#shitty dad who doesn't want to go home & take care of his actual kid but actually imprints on the one he has at work

[vellichorom]

i s2g i feel like the only normal hato fan NOT being a papa/isa shipper get out of hEEREEE isa was like 14 or younger when they met.........

anyway here's my essay thinking about their relationship in any other context & IT'S RIGHT

[duskdog]

@queen-lance made a post that reminded me of the thoughts I've long had about these panels.

This is Ollie, explaining to Mia why he's not going to train her to become Speedy, no matter how much she pouts about it. And he's right to be concerned about enabling kids to jump into this crazy life that he leads. This is an Ollie who saw this life lead his son down a dark path that could have killed him. Who saw his best friend go out of his mind and murder people, who had to kill said best friend, and who then died, himself. He's grown, he's changed, and he's seen first-hand what this life can do to a person -- and he doesn't want that for Mia. From the first moment he met her, he saw her as a child who wasn't being treated like a child -- and when she eventually came under his care, by God, he was going to make sure that she had the childhood she always deserved. To Ollie, getting involved in this superhero game is the opposite of that. It's taking that childhood away again, inflicting new scars atop the old ones that still haven't healed. To Ollie, sending Mia out there into harm's way is barely any different than sending her back to the life she came from. But the reason that it falls flat in Mia's eyes is because... well... look what he's saying, and who he's saying it to. This is a rich boy who grew up privileged, who didn't realize how spoiled and selfish he was until reality slapped him in the face, telling a girl who grew up abused by someone who should have loved and protected her, who hasn't known anything except the worst, dirtiest things that people can do to a child, that "it's a nastier world out there now". Can you imagine how absolutely, frustratingly laughable that must sound to her? "Local dweeb finds out world is actually pretty shitty, film at 11." This "nastier world" isn't new to her. It's the way the world has always been. It's not going to stop being nasty just because she lives with Ollie now. Her childhood isn't actually something she can ever get back -- and she tells him so at least once when she talks about her dad, that she stopped being a child a long time ago. He's telling her that keeping her at home is keeping her safe from the bad guys... but the bad guys in her life were at home the whole time. She doesn't want to become a superhero because she's a thrill-seeker, or because she's naïve about the true nature of the world. In her eyes, the world is going to be cruel either way -- the difference is whether she's being empowered to fight back, or whether she's going to keep struggling to fight back. She's going to fight either way -- because that's what she is, a fighter -- but there's a difference between surviving and thriving. Superheroing, to Mia, is fighting the fight against this dirty world with better tools. Ollie has the ability to train her into someone with the skills to protect herself more effectively, and -- even more importantly -- to protect other people. Because that's something that's important to her, which she'll express to him later on: the ability to be, for someone else, the person who should have been there for her and never was... until the day Ollie handed her a little business card that gave her the little bit of hope that she needed in order to save herself. The very first person, in her entire life, to reach a hand out to her in kindness was a stranger in bright tights, toting around a bow. Is it really any wonder that she wanted so badly to be that tight-wearing stranger for someone else?

To Ollie, superheroing was stepping out of his relatively safe world and choosing one that's full of fighting and pain in order to sacrifice for others. To Mia, it's acquiring a new and improved arsenal to meet a world that was never safe in the first place, that was already full of fighting and pain -- an arsenal that allows her the choice of how she's going to experience that pain, and what she's going to do with it, instead of being a slave to it.

[yellowocaballero]

hi!! loved New Wave & its Jason addition, was wondering if you have any Opinions about the weird characterization of Jason in the comics/fandom?

Oh Jesus. You are talking to a certified fanon Batfam hater jkaljdsfkljsdf. In some senses, yes I do.

I see more 'good or at least interesting' depictions of Jason than I do pretty much any other Batfam character. A lot of the best Batfam fic has an extremely strong Jason POV. From a group dynamics perspective, having a Jason is important. Jason is important: his death irrevocably altered Batman as a series, marked a serious turning point in kid sidekicks and comics as a whole, and created a few pretty good storylines.

It's hard to say 'what's the real Jason characterization', because he constantly cross-contaminates himself. Jason's character is little more than the lens through which he's viewed, and what comes afterwards. Pre-Crisis Jason is indistinguishable from Dick. Post-Crisis Jason isn't that different either, until they decided to kill him, at which point they very quickly gave him all of his character traits we know him for today. Retrospectives on Jason for twenty years were of both this pre-post-humorous angry/impulsive version and The Dead Kid nostalgia, and now they're colored by his Red Hood anger and 'glory days' nostalgia. And then we've had the Batfam-ization of Batman comics and none of that matters anyway, because they're blorbos now.

@lazuliquetzal has remarked several times that the real problem with Red Hood is that you can use him for drama, like, once or twice - that he's a very good foil character for one or two very specific storylines. I agree. I think further usage of the RH as a villain should be separated from the Batfam, since you can't reconcile his pro-killing stance with the Batfam non-killing stance. Give him a different story if you want, but I think it's hard to slot the actual Red Hood character back into the Batfam. Not even sure that you should.

I think the main thing for me is that I don't understand why the 'good end' is always 'Bring Jason Home!' - why reconciliation is mandatory, why what we want is him moving back into the manor and having family dinners. Why. He's 19. Let him live by himself in his shitty apartment and smoke weed and shittalk his dad. He's an adult, he doesn't have to talk to any of you if he doesn't want to. He really doesn't want to. There is more than one way for a family to function, and it doesn't have to look like family dinners.

Regarding fic: obviously the softening and defanging is boring. There's an entire genre of stories where 'Jason hates Tim until he actuall meets him, at which point he's blasted by Tim's #woobie and starts taking care of him", but in the '10s the biggest conflict with Jason is that he irrationally hates a fourteen year old who did nothing wrong completely to the point where he keeps on trying to kill him. For a decade he was just melodramatic yelling. I think people are more interested in writing cute dynamics than they are characters, and Jason is forced into the sympathetic family dynamic as a result. Comics now do this too, because, fandomization,

Young Jason stories are also entirely whump, which is obviously boring. I've mentioned this before, but a big part of my thoughts behind the NW!Jason fic are just that there are a lot of 'Jason comes to the manor' fics, and in very little of them do Jason and Bruce actually like each other. It's pure whump and family bonding over any actual interest in the characters. Thing about whump is just - put in literally any character there, it doesn't matter. Pick anyone. Who cares.

This is all ignoring the number one biggest thing for me, which is: the fandom is obsessed with Jason, and I am sick of Jason, it is all Jason. Even Tim is worse off in comparison, because he gets moe blob'd so Jason can take care of him. Go write the women. Seriously. Jason's a whump magnet and it's exhausting, go write Cass Cain having a character arc.

TL;DR: Batfam fanfic only cares about cute brotherly fluff and whump and it is so fucking bad, man.

[creedslove]

✨HEADCANON MASTERLIST - TWO ✨

RULES FOR REQUESTING

• please read the rules before requesting your headcanon HERE

MAIN MASTERLIST

• (series and one shots) HERE

HEADCANON MASTERLIST #1

• part one of my headcanons HERE

✨ AGENT WHISKEY

• Whiskey taking care of you during a painful period

• Being undercover as a married couple with Agent Whiskey

• Random sex headcanons

• Whiskey hitting on you

• Spending Christmas with Whiskey

✨ DAVE YORK

• Dave being turned on by the smallest things you do

• Cockwarming with Dave

• Sex with Dave

• Lazy weekend sex with Dave

• Dave York + pregnancy

• Dave York + actress!reader

• Dave asking you to have a baby with him

• Running into Dave at a cemetery on a Halloween night

• Dave needs to kill you but develops a soft spot for you

• Waking up to Dave on Christmas morning

✨JAVI GUTIERREZ

• Having a baby with Javi G

✨ JAVIER PEÑA

• Javier is mean to everyone, except you

• Javier asks you to leave even if you are pregnant to protect you from Los Pepes

• Javier coming back to Laredo to go to your wedding

• Fucking Javier when he's in his vest

• Taking care of Javier when he is hurt

• Marriage crisis

• Javier reacting to reader in danger

• Javier dating a young school teacher in Laredo

• Javier losing you after being a shitty boyfriend

•Javier losing you after being a shitty boyfriend (part two)

• Javier as a biker

• Javier + your birthday

• Javier falling for you as you're a stripper

• Javier running into you after abandoning you at the altar

• Your friend flirts with Javier because she thinks she's better than you

• Javier flirting with you at the bar

• Dressing up for Javi on Halloween

• Javier arresting you for breaking into an abandoned mall on Halloween

• Javier taking care of his toddler when she's sick

• Javi soothing you

✨ JOEL MILLER

• Joel asking if your baby is actually his

• Joel is only soft with you

• How would Joel react to you gifting him a new guitar

• How Joel would react to you getting your masters degree

• Dating Joel and having an age gap

• Joel making reader squirt

• Joel gets grumpy after it starts raining

• Celebrating Joel's birthday

• Shower sex with Joel

• Joel using the shower head on you

• Going to the beach with Joel

• Joel has a hard time saying 'I love you'

• Joel being soft during your period

• Teasing Joel at the gym

• Joel winning a stuffed animal at a festival

• Joel bonding with you over hearing loss

• Joel having a soft spot for reader and seeing she isn't well

• Joel falling for reader who has more money than him

• Joel helps you when nobody comes to your Halloween party

• Joel's hair ❤️‍🔥

• Joel's hands ❤️‍🔥

• Joel rescuing you

• Joel takes the kids to the amusement park while you're sick in bed

• Being Joel's girl at the Boston QZ

• Joel saving you from a guy hitting on you at a bar

• Joel's reaction when you adopt a kitty

• Joel breaks up because he doesn't want to fall in love with you

• Jealous Joel

• Joel taking you home when you're too drunk to drive

• Joel when some guy hits on you at a Halloween party

• You and Joel behave like a married couple

• Cheating on your husband with Joel

• Putting Joel's picture in a locket

• Joel keeping you warm

• Joel waiting for you to finish your skin care routine

• Joel meeting your family for the first time

• Joel during your PMS

• Joel celebrating your birthday

• Joel's thighs

• Joel fucking you so good

• Joel seeing you ride a mechanic bull and growing hard

• Joel being jealous of you

• You being insecure to date Joel

• Joel dressed up as Santa Claus

✨ MARCUS PIKE

• Kinds of dates Marcus takes you on

• Being railed by Marcus

• Marcus forgetting about his own birthday

• Marcus having a housewife kink

• Marcus is a girl dad

• Marcus holding his baby daughter for the first time

• Marcus and reader falling in love at university

• Marcus Pike with a lactation kink

• Marcus being a boy dad

• Marcus falls for his wedding planner

• Marcus dating an artist

• Marcus and his baby daughter

✨ MULTI CHARACTER HEADCANONS

• They take you to the movies

• What kind of genre of movies they like

• Are they more of a dog or cat person?

• Encouraging words from them

• Arguing and making up with them

[humorisstoredinthetits]

Random Heathers Headcannons

These all take place in an AU where JD be more chill and decides that murder and slushies are not in fact the best ways to deal with mental illness and goes see a therapist, also Modern Times and PolyHeathers+V

The Heathers + Veronica have lots of money after Chandler and Duke's parents die in a "freak accident"

So maybe JD didn't fully shed his homicidal tendencies, just turned them on people who actually deserved it bc they were all shitty people who traumatized people he begrudgingly cares about

Big Bud Dean also mysteriously dies around this time in a freak accident involving being in a building right before it blows up

Being the only children of rich assholes whose family abandoned them for petty rich people reasons means they inherit the mansions and money, meaning the four of them can live in peace and don't have to get jobs unless they really want to

Veronica decides to write, since she doesn't have to worry about making it in the real world she can focus on her passion projects

Mac works with her Dad, who is alive because he did not contribute to her issues, that would be how society fails to meet the needs of autistic people, especially in education

She eventually is going to take over the engagement ring business, which is a pretty decent amount of income on top of their massive fortune

She also volunteers at animal shelters in her free time bc she loves animals

Duke initially says screw jobs but she quickly gets bored and decides to go into Child Psychology, she wants to help kids who were like her and had nowhere and no one to turn to, and help those in abusive situations to get out of them, bc JD can't just murder all of the abusive parents in the world, as great as that would be

Chandler thinks they are all crazy for taking jobs when they don't have to, but she gets bored as well waiting for them to get home so she starts doing all the chores

What she thought would originally be meaningless busywork actually becomes fun for her

It turns out she likes to cook, which is good bc if she didn't her gfs would would subsist entirely on hot pockets and coffee

She learns how to bake and the rest of them would often come home to fresh cupcakes or cookies

She also takes up gardening, which surprises her bc she thought she would hate having to get all up in the dirt

She's always buying different kinds of flowers to plant in the yard

Obviously she gets the most of heathers, duh

It feels like a final fuck you to her parents, who wanted her to become a rich asshole like the rest of their family

They sell the Duke residence to JD, Betty and Martha for cheap bc they don't need 2 houses (and bc they feel bad about how they treated them) while they all move into the Chandler Mansion

Life is chaotic as hell, but they all love it

Everyone besides Mac is a Night Owl, she has to drag them to bed at a reasonable hour otherwise they would stay up all night

They cannot function without their morning coffee

They occasionally play games, but this always turns out horribly

Take the Mario Party Incident for example

Mac just wanted them to all play together and have fun, so she booted up Mario Party, quickly forgetting how competitive Duke and Chandler are

They scream at each other the entire time, Veronica gives up around Round 4 and throws

At the end Chandler has the most stars, but Duke somehow gets all 3 bonus stars and ends up winning

Chandler fucking throws her controller through the TV

She sleeps on the couch that night

Or the time they tried to play Monopoly, but Duke set the board on fire after landing on Chandler's property with 3 hotels

Mac really wants to get a pet, she loves animals and there's plenty at the shelter waiting to be adopted

Duke is the holdout, she hates furry animals, but relents when she can get a snake

Veronica brings her cat JFK from her parent's place, Chandler gets a Maine Coon who only likes Mac and will hiss at everyone else, Mac gets a rabbit bc she loves them, they're just so tiny and fluffy and cute, and Duke gets a ball python

Chandler tried so hard to get the cat to like her, buying her all these toys and shit, but she'll always go to Mac for attention and hiss whenever Chandler gets close

Chandler hates the snake, in reality she's just scared, a fact which Duke takes full advantage of, like after the monopoly incident

Chandler goes to put on her war paint (makeup) when everyone hears a scream

Chandler is hiding in the corner, shaking at the sight of this small little ball python sitting in the cabinet

Duke is a chaos gremlin

Duke also sleeps on the couch that day

Veronica is a weeb and will binge anime all day if she has nothing else to do

She finds this one called I'm In Love With The Villainess bc one of the characters, Claire, looks a hell of alot like Chandler

She forces the Heathers to sit down and watch it with her, and they all agree Chandler is literally Claire

She starts calling Veronica 'commoner' after that

[selfproclaimedunicorn]

I would like more cousin duo factoids and tidbits

The Roycegaryen/Targtower Daddy Issues Havers Cousin Duos are so dear to me, thank you for this opportunity to scream about it

Ella & Aemond

This shit is built on mutual "my mental health is everyone else's problem" bullshittery. They are a constant feedback loop of "catharsis is arson & soul rendering screams into the void & property damage," both equally explosive but subdued in the areas where the other isn't. They are also definitely profiting from Ella being way more socially well adjusted & friendly than Aemond; she's basically his emotional support sister-figure (not that he doesn't have older sisters, but Ella's way older than him while actually being willing to be his friend/mentor without being a second mom bc he would never replace Alicent like that!)

Absolutely chaotic son-coded oldest daughter/daughter-coded second son solidarity. When the Targtowers visit Runestone she takes him joyriding on Vermithor & then sends him to go play with her comedically serious son. 16/10 experience, bb!Aemond would do it again & she is his favorite cousin. They definitely set a tree on fire during that flying session.

Yorick & Aegon

My boys elbow deep in the daddy issues muck. The traumatized little boy who hates his shitty dad & just wants his mommy to hold him in Yorick recognizes the traumatized little boy in Aegon. They're friends, they're brothers, they're father & son; they hug each other & cry at least once.

Yorick is, for Aegon, an older male figure who cares about him without worrying about how that benefits him & is safe--he's dad shaped & tells him he can do/be better because he's worth that effort, not because the realm needs it but because he deserves it personally. And then for Yorick, Aegon is finally seeing to fruition the reason he was in King’s Landing & enduring All That for years: being the older brother figure of the king's son. There's just the extra bonus of them being able to commiserate over just fucking hating Viserys.

Aegon is a shivering cat that Yorick found in the dumpster that immediately imprinted on him when he figured out "I like soft touch." Meanwhile, Aegon bonding with Weird Scary Mountain Man is a fucking mirror of Yorick claiming his nasty as hell dragon. Also, Yorick has definitely threatened Otto Hightower in defense of His Boy™ & I feel like that level of care had Aegon stunlocked for several minutes. 100/10, he's never leaving Yorick’s side again.

Aemon & Helaena

Weird quiet isolated kid who gets easily overwhelmed solidarity, right there. Aemon sees the potential to get/be as bad as he was isolation wise, & he wants better than that for whoever he sees that kind of "I'm weird, I'm a weirdo. I don't fit in." energy in, so it starts with him going out of his way to make sure she doesn't slip through the cracks & then blossoms into something really sweet & mutual from there. He'll happily sit there in silence when she needs it & listen to her when she has something to say; like, just generally he isn't treating Helaena like she's fragile or has something wrong with her. His concern is just not wanting her to be lonely.

They respect each other as Socially Just A Little Off & they're mutually safe to be around when the social battery is running on empty. "Your thought processes & need to be alone sometimes are totally normal. Everyone else is wrong." Also, in a modern AU she's who is going up to the counter at the burger place to say Aemon asked for no pickles. Please know that is real & true.

Aemon is also close enough to her age (like, I think he was 5 when she was born?) that he can kind of easily & comfortably fit within her life while still being Large Older Rleative To Be Safe Around If I Need Protection. When he comes home from fostering for his 16th nameday & gets to be in a tourney to celebrate his getting knighted, he asks Helaena for her favor because that's his friend & she said she wanted to give him one. The tourney was loud, but she had fun & Aemon made sure she had both hiding spots & other kids to play with, 12/10 that's her cousin. Also Aemon is one of the most exciting parts of getting betrothed to Yorick's son/Stannis during the course of the fic (Stannis knows he is the second favorite cousin & he's okay with this)

[f1-disaster-bi]

Do you have any thoughts of I think its called single dad AU with Dando and Eloise?

I actually do! I was having thoughts about this au last night!

I was thinking about Lando being away for a race during his first year in F1 and the guilt of leaving Eloise behind eating at him because he misses her but also feels like a shitty parent.

Lando knows he's racing for himself and for Eloise. That he wants to have a career he's proud of and let's him take care of Eloise with his own money rather than relying on his parents. He knows he can't take her to every race, that some flights and some races are just not suitable for a two year old, but it still hurts to leave her behind, especailly when she always cries when she sees his suitcase cause she knows Daddy is leaving.

What really gets to him one day is his sisters sending him what's meant to be a cute video of Eloise toddling towards the tv during one of Lando's interviews with her just going "hi Dada, hi dada. Dada no say hi?", and it just breaks him a little and makes think if this is really the best for him and Eloise because how is being away from her and missing moments with her good for her?

It's around this time that he's slowly started to befriend Sebastian who is the only other single parent on the grid, and Sebastian had been the one to help Lando with a lot of the press around him coming to F1 becasue "I know what it's like to have people judge you for being a single parent in racing", so Lando goes to Sebastian because he is having a bit of a panic attack.

He's just rambling at Sebastian, talking about maybe giving up his seat because "I'll never get these moments back" and "What kind of dad am I?", and "Maybe everyone is right and I can't do this", but Sebastian just gives him a tight hug, and reassures him that he is doing everything that's right for him and Eloise. That all parents have different journeys and what matters is that Lando loves his daughter and is there for her every moment he can be and that he puts her first, which Lando always does.

Sebastian reminds him that Lando is always checking in with his family when away, that he facetimes Eloise multiple times a day, reads to her every night and that he is always keeping up with her. He reminds him that being a parent is hard and yes, there are moments you miss, but Eloise will remember the moments he didn't miss, and Lando always makes sure he doesn't miss her important moments and when he's home, he always makes time for Daddy daughter days.

It does help, but Lando does struggle with the guilt as Eloise grows up. It comes back in waves as she grows up, and he struggles with it a lot when him and Daniel have Flynn because by that point, Daniel is retired, and Lando is considering it, and he worries that Eloise might think that Flynn is getting more than she did as a kid, or that Lando is having a 'do over' with Flynn but Daniel is there to tell him he's being silly because Eloise would never see things like that, and he's right.

[nono-bunny]

Underrated aspect of NPMD that really captured me is the kids and the relationships they have with their parents

We already knew Mayor Solomon Lauter was a bad dad from Abstinence Camp, so his behavior here was nothing per se, but... Wow, he really truly doesn't care at all for Steph, huh? "Damn you soul to five eldritch abominations, I'm not messing with them again!" he basically says to his teen daughter before getting demolished by a ghost. Again? Never did I think I wanted to learn more about that nasty man before, but... Now I am intrigued.

Grace's parents make me so fucking uncomfortable the way they speak to each other tbh, but also in terms of their relationship to her? Yeah I fucking see where she's coming from now, her parents are so controlling and stifling that it's no wonder she gets a little bit of power and goes insane!

Pete and Ted's dad sells ladies shoes and? I think that's all we ever get about their parents iirc, but we do know that they were both sent to Camp Idontwannabang and despite both of them being weird, they also seem to me like they might just have the overall most loving and normal parents. We know Ted's personality changed over time, and he and Pete seem to have an overall positive relationship as far as I could tell, but it's not like? Foster's level of caring for one another in their parents stead and the fact that we never hear anything BAD about their parents make me think that they just aren't very remarkable, so like? Good for them honestly

Ruth??? Oh my god Ruth is so lonely and starved for love and affection I cannot imagine a world in which she has loving parents, she mentions talking to fucking telemarketers all the time but never once talks about her family and honestly??? That kinda says it all for me, Ruth seems to be in a very unloving home and I'm so sad for her- her focus on broken families in The Barbecue Monolgues feels like it's also indicative of her personal life tbh, poor girl!! I'm glad she has Richie and Pete, she's weird af but so are they and they make it work!

Richie says nothing about his family either so I'm just gonna. Headcanon him having like, a normal family who thinks he's a bit weird but loves him all the same and doesn't like, try and stop him from living his life because that's the kinda environment his very open love of anime seems to imply to me

And finally... Oh my god, Max... Yeah his dad is 100% abusive. Him being afraid of going back home even when he's frightened of ghosts and skeletons, the way he loiters around public places after school looking to take out his own frustration on others... His bullying and abuse seems like learned behavior and I actually feel so bad for him, he's a complete dick but he's also not wrong about the way literally nobody cares about him once he dies. Is it weird that I feel like the school is seriously failing him by brushing off his behavior rather than checking on his life situation of trying to find where it's coming from? Like, I get it, he's the star quarterback, they don't wanna mess with him or something (I'm not gonna even pretend to know how American high schools seem to work, the whole school environment before he dies is completely foreign to me) but??? Surely letting him just run wild like that would raise SOME alarm bells in someone's head that there's something wrong in his life???? Personally I headcanon the timeline where Miss Holiday becomes the guidance counselor to also be the one where he gets help from her and/or Duke. I don't know that there something inherently supernatural about him but SURELY Duke also works with normal families, right? Anyway in other life I hope he actually gets help because he seems to be in a really shitty situation and the school is just enabling his behavior which also naturally majorly sucks for everyone around him. The guy needs therapy fr

I actually really loved all six of them, and even though Max is awful, I kinda wanna see a story where they all team up and become friends because I kinda feel like they'd be unstoppable lol (also the symmetry of five Lords In Black and one Webby????)

[llatimeria]

"oc ask memes that are plot-focused somehow" i don't know of any like that but !!! i would love to hear the plot of your story and more about your ocs if you feel like sharing ^w^

AH HI i meant to answer this like 4 times now and kept getting distracted with. Things. so here's the gist:

a supervillain announces he's after a set of magical macguffins, but in truth he doesn't really care and just wants to keep an eye on his little brother, a new superhero around town (unaware his brother's a villain). his partner in crime/literal romantic partner is the one actually after the macguffins and is using his partner's influence to get them so he can Take Over The World!™️. the supervillain, his partner, and their henchmen have to get the macguffins, while the heroes scramble to stop them... until they realize they're all in over their heads and suddenly have to switch sides and work together when aforementioned partner shuns the supervillain and Takes Over The World!™️ himself. will good prevail!? or will evil be evilly evil forever!? find out next time on-

anyways here's the pepesilvia.jpg version:

a supervillain, The Mastermind, discovers the existence of a set of 7 magical macguffins* that, when combined, would give him the power to TAKE OVER THE WORLD!™️. However, they're scattered in different places all over Earth, so he sics a gaggle of his finest henchmen on a few of the distant macguffins while he and his partner in crime/boyfriend, Rayzre Blayde**, maneuver to capture the ones closer to home. However, the truth is that Rayzre is the one who really wants to TAKE OVER THE WORLD!™️, he's just clinging to Mastermind's power as a bridge to get there. Mastermind's real motive is just to be close to and protect his little brother, who just moved into town to become the superhero Lammergeier.

(Sidenote: Rayzre, Mastermind, and Lammergeier are all from the same Evil Top Secret Government Genetic Experiment Lab and are human-animal hybrids. These experiments also happened to give some [but not all] of the resulting hybrids superpowers. Mastermind and Lammergeier were smuggled out as little kids and raised as siblings, while Rayzre escaped on his own a decade or so later, it's a whole thing. it's a recurring bit that this lab just has the shittiest security and most of their experiments have just escaped or been freed as a result, lol)

a few weeks after their plan first commences, rayzre unexpectedly gets a visit from his teenage son, Gray. Rayzre genuinely didn't know Gray existed until he just shows up on his doorstep, but they have the same superpowers (shapeshifting into dragons), basically confirming their relationship immediately. From then on, Rayzre purports that his motive is to TAKE OVER THE WORLD!™️ for his kid. This is a lie that he himself believes - he really does want to provide for Gray but we all know he started this whole thing without Gray even being a factor in his mind. Gray immediately thinks he's the coolest dad EVER, but he is also a child and all of his other father figures have been shitty step-dads, so he doesn't exactly have the highest standards. He's just jazzed that his REAL DAD buys him BEER and shows him R-RATED MOVIES and it's AWESOME

MEANWHILE the henchmen are off doing their own thing for the most part. They know of the ultimate TAKE OVER THE WORLD!™️ plot, but don't realize how serious their bosses are about it, or just how dangerous the macguffins they're after really are. they're the ones doing most of the action-adventure heavy lifting, going globetrotting and dungeoncrawling and such. i'm being the least specific here because this group's arc is currently in the most nebulous state of development where like half of them are fleshed out characters and the other half are still two dimensional and don't have agency yet,

The exception to this are the two supervillains-turned-henchmen, Frostbite and Wildfire, which MM recruited personally into his inner circle due to their impressive rap sheet and because he knows the two of them are also from the same lab he was born in (see. it's a whole thing). guess what their powers are. guess. it's not at all obvious. this makes it sound like i have a clever subversion up my sleeve but i don't they're literally just ice and fire respectively

Rayzre was always vaguely shitty (in fact he's Mastermind's high school ex and the rest of MM's family kind of hates him), but he gets more clearly shitty the more powerful he gets. He's a deeply egotistical, arrogant person who thinks he's the protagonist of this story. MM gradually becomes disillusioned with him after befriending Frostbite and Wildfire, who actually treat him with respect, especially once they start pointing out to him what a douche Rayzre can be. (unsurprisingly, fb, wf, and mm end up in a poly situationship.)

MM finally decides that Rayzre's crossed a line when they go to heist a macguffin and Rayzre secretly brings a live firearm to the affair and points it at Lammergeier, who obviously shows up to stop them. When Rayzre puts his finger on the trigger, MM reflexively pushes him, and ends up making him accidentally shoot and ultimately kill a completely innocent bystander. this is traumatic for all involved. mastermind officially disavows him (and dumps him), but this just leads to Rayzre getting all of the macguffins for himself and finally being able to TAKE OVER THE WORLD!™️

Rayzre tries to get Gray to follow in his footsteps to become another manaical god-king while the entire rest of the cast turns on him - heroes and villains working hand-in-hand to take this motherfucker down. i won't spoil what actually happens here because i think it's cool lmao

(*the working name i have for the macguffins is Anima Crystals, but i'm not completely sold on that yet. a little too chaos emeraldy for my taste)

(**this is a dumb edgy name on purpose. He's had it kicking around as a pseudonym since his myspace days)

[lakesbian]

also re lrb i do think some form of deep-set resentment towards heroes & likely society at large is an important aspect of why alec is so intent on villainy--his family was constantly hunted down and chased around by heroes when he was a child, and no one ever rescued him. at a certain point to mini-alec, that starts parsing as really bitter--people he sees doing dumb cheesy interviews about Doing Good For The World on tv and then just fucking up and uprooting his life when they try to attack his dad and doing nothing to help him in the process. and then he starts getting molded into being his dad, so it's only a fair assumption that they'd want to attack him too. it's just sort of like. that very specific abused kid brand of trauma where people that are held up as societal beacons, as people who are supposed to be helping people like you, just seemingly don't even know you exist, and if they did they might want to punish you. & then he escapes and finds out that yeah, the heartbroken are all over the news all the time, and everyone always talks about the women but never talks about the kids, and society has been watching and putting his home and his life on their evening TV for a bit of voyeuristic drama, and then after 3 seconds of pity in his general direction--if they don't think the kids are all rotten too--they go back to their normal happy lives with their friends and their partners and their children whom they buy things and take out for ice cream and hug and care about. it's why he's so pissed and jealous at sophia, so disgusted and furious that she has a family that actually gives a shit about her and doesn't seem to notice or care--he's carrying around all this unpacked resentment and envy towards Normal People with Normal Relationships who don't realize how fucking good they have it from his perspective. like, he would stab a man to have a real living mother who gives a shit about what happens to him. just so incredibly fundamentally ridiculously lonely, and angry that he's being shut out from everything good everyone else gets to have, and getting that repressed anger he doesn't even realize he has out towards anyone he can justify as Deserving It in his mind. that's where the "eye for an eye, if you don't wanna get back against society for Sucking then why are you even a supervillain" mindset comes from. whether he realizes it or not, he views society at large as being this party of shitty crappy Normal People with happy lives that they don't even appreciate, this impenetrable, envy-inducing group that doesn't give a shit about anyone on the margins like he is, and he wants to Get One Back at it for sucking so bad. now what he really needs is a good hug and about 2 minutes on brian's punching bag (does not have the arm strength to go longer than that) but unfortunately he has yet to realize this and will instead carry on blissfully maintaining that he's totes chill while exploding with rage the second he's given a reminder that other people get to have people who care about them and he doesn't

[kulttijohtaja]

correct me if i'm wrong but, in little mushroom, the kids who grew up in the main city had no parents at any point, right? they're all in eden until a certain age and then get assigned/choose careers that they train for after completing the basic schooling that everyone completes. it's only mentioned that the ones who aren't fit for main city careers are given away to the outer city, where some (but not all) are adopted.

there's no mention of where the kids who stay in the main city actually go. do they just get their own shitty rooms in those residential areas, are they just left on their own? or do they mostly live wherever their training is taking place, in some janitor's closet sized rooms? were there no adults who worked in the main city willing to give a home to these kids/teens? or is it not even allowed since everyone is just supposed to be doing their job like 24/7??

because if so, then the kids who got bad grades, that no one wanted and got "thrown away" to the outer city might have actually been luckier in some ways. they had parents and maybe even siblings, and got to know what being a family means. and words like "mom" and "dad" actually mean something to them (colin for example cared about his parents a lot). the main city people might have had other things but they didn't have families.

which brings me to: lu feng is the exception to this. afaik, he's the only one from the main city who had parents. he didn't live with them, but at least he knew who they were and even saw his mom from time to time, as a kid. and his mom told him stories of his dad even if they had never met, and he must have been really looking forward to meeting his dad, if it would become possible at some point. and this is why it's so fucked up that he literally has to fucking shoot him the moment they meet. like he recognized him. at that moment. and it ruins everything with his mom as well.

so... he did have parents or even something like a family, but then he suddenly doesn't. he clearly still cared about his mom a lot, and he also cared about his dad, despite never really getting to know him, so he carries that bullet shell around his neck. idk what i wanted to say here except that this is probably why he's so fucked up in the head. (like the original reason, or shall i say, the foundation upon which one can heap all the other delicious trauma)

like those kids, his peers, had no concept of family at all, so there's no losing it either, but lu feng did have something, and he lost it, and since the whole thing was so fucking illegal in the first place, him being a result of his parents being epic rule breakers and having super forbidden sex (respect), there was probably absolutely no support or help available. and also no friend is going to get it either, never having had parents of their own.

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

I NEED to hear abt biracial Izaya!!!

but I also need to know wtf an Almond Mom is

-💛

OKAY SO i actually did a thread over on the dead bird webbedsite on biracial izaya BUT FIRST TO ANSWER YER QUESTION: an almond mom is a mom that's super into weight loss and diet culture, to the point of rarely (if ever) buying anything "sugary" or "processed" for her kids, and encouraging restrictive eating habits in them. its derived from the phrase "a handful of almonds is a snack!!!" which is what a lot of these moms say. my mom was an almond mom and for instance i was VERY punished when i drank sunny d once. and i didnt get any like, standard Kid Cereals for a verrryyyyy long time. and she encouraged me to start counting calories.....while i was literally like. just starting to recover from anorexia. so yeah fuck almond moms

so this is the original thread i did on biracial izaya; turns out the info abt dual citizenship exceptions is a Fucking Lie because i mustve misinterpreted something while looking it up at ass o clock in the morninge

so the general idea is, izaya's biracial and darkskinned, but just.... doesnt mention it? at all? he likes to believe that people think he just tans well, but he's..... too dark for it to be a tan, especially a natural tan. and god knows the man does NOT spend enough time in the sun to get a tan

he still wears silver jewelry even though he looks way better in gold, as a way to distance himself from his heritage. he could know everything he wanted or even go to the damn country himself, but he doesn't because What's The Point, he never really knew much about it because his parents were too absentee to teach him, so he thinks what's the point! but a part of him does wonder if it'll make him feel more "at home" somewhere.... but he pushes the idea out of his mind lmfao!!!!!!!

as a kid he was really mad that he was biracial and yet hasn't ever actually been to iran, his parents were too busy being moonies with their business trips to bother actually taking him there ever. izaya knows he has a lot of family members there but he doesnt know shit or dicks about them- again he could easily look this stuff up and find out, but he thinks "what's the point"

though i think its because of his own closed-offness wrt his own emotions, plus he doesn't want to realize that the rest of his family is as shitty as his parents- he'd rather not touch it and wonder every so often, than spend valuable time and emotional vulnerability trying and it blowing up in his face!!!

also fwiw: his dad's japanese his mom's iranian, in this hc. (or maybe shes also biracial?) if shes biracial it means izaya's a quarter iranian, which he could go "its just a quarter who cares lol" and it could contribute to him feeling like he'd be an impostor if he did get more into the culture, since he's """"barely iranian"""

[queenoftheimps]

I've seen a bunch of posts talking about Lestat's line in Vampire Lestat about providing food for the table for his family, and I wanted to just write about it because I have Thoughts about what it means in the context of the Dramatic Irony + Class Commentary of it all

One thing that I think gets missed about Lestat and his family in this section is that it's basically outlining all the bedrock of what his family's fate will be at the end. We find out early on that Lestat's dad is a lord, but that he & Lestat's brothers keep running out of money and only ever seem to get more when one of the brothers marries someone with a dowry. They're aristocrats & landlords, and they're shitty landlords, because they don't actually take care of their tenants -- they're the 18th-century equivalent of the guy who collects your rent but won't fix the leak in your roof.

Meanwhile, Lestat -- actually wants to learn to do things. He wants a job, instead of passively collecting rent! At first he wants to become a priest -- and that gets taken away from him. Then he tries to become an actor -- and he gets dragged home. Eventually, he learns to hunt, and he's literally the only member of his family who knows how to use a gun or ride a horse, which means he's the only one actually taking care of those tenants they've been collecting rent from this whole time. And it does means he's actually collecting food for his family, who would starve otherwise because they keep blowing through their cash.

So when Lestat leaves -- finally becoming an actor! -- two things happen: 1) Lestat gets cut off from the family for disobedience, 2) those tenants are still stuck with those same shitty landlords who don't take care of them.

And then 1789 happens, and the French Revolution occurs. The Vampire Chronicles doesn't involve itself in real-world politics often, but it does here, bringing around what was always going to be the natural consequence of what's been established: those tenants that were getting misused rise up and Lestat's brother's get killed in the uprising. Lestat's dad makes it but he has to survive on the charity of...Lestat, the only kid who got the fuck out of there and is left to take care of him.

And Lestat is only still alive and able to take care of him -- because he got out and got a job as an actor, where he was spotted and turned into a vampire. Leaving him richer and more able to survive than the family that kept trying to drag him back home.

[masschase]

SR Boss Asks Answers

I realised how much space long reblogs take up on the reblog page (yeah, I'm new to tumblr) so I've copied this onto a new post.

But yeah, did them all, and I implore anyone who wants to talk about their Boss to do these, because even if no-one reads it, it was fun. There were a couple of things I didn't really think about, like the #16 Casey-cat moment which is my new favourite thing.

#17 is something I've just done a longer post on.

Apologies for formatting issues.

1.What’s their backstory? Cassandra ‘Casey’ Michaiła Clark was born in Stilwater. Her dad left when she was very young citing that he couldn't handle two kids. Ofc he leaves and has two kids with his new wife and barely sees Casey and her sister. He later claims he wanted to leave their mom, not them. Her sister rightfully points out that for all her flaws, their mom never actually stopped him seeing them so that's on him.

Her mom was from a slightly more affluent background than her dad (they met in college but dropped out when her mom got pregnant) and they were scraping by until he left. After that, her mom worked very hard to maintain the appearance to the outside world that they were not struggling with money, even though it sent them into debt. She was always very judgemental and religious, but also had a genuine anxiety disorder. She eventually got addicted to Xanax and would drag Casey with her to make excuses like that she'd flushed her last lot down the toilet/took them to school and they got confiscated etc.

It got to the point where she was pretty checked out and Casey's sister had to make sure they were getting to school on time, that there was food on the table etc.. When she was 14, her sister left home and this derailed her pretty bad.

Her best friend Mori(OC: Moriarty Alleyne- hoping to post more about him soon)'s mom Angela was instrumental in taking care of her from about the age of 12. She always made sure Casey was fed when at her house and gave her some of Mori's old clothes when she outgrew her sister's hand-me-downs. She did try to help where she could but wasn't fully aware of the situation for a long time. Even though Mori's friendship with Casey became a little strained due to his girlfriend disliking her, Angela would still invite her around.

When Casey was 15 her mom caught her making out with a girl she liked and it led to her mom throwing her out of the house. She stayed with Mori and Angela for two weeks straight but Angela started saying Casey should go check on her mom, and offers to go with her- having realised by this point that drugs are involved she's worried her mom might have OD'ed (Casey doesn't realise that's why until years later). Casey assures her she has been in contact with her mom (technically she has been, she's been sent texts about repenting her sins and guilt trips about leaving her at home the whole time) and pretends to go home but obviously can't.

So instead she finds herself on Saints Row at a really stupid time of night and… well, you know… Saints Row happens.

2. How old were they when they first joined the Saints? Fifteen, almost sixteen. Weird little angry kid born 29th June 1990. I think she has pretty obvious millenial tastes and tendencies. I find the post-SRIV dynamic pretty fascinating actually. She probably has a lot more in common with Pierce and Shaundi who I hc as similar ages compared to Johnny who is xennial, Kinzie and Asha who I think are borderline millenial/gen z, and 110% zoomer Matt. Then you've got Keith and Ben complaining that the ship is ran by kids and CID, Jane and Jezebel being extreme outliers to the whole thing.

3. Did they have a happy childhood? I mean overall she says it wasn't terrible. She had some nice moments with her sister. Kinzie calls her backstory "tragic" when she hears it and Casey disagrees calling it "just, y'know, a bit shitty". She heard stories of other kids going through physical and sexual abuse, she saw how Mori was affected by his dad's death and had to help him through some very dark times with his depression. She doesn't class her borderline sociopathy as a mental health issue until much later on. She starts therapy around the time the Saints rise to fame, around 2012-2013.

4. Do they have any siblings? Yes, she has a sister called Phoebe who is approximately 4 years older than her and as above, pretty much had to raise her. She left home when she was 18 which led Casey to feel pretty abandoned all over again, especially because she didn't fully understand her reasons.

5. Did they graduate high school? What about college? No, she dropped out of high school. She had plans to study English Literature at college had she got that far. She held on to school for almost a year after Phoebe left, still scraping Bs, but eventually it all took its toll. She got a job as a dishwasher in a small restaurant. If it wasn't for stealing food off of plates for a few months she wouldn't have had the muscle mass for the physical strength she displays in the first game.

6. What’s their sexuality?She self-defines as bisexual. Later she wonders if it should be pansexual. She didn't know what pan was in like 2003 when she was figuring it out, but either would fit her. Equally she would describe herself as panromantic but many of her friends assume she is fraysexual or otherwise arospec based on her choices around relationships.

7. What do they look for in a partner? She doesn't. She ignores or downright avoids that sort of interaction if possible. Suddenly becomes fucking mute again if she tries to talk about feelings. But she seems to be romantically attracted to people that are quite physically affectionate because she is very friendly emotionally but has trouble initiating non-sexual physical contact.

She does have the odd short-term partner, but tends to be drawn to people she doesn’t like all that much as something in her brain knows it won't last (talking days, I think her longest was like 10 days for many years). She has a lot of one-night stands/other casual hookups.

8. Are they currently dating anyone? Currently when? ;) Throughout the games, no, unless it’s a matter of days as described above. She's capable of romantic attraction but as above, doesn't want a relationship for practical reasons (actually fear) because a partner could be used against her.

9. Who do they love most in the world? Her friends. They are her family. She is unwavering on that. This doesn't change when she gets a partner or meets a blood relative from the pods. But it does shift a little some time in 2024.

10. Is there someone from their past they will never forgive?

Her parents. Anyone who contributes to the several deaths of her friends also but the difference there is that she doesn't let them live. So no need to forgive them. Hell she only considered letting Matt live because he reminded her of herself when she got dragged into the gang life at 15-16. The upgrades just sealed the deal.

11. What is their favorite food? Mori and his mom are Bajan-American so Barbadian food is a comfort food for her, especially salt fish and macaroni pie. Unfortunately none of the lieutenants stationed with her are of that heritage, so she often seeks out Carribean restaurants while still on earth. Phoebe's pecan pie is also a comfort, it was their grandma's recipe but she died when Casey was 6 and Phoebe was 9-10. Casey has the recipe but can't cook anything besides like frozen pizzas, instant ramen etc. She eventually tries to make the pie and realises burnt pecan pie is still good pecan pie! Despite this, lemon meringue pie is her favourite dessert. When the nice manager was on shift at the restaurant she would sneak her a piece every night. She also has a soft spot for fries because when she the dishwasher in the diner they were the easiest things to eat off plates before scraping them. Also pieces of burgers and ribs.

12. What are their pet peeves? She gets really restless when waiting on someone. Like she'll say meet at 2 and by the time Johnny gets there by 2.03 she's been pacing back and forth for five minutes. She doesn't mind all the gang being sarcastic with each other but if they all start talking each other at once she usually has to silence them. She is open to being called out on things like her white cis privelege or some of the hetronormative bias instilled by her background but she doesn't much like being challenged on some of her more bullshit 'rules' or lieutenants pushing back on her decisions once she's made them. She does eventually mature out of the latter.

13. What are some of their fears? Her biggest fear is losing someone she cares about. Unfortunately she's frequently had to live it. This is one of the things that contributes to her feelings on relationships.

14. How do they deal with injuries? Major: the Saints have a heavily bribed doctor in Stilwater, Steelport and DC. Minor: She usually asks Johnny to bandage if needed bc everyone else is too slow and gentle. Then more or less runs and hides until she's feeling better.

15. What is the MOST embarrassing moment in their life? That time she almost slow danced with Josh Birk at the 4th of July party is certainly up there.

16. Are they a cat or dog person? Cat, I think. I think she wouldn't have thought of herself of much a pet person in general because she grew up without any and she assumes she'd be too lazy to take care of them. But then she goes to a friends house who has a cat. Maybe Mori(which would be funny because his mom affectionately compares Casey to a stray cat). And she doesn't really know how to react around them so she's just kind of like "Sup.". Then the cat just kind of comes and sits on her lap and she's like… oh… warm! Soft. You are my new homie now.

17. Beside the 1950s sitcom, what else would their hell be?Again, just losing all the people she cares about. The only reason that was not her simulation is because Zinyak/the system he uses has a very shallow understanding of the human psyche, not surprising because Zin have a very conscious mind compared to humans where a lot is subconscious. This makes them fairly intelligent but also means they can adapt to changes due to their time travel easily because they just go "oh, a memory has changed.". See also: Pierce's simulation. Maybe everyone's.

18. Which death affects them the most? (Besides Johnny)

Oh this is different because they all impact such different areas of her life. Lin’s death probably had the greatest impact on her actions as a leader.She becomes very front-and centre/self sacrificing because of Lin.

On a more personal level I was going to say Carlos because she had pretty strong feelings for him but actually it's Aisha. Watching how her best friend, who she looks up to more than anyone and basically wanted to be, was just walking around with a piece of him missing really solidified her fear of relationships and anger at the injustice of life and death; things she might have otherwise grown out of/conquered with therapy.

19. What is their favorite music? She likes a pretty wide range of music because she doesn’t want to let anyone down by not following their recommendations and always finds at least one song she likes from the artists they like. Not taking that into account, she really likes '80s shit' and also ska but as a 00s teen she went through the pop punk phase pretty hard too.

20. What are some of their hobbies? Reading, definitely. Almost every spare moment when she gets to the stage where there are spare moments. In high school, Yu-Gi-Oh cards were big for her. Tbh she is pretty nerdy but because she's so technologically challenged her friends don't seem to pick up on that. I feel like in an AU 2020 she would get really into cottagecore during the pandemic then get really pissed because she can't bake or draw or knit.

[casspurrjoybell-20]

Fools - Chapter 2 - Part 1

BOOK ONE: The 'Fools Fall in Love' Trilogy

*Warning - Adult Content*

Noah Wright

The first day of school was always ass but it was my senior year, so maybe it won't be too bad.

I just had to get through this year and I could finally leave this shit hole town.

I'd move to Chicago to be closer to my brother and get my own apartment and leave everything and everyone behind in this shit suburb but that's just a fantasy.

But who would take care of my dad?

I sighed as I already felt irritated at the inevitability that I'll live here for the rest of my life.

I put my toothbrush back in it's holder and spit the remaining paste out of my mouth.

Turning on the faucet, I cup my hand and use it to gather the Sulfur smelling water to rinse my mouth out before wiping my face dry with the towel that's probably past ready to be washed.

Walking out into the quaint living room, I almost curse under my breath when I see my dad awake.

"Hey, dad."

"Noah," he spoke my name in a raspy, disgruntled tone as he stood up, almost toppling over in the process.

Still drunk from last night, I presumed.

"Hey," he stepped close to me, a hand on my shoulder and his potent, dad breath, reeking of alcohol, fanned my face as he asked me...

"I'm a little late on the bills, spent too much last night at Devin's," he chuckled even though it wasn't even remotely humorous.

So that's why I had a cold shower this morning.

Devin's was the infamous bar where my dad spent most of his evenings and then came stumbling home roughly past one AM.

It was conveniently two blocks down the road.

"Mind helpin' your old man out? Just two-forty."

Great, I had just saved up enough money for a new battery for my shit-box of a car.

I tried not to sigh too disappointedly.

"Sure, dad."

I fished out my wallet.

"Ah. I meant three-forty," my father adds, when I began pulling out cash.

My dad doesn't believe in credit cards, said some shit about the government tracking them, so cash it was.

'Dammit, you lying bastard.'

I knew the extra hundred was going into his pocket, not for any bills but I didn't feel like getting hit that day, so I handed him three hundred and forty dollars anyway.

"Thanks, kid. So, uh, when you startin' school?" he asked me, his hand tightened on my shoulder.

I stepped out of his touch, hiking my backpack higher onto my shoulder.

"Today. I'll see you later."

I walked out of the house before he could ask me for any more money.

Not that I had any more money after he cleaned my wallet.

I sat in the front seat of my car, took a deep breath, then slammed my hands into my steering wheel but I really want to punch something instead.

I reversed and headed to my girlfriend, Kaitlyn's house.

I already knew this year was going to suck, just like every year.

********

"I'm sorry, Noah," Kaitlyn said as we walked down the hallway before first period.

I had told her what happened this morning with my dad.

She's the only one I talked about my dad with.

Her usual response to anything shitty my dad did was.

'I'm sorry, Noah'.

I wished she'd be a little more comforting.

"I'll just take more shifts," I said, shrugging.

I worked at Subway and it was absolute dog shit to work there but I worked with a good friend of mine, Jason, so he made it better.

Plus, I actually got paid a decent amount for working fast food.

"Maybe I can help you out, you know my dad will..."

"No," I shut her offer down before she could even complete it.

"I don't need your money," I snapped.

Kaitlyn sighed.

"Noah..." but I wasn't able to find out the rest of my girlfriend's sentence, when someone bumps into my chest, catching me off guard.

Not only did the person bump into me but their iced coffee did as well.

My hands are flung up in the air at the splash of cold liquid on me.

I heard Kaitlyn gasp beside me, her hand going to her mouth.

All the while, the dumbass that ran into me, stepped back with a horrid look on their face and exclaimed in panic.

"Oh my goodness. I am so sorry."

"What the actual fuck?" I yelled, glaring at him.

He was a good five or so inches shorter than me and I hoped looking down at him with my sharp expression made him scared but, he looked more frantic than scared as he started to ramble out a useless apology.

"It was an accident. I tripped because of my stupid new shoes," he was patting my soaking wet shirt as if that would help dry me off.

I was so fucking bewildered and fuming, I felt like punching him but I couldn't get suspended again.

"I was trying to see which classes I had and I wasn't looking and..."

"Clearly," I said through clenched teeth and shoved his hands off of me.

"Noah, it was an accident, relax," Kaitlyn said seeming appalled by my harsh tone.

Was she fucking kidding me?

"Says the one who didn't get coffee splashed on them."

"I'm so sorry," he apologized again.

I really did contemplate hitting him but then I felt Kaitlyn rub my arm and I remembered to take a deep breath.

"Watch where you're going next time," I warned him then bumped his shoulder before walking away.

I knew my first day was going to be shit.

I couldn't once get a fucking break.

I was still fuming when we got to Kaitlyn's first class of the day, she faced me.

"Noah," she rubs both of my arms.

"It's not the end of the world, okay? Chill out. Go to my locker, I have your hoodie in there, okay?"

My clenched fists unfolded.

"Yeah, okay. Whatever," I muttered.

My girlfriend gives me a soft, reassuring smile before kissing me and heading to class.

I never wanted to see that dumb, fuck-head again but of course, I did.

Later during Lunch period, my obnoxious friend, Emily invited him to sit with us.

Supposedly, Sam Moretti, which is the coffee-spilling dumbass' name, has an older sister, Haven who already became friends with Emily.

So yeah, I had to sit with Sam at my lunch table and to top it off, I had last period with him.

[giucomix]

It's bad

I let my child self for whom FNaF is the most important thing in the world possess me and it's still bad. In fact watching it as a fan might make it worse

I don't usually call things "bad" just because they're boring. I expected it to be just boring. But no it's actually bad

Basically the movie is about Mike Schmidt needing money to win a legal case against his aunt who wants to be given custody of Mike's Ambiguously Mentally Ill little sister because Mike can't keep a job and also he beat up a man going for a walk with his son thinking he was a child kidnapper

You might think this is nothing more than a justification for him to take up a shitty job at Freddy's but it's actually the crux of the movie. The only people the animatronics kill are the aunt and her goons. She has goons

Furthermore the animatronics aren't actually evil for 90% of the movie, they just play games with Mike's sister. This is because when they said she was mentally ill they meant she could talk to ghosts. Also she runs from Mike to go play with them because she thought Mike was going to give her to their aunt and she hates him now - yeah this movie even has the last-minute "friends/siblings have a falling out but reconcile in time for the climax"

I think dedicating half of the FNaF movie to child custody drama sure is A Choice

By the way the aunt is the most stereotypical Evil Woman who will Steal Your Babies With The Powers of Child Services. Shit trope

Anyway yeah Mike goes to his job counselor, who — everybody fucking KNOWS this is William Afton the Purple Guy. His casting was announced plus this movie has like 4 characters. This is stupid

Afton reads the name "Mike Schmidt" and very unsuspiciously gives him the job at Freddy's. Once Mike starts going there he starts having dreams about his brother who was kidnapped by a man and never seen again when they were kids. He also dreams of the five murdered children

A cop named Vanessa shows up and tells him to be careful and everyone before him "left" etc etc

So on the first night nothing happens. The first time we see the animatronics being aggressive is when they kill the aunt's goons. Which is stupid. But anyway the second night Mike brings his sister and that's when she befriends and plays with the animatronics and then the night ends. Then they have the falling out. Mike's sister hates him now. He goes to Freddy's to talk to the ghosts about his brother. Meanwhile Golden Freddy gets in his home, kills his aunt, and brings his sister to Freddy's

Uhhhhhh whatever. Mike has a dream sequence where the ghosts attack him and he wakes up in a Saw Trap. Which he just unscews. Easy. Then he faints, Vanessa saves hjm, she tells him about the ghosts and the killer. Meanwhile the animatronics are about to kill Mike's sister by making her an animatronic

Mike stops the animatronics with a fucking taser gun. Here's the most anticlimactic defeat in any horror movie I've ever seen, and I've seen three of them. He throws water on the floor where Freddy and Bonnie are and takes them both out

For all the people who spent the last eight years wondering how they were going to translate the gameplay to a film, here. The gameplay never happens. He never sits in his office trying to use his resources to survive the animatronics' attack, he just teases them

But then William Afton shows up in the Springbonnie costume and reactivates them. They say he can control them because they don't realize he's their killer, but it doesn't really make sense just how he does it

It also turns out Vanessa is William's daughter and she was meant to help kill Mike. She didn't because she had regrets I think? Not sure. She faces him with a gun and — ok, this is a problem with other horror movies too, but it's really stupid when they never fight the slashers. This dude has no supernatural powers or strength, he's a 60 years old with a knife against a cop in her prime with a gun. You can't even convince me she doesn't want to hurt her dad because she shoots him once!! She just never does it again... anyway he stabs her

Mike's sister in the meantime makes a drawing that tells the animatronics William is their killer. They gang up on him. And then...

...the Cupcake animatronic bites him and the springlocks in the suits activate, killing him

...so they nerfed the springlocks, because in the games basically any slight movement would activate them, while in the movie they wanted William to wear the suit and fight in it for a while. Even getting shot didn't activate them. So instead, they had the Cupcake bite him

...then I GUESS he realizes he can just possess the suit, so he puts the mask back on and swears to come back. This is pretty silly. Can you imagine your masterplan involving "yeah I'll probably just come back as a robot so it's fine". Unless they canonize his mad immortality-seeking scientist experiments, he... can't know he will come back? Last we see of him he's writhing on the ground. But I guess they can't show him.be "defeated"? Stupid

William Afton is killed by the Cupcake

William Afton is killed by the Cupcake

Hello? The main villain of the series? Killed by the Cupcake?

The pizzeria collapses, again not sure why

Mike visits Vanessa in a coma, Mike's sister is No Longer Mentally Ill. Movie ends. The Living Tombstone's Five Nights at Freddy's Song plays

...so are the children's souls free now, or...

...I mean, they didn't even set the pizzeria on fire, so...

...eh, fuck 'em kids

It's bad

Actually which part of this movie was I supposed to like? The animatronics don't do what they're supposed to do. William Afton appears for five minutes and isn't interesting or threatening. The lore isn't the same and the characters are essentially OCs. A FNaF fan has no reason to like this movie and someone who's not a fan would just find it boring

MatPat's cameo wasn't even cool

I think No Way Home... eh, Endgame maybe... the MCU may have not ruined cinema but it ruined audiences, who now think all a movie needs is a bunch of cameos thrown in to be good

Cool references at least. Dream Theory, the FNaF World rainbow whatever it's called, two Sparky references, Balloon Boy was there three times. Of course none of these were subtle. I probably missed the subtle ones. Anyway

The animatronics looked cool

The movie was bad

So the Five Nights at Freddy's movie was bad