#shorter than normal but this update was hard to write surprisingly

[starry-bi-sky]

Part six of "Clone Danny"

When the Waynes leave, Danny can finally relax. Even if he's once again hit with a lingering regret that worms itself into his core like a little parasite. The final night that they're there, Bruce Wayne is not downstairs waiting for him, much to Danny's faint, lingering disappointment. He kinda liked talking to him, even if he kept it brief. Probably for the best.

Damian was still there when he returned with a sprained ankle and more ectoplasm burns. Danny tries not to make his limp obvious when he enters, and his clothing smells faintly of sulfur and burnt fabric.

Damian tells him he stinks, and Danny tells him he ran into a ghost. "The Phantom took care of it." He says, gripping his mask in his pocket tightly and avoiding putting weight on his injured foot. His thermos is pressed next to it. His fingers are freezing.

"Ah yes, your vigilante." Damian replies, "The one with the bat." And Danny can see the outline of his eyes narrowing at him.

"Can we really call him a vigilante when the people he's fighting are ghosts?" Danny asks, avoiding the 'bat' comment and leaning against the back of the kitchen chair.

"Did you actually lose your bat, Fenton?" Damian's fingers tap against his arm, refusing to move on. "Despite your ridiculous behavior and attempts to avoid my father and I, I find it hard to believe that the son of two ghost hunters would be as foolish as to forget his only weapon of defense against ghosts."

Ah, so he noticed that. Danny was half tempted to mutter that the bat wasn't his only weapon of defense. He still had his beloved jawbreakers. He's quiet, wondering how to respond to implication that he might be Phantom -- he can't believe Damian picked that up in only a few short days when nobody has caught on in little over a year -- before shrugging.

"I may have given it to the Phantom instead." He says, propping his arm up to put his chin in his hand, trying to look innocent while his heart skipped an anxious beat.

It's probably not the answer Damian wants, but when his word is the only proof he has, Danny doesn't think he should be too worried about it. Even if it meant that a second person outside his friend and enemy circle knew his identity.

He excuses himself shortly after, leaning heavily against the railing to try and hop up the stairs.

(Much to his surprise, Damian follows and lets Danny put his weight on him. He complains that its because Danny will wake his father if he allows him to bumble up the stairs on one foot.)

(Danny ruffles his hair again when they reach the top, and limps towards his bedroom.)

===

Its three months and a handful of new injuries before Danny thinks about the Waynes again. A new ghost appeared in town who called itself Riftgate and he was capable of creating teleport portals to anywhere in the world.

He was a fucking pain in the ass to fight, costing Danny three hours of his night where he could have been sleeping and nearly his hand. Danny gets dragged through the other side before finally shoving Rift inside the thermos.

But he also ends up nearly 900 miles away in fucking Gotham of all places on the top of an empty roof. Great, juuuust great. Danny is tired, he is grumpy, and he is in a city so laden with ectoplasm that he can all but taste it on his tongue. Or maybe that was just the air quality.

He can't even see the stars here, and his mood worsens.

Well, he's too fucking tired to bother handling this right now. There's no way Sam or Tucker are able to help him considering their distance, and right now Danny just wants to sleep. Maybe after that he can figure out a way home.

So he does, sort of. He walks over to the door and doesn't bother trying to open it, even if there was a 50/50 chance of it being unlocked. (This was Gotham after all.) Instead he sweeps the ground with his foot and curls up at door and he's out like a light.

....Only to be woken up by hissed muttering close to his ear and a gloved hand pressing into the pulse of his neck. "No I don't know if they're dead but I don't think so." Says the unfamiliar voice, and Danny opens a bleary eye.

"He's breathing, but his pulse is too slow to be normal. I think he needs help." The voice, a boy, -- no, Red Robin, great -- continues, and Danny looks beside him to see who he was talking to. No one. "He's probably part of some kind of gang, his mask kind of reminds me of Hood's."

Danny just barely remembers that he's still dressed up as Phantom before he tiredly signs, "I'm not part of a fucking gang." and pushes the boy's hand off.

=====

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 4.5 (Dani interlude) Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 7.5 (Dan Interlude) Part 8

will make a masterpost soon

Taglist: @the-navistar-carol @thought-u-said-dragon-queen @gin2212 @youracearocroatneighbour @luckybyrdrobyn @deeplyconfusedbear @epilepticnerd @beautifulmomenttodrawblank

[saintobio]

If people are guessing correctly, it means you are great at setting things up! And you are!! You are amazing and i love your writing!

Please take the time you need to rest and don't feel like the chapters should be shorter in order to update faster. You don't owe us anything and we know you have a life outside the blog

That said omgg i would melt if hoejo called me "my wifey" i'm such a subby sucker i would probably forgive him so fast. Rip to mc but i'm different (??

Anonymous said

gojo calling y/n 'wifey' is cute, but the lady at givenchy calling y/n 'mrs. zen'in' is the cutest ! i wanted to stop by and say to always take your time when working on your stories, and i love how they are all beautifully written 😊 hoping to see toji in the future chapters ❤ sorry for my bad english hehe

Anonymous said

hi lovely, as always an amazing chapter. you really are out doing yourself!! a lot of readers don’t understand how much time it takes to write something like this especially when you do 8k + every week (almost twice that amount this week!!) plsplspls rest ai, ilysm ppl shouldn’t snap at you for taking a little longer to update.

and to the ungrateful readers out there one week is NORMAL. writing can take hours upon hours sometimes, pls keep sometime for yourself:( she works SOOO hard to pump out chapters every few days so don’t go bitchin. pls make time to check on the socials, spend time with loved ones and rest bb. you deserve it. <3

Anonymous said

The way I woke up exactly at 3am to read this is 🌚👌

Anyway,,, ch7 was just– "😭🥰🤗😢😰" yeah mixed feelings. At this point I'm just 50/50 on rooting for Gojo x MC,, I'm so conflicted at this point pls. For the first time, I was actually looking forward to seeing Toji and see him be with MC, surprisingly since I never really was attached to his character in canon so yeah thx Ai :'D. This whole chapter just got me so pissed at Sera 😭 like miss maam you're the mistress here,, stay on your lane.

Speaking of "mistress" Gojo really had no right getting mad at MC for saying Sera was the mistress. Like was she wrong🤨🤨 He had the audacity to get angry abt "Mrs. Zenin" and her mini date with Toji when he was the one who called her an "attention-seeker" and told her to stay away from him. Choose a struggle sir🙄🤚

This whole chapter was so great Ai pls— I really love MC sm and tbh I really want her to distance herself from Gojo even for a few days since oml she deserves better😔 her self-worth is too great to be wasted to be with someone like Gojo and she needs to realize to love herself like the queen she is👏👏

Ahhhhh anyway,, Ai thank for you this chapter but please do remember to rest and take care of yourself before anything. *huggies* 🥺❤

Anonymous said

CHAPTER 7????? OH MY GOD IT WAS SO GOOD??

listen i’m all for anti-gojou propaganda but he was so SOFT this chapter and my heart cannot handle it. he was so vulnerable with mc and omg pls the daddy stuff was so hot i cannot. BUT THE ENDING?? i know i shouldn’t but i hate sera so much!! like “i cant believe you’d actually bring her here” BITCH ITS HIS OFFICE!!! MC IS HIS WIFE!!! WHO TF ARE YOU!!! and i already know that mc is gonna get upset about him tracking sera’s cycle (as she should!!) but like he’s doing it to not get her pregnant. like satoru is literally thinking about mc 24/7 and it seems like mc is thinking about sera more than gojou at this point! im simply crying in the club and i’ll be coming up with all kinds of scenarios in my head until the next update. as always you’re amazing and i can’t wait to see what you come up with next 💕

Anonymous said

Okay there is no way Sera “loves” him!!! She doesn’t like it when Gojo talk to her about his problems but is okay with talking about Hers??? Like okay we get it you have problems but so do other people!!!! (That kinda sounds bad) like having money is nice and all but there are still problems!!! Gojo has been and still is being abused!!! And the fact she doesn’t what to heat it??? Lmao no. She’s terrible. And like…she has to only like Gojo for his money! She accepted his fathers money! She accepts the gifts Gojo gets her and says “no I can’t…but if you insist!!!” Like bro… no…. She likes the gifts because it makes her feel like a princess which is okay to feel but not when your using someone… and at this point it only seems like she’s using him… sorry for the rant! I’m loving it and I can’t wait to chapter 8!!! I’m scared so I might avoid it for like 2 second because I’m weak 😩 but it’s like exited but scared😩

Anonymous said

Asdfgghk I can noooooooot gojo gets on every nerve that I have yet i still love him I've definitely had enough of sera like i need her to fuck all the way off

I was so happy when mc finally started giving gojo a taste of his own medicine it's what he deserves but it was still very nice that she was able to help him when he needed it that whole scene was sweet

Buuut I was so sad when I read toji wasnt at the party😭 but here to hoping him and mc have more moments in the next chapter omfg what if in the end she really does end up with him and gojo is sad because she does leave him anyway ignore that that's just me thinking out loud lol

But frfr I super duper love this story and this chapter was a rollercoaster of emotions and I loved it thank you u so very much for sharing it with us

Anonymous said

...idk man, I just want y/n to grow a backbone and acc put herself first 😞 shes doing everything for him and never for herself which is kinda too nice that its painful 👀 miss girl I can be ur personal assassin, dont gotta pay me I'll do it anyway 🙄 I'm honestly so confused with gojou like I acc cant get my head around this guy man. And that bora bora trip sounds like a pain 😒 how do we even come cry for this guy when I'm literally the one who wants to make him cry blood 🤷🏻‍♀️

Anonymous said

I WAS LIKE AYEEEEE WE’RE GETTING SOMEWHERE AND THEN THE ENDING WRECKED MY HOPES AND DREAMS OF A HAPPY GOJO X Y/N ENDING 😭😭

Literally it sucks so much because satoru has so much trauma from childhood that would honestly mess up anyone if they went through it , he felt that his mom abandoned him and he has an abusive father and his only haven are his memories of y/n, who he relates to the mother that abandoned him 😭. It’s so upsetting because he’s just a broken man who doesn’t know how to fix himself and in return he’s putting all his hurt onto y/n and it’s spinning her deeper into not only confusion but possibly even depression 🥺

I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF U !! thank u for the messages, reactions, analyses <33 i’m sorry ai is too tired to respond individually but i’ve compiled all of ur amazing asks so everyone can see <33

[ettawritesnstudies]

Storge Edit Update Ch. 10

(links to catch up, I didn’t do any dedicated posts for #1-3: here’s 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9)

Stats

53384 words, 104 pages (standard MS Word settings)

This chapter is 4754 words and 9 pages long. I actually calculated how that measures up against my average chapter length so far, and the ratio is .91. So it’s about normal! A little shorter, because it’s a fast paced villain chapter but I’m right on track as far as pacing goes.

I’ve learned that measuring pacing with word count is so much nicer and objective than just going “ehhh I think it feels right?”

This chapter brings me up to speed with the original timeline! I had to rewrite it because I changed the setting/situation significantly, but it accomplishes the same plot point of pushing Lyss over the tipping point.

Excerpt/Commentary/Taglist under the cut!

TW for riots, government ineptitude, blatant propaganda and civil unrest

The crier spoke through a brass ring, fitted with a delicate mesh of woven crystal that amplified his voice above the quiet roar of the people. His news amounted to ill-comforting platitudes, and it set Esil’s teeth on edge to hear the blatant lies.

“No one could have foreseen this tragedy, but rest assured we are working hard to apprehend the terrorists,” he called.

“They’ve been harassing us for months!” screamed one voice from the crowd.

“You ignore the threat until they target your own families. What about the rest of us?” shouted another.

“Their protests destroyed my shop!”

“Where are your guards when we need them?”

“And why are they marching against your own people now?”

“They locked us into the arena against our wills!” This last statement was screamed by one of their own members, the accusation carefully constructed by Samoth to turn the blame from the anarchists doing the attacking onto the Atilan who were complicit in the massacre. After what they’d done, it would be difficult to make many sympathetic to their cause, but they could work to redirect the anger towards the tyrants who deserved it.

“We stand together!” cheered the caller, as he stood on his gilded podium above the crowd of people standing in the wreckage of the ruined street.

“Now is a time for healing and prayers as we rebuild and return to normalcy.”

“Will the guards protect our trades?” shouted a potter, waving a piece of broken clay above his head. The soldiers shifted uncomfortably and the crier glanced over his shoulder at them. Lyss gestured that they should continue forward, and he turned to face the crowd. He didn’t have the chance to raise the ring to his mouth again to answer before Amika’s voice carried above the din.

“Will the priests serve in the fields?”

“Will the medics come to our homes?” Joanis added.

The crier hesitated, jumped forward in his script, and picked up with a condescending tone, as if scolding a misbehaving child. The true Atilan attitude saw the Debilan as simpletons to be herded into compliance, while remaining in indignant disbelief at their supposed stupidity. “Everyone must do their part to satisfy gods, so we may continue to reap their benevolent protection.”

“Since when have the gods protected us?!” There was a splatter of rotten fruit against the side of the cart and the caller winced back, narrowly avoiding the rancid juice. Lyss snapped an order, and the soldiers crowded forward towards the children that had tossed it, forcing them to scamper back into the crowd before they could reach Lyss. Bravo, Esil thought. It was a small rebellion, but they had the spirit. As they ran, the crier regained just enough confidence to desperately scream his last line.

“Disruption does not have to mean despair!”

“Our families are dying!”

Commentary

this was a surprisingly tough chapter to write? I think I know why though. I usually love fight scenes, and bomb through them with an epic soundtrack and 3 hours of hyper-fixating, but this chapter was written in 15 minute bursts between packing for college and switching classes. It is a fun one though, reading back on it. Esil gets stabbed. Amika gets to commit arson. Lyss is slowly edging towards her dramatic 3rd act villain breakdown. it’s kind of difficult for me to get into the heads of such awful people, who both believe their off-kilter morality is totally justified but it’s the type of challenge I enjoy.

next chapter is a debate!! I get to unleash my inner argumentative contrarian policy kid! i know that’s probably the most boring thing in the world but I’m vibing with it.

[thecatboyfriend-moved]

Friends on the Other Side

Chapter 5: Green Pancakes and Crochet

Last Chapter | Next Chapter (Updates weekly!)

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Pairings (in this chapter): Implied/Platonic Loceit (Logan/Deceit), implied/platonic Demus (Deceit/Remus), implied/platonic Intruloceit (Remus/Logan/Deceit)

Warnings (please tell me if there’s anything I should add!): Sympathetic Deceit and Remus, slight hypnosis, temper, tears, crying, implied fake hugs, swearing, mention of fire (no actual fire, pancakes got burnt), mention of stabbing, slight Remus angst, food, Logan angst

Word Count: 1903

Betas: @dragon-hair​

“Remus, I’m trying to make your stupid pancakes,” Deceit calls from the kitchen, his voice growing closer. “Can’t you just—, oh.”

Deceit has appeared in the hallway, still in his pajamas. He now has a spatula in hand and sympathy on his face. He rushes over, shoving his spatula towards Remus.

“Logan, what happened?” he asks, voice quickly slipping into that hypnotic tone. His hands have come up to Logan’s face, obviously wanting to comfort him, but waiting for permission. Logan leans into the touch.

“I lost my temper,” he mutters, refusing to meet Deceit’s eyes. He sighs as tears start to fall.

“Oh, Logan.” Deceit wipes the tears away with care. He cautiously brings Logan into a hug, making sure he knows he can pull away if needed.

Logan does quite the opposite, wrapping his arms loosely around the other’s neck. Deceit’s embrace really is different from Patton’s. Patton’s felt forced and fake. It made him sad and angry, and he wanted to run from it. Deceit’s makes him feel safe and wanted. It makes him happy and he doesn’t want to move out of his arms. He lets his head dip into Deceit’s neck, surely getting it wet with tears but not currently caring.

“Could I stay here for a little while?” Logan whispers under his ear. Deceit’s hold tightens just a bit around his torso.

“Of course,” he says. “As long as you need.”

Logan seems to relax at this. His shoulders and body un-tense, arms almost slipping and his head burrowing further into his neck. Deceit chuckles lightly.

“May I pick you up?” he asks. Logan just nods into his neck. Deceit carefully scoops the other up, carrying him towards the couch. It looks mostly the same to the couch downstairs and in Thomas’ house, except for a few strange looking pillows and a long snake plush along the back of the couch.

Deceit places Logan down softly onto the couch. His head ends up on a little pillow that says “Fuck” on it in all caps, along with some other small writing Logan can’t make out before it’s under his head.

“Is this okay or would you prefer to sit up?” Deceit asks. Logan shuffles a bit so he’s laying more comfortably then shrugs.

“This is alright,” he sighs.

“Dee!” Remus shouts from the kitchen. “The pancakes smell funny! Like fire!”

“Shit!” Deceit hisses. “Okay, so, I need to deal with that. I’ll have Remus get you a blanket and I’ll be right back.” With that, he hurries into the kitchen. Logan melts more into the profanity pillow, finding the couch surprisingly comfortable.

He hears some talking from the kitchen as he looks around the room a bit. The layout seems to be mainly the same as the other Commons. Tv in the corner, window, couch, kitchen. The biggest differences seem to be that the room is noticeably darker and there are two staircases. The one leading down is where Thomas’ door is and the other is where the normal staircase is, presumably leading up to the bedrooms.

“Hi!” Logan jumps at the exclamation. Remus has appeared in front of him, a large green and yellow blanket in his arms. “This is for you. Do you want me to put it on you or do you wanna do it?”

“Uh, you can I guess?” he says. Remus throws the blanket over him, making sure to completely cover him with it. Logan takes it off his head, adjusting it a bit. “Thank you.”

“Yep!” Remus says, smiling. He then flops onto the couch, just barely missing landing on Logan’s feet. While he does this, Logan inspects the blanket.

It’s large and quite obviously crocheted. The edge is black, forming a square border. Then a green square in the same shape, slightly smaller and closer to the middle. Then a yellow square, then green, then yellow, getting smaller and smaller, leading to a black square right in the middle.

“Did Deceit make this?” Logan asks. The blanket is high quality, but obviously homemade.

“Oh, no,” Remus laughs. “Gosh, give him a needle and he’d end up stabbing himself before getting two stitches done.” Remus giggles at this, but then his face turns a little sad. “No, uh, Virgil made it. Like a year before he...yeah.”

“Sorry,” Logan says, feeling a bit uncomfortable now. “Wait, I thought he sewed?”

“Sewed, crocheted, knitted, he did it all,” Remus explains. “He made us a lot of stuff. This blanket, some clothes, pillows, hell, he made some of the things on this couch. You’re actually laying on one of the pillows he made.“

Logan sits up, inspecting the pillows. There’s three, one of them a purple and black crotched pillow. It looks to be just a bit lower quality than the blanket, showing that it was made first.

“It looks nice,” Logan comments. Remus smiles at him, eyes a little sad. It’s a strange look on the side.

“Pancakes are done!” Deceit yells. Remus shoots off the couch and sprints into the kitchen, cheering. Logan moves the blanket off him, trying to be careful, and gets up, heading into the kitchen. Before he can get there, Remus walks out the kitchen with a big grin and...what the fuck it that?

In Remus’ hands is a plate of pancakes. Green pancakes. With a shit-ton of marshmallows on top. Drenched in maple syrup. Covered in sprinkles. What the fuck?

Remus skips past him and sits at the table, immediately tearing into the...food like it’s his last meal.

“Disgusting, isn’t it?” Logan turns around quickly, not expecting to hear Deceit. He’s leaning against the doorway, looking at Remus strangely.

“How does he eat that?” Logan mutters.

“No idea.” Deceit laughs. “I mean, it’s burnt!” Logan chuckles at this. “Do you want breakfast? I’ll make you something, y’know, edible.”

“No, I usually have coffee first,” Logan answers, remembering what happened to his coffee earlier. “I had some earlier but, well, that didn’t really work out.”

“C’mon, I’ll make you some.” Deceit pushes himself off of the doorway and moves into the kitchen.

“What do you mean ‘it didn’t work out’?” Remus asks, talking with food in his mouth.

“Remus!” Deceit shouts from the coffee maker. “Don’t talk with food in your mouth, you fucking rat!” Remus swallows, then smiles over the half wall in front of him.

“Sorry, Danger Noodle!” Remus says with a laugh. He turns back to Logan, still grinning. “So, what happened? Ooo, please say you threw it at Roman! Oh, he’d scream!” Remus laughs, loud and happy, throwing his head back as he cackles.

Logan looks over to Deceit, who’s laughing too. Nowhere near as hard as Remus, but still very happy. It makes Logan smile, seeing the two sides he’s always known as bad so happy.

“While that does sound quite fun,” Logan cuts in. “I just dropped it.” Remus’ laughter finally dies down and he just smiles at Logan.

“If you ever get the chance, you should,” Remus says, turning back to his “breakfast”.

“Yeah, maybe,” Logan chuckles. He goes over to Deceit, who’s getting a mug out of the cabinet.

“This is the perfect mug for you, Logan.” He brings down a white mug and shows it to Logan. It’s plain except for black writing along the front that says, “I Like My Coffee Siriusly Black” in the Harry Potter font. “Like it?”

“Yeah,” Logan says with a smile.

“So, are you staying true to the pun or do you want creamer or something?”

“Black’s alright,” Logan answers as Deceit starts to make his coffee. “You don’t have to make it for me, you know. I can make it.”

Deceit pauses, looking over to the logical side. His mismatched eyes scan Logan like he’s trying to find something.

“I know,” he says, a little quiet. He sounds concerned. “But I want to make it for you. You deserve a break.”

Logan blushes a bit, looking anywhere but Deceit. Sure, it hasn’t been the best day, or two, but he doesn’t need to be babied. He can still make a coffee without crying. It’s not fair to make someone else do something he can easily do on his own.

“Logan.” He looks up at Deceit, who’s lips are turned down. “You’re alright. I make food and things for Remus all the time. It’s no trouble to make something for you, especially something as simple as coffee. If you really would like to make it, you can. But I’m perfectly okay with making it for you.”

Despite his voice now being normal, Deceit’s words are still very calming. It’s strange, having someone he’s always known as “bad” making him feel good.

“You can make it, if you want,” Logan says, smile returning. Deceit’s eyes crinkle a bit as he smiles right back. He reaches over and gently pats the shorter side’s head before turning back to the coffee maker.

“Now, what would you like for breakfast?” Deceit says casually, as if he didn’t just turn Logan into a flustered mess. “I need to make something for myself anyways, and I’m sure your idea of breakfast is better than that.”

He points toward to the gremlin at the table, who momentarily stops eating to wave at the pair with syrup-covered hands.

“I’ll never understand how he can eat that,” Logan sighs. “I usually have toast with Crofter’s but if you don’t like that, it’s fine.”

“That actually sounds really good,” Deceit says. “I don’t have any Crofter’s, but if you can get me some, I’d be happy to make it for you.” He ends his statement by handing Logan his coffee, who gladly takes it.

“I should have some in my room,” Logan replies before taking a sip of his coffee.

“Good!” Deceit smiles, moving away from Logan and to the pantry, opening it. “You can go ahead and go down the stairs. I’ll have Remus leave it open for you.” He pulls a loaf of bread out, bringing it back to the counter. “I’ll start making the toast, yeah?”

Logan just nods slowly, not taking the coffee away from his mouth for more than a few seconds. He really needed the caffeine.

“Alright, I’ll see you in a minute then,” Deceit says, working on the toast. Logan finally pulls his coffee away to smile at the snake side for what feels like the 100th time that morning.

“Okay.” Deceit turns away from Logan, looking to Remus, who;’s started licking the syrup and sprinkles off his plate.

“Ree, get in here and give me your plate,” Deceit scolds, though Logan can hear the smile in his voice. “And don’t lock the door.”

“Ugh, you’re no fun!” he exclaims, getting up nonetheless. He reaches through the opening and hands Deceit the plate. “Hey, if you see my dumb brother, give him some coffee for me, yeah?” Remus sends a little wink to Logan, who’s started to make his way over to the stairs.

“Sure,” Logan chuckles. He heads to the door, opening it and exiting, making sure to shut the door behind him. As he heads down, he can’t help but think about how it took just a few minutes for Logan to feel more welcome with the so-called “Dark Sides” than he’s ever felt with the others.

It really is strange how much he wishes he could stay with them.

Taglist (ask to be added or removed!): @rollingaroundin-bread​ @dragon-hair​ @chamikhan​ @power-in-plain-sight​ @troyaxbb​ @peachplumfight​ @angels-are-beautiful​ @sombraookami @thewhiteraven73 @the-sharpest-lives 

[eyes-of-dominance]

@lil-deviousbrat for asking me to answer all the questions.

1.  what is your biggest kink?

Spanking; it’s been my thing since before I had any idea what sex was, and it’s what led me to the rest of my kinks. However, any form of domestic discipline kinda applies here as well. I just have a thing for naughty girls learning their lesson.

2.  describe your go-to masturbation fantasy

I have a few, but my most common is surprisingly a low-key bed time or otherwise domestic spanking. The girl being punished is usually dressed in sweatpants or cute pajama bottoms. She’s led to the edge of my bed as we talk about the offense; usually she gets very whiny and apprehensive about what’s about to happen, begging me not to, but to no avail. I then lower her bottoms, put her over my knee, and give her an exceptionally hard spanking with multiple implements until her ass is cherry red, tears are flowing, and her apologies and cries fill the room. After a post spanking lecture, it then usually leads to sex or an edging session for her. There’s a couple variations; sometimes she’s gagged for mouthing off or tied up for not cooperating, a lot of times I imagine her doing corner time beforehand, admiring her cute bottom before the main event, the implements used often change based off what I’ve been excited about recently, though the hairbrush usually features in some capacity. I sometimes find it weird that the majority of my sexual fantasies are kinda low-key and domestic in nature, but I guess I just like to fantasize about the kind of life and relationship I want more than something a little more conventionally sexy or scenario based. Even in my other more specific fantasies, the roots often trace themselves back to this core scenario.

3. do you play a more dominant or submissive role?

If it wasn’t clear by now, dominant.

4. describe a roleplay scenario you would enjoy

I’m not terribly big on roleplay; as stated earlier a lot of my fantasies are more domestic in nature, and that dynamic covers a lot of what I enjoy. That being said, there’s some things I can see myself having fun with. The classics of teacher/unruly student, coach/lazy player, boss/secretary, preplanned forced sex, all sound fun and enjoyable in their own way.

The main one that sticks with me in came from the internet. I read it awhile ago, so the details are fuzzy, but there was a scenario where the Dominant acts as an interrogator trying to get a piece of information from the submissive, given to her before the scene. The Dominant, within limits of course, then tries to extract that information from the submissive in any way he can, spanking, bondage, clamps, edging, until the submissive can’t take it anymore any gives it up. Perhaps a reward can be given to the submissive if she successfully keeps the secret within a time limit, so there are some stakes. Sounds like a really fun way to assume a character and have fun with it while still giving it some meaning as well.

5.  what’s a kink that you’re not into but would do for a partner?

I’m very sexually adventurous, in that I really don’t have much that I couldn’t get into to some degree or wouldn’t try for a partner. I guess the easiest answer for something I’m not innately interested in would be the more overt aspects of ageplay. I’m not really into paci’s and diapers and all that; I’m much more naturally attracted to middles in that regard, but if I liked the girl enough I could see myself giving it a shot.

6.  what was the best orgasm you ever had?

I mean, that’s a hard thing to keep track of. One that stands out in my mind is when I was writing a story. I was trying to plan it out in my head before I actually began to write it, and I absentmindedly just began stroking as I thought about it. Wasn’t very vigorous, just enough to keep me hard and in the mood. At least an hour passed, probably more thinking back to it, where I was just stroking myself thinking about all the things I’d do to this brat, and by the time I started going at it in earnest and reached the edge, it became overwhelming. The orgasm lasted a fair bit longer than usual, was extremely intense, and I came far, far more than I normally do, which was a sensation in itself. The funny part is, I can’t remember what story it was even for, because my mind ended up drifting off the original course.

7.  do you have any kinks you’re ashamed to admit to?

Not that I can think of.  As a kid/young teen I didn’t really understand why I was different in my desires, and I’m not exactly out telling everyone about my dominant feelings everyday, but I have come to terms with my kinks/fetishes and see them as much a part of me as any other, if not more so. There’s pretty much nothing I’m into that a close friend wouldn’t be able to ask about. 

8.  what’s a kink you enjoy in fantasy but wouldn’t really want to try?

There’s a few that there’s too many issues with. The first is a very public spanking. Now, I have little qualms about spanking a naughty brat in front of her/my friends, or in a place that it could potentially/likely be seen or heard by someone else. But the kind of fantasy you sometimes see in stories about a Dom turning his submissive over his knee in the parking lot of a crowded store, the bathroom of a mall, or otherwise around a ton of strangers? It’s hot to think about, that she gets her punishment wherever and whenever, no matter who’s around, but involving other non consenting people in my kink isn’t sexy, I’m sure it’d be way too much anxiety for both her and me, and I’d rather not have to explain D/s to a crowd of randos. 

The second is really, really long term denial. Like the several months to a year kind. As hot as it is to read stories about, there’s one major problem; I love to see girls cum. Particularly a girl I’m involved with. The only person a several month denial period would be harder on than me is the poor girl subjected to it.  I still love denial as both a punishment and as a power dynamic, but I’d likely stick to the shorter term variants. 

Also, hardcore bondage. Can look very sexy in porn and in photos, but I’m not exactly looking to wrap my girl from head to toe and hang her from the ceiling any time soon.

9.  would you say you’re sexually adventurous?

I would, especially within the realm of my kink. My main hard limits are knife/blood play, and stuff like scat. Pretty much everything else within the dynamic I am open to try.

10.  tell us about the kinkiest sex you’ve ever had OR if you haven’t had sex, your kinkiest masturbation session

Well, one of my single greatest regrets is that the one time I’ve had sex it wasn’t kinkier. So that leaves masturbation, which raises the question, kinkiest way I’ve masturbated or kinkiest thing I’ve masturbated to? I don’t really know how to respond to the former; aside from switching up techniques and adding some different stimulation, I’m not sure what constitutes as kinky or not. For the latter, I’ll go with fantasies, not like videos I’ve seen since that’d be too hard to track down. The kinkiest thing I’ve fantasied about would probably be the ‘sex doll for a day’ style fantasy. Where the submissive is gagged, blindfolded, earplugged, and tied up extensively, and spends a prolonged period of time being an ass to spank and a set of holes to fuck. Completely impractical and arguably dangerous in real life, but it’s hot to think of a consenting girl being put in such a position that you have complete and utter sexual control over her for a prolonged period, where she has no idea when or in what manner she’ll be used, only that she’s going to be there quite a long time.

11.  has a scene in mainstream media ever tripped your kinks really hard?

Quite a few times. I love Tangled for so many reasons that aren’t sexual, but the bondage potential for Rapunzel’s hair is quite endless, and any time she is especially adorable trips my daddy side quite hard. I never really watched the show, but I remember my friend once reblogged a gifset of Jade from Victorious being put in time out; that did a lot to me.  Any scene in which a cute female character is mildly embarrassed or put in a compromising position tends to trigger the sadist in me. I actually have to give this one a little more thought, since I’m sure there’s a ton more but I’m kinda drawing a blank at the moment.

12.  how did you discover one of/some of your biggest kink(s)?

There’s not really a huge moment of self discovery for most of them. I was interested in spanking as long as I can remember. My first developing sexual thoughts were about spanking pretty classmates and girls I knew rather than touching breasts or normal adolescent thoughts. That developed into my love of domestic discipline and traditional D/s in all its shapes and forms over the years. I will say that Realspankings helped shape a lot of my sexual preferences, and I started learning a lot about spanking and discipline in general from reading Michael Masterson’s old blog.  I didn’t really get into the more broad world of BDSM until late adolescence, and specifically the DD/lg side of things until I came to Tumblr, and more specifically met @lil-deviousbrat. All the other stuff has just fallen into place over time.

13. are you into [send a kink]?

The brat that asked to to answer all the questions neglected to give me a kink to answer this one. Until she gets back to me with one, this will remain blank.

[Updated: The kink is suspension rope play]

Rope play in general is something that I’m curious about, but am somewhat apprehensive to get involved with, as I have learned that I am very much a novice at it. It definitely can be hot, and if I ever get better at it I think my interest may increase, but for the moment it’s a fantasy only type thing, until I can get reasonably good at restraining a non-airborne girl.

14. do your real life friends know about your kinks?

A few do. My brother and a close friend know explicitly.  My brother’s girlfriend/fiance used to joke about me being DD/lg a lot, but I’ve never responded to it and she to my knowledge doesn’t know any specifics beyond that. I assume my mother kind of knows, but we’ve never discussed it outright. Outside of that, I tend to make jokes that hint at the fact with my close friends, but I doubt any of them know beyond a suspicion at best.

15. what is the weirdest situation that has ever turned you on?

I’m not sure about weird, I’d have to ruminate on that one a bit, but I’ve had a few unexpected/sudden ones that kind of count. I remember I was in the pool with my friend that I had a gigantic crush on. We had a slide right next to the pool, that occasionally we would jump off (maybe 7-8 feet up) into the deep end. I remember that she went to climb it, put her foot on the edge, and stalled for a second. I, somewhat worried for her safety, told her jokingly that she better not jump. She mock responded something to the effect of “what, you’re gonna come and get me?” So I got out the pool, walked over to the ladder, and started to climb it briefly considering how to bring her down from the ladder. I ended up letting her jump, but the D/s part of me was instantly and massively triggered by the whole event.  Another one is when she tried to tickle me, and as we wrestled for control I ended up with her pinned over my knee with both hands behind her back. To say I was aroused would be an understatement. Not very weird, but was definitely a “0 to 100″ moment.

In general, the “weird” things that turn me on tend to be innocent phrases or scenarios that relate back to D/s. I will also say that I get intensely turned on by expressions. Some make sense, like a girl rolling her eyes or flushing with embarrassment, but there will be times where I have no idea why it turned me on at all. Some might consider that weird.

[brianhandy]

New Year’s New Functionality!

The holiday break is over! It was used to fundamentally redefine some major aspects of gameplay. That includes: 1) new vulnerability settings, 2) new questions-per-session settings, 3) automatic online updates for those new questions and card orders, and 4) almost 200% more questions to draw from for gameplay! Requests for more customization ultimately led to a ton of new functionality, and even cloud downloads on the backend. So a lot happened for a workweek that was technically only two days in the office! And it was largely a pretty productive holiday week!

Color coding for vulnerability in our new questions spreadsheets!

New Vulnerability Settings

Close and Intimate settings, or regular friend settings in longer sessions, can now get the occasional “Very Hard” question or two. These are pretty intense! They are for an audience that kept asking for more or deeper questions when playing with closer friends though, and that asked for far fewer or less intense questions when playing with strangers. “Easy” is also reimplemented as a category for that reason. Offline CSV file loading was added so we could more easily do detailed passes, spreadsheet formatting, and more to deal with how many categories we now had and the increasing the number of questions. What was recently 67 questions has now been expanded to more than 200 - now allowing for a much wider range of playthroughs that facilitate longer, shorter, harder, and easier sessions - and even ones where no categories are marked off by players at all! (We have a few generic, safe questions in there just in case)

Grid arrangements to keep track of exact counts for every category/difficulty!

New Difficulty Escalations

Adding more questions meant redefining the card order too - now we have templates for “what difficulty of card should go when” depending on multiple factors. The grid’s two axis were “how many questions were requested (between 3 and 7)” and “what level of vulnerability was chosen” and then each of those cells has a template list for what difficulty of question to use when. Now for example: an especially vulnerable and long session can ramp into very hard questions and stay there, or by contrast, a long session among strangers can stay pretty light the whole time (and maybe get a little deep eventually). Close friends in a quick session might also get deep, but strangers can try the game briefly without getting deep at all. Being online lets us fine tune these over time too. Giving the player those options for vulnerability (stranger/acquaintance/friend/close friend/intimate friend) and session length (3 questions, 4 questions... up through 7) gives us a lot more room for making the game even stronger for any audience.

Each bar is a category (faith, love, loss), color is vulnerability, height is quantity.

New Question Spreadsheets

These new spreadsheets are powerhouses. They keep track of every category of question, their vulnerability level, and how many of each we have in every one of those settings too. The goal was to quickly iterate on the data, but the data visualization allows us to instantly assess what categories are lacking even in complex overlaps with multi category data too. That means if each question has three labels (eg. family friends and loss) we can measure it as contributing to each of those categories having a question at that vulnerability level. The graph above is an example of looking at all the data at once, and seeing the colors represent which categories need fleshing out in which vulnerability levels. So even though the goal was just to make fast text changes, the visualization power is letting us make a much more well balanced and refined game. What we weren’t expecting though was the near seamless online integration, and how easy it was to get hooked into Unity.

Pulling tiny amounts of data to avoid heavier app updates!

New Online Updates

Those Google Sheets files work surprisingly well being pulled straight into Unity. We publish them as CSVs online, so while not totally invisible to the user, they are instantly and easily accessible from the code. With HTTPS security too, we’re not too worried about code injection or security risks on this front either. Both question information and difficulty escalation information are now updated on every new session, and the latest files are stored on device. Any new copy of the game from this point forwards will always have the latest data for not a lot of download. It’s only 23kb total right now, which is one thousandth of a percentage of the average 3GB monthly data plan. That’s pretty cool for instant, free, and trivially easy online updates forever!

This website is old, but the people behind it are young and full of life!

Old City Tax

There was one thing that wasn’t a productive code spreadsheet this past week. Bureaucracy can be tricky, and it’s sure not fun being the 830th caller in line (I wish that was an exaggeration) or waiting days for a return call to make sure you didn’t miss a major deadline. But once Los Angeles is on the phone with you, they are actually pretty good at the business and government stuff, even for folks who aren’t familiar with it! New businesses open all the time in this city, and if you do a little of your own research too, you might luck out with as pleasant an interaction with the department as I did. I recommend reaching out to them and taking advantage of their opportunities to help new businesses get their paperwork in order - even if it takes a few days and multiple hundreds of callers to get called back. I just wish I had called a little sooner!

Thanks, LA City Finance!

Conclusion

I spent the first half of this week making a totally unrelated “Matrix inspired” robo caller game, working with a voice actor, writing a script, sending lots of messages, and creating something in a tech I’d never used before just for an experiment for a cyber punk themed new years party. It was tons of fun (a silly idea gone out of control), and I didn’t get to use any of my normal programming skillsets. That’s what most of working on this conversation starter guessing game has felt like over the last four months. Totally new, thrilling, and no ties to anything I know or am comfortable in. But every now and then there’s a week like this where I just get to sink into code and libraries and web and gameplay. And it’s still always wonderful. I feel incredibly productive after all that, and I’m looking forward next week to getting back into things like funding, marketing, and publishing where I have again it’s all new work to me. It’s exciting stuff, and I feel lucky to be doing every side of this job.

1/3/20

[curejulie]

fic idea for otayurijj, though it could be read as pliroy<--otabek at first although I guess I haven’t fully fleshed it out yet,  I may never get to write it so just dumping my thoughts here.

chapter 1 background:

- JJ and Otabek are friends, perhaps simply by the virtue of being 19 (along with Leo) and also due to the time otabek spent in Canada. 

- despite their year spent together at the rink, they don’t necessarily click. otabek keeps JJ at arm’s length. at best, they’re distant friends. more than acquaintances but not quite at the level to be friends.

- JJ never stops with the friendly overtures, though otabek more than likely politely declines his offer to hang out most of the time. they message more they talk in person, although that’s not saying much. JJ respects the low communication need from otabek and that’s that.

opening:

- story begins a month post-GPF, JJ texts otabek and asks about his budding friendship with yuri. much like his personality otabek’s texts are short, terse, and infrequent. JJ manages to convey to otabek that he would like to make more friends with the ice skaters at his age range, and persuades otabek to convince yuri to have lunch with the three of them while they were all attending a skating event in france.

- otabek complies, because he thinks both yuri and JJ could use more friends and could work out their strained (non-existent relationship). 

- yuri is surprisingly compliant to otabek’s request (because it’s otabek), but he complains about JJ all the while walking towards meeting location. otabek constantly assures yuri that JJ is actually a good person. they meet JJ at a cafe in Paris.

- JJ gifts yuri a custom-made white tiger plush (per otabek’s advice) wearing his FP costume, with a gold medal. yuri is absolutely overjoyed (”kuso yabai”) but he tries not to show it, but the way he’s cradling the tiger in his lap gives it away.

- JJ apologizes sincerely for starting off on the wrong foot and shakes hands with yuri, wanting to start off fresh as friends. Yuri agrees to do so, but he still sits next to Otabek  and even when JJ tries to make conversation he makes Otabek answer for him. lunch is good, but a little awkward due to this odd three way conversation.

- JJ and Yuri exchange numbers on a friendly note, although Yuri doesn’t bother texting him other than to thank him for the gift (and uploads it to instagram, but with no real identifying tags). the three part ways. 

- JJ also tells Otabek he still doesn’t feel confident in texting yuri even though he clearly won him over with the gift. 

- two months later, yuri’s grandfather has a heart attack scare and is hospitalized. emotionally distressed, yuri calls otabek and asks him to stay with him while his grandfather recovers. otabek doesn’t even tell his coach or family when he books the first ticket to st. petersburg.

- the first night, yuri can’t sleep, so he has otabek join him in bed, and otabek strokes his hair until he falls asleep. he knows, and probably has known then he has been harboring feelings for yuri that’s hard to categorize, verbalize or even to express, but decides this is nice for now. otabek falls asleep next him.

- otabek spends the next three days with yuri at home and in the hospital. when they’re at home doing domestic chores, otabek wishes he could freeze this moment in time and keep them for safekeeping.

- yuri’s grandfather is discharged within days, and otabek returns home (coach is probably furious). he sees a flurry of texts from JJ, asking about yuri and how he was faring, and how his grandfather was faring. word spreads fast in the figure skating grapevine, it seems. JJ sounds quite worried, asking if it was proper to send flowers to his house or if that wasn’t russian tradition. 

- otabek is very tired from his trip but feels obligated to update JJ, so he lets him know yuri was okay, his grandfather has recovered very quickly, and he didn’t think it wasn’t proper. he suggests JJ to message yuri himself, but JJ quickly responds that he doesn’t feel right to message yuri abut a family issues. otabek, for the first time, realizes JJ does have a quite sensitive side. 

- yuri asks otabek about flowers sent to his home, with no sender’s name. yuri thinks it’s otabek and pre-emptively thanks him but otabek tells him it was not him. he doesn’t tell yuri who he thinks sent it either, especially not after yuri tells him he was surprised the sender knew his favorite flowers, because it reminded him of his mother. otabek feels something heavy in his chest at the omission. 

- a couple months have passed by since yuri’s grandfather incident. yuri excitedly tells otabek he grew 1.3 cm. otabek takes to drinking vitamin D and calcium fortified milk on the daily.

- JJ and otabek message each other infrequently, just very dry conversations about progress on the rink. in the past month, JJ’s messages have been shorter and less excited from his usual self. otabek figures he’s been busy shooting CFs and other off-rink work.

- otabek is having an off day, and somehow during his motorcycle ride his handphone flies out of his jacket and breaks on the sidewalk. it’s still usable but the screen is damaged beyond repair. he lets yuri know he won’t be available for a few days and he sends the phone off to repair. 

- although the repair should have taken 2 days at most, it ends up taking 5 days because otabek either misses the repair shop closing time and other technical mishaps. 

- otabek boots up his phone late after training to find pictures of yuri in disneyworld. with JJ. he’s baffled. there are also gotten a billion messages from both of them. otabek usually responds in a timely manner but the normally calm otabek feels himself a bit agitated and confused so he decides to sleep it off.

chapter 2: JJ POV

- getting engaged at 18 was probably not the best idea, and most certainly living with someone before marriage as well. JJ and Isabella have been fighting more and more after the GPF, and they decide to go on a break. 

- JJ misses Isabella a lot but he knows intuitively this break isn’t really temporary. he’s torn up inside and it’s showing in his performances. he goes on a small break, without letting any of his fellow skaters know. 

- JJ doesn’t feel really safe confiding in anyone about his breakup--certainly not his local friends since they know too much (and many have taken sides or wished to remain third party). he lets Leo know what’s going on with him, and he is quite supportive. 

- JJ doesn’t feel it’s right to burden otabek with his current situation. (he’s actually not sure how otabek would deal with emotions). he’s typed out a message to otabek many times, but has deleted it just as much. 

- instead he decides to bring up a topic that otabek is obviously emotionally tied with--yuri. he half wonders how they got to be friends in such a short amount of time. in truth, JJ was absolutely floored by yuri’s progress and performance, and though he liked to tease yuri, he wished they started off as friends first, so he builds up on the momentum to ask otabek to have lunch with him and yuri. 

- he asks otabek for advice for a gift to get yuri on placing gold, and otabek gives him pointed advice, with more words than JJ has ever seen him use in all of his messages with JJ. he decides to get a custom made white tiger doll, just cute but also just fierce enough to represent yuri.

- JJ actually has a good time during lunch with both of them. he can’t forget that look on yuri’s face when he gifted him the doll--and feels like yuri has slowly warmed up to him during lunch. he feels a lot better just hanging out with people unrelated to his hometown, and figures this was the release he needed.

- they exchange numbers at otabek’s suggestion--though JJ feels too nervous to message yuri first, for some reason, as if he’s texting after a first date. yuri saves him the grief and messages him first, thanking him for the doll. JJ responds excitedly (too soon), but yuri doesn’t message back. JJ makes a note to save Yuri’s birthday to his calendar and to commission a lion plush in time.

- when news of yuri’s grandfather spreads, JJ texts otabek, but doesn’t get a response. he actually personally goes to a florist and takes his time learning about flowers and flower messages. he sends gladiolus and gardenia flowers, somehow arranging a friend in russia to order in his place.

- a month later, isabella asks to meet JJ and they rekindle. they schedule another lunch date on the spot. JJ is confused but overjoyed, as their one year anniversary is coming up. 

- however, JJ misread her intentions--she really wanted to stay friends, which she makes very clear on their next date. JJ feels like an idiot for having rushed through his heart instead of his brain. 

- he remembers just then that he had booked plane tickets and tickets to disneyworld several months prior in preparation for the anniversary. he can cancel the plane tickets but not to disneyworld...he would have given the tickets to his siblings but they are in school. all in all, JJ just wants to flee canada and just not think about anything.

- that night he decides getting drunk was the best option. upon his fourth beer, he somehow worked up to courage (yolo) to one sidedly spam yuri about how sad he was because of what happened with him and isabella. he also manages to ask yuri if he’d want to come. he’s sure yuri would say no but he’s drunk and he’s going to say stupid stuff, he might as well do it now.

- yuri responds: yes. and when. JJ nearly drops his beer and asks yuri if he’s serious. yuri responds that he has never been to disneyworld and he’s always wanted to go...and that he would go if JJ paid for everything. 

- (yuri also isn’t heartless--he knows JJ must be considerable upset to message him all of a sudden and unleash his sob story on him, and probably could use a break)

- JJ suddenly gets the feeling...he doesn’t know how otabek would feel about this, but what if he’s looking too much into it...asks yuri if he needs permission from otabek. yuri actually gets angry, exclaiming he doesn’t need permission from anyone to go anywhere he wants. JJ thinks the outburst is cute, and then they arrange  for yuri to come to florida. the conversation with yuri wakes JJ up from inebriation faster than an icy cold shower.

- JJ messages otabek out of courtesy, but he figures yuri would probably tell him. he lies awake in bed and tries to process what just happened, and so fast.

Chapter 3:

- JJ and Yuri meet at Orlando international. JJ is nervous about the whole thing, and Yuri whacks him on the head, tells him to cheer up BECAUSE THEY’RE GOING TO DISNEY WORL 

- JJ starts loosening up considerably once at the park. He prepared Minnie and Mickey mouse ears for the occasion....and Yuri makes him wear the Minnie one. Yuri has become a total child, laughing freely and enjoying the rides. JJ feels like he’s never seen this side of Yuri and although he’s been to the Disney parks several times with his family, it feels like a brand new experience and he’s much happier for it. 

- The ears get wet on splash mountain, and yuri wants to check out the stores anyway so they shop for a new hats/ears. they decide to shop for each other and yuri presents him with goofy hat + ears (”because you’re stupidly tall and you have a dumb laugh”) and JJ presents him with donald duck hat (”you’re small and angry, all the time”). they both laugh at how apt the descriptions are and decide to purchase new hats. 

- yuri..finds out JJ is actually fun, a teenager who likes to make jokes and tease just like him, and feels decidedly less neutral about his new....friend.

....I have only thought about here, it’s also been a while since I’ve been in disney so I’ll have to brush up on the attractions there. 

IF YOU READ UP TO THIS MUCH PLS LIKE N SUBSCRIBE no, I mean, thanks. I plan such grandiose fics and I just don’t have the time or mental brain power to see the idea to completion so I figure sharing my ideas would be the best way to help this starved fandom (yes).

[susiespace7-blog]

Everyone has a story, and this one is mine.

Everyone has a story, and this one is a long one. Go grab a snack. 

Temporomandibular joint (TMJ) syndrome is pain in the jaw joint that can be caused by a variety of medical problems. The TMJ connects the lower jaw (mandible) to the skull (temporal bone) in front of the ear. Certain facial muscles that control chewing are also attached to the lower jaw.

Being a singer, this is definitely something you don’t want to be diagnosed with. But surprise! Your girl is. And I’m here to talk about the process, how I’ve dealt with it, how I’m STILL dealing with it (other than crying), the negatives and the positives (there are some, surprisingly.)

Throughout 2016, I was slowly finding that I was able to crack my jaw just by yawning. Anything I bit down on my jaw cracked, every time I sang and opened my mouth my jaw cracked, even sticking my tongue out; my jaw would crack.

I honestly never thought anything of it. I had heard of other people having a similar problem and it never seemed to be a big deal. So I let the year go on and as it did, I saw it get progressively worse. It almost became a habit, where I felt the need to crack it every 15 seconds. I’m surprised no one noticed because I would crack it all the time. It’s like it felt a ton better when it was cracked, like it was put back into place. But by doing this, eventually it became so sore, and everything I did was a chore. I wouldn’t eat as much just to avoid the act of chewing. And if you know me, I like my food. So. That’s just how bad it got. But it still didn’t dawn on me that this was something that was going to turn into something this bad. (I am an idiot. It’s okay to say it).

It’s now near the end of 2016, and my mom had commented on the fact that I had a gap in my bottom teeth. I had only gotten top braces back in 2010 because my bottom were straight. They weren’t anymore, so she took me to the dentist to see if we could get it filled.

We got to the dentist only to be told that the reason my teeth had spread was because my tongue was pressing up against them. I was then told that my tongue had a knot under it, and it was something I was born with. This was another problem that eventually had to be fixed. We booked the tongue surgery in April where I had to laser the knot off. Boy. I couldn’t speak for a few days, and my tongue was numb and hurt for quite a few weeks with 7-8 stitches under it.

I started to put the pieces together, so I mentioned my jaw just to see what he would say. As soon as I showed him the cracking, he sent me to an orthodontist immediately and said this was something super serious.

We booked our appointment that week (I’m almost sure they took me the next day because of how serious it had gotten). As my mom sat in the chair and my orthodontist heard the cracking of my jaw, he told me if I had waited any longer I would have needed surgery. At this point I was in a ton of pain.

It was now January of 2017 and singing was such a struggle. Imagine being a piano player with broken fingers. Being a drummer with a broken foot. Being a guitar player with a broken wrist. That’s what it felt like.

He had a solution (Thank Christ). He had warned us it was going to take a while, but he had one. He said I was a special case (of course, because this is my luck), and he’s never seen someone with TMJ this bad before. I guess it was also my fault for not saying anything and thinking it was okay… so I was thankful he had a solution and I was determined to do whatever he said to have it fixed as quickly as possible. I needed to sing again. And properly, without feeling like my jaw was going to snap in two pieces.

He started me off with a bottom retainer; what I’m still wearing now, so this has been in my mouth the last 9 months. This is just the beginning of the process. It’s supposed to realign the jaw and my bite back into its place.

I cannot describe to you the excruciating pain that this retainer has put me through. Not because it wasn’t working, but because it WAS working. Advil became my best friend. The jaw affects more than you think. There were days were I could barely stand up. There were TONS of days where I just didn’t talk, didn’t even bother opening my mouth. The pain can travel to your head, your neck, your shoulders, and all the way down your back. There were many times they took me into emergency to make sure we were on the right track. I was constantly being told we were on the right track, and it’s supposed to get worse before it gets better. Not only was I going through the worst pain of my life (whether you believe it or not), I also had to deal with the people who would stare at my mouth or mimic the way I talk. I’m not one to really give a shit about that, it was just more the fact that it reminded me of what it was and what I was struggling with.

It’s supposed to get worse before it gets better. It’s supposed to get worse before it gets better. It’s supposed to get worse before it gets better. The days when I couldn’t even open my eyes because of the pounding headache I had, the days when I had cold cloths and heat pads on my body, the days when I couldn’t eat at all; it’s supposed to get worse before it gets better, I told myself over and over and over.

This process took about 2 solid months. I was involved with two bands at the time, so any practices and gigs were a struggle. The retainer gave me a lisp. It would slow me down. It was hard to sing with. So every time I sang, I would take it out. And I would be right back at square one. I remember playing a gig with a pounding headache and jaw and I had already taken 3 Advil’s that night. A few weeks later, I missed an entire gig because of it.

Eventually, I just had to stop singing. This was it, I thought. I cried all the time. Singing for me is where my heart lies, it’s where my anxiety is taken away, it’s when I’m my happiest, where I express myself, when I AM myself. This was all taken away. And I didn’t know for how long it would be like this. I remember realizing how idle I was when I stopped, and really realizing how much time I put into it. It was depressing. Life really, really sucked.

It’s now around late March early April, and things are rising up. I think the worst part was over. Things were turning around and I began being able to sing a few tunes a day without being in pain. I remember being in a practice room at York and getting through an entire song for the first time in months. I sat in that practice room and cried for a bit; I was so damn happy. Although, I definitely couldn’t sing for as long and as much as I wanted too, but it was a start. I went back to the ortho’s every 6 weeks to have it adjusted. Each time it was adjusted I had to go through the whole “it gets worse before it gets better” process, but it became shorter every time.

The summer came and went and here we are. The next step is Invisalign. Yep. Braces for the second time. This is when everything is really supposed to come together. This happens in about a month. I’ll keep that updated.

In the meantime, I cry. I cry a lot to be honest. Some days are worse than others. There are multiple times where I just want to give up and tell myself this is never going to get better. This is my career and it’s getting destroyed. The pity party is one hell of a party. Why me. It’s always me.

Thankfully I have people in my life who constantly remind me that you can get through everything. Thank you to my family, my boyfriend, and my friends, where sometimes all I need them to do is listen to me cry. I know no matter how many times I call my mom in tears, or angrily text my boyfriend about it, no one will never understand exactly where I’m coming from. And that’s okay. Honestly, unless you are in the exact same position as I am, no one will really ever understand this and the pain that comes along with it. This has definitely been a huge obstacle, if not the hugest, that has slowed me down and made me question everything. But, everything happens for a reason. What the reason is yet? I don’t know. But everything makes an appearance eventually and comes together, right?

I won’t give up. This is something I know won’t ever get back to perfect, but it is something that can definitely be ALMOST fixed, which, I think, is way better than it was before. Crying is okay yes, but there have been some positives to this weirdly enough.

During those months when I stopped singing, I began playing the piano again. This was something I dropped back in high school (this will be a different story) and now I’m back to playing all the time. I began writing a lot, too. Whether it be songs, or just writing journal entries about my day. I wrote a lot of instrumental music, and I learned a lot of new music without even having to sing it.

Recently, I’m proud to say that I’ve been learning how to sing with my retainer. I began doing exercises to talk and sing properly without having a lisp. I realized this is possible. It’s all possible if you put your mind to it.

So, to my fellow musicians out there. Please, take care of your instrument. Whether it’s your voice, your jaw, your hands or feet that need to be used for your instrument; please. Just take care of it. The instruments our body creates are more precious than anything. If you feel like something’s wrong, don’t push it aside. If something happens, take the time to have it healed. It will be worth it.

To anyone who is super passionate about anything and it suddenly gets taken away; don’t give up. There are other routes, and other opportunities for you. I promise. I know it’s hard now, but do what you have to do and everything will be back to normal in no time.

It’s okay to cry. Don’t forget that.

[kayakerguide-blog]

New Post has been published on Kayaker Guide | #1 Trusted Kayak Pro Guide

New Post has been published on http://www.kayakerguide.com/best-tandem-kayak/

The Best Tandem Kayaks On Sale in 2018 - Kayak Reviews

We have compiled over 40 hours of research and writing time to find you the best kayak. Through our experiences and considering the average kayakers budget and experience we have found the Lifetime Sport Fisher Tandem Kayak to be the best deal out there at $500 and with the added benefit of having rigging for fishing in the case you ever decide to partake in the sport its unbeatable.

Last Updated: April 4th 2018 We have updated our top list to include more affordable options we have removed the Hobie 2000 tandem options and switched them in for the more affordable alternatives to reflect the users that usually come to this guide.

Kayakerguide is providing kayak recommendations using research from only the best hand chosen sources and veteran kayak testers who refuse to display only but the best in kayaking choice and journalism. Let us know what you think so far and sign up to be notified when we publish a new guide or article.

Our Pick Lifetime Sport Fisher Tandem Kayak The Lifetime Sport Fisher offers the best overall tandem kayak features with solid design, great tracking, and the added benefit of converting into a fishing kayak if you want to try the sport. Check Price And Availability The Lifetime Sport Fisher was an easy choice when we thought of a good overall tandem kayak that would give a person everything they wanted while weighing in features, design and price. Sure there were more expensive models with more features and even better designs but once we came down to it nothing could beat the lifetimes price tag. The Lifetime Sport Fisher comes with different scupper holders for any fishing rods you may have. It comes with a very sturdy design that even allows your to stand up while kayaking. The seats are made of extra firm plastic that gives extended comfort and the storage space includes mesh at the front of your extra gear. The weight capacity is more than ample as-well.

The k2 is the Cadillac of kayaks, its a roomy ride that rides smooth with great tracking and decent speed and maneuverability. The Kayak itself is very stylish with its yellow skirts and black patterns. The Intex Explorer K2 Inflatable Kayak is the perfect buy for the new kayaker that wants a plus one, regardless of its 10 inch length it provides a great ride that’s unbeatable at its price range. Check Price And Availability For Tighter Budgets K2 Tandem Inflatable Kayak The standing champion in budget kayak the k2 offers a entry level inflatable kayak for tight pockets. This kayak is one of the best multipurpose kayaks on the market today it can be used for any type of water including lakes and calm rivers and works great with two people without causing any speed of maneuverability problems. You can even rig this kayak for fishing. The kayak tracks well, paddles smoothly and works great with an anchor or trolley. If your looking for something a step up from the normal tandem the Ocean Kayak 12 ft Malibu should be your go-to kayak.

Check Price And Availability

Runner Up Ocean Kayak 12 ft Malibu Tandem The Malibu offers a bit of a more advanced and longer hard shell kayak that is perfect for the kayaker that wants something they can show off in! Another inflatable model of tandem kayak that does not disappoint. Many know the sea eagle brand as a leader in inflatables and the 330 is their flagship tandem bestseller. The Sea Eagle 330 Inflatable kayak provides a super smooth ride on lakes and rivers and bounces off rocks without any damage to the boat. The boat tracks decently and meets all of the demands of whitewater as-well Check Price And Availability Also Great Sea Eagle 330 Inflatable Kayak The sea eagle is another inflatable option perfect for the cottage or family trips out, it packs and unpacks quickly and efficiently.

Want to See Even More Kayaks?

Click here for our Best Fishing Kayak Rankings

Click here for our Best Fishing Kayak Rankings

Check out More Detailed Reviews

Best Tandem Kayak Report Card 2017

How to Choose a Tandem Kayak

A Tandem Kayak can come in two basic forms. They come as sit on top kayaks and sit inside kayaks and both are available as singles or doubles. They also can have hard shells or be inflatable’s.

Although there are some major difference between sit inside and sit on top kayaks they share many of the same parts. The top of the kayak is called the deck, the bottom is the hull, while the front is the bow and the back is the Stern. On top of the deck you’ll often find deck hinges or bungees. At the start of the kayak you should find black hoops and some kayak rudders move from side to side in the horizontal plane and some are controlled by foot pedals that simply drop straight in the water and help the kayak move straight.

The sit on top and sit inside tandem kayaks have seats and some form of back support. There are foothills which slide on a track to adjust for different size riders which are convenient because you’re going to be spending a full day on the water so using the foothills are a lot more comfortable and give you a lot more support.

The best kayaks also have a built-in backrest which makes sitting in a kayak a lot more comfortable.

The biggest difference between the two types of kayaks is that sit inside kayaks are enclosed, there is a cockpit where you sit. Around the cockpit is a place where you can attach a skirt to keep the water inside the cockpit. Within a tandem kayak you’ll find two seats and sometimes foot pedals which you can adjust according to your legs.

With hundreds of kayak options out there choosing a tandem kayak can be overwhelming but it doesn’t need to be and it’s hard to make the wrong decision.

The best way to narrow out your options is to :

Identify how and where you will be using your kayak.

Will you be paddling at a sheltered Laker out on the beach? Will the temperature of the water be warm Are you looking for a kayak that can travel quickly? Are you looking for a kayak that is stable and is difficult to tip over?

Your first and biggest decision is to go for a sit on top or sit inside tandem kayak and there are pros and cons for both.

Sit on top tandem kayaks are the most user-friendly. They are very stable and easy to get in and there’s no feeling of confinement. They are also self-bailing which means they have small holes like stopper holes that allow water to drain through them. Another thing about sit on top tandem kayaks is you can slip in and out of them as you please.

All these features make the sit on top kayak a great choice.

The downside of the sit on top model is that you’re guaranteed to get wet while paddling while sit inside kayaks of allow you to stay dry. Sit insides also shelter your lower body from the wind which make them much more beneficial for paddlers that want to be in cooler water and stay dry while paddling. One downside of the sit inside tandem boat is that you don’t have the same freedom to move inside of the water and if you do flip for some reason recovering is a hard process because you’re kayak will be filled with water. Sit on top recreational kayaks are very stable fun and easy-to-use. They have large cockpits so they are not confined and some even have waterproof compartments that are accessible through hatches in the deck.

You’ll need to decide on a length of your tandem kayak.

There is a general rule the longer a narrower a kayak is the faster it will travel and the wider a kayak is, the more stable and slower it will be.

Sit on top tandem kayaks are considered recreational and are ultra-stable.  Sit inside kayaks can vary a lot more in shape and size and purpose in fact sit inside kayaks can be broken into two distinct categories there are:

Recreational sit inside kayaks and then there are Sea kayaks.

The recreational boats are wider, shorter and have a big cockpit so they do not feel confining. The sea kayaks are longer, and narrower so that they travel faster. They also have a lot more control over the edge of the boat. The cockpits though are a lot smaller so they do tend to feel a lot more confining although it’s very easy to get in and out of these ones as well if speed is in that important to you might as well choose a shorter kayaks. They are lighter and easier to move around. Most tandem kayaks have a hard shell made from a durable plastic that will last forever and it doesn’t require much maintenance.

There are also tandem kayaks that are made from composition materials like fiberglass carving and Kevlar that make them significantly lighter. The downside is they don’t take abuse as well and they also tend to cost a lot more.

You’ll also have inflatable tandem kayaks. They are very comfortable to sit inside and they can be deflated and folded down and actually carried in a backpack. These kayaks are made from fabrics that are surprisingly durable. Inflatable kayaks are incredibly versatile.

Additionally thermal formed tandem kayaks are the new thing to hit the market they are gaining popularity because of their affordability, durability and weight.

See The Top Rated Tandem Kayaks On Amazon

Want to See Even More Kayaks?

Click here for our Best Fishing Kayak Rankings

Click here for our Best Inflatable Kayak Rankings

Check out More Detailed Reviews

  Our Pick Lifetime Sport Fisher Tandem Kayak The Lifetime Sport Fisher offers the best overall tandem kayak features with solid design, great tracking, and the added benefit of converting into a fishing kayak if you want to try the sport. Check Price And Availability The Lifetime Sport Fisher was an easy choice when we thought of a good overall tandem kayak that would give a person everything they wanted while weighing in features, design and price. Sure there were more expensive models with more features and even better designs but once we came down to it nothing could beat the lifetimes price tag. The Lifetime Sport Fisher comes with different scupper holders for any fishing rods you may have. It comes with a very sturdy design that even allows your to stand up while kayaking. The seats are made of extra firm plastic that gives extended comfort and the storage space includes mesh at the front of your extra gear. The weight capacity is more than ample as-well.