing the head of it through her slick folds, making Julie grab hold of his thick shoulders as she bucked her hips upward.

He pushed into her slowly, gently, but Julie still gasped at the burning stretch. It hurt, but only a little. Then Dean pushed his hips forward, seating himself in her fully and it hurt a little more.

Julie bit her lip, adjusting to the the incredible length and thickness of him. Dean stilled completely except for the impossibly gentle kisses he placed at the corners of her mouth and across her nose.

"I'm sorry, Sweetheart." he murmured against her skin. "It will feel better soon, I promise."

Julie nodded, believing him. Already the stinging had faded and there was just a dull, mostly pleasurable burn. He moved his hand between their bodies and pressed his thumb to her clit, circling it slowly, building the tension and heat back up in her body.

After a couple of minutes, his mouth and his hands had worked Julie back up into a fever pitch and she rocked against him, aching for him to move. He took her cue and moved slowly and although Julie felt a little like he was splitting her in two, she was desperate for more.

"Dean, please. I need you. Faster. Harder."

Grunting his approval, Dean began to snap his hips against her only to pull out and plunge back in hard and deep. He moved to a kneeling position and lifted her legs to his hips, the angle allowing his cock to hit the same spot his fingers had discovered earlier.

Julie wrapped her legs around Dean's waist, digging her heels into his plump ass, trying to push him in even further.

She could feel herself coming close to that edge again, and she wanted Dean to fall with her. To that end she reached up and rubbed her thumb around his nipple. He groaned and she was happy to see they seemed to be almost as sensitive as hers. She scored her nails again down his chest and she felt his thrusts become more erratic.

"Jules! God!" He gritted out between his teeth. He circled his thumb harder and faster against her. Then with a grunt and a final impossibly deep thrust, she felt Dean convulse against her, his warmth shooting up inside her and bringing about her own release.

As the air around them cooled their heated flesh, Julie reveled in the feeling of complete surrender and contentment that came from the spent feeling in her muscles and the dewy feeling of Dean's hot breath against her neck.

He rolled off of her and she rolled with him, chilly as soon as he left her. She laid tucked up against his side, running her fingers over his anti-possession tattoo while she tried not to fall immediately to sleep.

Dean kissed her forehead and shifted to get up. Julie made an incoherent noise of complaint. Dean smiled as he kissed the fingertips she reached out to him.

"I'll be right back, I promise."

With a pout she let her arm fall back onto the bed. True to his word Dean was back moments later with a warm cloth.

"Here, scooch." He said, rolling her a little so he could get the blanket out from under her. Then he used the cloth to clean up her skin, taking away the sticky residue. He quickly rinsed out the cloth and came back to slide in beside her and pull the blanket up over them both.

Julie was nearly asleep when Dean leaned down and placed the most gentle of kisses against her lips. She smiled up at him as he gazed down at her and pushed a stray wisp of hair away from her forehead.

"Thank you for refusing to leave, Jules." He said, emotion thick in his voice.

Julie smiled, her eyes closing as she laid her head back against his chest.

"You'll never be rid of me, Dean Winchester."

Chapter 8

[cuneiform-tablet]

I‘m slowly building a tag system for this blog: colours are in Gàidhlig (gorm is my most frequently used one bc I‘m colourblind and all blues and greens are under one category for me, so using a language that categorises blue and green together anyway is useful). Fashion sometimes includes stuff which wouldn‘t normally be considered „fashion“ just bc it‘s given me an idea for something I‘d want to create. Havi is anything religious for me (the High One). History is it‘s own tag but there are also „weird history“ and „bizarre history“, there is no difference I just have problems disorder and forget which one I use a Lot so like... it‘s inconsistent oops... everything else? Who knows honestly I‘m not a very organised person. Oh! Music often has either sound files or music recs. I‘m gonna add to this as I go, it‘s mainly my own index- I‘ve tagged them all at the bottom of this bc I can just click ‚em, easier than searching. Menagerie is for beasties :)

Why did I make the mood tag have six Os? That‘s annoying. Well it‘s done now 😬

Biadh = food/recipes. #for me is just... things I can‘t fit into other topics but I still want easily accessible. I‘ve run out of tags on this post lol

Botany is ofc, Botany. What it says on the tin.

Vampire and Werewolf tags should be singular (really all should be singular by default) but occasionally I apparently lose my mind and make it plural for some reason. I think I‘ve fixed them all but I‘m not sure.

I‘ve made a new tag: gallery . For art pieces I like (Aivazovsky, Gentileschi and Bouguereau will still get their own tags as they‘re particularly close to my heart)

Gonna tag stuff with projects they suit sometimes now too ie. Black Dog, the Blight, Traveller in the Duat etc.

Have made a new Medicine tag for... medicine. Well. Medical stuff.

Future Time for Scify!

[starvels]

6, 9, 24 for the fic asks

answering questions from this fic writing meme!

thank thank, dorabee! 💕

6: What are some topics you will never write about?

classist/homophobic/racist/transphobic/etc violence 😬

"cisswap" lol. just let them be trans its fine

detailed prolonged torture without hope/healing

guro/gore in general and amputation&mutilation from the perspective of the aggressor

statutory rape/age differences

lived experiences i don't have access to!

HIGH SCHOOL AU. SHUDDER

never say never but mcu st*cky lmfao

9: Are there any fics you’d love to see but don’t want to write yourself? What are they?

i love that everyone loves this # so much hehe. here are 5 more!

tony fucking his way through space w the gotg, getting pegged, having cool alien explorations, being transhuman. it's rly good and we should have it canon but since marvel is a coward, we deserve more fic of it. actually....could this be something i would write? HM

remember that one mcu natasha centric fic where she treks to her old farm homestead and steve tags along and its very evocative and so deeply personal in a casual, rugged way?? (if someone knows this pls link me hghghhg) i would take 500 more of this. i don't know that i have the depth of natasha knowledge to adequately explore it but wow VIBES

dreamvision. i like it! it's horrible and heartwrenching and has so many avenues to explore!!

revengers fic where they actually get to stay together and do cool revengers stuff after ragnarok - i feel like the character arcs in that movie are super underrated and the narrative style could have been so cool. contrasting the cinnamon topography/color tones/dialogue from bruce's perspectivevs from loki's vs from brunhilde/valkyrie's, etc. i would have watched/read so much of that and i'm sad.

listen, i was reading that sorcerer supereme tony/doom fic the other day and the Dynamic was So Compelling and i just want to say i would read...a lot of that

24: Which fic of yours do you wish people would ask about more? Why?

this is a good question, ha. one of em i think is cat's cradle etiquette? i was really excited to start it when i did and then kinda lost steam with it bc it's a challenge (a good one!) for me to write, but it kinda felt lonely making it for some reason? 🤔

i think it has a lot of fun elements ! it's an arranged marriage AU, but it's not historic, it's techy and its got lots of cool interpersonal interactions (whispers polycule), the court, the mythology, the sad pining steve, holy shit what's happening to tony, political intrigue, etc. so i think it has a lot going for it and is a compelling interp of the trope/genre with a choooice twist later on in the story. looking at it now though, i'm thinking maybe part of the problem is that i never added all those tags so its quite ambiguous where its going and people couldn't latch on. LOL

[domjaehyun]

Hello babyyyy I really like you😚😚😚 I am not drinking👀👀 but I think about you haha jk👀😩😩 *biting lip emoji*

i’m gonna answer these all together because i want to save them!!!

hiiiiii baby i missed you :’)))) i like you toooooo you’re so fucking cute i can’t take it omg

Ima not lie for a sec you are so secksy😚😚 I’m in like with you😩😩

i’m BLUSHING YOU’RE SO CUTE WTF

I wanna french kiss you but friendly😚😚👅👅😋😋😛😛 -🔮

consider this....we french kiss but there’s nothing friendly about it :))))

Omg lmao did I not tag my last anon messages hahahakk -🔮 whoopsie

it’s okay baby i gotchu!!!

I think I need to pee but before I do I have to say.......... I think you cute idk if I should say this but I had dream of you😳😳😳😳😳 ahhhh I shouldn’t say but😳

omg you absolutely h a v e to tell me what the dream was about what did we do :O

Om fricken goodness I hope I was anon all this time anyways I wanna say that it would be a PRIVILEGE to kiss you girl and too have sexual intercourse with you girl😳😳😳😳 do NOT let anybody tell you different you a bad bitchhh oh wait u don’t like the word bitch I’m sorryyyyy you a bad HOE you so cute and loveable😩😩 it hard out here for a thug like me😩 who really like you a whole lotta omg I’m so sorry I’m exit real quick piece✌️😬 -🔮

sTOPPP YOU’RE SO FUCKING CUTE AND SWEET i was telling my friends i think you’re psychic bc. these came when i needed to see them most so thank you my love i adore you :’)

Ok one more thingy thing ok sorryyyy waittt ima eat mozzarella sticks Rn and I thought of you❤️❤️❤️❤️ I know you like that perhaps👀 oh man I wish I ate one with you👀👀 but like at the same time like lady and dog so we kiss hahahaha😳 jk👀 but not jk ok ima leave I gotta stop sending so many words I miss you🥺🥺🥺 -🔮

stop that makes me so soft i love you wtf :’( i would love to share one with you lady and the tramp style ;) i missed you too im sorry for being gone baby!!!

Ok I will be going to sleep now my love time to rest I wish I could cuddle you to sleep :( ahhh I’m so em bear ess ing luv, I would love to hold you and kissy you while I fall asleep🥺🥺 ok ilyy good night love😘 -🔮

stop i could really use cuddles right now :’( i think you’re the cutiest and i love you!!!!!!!!! good night baby sleep well!!!

[sassy1121]

I posted 1,360 times in 2022

That's 1,031 more posts than 2021!

132 posts created (10%)

1,228 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@ourflagmeanslgbtqia

@queerpiracy

@forpiratereasons

@creepy-paper

@knowlesian

I tagged 1,298 of my posts in 2022

Only 5% of my posts had no tags

#our flag means death - 519 posts

#wwdits - 277 posts

#fan art - 145 posts

#taika waititi - 65 posts

#text post meme - 47 posts

#frenchie - 41 posts

#😂 - 37 posts

#fandom crafting - 26 posts

#david jenkins - 20 posts

#harvey guillén - 20 posts

Longest Tag: 119 characters

#however as an apparently official old i must say i’m identifying with the teachers and parents more than anyone else 😬

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

"Hey, I meant to ask before -- has the dolly got a name?"

Wee John looked down at the rag doll nestled snuggly between his forearm and belly. "Nah, haven't had 'em long. Found it in a trunk and just..." He blushed a little and looked away. "It's silly."

Frenchie looked at him with open curiosity. "Nah, mate -- what? It's adorable. Just thought if it was gonna be roommates with us, I should know its proper name. Just been callin' it 'Dolly' in my head, but that seems disrespectful if it's not her name. His name? Their?" He looked a bit like he was trying to do sums in his head.

Wee John furrowed his brow and mumbled, "Hadn't really thought about it. Never had a doll before."

"What, never? Not even when you were a wee lad?"

He scoffed. "Never was 'a wee lad'. Always been big and always had to act grown. I can't remember anyone ever treating me like a lad, not really."

It was Frenchie's turn to scowl. "You said you made dresses with your mum -- you never made the scraps into toys or nothin'? I had a rag doll my mum made from a walnut and a scrap of linen." A small smile lit his face at the memory.

"Oh, there was no time for any foolishness like that. Work, work, work, it was. Ten mouths to feed, and me the man of the house."

Frenchie's look of sympathy was confusing. Isn't that how it is for everyone who grows up to be a fuckin' pirate? Besides His Nibs, of course. "I get it, man. Still a shame though. Every kid deserves something of their own, just for fun."

Wee John thought he might cry, but he pushed it aside. "I suppose... I suppose I'd call her Sinéad, after my nan?"

Frenchie reached out to gently take the doll's hand and bowed ever so slightly. "Very pleased to make your acquaintance, Sinéad. Welcome to the room. But so's you know, the bed is for sleepin' and the nook --" he pointed to the corner "-- is only for sittin'."

Wee John held Sinéad's arm and shook Frenchie's hand for her. "Much obliged," he said in a voice higher than his own.

"Well, now that's settled," Frenchie grinned, "where exactly are we gettin' these mints?"

88 notes - Posted April 28, 2022

#4

Tonight my kid (13??? for those keeping track at home) asked me what “slash fic” means. She was so, so, SO offended when I told her. Offended that there’s a special word for it. 

We had an extremely interesting discussion about why you would need a word just for that, and what the fic and fandom landscape looked like before she was born. 

Then I told her about the word “femslash” and she got EVEN MORE OFFENDED. 

I think we landed on “well now if you say ‘fanfic’ people *assume* it’s gay, so CHECKMATE STRAIGHTS”

163 notes - Posted May 21, 2022

#3

me, anytime I've forgotten to do something or not been able to concentrate over the last week:

188 notes - Posted March 26, 2022

#2

Lighthouse Painting, my beloved.

(embroidery on random cotton fabric. it's about the size of a business card. i'm gonna stitch it to my bag, where it will get very beat up, so let's all just remember it as it is in this moment, shall we?)

207 notes - Posted April 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

See the full post

4,248 notes - Posted April 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[darke15]

Yo!

I know its me, ya girl.

I've missed you! @kippykasey

Chapter 57 (I am 95% sure this is where I left off)

yes, you're right, i checked

Me internally yelling at Ghost for the terrible idea and worried about who might get hurt

same tho

- RIP Peggy you were a hell of a gal

she really was

- alone...is ghost really about to enter Wraith and Novak's base alone? This really is a terrible idea! This darn kid is mad! (Insert mental ranting like a protective parent)

lol as i was writing i was like, ghost you're such a dumbass. wtf are you doing

This is where ghost was taken wasn't it. Ghost was locked in the catacombs before..

it was actually a callback to the morgue she found in Columbia but legit all my em tags broke this chapter so the clues weren't as visually visible as they should have been

- ps I believe there is a section of flashbacks that you ment to be italicized in the section Boone asks Steve to tell her about Peggy?

like 90% of my em tags broke this chapter i just went through and found more that were broken besides the ones you found. thank you for telling me. idk wtf happened

- Boone's AI is badass enough said.

Athena is wonderful

- the Frisbee line--

I snorted laughing at the ultimate Frisbee line

i thought of you as i wrote it.

- oh Boone how right you are. He looks so good with a beard

damn straight

- oh God, that punch at the door. Oh God this fight. The helmet!

hims a strong bean

- Belov I could kiss you for saving Ghost right now

belov is BAE

- Wraith thought he could come play with his giant metal Frisbee... I don't think so! Not in my yard!

Kasey! I'm cackling!

- Belov's description of Duke is spot on

it do be true tho

- the level of anxiety that I am feeling between Boone being at the UN and freaking Ghost just yeeting her self over a railing.

lol these two chapters were very anxiety-filled weren't they?

Chapter 58

- okay.. Boone is doing okay. Still anxious but really glad I didn't have to wait for an update to know this.

you lucky duck 🤣

- ahhhhh its happening, Buckyyyyh

it has begun ☹️

- medic calling Boone sugar 💕

you know who it is 😏

- Steve, Sam, and Duke walked into a bar...

and they got their butts kicked by a Dude with a Metal Arm and a Cat Guy

- Steve finding Bucks notebook and therefore readers pictuee- yep totally internally squeaking

😬😬😬

- black panther has entered the fight

- wraith being all sneaky..

***Cat Guy 😉 (sorry T'Challa)

he's a sneaky sneaky bean

Wow I thought I was farther behind that this. (Probably thinking about TS&TS included.) Either way I have caught up on BS:A and ahhhhh the internal screaming and anxiety can end for now until the next update.n

Thank you Kasey! I've missed you loads and I hope all is well! 😘

Yo!

I know its me, ya girl.

This is a big reaction post for multiple chapters of @darke15 's story Battle Scared : Aftermath.

Chapter 57 (I am 95% sure this is where I left off)

- — “Captain,” Belov warned, shaking his head as you made your way to the jet, “This is a terrible idea.” —

— “That’s why you’re not coming.” —

Me internally yelling at Ghost for the terrible idea and worried about who might get hurt

- RIP Peggy you were a hell of a gal

- anxiety intensified at the mention of the accords signing.

- Boone being there for Steve after Peggy's funeral- my heart 🥺

- alone...is ghost really about to enter Wraith and Novak's base alone? This really is a terrible idea! This darn kid is mad! (Insert mental ranting like a protective parent)

- "Look familiar?”

This is where ghost was taken wasn't it. Ghost was locked in the catacombs before..

- ps I believe there is a section of flashbacks that you ment to be italicized in the section Boone asks Steve to tell her about Peggy?

- Boone's AI is badass enough said.

- the Frisbee line--

I snorted laughing at the ultimate Frisbee line

- oh Boone how right you are. He looks so good with a beard

- oh God, that punch at the door. Oh God this fight. The helmet!

- Ghost you idiot you shouldn't have gone alone! Ahhh!

- Novak deserves a broken nose.

- Belov I could kiss you for saving Ghost right now

- Wraith thought he could come play with his giant metal Frisbee... I don't think so! Not in my yard!

- Belov's description of Duke is spot on

- the level of anxiety that I am feeling between Boone being at the UN and freaking Ghost just yeeting her self over a railing.

- internal screaming

- BOONE BABY NOOOO

Yikes okay..

Chapter 58

- poor Bucky..

- okay.. Boone is doing okay. Still anxious but really glad I didn't have to wait for an update to know this.

- ahhhhh its happening, Buckyyyyh

- ahhhhh no Boone baby 😥

- gotta go save our soldiee boy

- me mentally introducing Roger's to Duke. "Captain, the name's Duke Dugan. Guess you can't get away from us."

- le gasp... Bucky and his plums

- Darn it Boone you shouldn't be out of bed!

- medic calling Boone sugar 💕

- Steve, Sam, and Duke walked into a bar...

- Steve finding Bucks notebook and therefore readers pictuee- yep totally internally squeaking

- Soft Bucky.. he needs protection.

- the efficiency that this man even as his memory is broken

- black panther has entered the fight

- wraith being all sneaky..

Wow I thought I was farther behind that this. (Probably thinking about TS&TS included.) Either way I have caught up on BS:A and ahhhhh the internal screaming and anxiety can end for now until the next update.

[claracaboozle]

yeet skeet lez go (i say yeet 'em skeet 'em and no i do not know where it comes from but i've discovered it is too late to back out now)

last song: currently listening to immigrant song by led zeppelin lol

last movie: onward :)

currently watching: i'm like, caught up on everything right now. i try to avoid going down tv show rabbit holes, makes my brain go bhbhbhbhbhbh

currently reading: so many. uhh rw&rb and the hobbit with @boomerangsandadora all the light we cannot see by anthony doerr and waiting for godot in french (so far so bad)

currently craving: literally any food i don't have to put any effort into. like, instant sustenance but i don't have to do ANYTHING. should tell you my mood for the day... 😬

tagging: @marie-cohen @alienslikedmyfantasy @spacequeenbucky

Thank you to @starryyam for tagging me!!!♡

Rules: Tag 9 people you'd like to get to know better/catch up with

Last Song: Quiet from Matilda the Musical

Last Movie: The Lion King

Currently Watching: Rewatching Seasons 1 and 2 of Puppet History!!!

Currently Reading: Course syllabus and "Ghost Stories of Old Texas, Vol. II"

Currently Craving: Bean and cheese tacos and a large sweet tea from the local cafe

Tagging: @dinahdarling @the-what @2us2kstuukkarask @ren-likes-muffins @kouje @snazzystarlight @marriedtobigfoot @embergeist and @stoneserafina !♡