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totowlff · 2 years ago

Text

extra — before everything

➝ a photo. an audio. a voice message. and niki never saw elisabeth the same way again.

➝ word count: 2,7k

➝ warnings: none

➝ author’s note: you've already seen elisabeth and toto's vision of what happened that sunday in august. however, a point of view was missing. precisely the one you are so curious to know. I hope this extra helps situate you in the conflict. or not.

AUGUST, 2016

Niki Lauda sat in one of the chairs on the porch of his home in Ibiza, reading the weekend edition of the Financial Times. He’d bought it on Saturday, when he’d gone into the market district with Marlene. He didn’t really care for going into town, especially with the crowds that the high season brought, but his wife had insisted — there was only one place she would buy fresh shrimp for the paella she’d planned on making the next day.

Who was he to deny Marlene Lauda anything?

The rest of the weekend was quiet. He spent the morning talking to Tilman, his brother-in-law, about horses. He was trying to figure out what the ideal age would be to start Lennon, his grandson, on riding lessons with the pony he’d bought from Tilman when Lenny was born. Inside the mansion, Marlene and Sandra, Tilman's wife, were preparing lunch. Niki’s dogs, Felix and Shivas, were probably underfoot, waiting for stray crumbs to fall to the floor.

After lunch, Niki dispensed with the traditional Spanish siesta and set out for a walk around the grounds, Shivas and Felix close behind him, inspecting every centimeter with curious noses and wagging tails. He only went for a walk when he needed space to think about a problem. The problem he was thinking about now was the conflict between two of his children, Mathias and Elisabeth, and how he could resolve it.

Niki prided himself on being a fair man. Fairness was important to him, and he valued it not only in his professional life, but his personal life as well. When his children were born, he made a point of treating them the same, offering much more than similar toys and education, but dedicating his time equally to each of them. He played with both, including both in his motorcycle and car adventures around Ibiza, and he was willing to learn to ride a horse to accompany both boys on their rides with Tilman.

However, he found his personal capacity tested in 1985, after his last Formula 1 victory, Marlene told him that she was pregnant again. The idea of a third child made Niki re-examine his priorities. After his first free practice session in Austria, two weeks later, he announced his retirement again. This time, it was permanent. Not even Ron Dennis' insistence changed his mind. For him, the future of Formula 1 was in good hands.

Marlene's pregnancy was relatively uneventful, with the exception of a scare that landed her in hospital. Niki, who was in Brands Hatch for a race, rushed to Vienna. It was no use for Marlene to reason with him and tell him that he didn't need to miss the race that weekend, since she was perfectly fine, as was the baby.

— I don't give a fuck about this race. What really matters is you and our baby — he said, running his hand lightly over her belly, a smile on his face.

Their third child was born a little less than three months later, and she was a real surprise for Niki and Marlene. They were sure they would have one more boy, and they were expecting the baby to make their lives even more chaotic than it already was with Lukas and Mathias. Niki even had a name picked out, chosen after a lot of discussion and input from their younger children.

However, it wasn't Christian Tilman Lauda who was in Niki's arms, but a little girl named Elisabeth Renate Lauda, name for Niki’s mother and Marlene’s sister. From the first few hours of her life, Elisabeth was calm and attentive, her big blue eyes staring at her father. Niki was completely enchanted with his daughter immediately.

As the years passed, Niki found himself growing closer to his youngest child. They bonded over more than Niki playing dolls with her, or reading her bedtime stories, but over Elisabeth’s quirky personality. She wasn’t impulsive like Lukas, or rebellious like Mathias. She was quiet, intelligent, and observant, and she had an impressive talent for numbers. Every time she solved a complicated equation that was even confusing for Niki — not that Niki was bad at math by any means — he thought that Elisabeth was “the granddaughter that Old Lauda asked God for”.

The differences between the siblings had never caused major conflicts. Lukas and Elisabeth always got along well, and Mathias had a good relationship with both of them. The three of them helped each other, both in their personal and professional lives, and, above all, they loved each other very much.

However, the apparent harmony between the siblings ended the year before. Their laughter and jokes were replaced with cold looks and deeply personal insults. It even culminated in physical violence when Elisabeth slapped Mathias across the face. Lukas, despite being his brother's manager, sympathized with his younger sister. Niki was completely lost as far as how to deal with the situation as he tried to make the siblings act like adults, and not like the children he had raised under the Balearic sun.

His eyes studied the printed image of Lamberto Frescobaldi, an Italian winemaker with an impressive estate in Florence, and he almost didn't notice his phone vibrating on the chair next to him. He folded up his newspaper and laid it on his lap before picking up his phone and reading the two notifications he’d gotten. Mathias had sent him two messages; a photo and an audio message.

He unlocked his phone and opened the messaging app, clicking on his middle child's name. Then, he opened the image to enlarge it. Niki took a few seconds to absorb it. It was a picture of Elisabeth kissing a man that he immediately recognized as Toto Wolff, his friend and business partner. It was a tender image — her hand was on his face, both of their expressions were soft. They looked every bit the part of two people who were completely in love.

He scrolled down a bit and tapped the audio message to play it, pursing his lips at the first few words.

— Hi dad, I'm sending you this photo because Elisabeth just posted it on Instagram, so I assume she told you all about her affair with Toto — he said, Lenny's laughter in the background — I'm sending you a copy to let you know that I wanted to tell you that I never supported this, from the moment I found out they were together in Spa last year.

Niki took a second to remember what had happened in Belgium. But, the message from his son continued playing.

— Remember how you told me to look for Elisabeth when she disappeared after the qualifying session? I went to the motorhome, and the caterer said she saw her going up to the second floor, so I assumed she was in Toto's office. I went over there and when I opened the door to ask him if he’d seen her, I found him with his fucking head between her legs.

He raised his eyebrows at the graphic description. He definitely hadn’t expected that from his daughter.

— I talked to her, dad. I tried to put some common sense into that head of hers, but she said she loved him, that they were living together, and they were dating, that they loved each other, and that nothing would change that and… Fuck, I was just thinking about your feelings and how sad you’d be to find out Elisabeth was fucking your only friend behind your back — he continued, the tone of his voice sounding more a little frustrated — I know you've always loved Elschen dearly and... She's your golden girl, your pride and your joy. And she repays your trust by doing this to you? I just didn’t think it was fair, and she had to hear it.

Niki pressed his mouth into a thin line, sensing a specific kind of pain in Mathias' tone of voice. Of course, he loved his three children deeply and admired each of them, with all of their differences and similarities. However, it was inevitable for him to be closest to Elisabeth. She was his youngest child, his little princess, his shadow and right-hand in the business world, the perfect companion for his adventures in civil aviation and motorsport. They spent more time together than fathers and daughters their age usually did.

Mathias' heartache — jealousy, maybe, was perfectly justified.

— Well, I just wanted you to know that I'm on your side and that I never agreed to any of this. She had no right to betray your trust like that and I completely condemn her behavior. If you need anything, you can call me and I'll help you solve it, and we can do it the easy way or the hard way. I love you dad. I hope you’re doing alright.

Niki looked at his screen again. The image of Toto and Elisabeth was still pulled up, and he looked at it for a few seconds in silence. The sound of footsteps approaching made him look away. Leaning against the doorframe, Marlene looked at him, with Shivas sitting at her feet.

— Did Mathias call? I heard his voice — she said.

— No, he sent me an audio message.

She sat down in the chair next to Niki.

— What did he say?

— He sent me a picture of Elisabeth…

Marlene raised an eyebrow.

— Is Mathias with Elisabeth now?

— No. It's a picture of her with Toto.

— Ah — she muttered under her breath — Yes…

Niki looked at his wife, who was watching Felix stretch out in a patch of sunlight in front of them.

— Did you know about the two of them… Being together?

There were a few seconds of uneasy silence.

— Yes, I knew. Elschen told me in June.

— What did she say? — Niki asked, his tone serious.

— That she tried to avoid her feelings. That she tried to get away from Toto. But she decided to follow her heart. And… That she loves him.

Niki looked at the cell phone in his hands, the image of her daughter kissing his friend still on the screen. It felt a little surreal to see them like that. It just didn't feel right. Suddenly, he took the newspaper from his lap and stood up from his chair, causing the dogs to lift their heads to look at him.

— Nikolaus — Marlene said, her voice full of warning.

— What?

— What are you going to do?

— I just need to think.

Niki went back inside of the house and walked to his office. He closed the door and turned on the light. He placed the newspaper he'd been reading earlier on the desk and dropped into the black leather chair. With the phone still in his hands, he typed a quick reply to Mathias and returned to the app's main screen, selecting his daughter's name. Then, he typed four words in. He read his message over and over before he pressed the “send” button.

"We need to talk".

Not even two minutes later, his phone vibrated, his daughter's name flashing across the screen. She had a wide smile in her contact picture. Niki tapped the green button to answer the call, and he didn't have time to say a word before she began to speak, between sniffles and sobs.

— Dad, please, I know it's not right, but please let me explain, let me explain! It's not what you're thinking, please let me explain. Please let me tell you what happened. It wasn't supposed to happen, it was a mistake, he took my phone, you weren't supposed to find out like this, I was going to tell you, father, please...

— Elisabeth…

— Please don't be mad at me, dad. I did not want…

— I’m not going to talk about this with you on the phone, Mauslein — he said, his voice serious — I’ll be back in Vienna in two days. Come over and we can talk about it, then.

She sniffled a bit and muttered "okay", and Niki asked Elisabeth to calm down and said goodbye. He set his phone down on top of the newspaper, running a hand down his face. That would be a difficult conversation.

One of the hardest he would ever have.

The next day, Niki, Marlene, and the dogs returned to Vienna. He was completely silent for the entire flight, reflecting on the moments he had spent with Toto and Elisabeth. The achievements, the challenges, the countless meals, the meetings where they both had argued because they didn't agree on something.

When he got home, he just dropped his suitcase in the bedroom before isolating himself in his office again, but this time the office in his apartment. The room was richly decorated with mementos of his life in racing, some miscellaneous honors and certificates, Lenny's drawings, miniatures of his airlines' planes, and photos — lots of photos.

He’d accumulated so many framed photos over the years, images of him racing around the world, celebrating his achievements on podiums and at various award ceremonies. There were pictures of him with his kids in Ibiza and Vienna, and pictures of each of the children separately. Photos of Mathias running in GP2, Lukas playing with Shivas, and Elisabeth holding her Business Administration degree, dressed in her graduation regalia, her blue eyes shining with joy. There were pictures of Lenny sitting in his red mini-Mercedes. There was even one of Niki himself, with Lewis Hamilton, playing with Lewis’ bulldogs, Roscoe and Coco.

He sat down in his office chair, his eyes affixing to one particular photo. It was the only one Niki had sitting on his desk — it was a special memory for him. In the picture, he was standing next to Elisabeth and Toto. They were both drench in champagne and had wide smiles on their faces. His daughter was in the middle, holding the Formula 1 Constructors Trophy from the Russian Grand Prix. It was the race that had consecrated the Mercedes team as World Champions for the first time since the brand’s return to Formula 1.

Before he saw that photo as the realization of his great dream of triumphing in Formula 1 in a managerial position. Now, it looked different. It was as if the two people in the picture with him had completely changed in his mind somehow.

The sound of his phone vibrating snapped Niki out of his thoughts. He glanced at where it was sitting on the table, he raised an eyebrow as he read on the screen that he had a new voicemail message. It had probably not come in until just now because his phone was off during the flight back from Ibiza. He probably received it when he was flying back to Austria. Tapping the screen a few times, he brought the phone to his ear, waiting for the voicemail to play the message. Then the recording of a familiar voice started playing.

— Hi, Niki. It’s Toto. Listen, I know you… Know what’s happening now, and I just wanted to call you and speak to you before you and Elisabeth talk tomorrow when you get back to Vienna. What you are probably thinking is true, but…

The recording stopped for a few seconds, like Toto was trying to find the proper words. Niki's eyes found his face in the picture frame on the table.

— We didn’t hide it deliberately to hurt you. Quite the opposite, actually, because Elisabeth wasn’t sure how you’d feel about it and didn’t want to — he sighed — Break your trust. I know the circumstances haven’t been ideal, but… I can’t regret it, because it gave us a lot of time, you know, away from the spotlight and the pressure. And I… Can’t regret loving your daughter, Niki. She’s the best person I’ve ever met. She’s the love of my life. I would never do anything to hurt her, and I will always be there for her, whether she wants me to be or not.

Toto sighed again.

— Please don’t treat her too harshly, I guess that’s all I am asking. As a friend. I will always do everything I can to make her happy and…

The recording was suddenly cut off and ended with a beep, as if he hadn't had time to say more. Niki pursed his lips and off the screen, setting his phone back on his desk. Then, he reached for the framed photo of himself with Toto and Elisabeth, taking it off of his desk as he stood up from his chair.

His desk was no longer the rightful place for that particular photo.

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