#should I tag Joel to get back at those who tag Ellie in his fics?

[houseofauggie]

Yandere!Ellie Headcanons

Yandere!Ellie Headcanons

It’s more difficult to be a typical yandere in an apocalyptic situation but Ellie makes it work. 

She takes control of everything- what you wear, who you talk to, when you go on patrol.

Actually, she controls if you go on patrol- you’re never allowed on patrol without her and when you do go on patrol, she always keeps you behind her. You are lucky enough to be granted a weapon but only because she knew how it felt to be weaponless. 

Back in Jackson she keeps you relatively isolated from others. Your main contact was with Joel and even that was limited. 

She sleeps with her back to the door, you cocooned in her arms. She would be the first thing anyone saw when they came in the room- threat or not, and she liked it that way. 

She liked protecting you. She needed to be needed. 

Sometimes however she liked to be protected by you. It wasn’t often- just when she was feeling vulnerable. Those times she just needed you near, gentle caresses and cuddles were required. 

It didn't matter if you were taller or bigger than her in any way, she displayed casual dominance the same. 

tbh i hate this but i wanted to get something out :/ also i wrote this while playing cod and that got me in the mood for gamer!ellie so look out for that soon?

august xx

[punkshort]

Chapter warnings: explicit smut (MDNI), perhaps some slight dubcon, language

Chapter Fifteen

Pairing: Joel x F!Reader, pre-outbreak and post outbreak

AU (the only thing I kept was the outbreak, Joel, and Tommy's characters. Joel's backstory is different, and the way he finds Jackson is different. I may include Ellie one day, I just haven't planned that far)

Fic Summary: You worked for Joel and Tommy a few months before the outbreak. The outbreak happens, and you and Joel get stuck traveling the country and keeping each other safe. Neither of you spoke about the feelings you had for one another pre-outbreak, and in a post-apocalyptic world, it seems like survival should be your only focus. But feelings can't be ignored forever.

Fic tags: Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI), Smut, Language, Canon-Typical Violence, Alcohol Use, Age Difference (Reader is 10 years younger than Joel), slow burn, mutual pining, angst, trauma, SA referencing later but I will put a big warning on those chapters

May 2004

You jumped and snapped your eyes open when you felt his fingers brush against your cheek. The moon was completely covered by clouds, making it difficult to see your own hand in front of your face. You looked around in the darkness, hearing the crickets and bullfrogs sing from a nearby pond. You sat up in your sleeping bag, rubbing your eyes and yawning.

"Hey," Joel whispered to you, stroking your cheek again. "Your turn." You nodded, even though you were fairly certain he couldn't see you, and unzipped your sleeping bag so you could stand. He put his hand inside yours to help pull you off the forest floor, his eyes more adjusted to the darkness than your own. He handed you the rifle as you rolled your shoulders, trying to wake your body up.

"You good?" he asked, whispering again.

"Yeah," you replied softly, "just more tired than I thought. Go get some sleep." You turned to head a few feet away to the edge of the trees, finding a broken stump to perch on and observe your surroundings as your eyes became more focused. You heard Joel rustling in his sleeping bag as he got comfortable, and then it was silent, except for the soft hum of wildlife around you.

You've been walking for a few weeks, making camp only in the density of the woods, not yet having found any place suitable enough to spend a few nights and recuperate. You were both exhausted from only getting a few hours of sleep each night, not nearly enough for either of you considering how many miles you walked in any given day. The forests were hilly, the was terrain soft and uneven, requiring more effort than usual from your bodies, slowing you down quite a bit. Joel figured you were headed in the direction of Omaha, but he wanted to steer clear of the city proper, so you were trying to keep a path that was further south, closer to the Missouri border.

After the cruel invasion of your little paradise, Joel had speculated that the men who came that day were part of a larger group, likely connected to the men you killed in the parking ramp. He told you at the time he found it odd that all of the sudden some people stumbled upon your little neighborhood when you had been there for several weeks, completely untouched. That the only thing that made sense was they tracked you back to your home, looking for revenge. It scared you to think someone out there had a vendetta against you, that it could cost your lives, but Joel assured you being so far removed from civilization now kept you safe. However, he still insisted on taking turns keeping watch at night, so you wondered just how truthful he was being.

You sighed as you listened to the crickets chirp in the darkness. Joel had left behind the two car batteries he wanted to use for the CB radio, and he mentioned once you found another small town or highway that he wanted to go looking for another one. You knew he was right, that you couldn't continue to live off the land forever, just the two of you. That the chances of finding Tommy were slim to none. And Joel was adamant about staying far away from any QZ. So, the only option left was to find another group of people who you could trust, and he was hoping to find that with his radio.

You patrolled the tree line every 10 minutes or so, not because it was necessary, but because it helped keep you awake You always glanced down at Joel's sleeping face when you passed by him. You were so close to having everything you wanted: the safety of a secluded home with the man you loved. You weren't sure when you realized it, but once you did, it was like you always knew. You kept it to yourself for now. It was the wrong time to bring it up. Maybe once you found someplace safe, someplace semi-permanent, you would tell him how you felt. He didn’t need the distraction right now.

You sat back down on the stump and watched as the sky slowly brightened through the lush tree trunks, then over the tops of the trees before the sun finally peeked through and birds began to sing, making you squint and readjust yourself so you weren't facing the light head-on. You looked back at Joel, still asleep based on the slow rise and fall of his shoulder. Knowing that the extra rest would do him good, you quietly got to work taking out the small kettle and can of coffee, gently removing two mugs from your backpack so they didn't clatter and make noise. There was a small stream nearby where you filled the kettle, as well as your canteens. Resting them next to you on the ground, you got to work starting a fire. It wasn't until Joel smelled the scent of coffee in your mugs that he stirred and turned over, glancing up at the sun in the sky before looking at you, his brows furrowed.

"Shoulda woke me sooner," he mumbled, his voice thick with sleep. You reached a mug out in his direction, and he took it from you gratefully, cradling it in both his hands before bringing it to his lips. You took a sip from your own mug before leaning back against a tree.

"You needed the sleep," you told him as he took another sip. "We've been hiking so much, you need to take care of yourself." He met your eyes over the rim of his mug, giving you a smirk before taking a big swig of coffee.

"What?" you asked him, raising an eyebrow. You put your mug on the ground to fish out some granola and a can of fruit. You tossed the items to Joel and leaned back to rest against your tree. He shook his head at you before ripping into the granola package.

"Nothin'," he said, keeping his eyes down on the food, "I was just thinkin', I prefer the way you take care of me..." you smiled, thinking it was such a sweet thing to say before he added, "in more ways than one."

Joel's eyes shot up to yours now, the surprise apparent on your face. The past few weeks have shifted you both into survival mode. Neither of you had attempted to be physical with one another, except for a quick kiss here or a squeeze of a hand there, an unspoken agreement that being out in the woods was dangerous and you needed to be alert. You blushed and looked down at your mug, feeling shy and taken off guard.

When he saw your reaction, he got up from his sleeping bag to come sit next to you, then tilted your chin up with his finger.

"You havin' second thoughts about us?" he asked, wanting it to come off as a joke, but as soon as he said the words, he realized he needed to know the answer.

You gave him a confused frown. Instead of answering, you put your mug down and flipped your leg over his so you were straddling him. Putting your hands on his shoulders, you leaned down and pressed your lips against his mouth, wrapping one hand around his neck to pull him in deeper. He groaned and you took advantage, sliding your tongue alongside his while his hands gripped your waist. He let his head fall back gently against the tree trunk, running his hands up and down your back before resting them on your hips, pushing you down to grind against his cock, still hard from waking up.

You moaned, flipping your head in the other direction and swirling your tongue around his, tasting the crystallized black coffee in his mouth, and tightening the grip you had on his shoulder. Joel began lightly lifting his hips from the ground to rub against you while his kisses became messier. You had to force yourself back to break the contact before things escalated. He whined, trying to chase your mouth with his, but you dodged him, gently pushing his chest so he rested against the tree trunk again.

He looked up at you, his gaze dark and needy, panting softly as he tried to catch his breath.

“Why would you ask me that?” you said, refusing to respond to his hips still grinding into you.

“I don’t know, sweetheart. Guess it’s been a while and it got me wonderin’ if you came to your senses.” He said, his eyes raking down your body and watching the slow roll of his hips against yours.

“What do you mean?” you asked, trying your hardest to stay focused and not let him distract you.

“Y’know,” he shrugged, still looking down at your hips, “that you realized you deserve better.”

He said it so casually, so matter-of-factly, like anyone in the world would understand, that it made your chest ache. You pushed your hips down firmly, pinning him to the ground so he couldn’t continue rubbing himself against your core, and gripped his chin firmly in your fingers, pulling his surprised gaze up to yours.

“Do you really believe that?” you asked, and all he could do was nod, still staring deep into your eyes. You let go of his chin and placed your hands on his shoulders.

“Listen to me,” you began, making sure he was paying attention. “You are all that I want. You are all that I ever wanted. You’ve consumed my every waking thought for the past year, and you think I ‘deserve better’?” You leaned down to press a firm kiss on his lips before murmuring against his mouth. “There is no better than you. You’re perfect.” He shook his head, averting his gaze.

“I’m far from perfect. I fuck everything up, I piss everyone off, and –“ you cut him off, refusing to hear any more.

“I love you, Joel.”

His eyes shot up to yours. All you could hear was the buzzing of insects surrounding you in the woods and the occasional squirrel bouncing in the treetops. You held your breath, waiting for a reaction as he stared at you, his face giving nothing away. You shifted on his lap a little, beginning to feel exposed.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to tell you that now, I don’t want to distract you, but –“ Suddenly, Joel sprung forward and pushed you back into the sharp bed of pine needles on the forest floor and covered you with his body as he plunged his tongue into your mouth with a greater sense of urgency than before, his hand tangling in your hair. You were having trouble keeping pace with the unexpected response, so you resigned yourself to laying there with your hands on his jaw and waist while he feasted on your mouth in a frenzy. He broke the kiss, leaning back and swiped mindlessly at your shirt, trying to unbutton it but his fingers wouldn’t cooperate. You moved his hands away so he wouldn’t tear the buttons off and ruin the flannel, undoing them quickly and leaving the shirt open but still covering your breasts while he yanked at the zipper on your jeans, pulling them over your hips desperately.

“Joel,” you gasped, looking around the forest as he pulled your jeans all the way off. “We should wait, we should find a safe place, we can’t – oh!” your back arched off the ground when you felt his tongue lick a stripe all the way from your folds to your clit. He focused his mouth on your bundle of nerves, sucking it into his mouth before traveling back down to your center and darting his tongue inside you, moaning when you clenched around him. The vibrations made your jaw hang open, a silent scream on your lips as you rocked yourself up and down to the rhythm he set, the scruff of his beard making the sensation on your cunt so intense it was making you see stars. He brought his mouth back up as he inserted one finger inside you, then two, while his tongue swirled around your clit. He must have noticed your reaction to the vibrations from his voice because he moaned against you over and over until you grabbed at his hair and pulled, stifling a scream as you came, still hyper aware you were exposed in the middle of the woods.

Joel slowed his pace as you came down, removing his fingers from your pussy and popping them in his glistening mouth with a smirk. You gasped for air as you watched him, still unsure how he managed to get you in this position so quickly. You glanced at the trees around you again, making sure no infected or people were nearby, before your gaze landed back on Joel right as he was pushing his jeans down past his knees, freeing his cock and fisting himself as he looked at you.

“This is too risky,” you whispered to him, but he shook his head.

“Don’t care,” he replied, bending down to push his lips against your mouth, tasting yourself as he ran his tongue alongside yours. You whined as he pulled back so he could line himself up with your entrance, applying the slightest bit of pressure before he let go and fell back on his arms to hover above you. He flicked your flannel open, revealing your breasts to him, and he brought a hand up to gently caress one in his palm, rolling a nipple between his fingers. You squirmed below him, desperate now to feel him inside.

“Say it again,” he commanded, giving you a look you had only seen given to colleagues in meetings, a look that meant he was not fucking around.

“I-I love you,” you stammered, unable to look away from his heated gaze. His eyes fluttered shut and he groaned, then in one swift motion, pushed his throbbing cock into you, making you squeeze your eyes shut and bite back a cry as your cunt fluttered around him, trying to adjust to his size. He hardly gave you any time to acclimate before his hips were thrusting into you steadily. Not too fast, but not the slow, languid thrusts he gifted you the first time you slept together. You gripped his back, your nails digging into his muscle as his pace increased, his gasps and groans absorbed by your throat where his mouth rested. He brought his hand down to grab your knee and pulled it up to your chest like before, causing a small cry to escape your lips as the angle changed to where he could hit that spot deep inside.

“J-Joel,” you stuttered, tears forming in your eyes. “I’m close, I’m gonna – oh, god, fuck -  I’m gonna,” you shut your eyes, unable to finish your sentence as you felt the wave of euphoria begin to rise.

“Say it one more time,” he grunted, his jaw clenched as he slammed into you, watching your face closely. “Say it again when you come on my cock.”

“I love you,” you whimpered softly as you felt that familiar wave wash over you and you stilled under him, tilting your head back with your eyes squeezed shut and mouth agape as you tried your best to be quiet. Joel’s movements became unsteady as he watched you come undone. The sight, combined with your admission, made him so lost in the moment that he almost forgot to pull out, spilling himself with a harsh grunt all over your thighs and the pine needles underneath you at the last second.

“Fuck,” he whispered, gasping for breath as he looked down at his seed painting your legs before tipping his head backwards towards the sky, trying to get ahold of himself.

You gripped at the edges of your flannel, pulling it shut as he kneeled between your legs, head still tilted back. You took another cursory glance around you before settling back on him, his eyes closed, and his head now slumped forward. You didn’t mean for the words to slip out, but you sensed in that moment of insecurity he needed the confirmation. You knew it was too soon, that you shouldn’t expect a response, but you were still embarrassed. You closed your eyes, regret invading your mind, as you waited for him to get up so you could clean yourself. Then you felt a cloth gently sweeping across your thighs, and you looked down to see he had fished a rag out of his jeans. He tossed it to the side and then looked at you, your eyes finally meeting once again. You grew uncomfortable under his gaze and began shifting your eyes around, hoping he would stand so you could pull your pants back up, feeling way too open.

“I love you, too,” he said softly, like he was reading your mind, and your eyes darted back to his immediately. You bit your lip to hold back a smile, but he saw it, and a grin spread over his face. He reached down to pull your underwear and jeans back up, and you lifted your hips so you could zip your pants before getting to work on buttoning your flannel.

You sat up and reached for your coffee, now cold in your mug, but you didn't care. You both sat in a comfortable silence sipping from your mugs, his arm draped around your shoulders. If you closed your eyes and focused, you could pretend you were sitting on the front porch of the white house with blue shutters, enjoying your morning coffee together in peace.

You were standing watch on a small highway that curved through the forest while Joel rummaged through a cluster of abandoned cars, checking under the hoods for a useable battery. You looked up and down the road, seeing nothing but a few squirrels and birds swooping down to peck at the ground. You turned back to check on him, smiling as Joel's face scrunched in concentration, twisting the knobs on the transceiver before holding the microphone up to his ear. He smirked, his features relaxing, before looking up at you.

"I got static," he told you, twisting the knobs again before cupping the receiver around his ear. He looked at the terrain around you before shutting the radio off and shoving both items in his pack, handing you a few of his things so he could make room. He zipped his backpack up and slung it around his shoulders, squinting at the trees again.

"We gotta get out of these hills, won't get much of a signal up here, too much blocking it," he explained, spreading his arm out to indicate the thick forest around you. He looked back down at you now, your brows furrowed with worry. He bent down to capture his lips over yours, massaging them gently before pulling away and using his thumb to smooth the frown from your forehead.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. I'm gonna find us somewhere safe. Maybe even find us a house one day," he murmured, running his thumb over your lower lip before letting his hand fall to his side, dropping his head down to give you a reassuring look. You smiled back at him as you followed him down the road, leading you out of the hills and through the trees. You knew he was trying his best, but you were still worried about being around other people. So far, your interactions have not been very positive, and your trust in strangers was quickly waning. But you trusted Joel, and you knew he wouldn't lead you anywhere that was unsafe, so you carried on and followed him down the road. After a few hours, you found yourselves overlooking the edge of a huge cliff, leaning up against the guardrail to admire the tall pine trees below.

"Wow," you muttered, glancing down before taking a tentative step backwards. "We're higher up than I thought."

Joel was digging in his pack to pull the battery and radio out, tuning the dials to see if he could pick anything up. All you heard was static. You turned around to face the road, kicking a small stone and watching it skip across the pavement. You noticed the shadow of a bird fly over the road, and you glanced up to see a big hawk circling overhead, no doubt hunting for some lunch. You shrugged your pack from your shoulders and rummaged around for some beef jerky and dried fruit, listening to Joel mutter to himself as he turned the dials. Perching on a big rock, you took a bite of food and swiveled your head around, making sure the coast was still clear. You nearly choked on your dried peach when you heard a broken voice come through on the radio, your eyes shooting up to meet each other in shock.

You jumped down from the rock, your meal forgotten, as you jogged over to where he was crouched and bent down to try to make out the message. After a few minutes with no success, only able to make out a word or two, Joel turned the radio off and repacked it, sliding the backpack over his shoulders.

"We gotta keep moving, maybe the further down we go, we can pick up a better signal. C'mon," he said excitedly, turning to walk down the road as you ran back to snatch up your bow, pack and your bag of food, pushing the anxiety from your mind.

He kept pulling the radio back out every half hour or so, trying to see if the signal was clearer before continuing forward. It was getting late, you could see the sun glowing orange as it dipped below the trees. You were tired. Your feet and back hurt, and you weren't far enough into the forest to make a safe campsite.

"Joel?" You called out to him, ten feet ahead, mind still focused on the radio call. "Joel?" You tried again, louder this time. He swiveled around to you, his forehead creased.

"We gotta stop soon, find a place to set up camp," you said, peering through the forest which was quickly becoming dark.

"Just a little further, I think if we make it past this next bend in the road, I might be able to hear it," he said, turning back around before you stopped him, saying his name more firmly now, becoming frustrated.

"We can try tomorrow, c'mon, I'm tired," you said, your eyes pleading. He sighed and looked around for the first time, realizing how quickly it was becoming dark.

"Ok, let's go," he huffed, leading you into the woods. It was worrying you how fixated he was becoming on this radio call, like it was the answer to his prayers. Joel was quiet and lost in thought as he set up camp, hardly sparing a glance your way until he volunteered to take first watch. He picked up his rifle and headed a few yards out, clutching his flashlight in his hand and anxiously tapping his foot on the ground.

"Joel?" you said quietly, walking up behind him. He turned briefly to look at you before turning his attention back to the trees. "Can we talk about this?" you questioned hesitantly.

"What about it?" he replied gruffly, still turned away.

"I just want to manage your expectations; it might not be what you think it is. It could be a trap, or it could be the military. We don't know -" Joel cut you off, turning around to face you, his gaze dark.

"You don't wanna do this." He meant it to sound like a question, but it was more of a statement, like he already knew the answer. "I get it. We've had some bad run-ins, but we gotta try. We can't keep wanderin' around forever, and I ain't gettin' stuck in a QZ." His jaw ticked in frustration, wishing you would get on board with this plan.

"Remind me again why we don't want to go to a QZ," you retorted, narrowing your eyes at him. He sighed and rolled his eyes, your point proven. People are capable of terrible things.

"Yeah, I know, but we gotta believe there's some good out there. We need a community, people to help build a life again," he pleaded, reaching an arm out to you. You paused before reluctantly placing your hand in his palm, but you still refused to step towards him. He gave your hand a gentle tug and brought you forward to wrap his arms around you, kissing the crown of your head.

"Do you trust me?" he asked you, his lips pressed against the top of your head. You nodded before pushing away from him to head back to your sleeping bag, but not before calling over your shoulder, "You better be right, Miller."

He smirked and turned back towards the dense forest as you buried yourself inside your sleeping bag, the sounds of crickets lulling you to sleep.

The next day was rainy as you made your way further down the hill. Joel took mercy on you and waited until he had found a spot that was covered with some trees so you weren't standing in the pouring rain while he tested the radio. He knew you were concerned about what this next phase could bring, that you missed the little neighborhood you were forced to leave so suddenly. He didn't share with you his real reason for his obsession with finding a safe haven. Ever since you had to leave the house in a rush a few weeks ago, his anxiety has been borderline unmanageable. All he could focus on was what would have happened if it wasn't storming, if he didn't come back to the house exactly when he did. There had been too many close calls in the past few months, and he was realizing his ability to keep you safe would only get worse with age. The thought of putting you in harm’s way was eating him alive and keeping him up at night. Sometimes, he could feel his anxiety creeping up so badly that his chest began to ache, and his breathing became irregular. He didn't want to worry you and he knew you would just argue that you could defend yourself, so he kept these thoughts to himself and just focused on finding someplace permanent to live.

He got the radio to the right frequency when he finally heard the message clearer than he had the day before. You turned your head to stare at the radio as you heard the recording of a woman's voice say there was safety to be found at the Kansas City University dormitories, that there was a small group of survivors there welcoming all others. It gave directions on which dorm they were residing in before the recording stopped, then the message started over after about 20 seconds of silence.

He listened to it twice before turning it off, avoiding your stare as he packed the radio back in his bag. You remained silent. You expressed your concerns yesterday, there wasn't much point in repeating it. Joel took his map out to double check the route before continuing down the road to hook up with I-29. You walked in silence in the heavy rain for hours until you found an overpass to hide under and eat.

You kept your gaze focused on your food, fuming silently to yourself. Of course the message said exactly what he wanted to hear. You felt like you were the only one thinking logically, that maybe these people were already dead, or they were trying to lure you into a trap to steal your weapons and food. It was unlike Joel to be so willing to walk into a potentially dangerous situation like this, and you were starting to get angry.

"Alright, out with it," he said, feeling the tension and clearly annoyed.

"I don't know what you're talking about," you replied flatly, your eyes still fixed on your food.

"Don't play games with me," he said, his voice raising a bit. Why couldn't you see this was the best option? Why couldn't you just understand?

Pissed, you flicked your empty bag of food on the ground and stood up to glare at him, nostrils flaring.

"I already told you, Joel. I'm scared this isn't what you think it is. Why would they broadcast their location like that? Anybody could run up on them and steal their shit, kill them all. That doesn't cross your mind as strange?" you said through clenched teeth. He stood up now, his anger setting in. "What the hell's going on with you? Weren't you the one who told me not to be naive? Not everyone's telling the truth?"

"'What the hell's goin' on with me?'" He repeated, his fist clenched at his side. "I'll tell you what's goin' on with me. I'm fuckin' scared! I hardly know what I'm doin' out here, and I'm scared to death I'm gonna get you killed. Is that what you want to hear?" he yelled. He could feel his chest begin to tighten again but he ignored it. "And don't go tellin' me you can take care of yourself, I know you can, but there's too much at stake. If I lose you, it'll fuckin' kill me, do you get that?!" He grabbed your arms and gave you a shake, his outburst surprising you.

You stared at each other as his words settled over you. You could see in his eyes that he really was scared, that he was desperate, pleading with you to go through with this. You sighed as you felt the anger begin to dissipate. Maybe there was a compromise. You wriggled out from his grasp and took a step back, his arms falling to his sides.

Joel continued to stare at you, his eyes wide and panicky, determined to convince you. Over his shoulder you picked up some sluggish movement. Your eyes flicked from him to the runner lumbering towards you, his back still turned. You whipped the bow from behind you and grabbed an arrow sticking out of your backpack.

"Move," you muttered as you drew the arrow back. He shifted to the side and turned to see the infected ambling towards him, picking up speed. You lodged an arrow right between its eyes, your arms falling heavy to your side. You hung your head before bringing your chin up to look at him.

"Fine," you succumbed. "On one condition."

"Name it," he said eagerly, his chest relaxing.

"We watch them for a few days, or however long it takes for me to be good with this. We don't just go walking up and knocking on their door." You slung the bow across your back and walked a few feet to pull your arrow from the runner's skull.

"Done," he said, unable to hide the relief in his voice. "If anything feels off, we keep goin'. I promise."

You rolled your eyes, mostly teasing, but still annoyed with him.

"Come on, let's get going. We have to find somewhere to set up camp soon." You turned on your heel and left the cover of the overpass, Joel following shortly behind after a quick glance at his map. The thruway led you both through a massive nature preserve until you had found a small shelter that appeared to be a welcome center for the park. If it weren't for the thruway narrowly carving its way through the dense forest, you would be in the middle of nowhere. You were soaked to the bone and thrilled to find a place with a roof for the night. Joel didn't want to start a fire til the morning, so you had to make do with draping your wet clothes over the counters, hoping they would dry, and putting on layers before tucking yourself into your sleeping bag. Since you weren't as exposed now, Joel didn't think it was necessary to take watch. It would be the first time either of you got to sleep through the night in weeks. You buried your face and turned on your side, but right before you fell asleep, you felt Joel's arm snake around your waist and pull you closer to him across the floor, spooning you through your sleeping bags.

Kansas City, MO

You looked through the rifle scope at the Oak Street dormitory from your perch in a park across Brush Creek. The trees kept you mostly hidden, but you couldn’t get very high to get a good look at the place. Joel was hesitant to venture closer into the city, and you agreed that you felt safer in the confines of a park, surrounded by nature like you had become accustomed. It was your fourth day observing the dorms. You could see some movement through the windows from time to time, but they were smart: they kept their movements to a minimum and kept as many windows as possible covered. You had seen a couple men come outside with assault rifles doing what looked like regular perimeter checks, but aside from that, you hardly saw anyone. You had a pit in your stomach about this. You really hoped that when you got here, something would have convinced you that it was a good decision, that these people were trustworthy, but so far all you could tell was they were very good at staying quiet.

You sighed and leaned back, giving Joel the rifle and rolling your shoulder, tense from hovering over the gun all morning. He peered through the scope but saw the same thing as you, which wasn’t much. He had been patient and didn’t push you, he wanted this to work out so desperately, but he knew you had to come around on your own. You picked at your fingernails as you stared straight ahead past the creek to the building, trying to rationalize why this would be a good idea.

“I don’t know about this, Joel,” you admitted, chewing your lip and still staring at the building. “On one hand, they keep a low profile, but on the other, I can’t get an idea of what we would be dealing with.”

He nodded, his gaze falling to the ground, and he rubbed his chest. He wasn’t sure if you would find another community for a long time, and he was terrified of what could happen by then. You studied his face as he stared at the ground, feeling guilty for being doubtful. You understood his concerns, and you trusted him, but your gut was telling you something was off. You reached your hand out to take his, and he lifted his eyes to look at you questioningly.

“If you think it’s a good idea, I’ll do it,” you told him, stifling the nagging feeling in the back of your mind. His eyes crinkled as his face broke out into a smile, grabbing you and pulling you into a deep kiss, trying to express his gratitude.  You pulled away and held his hand again.

“You can’t leave me alone, though. Not until I feel comfortable. It’s still us or them, right?” you told him, gazing urgently into his eyes, your grip on his hand tightening. He nodded aggressively.

“I won’t leave you, sweetheart. We’re in this together.” He leaned forward and planted another kiss before pulling back and gripping your face in his hands. “This’ll be good, I know it.”

You walked up to the building, unarmed with your hands raised. The area was quiet, you didn’t hear any sounds of infected, gunshots, or people, which put your mind at ease a bit. The door swung open and three men came out, aiming their rifles in your direction.

“Freeze!” one with dark black hair and thick eyebrows shouted. You did as you were told, raising your hands even higher as they approached you. When they got closer, the dark-haired man spoke up.

“What’s your business here?” he asked, eyeing your weapons but not making a move to take them.

“We heard your call over the radio, we’re lookin' for a community, just a couple of survivors.” Joel told them. You continued to stare straight ahead into the dark-haired man’s eyes. He turned his mouth to his shoulder where a walkie talkie was fastened, and he let whoever was on the other end know they had two survivors looking for asylum. He listened to his earpiece and nodded, lowering his weapons.

“You need to hand over your guns, then you can come with us. Meet the leadership. When they deem it acceptable, they’ll give you rooms.” He told you both, reaching his hand out expectantly for your weapons. You glanced at Joel nervously but did as the man said and tossed your knives, bow and handgun on the ground in between you as the two other men scooped them up. You lowered your hands as they ushered you into the building, one skinny man with reddish hair in front of you, leading the way, and the other two behind you, keeping a close eye on your movements.

The man knocked on a door on the second floor, only entering when he heard the acknowledgement from within. The door pushed open and you followed Joel into the room, standing beside him as the two men remained stationed at the door, their eyes still trained on the both of you. The redhead spoke up to a small group of people who were huddled around a desk examining a map.

“These are the two we saw approaching the doors,” he said, stepping aside so the leaders could survey you. You felt Joel stiffen beside you, but you weren’t sure why. There were four older men and one younger blonde woman, who immediately fixed her gaze onto Joel and the corner of her mouth pulled into a smirk. You turned your head to look at Joel, his jaw locked and he was frowning, staring daggers into the blonde woman.

“Joel!” she exclaimed softly, looking back in her direction as you heard him swallow roughly next to you.

“Amy,” he replied coldly, and you felt your stomach drop.

Chapter Sixteen

Tag list: @chiogarza, @sparklejumpropequeen-777, @shotgun-shelby

[joelsmorality]

Can’t Keep Going Like This

Pairing: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader.   Summary: After another argument, you and Joel finally iron some things out.   Warnings: Some angst, but it’s mostly fluff.    Note: This was originally a scene I ended up scrapping from my longer fic, but I figured with some editing it could be a fun stand-alone. So, here it is. lol  Tag list (My Joel fics in general. To be added just leave me a comment saying so!): @faceache111​

The streets of Jackson were quiet at this time of night.

You could hear the odd distant voices or hum of a generator, but otherwise it just seemed that the only other sound was your footsteps. The string of lights above your head that lit up the otherwise dark street added to the peaceful feel of the place–it had been enough when you had first arrived to almost make you forget what the rest of the world outside was like. There were little reminders, moments where you knew things were very different from the world you had left over a decade ago, yet you felt safe. Inside the gates, that is.

All of those facts combined, however, didn’t leave you feeling all that content the current night. You wandered through the darkening town, hands in your pockets with your shoulders slumped. Exhaustion from the day weighed heavily on you, yet the embarrassment of what happened hours ago sat heavily on you.

Having arguments with Joel, even outright fights, wasn’t exactly uncommon. He was stubborn, closed-off, and even frustrating to deal with at points. Yet, it had felt like you had progressed beyond the hostilities a while ago, and there was…something. You didn’t know what. You had been quick to label it as a friendship a while ago, but there was a certain pull in you that wanted more than that. Sometimes it felt like that notion was returned, but neither of you wanted to actually push over that line.

Then there were nights like this. Anger, frustration. You wanted to believe that things were just said in the heat of the moment, but it was hard to tell sometimes.

Usually, things like that happened without the added eyes on you. That was what made the night different from others, and the reason that you had stormed off before Joel could have the last word and do the same. It was juvenile, giving into the childish need to shout and insult. Yet, the reality of the moment had been quick to sink in shortly after that line was crossed, and you gave into the urge to just get out of there. Fortunately, Joel let you leave without following out after you. Though, you imagined it probably took some restraint.

You were just…tired of this. The uncertainty, the pull and push of someone who didn’t know what he wanted. Yet…well, you knew it was unfair to put it all on Joel. You didn’t really know exactly what you wanted, either. There had been many nights where you had time to think about your relationship with him–to overthink and overlook things, too. If you were reading into things too much, or maybe you were missing a signal or something. You didn’t know.

Could just ask.

It really couldn’t be that simple, could it? You knew you hadn’t exactly been completely open about everything, to ask some hard and embarrassing questions. You had certainly asked a few hard questions throughout the time you had been with him–digging into his past, into yours. Yet, this was something you kept locked away behind your teeth. It was something to chew on, but you could never just spit the words out.

Maybe you just should.

With an exhale, you stopped as you knew you were presented with a choice. You could just head back to the place you were staying at, leaving the whole situation behind. Maybe you’d try distancing yourself–there were a lot of people in Jackson, a lot of things to do. It wouldn’t be hard to just foster some space from him, shift out a couple patrols and just…avoid.

Or, you could turn and head toward where you knew he and Ellie were staying. The last you had seen her, Ellie seemed interested in spending some time with some friends she was making and you knew she probably wouldn’t walk in on whatever conversation you’d have with Joel. At least, you would have to hope so. Still, it was an opportunity to just lay everything on the table, ask the questions you’ve been wanting to and just get a damn answer. Whatever it was, you would deal with it. It had to be better than just not knowing and not knowing how to proceed.

With another sigh, you shook your head lightly. The better choice was clear.

Gathering some courage, you turned and headed toward the house. You weren’t sure how he’d greet you when you showed up, but you were sick of things. There had been enough tension and butting heads, you figured you were owed a bit of an honest conversation that wasn’t close to a fully public argument. Still, you hadn’t been in a position like this in a long time–to have to put your heart out in front of someone and let them react to it in whatever way they needed to. It left you with a nervous twist in your gut, despite the determination. It was something that needed to be done, as much as you wished things like this could happen without you having to go about it like this.

The lights of the house were still on, which spurred you to approach his front door. Yet, you couldn’t help the hesitation when you lifted your hand to knock. With a quick exhale, you finally knocked a few times on the door and backed away, tucking your hands back into the pockets of your jacket.

In the moments after, a part of you born of anxiety and some sort of wounded pride, just wanted to bolt. Yet, you knew that was counterproductive and childish too. Upon hearing the dull thuds of him approaching the door, you knew the time for that had passed anyway.

Despite the anger that you both had left with, you were surprised to just see some mild surprise under the tightness of his expression once Joel had opened the door.

“Can I come in?” you asked around a small exhale, sounding more tired than you were expecting too.

“Yeah,” Joel replied shortly, stepping aside to let you slip by him before he shut the door behind you.

Jackson had a number of homes with old furniture in them–some sense of communal living, you supposed, though it seemed like Joel and Ellie had their own place unlike yourself. It wasn’t your first time inside the home, though never in such an awkward situation. Still, you moved around with some familiarity, trying to piece together what you wanted to say. You knew what you needed to say, just not exactly sure how to form the words.

So, it had your arms crossing, coming to a stop in the living room before you turned toward him again.

“Look…” you started around another small sigh, “I didn’t come here to continue to argue with you, but I shouldn’t have run off. That’s not how I handle conflicts, but…I just don’t understand what’s going on here. With us.”

“With us?” Joel asked, his expression tight, a little unreadable, but you could see the way his shoulders had slumped. It was a good sign, at least.

“Yeah, I…” you trailed off, dropping your arms to your sides as you let out a somewhat humorless huff, “I mean, you have to know that I’m interested in you after all this time. At least, I hope it won’t come as a surprise.”

Joel stared at you, taking you in for a few moments before he ran a hand over his mouth, nodding lightly. “It’s not.”

“I just…” you said, bowing your head for a few moments as you pressed your lips into a thin line to hold back the rush of emotion that sat in you. “I haven’t had a group in a long time. People I can trust–people I can genuinely say I care about and who…who care for me. Yet…I honestly don’t know what I’m going to get from you, Joel. Some days it feels like I really get to know you, that things are good and are progressing toward…something, and then you push me away so harshly and I’m just…left completely confused.”

Despite the situation, you could tell there was a bit of a weight lifted off of you at that moment. Finally, you said something about the trend in your relationship with him that you noticed. Still, you knew the conversation was far from over, you weren’t getting the icey dismissal that you had gotten earlier and you figured it was a chance to actually address this situation.

“Am I overthinking things?” you asked, “Seeing things that aren’t actually there? I just want an answer, even if it hurts me.”

“You’re not,” Joel replied simply after your questions lingered in the space between you both, “It’s me. I don’t know what I’m doin’. I’m not a good person, you know this, and I think you’d do a lot better with someone else. That’s why I shove you away when I catch myself thinking differently.”

“I can make my own choices, can’t I?” you asked, tilting your head.

“Yeah, it’s just…”

“I know what you mean,” you clarified, stepping a little closer to him, “I just haven’t really been thinking in the same way. Maybe in the beginning, when I didn’t really know you, but…being here with you and Ellie…I finally feel like maybe I can stay somewhere. With people I trust. I’ll–I’ll accept if you reject me, but being pulled back and forth like I have been is not good for me.”

“I wouldn’t have to keep pushing you away if I could actually reject you,” Joel said with almost a touch of humor in his tone, but you could tell it was a little bitter too. Some previous frustration, maybe? It’d make sense, considering how much you had been dealing with. “I thought you would get sick of me and leave, just make it easier. I guess this is the result I was waiting for, just…it’s a hell of a lot different than I was thinking.”

“I thought about it sometimes,” you admitted, “and I will if it continues. I accept that you can be a thorny asshole sometimes, but I can’t keep letting that happen.”

“Didn’t feel good doing that,” Joel said, “I’m sorry. For tonight, too.”

Throughout the last minute of your conversation, you noticed a shift in him. The familiar wall you had seen him put up time and time again was lowering, as you had seen it do from time to time. On uneventful patrols when moods were high, when you would sit in with him and Ellie when they’d pass a guitar back and forth. The side of him that Ellie poked you about when she’d catch the both of you one-on-one. You knew there was a lot of territory you both had to navigate about each other, but the idea that you wouldn’t have to deal with that being shut off from you again was enough to make you feel like you had made the right choice.

“You want to be with me?” you asked after a few moments, stepping closer to him and watching his expression carefully. While a part of you knew with what he admitted so far that feeling as nervous as you were was ridiculous, but you couldn’t help the way your heart was racing.

“If you’ll have me,” he replied with a small nod. You nodded, struggling to fight back the grin that appeared on your features at the relief that flooded into you.

Which was what had you accepting his hand cupping your cheek, his mouth pressing against yours.

It didn’t take you long to respond to the kiss, despite the small shock it gave you when it fully registered. It was firm at first, a message sent and received, but it shifted more into something natural after a few moments. You wrapped your arms around him as Joel pulled you in closer, nearly brushing your body against his. His beard lightly scratched against you as he deepened the kiss, but you didn’t particularly care as you moved a hand up into his hair.

You were taken a little off guard by how much a part of you had been craving this type of closeness with him. You were attracted to him, had wanted to impress him at first and then just wanted to be closer once you could consider him a friend. A part of you could understand his reluctance, you had played a similar game of tug-of-war with yourself about your developing feelings for him. So, to be in his arms currently like you were was something else. The relief was almost intoxicating, making you almost reluctant to pull back, even with a lightheadedness from the lack of air forced you to.

Finally, you parted from the kiss somewhat, but didn’t really separate. You found yourself resting your head against his shoulder as you tightened your arms around him in an embrace. Joel wrapped his arms around you in return, your hands tightening into the fabric of his shirt in return as if telling yourself that this really was happening.

“I forgive you,” you muttered into his shoulder, “I know it’s not easy for you.”

“I’m still sorry,” he said, voice low and right above your ear before you felt him press a kiss to the side of your head.

You shut your eyes, soaking in the moment for as long as you could. You knew Ellie would be back soon, and you didn’t know how she’d react to the sight before her. Yet, you also suspected that she might not be completely surprised either, but it was hard to say with her.

One thing you knew was that you finally felt like you could be at home with them, in Jackson, instead of being separate and alone for the first time in years.

[lauronk]

I wish you would write a fic where...

Joel and Anna get together after Sarah goes to college. Ellie is their kid and Sarah is the cool aunt figure.

hi! thank you so much for the prompt! ngl, i struggled with it a little because i do not know how to write Romantic Joel, he exists only as Dad in my head lol but i gave it a good shot, i hope you enjoy!

the best day with you today

length: ~1.2k words tags: canon divergence; modern au; everyone's alive; joel/anna; joel & ellie & anna & sarah; family feels; pregnancy; family bonding; dunking each other in the river; no beta we die like david

Joel had never really planned on having another kid. Hell, he’d barely even planned on having the first - definitely not as young as he’d been - but Rae had gotten pregnant and they’d gotten married and then barely a year after Sarah’s birth, she’d decided she wasn’t cut out for motherhood, and she bailed. Sarah had no memories of her, but other than a few growing pains here and there, she’d never seemed to be worse off without her.

Joel had raised her and watched her graduate and sent her off to college (all the way to San Marcos, which really isn’t that far, Dad, I’ll come visit plenty) and then realized he had no damn idea what to do with his life now. No soccer practice to cart her to, no sleepovers to host, no extracurriculars to plan around.

Now it was just him and his empty house and enough woodcarvings to fill the time that Tommy finally confiscated his knives and said he could have them back if he left the house once a week for two months.

So, after digging around on the internet a little, he’d gone to the library down the street, picked up their calendar, and signed up for the monthly book club and the Spanish conversation group. Both of which, it turned out, were attended by a woman named Anna who had a habit of shooting him amused looks when one of the other book club members made an asinine remark.

True to his word, Tommy returned the knives to him after two months, but they started collecting dust almost immediately because Joel spent all his free time with Anna. A coffee date turned into a dinner date and within two weeks they were seeing each other near daily.

Sarah had been astonished - and more than a little skeptical - when Joel sat her down and told her that he and Anna were planning to get married, with her blessing of course, barely ten months after meeting. Joel could see it all over her face that she didn’t think it would last, that he was having some kind of midlife crisis - not helped by the fact that Anna was nearly ten years younger than him - and that they wouldn’t last the year.

But she could see how important this was to him, so she gave her blessing anyway. No matter her own reservations, she wanted her dad to be happy. And she liked Anna a lot, thought her a good match for Joel, even if everything was moving unsettlingly fast.

They’d done a small ceremony in the backyard, just Sarah, Tommy, and Anna’s best friend Marlene in attendance. And for another two years that had been their family; neither of them had planned on having kids.

But then Anna started throwing up, missed her period, and those two lines on the test turned pink. And suddenly, they were having a baby.

Ellie made her arrival a week before Sarah’s twenty-first birthday, and Joel’s eldest spent what should have been a night out partying pacing laps around their living room cradling her sister, while Joel and Anna snagged a few precious hours of sleep. He’d been worried that getting a baby sister when she herself was full grown would be a problem for Sarah, but it had been the opposite. Ellie was Sarah’s favorite person ever, a feeling that went both ways as Ellie got older.

Wild, Joel thought, watching Ellie and Sarah float in their tubes ahead of him and Anna, how his girls could be so far apart in years and yet be so close and so similar. Maybe not wild, just…lucky.

The two of them are shooting mischievous grins over their shoulders now, and Joel shares a wry look with Anna. Her nose and cheeks are tinted red with the sun, tips of her fingers tracing lightly through the water as they float down the San Marcos River.

“Here,” Joel says, carefully tossing her the small tube of sunscreen. He points to his own nose and cheeks. “Think you need a bit of a touch up, you’re gettin’ a little crispy.”

Anna gives him a wry smile, rubbing a fresh coat over her face. “Not all of us were made to roast in the Texas sun, sweetheart.”

Joel shrugs. “Can’t help it that I tan and you don’t, darlin’. Y’know –”

Something pushes hard on the bottom of his tube, and Joel goes ass over head into the river, the cold temperature jolting him into opening his mouth and damn near inhaling enough water to fill his lungs. When his head breaks the surface a chorus of laughter greets him - six feet away Ellie is clambering back into her tube while Sarah tries to hold it steady. Next to him Anna is howling, her own hand barely maintaining a grip on his tube while the other clutches her stomach. He doesn’t bother climbing back into it; instead he propels himself forward through the water until he’s caught up to the girls.

Ellie shrieks and tries to paddle away, but she’s too slow, and Joel has her flipped into the water in a matter of seconds. He waits until she surfaces, gulps in a bit of air, and then promptly dunks her again.

She comes back up sputtering, a hand frantically trying to wipe her face clean. “Rude!” is all she manages, scooping a hand through the water to splash him. It hits him in the chest - he can still hear Sarah and Anna laughing - and he propels himself forward to hook an arm around her waist and hoist her up over his shoulder. It takes more effort to keep them afloat - his back is gonna hate him for this later, fifty-seven is really a bit too old to be lifting teenagers, even ones as scrawny as Ellie - but he paddles them unevenly back over towards Anna.

“Caught you something, huh?” His wife calls, shielding her face when Ellie aims a splash of water her way too.

“Sarah neglected to mention the river was full of gremlins,” he says back, giving her a grin before sucking in a breath and plunging himself - and his squirming daughter - under the water once more. Only once they’ve surfaced again does he release her, the two of them treading water.

“Anyone ever tell you you’re an ass?” Ellie says playfully, splashing him again.

“Anyone ever tell you you’re a little shit?” He retorts, splashing her right back.

“Anyone ever tell either of you that you're exactly the same?” Anna cuts in from behind them, one hand still holding Joel’s tube.

“No,” they reply simultaneously, and she lets out another bark of laughter, echoed by Sarah on the other side of them.

“I’m never bringing y’all floating again,” she says teasingly, her head tipping back dramatically.

“Oh please,” Ellie doggy paddles forward, hoisting herself back into her tube next to her sister. “You’d be so bored doing this without us. You love us.”

Sarah scrunches up her nose, pretending to think for a moment before she leans over - nearly upsetting her own tube - and smacking a kiss onto her younger sister’s cheek. “Yeah, guess I do.”

thanks for reading!

[just-some-random-blogger]

Hey, I just had an idea for what happened in Character Development skskks

After what happened to that disaster, the reader decided to ignore Joel cuz she done being with him being an "ugh," ya know? She desurvvvv. And Joel, being what he is, tries to um get notice by her, but failed everytime (I really forgot her name, but the one who's Joel supposed to "court" is with him then he spotted the reader, he be like nyooom but the reader is already poof! Gone). That Ellie had to have to make fun of it, like she being a little shit as usual. And the woman he "courting" is really confused by his behaviour and said, 'Ghurl, I'm outta here, you weird'

Then, someday, he noticed that whenever he sees her, she already had a bunch of flowers like a random ones that you picked out from some grass and bushes, holding it with a soft smile on her face, making him shuffle to the core and get jealous, and ask her but the reader answered, annoyed by his insistence: "Someone." and she's out.

Then, another day with a makeshift wrapped gift that has a card with a hand drawn heart. What really triggered him tho was a home cooked snack that tasted a little bit sussy (said by others, maybe Ellie), asked why she's still eating it, she said, "It's the thought that counts blah blah blah" making Joel getting more oomf. The other person jokingly said, "What? You gonna say yes to him now with all this wooing lmao." she answered with a wink. "Maybe"

And that my friend sets Joel off the space. My man said he ain't gonna back down, so he confronted her, then a whole ass argument happened, like shouting there, shouting here. The suprise was that all those gifts she was getting were from a little boy who had a crush on her, wooing her lolol (just thought's cute and hilarious hehe) making Joel embarrassed from what he's acting.

You can choose what is ending it be, but please make it a happy ending. My poor heart can't handle angst again... also add Ellie finding out what happened and making fun of his old man

heya nonnie! i gotta say, when I saw this I was really excited then really nervous HAHAHAH. i'm so honored that you got so into my fic to not only want another part, but to as well as send me this ask with a detailed plot. what you just gave me is a full on fic tbh and I am not in the business of rewriting someone else's brain child.

I think it's a really cute idea but it's not at all what I envisioned this fic to progress if I ever made a part two. I think if you really want a joel fic with that plot/theme, maybe write it! hopefully you could tag me and my fic if you do! I'd love to read it as well.

BUT! you should know i have decided to make a p2 😌 cos of the bad influence @sloanexx who should be thrown in JAIL. i love her but the way our minds just link should be illegal cause what about my sanity?

cheers nonnie!

[unprofessional-bard]

Prologue

Losing My Religion Series Masterlist

Unprofessional Bard's Masterlist

Previous Chapter • Next Chapter

Pairing: Joel Miller × Female!Reader/OC

Summary: The reader, waiting for a knock on the door by death, is saved by a smuggler with a reputation and a kid she used to watch over at the Boston QZ.

Word Count: 3.341

Warnings: Not too much, just a slightly detailed description of an injury and connections to PTSD.

Author's Note: Oh my, this is the first part of my 8 to 9 chapter long Joel fic!! A little background on the reader/oc:

The reader is ex-special forces captain and now a FEDRA major general in the Boston QZ who sticks to FEDRA in order to survive with her old friends from her pre-outbreak days. Her teams "black ops" reputation is well known around the northeast and it draws unwanted attention on her - it makes her a target. After a mission gone wrong, she finds herself tied to a chair, left to die, when a figure who's supposedly her "sworn enemy" rescues her.

I think I should warn you all now that the bloodshed/gore and the events in this fic in general will be quite realistic, like canon typical brutality but not too often. I'll put detailed warnings in each chapter though!!

Enjoy!

The first thing you felt was the taste of iron when distant chatter made your ears perk up and eyes open slightly. You were sure today was the day that you'd finally find your peace and move onto your next life and leave this miserable one behind, but the voices of what appeared to be a man and a young girl's had put a stop to that. You couldn't hear very well and you also didn't recognise the voices, but now they were more clear as you reckoned that they'd entered the room you'd been in for the past five days or so.

"Holy shit," you heard the girl say. She somehow sounded familiar now that you heard her better.

"Okay," the man. "We should be safe here."

You struggled to lift your head up and open your eyes completely, to speak even, which made things really hard but the little girl noticed you in very short notice.

"Oh fuck!" She exclaimed, probably at the sight of you as she sounded disturbed. "Is she...?"

You finally managed to move your head to the side a little as an answer to her question and whispered: "Help me... Please..."

"Ellie, stay back."

Ellie?

"But-"

"Stay back," the man growled at her. "Let me handle this."

You heard footsteps get closer to you and when you managed to open an eye a little bit, you saw his feet going around you. The sun was shining through the room, it was close to nightfall.

"Please..." you begged, already out of breath. "I- I need help-"

"Joel, she really needs help," Ellie's voice got closer as well.

"She doesn't have any weapons," 'Joel' commented while studying your vulnerable form, but the girl got impatient with a huff and pulled out what you assumed to be a knife. "Ellie-"

Ellie. The little girl from Boston.

What the hell was she doing here?

"I know her! She was at the Boston QZ a few months ago, look!"

"A soldier from the QZ?!"

"I know her Joel, trust me, we can't leave her like this!" She argued while you acknowledged her presence. You felt the copper ropes around your wrists get loose and, god, was it a relief to have them finally off your poor wrists. It hurt like a bitch, having cut yourself as you struggled with your escape -not to mention it was probably infected- but it didn't stop a wave of relief from washing over you.

You almost collapsed when your restraints came off, but a big pair of hands caught you by your shoulders before your face could hit the ground. It wasn't too long before she got your ankles free as well. You were now in the arms of a man who was suspicious of you, who wanted to get rid of you, but all you could say over and over again before you passed out was: "Thank you... thank you so much."

----

"Move!" You flinched at the angry lieutenant yelling at the kids. Ever since they decided to start up a school, this whole apocalypse had become even more difficult. You, as former special forces, always had a hard time ever since you became special forces and you thought that perhaps you'll be done with the outbreak, but the new crooked militia made sure you weren't a deserter.

You were forced to do many things you didn't want to do -and you didn't do them anyway- but you were never killed for it because you were the best and the only special forces left in your area... plus you lied your way out of missions to save innocent lives. You were pretty disciplined, but one thing you couldn't stand for was the harassment of those poor children.

"I'll take it from here, lieutenant." You stepped in before he could say another word. Your reputation over the past years grew and so did your rank, being a superior to many others.

"But-"

"I said I'll take it from here. You're dismissed, lieutenant."

The man saluted and marched away angrily, the kids confused and scared at seeing a new face.

"Alright, let's move along," you spoke in a more sincere and calm tone, which made the children relax.

Whenever they got into small troubles -like skipping class, wandering around etc.- you always took charge as best as you can to help them out. None of those children deserved to be born into this mess, you might as well make it as easy for them as possible.

There were a few troublemakers who were hard to put in line, like little Ellie, but you understood and you stood up for her whenever she was wrongly accused.

Little did you know that you'd be rewarded for your kind actions.

----

A bad dream -a nightmare really- from the day of the outbreak mixed with events from a couple of days back interrupted your sleep. It was the middle of the night, you assumed and cursed at the little amount of sleep you got as you didn't feel rested at all, then carefully studied your surroundings. You were in the same room where you were tied up and left to die, vision clearer and wounds not hurting too much (your face felt cleaner too), but you were in a different spot and lying on your back on something rather comfortable. You turned your head to the right as best as you could to see Ellie and Joel's silhouettes - Ellie on the ground sleeping and Joel sat by the big window of the office, watching outside with a rifle in hand and his other arm resting on his knee.

They really didn't kill you.

You groaned quietly as you slowly pushed yourself up from the couch. It always stood right by the door, but now it was pushed in fornt of the many shelves and tables covering the door. You sat on it for a while before getting up slowly.

Ellie was sleeping by the wall, a little away from Joel but closer to you; quietly making your way over to him and not waking Ellie up in the meanwhile proved to be easy.

"You're finally up," Joel spoke nonchalantly.

"For how long was I out?"

"Two and a half days," your eyes widened. "You really needed that, huh?"

"I guess so... doesn't feel like two days," your voice trailed off as the images from two days ago started appearing in your mind. You quietly leaned back on the wall behind you, then slid down and sat across Joel. He was looking at you, studying you but you were too busy with the flashbacks of a few days prior.

"You okay?" he finally asked, disturbing your thoughts.

"Mhm." You didn't trust your voice

"Tsk, sure..."

A painful two minutes passed in silence. The more you remembered, the worst it became. God, the Hunters, they killed your squad, killed all of them-

"I would'a killed you if it weren't for her," Joel nodded over to Ellie. "Told me about how nice you treated her and the other kids in the QZ..."

You smiled bitterly and nodded. You'd been wondering what had happened to all those kids you met in the QZ: "This is Carmel, right?"

"Yup," Joel groaned, gazing at the dark street a couple hundred feet below you. You focused on the full moon right above you instead and tried to put everything that happened in order: You and six other people -aka Alpha One- were sent after a dangerous group of Hunters, but they had made it out of the city and, under strict orders, you chased them out all the way to Cleveland. It was after Cleveland that everything got fucked.

"Here," Joel captured your attention once more when something soft brushed your leg. It was a blanket. "You look like you need it more than me."

It took you a while, but you eventually grabbed the blanket from his hand with a hushed 'thank you', then showed your bandaged wrists to him: "Did you do this?"

"You're very kind, thank you again." You said when he nodded 'yes'. Your gratitude made Joel's features soften for a very short moment, but he stayed silent. Little did you know that you'd be craving to see more of this side of Joel in about a month.

The past three days had been quite rainy, the weather was chill and if it weren't for the crack on the roof, you wouldn't have been able to drink the rain water that leaked in through there and you would've possibly died.

You wrapped the blanket around your shivering form and dragged your knees up to your chest for more warmth, not noticing Joel watching you from the corner of his eye.

He could tell you hadn't eaten in a long time for your face looked skinny. You were stripped of your tactical gear and FEDRA uniform, only left with your t-shirt, pants and boots; the said pieces of clothing covered in your blood. Your face was unrecognisable when they'd first found you - as if it were a canvas and the painter used blood to paint it. Your eyes were puffy from being beaten up but they were healing, it was by the dog tag hanging by your neck that Ellie recognized you. She cleaned your face with the water which was gathered into a small puddle by the chair you were tied to as Joel tended to your wounds with reluctance but carefully. Ellie had checked if you had a sleeveless undershirt of sorts and once she discovered you did, she decided to get rid of your blood soaked t-shirt which surprisingly didn't stain your undershirt as much as she'd expected.

"You can rest if you want, I'll keep watch?" You offered, the bags under his eyes made you feel bad for him. Poor guy, you didn't even know his story.

"Nah," Joel searched for something to say for a moment. "I'd say the same for you but I think you had one mighty rest."

"Yeah," you smiled apologetically. "'Guess I'll just... sit here."

"Suit yourself," Joel cleared his throat and shifted a little. He was tense, you could tell he didn't trust you but it was understandable. Normally, you would've launched yourself out of there the moment you were awake because god knows what could happen. But the only thing that made you relax a little was Ellie. He somehow looked familiar too but you weren't sure.

Only ten minutes into the silence, you couldn't resist and ask him: "How'd you end up here?"

You didn't realise that Joel's eyes were closed, he must've fallen asleep, for he never answered the sound of your hushed voice. Oh well, you thought, smiling softly to yourself; you grabbed his rifle from next to him and decided to keep watch and try to calm your mind. With everything that you had gone through before you ended up here, it was a little hard to keep calm.

----

"They're headed west, commander, we need to finish them."

"No," you sighed. "We chased them out this far, they won't be coming back."

"But, we have our orders-"

"I know, I know."

"Then let's go!" A man named Gabe who was a new soldier in Alpha One insisted. None of your team trusted this guy because he was willingly siding with FEDRA - something none of you were doing willingly.

A week and a half had passed before you all caught up to them in Pittsburgh. You only managed to capture one Hunter, but he didn't talk. Not so surprisingly, Gabe made him talk with the most brutal torture techniques that you were taught to resist. When Kurt, one of your oldest friends and the oldest of Alpha One, called him out? He pulled out a speech out of his ass (as Kurt had put it) about how the outbreak broke him and whatnot. None of you had found it convincing because of how out of character it was, so you all had to do the only thing left: cut him loose. Get rid of him.

But first, you had to hunt the Hunters down and you needed him, whether you liked it or not.

----

A small gasp from Ellie was what distracted you. You gave her a concerned look as she slowly sat up, breathless.

"You okay Ellie?" You asked quietly.

"Oh, yeah," she gulped. "Hey, you're awake. Are you okay?"

"Never better," you smiled and watched her make her way over to where you were nestled. "You and your old man really took care of me..."

"He's not my old man."

"Right... sorry... who is he though?"

"Joel. A smuggler," Ellie sat across you, her back to the said man. "I'm surprised you don't know him, him and Tess had quite the reputation around Boston."

Tess. Right. Now it clicked. Of course you'd heard of them, who hasn't?

"Yeah... Them I heard of." You nodded thoughtfully. You'd never seen Joel in person, but you'd done Tess a few favors in the past which she somewhat repayed.

But you couldn't focus on anything else but the conversations that occured on your way here.

----

"Commander, with all due respect-"

"Just spit it out." you sighed.

"Something's off about Gabe. We should just dump him in a river, tell 'em he got bit and that he died and go back... Christ (Y/N), we can't go on like this, we're almost in Indiana!"

"I know, Kurt," you exhaled hopelessly.

"We just gotta make sure they don't come back," Amanda, another dear friend from your pre-outbreak times said. "The world's already as fucked up as it is, we could do with less leech."

"Amanda's right, but these folk ain't leech." You reloaded your rifle. "They're goddamn weeds... Doesn't matter how much you cut off, it'll grow back again; but it's a start. We gotta get down to the root."

----

Ellie went back to sleep, knowing you're watching their backs, you'd like to think she slept a bit better. A few hours later the sun started illuminating the sky, which was when Joel woke up.

"Shit," he growled when he noticed you had his 'missing' rifle.

"Mornin'," you offered a small smile, knowing you won't be getting one in return. "Don't worry, you're safe. I stayed right here on this exact same spot the whole night. Relax."

He didn't reply, but you knew he wanted the rifle back, so you extended it over to him. He gave you an odd look, as if he'd been in a cage his whole life and it was the first time someone's been treating him gently, then quickly took the rifle from your hand. He then went to awaken Ellie, but you reached out to him, gently holding his hand to stop him from waking her.

"She went to sleep not so long ago, let her rest for a bit."

"We gotta get going, see if the herd cleared out." His tone was defensive.

"The sun is barely up," you offered. "Wait for another hour until whatever's left of 'em are indoors."

He wanted to argue, but he knew you were right, so he sat back down across you: "Why didn't you wake me up?" he inquired, arms crossed, one leg up close his chest leaning against the window and the other on the floor. Although he looked relaxed like this, he was still uncomfortable.

"Looked like you needed a rest more than I."

"I didn't."

"Don't lie to yourself," you chuckled at his stubbornness. "If I could, I'd trade my two and a half day rest with your five hour sleep. I had been sitting on that chair for far too long anyway..."

He looked at you, quizzically this time, sheer curiosity. You gazed into his hazel eyes for a moment and spoke: "Me and my team, Alpha One- we were after a bunch of Hunters but things went south after Pittsburgh... southwest, more specifically."

"You were in Pittsburgh?" Joel questioned.

"Yeah. We followed them all the way here, but then the bastards got tired of running, I reckon. They ambushed us here a couple of days ago, but a part of the herd you were talkin' about came through and... I don't know, it had been a quiet few days before you two came."

Joel looked away, face mixed with slight guilt and pity, but remained quiet.

"I know they're dead."

"...What will you do?" He asked.

"I can't go back to the QZ. It's better if they think I'm dead. I've been waiting for an opportunity like this for so long..." you smiled sardonically. "I could use a different safe place other than a QZ. I don't wanna join another group or nothin'... Now, if there was a cabin on top of a hill or in the middle of the forest, that'd be great."

"So you're just gonna desert?"

"I've been thinking about it ever since I was forcefully recruited by FEDRA."

Joel gave you a look, bit his lip, then looked away for a moment but stayed silent. You knew he wanted to speak, but you decided to keep quiet too and try to figure out where the hell you were gonna go after they move out of here.

A few minutes later, Ellie woke up again. The both of them quickly got ready while you paced around the room, too afraid to go out and see the carnage on the hall.

"Let's go," Joel said once Ellie got her backpack ready.

"Woah, what about her?" She looked at you softly.

"I'll manage..." You tried to smile as best as you could. "My squad had some guns on 'em and so did the hunters. You could find some ammo outside and I can help you clear this place up, then I'll be out of your hair."

"Wait, you're going back to the QZ?"

"I can't. I don't want to. I need to find some place safe and... stay there for the rest of my life. But I ain't going back to the QZ."

"Then come with us," Ellie walked up to you.

"Ellie-" Joel warned.

"Where are you headed anyway?" you asked finally.

"Our destination is different, but we'll be passing by a place named Jackson, out in Wyoming."

"Ellie enough," Joel growled.

"She could help us Joel! She's done good by me all that time I was in that school, I wanna help her too."

Your cheeks reddened at her consideration: "Ellie, I-"

"There's a safe place in Jackson, I think you can manage there." Ellie revealed.

You gave Joel a hard look, but kept your tongue from saying something.

"God dammit Ellie," Joel sighed.

"I trust her, Joel."

You both glared at each other; Joel not trusting you- even despising your existence and you, disappointed that you did your best to earn a little bit of his trust by your gestures but he was just going to let you die out there anyway.

You finally said: "If I ever act up and do something that doesn't sit right with you, you can gladly put a bullet in my brain."

"...Fine."

His word was final. Joel gave in and as much as he wanted to trust you, you had to earn all of it, completely. It wasn't because you were a stranger who only helped a child and now might have a trick up her sleeve to get the both of them killed, however. He didn't owe surviving in this hell for 20 years to trusting everyone and helping them out. He owed it to keeping his guard up and not letting anyone new get close, either killing them or not seeing them ever again eventually. Your case was about the same, but you trusted Ellie and her sincerity as much as she trusted you and you trusted her when she said this Jackson place was actually safe. So, you had to put up with him and he had to put up with you now... for a whole month.

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Favored Ones, Part 2. (Joel Miller x Fem!reader)

Description: When you spend every evening with someone who's deeply under your skin, a certain relationship can be developed. So it's crushing for Joel when Y/N suddenly disappears. But there's way more to the relationship that one would've guessed.

A/N: AM I STARTING TO FALL FOR THIS FIC? OMG STOP ME? SEND HELP.

Warnings: Ain’t much, but it is honest work.

Word count: 2.1 K

Tagging: @nemodoren @xxgoldenhour @missdictatorme​ 

If you like this story, please, more parts can be found here! :): H E R E

Six months prior events of the hunt, April 2038:

You never thought of an ideal man or that ideal life, having some children of your own or whatever. You never thought of that American dream, if you want to address it like that. The new American dream, most likely the global dream when you think about it, was to survive all of the bullshit that keeps coming.

But sometimes, you start to be curious about someone without you even noticing your behavior. You try to have much longer eye contact with them, laughing at those pretty dumb jokes and sayings they used. You tried to be in their presence every time you possibly could.

Sometimes it gets pretty crazy as you start to understand your behavior and your feelings - and the worse it actually is when you feel soft for is a complete moron.

And so, that's how your terrible crush on Joel Miller, local old jackass, started.

You could exactly name the year, month, day and hour when he and his daughter of some sort, now your best friend Ellie, came into your life. The first time you saw him, you thought to yourself that he is just a typical cynical old moron - and that you had already enough of these in your town.

Something moved inside of you when you took Sadie for a short walk around Jackson - and he was sitting on the terrace, smiling at Ellie and playing a slow song on some old guitar the others gave him.

Ellie just sat there, curled into a tight ball with a bar of beer in her hand, as soon as she saw you, she jumped on her feet and joined you on your walk - that was a year ago. And since that, you watched his face intensely during every tactical meeting about visiting a city, you smirked when he said something which was ironical and whenever there was an option to go out with his little kindergarten, you were there on your horse with your knife behind your belt. 

Did he even know who you were except that you were going out to the forests with him? Oh, dear, that is a story worth telling.

Joel didn't let you know, but he remembered your face really well - you were, of course, Y/N, Ellie’s' loudest and most impulsive friend she had until that day. You were a pain in his ass every time he was scheduled to go out with you. No matter how good you were with a knife (and let me say that you saved his ass a few times when Clicker was about to crack his head up), you still acted like an annoying little brat. 

He would never say that he hates you, no. But he would never say that he likes you. You just existed by his side in the city he was living in, that was all that he cared about. 

And you were sure that the feelings will disappear sooner or later, it was just a dumb guy and that situation was ridiculous. But as January and February passed away, nothing changed. 

So there you were, sitting next to Sadie in the grass, eating an apple, chatting with Ellie and watching after Joel’s kindergarten of the young people he was teaching about surviving. There were a few boys around sixteen, which was almost ten years younger than you, who were just dicks. 

The only thing they were doing there was trying to get your attention because you were indeed an interesting girl, and to annoy the old man. You were there to enjoy the feeling of freedom and nature around you.

“And what about Y/N?” - One boy turned his face to look at you. They were talking about bows, how to catch the chord the best way, the angles of shooting and the power needed. They completely threw you off rails, because you sat next to Ellie in the back, talking about how much you are looking forward to the sweet potatoes which should be ready to be reaped next month. 

“I bet she could show us some of that bow shooting, couldn't she?” - Another one said and you felt on your tongue as you wanted to tell them to shut the fuck up. 

“Leave her be. She cant shoot from a bow. But if you will shut your mouth and watch, maybe you'll be able to shoot yourself, son.” - Joel mumbled in his deep voice, not even looking up to you. 

Your cheeks went red as you furrowed at that man. What a rude jackass move. Yeah, maybe you weren’t able to shoot from a bow, nobody had ever taught you how to, but you were a fucking psycho with a knife. And Joel knew it. 

“Jesus Christ, fuck him. That wasn't polite to me at all.” - You said to Ellie when you rode on Sadie’s back at the end of your small caravan. - “And I should be practically bowing in front of that guy? Fuck that too.” - You spoke fast and quietly so Joel couldn’t understand you. 

“Come on, baby. You know that Joel didn’t mean that you’re not good enough. You know he’s not good with his words.” - Ellie rolled her eyes to the back of her head, only laughing at your situation.

“Maybe. But this is the third time something like that happened - and third time’s the charm. I will need someone who will teach me, how to shoot from a bow.” - You rose your eyebrows. That was the most devilish plan ever. - “And then I will have a competition with Joel. We will see who is the worse one.” 

“Good luck then. The only people who can shoot from a bow is me, Joel and Jesse.” - Ellie looking behind her and chuckled again. - “Like... More people can do something with a bow, but I would definitely not call that shooting.” 

Well, fuck you then. You couldn’t stand when Jesse was trying to teach you something because he spoke to you like you were fucking five - so every time he started with THAT tone of his voice, you were ready to explode. Ellie could teach you some things, maybe, but she would make a pure comedy out of that. Your tummy would constantly hurt from laughter. So the only rational option at the moment was Joel. 

And you didn't fucking know if that’s the worst thing that could happen or if it is the best thing ever. You couldn’t but smile at the thought of Joel teaching you how to shoot, so the student could overcome its professor in the end.

So you were trying to raise the courage in you for the next two days and let me say that it wasn’t anything easy. Only after a shot of vodka which Jesse had hidden under his bed you could just come up to Joel’s door and knock on it. Ellie wasn’t at home that day - you were about to meet up with her that evening to have a watch on the city’s walls.

Right now, she went for her newly sewed, repaired pants to Mrs. Jefferson to the end of the town, which should take her something about half an hour. Enough time for you to ask Joel the information needed.

“What the hell are you doing at my doorstep?” - Joel asked even before he opened the door and watched you down with a silent stare. - “Something happened? You won’t make it in the next session in the forest?” - He was asking you, but he only did that for decency’s sake; he did not care at all.

“No, I was thinking about the bows.” - You said in the same tone of voice. You were staring each other down like the looks could kill. This was clearly competition for you - and you didn't mean to lose. You had to show Joel that you weren’t weak at all. 

“Oh. The bows.” - Joel furrowed you like you were a fucking psycho. He was fucking lost when it came to you - your run of thoughts was a mystery to Joel. - “What about the bows? What’s wrong with them?”

Damn, you two were acting like children. You spoke in weird sentences and you felt like nothing was making too much sense when you spoke with Joel. 

“I can’t shoot from it. That’s what’s wrong with them.” 

“Oh. Okay. Why should I care?” - Joel raised his eyebrows. You nodded and raised your eyebrows, making a thoughtful face at him. 

“You should care because I need a teacher.”  - That was when you smiled at him. You didn't drink so often, so the vodka made you hella loose. Maybe it was way more than one shot, you didn't have a single idea how stupid are you going to behave. So far so good, you thought to yourself.

“So that is what you came here to tell me?” - Joel hugged the doorframe with one of his huge palms and looked you in the face. - “I should find you a teacher? Girl, I think that you’re a bit confused because I’m hella sure that finding you a teacher isn’t my job at all.” 

“Oh, I did not mean that you should find me someone who will be teaching me, hot to shoot an arrow.” - You giggled and shoved a trickle of your hair behind your each. - “I want you to be my teacher.” - That’s what made Joel sincerely laugh.

You silently prepared yourself for Joel saying you to fuck off. He was so close to it, yet it seemed that you really are into learning about bows. 

“Yeah. Fine. Tomorrow, seven in the morning, the gates. Be there on time, young blood.” - Joel smiled and closed the door, leaving you there. But you started to smile when you realized that you will have scheduled alone time with Joel himself. Even though he was a total asshole at times, it made your day. 

The next morning, you were there even ten minutes sooner - and Joel came ten minutes later. He just let you sit there for twenty minutes. Motherfucker. Maybe he hoped that you will change your mind - but you had your goals set straight.

You could see that he’s still a bit sleepy, but his beard was cut short again - it was there, but it was way shorter. People with crushes notice such bullshits, that’s normal, don’t worry. 

“I got a present for you.” - Joel said in a cold, raspy voice and you excitedly opened your eyes. - “It ain't much, but at least it’s something.” 

With that, he gave you a completely normal, training bow. Everybody always only borrowed them, but he was giving you one of your own. - “But if you will not take the training seriously, I will take it away from you.” 

With that, you just left Jackson. He took you on nearby training grounds - the first day you ever tried it was terrible. You basically didn't shoot once from that bad boy - arrows just fell down from your palms and Joel knew that he’s going to need a lot of patience with you.

The first weeks were not that enjoyable as well - he had such a jackass rude commentary to your actions and you just tried to murder him with your stares, still thinking that he is sexy as fucking hell.

But one day, the fall was just about to start, it somehow broke down and you started to joke around. Your skills were getting better faster and faster - soon enough, you could shoot from fairly far away and you didn’t miss most of the time, which made Joel enjoy your lessons even more. 

As another month passed, he decided that it is the right time to start hunting with you in the forest. These ones were moving, but you adjust over time. And sometimes, you even hunted something down - like a squirrel, a hare or a rabbit. 

You weren't that bad after all - he pretty much liked talking to you most of the time. And even if you were sometimes loud and impulsive, you could be smart when the situation needed it. But you weren't exactly his most favorite person on the planet still. 

And you were slowly realizing that this surreal crush isn’t going away anytime soon because you made it just worse for your own fucking sake.

[writingkeepsmewhole]

Traveling

This is part 7 of The Cowboy and The Girl. It’s also day 15 of 365 days of fics.

Fic Summary: Trish tells Ellie a bit about herself. (this is kinda a filler part)

Joel Miller X OC Trish

Warnings: None?

I would love tag you: @amandamaesweetheart @jodiereedus22 @el-dibidibidorado1 @yourgirltaz

Part 1   Part 6

I wake up to the sounds of bodies shuffling around. Opening my eyes I see Ellie packing up her things. Joel was nowhere in sight. I was lying on his bed, so he couldn’t have been too far.

A yearn leaves my mouth as I sit up, Ellie turning around to face me.

“Hey.” She says smiling at me.

“Hi.”I say returning her smile.

I moved over to my bed and start packing my things.

“Can I ask you something?” She asks.

“Sure.” I answer trying to wake up.

“Are you can Joel a thing?”

“A thing?”

“Yeah like are you two together?”

“No.” I answer honestly.

“Then why were you sleeping over there?” She asks pointing to Joel’s stuff.

“I just fell asleep talking to him is all.”

“Really? I mean you can tell me the truth, I’m not an idiot.”

“I didn’t say you were. I did tell you the truth me and Joel are friends.”

“So nothing as ever happened between you.”

I didn’t get a chance to answer, Joel climbing up the ladder and joining us.

“Good morning.” I say wondering if he was still mad at me from our fight.

“Morin’.” He replied his southern accent thick telling me he just woke up his own self.

I smile hearing it. That one word telling me that he was talking to me again, which was good. Maybe it was because he always seemed to have my back since I met him, I could never stand if I thought he was mad at me. It always bothered me too much.

“Y’all about ready?” He asks packing up his own stuff.

“Yeah, we should eat before we head out.” I say earning a nod.

“Ellie you still got them peaches?”

“Oh yeah, here.” She says digging two cans out and rolling one to me across the floor.

“Man I miss real food.” I say as I crack open the can.

“Could you really just go into a store and buy whatever you wanted to eat?” Ellie asks reminding me that she was born into this world she didn’t know any different.

“As long as you had the money yeah.” I say digging out a slimy peach slices and eating it.

“It’s not so much whatever you want that I miss. It’s fresh meat, that protein bar crap the government feeds us just ain’t the same.”

“We could go huntin’.” Joel says moving to sit next to me.

“Yeah, but when?” I ask handing him the can already eating half of it.

“Not like we got deer running around here.”

“Infected would kill them if they did.”

“Exactly.”

“Wait you guys know how to hunt animals, like wild animals?”

“Yeah, it’s not that hard we could teach you.”

“You gonna do that along with the swimming lessons?” Joel asks looking down at me.

“Be nice.” I say shoving him with my shoulder.

I see him crack half a smile it quickly disappearing out of the corner of my eye.

“Would you really do that? If we have time I mean?”

“Kid I plan on getting a car and dropping you off so don’t be gettin’ your hopes up.” Joel says lifting the can up and drinking the juice out of it.

“Right.” She says sighing her face dropping.

“We’ll see. If he doesn't want to I will, I practically taught him anyways.”

“When I found you you were eating berries and nuts.” He says pushing himself up from the floor.

“Yeah, because they were everywhere I may not be smart but I ain’t dumb.” I say standing up as well.

“Umph.” He says picking up his backpack and slinging it over his shoulder.

I smile at the way he ends the conversation picking up my bag.

“Let’s go, we got a long walk ahead.” Joel says looking at Ellie then moving towards the ladder.

“Come on lets go burn some calories we don’t have.”

“What are calories?” She asks making me shake my head.

After hours of walking my feet were starting to hurt.

“Joel I thought you said it was only a few miles.”

“It is.” he says as we walk down an empty street.

“It’s more than a few, it only takes a person half an hour to walk a mile been walking for like three hours.” I whine mainly out of boredom the other part because I wanted to sit down.

“Can we stop and look for food or something?”

“Will you just shut up?” He asks looking at me over his shoulder.

“I will if you let take a break.”

“No, were almost there.”

“You don’t know to be a dick Joel.” Ellie says making him stop.

“Fine… Five minutes.” He says walking to an abandoned car.

“Thank you.” I say following him.

“Yeah.” he says opening the front door and sitting inside.

I move to sit in the passenger seat the door torn off a and nowhere in sight.

“I bet you guys used to drive all the time huh?” Ellie asks getting in the back seat.

“No, I was your age when the virus broke out. I didn’t drive. I wasn’t aloud to.”

“Do you know how?”

“Yeah, Joel taught me.” I say looking over at him.

He was staring out the windshield and sipping at his canteen.

“She about killed us to.”

“I did not, I just couldn’t figure out the brake part out.”

“You gently push it down not step on it.”

“I know that...now.” I say smiling at him when he glares at me.

Reaching over I patted his cheek. “You love me.”

“I tolerate you.”

I stick my tongue out at him knowing he was just saying that.

“Alright let’s go.” he says standing back up.

“If I must.” I say doing the same us once again walking down the road.

When we finally reached the town we walked through the twists and turns of it reaching a blocked off path by a fence and a semi truck.

“Give me a boost.” I say walking up to it.

Joel turns his back to it and squats down, locking his fingers together so I can use it as a step. Placing my foot into his hand I stand up as best I can on it Joel throwing me the rest of the way.

“Owe.” I say when my stomach smacks the side of the truck.

Ignoring the pain I crawl on top of it, barely noticing the lounge chair next to me. I laid down on my stomach and offer my hand down, as Joel helps Ellie up.

I pull her up next to me then the both of us helo Joel.

“Your getting fat.” I groan out as I pull him up.

“Yeah I bet.” He says standing up next to me.

“Hey… Look at that.” He says looking at the chair.

I follow his line of sight to see he is talking about the bow and quiver of arrows sitting there.

“Well looks like it’s our lucky day.”

“Hey let me use that, I’m a pretty good shot with one of those.”

“How ‘bout we just leave this kinda stuff to the grown ups.” He says putting it around him along with the arrows.

“Well, we could all be armed. Cover each other.”

“She has a point.” I say agreeing with her.

If she could fight why not let her.

“I don’t think so.” Joel says moving to walk across the wooden plant connected the simi to the nearby roof.

He climbs up the ladder as we follow him.

“So who are we going to meet?” She asks as we walk.

“He’s names Bill and he’s...interesting.” I say trying to think on how to explain him nicely.

“Interesting?”

“He’s a paranoid bastard.” Joel says making me snort.

“That.” I say chuckling a bit.

“Oh.” Ellie smiling.

“So is Bill any good with a bow?”

“I reckon he is.” Joel answers.

“What about you?” She asks looking at me.

“I’m okay, Joel’s better.”

“He teach you that too?”

“He did.”

“How long have you know him?”

“A long time, I bounced from group to group, then was on my own for a long time.” I say as we climb down the ladder.

“I don’t really remember not having to fight to live, but Joel made that easier because he taught me how.”

“So how did you survive without him?”

“She’s a damn good theft.”

“Aww thank you.” I smile at his complement.

He walks to the side of the roof we were on and jumps down. I follow behind him, him standing on the ground six feet below me.

“Come on, I gotcha.” He says holding out his arms.

I smile at him and sit on the ledge to drop down into them. He catches me it making my shirt ride up, his clasused hands gripping my sides.

I blush at the rush his touch gives me, him setting me down then turning to catch Ellie.

“So you stole stuff?” She asks once we were on the ground.

“Yeah, I’m just good at being sneaky. I’m better at throwing a knife at someone then shooting them in the head with a gun. I got weird about noise after the outbreak.”

“Was it really loud?”

“It was a nightmare.” I say memories coming back to me.

My mind going to one of the first memories I had of the end of life as I knew it. The military rounded everyone up and put us in shipping containers on the docks. It was easier to protect for them. But it wasn’t, infected always seemed to get in. People would sneak out and come back with bites. But that wasn’t the worst part. It all got worse when the food was cut off, everything turned into a another war zone. People started eating each other. First it was the ones who died, then it was whoever didn’t sleep with their eyes open. It was chaos and I was alone. 

[suitofvibraniumarmor]

The American Initiative (Finale)

Part Fifteen

Summary: Grace Cleveland and Eleanor Baker both thought their lives were over, until they became part of something much bigger – the Avengers. Pairing(s): Clint Barton x OFC, Steve Rogers x OFC Word Count: 1893 Blanket Warnings: Death, mentioned a couple of different ways, but not detailed; canon divergence; more based on Marvel movies. In the infamous word of Steve Rogers, “Language.” A/N: Yes, you read that correctly -- this is the last part of this fic! Thank you to everyone who has read it and loved it. Special thanks to my Marvel consultant, resident sounding board, and all around bestie @captain-s-rogers​. You guys don’t know how much this story wouldn’t be a thing if it wasn’t for her! 

Now the question is, should I do a sequel? Hmm, maybe read this first, then let me know ;)

Masterlist Wanna be tagged?

Even just the brief lowdown Tony gave Bruce before they returned to the lab was too long for Grace’s safety. When they walked in, Joel had one bloody -- but healing -- arm around Grace. With his free arm, he was injecting some serum into Grace’s neck.

Bruce took a deep breath and rolled his shoulders back; Tony could see that things were going to escalate very quickly. No matter how much Bruce hated the green guy, Tony’s first priority was Grace.

“Bruce,” Tony said quietly, catching eyes with the other man, who was already turning shades of green, “big guy on big guy, yeah? I’ll get Gracie.”

Bruce nodded and a few seconds later, the Hulk was there, letting out a shouting growl. Joel looked up from Grace’s still form, now aware of the company in the lab. He began to change to match Bruce’s size, tossing the needle to the side and laying Grace on the floor. Joel challenged Hulk with a growl in return, immediately going for the first swing as he lunged at the Hulk.

Tony slid across the well-waxed floor like he was sliding into home plate. He ended up at Grace’s side, pulling her away from the two giants fighting for control of the situation.

“Jarvis, a suit -- like, now, please!”

As Joel and Hulk continued to wrestle around, Tony hovered over Grace’s body, shielding her from being hurt by the two of them. The suit arrived none too soon and once he was clicked in, Tony picked Grace up and crashed up and out of the lab, just ahead of Joel and Hulk crashing into the main floor of the house. The growling and yelling and crashing continued while Tony tried to think fast of what to do with Grace. He didn’t want to abandon Bruce, but Grace wasn’t even conscious.

“Tony, we’re outside,” Nat announced via his earpiece, “if you can, get Grace and get outta there.”

“I’ve got her, we’re coming out,” Tony replied, heading outside. “She was injected with something, I don’t know what.”

The quinjet was waiting for them, hovering just above the ground with Nat at the helm. The jet bridge lowered; Steve, Clint, Thor, and Ellie were there, at the ready and on guard. Tony passed Grace off to Clint, who got her secured in the jet and notified medical that they would need assistance soon.

“I’ve got her Clint, you go,” Nat encouraged, already preparing to do a body scan with the technology they did have aboard the jet. “I’ll get her back to the compound, they’ll start working on her right away.”

“I wanna stay.”

Nat squeezed his shoulder. “Clint. If you don’t go and kick this guy’s ass, you’re never going to forgive yourself. Go.”

Clint took one more lingering glance at Grace. She was in good hands with Natasha, but he couldn’t stop the nagging need to tell her goodbye, just in case. He kissed her forehead, pursed his lips, and headed in to join the fight.

Hulk had managed to get Joel back on the defensive, but it was going to take the whole team to take Joel down for the last, final time.

“Whatever we throw at him, he gets back up,” Clint noted, slinging taser arrows one after the other, with little to no effect on the man.

Ellie, face to face with Joel at the moment, faked him out the way she had done to Steve a couple of months before when they were sparring. Joel lunged for her but fell on his face. Thor was right there with the mjolnir, swinging the hammer in an upper-cut motion to throw Joel backwards. Joel flew against a wall, crashed through it, and slumped on the floor. He worked to push himself up, but was unable to get back on his feet. The team assembled in front of him, on guard and ready to fight more.

“I know about all of you, you know,” Joel sputtered, spitting blood and a tooth that had come loose. “I know about the hawk, who gave Grace confidence in herself again. She ran right to you when she came back from me, didn’t she? Did she tell you what I did to her? How do you feel, knowing that I touched her, that I kissed her?”

Clint’s jaw set hard. He absolutely hated the way thinking of those things made him feel, but he knew that Joel was playing mind games. Every fiber in him wanted to put an arrow, a real one, right between Joel’s eyes.

“Then there’s the Iron Man,” Joel continued, managing to sit up, his legs stretched out in front of him. His size was decreasing by the second. “What’s your deal with her? The daughter you never had? Maybe some inappropriate feelings?”

Tony’s chin lifted, and his chest puffed out. It wasn’t often that he cared about someone other than himself, but when he did, he cared deeply. What he didn’t care for was this dumb son of a bitch cheapening his emotions towards Grace. He held his hand out, repulsor glowing and ready to fire.

“And let’s not forget the pathetic excuse for an enhanced that Grace believes is some kind of sister now,” Joel continued, spitting in Ellie’s direction. “Pathetic is being generous, by the way. I mean, truly, what kind of tragic, self-deprecating martyrdom are you trying to achieve, Eleanor? You have a daughter who lost both of her parents, unexpectedly. She could have a mother, and yet you let her live her life without you. You’re here instead, trying to find some sort of purpose when --”

Steve had watched Ellie’s confidence waver as Joel’s speech went on. Rather than stand strong, Ellie was back away, and her eyes were brimming with tears. Joel had delivered a particularly low blow, bringing her daughter into the picture. Unable to watch anymore, Steve had taken one good shot at Joel with his shield, stopping the monologue.

Joel’s face went from sardonic amusement to an evil, angry scowl. He made to get up again, his size increasing and decreasing as he worked up the change to take advantage of his enhancements. The team stood strong, though Steve did tuck Ellie behind him in an effort to cover for her sudden uncertainty.

As Joel began to heave for breath, Clint took his shot. An electrically-charged arrow sailed into Joel’s chest, knocking him back on his ass. The other man’s eyes went wide, gripping his chest, scratching at his ribcage and his throat as he struggled to take a breath. His eyes became bloodshot and his lips started to turn blue. The panting became wheezing, fewer and farther in between, until Joel’s eyes rolled to the back of his head and he fell to the floor.

Cautiously, Steve stepped forward to check Joel’s pulse. He looked behind him at the team and shook his head.

“Well, that was anticlimactic,” Tony sighed. The repulsor went dark and his arm was again at his side.

“We don’t know if the enhancements will bring him back,” Thor commented. “We need to get him back to the compound where he can be monitored until we know for sure.”

Everyone agreed. They radioed for transport, with Nat promising that she was already returning with the quinjet.

“ETA three minutes,” she informed.

As they all worked to come down from the fight, Steve put a hand on Ellie’s arm. “You all right?”

Ellie nodded, but refused to meet eyes with him. Thor had Joel’s body thrown over his shoulder, and as the others followed the Asgardian out to the front, Ellie fell in line, Steve behind her.

Joel was dead -- really dead. He was monitored until the decomposition process began, at which time S.H.I.E.L.D took care of things. The crisis was over, but there was always another one on the horizon. For most of them, life went on as it had before Ellie, Grace, and Joel came into their lives.

Tony was staying at the compound for the time being, while his house was repaired. He could have stayed at home, but then he would have been much further from Grace than he preferred to be at the moment.

In contrast, Clint made himself as busy as possible so that he didn’t have time to see Grace. He took every mission possible and trained in the meantime. The only person he would speak to outside of missions was Natasha, but not even she could convince him to see Grace, or talk about his feelings in regard to that situation.

Ellie had barely left Grace’s side since they had returned with Joel’s body. Day and night, she was with her friend, waiting for whatever was going to happen next -- until she made a decision and knew that Grace was simply going to have to be okay without her.

Steve found Ellie next to Grace’s bedside. Grace was breathing on her own -- in fact all of her organs were functioning normal. There was an IV in the back of Grace’s hand, to keep fluids and nutrition going into her system, wires monitoring her heart, and electrodes attached at various places over her head to monitor her brain activity. That was the only organ not functioning normally; per the EKG, Grace’s brain was actually functioning almost twice as much as it had before.

Despite all of that, nothing and no one had been able to wake her up since Joel had injected her with the unknown serum.

“You leaving isn’t gonna wake her up, Elle,” Steve said, standing next to Ellie with his hands in his pockets.

Ellie nodded. “I know, but me staying isn’t going to wake her up, either. And I think Grace would want me to do what’s best for me -- now more than ever.”

“You think?”

“I still can’t read her. I see the lines on the monitor, her brain is working. But I get nothing.” Ellie took a deep breath. “Gracie has to take care of herself, and I have to take care of myself. I don’t want to say Joel was right, necessarily, but he had a point. I can stay here and be a hero and let my daughter see me on a new report one day, or I can go there and face up to my whole family and see if they’ll have me back.”

Steve licked his lips and nodded. “And what about us?”

Ellie took her time answering. “There’s not an us, Steve. I know what we’ve both been feeling, I know that I kissed you. But I can’t think about any of that now -- and I certainly can’t put it ahead of my family.”

“Okay.” Steve nodded. He put an arm around her waist and kissed her temple. “I wish you the best, Ellie. You know where to find us -- to find me -- if you need anything.”

She wanted to reach out for him, to ask him to go with her. For the first time since she had been brought back to life, though, Ellie was confident that she could face this on her own -- that she needed to face this on her own.

Ellie took one more glance at Grace, squeezed her friend’s hand, then adjusted her bag strap on her shoulder, and turned to leave the Avengers compound.

Tags: @captain-s-rogers​​​​ @the-murder-strut-murdered-me​​​​ @xtina2191​​​​ @shynara51​​​​

[punkshort]

Chapter warnings: references to PTSD and SA, language, soft and fluffy Joel, some mild sexual references

Chapter Eighteen

Pairing: Joel x F!Reader, pre-outbreak and post outbreak

AU (the only thing I kept was the outbreak, Joel, and Tommy's characters. Joel's backstory is different, and the way he finds Jackson is different. I may include Ellie one day, I just haven't planned that far)

Fic Summary: You worked for Joel and Tommy a few months before the outbreak. The outbreak happens, and you and Joel get stuck traveling the country and keeping each other safe. Neither of you spoke about the feelings you had for one another pre-outbreak, and in a post-apocalyptic world, it seems like survival should be your only focus. But feelings can't be ignored forever.

Fic tags: Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI), Smut, Language, Canon-Typical Violence, Alcohol Use, Age Difference (Reader is 10 years younger than Joel), slow burn, mutual pining, angst, trauma, SA referencing later but I will put a big warning on those chapters

Tommy slid down from his horse as the other four members of his party glanced at him curiously and lowered their weapons. He stomped across the road with his eyes locked on Joel, looking him over before breaking out into a huge grin. Joel was frozen to the ground in disbelief, wondering if he had finally lost his mind until Tommy's arms wrapped around him. When he felt his brother's embrace, he squeezed his eyes shut and pulled him further into the hug, swaying back and forth and clapping his back.

You stood behind Joel and watched as the brothers reunited. Tommy's face was lit up, his eyes sparkling with unshed tears, not yet registering your presence. Joel's eyes were closed, but you could read him like a book, relief written all over his face. He was smiling into Tommy's shoulder, unable to keep his tough guy act up through his happiness, and you couldn't help but smile, yourself. It's been a long time since you saw him this elated. He had suffered a lot over the past year right along with you, and now, finally, something was going right. Your mind flickered back to your parents and what it would have been like, if you were able to reunite with them this way. It brought a sadness to your face, which you quickly wiped away when the brothers finally broke their hug.

"How in the hell did'ya make it all the way out here?" Tommy asked. Joel rubbed the back of his neck and cast a glance in your direction.

"Had some help," he said, still smiling, and Tommy finally turned his attention to you. You could see the realization slowly register as he recognized you. He gave you a half smile and shook his finger in your direction, then glanced back quickly at Joel, giving him a sly look before meeting your gaze once again, saying your name. You were surprised he even knew your name before the outbreak, let alone remembered it now.

"Hey... Mr. Miller," you said awkwardly. Tommy laughed and shook his head, heading towards you with his arms spread wide.

"I think you can call me 'Tommy', darlin'. I ain't your boss anymore." Your body tensed as you saw him about to envelop you into a hug, but fortunately Joel was two steps ahead and swooped in front of you, clasping his arms around Tommy again, cutting him off.

"I can't believe it's really you. C'mere," Joel said, trying to smooth it over. You could see Tommy's confused smile as he looked at Joel, but he let it go. He pulled back and waved the others over who were watching from the tree line with amused expressions. They slid off their horses and left them to graze as they strolled over to join you.

Tommy introduced you both to his group. Maria was the presumed leader, a beautiful woman with ebony skin and a quick wit. Also with them was a man who looked to be in his mid-50s with salt and pepper hair named Eugene, another man probably a little older named Seth, and a younger man with black hair named Jesse. Now that there was no threat, they all seemed very welcoming and pleasant. You noticed Maria caught your eye a few times, inspecting you closely, but you didn't get a bad feeling from her the way you did with Amy. You picked up a protective instinct, like she was concerned about you.

You all stood around in a circle as Tommy explained where his group lived. It was a place called Jackson not too far from where you were standing. There were about 30 people or so developing a sanctuary around a once gated community that existed there. As Tommy droned on about the advancements they were making with the place, Maria sidled up to you.

"Hey," she said, giving you a warm smile.

"Hey," you said back. "Thanks for not shooting us." She laughed, a sound that brought a genuine smile to your face, which Joel noticed when he turned his head briefly at the sound before focusing back on Tommy.

"Sorry about that. We are all bark and very little bite. The place we are building is in the middle of nowhere, and we'd like to keep it off the radar. Keep it safe," you nodded in understanding as she continued.

"We have a great group of people so far. It's really starting to feel like before. Like, life can be somewhat normal again."

"You really believe that?" you asked her before you could consider your words. "I don't mean any offense, but we've been traveling for a while. The QZs and other... places. They all think they can make it work, but there's always a catch."

Maria regarded you carefully, as if she confirmed something she already suspected.

"It's safe. It's not like those places. We are incredibly careful about who we let in. We haven't had to yet, but if need be, by democratic vote, if anyone steps out of line, they're out." The way her stare bored into you made it feel like she was trying to tell you something. Like she was trying to convey a message, and you were beginning to figure it out. Your eyes shifted back to the group of men chatting away, Joel's gaze frequently finding its way back to you to make sure you were alright. Maria took a step closer, but she didn't place a finger on you, giving you space.

"When did it happen?" she asked you quietly.

You sucked in a breath through your teeth and stared at the ground. You kicked at a weed sticking up through the dirt, trying to buy yourself some time.

"How did you know?" you asked without looking up.

"I used to be an Assistant District Attorney in Omaha," she said lowly, making sure the men didn't overhear. "I saw a lot of women like you come through my office. I prosecuted hundreds of men on sexual assault. And I've witnessed the aftermath... I guess I'm just sensitive to it now."

You nodded, blinking back tears as you stared at the ground.

"There was another community," you whispered. "They had a... system. That we were not told about when we joined." You looked up at Maria and you could see the disgust in her face. "The women were expected to..." you trailed off and she nodded, holding her hand up to cut you off.

"I can figure out the rest," she said. "No need to rehash it. When?"

"Umm," you took a shaky breath and looked up at the sky, the crisp fall air making your cheeks rosy. "Few months ago, I guess."

As if he could sense your energy, Joel turned his head to look at you, then Maria, then back at you, waiting until you met his eyes. You did, and you nodded to him, letting him know you were ok. He gave you one last look before turning his attention back to Tommy.

"Are you and him...?" Maria asked, catching Joel's looks in your direction. You nodded and finally met her gaze.

"Yeah. We all knew each other before. They were technically my bosses, although saying that now sounds so strange." You couldn't help but laugh at how much has changed in a year. "But he and I... that didn't happen til after. Well, kind of. It's a long story." She rolled her eyes and smiled.

"It always is." You smiled and bit your lip, then she asked, "Does he take care of you?"

You looked back over your shoulder at Joel while he laughed at something Tommy said. You nodded and turned back to Maria.

"Yeah," you said, "he takes care of me. He... he saved me. In more ways than one."

Maria nodded at your words, as if it was all she needed to hear.

"Join us," she said. "Both of you. We could use another contractor, and I think you'd really like it. It can be a home, if you help us."

Your thoughts drifted to Yellowstone, to the imaginary house Joel would fix up for you to live, just the two of you. Maybe on the edge of a beautiful lake, surrounded by trees and wildlife. But then you remembered Joel's face when he held his brother, and your chest ached. You would have given anything to hug your parents again. And you knew you couldn't take that away from him. You nodded.

“Yeah. Let me talk to him first,” you jutted your chin in Joel’s direction. “But… yeah. Thank you.” And you really meant it. You tried not to let your hopes get too high, but for the first time in a very long time, you were beginning to feel optimistic.

Maria took a couple steps towards the men and touched Tommy’s shoulder. He immediately swiveled in her direction, and you could see the adoration in his eyes when he looked at her. You smiled to yourself as Joel sidestepped to stand next to you.

“What’re you smilin’ for?” he murmured. You nodded your head gently in Tommy’s direction while Maria spoke softly to him, the other men carrying on a conversation amongst themselves a few feet away. He looked at his brother and then back at you, confused.

“He likes her,” you whispered, and Joel scrunched his eyebrows together.

“You think?” he said, stealing a glance back in Tommy’s direction. You rolled your eyes.

“Yeah, I do think,” you said, gently poking him with your elbow, and he grinned.

“That the same way I look at you?” he asked you, still grinning. You blushed and nodded.

“Kind of.”

Your eyes landed back on Maria, and you exchanged glances. You placed your hand on Joel’s elbow, tearing his eyes away from his brother.

“Let’s go talk for a second,” you told him, leading him a few feet away to lean against a guardrail. He settled in next to you and looked down, the sun radiating behind him in the sky, warming your face.

“I know what you’re gonna say,” he began. “Don’t worry. I ain’t gonna ask to join them, we can stick to our plan. And maybe every so often we can go visit Tommy, it’s probably only a few days walk. That is, if you’re up for it.”

The look he gave you was so sincere that it made your throat tighten. He really was willing to leave his brother, the only family he had left, just to be with you like he promised. You swallowed thickly, your emotions getting the best of you. His eyes trailed up and down your face and noticed your eyes begin to water. He reached a hand up to cup your face and stroked his thumb along your cheek.

"You'd do that for me?" you whispered, and he nodded.

"'Course I would. What's wrong?" He was confused now, his brow furrowed.

"What if I wanted to give this place a chance?" you said, bringing your hand up to his and pulling it from your face, interlocking your fingers together. He glanced over your shoulder at Tommy and Maria, who were trying not to watch your conversation.

"I'm not - I don't know if you bein' in a situation like that again is the best idea..." he trailed off and cleared his throat, struggling to find the words. "I mean, do you really think you're ready for somethin' like that?"

You sighed and shrugged your shoulders.

"I don't know. But I don't think the answer is isolating ourselves forever because one bad thing happened," you stroked your thumb over the top of his hand and looked past his shoulder at the abandoned road that would ultimately lead to Yellowstone.

"Besides, I have a good feeling about this place. Tommy, Maria... I trust them. If we were to ever join a community, this would be it. We can help them build something, Joel." You squeezed his hand, and he shook his head, still unsure. The past few months, he was so absorbed in protecting you, making you feel safe, and giving you a place to heal that he couldn't bring himself to let his guard down, even for his own brother. But hearing you say you wanted to do this, wanted to try again in a community after you had been let down, made his walls start to crack. He hung his head, tucking his chin into his chest as he listened to you.

"I would feel safe with you and Tommy. But it's up to you. If you don't want to -"

He brought his hand up from his side to gently clasp the back of your neck, pulling you towards him to rest his forehead on yours. Your eyes fluttered shut as the soft exhale from his nose fanned over your face.

"You sure?" he asked so softly, you almost didn't hear him. You nodded and opened your eyes to find him staring at you, trying to read your face. The small wrinkles around his eyes scrunched and his eyebrows pinched together in thought.

"Yes, I'm sure. I want to do this." His eyes closed and you leaned forward to quickly press your lips on his, feeling Tommy and Maria’s gaze on your back. His eyes reopened when you pulled away. Joel grinned down at you and grasped your hand to lead you back over to the group. Joel cleared his throat to speak, but Tommy cut him off.

"C'mon, let's go show that girl of yours her new home," he said with a shit-eating grin, and you hoped they would blame the cold air for the redness on your cheeks. There was still something surreal about seeing these two men together again in such a different world.

Tommy handed the reins to his horse to Joel so the two of you could ride back together, and he joined Maria on the back of her horse. You pinched Joel's side when you saw who Tommy chose to ride with, and he smiled, shaking his head.

It turned out that Jackson was only about an hour from where they had found you on the road. You weren't sure what you were expecting. Maybe another big, abandoned building with tiny rooms, but you were never expecting an actual town. Not only a town, but a town with walls. Well, most of the wall was done. There were a few small areas that were under construction still. Maria explained that in order to keep the town safe, everyone took turns guarding the opening of the fence. She expected it to be completed soon, and gave Joel a look.

You had dropped your horses off at the stables. The three men, Jesse, Seth and Eugene offered to tend to the animals while Maria and Tommy showed you both around. There wasn't much to see yet, it looked like a regular town that was in the process of being remodeled, but you could see the vision as Maria walked and pointed at each building lining Main Street.

"That area over there used to be a gated community, so the handful of us cleared it out and set up camp. Then, we slowly expanded, and began coming up with an idea for the town," Maria paused to give a young woman a wave and a smile as she walked. "It worked out. We had somewhere safe to go while we built out the wall further to surround this part of town. We are also currently working on expanding the wall over that cluster of houses over there," she pointed to an area further back down the road that was currently barricaded, then she stopped in front of what used to be a bar.

"This is our kitchen and dining hall, come on in and take a look."

Maria led you through the doors of the Tipsy Bison and headed back to the kitchen with Tommy to find you some food. You spun around to take in all the American western decor hanging from the walls when you felt Joel's hand on the small of your back. His beard tickled the shell of your ear as he leaned into you.

"You just say the word if this ain’t what you want, you hear me?"

You spun around to face him and mockingly put your hands on your hips.

"Joel," you said flatly, "this place is incredible." A smile threatened the corners of his mouth, and he turned his head to gaze out of the window to hide it.

"Lotta work that needs to be done," he muttered. You glanced around to make sure you were still alone, then took a step forward, wrapping your arms around his waist and resting your chin on his chest, gazing up at him.

"I love you," you whispered, and that finally pulled the smile across his face, leaning down to kiss you. His lips were chapped from the wind and his beard tickled your nose, but you didn't care. You slotted your lips in between his and gave the bottom one a tug when he tried to pull away. You could feel his surprise, then his hands came up to cup your face gently, pulling you back.

"What's gotten into you?" he asked you inquisitively as he tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. You shrugged.

"Just happy, I guess," you said. His hand froze on your face and looked down to study you, as if he were trying to decide if you were telling the truth or not. Whatever he saw made his eyes light up and his mouth came crashing down on yours, tugging your chin up higher as his lips pressed firmly against your own. For the first time in a long time, he tested the waters and licked at your lips, very quickly, assuring you it was alright not to take things further. But you opened your mouth for him immediately, and your tongues danced together in a frenzy. You wrapped a hand around the back of his neck to bring him further down, closer to you. He moaned softly into your mouth, and you felt a stirring in your lower abdomen you haven't felt in months. You continued to lick feverishly into his mouth as both his hands came up to the sides of your head, his thumbs gently pressing into the soft flesh of your cheeks.

"Ahem," Tommy said from behind the bar. You went to throw yourself backwards, but Joel snagged your waist, keeping you pressed against him, your cheeks burning hot as you lightly panted for breath. Tommy smirked at Joel, absolutely loving the uncomfortable position he put his older brother in.

"Great timin', as always," Joel grumbled, but you could tell he wasn't actually mad. Maria came around the corner with two bowls of stew, unfazed by Joel's grip on your waist. She placed them on the counter and invited you both to sit. Joel released his grip and nudged you forward first so he could follow behind, trying to hide the growing erection in his jeans.

You both expressed your gratitude and began to eat, enjoying the way the stew was warming you up.

"So, here's the deal," Maria began, and you paused briefly to listen. "We don't have a house ready for you yet. It might be a couple months. The homes we have now are all spoken for, and we need to finish the wall around the others before we can assign you one," Maria shot Joel a quick glance. "Maybe you can help us build the wall, and we can get you a house faster."

"'Course I'll help," Joel said, scooping the last of the stew into his mouth. Maria smiled, happy to have another contractor’s assistance.

"In the meantime, why don't you both stay with Tommy? He's got a big house. You have the room, don't you?" Maria placed a hand on Tommy's arm and gave him a small smile, and you watched him nearly melt.

"S-sure, not a problem," he stuttered, then cleared his throat and straightened up. "So long as you two can keep your hands off each other," he teased, trying to steer the attention away from him. Your cheeks flamed hot as you looked down at your nearly empty bowl. Joel met Tommy's eyes when you weren't looking and glared, trying to silently tell him to knock it off.

Maria elbowed Tommy in the ribs before saying your name and dragging your attention back to her.

"How do you feel about helping out in the kitchen?" Your eyes widened and you felt your chest constrict. You shifted your gaze around, trying to hide your reaction, but Joel placed a hand gently on your knee.

"Do you got anythin' outside?" Joel asked her, much to your relief. You let out a small, shaky breath when she answered.

"Yeah, of course. How about the greenhouse? We just got it up and running, we could use the help planting and tending to the vegetables." You nodded enthusiastically.

"That sounds great, thank you," you said.

Tommy's house was cozy, but you could tell most of the decorating was done by whoever had the house before the outbreak. When you walked through the front door, there was a small living room to your right and the kitchen to your left. The master bedroom was off the kitchen and two bedrooms with a bathroom upstairs. Tommy led you both through the living room and pointed up the staircase.

"Make yourselves at home, I don't have hardly anythin' up there. I'll grab a fresh set of sheets from my room - you need anythin' else?" You shook your head and expressed your thanks as you headed up the stairs. Joel clapped a hand on Tommy's shoulder, nodding as he moved to follow you, but Tommy grabbed his arm, and Joel stopped.

"You gonna tell me what happened some day?" Tommy murmured so you wouldn't hear. Joel's mind immediately drifted to your assault, and he tensed, his jaw clenched.

"How in the hell did you two end up together? Was she... at your place, or somethin', that day?" Tommy clarified his original question, and Joel relaxed, letting out a puff of air.

"Nah, nothin' like that. We were at work when it happened." He glanced up the stairs, eager to follow after you.

"So, how did you end up findin' each other? I mean, were there a bunch of you from the office at first?" Tommy crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the railing. Joel shook his head and ran a hand over his beard.

"I was chasin' after her down the street. She quit, I was tryin' to make her stay. Then these soldiers rolled up to the office and started shootin', and we just took off." Tommy's eyebrows shot up.

"Shit. I picked a hell of a time for a work trip, huh?" He chuckled and shook his head, then frowned. "Why'd she quit? I thought for sure you two were hittin' it off." Joel groaned and lifted a foot to rest on the bottom stair.

"I was bein' an asshole,” he admitted, and Tommy laughed.

"Man, you always were a charmer," Tommy's eyes twinkled. "But seriously, I'm glad you're both safe, I never thought I'd see you again," he said.

"Me, too. And thanks again, for takin' us in, I mean. I think this'll be really good for her." Joel gave his brother a small smile. Tommy waved him off.

"Alright, get upstairs and go rest. We'll swap stories another day. Dinner's served at 7, we can all go over together and I'll introduce you around." Tommy turned to head back to his room. "I'll bring those sheets up in a minute," he added over his shoulder as Joel ascended the stairs.

You were sitting cross-legged with your backpack on the floor, picking out what few clothes and belongings you had, when Joel entered the room.

"Everything alright?" you asked. Joel shrugged his backpack off his shoulders and leaned it against the bed, which was bare except for the mattress.

"Yeah, he's just got some questions," he told you, flopping down on the mattress with a grunt.

"I imagine he's got a lot of those," you murmured, and stood to open the closet for some hangers. You saw a comforter in a plastic bag on the shelf, along with a few pillows. His eyes were already locked on you when you turned around to toss the items on the mattress next to him.

"I didn't tell him," he said quietly, and you stilled, knowing exactly what he was referring to.

"Well, Maria already knows, so he will find out soon enough, anyway," you said, turning back to the closet to grab the hangers. Joel sat up on the edge of the mattress.

"Oh. I didn't know," he said, scratching his beard. "You, uh... does that help? Talkin' about it with another woman?" You could tell he was being careful, trying not to ruin your mood when the day was going so well. You dropped the handful of hangers on the rug next to your shirts before responding.

"We didn't talk about it much, she could just tell, I guess. She said she used to be around a lot of people in my situation when she was a lawyer." You chewed your lip in thought. "Maybe, though. Maybe it does help, a little. I'm not sure yet."

Joel nodded as he rubbed his palms against his legs.

"Good. That's good." He swallowed roughly, looking around the bedroom, then he gestured at the walls.

"We gotta get rid of these pictures, they're awful," and you laughed, looking at what only could be described as hotel art mixed with framed pictures of people you will never know.

"Yeah? And what would Joel Miller pick out to decorate his room, if he didn't hire an interior decorator to do it for him?" you teased, and he pretended to be offended.

"Hey, now. I got good taste," he said as you took a few steps forward to stand in between his legs. You rested your hands on the tops of his shoulders and looked down at him, still sitting on the bare mattress.

"Oh, yeah?" you murmured, fiddling with the collar on his flannel.

"Mhmm," he said, bringing his hands to rest on the back of your thighs, near the backs of your knees, gauging your reaction before giving a gentle squeeze. "You bein' the perfect example of that."

You let out a huff at his corny line and rolled your eyes playfully as he smirked up at you. Neither of you heard Tommy come up the steps and pause outside the door, taking a step back so Joel wouldn't see him. He wasn't used to seeing his brother smile so much, finding it ironic that it took the world to end for Joel to finally be happy. He was about to knock on the door and hand over the sheets when Joel spoke softly.

"I love you, sweetheart," he looked up at you, his eyes bright and his gaze soft. "I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy. Y'know that, right?"

You nodded and leaned forward to plant a kiss on the corner of his mouth.

"I am happy," you whispered. "Stop worrying about me so much."

Tommy quietly placed the sheets on the table in the hallway and crept back downstairs, this time choosing not to intrude.

Joel hummed as he rested the side of his face against your stomach, closing his eyes.

"Always gonna worry about you," he murmured into your shirt.

You raked your fingers through his long curls, scraping your nails gently over his scalp.

"You should worry about getting a haircut," you teased, tugging on his hair so he would lift his head from your stomach.

You took a step back out from between his legs, and he begrudgingly let his hands fall from the backs of your thighs.

"Why don't you go see where those sheets are, and I'll hang up our clothes?"

Joel sighed and braced his hands on his knees before standing up with a grunt. Right before turning to head down the stairs, he noticed the sheets placed on the table, with Tommy nowhere to be found. His brows furrowed before he picked them up and walked back into the room, fluffing out the fitted sheet.

"That was fast," you said, glancing over your shoulder as you hung up your thermal long sleeve shirts in the closet.

"Yeah, Tommy left 'em in the hall. Guess I didn't hear him come up," he explained, pulling the corner tight over the mattress.

"Oh, god," you groaned, and he looked up at you from his spot on the floor next to the bed. "He probably really does think we can't keep our hands off each other."

Joel shrugged and stood to flick the top sheet over the bed, adjusting it as it fluttered down.

"He only said that to get under my skin, try to embarrass me or somethin'. Just ignore it."

You watched him from the closet as he tucked the sheet under one side of the mattress, then the other side, and finished up at the foot of the bed. Before you could even say anything, Joel stopped you.

"Get outta that pretty head of yours, it ain't that serious," he shot you a grin and bent over to unzip the bag around the comforter, shaking it out a bit before tossing it on the bed.

"I don't know. It's kind of serious," you said quietly as you began to rifle through Joel's backpack, lifting all his shirts out and draping them over your arm.

"Why? Who cares what he thinks?" Joel asked, pausing as he was shoving a pillow into a pillowcase to scrunch his eyebrows at you. You flicked your gaze up to him awkwardly before looking back into his bag, then he realized what you meant. You weren't talking about Tommy.

"Oh," he said softly. "Y'know that don't bother me, it's fine."

"I appreciate that, but it's not fine, Joel," you replied, focusing very intently on hanging up his shirts so you wouldn't have to look at him.

"Hey, c'mon, I didn't mean it like that," he abandoned the pillow and strode over to your side of the room, putting his hand on your back. "I just meant that I'm fine with it."

"I know, I'm sorry," you sighed and turned to face him. "I shouldn't have brought it up."

"Nothin' to apologize for," he said as he skimmed his thumb over your lower lip. "Got everythin' I want right here." You rolled your eyes at him, knowing he was just telling you what you wanted to hear, but you weren't going to push it.

"Now, I've been dyin' to sleep on a mattress, my back's killin' me. How about we take a quick nap before dinner?"

"Sure," you said as you helped him shove the last of the pillows into their cases. He collapsed on the bed with a throaty groan of relief and shut his eyes.

"I'm just going to unpack a few more things, then I'll join you," you told him, and he nodded, half asleep already. You grabbed what few toiletries you had and placed them on the counter in the bathroom, then brought your eyes up to look into the mirror. For once, your hair didn't look too frizzy, having pulled it back into a neat ponytail that morning. You noticed the bags under your eyes that you didn't remember looking that heavy before, and your lips were chapped. Definitely a different look from a year ago.

You walked back into the bedroom and slid under the covers on your side of the bed, listening to Joel's heavy breathing and watching the slow rise and fall of his broad chest. You turned your head to stare straight up at the ceiling, sleep escaping you as you replayed your last conversation with Joel over in your mind until it was time for dinner.

After eating, Tommy dragged you both around the dining room to meet the rest of the group. There were about 20 or 25 people you hadn't met yet, and by the end of the introductions, your head was swimming. You weren't sure if it was due to your arrival, or if it was like this every night, but once dinner was cleaned up, the town broke out into informal groups throughout the room, sharing drinks and laughs amongst each other. Tommy slid a glass of whiskey into Joel's hand, and he looked down at it incredulously.

"We got all the essentials here, brother," Tommy clapped Joel's shoulder as he took a sip and nodded towards you. "What'll you have, darlin'?"

"Oh! Uh, I'm fine, thanks. It's been a long day, maybe another time," you replied. Tommy smiled and picked up his own glass of whiskey, clinking his glass against Joel's before taking a sip. He was about to say something when his gaze fixed over your shoulder, and he swallowed nervously. You hid your smile, knowing when you turned around you would find Maria.

"Hey there, how's your first day been? Tommy set you up with everything you need?" Maria asked, sidling up between you and Joel.

"He has now," Joel joked, raising his glass and taking another sip. "Thank you again, ma'am. This place you got here is incredible."

Maria's eyes sparkled with pride as she glanced around the room at the groups of people laughing and smiling.

"We got a long way to go, but I have faith we will get there," she replied. She and Tommy exchanged furtive glances and looked away quickly.

"Maria, why don't we leave these boys to have some alone time, let's go get a drink," Maria smiled excitedly at your suggestion. As you were about to turn away, Joel stopped you.

"Thought you weren't drinkin' tonight?"

"I changed my mind," and you gave him a quick wink before turning and heading further down the bar, finding two empty stools. Jackson had a lot of things, but they were light on the mixers, so you each had vodka on the rocks, wincing as the liquid burned your throat.

"Oof, it's been a long time since I've had anything to drink," you admitted, setting the glass down. Maria nodded, setting hers down as well.

"I don't usually drink too often, but today's a special occasion, so why not," she gave you a warm smile that you quickly returned. You were growing very fond of Maria. You could understand what Tommy saw in her. She was bold, brave, outspoken, honest, and above all else, beautiful.

"So, you're like, the leader here, right?" you began, settling in to learn more about her.

"By default, I suppose. But as the town grows, we will need to figure out a new system. It's already getting to the point where it's difficult for just one person to manage everything. I'm thinking one day of instituting a town council, an odd number of elected people to vote in the town's best interest, oversee any projects and work assignments," she explained as you took another sip of your drink.

It was just then you realized: there were lights on. Actual, honest to goodness, electricity.

"Oh my god," you said, covering your mouth in embarrassment. "I must be exhausted. I can't believe I just noticed you have power running through the town?" She laughed and nodded.

"Yes! And sewage. And plumbing, as of two weeks ago," your mouth dropped as she continued. "There's a dam nearby that we draw the power from to run everything. A few months back - Dan over there," she pointed to a man with brownish hair and a beard who looked to be around Joel's age. "We found him half dead in the mountains. Turned out he used to be a plumber. Once he rested up, he was so eager to help us that he spent every waking minute working on the plumbing for the town so we could have running water. No more bathing in cold streams for us."

You sipped from your glass, the alcohol going down smoother now. You couldn't believe the advancements they have made in just one short year.

You noticed that Maria glanced over your shoulder and tried to hide a smile. You turned in your seat to see Tommy and Joel at the table where you left them, their eyes glued to the pair of you.

"So," you began, and Maria could already tell where you were going with a playful eyeroll. "Tommy?" She took a longer sip from her drink before answering.

"It's nothing official. We just… kissed. A couple times," your eyebrows shot up and a grin spread across your face as she shook her head and waved you off.

"I don't have time for a relationship, I have so much to do around town, I can't commit to someone right now," she explained, casting her eyes down to the glass in her hand.

"Oh, come on. You can't put off a relationship for "the town". Your happiness is just as important as everyone else's," you told her.

She shrugged as she took another sip.

"What if we helped you?" you offered. The vodka was making your brain fuzzy, and you just wanted Maria and Tommy to be happy.

"How?" she asked, mostly sarcastically, but you could tell she was intrigued by your idea.

"Well, what if Joel oversaw all the construction in Jackson. Scheduled the work assignments, prioritized the labor. And maybe Tommy could be in charge of patrols: all the organizing and scheduling." Her eyes shot up to meet yours as she considered your offer.

"That would... free up some time. But that's asking a lot, Joel just got here, and Tommy -" you cut her off.

"Joel's used to it, that's what he did for a living before all," you waved your hands around. "This. He would be happy to help. And Tommy?" You huffed and shot a glance back over your shoulder. "He would do anything for you."

You could tell Maria was embarrassed at the last part, smiling and busying herself with stirring her drink. But she nodded.

"Alright. That's not a bad idea. I'll talk to Tommy in the morning, see if he's ok with it."

"Oh, he'll be ok with it," you laughed as you took another healthy sip from your glass. "I'll tell Joel to find you in the morning and you can explain to him whatever he needs to do. I promise, he'll do it."

She nodded and thanked you, allowing a comfortable silence to come over the two of you as you glanced around the room, absorbing the atmosphere.

"Tell me if I'm out of line," Maria began hesitantly, "but... how are you doing? Do you want to talk about what happened?"

You sighed and met her gaze.

"Thanks. I don't really want to give it any more thought than I already do. I just wish..." you trailed off, but Maria gently encouraged you to continue. "I just wish it didn't affect that part of my relationship. With Joel." You could feel your cheeks flush as you took another sip from your glass for courage.

"Ah," Maria said knowingly, nodding her head. "It's not uncommon. You just need to take your time and do what's best for you on your own terms. Does he... understand that?"

"Oh, yes," you said quickly, and she nodded her head in relief. "Yes, he's... great. He never pressures me, he's even careful about how and where he touches me. I just feel guilty, you know?"

"Yes, I do. You need to listen to yourself and make that decision on your own. Don't do it tonight because you're drinking, either, you’ll regret that," she warned, and you agreed. "If he really understands and he really loves you, he will wait until you're ready."

You smiled and she held up a hand to hover over your own that was resting on the bar.

"May I?" she asked, searching your eyes. You nodded, and she rested her hand on top of yours. You didn't see it, but from across the dining hall, Joel's breath hitched in his throat, seeing Maria touch you, and waited for your reaction, but none came.

"If you ever want to talk, about this, or... anything," Maria said, looking you dead in the eye, "you come to me, is that clear?" You nodded and gave her a smile, relief flooding over you at her touch as she rubbed her thumb reassuringly over the top of your hand. You turned your hand upwards and grasped hers, and she smiled in return.

"And if you ever want to talk, about Tommy, or... anything," you joked, and she giggled. "You come to me! Understand?" She nodded and squeezed your hand affectionately.

"Deal," she said, and you released her hand and grabbed your drinks, clinking the glasses together and finishing what was left in yours.

"Do you want another?" she asked, but you shook your head.

"It's been a long day, I think I will head back to Tommy's," you said, standing up from the stool, slightly unsteady. Lightweight.

"Alright, let me walk you back," she suggested, looping your arm in hers.

"Wait, I need to tell Joel," you said, and pulled her towards the table where he and Tommy sat, talking about Tommy's experience when the outbreak hit.

"I'm gonna head back," you told him, your arm still linked with Maria's. "I'm tired."

"Alright, I'll come with you," he said, flattening his palms against the table to stand, but you held your hand out.

"Why don't you stay with Tommy and catch up? Maria can walk me home," you turned to her with a smile that she returned.

He gave you a knowing look and cleared his throat.

"You sure?" he asked, clearly uneasy about you leaving his sight. You nodded.

"One hundred percent. Stay," you told him firmly, and he sat back down in his chair. "Spend time with your brother." Tommy shot you a grateful smile, but you missed it, trying to assure Joel through your gaze. "It's okay," you added softly, and he slowly nodded.

"I won't be long," he promised, and you waved him off.

"Take as much time as you want, I'm just going to fall asleep the minute I get back." If it wasn't for Joel witnessing your interactions with Maria, he would have insisted on leaving with you.

"Alright, then," Joel said, and you tossed him a wave as Maria pulled you towards the door and down the street.

Joel stumbled into bed a few hours later, trying his best to be quiet and not wake you, but he failed. You turned over as he sunk into the mattress, pulling gently on the covers.

"Have fun?" you mumbled sleepily, and he reached out to you, pulling you up against his chest.

"Yeah, how 'bout you?" he asked, smelling the whiskey on his breath. You nodded.

"Yeah, it was nice," you tucked your head under his chin and buried your face into his bare chest. He ran his hands up and down your back, pressing you against him as you wrapped your arms around his waist.

"Did you talk about me?" you asked him with a smirk he couldn't see.

"Little bit," he admitted, kissing the crown of your head. "Did’ya talk about me?"

"Mhmm," you said, breathing in deeply. "I may have signed you up for a leadership job."

The rubbing on your back paused.

"What?"

You pulled back to look him in the eyes.

"Maria needs the help, Joel," you told him, "I said you could oversee the construction. Not right away, but once you get the hang of things... isn't it what you used to do back at work, anyway?"

He smirked and pulled you back against his chest.

"We been here less than a day and you're already findin' stuff for me to do," he tutted, and you smiled. "Nah, it's fine. If you're happy here, I'll do whatever it takes to keep this place runnin'." He placed another tender kiss on the crown of your head as his hands started back up again.

The alcohol in your system urged you to reach down to his waistband, but Maria's earlier words floated across your mind, and you refrained. Instead, you trailed kisses against his chest that slowly lead up to his throat. He must have been holding his breath because he exhaled heavily when your lips finally reached his Adam's Apple. You made your way to the underside of his jaw when he finally spoke.

"Easy there, sweetheart," he said, his voice strained, and he swallowed when you nipped at his jaw.

"Sorry," you whispered, pulling back. You noticed he purposely was tilting his hips further away from you under the covers. "I just miss you. So much." He groaned.

"Me too. But I need to know you're okay first." He rubbed his thumb in circles against your arm, his pupils blown wide as he gazed down at you. "There's no rush."

You wished nothing more than to give in at that moment, but you knew it would be a mistake. So instead, you tucked your head back under his chin and he pulled you close, his back falling against the mattress as you stretched your arm across his warm chest and nuzzled your face into his neck.

You fell asleep that night wrapped in each other’s arms, the peace of mind of knowing you were finally safe lulled you both into the deepest sleep you've had in months.

Extra Scene

Chapter Nineteen

Tag list: @chiogarza, @sparklejumpropequeen-777, @shotgun-shelby @partyofone3413

[punkshort]

Chapter warnings: language, descriptions of violence, death, graphic description of dead bodies, angst, smut (m masturbation), sexual tension x a million

A/N: please tell me if I should use any additional tags/warnings on this story. Also this is the longest chapter yet, I knew when I wanted it to end but I kept adding more detail and more scenes as I wrote and it just got away from me oops

Chapter Eleven

Pairing: Joel x F!Reader, pre-outbreak and post outbreak

AU (the only thing I kept was the outbreak, Joel, and Tommy's characters. Joel's backstory is different, and the way he finds Jackson is different. I may include Ellie one day, I just haven't planned that far)

Fic Summary: You worked for Joel and Tommy a few months before the outbreak. The outbreak happens, and you and Joel get stuck traveling the country and keeping each other safe. Neither of you spoke about the feelings you had for one another pre-outbreak, and in a post-apocalyptic world, it seems like survival should be your only focus. But feelings can't be ignored forever.

Fic tags: Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI), Smut, Language, Canon-Typical Violence, Alcohol Use, Age Difference (Reader is 10 years younger than Joel), slow burn, mutual pining, angst, trauma, SA referencing later but I will put a big warning on those chapters

December 2003

Chicago, IL

The cold, bitter wind blew off the lake as you trudged through the snow. You had three layers underneath your thick jacket, but you were still freezing. You had forgotten just how cold it felt this close to the lake, but you kept eagerly pushing forward.

"I think I know where we are," you said excitedly to Joel, who had been unusually silent the past few miles. "There's this golf course a couple miles from my house, I think this is it."

"Can hardly see a thing out here," was all Joel said in response. You frowned, annoyed that he was bringing you down when you were finally starting to feel hopeful.

"What's wrong?" you asked, putting an arm out to stop him. He sighed and you watched as a puff of air leave his mouth then dance away on the wind before he turned to look at you.

"I'm just -" he stopped, rethinking his words. "I'm worried. If they ain't there, we need to go to the QZ, and I don't know if it'll be as easy to get out once we're in, like it was before." He paused before adding, "And I'm worried about you... if we don't find what you're expectin'."

"Don't be worried, I know it's a long shot. But I have to try. What else do I have?" You looked up at him through your eyelashes, dusted with snowflakes. You looked so beautiful that it took his breath away. He had to jam his fist into his pocket to keep himself from reaching out and cupping your face.

"You got me," he said, looking at you softly with his heart hammering in his chest. You inhaled sharply. He didn't mean it like it sounded. "We can go out west, see if we can find Tommy. It'll be warmer out there, too," he added nervously.

You could tell he was really trying, he looked anxious as he shifted his gaze to your surroundings, his hands fidgeting deeply in the pockets of his coat. You weren't even sure where you would even begin to look for Tommy, if that plan was even possible, but if he was willing to take you all this way to find your family, the least you could do is agree to try to find his.

"Yeah, okay," you said quietly. His fidgeting stopped, and he made eye contact with you again. "If I can't find my parents, that's a good plan. We can do that." You smiled reassuringly at him now, trying to ease his mind. He gave you a small smile in return and a quick nod, then looked back down at the snow, brushing his nose with the back of his gloved hand.

"Can we get moving, now? I'd like to get out of this cold soon," you said, stomping your feet lightly, trying to get more blood to circulate in your legs.

"Yeah, sure, let's get goin'," he said, and you headed across the golf course towards a wooded area in the distance. If this was the golf course you thought it was, then your neighborhood was just on the other side of those woods.

You made it to the outskirts of your neighborhood just before dusk. The familiar tree lined streets just a few blocks away from your house made your heart flutter in anticipation. You knew you shouldn’t get excited; you knew it was unlikely they would be there, or even leave any type of note telling you where they went, but you couldn’t help it. This was where you grew up, this was your home. Your memories were etched in these streets: learning how to ride a bike, falling out of the tree and breaking your arm in your best friend’s backyard, trolling the streets at night as teenagers thinking you were tough and cool. A part of you was excited to show your home to Joel, but you quickly stopped that line of thought. He was not your boyfriend you were bringing home to meet your parents. He was your boss who agreed to help keep each other safe these past few months.

You both approached your street as darkness wrapped around you. Joel insisted you survey the street for a while to see if there was any movement before giving away your position. You reluctantly agreed, ducking behind a house on the corner, until you saw light moving inside a house. Your house.

“Oh my god,” you said breathily, “that’s my house. Joel!” you latched onto his forearm, dragging his attention onto you, “My parents!” you gasped.

You lurched forward, but Joel’s hand yanked you back. You angrily spun around to face him.

“I know you’re excited,” he began, clenching both his hands on your shoulders, “but we don’t know if that’s them, it’s been a long time. I think we should wait- “

You cut him off, saying, “It’s got to be them, what are the chances? C’mon, Joel, please!” you begged, clutching his wrist. His gaze bore into yours as you held onto him, and again you whispered, “please,”.

He groaned, unable to deny you when you looked so sweet and adamant. “Alright, just give me a few minutes, let me think of a plan,” he replied, at which your face broke out in a huge smile, still grasping his hand in yours as you bounced on your heels.

“Sure, whatever, I just want to see them,” you replied, looking back at the lights moving around your living room. You couldn’t believe it; your parents were alive! Joel had tried to curb your expectations, but it wasn’t even necessary, they were there. They were right there!

You approached your house in the darkness, unable to keep the smile from your face as Joel led you quietly across the street. He rapped his knuckles three times on the door and pulled out his revolver as he stepped to the side, ready for hostility.  When the door cracked open, it was not what either of you expected.

A man you didn't recognize peered out from around the corner. All you could see was his eye, but he looked terrified as he feverishly looked back and forth between you and Joel.

"Who are you?" he asked, the door still cracked.

"Who am I? Who are you?" you replied before thinking, "this is my house, what are you doing?"

The man faltered a moment and Joel stiffened on the other side of the door. "Are you armed?" the man asked nervously, unable to see Joel's revolver at his side.

"Goddamn right we are," Joel spoke up, his grip on the gun tightening, "you better start explain' yourself."

The man went to slam the door shut but Joel was anticipating it, shoving his boot in the doorway to stop him.

"Alright, alright, I don't mean any harm," the stranger said, opening the door up more and walking backwards with his hands in the air, "come in, I'm not armed, but please don't hurt us."

Us. You entered your living room. It looked the same, except some pieces of furniture were pushed closer together. You glanced up at the wall above the fireplace by habit, seeing your high school graduation photo still prominently displayed, then your eyes settled on a woman cowering in the corner of the room. She was taller than you and blonde, with wide blue eyes and bangs that brushed her eyebrows, and she was shaking with fear. You held your hand out to Joel and pushed his revolver gently towards the floor. He resisted until his gaze met the girl in the corner, and his arms went limp.

The man who answered the door stepped forward, and you noticed now he seemed much younger, maybe around you age. He kept his arms up in front of him as he stood in front of the woman, his eyes pleading.

"Please, we don't mean any harm, we are just looking for a safe place to stay." He repeated, his brown eyes anxiously shifting back and forth between you and Joel.

Joel met your eyeline, and you sighed. Obviously, your parents had moved on, which left you distraught, but these people were harmless.

"It's fine," Joel said, tucking the gun in the back of his jeans. "This is her house," he gestured towards you, "we're lookin' for her parents, you know anythin' about that?"

The man lowered his hands now that Joel put his gun away, and drifted backwards to stand next to the woman, who still looked shaken.

"No, I'm sorry, I don't know who used to live here. We just needed someplace safe to stay for the winter, and this neighborhood was abandoned. We just picked your house randomly, I'm so sorry." the man apologized again, truly looking upset he couldn't help you more. "I'm Tim, this is Lucy," Tim rubbed Lucy's back affectionately, trying to ease her nerves.

You both introduced yourselves and they relaxed a bit, sitting down on the sofa and chairs surrounding the crackling fireplace.

"You think havin' a fire is a good idea? What if someone sees the smoke?" Joel asked, rubbing his hands together.

"Hasn't been a problem yet," Tim replied, "until you two."

You shook your head. "We didn't notice the smoke, but we saw your flashlights."

Tim smacked his palm against his forehead. "The one day I forget to pull the curtains closed, dang it!"

Joel shook his head and learned toward to Tim, "You need to be more careful. You're lucky it was just us," he said, swinging his thumb between the two of you. "You need to be better prepared, you gotta protect her," now motioning towards the Lucy.

Tim's face paled and he gulped nervously, reaching out and clutching Lucy's hand. "Can you give us some pointers? We just left the QZ two weeks ago, we are doing our best out here but," Tim gave Lucy a tight smile, "we could use all the help we could get."

Joel's eyes shifted between Lucy and Tim, then back to you. He didn't want to waste his time helping some kids who clearly were in over their heads, but the look on your face when you turned to meet his gaze changed his mind. He was finding it impossible to say no to you.

"Yeah, alright. For starters, close the damn curtains and put out the fire," he told Tim gruffly.

"How will we stay warm?" Lucy spoke up for the first time, nervously casting her gaze between you and Joel.

"Blankets. Keep your bedroom door closed. Body heat. Set up tents to sleep in inside when the temperatures really drop," you replied curtly. "Only when absolutely necessary should you risk a fire. It's still November, there's a long winter ahead of you."

Joel smiled at you proudly as you spoke, Lucy catching his look. You had been picking up tidbits from him over the past few months, and he was happy to see you've been paying attention.

Tim got up to close the curtains as Joel began to put the fire out. Lucy turned to you, shooting you a nervous smile.

"Tim and I are already in the master bedroom, do you and your boyfriend mind taking the other one?"

"Oh, he's not my boyfriend," you replied quickly. Too quickly. Joel's shoulders tensed over the fireplace. "But no, that's fine, we're used to sharing a bed, and that's my old room anyway."

Lucy smiled at you politely before shifting her eyes between you and Joel curiously, her eyebrows scrunched together as if she was trying to figure something out, then relaxed her brow when Tim returned to her side.

"Alright then, we're going to get some sleep. Obviously, help yourselves to whatever's in the cupboards. It is your house, after all." Tim said, glancing at you with a quick smile.

You nodded and wished them good night as they headed towards your parents’ room. It was just as well: it would have been weird to sleep with Joel in their bed.

The door shut behind them and you got to work rummaging through the familiar cupboards, pulling out some canned food you could eat and without having to think, pulled open the drawer that housed the can opener, and then the silverware. Joel eyed you warily as he sat down at the kitchen table. He knew he wasn't your boyfriend, but the way you quickly corrected Lucy still bothered him.

You ate in silence, leaving one flashlight on between you. Joel looked around your kitchen, trying to imagine you growing up here. His eyes landed on the fridge that had some pictures stuck to it with magnets. Once you were finished eating, he picked up the flashlight and went to take a closer look.

"Oh, those were taken so long ago, I hardly even look the same," you said, noticing where his attention was drawn.

Joel tsk'ed, zeroing in on a picture of you when you were little and drawing with chalk on the sidewalk, then another where you were on a field trip with your 8th grade class, and a third picture where you were in a sparkly red dress for a homecoming dance with some boy's arm around your waist.

"As I said, those were taken a long time ago," you whispered, suddenly appearing beside him. He turned to look at you, really look at you: he could still see the similarities from the pictures in the way you smiled, the shape of your eyes, and the curve of your mouth.

You yawned and reached out to grab your backpack. "Follow me," you said quietly, not wanting to disturb Tim and Lucy.

You led Joel down the hall towards your bedroom and pushed the door open. You were pleasantly surprised that your parents left it exactly the same. You still had posters hung on your wall of the Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears, and Destiny's Child. The pictures that decorated your dresser mirror were the same ones you shoved in the frame from high school: pictures of you and your friends at dances, at a restaurant, the mall, and a couple with the same boy who was on the fridge.

"Who's the guy?" Joel couldn't help but ask.

"Oh, that's Matt. He was my first boyfriend. We broke up right before college," you said coolly as you pulled out some more comfortable clothes from your backpack and left to go change in the bathroom down the hall.

Joel took the opportunity to look casually through the items on your dresser, sniffing a few different half used perfume bottles and flipping through some CDs. It was strange to be here in your bedroom. He had never considered actually being here before, too focused on the journey and not really thinking about the destination. You returned to the bedroom with a couple of extra blankets in your arms.

"My parents kept these in the hall closet, I already made sure Tim and Lucy had enough," you explained, spreading the blankets over your twin bed. You swallowed nervously, realizing this bed was smaller than the beds you've previously shared. Joel excused himself to go clean up and change as you slid into the sheets, your eyes closing in relief at the familiarity of the room. You didn't realize you had nearly fallen asleep until the mattress shifted, and your eyes snapped open. Joel's leg and arm brushed up against yours as you tried to keep your body from going rigid at the contact. It was unavoidable, your bed was too small, so you forced your body to relax and tried not to overthink it.

"Tomorrow, I'll ask ‘em about the QZ. If they can share any details about the place, then I think we can go there lookin' for your folks," he whispered in the dark.

"Mhmm, sounds good," you whispered back, still struggling to control your reaction from being so close to him. Your whole body felt hot. You told yourself it was just the extra blankets, but you knew better. Whenever he had been this close before, it was in your sleep, your mind was unable to process his touch until he was already pulling away from you. You squirmed a little, trying to get more comfortable.

"You need more room?" he asked, about to move before you stopped him.

"No, I'm fine, thanks," you said quickly, and turned to your side, finally getting a few more inches between you.

Joel stared at your back longingly. It seemed like every day something reminded him of what he would never have. The way you shirked away from his touch and how you made it perfectly clear you were nothing more than companions to Lucy felt like a punch in the gut. It's been months, and he still couldn't get his mind off you. You were becoming a burning need and it was driving him crazy. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing sleep to come so he could find some peace.

You woke up the next morning feeling well rested and warm. Really warm. With your eyes still shut, you burrowed into your bedsheets deeper to enjoy the warmth a little longer before having to wake up and face the frigid Midwest. You nuzzled your face forward and froze when your nose and lips met skin instead of a blanket. You slowly opened your eyes and found yourself face to face with Joel’s chest. You must have shifted around and ended up facing him at some point overnight. You stared at the exposed skin of his neck, taking in the little details of his tanned and pebbled skin, examining every birthmark you could lay your eyes on, then leisurely allowed your gaze to travel upwards where his prickly beard scattered over his neck, jaw, and upper lip. You inspected the patchy spots in his beard, seeing a few grey hairs sprouting up on the corners of his jaw. You noticed one bald spot resembled a heart, making you ache with the desire to press your lips there. His lips looked soft and plush, and you remembered how good they felt pushed against your own as they maneuvered your mouth open. His nose was sharp and angular, your favorite feature after his eyes. You were caught up in examining the wrinkles developing around his face when he woke up suddenly and his gaze immediately fixated on you.

You now realized you had your arms tangled around each other. Even your leg was wedged in between his under the blankets. You both lay on your sides, faces inches away, as you continued to stare at one another silently. Joel's eyes flicked down your face, examining you the same way you had just done to him. You felt your cheeks flush under the scrutiny, and you parted your lips to take in more air as your heart thumped wildly in your chest. Joel noticed the movement, his gaze fixed on your lips before flicking back up to your eyes. He exhaled softly through his nose, the puff of air blowing gently over your face. The air around you was thick with tension, causing you to shiver involuntarily. Joel lifted his hand from your hip to cup your face, his thumb brushing against your lips. You sighed and your eyes fluttered shut, unable to resist leaning into his touch this time. He took a moment to appreciate the gentle features of your face while your eyes were closed. He ran his thumb over your lips again, marveling at how soft they were. He swallowed nervously, moving his thumb from your lips to rest on your cheek, then leaned forward, closing his eyes when his nose tenderly nudged your own.

A sharp knock on the door made you gasp and jump away. You sat up in bed, clutching the blanket to your chest and Joel laid back with a frustrated groan, roughly running his hands up and down his face.

"Yes!" you yelped; your voice high pitched. Lucy's quiet voice on the other side of the door answered.

"Just checking on you, we have breakfast and coffee whenever you're ready!"

"Be right out!" you replied, voice still too high, no doubt the result of your nerves short circuiting. You stared down at your hands, unsure what to say.

"Did you sleep alright?" you finally asked, a question he usually was asking you. You fidgeted with the edge of the blanket and turned to look at him, anxiously waiting for his answer. He dragged his hands down from his face and let them rest on his stomach, then shot you a grin.

"Slept fuckin' great," he said, grinning wider as he watched your face heat up from embarrassment, and you bit your lip to hold back a smile of your own. It took everything he had to not grab you and pull you back into his arms as you stood up and walked to the door.

"I'll see you in a minute," you said shyly, and closed the door behind you. You headed to the bathroom first, giving yourself a moment to catch your breath. You hovered over the sink and stared at your reflection in the mirror. Your hair was a mess, and your face was flushed. You looked completely wrecked. What were you thinking? The tension was beginning to be too much, and maybe if you just had sex and got it out of your system, just one time, it would help clear your head. It doesn't have to mean anything. If that was all he was willing to offer you, would that be so bad? You could separate the physical from the emotional, right? You sighed, raking your fingers through your hair to tame it, and went to meet Tim and Lucy in the kitchen.

"Fuck," Joel whispered out loud to himself after you left. He palmed his erection over his sweatpants, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. It had been so long since he last jerked off. It was risky, you could come back in here at any moment, but he was convinced he would be hard half the day if he didn't take care of himself.

He pushed his sweatpants down just enough to pull out his cock, squeezing his eyes shut as he gripped himself firmly, setting a fast pace right away, knowing it wouldn't take him long. He let out short, quick gasps as he replayed the events from that morning: the way he caught you looking at him when he woke up, the sound you made when you sighed into his hand, your soft lips. "Shit," he groaned through clenched teeth, his hips thrusting into his fist as he imagined those lips wrapped around his cock, looking up at him through your eyelashes, your face all flushed as you brought him into your mouth as far as you could before stifling a gag.

He frantically reached out to the bedside table where he saw a few scarves piled near the lamp, snatching one and catching his release just in time before he made a mess all over your bed. He laid there for a few minutes catching his breath and then tucked himself back into his pants, shoving the scarf deep under your bed. He reluctantly stood up to change his clothes and ran his fingers through his hair before heading towards the kitchen.

"Oh my goodness, that sounds awful!" Joel heard you saying as he walked into the room. The three of you sat around the table with mugs of coffee, some oatmeal and pop-tarts. He sat down in a chair next to you and poured himself coffee before digging into the food.

"It got really bad there, we just couldn't risk sticking around. From what others were saying, it was just as bad in any other city," Tim had finished saying. You turned to Joel, faltering for a split second when your eyes met, before explaining.

"They just told me the QZ is a shitshow. People are having their food rationed, they're doing grunt work for hardly anything in return, and some people are being attacked for their supplies and the soldiers don't do anything to stop it," you said, listing each item off on your fingers as you spoke.

"Well, it could have been worse. We heard stories about soldiers going to neighborhoods and filling up trucks with people, telling them they'll go to the QZ, but the trucks never arrived," said Lucy, eyes wide. "Rumor has it, there wasn't enough room, so the soldiers shot everyone and left them on the side of the road."

"Why would they do that?" you gasped, a hand over your mouth.

"Dead people can't turn into infected," said Tim sadly, "that's why we stuck it out in the QZ as long as we could."

"How long were you there for?" Joel asked, pausing to take a sip of the piping hot coffee. He looked around, frowning, wondering for the first time how they heated up food, and then he saw the fireplace roaring. His eyes flicked back to Tim angrily.

"I know, I know, we're gonna put it out, we just wanted to warm up a bit and make something to eat," he waved off Joel's glare with a chuckle, "besides, you couldn't even see the smoke last night."

"We were distracted, anyone else walkin' up this street will see it. I'm warnin' you right now," Joel scowled and pointed his finger menacingly at Tim, "if you get her hurt 'cause you ain't listenin' to me, I'm gonna make the QZ look like a fuckin' playground." The whole table was silent while Joel stared daggers into Tim's paling face. You were confused why Joel was so protective over Lucy, a stranger by all accounts, until the coffee kicked in and it clicked: Joel wasn't referring to Lucy. He was talking about you. You could feel the tips of your ears getting red.

You cleared your throat, trying to break the tension at the table. Then a thought occurred to you. You got up quickly and snatched a picture off the mantle over the fireplace, bringing it back to the table and slid it between Lucy and Tim.

"Did you ever see those two people in the QZ?" you asked desperately, your gaze bouncing between them as they examined the photo carefully. They frowned as they stared into the faces of your smiling parents, then slowly shook their heads.

"I'm sorry, I don't think so. But it was a big place," said Lucy, "it's possible they could be there, and we just never saw or noticed them!"

You sighed, thanking them anyway, and pulled the picture back towards you. Joel could see the disappointment in your eyes, and he wanted to take your mind off it. His gaze traveled to a corner of the kitchen where he saw a bow leaning up against the wall with a quiver of arrows. He nodded towards it.

"Where'd you get that?" he asked, standing up to inspect it. You looked up and gasped.

"That's mine! Oh my god, I had no idea my parents kept it."

"Yeah, we found it in the basement. We didn't have any weapons, so we figured it was better than nothing. I've never even used a bow before," Tim said. Joel picked it up and pulled on the strings a few times, then picked up a couple arrows and flicked the tips to test their sharpness.

"You mind if we borrow it? I wanna try to get us something substantial to eat. Looks like it's gonna be a nice day," Joel said, peeking out the window up at the sun, watching the icicles on the gutters drip.

Tim agreed, since it wasn't really his to begin with. You insisted on leaving your pistol on the counter with them, in case of an emergency. Lucy shuddered when she saw the gun, and Tim picked it up to put it in the cupboard next to the sink.

"She hates guns," he explained quietly to you as you and Joel got ready to head out to hunt. "After seeing so much brutality in the QZ, she can't stand them. I'm just trying to keep her calm and happy, so I do as she says." He smiled at you both as you walked through the front door. Before you walked away, Joel turned back to Tim and just simply said "Fire," in a forceful tone, to which Tim nodded and gave a thumbs up, closing the door behind you.

The two of you walked silently down the street back towards the woods you came from, your heads swiveling every so often to make sure no one else was around. The sun was bright, and it was bouncing off the white snow, making you wince. You could tell as you walked that the few inches of snow that was on the ground was breaking up under the warmth. It would probably mostly be gone by nighttime, leaving muddy and dead grass to admire.

Once you reached the woods, Joel did his best to track any animal prints that looked fresh. He wasn't exactly an expert, but he knew enough. You followed closely behind him and kept your eyes on the trees for any movement. You had been walking around the woods for almost an hour before you stopped to rest. You found a fallen tree trunk elevated a bit from the ground that you could both comfortably sit on. You took a sip from your canteen as you glanced around. The forest was so still and quiet, it felt peaceful. You closed your eyes for a moment to savor it, unaware Joel was watching you closely.

Neither of you had mentioned anything about this morning. Joel felt a glimmer of hope inside him that maybe not all was lost, that maybe you could feel the same way he did. He wanted to talk about it, but he didn't want to scare you off and ruin the progress he had made. He cleared his throat, the noise grabbing your attention and making you open your eyes to look at him.

"So," he began, fiddling with the bow in his hands, his eyes cast downward, "I guess when we get back, we oughta ask 'em how they escaped from the QZ, then we can make a plan, get in and see if we can find your folks."

"Mhm, that sounds good," you said, watching him pick at the bow. "Maybe we should stay one more night, then leave early tomorrow."

He looked up at you now, unable to hide the shock from his face. He expected you would want to leave right away, eager to find your family. He scanned your face, seeing a small, playful smile, and he swallowed roughly. You wanted to stay another night for a reason.

His breath caught in his throat, and he could feel the warmth spreading across his cheeks. He hoped you would think the cold air was to blame as he shifted his weight on the log, dragging his gaze from you and onto the trees.

"Yeah," he finally squeezed out, "that's fine, we can leave tomorrow."

You bit your lip and turned your head away from him so he wouldn't see the smile that threatened to spill across your face.

You heard a snap of a twig nearby, drawing both of your attention as you fixated on the location of the noise. You froze when you saw a fat rabbit about 10 yards away, happily munching on some grass that had been exposed by the sun. Joel slowly reached down for the bow, but without looking you reached your hand out to place on top of his, stopping him. You motioned with your fingers to hand over the bow. You were more familiar with it, but it had been a long time. It was like riding a bike, right?

You loaded an arrow slowly into the bow, and drew back the string silently, closing one eye and aiming straight ahead. You let out a slow breath, then held it for half a second before letting go of the string. You cried out in happiness when the arrow made contact, killing the rabbit instantly. Joel swiveled his head towards you with a huge grin plastered on his face, beaming with pride.

You held the rabbit by the feet as you made your way back to the house, explaining you used to shoot archery in middle school but lost interest. The adrenaline from the kill combined with the excitement of what lied ahead for you and Joel was making you dizzy with happiness. You should have known something was going to ruin it.

You were a few doors down from your house, still smiling and teasing Joel about how much of a better hunter you were when his eyes fell on the front door of your house, and he froze. You stopped automatically, following his gaze to the front door of the house that was wide open. You both stood there for a minute, waiting to see if Tim was going to appear walking back inside with a bucket of snow to melt, but he never did. You turned to Joel, your eyes filled with worry.

"Did he leave the door open?" you asked shakily, hoping there was a reasonable explanation. Joel slowly shook his head, eyes still trained on the house. You looked around you now, trying to make out any footprints in the snow that may have been foreign, and Joel looked around at the houses on the street for movement. When it appeared to be quiet and still, you both begrudgingly approached your home, afraid of what you would find.

Joel stepped through the door first, his face immediately contorting in a grimace. He held his arm out to keep you back, but you refused, dropping the rabbit and pushing past him, gasping at the sight before you. Tim and Lucy were slaughtered, laying lifeless on your living room floor. Blood seeped into the beige carpet, making it spongy and red. Their eyes were open and staring up at the ceiling, their mouths agape as blood slowly trickled from their multiple stab wounds.

You bit back a sob, turning away to focus on literally anything except them. Joel desperately wanted to comfort you, but he first needed to know the bandits were gone, so he advanced into the small house, clearing each room before returning to find you standing in the kitchen, tears streaming down your face.

He briefly noticed the cupboards were left wide open, all the food taken, as well as the pistol you left for Tim, before he reached out to envelop you in his arms. You sank into his embrace, sobbing quietly into his shoulder. His eyes flicked back to the scene in the living room.

“That fuckin’ fire, I told him to put it out,” he said, staring at the small flames still licking at the embers.

You tried to argue with Joel about burying them, but he didn’t want to risk it. He wanted to get back into the forest behind the shelter of the pine trees. You had packed up your things quickly while Joel draped a couple sheets over their bodies. He made sure to grab the rabbit you killed before hurrying you out the front door and back towards the forest, not stopping until you were miles away and you begged him to take a break. He relented only when he found a secluded spot where he felt safe making a small fire to cook the rabbit. As you ate, he examined his map, trying to figure out where you were in relation to the QZ. He was fairly certain you were heading in the right direction, his eyes lifting up towards the sun and then turned the map around in his hands.  

“I think we’re here,” he told you, pointing to a green area on the map. “If we hook up with this road here,” he dragged his finger over to a thick line on the page, “then that will take us right into the city, and we can find the QZ.” You nodded, cleaning off your plates in what little snow remained on the ground. “You doin’ ok?” he asked you hesitantly. You stopped cleaning the plates to look up at him.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you assured him, “just… that could’ve been us. It scared me.” You held his gaze for a moment, trying to express how much he meant to you with a look. Joel shook his head and leaned forward to grip your hand.

“It ain’t gonna be us, we don’t make stupid mistakes like that, you understand me?” You nodded, your eyes raking over his face, wondering if your luck will eventually run out. He gave your hand one more squeeze before standing up, urging you to pack up so you could make it to the QZ before nightfall.

The road Joel had pointed out to you on the map was deserted, surrounded only by thick forests and a few abandoned cars as you made your way slowly towards the city. You kept your gaze on the ground in front of you, absentmindedly kicking a stone here or there as you walked beside Joel, who was on high alert for raiders and gripping his rifle tightly in his hands. The road curved and steered you towards an open field, where you could now see buildings not too far off in the distance. Suddenly, Joel stretched his arm out across your chest, stopping you both. You looked up at him, confused, then followed his gaze. Not far ahead, you could see a pile of bodies on the side of the road, just like Lucy had warned. You held your breath, unable to fathom how evil those soldiers must be to execute all those innocent people. He looked down at you, and you nodded to him, telling him you were ok, to keep walking.

You continued down the road, both of you unable to keep your eyes off the bodies as you got closer. You couldn’t tell how long they had been there, the harsh winter had likely preserved their bodies, but with the snow melting today, you could make out most of their exposed faces and clothes. Your eyes scanned over a few of the bodies on top and that’s when you saw them: their bodies twisted and lifeless, laid next to one another on the side of the pile.

You dropped to your knees in the middle of the street, not even registering the pain from the impact. Then your vision went blurry before blackness creeped along the edges. You forced out a choked cry, unable to control the volume of your voice as sobs shook your body. Joel’s arms were around you instantly, cutting off your view from your parents, and kneeled down in the street with you, holding you to his chest to muffle your screams, rocking you back and forth until your breathing slowed and you ran out of tears.

Chapter Twelve

Taglist: @chiogarza, sparklejumpropequeen-777

[punkshort]

Chapter warnings: angst, smut, language, violence

Chapter Seven

Pairing: Joel x F!Reader, pre-outbreak and post outbreak

AU (the only thing I kept was the outbreak, Joel, and Tommy's characters. Joel's backstory is different, and the way he finds Jackson is different. I may include Ellie one day, I just haven't planned that far)

Fic Summary: You worked for Joel and Tommy a few months before the outbreak. The outbreak happens, and you and Joel get stuck traveling the country and keeping each other safe. Neither of you spoke about the feelings you had for one another pre-outbreak, and in a post-apocalyptic world, it seems like survival should be your only focus. But feelings can't be ignored forever.

Fic tags: Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI), Smut, Language, Canon-Typical Violence, Alcohol Use, Age Difference (Reader is 10 years younger than Joel), slow burn, mutual pining, angst, trauma, SA referencing later but I will put a big warning on those chapters

You were able to sneak out of the QZ fairly easily, the soldiers were preoccupied with new truckloads of survivors, and they were running around trying to create more sleeping accommodations in classrooms and hallways. Joel led you alongside the school and into the cover of a small forest before anybody could question you. You didn’t speak or slow down until you were about 2 miles away from the school, still primarily surrounded by trees, but they were thinning out, revealing shops and roads in the distance.

“Joel, stop, let’s rest for a few minutes, please,” you panted, struggling to keep up with his long gait on the uneven terrain.

Surprised to hear your voice, he turned to look over his shoulder at you. He had been in such a trance to lead you both away from the school that he wasn’t even sure what direction you were headed. He nodded in agreement. He was tired and hot, still in the same work clothes from Friday.

“Yeah, let’s go sit down, looks quiet here.” Joel motioned to a big, flat rock nearby, and the two of you sat down on it, setting your purse and supplies down and sipping on the water bottles you were grateful you had grabbed before leaving the QZ. You sat next to each other in silence, catching your breath and looking around at the nature surrounding you.

“What are we doing, Joel?” you asked him quietly. You were all too fully aware you were following this man blindly into a world full of danger. Just a week ago, you had such a different relationship with him, one that was heading in a direction that made you feel excited and hopeful. You were still reeling from the shock of his harsh words on his birthday, unable to fully process what happened that day in his office. Still, you had no idea what caused him to run out of the building after you, what he wanted to say, but you hated to admit that you were grateful. Who knows where you would be if Joel hadn’t yelled at you, making you quit and leave the building. Who knows where you would be right now if you were alone when those soldiers started shooting. In some twisted way, you owed Joel your life. He was all you had now, you had to trust him.

“Well, I suppose we try to find your family,” Joel said, leaning back to lay flat on the rock and closed his eyes as he continued. “At least, we gotta get out of this city, it’s not safe. That guy at the QZ told me this infection is all over, but maybe it ain’t as bad in other places.”

“What else did he say to you?” you asked, turning to look down at him now. His eyes were still closed, his face looked relaxed but the bags under his eyes reminded you he was up early this morning.

Joel paused for a moment. He knew what you were asking, but he wasn’t sure how to tell you. He kept his eyes shut when he finally spoke.

"He told me bad stuff was happenin’ to women there, women who were alone.”

Your suspicions were right. He stood guard over you while you slept, what else could it have been? You sighed, looking down at the half empty water bottle in your hands. Joel has been saving you over and over again for the past 5 days while you were still hung up on some stupid argument. It all felt so trivial now, when the focus was simply survival.

You reached your hand out and lightly squeezed his own, trying to thank him when words didn’t seem like enough. He opened his eyes now and looked at you staring at your coupled hands, giving your hand a light squeeze in return.

"What now?" you asked, letting his hand go. Joel sighed and sat back upright.

"Well, we gotta get some supplies. Couple of backpacks, some food, clothes, all that. I’m thinkin’ we gotta leave on foot, a car would be too loud, FEDRA will stop us. We can try to make it back to my place in the city for some stuff, but it’s far, maybe 10 minutes from the office.”

Something Joel said gave you an idea.

"I have backpacks! At my apartment, hiking backpacks, two of them. And some other things. My place is further out, it probably won’t take us too long, I live kind of far from work… lived,” you corrected yourself, frowning, “I just can’t tell where we are, maybe if we can get to those stores over there, we can see what street that is.”

Joel nodded. “Alright, good, you ready to go?”

You jumped off the rock and picked up your purse, stuffed with the items from the QZ, and both headed in the direction of the strip mall. You emerged from the thinning forest to find a playground with a baseball diamond and a soccer field. As you cautiously made your way through the open field, Joel stopped at the baseball diamond to grab you each a bat from a pile left on home plate. You took it from his outstretched hand, the thought of weapons to defend yourselves having not even crossed your mind yet. You were not adapting to this disaster as quickly as you would like. Joel had been the one to find shelter, the one who recognized when an area was unsafe, the one who formulated a plan. You scolded yourself for not being more aware of your surroundings... this was life or death. At least you had Justin’s old camping supplies still housed in your tiny apartment, that was useful. You just had to get there in one piece.

It took half the day to walk from the strip mall to your apartment building, taking extra time to be quiet and go unseen. Once you reentered the city, you could see Joel tense up as he gripped his baseball bat tightly by his side. Your building was not too far into the city limits, and you managed to make it there without being spotted.

Joel gently closed the lobby door behind you, turning around to see the room was empty, save for a few abandoned duffel bags and some trash. You led him towards the stairwell door, closing it quietly, listening for any movement above before slowly beginning your ascent.

“What floor?” Joel whispered behind you.

“Two,” you answered just as quietly, “but I am on the other end of the hall.”

“You’re on the second floor? D’you know how dangerous that is? Anyone could climb up and break in.”

You paused before opening the door marked with a big number 2, turning to look at Joel incredulously as he finished his climb up the stairs.

"There’s monsters running around eating people and you’re lecturing me about what floor my apartment is on?” you asked, eyebrows raised.

He looked at you for a moment, considering your words, and smirked.

"Yeah, well, when you put it like that," he said.

You knew it was a serious situation and people were dying. Hell, you could die at any moment. But you allowed a smile to spread across your face, only barely holding back a laugh. Joel’s smirk turned into a bigger smile at the sight of yours, hiding a small chuckle. You rolled your eyes, still grinning, and reached out to open the door before he stopped you.

"Let me go first,” he said, moving in front of you with his bat at the ready.

He pushed the door open just enough so he could see down the hall. It was empty, but there were several apartment doors that were either cracked or wide open. He listened intently for any movement that might indicate you weren’t alone. When he was satisfied, he opened the door wider, allowing you both to squeeze through and then softly closed the door. Without speaking, you pointed down the hall towards the right side, and with your fingers you held up a 2, 2, and 3, telling him which one was yours. He nodded in understanding and led the way slowly down the long hallway.

Joel stopped before every open door and peeked inside each apartment before moving down to the next one, being extra cautious of any infected. Neither of you had seen one up close yet, you had no idea what to expect, but you heard them when you were running down the street. They sounded like feral animals the way they screamed and snarled as they attacked. You shuddered at the thought, but at least you would hear them coming.

Joel paused when he heard someone walking, and then heard a repeated thudding sound. You both froze in place, listening and trying to locate the source. It sounded like it was coming from the floor above you, so you both continued until you reached the door that read 223. You dug into your purse and pulled out your keys, grateful to find that the door was still locked. Again, Joel insisted on sticking his head in first and clearing the place before you entered, gently shutting and locking the door behind you.

You looked around your small apartment, everything left exactly as it was Friday morning. You had a small loveseat and an accent chair surrounding your TV in the living room, behind the loveseat was your equally small kitchen with a table for two. Your bedroom door was off the kitchen, and the bathroom had a door right where you had walked in but was also connected to your bedroom through a second door. It was very small, but you made it work, you had just been so happy to have your own space.

Joel looked around thoughtfully. These were not the circumstances in which he had hoped to see your place for the first time. You chewed your lip as he looked around your apartment, admiring your framed photos and your knick-knacks. He looked so big and out of place amongst your modest apartment, filled with secondhand furniture and mementos from your past. You reached down to pick up the backpack you had tripped over on Friday morning, setting it up against the wall while you opened the extremely small accordion door that gave way to a tiny coat closet. You reached inside and grabbed the second backpack, setting it next to the first, and lastly picked up the two tightly rolled up sleeping bags that were never reattached to the packs.

He turned and saw the supplies against the wall, excitedly walking over to open one up and examine it more closely.

"I didn’t realize you liked camping, we can really use most of this," he said, his focus still on opening up the various pockets on the backpacks.

You paused a moment, not sure if you should tell him where the supplies came from. You figured he would eventually question why there were two packs, so decided to tell him.

"Actually, they aren’t mine, they were left here,” you cleared your throat nervously, remembering Joel’s outburst about you sleeping with people at the office. "They're Justin's. He forgot to pick them up after I broke up with him.” You turned away so you couldn’t see his reaction, nervous he would show that angry side of himself again.

His hands stilled at your words. He had no right, and he knew it, but a wave of jealousy washed over him anyway. Joel pushed his feelings aside, not wanting to upset you again after he had made a little progress with you today.

"Hated camping so much you broke his heart, then?" he joked, offering you a small smile.

Your cheeks heated up at the real reason you broke up with Justin, that day in the meadow with your thoughts consumed of Joel crossing your mind. You let out a small chuckle and said, "I guess I better get used to it now."

The two of you spent the rest of the day rummaging through your kitchen cabinets, setting aside essentials you could pack, only stopping briefly to eat some dinner. You found you had some chicken in your fridge, so you cooked it up with some rice and whatever vegetables you had that still looked good. You ate in silence, hunched over your small kitchen table.

"This is incredible, thank you again," Joel said, shoveling the last forkful in his mouth.

"You'd say that about anything right now, we haven't eaten anything decent since the bodega," you teased.

Joel shook his head in disagreement. "Nope, that ain't true. You're a good cook, and I'm grateful."

You looked down at your bowl shyly as Joel picked up his and washed it in your sink.

"Uh, I was wonderin," Joel started, clearing his throat and suddenly giving a spot on the bowl all his attention, "did he leave any clothes here I can use?"

You smacked your forehead, feeling stupid. Of course he wants different clothes, he's been in the same ones for days.

"No, he was only here that one time after camping, I'm sorry. Maybe we can look in some of those open apartments? I'm sure we can find something useful." You stood to wash your own bowl as he dried his hands.

Joel was pleased to hear your ex hadn't spent much time here, still struggling to ignore that jealous streak.

"Good idea, grab your bat, just in case, and let's go lookin' before it gets dark," he said, placing the towel delicately back on the holder before turning and heading towards your living room. You smiled inwardly at how domestic it felt in this moment, but you shook the thoughts out of your head. It's not like that between you, the focus was on surviving and finding your family.

You grabbed your bat and the two of you headed towards the door when suddenly the power went out. You both froze for a moment, taking in the eerie silence.

"Well, it held out longer than I figured it would. C'mon, we should definitely get goin' now, not much sun left." Joel said, opening up your apartment door a crack and peering out to make sure you were still alone. You followed him out the door, closed it gently behind you, and you walked a few doors down to apartment 245.

Joel indicated you stay back and he entered the room. It was a similar layout as your own, so it took him no time at all to confirm it was empty. You walked in and began to help him look through the dresser in the bedroom. Joel lucked out: the man who lived here was close enough to his size, so he grabbed a couple essential items and headed back to your place. He said he could continue to look tomorrow for more clothes, but this would do for now.

You rifled through your kitchen cabinet for as many candles as you could find, lighting them all over the apartment so you could see as the sun went down. You had just finished lighting the last one when Joel came out of your bathroom after taking a quick shower before the hot water cooled in the tank. He changed into a dark grey plain tshirt and some sweatpants.

"Feel better?" you asked, walking past him to put a candle in the bathroom.

"Much better, thanks," he said, checking the locks on your doors and windows. "I'm gonna move your couch in front of your door for the night. That way, I'll feel it move if someone tries breakin' in."

You emerged from the bathroom, your brows furrowed. "You can't sleep on that thing, are you kidding? You're too tall."

Joel looked down at the loveseat he was in the process of pushing across the carpet. You were right, his legs would hang off the end, it was only a two-seater.

"I'll be fine, don't worry," he waved you off, finishing his task.

"Just sleep in my bed with me, it's big enough, it doesn't have to be weird," you offered before you could overthink it. He kept his eyes cast down on the loveseat, weighing your offer.

"Besides, this may be one of the last times we get to sleep on a mattress for a while," you added.

"You sure?" Joel asked, one eyebrow raised. He was pleasantly surprised by how much has changed between you. He knew he ruined his chance with you, and he couldn't bring up the argument now, it's been too long, the damage was done. But if you didn't absolutely despise him for it, maybe that could be enough.

"Yeah, of course. I'm gonna shower, too. Go on and settle in." You grabbed a change of clothes and closed the bathroom door behind you.

Joel stood in the middle of your bedroom looking around. It was a small room, just a bed, one end table with an alarm clock, a hamper and a dresser. It wasn't much, but you somehow had made it feel like you. The framed pictures you had on your dresser from your college days were next to some random pieces of jewelry scattered across the top. He gently touched the intricate glass knobs on your dresser, the tip of his finger dipping into the grooves of the design.

The dresser must have been old, because the slight pressure from his finger caused the drawer to fall open a few inches. He moved to shut it when he noticed something bright red hidden under the clothes. He turned around to confirm you were still in the shower, hearing the water trickling on the tub floor. Curious, he dipped his hand inside to pull the item to the surface. It was a red lace thong, soft and delicate in his rough hands. His breath caught in his throat and his pulse raced as he felt all the blood in his body heading right to his cock. He shoved the underwear back down to the bottom of the drawer quickly when he heard the water shut off. He got into one side of the bed and bunched up the blankets to hide his growing erection.

You padded out of the bathroom, still towel drying your hair. Considering the cool fall nights, you had put on sleep pants and a long sleeve T-shirt. Your heart jumped in your chest, nothing preparing you for the visual of seeing this man in your bed. Deciding you needed to take a moment, you made an excuse about blowing the candles out and left the room. You scolded yourself as you walked around to snuff out each candle. That part of your life with him is over, you aren't here playing house, and he all but told you how he felt in his office that day.

Stop thinking about him like that.

You blew out the last candle and headed back to your bedroom.

You each laid on your respective sides of the bed, you on your side with your back to him, and him flat on his back staring at your ceiling. It was quiet outside, but you could hear the occasional growl or yell far in the distance, and once you heard a FEDRA truck rumble by your building.

“Joel?” you whispered in the dark after a while, not sure if he was asleep.

“Yeah?” he whispered back.

“What do you think these things are? Are they people anymore?” you asked, unsure how to phrase your question.

“I’m not sure, the soldiers didn’t tell us much, I ain’t sure they even know,” he replied. "But I think we gotta look at it like it’s us or them: we can’t hold back if we’re in danger, d’you understand?”

You nodded in the darkness. He meant you’ll need to do what it takes to survive, even if that meant killing them.

“Yes,” you whispered back finally, “I understand.”

“I’m not sure how many of them there are, maybe it’s not as bad as we think… maybe the military can kill ‘em all and we can go back to normal. We haven’t even seen one yet, so who knows,” Joel said, yawning at the end of his sentence. You remembered he hardly slept the night before, so you stopped talking in order to let him rest. You closed your eyes and dreamt of whiskey and spearmint.

You awoke with a start when you heard another FEDRA truck rumble slowly past your building, shining a huge spotlight into the window as it drove by. It was still dark out, unsure of the time since your alarm clock was digital. You felt surprisingly warm despite the cool fall night. You were about to reach down to pull a blanket off when you stopped. The heat wasn’t from the blanket, it was Joel.

He was pressed up against your back with his arm slung around your waist lightly, his face buried in your still slightly damp hair. You felt his breath as it exhaled on the back of your neck softly and you fought the urge to shiver at the sensation, worried it would wake him. You could tell by his breathing he was in a deep sleep, so you took a moment to just enjoy what could have been. You wondered in a different timeline, had the world not ended and he wouldn't have said those things to you in his office, if he would be in your apartment like this under other circumstances. You knew you told yourself to stop thinking like this, that it wasn’t important anymore, but you knew tomorrow would bring a new day of fear and who knows what else. Tonight, you were safe in your apartment. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to let your guard down, just a little.

You closed your eyes and leaned back ever so slightly against Joel, careful about waking him up. You sighed softly as you envisioned what it would have been like to have brought him back to your apartment, maybe after getting drinks and seeing a movie together. You would both stumble into your apartment giggling, his arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you in to kiss you as you would try to retreat backwards towards your bedroom door without breaking contact. Once you had him in your room, you would have run your hands up and down his torso, trying to get him to lift his shirt over his head. Maybe he would have gently pushed you back so you would land flat on your bed, watching him remove his shirt so you could finally see the rest of those strong arms and broad chest.

You wondered what you would have worn. Probably a dress, but not a work dress. Maybe the knee length cream dress with little flowers on it you kept tucked in the back of your closet, hardly ever finding an occasion to wear it. You definitely would have tried to surprise him with the red thong you kept hidden away, wondering what his reaction would have been when he ran his hands up your smooth legs under your dress and feeling the soft lace under his fingers.  Maybe he would have asked you to take your dress off and leave just the underwear on so he could see all of you in the moonlight shining through your window. Would he have pulled you down on his lap roughly, pinching your nipple and gripping the meaty part of your hip as he ground his hard cock up against your warm center, still covered with lace, teasing you? Or would he have taken his time, laid you down on the bed while he inched the thong down your legs, spreading them wide so he could see just how wet you were for him? Maybe he would have pressed your legs down on the bed while he licked the opening of your pulsing cunt, his angular nose nudging against your clit, over and over until you came screaming his name and your hands buried in his curls.

You forced your imagination to stop before you woke him up with your ragged breathing. You couldn’t relieve the pressure between your legs, anyway, since he had you caged in. All you could do was squirm a little bit, feeling the dampness that pooled in your underwear. Joel's arm shifted, probably because you were moving, so you froze while trying to calm your breathing. He sighed and gave his limbs a small stretch. The arm that was draped loosely over your waist tightened around you now, his large hand splayed against your ribs and shoved between your side and the mattress. You held your breath until you were sure he was still asleep, finally relaxing when his breathing evened back out again.

You weren't sure what tomorrow would bring, or even if you would both live. Tonight, you drifted off to sleep in his arms, making a mental note to put that guard back up tomorrow.

Joel woke up first the next morning, the pleasant floral scent of your shampoo invading his senses before he even opened his eyes. Keeping his eyes shut, he frowned, the memories of yesterday flooding back to him. It had been a long day and your bed was so warm, he resisted the urge to wake up just yet. He sighed, stretching out a little before he realized his hand was pinned between you and the bed. He opened his eyes for the first time and saw you curled up with your back against his chest, sleeping peacefully with your lips slightly parted. No, he was clutching you to his chest, he must have done it in his sleep. No wonder he slept like a rock.

He gently tried to unweave himself without waking you up, but he failed. You stirred just as his arm broke free, and he quickly put some space between you so his morning wood wasn't digging into your back anymore.

You stretched and yawned, stilling when you felt him shift beside you. Turning over on your other side to face him, you gave him a sleepy smile before stretching once again and got up to head towards the bathroom.

Once the door shut, Joel exhaled the breath he didn't realize he was holding. He gripped his hard cock over the blankets to try to make it go away enough to stand up. It wasn't until you had left the bathroom to go into the kitchen for some food that he finally stood, tucking the remainder of his erection into his waistband.

You had dug out some pop-tarts and cereal, eating it dry since the milk had likely gone bad by now. You both ate in silence leaning over the kitchen counter.

"What's the plan for today?" you asked between a handful of Cheerios.

"Well, I figure we can look around some of these open apartments for whatever else we can use. Pack up our bags and see if we can start headin' west." Joel replied, dusting his hands on the sides of his sweatpants.

You nodded, telling him you were going to get changed, leaving him in the kitchen alone. Joel wandered over to the window, peeking out through the curtains to see if there was any activity. He didn't see any movement, a good sign, but not a sure thing. Once you were changed, he swapped places with you and changed as well, then you headed out the door to loot your neighbor's apartments.

You were wandering around the apartment across the hall from you as Joel was digging through another closet to gather a few more items he could wear. The rooms were a mess, just like all of the other apartments, like everyone left in such a hurry: random drawers were left partially opened and clothes strewn around. You sauntered up to an end-table next to the couch in the living room and cracked opened a drawer with one finger, your bat lazily dangling in your other hand. You saw something shiny inside, so you opened the drawer all the way and pulled out a large and sharp hunting knife encased in a leather sheath.

You picked it up and made you way into the bedroom where Joel was now rummaging around in the adjoining bathroom, inspecting first aid supplies and pocketing what looked useful.

"I got you a present," you said, leaning against the doorframe. He turned to you, his hand briefly brushing against the keychain in his jeans pocket subconsciously as he stood up. You held out the knife, which he stepped forward and took.

"Hey, good find!" he said excitedly. "These bats'll only get us so far."

He placed the knife on the bathroom sink and began to undo his belt. Your eyes latched onto the movement, not expecting it. Feeling flustered, you swallowed nervously and you felt your cheeks get warm as you briefly replayed some of the thoughts you were having in the middle of the night, turning away before Joel noticed.

Once his belt was off, he threaded the sheath through the leather and ran the belt back through the loops of his jeans. Despite your efforts, he had noticed the blush that creeped along your cheeks. He smirked as he watched you exit the room and head towards the bedroom window.

You stood against the side of the window, resting your head against the frame and gazed outside. You thought you could hear something in the distance but you couldn't put your finger on what the sound was. You motioned for Joel to come over.

"What is that?" you asked. He shook his head, listening.

The noise was growing louder and sounded like growling and snarls. As it got closer, you could hear some screams interspersed with the growls. Joel must have seen something because he grabbed you by the shoulder and tugged you down to the ground, putting a finger against his lips. Quiet.

He peeked over the edge of the window just enough to see a huge mob of at least 50 infected ambling down the street mindlessly.

"Fuck," Joel whispered. He watched as he saw them stumble and drag their feet, hunched over with their mouths either hanging open or snapping at the air. Joel noticed most of them were covered in some amount of blood, either their own or someone else's.

As the noises got closer, you lifted your head up slightly to look down at the street, gasping and clamping both hands tightly over your mouth. You continued to stare as tears pricked the back of your eyes. You couldn't believe what you were seeing. This was so much worse than you had imagined.

The two of you could barely hear the roar of the trucks over the snarling as they approached from the opposite direction, FEDRA soldiers standing on the top and unloading endless amounts of bullets into the hoard of infected. You ducked down, but Joel kept watching. He saw how the bullets went right through them, barely flinching as they began to charge the soldiers angrily. The drivers threw the trucks into reverse before they were overrun, causing a couple soldiers on the top to lose their balance and fall into the hoard. The infected swarmed on top of the fallen soldiers, their shrieks muffled by growls and wheels squealing on the asphalt as they raced back down the street to safety, followed by the few hopeless infected that weren't tearing apart the soldiers on the ground.

He ducked back down under the window, panting heavily from the adrenaline. You were still hunched over with your mouth clamped shut under your hands, rocking on your heels with tears silently streaming down your face.

Joel leaned forward and wrapped you in his arms, pulling you against his chest. Neither of you said a word, you just sat there until the growls from the infected faded and they headed down the street. You stayed like that another ten minutes before you risked looking back out the window. Joel saw the pieces of soldiers that remained: mostly scraps of clothing, boots, a hand here or there, and the street filled with their dark red blood. He noticed a few infected that had died from the bullets. When he looked closer, he saw they all had a shot to the head. So there was a way to kill them.

Joel sighed. He sat up against the wall and rubbed his hands roughly over his face.

"A knife and a bat won't cut it, we need guns," he said to you. You sniffled and looked up at him.

"Where do we get guns?"

"My place. I got a few there. It's far though, deep in the city, near the office."

You felt your pulse return to normal now as you dried your tears on the sleeve of your T-shirt.

"Maybe the subway is clear? At least we would be off the street," you said.

"It's the only plan we got," Joel replied. He stood up to reach down and help you stand, and you quietly went back to your apartment.

Chapter Eight

[punkshort]

Chapter Two

Pairing: Joel x F!Reader, pre-outbreak and post outbreak

AU (the only thing I kept was the outbreak, Joel, and Tommy's characters. Joel's backstory is different, and the way he finds Jackson is different. I may include Ellie one day, I just haven't planned that far)

Fic Summary: You worked for Joel and Tommy a few months before the outbreak. The outbreak happens, and you and Joel get stuck traveling the country and keeping each other safe. Neither of you spoke about the feelings you had for one another pre-outbreak, and in a post-apocalyptic world, it seems like survival should be your only focus. But feelings can't be ignored forever.

Fic tags: Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI), Smut, Language, Canon-Typical Violence, Alcohol Use, Age Difference (Reader is 10 years younger than Joel), slow burn, mutual pining, angst, trauma, SA referencing later but I will put a big warning on those chapters

May 2003

It had been almost a month since you started your new job and you were getting the hang of things quickly. You always prided yourself on learning fast and being an overachiever. Everybody in your department seemed very friendly and helpful, but you really hit it off with Colleen and Debbie, given the proximity of your desks, and your mutual age range. It felt nice to have a couple friends, although you have yet to hang out outside of work, so were they really your “friends”? They had invited you out drinking with them a couple of times, but you politely declined, still feeling a little shy.

You had, however, been spending more time with one of the few men in your department, Justin, who worked in payroll. You could tell he was interested in you as more than just friends, so you weren’t shocked when he asked you out on a date. In a moment of weakness, you agreed, figuring it was about time you got out on the town and had a little fun. Justin was a little taller than you but not by much. He had sandy blonde hair and kind, brown eyes, always clean shaven, and most importantly he was a safe bet. You could tell by the moment you met, he was a mild mannered, sweet guy, very non-threatening. He was easy to get along with, and you hoped with time, maybe you could develop stronger feelings towards him. You haven’t had a boyfriend since college, and you were starting to become lonely. A quiet, sweet guy is just what you thought you needed to shake the dust off.

As far as work went, you were getting rather confident in your abilities in your new role. You were even beginning to learn about some of the company’s clients over the phone when you called requesting payment status on past due invoices. Today was one of those days. You had been on the phone for nearly half an hour with Mr. Sullivan, a client who was behind a few months on his payments.

Miller & Miller was remodeling a few floors of a high rise into office space for Mr. Sullivan’s insurance company, which had been growing exponentially to the point where Mr. Sullivan was having trouble keeping up with all the business, let alone his bills. However, you sadly learned that Mr. Sullivan’s wife had unexpectedly been hospitalized for the past 3 weeks, and you could tell listening to his voice shake over the phone that it was hard for him to talk about. You patiently listened to him and gave gentle words of encouragement when the moments called for it, and at the end of the call he assured you that the check he promised to mail out today would cover all the backed invoices. You hung up the phone, thanking him for addressing the matter, and wished him and his wife well.

“Sheesh, that was a long call, what was that all about?” Colleen asked, craning her neck around the wall of your cubicle. You turned and filled her in on Mr. Sullivan and his wife, and how you had felt bad asking for money when he clearly had just too much going on at the moment. She stood from her desk and entered your cube as you spoke. She was wearing her hair in a ponytail today and a floral skirt with a pink blouse. You started to wonder if all she owned was pink.  It definitely matched her personality. Colleen leaned against the back of your desk as you finished your story, nodding along, brows knit.

"Make sure to fill Heather in before our meeting today, in case Joel asks what the deal is,” she reminded you. You froze for a second, forgetting that today was the department meeting with Joel. It was your first meeting with him, and even the first time laying eyes on him. Having only heard stories for the past month, your imagination was beginning to make this man out to be a big, bad wolf.

“Right,” you nodded, jotting down the reminder on a post-it note. “Good call, thank you. I completely forgot; I should get some notes ready on the other clients I know about.” You chewed your lip nervously, and Colleen picked up on it.

“Don’t stress it! He probably won’t even acknowledge you today, just lay low, and avoid eye contact. Ha, it sounds like I’m describing a how you should act if you see a bear!” She joked, and you gave her a forced laugh in response. Colleen walked back to her desk and you began furiously looking up all of the clients you are familiar with, jotting down notes on your pad for the upcoming meeting that afternoon.

The morning flew by, and Heather was booked with meetings all day. You never got a chance to touch base with her about your notes, so you sent her an email around 11am with all the information you had, praying she would be at her desk at some point before your department meeting with Joel and print it out, at the very least. Still, just in case, you grabbed your notepad as the whole team filed out the door together to the 10th floor conference room after lunch.

Once upstairs, you all settled into a long room with an equally long table, with a huge glass wall that overlooked the city, and another wall with a large TV screen installed so that presentations could be displayed. A conference phone, and a pitcher of water with glasses sat in the center of the long, dark wood table, the Miller & Miller logo emblazoned on the glasses.

Justin settled in the chair next to you. He shot you a shy smile and reassuredly grazed his pinky finger against the back of your hand. You glanced up from the contact and smiled back at him. He was so sweet and gentle, but you were still lacking that spark. It had been a few weeks of you seeing each other several times outside of work. You knew you had to decide soon about this relationship, either take the next step and sleep with him, or end things. You dreaded thinking about the tension in the office if you stop seeing Justin, but the spark just wasn’t there yet.

Heather hurriedly entered the room, taking a seat at one end of the table. You opened your mouth, about to get her attention and ask if she saw your email, when the door swung open behind her and in walked Joel. You snapped your mouth shut and your eyes darted up to finally take him in.

You already picked up on the vibe everyone told you about: he radiated a certain level of irritation across his tanned face. He had an angular nose; and messy, dark curls for hair that somehow also looked styled, and a patchy beard along his jaw, which ticked to the side as he walked. He had dark eyes that did not even bother to sweep over any of you already seated as he made his way to the head of the table. He wore a pair of grey dress pants and a light blue button up shirt, sleeves rolled up to the elbow, showing off toned and tanned forearms. Behind him walked another man, who appeared to be a few years younger than him, hair longer than Joel’s but just as dark. He had a smattering of facial hair, but less so along the sides of his jaw.  He wore a dark black suit with a white shirt, and a blue tie. Tommy – you determined for yourself, as you watched the two men sit next to one another.

Tommy ran his eyes over the group and shot you all a tight smile as he readjusted himself in the chair next to his brother. Joel kept his eyes down on the papers in front of him as he sorted them, still ignoring the presence of everyone else in the room. It was so quiet, you thought everyone could hear your heart hammering in your chest. It appeared nobody planned to speak until Joel decided the meeting began. You averted your gaze from the two brothers and reviewed your notes again for the hundredth time, your stomach twisting in knots over the tension in the room. You snuck a glance back over to Heather at the other end of the table. Her face was stoic and unreadable. She kept her eyes down on her portfolio, placing a calculator next to her on the table, patiently waiting.

Just when you thought you couldn’t take the tension any longer, Joel finally stopped shuffling his papers around and looked up. You tried your best to not look over at him again, the advice about staying below the radar swimming in the back of your head, but something about him was magnetic.  Your head remained tilted downward at your notes, but you found your gaze was slowly making its way along the length of the table, reaching his large and rough looking hands resting on his papers, continuing up his forearms to take in his broad shoulders that looked to be fighting against the fabric of his button down, and finally landed on his face again.  Your eyes widened when you found that his gaze had already been settled on you, and noticed the whole time you were checking him out.

Were you checking him out? Or were you just curious? Shit.

Your eyes darted away and back to your notepad. You felt your pulse quickening in your throat, as you gently swallowed and nervously squirmed in your chair. It was then that Justin discreetly placed a tender hand on your knee, sensing your discomfort. Unbeknownst to you, Justin’s movement hadn’t been all that subtle. Joel saw, and then flicked his eyes away from you, back to Heather.

“Alright, let’s get started, I got a full afternoon so I'd like to keep this short. What're the numbers for month end, let’s see ‘em up on the screen.”

His voice matched his gruff and harsh demeanor. He had a deep baritone, with a slight twang to the way he spoke, which made you think he must have grown up somewhere else but tried to suppress the accent. You did your best to stay focused on the meeting, but your mind kept wandering to Joel, in a way you did not expect before entering the room. You stay tuned into his voice, trying to pick up little hints as to where that accent was from, and you found yourself daydreaming about those large hands, what it would feel like if –

Stop it. Get ahold of yourself, you have a boyfriend! 

You gently shook your head, as if the physical motion would actually make those thoughts go away. You figured you must be losing it; this guy was at least ten years older than you and certainly not the type of man you had been with before, not your type at all. Maybe that’s why he’s in your head.

You had not been paying attention to the meeting well enough, but when you heard the name ‘Sullivan’, it snapped you out of your daydream. Joel repeated himself, with an edge to his voice now, staring Heather down from across the table, hands twitching on his papers.

“How the hell have we let this guy get away with 3 weeks of unpaid invoices?” he growled. “I am alternatin’ two crews a day on that job of his, I ain’t gonna waste another minute of my time if he can’t be bothered –“ Suddenly, a voice cut him off.

“He is mailing a check today, for the entire balance due on his account.”

The whole room fell silent. You wondered for a moment what the big deal was, why everyone was looking at you like that, until you realized you said those words. You gulped, scared to look at Joel. You felt the heat from his gaze burning a hole in the side of your head. You kept your eyes glued to your fingers, which were fidgeting in your lap. You were fucked. Not only did you do exactly what your co-workers told you not to do, but you interrupted the man who runs the entire company. A man known for bursts of rage that made people cry and quit. You braced yourself, waiting for the worst, but it never came. It felt like an eternity went by without a word spoken, until finally Joel broke the silence.

“That’s great, sweetheart, but unless I got a check in my hand, promises don’t mean shit. There’s no reason this guy should be jerkin' us around, I’m gonna go down to the site today and pull my guys til we got that check.” He turned his attention back to Heather, ready to move onto the next topic.

You still had yet to look up at him until now. Something in you was still hung up on the way Mr. Sullivan sounded on the phone, the story he gave you about his wife broke your heart. The words Debbie said on your first day about ‘this company is not saving lives’ rushed back through your head, and suddenly you felt this switch flip. The company made record profits last month, and this customer was a real human being who needed to be shown some compassion. Maybe you were naïve, but it felt so cruel to just assume everyone who skips out on their bills is a crook. Before you could give it another thought, your eyes shot up and locked onto his.

“I don’t think that’s necessary,” you stated firmly, noticing in your peripheral some of your co-workers shifting uncomfortably and exchanging glances. “If you care to know, his wife has been in the hospital for three weeks fighting an infection the doctors can’t seem to fix. He’s got his hands full, he apologized profusely to me this morning and I believe he is sending us that check. If you prefer, I can go down to his office and pick up the check myself.”

A part of you couldn’t believe you said that, and not only that but said it with such resolve, your voice not even faltering. You refused to break eye contact with Joel, no matter how intimidating and uncomfortable it felt. His eyes bored into yours, his jaw clenched, and two of his fingers began to gently tap on the table in front of him. You kept it together and continued to look him dead in the eyes. You felt butterflies in your stomach begin to work their way into a frenzy, and the sweat started to accumulate on the back of your neck. You briefly wished you had worn your hair up so your neck could get more air. Your cheeks started to feel warm under his gaze, but you couldn’t back down now.

Finally, Joel gave his answer.

"Fine. But if we don’t get that check, it’s comin’ out of your paycheck.” He looked away and started asking Heather about more financial reporting, but you had no idea what was said exactly. Your head rushed with blood pounding in your ears. As the adrenaline washed away, you wanted to get up and use the restroom to collect yourself, but you could not give Joel the satisfaction of getting under your skin.

Thankfully, the meeting only went for a few more minutes. Your team gathered their things and quickly exited the conference room. By happenstance, you were the last to file out. You don’t know why, but as you walked through the door, you shot Joel one more glance over your shoulder. He leaned back in his chair, his eyes glued to your retreating form. They no longer looked hardened, but they showed a glimmer of something else, like amusement.

After you left the room, Joel’s eyes remained stuck on the empty doorway. He and Tommy were the only two that remained at the table. Tommy whistled lowly and leaned forward to catch Joel’s attention.

“She’s a sparkplug, wonder who she is, I don’t remember seein' her before,” Tommy said to Joel, who finally tore his eyes away from the doorway and looked at his brother. “Maybe I should find out what her deal is.”

“Her deal?” Joel nearly spit out, anger flaring in his belly.

Your “deal”? Your deal was clear as day to him – the Ken doll next to you marked his territory the first moment he got. The guy who looked like he couldn’t change a tire and probably never raised his voice in his whole life. The guy who likely skated by on looks, and never bothered to focus on a personality. Joel knew the Ken doll worked here for a while, but he couldn’t remember his name. It didn’t matter, anyway. Why was he even thinking about this?

“Yeah, her ‘deal,’” Tommy emphasized the last word for dramatic effect and rolled his eyes. He stood up from his chair. “She’s pretty. And she seems fiery. I like that.”

Tommy lifted his eyes from the papers in his hand to grin at his brother, who was scowling in return.

"What’s the problem? I can’t have a little fun?” he sulked, his grin slowly disappearing.

“No, I don’t think you should be screwin’ our employees, Tommy. You run this company with me, what the hell does that say about us?” Joel stood up and looked him in the eye to show he wasn’t joking. 

“Aw, come on, Joel, it doesn't got to mean anythin'. I’ve done it before, it’s never caused a problem.” Tommy’s gaze turned back towards the door you had just left, his thoughts clouded with the last image of you. Joel’s anger began to flare.

"I don’t care, you leave her alone.” he replied. He snatched up his paperwork from the meeting and brushed past Tommy, exiting the room and heading towards his office. Tommy jogged up behind him, as the realization hit.

"Oh shit, you got a thing for her?” Tommy teased, and nudged Joel with his elbow once he caught up. “Why didn’t you just say that? I won’t go near her, give you a decent shot at ropin’ her in,” he laughed, but Joel stopped in his tracks, which caused Tommy to stumble and turn around in surprise.

"I ain’t got a thing for her, I just don’t think you should be screwin’ the women around here. Sets a bad example, is all.” Joel huffed and picked up his pace once more, turning into his office.

The room was massive. It was the biggest office in the building, although Tommy’s was only smaller by about 75 square feet. The office had the greatest view over the hustle and bustle of the city. It had a couple of velvet navy couches off to the corner that were surrounded by a glass coffee table for when he entertained clients or other executives in the company, and a small mini bar in the other corner, which also housed a coffee machine. Joel rounded his desk, which was stationed so it was overlooking the fantastic city view. He sat down in the plush desk chair and looked up to find Tommy standing on the other side, who was clearly not satisfied with the conversation.

“Alright, brother, I’ll let it go. I don’t believe you, but I’ll let it go.” Tommy suppressed a small smile as he turned to leave the office. “Oh, but one more thing,” Tommy stopped in the doorway and waited until he had Joel’s attention again. “She’s definitely got a thing for you. I saw the way she was lookin’ at you, I’m not stupid.” And with that, Tommy exited to return to his own office, satisfied with the impact he made, and left Joel once again staring at an empty doorway.

Joel let a small smile spread across his face now that he was alone, glad he didn’t misread the way he caught you looking at him. 

You managed to get back to your desk without saying a word to anyone. The entire elevator car had been dead silent. When you sat down in your chair, you felt like your heart rate had finally returned to normal and your head was feeling less fuzzy. You shook your computer mouse to bring the machine back to life and tapped in your password. ‘Incorrect password’ flashed on the screen, so you tried again. It took three tries for you to slow down enough and enter in the password correctly.

OK, so maybe you were still rattled.

As you waited for your computer to log back in and load all your open programs, you closed your eyes and rested your face in the palms of your hands, elbows resting on the top of your desk.

You jumped when you felt a gentle squeeze on your shoulder and whipped around to find Justin standing next to you with his hands held up in mock surrender.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, just wanted to check and see how you were doing,” he gave a sweet smile and stretched out his hand once again, caressing your shoulder. You sighed, giving a weak smile in return.

"I’m fine,” you said, “I don’t know what got into me, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

It was then that Debbie, who had clearly been waiting for a chance to interrupt, came around the corner.

“Don’t sweat it, girl. That was nothing, you must have caught him on a good day. That was probably the nicest I’ve ever seen him.” She assured you, leaning casually up against your cubical wall. You gave a shaky laugh, which she returned and said “I’m only kind of kidding, though. He was in a good mood, maybe he finally got laid last night.” 

Colleen came over after listening to the voicemail she had waiting for her.

"Ha, I doubt it. Nobody’s seen him with anyone for years, not since Amy left him.”

“Who’s Amy?” you asked curiously. You were surprised Colleen never shared this bit of gossip with you before.

“Amy’s his ex-fiancée. They broke up right around the time I started, so I guess that would have been 5 years ago now? Anyway, no one knows what happened, other than it made Joel the guy you saw today. Well, he was pretty tame today, but you know what I mean,” explained Colleen. “He’s been grumpy ever since.”

You all froze when you heard the electronic keypad on the other side of your locked door, indicating someone was entering the department. Colleen and Debbie quickly went back to their respective desks. Justin valiantly stayed by your side, although it was likely he stayed only because his desk was so far away, it would have been obvious he was fleeing by the time the person entered the room.

Heather pushed the door open, immediately made eye contact with you, heading in your direction. She gave you an apologetic smile once she got to the opening of your cube.

"I’m so sorry, I just saw that email from this morning, that was completely my fault, I should have been the one to handle that. How are you doing?”

Relieved she wasn’t mad at you for speaking up, you smiled back, your confidence returning.

"I’m good, really. It wasn’t that bad. I think I just got in my head about it because of the stories I’ve heard, I thought it would be worse.”

“Honestly, it usually is worse. He must have taken a liking to you. I had a voicemail waiting for me when I got back to my desk, he wanted to know who you were. He wasn’t mad, just didn’t recognize you. He wants you let him know personally when that check comes from Mr. Sullivan. I can go with you to his office when the time comes, don’t worry, I won’t throw you to the wolves!” she said with a chuckle.

You could feel the tips of your ears getting hot at the prospect of seeing Joel again so soon. You had thought you would have another month to recover. You nodded in acknowledgement, and with that, Heather bid the department farewell, late for another meeting. Justin looked back down at you once Heather left.

"Hey, I have an idea. Why don’t we go camping this weekend? There’s a great spot I like to go to just outside the city, it’s fantastic when you need to clear your head, and the weather is supposed to be perfect. What do you think?”

You figured why not. Camping wasn’t your favorite thing in the world, but it was something to do. Plus, you had to give more attention to this relationship and decide which fork in the road you were going to take.

That weekend, after having a few glasses of wine with the picnic Justin packed for you two, you did the last thing you could think of to summon up any strong feelings for your boyfriend.  As Justin sloppily thrusted inside of you while you laid spread out in a field of wildflowers, all you could think of when you closed your eyes was strong, calloused hands gripping the side of your hip and a rough, patchy beard rubbing along your jaw.

Once you returned from the trip, you gently ended things with Justin.

Chapter Three