#shld i be embarassed..

[alsktudy]

HIIII NEW MOOT 😁😁😁 i saw u sent a dm but MY TUMBLR APP IS SO ANNOYING IT DOESNT LET ME READ DMS AND ONLY SHOWS ME THE NOTIF £&:*][*%#? but we move on from my tumblr app being the worst thing ever so MERRY CHRISTMAS BFF <333 i hope u enjoy ur day :] @ tumblr count ur days

AGH I JUST MSGED ABT HOW I DIDNT REALISE U FOLLOWED ME... 😟 AND HOW I LOVE UR WORK, IM SUPER EXCITED TO B YOUR MOOT AND FOR OUR INTERACTIONS 😺

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU TOO 🤍

[fruitsyrups]

i wanna jsut like stop using social media but it seems silly to make a post like "bye i m probably gonna stop using tumblr for a bit" because i haven't really been using it that much recently anyway . especially not posting art or anything which is what most people would have followed me for. and bc my mutuals probably already know my discord (it's literally just the same as my url here anyway lol) and can talk 2 me if they want to. that's what this post is by the way it's the silly goodbye post ✌️ probably not even for that long but whateva i just want to spend my time actually doing things instead of constantly absentmindedly checking every social media i have . so im giving this a go

[caruliaa]

cherryy on top is that i realized today that the basic premise that lead to me ever associating / thinking of that ship could also apply to my faves ships in another fandom (also in an au) utterly humiliating. throwing myself into the ocean.

screaming bc theres a song (no i wont tell u what one but its by an artisit i dont listen to rly to much except for the last two days but i do like what of her music iv heard) that like. i rly feel like fits a ship (I WILL DEFF NOT TELL U WHICH ONE !!!!! but its like. not one i rly ship tht much but i do think its cute and im slowly getting more into it) in like. a weird way bc like. im not like omg this song is so this ship its so cute i mean the first time i listened to the song which was a while back when it first came out i was like this feels like ppl r gonna talk abt it w tht ship or like the song feels very like. like a fanfiction to me like generally and to me i feel like its like a modern au fanfic for the ship nd i listened to the song again today nd iv been thinking abt tht but the thing is i looked to see if anyone in any context has put that ship with that song before expecting to find lots of stuff but i literally found NOTHING its ubsurddd !!!

[khonichudail]

My friends say I'm j giving her an ego boost atp and shld be embarassed of myself but everytime shit gets bad i j wish she was here w me uk

can u really blame me tho I miss feeling understood and taken care of lmao. Anyways it's alr I wish the best for her I can handle myself (I'll kms 🤙🏽)

[wolkewatcher]

parents family society at large is so concerned with like children not causing shame to their parents but there's little concern for the reverse. to an extent this kind of exists/ed in a traditional misogynist way where like esp if you're married and have children you should stay at home etc but even so the idea was nvr bc you cld do smth tht embarrasses your child and i dont mean in the way all parents are emBarAsSinG i mean in the way like behaving in public in a way that brings shame to yourself first n foremost and by extension your child like it's not right and not an excuse for bullying but bullying does exist and it's like there are certain things tht esp if you a parent you shld myb avoid doing just in case worst scenario happens n even if like it's not a public shame it's a your child loses their 'high' esteem and respect for you and i mean ofc obviously we are all human and as your child grows they will learn this and i dont think your child shld forever resent you or be embarrassed by you bc of your actions but also like as a parent stop and think for a bit kinda?

[seoafin]

it’s mad embarassing how fast i tapped on the tumblr notification 🏌️BUT,,, THE SERVE???? HELLO??????

forget abt gojo & rip! mc getting together, right now in my head, it’s established that the ms. ieri shoko asked mc out and he’s forever trapped in a pining zone. i’m in the verge of tears, it’s not even funny. gojo’s pining and that underlying possessiveness got me screaming. aside from the fact that the “character a is possessive towards character b even tho there’s no romantic relationship (just yet)/ eventually bound to be a star crossed one” is one of my fav. ///head in hands/// maybe u caught me lacking just this once.

ALSO i love that u bring up that gojo’s awful with words even tho he talks like he’s on sugar high 24/7. and maybe i’m overthinking it b-but, this line let me a glimpse on dark gojo : “You shouldn’t be giving that much thought to anything but him.” and then the implication of him going batshit crazy if mc d word and could possibly curse each other like rika and yuta? 🧎‍♀️ maybe u rly shld think abt stop writing,,, u don’t understand the power u have over me

not to mention that THE KITTEN SCENE MADE IT. u keep mentioning getou like he’s a literal ghost, and for what? it’s just painful to think that he might be a bad habit that the trio continuously do, like looking at the vacant spot after someone tells a joke and realizing “oh, right they’re not here anymore” and the atmosphere becomes quiet and a ting bit tense. gojo is unapologetically selfish and he has the power and right to be that way but i feel like he’s subconsciously afraid that someone like mc who’s not selfish and put others b4 her will left him just like geto whose wish sound selfish as hell but all he wanted was a world where young shamans don’t need to conform to the fact that they’ll always die in their line of work to exorcise a curse that’ll eventually came back after their death. now lemme get thru the ripverse again and a tissue - 🐱

ISHDJDJDN THE ONLY REASON WHY I DIDNT ANSWER THIS ASAP WAS BC I WANTED TO KEEP IT IN MY ASKBOX AND LOOK AT IT

It's so funny that you say that abt the shoko part bc as soon as I reread it after I posted it I thought damn I could've made it so much more gayer LOL

I think gojo's inability to articulate anything past surface level emotions should be brought up more!!! Mans has the emotional intelligence of a ROCK!! you reminded me that I need to get that drabble of gojo "jokingly" but not really telling rip!mc he'd curse her before he lets her die bc let's face it...he sucks and he would. Gojo has so much angst/dark potential that I'd like to explore more bc gojo is a rlly complex character. Also the fact that gojo has considered rip!mc "his" since their mid twenties while she has no idea 😭

I'm glad you liked the cat scene!! Tbh I debated on putting it in considering that it wasn't as fleshed out as I wanted it to be but I thought it would be show gojo's disconnect from rip!mc pretty well!! Also gojo as a maine coon

and geto...JEJDNDN GETO!! Rip!mc sitting down next to gojo but leaving enough space for a ghost of a person. When she goes out to buy drinks she buys an extra and calls it a mistake but gojo and shoko know better. Gojo stopping by geto's favorite bakery bc he "likes" their melon bread, so rip!mc doesn't bring up how he always complained about it not being sweet enough when they were with geto. Shoko occasionally leaving out an extra cigarette on the windowsill when rip!mc sleeps over and gives her a knowing look. I am going CRAZY

[thelaudown]

hyouka poly slowburn so its like: (post-anime)

satoshi and mayaka are dating all through highschool and houtarou and eru are maybe a little more invested than friends would normally be, and step in when they have problems to a degree that regular people would call a boundary issue.

houtarou and mayaka still give each other shit at every opportunity, but theyre much more outwardly friendly than before, and if she ever argues w satoshi houtarou is the first to say that theres no way its her fault. maybe one time it is and he confronts her abt it in a way that forces her to take him seriously. its the respect and codependency for me. 

mayaka and satoshi have functioning eyes and houtarous feelings for eru are completely obvious to them. unfortunately shes a little harder to read, so they never really get further than being very close friends and committing to being together for the foreseeable future, as far as this road will take them - its the same dynamic for the entire friend group, but satoshi starts seriously considering a proposal in third year. 

he and mayaka will be seperated through college - she wants to go to art school, he thinks he might like to be a teacher (specifically of like, textiles or language) and he thinks long distance is too much to ask of her. after a serious conversation she agrees and they take a break through college, but they are tentatively engaged, will be keeping in touch, and want to pick things back up once theyre both in the same location again. 

mayaka and eru flat in college, bringing up mayakas long buried feelings for her, and theyve always been so touchy, and she has a feeling that erus guilty about something? but she doesnt want to get her hopes up. she gets really frustrated and confides in the only person who knows both satoshi and mayaka and isnt involved - HOUTAROU, who attends a less prestigious college than eru but is taking similar business courses (he hasnt forgotten) and is commuting from home. 

hes closer to them than satoshi, but theres still a little distance and they dont meet as often as theyd like, partially bc he doesnt often make the effort - the energy he does have is expended on his classes, bc he has a motivation to do well - if he does, maybe eru will consider him without him even putting himself out there. anyway she still calls him on the phone all the time tho. 

he doesnt really have any advice when mayaka speaks to him, but hes quick to reassure her that satoshi wouldnt be bothered by her feelings - "because its eru". functioning adults refer to each other by their first names. it was a super embarassing transition period but theyre used to it now. 

so mayaka takes the leap and eru admits that while shes never really been one to dwell on romantic feelings, she reciprocates but is concerned abt satoshi - she loves him too, after all, and he and mayaka were/are/will be a great couple. she ends up confessing this to houtarou, filled w apologies and assurances that he neednt worry abt her personal matters, but he doesnt mind listening. anyway it stings (in a sad way, not a bitter one) that she apparently has interest in both mayaka and satoshi but not him, but he REALLY cant blame her. he tells her that he doesnt know how to advise her and she thanks him for listening, and then he does probably the most meddlesome thing hes ever done and calls satoshi and tells him everything. 

satoshi is really cool abt it, and hits him w "lol if theyre dating what if i just take you out to lunch. fairs fair. what do you mean you dont know about my massive crush on you, mr observer didnt pick it up? oh wow okay youre really stupid when it comes to yourself. ill pick you up on friday" and then satoshi calls mayaka and gives her his blessing and assures that he loves them both and wishes them the best and wow they REALLY need to catch up soon. hell bring houtarou and they can compare date notes! and he hangs up. 

satoshi is still kind of a petty guy and he probably only confessed to houtarou bc he was taken off guard, but hes not being inauthentic by any means. this is the new improved satoshi 2.0, who is becoming more comfortable w there being things he doesnt like abt himself and working on them and getting his feelings out constructively, rather than pushing them down and refusing to put himself in situations that might turn out badly. he gets his hopes up again, and is happier for it even when hes let down. 

eru is shocked to hear abt houtarou and satoshi. mayaka isnt. they talk abt it, interspersed w making out, and are shocked to realise that they like both of them - mayaka is ESPECIALLY taken off guard, both by her own feelings and erus, which shed never noticed before. she almost tells eru abt houtarous 3+ years of pining, but stops herself lest things get messy. shes starting to get an idea, but needs to tread lightly. besides, its not like houtarou wld ever like her. theyre barely even friends. it doesnt all add up as evenly as shed like. 

for houtarous part, hes genuinely in wtf mode irt satoshis feelings for him, and hes been in eru chitanda hell for so long that he never considered anything else, but now that he IS.... satoshi isnt so bad. he was always really cute w mayaka, when he wasnt being annoying for fun and profit. sure. okay. so they do some gay double dating through college, but the cross couple pining dont stop. satoshi is absolutely still obsessed w mayaka, but houtarou doesnt mind bc he cant take his eyes off eru whenever they meet up either. 

she still calls him on the phone all the time, and when schoolwork picks up he often finds himself calling her w thoughts or questions. they do some more thought exercises, but they dont need to argue as an excuse, and she barely has to badger him anymore. one day he looks at himself and sees a functioning adult who spends a moderate amount of energy on things that arent necessarily necessary, and wants to sigh, but. hes happy. 

college ends and they all find themselves back in kamiyama - satoshi is student teaching at their old middle school, eru is hard at work for her family, mayaka is working while she works on her manga debut, and houtarou is working while he figures out what he actually wants. 

its clear to all of them that mayaka and satoshi need to have a talk, so they do, and they come up with... poly. its unconventional, but they really are happy, and they really do love each other, and mayaka would love to start wearing her ring again (satoshi never took his off, and she pretended not to notice but she had the biggest lady boner over it). 

so now sometimes eru and houtarou are hanging out while their boyfriend and girlfriend are out on dates being engaged, making up for lost time and considering the practicality of marriage while they both have sidepieces, and houtarou and eru are pining BAD, but neither notices the other and he asks how her business is going and maybe kind of offers his assistance platonically. 

so now THATS happening, and satoshi and mayaka get to talking one day abt how those two should date, shld we do smth? and if they did then the only pieces missing are mayaka/houtarou and satoshi/eru which is a beautiful dream but wld never happen, what do you mean he/she wld love to date you, wait really, oh my god, what, are we doing this, 

and houtarou who has been working himself up to confessing for the past SEVEN YEARS, never gets to bc satoshi and mayaka interrupt while theyre at work and do it for him 

[guiltykissing]

i feel sort of guilty bc i front saying im the host like, 10% of the time host is interacting w. others and like. idk i feel like they shld know bc some of the hosts friends r intimidated by me. which is why i dont tell people (also bc its just embarassing being like im the other person in the brain) but still

[maximuswolf]

fuck my intrusive thoughts make me wanna kms via /r/intrusivethoughts

fuck my intrusive thoughts make me wanna kms

help

honestly

does anybody have these weird thoughts that creep from nowhere? like say youre talking to a fellow colleague, and all of a sudden ive these weird recurring thought or image that ill kiss the person leading to an embarassing and awkward situation. when shit like that happens i just avoid the dude, and well its also extends to everyone else including family. sometimes when im hanging out with family ive this cringey image stuck in my head that ill pull out a dagger and stab them. or like a few years back when i was sitting in english class id start dancing or acting in a strange, awkward manner. or like show off how smart i am.

like look i would never do any of this in public, ive enough self awareness to not act like a complete moron and embarass myself, and even if i do something rlly stupid i regret it afterwards, and it bothers me enough to never repeat it again.

its just that it feels so real and well sometimes it feels like an impulse so since im rlly fucking afraid- i just stay at home sometimes i lock myself in my room, close the curtains, remain in bed as a i close my ears and scream out of pure disgust and shame. i cant go anywhere in public or talk to anybody, cant focus on school. lol even sexual urges triggers a lot disturbing thoughts like jacking off in public, pissing on someone, and rape.

fuck idk wtf to do

somebody pls help me. maybe i shld get professional help but uh... oh god, ive never rlly benefited from therapy before. it was a sheer waste of time. and this situation is getting out of hand

Submitted August 15, 2020 at 05:52AM by YourBasicChemist via reddit https://ift.tt/2PTQqPN