#should i post it more and or more on tummy tuesday

[t4t4t]

[pigjolt]

Low effort Tummy Tuesday cause I’ve been mia. I should be back to more regular posting soon

[ma1dita]

about you

this was a request! read it here

words: 4.3k (longest one yet ohmy)

summary: james potter takes ‘easier’ for granted and finds out he now has a living reminder of that

warnings: none! sort of au, everyone lives and they win the war— angst angst angst, maybe open ended!!! groveling james and reader is a MOTHA (afab!)

a/n: guys i missed writing angst…i’m a deeply sad soul at heart so i enjoyed this a lot. I listened to ‘night shift’ by lucy dacus writing the first half, and ‘about you’ by the 1975 for the second half,,,,, both on repeat. i don’t mean to post at ungodly hours but i hope you enjoy!

posted: 11/11/23

—-

Insecurity is an ugly thing. It tugs at your frame, holding your shoulders hostage and your countenance shriveled in a scowl as you slink forward in your seat. But what should the rational reaction be when your boyfriend, the one you’ve planned out the rest of your life with— takes you out to dinner on a random Tuesday and then decidedly backtracks on everything you’ve built together? Your ears are ringing loudly, and you dumbly ask him to repeat himself when he says he wants to take a break.

“So that’s it then. You’ve made your decision and I just have to be okay with losing a year and a half of my life because you aren’t sure if you love me?” Your tone cuts through the fraying tether that holds you two together in the corner booth.

James for once, is at a loss for words. He wasn’t really sure of what to expect when he brought you here tonight, but any reaction to his admission was bound to hurt the both of you. You had to have known about his hesitations. Graduation was three weeks away, and everything was about to change, whether either of you liked it or not. Stupidly enough, James does love you, but that’s not the problem. The proximity he’s had as Head Boy working with Lily Evans makes him wonder if the life he lives is what’s meant for him. It keeps him up at night, gnawing at his resolve and comfort in being with you. He feels ungrateful to have it so easy. Loving you is easy. But the imposter syndrome sneaks into his room late at night in the form of ‘what if’.

“I…it’s just the timing of it all. We’re about to leave Hogwarts, and I don’t want to tie you down if I know I’m unsure of my—our future.”

He reaches out to grab your hand, and many a time ago, his sense of awareness was what you admired about him. You’d both get this familiar feeling of needing comfort, and within a minute, your fingers would intuitively find the other’s like it was second nature. Now, the thought of his touch might make you break his hand off to serve on a silver platter.

“Fuck your timing. If you think it’s as easy as making the decision to just quit while we’re ahead…. I love you. Don’t you…Is that not—” 

You clear your throat, the fire in your indignation being stifled by the whimpering feeling of knowing this was going to happen. The understanding of his plight, the knowing that he wants more. You could see it in the way his eyes wander when you all hang out, and you could feel it when he needs time to himself before bed, letting you back to your common room in the late hours alone. Screw your heart for appealing to his indecisiveness, his fear, when the final blow is aimed at the relationship you both once wanted together. Head Boy and Head Girl share living quarters after all. What chance did you stand against the girl he fell asleep a room away from? Maybe he dreams of her too, what you couldn’t give and what more she has to offer. 

“Tell me something James,” you choke as your body heaves with something akin to nausea. Being lovesick isn’t as romantic as it seems. The hopeless feeling in your tummy throbs as you clench your fists to keep it all down.

“Whatever you want.” 

His reply makes you laugh, desolation gripping your esophagus. Who knew feeling empty would feel like drowning? There is no more air left in your lungs that it almost incapacitates you, your last breath spilling out your final ask of him.

“Do you love me? What did I do?” 

The noise and chatter around you seems to fall silent as he zeroes in on your face, crestfallen from the words that leave your lips. It isn’t your fault, but how can he tell you that? At 18, he’s feeling stifled by the privilege of having his life all planned out for him. He knows people spend their lives searching for contentment but James can’t decipher if he’s right for all of this pressure falling upon his shoulders. The societal heir of his father’s business empire. The face of the upcoming war, bringing in a new generation of soldiers to fight. 

Deep inside, he’s a wild spirit just wanting to live, to be free. And it scares him that you’d follow him to the ends of the Earth, that there isn’t much thinking involved, just doing. The lack of autonomy stifles his soul. How does one know if they’re meant for more? James doesn’t want you to have to suffer the consequences if he can’t figure it out himself.

“I love you honey. So much it hurts me. I just wonder if it’s enough.” 

Your hands clatter onto the table, bumping your half-empty pint of butterbeer as you gather your things, shoving them into your knapsack as his final blow hits your senses. And all he does is watch you, face transfixed as if he sees nothing, like he isn’t making the biggest mistake of his life.

There’s no going back after this, you think silently as you steady your trembling hands. There’s also no way in hell you’ll let him see you cry. Fuck that. Your eyes fall over the curls that drape over the frame of his glasses, his face cradled by candlelight and dear Merlin, do you love this boy. All of him, even the parts that don’t reciprocate the feeling. This is the final snapshot in your memory of him, because this fleeting moment will have to be enough.

“I hope you get everything you ever wanted James. For my sake, I hope I never hear a thing about it.”

Perhaps having the last word will absolve you of the feeling that desecrates your entire essence as you put one foot in front of the other, pushing past the door of the Three Broomsticks and out into the unknown. But it’s not enough.

—

The break in routine absolutely shatters you, if we’re being honest. A year and a half of loving him, and three more before that of liking the slow steady burn that is James Potter…. It’s like looking at the world with new eyes and this window of opportunity with graduation nearing is your chance of starting anew. There’s also the custodial aspect after the end of a relationship, and it’s hard to separate the rest of what’s yours and his in your mind. Your friends are his, and his are yours. It makes quite a predicament to not have things so easy as they consider who to eat lunch with, or who’s dorm to hang out in. Hopefully, things get easier with time but you’re not as confident as you once were.

A part of you feels like you don’t belong anywhere anymore. James is the sun, after all; a natural leader— everyone revolves around his ingenious ideas and the light he brings. He’s the one who always has a plan, and everyone follows in his stead. Where do you fit in all of that? Where do you go?

His parents are likely the loveliest people to ever grace the wizarding world. Euphemia catches you by the arm after the graduation ceremony as you’re about to take the 7th year boat back across the Black Lake. With no family in attendance and no boyfriend to dote on, niceties were expended quick enough to want to run out of there and never look back.

“Darling, are you leaving without a goodbye?” Mrs. Potter smiles, calling her husband over both with grins made of sunlight. 

Somehow it resonates in your brain that it’s finally over, and your lip trembles when they pull you in for a hug that rivals your hunger to be loved. You think that even if your parents showed up today, it wouldn’t have felt this kind.

“Congratulations dearest! We’re so proud of you,” Fleamont rumbles, a big man with an even bigger heart as he brandishes flowers out of thin air to hand to you daintily. You’re going to miss them terribly. Is it wrong to want more of this? But you remember why it’s not as James’s cologne floods your senses and his silhouette creeps into your periphery. Your smile grows smaller as you two stare at each other and breathe the same air for the first time in almost a month. Whatever’s thrumming in your being, he holds the key to. Mr. and Mrs. Potter try to loop you into a photo together, the magical kind that moves to capture a memory so intimately but both of you stand perfectly still as his and your hesitant dismissals go unheard.

Loving hands fuss over both your caps and the way hair sticks out until you feel your shoulders jostle together for a moment and his hand lands on the small of your back. The flash goes off as you two look at each other in something that still resembles love. You can’t unlove him, not in a day, a month, or ever, you think. Not if you’ve bared your soul to him, even if he hurt you. 

You look away first, urging your heart to come back to reality. He’s not yours anymore, and you still love him. Alice told you earlier that he asked Lily out on a date for next Tuesday. What you were supposed to do with that information you’re unsure, but the feeling in your belly helps you say goodbye to the Potters, and clarify that they can keep the picture since you’re not James’ girlfriend anymore. An awkward silence settles over all four of you.

Euphemia rubs your cheek, hushed promises of keeping in touch while Fleamont looks at his son in confusion. James’ hand flexes in the absence of your body against his. He simply watches you walk away again, alone, while he’s surrounded by his friends and his family. The beating of a tiny heart matching your own as you hop onto the boat proves otherwise.

—-

A baby.

You think back to when it must’ve happened, the weekend before that Tuesday, when everything still felt right. With your last exams of your academic career finally done, both you and James were tangled in his silk sheets until dawn, an amalgamation of passionate whispers and lingering touches you could still feel in the days that followed. As you stared at the flutter of his eyelashes and relished the way he pulled you closer in his dream state, you were quite sure that he is, too, tangled within your soul to let go. That your doubts were residual anxiety from preparing for the future. For the first time in a while, you were reaffirmed that the boy sleeping next to you was your forever. Not being careful was a consequence of feeling safe in his arms, and subconsciously, you both hoped that everything would work itself out. As you walked out of the Head Students’ Lounge past noon with James’ hickeys as a necklace and donning your boyfriend’s shirt, you noticed the blush on Lily Evans’ face. You were just so sure, but that felt like forever ago.

Your parents weren’t happy when they came back from their business trip two months after graduation to find you four months along with a prominent bump and filled with so much fear. All plans of getting a job, of moving out, and joining the Order were now replaced with the startling fact that you are 18 and don’t have a single clue on what to do next. Your childhood bedroom feels smaller tonight, with both your parents standing at the door, all of you unsure of what to say. You can’t remember the last time they tucked you in, but as your dad takes a seat on the edge of your bed, it seems possible that maybe you won’t be alone in all of this.

“Whatever decision you make will be the right one, sweetie. If you love that baby, then we do too,” he sniffles, and you don’t recall having ever seen him this emotional before. One thing you are sure of, is this baby is loved, and made from love. The next is that England is not a safe place to raise your baby. 

Somewhere far away, in a hidden place guarded by some of the most experienced wizards, the Order of the Phoenix meets again to determine the future of the wizarding world. James’s eyes dart back and forth from the door to whichever adult is talking about the next mission. You didn’t show up again. All of the meetings so far where he was always the first one to arrive and the last to leave in hopes of getting a glimpse of you, and you never showed. There’s a deep worry that haunts him as the months pass by, and he knows that it would be easy to send you a letter, or to show up at your door, but he’s probably the last person you want to see. 

“We’re going out for a pint, you ready to leave James?” Lily whispers into his ear, arms curling around to his chest. But he’s not ready at all, sat on the sofa with his eyes on the door, just in case. Trying to love someone who’s still in love is a losing battle, Lily thinks, as she watches her boyfriend look like a child missing their favorite blanket. But in a war like this one, no one would be foolish enough to decline company.

“I’ll meet you there,” he smiles, leaning back to kiss her cheek. It’s cruel to both of them, the way he’s acting knowing that Lily won’t ever be you. Every chance he gets to have a moment to himself, he thinks of the despondent look on your face as you walked away from him and his parents that day. No more anger at all, no biting words or the fighting spirit that he knows and loves. Both of you just accepted what was to come.

Sirius and Remus approach him later after everyone’s left that they got word that you moved to America. He thinks of what could’ve been, and the thought of your safety is the only thing that lets his mind rest as guilt pushes and pulls at his heartstrings like waves.

He’s spent these months fighting in the war, loving and losing that he thinks this isn’t anything like the white house and picket fence fantasy you both used to cook up. As he grabs his coat to leave, James wonders if by being away from all of this you’ll get to live the life you want. 

—

“Okay honey, hold on tight to mama.” 

Your little boy was almost bouncing off the pavement with a chocolate covered grin, and it makes you laugh harder than it should. Maybe Florean Fortescue’s was not the way to start off your son’s first trip to Diagon Alley, but your new job at the Ministry starts tomorrow and you’ve been missing your favorite stationery. The town was packed with people with the war having ended and trying to start anew. You haven’t seen any familiar faces and maybe years ago that was a bad thing, but hope spreads over Diagon Alley with strangers smiling at Christopher as he skips on the cobblestone, almost tripping over his own feet at the entrance of Flourish and Blotts. 

He runs forward to explore the store as you smile at your creation, letting him wander along the aisles as you have done years before. Being back here is like walking through a memory, and though it used to be home, you know yours is walking around in tiny bright red shoes that light up like his smile. Your fingers flip through the different quills and parchment on display, and after finding everything you need, you hear your son’s laughter in the opposite corner of the shop. Motherly instincts always prevail as your feet guide you to the sound of his voice, since he’s never been one to shy away from a friendly conversation.

“Did you find everything you were looking for, honey?”

James’ head whips up from the tiny boy he was entertaining with color-changing quills to see you, and he pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose to make sure he’s seeing properly. The both of you go quiet as time stands still, with Christopher chattering at your feet. 

“Mama! Look at this one, it goes rainbow!” he says, tugging at your coat to see the quill in James’s hand. The pieces start to fit together in James’ mind, looking at your pursed lip, then to the sight of this boy smiling with the innocence he had a lifetime ago. This boy, his son, has your eyes. You shake your head rapidly as he intakes a breath of air.

“Honey?” he whispers, knowing that was his name for you.

“So what, he looks like a honey,” you say defensively, grabbing your son’s hand.

He looks like my son, his eyes say—both of you look down to the child who’s all grins and none the wiser piping up.

“My name’s Topher!” 

“Yes it is, and now it’s time to say goodbye to the nice man, okay?” Topher pouts and looks up at his father without even knowing it, handing him the quill. 

“Keep it. I’ll pay for it, and then you can write to me,” he says almost desperately, losing grip of everything that he’s been trying to convince himself for the past 7 years. 

“Don’t be weird, Potter. Don’t…” you shake your head, eyes misting over. Seeing him again brought back everything. It was already overwhelming to have a kid that’s almost the splitting image of him, to learn of a love so pure after one that’s wrecked you to your core, but being here, within arms reach… You’re 18 again and scrambling away from the corner booth trying to get away from the man you love most not wanting you in return.

“Honey, why don’t you give us a minute to talk? Go find me some cool enchanted stickers for me to bring to work tomorrow, okay?” Your baby runs off without even questioning it, his sense of adventure also inherited from his father.

“I’m…so sorry.” James moves closer to you, and you take a step back sighing humorlessly.

“For what? He’s an amazing kid. Even though… he wasn’t planned, I don’t think I could ever see my life turning out any other way.” You shift your weight to your other foot. He looks, successful, if that’s something he would be proud of. He’s wearing an impressive suit, and his eyes are a bit hardened by the past few years, but his charisma, his smile…. He’s still the boy you fell in love with all those years ago.

“I feel foolish. I was so scared to live my life and then here you are raising our child…” 

You blink softly at his words, and it reminds him of your youth, all doe-eyed and full of want. You used to want him like he still wants you. In front of him is a grown woman, a mother who’s strong and filled with memories and love that he should’ve been a part of.

“Things happen for a reason, James. We both did what we had to do.”

His hand brushes yours, and you realize you’ve been without his touch for 7 years. 7 years of being scrubbed clean of James Potter, and not a single regenerated cell in your body has been touched by him. But your son is of him, so you think that no matter how this ends, there will always be a part of you that loves James too.

You extend an olive branch to have him come to your apartment this weekend and get to talk. He knows he doesn’t deserve this kindness, but you know he deserves to meet his son.

—-

The doorbell rings and you take a deep breath as you open the front door, looking up at him holding a teddy bear for Topher.

“He’s still down for a nap. Let’s go sit in the den.” You say quietly. The hallway is filled with pictures of your boy, and of you in different stages these past few years. He stops at a portrait of your parents with Topher being swung between them.

“Your parents….”

“Were supportive; I wasn’t alone,” you muse, knowing he knows of your strained relationship with them back then.

“They actually just retired early last year. Overworked themselves and finally comfortable, so they help out when they can. What about yours?” Trying to make conversation with your ex is terribly hard, but it’s in good spirit and there’s not much to do until Topher wakes up.

“They passed, actually. Mum at the end of the war, and dad 6 months after. Never wanted to be apart, you know that.”

Your face falls at his revelation, “I’m sorry for your loss. They were amazing people. Taught me what it meant to be a parent, for sure.” Amicable silence fills the living room before you clear your throat.

“I have to be blunt, James. What do you want from this? You must be married and busy, so if Topher can’t fit into that….”

“I’m neither of those things, honey. I want to try and see where this goes,” he says scratching the back of his neck. 

Your heart stops at his endearment, catching yourself looking at him seriously. 

“You can hurt me, but I’m not letting you do that to him. Back then, you were all I ever wanted love to be. And then I had my beautiful baby, and I suddenly knew my love meant more.”

“I never wanted to hurt you. It was a mistake, because I was too proud to accept that I had it good. That what I had was meant for me.” James grabs your hands, begging for you to understand. The lost boy he was is a lifetime away from the man sitting in front of you now. Though it’s touching, you keep your heart guarded because the little boy sleeping down the hall is your biggest priority. You hope he can understand that too.

“He’s not a placeholder for your dreams of wanting a family. You have to build that, I did that myself. I’m not going to let you string him along and then once you have a family of your own, you just up and leave.” 

“I know. I was hoping the both of you could be my family, if you give me the chance.” You bite your lip as your thumb runs against his. It’s easier to forgive than to forget. But for Topher’s sake, you can try. 

“Tell me something James,” you whisper, having needed to know this for the past 7 years.

“Why did you throw it all away? Was the idea of loving me…so terrible?” He tilts your chin up, and you think that the earnest look on his face is the closure you needed to properly forgive him.

“I’ve never stopped loving you. Loving you is the best part of knowing you. Do you think I ever forgot about you?” He chuckles lowly, brushing back a strand of your hair, and you think this could be dangerous if you let yourself get too close. 

“I’ve thought about you everyday for the past 7 years, I just didn’t think I deserved you after everything I’ve done. I was so stupid, I am still. But I’m trying to be better.”

“You think of me but dreamt of her. Was it guilt?” Your hand grabs his as you move it away from your cheek, settling onto your lap. The air around you is suffocating.

“It took time for me to figure out that it was intention. Lily was a distraction. You’ve consumed me since the day I met you. My dreams, my thoughts… All of it is you. I choose to think about you as much as I can, because if I didn’t I was scared I’d forget all the good things about us back then.”

You both hear a thump from your son’s room and realize you’re wiping tears away. James stands up when you do, and both pairs of your socked feet pad closer to your son’s room. 

“We start this slow. We make decisions together, and if there’s any inkling I get that he doesn’t want this, it’s done. You understand?” Your hands are firm on the doorknob as he’s standing close behind you, hanging onto every word.

“Every word. There’s no turning back from this.” He wants to ask another question, but before he can, your hand unconsciously finds his and your grip is so comforting that he notices himself sniffle. 

“If it all goes well, and if you want, we can try again. But that’s in the far distant future, James Potter.”

“Anything you want, honey. That’s the future I’ve been dreaming of.” With you. Your lips quirk into a smile as they brush against his cheek.

Slowly opening the door to both watch your son wake up from his nap, your hand pulls James into the room behind you. Quietly, he sits on the edge of Christopher’s bed, and when his son looks up at him, you both notice the little boy beaming like the sun. 

—-

“Everything you love is very likely to be lost, but in the end, love will return in a different way.” -Franz Kafka

taglist: @jsjcue

love me some tunes! i listened to this while writing:

night shift by lucy dacus & about you by the 1975

[little-chubstr]

It’s late but here’s my contribution to Tummy Tuesday 🐷

Also if you’re not already doing so, you should start following me on X (Twitter) as I post a lot more content there! Including this Pup getting all excited with his tail in 😈

[catboybiologist]

Hiya! I'm CatboyBiologist.

The unfiltered, unhinged side of @hi-sierra. I'm doing a quick pinned post refresh.

If you post a screenshot of mine to another site, please read this first!

I'm a transgender woman, outdoors enthusiast, and grad student in molecular bio living on the West coast of the US. I post a lot of vain selfies and thirst traps:

I'm known for tgirl tummy tuesdays, shower coffee, weirdass rambling shitposts, my tortoise, bisexual meltdowns, being an angry tranny, providing some biologists rambles about HRT and other things, making my ADHD everyone else's problem, and talking about hiking/backpacking more than I actually do it. This blog is my main one, and is an unfiltered stream of information.

If you want to DM me, tag me, drop an ask, for whatever reason, feel free to! This includes any and all tummyposting. Do be aware, however, that I try to keep this blog SFW, and will use my discretion on what to reblog or answer. On the flip side of that, however, I often get close to the limits of SFW here, so if you're uncomfortable with that or a minor, you have been warned.

I have a ko-fi, and donations are greatly appreciated.

Tortoise tax:

Misc links below, including my other profiles and posts I want to highlight.

Why and how should you store a little extra HRT? And also: what does death before detransition mean?

Active accounts elsewhere:

Reddit

Instagram

Bluesky

Previous pin with link to all my other previous pins

[dee-the-red-witch]

Right. June Pinned post. Let's fuckin' go.

Hi.

I'm Denice. More commonly Dee. Mid-40's transfem poly lesbian. And I do a lot of stuff.

First and foremost, I'm an artist and leatherworker. You'll find links to all of that here.

I also write, do tarot readings, and review media. All of that's here.

If you're local to me in the PNW, I also tattoo:

I also have my GRS and FFS coming up in under six months, and am desperately trying to cover funds for the recovery time from both.

And if that all wasn't enough, I also voice act, cook, parent, spend way too much time as a gym rat, still don't know what a jerma is, post lewd for tummy tuesday soemtimes because I can, and tend to Have Opinions. I'd say you should throw money at me in general for it, but that's neither here nor there.

I do not care if you're a minor who decides to follow me (unless you insist on making it weird. This is an adult space. Cope.) I will not tag for nsfw or mature content, since both get used for targeted harrassment. Police your own experience. Ask box is still open for now, put any other questions there.

[im-in-your-mind]

i should be more sad about this one girl who stopped talking to me entirely but she also posts "tummy tuesday" pictures while being rail thin so whos the real victim here

[smalltestaccount]

okay i think ive come to the conclusion that i dont really fit in with most other trans women, like personality wise, and thats okay. Like i think recently a lot of trans women, not just on tumblr, have been making me think i have to be kinky and bizarre or something, be blasé about transitioning or gender roles, or even just like be okay with some borderline harassing behavior. Its okay if that is you (except the harassing behavior some of yall need to work on that), but like thats not really me. Acting this way just makes me feel bad. Just ignoring that Im a total straightedge, that im like a 1 on the Kinsey scale now. Ever since i was like 11 my biggest desire is just like being a normal cis girl. I always am happiest embracing basic American femininity, and i only just re-realized this after after it helped me get out of a depressive episode (along with antidepressants and an increased estrogen dose). I don't care if im "enforcing gender roles", because i fucking love female gender roles (in modern American culture) cause they make me feel like not-a-piece-of-shit. Also i don't strictly adhere to many anyways. And i just don't think terfs would have any issues with cis girls who love the color pink, flowers, being boy crazy, and dreaming about being a mother. So like why should I feel like its wrong to like that stuff? I don't think there is anything wrong with it. And you know if you don't have that relationship with gender that is fine, you need to do what makes you happy, that's why feminism exists. I'm just saying I don't want to pretend like my personality is something that really just makes me uncomfortable.

I dont like when people here imply being a trans woman entails being sexual cause like i just want to be normal and that stereotype is harmful, especially to transgender children who are really likley to be targeted for some kind of sexual abuse because theyre trans and being trans is already sexualized more than it needs to be. Adults can navigate that to some extent, but not kids; I couldnt really navigate that when i started transitioning in middle school and im lucky it only stayed online. Trying to even somewhat fit in with tumblrs idea of trans women has made me encounter tranny porn on my dash and whenever i post images of myself I'm followed by gross accounts that just reblog that stuff . A lot of trans women don't hate it, because sex work is very much as part of the trans community. But honestly, seeing trans women be treated in those ways just makes me feel bad for the actresses and sick about myself and very dysphoric.

Im not saying that you cant express kinkiness and hyper-sexuality, because I dont want to dictate how you act any more than i want you to be dictated on how I act. But I also want to encourage thoughfulness in what you say. Saying you, yourself, is kinky and weird, is not that same as saying trans *girls* are kinky and weird. In the same way I'm not going to reblog tradwife content, I don't think its productive to make an "all tgirls be kinky" post. You shouldn't try to paint that image of other trans women.

As its the first day of june I'll just tie it up by saying that not all trans people fit into one personality and if you want to show support its best not to suggest trans women all act a certain way, and please don't think talking about "gock" is a good way to show support. This isn't a "kink at pride" discourse post in the very slightest cause I don't, and never have, given any shits about that, cause I've never been to pride. This is just me talking about how I fit into the trans community.

Im Alexa and I'm going to reblog and post shit i like, not what other people like or expect. That Includes not doing tummy tuesday cause i really only briefly did it out of fomo and peer pressure. And please don't say things about me that you wouldnt say about other women

[changingplumbob]

A Guide to my Content Warnings

Please note I will not label posts simply for having LGBTQIA+ characters because a)I'd probably label every post and b)LGBTQIA+ people exist, I'm one of them. We're not going anywhere and if our existence offends you I humbly invite you to unfollow me.

Most of the time my stories are in the G/PG realm but occasionally they'll drift into the M realm, or mention topics which may be hard for some people. I thought I'd make this guide to attach to my future posts with content warnings (cw) so you know what to expect. I do overuse content warnings but I'd rather take the time than have someone be surprised in a way that will muck up their day. If you feel I haven't labelled something I should have that occurs in my stories just let me know.

Common or repeated topics are

Low Level Sim Spice Moderate Sim Spice Mentions/Discussions of Death Pet and/or Sim Death Mentions of Violence Distressed Infant/Toddler/Child Language Mental Health Struggles

Low Level Sim Spice

My sims being extra flirty. Usually contains innuendo or talk of what they want their woohoo to be like. It also includes sims using suggestive language.

Examples

Rahul: *chuckles and winks* Later, we’ve got to get these ones sorted. But you are also looking very tasty Mrs Chopra. So maybe we’ll both have some private dining later Samir: Jerk. Almost makes me want to bend you over the table just to spite him Reece: I mean you could and I would endorse such action

Moderate Sim Spice

Contains a scene with woohoo that's more than the sims disappearing under the covers. Will sometimes have what sims are saying as they woohoo or vague descriptions of their actions.

Examples

Rahul manages to maintain his composure until she begins to slide his fingers into her mouth and his lust overcomes him. Now he knew every sigh, shiver and squeal Cassandra made meant that she loved him. Tuesday: You see how I did that, you try Monica: But will he really like that Joey: Most guys do Tuesday: Trust me. A girl can do a heck of a lot just by playing with things in her mouth

Images will not show pixel parts (genitalia or female nipples) but occur during woohoo.

Examples

Mentions/Discussions of Death

There will be mention or discussion of a sim having passed away. Sims may also talk about how the loss affected them.

Examples

Charlie is understandably devastated. She had Allie for half of her own life, and doesn’t have many happy memories that don’t include the dog. Marta: I didn’t have to leave after padre and mama died. I had the community still but I felt alone

Pet and/or Sim Death

Either a pet or sim dies. I have changed to NOT show the pet/sim when dead, but my older content may have a few dead human sims. I normally show a photo on the wall of them and/or the urn. When my characters die they go to the timeless save where they are young so this will also be shown.

Examples

In the early hours Allie crosses the rainbow bridge After taking Sachiko’s remains to the cemetery... Indeed, a hop skip and jump later he’s in the timeless save with his mum and fellow litter mates. Dale happily plays at peace... Olive: All sims deserve to rest, no matter what they have or have not done

Mentions of Violence

I don't like to show violence, the most you'll get from me is the clouds when sims fight. However some of my sims have had violence in their pasts. Mentions can range from stating what happened to more vivid descriptions but these will not be shown.

Examples

Unfortunately Joey is knocked down before he can get a word out. Liam yells and charges at Keira, beginning an all out brawl. I’m sorry to say Othman was in several pieces, and the blood pools around him appeared to have been walked through.

Distressed Infant/Toddler/Child

No one enjoys seeing a kid panicking so I like to warn people before hand if it will be more than the usual tummy time or night night time crying.

Examples

Viola sniffles and wipes her tears from under her glasses. Why won’t this lady just pick her up? She loves being carried and desperately wants a cuddle. Tiana panics... She is alone again! Feeling betrayed she bursts into tears.

Language

Most of the time I do enjoy keeping the vocab family friendly as that's what I enjoy reading. But with some of my side projects the characters feel like they swear so I will be letting some of them use mild swearing.

Mental Health Struggles

I like to flag these so that anyone having a tough day can get a heads up. Generally it will be mentioning a sim struggles with depression or anxiety. There may be descriptions of their moods, thought patterns or conditions. This will not include suicidal thoughts.

[catboyloon]

PINNED POST READ THIS HELLO HI

THIS IS A NSFW BLOG. THEREFORE 18+!!!! so if you're a minor or an ageless blog either get the fuck out or block this blog. or i will block YOU on sight. nothing personal its just for the safety of us both.

also i'm 18, my bday is in septummyber- i mean september. also some weight info:

starting weight: 133lbs current weight: 137.4lbs goal weight: more and more until it's a lot harder to get up, then maaaybe i'll stop :3

anyway. rest my dni is the same as my main blog, no proshippers (i hate incest!! :D and pedophilia!! i hate them both!!!) no xenophobes or bigots etc etc you get the idea.

also this should go without saying but their body, their choice. respect people even if they're hot or not hot. if someone wants to lose weight, let them. if someone doesnt wanna do kink anymore, respect that. don't be a creep. don't fetizhize and objectify random people just because their body appeals to a kink you have.

id prefer if people don't mention/say my main blog on here, just feels like i should keep them separate but if you're here, you can ask me privately for it or you already know my main soooo

the rest of this is optional but will probably be useful. have fun but also i like asks and talking so feel free to hit me up

anyway things you will likely see here:

Inflation (belly & body, also SAFE/NON-FATAL popping. maybe some breast/ass/etc expansion but mainly tums & their whole bods. also like, being inflated with anything almost. air, water, just pump me man make me Round and Full)

Weight gain/feedism (feeding/eating a lot, rapidly gaining weight, forcefeeding, just being fat as fuck as a sex thing)

Burping/hiccups (burps are hot as fuck to me and hiccups are cute)

other things that i'm not into but can't go on my main because they're nsfw; usually just things i find really funny or interesting. like weird kinks that i'm not into (if not turn me off)

also only gonna tag stuff i'm not into as "#not my thing but still cool" so. im not gonna organize THAT much for reblogging things, sorry

things you likely will not see:

pregnancy (not into it)

vore (i don't think i'm into it but it might be good I DON'T KNOW. but i mainly am not into it)

farting (actual turn off sorry)

anything permanent in a forced way (but "permanent" as in "they're choosing to keep themselves like this" is fine)

noncon/dubious consent (I think consent is hot because i mean. the fact they actually WANT something makes them getting it hotter i think. free use can be hot but i think that's different)

oviposition/eggs i think

uneven/specific bodypart expansion (e.g. no really huge feet or lips or anything)

head inflation/uber (i think the puffy eyes are scary. sorry)

unsafe/fatal/permanent popping (also kinda scary but also like. why would you want that)

healthplay/anything fatal at all (i think the words morbidly obese are hot but i 1. do not believe that the fat itself causes health issues but rather your diet does that, and 2. i would rather actually not have health issues from being fat. i just wanna take up a room then a house then a parking lot with my flab man i don't wanna do that in a hospital room)

as for the tags!

crrk.txt for text posts/just me talking, may not always be kinky crrk.png for art i post to here not my thing but still cool for anything nsfw i reblog to here that i'm not into (so, not inflation or fat) but find neat anyway tummy tuesday for, well, what do you think bellypix for, obviously, pics i take of my tummy :3 irl for anything irl, like a video of me blowing up like the balloon i am afterdark-shitposts for nsfw memes/shitposts i make, not always made to be horny but always nsfw (or too suggestive for my main) also probably gonna tag stuff with a video or audio as "video"/"videos" and "audio" like my main. same for asks, "asks" and "anon asks" just for sorting

okay that's it. enough yapping from me, anyway like my main blog you can see when this was last edited by looking in the tags

[fleshengine]

Woah you look really good on your tummy Tuesday post, how long have you been on HRT and when did you start if it's okay to ask? :0

:P that's a lil personal but I'll talk about it, my story's kind of unique so I think people should hear it. Also this was originally just one giant block of brain-dump text but I decided to split it up a lil, you're welcome.

I've been really trans since I was a kid. Like my sister used to dress me up in her clothes and princess outfits and stuff and parade me around while calling me a feminine version of my name. Which sounds like bullying but like I loved it, so... I also did the classic "play a game and make your player character a girl" thing that a lot of transfems do. I played Halo Reach with my dad (love him btw) and would make my custom Noble Six a woman. There was a bunch of other little things like that, but you get the gist. I also used to pretend to be a girl and got groomed on omegle but that's a different story.

So I came out when I was like 13 or something and my parents were that kind of supportive where they use your pronouns but want you to wait a year before getting on hormones. So I think I was like 14-15ish when I finally got on E (because when we started it then took a while to get on it horray for fucking bone scans). In the time between I came out and finally got a histreline implant and E my voice dropped a ton and my shoulders filled out and I grew a fucken adam's apple. I was on sublingual pills for a couple months but they sort of gave me massive mood swings and I turned into a giant bitch so my parents and I decided I should switch to patches.

Pills gave me a decent amount of breast growth and it was pretty awesome but patches slowed that down. (I didn't really notice at the time but nerve remapping also happened and now my dick doesn't work right lol.) It's probably something with my skin or whatever, but patches just did not work for me and while I was on them I saw very very little development. It didn't help that they were an absolute pain in the ass, would get sticky and leave gunk on me and also come off in the shower sometimes. I've heard they work for some people but they were not the right fit for me. It doesn't help that during that time I started to struggle a lot with internalized transmisogyny and also a sort of... trauma based aversion to femininity?

So I made the kind of stupid decision to just... quit E and detransition to be nonbinary. No hate to people who detransition, or enbies, it was just me being a dumb kid again. Thing was I still had a histreline implant in me keeping me from producing T, and I actually got it replaced during this time, so I just had no growth hormone in me. I was Very Androgynous and it was pretty cool to ask people what they thought my agab was. When I met my current roomy and his partner apparently they had an argument where they disagreed on my agab. Which tickled me pink when I learned about it months later. Anyway it really should've been a hint to me that it always pleased me immensely when people thought I was born a girl. Like... I'm genuinely impressed at how unperceptive younger me was about that. You poor little idiot, you like it when people pick up on your feminine traits, go back on E.

It wasn't until the last bit of my second year of college that I started using they/she, I had finally gotten a group of Very Queer friends who supported me and I guess I felt that experimentation would be okay. I also ummm... started being active here on tumblr? Surrounding myself with weird transfems helped me feel more normal about being a weird transfem. So like... thanks girlies :). From there it was a pretty quick pipeline from they/she to she/they to she/her to she/they/it. Honestly the it thing didn't really start as a trans thing, I had a dnd character (that I later realized was a Identity Crisis Character) that went by it/its exclusively and my dm started using it with me outside of dnd and my brain liked it.

Anyway, after some quick phone calls and blood tests and bullshit I got back on E in December of 2023 and I've been on since then. I'm doing injections now and even though they're a little scary I really like them. Oh I also got my histreline implant taken out and I'm on spironolactone now which is fun. Maybe it's because I'm an adult but I find the mood swings lessened as well as the headaches. I've also noticed a decent amount of growth since I started as well as more nerve remapping and I finally have those puffy nips everyone talks about all the time. Currently I think most of the growth is going to making my tits wider as opposed to adding depth, which is fine with me. I really want to get on progesterone so they can grow nice and big, but my old doc said it was a bad idea and we should wait for the early structuring to finish because starting prog too early can cause nip deformities. My new doc has no comment because I haven't talked to her yet lmao.

Anyway that's where I am rn. Got my E raised again a couple weeks ago >:) Thanks for asking, sorry if this is rambly. My journey of self discovery had an entire death and rebirth like I'm a hero or some shit.

[princessgurl]

Happy tgirl tummy tuesday!! Someone come punch me in the gut until i throw up pretty please 🥺🥺

Should i jave posted something more halloween like? I honestly dunno, i just wanna be a slut for all the other hot girls on here :p

[tadwisethebrave]

Friday, I'm So High | One Shot

Post Swynlake Dream, Tad finds himself drawing back to a familiar feeling...

tw: drugs, mention of drugs

The urge started slowly, after that dream of heroes and Olympus and being a child of Dionysus. Tad had found himself spacing more than his usual trying to figure out what he wanted. Why things felt…different than they did before the dream. The vibes just seemed…wobbly, like the waves in the sea when a boat passed through, disturbing them more and more.

On a blue sort of monday, Tad went to class and got distracted on the way back by a familiar sight. He got so caught up with what they were doing, how happy they looked around their circle with their joints and laughter carrying throughout the area. It put a weird sort of ache in his stomach when he finally pulled himself away. He found his way back to the house he shared with his boyfriend way later than he thought he would.

On tuesday, he came across an old friend and they went to the same spot in town they used to go to for a good high. Tad’s friend offered him a joint so easily, so happily. Tad held the joint in his hand for a lot longer than he meant to. But he finally managed to hand the joint back to his buddy, his head and the world looking gray and empty as he made himself take off before the temptation could hit sky high. But the thought was vibrating in his brain. Why not? Why couldn’t he?

Wednesday brought the most unfocused vibe in his yoga room. People probably talked to him and he probably answered, but all he had in his head were thoughts of those friends and the vibes and how yoga wasn’t enough of the vibe. He stood on his head, he did the downward dog, he namaste’d it up. He was still buzzing. His vibes and brain thoughts weren’t shutting off the way that they usually did. He went right back to that spot on monday that he wanted to be in.

Thursday didn’t even start because he decided to stay home and try and sleep it off. If he slept through the day he wouldn’t want to do that stuff right? The vibes in his head and his tummy would get better. They’d have to get better. His daydreams and all were disrupted by the vibes and thoughts of his best high he’d ever had.

On Friday Tad went to his classes, but after he didn’t head back home right away again. Instead he tracked down that friend he’d met on tuesday. After a while of catching up, he found himself sitting with a joint in his hand again. His hands shook even as he watched his good friend take a breath in it all. The smell was all around him. It felt like home. It reminded him of days after school, coming to his parents in the backyard having a good breath of it in.

Days where Tad had felt the vibes were fine, he was fine, Galadriel was fine. His head built it all up that way, even when the truth of it was a good bit more messy. His uncle would probably have a lot of other stuff to say, but Tad wasn’t thinking of that. He didn’t want to. He wanted to have the same sort of fun vibe he had in a dream. He was going to just enjoy the vibes for a while.

Tad picked up the joint and brought it to his mouth, taking a good inhale before pulling it away, blowing out the puff of smoke and grinning. “Duuuude. Holy shit, I forgot how good this was.” Well, no he didn’t forget how good it could feel. But he had worked hard until then to do yoga and find other stuff to feel a good sort of high. But here was the true vibe: nothing felt quite as good of a high as a pot high. He tilted his head back and enjoyed the taste, the feel, the fuzzy way his head felt and the way stuff around him was both heightened and didn’t really matter.

Nothing really mattered. Tad took another good puff of his joint, grinning at the sky. The stars were extra twinkly weren’t they? He probably should do something, text somebody, say something to someone. But none of that really hit his brain. He just let himself vibe with his buddy and let the words flow out with him, waves of joy drifting through his open mind. It was euphoric. It was intense. It was his first real high in ages.

He felt unstoppable.

[catboybiologist]

What are your thoughts on Whipping Girl so far, and which parts of it have you read? I read the whole book, and thought it was well written and well researched— overall that it's a good basis for explaining many facets of transmisogyny (and oppositional sexism, among other things).

I read the 2nd edition, where she seems to discuss her privileges more outright, (i.e. white, passing, lives in Seattle, etc) compared... to the original, maybe where she didn't talk about that?

I'm TME, and it seems like Whipping Girl made a lot of TME (specifically transmasc TME) people Very Mad For No Reason, and I haven't heard many trans women (or transfem people in general) talk about it much. It seems like it's quite controversial and almost.... stereotypical or cringey or something? I'm not sure how to phrase it :/

That being said, I'm *not* asking you to speak for Every trans woman out there, just you :)

I enjoy your blog a lot, especially your positivity and gayness on the Tummy Tuesday posts, and I hope something makes you smile tomorrow! :)

I'm not very far in it at all, I pretty much just started yesterday. I'm also reading the second edition. Its def been really good so far, and I can tell its gonna be insightful.

I got it recommended many, many times because I started talking about how studying biology specifically helped me come to terms with my gender, but what finally got me to read it was PhilosophyTube's latest video, where she says Serano believes in subconcious sex. It was striking, because its somewhat different than the way I interpret sex and gender through my own lens of biology, and I felt I should go to the source material before passing my own judgement. Sexed up is probably next on my list.

[littleharpethcrossfit]

Thursday, 4 April, 2024

Tuesdays workout was cancelled due to tornado warnings. Therefore the workout posted here is the one from Tuesday. As expected, the usual suspects claimed to have already done the Tuesday WOD and therefore desired and expected to do a WOD of their own imagination. Of course, management allowed this.

The "speed bump" on the wooden deck is getting repaired. Please avoid that area, and please don't say "I told you 15 years (and 3 replacements) ago that you should concrete it". Robert supervised and offered criticisms (N0 MONEY) but didn't stick around to improve anything.

Sixty years ago today I joined the U.S. Air Force. Herb was only 8 years old and in the 2nd grade. Most of you (Robert, Timmy, Ed, etc., etc) were not born yet. I should hesitate to add (but I will) that Sweet Sue and Miss Linda were the only LHCF girls in existence.

Warmup

3 Rounds

20 Back Raises

15 Squats

Strength

Back Squats:

Warm Up To

20 Reps @ 50%

10 Reps @ 60%

5 Reps @ 75%

Superset With 5 DEAD-HANG PULL-UPS Between Each Set

Ed=225 Dana=205 Sam=195 Tim=190 Herb=185 Dyer=175 Elisa=95 Kayla=75 Shannon=95 Robert/Larry/Sue/Patrick/Chase/Anna/Merrissa(SP)/Linda/Coach/Armando=no excuses

WOD

5 Rounds For Time

5 Perfect Push-Ups (No Scaling)

10 Toe's 2 Bars

15 KettleBell Swings (70/53/35)

Run 400/ Row/Ski 500/ Bike 1000

Sam=16:31 * Chase=18:19* Larry=18:33* Robert=19:08* Dana=19:37 Kayla=19:38 Elisa=20:55 Patrick=21:30 Dyer=22:02 Sue=22:25* Shannon=24:00 Herb=27:10* Ed/Tim/Coach/Linda/Anna/Marrissa(sp)/Linda/Armando/ others=no posting

Cool-Down

Anyhow Dips: 10 / 10 / 10

Nobody participated

Notes:

Firstly, Alicia was absent. That immediately meant that the snacks were on average sub-par. Elisa/Kayla/Miss Linda/Anna/Shannon/Sue made valiant efforts to fill in the void left by Miss Alicia, but no joy. Just the facts.

Actually the snacks were superb but Alicia was noticeably absent. This cannot be tolerated. Did I mention that ?

Wines: 4-5 whites and 2 Rose'. 4-5 reds. No Shortage. Actually I rescued 1 Pinot and saved it for tomorrow. Tom was in London.

Marrrissa (SP) and Patrick made a repeat appearance. I remember Patrick, but only because he brought Marrissa(sp) the last time. Somehow he was aware. They are friends of Anna and what's his name (Chase?). Anna is in full bloom of expectant American Motherhood. Her humility allows her no idea of how gorgeous she is. She encouraged me to touch her tummy, but (0MG) I was too shy. Chase is a typical Bubba. Sadly, it will be 2 decades before he realizes what he missed while Elk hunting. For some reason the girls chose to walk the Arboretum and missed out on my attentive coaching.

My Mexican crew was diligently repairing the wooden deck while several members of our fitness crew were criticizing their imperfect engineering. Truly it is neither square nor level. Even I can see that. I only want a couple more years until Robert gets his fancy home gym built. I expect that the work will be finished Friday, but will need pressure washing. Volunteer offers will likely overwhelm me. (Armando??)

Unusually, I remained at the Barn to the very last. Sue was going to accompany me, but Herb insisted on helping.

Saturday at 0730 and at 0930.

[waitingformyfavoritesongs]

4:11 pmpdt 4:12 Tuesday 4 April 2023

Incubus probably f*cked the 2 women trump f*cked. 4:13 pmpdt

4:17 pmpdt his face is always changing. They probably made it look 👀 like a face you should trust when you should NOT. They employed all psychological tactics. 4:19 pmpdt

4:19 pmpdt outside skull 💀 acid pain right side above ear 👂. Roof of mouth 👄 acid pain. 4:20 pmpdt

4:21 pmpdt I bet he doesn’t want the world 🌎 to read my blog Bcz all my suspicion is probably TRUE!

6:02 pmpdt I had an Instagram story I posted when they tortured me so much that I became shaky. I can’t (left eye 👁 pain 6:03 pmpdt) what I see is what I get: a fascist? Coercive? Torturous lecherous god who treats people like trash 🗑 but fakes people out with façades. 6:05 pmpdt tummy nausea pain 6:05 pmpdt he hides everything by falsifying documents. 6:06 pmpdt he edited probably all my photos. He made teachers 👨🏻‍🏫 like my Java teacher in high school 🏫 give me an A I didn’t earn. I think 🤔 he gave it to me for effort and for being nice to him. 6:08 pmpdt

6:09 pmpdt but I did put a lot of efforts in art 🖼, English, and math 🧮, and p.e. Read fast food nation the book 📚 in paper back? They probably mentioned about super sized chicken 🍗 legs 🦵 6:11 pmpdt anything? Is possible with god, including dumb jocks, which was most likely real Bcz why would it become a wide spread long lasting saying? I’m not trying to insult. I’m trying to say that is what I was. 6:13 pmpdt in some sort of way. Maybe you can understand? I spent a lot of time at home 🏠 alone. 6:14 pmpdt

6:16 pmpdt if you want to be a greedy jerk and take away from me, stealing my ideas 💡, which is the intellectual equivalent of raping me, and live a lavish lazy lifestyle, it speaks more about you than it does about me. You like to take away from those who operate at a deficit 💸 and who have to put in more effort than you to get stuff done. My art 🖼 was born from my pain and struggles. And you took it away so easy. You’re friends with the devil 👿. I lived without finding my own authentic happiness trying to find happiness. I tried to do well in my classes. I earned my transfer to uc Berkeley. I only did 1 math 🧮 class which was review of algebra. Acid burning 🔥 hot pain back? And butt. 6:24 pmpdt I worked hard in p.e. All my life. I was told I had s*xy legs 🦵 and a nice butt. S*xier than stroh’s butt. It was strange but I think 🤔 the incubus miñion knew it and I’d (gum pain 6:26 pmpdt 😞) look 👀 in the bathroom 🚽 mirror 🪞 b4 showering 🧼 and the sight of my own butt made me want to have s*x with a man 👨. 6:27 pmpdt

6:32 pmpdt idle hands 🙌 are the devil’s playground? Trying to remember the saying. 6:33 pmpdt you think 🤔 he’s going to save someone who will lie about lyrics? That’s like the laziest of the lazy. You can probably only save yourself by displaying any redeeming qualities. Like, confession? I did intaglio printmaking. Even though I had eczema I finished 2 semesters of printmaking (acid skull 💀 brain 🧠 pain 6:36 pmpdt) I guess what I said/wrote above is wishful thinking Bcz if god is lecherous without integrity? Or at least some smarts about work ethic you’d think he’d place some value on something! 6:38 pmpdt

6:42 pmpdt some people formerly told me I was pretty. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ what to believe anymore. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if they were desperate for vag. But I’m trying to remember if some women told me, too? Maybe 🤔. I m not the prettiest... or was... even though someone told me I was the most beautiful woman in the world 🌎! But maybe he was desperate. When he was very attractive he had a girlfriend in every country 10 years before he said that, and I had an attraction to him in 2003. He was nice to me but I guess I wasn’t enough back then (acid hot but pain 6:46 pmpdt) again to another guy. Not good enough until later when I got into UCB, or after graduation 👩‍🎓 6:47 pmpdt never good enough for incubus. 6:47 pmpdt

6:48 pmpdt even when I did algebra it felt like a lot of work. I think I remember it being that way. I even worked backwards? I forget now how but I have a vague memory of “working backwards” (cramps 😞 6:49 pmpdt) to check if I really got it right/correct. 6:50 pmpdt all those graphs 📊 parabolas hyperbolas outliers. Art drawings always felt like a lot of work. Everything felt like a lot of work. 6:51 pmpdt

6:51 pmpdt I felt I really had to do the work myself. Bcz I needed to learn the skills so I can work. So I can be smart. 6:52 pmpdt and I did it with learning disabilities. 6:53 pmpdt I didn’t have a complete understanding of god. Not the way incubus does. 6:53 pmpdt or incubus friends do. 6:54 pmpdt I didn’t put all the pieces of the puzzle 🧩 together. I put in a LOT of effort. And all you devil 👿 friends want to ignore, negate, write off my efforts and my struggles. 6:55 pmpdt

6:56 pmpdt you do that to justify your bad behavior? 6:57 pmpdt I think 🤔 I now understand your logic. It makes sense. God had all his bases covered. The Greek philosophy says you don’t have excellence/righteousness. You have to display it in all your actions in everything you do. I learned that years ago. But now I’m being told it’s a lie. I guess it was psychology to motivate me to work harder and be behaved and celibate. I understand now, that god is saving me from the bad that is in me from my dna 🧬. It’s awful and not awful? All at the same time? I guess I lived in denial the whole time. Thinking I was good, and probably got a little confused 🤷🏻‍♀️ unfortunately but turned around in time before doing much worse, and that maybe my small actions served as learning lessons to prevent worse things from happening in the future. 7:03 pmpdt but now I get it. Now I really feel it and really? realize it. 😞😖😭🤢 7:04 pmpdt this is disheartening and sad. 7:04 pmpdt I really thought 💭 I could find someone to feel that best friend connection to if I fixed my brain 🧠 from all the brain 🧠 trauma. 7:05 pmpdt

7:24 pmpdt even if they confessed and everything came out they would probably all continue to punish me destroy me. And they would probably all continued to be saved and keep doing what they always did. 7:25 pmpdt I’m not looking forward to anything. 7:25 pmpdt

7:26 pmpdt it’s the way it’s always been. Why should expect real change. God saved who he wanted . They’d survive every thing probably. They’ll probably get house 🏠 arrest and a blingy ankle thing and probably still allowed to go every where. 7:28 pmpdt it would be a complete joke. 7:29 pmpdt

7:41 pmpdt so I guess all men rape then. Some are better at hiding it than others. So s*x trafficking I guess doesn’t matter to incubus god. And men who prey on young teens are forgiven then. Which is why no one will help me, and it’s highly probable they got the wrong man 👨 for Sierra LaMar’s case but incubus doesn’t care. As long as he himself is not caught. Antolin might be innocent of everything and thought he had to try to be good so he does non lazy stuff like trim trees 🌳. 7:44 pmpdt

7:45 pmpdt acid hot pain on butt. This world 🌎 is confusing. @_@ but I understand it now. I guess. Unfortunate. I don’t think I will ever reincarnate. My flesh will probably remain on this earth 🌍 and maybe 🤔 this earth 🌍 will become lifeless. 7:47 pmpdt

8:04 pmpdt if you ever heard 👂 of Mensa you might have seen testing is timed. If you can answer the questions in time like a fast rabbit finishing the race before the turtle 🐢 then you are smart. I see that I was gas ⛽️ lit 🔥 about the 🦇 bat (Hebrew) daughter hair. I think 🤔 I’m seeing a confession on maroon 5 story symbolically. I believe it. Who ever came around to touch me, even though the spots on my body they touched should have been a sign of intimacy it all felt very not intimate feeling. Except for one move but I guess it was a joke to them to tip things into their favor to trick me for some purposes I don’t yet know. They touched above my but rubbing that area in circles, daintily kissed 💋 my lips 👄, felt something inserted about 2 inches in to my vag back in 2015 and a quick kiss 💋 back then but I was too scared 😱 and ashamed to say anything/report it, and in 2022 end of the year b4 moving in with my aunt again only to move out again Bcz she wasn’t genuine about wanting to live together, while I was in the shower 🚿 they came in for 30 seconds and touched me with my back turned. 8:23 pmpdt 8:24 pmpdt incubus is messing with autocorrect again. Incubus likes to mislead people for his own gains. 8:24 pmpdt I have no memory of laying in bed 🛌 with incubus but he wanted to mislead me last year completely with all the things he did it seemed really like he wanted me to believe him even though it was all a lie. 8:26 pmpdt