#should have blocked the second i moved blogs honestly

[jinchuls]

i feel icky but in the anxiety way

[highvern]

Work Me Out

Pairing: Kim Mingyu x fem!reader

Genre: Smut, 18+

Warnings: working out, flirting, touching, almost car sex, making out, breast play, fingering, oral, face sitting, multiple sex positions, big dick mingyu, protected sex (gasp!), strength kink, dirty talk, choking, spanking :) lover boy gyu as always. let me know if i missed anything!

Length: ~5k

Note: y'all thought cheol rot was bad but the OG bias wrecker is back. dont come at me for gym terminology i go by vibes. replaced my gym crush with mingyu and this is what happened <3 i have a bonus/pt 2 in the drafts too but I'll wait to post it bc too much muscle pig mingyu is bad for the soul... and the [redacted]

to the anon that sent me a seok ask forever ago about his arms, im sorry i used it in this fic. but know i have a seok fic with exactly what you asked for in the works rn. everyone say thank you anon.

@bbychocolat do not hit my line about mingyu for at least 24 business hours i need to recover

Remember: Tumblr runs on reblogs and I run on validation in the tags and comments :)

read part II

read more here

This blog is intended for 18+ only! Minors/blank blogs will be blocked!

Figuring out the ins and outs of a new gym isn’t easy but it isn’t impossible. Go too early and you’re surrounded by creepy men old enough to be your grandfather. Right after work is a sure way to experience hoards of gym bros crowding around machines like they own them. 

So you go as late as possible. 

Only a handful of people are dispersed through the large space. A few run on the treadmills lined on the catwalk of the second floor, several switch through different weights in front of the mirrors. You make your way through the maze of equipment towards the leg press; your final sets before you can go home and wash away the grime of the day.

Or you would if someone wasn’t occupying the one machine you need.

Peeping your head around, you notice a black backpack and matching water bottle on the ground. You glance around, unable to find a clear owner since the next closest person is halfway across the gym doing a different exercise.

Would it be that rude to take the machine out from under someone if they’re not even using it? You could probably get in all your sets before the person even came back if you moved quickly.

You wait a few minutes. How embarrassing would it be to have the mystery person walk back up the second you sat down? But after five minutes pass and no one emerges to claim the spot, you set about changing the weights out.

And just when you slip into the seat, you look up and find someone approaching.

He’s tall, he’s handsome, and he’s barely ten feet away. Your saving grace is that he hasn’t spotted you yet thanks to his phone. 

But that doesn’t last long.

“Oh! Sorry! Were you using this machine?” You ask, trying to sound cordial. 

“It’s okay!” He smiles at you. “Do you need it?”

Yes.

“No, I can find something else to do.” 

You rise to do just that when he stops you with a shrug.

“I don’t mind sharing.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I take long breaks between my sets anyway so it’s no big deal.”

So that’s where he went.

“Okay, thanks.”

“No problem.”

He moves to lean against the wall, face buried in his phone once again as you work through your set. Honestly you think he forgot you were even there until you start standing up and he pushes off his perch. 

Exchanging polite smiles, you skirt around him and snag your water bottle before occupying the same spot against the painted bricks. You try not to be a creep but watching the way the muscles in his legs bulge and coil with each rep is impossible to look away from. Especially when there’s just so much to look at.

He racks up twelve reps with ease and switches back off with you before wandering out of sight.

You work through two of your sets before he comes teetering back. 

“I tried putting it back to your weight.” You laugh, sipping from your water bottle.

“Three forty? Ouch.”

“What? Should I have made it lighter?”

“Try heavier. Like four hundred.”

“My sincerest apologies.” You mock, placing your hand over your heart. “I’ll remember that next time.”

He laughs again before slipping back into the seat and working through the motions.

This time you don’t bother hiding the way you watch him over your phone. He looks good, it’d be a waste not to watch the swell of his chest or the stretch of his thighs. The gym shorts and snug black t-shirt only exacerbate how cut his physique is. 

And if he makes a comment you can always twist your not so subtle gawking into a compliment about his form.

When he finishes his set again, he snags his bag and water bottle off the ground before turning to you. “All yours. Have a good night.”

“Yeah, you too.”

And he’s gone.

Over the next few weeks, you learn mystery man works out at the same time you. He’s there when you arrive and remains when you leave after an hour and a half of sweating and gasping like a dying fish, only absent on Wednesdays when you manage the most last luster workouts of your life. The disappointment the first time you realized you were looking for the backwards cap sticking out amongst the free weights would have been embarrassing but what's wrong with a little eye candy while breaking a sweat? 

And what a great view he makes. Your brief peeks into the mirrored walls are full of nothing straining muscles and glowing skin. The first day he did arms in a cutoff tee will go down in history as the worst day of your life. Only rivaled by all the other days he works his legs in shorts accentuating just how nice his ass is with every squat.

Your friends all ask when you’re going to talk to him again. As if you’ll just walk right up and interrupt the best part of your day. No, you’d rather watch him move across the gym floor from the corner of your eye, throw him a friendly nod, and go about your business than run the risk of making things awkward.

Unfortunately, doesn’t possess the same desire to remain a friendly nameless face like you do.

His name is Mingyu. Or that’s what the employee with glasses calls him while they joke around one night. You don’t mean to eavesdrop but they’re loud and the only exit takes you right past the U-shaped desk. Mingyu throws a grin as you pass by on your way out and the flash of teeth spikes your heart rate higher than any exercise you’ve done that night.

When he officially introduces himself at the water fountain the next night, you have to bite the urge to tell him ‘I know.’ Instead you snort at his extended hand, providing your own name over the firm shake like you won’t be haunted by the feeling of the calluses on his fingers or the heat of his palm for the next week. 

What’s worse is how he says your name back, rolling the sound across his tongue and past his quirked lips. 

And the final nail in the coffin is when you leave and you see the way he turns in the glass doors to watch, bidding you a goodnight with your name signed at the end.

Mingyu might be the worst gym crush in the world. Mostly because your thoughts of him extend beyond the brick walls he should only exist in. And partially because he’s caught you staring more times than you care to admit. 

Not as many times as you’ve caught him, but the point stands.

No, the worst part, you find out, is Mingyu is an incorrigible flirt. And he knows it.

Tonight you’re off schedule, runny nearly half an hour later than usual.; work clothes sticking to your skin as you make your way towards the off shooting hall housing the entrance to the locker rooms. In a rush, you step around another body only to end up in front of one much more familiar.

“There's my girl.” Mingyu smiles. “Thought you were skipping out on me.”

My girl. My girl. My girl, my girl, my girl….

There isn’t a thought in your head beyond the bold casualness he drops that bomb on you with so you nod awkwardly and force yourself not to sprint the next twenty feet to hide.

Half an hour later, when you catch him watching you in the mirror over his own weights, the bastard smiles like the cat who caught the canary. 

But you end up on top when Mingyu offers to spot you while doing weighted squats. He’s at your back, an appropriate amount of space between your bodies you wish he’d close. You don’t need his help. Your form is better than his (you would know, his ass and thighs give you tunnel vision when its his leg day). And the weight on the bar isn’t even enough to make you strain but why pass up on the offer? Especially with how Mingyu meets your eyes over your shoulder in the mirror with each dip.

And then he cheers ‘that’s my girl’ again when you re-rack the equipment with ease and it's over.

“Shit,” you grunt. 

Mingyu pops up from his perch between your breasts under your shirt, hair a mess and eyes glazed. “Good?”

“No, your steering wheel is in my back.” You wince, attempting to wiggle away and ending up further up his lap.

“Sorry, let me just…”

The seat flies back under your combined weight, throwing your forehead right into Mingyu’s chin.

“Fuck!” 

“Oh my god!” You gasp. “Are you okay?”

Mingyu’s head falls back as he releases a massive sigh. Each second that ticks by has you both coming to the same conclusion.

“Yeah,” you breath, sitting up. “I think this was a bad idea.”

“Oh…”

“I just mean like your car is small and you’re too big and I—“

The guffaw Mingyu tries to hide slips free too easily. “That’s what she said.”

“God, you’re gross.” 

Your nose crinkles as you rise up, using his chest for leverage. It feels as nice as it looks and its the worst knowledge you’ve gained in you life.

“Sticks and stones,” he hums.

“Well this was fun. I’ll ugh… see you around?”

When you try to shift back into the passenger seat to exit, Mingyu’s hands flex over your thighs to keep you in his lap. His sweats do nothing to hide his semi. Something he doesn’t even seem to consider as a concern given the way he unconsciously curls into you.

“Or we can go back to mine.”

He’s trying and failing to sound nonchalant. Like he won’t go home and fuck his fist in the shower with the echoes of your sighs filling his ears if you turn him down. You can see it in his eyes. What hinges on his offer and how much you’ll both regret it if the tension fizzles and dies in his SUV.

From where you’re sitting, it’s incredibly difficult to think with your head and not your hormones. Mingyu is hot, he’s nice, he seems decent enough. His behavior doesn’t hint at him being a creep. If he’s normal enough to fuck in his car, is he not normal enough to fuck in the comfort of a bed?

The thumb stroking your thighs and the hopeful eyes staring you down make the decision for you.

“Yeah, okay.” 

With his address in your phone’s GPS, you trail after his SUV in your own car. The roads are familiar because they’re the same roads you drive when you return to your apartment that turns out to be only three blocks closer to the gym than Mingyu’s. 

All this time he’d been so close and you never even realized. Did he think about you the same way you thought about him when he drove home? If he did, you’re in for a night.

Rolling into a space only a few down from where he parks, you pause to hype yourself up. 

People have sex all the time. It’s no big deal. I can do this. 

A knock at the window interrupts your spiral, finding Mingyu smiling sheepishly through the glass. The muscles in your chest squeeze when he opens the door and holds it for you to exit; and threaten to explode when his hand finds the small of your back and guides you towards the stairwell.

Footsteps echo down to the hall, Mingyu only a fraction ahead to lead the way to a non-descript door with a seasonal doormat that's seen better days.

“Ugh, this is it.” 

His apartment is shockingly clean for a guy your age. Not clean in the ‘I don’t own enough shit to even be dirty’ way. No, Mingyu’s apartment is cozy. There’s throw pillows and blankets on the couch. He has a lamp and bookshelf in the corner and the walls are adorned with a collage of artwork thoughtfully pieced together. Several personal photos are littered throughout, some with an obviously younger Mingyu propped next to what must be a sister or a cousin, a few of him with friends. One of him and a familiar man with glasses, their faces blurry but the glee clear as they’re frozen in time. Your lips lift with a soft smile at the personal touches bleeding into every corner of his space.

Turning over your shoulder you ask, “You and the guy at the gym are friends?” 

Mingyu’s watching you with something unidentifiable in his eyes, stepping forward to figure out which frame you're looking at until he’s only a foot behind you.

“Yeah, we went to the same middle school.”

“And this one?” You say, fingers tracing the edge of the wooden frame.

“My little sister.” Mingyu follows, still only a step behind.

“And I’m assuming these are your parents?”

“Actually those are Wonwoo’s parents.” He chuckles. “These are my parents.”

Mingyu’s arm reaches around to point at the correct photo, his chest brushing against your back.

“Wanna give me the tour?”

Mingyu manages to show you everything in five minutes. The living room and connected kitchen you’re already standing in, the door of the hall bathroom, and finally his bedroom. You take a seat on the edge of the bed, discovering the new smattering of details that uncover more about the man waiting with baited breath in the threshold. 

“Why are you over there?” You ask.

With arms crossed and shoulders up to his ears, Mingyu resembles a kid waiting to be scolded rather than a man who tried to hook up with you in his car less than thirty minutes ago.

“I’m nervous.”

You can’t stop the satisfaction from spreading to your face. “I make you nervous?”

Mingyu pushes off the door jam, shuffling forward until he’s standing a foot in front of you. “Yeah. I don’t really do stuff like this.”

“Stuff like what? Try and fuck girls in your car?”

“Haha.” Mingyu mocks, face descending until he rubs his nose with yours.

Your eyes slip closed when his do, breathing each other's air. “Stuff like what, Gyu?”

Your hands find the material of his shirt stretched across his shoulder. Each brush of his lips across your cheek, down your jaw, until he finds your ear.

“I don’t sleep around with girls I’m not dating.”

Oh.

“We don’t hav—”

“Which is not the best way to ask you out.”

You press him out of your space, far enough that you can look him in the eyes and see if he’s serious. The tips of Mingyu’s ears burn red but he’s looking right at you despite how embarrassed he clearly feels.

“You’re asking me on a date?”

“Ugh, yeah. I think it’d be fun. But you don’t have to! If you just wanna do this that's fine t—”

Whatever words Mingyu was trying to say fizzle on the tip of his tongue as you pull him into a kiss. He curls over you, pressing you further into his bed with every fervent pass. Wedging one hand under the small of your back, Mingyu lifts you up and carries you while he crawls to the center.

Your mind wanders to all the other ways he can manhandle you into the mattress.

He settles flat against you, hips cradled between your own while delving into your mouth. You fill your hands with his ass, dragging Mingyu’s covered cock against your core. A groan backs apart your lips as Mingyu falls into the curve of your neck. 

“This is a yes to the date by the way.” You pant now that he’s taken over, hands scratching up his back in an effort to get rid of his shirt. “In case that wasn’t clear.”

Mingyu’s clothes disappear over his head and across the room, yours following shortly after. The heat of bare skin on bare skin is better than anything until he takes one of your breasts in his palm and the other in his mouth. 

Every curse you know flies through your lips as he sucks and pinches until you're sore between the legs.

He takes the squeeze of your thighs and the rock of your hips as a greenlight, hands leading where his lips follow until it’s nothing but your panty clad core an inch from his face.

“This okay?” Mingyu asks in the fat of your thigh, tongue trailing fire across the skin.

You nod with a sigh, “Mingyu, please.”

He doesn’t need much more than that, the fabric barrier gone in a blink and his nose traces your folds until he’s dying for a taste.

Mingyu eats pussy like he doesn’t need oxygen. The path of his pointed tongue around your clit is nothing short of precise, meticulously tracing every ridge and curve until the sheets stretch under your fingers. When he flattens it to pay broader attention, your legs squeeze and Mingyu’s hands force them wide around his shoulders.

Your feet flatten on the bed and thrust up his mouth, wet and crude with fingers in his hair and your whines in his ears. Every suck of Mingyu’s mouth forces the muscles in your neck to lerch until they hurt and your head falls back. He takes pride in the way you drip for him, making the best mess he’s ever had the privilege to clean up.

You reward him with an lavishing praise at the next twitch of your insides, “Fuck, just like that.” 

Taking advantage of the slight arch in your spine, Mingyu’s hand sneaks under your back, fingers unforgiving as they dig into your ass. He curls your hips up and buries a finger in your core with mortifying ease.

Between your legs, Mingyu catches your eyes. Pupils blown wide, mouths bruised around stuttered breath. A matching set of debauched expressions. He’s more familiar like this; skin glowing with sweat, and hair matted to his forehead. Next time you see him at the gym you know it's all you’ll think about. Next time you're alone in your room, or the shower, or the grocery store. Or anywhere you’ve day dreamed about him before.

He leans back to watch the digit disappear, only to reappear soaking. “Feels good?”

“Give me another and it will.”

You savor the rhythm he sets, thick fingers working to prep you for what you felt under his shorts. His tongue is hard and wet at your clit, fingers stretching and spreading until your stomach dips and you nearly buck him off as your clit swells from abuse.  

Your fingers pluck at your nipples and Mingyu apparently likes to watch because he manages more enthusiasm, forces his finger to crook just the right way, and continues to suck even after you start screaming.

“Oh fuck, oh, fuck, fuck, fuck!” You chant, voice cracked.

Something sounding suspiciously like a ‘thank you’ drops into the mix but Mingyu’s the only one to hear it. In his opinion, he should be the one doing the thanking; you just gave him enough spank bank material for the next six months.

You don’t dislike the taste of yourself on his tongue, his lips, his chin, his cheeks, and even his chest when you flip Mingyu over and aim to return the favor. He blushes when you lap against the hollow of his throat; embarrassed from the way he goes boneless with such simple affection.

He sinks into the plush of the mattress, propped up by the mountain of pillows at the headboard. Mingyu’s stomach stiffens under your tongue and the twitch blooms a smile on your face. Predictable.

“Sensitive?”

Your nails raking up the shape of his thighs turn the denial falling from his lips into a whine, and it makes you wonder what other sounds Mingyu will make with his cock in your mouth.

The vein bulging along the underside of his length gives your tongue something to trace along as you lap from base to flared tip, sucking down until it shines from spit and pre-cum. You take all you can until the curve of your throat protests.

Mingyu’s big and he’s loud.

“Oh God, shit.” He babbles with abandon, hands fisted at his sides until his knuckles turn pale.

You focus on the cock in your mouth rather than how pretty Mingyu’s chest would look covered in bite marks. How a bruise on his hip would be just visible when he reaches over his head to do pull ups, and red streaks from your nails on his bicep would make a great accessory.

A hand lands on the base of your skull, gentle until it's not. His thumb dips to stroke the bulge of his dick through your throat as you take him deeper. And like some ridiculous porno theres still an inch you’ll never be able to take even if you do nothing but let him fucking your mouth until the only thing you taste is cum.

“Fuuuuck,” Mingyu groans from a harsh suck on the upstroke.

He distracts you with his tongue on yours, keeping you from diving back down and destroying his ego from how quick you almost made him cum. Your one solace is the lazy grip you have on the base of Mingyu’s length, fingers tightening around the head while he cants into the squeeze.

You think Mingyu is going to plant you on his cock and make you ride it until one of you is crying. But he keeps pushing and pulling until you’re kneeling over his face, knees cushioned in the pillows and hands against the wall to steady you while he dives in again.

His head shakes back and forth, tongue out to swipe messily at your clit as you grind into his face. The last grip of sanity you have gives you the mind to reach back, jerking Mingyu off while he eats it, a cycle of moans moving through you; him into your folds when you squeeze from a grating pass off his tongue that has you whining to the ceiling fan.

“Shit, need you to fuck me.” You whine but don’t stop curling against the latch of his lips, legs stiff with ache.

It’s Mingyu who brings things to a halt, raising you away from his mouth until you're left on your knees while he stands to rummage in the drawer for a condom. You listen while the paint of the wall cools your forehead.

The hand at the dip of your spine makes you melt when he checks in, “Still okay?”

Nodding, you find him over your shoulder with a thick swallow. Mingyu’s nose follows the slope of your muscles, lips untying all the knots he’s worked into them over the past few weeks.

“Want it like this?”

“Yeah.”

You drop until your chest meets the bed and arch until it hurts just to put on a good show. Mingyu shuffles behind you, knocking your knees wider with his own, palms molding to your ass and spreading it apart to take a good look like he wasn’t tongue deep inside your pussy already. The room is nothing more than the sounds of grounding breaths; Mingyu watching the way your torso moves around the air, releasing a long exhale before moving closer.

The feel of his chest against yours was great, but the hard muscle of it along your back, his chain caught between and leaving a definitive mark, is life ruining. It shreds the last bit of humanity you’ve been clinging to since you dragged Mingyu to the parking lot and tried to stick your hands down his pants while leant against the passenger door.

No matter how well Mingyu stretched you for his cock it was never going to be enough. Taking the first inch nearly splits you in half. But you're soaked and needy; nothing short of the end of the world is going to keep you from getting the satisfaction of feeling him in your guts. You take it with measured breaths and affirmations to relax. Slow arches of his hips work him in until he’s flat with your ass and whispering absolute depravity into your ears.

“Fuck, you’re tight.”

Arching your ass higher, you whimper, “You’re huge.”

Your ass stings under his punishing hand, thrown forward by an involuntary buck of his hips.

“Don’t say that.”

You turn until you can look over your shoulder again, meeting wild eyes. “You feels so good.” You moan, eyelids low and wrecked.

“Didn’t—shit, think you’d have such a dirty mouth.” He bites into the side of your neck, sucking a bruise like a depraved teenager. 

“I knew you’d have a fat cock.”

You get what you want so easily it's almost insulting; Mingyu’s hand forcing your face into the sheets and his hips rushing into you with pure need. Every prod into your cunt has you wailing. It’d destroy your self respect if you could think of anything beyond how he’s ruining you for anyone else.

Pillows topple off the edge of the bed as you scramble for a hold. Anything to ground you against the burn in your veins with every tight squeeze around Mingyu’s cock. His balls slap against your clit teasingly, more degrading than the way he has you bent in half. 

“Harder,” you beg.

Mingyu falls back on his haunches, pulling you with him until you're sitting up right. His arm comes into view, curling around neck until your throat sits in the crux of his elbow and his hand latches on your shoulder; a crude headlock he uses as leverage to keep fucking into you. You’ve been choked but this is infinitely better. Whatever Mingyu wants to take from you, he’s in a position to do so.

“Gonna cum?” He nips into your earlobe.

His hand shoves its way between your legs, swipe roughly against your clit before you can even hope to answer.

A pathetic nod is all you manage thanks to the muscles gathered under your chin limiting your mobility.

Mingyu let's go then and your hands prevent a crash into the headboard, putting you back in the same position as before but you have to work for it now; ass bouncing in his laps as you ride him. Finding your balance, you drop one hand to your clit as Mingyu’s pinch your nipples.

“Let me have it, let me make you come." Mingyu pants into your spine. "Fuck you look so good like this, shit.”

He keeps rambling, flying with you towards the edge hand in hand; both breathless from the slap of your thighs against his.

“Mingyu, feel so good. Oh my god, oh my g—”

The softness of the pillows greets you once again while everything flashes white. Mingyu scrambles behind, fucking you into the mattress while you soak his cock. Muscles twitching, teeth ground till they crack, you come and come and come while begging him to do the same.

Mingyu gives in without hesitation, all his weight behind his hips as he fills the condom; dragging you back with an arm around your waist. Every jerk of his cock against your walls from the force makes you vibrate until he’s slipping out, soiled and used against the back of your thigh.

The last thing you register is his lips finding your shoulder again, rubbing back and forth as he comes down.

You fall asleep under the heat of his body for who knows how long, content in the mind shattering numbness of what just happened. Mingyu seems to feel the same, dead weight hanging half off you so you can at least manage to breath.

When you wake, whether it's twenty minutes or two hours later, Mingyu is snoring into the pillow, still naked. His lips pout in his sleep and you swallow the urge to shower them with kisses thanks to the drool at the corner of his mouth.

Even without the covers, you're warm. The kind of heat that slips over your skin, sinks into your bones and keens for you to fall asleep and stay. But Mingyu asked you on a date, not to spend the night. And you’d hate to assume and ruin whatever this is before it as a chance to start.

“Where are you going?” He pouts.

You don't make it two inches out of his arms before he’s pulling you back, tangling them around you so there's no chance of unnoticed escape. Mingyu digs his nose into your cheek and waits for an answer like he has all the time in the world.

Something tells you if he knew you were attempting to head home, Mingyu would throw a fit. And what use is that when you want to see what a night sleep with a giant human furnace is like?

“Bathroom.”

Adding to the list of information you’ve learned, Mingyu is a stage five clinger. He latches on to your back, guiding you into the shower stall for a quick spray down that leaves half your face, part of your thigh, and almost none of him clean.

He falls asleep against the base of your skull while brushing your teeth, because of course he has a stash of extra toothbrushes under the sink just in case. 

And when you crawl under the fresh sheets, he pulls you into his chest, leaves a kiss against your forehead, and tells you he can’t wait for your breakfast date tomorrow.

Taglist: @tomodachiii @cvpidyunho @miniseokminnies @ddaengpotate @arycutie @gaebestie @primoppang @gyuguys @mine-gyu @doremifasire @missminhoe @toplinehyunjin @crvs4vldtn @prettygyuuu

© highvern. copying/reuploading/translating my work anywhere is strictly prohibited.

[wanderingaldecaldo]

An open letter to the Cyberpunk fandom in general, and a few people in particular

It’s time to clear the air, and I want to take responsibility where appropriate.

Before we get into the recent drama, a history lesson is in order, both for the newer people in fandom and for those who have been around and just haven’t heard things from my side. This might be long with all the linked posts, so buckle up.

I don’t talk much to people about my experiences in fandom for several reasons — first, I don’t like to talk about others with people I don’t know; gossiping with friends is one thing, but otherwise it’s an undesirable trait. Because I’m human and fallible and absolutely capable of failing to meet my own standards, I have violated that rule, and it rarely does anything good. Second, even when I do share, people don’t tend to believe me because the responsible party, PinkyDude (PKD), has been “so nice” to them. “Surely there was a misunderstanding” is the most common response. 

No, there’s been no misunderstanding. He has harassed me repeatedly, both directly and indirectly, and has deleted most of the posts he’s made or reblogged from his friends/mutuals/followers that would serve as proof of this harassment. I could dig up old screenshots that people sent or I saved myself after being told of a post’s existence, but honestly I don’t want to go through that dreck again; my mental health is worth more to me than that. Instead I’ll present in my own words what happened to me over the last three years. I have spoken publicly about him three times before now — four if you count my response to the anon, which never referenced him or his ship. All of those posts are still visible and will be linked. I told you this would be a long read, but you need the context.

I joined Tumblr in spring/early 2021, back when I only wrote fic and played on console. PKD blocked me the first time I posted my fic, as is his right. As I was new to Tumblr, I didn’t understand the Tumblr app was actually telling me I was blocked whenever I clicked on the links on Discord, so I thought it was just bad software. Spoiler: it’s still bad software (affectionate). When I found out I was blocked, I was upset; I didn’t know about RSD at the time. I sent one anon asking why he blocked people; I was just a lowly AO3 author and he was the big, popular modder, and I was baffled and very upset and should have closed the browser, to be honest. He answered and explained why he blocked people (totally valid!! I will continue to emphasize that!) and shared how blocked people could still view his blog in a number of ways. Honestly, it was too much work for me to go through all of those steps, so I moved on with my life.

Not long after, he did unblock me for a few weeks and posted how someone had shown him how to filter posts. He messaged me to tell me I was unblocked, and we exchanged a few courteous messages. I believe I asked if it would be okay if I followed him. I know he expressed concern about me feeling discomfort at his ship. I don’t remember my exact response but I said I thought they were cute. That was the whole point of me joining fandom — I want to share love for blorbos! Things were civil, as far as I knew, though based on his comments later, it seems he and I had two completely different experiences. Where I believed I was polite and tried to be respectful to someone who had established boundaries, he accused me of being spiteful and vengeful. Soon after I started taking my own VP (with Mitch) he blocked me again. He sent a message to apologize that he needed to do it, and made a vague post that was directed to me, I assume, as it was something like “Sorry I tried” or whatever, and I moved on with my life, or tried. I still saw his Mitch pics in Discord servers when people shared them, though I saw fewer that were just Mitch alone.

The first time I spoke about PKD was Fall 2021, during the “not PKD approved” debacle, where someone (a follower of his! Not my follower! I cannot stress that enough!) reblogged a gif of Val and Mitch with the tag “not PKD approved.” I shared a screenshot with friends because, uh, that’s what you do, right? That’s what anyone would do — share a screenshot of an offensive tag with friends. One of those friends, a writer who had published Mitch/V on AO3 and also received anon hate on their Mitch fics, thought it was funny and used it for their Discord status. Someone shared that status with PKD, and he made vague accusations about who started the hashtag. 

I publicly defended a person who thought they were being accused, a friend at the time, and made the only statement about him that I regret and would take back — I commented on his propensity for reblogging posts that emphasize having the right to block people. I shouldn’t have said that, it wasn’t appropriate, and I apologize. Of course everyone has the right to block people for whatever reason they want. I disagree with what I said then and retract it now. 

Back to how I was targeted... Remember that it was my post that someone tagged with another person’s name; another person who had me blocked because of their jealousy about seeing anyone else with Mitch. I never named the person who tagged my post, yet I was deemed the perpetrator. Many months later, Zwei DMed me when we shared a small server to offer the most non-apology apology ever for telling people that I started the hashtag. Thanks, Zwei! Almost makes up for the other lies you told about me!

The second time was my response to the anon I got trying to “educate” me after the Pawel stream. I never referenced PKD or his ship. We’ll come back to this more in-depth later because it’s what PKD keeps using to harass me.

The third time I spoke publicly about PKD was when Silvay (sp?) posted first on Twitter, then later Tumblr. I posted a follow up the next day. I debated not saying anything. I’m an avoidant person. I don’t like conflict. I have a loud bark and no bite. My former team members can attest to this. But when I do... I don’t make public statements I’m not willing to defend, which is why everything I have linked is still published.

I do recommend stopping to read the posts linked here, and even the other posts I reblogged at the time from other people who shared their own experiences with PKD and the fandom. As I said, I don’t make public statements I won’t defend; or at least apologize and issue a public retraction. But, if you want to stay with the present and would rather have the TL;DR: I was regularly vagued about by PKD or his friends/followers, calling me transphobic and homophobic; one accused me of corrective rape; and I got tired of it.

I thought that posting publicly might bring some closure. It was cathartic to finally get it out and stop carrying that shame, and it was reassuring to hear from people who had similar experiences. At the same time, quite a few people made their own posts along the lines of “HE WAS ALWAYS NICE TO ME”. 

Oh, but he’s always been nice to me!

Look me in the eyes. Look me in the eyes and tell me that you truly believe he would be nice to you if you shipped with Mitch. Do you really believe he would? Do you think he would “block and move on” with you, unlike how he did with me?

None of those people shipped with Mitch, or other characters that people in his clique were protective over. A few months later he made a post saying not to tag me with him, and listed off every screenname I had used since I joined fandom, including the very first tumblr name I was assigned in 2021 and kept for several months because I thought it was funny. How’s that for a dog whistle? Want PKD’s attention? Better not tag wash!! [I’m sure there’s a screenshot somewhere but again, I didn’t have the energy to find it.]

By the way, why do I know all this? If I’m blocked, I shouldn’t see anything he posts without circumventing “the system”. We are mutually blocked and I don’t spy on him, or have my friends spy on him. I always knew what was going on because people were always quick to let me know anytime he was vaguing about me. “Friends” who were really concerned about the latest thing he said about me, or thought it was just terrible how people were always attacking my ship and wanted to share that feeling with me, but they only shared those thoughts in private. Slowly I separated myself from people who felt the need to keep me updated on drama, or some of them separated themselves from me and became friends with PKD, to the point that either nothing happened for some time or I just stopped seeing it, at least until last fall.

The last time I talked about him publicly was when I wrote about Fem V Friday in Fall 2023. Through the usual chain of vague posting about vague posts, a third person wrote a vague post and cast aspersions on the origin of Fem V Friday, suggesting it was created out of jealousy. PKD helpfully weighed in about a person named “W”  starting FVF from jealousy and spite, and implied he’s seen things I’ve said about him. I’d love to know what I’ve said, the context in which it was said, and the context in which he was told about what I said. 🤷

My post in response didn’t reference the vague post that spurred its creation, nor what PKD said about me, even though PKD must know my intentions and history better than me. I wrote about my love for Fem V and what drove my continued involvement week to week.

Despite my attempts to keep to my own corner or defend my name, PKD continues to defame and harass me. He has repeatedly dragged other people into his drama, sometimes my friends, just as he did in May when he brought up my anon response again. 

It was over two years ago now that I received the anon to “educate” me on Mitch being gay. I have never believed PKD sent the anon, despite his implications, and I have certainly never told anyone that he did.

Two years ago, a coward came into my inbox on anon and tried to bully me, and instead of spending a day writing five thousand words on “death of the author” and what constitutes canon and refuting the argument that I didn’t want to have, I used that energy to write about my ship in my favorite genre (smut) and published a fic on AO3. Neither my fic nor my response on tumblr referenced Mitch being gay or PKD’s ship. Before we go further, I encourage you to watch the relevant clip from the Pawel stream. It’s only 30 seconds of your time, but those 30 seconds are what PKD and others have used to justify their harassment of me.

The transcript for anyone not inclined to watch:

PKD: Am I right to overanalyze every detail in every place like the gay romance novel in Mitch's tent? Is that intentional? Pawel: My friend, on this stream, you could have learned already that everything is intentional...

The “gay romance novel in Mitch’s tent” is 1000 Beats Per Minute, a shard found all across Night City, nay, the continent as the shard/prop can be found in such locations as All Foods just after you meet Dum Dum, the foot of V’s bed in A10, and So Mi’s Brooklyn apartment. 

The contents of the shard are worth reading, if only for recognizing that the narrator is an ungendered person named “Alex” who is experiencing love for a man for the first time. Is Alex a man or a woman or neither? Whoever they are, Alex is having a queer experience, and to insist that the shard can only be about gay men is to erase a lot of other queer experiences.

Back to my anon response, PKD once again called my response transphobic and homophobic, though I will give him credit for saying he wasn’t calling me trans/homophobic, which is an upgrade from previous posts. He claims that I used the smut that I wrote as my response because I referenced writing “the smuttiest pussy eating smut I could”. I said “pussy eating” not in relation to anything about the claim that Mitch is gay, but as response to the intentions of the anon, which were never good.

The full context of my words: 

Not entirely sure what you were trying to accomplish with this message, anon. Should I pack up my words and keyboard and go home? See if it's too late to return my gaming PC because I can't take screenshots of Mitch anymore? Whatever your goal was, you pushed me to write the smuttiest pussy eating smut I could imagine. You know who wins today? - I do, because I wrote a shitload of words in one day and finished a piece that didn't even exist 8hrs ago - people who want more Fem V/Mitch content do - my meat husband does bc damn, I wrote 1800 words of smut today - not you

PKD is claiming that my description of smut I wrote about my ship is trans/homophobic.

The description of the smut I wrote about a cis bisexual female (Val) whose pussy was eaten by her cis bisexual male partner (Mitch). 

The smut I wrote about my ship, in which no one is trans or gay. 

You cannot apply the lens of PKD’s ship and characters to my writing and call it transphobic or homophobic. That’s not how literary analysis works. That’s not how social justice works.

The truth is that PKD and his mutuals/friends used his ship and beliefs to harass me. 

If that were me and it were my beliefs being used to harass someone on anon, I would demand whoever it was to stop immediately, not only because harassing people over fictional characters is awful and wrong, but good lord, to use me as the excuse? I would be mortified! Instead, PKD and his mutuals/followers used it as evidence of my being a bad person, and after several months of that, I borrowed Silvay’s courage when he posted on Twitter, and shared my own experience.

Now that we have the full background, let’s move on to recent drama and address the Flat Chest body and the wearable pecs mod, and what part I played in the process and when. This next part is for motherherbivore. I wish you had talked to me first. I thought I’d rate high enough for a DM. 

A Brief History of The Flat Chest Body Under Curation of Wash

I reached out to Na in March about helping update the Flat Chest body. I specifically wanted to update it to dynamic to take advantage of AXL’s dynamic clothing and, more importantly to me, reduce the number of clothing overrides I had to install for Hilary; plus I wanted to add toggle feet so I could have better options for shoes. Also I had another OC I’d been kicking around in my head, Grem, that I wanted to make using the flat chest. Grem did debut recently, but he changed drastically from my original vision for him.

Sharing the news with Kitty (shared with permission)

I started working on updating the mod in April but got stuck because I didn’t understand resource patching, even though I was sure it would be easy. :hidethepain: I tried adding the feet too, but everything I did resulted in a seam at the calves. As is all too common with my ADHD, I moved onto something else after getting stuck.

As I mentioned I was interested in dynamic AXL, and wanted to update my custom tee framework for Pride. With dynamic AXL, someone could generate all colors with all logos at once! (220, do not try this at home!) I included the dynamic version of the Flat Chest mesh in the upload to Nexus, even though the Flat Chest body wasn’t ready yet, but as a goal for me to also have it done in June.

I had the UV version working in early June, before the Angel body came out. I don’t remember if we already knew about the body’s existence at that point, but the community outcry against yet another unrealistic and fetishistic body mod sustained me in updating a mod that appealed to a small subset of fandom.

The message I sent to Na the morning I got it working

I got the UV version working first, since that’s what Hilary uses, then took a look at toggle feet again. After further investigation using both UV and VTK bodies, I realized there would always be a seam because the bodies were drastically different from the current body; they were completely different meshes underneath, and the seams would never line up properly. 

At that point I decided to release the functioning dynamic version without toggle feet, as I wanted to get it out for Pride. I reached out to mhb to test, as had always been my intention. For me Sanctuary is the most iconic OC to use the Flat Chest. After some technical difficulties I figured out that she used the vanilla version, and came back a few days later with a functioning vanilla version. I released my update once I had assembled the necessary files and pics from the testers, mhb included.

Later when PKD released the refits for his pecs, someone commented that the vanilla refits worked for the Flat Chest body. That’s been my only interest in his pecs mod — because people who use the Flat Chest were interested in having more clothing options. The release of the so-called “Flat Chest Detector” meant that Flat Chest body users wouldn’t be able to use the clothing refit for his wearable pecs, because it required using his pecs, which clipped with tattoos and cyberware — as is expected because it’s not a body mod, as he himself said on the mod page.

As the representative for the Flat Chest body, I agreed when streetkid-named-desire (Rat) asked me to be involved in the conversation with Berdagon about adapting their “Flat Chest” detector to recognize the Flat Chest body. Rat drove this conversation. I don’t say this to dump responsibility on them. In fact, I visited them last weekend and we talked through the situation. I suggested to Rat that I could have urged them to slow down, but they refused to let me take that responsibility, and at the end of the day they’re right — I can only control my own actions.

I do have one regret and one opportunity where I could have acted differently: when Rat asked Berdagon about the original script, Rat very explicitly asked whether the script was commissioned by PKD, and if so, Rat stated they were willing to pay to make changes; Berdagon never answered the question, and I wish I had pushed for an answer. Perhaps that could have prevented the entire situation; we could have stopped right then. While Berdagon never mentioned payment, Rat was so excited by how quickly they implemented the requested changes that they tipped them for the work.

Berdagon, the original script writer, owed PKD the responsibility to check in before modifying something that PKD paid for. Yes, Berdagon does have responsibility here as a professional who took money for a commission. When they didn’t answer the question, I could have stopped the process and pushed for an answer. I would have stopped things immediately upon hearing the answer that the script had been commissioned by PKD. PKD could still have been outraged at Rat asking for changes, but there wouldn’t have been fandom-wide drama about a body that only a dozen people use.

That’s the responsibility I will take — I, as a professional who works with consultants and freelancers, could have taken steps to ensure that everyone was acting professionally, including the person who received money twice to work on the same script.

Because I feel the need to be thorough in my explanation, here’s a simplified timeline of the release of the Flat Chest mod compared to the wearable pecs:

Late March - I receive files from Na for Flat Chest

April - I get stuck, stop working on it

April-May - I figure out dynamic AXL and convert tee framework

June 3 - I have a working dynamic UV Flat Chest

In response to outcry over the Angel body, PKD makes a poll asking what body types people want refits for and excludes Flat Chest body as an option

In response to people commenting over why Flat Chest wasn’t included, PKD explains he won’t support the body and that he would support a different Flat Chest body if someone made it

June 10 - I share the UV version for testing with several people. Two of those people, including mhb, use vanilla. I didn’t realize that, and because I didn’t name the file `UV` it took a long time to troubleshoot why things weren’t working

PKD releases the pecs

I share vanilla for testing

I post Flat Chest 2.0 before the end of June

I didn’t use you, mhb. I asked you to test because, like I said above and on Nexus, Sanctuary is the Flat Chest character for me. I asked you to test because I make mods for my friends first and foremost, and I thought you were my friend. I thought you were my friend because we’d known each other for several years now, and because of shared experiences and conversations we’ve had. I’ve been wrong before about who is a friend, and this one stings a lot.

I’m tired. I am 30 or 40 (or 50) years old and I do not need this. I have a career and a job I love, and an amazing partner who I’ve been with for a third of my life now. I have friends and hobbies in meatspace and friends who share those hobbies, and the real truth is, if I was actually trans/homophobic, well, that number would be tiny, but it’s not. I have a life that I love and that is full of joy. Most people in fandom only know the smallest fraction of the real wash, and I do not take pleasure in being targeted in a public fandom “feud”.

PKD, I say this with all the kindness I can muster for another human being who is clearly hurting: please get help. Go to therapy or see a psychiatrist or use whatever tools you can access. This obsession you have with me and my ship is not healthy for you, and your repeated pattern of bullying has hurt me and people close to me, just as your need to rehash old fandom drama hurts the community.

[tip-top-cloud-surfer]

Left at the Altar - Hangman (Part 3)

Pairing: Hangman / Fem!Reader (Ex-Girlfriend!Reader)

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: Some Light Angst; References to Sex; Second Person POV ("You"), No Y/N, No Physical Descriptions of Reader

This work, all of my other works, and my entire blog are 18+ Only.

Summary: You struggle with your life back in Texas. Is California calling your name?

A.N. I double-checked and I'm pretty sure that I added everyone to the tag list who requested it and has their age on their blog, so hopefully this works.

Part 1 Part 2 Epilogue

Master List

Sitting on the couch of your childhood home, you held your wine glass close to your chest.

It was officially two days after you were left at the altar and the last forty-eight hours of your life were practically a blur.

After your night with Jake, you were forced to deal with reality. You moved out of the apartment that you shared with your ex and went through the process of literally cutting him out of your life one photo at a time. Literally. Your name wasn’t on the lease since you moved into your ex’s bigger apartment a few months ago, which worked to your advantage.

You dropped off anything to do with your wedding at your ex’s family’s home, including your wedding dress, since they paid for it and told them to do whatever the hell that they wanted with it. Or they could bring it back to you and you’d burn it.

And your last spiteful move against your ex was cancelling your honeymoon reservations and the extra ticket that he bought his mistress the night before they were supposed to fly out. And the best part was that they had already checked in. Your ex tried to angrily text and call you after he got to the airport, but you just blocked him and moved on.

And now here you were: moved into your childhood bedroom, with your life in a suitcase and a bunch of taped up cardboard boxes. Truly living life to the fullest. Well, at least you had some wine that your mom may or may not have stolen from the reception venue.

The night chill seeped through the screens on the windows and the back door and forced you to pull on a sweatshirt. It was one of Jake’s old faded UT ones that he got when you were both sixteen. He quickly grew out of it and you were happy to take it off of his hands. You kept it in the deepest corner of your closet when you were living with your ex-fiancé, but now, you wore it openly.

You thought that it would have been inappropriate to wear an ex-boyfriend’s sweatshirt in the apartment that you shared with your fiancé. Of course, you thought that fucking someone else would have qualified as inappropriate, but perhaps you didn’t have your priorities straight. You should have started wearing it months ago.

Taking a sip of your wine, you sighed and leaned back against the couch.

Even in the darkest days of your relationship with Jake, he never once degraded you like your ex-fiancé did. Sure, Jake could be an asshole and you were the first person to tell him that he was being an asshole, but he wasn’t irredeemable. He had his faults but his heart was always in the right place.

Your ex on the other hand; there was absolutely no way to justify his decision to break up with you over text on the morning of your wedding day. You were done with him and with the whole picture. Luckily, you already deleted and cut up all the remaining photos of the two of you together.

The sound of footsteps caused you to open your eyes and turn towards the stairs. Your mom slowly walked downstairs and smiled softly when she saw that you were still awake. Making her way over to you, she sat down beside you on the couch and squeezed your shoulder.

“Couldn’t sleep?” she asked softly.

“Something like that,” you replied, just as quietly.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’ve been better,” you answered honestly, trying to force a small smile.

“Did you hear from Jake?”

“Yeah, we’ve been texting a lot. He apologized for fact that he had to run out.” You nodded slowly, pursing your lips together as you let a breath out of your nose. “But it’s not his fault. That’s just how it always goes with the two of us.”

“Why does it have to work out like that?” your mom asked softly.

“That’s just how it’s always been, Mom. You know that,” you replied, turning to stare down at your wine glass. “When we’re together and alone, everything is perfect. Everything feels right and I never ever felt like that with someone else. But then reality hits and we have to go back to the paths that we picked and . . . we’re separated in the end again.”  

Your mom nodded solemnly, though her expression gave away her opinion on the subject. Straightening up, she glanced out the window at the rose bushes that sat right below your childhood bedroom window. The ones that were planted there for a very specific reason.

“I remember when your father bought those bushes,” your mom stated wistfully, causing you to pick your head up and turn around.

“You mean when he tried and break me and Jake up?” you mused, shaking your head.

“He was trying to prevent you from sneaking out and Jake from sneaking in,” your mom corrected you with a small smile. “And how well did that work?”

“Not even in the slightest,” you replied without skipping a beat. You smiled softly as you glanced out at the familiar bushes, working through some of the associated memories. “I remember when he fell into them one night. He showed up the next day to school looking like he lost a fight with a cactus. Told his parents and everyone that he fell off a skateboard and they somehow bought it.”

“And did he come back after that?”

“He might have,” you stated with a shrug, earning a look from your mom. “A few times.”

“Exactly,” your mom responded, folding her hands in her lap. “He kept coming back. He keeps coming back to you no matter what life throws in front of the two of you.”

“He does,” you agreed quietly.

“I mean, how many times have the two of you been in a relationship?”

“A few,” you replied, earning another look from your mom. “Seven or eight, depending on factors that I need to be a bit little drunker to discuss with you, Mom.”

“My point is,” your mom continued, resting a hand on your arm, “you two keep finding your way back to each other. Over and over again. And honey, I have to tell you this honestly. I’ve never seen you happier than you are when you’re with Jake. You could combine your love for all of your other exes and it still wouldn’t compare to the affection that you have for Jake. And we can all see that.”

“I know, Mom,” you replied softly, trying to not choke on your emotions. Letting out a breath, you sunk further into the couch. “I was so stupid for thinking that marrying anyone else was going to solve any of my problems. Or make me happy.”

“Well, the good news is that your ex looks like a complete ass and now you get to go on and live your fairytale without that burden on your shoulders,” your mom stated, squeezing your hand. “And, honey, I want you to have your fairytale. I want it for you so badly.”

“I know, Mom.”

“And I think that Jake is that person for you,” your mom reiterated, rubbing your arm soothingly. “You let him go and he let you go because you two loved each other and you wanted what was best for each other. But despite that, you two still found your way back together so many times that you can’t even keep track. And that sounds a lot like love to me.”

“I love him, Mom,” you confirmed for her. “I do. I love him so much.”

“Then why are you staying here?” your mom asked you, causing you to sit up more. “Honey, I know that you love living here, but I don’t want you to hold yourself back from your happiness because you’re scared of taking that first step out.”

You nodded slowly, not really sure what else to say. Your mom pulled you in for a hug. Pressing a kiss to the top of your head, like she did when you were a kid, she squeezed you tightly to her chest.

“I just want you to be happy, sweetheart,” your mom whispered to you. “And I know that I taught you to not rely on other people for your own happiness—and you still shouldn’t—but you always just seem happier when you’re with him.”

“I am happier when I’m with him, Mom,” you agreed, burying your face into her shoulder.  

“Then I think that you have your answer, sweetheart.”

~~~~~

After another long day at work, the Dagger Squad decided to go out for a cold beer together before taking some time for themselves. Except for Coyote, that is, who made some excuse about having to run a random errand.

It was a warm spring afternoon, so the Dagger Squad gathered out on the back deck to get away from the afternoon rush. Hangman glanced down at his phone frequently, waiting for your text. After your shared night in the honeymoon suite, the two of you had been texting frequently. Obviously, you were both busy, but you tried to text a few times a day.

But today, you weren’t answering. Jake didn’t want to jump to conclusions on anything, but it still struck him as odd. Especially because he knew that you had the next few days off because you were supposed to be on your now cancelled honeymoon.

“If you don’t put your phone down, you’re paying for the next round, Hangman,” Phoenix warned him, taking a long sip of her drink. “Remember Maverick’s rule?”

“He’s not here,” Hangman replied back, though he still stowed his phone away. “No need to try and win the teacher’s pet award.”

“Says the man who always sits in the front row of every briefing,” Bob spoke to his pilot’s defense.

“He’s got you there,” Phoenix stated with a proud smirk.

“You know, I think that I speak for everyone when I say how happy I am that the two of you chose to keep flying together,” Hangman replied sarcastically, reaching for his beer.

“You get crabby when Coyote’s not here to back you up,” Rooster quipped as Hangman took a swig of his beer. “Actually, you’ve been crabby for a while now.”

“Been hanging around you guys for too long,” Hangman replied without missing a beat, setting his beer down on the table.

“You just had a break from us,” Rooster pointed out, shifting in his seat.

“Wasn’t long enough,” Hangman stated, reaching for his phone again.

“Well, Coyote’s here to cheer you up,” Fanboy announced, staring down the boardwalk. Fanboy frowned slightly and straightened up a bit. “But he’s got a woman with him.”

That announcement got everyone else at the table to whip around to stare down the boardwalk. Coyote was, in fact, walking over with a woman. And who was that mysterious woman who may or may not have spent half an hour in an airport bathroom making sure that she didn’t look like she woke up at three that morning to get to the airport to get to San Diego?

You smiled softly and waved to Jake, who was completely shocked to see you in California. And, of course, you wore a sundress that he bought you. He felt obligated to get it for you after the two of you got a little handsy in a dressing room while you were trying it on.

“Who the hell is—” Rooster’s question was cut off by Hangman practically knocking over the entire table with how fast he got up from the table. “Jesus Christ,” Rooster complained as some beer spilled on his jeans. “Really, Hangman?”

But Jake was already bounding down the boardwalk, slipping around the tourists, civilians, and other naval personnel. The Daggers stared after Hangman with mildly confused expressions and curious stares. Except for Coyote, who grinned when he spotted Hangman hurrying over.

“You know,” Coyote told you with an amused smile, “I think that Javier is a very strong name for a baby boy. It rolls right off the tongue.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” you promised Coyote with a small chuckle.

Coyote shot you a wink before walking towards the Hard Deck. Coyote sent Jake a mock salute that Jake returned before continuing on his way. You stopped in your approach since Jake was moving fast enough for the both of you and simply held out your arms.

The rest of the Daggers watched as Jake scooped you up into his arms and spun you around. You laughed and hugged him back, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and your legs around his waist to avoid any risk of falling onto the weathered wood below.

“What are you doing here?” Jake breathed out, slowly placing you back on your feet.

“Well, I had a few days off,” you replied softly, smoothing down the creases on his shirt. “And so, I hopped on the first flight that I could get to San Diego. I thought that I would surprise you.”

“I’m certainly surprised,” Jake mused, resting his forehead against your own.

Gently guiding your chin towards his own, your lips met in a soft embrace. Jake wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you closer to him. You cupped his cheeks with your hands and deepened the kiss perhaps beyond what was respectable in public.

But hell, Miramar was a Navy town. This was far from the most indecent reunion kiss that this town had ever seen before.

Coyote walked over to where the other Daggers were gathered and took Hangman’s spot. If Coyote knew how Jake operated when you came to visit, he wasn’t going to need his seat back.

“Hangman has a girlfriend?” Bob asked Coyote curiously, assuming that he knew all.

“I think ‘girlfriend’ doesn’t really cover it anymore, honestly,” Coyote replied honestly.

Back on the boardwalk, you reluctantly pulled away from Hangman’s lips for a little air. Smiling goofily, you wrapped your arms around his shoulders and just simply took in the fact that he was right here in front of you once again.

“How long are you in town for?” he asked you, slowly opening his eyes.

“Until Sunday,” you replied, meeting his gaze again. “So, we’ve got about five days together.”

“No time to waste then,” Hangman reasoned, picking up your bag from where you placed it on the ground. “This is it?”

“Yeah, I packed light because I needed to fly standby.”

“That’s fine. You won’t need to wear anything once we get back to my apartment,” Jake stated with a wink, earning a light smack to his arm.

Jake led you over to where his truck was parked. He put your bag in the backseat and handed you the keys. Jake sprinted back to the Hard Deck to pay his tab and gift Javy some beer for the surprise. Dancing around the invasive and curious questions from the rest of the Dagger Squad, Jake returned to your side as fast as he could.

“Ready?” he asked, shutting his door.

“Ready,” you agreed, leaning over to press a kiss to his lips.

Jake backed up out of the spot and started driving to his apartment. Once he put his truck back into drive, he reached over and grabbed your hand, threading your fingers together. You returned the gesture and squeezed his hand, trying to not melt into the seat when Jake pressed a kiss to the back of your hand.

“I missed you,” you told him softly, smiling over at him.

“I love you,” he returned confidently.

“You always have to one-up me,” you sighed, shaking your head playfully. “But I love you too.”

“What’s not the love?” Jake replied with a playful wink.

“Did you want me to get out the list?”

“Harsh,” Jake stated, smirking a bit. “Don’t worry, I can think of a way that you can make it up to me.”

“I intend to . . . Lieutenant.”

Part 1 Part 2 Epilogue

A.N. I'm thinking that I might do an epilogue that's set a few months or years into the future. So, if you're not already on the tag list and want to be tagged in an epilogue, then reply or reblog with that request (though you must show that you're an adult with your age in your blog to get tagged). Thanks!

Tag List (First 50 since there's a limit):

@djs8891 @avengers-fixation @dreamsofouterspace @maverick-wingman @rosiahills22 @bethabear12 @laneylovesglen @blue-aconite @mercurio23 @awildewit @caitsymichelle13 @mamaskillerqueen @emorychase @the-romanian-is-bae @novagreen04 @gigisimsonmars @olliepig @laneyspaulding19 @clancycucumber230 @eli2447 @luckyladycreator2 @marantha @ashbatz @emilyoflanternhill @riri-is-agirlie @goslytherin @phantomxoxo @imaginecrushes @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @mizzzpink @miss-i-ship-it @topaz125 @healanette @sarahsmi13s @buckysdollforlife @looneylikesbooks @fighterpilothoe @lunamoonbby @fav-fanficssss @lorilane33 @angelbabyange @swanqueens-blog @ilovewriting06 @linkpk88 @mallerz @sky0401 @lunamooncole @potterheadandsherlocked @rogersbarnesxx @iammirrorball

[antimony-medusa]

PARKOUR PRO TAKES ON EPIC LEVELLED CHALLENGE (REAL) (HEARTBREAKING) (NOT CLICKBAIT)

Ranboo emerged from his front door and squinted into the rising sun. His house loomed behind him, a block of stone hanging in space next to more identical houses. The local neighbourhood of parkour pros didn’t have a lot of variation. The ground between the houses was a uniform grid of blocks of dirt placed two blocks apart, far enough that you could only jump it if you sprinted. Ranboo sat back on his heels to enjoy the view, and then grabbed frantically for purchase as the wheels set in the heels of his iron boots (custom heelies) slid on his stairs. He caught himself and took a deep breath, fingers digging into his doorframe. Falling would suck. He was better than this. He wouldn’t fall. His eyes dropped to the space between the blocks, the place where one of his feet was sticking over the edge. Or: Peerpressure Parkour Civilization AU

Status: 1/1 chapters, updated 9 August, 11,240 words

Fandom: Dream SMP

Rating: Teen Audiences

Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Characters: Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF)

Relationships: Ranboo & Technoblade

Tags: Alternate Universe - Parkour Civilization, Minecraft Mechanics, minecraft parkour, Is this angst or fluff well look out it's a patented classic NEITHER, This is sarcasm mostly, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Tommyinnit-Typical levels of swearing, peer pressure duo, There's also endersmile and allium and discduo, but this is a peer pressure fic, MCYTblr Summer AU Fest 2024, Ranboo Has A Spine The Tensile Strength Of A Chocolate Eclair, Peril, fucked up power structures masquerading as a utopian meritocracy, He/Him and They/Them Pronouns for Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), It/Its Pronouns for Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo-centric (Video Blogging RPF)

THAT"S RIGHT BITCHES IT"S THE SECOND FIC IN A DAY I AM WIRED ON CAFFEINE AND PARKOUR. Inspired by the fantastic @ranboo5's art, the soundtrack being Ranboo & Technoblade's Excellent Adventure on loop, beted by @droidofmay who kindly pointed out the multiple sentences I just stopped in the middle of and moved on from, I emerge from a google doc covered in blood to bring you 11k of peerpressure duo.

I really really tried to keep it to 5k you guys. You don't know how hard I tried. Anyways. Parkour. Tommy is here for a bit. You can play spot the skeppy.

It SHOULD be accessible even if you haven't watched the source video, droid hadn't seen the videos, and honestly I would recommend not watching the source material, it is a lot. If you have a reasonable familiarity with minecraft mechanics slash have watched MCC you should hopefully be able to carry through.

A pinch hit for @mcytblraufest! HAVE SOME PARKOUR.

[mariejordans]

i honestly don’t even know where to begin with this post, so i guess i’ll start with hi! sorry, i’ve been gone so long, though probably most of you didn’t even notice i was gone lol. sorry for not giving any warning to my absence, and i am especially sorry to the mutuals who have reached out to me that i haven’t responded to. i was and still am struggling with anxiety and depression and towards the new year it was getting to be a bit much for me, so i decided to take a mental health break from social media.

i’d honestly been contemplating coming back, but today i received a dm from someone with a link to a post that was accusing me of bullying and creating fake accounts to bully other people in this fandom. first of all, i would like to emphasize that this is not true. attached below is a screenshot of all the blogs that i own (EDIT 2/9/24: i have since deleted the screenshot for my own privacy and i believe that since i made this post, there has been more than enough evidence to clear my name.) milfsociety is my main account, which i have linked before on this blog and many of my mutuals also follow me on my main, and the rest of them are just me saving my old usernames or other sideblogs that i rarely use, but all of them have been inactive for two months at least.

i do NOT condone bullying ever, and to be continually accused of it by this person is very disheartening. it started with this post (seen below) that i made back in november after seeing a post discrediting marie as the main character of gen v. i admit that my language was probably a bit harsher than was necessary, but honestly my intention was not to send hate to op (which is why i never tagged it with any gen v related tags) but to defend marie. it also wasn’t meant to be solely specific to this one person but as a general post because at the time, there were lots of accounts discrediting marie and to be honest, i was just kinda venting bc of how sick of it i was. (also, just to mention, i have intentionally left out their username because the last thing i want is to send hate to this person.) this was the only post i made on the topic and later i heard that apparently op blocked me afterward (which does not offend me in the slightest since i have since done the same thing) so this honestly should have been the end of it.

i honestly hadn’t given this post a second thought until a little under a month later i received this ask out of nowhere, accusing me of ableism and bullying. i replied to this ask, which i will link here. honestly this ask came as a complete shock to me, because i had honestly forgotten all about my previous post.

i responded to anon and in the reply i apologized to their friend for my hurtful comments and expressed that it was never my intention to attack anyone, especially anyone with a disability, which i did not know about when i initially made the first post. i also explained my side, stating why i made the post in the first place, which i still stand by. originally, i had linked their post in my reply, which in hindsight was a mistake that i regret and i should’ve known better. again, my last intention ever is to spread hate and negativity or to bully anyone, so i deleted the link when i was asked by a third party. this person has also since deleted that post about marie entirely.

shortly after i posted the reply, i guess i can only assume that whoever anon was told them about the reply. i’m honestly not sure if they’ve ever actually read this reply or not, but they made a response to my reply, accusing me of harassment and bullying. honestly, it really confused me at the time, since i’d only made two posts in reference to them, and one was a reply to an ask, but we ended up having a third party account who was mutuals with both of us acting as a mediator to settle things and i genuinely wanted to move on from the situation. we both had each other blocked and it seemed to me that anon was just trying to instigate more drama between us, so i thought it best to just leave it at that. i was also going through some mental health issues at the time (unrelated to this situation even though it didn’t help) and had been considering taking a break from tumblr, and so i thought it would be best to just go inactive for a while.

this is honestly the first time i’ve used tumblr in the two months since i’ve been gone, so i have no idea what else has been happening regarding any other blogs and this person, but apparently i am being named as the sole instigator here and i just wanted to once and for all clear up this issue and my name. i’m honestly not sure if this person will see this post or if they’ll even accept it as truth. i can’t force them or anyone to believe me as i really don’t know what else i’d have to do to prove that i don’t have any other secret accounts other than making this post.

i will probably continue to be inactive on this account as i think it is in everyone’s best interest. i never wanted to contribute or start any drama in this fandom, but i feel like i am partially responsible in how this situation has turned out, so i would also like to apologize to you all as well. i’ve never had an account of mine get as big as this one has (thank you to everyone who liked and supported my silly little ramblings!) and i can honestly say i have had the best time interacting and fangirling with you all about this show and these characters that i love so much and i will continue to enjoy and love gen v and marie from afar!

goodbye for now,

rose (aka mariejordans)

[grison-in-space]

My blog would just make you more confused because I have been an advocate for voting, the post in question has a lot of resources about Biden's lack of action and another person explained why voting doesn't work and things like getting involved in volunteering and protesting works better, and I thought of you as a person who seems to know a lot about politics since I follow you. I should have put more effort in like I did with my second ask. Honestly I'm glad I'm anon because the publics eesponses to my ask, while I deserve it, is vitriolic and I imagine they would move to my inbox. while it's not an excuse I have brain damage from an accidentthat I'm trying to recover from and I n't say that calling me names insulting my lack of intelligence is really helpful when I'm very insecure about it and I have to reallyconcentrate to get my language right. I have been having to really work on communication and sometimes obvious problems to my thought process aren't clear to me like they used to be, like voting not being an and or thing. plenty of people have pointed out the flaws in my ask and I see that I'm in the wrong. I'll leave you alone now, sorry again

I'm sorry I misunderstood you, anon, but the point I was actually trying to make is that I don't have the context that you do even so far as a burner identity, and that also means I can't necessarily presume good faith without additional context. I get why you are concerned about harassment and worried about people in your inbox, but the level of pressure you are putting on me for misinterpreting your original ask is not cool.

(For the record, I do not engage in anon harassment, and if I ever find someone who is pulling that shit based on one of my posts, I will block them outright.)

I also have memory problems, and being on anon means that I have no cues or context to any previous interactions with you. I cannot treat you, on anon, like a well meaning friend who sometimes phrases things funny, because I can't tell you apart from someone who is hate-following me and trying to harass me via inbox, potentially by asking questions without good faith. Which, by the way, does happen and specifically does happen to me! I try to delete that shit out of hand rather than responding, but look, sometimes I want to make a broader point.

I am sorry that the post is getting comments from people who, like me, are not reading your initial words as intended. Truly, I am, that sounds like it sucks. But this is an access problem. You are not sure how to communicate the questions you want to ask without setting off alarms that are, in the rest of your life, defused by the knowledge from the people you are speaking with that you are speaking in good faith as someone who knows and respects them. That might not be something you are able to do without help right now, and that sucks!

At the same time, accommodating that would necessitate that I, what, identify you from speech patterns when you're deliberately hiding your identity, or know you when convenient and not-know you when it's not? That's not reasonable, and I think you know that. This goes double for questions about politics that have people reacting emotionally or being gunshy, which seems to be your primary interest in interacting with me. That is very stressful for me and it makes me feel worried and bad, too.

Anon is going off for a little while, I think.

[danilovefest]

from: Box Repsol Blog

Dani Pedrosa’s passion for Japanese culture will blow your mind!

Hi, Dani! It’s well known that your nickname is baby samurai. Do you think your love of Japan chose you, or did you choose it?

Not sure which came first but I have always been fascinated by Samurai and the Japanese culture. I don’t know who picked who but it’s been a perfect match for me for sure.

Do you have anything that reminds you of Japan in your day-to-day life?

Well of course I have the ‘Little Samurai’ as my logo so I see that a lot in my day to day life! Obviously spending all my career with Honda, I have received many trinkets and gifts from Japanese fans and colleagues which I keep and always remind me of Japan. I have strong roots with Japan and the Japanese, they have played a huge part in my life!

We know that the Japanese GP is one of your favourites. What is it like to stay in Japan during a GP?

Honestly it’s a shame that we don’t get to see so much since the race weekend is so busy and we stay at the circuit hotel. So we only see the race track and hotel and then usually we have to leave for the next race.

Have you been on holiday to Japan? Would you like to go back? What did you most like about your visit?

I’ve never had the chance to holiday there but I’ve often thought that when I retire I’d like to go and spend a few months in Japan and travel around. Experience the temples and traditional Japanese ways of life and study some meditation techniques and learn more about it. I do know the people are very friendly and hospitable and it’s a fascinating culture that should be experienced for sure.

What would you like to bring home from Japan? And what Spanish things would you like to take there? Apart from Spanish jamón of course hahaha…

I don’t really take anything to Japan as I like to embrace their culture when I’m there… but I would like to bring home some Samurai swords to hang in my house.

Do you like karaoke? How is your singing voice? Have you ever sung karaoke in Japan?

Haha, not really and my singing voice is terrible! It depends where I am and who I’m with! I’m quite shy so this isn’t really something I would get up and do in a group of strangers or in public, but maybe with a few friends in a small environment. I did do it once in Japan in 2013, after the Motegi race a lot of the paddock goes to The Cage in Narita – close to the airport – and we all had a lot of fun partying there with the team and singing we had a good time.

There are some expressions in the Japanese language that are unforgettable and transmit the culture. Could you tell us two phrases that really had an impact on you?

Not really any sayings but there are some traditions that my team have taught me which I really value. One is the Darumu doll which is seen as a talisman of good luck for the Japanese. At first, the figure’s eyes are both blank white. Then you choose your goal or wish and paint in one of the figure’s two eyes. Once the desired goal is achieved, then you can draw in the second eye.

Do you like Japanese food? What are your favourite dishes? Do you like to cook sushi, tempura, and other traditional Japanese dishes?

I really like teppanyaki and sushi, also the noodles are good! I’m not a very good cook so probably better I leave it to the experts!

Do you like martial arts? Is there one that you especially like because of its philosophy?

Yes, very much, in particular I like the art form of Aikido. This uses circular rather than linear movements, with the defender moving out of the line of attack and then using his opponent’s own momentum to overcome him. The defender does not attempt to block his opponent’s blows or in any way to clash with his opponent’s force. With my size, I find this the most interesting as you only defend and use your opponent’s energy against them.

Do you know any Japanese? Can you say three sentences in Japanese one after the other? You can send us a video to prove it 

I can say some basic greetings, like ‘Hello, I’m Dani Pedrosa, nice to meet you. See you later!”… haha.

Have you tried out any other traditional Japanese arts? Flower arrangement, calligraphy, cooking, painting…?

Not really, but I would like to learn more about the art of Japanese archery – Kyudo. This is a kind of meditation, finding your ‘Zen’, to become more aware of the present without looking back to the past or into the future. Only then can you reach your highest potential and find inner harmony. It is learnt with mind and intellect, but you work towards practicing it without either and to let go of the intellect and to try and stand with the bow fully drawn, not feeling the need to hit the target. This way you can practice in a way which focuses on the proper breathing, proper mindset and proper body movements, not on hitting the target. If done correctly, you can hit the target—potentially with your eyes shut. Potentially, that is. But in order to even get close to that you would have to practice for many, many years, and perhaps never reach it. But with kuydo, as with all other “Ways”, they try to focus on the journey, not the goal.

You recently told us in #AskMarcDani2017 that you’d like to learn more about zen and meditation. What do you know about Eastern philosophy?

Zen is the Japanese word for meditation and all I know is that it’s a very powerful, ancient, meditation practice. It demands high self-control and involves techniques and ideals to promote relaxation, build your energy within and develop feelings of compassion and patience.

Ninjas or samurai, who would win in a fight?

It doesn’t matter who wins, what is important is the attitude and I prefer the attitude of the Samurai.

[reachartwork]

Hey I fundamentally disagree with you about the ethicality of ai art. But like whatever I’m not changing your mind and you’re not changing mine

I do think, however, that the phrase “you're never too old to make homestuck fanart” is INCREDIBLY misleading. Someone who is anti ai art but isn’t the best at deciphering what is and isn’t ai would 100% believe that this is human made based on that line and I don’t think that is fair. I don’t think you should be captioning ai art with something that sounds like you made the art by hand without also saying it’s ai in the body of the post (not just the tags). I don’t know. It bothered me to see that caption please just be more mindful about people who do not want to interact with ai art at all like myself

a bit of my addendum to my previous ask: I’m sure this is not your intention based on the rest of the blog but that phrase REALLY comes off like you’re trying to pass off ai art as traditional art which is not fair to traditional artists. There is a difference there and you know it. I am an artist and I do not appreciate that difference being minimized in a deceptive way. I honestly believe you have good intentions but this was not it.

respectfully: no.

a: that post is over a year old at this point, i tagged it as ai art, my blog mentions ai art in the bio, when you link the post (or my blog) from elsewhere it says that this is an ai art account. if you are getting "fooled" at this point you really only have yourself to blame.

b: i don't see what medium has to do with making homestuck fanart. would you get this pissy if i made a collage instead.

c: nothing in the post implies that i made it by hand. even if we're getting really pedantic almost none of the art on tumblr is "handmade", it's digital, but also assuming that me saying "you're never too old to make homsetuck fanart" implies that i handmade said fan art is kind of insane.

d: you said yourself that the art was tagged ai art. why haven't you blacklisted or blocked it yet. this is a solvable problem, and instead of solving it you're going out of your way to ask me to put a big fat "THIS IS BADWRONG AI ART, DON'T LET YOURSELF GET TRICKED BY THE AESTHETIC APPEAL OF IT" disclaimer on all my posts. do you not understand not only how juvenile but also how insulting this is to me?

e: moving onto your second ask, i need to point out here that you're literally inventing a problem and then getting mad at it. nowhere in my entire blog have i EVER, EVER passed off ai art as traditional art. any "deception" is, i am so sorry because i'm about to sound gaslighty here, something you are making up in your head. i have been straightforward from the absolute beginning, DAY ONE of this blog about what i do and how i do it. i have claimed many times that I am an artist, which is true, but i have never claimed a single time that i am an illustrator, photographer, painter, or traditional artist. nothing in what i said implied this equivalency that you are, and i repeat, inventing in your head. of course there's a difference between traditional art and ai art, dude! i'm literally dating a traditional artist.

this whole two-ask combo is honestly one of the most ridiculous things i've ever read. certainly not as offensive as that one dude from the other day who told me to kill myself but it's definitely up there in sheer absurdity. this is definitionally "making up a guy to get mad at in your head". all of the problems you are DEMANDING i fix are either problems with existing solutions that you have refused to implement or non-issues that you invented out of whole cloth by inserting nonexistent read-between-the-lines implications into my otherwise straightforward and blunt statements.

you are an unserious person. please do not return to my inbox.

cheers, -reach

[hwanghyunjinenthusiast]

Honestly surprised I haven't spoken about Han Jisung once on this blog. He's public enemy number 1 lmao (though Dino and Jungkook are close too).

Warnings (I should probably start including these): technically switch! Jisung x switch! Reader but, he subs here and reader doms, restraints (handcuffs), cockring, edging, very mild marking (finger nail scratches), fem reader and Jisung being a brat.

I will block you if you are minor and have no easily visible indication of your age on your blog if you interact with me in any way.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Jisung, Jisung, Jisung. What were you to do with your favourite badly behaved boy? Even now, cuffed to the headboard of your shared bed, he smirks up at you as if he's in control. His messy hair sticks to his sweaty forehead rather attractively, completely ruined from when you'd gripped it to reprimand him or find leverage when you'd sat on his annoyingly handsome face. Face smeared with your release, you'd half-tempted to kiss him stupid but, he'd probably think you're reward him. Honestly, if his hands weren't cuffed you knew the brat would probably have his needy little hands all over you. You gaze falls to his leaking cock, twitching against his stomach. The only true indicator of what's really going on in your boyfriend's mind, as it lays there, a dark shade of red. His smirk falters when you ghost your finger tips along his length, unintentionally clenching at memories of how deliciously he fills you. "If you'd just listened to me earlier, you'd be cumming inside me until you couldn't move right about now," you say with mock sympathy, moving over to your bedside table to reach for something. Jisung whines at your words, cock jumping against his stomach. "I just wanted to touch you. Missed you," he mutters quietly, his defiance dissipating in an instant. Usually Jisung puts up more of a fight but, since you two haven't had the opportunity to have sex in what feels like centuries, he's probably more than ready to cum. Cute. Maybe he should've listened though. You finally pull back when you have just what you were looking for. Jisung's eyes widen and you can already hear the begging ready to burst on the tip of his tongue.

A cockring.

"N-no please. I'm sorry. I'll behave. I just want to cum please," pleads your boyfriend, pulling at his cuffs a little bit. You completely ignore him, feeling the weight of his cock in your hand for a moment before you secure the ring in place. The pitiful whines your boyfriend let's out go straight to your clit, fresh arousal smearing your inner thighs at the sight and sounds of your boyfriend. "You should have behaved, Jisungie" you sing-song, moving to straddle him. "I will. I promise. I'm sorry, I just wanna cum. Need it," he whines, moaning when you take him in your hand again and align him with your entrance. It's been a while so, you take your time easing onto him, finger nails leaving light red indents on his abdomen. You're just happy none of the other members are around to hear you two because the sounds you both make are borderline pornographic. A gasp flies from your lips when he finally bottoms out, taking a second to adjust to the intoxicating stretch. Jisung isn't fairing any better, tugging instantly at his cuffs now and marginally snapping his hips up to meet you. "S-still such a brat. Even when you're being punished," you manage to breathe out, meeting his desperate gaze. "Please I-" he starts but, chokes on a moan when you slowly begin to move. Reaching down with one hand, you cup his pretty face, nails biting into his enough. Nothing too painful, you two have discussed this at length but, just enough that your boyfriend knows to pay attention to what you have to say. "Like I said baby, you should've listened. Maybe I'll finally let you cum in an hour or three. Who knows," you drawl out, taking sick satisfaction in the way he pulses inside you and, his eyes widen.

[highvern]

Track 1: Million Reasons - Lady Gaga

“And if you say something that you might even mean, It's hard to even fathom which parts I should believe”

Pairing: Kim Hongjoong x reader

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Toxic relationship dynamic, long distance relationship, morally ambiguous/implied cheating

Length: ~250

Note: First Ateez mixtape drabble. I know i still owe a dino one for seventeen but were gonna ignore that for now. next up is hwa and his is very cute so no one kill me for this. thank you to @beomcoups and @bro-atz for beta-ing!!

Like, comment, reblog, enjoy!

Mixtape Series: Late Nights Masterlist

main masterlist

This blog is intended for 18+ only! MDNI or you'll be blocked!

MISSED CALL: JOONG 🥰

MISSED CALL: JOONG 🥰

JOONG 🥰: shit JOONG 🥰: im so sorry JOONG 🥰: work stuff came up and i lost track of time Y/N: Its fine. JOONG 🥰: its not Y/N: idc  JOONG 🥰: i said im sorry JOONG 🥰: i didn't do it on purpose Y/N: And I said it's fine.

—

Two weeks. It’d been two weeks since you last spoke to your boyfriend. It’d been even longer since you heard his voice, held a real conversation over the phone. Dates forgotten, priorities shifted, and now you honestly can’t say if you were still dating Hongjoong or not.

Constantly missing each other month after month, watching the other’s life continue through a screen; the dam was cracking, or it’d been cracked since you moved and the tape haphazardly holding it together was beginning to buckle.

So the bar on a Friday night seemed like a good idea. Get out, stop looking at your phone and feeling the ping of disappointment every time it chirped only to be anyone but the man you wanted to talk to. 

At first it sucked. Too loud, too crowded, too smokey. But now, several drinks later, one of which is still dampening the lap of the stranger next to you, it’s not so bad.

“So…where’s your boyfriend?” he asks, hiding the nerves in a sip of his drink.

“I…” You hesitate.

But only for a second.

“I don’t have a boyfriend.”

Hongjoong’s call falls into your voicemail as you fall into San’s bed.

-

@tomodachiii @cvpidyunho @miniseokminnies @ddaengpotate @arycutie @gaebestie @primoppang @gyuguys @mine-gyu @doremifasire @missminhoe @toplinehyunjin @crvs4vldtn @prettygyuuu

© highvern. copying/reuploading/translating my work anywhere is strictly prohibited.

[munsonology]

Hello!

I want to make one final post about the horrors of this week before I move on for my own well-being.

I don’t anticipate anyone to read this. This is mainly for my mental health and anxiety.

This is the most open I’ve ever been here and I’m terrified of sharing. I talk about serious topics below so please be aware if you do take the time to read.

First, all I wanted was to create a safe place for myself, a black girl on the internet. Eddie came into my life when I needed him the most. I was experiencing targeted harassment at the establishment (I still am), so Eddie was my comfort away. My safe place became others’ safe place as well. I’m still proud of that.

My blog was always and will always be 18+ ONLY. I have MDNI in all caps for a reason. I am a grown woman in my late twenties with grown problems and grown stories.

I want to make myself perfectly clear! THIS SPACE IS NOT AND WILL NEVER BE OPEN TO ANYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18. Please respect that.

I’ll be going through my blog and blocking any blank and underage blogs! So if you are an adult and your age is not anywhere on your page YOU WILL BE BLOCKED!

Anon will only be for SFW ONLY! All ANON NSFW ASKS WILL BE DELETED! NSFW TOPICS MUST BE ASKED WITH A REAL BLOG FOR 18+!

Now, I’d like to talk for a second about that disgusting blog. I first came across that blog in November/December 2022. This blog was posting fics in the main Eddie/reader tag. There was no content warning in the tags or in the heading of the post. The only way to know was by reading. I read a few sentences before realizing what this was. It made me sick to my stomach, and they had posted many of them in a row in the Eddie/reader tag.

I immediately blocked and reported them, but I didn’t unlike a post before I did so. That is on me.

I hadn’t seen or heard about that blog since, until Monday. I thought tumblr had removed them. At the time, I thought this was an adult writing this ILLEGAL filth. I didn’t know they were a minor, and quite honestly I have my doubts about that.

My theory is that they hid those fics outside the main Eddie tags, so the only way to see it was if it was reblogged or by scrolling through the specific tags this person put.

Seeing this blog come up again was incredibly upsetting and triggering for me. It’s brought up so many memories I don’t talk about, but I’d like to now.

From time to time, I mention how a fic reminded me of my ballet days. Those are good memories. I participated in ballet from age 5 to age 14 when I quit without notice.

My first ballet school was owned by a husband and wife. The wife was also head instructor. Her husband was a pedophile. It was an open secret. To my knowledge his preference was the older teen girls. I have no confirmation he wasn’t looking at the younger girls as well, he likely was because I’d see him around.

Part of our lessons was stretching by having another girl sit on top of us, widening our legs. We had a name for this day but I don’t wanna share to protect myself. If we weren’t near tears the stretch wasn’t enough so the wife came by and pushed us down. The position we’d be in for a specific stretch is now extremely troubling to me.

He’d hover around during lessons and help the older girls. Too close for how an instructor should be.

For recitals, the wife would have favorites to get better roles, I personally believe those favorites were being groomed. I also believe she had me on her list to be another favorite but I went through puberty early so my body changed. Since I wasn’t super skinny anymore I wasn’t moldeable.

I believe older girls who were violated by the husband would receive recommendations to elite ballet companies. This is based on what I know and info my dad received from one of the more wealthy mothers who allegedly knew about what was going on and used it for her own advantage.

During my time at this school, I witnessed incest around the age of 7 in the dressing room, spit on, had the parent of the child who spit on me slap them in front of me, been sewn into my costume and told not to eat or drink for over 8 hours because they didn’t want to alter it, put on a diet at age 10 which I failed.

I believe someone was going to come forward about the husband when they sold the school and moved out of state. It was very abrupt so I can’t help but assume he was about to be reported.

Seeing people think the absolute worst of me destroyed me and brought up these memories. I’m learning this is still considered trauma.

It makes me sick what survivors had to experience this week. I thank those for sharing their truth. Part of me is nervous about sharing because I wasn’t physically harmed, and I never want to take away from others.

I feel completely violated by those who have infiltrated our safe spaces with those ILLEGAL POSTS and by those who’ve lied about their age.

I want to make myself perfectly clear: I have never and will never in my life condone that behavior. Children are some of the most vulnerable in our society and they need to be protected by any means necessary.

My blog is and will always be a safe place for my fellow bipoc individuals, LGBTQIA+, AAPI, Middle Eastern communities, Latino communities and more.

RACISM, HOMOPHOBIA, TRANSPHOBIA, TERFS, COLORISM, PEDOS, MISOGYNY, BULLYING WILL NEVER BE WELCOME HERE. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.

I don’t play those fucking games.

We should all take this as a lesson to please read what you’re looking at online, please be careful of what and who you’re interacting with. Please keep your kids safe. The internet is an unforgivable and dangerous place.

I’d like to bring back my post about what’s happening on Pinterest right now. You can find it here. Please be careful over there, the predators are posting actual pics and sharing CSA pics to their boards. Regular users, many who are young girls and women, are having their pics saved to these boards with disgusting comments. PLEASE BE SAFE IF YOU’RE ON PINTEREST AND REPORT WHAT YOU SEE. The sudden wave of this only started within the last couple of months now and their algorithm can’t keep up.

As always my messages are open for anyone who needs to talk no matter what.

— sav ❤️

[zhongrin]

maybe it makes you feel better to know that there are people who feel you like, they know wym

for example I was and always am second choice, to the point where I nearly lost my two best friends.. yeah.

and I do selfship too and I know the feeling when you finally have someone who sees you as their first choice forever (ya even have 3 !! you're so lucky and tbh you deserve it <3)

and it's just mean and ignorant of those anons to say something like that, it's childish even because it seems like they weren't able to just block you omg.

meirin, know that here are several people who got your back and those anons can go fuck themselves and that your feelings are so, so valid

I hope you can have a good day / night nonetheless, I love you

sincerely, maybe ya know who

cw. this became a little vent-ish for the first few paragraphs hskdjsl, skip to paragraph 4 if you don't want to see it

to this day i still have nightmares of all the times i've been rejected or pushed away because i wasn't good enough. yes, people come and go and yes, they probably weren't people who i would want to have in my life either way - i know that fully. but it hurts. and once it happens enough times it's just... frankly speaking, traumatizing.

sometimes it feels like i'll never be good enough. what's the point of making friends or trying to look for love if i'll get cast aside in the end? i'm trying, i'm working on it ofc, we are all working on our own fears and struggles... so honestly i just can't fathom how people can just... make light of someone's fears and trauma and tell them it's invalid/'not that bad'/just move on. "it's just a joke" well that joke made me spiral and cry so i guess i should just wipe my tears and laugh, huh? because in the end this is just a blog and they're just here for the content and i'm not a human being so they don't care. it's all just for fun, right?

what has humanity come to...

sigh. anyway, vent over.

thank you for this.

despite everything, i'd like to believe that one day we'll be the first choice to someone, not just our f/os. don't give up, friend <3

[heading-home-again]

Hi there! If I'm following your blog, it's because I like your blog. It's not complicated.

If I recently I UNfollowed your blog, it is not intended as hostile or passive aggressive or saying I don't think your blog is good. It's just not what I'm looking for on my dash right now.

I will make a heroic effort not to descend like a swarm of monotropic locusts and spam like half your blog, but honestly no promises. Unless you have something in profile or pinned saying not to, I do try to check for that.

I post/reblog

Lots of Murderbot Diaries content

Like, a lot :D

Also OCD and autism stuff

Also just cool stuff like nature and cute cats

Also sometimes politics

I'm "old" (40ish)

I don't have a DNI and I don't vet blogs I reblog from at all. I don't even do an ideological purity test on blogs I follow. When I post or reblog something onto my Tumblr, however, I do attempt to filter out the following:

Obvious OCD triggers. I can't catch em all, but I'm at least not going to repost "reblog or you're a bad person" stuff

Political despair

Racism, antisemitism, TERF and radfem stuff, transphobia, erasure, sus call-out posts (that's most of them), etc

Things I think are interesting include various fandoms, nature pics, cats, animals being cute or cool, marine life (OCTOPUSES! WHALES!), space, mental health, neurodivergence and neurodiversity, psychology in general, childhood and child development, parenting, children's rights.

I have OCD and am very interested in how to live well with it.

I don't have an autism diagnosis, but I have found that about 80% of what LSN autistics say about their experiences and effective life hacks applies to me, so ... I am EMBRACING the ambiguity, which I love SO MUCH (sarcasm).

My age is greater than thirty.

I don't give away money on Tumblr. This is a hard line. Doesn't mean I don't believe you, don't think you deserve help, or don't think you should be asking for it. Does mean that asking me here is a waste of your time.

I don't engage while too angry to think. I also have a busy life. These are two possible reasons I'm not replying. Second is more likely.

I am currently trying to learn about narcissism and NPD for several reasons. One being that, once I started researching it on Tumblr, I found I had some of the symptoms. The other being that I've experienced abuse from a friend who almost definitely should have been diagnosed with NPD. The third being that I just think psychology is interesting.

I may currently be following your blog because of this interest, and if so I'm putting in a warning that the next part is me processing difficult stuff and talking about "narcissistic abuse". (And while I hope you won't block me, I understand if you do. I will absolutely take it personally, lol, but I won't, like, have an online fit about it)

Being a condescending asshole about abuse victims may get you blocked. This includes abuse victims who describe their experience as "narcissistic abuse." Yes, the "narcissistic abuse" survivors community is ableist AF. It's also what got me out of a soul destroying, physically dangerous situation. Sometimes things are complicated. Abuse victims, other than a weird mostly non-existent subclass of perfect innocent ideal victims who responded exactly right, are also a huge target of social prejudice. If you don't understand this, and the way it contributes to things like toxicity in the "narcissistic abuse" community, maybe just... don't be rude about abuse survivors?

That said, if you're describing your own experiences as "narcissistic abuse," I'd encourage you, once you are out of survival mode, to consider moving away from the term, for a whole bunch of reasons.

[selfshipseaside]

omg i totally agree with the “dnis are just a way of trying to prove you arent a bad person” thing (DEFINITELY not the exact quote sorry lol) and thats definitely the reason why i dont have one… theyre just so stupid to me :P like whats stopping someone from just. lying to you yknow? i just block and move on… but also i have this irrational fear that bc i DONT have a dni ppl will assume the worst of me… its really silly… and dumb… and i dont really believe it but it does scare me!!! also considering the fact i have a bit of a problematic f/o im terrified every day that bc i dont explicitly say in every post of mine that I DONT CONDONE ANY OF THEIR ACTIONSSSSSSSS that someones gonna come in my inbox and tell me im the scum of the earth for shipping with them 😭 they arent even THAT bad. kind of went on a tangent a bit there but i compleeeeeetely agree dnis are SO performative !!! i think all discourse labels are performative honestly liek. i dont know. i just think its all really stupid and im just like you i choose not to associate myself or my blogs with shipping discourse… of course i have opinions but i think my followers and mutuals know what to expect from me… i really went on a tangent here 😭😭 sorry… you can ignore this i wont mind :P i hope youre having a lovely day/night :)

I completely understand! The age-old rule of don't trust strangers on the internet, unsurprisingly, still applies today! People can lie, even if they're a "good person". People can tell the truth and seem completely unproblematic, even if they're a "bad person". We simply do not know anyone's true self or intentions. We cannot know those things by simply sharing fictional people and gushing over them or telling people who we do or don't want interacting. It's not that simple. People will tell you who they are, and sure, believe them. But know that their actions will speak louder, surely. Being performative is a huge issue in our community, and people who genuinely are affected by performative activism and this whole new genre of being a "good" person...it's impossible. There's far more nuance in these social inter-community spaces and issues than anyone wants to admit. But you see, being a "good person" should be second nature right? That's what everyone wants to say. But, that's incorrect. We all go through enough turmoil as it is, and we have to continue to be as good as we can despite that. It's easy to be an asshole. That's why we have the problems in this community that we do, because simple respect and being kind is more expensive than it ever has been. Out-casting people and finding identity in hatred is the new gig, apparently. Often times, we are not what we believe in, we are what we do. If you believe in protecting children, and then go and tell a child to off themselves...well that's just plain ol' hypocrisy. Anon, you're really cool in my mind! You and your f/o are extremely valid! Keep on shipping! Problematic f/os are cool, and I think it's safe to say that most of us with problematic f/os don't condone their actions. Hopefully, at least.

[holyguardian]

Man, I blocked a person and the whole world knew about it.

Note that I and a small friend group had previously told this person it was unhealthy to be “keeping tabs” on their former friendships. She outright admitted to stalking and didn’t see why her actions were bad and argued she had to keep doing it.

This is a person who was in the FF roleplaying community with a blog from FFVIII, and the FFXIV community, so our interests crossed over in two areas but the main differences are I keep very small groups, they tried to keep large groups, which explains how their voice became so loud.

Context for the block: they had been shitting over everyone but only when they weren’t in the chat too (be it voice chat or secret side groups). It was unpleasant for many reasons, but the biggest was they continued to cross that boundary even after being asked to not speak that way. Whatever friendship was left had been thoroughly exhausted (use you like a napkin when in a mess then toss you when it’s cleaned up type) and I messaged someone around that time telling them ‘I feel like a chew toy’ which honestly nailed the sentiment. I felt a lot of emotional fatigue having this person in my space because there was always something, and if there wasn’t something they’d rehash old stuff. I blocked them on discord in a split second decision when my gut told me to get out and thought that would be it. They had actually left a group and I was messaging to check in after others expressed concern, I got a brush off answer and decided “I’m done I’m not chasing you around”. It was a reflex move. Blocked. Left all shared groups, no more facebook or friends lists or shared space. Had no more ties.

They freaked. The fuck. Out.

Went into a previously shared group chat to make sure everyone knew about it. I had left but a whole conversation happened with me out of the group so I only know second hand for context after this all blew up. Lets call this ground zero because apparently this was the hot topic to keep coming back to for months. It boiled down to “she should have talked to me because I’m going through a lot right now” when talking with this person who always living a crisis and in conflict WAS the problem. I have never met someone so nasty yet also someone with this massive victim complex, it doesn’t add up until you realise how many friendships were burned through.

Went to an unrelated group chat to make sure everyone knew about it. A close friend of mine now, who back then had nothing to do with anything of that, got the whole run down because as recently as this year it came up so that’s telling of how far this event was spread that pieces of it are still coming to the surface. You will never understand how it feels realising so, so many people were having conversations about you when you had been quiet, in a FFXV group roleplay chat no less, a community where I have deep-rooted my hobbies. That’s damaging beyond words.

Went to another unrelated group chat to make sure everyone knew about it. That was when someone’s husband commented about the “Muddy and other Tumblr-ina’s making drama”. These were people I played FFXIV with and I felt gross that I was even a blip on the radar when all I had done was block someone without any argument or explosive exchange.

Went to the free company leader to make sure everyone knew about it. Receiving an authoritative message from someone (whose only ties with me were through playing the same videogame) over blocking someone else made me feel so fucking small. I don’t know how a block on discord is harassment but apparently it meant “you should message and apologise because [name] says they are being targeted”. With what? A block? I wanted to be left alone and I sure as hell hadn’t been running my mouth to everyone within range. Someone shared screenshots of the-conversation-I-wasn’t-involved-in to the free company leader and they dropped it because they realised it was a whole lot of noise over a whole lot of nothing.

Went further onto tumblr to message people like my best friend (which I’m still creeped out about that they even tried to involve someone so close to me, when they had no reason whatsoever to be messaged) and it trickled to other people on tumblr to make sure everyone knew. 

I don’t need to bring up all the names and usernames because even if I could remember them all I only recall some, and these people aren’t meant to be receipts to cash in, but it was an experience I lived through where discord, FFXIV and tumblr every other day or week or month or year I was being approached about The Drama. It’s unsettling to have so many people talk about you when you’re a quiet person with small groups.

I just had a person blocked like. Okay... this is... everything is on fire, everyone keeps coming to me like this person was physically assaulted, they were blocked.

I never opened my mouth.

They treated me like a therapist. Would vent to me. Ask me, specifically me, to come chat with them. Now that I’m older I’ll say this easily: I’m an amazing listener and sometimes I’ll feel your problems as though they’re my own (INFJ personality yeehaw). I think that scared them. They had used me so much in that regard, yes, USED, they were scared of what could come back out. But even this person who shoveled the shit deep, their secrets are safe.

At that time I was being the bigger person like it would win me some kind of award, kept to myself. I was getting told by others that they had an ultimatum. To “choose” if they were friends with me or the person I blocked. That was a one-sided sentiment. I just didn’t want to be around the person which is very fucking fair.

But now I also hear back almost the exact same scenario played out, where they spoke real nasty shit about “friends” which Person 1 shared to Person 2 and Person 2 shared on to those who were talked about. So you know. Talk shit and be nasty long enough it’s eventually going to come back around in some form. The difference is I never told others because I didn’t want to hurt people with “the salt” as they called it but now that I’m older I would have handled that a lot differently.

I don’t need butt pats. I got my sweet, sweet ‘fuck you’ that’s living on rent free. This person confided in me once the one thing that makes them lose their mind. I used it against them knowing full well it was going to make them angry when they crossed another line by “keeping tabs” (stalking) in a new hobby space years after the fact. I lived through too much nonsense from a person who obsessively spread their narrative to get ahead of a clapback I never delivered, I’m not the least bit sorry.

This apparent Drama was bigger than just me because it was also my friends being affected and accused of harassment over the conversation-I-wasn’t-part-of, because people calling for calm meant they already picked a “side” which somehow was twisted to “harassment” when nothing of the sort took place. I don’t feel comfortable talking on their behalf so all I will say is that it really hurts seeing your small group go through a Drama when the only crime was a block.

So, that was the time I blocked one person and everyone knew about it. I was damaged from it, and I won’t allow anyone to minimise the impact it had on me just to make themselves feel a little better. Years later I got really angry when they found me elsewhere and started keeping tabs, I’m going to be even angrier if they repeat it. In saying that, The Person should never read any of this. If The Person does see this, well, they have come into my hobby space (again) and beyond a block and a readmore so I don’t know what else to tell you. And if this sounds at all familiar, then maybe they spoke to you too about that gosh darn Muddy, but to this day I’m still not putting their name on blast because people can make up their own mind. If you’re going to judge me, please do so for what you see from the source, I know I’m not perfect and I certainly do make mistakes. Just because I’m shy or quiet it doesn’t mean I don’t have nasty bones of my own, I have a long fuse but when I reach the end I’m well aware that I can be explosive. I’m genuinely tired of second guessing that other people have already heard about me, but not ME, because I’m more than one side of a story and I’d bet the rest of my bank account that they [gestures above] have never shed light on the full picture.