#shoaib ki diary se

[his-heart-hymns]

When Charles bukowski wrote:

And when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want. what do you call it, freedom or loneliness?

And when Ahmed faraz said:

na hareef-e-jaan, na shareek-e-gham, shab-e-intezaar koi to ho,

kise bazm-e-shauk mein layein hum, dil-e-beqarar koi to ho.

And when Saqi Faruqi wrote:

koi abr uthe kisi qulzum se ras barse mere virane par koi jagta ho koi kudhta ho mere der se vapas aane per.

We all yearned for someone who'd wait for us.

[his-heart-hymns]

Aur Ahmed Faraz ne farmaya:

Dil ko teri chahat pe bharosa bhi bohot hai

aur tujhse bichad jaane ka dar bhi nahi jaata.

Agar tu ittefaqan mil bhi jaye

Teri furqat k sadmay kam na hongay~

[his-heart-hymns]

How elegantly urdu poet Muztar khairabadi has captured the emotion of being unwanted in this couplet:

Na kisi ki aankh ka noor hu na kisi ke dil ka qaraar hu kisi kaam me jo na aa sake mai vo ek musht-e-ghubaar hu.

Not the light of any one's eyes,not the solace for anyone's heart.Of no use to anyone I am that one fistful of dust.

[his-heart-hymns]

Tumhen jab milein kabhi fursatain mere dil se bojh utar do

Main bohat dino se udaas hu mujhe koi sham udhar do

Mujhe apne roop ki dhoop do k chamak saken mere khad-o-khal

Mujhe apne rang me rang do mere sary rang utar do

Kisi aur ko mere haal se na gharaz hy koi na koi wasta

Main bikhar gaya hon simait do main bigar gaya hon sanwar do

Meri wehshaton ko barha dia hai judaiyo ke azab ne

Mere dil pe hath rakho zara meri dharkano ko qarar do

[his-heart-hymns]

Kuch mahino pehle maine ek english author ka likha huwa ek paragraph padha tha jo mujhe ab nahi mil raha, uska mafhum kuch is tarah hai:

Woh aadmi jise hum 'psychotically depressed' kehte hai,jo apne aap ko maarne per tula hai uska wohi haal hai jo uss aadmi ka hai jo ek uchi building ke jalte huwe makan ki khidki mai khada hai.Woh bhi har aam aadmi ki tarah khidki se koodh kar marne se darta hai magar aag mai dheere-dheere jhulas-jhulas kar marne se behtar khidki se koodhkar marna hai.Neeche khade log use kitna bhi sabr karne ke liye kahe lekin woh yeh nahi samajh sakte ke woh aag usse kitna tadpa rahi hai.

Kisi shayer ne kya khoob likha hai:

Mai khudkushi ke jurm ka karta hu eitraaf

Apne badan ki kabr mai kabse gada hu mai.

[his-heart-hymns]

Hum aakhri saans tak tere hain,

dil pe sare ikhtiyar tere hain.

Tum yaad aao toh Neend nhi aati,

neend aaye toh sare khuwab tere hain.

"dil mein iss qadar mohabbat hai unke liye, ke soye to khwaab unke aur jaage to khayal unke"

[his-heart-hymns]

The last words of Vincent Van Gogh before committing suicide were:

The sadness will last forever.

And nusrat fateh ali khan sang a masterpiece that resonates with these words:

shab-e-gham ki sahar nahi hoti

ho bhi tou mere ghar nahi hoti

zindagi tu hi mukhtasar ho ja

shab-e-gham mukhtasar nahi hoti

The dawn of a night of sorrow does not exist. Even if it does, it's not for me.O life, become concise.. Because a sorrowful night is never short.

[his-heart-hymns]

When Faiz Ahmed Faiz said:

Aur bhi dukh hai zamane mai mohabbat ke siwa Rahatein aur bhi hai wasl ki rahat ke siwa.

And When Usama zoraiz wrote:

Mujhko yeh jaankar udasi hui

Ke kuch masail ka hal toh tu bhi nahi.

And When Ahmed faraz said:

Main tujh se kaise kahu yaar mehrbaan mere

Ke tu ilaaj nahi meri har udaasi ka.

We realized that love is powerful but it cant fix everything.We often have to handle many problems on your own all alone.

[his-heart-hymns]

It's okay to cry when there's too much on your mind.The clouds rain too when things get heavy.

[his-heart-hymns]

In my perspective unshared feelings and emotions are an important part of our own existence and they must remain confined in our hearts.They are too valuable a treasure to be shared.And what I do before revealing my feelings is,I pose a crucial question to myself: "Do people genuinely care?"

Woh Ahmed faraz ne kaha tha na:

dukh fasana nahi ki tujh se kahe

dil bhi maana nahi ki tujh se kahe

When they say " why don't you share your feelings " but the truth is " Tum se kyun dil ke masael par baat kare koi ? Tum toh har baat par kehte ho ' koi baat nahi ' "

[his-heart-hymns]

Ghazals are beautiful and the word 'Ghazal' itself is beautiful. It is an Arabic word that literally means talking to one's beloved.

[his-heart-hymns]

In english we say -"I was deprived of everything'' but in urdu we say:

Hum woh mehroom-e-tamanna hai jo bhari duniya mai apne hisse ki mohabbat bhi nahi kar paye,

Aur hum nahi jaante kehte hai jawani kisko hum toh bachpan mai shararat bhi nahi kar paye.

Mehroom-e-tamanna=deprived of desires

[his-heart-hymns]

Mun tu shudam tu mun shudi

mun tu shudam tu jaan shudi

Taakas na guyad baad azeen

mun deegaram tu deegri

I have become you, and you me,

I am the body, you soul;

So that no one can say hereafter,

That you are someone, and me someone else.

-Ameer Khusrau,Sufi saint

[his-heart-hymns]

And Ahmed Faraz said something similar:

Aaj tak apni bekali ka sabab,

khud bhi jaana nahi ki tujh se kahe

To this day,I myself remain uncertain about the origins of my restlessness.How can I explain you?

I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself.

-Kafka

[his-heart-hymns]

Now i understand what Jaun Elia was going through when he wrote:

Ek dil hai jo har lamha jalane ke liye hai,

Jo kuch hai yaha aag lagane ke liye hai.

Hasne se kabhi khush nahi hota hai mera dil,

Hasna bhi yaha mujh ko rulane ke liye hai.

[his-heart-hymns]

Jo log Jaun elia,Ahmed Faraz,Ghalib................ ko padhte hai aur Nusrat fateh ali khan ko sunte hai unka koi illaj mumkin nahi.