#shou AND his Kaa-chan

[espectres]

@xstarlights

i look normal but believe me i talk to cats

[espectres]

@dnangelic sent: 

' you know, shou-kun, i've kind of been wondering this for a while, but... '  an awkward smile. it feels like it's been a while since daisuke's had one of those for an expression, his cheeks nevertheless still tinged with their usual lively flush. ' ... just what exactly do you say to your mom? about --- me. and, uh, dark. i mean, actually, do you even bring up dark at all ... ? ' it's not as if he or even dark himself would have blamed the other if not.

[ UNPROMPTED ] ...  ▬▬▬   accepting !

" My Kaa-chan ? " Shou echoes, head falling to the side as wonders the question. These are things he's never thought to really matter, he realizes as his gaze falls far away, the passing conversations and shared stories in the profound time he gets to spend with his mother. It hasn't always been like this, it's only recently that he got the chance to have her so present in his days and see her so alive before his eyes, her own sapphire shade for irises matching his as they wrinkle in the corners out of unspoken bliss. As they shine unapologetically.

But a smile doesn't do much to his eyes right now, and he's thinking about it. He can't deny his immense happiness, to be able to stay by her side and truly be her son now that all is said and painstakingly done. Good luck kisses to his forhead, star-shaped cucumbers in his bento, a blanket that wasn't there when he took naps on the couch- it's all so new, and as much as it warms him inside and out, it's all so strange. 

" I don't tell her a lot of things, " He admits nonchalantly, a chilling fog that lacks emotion covering over his seas of unspoken guilt. Because as much as he tried to, both himself and his mother, there seems to be a dauntless rift that they won't conquer any time soon. His hand reaches out, finding comfort in the hold of the thief's hand, something steady, something he can bask in without dread ... and the sense of walking on thin ice. " I don't really know how to, most of the time. "  

There are moments when he'd tell, how she handled him; his worries, his feelings, his scerects- like tiptoeing around an elephant, like walking on thin ice. The way she kept to herself, as thought if she really tried to fulfill her role and truely know him; complicated present & violent past, he'd end up pushing her away. And really, it makes him afraid, but he doesn't know what to hate more, the fact that he really wants her to get over herself, or that if she really tried and faced the problems, he might very well bite at her like a cornered dog. 

" Oh- " He remembers an instance, one that that relaxes the troubled knit of his eyebrows and the tightness of his chest. A moment where he'd been so lost in his daydreaming, and his music, and the lines on his papers and the eyes he can't get out of his mind, the smile of which a single memory would pull his own lips onto something so enamored and tender; and he'd ended with Daisuke's portrait on the white canvas, and Kaa-chan's question & remark ; " Who's that ? He looks so sweet. " Which sent him into crushing embarrassment back then, with how playful and fond she sounded, hiding many unspoken things in the sweetness of her tone, things that didn't really need to be said; Is this the boy you travel to see ? I can't wait to see him, too. Is this the one always on your mind ? The look on your face is adorable. Is this the one you like so much ? I hope he's a good person. 

" But she's really good at reading people, my Kaa-chan, " Was it really people, or just the small important things ? He can't really tell, and it irritates and entertains him all together. " I guess she didn't need my help to figure out ... this. " His eyes fall into happy shapes of crescents as they find intertwined hands, and he brings them closer, taking Daisuke's hand into both of his own, tentatively grasping the fingers. Cupid pink blush tings his cheeks, his ears, a heat familiar and pleasant, a laugh breathy and bashful. 

" I tell her a lot about my visits, don't you think you & Dark are easy to differentiate in conversations like that ? I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm visiting two people in Azumano. " Not a single entity, something too otherworldly to share with someone so ordinarily human. And then there is the whole criminal aspect, which he certainly keeps to himself. There is a whole lot about himself that he doesn't share, how can he trust himself with other people's secrets ? " But I tell her that you're like me, and how you're still a good person, regardless. " Even if a little different, a little alien. " I thought I needed to say that, I thought that maybe it'd make her feel a little assured. I'm not really sure, now that I think about it ... " He takes leisure in toying with the hand in his hold, fingers brushing, bouncing and turning, playful and purposeful. But he's never quite meeting the eyes which he's sure are looking at him intently, taking in the details of such vulnerable moments, something he would never allow anyone else to do. 

In his long term memories, his mother hasn't been quite fond of the difference, of the ghost of power walking in her house, resident in the body of a boy with little feet and big eyes. She wanted it out, back then, but it has already settled in, and changed the trajectory of her life, and she could only look at the boy with helpless tears in her eyes. Well, no matter, that was long ago, and she's different now, they're both different. And maybe at some point, maybe when he's sage enough, brave enough to face her true judgement and her opinions... 

" But she can see that I'm happy, right now, " With you, right here besides you. " She always says that she'd love to meet you. " He looks up, finally, gaze overwhelmed by a million emotions, but it's an old sense of fondness that stands out, calm and untroubled by anything else. " Maybe one day, " If you'd let me... " I could tell her more about you, and she'd get to really know you, I think that'd be really nice. " And she'd get to love you, all of you, like I do. And he lifts the Niwa's hand, bringing it to his smiling lips to place a reverent, chaste kiss. 

[dnangelic]

" I missed Valentine's ! " He admits in the midst of the hurry of their reunion, voice a little loud with exasperation and frustration and a huffy laugh that masks every other bad thing. Guilt pulls and rips at his heart but it isn't enough to take away the smile on his lips, that giddy, lovestruck dumb thing that hurts where a bandaid covers cracked skin on his cheek, but it refuses to budge ever since he led eyes on Daisuke.

" Here. " Shou returns from rampaging in his bag with a simple white box, one that matches the bandages covering the hand that's holding it. Right, he hasn't explained that, nor anything yet, really. But he has his priorities set, definitely right, and nothing is going to change that. Once unwrapped from the atrocious glittering ribbon that holds it together, the box would reveal a single, smooth, big heart of classical brown chocolate dusted with sugar. Would have been a rather lonely piece. That's what passed along Shou's brainstorming process before deciding to add a couple more pieces, two wings of dark chocolates to either side.

Would the shape and taste even matter when he's gifting them late ? He couldn't get any less lame & unceremonious.

" I made them myself, Kaa-chan helped, not sure about the taste, I'm a bad taste tester, I thought it's only fair that I gift you first this time, and I ... uh ... " He muses out loud, loses track after handing over the box, hands return to his pocket, hiding away what they can. He simply stares for a few seconds, big blue eyes reflecting a mind devoid of answers, excuses, apologies. There is only longing and whole damn lot of it. Shit. He doesn't know how to do this. " I'm a terrible boyfriend. "

( obligatory valentine ask. shou flavored. intrusive thoughts ALWAYS WIN when it's him. )

@espectres

shou missed valentines . it's true , isn't it ? there's nothing daisuke can say , neither to defend himself nor the other . there's no lie that can cover the fact up for either of them ; no laugh of his own that can undo the long absence of the empty space it fills . no bandaid that could be stretched over the niwa's own personal scratch and wound , a small blood-letting gash that left him missing and wanting for shou more than anything else .

--- and how long could an empty heart ever endure ?

darker and darker , duller and duller , the boy had been prodded and needled by all sorts of thorny worries that had managed to take root during the day . one after another , plucked out stinging from his thoughts and what felt like his heart's ventricles : shou hadn't run away from him ? ( he would have never . ) shou hadn't gotten tired , fed up with the likes of a thief and a fallen angel's curse , both monstrous in their own right ? ( he would have said so . ) shou was safe ? ( he had to be . please , don't try to do everything all alone again . )

faith had weighed itself against every dreary anxiety , and it's why at that familiar expression on shou's wrecked face --- bashfulness tender as split knuckles , the lovestruck daze of someone hit by a lead pipe , the scales of daisuke's own thoughts feel to snap and break , and his heart starts to pound . entranced by atmosphere alone , there's a waking relief that pools out even from the numb ache in his limbs , this overwhelming furnace-burning as his hands turned wintry cold . even his most wretched face remains dazzled with wonder like this , reds starved as empty plates and only now dining on every sight , granting a live , thrashing bliss and ecstasy .

shou was here . had come back ; returned to , for him . shou still loved him --- and of course , he still loved shou .

arms wrap about the other and a kiss lands itself on their cleaner cheek with one swift impulse . he can't help but cradle shou closely , tightly , coveting this above all , momentarily ignoring the proffered chocolates to embrace the other for as long as it might take 'til he was satisfied , and his form soundlessly changed again . holidays came and went , and so did excuses to give each other sweets or sugary dates punctuated by laughter . shou was late , but what did it matter ? even late was still a presence , one that the niwa would have done just about anything , anything for .

' --- but you're still mine , shou-kun . ' soft and light even in guarding possessiveness , his usual cherub-chime . speak of terror and he'd confess to the thought of losing the other without as much as a farewell to give above all else , like so many others before . whatever's happened , he doesn't ask , only separating himself to let a hand cup and palm the space below their tended wound , holding them like this : flushed and swept away by one of the world's most incredible creations .

shou should have stayed with him and stayed safe , but they could talk about it later . right now , he had his own longings , after all .

' the chocolate ... um , w-will you feed it to me ? ' anything's good , as long as it's from you --- but i bet you worked on it , didn't you ? ' i really missed you . ' it's not enough to simply receive , to take the other's chocolate heart and leave . ' we can still make up for lost time . ' and i want all that i can get ---

with you .

' happy valentines , shou-kun . thank you . you're the best ! '

[martymusesloveinexile]

Congrats!!! You're a brilliant author. ❤️ Can I request more drabbles on domesticity or family life after ending of LIE? It's an amazing ending but I'm greedy for more. 😁 Thank you very much for your awesome writing. 💖

Hehe. Here you go! Some post-LIE domestic family time. 

“Shou-chan, put that down!”

The sound of small feet followed by large feet on the tatami behind the sliding door makes me raise an eyebrow.

Mari and I exchange a glance and simultaneously take a lazy drag on our pipes. The feet go by again and she grins, letting her smoky breath out in a white stream from the corner of her mouth. I let mine out more slowly through my nose, letting the smoke hang in the crisp air.

There is a light hoarfrost covering every leaf and stone of the garden. I tuck my feet a bit more snugly under the quilted blanket over my lap. She pulls her haori a bit tighter around herself. We cock our heads, listening to what is happening beyond the screen.

“Shou-chan! Listen to Oji-chan when he talks to you. Come here, and give that to me. I’m not chasing you for fun! That’s dangerous.”

There is a squealing laugh and the drum of little feet intensifies as they hurry past the door again. Yuuri’s steps follow.  

“Oji-chaaan?” A tiny, muffled voice joins the cacophony of footsteps.

“What is it? I’m trying to catch your brother. When did you get up from your nap?”

“Oji-chan, peepee.”

“You have to go peepee, or-” there is banging sound and then a sudden, dolorous wailing. “Shou-chan, I told you stop running around! See, I told you you’d get hurt!”

Mari’s eyebrow quirks upwards, but she doesn’t get up. She takes another drag. “It’s strangely cathartic listening to someone else deal with my children.”

I chuckle, smoke escaping between my teeth as I exhale. “Are you sure it’s alright to leave them alone with Yuuri?”

She grins. “He sounds like he’s doing about as well as I usually do.”

The door slides back with a bang. “Hora! You think I can’t hear you two sitting out here doing nothing?”

I crane my neck back to look at Yuuri standing in the doorway, Shoutarou under his arm and wailing. He glares at me and then takes one step forward, just enough to deposit Shoutarou into my lap.

“Here. Calm him down. He almost poked his own eyes out running around with hashi.”

Shoutarou looks at me and starts screaming even louder. Even at close to two years of age he still cries almost every time he sees me. “Why give him to me?” I protest. “He cries just from looking at me.”

Mari chuckles. “Don’t feel too bad, Victor. He does that to his own father. It’s not personal.”

I give her a skeptical look and try to soothe Shoutarou even as he squirms in my lap. Mikuko, rubbing sleep from her eyes and looking quite demure appears behind Yuuri’s legs, gently grasping the fabric of his yukata. “Oji-chan, peepee,” she repeats, looking up at Yuuri.

Yuuri looks at Mari expectantly. “Your daughter needs to use the toilet.”

“She’s telling you about it, not me,” Mari drawls, languidly exhaling a puff of smoke.

They stare at each other in that way only siblings can stare at each other. Finally Mari sighs and gives in, grunting as she stands and stretches. “Ugh, this cold is making me stiff.” She holds out her hand to her daughter. “Come on, Miku-chan. Kaa-chan will take you.”

The little girl glances up at Yuuri for a moment and then reaches out to take her mother’s hand. “Ok.” They step back inside and slide the door shut behind them.

Yuuri sits down next to me in a huff, pulling the blanket over his lap. Shoutarou has given up on wailing at the top of his lungs and just makes unhappy sounds as he weakly struggles against the unfairness of life, ending up draped forlornly over both or our thighs as I pull the blanket up around him.

“I think somebody is tired,” I say.

“Nooo...” Shoutarou wails softly in response.

“Well, somebody didn’t want to take a nap. Somebody wanted to run around with hashi and bang into the oki-gotatsu,” Yuuri says with a sigh, reaching down to smooth his nephew’s hair back from his forehead where there is a noticeable red bump.

I chuckle softly as I look at Yuuri. It’s been a year and a half since we came to Hasetsu. It’s hard to believe our third winter together is already well under way. My Japanese is good enough now that I can carry on a conversation. Some of the nuances still evade me, but I get by without offending anyone most of the time.

When alone Yuuri and I still speak primarily in Russian. More for sentimental reasons than anything else, I suspect. I still love to hear his voice speaking my language in his soft, faint accent. And I love to whisper sweet words in his ear I know no one else can understand.

Since it’s the off season and Shoutarou is no longer an infant, Mari has been visiting with her children more frequently this winter. It makes things lively, but neither Yuuri nor I have any experience with children so young. Though I personally think Yuuri is very good with them. And seeing him with Mikuko, who in my opinion resembles her uncle very strongly, fills me with a kind of melancholy sweetness.

I watch him idly stroke Shoutarou’s head as the little boy fights a losing battle with sleep. “Do you regret that we won’t have children?” I ask the question before I realize I’m asking it.

Yuuri looks startled nd stares at me for a moment. “I... never really thought about it. I can’t say I ever really wanted children.”

“Oh,” I frown softly. “You seem very good with them.”

He lifts his brows. “What about you?”

I shrug. “I raised Yuri. I think I am alright with just that. Living in katorga I never planned to get married or have children. It seemed unfair.”

Yuuri chuckles and tips his head against my shoulders. I take another drag on my pipe. “Well, then it seems like we’re both content with things just the way they are. I love Miku-chan and Shou-chan, but eventually they leave with Mari. I think I like it that way.”

I grin as I exhale. “That’s good. I would hate to think I have robbed you of something you wanted.”

He lifts his head and looks me in the eyes. “Victor. You have given me everything I have ever wanted.”

I flush in spite of myself and when our lips touch, I find that the thrill of kissing him is as strong as the day I made him that first promise.

[dnangelic]

@espectres asked: ❝ It's for your art room. ❞ Shou explains with a fond smile, tapping on the edge of the opened white gift box held in Daisuke's hands. Giddiness glistening in his eyes and seeping through crinkles along them, despite how much he tries to play it cool. A suncatcher, hung into the interior of the box by careful pins, displayed delicately as every detail made itself fabulously present. Stained glass in shapes of a few, small dancing rabbits following one another, each on their strings leading to all kinds of bright and colorful gemstones and crystals arranged together smartly, ready to break daylight into countless colorful slivers of shine, alluring, pleasant to look at, inspiring even. ❝ My Kaa-chan is good with jewelry, she was a great help. ❞ Promptly, he feels heat rising to his cheeks, thinly clogging his ears uncomfortably. Giving away a hint, indicating that the whole thing was handmade, with help of his mother- but by himself. God, it all feels so sappy. His hands retreat to his pockets, smile simmering into a tight line as he momentarily averts eyes, awaiting a comment or a reaction like a boiling pot ready to erupt. It's utterly silly, how the sheer embarrassment almost makes him forget the other gift. ❝ Shit, wait - ❞ Is it too late now that Daisuke has already opened the first one? Would it be breaking some kind of unsaid rule? Shou was sure he had already done that somehow. It doesn't make him as nervous as he should be, though. ❝ This is for Dark. ❞ A small box fetched from the depth of his pocket, it sits in the palm of his hand with ease, plain and black with an even darker bow adorning its width. It hides a pair of silver earrings, dangle ones with long, simple bars design, something that wouldn't draw a lot of attention when shinning in the darkness, perhaps a little practical for the Phantom Thief career, trivial as it seemed. ( IT'S NOV 11TH FOR ME IDK TIMEZONES ARE CONFUSION. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE DUDES. )

and it feels extra embarrassing to have shou of all people subtly flustering before him ; leaves the niwa shy , timid , and awkward as ever --- but daisuke can't help it , and maybe shou would understand that before giving him a good sudden slap or shake to loosen up the atmosphere , complete with some sort of goading , dislodging remark that would somehow save face for both of them , instead of leaving them to stand about like a pair of two nervous puppies just seconds away from leaping at each other . shou's giddiness was a thing evident enough to turn infectious , and daisuke liked to think that he understood just what kind of gift this truly was : a mixture of equal understandings and their very own bared hearts .

wasn't it breathtaking ? wasn't it inspiring ? wasn't it both made and meant just for him ? a connected prismatic of myriad colors and lights , complete with rabbits : the perfect self-expression and reminder of shou's very own person --- of course , that was right , shou-kun's always been just like this . when daisuke dares to delicately remove the other's handiwork and lift it upwards so that it could better shine , it briefly seems a halo in the air ; the niwa's very own accepted , adopted glimmer and crepuscular ray . the boy's smile itself as he admires it is nothing short of divine , the instinctive shift of his free palm to his chest the first clue to the bursting well and frantic pound that was starting to grow beneath .

' ... it's amazing , ' his breath , despite how close it seems to a gasp of wonder , still summons a gentle , cherubic gust that winds about the decorating rabbits . the dancing light and jubilant hares in his eyes is everything reflected ; a sunset backdrop , a red wheat-field of awe . ' is it really okay if i have something like this ? even though your kaa-chan helped you with it , too ? '

he liked to think that he understood just how much shou loved his mother ; how much tenderness must have been patiently imbued into their shared craft . surely shou , who was only ever honest with himself and his opinions and desires , did not labor over such beautiful things with his most loved figure for just anyone . meanwhile , prized art , objects , and jewelry-pieces were far from any sort of rarity within the phantom thief's hands , but there had never once been anything like this before , either .

theft ; taking , was never the same as becoming recipient ; giving .

--- and the act of generosity too , by any sort of standard , should have been considered a human miracle .

in the moment of silence that shou leaves him to fill , dark's presence sweeps in like the fluttering cover of his cloak and black wings . daisuke allows it , feeling the tips of his fingers lending one last touch to the suncatcher before it's put carefully away , back into its container's interior . ' ... for me ? ' it sounds incredulous and yet , daisuke can still see everything ; understood that dark as well would hear and share every traded echo of thought , every pulse of warmth and strong feeling .

' i don't really like being an afterthought , but since you actually bothered to get me something ... i guess i can forgive you . ' it's --- a lie , and daisuke nearly desperately exposes it to no one who would hear but dark himself . you're feeling just as unworthy as i am . you're feeling just as speechless and happy . instead the soul of the niwa merely watches as the small box is opened , and the earrings are briefly marveled at with an expert eye . you were worried it might have been a trick . "i" can't remember anyone's last kindness , "i" can't remember anyone's last gift , "i" can't even begin to imagine why anyone would ever bother to celebrate my own birth like this ...

quietly , with a different sort of smile from his usual sharp-tooth grins , dark affixes both earrings onto his person before testing and demonstrating their placements with a quick flick . ' ... well , how is it ? sorry if you were hoping i'd burst into flames or get a rash from the silver , but the color still suits me well , right ? ' emiko as well would have been no doubt thrilled to learn of the accessories' importance , quick to catch on and even quicker to coordinate with a mother's hen-pecking insistence . ' lucky you . everyone will want a pair after seeing the great phantom thief dark wearing these for his next heist . but if that isn't enough , then ... '

a cold hand presses upon shou's head to amiably ruffle the boy's hair , the swiftly-generated heat of frazzle and friction his unspoken gratitude --- when dark's palm finally falls over the boy's face in a brief curtain , daisuke is soon left standing before him once more , gifts and boxes in arms , earrings still in place at his very own lobes . the red flush of his cheeks deepen until he gasps a little at the realization of his returning shift --- but because the only person in front of him was shou , the niwa easily finds it in himself to muster up his very best smile , punctuated by the rare , blissful sound of a carefree laugh .

' --- thank you , shou-kun ! ' not just from me , but dark as well . ' with something like this , i think i can keep going for the rest of my life ! i'll take good care of everything . i'll keep it all right with me ... ! ' and then , day by day , whether time moved on into a week , a month , or even years from now , ' i'll always ... always be looking at it and thinking of you . i hope you'll remember that , okay ? even if i don't get to always see or hear you in person , your voice has still definitely reached me . ' just as , perhaps , shou had never recoiled at the sight of him , or his secrets ; his other self , or his hidden life . there were things that could be laid bare only between them , and what could have possibly been more precious than that ?

sappy , embarrassing , awkward and filled with spontaneous moments --- above all else , what they had was still undeniably sincere .

[espectres]

@whirling-fangs DROPKICKED THE ♡ !!!

IT'S GOOD TO TRY NEW THINGS, that's something Kaa-chan seemed to constantly say, at the library where he got new books to practice more reading, or at the kitchen where she helped him learn how to crack eggs to make omelets. It's good to try new things, he expected these words out of her mouth once she saw the wreck he made out of his hair one morning.

❝ I don't know, it doesn't feel particularly bad. ❞ Shou scratches his short red turfs while staring down at his reflection on a lake. He feels much smaller now, compared to Inosuke's frame reflected next to his on the calm waters. He never realized how much height the hair added to himself, it's almost silly. Shou falls back to rest his weight on the surrounding grass and greens and flowers. The flowers are small and dainty as he picks them between his fingers, nonchalant and almost bored, that until an idea crosses his mind. 

❝ Hey, how about we try something new with your hair? ❞ A small smile tugs at his lips as he dives to collect more of the tiny flowers into his hands, not really waiting for the other to answer the question, not like he's gonna give him a choice anyways. 

[espectres]

shou were did you get your talent or liking for art?

❝ Huh... ❞ His gaze abandons the papers in hand, the tip of his pencil tap against his forehead idly, memories pile to the front of his mind and he scavenges in hopes of an answer. ❝ I don't know, ❞ A nonchalant shrug of honesty. ❝ but some of the first things I tried to draw were some small spirits and ghosts, they would linger around old trees in the parks ... and some places around the markets ... ❞

❝ Kaa-chan is not an esper, obviously she couldn't see these things like me and Pops whenever we went out together, so I tried to show her whatever I saw, I guess. ❞ He huffs a laugh, feeling all ridiculous and hot in the head all of a sudden. The mental image of a smaller version of himself eagerly showing his mother the shapes and colors she could never see- merciless embarrassment makes blood rush to his ears and cheeks. ❝ I didn't like the way she was left out, y'know? ❞

❝ Then I just kept drawing ever since, I found it fun, and relaxing too. I haven't taken lessons or anything if you were wondering, it's just a hobby. ❞

[espectres]

@reclusedesper SENT: 

i don't know how to be anything more than this.

THE OFFICE IS STILL AN UNFAMILIAR SPACE, yet he ended up there at the brim of his day for some reason, huddled on the couch with his knees hugged close between his loose arms. Kaa-chan left for a meeting out of town, and it appears everyone else is as busy as her, except for good old Serizawa. Shou finds interest in the floor as the other esper continues talking, but he can't find himself quite engaged in the conversation, feeling all hazy and heavy in the flooding orange lights of sunset and the shadows of his and Serizawa's shapes on the grounds. But he tries to listen carefully, despite himself.

❝ But you can learn, right? ❞ He looks up to study the man, sadness and hope and determination layering each others in every curse upon his features, in the dull -very present- shine to his eyes, and the small childish frown to his lips. It puzzled him, scared him, made his heart stutter in weaknesses he could never fathom. The idea of people like Serizawa and himself becoming helpless in the face of change and new strange hardships like nothing they've ever seen. 

❝ Isn't that why you're working here? Why you take night classes and do homework? Doesn't any of it teach you how to ... ❞ How to become something, how to wake up in the morning without feeling like you don't belong in "your room", how to play truth or dare or daruma-san, how to greet neighbors in the convenient stores. Shou doesn't know, really, he doesn't know shit and he has fully accepted that fact, but if there is anything he wouldn't accept, it's that all the things Serizawa has been doing are for nothing. It just can't be, there must be something out there for him, he has come so far and Shou refused to think of it as helpless. 

He turns back to admire the shadows, long and weird and barely visible as night creeped in and claimed all the light. And Shou remembers he hasn't gotten a deep night's slumber ever since this same time two days ago,  when he's woken up from a groggy terrible four hours evening nap. ❝ You're just nervous, you're always like that. ❞ He yawns, small tears of exhaustion collecting at the corners of his eyes. He wonders what's beckoning him to sleep, maybe it's the desire to help Serizawa to relax, or the comforting feeling of the familiar aura, engulfing him in waves and waves of strange nostalgia and yearning for times he wouldn't even like to remember.

But the feeling is there regardless, and he doesn't fight how nice it feels to close his eyelids, but he fights to finish his sentences before his head lulls to the side, dangerously weighing on his neck before it finds safety against the side of the man's arm. ❝ You're gonna learn... and you'll teach me as well... that sounds nice ... ❞

[espectres]

HOW WAS IT LIKE TO FEEL SO PRECIOUS ? such care for the smaller, kinder things was far beyond him, despite being an observer in his own way. Daisuke ... Daisuke ... what else does he like ? what else to see a smile on his face ? what's it like in his dreams ? what's it like in his nightmares ? he hopes it's more of the former and less of the latter, whatever it is. But truely, what could it be ? Is it something he could fight ? Or is it some sort of inevitable doom ? Shou wonders, if he would be able to truly stand in the face of fear without feeling useless, if he could ever protect someone in a way that matters, unlike anything that has been done for his own sake.

He leans against the thief, Daisuke felt so close yet so far, tucked away in subconsciousness of shared body, and if he really said that he feels safe, then Shou has no choice but take the words for it, and accept that there are is so much he can do for the one he intensely cares for, in ways that were quite different from his own take on protection. " Daisuke is lucky. " To have someone like you, Shou hides behind a new small smile, to have you of all people, but he doesn't say that. Perhaps it was the reluctance, to admit that he entrusts anyone with something he should be able to do, something like caring, tending to the loneliness, while he simply learned to do better.

Arms cross as they hide away the scaredy palpations in his chest, heart sent to cower as glimpses of previous terrors flash into the view of his forefront memory, his body tenses, his smile twists into something mildly triggered. How's he supposed to feel anything but shame about his pitiful reactions ? Whether it's him or a reserved man like Fukuda or an emotional person as Kaa-chan, how does anyone find enough of a refuge to tend to such things ? He remembers wishing for the ground to swallow him whole when his mother made a discovery of his inability to sleep alone. He recalls the unforgiving, uncomfortable lump in his throat after nights of silent tears, threatening him to not let out a peep, holding him back from asking for help. It made it difficult, to fathom being troubled. 

Even the promise of keeping watch from Dark's side brings forth a quiet sense of humiliation, but the offer is so sincere, it sounds so nice, the gratefulness is louder than shame for once, coaxed into acceptance and kindly guided to safety. He can do this, he will at least try, he doesn't want to let Dark down, and the desire to not disappoint has never felt so gentle. 

" You can be really nice when you try ... " heh ...

' daisuke likes it ... when i stay awake and let him listen to my voice . ' either in song or conversation , when they spoke over this and that , until the boy whose blood housed him gently fell asleep and left him silent to the night . what greater compliment was there ? what more sincerity than the cherub's own ? for just a moment , when shou reaches him , he isn't sure where to touch . the suzuki's presence was different from daisuke's , after all . a secondary form that could bring themselves to his leg without caution or trouble ; an apparent coax that he doesn't refuse or refute . rather , dark seats himself besides the other . further soundlessly offers a lap , his back , his shoulder , cold and marble-esque as they were . ' ... he says that it makes him feel safe . '

and you ? when as the last time that suzuki shou had felt safe ? enough to be weak ? enough to long for company's speech or a lullaby , and to admit it ? even a bird of prey should have still known how to roost and nest ; how to spread its wings over things that should have been protected . ' plenty of human adults get nightmares , too . not all of them are weak ... they're just troubled . ' a palm reaches out and lands itself on shou's shoulder . once , twice , in a set of affirmative pats . ' either way , i'll watch over you . spend the night here . whether it's me or daisuke , you'll be able to sleep and wake up with someone by your side . ' with a tenderness clinging to every raw , frayed edge . ' ... nobody's here but us , you know . looking smart , cool , or strong --- you don't have to worry about it right now . '