#should I have a tag that's just talking about interesting articles

[yusuke-of-valla]

I don't want to be too mean because there's nothing objectively wrong with this article but the vibe I got reading this was like "it sounds like these are two valid approaches to writing romances and any flaws with them aren't inherent to the design choice so much as they're limited by the devs imagination and writing skill?"

But also like it's interesting to hear people talk about it and it brings up some interesting games I want to check out now, so like? Whatever? Objectively fine article, it's just going to be bugging me for the rest of the day.

I will make fun of this quote though:

“The difference between a bisexual character versus a playersexual character really is a matter of context,” Gaider says. “By calling a character ‘playersexual,’ you’re sort of erasing the fact that they are bisexual, but, the part where having a term for that becomes useful is when you start to investigate, like, why is this character bisexual?”

I'm sorry do I need a three page essay explaining why I'm bisexual? Do I need to bring this up on my tinder date? Damn I've been doing this wrong.

[neverendingford]

.

[belovedmusings]

Am I Playing All Right Now?

Kento Nanami x You

Explicit Smut 18+ (🚫Minors DNI🚫)

Kento Nanami has been your respectful, loving boyfriend for two months now. All you’ve done so far is kiss, and you want more with him. He refuses for your sake, warning of his roughness. So, you take matters into your own hands and convince him to put in ‘just the tip’. 

Relevant tags: just the tip challenge, dom! Kento Nanami, clothed sex, couch sex, clit slapping, brief use of leather belt, hard and rough sex, doggy-style, hair pulling, manhandling, big dick-Nanami <3, dirty talk, degrading, unprotected sex, creampie, I don't use "y/n" for immersion

Music recommended while reading: Dollhouse (The Weekend, Lily Rose Depp, …baby one more time (The Marias), Like U (Rosenfeld)

A/N: this is filthy and I love it, my first Nanami piece <3 enjoy!! (Read on Ao3 if you prefer!)

Read below cut:

The night had gone great. You two had a fantastic dinner at a fine restaurant, and now you’re at his house, getting hot and heavy on the couch. You’re sat in his lap, straddling his waist, the hem of your dress riding up your thighs as the fabric gives to accommodate him between your legs. Your hands are running over the muscles of his chest, only the thin layer of his dress shirt between your touch and his skin. His palms are on your waist, pulling you closer, pressing you so firmly against him that you can feel the blunt heat of his hard cock beneath the confines of his slacks. 

You can feel adrenaline pumping through your veins–tonight is the night. Every time you two get close to having sex, he pulls away, saying he isn’t ready, but right now it feels so different, so electric–

He hums, punctuating the kiss and pulling back, giving you room to breathe. Your stomach sinks, no, this isn’t what you want, you want–

“We should stop here for the night,” He murmurs, and you look into his eyes, a frown tugging your lips down at their corners. 

“But you’re hard,” You protest, “Kento, please…we’ve waited long enough, and you clearly want this…”

His jaw tightens as he takes a breath. “I do…but we can’t.”

Now you’re just confused. “...can’t?”

He sighs heavily, giving you no explanation, but nodding. “Now, let’s m–”

“No, hold on,” You interrupt him, “Kento, tell me why? I-is it me? Do you…not want…?”

“It’s definitely not you,” He dispels quickly, “It’s me, okay?”

“What about you?” You press, searching his eyes. “Is it…are you…worried about your performance?”

That gets him to widen his eyes a fraction in surprise. “N-no, it’s not that. It’s…alright, look, it’s…it’s that I don’t want to hurt you.”

It isn’t enough of an answer for you. “And…what do you mean by that?”

“You…you know me to be this nice, gentlemanly man, don’t you?” He asks, a sort of resigned weight to his eyes. “Which, I am. But not when it comes to sex.”

The wheels turn in your head. “So…you’re…?”

“I’m rough,” He finally states, “And it’s…it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. I’m afraid to hurt you or scare you away. Of course I wouldn’t do anything you don’t want, but…you just seem so sweet and–”

“Woah,” You stop him in the middle of his sentence. “Do you think you’re the only one with duality? You don’t think I can be different in bed? Do you think I’m some porcelain doll you’ll break if you’re not careful?”

He considers this for a moment before sighing. “You don’t understand.”

“So then make me understand,” You challenge him, running your hands up his chest. “Please, Kento. I can take it.”

“No,” He denies, “You don’t know what you’re asking for.”

Seeing his hesitance, you decide to switch tactics. You reach for his hands on your waist, taking his wrists and raising his palms up to the front of your dress. You guide them to rest over your breasts, allowing him to touch them through the thin cloth. You’d decided not to wear a bra for the night since the article had thin straps, and he immediately can feel that, a flash of desire flitting within his eyes.

Riding the wave of his interest, you tell him, “I want you bad, Kento.”

He inhales forcefully, allowing himself to knead the soft flesh beneath his hands. His thumbs graze over your hardening nipples, your teeth dragging over your bottom lip instinctively. To drive your point home, you grind down on him, the only thing on beneath your dress being the panties you’d hoped he’d see when you had put them on earlier in the day.

“You’re playing dangerous,” He warns, voice thin and strained. 

“Maybe I want dangerous.”

He finally lets out a groan, surging forward and capturing your lips in another kiss. It’s more forceful this time, and all you can do is give complete control to him. 

He flips your positions so smoothly, you hardly feel it; you just suddenly feel your back hit the cushion of his couch, a gasp pushed from your mouth. His hands make quick work sliding up your dress, fingers hooking underneath your waistband.

Kento speaks against your mouth lowly. “Lace?”

You swallow hard, nodding. “Yeah.”

“Expensive?”

The question catches you off guard. “Uh, no, not r–”

A swift, harsh tug and the sound of fabric ripping later, he holds the scrap lace in his hand, now mangled and unusable. He just tore them clean off.

“Holy shit,” You breathe, now suddenly aware of how bare you are beneath your dress. He must become aware of that fact too, because without a moment to spare, he’s pushing the article up to your waist, exposing you to his eyes. A rosy flush spreads over the bridge of your nose as he looks at your naked lower half unabashedly, a type of hunger you have never seen before nor known he was capable of in his eyes.

He tosses your ruined panties to the floor and fiddles with his belt, undoing the buckle. Your gaze follows his movements, watching his hands expertly tug the leather strap from its loops in his pants.

Then, he surprises you by holding the edge without the buckle and running it along your inner thigh. You shiver, observing him and wondering what his next move will be. He runs it all the way up, reaching the apex of your leg and placing it right over your mound. The cool leather feels unfamiliar there.

“Can I?”

Your attention is pulled to his voice, and for a moment you aren’t sure what he means. Then it dawns on you.

Oh.

No one’s ever done that to you. But…you aren’t opposed. You’re curious.

You nod.

“Words.”

Oh, damn.

“Yes, you can.”

“Good girl.”

You don’t have time to pay attention to the rush of hormones that praise gives you, because a harsh sting of pleasure suddenly hits your senses as he brings the end of the belt down, slapping your clit with it.

“Ah!” You jump slightly, shock, arousal, and fascination flooding you all at once.

“How was that?” He asks, watching you carefully. You take stock of yourself…and are intrigued to find that you liked it. As soon as you realize that, you understand that Kento is about to show you an entire new world previously unexplored to you.

Your eyes lock with his. “It was good.”

A mixture of relief and desire swarm his gaze. “You liked that?”

“Yeah.”

Without warning, he does it again, a little harder, and you cry out this time, unused to the strangely welcome sensation.

“Still good?”

“Yes.”

“Good girl.”

Your next breath is shaky. “More.”

He wastes no time in delivering exactly what you want. Over and over again, until your pearl is red and swollen and the folds beneath are glistening with need, belt shiny with a bit of it. He stops once you reach this state, making sure you see as he licks it off the belt. Your lips part, entranced, and he drops the accessory, instead moving to undo the front of his slacks. Your heart begins racing–but then he pauses, seeming to deflate slightly.

“I’m not gonna go all the way,” He states, “I don’t have condoms.”

“What?” Your voice is more than a little indignant. “But…how?”

“I wasn’t planning to do this tonight.”

He pulls his cock from its restriction in his briefs, pushing his waistbands down to the tops of his thighs, and the sight of the thick, red shaft as your mouth watering and your core pulsing around nothing. 

You think he’s changed his mind as he lines it up, but then he just glides it against your folds, coating it in your essence and using it to rub against you, the feeling intense due to the sensitivity of your previously abused clit, but not what you crave.

“Kento,” You whimper, watching him rub himself off as he plays with you using his cock. “Please…”

“We’re not risking a pregnancy,” He maintains, “It’s not wise.”

You are beyond frustrated at this point, entrance weeping for attention, and you swear the desire is so bad you can feel your entire core sore and empty, vying to be filled and stretched.

What can you say that will get him to do it, even just a little bit?

Wait. Just a little bit.

“What about just the tip?”

His eyes narrow. “What?”

“Just the tip,” it comes out needier than you had intended, but god damn it you’re horny and all out of shame twice over.

Kento takes a good look at you, at himself and the position you’re in, sucking in a controlled breath for the umpth time that night.

Then, he lines up again, cockhead pressing against your entrance. “You’re going to regret asking for it.”

Is he challenging you? Whatever. What. Ever. You’ve reached a point where if you don’t get his cock soon your heart may actually give out. 

“Let me decide that.”

His jaw sets tightly before finally, finally, he cants his hips forward, pushing the tip of his shaft inside of you. 

As soon as it’s in, your head falls back on the couch, hips starting to roll without your permission. Your body wants him all on its own, and you’re no longer in command of it. He groans, pulling out and then pushing it back in, only the tip again, and you whimper in half bliss and half frustration.

You want more. 

You understand the true meaning of temptation now. You’ve had the first bite of the proverbial apple, and it’s shocking how eager you are to devour the rest to its core.

Everytime he pushes in, never going past the smooth head of his cock, you moan, wordlessly begging for more. There’s a worry in his brow and a tenseness to his jaw that indicates just how much self-control he’s exercising, and as you look up at him, you realize he’s still pretty much fully clothed—his tie is pristine around his neck, shirt fully buttoned up, only his dick out and vulnerable to your eyes. 

It’s unfair, and you seek to change that.

Your hand loops into his tie and yanks him down by it, taking him by surprise. He has to catch himself on his hands to avoid falling on you, a grunt escaping his lips as it causes him to slide further into you.

In a lowered hiss, he asks you, “what do you think you’re doing?”

The tone is so vindictive it has any words dying on your tongue. All it takes is a moment before he’s forcefully breathing out and lifting himself off of you, cock withdrawing from between your legs.

You open your mouth to protest, and that’s when your world spins. 

You were face up, but now you’re on your hands and knees on the couch, having to brace yourself as he manhandles you silently. There’s not even a moment for you to acclimate to your new position before you feel his fingers loop through your hair as you’d done to his belt, and in one motion, he grabs your hip with his free hand and slams all the way into you, pulling your hair back hard to make you arch for him.

A loud cry splits through the air and it’s only when he starts repeatedly fucking hard and fast into you with the entirety of his monstrous size that you realize the sound was from you.

“See what happens when you push me?” His voice is hoarse and gritty, more like a growl than a whisper, a dull ache inside of you where he’s currently remolding the shape of your walls.

All you can do is make incoherent noises, and you aren’t sure whether they’re from pain, pleasure, or a mixture of both. His grip on your hair isn’t letting up and it hurts, but you’ve also never felt so completely out of control of yourself and somehow it just feels freeing to you. 

“Huh?” He asks, and it’s then you realize you never replies to him verbally. You muster up the strength to speak.

“Y-yeah…” it sounds breathy and whiney, completely foreign in the contours of your voice.

“You happy now? Happy you got me to fuck you like the greedy whore you are?”

The harsh word ripples through you hotly and you moan, nodding as good as you can. “Yes…”

“Yes?” He asks, breathless, and he lets go of your hair in favor of wrapping his hand around your neck from behind. “You like being screwed like a whore?”

Apparently, you do. This is new information to you as well. You nod, gasping as he grabs your hand and presses it over your abdomen, where you can feel the flesh rising and falling in tandem with his thrusts. 

“Feel that?” He asks, “that’s me inside of you.”

“Oh god,” You rasp, the knowledge of him so deep inside your body going right to your head. You can feel your mound weeping all over yours and his thighs, the wet slap tell-tale of just how much you’re enjoying this. Just the realization has you fluttering around him, a sensation that isn’t lost on him.

“Fuck,” he breathes, “You really do like this, huh?”

You nod. “Yes, yes, Kento…”

He groans, leaning forward and kissing the juncture of your neck and shoulder, brushing your hair out of the way. 

“Such a good girl for me…my good little slut.”

You shudder, eyes squeezing shut as he speeds his movements up, the hand that was pressing yours to your stomach moving down to the slippery mess that is your swollen clit.

The big palm of his on your neck slides the thin straps of your dress down your shoulders and dips into the neckline of it, grasping your breast as if to claim ownership of it. 

“Oh my god,” You breathe again, hips twitching at all of the stimulation, face hot, entrance thoroughly fucked open and sloppy, debauched by Kento like a destructive form of artwork.

His middle finger massages circles into your sensitive pearl as he continues the grueling pace of his hips, lips pressed to the back of your neck, and all at once it becomes too much.

It crashes into you like the unforgiving wave of the raging ocean, sweeping you into the depths of pleasure.

You cum so hard on his cock he physically has to stop moving, your hold on him so tight he’s locked inside of you. That’s the moment that he follows, spilling his pent up, heavy load into you with a hiss of pleasure. 

Your arms and knees feel like jelly. Your walls are sore and throbbing, completely exhausted from his ravaging. But all you feel is feather-light. Finally, finally you did it. And it was better than your wildest imagination.

Lips place a tender kiss on your shoulder, his labored breaths slowing back to regulation. You feel his cheek rest upon the skin of your upper back. Both of his hands massaging along the sides of your hips.

“I’m sorry we waited so long. I just figured it would be too intense for you.”

You shake your head, turning it to look back at him as he straightens up and carefully pulls out. 

“Don’t do that again.”

The corner of his lips turns up slightly. “Oh no, I won’t make that mistake twice. In fact…there’s something else I want to do now.”

“And what’s that?”

“I want to test your limits.”

__

A/N: here's my Nanami masterlist :) this is the first piece but lmk what else you want me to write for him! Hope you enjoyed.

[relentlesslyexisting]

Hi! You have so much cool info on your blog, can you share some of your resources on researching and academic reading of shojo??

Wow, I'm really happy you feel that way ;_;

In terms of sources, lets get the boring stuff out of the way first. These books and essays are sorta "shoujo manga history 101," and if you've seen any shitty youtube video about the history of shoujo manga, these sources are gonna sound really familiar. (I'm just gonna copy paste from my bibliography basically)

Boys' Love Manga and Beyond : History, Culture, and Community in Japan (McLelland, Mark J, Kazumi Nagaike, Katsuhiko Suganuma, and James Welker)

A Life-Size Mirror: Women’s Self-Representation in Girls’ Comics.” Review of Japanese Culture and Society 4 (Yukari Fujimoto, and Julianne Dvorak)

Fantasies of Cross-Dressing : Japanese Women Write Male-Male Erotica (Kazumi Nagaike)

 “The Formation of Postwar Shōjo Manga, 1950–1969.” In Passionate Friendship: The Aesthetics of Girls’ Culture in Japan (Deborah Shamoon)

“Shojo Manga! Girls’ Comics! A Mirror of Girls’ Dreams.” Mechademia 2 (Masami Toku)

“Beautiful, Borrowed, and Bent: ‘Boys’ Love’ As Girls’ Love in Shôjo Manga.” Signs 31, no. 3 (James Welker)

The articles on this list I have read to completion, but my approach to longer books is to just read the chapters that sound interesting to me. James Welker is really nice, top tier Gilbert penis academic. I owe him my life. All of these are available in English, and if you have the means I highly recommend poking around Jstor if you wanna find more. These are some sources I cherry picked from my senior thesis bibliography, but if you DM me I can give you the whole thing.

The essays written in the backs of English language manga publications of some manga are great too. I really enjoyed reading the essay in the English release of Talk Me Back by Murasaki Yamada. (The essays in the back of Japanese reprints are also pretty cool, but far less accessible)

Another great resource is this other blog https://www.tumblr.com/brickme

She used to have a useful page where you could pick through her tags to get her translations and manga history rambles, but that page is gone and it seems shes on hiatus, so digging that stuff up might take some more poking around. I used to read her posts on slow days at work, hours of entertainment really. Some tags that might help in searching her blog are: #text post and #replies

The more fun sources are the primary ones. Articles written in June magazine and books written by the authors that penned manga classics. Author interviews are great too. But I can't stress enough that the best way to gain insight on shoujo manga is to read a shit ton of it. And not just shoujo manga, manga in general. The best part of academic resources is finding new interesting things to read. In fact, I really should be reading more.

[neil-gaiman]

Hello Mr Gaiman, if you don't mind, could you please tell me if the fact that you once asked an official in China that Chinese people need more sci-fi stories to fuel their imagination and hence innovation, hence their invitation of sci-fi writers and yourself many years ago, was a true conversation?

I once found this in one of your journals but somehow I couldn't find it anymore and thinking of digging deeper in your archives through China tags sound way too daunting as I just had many exams today and in one essay I cited this very example and you in it to prove a point that scientists need artists (I see writers as artists too) in this world, and now I'm kind of freaking out on whether I hallucinated the whole story or something.

Whatever it is, if you managed to read this ask, thanks a lot and hope you have a good day/night ahead!

It was in 2007 in Chengdu, at the first offically approved and endorsed SF convention. Here's Bob Sawyer talking about it on his web site at the time:

And here's Michael Swanwick:

and a Chinese article from the time:

And yes. When I asked why the disapproval of SF had turned to approval, I was told that Chinese fact-finding conversations at Apple, Microsoft and Google had revealed that most of the engineers, creators, designers and inventors had read SF when younger and had become interested in making what they made because of SF, and that the official Chinese position in 2007 was that SF should now be encouraged -- thus the convention.

From the article at the time:

The 2007 China (Chengdu) SF/Fantasy Conference hosted the event. The theme: “Science, Imagination and Future” is an ambitious Chinese effort designed to inspire public creativity toward future scientific and technological development as well as promote national insight for scientific exploration. The conference has been scheduled immediately before the World Science Fiction Convention in Yokohama, Japan.

The conference has designated August 25 as “China Imagination Day”. SF and fantasy lovers signed their names on a banner to commemorate this day during the opening ceremony.

“Imagination is an important premise for creativity. Science fiction literature plays an important role in inspiring people’s imagination and creativity,” said Li Xiuting, vice director of the International Department of the China Association for Science and Technology, at the opening ceremony on Saturday.

“Our (science fiction) words become the world and our words become places that you can visit. They become books and stories that inspire people. It is both surprising and reassuring to know by accident that the places have helped to make a future we are now living. Places like Microsoft and Google, Apple and places like MIT are packed with science fiction readers and fantasy readers,” Neil Gaiman said on Saturday.

[olderthannetfic]

I don't even think this is the type of thing you would normally get Asks about, but at this point I genuinely can't think of anyone better to come to and ask for their opinion.

I don't know if any of your followers have seen this situation as it's been occurring, but this massively popular mobile game that's been blowing up recently (called Love and Deep Space) has incurred a lot of drama and discourse as of a few days ago.

So LADS is an otome game, with a visibly femme/female protagonist who romances the male love interests. And a few days ago, the dev team behind LADS introduced this rule to all of their official groups and servers like Facebook and Discord: "Absolutely no BL materials are allowed to be posted or discussed in official spaces"

So, naturally, quite a few people are upset about what is basically a "no gays allowed" rule being forced onto the fandom. Because the "no BL" rules includes the posting of ANY queer content with "official" #LADS tags. Which for platforms like Twitter is absolutely unreasonable. They're stating that fanart of M/M ships can't be posted with any tags for the source material? It's ridiculous.

There's been people trying to defend it, saying things like "oh it's because of CN censorship laws" despite the fact that LADS isn't a CN game and the company isn't a CN company. Or "they only banned queer stuff in their official Discord and official Facebook group and for the official LADS tags on socmed!" even though that is still censorship and erasure of queer content (and somehow the fact that it's officially sanctioned makes it okay?)

But the worst part is the fact that there’s been an EXPLOSION of aggressive homophobia within the fanbase. It's as if all the cishet women who play the game were just waiting for their chance to go mask off, because the second those "no BL" rules were put in place the rampant harrassment and bullying started. People are getting attacked for M/M ship fanart, people are getting attacked for having male self-inserts or male MC or OC designs, and several artists have already been harrassed into deleting all of their artwork and leaving the fandom.

There's now a LOUD number of fans screeching that otome games "are only for girls" and that anyone even slightly queer or masc-leaning "doesn't belong in otome fandoms" and "needs to go play something else"

I've seen baseless accusations that "men want to force us to play as a gay male MC!" and "gay men are demanding that LADS turn the female MC male!" when absolutely no one anywhere has ever said anything close to that.

I have tried telling these fans that queer people, including queer men, have ALWAYS played otome games, that gay men and queer people have ALWAYS been a part of the otome community from the very beginning, but anyone who deviates even slightly from the new majority of "no gay shit allowed, otome is for straight women only and everyone else kys" gets immediately shouted down and harrassed/attacked. I know a lot of people have deleted the game and have stopped playing because of both the official "no gays" rule and also the extremely toxic and homophobic fanbase.

I was wondering if you knew about any resources (blogs, articles, anything) talking about the history of queer people playing otome/dating sim games, or even if you happen to know anything anecdotal about it yourself. Because we've ALWAYS been here, otome games have never been JUST for cishet women. I'm also just wondering what your/your followers' thoughts are about this whole mess in general.

--

Oof. I don't play many games of that sort, so I don't know a ton about their history, but there has often been pointless beef between the more self inserty types and the more m/m shipping types.

I don't think you need evidence that people besides cishet women consume media X. It should be self-evident from being a human who lives in the world. These people are denying it because they don't want it to be true, not because they do or don't have evidence.

"LOL, you're a homophobe in 2024? Criiiinge!" is the only appropriate type of response to these idiots. Facts won't help.

[sophietv]

The Love Blackout "It's all part of the f*cking story"

Ok, this is gonna be a long post. But hopefully, this will help you understand this very important piece of Kaylor evidence and explain LSK a bit better too.

PS: I'm new to Tumblr, while doing my research I'll tag those post/blogs but I don't know if there's anything else I should do, let me know!

Love Blackout Meaning

So all this Love Blackout discourse comes from those Glitch lyrics:

"But it's been 2190 days of out love blackout, the system's breaking down"

First, let's start by looking at what Love Blackout is supposed to mean:

"A suppression of information, especially one imposed on the media by the government"

Interesting... a suppression of information imposed on the medias 🤔

Like not being seen/papped together by the medias??? Maybe.

2190 days

Knowing Taylor, she wouldn't use 2190, a very specific number, for it to mean nothing would she??

So what does 2190 days means in years? It's 6 years:

Didn't she recently talked about a relationship, 6 years AND the medias recently?:

Yes! In her Lavender Haze Instagram Reel! The same where she talked about that scene in Mad Men 🤔

"If the world finds out that you are in love with somebody, they are gonna weight in on it"

"Like my relationship FOR 6 years"

Funny how she didn't say her relationship OF 6 years.

She wanted to protect the real stuff from media, in the last 6 years.

So if you count the days backward since Midnights release on October 21st 2022 it gives you Octobre 22nd 2016.

The last time Karlie and Taylor were papped together was at Drake's birthday on Octobre 23rd.

But The Love Blackout was not over on Midnights release day.

Taylor and Karlie were still not papped together at an event (they weren't papped at reputation stadium tour, they just posted a picture together). So Midnights release day should count in our calculation. And if you include that day. It ends exactly on Octobre 23rd 2016.

Before taking a deep dive into this Love Blackout, let's take a moment to talk about Octobre 2016.

Because A LOT of important stuff happened that month.

Octobre 2016

Octobre 11th 2016:

Taylor goes to diner at the Waverly Inn restaurant with Suki Waterhouse, Cara Delevigne and Dakota Johnson.

Later that evening, Suki posts a table cloth with : "It's all part of the f*cking story" written on it and a "K". She deletes it not long after. But us Gaylors have all jumped on it already.

Plus, one of Taylor body guard is papped leaving the restaurant with that Table cloth:

But what story?? What does it all mean??

Let's look at what happened in the days after this event.

I'm sure Taylor had a plan 😉

Octobre 12 2016:

Taylor goes to the Kings of Leon concert with the same friends and some more.

It's funny because, it's at this very concert, that Taylor is rumored to have started her relationship with Joe.

Are you starting to see the "f*cking story" they were talking about??

Soure iwanthermidnightz : https://iwanthermidnightz.tumblr.com/post/615953412601823232/in-conclusion

Octobre 13th 2016:

The next day. On a 13th.

Taylor, Karlie and Serena Williams go out at the Bowery Ballroom.

Yes. Yes, this combination of names is suspicious 🤔

Back to the 2190 days:

So we have established that counting backward from Midnights release and including Midnigths release day. We have Octobre 23 2016.

This was Drake's birthday party and Taylor attended with Karlie:

The article was published the next morning

In fact, it's the last time ever that they both were papped at an event together: (Love Blackout)

Two important Kaylor Lore came from that Party:

Golden tattoos "made your mark on me, a golden tattoo"

The Third Polaroid

If we follow the Love Blackout definition : "A supression of information imposed on the media"

We can stop there, everything makes sense, the song ties back to Karlie, that moment and everyone is happy.

But what if there's more to this?

The Blood Moonlit Implication

corneliastvendor did an incredible find: https://kwyw.tumblr.com/post/711447685996167168?is_related_post=1

(I also use picture of their post here)

Stay with me on that one and I swear this will all make sense!

Plus there's a lot to unpack after this.

In Glitch, there's the lyrics: "Nights are so stary, blood moonlit"

Blood moon is a lunar eclipse.

There is even a bloodmoon the Glitch Official Lyrics Video:

And when was the last lunar eclipse following Midnights release?

source: corneliastvendor

On Novembre 8th 2022.

If we count the days backward where does it lead us?

source: corneliastvendor

It leads to Novembre 9th 2016.

Karlie and Taylor last event that they attended together (except reputation) is Lorde's birthday on Novembre 7th 2016.

On Novembre 7th Taylor posted this picture:

And Karlie posted the same picture the day after on Novembre 8th:

It's the last post about them attending an event together (beside reputation).

The presidentatial election also happenened on Novembre 8th 2016, and Trump was elected... (I believe this is important).

So the last post of them at an event together is on Novembre 8th 2016. Wich means that the Love Blackout would have started the day after right?

Exactly 2190 days since the blood moonlit night followingg Midnights release.

And something tells me that this specific date is really important in their story, because here's a screenshot of The Man MV:

The. Exact. Same. Ring. and pose...

Lorde's birthday, is also the first time ever that Taylor wore the Victora Secret Angel Ring.

source: tilynation

I think she wore this ring there, knowing that they won't be seen together after as a way of being able to flag Karlie in the future.

The VS angel ring is really important and Taylor wore it at many significant events:

All the making of videos of reputation

The Call It What You Want scene of Miss Americana

On Decembre 4th 2019 (Kissgate anniversary)

So last post together before they disappear on Novembre 8th 2016, same day as the US elections.

This ties back to those lyrics: "I recall late Novembre, slowly I said, holding my breath. You don't need to save me, but would you run away with me? Yes"

Remember that in Miss Americana, it's Karlie who says "Yes".

The Love Blackout:

During that time, after Novembre 8th 2016, Taylor is mostly in London...and so is karlie.

Decembre 2016:

Taylor spends the holiday at her in-laws in St-Louis.

January 2017:

Taylor is in London.

There's a very interesting entry in her Lover Journal that talks EXACTLY about the Love Blackout:

"I'm essentially based in London, hiding out trying to protect us from the nasty world that just wants to ruin things. We have been together and no one has found out for 3 monts now"

And it is almost words for words her Lavender Haze Instagram Reel....

(Las time they were papped together, in Octobre 2016, Drake's birthday party, 3 months before)

And who was in England during the exact time frame? Karlie!

I believe the picture was posted a couple of days after.

But regardless, this is important because look at the Swans.

And now look at the Lover Merch:

Plus, Karlie did a very cute post that month with Swarovski Swans jewelery:

Refering the Eye Theory while she was at it!!!

Also, Taylor said in the Long Pond Studio Session that she went to The Lake District a couple of years ago.

And in Invisible String we have: "Bold was the waitress on our three year trip Getting lunch down by the lakes. She said I looked like an American singer"

Kaylor anniversary is March 6th 2014. So Jan 2017 is close enough to that anniversary.

Plus, 3 years for Toe would have been in 2019, wich doesn't match the "couple of years" of LPSS...

Jannuary 11th 2017:

Taylor is paped going out of a gym in LA.

It's the first time that she is paped in a couple of months.

And she wears the VS Angel Ring

source: tilynation

In the reputation secret session she explained how she was overwhelmed by this.

"her thought process was less about herself and more about how she could possibly have a normal relationship when this was her life"

Source: https://www.tumblr.com/screamedsooloud/174932790840/i-have-heard-mixed-interpretations-of-dancing-with

She then went directly to the studio and recorded Dancing With Our Hands Tied

She cried for an hour before recording the song.

Thankfully, like the song says after the Love Blackout part is that the system is breaking down.

And we had some glimpse of this with the Twitter "glitch" that made Karlie repost some of her old Kaylor post. Or her facebook being hacked...

I truly hope they are able to be free soon, they deserve it.

[idylls-of-the-divine-romance]

Referring to your tags, I haven’t seen you talk much about universalism (aside from reblogging apilgrimpassingby). What don’t you like about it?

Heyyyyyyy.

So, I find Universalism to be basically Candy Coated Calvinism, which i find personally distasteful. In fact me and a fried have often noted that Calvinism (in it's perspective on predestination specifically) is only really a few steps away from Universalism. The lack of free well present in the view is something that I particularly dislike. The human dignity of free will is really important to me. I understand most universalists are purgatorial universalists but even still I don't think that works either. Scripture makes it pretty clear that there will be some separation and as this is the "Last Judgement" I think it makes the most sense that whatever happens will be final. There is also the problem of the anti-evangelism perspective that is rampant in universalism (though this is not innate to universalism, and I think results in a poor understanding of what salvation is but i digress).

I side with C.S. Lewis who saw "hell" as God's "greatest monument to human dignity", allowing those who did not wish to choose Him, to be allowed to choose exile into Outer Darkness instead. I go into more depth about that here.

There is one universalists perspective that I really, really like and think that every Christian should read whether they agree with it or not. It's an article here. It's called "Is Hell Real?" and is absolutely amazing.

I feel like this was poorly written lol. Sorry about that. If you have any questions, please do ask

@colorful-cryptid I was thinking about this last night and realize i made a grave mistake: I said i do not like universalism. I desperately need to clarify that this is not true. I actually LOVE universalism and I want it to be true so desperately. The only reason I am not a universalist is because i believe it's unbiblical. "There is no doctrine which I would more willingly remove from Christianity than this, if it lay in my power. But it has the full support of Scripture and, specially, of Our Lord's own words; it has always been held by Christendom; and it has the support of reason. If a game is played, it must be possible to lose it." - C.S. Lewis (i quote Lewis a lot when i talk about hell lol). I hate hell; Jesus hate's hell. According to (pseudo-?)Paul, God desires that all humanity be saved. But my current conviction is that his desire for the salvation of all humanity, is "thwarted" (poor choice of word) by goodness which mandates that humans freely choose life or death. The article "Is Hell Real?" though does address the free will concern in a way that i find interesting so *shrugs*.

My main point is i was mistaken in saying I "dislike" universalism and should've just said I "disagree with" universalism. My bad

[smolwritingchick]

The Bangtan Gal Chapter 60- Running Man: The Golden Duo

Chapter Summary: Due to popular demand, Jennie is asked to guest star in a Couples themed Episode of Running Man, bringing Jungkook with her to go up against other groups of two

Words: 6,000+

Genre: One of my favs!! MAJOR Jungkook fluff and things get suggestive at the end with some suggestive Jungkook content!

Author's Note: I wanted to experiment just for shiz and giggles. Hope it didn't disappoint! <3 Lemme know what you think. And thanks again for reading!

-------

All over the K-pop news sites, there had been a poll on who viewers wanted to guest star on Running Man, and surprisingly, Jennie was voted one of the top favorable picks. Viewers were impressed with her athleticism and passion and wanted her back on the show.

Once she was called and asked about being on the show again, she was thrilled and eager to come back. Besides, the Monday Couple wanted revenge on her, so that added to the anticipation.

When told that there would be other guests, competing against each other in pairs due to the episode being a couples themed episode, Jimin and Taehyung quickly suggested that Jungkook should join and be Jennie’s partner.

Naturally, Jen and Jungkook happily agreed, ready to take on the challenge.

‘BTS’ Jennie and Jungkook to guest on an Episode of Running Man’

Running Man announced today through its Instagram that BTS’ Golden Duo, Jennie and Jungkook are currently filming their guest appearance on the show to compete against the Running Man cast and other guest stars in teams.

The article went on to explain that Jessi, 4Minute’s Hyuna and Gayoon, Hayoon and Amber would be joining in the episode to pair with the cast members. Positive reactions were in the comment section for The Golden Duo to be working together again since they made an impact the last time BTS was on the show.

When all the couples were on the set, they were paired out with one another and wore team colors. Jaesuk and Jessi wore green, Haha and Gayoon wore orange, Gary and Song Jihyo wore blue, Sukjin and Hyuna wore purple, Jongkook and Amber wore yellow, Kwangsoo and Hayoon wore brown and JenKook wore red. 

Each couple stood by one another, inside a cozy room. They were told that their first mission was to play the pepero game and whichever couple had the shortest stick, would win the round and be one step closer to winning Korean Beef at the end of filming.

“How many times have we eaten pocky sticks together?” Jen recalled while Jungkook let out a chuckle.

Yeah, they had this in the bag.

This would be the second time they were filmed eating pocky together, bringing back Rookie King vibes. It was going to be interesting how things played out at this time.

The Monday Couple were the first ones to go up. 

“Golden Duo, watch closely because our stick will be the shortest,” Gary warned

“Wow, tough crowd.” Jen chuckled

The Monday Couple were impatient to get their revenge on them for the tag game the last time they were on the show. 

“Don’t get too cocky. We’re dealing with the Golden Duo here. Don’t get them angry. These kids are dangerous.” Jaesuk exclaimed

Jen’s mouth upturned at his statement as everyone watched the Monday Couple munch on their stick at a fast pace. Their noses briefly touched, causing the rest of the couples to giggle. Their lips abruptly touched and the stick fell on the plate, looking around 1.5 cm.

“Golden Duo can’t beat that.” Gary taunted and high fived Song Jihyo.

Jennie and Jungkook glanced at each other and smirked with amusement. It’s best to let their actions do the talking instead of entertaining their comments. They weren’t bothered by the Monday Couple. They’ll still win for sure with a strategy.

Jongkook and Amber were called up next, grabbing a stick. They both were flustered and giggly, trying to take it seriously. Amber couldn’t help but stay still, squinting her eyes, chuckling to herself while Jongkook did all the work. He continued munching forward until the stick fell before he could go further. JenKook took sight of Haha and Gayoon munching on their stick, and they ended up letting their stick be a little bigger than the Monday Couple’s, who were confident in winning because no one had beaten them, yet.

Jungkook took a stick out of the box and met Jen’s gaze.

“Good ol’ Rookie King.” She mentioned, making them laugh at the memories. 

After they pulled themselves together, she stood in front of him. 

“Go slow and steady,” she advised, getting a nod in response from him.

Jungkook placed the end of the stick in his mouth, leaning down slightly for her to bite the other end of the stick.

“Start!”

They were told and slowly began munching, with their eyes on the stick. Both feeling keen to win and strategic to make sure their stick was the shortest, they ignored any distractions surrounding them which consisted of the Monday Couple playfully trash talking.

Jungkook ended up moving closer to Jennie, cupping her face as the stick got shorter and she slowly tilted her head to the side.

“You ship?” Amber glanced over to Hayoon, off camera.

“I ship,” she confirmed with a giggle.

“I ship too.”

Once their stick dropped on the plate, it was measured as everyone gathered around to see. 

It was announced, “It looks like 0.5 cm.” 

“No!” the Monday couple yelled.

“I ain’t even mad...” Jessi shook her head while Jen high fived Jungkook.

When it was Sukjin and Hyuna’s turn, they were a giggling mess and their stick accidentally broke in half, which made everyone laugh. Jessi and Jaesuk were finally up, going slow and steady. Jaesuk had accidentally dropped the stick, which made Jungkook place out a hand for Jen to slap for a low five, feeling good that they were still in the lead.

“Why is it so long? It should be shorter!” Jessi playfully scolded, causing Jaesuk to laugh nervously when she grabbed ahold of him.

“I-it was an accident!” he tried to explain

“Accident, huh?” she let go of him, narrowing her eyes.

Lastly was Kwangsoo and Hayoon. Jennie giggled at their banter when Hayoon kept covering her face, trying to get serious about the game. She was so adorable as her face became flushed. When they both had the stick in their mouths, everyone began freaking out when they started to munch. After their stick dropped due to Hayoon pulling back when he got closer, their stick was nowhere near close to JenKook’s stick.

“Winners! Jennie and Jungkook, Team Golden Duo!” the staff announced

Jungkook instantly fist pumped and high fived Jennie once again.

“This is unacceptable!” Gary complained.

“We’ll beat them on the next mission.” Song Jihyo reassured.

When they traveled to the next destination, Amber and Jennie had discussed a date when they would be free to hang out and catch up. Both being busy with their respective group comebacks, they managed to find some time to hang out next week. Jen couldn’t wait to hear what F(x) was working on.

For the second mission, each couple stood on a big platform surrounded by water, located in an indoor swimming pool. The mission was simple. All they had to do was push all members of the opposing teams off the platform and be the last team standing.

‘Round 1’

“I have a plan! Let’s all take out the Golden Duo!“ Gary called out.

Wow, again?

“Man, you thirsty! He’s so obsessed with us.” Jennie called him out.

“I agree, they can’t win again,” Kwangsoo added. “Let’s take them out.”

“Geez, what is this? Survivor?” Jennie pondered

“I think they’re just jealous,” Jungkook added.

When the game started, Gayoon had decided to make the first preemptive attack, going after Hyuna. She succeeded in shoving her off the platform as she watched Hyuna fall into the water, giggling. She was clearly unprepared and wiped the wet hair from her face. She’ll get her revenge on her group member in the next round.

Gayoon had tried to push Haha off and they began to try to overpower each other. The other teams had been watching their match and finally got into the game, going after each other. Jongkook effortlessly began shoving people off the platform with his muscular arms.

Cornering Hayoon, Jennie bumped her hip against hers, causing the GFriend member to lose her balance and fall into the pool. 

“Hips for days. Sorry Hayoon, love you.” Jennie waved.

“I’ll remember that!” Hayoon called out.

Due to the slippery water and her shoes, Jennie yelped, about to fall. Jungkook was quick to scoop her up, bridal style in his arms and she held onto him. The sudden action made her stomach flip as she locked eyes with him.

“Careful,” he mentioned with a reassuring smile.

Carrying her, they decided to go after Kwangsoo when he was distracted by trying to push Jaesuk out. Using her feet, Jennie kicked Kwangsoo on his back to make him fall off the platform. The motion caused everyone to start laughing at Kwangsoo and JenKook’s unique teamwork.

“I wasn’t ready!” Kwangsoo yelled, with his guard down.

Getting set down, Jennie watched as the rest of the teams were all up on each other, grabbing and pulling, trying to shove each other off. Sadly, Jen ended up getting pushed off due to Song Jihyo tripping her. 

Swimming back up to the surface, she watched the rest of the match, rooting for Jungkook. When it was down to him and Gary, Jungkook had easily shoved him off the platform to win the round.

“Yes!” Jennie got helped back up on the platform by Jungkook and happily celebrated their victory.

“This cannot happen again!” Gary complained.

For Round 2, Jennie went on a defensive route, surviving with Jungkook as she managed to protect him. She would constantly get in front of him, shoving anyone back who tried to go after him. Jongkook, the tiger, began to get ganged up on, as most of the teams strived to shove him and Amber off the platform. Once they failed to shove Jongkook and Amber off, they went straight after the Golden Duo.

“Oh gosh.” Jennie stood back to back with Jungkook. 

After she took in the sight of what was going on, Jen made her move, grabbing a hold of Hyuna’s manicured hands. Miss Bangtan used her strength to shove her into the pool. Turning her awareness to Kwangsoo, he let out a yell, staring at her in horror. 

“Nope! Nope! Nope!” he ran and jumped off the platform

Meanwhile, Jungkook had worked on pushing Sukjin and Jaesuk off the platform. JenKook regrouped and stood in front of Jongkook and Amber. Jennie and Amber go after each other, clasping their hands together, attempting to push each other off while giggling at each other. Amber slipped on the platform and Jen took advantage by rolling her to fall into the pool. 

Turning to Jongkook, she noticed that Haha was trying to shove him off, ignoring Jungkook and she helped Jungkook up, bringing him to safety. The two managed to shove Haha and Jongkook off and happily high fiving each other.

“How many people have they taken out so far?” Amber laughed.

As the round progressed, Jungkook was shoved out by Song Jihyo. He was annoyed that he had lost but rooted for Jennie to win the game for their team.

Jessi had attempted to push her off the platform. 

“Sorry, hon. You gotta go.” Jessi said but Jen stood her ground and managed to push her off instead with the help of using her feet to trip her.

Distracted from Jessi, Jennie felt a strong push on her back and fell into the pool thanks to Song Jihyo.

“Yes!” Gary happily shouted, applauding her.

"Darn it..." Jennie swam up and Jungkook pulled her into his arms.

"Take that Golden Duo!" Song Jihyo smiled victoriously.

"We told you we'd beat you!" Gary added as the audience laughed at how passionate the Monday Couple was about beating The Golden Duo.

"Don't worry about it. We'll get 'em. Good job," the Golden Maknae reassured Jennie with a smile and gently moved some of her wet hair from her face.

In the end, Song Jihyo won the round for her team.

For the final round, everyone ganged up to take out Jongkook first, creating a big group on top of him. Jennie avoided the chaos with Jungkook and decided to start pushing people off who were near the edge to increase their chances of winning.

Standing in the middle of the platform, Gary and Song Jihyo faced off with the Golden Duo, as they tried to push each other near the edge.

“Jennie! I will get my revenge!” Gary yelled, grabbing a hold of her. "We are going to win this! We are not going to lose! We are not going to lose!” 

Miss Bangtan laughed, evading his attempts to shove her off the pool.

Song Jihyo shrieked when Jungkook easily picked her up over his shoulder and tossed her into the pool. With Jennie, she used her hips to bump Gary off the platform.

“Nothing personal.” Jennie shrugged, feeling victorious despite the Monday Couple’s complaints.

Kwangsoo had crawled away from them, on the platform but ended up getting rolled off by JenKook.

Near the end of the round, it was down to Jennie and Amber. They caught their breaths and stood in the middle of the platform. Going to strike, Amber had tried to trip Jennie, but Miss Bangtan evaded her move. It was a back and forth battle between the two, pushing and pulling each other, near the edge of the platform. In the end, Jennie caught an opening when Amber began to lose her balance on the edge. She then did one final push and watched as Amber fell into the water.

“Yeah!” Jennie cheered and jumped off the platform, landing into Jungkook’s arms. 

He embraced her and spun her around as they celebrated their victory.

“Great job, Jennie! You did it!” He giggled, wiping some of her wet hair from her face.

"Woo! That is what I'm talking about!" she giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.

“ARMY is going to be very happy to see them winning on behalf of BTS.” Jaesuk chuckled.

“They really want this Korean beef,” Jongkook added.

“Why do they always win?” Kwangsoo complained.

"This is not fair!" Gary complained as the audience laughed.

“I think we should just give them the beef. They already won.” Gayoon giggled.

-------

For the last mission, everyone was scattered around a mall, by themselves. Jennie stood near an emergency exit, with her Korean spelled name tag stuck to her shirt.

On the speaker, it was announced that they would need to find their significant other. Once they reunite with their partner, they must team up and find the correct key. After they find the key, they must find the room where the key opens, and find a platform to land on while avoiding getting their tag ripped. If one person gets their tag ripped, the entire couple is eliminated.

“Gosh...really?” Jen cringed at the camera. “That’s...a lot of work.”

Once she heard the buzzer, the game began and she let out a breath. “ARMY, time to find our Golden Maknae.” she gave the camera a thumbs up and started walking with a cameraman following her.

With Gary, he carefully walked around the mall on the second floor. “I must find Jennie or Jungkook. We need to take out the Golden Duo, so they can’t win. Hopefully, I can convince everyone else.”

He was so fixated on making sure the two teenagers lost this time. They won too many battles. It was time to lose for a change.

With Hayoon, she chose to hide in a changing room that was in one of the clothing stores. 

“I’m going to hang in here for a little while,” she spoke on camera.

Back with Jennie, she walked slowly, looking at her surroundings. 

“All right...so far so good...” she mumbled. 

She recognized Gary walking by and immediately leaned against the wall, making sure he passed her, unnoticed. She let out a sigh of relief and quickly left the area to avoid being detected. 

With Haha and Gayoon, who had found each other, they go to each store to find the correct key. They came across three sets of keys, but none were the right ones.

“Found you!” Gary called them out, causing Gayoon to yelp in surprise. “Wait! Wait! I don’t want to fight. Let’s work together.”

“Why should we trust you?” she pointed out.

“I want to get the Golden Duo out, so they won’t win. Don’t you want to get them out too? Let’s work together, find Song Jihyo and take down the maknaes.”

“Well, those maknaes are insane.” Haha started to become convinced.

“Okay, we’ll work with you.” Gayoon agreed and the three of them began walking together around the mall to find keys and search for Jennie or Jungkook.

It looked like JenKook was in trouble if Gary continued to convince other teams to join him to take them out.

With Amber, she walked around, seeking to find her partner. “I have a feeling someone is hiding around here,” she murmured, going inside the store that Hayoon was hiding in.

Hayoon had heard a noise and remained quiet while Amber walked around to see if anyone was hiding. In the end, Amber couldn’t find her and ended up finding a key, but it wasn’t the right one. The rapper continued her hunt for Jongkook by leaving the store and going up the escalator.

Hayoon, still hiding in the dressing room, placed a hand over her heart. “Thank goodness. I don’t want to get my tag ripped anytime soon. Ah...maybe I should go find Kwangsoo. But I’m so scared. What should I do?”

With the Golden Maknae, he kept a low profile as he went to find keys. 

“Ah...I wish Jennie was here with me, right now. They are doing well to keep us apart. But I will find her. And we’ll win for sure.” he said to the camera, determined.

“Hey!” the sound of Jessi’s voice, caused him to look Jungshooked. 

He immediately began backing up while she walked after him. He ended up giggling at her as she tried to grab onto him to rip his tag off. His strength overpowered her attempts and he escaped. Jessi tried to run after him, but he was too fast and she stopped running. 

“I don’t know why I even tried.” she shrugged on camera, chuckling as the audience laughed.

Back to Jennie as she unsuccessfully discovered the right key in a shoe store, she came across the row of Nike sneakers. 

“Daaaaaamnnnnn, how much are these?” she exclaimed in English and picked up one of the shoes to check them out. “Yo...I need to get this after the show.”

Distracted, she was unaware that Hyuna and Sukjin had spotted her. Hearing footsteps, Jennie quickly set the shoe down and ran out of the store, with them high on her tail.

“Jennie!” Hyuna laughed and grabbed a hold of her.

“This is so cheap. You gonna run up on me when I was looking at Nike shoes? Really?” she evaded her attempts to grab her tag, defending herself against them both.

“Let us oust you, Miss Bangtan. We need to win this.” Sukjin responded.

“Sorry, but I didn’t come here to lose. I appreciate your determination. Not enough to take me out. Jungkook and I are going to win this.” she managed to push them away and escape. 

She ended up losing them, and she hid in another store to catch her breath, hiding behind the register. 

That was too close.

“Ah...I hate this. I want Jungkook. The heck, is he?” she complained.

Turning her head, she found another small box and opened it to find a key. Examining it, she realized that it was not the right key and placed it back. She abruptly heard Hyuna and Sukjin yelling in panic and loudly running past the store she was hiding in. She realized that Jongkook had found them and started chasing after them.

“So glad I’m not them right now,” she murmured.

As the game progressed, Gary managed to find Song Jihyo with Haha and Gayoon, discussing strategy when they found Jen or Jungkook to eliminate them. Unfortunately for them, they had bumped into Jongkook who had been chasing after Hyuna and Sukjin. The two teams instantly run with Hyuna and Sukjin, yelling and screaming all over the place. 

Hyuna got in an elevator but unluckily none of the others made it inside with her. When the door opened on the next floor, she saw the Golden Maknae quickly looking up from his feet, widening his eyes.

“Oh no!” she shrieked as he rushed in, grabbing a hold of her. “Wait, wait, please! The game just started!” she pleaded but unfortunately for her, he ripped her tag off to eliminate her and Sukjin from the game.

“Sorry, Noona.” Jungkook bowed and grinned.

‘Hyuna out. Hyuna out.’

Back to Hayoon, she still was hiding in her hiding spot. When she heard the announcement, she sighed out of relief when it wasn’t her partner. Out of nowhere, she shrieked when she suddenly saw the dressing room door swing open, locking eyes with her best friend, Jennie.

“Really?” Jennie laughed and took a seat next to her.

“Aw...it was nice when it lasted.” Hayoon pouted.

“Have you seen Jungkook?”

“I heard him in here a while ago. I have no idea where he went. Thankfully he didn’t find me.” 

“Thanks. Okay. See you.” she stood up.

“W-wait, you’re sparing me?”

“Yeah.” Jen nodded. “I love you, that’s why.”

Hayoon smiled at her answer and felt a little flustered.

“Just try not to get caught," Miss Bangtan warned. "And if we meet again, I won’t hesitate to take the tag off.”

“Gosh...you and Jungkook are so scary when competitive. Reminds me of our dodgeball game at school.”

“That’s riiiiight.” she kissed her forehead. “Be safe out there.”

“You too!” Hayoon watched her leave. 

Standing up, she decided it was time to move around and find Kwangsoo and some keys. No more getting scared. It was time to play the game.

As the game went on, Amber and Jongkook had found each other and were running after the rest of the teams that were plotting to find Jennie and Jungkook.

“Run faster! Run faster! They’re here! They’re coming!” Haha yelled.

“Ah...we are in deep trouble!” Jaesuk huffed

“This was not part of the plan! Work with us to take out the Golden Duo!” Gary pleaded.

Jungkook had found himself in the mix when Song Jihyo spotted him and started running after him. Now it was Gary, Song Jihyo, Haha, Gayoon, Jessi, and Jaesuk running after Jungkook while running away from Amber and Jongkook.

“Get Jungkook! One team has to sacrifice themselves so we can oust Jungkook!” Jaesuk shouted.

“Go! Go! Go! We’re losing him!” Gary yelled, determinedly.

Out of breath, Jungkook came to a stop and had to fend for himself desperately as he saw the three teams halt in front of him. The three teams were distracted because they wanted to focus on Jungkook but Jongkook and Amber were behind them and they weren’t sure what to do.

Out of nowhere, Jennie jumped into the fray, grabbing a hold of Jungkook from behind. He widened his eyes in surprise when he turned to see her, gesturing for him to run with her. Everyone noticed that Jennie and Jungkook were finally reunited and freaked out.

“No! This was not supposed to happen!” Gary whined as all the teams scattered to go after them and escape Jongkook and Amber.

“Ah! Separate them!” Haha shouted.

“They’re headed downstairs! Go down!” Jessi yelled.

Song Jihyo managed to grab a hold of Jungkook’s arm, which made Jennie get pulled back with him.

“Uh, uh, not today! Kook and I will live to see another day! Get off of him!” Jen made her lose her grip before running away with her Golden partner.

“Aish...these kids...they’re too fast,” Jaesuk called out.

“We are dealing with two pains in the asses here.” Jessi chuckled, shaking her head. “These kids need to go but they run so fast. So how are we going to beat them?”

Once Jennie and Jungkook found a safe area to hide, he wrapped his arms around her tightly for a hug.

“Are you all right?” she asked.

“I am just very happy to see you, right now.”

“Feeling is mutual. I really thought I wasn’t going to be able to make it. Catch your breath, I know you’re tired.”

They sat on the floor as he tilted his head back, making it rest on the wall. Jennie laid her head on his shoulder and rested with him while keeping her eyes and ears alert for anyone walking by. 

Finally, they found each other and can work on winning.

After resting for a while, they walked around the mall to find the keys. As they strolled down the hallway, they heard a loud noise behind them. Jungkook was quick to grab her to safety by wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her against his chest. He looked both ways to see if anyone was there.

“That scared the crap outta me,” Jen said in English, exhaling sharply with a hand on her chest when they noticed that one of the camera crew had knocked over a plant by accident.

“What are we going to do? Everyone is after us. Should we go stealth?” Jungkook suggested as they continued their search for keys.

“No, I don’t think we should do stealth this time.”

“Really?”

“Yeah because they aren’t focused on getting the key, they’re focused on getting us out. They’re gonna do anything to eliminate us. They’ll try to corner us, distract us, this, that, and the third. We need to be quick and on full offense. No more messing around. We gotta win this. So, let’s find this key and if anybody runs up on us, we’ll rip the tags off. No more running away. I won’t let anyone rip your tag off. I promise.” she reassured him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I got you, Jungkook.”

A bunny smile appeared on the Golden Maknae’s lips, motivated by her words. “I got you, first. Now let’s go.”

As time went on, the Golden Duo searched around, undetected, and managed to find the right key. All they had to do now was find the room to open the door and stand on the platform. 

Walking to the door that leads to the stairwell, Jennie opened it and walked in with Jungkook, only to spot Jaesuk, Jessi, Kwangsoo and Hayoon, Gary and Song Jihyo trying to get each other’s tags after they all had turned against each other.

The sight of JenKook caused Kwangsoo and Hayoon to rush down the stairs in panic while the rest of the teams were caught off guard and ran down the steps to avoid them. JenKook had decided to dash after them, going after the Monday Couple first for revenge. 

Running through a door, the Monday Couple had pushed to close it shut, only to have JenKook push forward to push it open.

“No! It won’t end like this!” Gary yelled.

“Don’t let them in!” Song Jihyo shouted.

Jennie, using her strength, gripped the doorknob and placed her foot on the wall, slowly pulling it back as the door gradually opened. Jungkook took advantage by grabbing Song Jihyo’s arm. He pulled her to him and used his other hand to search for the name tag on her back.

Riiiiiiiip

‘Song Jihyo out. Song Jihyo out.’

“Ah...I can’t believe this.” Song Jihyo slid down and sighed in defeat with Gary. 

After bowing and thanking the Monday Couple, Jennie and Jungkook continued their search for the platform.

“Are you okay?” Gary helped Song Jihyo up.

“Wow...the Golden Duo is no joke,” she mentioned, bewildered.

“They have to be the strongest guests we ever had. Iron Man and Captain America strength. This won’t be the end. We will get them next time.”

Near the end of the game, Jennie and Jungkook finally found the door. Managing to open it with no problems, they quickly jumped onto the platform as confetti popped out from the ceiling, making them the winners of the game.

All the teams had met up in the room to recap on the episode and congratulated JenKook on their successful win despite the odds not being in their favor.

Receiving Korean Beef as their prize, Jungkook happily announced, “We’ll eat this proudly. Jin Hyung, prepare to make this for us when we get home!”

“Ahhhh, they came to our show and won everything. They cannot be beaten.” Haha shook his head as everyone laughed

Once Jennie and Jungkook went back to the dorms with Seijin, the members greeted them with loud cheers when they saw the Korean beef in their hands. 

A victory dance commenced between the members and afterward, Jennie showered and helped Jin cook the beef. 

After dinner, Jennie chose to turn in early due to the full meal and long day of filming. Wearing a white tank top with black shorts, she dozed off in her warm bed.

-------

Buzz Buzz Buzz

Stirring in her sleep, Jen slowly woke up and grabbed her phone off the nightstand. Squinting her eyes at the high brightness of the screen, she turned her brightness down and checked out the message.

Kookie: You awake? I have a headache. Could you massage it away?

Jen: Sure. Drink water and then stop by

She sat up and stretched her limbs. Turning on the lamp, she turned to look at the time. It was past 1am. It looked like Jungkook was done gaming for the night with the rest of the Maknae Line. 

Noticing that her bun was messy, she realized that her bonnet had fallen off while sleeping. Yawning, she took out her bun and shook her hair out, deciding to fix it after massaging Jungkook. 

Hearing a firm series of knocks on her door, she called out with her voice filled with sleep, “Who?”

“Golden Maknae in need of Miss Bangtan’s famous massages.”

His bright voice made her smile. “How much are you paying?”

“I’m sure we can negotiate with smarties.” he quipped, making her giggle softly.

“You got me there. Enter my realm.”

She watched him walk in with a big smile as he closed the door. She noticed he was wearing one of his many white shirts and a pair of shorts that came to his knees. His hair was messy, too, it made him look even cuter.

She scooted over as she felt the bed dip when he got on the bed to lay down next to her. 

“I told you don’t eat so much candy. But what do you do? Eat a lot of candy. Now, look at you. Suffering from a headache.” she scolded.

“The candy Hyung buys is really good. I can’t help it.”

“I can’t help it.” she mocked in a low voice, making him chuckle. “How much did you even eat after dinner?” she let him lay his head on her lap as she gently began to massage his temples.

“You don’t want to know.” he let out a content sigh, closing his eyes.

“No more eating a lot of sweets, especially before you go to sleep. Those sugar headaches are killer. And make sure you drink more water and take aspirin."

“Yes, ma’am.”

“You’re a handful.”

After a while, he ended up falling asleep, with his headache nearly gone. She gently removed his head from her lap and let him sleep next to her. Moments later, Jen decided to play on her phone, to pass the time until she felt herself getting tired.

After ten minutes, she glanced over at the Golden Maknae, watching him sleep as his chest rose and fell slowly. Placing her phone on the nightstand, she turned to her side, to continue observing him. Her hand slowly ran through his soft hair. Gently brushing her fingertips against his cheek, she absentmindedly ran her thumb over his bottom lip. Glancing at his lips, she quickly shook the thought away and removed her hand.

‘The heck was that Jen?’ she looked away from his lips but couldn’t help but look back at them.

Jungkook had grown up. His vocals get better and better throughout each comeback. He had gotten so much taller, it was like it was yesterday when they were almost the same height. His English skills improve day by day, making her proud of his efforts. And he had become so handsome over the years.

Her body began moving on its own as she found herself slowly leaning down. She stopped midway, looking at his gentle face. Closing her eyes with hesitation, she pulled back. 

Jen laid on her back and looked up at the ceiling, inhaling and exhaling deeply. She didn’t understand what she was doing. What this strange feeling was. 

Turning her head to the side, she looked at him, falteringly.

After a moment, she turned her body on her side and leaned forward to press her lips to his. She kissed him softly while closing her eyes. His lips were softer than she anticipated, taking her off guard. Nonetheless, she felt something strong from the kiss. 

When she realized what she had done, she pulled away, confused by her abrupt actions. 

‘What the hell, Jennie? Why did you do that? Stupid, stupid, stupid. I am such an idiot.’ she thought to herself, touching her lips.

She was so fixated on thinking of what she had done, that she didn’t even notice Jungkook slowly opening his eyes.

Consequently, he knew exactly what she had done and when she met his gaze, her stomach dropped.

Busted.

She stiffened, widening her eyes while her face felt flushed. All she wanted to do was crawl into a hole. She had no excuse for her actions and couldn’t even think of coherent thoughts without making a fool out of herself.

��...u-um-I’m...” she hesitated, averting her eyes from him. “I-I’m sorry, I don’t know what got into me. I think I’m gonna go get something from the kitchen.”

She began scrambling to get out of bed but felt his warm hand, firmly grabbing her wrist to stop her from getting off the mattress.

“Don’t leave,” he whispered.

Jen let out a sharp gasp when he gently pushed her down on the bed, feeling the soft, warm sheets under her. Her heart raced quickly as she watched him slowly climb on top of her, placing his palms on the bed, next to both sides of her head.

She couldn’t look at him in the eyes as she felt a mixture of crazy emotions while still feeling awkward by her previous actions.

“Look at me,” her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his low voice. 

She nervously held his gaze, unable to ignore his request. She didn’t understand where this sudden desire to kiss him was coming from and it bothered her.

It bothered her because she shouldn’t even be in this foreign position with him.

It bothered her because the way he was staring at her made it harder to resist him.

It bothered her because he looked so enticing and she anticipated what he was going to do to her.

Her chest rose up and down with the butterflies in her stomach getting worse. She watched him take a good look at the position they were in. 

From his face, it seemed like he was contemplating if he should risk it all. It was like he was struggling to suppress the urge to do whatever his mind was thinking of doing to her. She regarded that he had licked his lips and placed his bottom lip in between his teeth as his eyes traveled down to her bare, thick legs. When he locked eyes with her, she felt her nervousness intensify.

He slowly leaned down, pressing his body against hers, gently kissing her softly. She froze, widening her eyes as she felt his lips move on hers while he tilted his head to continue kissing her slowly.

‘What the hell? What the hell are we doing? What the hell are we doing?’ she thought in panic.

His lips were tender and he pulled away briefly, leaving her breathless. Jungkook moved some hair from her face before leaning down to crash his lips against hers again.

Part of her wanted to push him off.

Tell him that this should not be happening.

But his kisses were too much to handle and she found herself kissing back, uncertain. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. Gradually, she became in sync with his lips, finding a rhythm, despite her lack of kiss experience.

With a hand in his soft hair, she ran her fingers through it. Shortly after she felt his large hands caressing her legs and she hitched a breath. 

Jungkook’s hands were all over her. Places that a friend shouldn’t be touching but he was so gentle that she couldn’t help but melt into his touch. They slowly eased back from their lingering kiss to catch their breaths. 

Jennie, unable to resist and giving in to this heated encounter, sat up with him to straddle him on his lap. The sudden gesture made him grunt softly as she gripped onto his shirt. 

The way he looked at her looked like he was giving her permission to do whatever she wanted. Sensing her hesitation, he ended up guiding her hands to remove his shirt before tossing it to the side.

'Oh my God...' she thought as she ran her hands down his chest and then took his face in her hands. 'What's gotten into me?'

She resumed kissing him again as she felt warm and tingly. Each kiss felt better than the last one, making her feel good. Their kissing got heated as he slowly ran his hands down her back and squeezed her hips. He was starting to drive her crazy as he continued his frisky behavior when his hands slowly traveled down to squeeze her rear. The sudden gesture made her jump and let out a squeal of surprise before resuming their heated kissing.

Once they pulled back to breathe again, a thought in her mind made her place a hand on his chest, as the doubts came back.

‘We shouldn’t be doing this...I should not have kissed him. This isn’t right. But it feels right. But friends don’t do this. We need to stop. This can’t go any further. I need to get out of this.’ she thought, feeling conflicted with everything that was going on.

Jungkook noticed her pulling away and closed the gap by pulling her back against his body.

"Don't. It's okay," he murmured and swiftly laid her back on the bed, climbing on top of her to kiss her again.

Jungkook made her forget about the doubts as he deepened the kiss, causing her to softly moan. It made her feel embarrassed that an abrupt sound like that came out of her since she never made a sound like that before. She felt his strong hands grab her wrists, pinning them on the bed, beside her head. His hands gradually slid up to her hands slowly intertwining his fingers with hers. He kept a firm grip, making her unable to escape his passion.

Jungkook took his time, placing sweet kisses on her face. From her cheeks to her jawline, he made her feel wanted and cared for. He needed to stop kissing her like this. Every time he kissed her sweetly, he would glance at her lovingly before doing it again. His kisses were making her heart pound. She couldn’t take much more of this.

Turning her head to one side, she closed her eyes and let out shaky breaths when she felt him shift down to her neck. His nose nuzzled against her neck before placing, soft and gentle kisses around it, leaving her panting from the foreign feeling.

‘Oh God...why am I enjoying this?’ she thought as she threw her head back against the pillow.

She tightened her hands against his, writhing underneath him while trying to fight back any sounds. Of course, with Jungkook pinning her down to the bed, focused on her neck, she failed miserably, becoming undone. Jungkook appeared to be satisfied with his efforts and her reactions because he let out a low chuckle in response.

“Jungkook,” she whispered breathlessly as she felt his warm breath against her ear.

“Relax, baby girl...” he whispered, feeling her squirm from all the overwhelming and foreign feelings in her body.

This was torture, what he was doing to her, and she couldn’t do anything as he held her down.

"Do you trust me?" she heard him ask in her ear, making her shiver. 

"Y-yes," she breathed out. 

Suddenly he let her go and began kissing down her neck and started to move lower, making her feel flushed

"W-wait...where are you going?" she stuttered with her breathing increasing as she placed her hands in his hair when he continued to travel down to her stomach. 

Never would she think that Jungkook would ever do this, especially to her.

----

Jennie ended up falling off her bed with a big thump. She quickly got back to her feet. Snapping her head from side to side, looking around, she noticed that no one was in her room but her.

“What the hell...?” she placed a hand on her hair, which was still in a bun, and checked her phone to see no messages from Jungkook that indicated that he needed a massage tonight.

She then realized that she was just dreaming.

“Oh no. Oh my gosh, please. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.” she started pacing around, in panic. “No. No. No.” she shook her head repeatedly, trying to get the thoughts out of her mind.

It startled her that she just dreamed about her friend this way. 

“That meant nothing. That had to mean nothing.” she tried to convince herself. “No way. No way this would happen. Why did I dream of that? Why? Am I drunk? Did I eat one too many Smarties? Get it together!”

She slapped her cheeks with her palms. Going into her small bathroom, she splashed her face with cold water and sat on top of the toilet seat, to collect her thoughts.

That imagination...came out of nowhere.

Jungkook would never think of this, would he?

He would never think of her like this, right?

So why did she think of him like that?

He probably never dreamed of her like that, either, so why did she?

He would never think about making out with her, would he?

She was so confused.

Friends don’t just make out with each other like they did in that dream and she shouldn’t be having these types of thoughts of him.

“This is wrong. We can’t...we’re friends.” she reminded herself. “Best friends. In a group. We are in a group, working together. Professionally. This...can’t happen. It meant nothing. It meant nothing, Jennie.” she tried to convince herself as she worked on pretending that the dream didn’t happen.

Boy, it was going to be hard to act normal around Jungkook in the morning.

[aluria-sevhex]

I BEAT THE GAME

a solid 3rd of my ISAT notes on my phone are just from 'today' (writing this past midnight lol)

my ISAT masterpost

every post in this series is also tagged as #Aluria plays ISAT for the first time (please don't spoil)

please note that there's a bunch of notes in this post because i was still in Act 3 at the beginning of this post lol

-i'm not playing it rn but i have decided to break my 'no looking stuff up' rule so i know where to go to make Sif rember what they say when carving stuff

[WRITING TUMBLR POST ALURIA NOTE: i later looked up maps of the House to help me keep track of stuff lol]

-ok now i know. i like figuring things out myself but i could not fucking remember lol.

-i have a really long car ride so. MORE ISAT

-title theme shout-out

-Sif tripped on a rock. "you're clumsy and not at all threatening and overpowered compared to them!" :(

-they almost forgot to catch Isa :(

-dang, Siffrin didn't say nya this time D:

-hehe they hit it back. one could say it's a... COUNTER-attack B)

-SIFFRIN GHOST ON THE WAY TO THE DORM

-WAIT FUCK DID I FORGET THE SHARPENING STONE

-fuck it i was planning to loop back after finding out what to say anyway

-ah don't i also need to find more i fo on the King somewhere? eh i can do that on the next loop... so much to keep track of...

-LMAO. THE PHRASE SIF SAYS. "please don't look bad please don't look bad please don't look bad" BIG FUCKING MOOD TBH

-Sif on his way to talk to their tools and project while carving or sharpening:

-aight time to die lmao

-Loop my belooped

-hm... it's Loop's job to remember Siffrin's mistakes...

-"you don't have to remember to yell' always gets me :(

-I FOUND THE ARTICLES

-ok so currently i'm thinking that the King and Siffrin are probably from the same place. which may or may not be where Loop is from and/or the disappearing island and/or connected to the color thing.

this game has a lot of weird shit going on.

-Bonnie doesn't know what a star is

-OH FUCK NO. AM I GOING TO HAVE TO GO TO THE OBSERVATORY. I'M LEAVING THAT FOR A LATER LOOP.

-another ghost :0

-ISAT: 📚

ISAT if Siffrin could pick locks: 📕

-WHAT. "you used to find them disgusting, but someone you knew loved them, so you tried them."

"someone you knew?"

"who?"

O_O

-aw, Isa hugged Mira on this bathroom trip

-"you wish for rest" yeah...

-"please be sharp, please be sharp, please be sharp"

-the Keyknife is now the Knifekey. WAIT. THIS MEANS IN THE FUTURE I CAN DO OTHER SHIT ON FLOOR 3. HELL FUCKING YES.

-wait. OH C'MON. boooooooo

-i picked malanga fritters and almost skipped past something that seems important. they remind Siffrin of his parents? :0 their head hurt...

-"BECAUSE YOU FORCED THEM TO!" :(

-"where r u from" "no u"

-JUST FUCKING CONFESS ISA FJHDHEJKSMXMDKSKS

-*sighs* guess i should talk to her. actually... what if i called Loop?

-huh. can't call them here.

-"i just hope that one day you might learn" WAIT THAT'S DIFFERENT- wait nvm i got things mixed up in my head :(

-"in this moment, you were loved"

-"that was a nice rehearsal" OH FUCK.

-i just skipped from loop 37 to 40

-time to kill myself with a banana! oop- *plantain*

-"you broke your head open on a rock" it did not use to describe it like that.

-wait. Sif. if you're annoyed there isn't a more dignified way in the village to loop. just kill yourself. you have a knife. just fucking kill yourself to loop forward.

-...fuck what the hell is this game doing to my thought process

-ok what should i look for in this room...

-"BUT YOU ARE NOT ABLE TO READ IT" in large font... :(

-:( Sif is trying to remember something and it's tied to the stars

-aight new thing to ask the king time to get myself killed via tear yippee

-seems like the King wants Siffrin to remember their home... "something we've all forgotten" this is definitely about the disappearing island and the colors

-i need to go to the library and find the books on it.

-hey isn't Rock also called Protection Craft? kinda interesting that the King has it

-damn i died to the King because of timing bullshit ToT

-"one more time."

-huh... it evades active remembrance

-it had a belief centered on the Universe...

-need to figure out why the King is obsessed with Vaugarde

-freezing something perfect in time... do i need to find one of those Time Craft books again?

-gonna loop forward to the King

-"even the King feels easy to fight, now"

"i still can't say it" the name of their home. he wants to be able to say the name of his and Siffrin's home. ouagh this game is going to leave me emotionally devastated ToT

-fuck i missed the option to ask Odile if she was going to continue her fake research on a loop where i didn't spend time with her

-"can we group hug after i talk to the Head Housemaiden?" oh?

-DAMMIT ODILE INTERRUPTED ISA THIS TIME

-time to talk to her. again. again and again and again and again

-"you can start breaking down now" lol

-"the curtain falls" DAMN

-"HERE AGAIN?" woah Loop why so aggressive?

-"i'm too lazy to open up new dialogue choices" lol

-hm... show Loop the souvenirs...

-wait huh. in another loop this lady in Dormont said she has no siblings but now she has a sister. odd...

-:O THE LONG THINGY-THING

-huh. Loop reacted kinda weirdly to the kid's doodle

-hey what if i gave Isa the flower at the end?

-FUCK I FORGOT THE FUCKING ROCK I GOT TOO COMFY. this is embarrassing

-hey hold up the theme that plays when everybody's discussing the country in the library is the same song that plays when Loop is recapping things

-hold up. the King was in Corbeaux. Corbeaux is where the House doing the color research is.

-took the photo. PERFECTLY FROZEN IN TIME

-oh fuck

-calling Loop

-hm. the star-shaped gate that's locked. is the passcode the name of Siffrin and the King's home?

-we're gonna use a bomb i guess

-i asked the King where he's from and uh... now a slowed-down version of the song is playing...

-what the fuck

-Sif and the King are going to die, aren't they?

-"BUT IT'S ALL GONE!"

-i'm going to loop forward and try to talk to the King. again.

-*sighs* the peel is so dorky

-FUCK I FORGOT TO EQUIP THE MEMORY OF KNIFEKEY

-wait. asking him nicely. FUCKING WORKED???

-"The Universe leads... we can only follow"

-FUCK. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. OF COURSE. OF COURSE. OF COURSE. GO FUCK YOURSELF.

-so the King knows about the loops, even though he can't remember them.

-"Wish Craft" :0

-WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO.

-BONNIE NO

-NO NO NO NO UNHAND THEM

-BONNIE NO BONBON NO

-okay. i looped back. Bonnie is okay again. i just need to kill the King.

-hold the fuck up. it says i'm in Act 4. bad things mark the end of acts. Act 1 ended with me getting in the loops. Act 2 ended with killing the King failing. Act 3 ended with...?

-please don't let Bonnie be dead somehow

-THEY'RE OKAY THEY'RE OKAY

-...the little moments of time rewinding seem to correlate with Sif wishing to go back

-:O I CAN READ THE BOOKS NOW

-THE GATE. OH FUCK YEAH

-fucking hell when did i get (Just attack) because DAMN. Sif is so fucking done with everything.

-WISH CRAFT

-i just fumkign one-shot the Nostalgie on floor 1. "just attack" indeed

-"you need a break" :(

-Sif is like constantly teetering on the edge of a mental breakdown

-let's see how well they do against a boss

-DAMN

-ok so what the fuck was Euphrasie doing before shit hit the fan? and why does she blame herself for Siffrin's situation?

-i just realized something funny. if Vaugarde is fantasy France. and Siffrin and the King are from an island north of Vaugarde. DOES THAT MAKE SIFFRIN FANTASY BRITI- *gets shot*

-gate time.

-what was the question? what was the answer?

-"couldn't i just create another me? someone who'd understand?" ok so somebody's a clone got it.

-Loop? i should talk to Loop

-ok i guess i'll have to be like "hey Loop are you a clone?" in person (plot twist Sif's a clone :P)

-"i saw a weird shade" WAIT HOLD UP YEAH THAT'S SUS THAT SIFFRIN FUCKING SAW RED. OK THAT WAS DIAGETIC. FIRST COLOR IN THE WHOLE GAME.

-gonna kill the King again, talk to Loop, then loop again forward to Floor 2 to read the color theory book

-WAIT SIFFRIN HASN'T CRIED ONCE THIS WHOLE GAME BITCH REPRESSION IS NOT HEALTHY!

-"especially if she knows" Sif. did you forget Odile's name. OH FUCK

-"HOW BLINDINGLY WONDERFUL, FOR A ROLL OF TOILET PAPER TO BE THE ONLY HOPE YOU HAVE LEFT RIGHT NOW!" this would be so funny if not for the context

-"you wish for eternity" WAIT HOLD UP

-SIFFRIN IS USING WISH CRAFT. AND WHEN THEY PRAY TO THE CHANGE GOD STATUES THEY SEND THEIR WISHES. ARE THE BUFFS AND THE KEYKNIFE THE RESULT OF WISH CRAFT?

-hey Siffrin uses a more shy and sad portrait for the 'thank you' afterwards now :(

-FUCK I FORGOT TO SHARPEN THE KNIFE

-y'know what it's fine i have the bomb

-hey Sif i think what happened last time might've uh. traumatized you? ;-;

-welp. i used the bomb. it was anticlimactic.

-"i wonder how this country looks from the outside" *proceeds to imply that the time loop only affects Vaugarde* hold the fucking phone

-ok tho srsly Siffrin is in what looks like *extreme* duress

-oh damn Sif has different portraits for the 'you should disappear' bit. less smug and determined, more... *haunted*

-dang, can't give Isa the flower at the end

-*sigh* gonna talk to her again

-"the actor has become the director"

-there's a lot more theatre comparisons than there used to :(

-woah Siffrin you are weirdly enthusiastic to see Loop

-time to loop forward to read the books woooo

-Sif i am very concerned about this dialogue portrait. your enthusiasm is *desperate*

-hey something funny: people wish on stars

-this game has a LOT of motifs i love: wishes, stars, time, memories, etc.

-hm... what is Siffrin's 'ritual' when doing the wish-y thing?

-:0 a wish is trapping Siffrin?

-what if they're actually being trapped by their own desires or smth? like some sort of- WAIT. WHAT IF LOOP IS TRAPPING THEM SOMEHOW???

-i am in conspiracy mode i think

-moving forward to get to the library

-Siffrin is now level 85...

-maybe a wish is how the island disappeared?

-FAVOR TREE IS WISH CRAFT WOOOOOOOO

-i think the way Sif wished was from something they learned as a kid

-3, 6, 7, 13, all are numbers with significance

-HEY LOOP LOOK WHAT I LEARNED

-welp time to die ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-ok what is in that one house in the main part of Dormont

-hm. Euphrasie was apparently asking everybody what they wished for. she probably realized something tied to Wish Craft was wrong...

-maybe the list in Euphrasie's office cataloguing the names was categorizing based on wishes?

-looping forward

-"you're a living comedy sketch"

-my guess is that the wishing to save Vaugarde enabled Siffrin to loop so they could defeat the King, but something went horribly wrong, thus causing the loops to keep going

-ugh i need to talk in person. tear time!

-a sped-up version of the happy song after you beat the King is playing and Siffrin has the desperate enthusiasm portrait...

-Siffrin, you already tried saving Vaugarde.

-"maybe you don't loop because you die... but because you feel like there would be no reason to go on, maybe?" makes sense to me. Siffrin doesn't have anything to look forward to after defeating the King.

-"something that, to you, feels on the same level of hopelessness as death? on the same level as the world ending?" me when the time loop wants me to get therapy:

-hey Sif you just looped. right in front of Loop.

-looping forward to the King.

-Odile's realizing she's missing something. too bad she'll forget it. maybe i should try making the others really suspicious of me on a future loop

-"please don't interrupt" :(

-this game has me constantly on some variety of edge and i love it

-maybe this time Isa will get to confess?

-the static is starting and i haven't even talked to Euphrasie

-damn i did a minor loop back :(

-talking to her won't work. it can't work.

-STOP SAYING THE SAME DAMN THING STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT

-I WAS RIGHT AS TO HOW EXACTLY SIF GOT STUCK

-the wish is broken. MAYBE IF I DO SOMETHING ELSE MAYBE IF HE'S DEFEATED SOME OTHER WAY PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

-OH FUCK. so Sif's current theory is that somehow he has to deal the final blow

-"You just need to defeat the King on your own" BUT YOU NEED THE OTHERS TO DEFEAT HIM?

-also damn the way Siffrin's thoughts spiral into a mess is a mood.

-i am now in Act 5.

-:( the Dormont music is slow now

-Sif's portrait in the menus has changed again, there is nothing in the body text of his profile, and their title is now "The Lost One" :(

-wait. the Change God statue is glitchy now and i can't get buffs there anymore

-Sif is like perpetually pissed off

-aaaand now Mira's upset

-Sif is going to fuck things up with the others as well, won't they?

-i think Odile's gonna figure out that Sif is in a time loop

-i feel like i'm in a horror game right now. well. i've felt like that for a while. but i am fucking terrified of Siffrin right now. Siffrin you need help please they only want to help you you can't bottle up everything or it only ends up worse

-the battle theme is slowed...

-sometime i should write a crossover fanfic where Rose Lalonde picks apart Siffrin, i think it would go very interestingly

-unrelated but i just realized Isa has a hair banana hehehe... i need to cling to levity while in this hell

-uh. dude. why is your dialogue looping

-SIFFRIN! I. I KNOW YOU'RE STRUGGLING BUT ALL THEY WANT TO DO IS HELP YOU AND YOU KEEP HURTING THEM PLEASE THEY ONLY WANT TO HELP YOU I KNOW VULNERABILITY IS HARD BUT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE THEY'VE BEEN *TRYING* AND THEY'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT KINDA TO YOU AND IT HURTS TO SEE THIS SIFFRIN BECAUSE YOU KEEP GETTING WORSE AND WORSE AND IT'S TERRIFYING!

-fuck man this game is getting me to care so much about this guy. Mental Illness Simulator 2023

-the irony of Sif calling Isa a coward who projects confidence but not backing it up... Siffrin is projecting.

-and yet despite all that... Isa still ended the conversation rather kindly ToT

-Loop seems really unsure and yeah. past me would not believe this but i am siding with the starheaded bitch.

-...Loop fucking LIED

-Sif is going alone

-oh dear the music

-most of the memories are gone. and the skills...

-level 99

-wait the room layout is fucked

-a Sif ghost but with a black hat instead

-"you're hungry" :(

-so. i think Sif just hallucinated his party members.

-"your stomach hurts. you feel cold." :(

-the world is glitching and breaking haha and i am scared i'm scared i'm scared Siffrin *please*

-how is the photo event occurring if i'm on my own?

-*oh no*

-ok brb i need to take a break

-ok back from my break and refreshed! now i can go back to Siffrin's Descent Into Hell

-entered Mira's room. her hallucination did the "head is covered in darkness creepily" thing...

-Odile...

-i'm in the Keyknife room except now the background is the post-King fight background...

-the feeling of the grim march towards a specific goal reminds me of the Undertale genocide route haha...ha...ha... ...

-stomachache, headache, and the smell of sugar...

-no more running, only a slow, slow, walk to the end

-"you've trapped this country in time even more surely than i have" oh fuck

-not often that a game makes me terrified enough for me to feel my heartbeat...

-red.

-his sprite is on the game over?

-where the FUCK am i?

-spooky shadow Siffrin

-OOO DO I GET TO FIGHT A MANIFESTATION OF SIFFRIN'S MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES?

-hm what does mal du pays mean- oh :( it translated to homesickness :(

-you can't fight your own shadow

-"it's not like you haven't let me die before, right?" *OH FUCK*

-you broke your promise didn't you?

-red

-dude i think the depression is collecting its due. loops and loops of bottling your shit up has been unhealthy and now you are paying for it :(

-"if something has been forgotten by everyone, has that thing ever existed?" FUCK

-red

-more red

-BRIGHT RED

-if i had a nickel for every rpg i liked where a monochrome manifestation of the main character's mental illness taunted him in a scripted fight, i'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice. bonus: the dialogue box calls Mal du Pays 'something'! oh and both games open with a content warning i guess

y'know maybe the fact i found out about this game from a blogger that i followed for Omori stuff should've been some sort of indicator.

-"the sadness within you is right" FUCK

-OH GOOD SIF DIDN'T DIE THE FAMILY CAME TvT

-"a weird shiny person helped us!" LOOP :D

-AND THE MUSIC IS UPBEAT OH THIS FEELS SO GOOD TvT

-IT HAS THE TITLE SCREEN MOTIF TOO

-i'l have to look up the song later and compare to other themes but i think it might be a medley/remix? i've definitely identified the post-King fight theme and the title theme, probably more i can't clearly identify

-everybody's battle portraits are so bright and happy

-"i still cannot remember its name" :(

-damn. he froze. womp womp

-ok but what about Loop? what's going on with them?

-glitchy background...

-i'm on Act 5. aren't there like 6 acts? idk maybe this can end and Sif can move forward. then again... the last few times. that did not work out.

-haha Sif pls don't die on us rlly tho pls don't

-so slow...

-RED...

-Mal du Pays is following us

-FUCK

-*exhales* ok the darkness is gone

-is it weird that i kinda like this moment more than the moments of closeness with the others in Act 3? maybe cuz it feels more real, somehow... or because for once, Siffrin is the one being vulnerable...

-i think the problem was sticking to the script and treating the others like actors or well... NPCs

-FUCK FUCK FUCK NO NO NO DON'T YOU DARE GO INTO GLITCHY MODE.

-FUCK

-now that they're here they know something is wrong.

-please game please grant Siffrin one small mercy and let the others loop back with him this time

-RED

-uhhhhhhhh

-Sif did you just become your weird sadness self

-woah this is a beautiful scene

-WOAH. now THIS is a battle! and it is *beautiful*. the red and the stars...

-oh fuck. my options are hurt them or self-harm.

-wait are they HEALING ME? :(

-the battle menu simply refers to Siffrin as 'user'

-JGJRJENNDNRJE LMAO ODILE JUST PULLED A CLASSIC MOM MOVE LIKE "don't you dare storm up to your room earlier in time, young man!"

-forced group therapy

-oh, Siffrin's portrait

-i HATE that my options are hurt my friends or hurt myself. and i refuse to let Siffrin hurt their friends. it's... heartbreaking...

-chat i don't think the wish the player chooses was Siffrin's *actual* wish

-:0 hatless Siffrin

-AWWWW THEY'RE HUGGING

-aw... smiling Sif... hugging Bonnie :]

-:0 EVERYBODY IS SO HAPPY IN THE MENU!

-"It's you!!!!" also hey Sif's title is "The Traveler" again!

-"you will stay together for a little while longer" :]

-i love how the lack of hat makes the fact that Siffrin is really short apparent lol

-these new conversations are precious :]

-Odile thinks the fact that Sif loved everybody so much they got himself stuck in a time loop to be cute XD

-NO WAY. IS THIS FINALLY HAPPENING. IS HE FINALLY GONNA SAY IT?

-HELL FUCKING YES!!!!!!!!

-ok i just talked to all the housemaidens and Dormont residents. time to talk to Loop

-...

-maybe Loop was just. a manifestation of the wish...

-:0 THE SILVER COIN? ARE WE GONNA FINSLLY USE THE SILVER COIN?

-TvT

-I BEAT THE GAME :D

-:o Siffrin is no longer on the title screen

[waistdoll]

I am new to jirai kei, but I just wanted to know some tips and other things I should be educated on in the subculture 🩷 I just don't want to come off as ignorant because Im new 🫶 so do you have any tips or things I should know? ⁠♡

TW: harmful behavior, s*x work, mentions of self-h*rm, i will try to talk about the differences, the stereotypes and the reason behind them, having the "jirai kei" as a main subject.

୨ৎ if you want to know more about the girly kei style you can ask me too!! like brand recommendations, tips on buying from japan, japanese clothes size, makeup, etc.

but please, keep in mind that:

• jirai kei 地雷系 (lifestyle) and dark girly kei (style that some of the jirai girls use) are two separated things and you can be jirai without using the style and you can use girly kei without identifying as jirai.

tl;dr: the western / social media vision of jirai is totally wrong. jirai kei in Japan isn't a style at all; jirai kei is a lifestyle that is seen as "unhealthy".

the term jirai kei came from “地雷系”. translates to “landmine-type”, not the literal meaning as “landmine”, is a japanese slang for "trigger" "red flag" “地雷を踏んだ”, meaning “i stepped on a landmine”. in reference to a person, a “landmine” is someone that’s so easily triggered over minor things that they keep exploding on others with abusive behavior, so you need to be as careful as if you were walking around a minefield.

this meaning has been around for about a decade, primarily used in dating advice articles about how to recognise “red flags” in a partner.

"but OP, it isn't a style?"

in those dating stereotypes, even the most arbitrary traits were considered red flags and wearing dark alternative fashion is already enough to have someone considered a potential landmine, the style in question is called dark girly kei. (style used by many jirai kei girls)

around 2020, jirai kei didn’t have any associations with any particular fashions or interests, but when a popular japanese makeup vlogger started a “psycho girlfriend” dress-up challenge and called the final look a landmine-type cosplay. she contributed to the stereotype that the landmine-types were often fans of dark girly fashion, every influencer was getting in on the trend, and cosplaying as a landmine-type psycho girlfriend, generally also tagging with “yandere”, then a lot of influencers did the challenge and lots of girlykei brands started to use the "jirai kei" terminology to sell more.

"why would someone call themselves jirai knowing that it means "psycho woman" in other words?? wouldn't it be romanticizing?"

popularly, there's a lot of people who call themselves jirai kei knowing about the difference of jirai & girlykei because of their mental conditions, i, myself use jirai kei to feel a little better about my mental state and to connect to other people who struggle the same as me, even if they stopped calling themselves jirai they wouldn't stop their unhealthy behavior, they're not mentally ill because of jirai, they're jirai because of their mental illness. the spaces for real mentally fucked people in the internet are so few, these people that are called "psycho bitches" exist and they shouldn't feel bad about being like this, they are the people who most struggle with all of it and it's their business if they want to call themselves it. telling people to not use the jirai kei term will not stop them to engage on harmful behavior, at the end those people are still mentally ill and have more problems than the terminology they use. might be thinking the "jirai antis" are some sort of saviors or something like that, if you really want to help those people don't blame it in the community and style they've found themselves.

all jirais don't have the same behavior even if all of them have a fucked mental state, some of them might be posting self-harm for validation, some are obsessed with their s/o, some doing sex work for attention, some of us has violent thoughts and bpd, some of us are just neurodivergent, or have depression, etc, is a form of venting/expression, and venting ≠ encouraging someone.

some info:

• the term hadn't changed its meaning, please don't act like it's some sort of "feminist movement" or even empowering.

• part the association of girly kei with harmful behavior is related to "toyoko kaiwai" (トー横キッズ) who's around Kabukicho, many of the members have been wearing various dark j-fashion styles before the "psycho girlfriend dress-up challenge" became a trend. they're credited as the reason for why those styles are associated with the landmine stereotype to begin with. they're been connected to under*ge pr*stitution, dr*g ab*se, public self-h*rm, murd*r and theft.

they are around age 9-24, (firstly known as toyoko kids, but like, there's a lot of adults in this) they're often privileged children who were convinced to get away from home by bad influences. and many members have died or been hospitalized as a result. for more info search the Japanese spelling on any japanese news site, or their signature hashtags on social media:

#/toho横界隈

#/トー横界隈

#トー横

recently, their former leader “Howl”, died by suicide while waiting in custody for a trial, (<- click for more info) -> (also here) for convincing minors to run away from home in order to “work” for him and dress in a way he finds attractive.

all these minors he "convinced" are victims, you can use the style without agreeing with this behavior and be jirai without agreeing with this, they're all manipulated children and it isn't their fault.

[oncewhenalongtimeago]

Hii, i just found your work and I'm obsessed!!

Been wondering if you have more of "Sorry, but I Think I Lost Your Plot"

Thank you a lot for your work!!

 Sorry, but I Think I Lost Your Plot pt 9

Pairing: Onesided!Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III x Modern!Fem!Reader

Words: 1058

You and Hiccup conversate. Again.

Tags: Time Travel, Reader into Movieverse, DoB:Live and Let Fly, first rule of fight club, unedited

<Previous - Next>

“The green fin didn’t work out?” You asked, eyeing Toothless’ proud blue. Toothless was making it a point to whip his tail so that you could see it in its full glory, fins spread out all the way.

It seemed that Deadly Nadders weren’t the only dragons who were vain.

“Meatlug tore it,” It seemed Hiccup was back in his red tunic, which you had washed, folded and returned just the other day. He had his frog apron tied around his waist, dust and smoke smudging his face and rolled-up sleeves.

“Working on fixing up the green one. I was going to repair it, but…” He laughed awkwardly, following your eyes and rubbing his sleeves with his knuckles, maybe to try and wipe off the smudge or just self-consciously, you couldn’t tell.

“Oh, well,” You trailed off with a hum. You didn’t know blue pigment was so expensive. You figured that in town the other day, bartering with one of the old folks down by the docks. You felt sort of bad for giving Hiccup the tip, for a little while, but it seems he managed it pretty well. He probably had to do a fair bit of haggling for it, though.

“It looks really nice.” You complimented, shaking away your jitters.

Toothless snuffled at you from where he was besides, sidling up to the counter to flash his fin at Hiccup, for what was probably the millionth time.

“Yeah, bud, I see you,” Hiccup rolled his eyes.

You leaned your head away, shifting the pail in your hand, watching curiously as Toothless blew into your hair indulgently. 

Hiccup glowered sourly over your shoulder. Toothless gargled back.

The pail was for Flishlegs, filled with rocks for Meatlug,though you weren’t sure if he still needed it. You were falling slightly behind. Mrs. Ingerman might appreciate having the rocks in reserve if Meatlug ever got the bright idea to try and start eating at their nice, polished stone floors again. 

You would bring it up in conversation with her again the next time you had to do any laundering. She usually was kind enough to do boots for you if they weren’t yours, the one article you refused to touch on your own.

Speaking of jobs, and casual conversation;

“Do you know where the Thorstons… The twins, are? They said they had a job for me, or something.” You shrugged.

You had a point to coming down here, though you really did want to talk yourself out of asking for it.

“The twins?” Hiccup asked. 

Peering over the counter, you could tell he was fingering a small box. You wondered what it was for.

The weirdness only upped itself tenfold with him, sometimes.

You were glad he had to mind not to just stare and drool, like that one time. He was pretty supped up on Zippleback gas, then, and you still weren’t completely sure that the lightning strike hadn’t done anything to his brain. So you didn’t hold it against him.

“Yeah,” You confirmed, sighing with false casualty, “They’re really hard to find, though. Honestly, I thought their father was bad enough on his own.”

“Their father?” 

You nodded and hummed in response, “He’s never where he needs to be, according to Mrs. Thorstong, though I’m not sure how deeply I should be trusting in her word, considering all she does is talk about how big your dad’s muscles are.”

Toothless sad back on his haunches, finding something much more interesting in the ferns lining the stone platform the forge was built on.

“What?” Hiccup balked, “Really? That…”

“Sure is something, I know. “ You nodded sagely, “By the way, how have your burns been? I know Johannes has been having an issue with the blisters. Something about needing ointment. I think Gothi just made a fresh batch, he told me, so if you need to go up the spire…”

You remembered how awkward it was trying to haul Hiccup up the ladder to Gothi’s after the lightning incident. It was an exercise in strength you didn’t have. In the end, you had to get help. So maybe it was better that the two of you had Toothless. Or not, what with the flight ban and all.

You still felt pretty bad for the acid burns, though. 

“I-no, I’m totally fine. Great, even! Unless you wanted to come, then-ah… I guess I could…” Hiccup fumbled with the box, arms contorted at an uncomfortable angle, digging his nails into the space between the lid and body in a place he probably thought was just out of view, “Really, I was wondering if…” 

“So what’s the deal with Flight Club?” You blurted out. 

You bit your lip anticipatorily, counting the seconds as they dragged by between you asking an answer. You really, really wanted to ask. The twins had been talking about it, and pretty openly at that. 

You just hoped it wouldn’t compromise your position as primarily plot-unrelated in the meantime.

“Well, I- Oh-” Hiccup fumbled for an answer. He tried to step to the side in a move that was probably supposed to be casual, though he only managed to trip against the counter, and pretty awkwardly at that.

You heard something fall to the ground, as he must have knocked something down, setting off a loud clicking noise, before something large and fast bolted past your head, displacing hair. 

Toothless hissed and jumped, tail wrapping tightly around his four legs. He nearly knocked you over with the force of it all. 

You stiffened bodily as you heard a loud crash. The hairs on the back of your neck were definitely standing.

The bola must have burst through the roof of one of the large houses behind, as you could hear the beginnings of a long chain of muffled shouts from off in the distance.

“Ouch,” You winced.

“So, Gothi’s?” Hiccup asked, stumbling around the forge counter.

You looked back and forth around the empty clearing. It was actually very empty. What was usually bustling made up quite the ghost town. Unfortunately, you were afraid that soon, that would no longer be the case.

 “We should probably get going.”

“Yeah,” Hiccup nodded, hurriedly trying, and failing, to undo the knots of his apron.

You set down your pail, shaking your arms out and brushing your hands down your skirt. 

[alley-roses]

magazine matchups

vil x reader

you and vil were supposed to just be colleagues, but as your work kept pushing you closer and closer together, you couldn’t help but fall for one another.

a/n: this is another repost of a previously deleted fic I posted. also can’t believe i ever deleted this, this is like the funniest thing I’ve ever written (imho)

—————————————

His absence was something you barely noticed, just as his presence. You weren’t oblivious to it, however. It started out as a coincidence, the two of you ended up modelling for a few projects together, which had the internet going wild. Soon enough, it turned into free advertising, and your managers were intentionally pulling the strings so that you’d be working together. If anything, the nonsensical rumours that came out of it were kind of annoying - other than that, you had no strong opinion about working with him, or his personality.

He wasn’t exactly a constant in your life either, that’s why you almost didn’t notice his unannounced break from the public eye. You remembered him after seeing a now slightly old article about the SDC, ah that’s right, he’d taken a break from almost all of his work to focus on the competition, which had ended a couple of months ago. Despite this, you can’t recall him coming back to the limelight since.

Might as well check his magicam page, you thought. He still posted there, would it be weird to follow him out of nowhere? Eh, who cares- you did it anyways, and then went to bed.

As always, it felt like the sun rose far too early to wake you from your slumber. Your alarm hasn’t gone off yet, or you hoped it hadn’t at least. You checked the time, and you were fine, you didn’t oversleep.

In the meantime you should probably check the texts you got from Neige, your certified best friend who doesn’t usually text you at six in the morning.

“Hey, Y/N! You’re trending on magicam, so is you and Vil’s ship-name, did you know?”

Um, what? That was… strange? Honestly, you really wanted to see what was going on, but you’d be late for school if you let social media get a grip on you right now.

Break time. It felt pretty exciting to hear the bell ring this time around, since you’d been itching to find out what had you on the trending page, it’s not like you did anything either spectacular or offensive recently.

Damn, Neige really wasn’t lying, then again, you couldn’t recall any time he ever has. Your expression died down comically quick, as you kept scrolling through the tagged posts. Your fans were literally insane sometimes, to the point were maybe following someone new on your public account was a bit of a mistake. Basically all of your conjoined fandom was trying to theorise over Vil being added to the list of people you follow, which was otherwise only Neige and your manager. Really, it was a slight disappointment, but it was also kind of funny, at least the internet didn’t decide it was time for a dose of unjust cancel culture just yet.

A few days later, after school had let up, you went to hang out with Neige in town. It was a tradition between you two, a way to keep in contact despite your busy schedules. The two of you often cycled round different attractions or areas in the city, sometimes just opting to walk around and talk. This time, you were headed to the local museum. It was interesting to read about all the history loaded behind what seemed like a simple piece of pottery, or learn about how certain things were used to supplement both the lack of technology and magic of the older world.

It was mostly things you’d seen here before though, but you’d never paid much mind to the modern art section, you realised after thinking about it. “Hey Neige, should we go look over there? Who knows, they might have your portrait framed or something.”

Your joke was received with a light laugh and, “Sure, let’s go take a look!”

This section of the museum felt a lot smaller, but there were even less people willing to marvel at the paintings that adorned the walls. Coincidentally, the one other person that was there happened to be someone both you and Neige recognised. You wondered if he visited the place a lot, people don’t tend to look so blank whilst visiting a museum by themselves.

Neige turned to you, excited to ask if it’d to be alright to approach him. That’s right, you’d somewhat forgotten that those two knew each-other. “Yeah sure, I don’t mind.” As soon as the sound of his name filled the room, his head turned, and his expression looked mildly annoyed. Did he look like that before? God, you’d have to hope the two of you weren’t upsetting him. Your friend however, didn’t appear to notice anything out of the ordinary as he continued to make small talk.

Gradually, said small talk came to close, and Neige had invited him to spend more time with the two of you, though Vil politely declined. He was rather curt, but he didn’t seem like a bad person, if anything your opinion hadn’t changed since you first worked with him.

Before waving goodbye, you rushed to scribble your phone number down on a crumpled piece of paper to give to him. Momentarily, you pondered wether that was a good decision to make, as he almost stayed silent, but soon put on a smile and thanked you. It was an awkward first meet.

Vil turned away after the two of you had left, it was due time to head back to his dorm, despite his visit to the museum serving a different purpose than intended. For Vil, he had hoped to come about some inspiration in preparation for returning to his work but meeting Neige was a frustration in its own right, considering how a large part of his break was dedicated to self improvement after realising his envy was severely holding him back.

Regardless of his efforts, it was disappointing to see Neige thrive under the same conditions as him and yet thwart all the hardships that Vil faced. Whilst his perfection was his pride it robbed him of approachability.

You however, offered him your number despite how out-of-reach he often is to people through your slight uncomfortableness. He thought it was folly of you, but it was a rare boldness that wasn’t unbeffiting of you - having only experienced similar things from Rook, who sometimes took it to an extreme.

Maybe it came from you also being in the industry, but he found himself thinking fondly of it. When Vil arrived at pomefiore once again, he decided to follow you back on magicam, not unaware of you doing so a few days back, although he made no effort to add your contact to his phone. You were still asleep by morning, enjoying the extra time the weekend was granting you. When you did wake up, you checked your phone, a part of your usual morning routine. ‘Oh, he doesn’t hate me’ was what came to mind after seeing that Vil had followed you back.

Not having any plans today you thought to message him on the app, curious as to wether he’d reply. “Hey, how are you doing? Hope we didn’t bother you yesterday.”

After sending that short message you looked through your feed for a bit. Reasonably soon you got an awfully formal response back. Apparently he didn’t mind your presence the other day, which was nice to know. Now however, you were in a position of not knowing wether or not to continue the conversation or what to say. Reaching out to someone over something so minuscule without making an attempt at getting closer with them proved kind of useless, so the two of you briefly discussed your musings about school and work before cutting the conversation.

That was the last time either of you had talked to one another until the two of you inevitably crossed paths again, outside of the internet. This time, the two of you met at a more understandable place, a model’s holy grail, the skincare section.

Another thing to note was that this time, he was not unaccompanied, unlike you. His purple-haired friend was actually who drew your attention away from the ingredient list on the bottle you were looking at. Being a bit louder than intended, he was complaining about this excursion being a waste of time and effort. When you did turn around, you saw Vil glaring daggers into the poor boys soul. Maybe they weren’t friends as you’d initially thought?

Ignoring it would’ve been your best bet but as you heard Vil sigh and mutter something along the lines of ‘I thought we were past this’ you realised he was dragging himself and his possible-friend in your direction. The two of them started looking at the labels of product after product, after Vil had scanned the shelf for a short while. Vil looked quite nonchalant while doing so, but his friend seemed awfully confused when absentmindedly staring at the product. Considering you knew one of them, you thought it might be good to offer up some advice, and recommend a couple brands.

Vil was actually quite thankful for your help, due to him only using products that he’s created himself, he was only aware of what was currently popular rather than beneficial. And this wouldn’t have been the best way to teach Epel how to pick out certain products without any good examples. He thanked you, and invited you to hang out over coffee some time as a thank you.

It was perhaps a little overboard, but neither of you really minded, considering how it was starting to seem that you could become decent friends. And that was how you ended up here, finally settled in to a popular cafe, that at first proved to be a bit of a poor choice, specifically due to its popularity.

When the two of you met up, the people already around the place started to form a crowd around you. It was reasonable, after all people don’t see celebrities everyday, and whilst you were used to it, it could prove to be rather bothersome. Of course, both of you handled the situation well, but there was something so enchanting about how graceful he was with each and every person who approached him, and how he was able to express his appreciation all the while making sure his air of perfectionism never slipped.

When you eventually got a moment of quiet together, you made sure to learn a lot about each other. He wouldn’t say it out-right, but you could surmise that the purple-haired boy from before and a huntsman named Rook were his set of friends. It sounded like an interesting group, but cute nonetheless. You also figured out that a lot of his personal life revolves around his work, or maybe it would be better to say that they happened to coincide.Despite that, he still seemed less daunting now that you’d got to know him a little.

Naturally, you two hung out a lot more after that, and it was fun as you got more comfortable. You even got to do things like convincing him to pose for you to draw him because, “come one, it’ll be extra practice!” He didn’t look amused at all, but he still let you.

Sketching Vil was enjoyable, but he wouldn’t let you notice how he got increasingly anxious as time passed. Vil normally had no reason to feel anxious around anyone, he usually felt confident in himself, but the issue was that his confidence was surprisingly conditional.

It was strange though, the only person to ever make him feel insecure before was Neige, yet you didn’t make him feel threatened. He could only come to one conclusion as to why he was becoming increasingly sensitive to your opinion on him, and being as self aware as he is, the answer didn’t come as a shock to him. But acknowledging that he was in love was a scary revelation to make.

As you finished up your drawings and showed them to him whilst raving about how pretty he was, he calmed down. His appearance was the main factor in his confidence, and reminding himself that he would always have power in that regard soothed his anxiousness, but what really relieved him this time around was the fact that you weren’t judging him.

The next time you were on-set participating in a photo-shoot together, you’d known beforehand. You were both affiliated with the same company, and had managed to put two and two together when discussing your work schedule.

Things felt a lot more light-hearted than all of the other times you’d worked together. Seeing him there as you’d entered the room put a smile on your face.

As you’d taken your last shot together, and everything was getting cleared up, you went to take your arm of Vil’s shoulder, but as you were doing so, he grabbed your hand. You could feel him tense up, and the walls started to feel slightly closer than before. “What’s wrong?” You couldn’t help but be worried. You saw him take a second to compose himself, before he leaned closer to you and whispered a short confession in your ear, “I’ve happened to find myself loving you… Would you be mine?”

That was… unexpected.

But when you said yes, Vil found himself experiencing a joy he hadn’t felt in a long time, and enveloped you in a gentle, heartfelt hug. The two of you stayed there for quite some time, ignoring everyone else around you because they didn’t matter.

[calinaannehart]

the parts we play

Buck isn’t a firefighter, he just plays one on TV, or at least that’s what he’s about to do. He’s offered the chance to shadow the 118 to learn what it’s like to be a firefighter. Eddie is fed up with these Hollywood types turning up and feigning interest in the job that he loves. Buck, however, is nothing like that and everyone can see the connection they have.

Eddie’s day is ruined.

“You can’t be serious, Cap?” He protests, looking at Bobby imploringly. “You do remember what happened the last time Hollywood sent an actor who wanted to play dress up?”

Six months after Eddie had said goodbye to her on the beach Felisa Valdez had waltzed into the firehouse, publicist hot on her heels with an announcement that she was to shadow the 118 in preparation for a future role. The call from the chief had come a few minutes after her arrival confirming her visit and instructing Bobby to allow her out on calls to observe what the job entails.

It was argued, given the 118 had attended no less than four emergency calls in which they had rescued her from one situation or another, that Felisa was already more than familiar with the workings of a fire crew. Her publicist, however, countered that she was a victim on each of the calls and therefore needed to be the one in uniform. Bobby had drawn the line at that, but Felisa was given a seat on the engine and she observed them while they worked, albeit a little too closely at times.

The publicist had taken a near-constant stream of photographs for the duration of Felisa’s three-day visit, photos of her with the crew, photos of her being shown pieces of equipment, manning a hose, sliding down the pole, donning a helmet. In every one her hair had been perfect, her outfit on the tighter side and a pose that was unrealistic to the job at hand, but were posted all over her social media, tagging each of them at the official LAFD account.

Still, they had all survived the three days with no injuries and their dignity somewhat intact.

That was until the movie came out.

It turned out to be a low-budget B-movie, so low in budget that it bypassed the theatres completely and was released directly to TV. Felisa had excitedly called Eddie with the channel info and the date and time it would be on which had ended up being during a 24-hour shift. They had settled in to watch at eleven o’clock in the evening and that should have been their clue.

Felisa’s movie turned out to be, essentially, a very badly written and directed (and acted) softcore porno set in a fire station. Bobby had flushed and made a hasty exit to his office just fifteen minutes in when the first sex scene started, muttering about damage control and calling the chief.

“I do, and I was promised that wouldn’t happen again,” Bobby tells him, his tone placating. “Brass themselves have gone over the script and they’ve talked with the production team. It’s a big multi-million dollar movie this time with some big names attached to it.”

“Like who?” Chimney mumbles around a mouthful of celery and peanut butter, dipping the stick back in for another scoop. Pulling out his phone Bobby thumbs open the screen and scans his eyes over the email he had received with all the information.

“Todd Fame, Kelli Edwards, and Evan Buckley.” 

“No way, Evan Buckley?” Excitement fills Chim’s face and he sets the jar of peanut butter down on the counter. “Man, he’s done some good stuff, Time Wars, Echoes of the Past, Midnight Mirage, oh, and that rom-com that came out last year, Tatiana loved it. Are we getting him? That would earn me some serious boyfriend points.”

A silence fills the space after Chimney’s ramble, half a dozen amused faces staring at him. “Boy crush much?” Hen asks sardonically, a wave of sniggers following her words. “Isn’t he the one gossip magazines are always publishing articles on? I’m sure I’ve seen one about him having slept with half of Hollywood and constantly getting in bar fights.”

Bobby quirks an eyebrow at her. “Since when do you read gossip magazines?”

“Karen’s always picking them up when she gets the groceries,” Hen explains. “But my point is that maybe Eddie’s right, I mean, do we really want another Felisa incident?”

“Come on, Hen, those magazines are trash, there’s probably not an inch of truth in them,” Chim says, prompting another eye roll from his partner. “All I’m saying is that we shouldn’t judge him before we meet him, he’s a really good actor, okay? I’m not ashamed to admit he’s made me cry more than a few times.” Chim admits freely.

“Well, I’m sure you’ll get plenty of opportunities to tell him that,” Bobby continues. “He’s coming by this afternoon to sign some personal injury waivers and then will join us for our next run of shifts.”

Chim all but dances on the spot as he whips out his phone. “I can’t believe I’m gonna meet Evan Buckley, I gotta call Tatiana, this is so gonna get me laid!”

“Eddie, I want you to be his liaison while he’s here,” Eddie’s attention snaps back to his captain.

“What? Why me?” Eddie protests. “Let Chim do it.” He points to the man talking animatedly on his phone.

“The last thing this guy needs is someone fawning all over him, you’ll treat him just like everybody else, and most importantly you’ll watch his back.”

“Watch his…Bobby, you’re not seriously going to let him out on calls with us, are you?” Eddie’s expression matches his flabbergasted words.

“I am, that’s why he’s coming in to sign the waivers. He needs hands-on experience, Eddie, and you’re the one I trust to keep him safe,” Bobby lays a hand on Eddie’s shoulder, leveling him with a look. 

“I just hate these Hollywood types turning up and feigning interest in the job that I love for a few days just to earn a billion-dollar paycheck,” Eddie grumbles. “They don’t care, Bobby, it’s just a game to them.”

“All you have to do is talk to him about the job, share some of your experience. It’s just for a few weeks and then he’ll be gone.”

Eddie sighs. “You promise?” He asks, sounding too reminiscent of a petulant child and Bobby just chuckles.

“I promise,” He squeezes Eddie’s shoulder before stepping away in the direction of the mezzanine, no doubt to start breakfast. “Hey, you never know, you might end up real close.”

read on ao3

[atticollateral]

Autism Assessment Update (bc it's been almost 3 months since I mentioned it haha oops) (it's a novel. you've been warned.)

tagging @examishbookwyrm bc they did comment on my autism assessment post I made in MARCH!! n i didn't respond...(adhd moment) get honourable mention'd.

--- SOOOO. BIG ASS PERSONAL LIFE UPDATE!!! I have... literally the worst news? Like the worst-worst news I think I will ever share. So imma start from the beginning :> [I detail everything about the assessment in this post. The process, the assessment itself, and the after.]

So. This is part of the NS Pilot Program for assessing people who were going to age out of the early-childhood-assessment waitlist (because hey! it is a 5 year long wait! haha!) which was led by NS Health and the Gov. of Canada (who paid for all the assessments.) It's safe to say that NOBODY is happy! (if you look it up you will find articles on how... awful it's been. Also if you look up articles I might have left out details bc my brain is VERY SPOTTY bc i am enraged) but anyway,

The first part of this is they had been calling my mom during the day; my mother had been working days. So she wasn't picking up. And they weren't answering her calls back or her messages! Already a big red flag. Because they can't get ahold of her they call me. Me! The person they're going to assess, who, at the time, was 18, and perfectly capable of consenting, as an adult, and taking care of their own medical records and appointments and such. They go "Hello, is this (deadname's) mom?" And I go "This is (deadname); and my name is [Chosen]" and they go "Oh, Well. Can you get your mother to call us?" And I said in a tone I believe was very clearly annoyed bc wtf? "Oh, no, you can tell me whatever you're going to tell her!" They tell me "Well we're looking to get you into the NS pilot program for autism assessments" yada yada "is that something you'd be interested in?" And me being me (poor and reasons to think I'm autistic and being on the waitlist) go "yeah!" AND THIS FUCKING WOMAN GOES "ok then get your mom to call us. this is the date. we need her to confirm." and I go "...why?" and they go "we just need to talk to her." and I go "...why can't you just talk to me?" and she just repeats herself so I go "um. ok. well. you have a good day? bye?" and hang up. So i'm simmering; bc I am literally an adult. I don't need my mom. I should be treated like an adult and I'm getting infantilized. I got the woman's name and # so I give it to my mom. It takes another month to get a date for the assessment approved bc they STILL WONT ANSWER HER CALLS OR MESSAGES.

My mother was required to do two prerequisite assessments a week or two before my in-person one. One over the phone and one over zoom. I am above the age of 16 (as stated) and perfectly capable of consent and being an informant. (you are legally allowed to consent to a majority of medical assessments in NS when you turn 16 w/o alerting ur parents, and clearly allowed to do that over the age of 18 as that is age of majority.) So i'm just miffed. They tell her not to tell me anything. She says fuck that (thank the gods) and so she tells me things they tell her. So the night before the assessment I help her with the form they MAKE HER FILL OUT before the assessment like "when did your child start walking/running" "when did they learn to ride a bike" "when did they start talking/writing" stuff like that. and I go ok. sure. autism can show in early childhood, it's a neurological developmental disorder. I get it. Even though autistic individuals can have average, slowed, or accelerated development (IT'S ALMOST LIKE ITS LITERALLY CALLED AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDER) There's a question that catches me off guard. "what is your child's dominant hand" ...i'm sorry. back it up. *Yes.* There are studies that say many people who have ASD are left handed or ambidextrous. But oh. My. Gods. Above. THAT IS NOT GROUNDS FOR DIAGNOSIS; and you can also ASK THE KID during the assessment! What kind of question?! [I am right-hand predominant but I am ambidextrous.]

I move on.

I go into the assessment. On the table; the dr's introductory sheet in a photo frame. His title sits atop the document with a head, MADE OF BLUE PUZZLE PIECES alarm bells alarm bells alarm bells oh my fucking god help me jesus christ please help me i promise i'll believe in you if you help me right now please please plea "Hi!" A woman greets us, sitting in an office with the door open. I don't know her name. She doesn't stand from her desk. "I'll be with you in a moment." I laugh awkwardly. My mom says ok as the woman shuts her door. I tell my mom "I hate it here; can we go home?" Because I genuinely feel unsafe; I'm shaking. She laughs softly and goes "It'll be okay." So I put a brave face on bc I love my mom and she's nice and wait for the lady. She calls us in a few minutes later. I don't remember her introducing herself. I don't remember her offering a handshake or any other "polite" gesture. That would be something important to do, and I would have remembered it. She tells us how long it will be and a lay down of what's gonna happen and asks MY MOTHER FOR CONSENT TO FILM ME. Not ME for consent to film ME, an 18 year old. My mom turns to me confused and asks me if I'm okay with it instead. I go "yeah." (I was not okay with it); the woman told us the assessment would not happen if they could not film it. So I agreed; giving *assent* rather than *consent* was something I was pissed off about then and there. The woman asks HER if she'd like to stay so my mom asks ME if she wants me to stay, I hug my mom after I ask her to leave because I'm an adult and can handle myself. I don't need my mom to be there. I sit down. I have my pompompurin stuffed animal with me and a messenger bag with pens and stuff in it because I know there are things to write and don't like using other people's things. She doesn't ask about the bag. She sets up the camera and such, explaining that she'll have to occasionally turn to her laptop to make sure the recording is still going. I have pompom in my lap along with a fidget while she talks. She says something along the lines of "um, you'll want to put that away, you'll need your hands." And I go, rather firmly, something along the lines of; "I'll put it away when I need to use my hands. I am focusing on you right now." To which she seems surprised and goes "um... okay, that's fine." And continues on. (Was she not expecting an adult to have clear boundaries and be able to state their needs?) She offhandedly mentions something about [Dr] perhaps coming in to see me at some point during the assessment. My heart drops. She's not the doctor? She isn't the psychiatrist? What the hell?

The assessment begins. They're giving me tests for children, she said she made it harder. I disagree. I find the tasks easy. Simple games/puzzles. I tell her I like puzzles. She keeps throwing positive affirmation at me; I become annoyed with it after awhile because I know she's only doing it to make me continue doing the activity. It's common for people who work with children. She is infantilizing me. I know I was thinking it subconsciously.

The tests are not geared towards my age range, I notice immediately. I become miffed, going "these are too easy for me so far" or something to that effect. She laughs at me. I become upset. We start the reading part of the test. I read to show reading speed and comprehension. I read out loud to show my pronunciation. I read words that don't exist to show my reasoning skills when it comes to language. I am in my 5th year of high school (I struggle with school). This task is mundane and annoying. I feel like I am in third grade. I feel infantilized. I feel like the tests aren't going to be accurate. I am annoyed. I do it fast as I can to get it over with. Some of the reading pieces she makes me do multiple times.

We begin the mathematics part. I am not good at mathematics. She has upped the difficulty for the mathematics, she tells me. I begin; The first test is a Working Memory test; listing numbers she reads to me in a specific order. I am bad at it after the more convoluted ones. Some of the work is recognizing shapes and patterns. There is addition, fractions, multiplication and division questions. She points out I'm 'doing the test wrong' multiple times. I tell her that this test is stupid (or something to that effect) due to the structure. She laughs at me. There are a few tests I can't do or become quickly annoyed with (naming mean, median, and mode, prime numbers, fractions.) As I haven't done them since 11th grade level (I took a different math course and haven't done math since I finished my credits 2 school years ago.) We break for lunch after doing half of the mathematics.

I return to continue with the mathematics. I am still annoyed even after eating lunch. I had complained to my mother how it felt like torture: No eraser, No Calculator, no Tools, and no asking for help (She is not allowed to give me help, even if I don't know something.) I am on the brink of actual tears in frustration because I cannot receive help. I understand the potential why, but I think it's idiotic.

We begin the writing and listening comprehension. I am made to write an essay on a game I like and why I like it, I am given 10 minutes. I write it about Minecraft and it's offshoots. For listening comprehension, there are a few tests. I tell her about certain parts of what i've heard. Most of them are ads, so telling her what they say is easy for me, because it feels like slush and I have trained my ears to pick up more important information because of APD (Auditory Processing Disorder). She repeats them a few times to get me to tell her more. There are more working memory tests. Something with shapes, form, and colours. One about things she's listed. There's a test where I tell her a story in a picture book based on photos only. I am becoming tired. There's a test where I need to copy a picture. I am not allowed to trace the picture. I am not allowed to hold the picture. I am not allowed to use a tool. She says something about how I should like it because I told her I am an artist. I start going on while begrudgingly doing the test that this is horrible, this isn't what art is, and i'd like to not be doing it this way because it is impractical. She laughs at me again. I am annoyed. I get to take another short break after that.

There is another test when I come back with shapes. I see there are 8 pieces and a grid I must put them in; observing the grid, I go "I need all 8 pieces." She gives me 4 pieces. I frown. I say "I need all 8 of them, can I have them please?" as I put the 4 she gave me into the grid. She hands me 2. I put them in. I repeat myself. "I know I need all 8 of them. Can you give them to me please?" She gives me 1. I become insanely frustrated at that point. "What is this?" I go, "Can I have the last piece?" I ask her annoyedly, and she gives it to me. She's smiling. She thinks this is funny? I put it in the place. I rearrange the pieces into a nicer pattern in the grid because she annoyingly gave me the pieces while she takes her notes.

There is an activity where I have to tell her a story using 5 random pieces of garbage. She shows me how to do it first when I already understand the premise and was going to do it after the verbal instruction and presentation of the items. I know it is to assess my imaginative play. I am an 18 year old artist. This is easier than breathing to me. I do it begrudgingly because I am embarrassed to do it. She laughs at me again. I am so annoyed at this point I am thinking the most angry thoughts. What is her issue??? I don't say anything while I wait for the other tests.

I am presented with a test with over 100 questions. I say out loud multiple times "I don't have OCD" to multiple questions I've been asked before to assess me for OCD. She says something about 'Don't think about it. just answer.' and I say something along the lines of "I've been to therapy since I was about 12. I do therapy speak. I know what the questions are asking me. I can't not think about it." She scoffs at me. I am so irritated. Many of the questions ask me if I am suicidal. Many of the questions ask me if I am paranoid. There are questions about ego, and questions about self-worth, questions about poverty, questions about things that don't pertain (to see if I'm paying attention.) I finish the test. She asks if I answered honestly. I say "I think so." But I my answers will be different tomorrow. They're always different later. That's how surveys work.

One of the last tests is asking me questions and having me answer. Things like "do you have friends?" "how do you feel about relationships?"; I ask her "Well, how do you define relationships? Are you in any? Are you asking me about friendship or dating?" She tells me she has a partner; a husband if I recall. I say something about marriage and romance. She asks me more questions about feelings, boundaries, relationships, and experiences in my life. It is the last test.

We leave the room to talk to my mother in the waiting room. I have not seen [Dr] once. Girl asks me what my pronouns are. I tell her it/its. She complains. I tell her too bad flat out. We leave.

I only learn upon getting home that her name is Alison.

I wait a month for my draft results. I had to get my teacher to fill out a form. I had to sign a consent form for them to do that which they made me do digitally after the assessment and CLEARLY wanted my mother to sign. She gets me to sign it because I'm an adult. She understands.

My mom sits me down. She goes "You aren't going to like this." I frown. "I'm not autistic?" She nods. "You aren't. But they said you have 3 or 4 other things."

Alarm bells again. I get her to bring up my draft assessment on the computer for me to read. I am enraged. They refer to me as "transgendered". They misgendered me. There were numerous, insane typos that would be easy to catch on the first pass.

I begin work on an Essay/Paper telling them why their assessment is bullshit and how I meet the criteria for autism spectrum disorder. (I READ THE DSM-5 AND DSM-5-TR FOR THIS CRAP.) I also berate them the whole time for their behaviour, the nature of the assessment, and lack of care. A week or so later I get the final draft. They still misgendered me; and there are still typos. I get my mom to email it to me and I send it to multiple of my friends, my Therapist, and give her my consent to share it with my Psychiatrist and anyone else she sees fit with her discretion with the password for the protected document, along with a screenshot pointing out the most glaring typo (being misgendered.) My therapist and psychiatrist show it to the Autism Lead in their district with my consent.

I receive an overwhelmingly positive onslaught of "this assessment is bullshit! You SHOULD be angry." The autism lead tells my therapist I do likely have autism based on what was shown and told to her, and to get a second opinion (as she can't diagnose me without assessing me herself). I tell my therapist more about the assessment. She does some research.

The Psychometrist (someone who administers psychological tests/assessments) is underqualified during time of assessment.

Medical Negligence.

[Dr.] Is clearly on grounds to be tried for Medical Malpractice.

I am now working on submitting a complaint and finishing my paper.

I may potentially be involved in legal trouble against the psychologist I never even got to see or speak to.

Fuck that guy.

[margridarnauds]

Hello Magrida,

I saw that you reblogged my post regarding the issues with Hallie Rubenhold’s book The Five and the toxicity associated with it. I absolutely agree with the hashtags you added to the post. Would you be able to elaborate or share further thoughts on this, please? They may be helpful in attempting to understand how Rubenhold reached her conclusions. They also may be helpful in deconstructing her claims about the Canonical Five Ripper victims.

Any help you can offer is appreciated.

Thank you.

Linotte

Of course! A lot of this is half remembered from the days when Hulu's Harlots was airing, so I'm going off of memory, because I was following a few sex workers at the time who REALLY hated...well. A lot of her views on sex work. I know that you know a lot of what I'm about to say, but I also know that, frankly, there has been so much muddying of the waters in the last decade that I KNOW people are going to think less of me for (1) Admitting an interest in the crimes in the first place and (2) not buying (most of) the revisionist argument.

(For the curious: The tags)

#rubenhold has a lot of baggage around lower class sex workers that she REALLY needs to unpack#‘they weren’t prostitutes! see look they were Worth Something!’#I don’t think she MEANS to do it but there’s this DEEP disdain for lower class sex workers that shines through her writing#that it somehow debases them#as opposed to society debasing sex work#and sex workers#(and this streak runs through her other work as well)

First, let's get this much out of the way: I consider myself to be a proud feminist. I won't claim to be a PERFECT one, but I do, at the end of the day, consider myself to be a feminist who uses a feminist lens when I'm looking at material from my field. I am not doing it for show or because it's trendy; I am often the *only person* at conferences talking about female characters.

I ALSO have had an interest in the study of Ripperology since I was 12 years old. I do not consider these things to be mutually exclusive. My approach has always been to center the victims, but I also think that people are often too hard on people, particularly women, who are interested in historic crimes or tragedies. (For modern true crime, where the families are still alive, I think it's a little more complicated, but I've also read some interesting like. Articles and book chapters on the appeal of serial killers in the 21st century.) And I think the Whitechapel murders are interesting in the sense that, beyond the Whodunnit angle...it is the prototype for so much of how we view serial killers and female victims in particular. It is a vital part of pop culture, even if I think that, in an ideal world, I'd have never had to have memorized the victims' names because they would have led perfectly normal lives and died of old age. I feel like people are inclined to mistake the study of the crimes with the monetization of the crimes, and while there is an overlap, of course, in that both of them stem from the Whitechapel Murders' prominence in pop culture, I think that people are inclined to apply a moral value to the former that is unnecessary. (I see people use the term "Ripperologists" so snottily and...you do realize who the people are who did the research you're using to dismiss them with, right?) Would I consider MYSELF a Ripperologist? Complicated, but I consider myself to have more in common with ripperologists than not, certainly, even if I always emphasize that my approach is victim-centric.

Every single year, on November 9, I think to myself that I've lived another year longer than Mary Kelly did...and I dread the year when I catch up with another one of the victims. And another. And another. When I first learned her name, she seemed so infinitely older than me, a Real Adult. I hadn't realized yet that I'd already lived nearly half the life that she was allowed to. That there was so much she should have been allowed to do and to live and she just. Wasn't allowed to. (There's something, additionally, to be said for the general romanticism around Mary as the youngest and most conventionally attractive of the victims, but that's for another day.)

Again, that was a lot to say a little, but I want to emphasize that my approach has MORE in common with Rubenhold's than not, and so I SHOULD be a fan, but I can't. Mainly because her feminism reads, to me, as being a specific brand of extremely middle class and white British feminism (And I also think that she tries TOO HARD to market herself as The #Feminist Historian while not really...PRACTICING intersectional feminism, but that might just be me.)

To begin with, I know that as of early last year, she was following notorious TERF Julie Bindel on her Twitter. When I checked it this evening, I didn't see it on her Twitter, but Twitter is also a fucking wreck now so I can't be sure. She does still follow this....lovely account. Overall, I would say that she has a more than incidental tie to the British radfem movement, which REALLY comes out when she talks about sex work.

In her book on the authorship of Harris' list, we get...some interesting descriptions. I think she defended her writing style somewhere, but frankly, a little Rubenhold goes a long way, so you might have to track that down.

For what it's worth, in the interest of nuance, I truly don't think that these are her ACTUAL thoughts on her subject, and elsewhere, she makes it clear how disgusted she was with 18th century men in general. That being said...I think that sometimes she lets rhetoric and descriptive writing take the wheel, as opposed to simply recounting the facts, and that gives the appearance of...whatever the fuck that is. (You would never catch me dead, in an allegedly non-fiction publication, referring to women as nymphs or whores, I'm sorry.) Do I think she's a BAD person? ...I don't know her. I don't have this parasocial relationship with her that people on both sides of the aisle seem to have, but on a professional level I'd appreciate it if she just did her job, because sometimes I think she lets her sources biases infect her writing. (And that she'd stick to writing historical fiction, since that's what she does when she's writing nonfiction anyway.)

This streak really comes out with Annie Chapman, with her quote that: "Annie needn’t have suffered. At every turn there had been a hand reaching to pull her from the abyss, but the counter-tug of addiction was more forceful, and the grip of shame just as strong. It was this that pulled her under, that had extinguished her hope and then her life many years earlier. What her murderer claimed on that night was simply all that remained of what drink had left behind."

Annie Chapman was a woman who suffered from an addiction and was murdered by a misogynist. He did not claim a "what", he murdered a person. In a brutal, dehumanizing way. Her body was picked apart, both in her very final moment and then, postmortem, for centuries. Her life had value. It's ASTONISHING to me that she thinks that the way to redeem the victims is to reject the claim that they were fallen women who had it coming...while demonizing addiction. That isn't feminism to me. It's meant to come off as empathetic but comes off as, frankly, really fucking condescending.

It also goes into how the book was marketed BY Rubenhold:

The stories of these women are each extraordinary and unique, and for nearly 130 years the media has over-simplified their true histories. The Five have always been regarded as society’s waste – filthy, ruined, pitiful drink-sodden whores, yet not one of them began life this way and none of them came from the East End. They were from Sweden, Wales, (she was IRISH and a religious minority in nineteenth century England, leave her name out of your fucking mouth) the Midlands. Their fathers and husbands were printers, carpenters, gentleman’s valets, coachmen, and soldiers in the Queen’s Life Guard. Their daughters attended fee-paying schools, their fathers-in-law were property developers. They glimpsed Queen Victoria and rubbed shoulders with Charles Dickens. The Five seeks to restore these women their humanity and reclaim the Jack the Ripper narrative in favour of his victims.

She and her followers have a particular love of using the word "whore", I've noticed. (Note: The framing of her as an innocent victim to evil male Ripperologists who SO BADLY want to victim blame the women, unlike our feminist saint.)

But also...what if they didn't? What if they didn't write ballads? Or rub shoulders with Charles Dickens? If their daughters didn't attend fee paying schools? Is their humanity less reclaimed if they didn't meet middle class standards of achievement? If they were just....women who were going through a tough time? Like plenty of other women did? The bare facts of the women's lives have been public domain for years now, uncovered by the same people she despises so much. It's all out there. So much of this grand, shiny evidence she's discovered is...well. Historical fiction.

Again, do I think she's a BAD person? What does it even mean to be a bad person? But I do think that there's a difference, in her writing, between lower class sex workers and upper class sex workers that does become a little apparent. Do I think she MEANS to do it? No. Do I think she was the right person to write this specific book and to have this specific thesis? Also no. And do I think it's surprising that a certain brand of self-proclaimed history nerd who will ask things like "okay, but what about the NON-GIRLBOSS women" will love her work? Also no, because it's very appealing if the Whitechapel victims were literally murdered while they were asleep and therefore as vulnerable and lacking in agency as possible, regardless of the known facts of the case. Mary Kelly might have invited a man to her room to have transactional sex. It didn't mean she deserved to be killed. ESPECIALLY in the brutal way she was murdered.

Again, a lot of this is half-remembered from the glory days of Harlots, but if you dig through some of the blogs that were popular then, you might have luck. I've seen your posts on other social media and I'm very interested in your project if it goes through.